#but i dunno…it just feels icky? to me to beg for information from someone even after they’ve sincerely apologized

[whenyoucallmelover]

.

[inkdemonapologist]

Okay but I do actually want to know both the things you love and the things you could rant about from DCTL?

OH BOY UHHHHHH okay lets see, I'm gonna see if I can do the "add a readmore after you post it" thing and see if that'll keep it stable.......

But also, much like Sammy, I am incapable of shutting up unless you strike me in the head with a blunt object, so uh, forgive my wordiness:

THINGS I ENJOY:

- DCTL gave us Sammy's ink addiction and like, if you had asked me before all this "what would you most like to see in a franchise?" I would not have answered "one of the characters drinks ink accidentally and then discovers that he can't stop" but boy that sure is my favourite concept that I LOVE to see handled literally any other way than how the book handled it!!!

- I like what it added to Tom and Allison and Norman!! Like, it's not big twists on their characters or anything -- we already knew Tom felt he was doing the wrong thing, so getting to see his CRUSHING GUILT over creating the machine isn't New Information, but it's nice to see and understand more of him; for all of them I feel a lot more attached to them after getting to see more of them as people.

- Like 90% of the "I LOVE IT" category for me is how the book handled Joey, and Buddy's relationship with Joey. The way Joey isn't a Sinister Mastermind Who’s Just Screwing With Everyone but just manipulative in a more mundane way -- someone who thinks of himself as just the guy with the vision to call the shots; he wants what he wants and this is how he's learned to get it; he exploits people not through devious schemes, but just by offering them something that they want or need and asking too much in return, expecting their loyalty for his favours. And the way he interacts with Buddy, making Buddy complicit with him and keeping Buddy off-balance and insecure while making him a favourite and treating him as Special is just PERFECT --  gives a lot of content to kind of extrapolate off of when pondering what must've drawn the others in and convinced them to ignore the red flags. I was initially frustrated with the idea of Buddy not being an artist and jUST DECIDING TO LEARN TO ANIMATE ON THE SPOT ("I've never done this before but I'm sure I can just do an artist's job" is a weirdly common throwaway thing in media and as an artist iTS A PET PEEVE) but actually the way they use his plagiarism to make him trapped in a lie in ways Joey doesn't even realise ends up being a neat echo of other employees (coughTOMcough), who were involved in much graver sins but suddenly felt they couldn't object or they'd lose their one chance, just like Buddy. There's a lot here that I think is really great.

OKAY THATS THE GOOD STUFF, LET'S COMPLAIN ABOUT SAMMY:

- Uncomfortable Bigotry Vagueness that we all knew was gonna be in this list -- I dunno man, a guy committing a microaggression and getting startled and defensive when he's called out for it doesn't necessarily completely ruin his character I GUESS, but the way this was handled is just SO WEIRD AND VAGUE that it's uncomfortable and it doesn't seem to serve any real purpose. "Is Tom black?" is a question I actually have to ask because the text sort of implies he is while also dancing around it and apparently Word of God said he's not??? which makes Buddy's comment nonsensical???? And I mean, you could go that route, since Buddy wonders to himself if Sammy talks to everyone like this -- HE ACTUALLY DOES!! Even within the text of the novel, he uses "Joey" instead of Mr. Drew, which is consistent with his audiologs in the game -- but that makes the writing suggest "this character THINKS this guy might be racist but actually they're reading too much into it and it wasn't racially motivated at all, he's just a jerk!!" wHICH IS SOMEHOW EVEN MORE ICKY??? Anyway like yeah I guess it's not inconsistent with his character that while Sammy Lawrence may not have any specific grudge against minorities he has probably not checked his privilege or done the work to challenge his own internal biases, but “Your Fav Probably Contributes To Systemic Racism In Ways He Hasn’t Considered, As Do We All When Our Assumptions Go Unchecked” is still a wild thing to wade through in a fun story about demonic cartoons

- but yknow so is T H E   H O L O C A U S T

- Sammy's voice is wrong. I'm actually okay with him being a weird awkward asshole, I already kind of assumed he was and that's part of why I like him!! but there's so many places he doesn't quite... talk like himself? And not just in terms of word choice, like -- so in his monologue at the end, he's described as talking so quickly that his words are "tumbling out faster than he can speak them," which initially seems fine; like yeah, that's a Standard Scene we're familiar with, the person who's been Driven Mad With Insight becoming more and more manic as they try to convey it -- until I tried to imagine it and realised that Sammy doesn't talk like this. That's a really consistent quality I always notice about his voice; whether he's almost giddily excited in prophet mode, or he’s his irritated and overworked human self, or he's violently angry and his voice has that echo effect -- he always speaks very deliberately. He enunciates carefully. There's some circumstances where I'd buy this as showing that he's Not Himself, but I feel like those would kind of need to be in the middle of his transformation, not at the end of it.

- In fact a lot of the scenes with Sammy kind of have this feeling -- that it's not necessarily an exploration of Sammy as a character, but that he is filling a trope or archetype role here. Once he's fully transformed he excitedly describes the process as more of a mental compulsion, which is in contrast to his weird yeerk-infected behaviour when trying to get ink from Miss Lambert. Both of those scenes don't seem wrong on their own because they fit tropes we know -- but they feel weird when you try to fit them together.

- I also just in general am not a fan of the ink acting like a weird yeerk. It can be a parasite I guess but when it starts overwriting and puppeting people and crawling around to enter their body that's just a completely DIFFERENT kind of supernatural story and it’s not what im here for!!!

- THE FREAKIN!!! HE WILL SET US FREE!!!! WHY????????? SAMUEL LAWRENCE WHAT IS HE SETTING YOU FREE FROM??????? Sammy has No Motive for any of what he's doing, other than just Ink Made Me Do It. The whole thing that was INTERESTING about Sammy as a character is the contrast between this frustrated, ornery musician with no specific love for the cartoons he works on, and the manically devoted cultist he becomes. What happened in the middle there? What made him desperate enough to shift his mindset so much? "Something supernatural made him do things that don't benefit him in any way" is a very boring answer to this question!!! Susie was a victim who implies that her transformation has forced her to do things she didn't want to do, but we can still see her motive -- she wanted to be Alice, so she took a sketchy offer to try to get what she wanted. Even now, her violence echoes that goal -- to be a more perfect Alice. What did Sammy want? WHO KNOWS. Even in his ink-addled state at the end, we don't understand what he hopes the Ink Demon will even do for him, and in fact he seems to be responsible for creating the very scenario he's begging Bendy to reverse in the game.

- [sighs loudly into my hands]

- Overall I'm left wondering if the author just..... didn't like Sammy Lawrence? And I don't mean that in the sense of him being a rude jerk -- like, Joey is not a good person, but the author seems to be interested in him and in what makes him tick. There doesn't seem to be that same interest in Sammy. Sammy's role in the story is that of a monster, transformed into something murderous, unable to prevent or choose it. He's not a victim of anyone but the ink, no one had to manipulate him or figure out how his brain worked or what he wanted or what he feared or give him any reason to do the things he does -- ink got in his mouth and overwrote his personality. And we don't even get to see that change, not really. He starts out angry and defensive and continues being angry and defensive up until his very last scene, denying his ink-stealing but not really much else. We see all his prophetic sketches but we never see hints of this in him, we never see him start to act more excited and hopeful, we never see him seek out the demon he desires to please. Why do we never see Sammy struggling between his dismissive angry front and a building religious fervour he can't quite suppress? We don't get to see any of the in-between. There's no interest at all in why or even what it looked like as Sammy became what he became, when, to be honest, I suspect interest in precisely that is one reason he's such a big fav.

- It's funny, in a "cries into my hands" kind of way, when Sammy is just knocked in the head while monologuing and immediately removed from the story without further mention, like...... that sure is the pattern with him, isn't it, he just tries very very hard and never actually gets to matter, but it also fits right in here, too, in this book that doesn't want to think about his motives -- he rambles nonsensically, explaining nothing, gets one trademark phrase, and then is hastily removed so the story doesn't have to think about him anymore.

...................I think that's most of it.

...

Y'all............ I'm not ready for Sent From Above.......... I'm just not.... I'm not emotionally ready...... like..... Sammy has to be in that right..... he’s Susie’s boss and she has that big crush on him..................................... I’m not ready

[fae-fucker]

Shatter Me: Chapter 7-9

Chapter 7

Juliette angsts about all the stuff she remembers from the time before the dystopia and about the fact that Adam isn’t speaking to her. I can’t remember why he’s pouting and don’t care enough to go back and look.

Juliette angsts some more about stuff we already knew about, like how her parents hated her and nobody knew why her touch was so bad. 

She is a walking weapon in society, is what the teachers said. We’ve never seen anything like it, is what the doctors said. She should be removed from your home, is what the police officers said.

Why is everyone in this world such an asshole?

I mean, sure, I get that it’s scary that a person can cause such horrible ... uh, well I dunno what, exactly, but this just feels forced as fuck. I’m hoping Juliette is an unreliable narrator and that there were nice people in her life, because making it seem like everyone hated her is just so ... cliché. 

It was obvious that this child, this BABY, had no control over her powers, and I don’t believe for one second that nobody took pity on her. Humans always want to pet things that can bite their heads off, and I can’t see how nobody would care for an actual human child who clearly had no control over what she was doing. 

But whatever man. Gotta make it seem like Juliette is all alone in the world so let’s just make everyone else a total asshole!

Anyway, turns out that Juliette was dragged away from her parents at the age of 14 after accidentally killing someone. Wait, she’s 17 now, and she’s been locked up for 260-something days, which isn’t even a year. So where has she been between here and when she was taken away?

I guess we’ll find out!

Suddenly the door opens and some dudes come in with guns pointed at them,

I’m still frozen in place. I should move, I should lift my arms, I should spread my feet, I should remember to breathe. Someone is cutting off my neck.

See, there it is again. This reinforces the idea that Juliette doesn’t actually believe the bullshit she spouts (if she did, she’d be imagining she’s choking to death and acting as such), so if we assume her “””””””””poetic”””””””” thoughts are just thoughts and not actual beliefs, then her stupid narration isn’t a result of her isolation. 

So it would be offensive to pretend her narration is supposedly the only product of 260+ days in solitary, but if it’s NOT EVEN THAT, then it’s even MORE offensive because she’s basically perfectly sane and has suffered no ill effects from this LITERAL TORTURE at all. 

This book is a fucking mess. 

Anyway, the dudes beat Juliette up for shits and giggles I guess, and she thinks they placed Adam there because she was supposed to be killed and he was going to get her cell. 

Someone is laughing. “Well aren’t you a little shit?”

That someone is me, because this is the silliest thing to say and apparently it’s supposed to be insulting or intimidating?

I call my friends “little shits”. 

“She’s not even crying,” someone adds. “The girls are usually begging for mercy by now.”

Oh man. Even this book manages to get some dumbass NOTLIKEOTHERGURLZ bullshit in, huh? 

LOOK HOW STRONK AND STOIC JULIETTE IS!!! SHE’S NOT EVEN BEGGING FOR MERCY, SHE’S TOO DIGNIFIED AND NOT LIKE THOSE OTHER IDIOTS WHO WANT TO LIVE!!!

The dudes make them both leave the cell to take them somewhere.

I can’t distinguish words I can’t understand the sounds I’m hearing the blood is rushing through my head and my lips are 2 blocks of concrete I can’t crack open.

[...]

I hope they kill me soon.

Same.

Chapter 8

Juliette wakes up in a room. What a surprise, huh?

Some military dude tells her to get up and follow him. 

He looks about 25 years old, blond hair cropped close to the crown, shirtsleeves rolled up to his shoulders, military tattoos snaking up his forearms just like Adam’s.

Oh. 

God. 

No. 

Adam steps into the doorway beside the blond and gestures with his weapon toward a narrow hallway. “Move.” 

Adam is pointing a gun at my chest. 

Adam is pointing a gun at my chest. 

Adam is pointing a gun at my chest.

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUN.

Adam is a soldier. Adam wants me to die.

Can’t blame him.

Death would be a welcome release from these earthly joys I’ve known.

I think at this point you’re so annoying that even Death doesn’t want to deal with you.

She’s taken to a room and ... Oh? What’s that I hear?

IS IT A HOT DANGEROUS BAD BOY HERE TO BE THE ACTUAL LOVE INTEREST?!

“Juliette Ferrars.” [...] “Weston, dim the lights and release her. I want to see her face.” The command is cool and strong like steel, dangerously calm, effortlessly powerful. 

[...]

I’m immediately struck by his youth. He can’t be much older than me. 

It’s obvious he’s in charge of something, though I have no idea what. His skin is flawless, unblemished, his jawline sharp and strong. His eyes are the palest shade of emerald I’ve ever seen. 

He’s beautiful. 

His crooked smile is calculated evil. 

[...]

His suit is perfectly pressed, his blond hair expertly combed, his soldiers the ideal bodyguards. 

I hate him.

[...]

His green eyes are almost translucent

His name is Warner. He acts like your typical snarky, evil, but secretly damaged love interest. 

Warner Bros. asks Adam (whose last name is Kent, if you’re interested) what he thinks about the impression he’s made on Juliette.

Adam says nothing. He doesn’t look in my direction. His body is erect, 6 feet of gorgeous lean muscle, his profile strong and steady.

“I know I’ve been in solitary for 260+ days, but what girl wouldn’t cream herself in the presence of gorgeous lean muscle, especially when she thinks she’s about to get murdered? I mean it’s only natural.”

The same arms that held my body are now holsters for lethal weapons.

Buckets for eyes and holsters for arms. This guy isn’t a human, he’s a Dalí painting.

Juliette asks if they’re about to kill her, and Warner says that he has a proposition for her. 

Is he gonna ask her to be his weapon or some shit.

Chapter 9

Warner Bros. tells Juliette that he’s been studying her for some time and wants her on his team so she can touch his enemies to death or at least intimidate them with the threat of her Bad Touch. 

“What?” A broken whisper of surprise.

Me reading this dumbass book.

“I’d been considering it for a long time, but I wanted to make sure you weren’t actually psychotic. Isolation wasn’t exactly a good indicator, though you did fend for yourself quite well.”

[...]

“I sent Adam to stay with you as a final precaution. I wanted to make sure you weren’t volatile, that you were capable of basic human interaction and communication. I must say I’m quite pleased with the results.”

Yeah, see? Solitary for 260+ days, which is literal psychological torture, didn’t do much to affect Juliette’s mind at all! She’s just so strong!!!

I love how this book acknowledges that “isolation” (SOLITARY CONFINEMENT) isn’t a “good indicator”, but then wiggles out of having Juliette turn out to be actually mentally ill as a result of this anyway. WOULD WANNA HAVE ANY ICKY CRAZIES ON THE CAST NOW, WOULD WE? OH BUT LET’S HAVE HER WAX POETIC ABOUT HOW SHE’S A SHATTERED RAINDROP, THAT’S JUST PRETTY AND DEEP AND CLEAN, NOT LIKE ACTUAL MENTAL ILLNESS.

I hate this fucking book. 

Someone is ripping my skin off.

I fucking wish.

Warner says that since Juliette got so attached to Adam, he’ll basically force Adam to be in charge of her at all times. Juliette angsts about how Adam didn’t actually care about her at all and wah wah, how sad, this boy she met a couple of weeks ago doesn’t actually give a damn about her!

I would excuse this as Juliette getting attached to the first person she meets in a long time, but we’ve already established that she’s not actually very affected by solitary confinement at all -- and her stupid comments about how hot he is don’t fucking help -- so this just feels forced. 

Warner says that if she works for him, she’ll live in luxury like he does.

“But if you choose to disobey? Well . . . I think you look rather lovely with all your body parts intact, don’t you?” 

I’m breathing so hard my frame is shaking. “You want me to torture people for you?” 

His face breaks into a brilliant smile. “That would be wonderful.”

The world is bleeding.

No that’s just my eyes. 

Holy shit, this book is so hilariously edgy and try-hard. We get it, Warner is sexy and morally grey and being evil is hot and Juliette is all sad about having to murder people, no need to clobber us over the head with this nonsense and meaningless, empty imagery.

Like, seriously. What is “the world is bleeding” supposed to convey here? What does this mean to Juliette? What emotion is she trying to describe, what are we supposed to take away from this sentence? What relevance does it even have to the previous information presented?

“Show her what she’s missing, would you?” 

Adam answers a beat too late. “Sir?” 

“That is an order, soldier.” Warner’s eyes are trained on me, his lips twitching with suppressed amusement. “I’d like to break this one. She’s a little too feisty for her own good.”

[...]

“You’re a monster.” My voice is too even, my body filled with a sudden rage. “Why don’t you just kill me?” 

“That, my dear, would be a waste.” He steps forward and I realize his hands are carefully sheathed in white leather gloves. He tips my chin up with one finger. “Besides, it’d be a shame to lose such a pretty face.”

I try to snap my neck away from him but the same steel-toed boot slams into my spine and Warner catches my face in his grip. I suppress a scream. “Don’t struggle, love. You’ll only make things more difficult for yourself.” 

Can’t wait for Warner’s bullshit redemption arc and for Juliette to either literally or figuratively suck his dick later. 

It’s ok though! He [pick an excuse here from the options presented below]

1) feels bad about this

2) is brainwashed

3) has to do it for her own good

4) doesn’t have a choice

5) will be justified later

6) will be forgiven later

Well, whatever. The chapter ends with Juliette being left in Adam’s care. 

I hate this dumb fucking book.