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hopeishappinessff · 6 years

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Holding Onto Hope: Chapter 19.1

Hope

Waking up the next morning was no fun… actually, it was pure and utter torture. Apparently, I’d completely disregarded just how much alcohol I’d ingested and I found myself wrapped up in the plush white blankets with cotton mouth from the aftermath of smoking, a lovely headache, and paralyzing nausea. But my complaints were null and void the moment I turned my head to absorb my beautiful surroundings, illuminated by the walls of windows in the room, and spotted pure perfection lying on his stomach beside me. He seemed completely content in his deep slumber and I had no immediate plans of moving from my spot anytime soon, so I simply lie there taking him all in for nearly half an hour.

Once he finally woke up and I broke free of my staring stupor, we both climbed out of the bed and shared a calm and soothing shower then he directed me to the bags of clothes I’d noticed the night before. As if he just knew I would wake up that morning with no desire to dress up for the day, I pulled out a pair of gray jogger pants, a sweater that literally read ‘I woke up like this’, a gray beanie, and a pair of black booties. Chris had even made sure to provide me with a fresh pair of comfy cotton boyshorts, a sports bra, and socks… his attention to detail was just unbelievable. After we gathered the small bit of belongings we’d brought along on this sporadic trip, we made our way down to the first floor to check out and soon, we were on our way back to school. The moment I planted my bottom in the passenger seat of the truck, I snatched up a pair of Chris’s blacked out Ray Bans from the overhead compartment, found myself a cozy little position, and passed out for the entire hour and a half ride.

I awoke to the feeling of his fingers tickling at the side of my neck. Fluttering my eyes open behind the tint of the glasses, I yawned and turned to see him smirking cutely at me.

“Hey there beautiful.” He muttered sheepishly.

“Hi.” I greeted with a sleep laden voice.

“We’re back.” Turning my head to look out of the front windshield, I frowned when I realized he was indeed right… we were parked in front of my dorm, which meant we were now officially back to reality. I turned my attention back to him at the sound of his husky chuckle and waited for him to explain why he was laughing.

“Why you looking like that?” He asked.

“Because… we’re back here.” I explained.

“You don’t wanna be here? You wanna go to my dorm?”

“No… I mean, we’re back… at school. I wasn’t ready for last night to be over. I’m probably not going to see you for a while now. That’s how it always goes.”

It was now his turn to frown deeply at me and before I knew it, he’d opened his door, climbed out of his seat and eventually he was on my side of the truck pulling the door open. I sat still as he reached across me to unbuckle my seatbelt and physically turned my body to face him like a ragdoll.

“I didn’t want last night to be over either… it was perfect. And it kills me every time you point out how much I been fucking up. I’m tryna get it together Hope… I really am and I can promise you right now that I’m gonna try to spend more time with you because whether you believe it or not, every minute I get with you means the absolute world to me. If you can keep your promise to stay by my side, no matter what, I can keep my promise to do better for the sake of not losing you.”

I slid the dark glasses off my face and stared up at him, searching his face for any signs of deception, but there was none… he was speaking from the most genuine place in his heart. I had never had a reason not to trust him before and I didn’t see why now should be any different, so I nodded my head to show him that I believed him. With my hand in his, he helped me to ease out of my seat and he moved back a few steps to allow me space to stand in front of him.

“You remember the motto from the weekend?” He asked as he slipped his large hands against my waist. Cracking a smile, I nodded again and stepped forward in his embrace.

“You’ll see when we get there. We’ll get good again… you’ll see. And I think you’ll like it when we do.” I couldn’t help but laugh as I listened to him in all his cuteness.

He smiled broadly and tugged me close, meshing my chest up against his. With a loving glint in his eyes, he stared down at me and raised a hand to caress the side of my face then finally he leaned in and gently placed his lips on mine. We kissed sweetly for a while, never bothering to do anything more than tug occasionally on each other’s lips until he pulled back a minute or so later and meshed his forehead against mine.

“I love you, you know.” He spoke softly.

“I know.” I giggled.

“Aww, cocky lil nigga huh? It’s cool… as long as you know.” We both laughed and from the corner of my eye I spotted movement that left me breaking my focus on him and turning my head. The moment I did, I instantly wished I hadn’t. Less than a yard away from where we stood were two girls walking on the sidewalk… one who I recognized as that ‘wannabe’ girl Tawny and the other… the girl who I’d already had a run in with… the girl who’d proudly messed around with Chris. They were both awkwardly facing us and with a glance up at Chris, I could see that they’d caught his attention as well. I watched him as he watched them and I wondered which girl in particular had him staring so hard. His expression remained blank, but he squinted just barely as if he was trying to figure out exactly who they both were… though I was sure he was well aware.

Since the Tawny girl was entirely too ditzy and oblivious to the thick awkward tension between the four of us even at a distance, she tossed a hand up at Chris with a smile and with his own tight-lipped smile, he returned the gesture while still keeping a hand on my waist. I was becoming more and more annoyed the longer I stood there watching him interact from afar with these people, so I dropped a hand on top of his and pried him off of me which quickly got his attention.

“What are you doing?” He asked as I reached back in the truck to grab my belongings and made a move to step around him.

“Thank you for the wonderful evening and for bringing me back safely. I’m gonna head up to my room now…” Before I could get out of arms reach of him, he had a hand wrapped around my wrist and he pulled me right back to him.

“Listen, Hope… I’m so…”

“You’re sorry… I know.” I snapped. I wanted nothing more than to get as far away from him as possible in that moment. I’d never been around him in the presence of his little side chick and I suddenly felt irritated and nauseous.

“Stop… why you acting like that?” Sure he looked desperately sad and almost afraid that he’d just upset me, but I didn’t care. The mischievous smirk on that girls face alone as she stared at us was enough to make me want to slap him then go over and punch her in the throat so she’d never be able to ruin someone else’s relationship with her mouth again.

“You stop Chris… I’m not acting like anything. Why don’t you go catch up with your friends?” I didn’t mean to throw that in his face and I certainly didn’t mean to draw any attention to us, especially with these stupid girls walking by, watching our every move. I just couldn’t continue standing there listening to his predicable apologies and all his apparent empty promises about how he was going to do better for the sake of our relationship. In reality, I knew that girl was only a minor bump in our crazy road of drama… I knew there were more, I was sure of it. She was just a reminder of that. Snatching away from him, I turned and began to quickly retreat toward the dorm. Tawny and her loose mouth friend had already walked past the building, but they were still close enough for the girl to glance back and briefly lock eyes with me. I wanted to run over and strangle her, but I kept my focus on the door ahead and only that… until I heard the sound of a car door slamming followed by the sound of rapid footsteps. I knew a smooth walk away was too good to be true and I released a deep sigh at the sound of Chris calling out my name.

“Hope for real, stop.” He yelled out like the true genius he was, drawing immediate attention to us. I shook my head and continued on up the few steps to the door and just as I reached forward to pull one of the doors open, he’d caught up to me and latched a hand onto my left arm.

Whipping around to face him, I glared up at him with a deep scowl and snatched out of his grasp yet again “Stop it Chris, you’re drawing attention to us…”

“I don’t give a fuck. Why you acting like this all of a sudden?”

“I’m not about to stand out here and do this with you. Go back to your truck and leave, please.”

His brows furrowed instantly and his head jerked back with surprise “What you mean you not about to stand here and do this with me? Do what… talk to me? And you making comments about going to catch up with my friends… what the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Taking a deep breath to calm myself and to hopefully avoid throwing my purse and bag of clothes from the night before right in his face, I ignored everything he’d just said and turned to enter the building with him hot on my trail. I was seriously not about to stand right outside giving those girls the satisfaction of watching the drama unfold between us. I knew that’s what the one girl wanted in particular and I wasn’t up for giving her any clues into our crumbling relationship. Of course there was no one to stop him from incessantly following me, begging me to stop and talk to him, so once I glanced around the activity center and noticed that it was fairly empty, I swung back around to face him.

“Fuck, what is your problem?” His voice was loud and he was only a few notches away from outright yelling in my face.

“You are my problem.” I finally admitted.

“What? How? In the span of five minutes… how did I become your problem?”

“Because in the span of five minutes, I had to face the girl that you cheated on me with and yet again, she practically laughed in my face.”

The look on his face was priceless. He seemed absolutely stunned by my revelation and it was clear that he wasn’t at all expecting me to blurt out such a painful statement for both of us. But he asked me what my problem was and there was no reason for me to lie.

“Wow…” He muttered in less than a whisper.

“Yeah, wow is absolutely right. How many times is that gonna happen to me Chris? How many different females on this campus am I gonna come in contact with that you’ve messed around with? How many girls are gonna be laughing in my face because you have me walking around like a fool thinking I have the perfect boyfriend, when in all actuality you’re a complete dog who could care less about me? Do you know how embarrassing that is?”

I was on a roll now. Since he’d begged me to tell him what my problem was, I wasn’t going to sugar coat it. He’d triggered every frustration I felt toward him and now there was no stopping me.

“That girl out there, you know the hoe who sucked your dick at that party… she’s already confronted me about you,” I rambled on, while he did nothing but stand there quietly, “Minding my business leaving class one day and she bumps into me, telling me that I’m apparently not the only girl sleeping with you. How the hell did you think that made me feel as your girlfriend Chris? I chose not to let what she said get to me, but the thought has always lingered in the back of my mind… have you actually gone from getting your dick sucked to having sex with numerous girls now? I know you’ve got to be doing something because I’ve smelled the perfume on you, I’ve seen the scratches on your neck, I’ve noticed your odd behavior… do you think I’m stupid? I mean, I’m starting to think maybe I am because I continue to deal with your shit.”

I was near tears at this point, but I felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It felt good to finally air him out and by the look on his face, I knew I’d done a pretty good job. He stood there staring at me as if he’d just gotten his feelings hurt. He actually had the audacity to look like what I said somehow hurt him! I scoffed and shook my head at that because I knew I had him stumped. He had no clue what to say or do because he had no clue that I knew as much as I did.

“I would never intentionally hurt you Sy’Diyah…” He mumbled, but I was entirely too riled up to give him a chance to speak.

“You would never intentionally hurt me Chris, you’re sorry Chris, you love me too much to lose me Chris, well get it together Chris because newsflash… you are fucking losing me! I am holding on by a thin strand and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on!” I snapped then and before I knew it we were chest to chest and I scowled up at him with a finger wedged in his face, “You need to decide what it is you want because I promise you, my patience is non-existent and if you’re stupid enough to continue screwing around behind my back, this relationship is over!”

Chris

Stunned and stupid. I was completely stunned and felt so fucking stupid as I stood there like a damn idiot and watched my pissed off girlfriend stomp away from me. I couldn’t even lift a foot to chase after her, I was that stuck on stupid. I couldn’t believe that’d just happened. I couldn’t believe she’d just lashed out on me and cussed my ass to the moon and back. I didn’t know if I should be upset with Nicole’s ass for simply walking past us at the most inopportune time or if I should be upset with myself for even allowing this shit to get to this point. My feet wanted to run after Hope and beg her for the thousandth time to listen to me and hear me out, but my mind wouldn’t allow me to do that… because this time, she was absolutely right. I had no valid point to argue and I knew I’d make myself look like a plum fool and she’d end up crushing my pride and ego with ease all over again.

Tucking my tail between my legs like a sad little puppy and dropping my head pathetically, I walked back out the door and toward my truck feeling completely drained and defeated. I couldn’t even focus on my surroundings as I ambled along slowly and by the time I reached my truck, I failed to immediately notice Nicole’s hoe ass leaning against my driver’s side door.

“Trouble in paradise?” My head snapped up at the sultry sound of her voice and I rolled my eyes instantly when I spotted her standing there.

“Get the fuck back Nicole.” I mumbled.

“No need to get feisty with me Mr. Boyfriend. I’m not the one who just ripped your ass a new one.” She smirked impishly.

“Please get away from my fucking truck.” I said through clenched teeth. I swear, the girl had like two seconds to move far away from me before I snatched her up by her throat.

“What’s wrong with…” She barely had time to complete her sentence before I snapped. I was up in her face before she could blink and my right hand was wrapped firmly around her throat without thought. I didn’t care anymore, truthfully. I didn’t give a shit if anyone saw me strangle this bitch to death, I didn’t give a fuck if Hope miraculously walked back outside to cuss me out again and saw what was happening, I didn’t give a fucking shit if Tawny was somewhere in the near vicinity watching… I just didn’t care.

“You Nicole, you are what’s fucking wrong with me.” My tone was harsh and menacing and boy could I see the fear in this hoes eyes at that moment.

“Chris… let go…” She managed to wheeze as my grip grew tighter.

“Fuck you, don’t complain… this is what you wanted right? You stand here and fucking take it,” I felt like a deranged fool as I glared down at her red face without even remembering to blink, “You think that shit was funny? Huh? You think it’s fucking funny to watch my girlfriend damn near break up with me because of your bitch ass? Well I think it’s funny to watch you run outta oxygen.”

The amount of anger seeping through my body almost hurt and I could feel the veins in my arms, neck, and temples throbbing and protruding to show for it. I felt like I was having an out of body experience as I watched tears begin to build in the corners of her eyes and slowly descend down her cheeks. The sight of the moisture trickling sadly from her eyes was, in some strange way, a turn on and I found myself nibbling into my bottom lip and squeezing her neck a little tighter.

“P-p-pleease.” She was barely able to speak at this point with her entire throat being closed off, but the thrill of knowing this girl could just die at any second at the hands of me was making it hard for me to let go.

It donned on me then exactly what I could do to punish this bitch and pleasure my damn self all at the same time. With one final squeeze that had her shutting her eyes, seconds away from succumbing to her lack of air, I snatched my hand back from her throat and pushed up against her weak frame just before she went slithering down the side of the truck. I watched her curiously for a few seconds as she gasped and fought desperately for air and with a smirk, I gripped her up tightly by her arm and dragged her around to the passenger side of the truck.

“Come on,” I allowed all of him to take over at that precise moment and full on grinned at the thought of how well I was gonna teach her ass a lesson, “Get the fuck in.”

One emergency call to Dr. Yates’s office and she agreed to take me at the very last minute and I damn near dropped to the ground, kissed it, and rejoiced. If she wouldn’t have let me agree to come in to see her immediately, I was sure my next option would have been far more drastic and somehow involved a bit of self-harming. Hope certainly wasn’t an option after how she’d flipped out on me earlier, so my only hope was to get a slot with my therapist today or I would surely not make it through the night.

It really fucking sucked that this lady’s office was on campus and as I walked it felt like every single student enrolled in the school was crowding all around me all at once. Luckily, the building her office was in was kind of tucked away in a corner that I could somewhat easily access through a few secluded short cuts, but for the most part I was forced to pass large amounts of people at a time and my nerves had kicked into overdrive every single time I got close to a female.

Finally, fifteen minutes and a perspiring forehead later, I floated through the sliding glass doors of the building and almost sprinted up to the fifth floor to her actual office. I barged through the door of the main half of the office and the receptionist, who was the one who confirmed my immediate appointment, seemed a bit startled by my abrupt arrival.

“Hi Mr. Brown, you can head right on back.” She greeted with a polite smile once she realized it was me. Thanking her with a tight-lipped smile, I jetted past her desk and bolted down the hall to the familiar closed office door at the very end on the right. Standing outside the door for a moment to collect myself as best as I could, I shut my eyes and exhaled then opened them and stared at the foggy glass window on the door as I slowly eased it open.

Pushing the door open just enough to give myself space to slide inside, I shut it behind myself and looked up to see Dr. Yates standing in front of her desk, leaning against it slightly, with her hands crossed in front of her. She had a pleasant smile on her face that kind of calmed me down some, but barely.

“Hello Christopher,” Even her tone of voice was pleasant and the sound of it calmed me down a bit further, “Please, have a seat.”

I followed the direction of her pointing finger and claimed a seat on my good ole chaise lounge across from her desk. Tossing my hands up over my face, I just kind of sat there for a moment, lost in my chaotic thoughts and trying to figure out where I should start with her.

“How are you today?” She asked.

With my hands still plastered over my face, I shook my head and with a sigh I slid them down my face and peered over at her “Not good.”

“And why is that?”

“You should grab your notepad so you can add this to your tally. I fucked up… again.” I laughed humorlessly and watched as she smirked warmly, yet didn’t bother to move back to the other side of her desk to retrieve the notepad.

“Well, why do you say that Christopher? Your appointment wasn’t scheduled until tomorrow, yet you called seeking desperately for time with me today… why?”

With a sigh, I stared at her for a moment just hoping that somehow she could reach into my mind, pull out the thoughts and memories from the past twenty-four hours, and display them on a projector so we could watch and attempt to understand it all together.

“Do you have a minute for me to explain everything that led up to my fuck up? It’s the only way I think you’ll understand.”

“I actually don’t have any other appointments scheduled for the remainder of the day, so you’ve got all the time in the world with me.” She smiled that heart-warming smile again and made herself comfortable on the same edge of the desk she leaned against.

“Okay… I don’t even know where to start,” Releasing a sigh, I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts then licked my lips and looked up at her, “Yesterday uh… yesterday morning, I actually woke up with another girl I didn’t know, in her room. And I freaked out because of course I didn’t know who she was and… I knew I probably couldn’t get to you fast enough to avoid a panic attack. So, I went and waited for Hope to get outta class because she’s like… my safe haven, you know.”

One of the things I loved about Dr. Yates, other than the fact that she had such a pleasant and welcoming demeanor that reminded me of my mom, was the fact that she was such a magnificent listener. Well duh, the lady got paid to listen to crazy niggas like me ramble about all my problems, but the more time I spent with her the more I could sense that her ability to listen and truly understand my problems was deeper than just a doctorate and a title as a therapist. I could always see it in her face that she was deeply devoted to every single thing I said and the way she would often nod and tilt her head to show me just how much she was absorbing every word that left my mouth made me feel so comfortable talking to her.

“I fucked up there because I’d just left this random girl that I know I had sex with, but I didn’t think about that or any traces of her that coulda been on me. I just needed to get to Hope as quick as I could so I could feel at peace again. So like, I see her and automatically calm down then I get her to agree to go out with me… on a real date. I knew she’d been feeling neglected and I wanted to show her that that’s never the case. Even if we’re not physically spending time together, she’s always at the forefront of my mind… always.”

“So I took her out… and I showed her a good time. I took her out to Atlanta, took her to one of the finest restaurants out there… The Sundial,” Pausing again, I thought back to her priceless reaction when we arrived at that seventy-first floor restaurant with nothing but windows, which I knew she would absolutely love. I got so lost in my thoughts recalling the look on her perfect face when we were seated at our table, that I ended up sitting there smiling to myself from the memory alone, “She loved it… and the hotel we stayed at afterwards. I pieced it all together purposely for her so she could get a view wherever we went, because she really likes windows and views. Our entire suite at the hotel was open with no doors and every single wall was made from windows, so I knew it would be something she would really like. I wanted her to love everything about the trip. I wanted her to see that I could still sweep her off her feet and make her feel like the queen that she is to me.”

“Needless to say, I think she really enjoyed herself and you know… she was the only girl that mattered to me last night, like literally she was the only girl who had my attention throughout the whole night. And she looked so beautiful. She solidified for me last night why I’m so in love with her and I swear Dr. Yates, if I had a ring on me last night I woulda made that girl my fiancé.”

Dr. Yates laughed softly and the smile on her face made it seem like if for only one moment, she was actually proud of something that I’d done and that actually excited me.

“The way that you speak so highly of this young woman is very admirable Christopher. I can see it in your face when you speak about anything that pertains to her… she’s got you wrapped unmistakably around her finger.” We both laughed then and I shook my head as I thought about just how right she was.

“I wouldn’t deny it even if I wanted to. She has a permanent hold on me.” I admitted. Dr. Yates quieted down from her laughter and I felt her staring at me curiously for a moment before I looked up at her and noticed that she’d pursed her lips tightly together.

“If you’re ready, I want you to continue your story. It sounds like the two of you had a very blissful evening, but… there’s more, correct?”

TBC...

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inkyardpress · 7 years

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Excerpt: When It’s Real by Erin Watt

HIM

“Please tell me every girl in there is of legal age.”

“Every girl in there is of legal age,” I dutifully repeat to my manager, Jim Tolson.

Truth is, I have no clue if everyone’s legal. When I came home last night from the studio, the party was already raging. I didn’t take the time to card anyone before grabbing a beer and chatting up some eager girls who proclaimed that they were so in love with my music that they sang it in their sleep. It sounded vaguely like an invitation, but I wasn’t interested. My buddy Luke took them off my hands and then I wandered around trying to figure out if I knew even a quarter of the people in my house.

I ended up counting seven, tops, that I actually recognized.

Jim presses his already thin lips together before taking a seat in the lounger across from me. There’s a girl passed out on it, so he’s forced to perch on the end. Jim once told me that the biggest hazard of working with a young rock star is the age of his groupies. Sitting this close to a bikini-clad teenager makes him visibly edgy.

“Keep that line in mind in case TMI asks you about it on the street today,” Jim warns.

“Noted.” Also noted? Avoid any celeb hot spots today. I have zero desire to be papped.

“How was the studio last night?”

I roll my eyes. As if Jim didn’t have the studio tech on the phone immediately after I left, replaying the track. “You know exactly how it was. Crappy. Worse than crappy. I think a barking Chihuahua could lay down better vocals than me right now.”

I lean back and stroke my throat. Nothing’s wrong with my vocal cords. Jim and I got that checked out with a doctor a few months ago. But the notes that were coming out yesterday lacked...something. All my music seems flat these days.

I haven’t recorded anything decent since my last album. I can’t pinpoint the problem. It could be the lyrics or the rhythm or the melody. It’s everything and nothing, and no amount of tweaking has helped me.

I run my fingers over the six strings of my Gibson, knowing my frustration must show on my face.

“Come on, let’s walk a little.” Jim dips his head toward the girl. She looks passed out, but she could be faking it.

With a sigh, I set the guitar on the cushion and rise to my feet.

“Didn’t know you liked walks on the beach, Jim. Should we start quoting poetry to each other before you propose?” I joke. But he’s probably right about putting some distance between us and the groupie. We don’t need some yappy fan talking about my music block to the tabloids. I give them enough to talk about already.

“Did you see the latest social media numbers?” He holds his phone up.

“Is that an actual question?”

We stop at the railing on my wraparound deck. I wish we could walk down to the beach, but it’s public, and the last time I tried setting foot on the sand in the back of my house, I came away with my swim trunks torn off and a bloody nose. That was three years ago. The tabloids turned it into a story about me getting into a fight with my ex and terrorizing young children.

“You’re losing followers at a rate of a thousand a week.”

“Sounds dire.” Sounds awesome, actually. Maybe I’ll finally be able take advantage of my beachfront property.

His perfectly unlined face, courtesy of some of the best Swiss knives money can buy, is marred by irritation. “This is serious, Oakley.”

“So what? Who cares if I lose followers?”

“Do you want to be taken seriously as an artist?”

This lecture again? I’ve heard it from Jim a million frickin’ times since he signed me when I was fourteen. “You know I do.”

“Then you have to shape up,” he huffs.

“Why?” What does shaping up have to do with making great music? If anything, maybe I need to be wilder, really stretch the limits of everything in life.

But...haven’t I done that already? I feel like I’ve drunk, smoked, ingested and experienced nearly everything the world has to offer in the past five years. Am I already the washed-up pop star before I hit my twenties?

A tinge of fear scrapes down my spine at the thought.

“Because your label is on the verge of dropping you,” Jim warns.

I practically clap like a child at this news. We’ve been at odds for months. “So let them.”

“How do you think you’re going to have your next album made? The studio’s already rejected your last two attempts. You want to experiment with your sound? Use poetry as lyrics? Write about things other than heartache and pretty girls who don’t love you back?”

I stare sullenly at the water.

He grabs my arm. “Pay attention, Oak.”

I give him a what the hell are you doing look, and he lets go of my arm. We both know I don’t like being touched.

“They aren’t going to let you cut the record you want if you keep alienating your audience.”

“Exactly,” I say smugly. “So why do I care if the label drops me?”

“Because labels exist to make money, and they won’t produce your next album unless it’s one they can actually market. If you want to win another Grammy, if you want to be taken seriously by your peers, then your only chance is to rehabilitate your image. You haven’t had a record out since you were seventeen. That was two years ago. It’s like a decade in the music business.”

“Adele released at nineteen and twenty-five.”

“You aren’t fuckin’ Adele.”

“I’m bigger,” I say, and it’s not a boast. We both know it’s true.

Since I released my first album at fourteen, I’ve had unreal success. Every album has gone double platinum, with my self-titled Ford reaching the rare Diamond. That year I did thirty international tour stops, all stadium tours, all sellouts. There are fewer than ten artists in the world who do stadium tours. Everyone else is relegated to arenas, auditoriums, halls and clubs.

“Were bigger,” Jim says bluntly. “In fact, you’re on the verge of being a has-been at nineteen.”

I tense up as he voices my earlier fear.

“Congratulations, kid. Twenty years from now, you’ll be sitting in a chair on Hollywood Squares and some kid will ask their mother, ‘who’s Oakley Ford?’ and the mom will say—”

“I get it,” I say tightly.

“No. You don’t get it. Your existence will have been so fleeting that even that parent will turn to her kid and say, ‘I have no idea who that is.’” Jim’s tone turns pleading. “Look, Oak, I want you to be successful with the music you want to make, but you have to work with me. The industry is run by a bunch of old white men who are high on coke and power. They love knocking you artists around. They get off on it. Don’t give them any more reason to decide that you’re the fall guy. You’re better than that. I believe in you, but you gotta start believing in yourself, too.”

“I do believe in myself.”

Does it sound as fake to Jim’s ears as it does to mine?

“Then act like it.”

Translation? Grow up.

I reach over and take the phone from his hand. The social media number beside my name is still in the eight digits. Millions of people follow me and eat up all the ridiculous things my PR team posts daily. My shoes. My hands. Man, the hands post got over a million likes and launched an equal number of fictional stories. Those girls have very vivid imaginations. Vivid, dirty imaginations.

“So what’s your suggestion?” I mutter.

Jim sighs with relief. “I have a plan. I want you to date someone.”

“No way. We already tried the girlfriend thing.”

During the launch of Ford, management hooked me up with April Showers. Yup, that’s her real name—I saw it on her driver’s license. April was an up-and-coming reality television star and we all thought she’d know the score. A fake relationship to keep both our names on magazine covers and headlining every gossip site on the web. Yes, there’d be hate from certain corners, but the nonstop media attention and speculation would drive our visibility through the roof. Our names would be on everyone’s lips from here to China and back again.

The press strategy worked like a charm. We couldn’t sneeze without someone taking our picture. We dominated celebrity gossip for six months, and the Ford tour was a smashing success. April sat in the front row of more fashion shows than I knew actually existed and went on to sign a huge two-year modeling contract with a major agency.

Everything was great until the end of the tour. What everyone, including me, had failed to recognize was that if they threw two teenagers together and told them to act like they were in love, stuff was going to happen. Stuff did happen. The only problem? April thought stuff would continue to happen after the tour was over. When I told her it wouldn’t, she wasn’t happy—and she had a big enough platform to tell the world exactly how unhappy she was.

“This won’t be another April thing,” Jim assures me. “We want to appeal to all the girls out there who dream of walking down the red carpet but think it’s out of reach. We don’t want a model or a star. We want your fans to think you’re attainable.”

Against my better judgment, I ask, “And how do we do that?”

“We conjure up a normal. She starts posting to you on your social media accounts. Flirting with you online. People see you interact. Then you invite her to a concert. You meet, fall in love and boom. Serious heartthrob status again.”

“My fans hated April,” I remind him.

“Some did, but millions loved her. Millions more will love you if you fall for an ordinary girl, because each and every one of those girls is going to think that she’s their stand-in.”

I clench my teeth. “No.”

If Jim was trying to think up a way to torture me, this is absolutely it, because I hate social media. I grew up having my baby steps photographed and sold to the highest bidder. For charity, my mom later claimed. The public gets a ton of me. I want to keep some parts of my life private, which is why I pay a couple of people a fortune so I don’t have to touch that stuff.

“If you do this...” Jim pauses enticingly. “King will produce your album.”

My head swivels around so fast that Jim jumps back in surprise. “You serious?”

Donovan King is the best producer in the country. He’s worked on everything from rap to country to rock albums, turning artists into legends. I once read an interview where he said he’d never work with a pop star and their soulless commercial music, no matter how much anyone paid him. Working with King is a dream of mine, but he’s turned down every overture I’ve ever made.

If he wasn’t interested in producing Ford, then why this latest album? Why now?

Jim grins. Well, as much as his plastic face allows him to smile. “Yes. He said if you were serious, then he’d be interested, but he needs a show of faith.”

“And a girlfriend is that show of faith?” I ask incredulously.

“Not a girlfriend. It’s what dating a nonfamous, ordinary girl signifies. That you’re down-to-earth, making music for the sake of music, not for the sake of money and fame.”

“I am down-to-earth,” I protest.

Jim responds with a snort. He jerks his thumb at the French doors behind us. “Tell me something—what’s the name of that girl who’s passed out in there?”

I try not to cringe. “I...don’t know,” I mumble.

“That’s what I thought.” He frowns now. “Do you want to know what Nicky Novak was photographed doing last night?”

My head is starting to spin. “What the hell does Novak have to do with anything?” Nicky Novak is a sixteen-year-old pop star I’ve never even met. His boy band just released their debut album, and apparently it’s topping the charts. The group is giving 1D a run for their money.

“Ask me what Novak was doing,” Jim prompts.

“Fine. Whatever. What was Novak doing?”

“Bowling.” My manager crosses his arms over his chest. “He got papped on a bowling date with his girlfriend—some girl he’s been dating since middle school.”

“Well, good for him.” I give another eye roll. “You want me to go bowling, is that it? You think that will convince King to work with me? Seeing me roll some gutter balls?” It’s hard to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.

“I just told you what I want,” Jim grumbles. “If you want King to produce your album, you need to show him you’re serious, that you’re ready to stop partying with girls whose names you don’t know and settle down with someone who will ground you.”

“I can tell him that.”

“He needs proof.”

My gaze shifts back to the ocean, and I stand there for a moment, watching the surf crash against the beach. This album I’ve been working on these past two years—no, the one I’m trying to work on and failing—suddenly feels as if it’s actually within my reach. A producer like King could help me move past this creative block and make the kind of music I’ve always wanted.

And all I have to do in return is date a normal? I guess I can do that. I mean, every artist has to make sacrifices for his art at one point in his life.

Right?

HER

“No.”

“You haven’t even heard what I want,” my sister objects.

“I don’t need to. You have that look in your eye.” I pull the bacon out of the microwave and dump four slices on each plate.

“What look?” Paisley checks her reflection on the back of the spoon I used to stir the eggs.

“The one that says I’m not going to like what you have to say.” I pause as I dish up the rest of the twins’ breakfast. “Or that I’m too young to understand.”

“Ha. Everyone knows you’re more together than most adults. I wish you were more impulsive, actually. It’d make this easier.”

“Breakfast is ready!” I shout.

The clatter of shoes on the staircase makes Paisley sigh. Our little brothers are incredibly loud, eat an incredible amount of food and are getting incredibly expensive. All I can say is, thank goodness for Paisley’s new job. We’re barely keeping our heads above water, even though Paisley has performed miracles with what little insurance money our parents left us. I’m adding to the family account with my waitressing job at Sharkey’s, but we don’t have much extra left over. Spencer and Shane insist that we don’t need to worry about college tuition for them because they plan on full-ride athletic scholarships. But unless it’s for competitive eating, I’m not going to count on it.

As the twins practically fall face-first into their breakfast, Paisley pours their milk and shoves a paper towel next to their plates. Hopefully they’ll use it instead of the kitchen towel. Again, I’m not holding my breath.

I drink my coffee-infused milk, watching my twelve-year-old brothers inhale the first of what will likely be their six meals of the day. As they grumble about the shortness of Christmas break, I think about how glorious it is that I haven’t had one class this year, unlike them.

“Vaughn,” Paisley says urgently. “I still need to talk to you.”

“I already told you no.”

“I’m serious.”

“Oh, fine. Talk.”

“Outside.” She jerks her head toward the back door.

“We’re not listening,” says Spencer.

Shane nods in agreement because that’s their shtick. Spencer talks and Shane backs up everything his brother says, even if he disagrees.

“Outside.” Paisley’s head jerk looks painful this time, so I take pity on her.

“Lead the way.”

The screen door slams shut behind us. I take another sip of my rapidly cooling drink as I watch Paisley search for words, which is worrisome because Paisley is never at a loss for words.

“Okay, so I want you to hear me out. Don’t say anything until the very end.”

“Did you drink one too many Red Bulls this morning?” I ask. We both know Paisley kind of has a caffeine addiction.

“Vaughn!”

“Okay. Okay.” I zip my lips shut. “Not another word.”

She rolls her eyes. “You do the lip-zipping after the last word, not before.”

“Details, shmetails. Now talk. I promise not to interrupt.”

She takes a deep breath. “Okay, so you know how they finally gave me my own cubicle, so I don’t have to share with that other assistant anymore?”

I nod. “They” are her bosses at Diamond Talent Management. Paisley’s official job title is Brand Coverage Assistant, but technically she’s a glorified gofer—she goes on coffee runs, makes a zillion photocopies and spends an insane amount of time scheduling meetings. I swear, the people she works for hold more meetings than the UN.

“Well, my cube has this little bulletin board on the wall. I’m allowed to put up pictures, so yesterday I brought in a few photos. You know, like the one of Mom and Dad that we love, where they’re kissing on the boardwalk? And one of the twins at baseball camp. And then I put up the one I took of you at the beach bonfire we had for your birthday last month.”

I have to fight the urge not to make a waving motion with my hand to tell her to speed up. Paisley takes forever to get to the point.

“Anyway, so get this! Jim Tolson is walking by my cube—”

“Who’s Jim Tolson?” I ask, breaking my vow of silence.

“He’s my boss’s brother. He manages some of the biggest musicians in the world.” Paisley is so excited her cheeks are flushed. “So he’s walking by, and he sees the picture of you on my bulletin board and asks if he could borrow it for a minute—”

“Ew! I do not like where this story is going.”

She shoots me a dirty look. “I’m not done. You promised to be quiet until I was done.”

I swallow a sigh. “Sorry.”

“So I’m, like, sure, go ahead, but just make sure to bring it back because that’s my favorite picture of my little sister. So he takes the photo and disappears into his brother’s office for a while. He’s got all these assistants in there and they’re all talking about your picture—”

Okay, now I really don’t like where this is heading.

“Something major is going down at the agency,” Paisley adds. “I have no idea what, because I’m a lowly assistant, but Mr. Tolson has been in and out, arguing with his brother all week, and they keep having these secret meetings in the conference room.”

I swear, if she doesn’t get to the point soon, I’m going to lose my mind.

“So at the end of the day, my boss—Leo—calls me into Jim’s office and they start asking me all these questions about you.” She must see my worried look, because she’s quick to reassure me. “Nothing too personal. Jim wanted to know how old you are, what your interests are, if you’ve ever been in trouble with the law—”

“Um, what?”

Paisley huffs in annoyance. “He just wants to make sure you’re not a criminal.”

Forget this vow of silence. I’m too confused to stick to it. “Why does this agent—”

“Manager,” she corrects.

“Manager...” I roll my eyes. “Why does this manager care so much about me? And you said he manages musicians—is he trying to sign me as a client or something? You told him I can’t carry a tune, right?”

“Oh, totally. That was one of his questions, if you had any ‘musical aspirations.’” She air-quotes that. “He was pretty happy when I told him you’re (a) not musical and (b) interested in becoming a teacher.”

“Is it a matchmaking thing then? Because, gross. How old is this dude?” I ask skeptically.

She waves a hand. “In his thirties, I think. And that’s not it.”

“Is there an it? Because I’m beginning to wonder.”

Paisley pauses for a beat. Then she blurts out her next words in one breath. “They want you to pretend to be Oakley Ford’s girlfriend this year.”

I spray the concrete steps with lukewarm coffee mixed with spit. “What?”

“I promise you it isn’t as bad as it sounds.”

She runs a hand through her ordinarily perfectly styled black bob, and I notice for the first time that her hair is sticking up on the sides. Paisley’s usually so polished, from the top of her shiny head to the tips of the flats that she buffs every night.

“Mr. Tolson thinks you’re perfect for the job,” she tells me. “He said you’re pretty but not in an over-the-top way. More like a natural, girl-next-door type. I described you as down-to-earth, and he thinks that will complement Oakley, because Oakley can be really intense sometimes—”

“Okay, let’s back up,” I cut in. “Are you talking about Oakley Ford, pop icon? Oakley Ford, the guy with so many girls’ names tattooed on his body he’s like a phone directory of former Victoria’s Secret models? Oakley Ford, who tried to depants a monk in Angkor Wat and nearly caused an international incident? That Oakley Ford?”

“Yeah, him.” She scrunches up her nose. “And he’s only got one tattoo of a woman’s name and it’s his mom’s.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Did he tell you that or did you make a personal inspection?”

Oakley’s nineteen and Paisley’s twenty-three, so I guess it could happen, but that’s kinda disgusting. Not because he’s younger, but because Paisley’s too awesome to be some celebrejerk’s castoff.

“Ew, Vaughn.”

“Look, if you’re serious, the answer is still no. In fact, there are so many reasons for me to say no that I don’t know if we have time for me to list them all. But here’s one—I don’t even like Oakley Ford.”

“You played his album on repeat for, like, three months.”

“When I was fifteen!” Oakley Ford was a phase. Like BFF necklaces and Hannah Montana. Plus, his antics got really unappealing. After the tenth or so picture of him making out with some random girl at a club, he got kind of slimy in my eyes.

Paisley runs her hand through her hair again. “I know this is your year off. And I want you to have that, I swear. But this thing isn’t going to take up very much of your time. An hour or two maybe every other day. A couple nights. A couple weekends. It’s the same as if you were waiting tables at Sharkey’s.”

“Um, aren’t you forgetting something?”

She blinks. “What?”

“I have a boyfriend!”

“W?”

“Yes, W.” For some reason, Paisley hates W. She says his name is stupid and that he’s stupid, but I love him anyway. William Wilkerson isn’t the greatest name to be saddled with, but that’s not his fault. It’s also why we call him W. “There have to be dozens of girls who want to pretend-date Oakley Ford. And why does he need a fake girlfriend anyway? He could probably walk down to the Four Seasons on Wilshire, point to the first girl that drove by and have her in a hotel room in five seconds flat.”

“That’s the whole problem.” She throws up her arms. “They tried the whole fake girlfriend thing with him before, but she fell for him and he broke her heart. I think half of the bad publicity the guy gets is because of her.”

“Are you talking about April Showers?” I gasp. “That was fake? Oh, man, I believed in ShOak. My childhood dreams are crushed.” I’m only half-kidding. Fifteen was a tough year for me, and not just because it was the year my parents died.

Paisley punches me in the shoulder. “You just said you didn’t like him.”

“Well, not after he cheated on April with that Brazilian swimsuit model.” I chew on the corner of my lip. “Fake, really?”

“Really.”

Hmmm. I might have to rethink my opinion of Oakley. Still, doesn’t mean I want to be the next fake girlfriend to be fake dumped and fake cheated on.

“So you’ll do it?”

I stare at her. “I make a couple hundred a night at Sharkey’s. You said before Christmas we were doing fine.” I narrow my eyes. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Last year I found Paisley crying at the dinner table at two in the morning. She admitted that Mom and Dad didn’t leave us in the greatest financial position. The insurance money kept us afloat at the beginning, but last summer she’d had to get a second mortgage to cover all the bills, and she was thinking of leaving college to get a job. Appalled, I sat down and made her go over everything with me, because she was a year away from graduating. I got my diploma early by taking summer courses, online ones to supplement my high school studies, and special permission from the school to take advanced classes. And then I found a job. Serving steak and iceberg lettuce wedges isn’t fancy, but it pays the bills.

Or so I thought.

“No. We’re fine. I mean...” She trails off.

“Then my answer is no.” I’ve never been interested in the other side of LA. It seems so artificial, and I do enough pretending as it is.

I have my hand on the screen door when Paisley drops her next bomb. “They’ll pay you twenty thousand a month.”

I spin around slowly, my mouth hanging open. “Are you effing kidding me?”

“Don’t swear,” she says automatically, but her eyes are bright with excitement. “And that’s for a full year of commitment.”

“That would...”

“Put the boys through college? Pay off both our mortgages? Make everything easier for us? Yes.”

I blow my overgrown bangs out of my face. This proposition is insane. I mean, who pays such an obscene amount of money to some random girl to pretend to be a pop star’s girlfriend for a year? Maybe that’s normal in the entertainment industry, but I grew up with parents who were elementary school teachers.

I suddenly wonder what Mom and Dad would say if they were alive to hear this crazy offer. Would they encourage me to do it, or tell me to run, run for my life? I honestly don’t know. They were all about exploring new opportunities, taking the road less traveled. It was one of my favorite things about them, and I miss my fun-loving, impulsive parents. I miss them a lot.

That said, their love of spontaneity is part of the reason why we’re hurting for money.

“An opportunity like this doesn’t come along every day, but you don’t have to say yes,” Paisley assures me. Her words say one thing; her strained tone says another.

“How long do I have to think about it?”

“Jim Tolson wants an answer tomorrow morning. And if it’s a yes, he wants you to come to the agency to meet with him and Oakley.”

Oakley. Oakley frickin’ Ford.

This is...nuts.

“Fine, I’ll think about it.” I let out a breath. “You’ll have my answer in the morning.”

Twenty thousand dollars a month, Vaughn...

Yeah. I’m pretty sure we both know what my answer is going to be.

HER

I said yes.

Because (1) It’s a lot of money. And (2) It’s a lot of money.

Guess that makes me a kinda sorta gold digger? I’m not sure if my situation fits the exact definition, but I can’t deny I feel like one as I follow Paisley into the elevator the next morning.

Diamond Talent Management is an entire building. Not just a couple of floors, but an entire glass-covered, needs-an-elevator-and-a-security-team building. The scowly but hot guards with the earpieces give me the willies, but Paisley walks by them with a wave. I copy the motion. I kind of wish I hadn’t had that second cup of coffee this morning. It’s sloshing around in my stomach like a tidal wave.

The elevators are a shiny brass, and there’s a guy in a suit whose only job appears to be spraying them constantly with cleaner and wiping them down. He’s got a jaw that would look good on the side of a mountain and a butt tight enough to rival any football player’s.

Paisley gets off on the sixth floor, which is emblazoned with Music Division in big gold letters on a dark wood backdrop. The receptionist is more beautiful than half the actresses on the tabloid covers. I try not to gawk at her perfectly outlined lips and wicked winged eyeliner.

“You’re staring,” Paisley mumbles under her breath as we pass the reception desk.

“I can’t help it. Does Diamond only hire people who could star in their own movies?”

“Looks aren’t everything,” she says airily, but I don’t believe her because clearly Diamond requires photo applications. Gotta be beautiful to work in show biz, I guess, even if you’re behind the scenes.

We’re ushered into a huge conference room, where I stop in my tracks. It’s full of people. At least ten of them.

I quickly scan the table, but I don’t recognize anyone, and the one person I would recognize—and who this meeting is about—isn’t even there.

A tall man with dark hair and plastic skin stands up from the head of the table. “Good morning, Vaughn. I’m Jim Tolson, Oakley’s manager. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

I awkwardly shake the hand he extends. “Nice to meet you, too, Mr. Tolson.”

“Please, call me Jim. Have a seat. You, too, Paisley.”

As my sister and I settle in the chairs closest to his, he goes around and makes a bunch of introductions I can hardly keep up with.

“This is Claudia Hamilton, Oakley’s publicist, and her team.” He gestures to a redhead with huge boobs, then at the three people—two men and a woman—flanking her. Next, his hand moves toward three stone-faced men on the other side of the table. “Nigel Bahri and his associates. Oakley’s lawyers.”

Lawyers? I cast a panicky look at Paisley, who squeezes my hand under the table.

“And finally, this is my assistant Nina—” he nods at the petite blonde to his right “—and her assistants. Greg—” a nod to the African-American guy to his left “—and Max.” A nod to the slightly overweight guy next to Greg.

Jeez. His assistant has assistants?

Once the introductions are out of the way, Jim wastes no time getting down to business. “So, your sister has already provided you with some details about this arrangement, but before I tell you more, I have some questions for you.”

“Um. Okay. Hit me.” My voice sounds unusually loud in this massive conference room. The echo feels endless.

“Why don’t you start by telling us a little about yourself?” he suggests.

I’m not sure what he wants me to say. Does he expect me to recite my life story? Well, I was born in California. I live in El Segundo. My parents died in a car accident when I was fifteen.

Or maybe he wants trivia-type stuff? My favorite color is green. I’m scared of butterflies. I hate cats.

My confusion must show on my face, because Jim gives me a few prompts. “What are your interests? What do you aspire to do after high school?”

“Oh, I’m done with high school already,” I admit.

I don’t miss the way Paisley’s lips curl slightly at the reminder of W. Ugh. One of these days she’s going to have to suck it up and accept that I’m in love with the guy.

“Yeah, I have a boyfriend,” I reply awkwardly. “And actually, my Twitter and Instagram have lots of pictures of the two of us.”

Jim turns to Claudia, who falls silent. I can see the wheels in her bouncy head turning and turning.

“You’ll announce a breakup on your social media,” she decides. “We’ll spend two—no, three, weeks focusing on the split. First will be your despondent post announcing the end of the relationship, then we’ll document your grieving process, how you’re so upset and—”

“Listening to Oakley Ford’s albums on repeat,” one of the assistants finishes animatedly.

Claudia’s eyes light up. “Yes!” She claps her hands together. “Oakley’s music pulls you from the dark abyss of heartache.”

I almost gag.

“And that’s what inspires you to draw his face, which leads to our social media meet-cute.” She glances at Jim. “It still works.”

He looks pleased. “All right. What about Vaughn’s appearance? How do we feel about that?”

Everyone at the table swings their heads toward me. Their gazes pierce me, assessing me like I’m a specimen under a microscope. My cheeks heat up, and Paisley squeezes my hand again.

All of a sudden, the critiques start pouring in.

“The bangs are too long,” Claudia chirps. “We’ll trim them.”

“Hair itself needs a trim, too. And that shade of brown looks too fake.”

“It’s my real hair color!” I protest, but nobody’s listening to me.

“The honey-brown eyes are nice. I like the gold flecks. We’ll forgo colored contacts.”

“Shirt’s a little too baggy. Are your shirts always this baggy, Vaughn?”

“Isn’t normal what we are going for?” someone disagrees. “If we make her pretty, then the fans won’t be able to relate.”

I have never been more humiliated in my life.

“Oh, one last thing,” Claudia says suddenly. “Are you a virgin?”

Scratch that—it’s possible to be more embarrassed. There are a few coughs from other people at the table. Jim pretends the traffic in the hallway outside the room is fascinating, while the lawyers all stare stone-faced down the length of the table.

“Do I have to answer that?” I cast a dark look at my sister, who shakes her head.

“That can’t be important,” Paisley says to the man who’s more or less her boss.

Jim ignores her. Clearly this question is one he wants the answer to, as well.

I want to hug her for standing up for me. I’m pretty sure my cheeks are officially as red as Claudia’s hair.

“If you’re worried there’s some sort of sex scandal in Vaughn’s past, don’t be,” my sister assures the table. “Vaughn is the definition of good girl.”

I don’t know why, but Paisley’s view of me kind of stings. I mean, I know I’m not Miss Badass, but I’m not a Goody Two-shoes, either.

Claudia shrugs. “We’ll do a thorough background check, nonetheless.”

Background check? My sex status shows up in someone’s report? I’m about to burst in outrage when Jim steps in.

“All right, I think we can all agree that this arrangement shows promise.” He clasps both hands together and glances at the lawyer section of the table. “Nigel, why don’t you and the boys draft a rough contract and jot down any negotiation points you anticipate? Oakley will be here in an hour, so we can get into the finer details then.”

I frown. We’re all just supposed to wait around for an hour until His Majesty gets here? And now that I think about it, do I need a lawyer? I whisper the question to Paisley, who voices the question to her boss.

“The contract will be very straightforward,” Jim assures us. “Basically, it will state that you’ve agreed to enter into a service contract and that should you, at any time, no longer be able to perform your duties, the contract can be terminated. Any goods or monies received up to that time are yours to keep.”

I bite my lip. This is starting to feel exceptionally complicated. But I guess when twenty thousand dollars—a month!—is involved, I should have expected complicated.

“How about this?” Jim suggests. “Why don’t we sit down with Oakley and go over the contract details? Then you can read the agreement Nigel’s firm drafts, and then you can decide where we go from there.”

“Okay,” I answer, because that sounds very reasonable despite the ridiculousness of the situation.

Next to me, Paisley winks and gives me a not-very-subtle thumbs-up of encouragement. I shoot her a wan smile in return.

If I just remember why I’m doing this—so my brothers can go to college, so Paisley can stop worrying about how we’re going to pay the bills... If I can just keep focusing on all that, then maybe I’ll stop feeling like I’m going to throw up.

HER

I’m hungry and my stomach’s been announcing that fact for the last thirty minutes. Still, no one suggests we take a break for lunch, even though it’s close to noon and Oakley Ford still hasn’t appeared. It’s been two hours. Jim and the lawyers have left the room, but everyone else is glued to their chairs.

“Here’s a granola bar. And a Coke.” Paisley sets the snacks on the table in front of me.

“No wonder you like working here,” I joke. “The free lunches are so fancy.”

But since I’m starving, I shove half the bar in my mouth—at the exact same moment that Oakley Ford throws open the door.

Two burly guys with arms like tree trunks follow him inside. One plants himself next to the entrance while the other trails behind the singer. I barely notice Jim and the lawyers entering and closing the door, because I’m too busy staring at Oakley.

He’s taller than I thought he’d be. Everyone in Hollywood is short. Zac Efron is barely taller than my five-six. Same with Daniel Radcliffe. At six-four, Ansel Elgort is a veritable giant. Oakley looks to be Elgort-size, but with way more muscles.

He’s even hotter in person. It’s not the sandy-blond hair spiked up in the front and cut short in the back. Or his moss-green eyes. Or his chiseled jaw. He actually has an aura. You hear of things like that, but until you’ve experienced it in person, you don’t believe it exists.

But he has it.

Everyone in the room is responding. People are sitting up and straightening their clothes. I dimly register Paisley smoothing her perfect hair into place.

And I can’t look away.

Oakley’s jeans are low enough that the brand of underwear he’s wearing is visible as he reaches across the sideboard to grab a bottle of water. His arm muscles are defined enough to be noticeable, and I watch in fascination as the right biceps flexes when he twists the bottle cap off. Those muscles remind me of the shirtless spread he did for Vogue a couple of months ago. It was all over the web because the editorial spread had one shot of him in underwear only, and the size of his crotch got everyone speculating whether he stuffed a sock down his shorts.

I forget I’m eating my granola bar. I forget that I’m sitting at a table with a bunch of lawyers. I forget my own name.

“Sorry. Traffic,” he says before settling in the seat at the very end of the table. The bodyguard stands at his shoulder.

I find myself nodding, because LA does have horrible traffic. Of course this beautiful god wouldn’t make us mere mortals wait for him because he was doing something—is his hair wet? Did he just shower? Is it getting hot in the conference room?

This is Oakley Ford and I did listen to his album on repeat when I was fifteen. And fine, I might have harbored a teeny-tiny crush on him, which was why I was so upset when he cheated on his girlfriend. His fake girlfriend.

Which I’m going to be.

Fake.

I don’t like fake, but I’m good at it. Faking things, that is.

Paisley nudges me.

“What?” Then I realize I still have the stupid granola bar hanging out of my mouth.

A quick scan of the room reveals that everyone has noticed this. Claudia wears a worried expression. Jim is resigned. I don’t want to look at Oakley, but I do anyway. His face shows a cross between horror and fascination. The glance he throws his manager definitely says You’ve got to be kidding.

The only thing to do is act like I don’t care. I bite off the bar and start chewing. The health bar, never an appealing item to begin with, tastes like cardboard. Everyone watches me, and I chew even slower. Then I take a big swallow of Coke before wiping my mouth with the napkin that Paisley miraculously produces. I’m certain I’m redder than the receptionist’s lipstick, but I pretend that it’s no big deal. See how good I am at acting like everything is perfect?

“So this is her?” Oakley waves a hand in my general direction. I’ve heard him speak in interviews before, but his voice sounds even better in person. Deep and raspy and hypnotizing.

Jim hesitates and then looks down at his phone. Whatever he sees there stiffens his resolve. He sets the phone down. “Oakley Ford, this is Vaughn Bennett. Vaughn, Oakley.”

I start to rise and hold out my hand, but stop halfway out of my seat when Oakley leans back and clasps his hands behind his head.

Okay then.

Suddenly all my nervousness and embarrassment drain away. Relief settles in their place. I take another sip of my Coke. Surprise, surprise—Mr. Famous is a total jerk.

For a moment there, I felt like I was in danger of being sucked in by his magnetism. That I’d forget W, the money, April Showers, Brazilian supermodels and become caught up in his force field. But a guy who mocks me because I had the nerve to eat a granola bar while we all waited on his late ass? Who doesn’t have the courtesy to shake my hand?

There’s no way I’d ever fall for a guy like that.

I sneak a look at Paisley, who’s smiling slightly. She must have had the same concerns.

“So are we going to talk about terms? Like, what are my work hours?” I ask coolly, cradling the pop can between my hands.

“Work hours?” Claudia echoes, a tiny furrow appearing on her forehead.

“Yeah, since this is my job.”

She titters. “Not a job, more like a...”

“Role?” one of her assistants offers.

“Yes. A role in a long, romantic movie. And you’re the two leads.”

I feel actual bile rise up in my throat.

Oakley grumbles with impatience. “Let’s get on with it.”

Quickly, Claudia outlines our meet-cute with the drawing and the Twitter stuff. When she’s finished, Oakley yawns.

“Sure. Whatever. You’re going to handle it, right?”

“Well, not me, but Amy here will.” Claudia tips her head to the raven-haired woman on her right.

Amy holds up her phone in acknowledgment.

“Great.” He slaps his hands down on the table. “Then we’re done?”

Seriously? I waited over two hours and got only a granola bar and an extra serving of humiliation for this five-minute demonstration of how Oakley Ford isn’t even going to participate in this charade? Instead, I’ll be fake flirting with the assistant of one of his media people.

I turn to Paisley, who gives me a small, rueful shrug.

“No. We’re not done,” Jim barks from the other end of the table. The two of them exchange glares, but whatever power Jim holds over Oakley, it’s enough to get the young star to resettle into his chair.

“Let’s hear the rest of it.” He makes a tired gesture toward Claudia.

She picks up her notepad. “We’ll need the first date. We don’t think you should have any physical contact until after the third—” she looks at her assistants and then at Jim “—fourth date? I mean, we’re trying to sell this as a wholesome romance.”

Everyone starts throwing ideas out about when and how the touching will happen. Someone says he should kiss me on the forehead. Another suggests a hand on the small of my back. There’s another vote for hand-holding.

I’m still struggling with the concept of any touching when Paisley, the traitor, asks, “When did you and W start holding hands?”

Before I can answer, Oakley jumps in, snickering softly. “You dated a guy named W?”

“So what?” Wow. His first words to me are to make fun of my boyfriend’s name? It’s like Oakley’s trying to get me to dislike him.

“Sounds like a pretentious asshat.” He leans back in his leather chair and folds his arms across his chest. The action makes his biceps flex again.

I drag my eyes away. “Okay, Mr. I-Name-All-My-Albums-After-Me Ford.”

Someone at the end of the table gasps at my audacity, but Oakley’s unfazed by my insult. “Even Madonna has a full collection of letters in her name.”

“W is not pretentious.”

“If you say so.” He smirks.

“I do. He’s awesome. And sweet.”

“So why’d you break up with him?”

“I didn’t,” I say indignantly.

His brow creases. “So he broke up with you?” He sounds...confused. Like that doesn’t make sense to him.

“He hasn’t!”

Oakley shifts to Claudia. “So my down-to-earth, wholesome, normal girlfriend is a cheater?” He raises his eyebrows. “That’s gonna go over well.”

“Oh, you mean the fake breakup,” I say. For a minute there, I’d forgotten.

He looks like he wants to roll his eyes, but refrains.

“He’ll break up with her tomorrow. The sooner, the better. We’ll give it approximately two weeks after the breakup, and then she’ll Tweet you the drawing. Then there’ll be a series of dates, but no touching.” Claudia turns to me. “When did you have your first kiss?”

“Ever?” I realize it’s a stupid question, but my mind is stuck on the breaking up with W bit. I haven’t thought this whole thing through. I’ve been so focused on the money and how we’d be able to pay off the mortgage, pay for the twins’ college, allow Paisley to sleep better at night, that I hadn’t given any thought to the actual details of how this whole thing was going to work.

“Yeah, ever,” Oakley says, and this time he does roll his eyes.

These personal questions suck. “When was yours?” I counter, still focused on the W issue. Lately, he’s been pulling away. He says it’s my fault that I don’t act like an adult about our relationship because I’m still refusing to have sex with him.

“With tongue? I think I was eleven. It was with Donna Foster, the daughter of my dad’s side chick.”

My eyes grow wide. He French-kissed at eleven? I still thought boys had cooties at that age. Oakley would probably pee with laughter if he knew I was a virgin.

“You?” he prompts.

“Um...” Jeez, now I’m even more embarrassed, but for another reason. “Sixteen,” I mumble.

“How sweet. Just like the saying.”

I curl my fingers into fists. If Claudia’s team wasn’t sitting between the two of us, I might’ve reached over and smacked his smug smile off his smug face.

Paisley grips my hand, an unspoken gesture for me to get it together.

Even Claudia must sense that my patience is coming to an end. Hurriedly, she says, “Let’s do hand-holding on the third date and then a kiss on the fourth date. We’ll keep the first couple of dates under wraps, but leak the later ones to the paps.”

“Hold up, we’re going to kiss? I have a boyfriend,” I remind the room. “No one said there’d be kissing.”

“We’re gonna have a year-long relationship and we don’t kiss? Why don’t we just announce that it’s fake from the beginning?” Oakley mocks.

“But...but...” Yeah, I definitely didn’t think this through. I quickly turn to Paisley for help.

She grimaces. “They’re right. No one is going to believe that you and Oakley haven’t kissed. Not if you’re serious.” Her tone is apologetic, but her words don’t provide me any relief.

“You don’t expect me to...” I trail off, not able to bring myself to say the words out loud.

“Of course not,” Jim interjects briskly. “We’re not that kind of agency.”

He tries to play it off as a joke, but, um, they kind of are. They’re hiring this guy a girlfriend and they expect us to kiss.

How am I going to explain this to W? Sorry, babe, not willing to have sex with you yet, but I’m going to kiss another guy. In public.

That will go over well.

Claudia leans forward. “This is no different than if you were acting on a television show. Remember, you’re playing a part in a big love story.”

Her assurance doesn’t help, either. I may not know what I want in life. I may just be telling everyone I want to be a teacher because that’s easier than admitting I’m clueless about my future and that I’d rather hide as a waitress for the next five years. But I do know that the entertainment industry doesn’t interest me.

Paisley squeezes my hand again, probably to remind me why I’m doing this. By playing the role of a girlfriend, I get to lift the burden off my big sister’s shoulders and provide for my brothers. It’s not like I’m signing my entire life over. It’s just one year.

“What do I need to do?” I ask, feeling resigned.

“Just a few kisses, some hand-holding. It’s nothing, really.” Claudia waves her hand airily. “And it doesn’t need to be in the contract other than some general terms about physical contact when necessary.”

“Does any of this need to be in the contract?” Oakley sounds annoyed.

“I agree. If this ever got out, it would be terrible for Oak’s image,” Jim points out.

“The terms need to be specific so that the girl can be held to them,” one of the suits replies. Then he and Jim engage in some furious whispering until the lawyer presses his lips together in unhappy surrender. “Fine, it can be general, then. A general contract of employment.”

Once that’s decided, Claudia returns to her list. I wonder how long it is. I glance at the big white clock on the wall. It’s going on three hours and I’m exhausted.

“Let’s talk about her look again.”

“I’m not changing my look,” I mutter. “I like my look.”

I like my comfy skinny jeans, assortment of colorful T-shirts and the Vans that W and I doodled on during morning advisory last spring. The sneakers are filled with details marking our favorite dates. There’s a wizard’s wand along the left sole because we’re both Harry Potter fans. Then there’s the light post to signify the Urban Light display on Wilshire, where W kissed me for the first time. Where there was definitely tongue. His initials are on the back of one shoe and mine are on the other. He has a pair of them, too, but he doesn’t wear his. He says he doesn’t want to ruin them.

“You have a look?” Oakley raises his eyebrows.

“Yeah, and it’s better than yours,” I retort, tired of his attitude. “Would it kill you to wear pants that actually fit around your waist? No one wants to see your underwear.”

“Baby, everyone wants to see my underwear. I get paid a hundred grand per pap pic.”

“Baby?” I scoff.

He leans forward, threading his surprisingly elegant fingers together. “Don’t like that one? Pick another, then. You’re my girlfriend,” he reminds me mockingly.

“So you’re into infants?”

“What?” He rears back. “No. Fine. How about—” he pretends to think and then snaps his fingers “—old lady?”

“Great.” I give him my fakest smile. “I’ll call you...dick cheese.”

“Vaughn, gross,” my sister interjects.

Oakley covers his mouth. I swear I see a smile. I wait for his response and I’m not disappointed. “I have no problem with that, crabby patty.”

“All right, that’s enough of that. None of this needs to be in the contract.” Oakley’s lawyer rattles his papers in agitation.

I turn back to Claudia. I’ve given in on the kissing. On the dates. On this made-for-the-media breakup with my boyfriend, but no way am I going to let them change my look. I’ve got to fight for something. “I thought you wanted a normal girl. I’m a normal girl. This is what some normal girls wear.”

When Claudia and Jim exchange a glance, I know I’ve won this one. They agree to keep my look...for now.

“But when we take pictures, at least let us do your makeup. You’ll want us to,” Claudia promises.

Um. That doesn’t sound ominous or anything.

The negotiation goes on. When will our first official picture be released? Where will the dates take place? Will I go to an awards show with him? How about fashion week in New York? How often should I be seen with him? Every day? Every other day?

Oh, and I would not get Oakley’s phone number. Like I care.

But I still find it weird, because what nineteen-year-old isn’t allowed to give his number to his own girlfriend? And how does he communicate with his friends? Wait—does he even have friends? Or are they all fake like me?

I peer at him from underneath my lashes and feel a pang of sympathy. Oh, brother. Am I actually starting to feel sorry for him? I think I might be.

But then my stomach growls and reminds me that we’re still mad. And unfed.

“You’ll text Amy or me if you want to get ahold of Oakley,” Claudia says.

“I feel like I need my own people. My people can text your people,” I joke.

No one laughs. Instead, Claudia looks like she’s seriously considering it, but then decides against it. “No, I think two nonteens Tweeting each other and commenting on Instagram would appear too contrived. And your voice, we want to preserve that. Whereas Amy has been running Oak’s page for a couple of years now.”

I have a voice?

“Whatever.” I’m exhausted and hungry. One granola bar wasn’t enough, and my stomach rumbles again to alert everyone to that fact.

“Is the granola bar all you’ve had today?” Oakley asks.

A burst of surprise jolts me. Out of all the people in this room, Oakley’s the one to ask? “I had breakfast, but I like to eat like a normal person.”

A faint smile touches his lips. “Jim, we need to eat.”

“Oh, sure.” Jim turns to Paisley. “Run and get us one of everything from the café across the street.”

I see a chance for fresh air and an escape. “I’ll go, too.” Not to mention that I don’t want to be here without Paisley.

“Oh, no, we’ll need you here,” Jim objects.

“I’m sorry,” I murmur to my sister. She doesn’t need to wait on me.

Paisley laughs. “It’s my job, silly. I’ll be right back.”

She trots out like she’s glad to be out of there, while I watch her exit and wish I could go with her.

On the other side of the table, Oakley leans back, crosses his arms again and looks smug, like he cured world hunger. “Well?” he prompts.

“Well, what?”

“Aren’t you going to thank me?”

“Why? Paisley’s the one getting the food.”

“You wouldn’t be having lunch without me.”

I point to the clock. “I’ve been sitting in this conference room for five hours. Prisoners in maximum security receive better treatment. If it weren’t for you, I’d be lying on the beach rereading The Handmaid’s Tale and I would have eaten something. But sure, thank you for alerting your manager to send my sister to get me food.”

He doesn’t like my smart-ass response. “It’s too cold for the beach.”

“I never said I was going to swim.” I speak in the same tone I use when I tell my little brothers they’re acting like immature idiots.

“Why are you at the beach, then?”

I gape at him. “Why does anyone go to the beach? Because it’s awesome.”

“If you say so,” he responds, but the smugness he’s previously displayed is dialed down a watt as if my reasons for liking the beach are important...or even interesting. Or he might be confused about why I’d choose to go there rather than sit five feet away from his holy presence.

But I’m not going to tell him.

Instead, I drain the rest of my Coke, slam it on the table with more force than necessary and then sit back and refuse to say another word.

Is it childish?

Oh, yeah.

But it feels really, really good.

#When It's Real #erin watt #book excerpts #ya book #ya reads

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