#but i havent been actively following stuff for a long time and im tired of having to go hunt for information

[rose-quartz-elephant]

yea okay im not keeping up with this shit anymore

[kaz11283]

Of Course I'm Here

Characters: Come on you know by now how this goes (Loki x you) (Team x you, platonic)

Warnings: None. And really if you ever see anything that I might need to able as a warning please let me know... I'm the person who forgets there are people out there that get offened by the word F*** if that is an exapmle of anything.

Summary: Mid battle and the avengers keep looking for an answer as to why the God of Lies hasnt showed up yet. Of course you have no idea but at least he proves them all wrong.

ANNOUNCEMENT TIME: hey guys Im back, I know it hasnt been long but I also know I havent been posting every single day like I was, i got into a weird little funk where I didnt want to do anything, I was just feeling completly drained, and I felt bad because I have my little and I didnt even want to play with her because I have just been so TIRED, but I'm feeling better. Work has been kicking my ass here lately and ive been working over 50 hours a week so ive literally been coming in, eatting / feeding the little, getting us ready for bed, and crashing as soon as she falls asleep. But im here now. I will probably be more active on weekends than during the week because I have more time to spend working on stuff but I will be posting also during the week just not daily. At least until after state comes. Thank you so much for the reblogs, likes, comments, follows, and messages please keep them coming! If you would like to be tagged please ask or message, and requests are open. Love you guys so much! 💚💚💚💚💚

Loki Masterlist

~~~~~

"Y/N, BACK UP I NEED BACK UP! EYES IN THE SKY!" Tony yelled from above, you and Clint stood back to back on a roof top shooting as many bad guys as you could. Clint took aim at another carrier, shooting at the engine causing the entire thing to blow up raining debris and hot metal around you.

"Damnit Clint! Farther away make sure they are farther away!" You yelled popping him on the head with an arrow before aiming it at the thing that was chasing Tony.

"Where is lover boy at? You.sent him the location right?" Nat asked into the com.

"Yes I sent him the location, no I dont know where hes at." You mocked.

"Did you send him the right location?" Sam asked.

"One time, one dam-"

"Language!" Steve chimed in causing everyone to groan. Gun shots where ringing all around you and you could here metal on metal paired with Hulk screams coming from another building over.

"Language." You mocked muting your com son that no one but Clint heard you. "I am a 26 year old woman, I think I'm old enough to cuss if I want." You drew back your bow and sent another arrow flying into another goon that had Nat trapped aginst a wall. She shot you a thumbs up before running off. You hit unmute on your com.

"Jesus, 26? Baby, you sure you don't need to be at a babysitter instead of on a building killing things?" He laughed.

"Dont worry Hawk, when we get done here I've already booked you a nice nursing home to be put into." You put your bow around you and stood on the edge of the building. "I need a better view." You looked round, the top of a taller building caught you eye. "There Hawk, we can cover a better radius from up there, get closer to the action."

"DOES ANYONE KNOW WHEN THE GODS ARE GOING TO BE HERE? WE NEED MORE HELP WERE GETTING TIRED AND OUT NUMBERED!" Tony came over the coms screaming.

"How do we get up there? Or do I even wanna know?" Hawk came to examin where you were talking about.

"Im jumping, you cant tell me that someone wont catch me." You shrug.

"GODS WHERE ARE TH- Y/N DONT YOU DARE JUMP!" Tony stopped and hovered right were you was standing.

"Then take us over there. We need higher ground, we cant cover everyone from down here." You crossed your arms.

"Where are the gods at y/n?" He asked again

"I. Dont. Know. Jesus you guys act like I'm suppose to be there keeper!" A simultaneous you are came from everone through the com causing you to roll your eyes. "Hes gonna be here I swear it! Now take me to the building or I jump. 1.....2....-" Tony grabbed you by the collar of your jacket and flew you to the building.

God these things were everywhere and you were starting to run out of arrows. After shooting another ship and causing it to blow you heard what was unmistakably pounding on the roof top door leading to where you currently was at.

"I have some univited guests about to join my party. Anyone available for some assistance?" You yanked out the two emerald green and silver daggars that your boyfriend had given you not long after you had started dating after throwing your bow around you.

"Buy some time kid, I'm on ground level right now but I can try to get up there as fast as possible." Bucky called over the com.

"Buy some time? Ok. I can do this. I work better from afar but a little hand to hand never hurt anyone, just easier to get stabbed this way." The first of the things busted through the door running straight at you. You jerked out of the way missing his staff by just a few inches. Quickly turning you flipped the dagger like Loki had showed you and stabbed him in his side causing him to fall to the ground before the next one tried to impale you.

"I have two daggers and they have freaking staffs! Back up! WHERE THE HELL AR-" you were interupted by static in the air and a bright light. The bitfrost had just opened up leaving to gods standing in front of you and taking out the remainder ofnthe bad guys. "HES HERE! I TOLD YOU GUYS THEY WERE COMING AND THEY'RE HERE." You pulled two extra coms from you pocket and gave them to Thor and Loki.

"Always a pleasure to battle beside you Lady y/n." Thor smiled takkng the com and putting it in his ear before taking off again.

Loki sauntered over to you and put his arm around you waist, you put the com in his ear as he rolled his eyes. He leaned down and gave you a quick kiss.

"You got a new outfit." You smiled at him. God the way he looked in his battle clothe always did something to you, the horned helment was a plus.

"You like it." He smirked down at you pulling you closer.

"Your wearing your horns to." You reached up and brushed a peice if hair behind his ear.

"STOP. STOP NOW. WE CAN HEAR EVERYTHING AND ITS GROSS." Tony yelled causing you both to roll your eyes.

"Quick run down, bad guys everywhere, no end in sight, and I'm out of arrows pretty sure Hawk is too." Loki waved his hand over your quiver making more arrows appear.

"I see you had to use your daggers. I am sorry for not being here. Are you hurt anywhere?" He asked stepping away from you to examin you.

"Small cut on the side, nothing I havent dealt with before, Ill be fine. You go make sure Hawk is fully stocked up and help the others. I got a birds eye view of you right here." I leaned in kissing him one more time before smiling at him and pushing him away. He kissed his two finger before placimg them over his heart and you did the same, "always." You both said before he disappered.

You could hear Thor laughing at the chaos going on and Steve trying to direct the god of thunder on what to do. You had learned earlier to just let him do his own thing and he would be fine. Tony was still trying to micromanage everything when you heard Loki mumble something in an old language and his com cut out. You had figured it wouldnt have stayed on to long though but at least you had tried. It had calmed down up on your end so you decided to finally go back down to where Clint was at shooting an arrow with heavy duty rope you glided back down next to him to watch what was going on.

"Hello, earth to y/n." He snapped his fingers in front of your face. You had been to busy staring at Loki and that damn helmet. "I dont even understand why were friends." He rolled his eyes propping up on the ledge watching as the rest of the team secured the last of the bad guys.

"Because we both shoot arrows, because we are both the best in the team, or because we both know we are the best looking one on the team so we have to stick together." You laughed jumping up so you could sit on the ledge.

"The birds can come out of their nest now." Bucky called over the coms causing you both to sigh.

When you and Clint had reached the bottom you walked over to Thor theowing your arms around the big goof ball.

"You are amazing during battle as always." He beemed patting you on the shoulder.

"As always? Thor youve only fought with her twice." Steve said beside you.

"I had a week off. Went to Asguard, spent time with the boys. Someone had to keep them in line." You shrugged like it was no big deal.

"She was amazing!" Thor went on telling the story of the fight you had all gotten into.

"Mothers been asking about you by the way dear. Wants to know if you've decided to come stay for a while." Loki leaned down and whispered in your ear.

"I think I'm leaning toward a yes. I can't stand being away from you, you had been gone forever this time." You reached for his hand as you both walked to the quinjet.

"I was making arrangements to have our room redone. I figured you would come with me." He gave you a knowing smirk as he reached up to take off his helmet.

"Leave the horns on. I have a suprise for you when we get home." You pulled his hand away from his head and smacked his butt.

"You are a little minx." He laughed chasing you into the jet while the rest of the team groaned and rolled their eyes.

"Even if you wasnt moving i would be kicking your ass out! I am so sick of the PDA between you two." Tony hollared after you.

"Leave them alone Tony, they are courting. Im just glad my brother is happy and not trying to stab me." Thor clapped Tony on the back.

~~~~~

Tag List:

@kgirardin

@sophlubbwriting

@supbeeches

@high-functioning-lokipath

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: heading back / 3.11.21

zoom and enhonse

LAST TIME ON ARVUS taure passed out and we are now down a healer! also we met a disciple of halvkar, and surprisingly did not murder her. this is fine. we have instantly gotten distracted by our various carts. cats. our various cats

DID ANY OF US CATCH TAURE, SHE FELL OVER sieron tried to catch her and smacked charlie+thorne in the face (he rolled a nat1, f) BUT the catboy is to the rescue bc silje is the designated Not Incompetent of the group today

CONSULT THE CHILD hewwo yrel yrel: her mind is being consumed by the serpent of nightmares. :D charlie: HELLO?????//

so, dendar(?) the night serpent is imprisoned beneath arvus! she was formed from the nightmares of the first sentient being, and sometimes she eats people's nightmares. if she's exceptionally hungry, she'll force nightmares onto people for her to feed off their fear. yrel thinks taure will Probably wake up. there's a thing on arvus mentioned by the locals called a "sleeping sickness" where people will fall asleep for a few days, sometimes longer, but will wake up. its magical in cause, the people afflicted by it have horrific nightmares, and its just kinda. a thing. wowza

(i have gone back to spelling yrel's name as yrel bc i think it looks nice)

OH HEY SOMEONE POSTED A THEORY ON ONE OF MY STICKMOLUS ANIMATIONS man i should get back to stickmolus sometime. once dsmp releases its awful grip on me.

i keep getting distracted by seeing myself in the camera preview. i have a tooth gap! what the fuck its cute?? K I KNOW WE'RE SUPER BLURRY IN FRONT RN BUT PLEASE HELP ME STAY FOCUSED I SWEAR -leo

we're gonna build a sled! to put taure on. thorne: i have a good strength score. ....i say, out loud charlie: i am four feet tall. [cue argument between thorne & sieron about them both being horcs but sieron has a +0 bc strength is his dump stat] OH, OKAY, THORNE ROLLED A NAT20 TO CARRY TAURE. NICE

[discussion about what to tell everyone at camp vengenace] thorne: the last thing we need to do is a witch hunt charlie: --and we already hunted the witch! the witch has been hunted.

time to discuss strategy! we need to figure out how to head back to camp vengeance, eg if we want to follow the path we already took or if we wanna do some trailblazing. looks like we're gonna try and take the most direct path! which means we'll prolly risk tangoing with some undead but im willing to risk it TINY HUT STAIRCASE sorry i just remember it now and then

nyx: [meowing at his cats] thorne: uh... why is silje meowing? jorb: silje's food bowl is empty jorb: you look at silje's food bowl and there's a divot in the middle and the food is all on the sides emotionally, we must bully the catboy silje saw something interesting and started meowing

thorne: ill take first watch silje: ill also take first watch. charlie: [quietly] gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy (but, like, extended for 15 seconds)

silje: [takes watch] [rolls a nat1 and gets distracted by looking at his crush]

THORNE HAS LOCATED A DOG the dog does not give a shit about the tiny hut. THE DOG HAS PEED ON THE TINY HUT goodbye dog

EVERYONE IS ROLLING AT LEAST 1 NAT1 thorne: wow! that sure is a dog. thorne has drawn the worst possible dog. thorne has erased the worst possible dog. we dont speak of the worst possible dog its the dog version of honse. DONSE

sieron is now on watch! MAN we are havin trouble rolling today. at least kali's here to make sure sieron doesnt stare at a rock for 50000 years sieron sees a mouse! bottom text

charlie is now on watch! kali is havin a big ol thonk. nothing meaningful has come of this

i am perceiving some deer. sieron is not perceiving some deer. silje is perceiving some deer, but better the deer are fucked up and undead! silje has gone from "we should hunt these deer for food" to "we should hunt these deer for sport"

charlie: i do not feel like being jumped by five thousand skeletons

charlie takes first watch with sieron! WHY ARE OUR ROLLS SO TERRIBLE taure is super cursed right now. that's not very pog charlie: this place sucks. thorne: to be fair, we havent-- charlie: YOU'RE ASLEEP, SHUT UP

oh hey coolname galvanic finally partied. nice.

thorne is at watch! solar: hey, is leomund's tiny hut an orb? there's a critter digging around! AH, THE CRITTER IS UNDEAD. this could be a problem

solar: hey michael, how much does the horrific sin against god dog i drew look like this creature michael: [dice roll noises] about 50%.

michael: if anyone likes, they can make a nature check-- solar: ME MEMEMEMEME ME ME ME

its a bulette! aka a land shark. problem: they are not normally undead. this one is undead.

jorb: imagine if you could tame one of those and use it as a mount. leo: IT WOULD JUST DIG UNDERGROUND AND LEAVE YOU THERE

we are just calling it a weird dog

we're going to mail a letter to the heart of arvus. HEY, CHECK OUT THIS WEIRD DOG,

JORB FOUND ART OF A BABY BULETTE. WEIRD PUPPY!

solar: hey guys, check out this sick art of a bulette i found

silje kept a lookout for the weird dog but its just fucked off. goodbye, weird dog give it up for day 3!

man there's been like, three incinerations today in blaseball. what's up with that. I SWEAR IM MOSTLY PAYING ATTENTION its just been an eventful day in blaseball. also im wearing my garages bomber rn. jaylen is home wooOOOO the wind smells stinky. this is fine.

we're actively avoiding whatever combat michael keeps nudging at us bc we're carrying around an unconscious person and i SWEAR hes gonna throw something directly at us once he's done with our shenanigans

UHH MICHAEL ASKING FOR PASSIVE PERCEPTION LOL

huh. this place used to be inhabited? we're in the woods rn but there's some like, stone ruins? like, VERY ruins. like, not really any structures standing, but enough evidence to show there Were things. WE FOUND A STATUE charlie: i want to smash my face against the lore.

used to be a circle of standing stones, but most of em fell over or got overgrown. inside of the circle has been cleared, although v roughly-- ground's torn up statue is of fjolnir! warrior holding up a spear and shield. AH, THERE ARE CORPSES, a human got REAL fucked up here. one of the corpses is straight up impaled on fjolnir's spear. n ... not pog.

i am trying so, so hard to pay attention. but i also kinda wanna take a nap.

charlie: [stares at statue] [rolls a 4] i wonder if he had a dick.

okay so something rolled in, tore up the overgrowth inside the circle, and murdered a couple dudes. and was also super tall and human-adjacent. hrm.

oh my god why are we rolling so shit today. time to stealth away and hope we dont get casually dismembered

k: jorb's hair is so long... leo: K, PLEASE,

time for a break! i am very tired but im gonan see if i can push through a little further. nyx is petting his cat why do orangatangs look like that

first watch is thorne and sieron! have they even, like, talked thorne unhabby ): thorne's worried we were tresspassing when checking out the statue, meanwhile im thinking about that one time when sieron got bit by a groundhog

(oh my god this is from late 2018)

leomund's tiny hut, aka the anti-sea bear circle we are getting SO much mileage out of the tiny hut. SILJE HUMS A SONG WITH KALI cute........... FINALLY I HAVE ROLLED ABOVE A 14 wait no i rolled a 16 twice. anyway we are not dead

nearly at camp vengenace! boy howdy i hope camp vengeance didnt get burned down. AH FUCK TAURE IS UNCONSCIOUS SO WE CANT CAST FOR DETECT POISON kaepora nearly made us all shit ourselves but its okay he just saw some bison and thought it was cool Michael Is Consulting Several Tables

WHY DOES JORB'S CAMERA ZOOM LIKE THAT why am i hungry. i have so many questions

HEY, TALL GUY [smacks sieron]

camp vengeance looks better! like, nobody's Obviously Sick anymore, the medical tents arent overfilled, we did it! we saved the dayyyyyy time to report to ryder! taure's getting dropped off at the medical tent

man remember when charlie didnt wear pants

oh man, with taure unconscious charlie is now taking point with social interaction. wild. jk im making jorb do it bc im tired HAHA NAT 20 PERSUASION BC OF ME HELPIN SIERON man ryder is such a cock. he was totally ready to keep throwing troops at heaven's brazier to die until we managed to persuade him out of it. jorb: did we tell ryder about the vision? michael: you kinda just took a look at him and went STINKY BOY!

okay yeah anything that dies on arvus will just pop back up as undead. man, arvus sucks.

ryder: alright, dismissed. charlie: seeya, soldier boy! :D hahahahaha im gonna eat his knees.

SILJE NEEDS ENRICHMENT IN HIS ENCLOSURE

charlie: ive decided he sucks. silje: we've already arrived to that, you're late!

LMAO WE WALKED IN ON INGRID AND HER CRUSH they fuckin. nice. you go, you funky lesbian

jorb: we've got the tiny hut, we could go anywhere leo: we could go to SPACE! nyx: we could not go to space. leo: WITH A TINY HUT STAIRCASE, WE CAN,

we are 320 miles away from the spaceship that exists on arvus. nice.

michael: justin sees you-- roll a strength saving throw. leo: i cant wait to die! [rolls a 3] I AM CRUSHED BY MY DOG michael: he rolled a nat20.

BOSS ENCOUNTER: CHARLIE'S DOG (the small circle next to him is one of the medical tents.)

THORNE IS PACT OF THE GUN solar: PARRY THIS, YOU FUCKING CASUAL

sieron, to ingrid: seems like youve been doing well charlie: i punch sieron. sieron: sieron: the camp, of course.

man we have no idea if the heart of arvus is actually related to the prophecy or not. theres a Lot of stuff lining up, but not enough, and its hard to say how much of it couldve been literal?

solar & michael: [discussing exposition] me: [cracking up bc penn sent me a funny dsmp joke]

prophecies are weird.

charlie is just s she is just sitting here SILJE PLAYED CARDS REALLY GOOD AT ME nyx rolled a nat20 and took all my money

oh cool we can talk to yrel telepathically! time to hoist yrel. THIS IS SO SCUFFED thorne mentioned yrel and now we're trying to explain to ingrid that we have a magic talking snake charlie: I WANT TO GO HOME. thorne: we cant go, we have a GOD-KING to kill! "i think theyre insane, theyre talking to a snake" "ingrid, druids exist" "oh. im gonna go back to getting railed by my 7 foot tall girlfriend"

[archivevolcania]

@npcharacters     /     im a little confused on this rule; what would you consider stalking as opposed to someone who follows you simply reading through your blog? Is there a telling way that alerts you to someone stalkign your blog? Sorry if this comes off as rude I'm jsut wanting to know so *I* can avoid such behavior.

no worries, thank you for asking! hope you don’t mind if i make a post with the answer. i consider it a big difference with someone reading through cus honestly they wouldn’t stay that long in my blog at all or it would let me know if they’re in a specific tag or in a different page (and if such were the case, the tracker would tell me). 

note that the links to my stuff (rules, about, verses, etc) lead to google documents, so there would be no need for them to be actively on my blog. not to mention in my current case, it’s someone constantly going back to my ghirahim blog and staying there for long periods of time (last i checked was 23mins...). plus considering i havent been active on that blog for nearly three months apart from what i have posted on the last couple days, haven’t had new followers during the time i wrote down this rule and made the original post, it really just leads me to believe someone is stalking / hate-reading. 

i’m not one to use strong words just ‘because’ and i have seen and gone through this type of stuff before. i know this lil rule of mine can only do so much, i’m more so just tired with the gross and childish behavior i’ve had to encounter on tumblr. and this rule is not a way for me to say ‘hey dont check my blog otherwise you a creep’ lmao not at all... the difference is pretty obvious (at least for me since i’ve gone through this stuff years ago and sure left a heavy mark on me). and this particular IP has been watching my blogs (especially ghirahim) for a while now. it only just got worse this week for some reason and for my own comfort and safety decided to write that down and also let it be known openly that this is happening cus yikes. i appreciate the support i’ve gotten about it though, and will definitely take things at my own pace.

[bma-2020]

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

[sarkisms]

cracks m knucks im gonna have another little Vent m guys because im very tired and i want to be very clear on my stance with people lately nothing hugely terrible but mm im not putting up w stuff anymore so

this isnt a specific callout like the last time i did this but im sure if the person recently directly involved sees this then im sorry if this hurts you but im very tired of this with Everyone

im not responsible for anyone i Choose to invest my time in about 4 people rn plus spending energy on talking to my mum i very very barely talk to anyone else consistently anymore after the massive blowup in october a lot has changed and i?? like to think i have changed and feel a lot different and actually better i feel more stable more often and i dont rely on people so much, i only really want to actively talk w a couple of people and thats good, im so fucking happy to have My friend group for once

but just because im doing that doesnt mean i love all of you any less and i swear to god if another person drops on me like im lying to them im going to lose my fucking shit and do a direct callout i am Not playing this game and i have been on the other side and i understand why people do it but i get why it doesnt work and its not fun for anyone no one is worth less to me bc we dont interact as much i do my best to keep up w 100 + threads and shit and follow 200+ people and all i want to do is talk to my girlfriend, handful of friends, and BARELY my own mum i have other friends i love but havent done more than pop in and out of chatter with because i just dont have the attention span i have ADHD and its fucking hard for me and i think ive spread myself thin for a very long time and i need to just. focus on getting myself together. for a long time. im sorry i havent kept up with people like i wanted to, i really really am, but i just cant i dont think.

im working on getting lambent outlined so i can draw up a comic finally and maybe earn some money off that im extending my studies so i can pass school later than normal but spread it out more and focus on health stuff and easing into a job im working on getting settled in a home i like and having a long distance relationship and just i am Not responsible for anyone besides who i WANT to be and if we separate and drift apart that is normal if you cant handle that please feel free to go at any time

i will not be responsible for one persons happiness because it happens to me over and over and i fucking hate it and i will not be guilted over “how we used to be” BECAUSE PEOPLE CHANGE AND I MISS MY FRIENDS TOO BUT THIS IS NORMAL? PLEASE???

aaaa im just gonna end it there because im tired i just needed to let it out  but yall please i do love you all, ic and ooc, im just!!! im just focusing on what makes Me happy now im 21 im not even really an adult goddamn pls let me live

[infnthoya]

When did you realize that hoya was your bias? What was your favorite comeback look of his? What do you like most about hoya?

this is gonna be loooooong :)

ok first of all, i’d like to thank you like a million times for sending this to me. i wasnt on tumblr whole day but i opened it a few times on my phone during the day. i had been seeing this ask sent to my mutuals and was wishing someone sent it to me too. and i wrote it under a read more which i thought no one would pay attention and i didnt even mention it was THIS ask and then YOU SENT IT! *showers you with hearts and chocolate cupcakes* i hope i can write it well enough becuz my english isnt that good and im also not good with expressing myself.

“Bias” thing is a complex term for me. i guess its becuz im pretty older than all those boys, i cant just pick one and call them “bias”. and i usually cant have 2 biases at once. i “joined” the kpop community in the beginning of ‘12 and over these 5 years, i called 3 idols as my bias. first was TOP, then came Yongguk and for a few months i biased both of them but eventually Yongguk claimed his place as my one and only and stayed like that for a very long time. then when Howon came, just like the previous time, both of them stayed for a few months but then Howon won over Yongguk. I wanted point that out to show that for an idol to “won” the title of being my bias (lmao) they must’ve be REALLY good! (and i take this sh*t way too more seriously than i should otl)

already 3rd paragraph and i havent even started answering your Qs omg! okay so like i said i was a hardcore YG stan. honestly, HW got me by his looks at first. not only becuz he was good looking but becuz he had this “manly” image you know? im more into that type. when i first saw him was during H’s Special Girl era and i was someone who hasnt listened to even 1 infinite song (shame on me!) i was seeing YaDong gifs all over my dash but everyone was going crazy over Dongwoo (i dont blame them :D) but i was thinking “why is there no love for Hoya? he is -imo- more good looking”. but i didnt pay too much attention to it. later i started watching Reply’97 due to a friend’s rec and HW’s good looks, combined with his amazing acting skills and the character he played, caused him to sneakily and slowly get into my heart and brain. he is the reason i started following Infinite and simply there wasnt anyone else to steal his place among OT7. and later, both by some stuff that YG was doing to cause me grow away from him and the stuff that HW was doing to win me over, the game came to an end. so it wasnt like “omg he looked so good in X era” or sth but i had already found too many things that i loved about him as time passed by and un-stanning YG just made everything official. i think its been around 2 years since he became my only bias.

My fave look(s) [sorry for cheating:)]; im normally a trash for up-styled hair so his Pretty era look was perfection. but, tho i wasnt a fan back then, im in love with his Be Mine era look and im praying for the day i can see him with a short hair like that (SY has it now and IT LOOKS AMAZING!!!) Plus, i love his fluffy light brown hair during Back era (that is a sad era for us Howon stans but for some reasons i love it too much as well) And lastly, i just cant ignore his cotton candy hair colors during Last Romeo era hehe^^;;

Ok this is the hardest but the best part. its 4am now and its been a veryyy long and tiring day so i hope i wont skip anything (i just couldnt leave this post to later i HAD TO do it now :D) 

Like i said his good looks was the reason he got my attention so i’ll start with it. i mean his eyebrows could slice my heart into pieces and his cute eyes make me go blind and his JAWLINE IS SHARPER THAN THE SHARPEST BLADE and i really love his lips (i dont like too big/plumpy lips) and his lips are just perfect for me and the way they shape when he cant contain his laugh like his lips get so wide you can see his gums its the most beautiful smile ever but HIS NOSEEEEE!!!! DUDE HIS NOSE!!!! ITS THE CUTEST NOSE I HAVE EVER SEEN AND I JUST WANNA PUT LITTLE PECKS ON HIS CUTE LITTLE NOSE ITS SO AŞDENEĞANAPROLUX!!!!

Another thing is how he is rather reserved. i mean he is surely much more open now, esp since Back era but still he likes being on his own, getting lost in things that he loves like dancing, making music or stuff like that and im like him too so idk its like a connection you know? 

He is strong. not only physically but also mentally. he has a strong determination. he has been thru too much to be at where he is now. starting from his family (here is a ref for those who dont know how hard it was for him) i think thats very brave of him to risk so much for an unclear future.

I LIVE FOR HIS LAME JOKES!!!! and i dont think they are lame (ok some of them are :D) but i think its a proven fact that was accepted by everyone that he is witty. and i love my man smart :D lol he even praised his fans for being witty in his last vlive saying sth like “fans are like their idols. im witty and you’re witty too” or sth like that lol he is adorable!!!!

Which leads me to another thing i love about him; his love and respect for fans! about 2 years ago he was given a letter by a fan (i think its better if y’all check it here if you havent already) i love the way he approached the issue. he is always so straightforward about things which is another thing i love about him but i think ever since that time, he has become more “active” at airports. i mean he couldve just ignored it. losing 1 fan wouldnt have mattered. or he couldve done that speech but still go on acting like that and tbh we couldnt blame him becuz he really doesnt have to do any fan service at the airports. but oh my god! the fanservice that i had the honor of witnessing with my own eyes from the first row at the airport in Berlin!!!! he was the only one to open the curtain and wave at us and did “i say ho you say ya” with us, he kept waving till the van disappeared from our sight and he def couldve chosen not to do that and we couldnt blame him but he chose to do it! also when he first did vlive, it was becuz he had to do it due to some official thing but he said if he knew it was so easy to do, he’d do it often and tbh i thought he said it just to say it you know? but he was sincere about it! he really does the most vlives and idk what more to say on this issue lol

His thought on his own chastity just multiplied by respect for him a million times!!! im keeping this short since its a private issue but its one of the top things i love the most about him!

Another thing i adore is his relationships with his friends. i mean everyone loves their friends but i think he is doing a little more than that. he always features his friends on his personal or group schedules whenever he has the chance so he introduces them to more and more people. in a way he is “presenting” them you know? i mean i dont think too many people knew about Hyojin before his Good Kissser stage (i for one didnt know) but now i dont think there is an Inspirit out there who doesnt know her and i think its too cute!

I love his fashion sense. you guys are probably thinking (i mean if you have come this far, bless you

I legit started this around 4am and now its 5am and i have to wake up early otl but i had so much fun writing this and realized once again how much i love him not only as a singer but as a person too. I hope i havent missed out anything lol There are also stuff like how talented he is (he does perfect jobs in so many fields), how hardworking he is, how he loves his members etc but i think they are the kind of things that anyone, even if they arent HW biased can agree on and i wanted this post to be more personal rather than stating the observable facts :) 

If anyone has read this till the end, im really sorry for wasting your time but i also hope i could cause you see Howon from different sides and somehow put a smile on your face. 

Have a great day/night everyone 💜✌

[mave-riq]

 writing this from a weird place bceuz  a classsmate freidn made art for me????????? SUPER momentarily happy B U  t---------

I have been. SO scared to post art recently its been a weigh on my conscious in the background of everything else that makes me anxious and I hate it

Im scared of MULTIPLE things: Im scared of posting OC’s and nobody liking them besides me friends (whos support I SHOULD be putting above this tbh) EVEN tho thats where my “Muse” is right now, Im scared of updating my art blog and people remembering they followed me like “oh yeah i forgot about this blog, i dont rlly care for it anymore tho” and leaving, IM scared of posting art without answering ask first thing and ppl getting angry that Im still active and not responding, Im angry about answering asks and driving ppl away becuz my blog is now becoming a text archive of conversations, IM afraid of all those ppl above having ALREADY left because i took to long to answer. Im afraid of dissapointing all the people that came for inuyasha/persona/mass effect/x-men/soul eater hoping for more content and getting NOT what they wanted and leaving in mass. IM afraid of getting another ask telling me someones stolen my art, im afraid of ppl leaving ebcuz i put water marks on everything now and they find it both narcissistic and distracting and ugly.

I feel like I over-stayed my welcome at this platform, that I am no longer relevant that I have nothing new to give that ppl havent seen before, I feel like I no longer have the power to inspire people, that ppl can sense my art staling and will leave by the hundreds till im back at nothing all over again. I feel like my art was never interesting to begin with and that i only massed the audience I have becuz i was making fanart for so, so long. And now that I want to explore my own worlds again, people have grown tired of me and dont find my work worth their time.

Its gotten so bad i have to hid the follower number but even then i find myself checking it on my phone only to be sent into a depressive episode becuz it went one number down. (meanwhile my classmates all have active art accounts with an exceptional amount of ppl following them)

In my mind, if my art blog isnt successful enough RIGHT NOW--the entirety of my career in the future will never be successful. I have to reach that success NOW to build a foundation I can stand on when I enter the professional field. If I go in without it, I might never make the stuff I wanna make. Watching the number go down is like simultaneously watching future me get turned down job after job and working as a back up artist for other peoples projects longer and longer until Im old and Ive never made the stories ive been wanting to tell for YEARS.

In the end, im so terrified of rejection-ANY KIND, AT ANY CAPACITY-that I feel myself slowly abandoning this thing ive put so much work into since community college, 4 years ago. Meanwhile, everyone else seems to be moving up and up and up and im getting left behind.

The only way to get over it is to just. Not care and post whatever the fuck I want, like i always planned to but im SO afraid of losing this progress--like ive been playing a video game and i havent saved since I started playing it. That Ill wake up one morning after I took a chance and its all gone.

And i know how Not True and Stupid ALL of this is, but it doesnt make it FEEL any less distressing--in fact it probably makes it even more so.

A small smidge of hope and joy through this dark fog of this obsession I have is that my classmates genuinely seem to like me and my work, I do have that validation. But its tinged by this weighing feeling that im not good enough. That im mediocre.