#but i feel like that meme where theres a child sitting on a toilet and someone brings them a birthday cake with candles and all

[tanasha-not-yet]

cedlock week day 4

yeah its already 6:52 here, wake up babe, i brought you a meme somewhere from rulanguage twitter

zero thoughts course through my head.. sorry guys ehh ill probly slow down already bc i dont have anything premade anymore and im the world's slowest artist

[mumofadaofficial-blog]

C Sections - The ‘Easy’ way out

Firstly, what I have titled this is bullshit :) 

Secondly, no matter what way you give birth to your child whether it be naturally, assisted, c-section etc you are amazing for doing so. Not only have you grown that tiny human with your own body, you then bring he/she into the world in whatever way possible or necessary at that time - so fucking well done you! 

My mum told me from the start that every pregnancy and birth has its own story - and that is so very true. No two are the same and each and everyone should be celebrated for the greatness that it is. 

My personal experience was via an emergency c-section and I want to share that with you. 

From day one I had it all planned out, I wanted a water birth and I wanted it all to be as natural as possible. Id seen on one born, various videos and pictures on the internet of that special moment when a mother holds their child for the first time, I wanted that and the closeness that came with it. Unfortunately, having to be induced and the aftermath that followed that obviously wasn’t the way my story was meant to go. 

When you get told you need to have a section your all systems go, your ready for it, you just want your baby out and safe. You and anything else in the world suddenly have no importance anymore and all you want is to hear those little baby cries.

I remember signing a consent form that I never read, I don’t remember getting undressed and putting a gown on so god knows who did that and I remember going into theatre where they were talking me through things and getting me prepped for surgery. 

I don’t know what they said to me, I really wasn’t listening. All I can remember asking again and again is where Nath was and why wasn’t he in there. (Of corse, like the movies he was getting all scrubbed up - dishy).

It was that moment sat on the edge of the table that the panic set in, you suddenly feel very alone in a room full of people. I became scared of what was happening and the thought that I was about to undergo the first major surgery I’d ever had. Jesus Christ, I’ve only ever broke my little finger before and thats when I was about 8, so this was big time. I was told to curve myself over a cushion whilst they injected my spine, then immediately laid down on the table, and asked to lift my legs - couldn’t do it, job done. Thankfully Nath had come in by then and I felt more relaxed like I could cope with what was going on. 

When it was all underway I can remember saying to Nathan that it felt like the doctor was making a pizza with my stomach 😂 He thought I was high! It’s the oddest thing, to be able to feel that someone is doing something, but to have no sensation whatsoever. Within about 15 minutes of entering the room, Ada was born. I then had to be sewn up which took about three times as long as the birth! Also, absolutely mortified that it isn’t like one born every minute where you have a gown covering your modesty. Nothing modest about realising afterwards that the doctors have just been staring at your vagina for the past half hour or so and it definitely wasn’t covered up. (I mean they probably wasn’t looking at it at all, but you know what I mean). 

I was took into a side room afterward for recovery where they fitted a catheter, what amazing things those are! Don’t even know you need a wee and that things filling itself up! Definitely don’t get confused with catheter and cannula when talking afterwards…done that far too many times and got some strange looks! It was then that the mum guilt started to set in, not only was I worried about Ada, I felt like I had failed her. Everything had been planned so perfectly in my mind of how I wanted it to go, and I felt like I had failed to deliver that to myself and my child. I felt like I wasn’t capable of giving birth, so someone else had to intervene and do it for me. (I realise now that I was stupid to think that and I did what I needed to as a mother, but I’m sure a lot of people who have had a section will understand where I am coming from). I’ve since seen a meme that said ‘I had an epidural, then I had a c-section, then I bottle fed, and now I’m sitting here at the playground wondering what all the guilt was about because my kid is just as weird as yours’ Oh so true!!

Then the time comes when you’ve managed to get some movement and feeling back into your legs and you have to stand up. Now I was told ’Stand with your legs, don’t push with your arms and don’t pull on your tummy muscles’ Easier fucking said than done Susan! (I don’t think her name was Susan, but it fits) You’ve just had your stomach muscles and womb sliced through, but just use your legs that also have no strength because there definitely a bit numb still but your desperate to get up and see your baby. 

Now when that aesthetic starts to wear off, I am not going to sugar coat it, its fucking painful. Your fully aware of whats going on down there even when you just breath, god forbid you need to sneeze or cough! I think I definitely got up and about too soon, I was dizzy and lightheaded and felt like the blood had drained out of me when I got back into bed after seeing Ada. And I happily accepted any drug they wanted to give me, I couldn’t tell you what they were but they helped, so thanks for that part Susan. 

The first night was a bit of a blur with how I was feeling because of everything else that was going on but I know simple things, like moving in bed and trying to sit up was hard work. I was given medication throughout the night by a midwife, who informed me I had been given some sort of super ibuprofen up my bum whilst on the operating table 😂 - which apparently I consented too but I had no idea, good work doc, didn’t even realise. 

The following day I decided I needed to have a shower and sort my life out, all whilst Nathan was doing a great job of whizzing me around the hospital backwards in a wheelchair because we hadn’t quite got the hang of it going forward. Thankfully there was a seat in the shower, I’d never of had the strength to be able to stand for that length of time. It’s at times like that when you realise how much you take for granted being able to do everyday things. I remember sitting there and crying out of frustration, feeling like a massive, naked, deflated beach ball. Good job Nathan loves me because no one should have to see that haha. He washed my hair, washed me and then helped me up and got me dry.  Graphic bit coming up…sorry. SO for anyone who ends up having a c section, make sure you take your pad and fresh knickers into the bathroom with you. I am saying this after learning a lesson, I did not, and was most shocked and mortified when it looked like Satan had released himself all over the bathroom floor. Nathan was pretty shocked too, he ran and got a midwife - apparently its all normal! So relax 😅

Something else that comes with c-sections…knee high compression socks. Now if your by yourself, you better ask for help. There is no way whatsoever that you will get them bad boys on single handedly after that op, Nath had to pretty much choke slam me into mine. Also, really not the best fashion accessory when its 30 something degrees outside…I think mine lasted about two days!

And then comes the dreaded day, the first poo 😳 Id been taking iron pills, three a day. To try and counteract the affect that they have on you I’d been given lactulose. Nothing was happening, I think probably 5 days past and then the urge came! I remember sitting on that toilet and wanting to push but there isn’t a single thing in your body thats gonna let you do that, so you just sit and wait, like your waiting for fucking Christmas. That was no bloody Christmas let me tell you, black poop! Straight on google to check I wasn’t dying…turns out, just the iron tablets 😂 

Totally never realised you have to have injections after a c section either, absolutely fine when the midwives are doing it for you, then you get discharged…AND YOU HAVE TO DO IT YOURSELF! Theres something really hard about trying to give yourself an injection in your stomach, id have to psych myself up about ten times before id actually get it done. 

Before I was discharged I had a lady come and do some exercises with me, and show me the correct way to cough e.g. holding your stomach. All fine as you know when your going to cough, but a sneeze! Oh lord, they just pop up out of nowhere, no preparation, nothing. I sneezed unexpectedly one night and was convinced I had split my stomach open, obvs Dr. Nathan checked the situation out for me - just being a drama queen as usual!

You are also told ‘Don’t do too much, and don’t lift anything heavier than a kettle for 6 weeks’ Pretty sure Ada came out weighing more than a kettle so that was that one buggered! I definitely used to do too much around the house, washing etc, but you know about it afterwards. I think for a good few weeks I just ached continuously, Getting off the sofa, sitting up in bed, walking upstairs could all be pretty hard work somedays. 

Bleeding, who knew you could survive after losing so much blood. And just when you think it’s stopped, BOOM, guess who’s back, back again! Another thing I googled to see if I was dying, I wasn’t, and good old google informed me that everyone is different but it can last for a few months on and off, GREAT! What a glam life us mums have. 

Personally I am gutted that I won’t experience a natural birth, the chances of me having another baby is currently slim to none and even then I would book in for a c-section because I am too scared of what could happen after Ada. 

I think the point of this is to be mindful of what you say to someone, e.g. the easy way out, too posh to push etc. Not everyone has a choice, the ideal birth they have created in their mind has been taken away from them, some people won’t ever get the chance to experience a natural birth, a contraction, that first hold. Some people might opt to have a c-section, and that is totally fine! We all have to do what is best for us and has our Childs best interest at heart. 

So whatever choice you make or have to make, do it for you and your baby - fuck what everyone else says, this is your story, not theirs. 

Amy x

[notconsolation]

could you answer....every number that isnt a prime number?

WHELP OKAY you masochist

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

I will answer this with respect to the water closet, which is the only closet I have ever had that has doors. In that case: open, because my cat likes to wander in and sit on the sink around midnight

4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?

No, but I do have a license plate that did not begin its life as mine

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?

Nope

8: Do you have freckles?

In the summer, yes, I live for them.

9: Do you always smile for pictures?

No

10: What is your biggest pet peeve?

people who try to offer help and solutions after I’ve specifically said i just need to rant at them. i get the impulse but i literally told you not to. please. please don’t.

12: Have you ever peed in the woods?

Is this Hozier’s kink

14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?

Depends on your definition of dancing

15: Do you chew your pens and pencils?

Nahhhh man

16: How many people have you slept with this week?

None but I’m going out tomorrow night so there’s time yet (there’s not time yet)

18: What is your Song of the week?

Hard Times (paramore)

19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink?

Why is this a question???

20: Do you still watch cartoons?

Rick and Morty

21: Whats your least favorite movie?

I want to say the Happening, but I love to hate it so….

22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?

I SEE THROUGH YOUR ASK MEMES. THE TREASURE IS MINE, CONTESSA VAN NEURENSTEIN, AND YOUE EVIL CRONIES HAVE NO CHANCE

24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in?

Sadness

25: What is your favorite food?

good god. sorrel today, nutella tomorrow and sashimi the day after that

26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love?

Princess Bride, singing in the rain, star wars original trilogy, lord of the rings trilogy, these are all i can think of right now

27: Last person you kissed/kissed you?

Don’t know his name

28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout?

I was very briefly a Pfadfinder, which is sort of equivalent? Just long enough to sail from Estonia to Latvia on a pirate style ship

30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?

Ooh well I have friend in New York that I wrote a postcard to a few months ago if that counts

32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket?

Can’t drive

33: Ever ran out of gas?

Can.t. vroom,, vroom

34: Favorite kind of sandwich?

rucola anything with rucola

35: Best thing to eat for breakfast?

Coffee. Whole coffee beans.

36: What is your usual bedtime?

Well I spend a lot of the day in bed sometimes so this is hard to gauge

38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?

Ehhh I think a witch? But also there was a memorable time when I dressed up as a very effeminate Italian man with mascara for chest hair and toilet paper tied around my neck as a mini scarf

39: What is your Chinese astrological sign?

Tiger

40: Are you horny?

*checks the direction of the wind* face southwest and try again

42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs?

Wtf are Lincoln logs

44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman?

Linoleum laminate

45: Ever watch soap operas?

TelenovNo

46: Are you afraid of heights?

Nope, I embrace the vertigo. I do however hate hate hatehatehate going up or down steep hills in cars

48: Do you sing in the shower?

Beat iitttt beat it (no I don’t actually)

49: Do you dance in the car?

hOW?!?!

50: Ever used a gun?

No.

51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

Well I mean do ultrasounds count

52: Do you think musicals are cheesy?

Yes but I don’t hate all of them

54: Ever eat a pierogi?

Da

55: Favorite type of fruit pie?

I’m gonna go ahead and count Apfelstrudel as fruit pie. Can’t actually think of any other fruit pie I’ve ever had though

56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

Something in the circus. I didn’t much care what.

57: Do you believe in ghosts?

Nope sorry I kind of wish I did

58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

Not exactly but I have sometimes had dreams that are just normal regular days and I wake up and go about my day until I remember the dream but I’m not sure if it actually was just a day that week or a dream and that feels a little like deja vu but I realize now that I’m talking about it that it’s actually completely different whoops

60: Wear slippers?

Barefoot and wild is how you’ll find me

62: What do you wear to bed?

Whatever t shirt/tank top I have around and some underwear. But um a lot of the time….. nothing

63: First concert?

Coldplay

64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

Never been to any of them but I recently found out that Walmart owns asda, which I go to sometimes, so I guess Walmart?

65: Nike or Adidas?

I have an old adidas hat but I don’t know what that means

66: Cheetos Or Fritos?

Chester is a sad mascot, children clap your hands and believe to make him happy again

68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?

Tres non

69: Ever take dance lessons?

Tres tres non

70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

@joncantsleep what do you feel like doing

72: Ever won a spelling bee?

This is a PSA for those of you who don’t know: spelling bees don’t actually happen outside of North America. German is a very spelling-friendly language, too

74: Own any record albums?

Sadly, no. Lots of cds though

75: Own a record player?

Nope

76: Regularly burn incense?

no, but my mother does, so it does feel like home when i smell it

77: Ever been in love?

              Mutuals

78: Who would you like to see in concert?

21p at! the chemical badland disco!!! but honestly so many people. top of the list are Hozier and TOP

80: Hot tea or cold tea?

hot, you philistine

81: Tea or coffee?

“coffee” she whispers in the dead of night, when the brits around can’t hear her

82: Sugar or snickerdoodles?

neither? but i like cinnamon

84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

there are? people who can?t do this??

85: Are you patient?

I’ll wait and see

86: DJ or band, at a wedding?

band. my own. mango headache.

87: Ever won a contest?

I think possibly some writing ones? i got language awards all through high school but i don’t think that was a competition

88: Ever have plastic surgery?

No I’m okay with the form of carbon that currently makes up my face for the most part

90: Can you knit or crochet?

no, i would be of little to no use as a wife in the 1600s scottish highlands

91: Best room for a fireplace?

a cold one

92: Do you want to get married?

well Jon and I are already married but face to face nope relationships are Not. My. Thing.

93: If married, how long have you been married?

O feel like a bad wife but i don’t know our anniversary help please

94: Who was your HS crush?

a teacher. don’t tell. tumblr dot com i am trusting you to keep my secrets

95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?

I was about to say I grew out of that but I don’t think I ever did it much as a child in the first place

96: Do you have kids?

Hard limit reached

98: Whats your favorite color?

I like grey-blue

99: Do you miss anyone right now?

My cat