#but i expect it'll be harder if i go with portraits since it's much more obvious when face proportions are off

[gwinverarrouz]

I've decided to try to do another monthly challenge! This time it’s “photo studies but I’m not allowed to use the eyedropper tool to pick the colours” which I came up with because backgrounds and colours are still intimidating and I would like them not to be so much. X)

Figured I would go with landscapes for the first batch, and probably building or interiors for the second, and then maybe portraits? We’ll see!

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

(1 hour each, references from pexels.com, putting some comparisons under the readmore if you want to see how well I did with the colour matching) 

:>

[ashmouthsquirrel]

This might be dumb, but when I feel like the space and feeling, is there from you again. I'm going to have to ask. Because in the end it's your decision, you've got the power in this situation. I want you plain and simple, I've laid that out. I've got long-term goals im going to work towards. But the question, my darling, is this can I give you a kiss. But it'll have to be more like.

"This might be dumb. But I feel like I have to ask because I want to respect your boundaries, well what I really want if for you to tear them away, for me. But it has to be your choice, your decision. Because it has to be what you want. Can I kiss you?"

I really miss just being able to kiss you whenever. It could have been a little peck or a nice long kiss. But it was always a reminder that you loved me. My favorite are the really passionate gentle kisses usually about 7 seconds is just perfect.

I told you a few times that it's important to me to give a kiss before you go to work. Or leave. The reason to me, and why i put so much value in it is this. It's something like a promise. Like though I leave you to yourself for now, I'll return with all this love.

Maybe I'll have to say that to you too. I needed that to be reassured of your love. Is that pathetic? Is it sweet?

I'm just trying to figure out what I want, what I need. And ways to tell you.

I love peaky blinders for how it paints this portrait of a real man, the subtle rules and moral compass of family over all else. And the absolute brutality of the heart and all its pains. Love. Loss. Purpose. And repose. so I'm going to use that quote again.

"I know what this is, it's just myself talking to myself about myself"

The better I know myself, the better I can be prepared to know you. And believe me, I want to know you. I can't handle the distance that came between us. Was it just because we got caught up in the struggle of life and started to lose faith in each other while we both faltered. It's easy to love when one or the other, preferably both, is doing well. But when you're both hurting, I think it can get really distracting. I know you went through a lot this year too it's not all about me.. im sorry i failed to be there for you because I had my shit sideways already. You were holding on until I broke you, then you broke me. And now we're both just trying to put our own pieces back together.

I want us to put the broken pieces of us back together.

And I want it sooner rather than later so there's not broken pieces of our family.

I love you. Always and forever. To the moon and back. I'm working on eliminating my vices so I can enjoy a longer healthier life with you and be around for our kids. I wish I hadn't made such a mess of myself. When I was little I wanted to be perfect to stay perfect. Hahaha talking about all the pressure the Mormon church put on me. When I rejected the church I rejected perfection. That shit can really fuck you up.

Beauty is in the flaws.

I'm conscious of and wanting to get better at being patient. Ryland can be particularly difficult. He's told me more than once he is trying to be annoying. Particularly when he's asking extra questions or what I would call playing dumb since he clearly knows what he's doing, when he is doing it to be annoying. I've got to find a way to get him to abandon that and recognize that it's cruel. And makes it harder for us to want to answer when he has actual questions. Should I situationally turn it around on him? Should I have a conversation about how it makes me feel? How it makes everyone feel? Should I have a constantly reinforced reminder phrase? I've tried all that What about when he doesn't care and needs a reaction? What if I tell him I'll play along and fake the reaction? Would that satisfy him and get him to stop?

This got longer than I expected. Stream of consciousness can turn into a river pretty quick.