#but i don't intend on getting it unless I'm in a good place financially. it's not a high priority lolol

[oblitus-vulpes]

uh oh

[transmutationisms]

sorry could you explain your chatgpt essay thing again? i get the general gist of it (who cares if they cheat) but i still cant grasp it entirely as someone who hasnt experienced the college system 💔 i had thought that essays were a foundational part of undergrad education? and so cheating on that part would essentially mean that: a) their education/understanding is "invalid" b) it discredits the work of other people in the same system/their classmates c) their future publications/written work in academia are going to be of worse quality d) in cases of people going to non academia jobs, like being a doctor or a lawyer, this would negatively impact their clients e) they have bad work ethic = will not survive job industry

my guesses are that just in general theres no direct correlation between these things but ppl assume there will be? and that if a plagiarized essay ruins everything then the system wasnt rlly that good?

the only one im rlly unsure of is the second one, but i suppose thats always been a problem with any type of academic cheating amongst peers, and will persist unless academic rankings/validation of excellence/general attitudes toward "success" r also banished. still, while i rlly dont care abt anyone i know cheating on stuff like this lol, i cant help but empathize w students struggling under that same system feeling frustrated. tho Man seeing the lack of empathy they, in turn, can have with chatgpt users. idk, is it just a lose lose situation until you get through the system?

ok sorry again and also thanks

hi, no worries. let me try to break down my position here.

i had thought that essays were a foundational part of undergrad education

i mean, this varies widely by course / degree / department. but, even when it's true, it doesn't mean that the essay is inherently a valuable or helpful exercise. undergrad essays tend to ask for one of a few very formulaic responses and ways of structuring an argument. essays also often have a specific prompt, which can be better or worse in terms of its potential to generate engagement with the course / material. often professors who are getting a lot of chatgpt essays turned in are designing essays poorly (ie, asking for the types of formulaic responses that students find unengaging and unhelpful for their own academic development), and / or failing to provide instruction and support in how to actually write an essay.

on a more fundamental level, we often take for granted that essays are and should be foundational to an undergrad education, but i simply don't think this is self-evident or always true! what are we training students to do, and why? there are certainly jobs, career paths, and academic research areas in which essay-writing is an important skill. there are others in which it's not. the assumption that all undergrads need to demonstrate the same sorts of writing skills says more about the university and what pedagogues value than it does about those students' actual chances for future career success / financial stability. if we're designing assignments that, for many students, are mere hoops to jump through, then we shouldn't be surprised that many of them find ways to make the hoop-jumping faster and easier.

so cheating on that part would essentially mean that: a) their education/understanding is "invalid"

again, what i'm trying to get at here is larger questions about what we value in education, and why. it's true that if you don't practice writing the type of essay the academy demands of you, you won't learn that skill. but, why do we assume that skill is useful, valuable, or necessary in the first place? how many people actually need to write that way outside of undergrad classrooms? even for those who are intending to pursue a career in academia, the writing taught in undergrad should be, at best, a stepping-stone on the path to more effective and interesting means of written communication. once again, if the skill being mandated by the university is not useful for students, it should not be surprising that many of them resent having to demonstrate it, and turn to tools like chatgpt instead.

b) it discredits the work of other people in the same system/their classmates

this is an argument that many educators make, and i wholeheartedly disagree with it! first of all, i simply do not believe that student a's academic performance is relevant to the assessment of student b's. if a professor is grading that way, that's terrible grading and a terrible pedagogical philosophy. if a student has learned something from their coursework, that shouldn't be undercut or devalued by anything that their classmates have or haven't done.

what this type of argument points to on a deeper level is the fact that university degrees have acquired a sort of double meaning. although the university likes to propagate high-minded rhetoric about the intrinsic value of education, the degree granted is a class barrier that serves to allow certain people access to certain (usually promised to be higher-paying) jobs, and bar others from these jobs. this is a large part of what i'm talking about when i say that the university serves to perpetuate and enforce class stratification. and their narrative about degrees being markers of individual merit and achievement is undercut by the fact that they also plainly fear losing prestige status by granting degrees to those students considered 'unworthy'. if you can make it through an undergrad education without learning the skills the university purports to teach, that's a pretty massive indictment of the university—which, remember, is collecting a lot of tuition money for these degrees.

c) their future publications/written work in academia are going to be of worse quality

lots of assumptions baked in here—that undergrad essay-writing teaches 'good' (effective / clear) writing; that many academics don't already write poorly by these metrics; that aspiring academics have no other way of learning written communication skills (eg, outside of the academy, or in grad school).

d) in cases of people going to non academia jobs, like being a doctor or a lawyer, this would negatively impact their clients

firstly, i would again point out that in many non-academic jobs, academic writing is simply not a necessary skill; secondly, in both of the examples you cite here, these are people who need to go through a lot more schooling and training after undergrad, where they pick up what written communication skills they actually do need (eg, legal writing looks nothing like standard undergrad essay-writing anyway); thirdly, MANY people getting an undergraduate degree are intending to pursue jobs for which they need neither undergrad essay-writing skills, nor further higher education—there are so many reasons a person might want / need a college degree, and so many careers in which this specific academic skillset is simply not relevant for them.

e) they have bad work ethic = will not survive job industry

again, i think this is making some pretty big unstated assumptions! in general i don't really think that 'work ethic' (or the related 'laziness') is a useful way to try to evaluate people's behaviour, and this is a good example of one way in which it fails. if, like i said, we are dealing with a system in which people are told they need to receive a degree in order to have access to jobs they want and financial stability they need; and in which many of them are being forced to demonstrate a specific writing skill they may never need again and may have no interest in; and in which they are often not even receiving adequate training and help to learn and demonstrate that skill, even if they do want to; and in which they may be working other jobs, caring for family members, dealing with disabilities the institution does not provide support for, or any number of other life circumstances that make schoolwork difficult at best to complete; and in which a tool exists that may be able to help them complete some of this work freely and quickly... like, i simply do not fault students for using that tool!

there are so many points of failure in this system long before we get to this moment: the increasing pressure to get a college degree in the first place; the poorly designed curricula that prioritise skills considered 'standard' (for whom? why?) over skills that students actually need or want to acquire; professors who don't actually teach students how to write, yet expect them to turn in essay assignments anyway; specific essay assignments that are uninteresting and / or unhelpful to students; lack of support for students who are struggling with their workload or assignments in any number of ways (and no, 'come to office hours' is not adequate support for so many students and situations).

i simply do not care about people 'cheating' a system that is so fundamentally broken and unjust. it doesn't matter. the ability to write an undergrad essay is such an incredibly trivial and specific skill, and one that most people simply do not need. it doesn't make a person generally 'smarter' (fake concept) and certainly does not make them any more competent at the vast majority of jobs, careers, or general life skills. even for those very few who do need to know this specific thing, i reject the assumption that the university is the only way to learn it, or even a particularly effective way. once again, if chatgpt is successfully completing assignments, maybe those assignments weren't very good in the first place! and even the theoretical amazing professor is simply not able to counter all of the structural issues and inequities in the university system that produce students' desire to turn to tools like chatgpt in the first place. the textbot itself is simply not the issue here.

[qqueenofhades]

i’m sorry you’re getting all of us ~venting~ about this, but I gotta. i’m a journalist. i write for some major publications in my neck of the woods. i’m driven increasingly insane by how much colleagues believe in the Intrinsic Rationality of Man, and have these solemn discussion about how people wouldn’t be buying into all of this disinfo if only We Listened To The People’s Concerns Better.

i always find myself having to explain that my father was radicalized because his life was moderately inconvenienced by smoking bans & now everything science that inconveniences his life has got to be a conspiracy. that you are not getting his trust back unless you start publishing information that is objectively incorrect but 'feels' right. information that is actually against his best interest, and leads to short-sighted action that fixes nothing, but he just badly wants to believe is true.

i had a conversation with him recently where he went on another tear about how people were voting for these extreme right parties because They Were Oppressed and what else were they going to do? i snapped and pointed out that the folks he were linking were also responsible for talk and policy that’s actually oppressing trans people and who might move on to advocate for policies that would hurt me, a queer woman, and my friends. he went silent for a moment and said, 'well, i don't know anything about that world'.

and that was that.

I mean, this is the end result of the "ECONOMICALLY DISADVANTAGED" argument, which outlets like the New York Times were particularly fond of doing during the 2016 presidential campaign and after. They ran endless pieces on poor working-class white people planning to vote for Trump, with the framing that it was because of "economic concerns" that left them feeling like Trump The Business Maestro (except you know, not) would fix that. The implication was also clear that we were supposed to feel bad for them or at least rationally understand their vote for Trump, since they were Economically Disadvantaged and something something that made it clear why they would vote for him despite him being truly heinous in literally every way.

Except... nobody ever seemed to point out the obvious, which is that American working-class people of every race have been FUCKED by forty years of Republican and neo-Republican economics, and that's the reason they are Disadvantaged in the first place?? So the Republicans burned down their house and we're supposed to understand that they're voting for more Republicans to throw more fuel on the fire, and additionally act like Economic Disadvantage is the real problem, and not yknow, the racism, nativism, fascism, and appeal to the paranoia of white America that they need to stop any more Brown People from taking over after Obama? If they were in fact truly concerned about the Economy or their own personal fortunes in any way that made sense, they would vote for Democrats, but as I have said, they won't do that as long as the Democrats also intend to help or empower non-white people. They have been so snookered on triumphalist libertarian mythology about how the only Real Americans Pull Themselves Up By Their Bootstraps, rather than relying on the decadent and immoral government splashing out to "welfare queens" (another Reaganism that was often implicitly or explicitly synonymous with "black person") that they will steadfastly oppose even those policies which would personally help them. As we have discussed, the "conservatives are good for The Economy" myth is not just false but dangerously so, and yet it's still readily accepted and cited as a rationale to vote for them, or act like their horrific other beliefs and policies don't exist or have a real effect.

Anyway: I'm sorry you have to deal with that within your own family, but it is fairly telling as an example of the overall trend. After so long holding unquestioned social and cultural dominance and automatic priority to financial and economic resources, a lot of white people think that giving anything to anyone else is Oppression!! and morally justifies their vote for fascists, the same way "men's rights activists" think that any move toward equal opportunities for women is Sexism Against Men. Likewise, we exist in a ruthlessly individualistic and selfish Ayn Randian nightmare where the highest good is only for you, always, and fuck everyone else or any tiny sacrifice you might be asked to make to live in a collective society or value anyone else's comfort and safety. So fuck 6000 years of human history and working out how to live together and look out for each other, I guess. It's always just Me Me Me, the end.

[imo-chan-imagines]

『 As your boyfriend | BNHA Headcanons 』

From the good, to the bad, to the downright adorable.

Characters: female!reader, Aizawa Shouta

Tags/warnings: Boku No Hero Academia (anime), 18+, explicit descriptions of sex, smut, fluff, soft dom Aizawa, relationship, headcanons

⚠️ 18+ CONTENT! MINORS: PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT ⚠️

A/N: Right, so I'm simping for this man biG TIME, but I'm only on season 3, so no spoilers or anything, please. This is my first BNHA post (and it turned out way longer than I was intending 😅) Please let me know if you want more in the future!

Also, I have a repetitive strain injury, so typing stuff is taking a while at the moment. Sorry about that. Thanks for reading! Please enjoy ♡ ~Imo

☆ Aizawa Shouta ☆

I'm not going to lie. Shouta can be a big ol' grouchy pants sometimes, and it's basically impossible to win an argument against him makes you want to tear your hair out, sometimes

But most of the time, he's just tired and in pain, and he doesn't mean to be so crotchety

He's not the type to make excuses, though. That's childish. He means his apologies, even if they're simple

He'll normally initiate an apology by gently wrapping his arms around you from behind and resting his forehead on your shoulder 🥺

Physical contact is incredibly personal and intimate for him. He doesn't just touch anyone, or allow them to touch him

You're special 💞💫

Soft, gentle touches, like his fingers interlacing with yours, or his leg brushing up against you, are basically his way of saying 'I love you'

Catch me crying in the corner, a'ight? 😔

He rarely ever raises his voice. Like, ever he doesn't need to, and is aware that it can be scary

He's definitely the kind of guy to forget to tell people that you're dating, simply because he doesn't see how it's relevant or anyone else's business 🤦‍♀️

I mean, he ain't wrong, but–

And his mood switches between 'antisocial' and 'clingy' like a mechanical metronome did someone say 'cat'?

Sometimes, you'll be lucky if he speaks more than three words to you together in a whole day nothing personal 🤷‍♀️

But on other days, he literally won't let you out of his arms for the world he's complicated, okay?

You have missed many a parcel delivery because he wouldn't let you get up from his lap to answer the door 🙄😂

Boundaries and responsibilities are key and highly respected by Shouta, and he would NEVER erase your quirk without your permission, unless he literally had no other choice like someone's going to get hurt, or something

Is generally quite serious so what's new? but you're one of the few people he can relax around when he feels like it

9/10 of his jokes are dad jokes 😎 hell yeah

Takes a hard stance in financial debates, but is constantly broke af 😶 says he'll buy you dinner and presents you with some instant noodles with a 'Reduced To Clear' sticker on them

Will take a bite of your food/steal some off your plate without asking, and literally say nothing to defend himself #gremlin

Is incredibly shy and uncomfortable about being ~le horny~ until you've been together for literally forever

Even then, he's still shy about it when he has to bring it up and it's pretty cute, let me tell ya

It took him forever to admit to you that he gets turned on when you eat ice lollies

Guess what you do whenever you want to mess with him like a little brat 😛

But if he's in the mood, he will 100% whisper something dirty in your ear, even if you're completely alone and probably well past third base

He does it because he knows your pussy will clamp around him at the sound of his voice 😳🥵

*fans self profusely*

Genuine, unadulterated smiles are rare with Aizawa, but when he does 🙌 Heaven hath opened its gates and allowed an angel walk amongst mere mortals 🥺🤧

If he lays his head on your chest, he will fall asleep like that *snaps fingers*

Surprise nose and forehead kisses to show he loves you ❤

Calls you 'Kitten' this is basically already canon at this point

And he's all about those deep talks with you at 3 am when he can't sleep

Speaking of insomnia!

It's cheesy, but you're like a soothing balm. The warmth of your body makes him feel safe, your touch helps him relax, and your voice soothes him to sleep

He's never slept as well as when you're beside him 😭🤧

When cuddling, he likes to be the big spoon but will accept being the little spoon if you if you press your boobs against his back and ask really nicely 🤭

And he loves you stroking his hair and running your fingers through it 🥺

Netlix nights and pillow/blanket forts!!

Rainy days are a godsend. Staying inside all day under the blankets, with the soft sound of the rain falling outside and no-one to interrupt you – literal paradise

He makes mean hot cocoas and Irish coffees 😋 I feel like this man lives off Irish coffees 😂🤣

Wears a lot of black and grey sweatpants at home 😗 which highlight the outline of his dick just right, if ya know what I'm sayin' 👀

Doesn't like going out for dates and prefers staying inside and doing stuff together same, honeyy

But if you really like going out, he will somewhat begrudgingly agree to it and get all dressed up for you, just so long as he gets his fair share of home-dates, too 🤗

But if you also don't like going out... the two of you will basically never leave the house, except to get groceries in your pyjamas from the 24-hour convenience store down the road at one in the morning oddly specific, I know, but you get me

And sorry, but I don't make the rules

Well, actually, I do. But shush

We all know that Shouta cleans up *chef's kiss* So when you go somewhere ~fancy~ he always looks so damn fine 😩

But he has very little idea that he's hot he sees himself as a tired, walking dumpster fire🚶‍♂️🔥

Shouta will 100% turn into a crazy cat dude with 15+ cats if you don't stop him I never said you should, though 🙃

And is a 'minimalist texter' – basically, if he can't answer a text with 'yes', 'no,' 'maybe', or 'OK', then he probably won't answer it at all 😭😂

Especially if you try and sext him or send him your nudes while he's at work. He'll probably lecture you when he gets home and depending on just how much you turned him on, he might proceed to teach you a lesson...

But wear his shirt, and just his shirt or his hoodie and he's yours

Heart eyes, motherfucker 😍

And, depending on how you two are feeling that day, you may or may not end up getting dicked down on the nearest semi-flat surface right then and there 👀

But don't misunderstand. This is an incredibly tired man you have here, and his libido actually isn't through the roof sorry, ladies so this kind of thing isn't an everyday occurrence

But when he dicks you down, he dicks you down goooood

Shouta's not big on PDA, but makes up for it in private. We're talking hands and kisses all over your body he leaves nothing unloved 😏

And while he's not big on PDA, he is big on sneaky displays of affection or 'SDA', as I like to call it

Like subtly grabbing your butt for a second, or his hand on your thigh under the table at a dinner etc. especially around other people

But what really gets him going is slowly removing your clothes and taking you fully naked, spreading your legs wide and holding them open he likes the view 😍

He lowkey highkey worships your body 🙏 and will literally not shut up about how fucking pretty you are, and how fucking good it feels inside you his words, not mine 😳

Groans and growls a little when he's getting close/cumming especially when he's being a little rough and likes to cum together, but knows it's not always practical

He tends to be a gentle dom, but can get just a teensy bit 🤏 rough if he's too into it – but nothing outrageous

We're talking rough thrusts and a brutal pace, maybe holding onto you a little too hard and, waaahh, he gets so embarrassed if he leaves bruises

Is also into a little bondage, but again, only light stuff – restraining your wrists with his hands or his tie or his Capturing Weapon 👀 maybe blinding-folding you if you're okay with it

If you're not blindfolded, then I'm afraid he's all about that eye contact

Eating out your pussy? Eye contact. Pounding you into the mattress? Blazing eye contact. Rearranging your guts in front of the mirror? Fucking eye contact

And CONSENT, BABY. THAT'S WHAT HE'S FUCKING INTO 😌🙌💞

But all jokes aside – he's too used to taking without consent with his quirk, that he's kind of paranoid about it comes to sex but it's adorable and sweet, and honestly, still kind of hot

And speaking of eating pussy – goddamn does he like to please you. Like cream to a kitty 😛

Oh, and he just loves it when you suck on his fingers as he's pounding into you 🤤

And he likes to leave love bites in personal, inconspicuous places and sometimes on your neck

He's marking his woman 😌

When he gets suuuper horny, he likes to fuck you from behind, standing upright in front of the mirror. It's a specific kink he has of watching himself stretch you out as the length of his cock disappears inside you...

I can get behind that, lemme tell yaaa

I said he tends to be dominant, but female doms – fear not!

Shouta is quite flexible when it comes down to it and is kind of lazy, lmfao so he definitely has time for laying back, having the control taken away, and having his dick ridden

For him, it's really all about communication and what you're both comfortable with

I will say this, though: sometimes, his cat watches you while you're banging 😅😂

The first time it happened, you freaked out and refused to continue because – how could you??? But eventually, you just kind of got used to it 🤷‍♀️

The same way you've got used to it following you to the bathroom every time you go to take a shit 😭

So now, you just kind of laugh about it, which helps keep things a little lighter 🤗

After sex, he does like to snuggle, but you'll be lucky if he stays awake for more than 30 seconds it's one of the few times he actually can sleep well

If you're ever out and about, or even inside, and cold, he'll wrap you up in his clothes/scarf/blanket like a sushi roll like Eren wrapping up Mikasa in his scarf, all deadpan and everything 😐

It's not that often, but when he gets drunk, he gets all soft and emotional, and starts babbling about how he can't believe he got so lucky to be dating you, and that he's sure he hasn't done anything to deserve it mah heart

He's pretty sure he wants kids, but he doesn't feel like now is the right time, and is lowkey afraid that it's never going to feel like the right time

He also constantly doubts himself, wondering if he'd actually able to look after them and protect them the way a father should class 1-A got him second-guessing himself 🥺

Besides, it's not all about him. You clearly have a say in it too, and he doesn't want to force you into anything

Again: communication and comfort zones

Dating Aizawa definitely has its ups and downs, and it's not smooth sailing, but he's prepared to work for a life with you because he's found a connection with you that he hasn't feel with anyone else

He knows that you're both far from perfect, but hopes that, for once, you might just make something good, and make it last 🥰😇

© imo-chan-imagines 2020

[tr-ashbin]

𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐲 || 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫!𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐦𝐚 𝐱 𝐠𝐧!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝕥𝕪𝕡𝕖 : one-shot

𝕘𝕖𝕟𝕣𝕖 : slight angst if u squint (update theres no angst i just didnt know what to put here)

𝕤𝕪𝕟𝕠𝕡𝕤𝕚𝕤 : soft boy kenma streaming on twitch for money, but doesn't want to be a soft boy anymore, he wants to be yours. definitely not based off wilbur's unreleased song—

𝕨𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 : kinda sugar daddy/mommy/glucose guardian y/n (aka capitalist y/n), mentions of ahegao, cringe

kenma was streaming, again.

he was in his 3rd year of highschool and was in short of money, thus he began streaming as a past time with the support of his volleyball teammates and his few friends.

one of them being y/n, who was born in a rich family and is one of his top subscribers and donors.

you'd be thinking, if kenma needed money that much, why couldn't he just ask y/n for it?

tuition isn't that cheap, and he didn't want to be in debt with y/n's family once he was much older.

despite y/n's constant offers, he still said no, and started off his twitch career earlier than intended.

don't get him wrong, it was his dream to make it big on twitch.

.. just not this way.

he figured that being one of those "soft boys" who do certain things for his viewers for money would get him some cash— and quite surprisingly, it worked.

it wasn't his first choice, obviously. he didn't want to be seen as your typical uwu soft boi.

but unfortunately, that's the only way to get money sometimes. it even helped that he had longer hair than most boys because some of his viewers mistook him to be a girl.

"ah, thank you liz for the twenty-five gifted subs."

he said in a quite monotone voice.

kenma was happy, he was getting more money obviously.

he was just tired of it already. he wanted to do something else for a change, but he knew he probably wouldn't get anything out of it.

as the stream went on, he proceeded to do some mail unboxing videos since he had received some while on stream. why not show the viewers? they might multiply if he did.

not only that, but a certain someone decided to call him while in the middle of it.

"oh..? hey, y/n, what's up?"

the stream chat instantly knew that the y/n on call was the same y/n who donated the most money and gifted the most subs to him.

"hey, kenma." y/n said, "have you opened my gift yet? i sent it through the p.o. box."

".. you're watching my stream?"

"of course i'm watching your stream, how else am i supposed to give you money if you wouldn't take it any other way?"

they were right, kenma wouldn't accept money unless donated to him through his streams.

kenma put y/n on speaker, and placed his phone near enough to the mic so they could be heard.

"say hi to the stream, y/n."

"heyoo!"

the chat knew y/n for their many donos and subs. and when you say many, it's many.

ask any of kenma's average of 2.4k viewers, at least every one of them was gifted a tier 1 sub by glucose guardian y/n.

now aside from that, kenma and y/n talked while he opened the gifts he'd receive from fans, figuiring that he'd open the one from y/n last (mostly becaude they told him to).

kenma received a lot of things. things his viewers would want him to wear on stream, decorations for his room, some even sent him cash through mail along with a personal message.

eventually, they had reached y/n's gift, which kenma reluctantly opened.

his eyes widened at the sight, taking his time to process what he had just received, and then deadpanning at the camera.

y/n felt the chills go through the screen, but just laughed it off.

"you like your gift, kenma?"

".. it's a fucking ahegao hoodie."

"it's a work of art!"

"oh my god.."

kenma rolled his eyes at the camera and looked away, putting the hoodie where the stream couldn't see. he wouldn't want to get banned from twitch now, would he?

while doing that, he noticed something else in the box, under where the hoodie was placed.

"are these.."

"wear them, kenma."

"i'm not wearing the cat ears—"

suddenly, a donation appeared on screen.

from y/n.

"y/n donated $100! wear the cat ears, kenma." said the text to speech.

"what the fuck, you donated too? how much money do you even have, y/n?"

"not important, now wear the cat ears, please."

kenma sighed and wore the cat ears.

"happy?"

"kinda, but go off."

he removed the cat ears, then placed them somewhere near the hoodie.

"well, i guess that's the end for today's stream everyone. thanks for all the donos and subs, say bye to the stream y/n."

"byebye!"

"the broadcast you were watching has ended." message was displayed on y/n's monitor.

the call hadn't ended yet, though.

"why are you so nice, y/n?"

the sudden question shook them up.

".. what? i'm nice?" y/n chuckled, not knowing whether they should take it as a compliment or not.

"to me, you are."

"wow, thanks."

"but, really, don't you have better things to spend all that money on?"

"nah, not really. besides, you need the money, don't you?"

"i do, but–"

"then i don't see a problem with giving you so much money."

kenma paused, genuinely not knowing how to take that. was it romantic? platonic? was it really just y/n being nice?

he didn't know, he really didn't.

the next few days were the same for kenma.

wake up, go to school, practice, go home, stream, then sleep.

kenma's thoughts, unlike his routine, were messy as hell.

spiraling around his place as vice-captain, then his twitch career, then his studies.

again, messy as hell.

but what really shook him was y/n. still confused as to how they were so generous despite only getting closer when kenma had started his twitch channel.

did y/n only support him just for the satisfaction of seeing him looking really feminine? or did they really want to support him financially because he refused help from them before? he clearly couldn't tell.

what he could tell, was that he didn't like his current situation.

the money and fame, it was nice, but he knew that wasn't what he wanted to be known for.

being some random soft boy who would do anything for some cash? not really a good image to his name.

if he had to be honest, the only reason he continued to be one was because of them, y/n.

though he didn't know why.

a month had past, kenma's streams had become less frequent as he and y/n have been meeting up during his designated time for streaming.

what was once daily 7pm sessions of kenma doing soft boy shit in front of the camera for around 2.8k viewers for an hour straight became y/n treating him to after practice arcade hangouts.

fortunately enough, he enjoyed them. being content with the quality time he was spending with y/n alone, and not on his twitch livestream with thousands of strangers watching.

not ever missing a day without spending at least half an hour with them, kenma had stopped streaming.

figuring that he had collected enough money for him to live on a side job while he studies, one where he could take breaks and talk to y/n without worrying much about anything else.

he was happy. he finally knew what he wanted.

he didn't want to be a soft boy anymore, he wanted to be theirs.

a/n: hi hi hello writing tips would very much be appreciated for ash here does not know how to end stories properly 😄

[naamahdarling]

All around update:

Stink Man Smooch is still having breathing issues. I noticed last night his breath was labored again. I can't hear any snap, crackle, pop in his lungs, so it hasn't moved down, which is good. A URI isn't a big deal, but in a brachy cat it can hit them harder than in others. I'm calling the vet Monday unless he looks in danger tomorrow, which is VERY unlikely. He will be fine, we just have to root this shit out.

Turd Boy Etrigan seems to be doing way better on his special easy digestion high fiber food.

I am rocky. The Vyvanse was giving me chest tightness which is no bueno, so I'm on a starting dose of methylphenidate, and that seems to not be as effective as the Vyvanse was at this dose. My chest is okay so far. I'll finish this month's supply and up the dose next time and see if we can get good results without the chest issues.

Have an appointment to see my cardio in December but if I start having really scary symptoms they have a dedicated cardio urgent care at his facility which takes walk ins so that is AWESOME and if I need help with this I can get it fast without catching COVID as well as dying of it because of the wait in an ER.

Emotionally I'm just. Not. But like, is anyone right now besides utter bastards in denial about the state of things? I can't do a lick of creative work and that is breaking my heart.

Financially we are struggling. We also need to get together at least 5k to take care of the carpet in this house which are in such bad shape from the cats. We need hard flkirs I can clean. Carpet is disgusting and filthy and my ex wanted it because his feet "got cold" and carpet is "cozy." It's filthy. And now, because of the state it is in, I have daily suicidal ideation. It cannot be salvaged. It has to go. The cost is...monumental.

I don't know how to address this AND address the monthly struggling to meet basic needs. Food expenses have shot up because we are both too ill right now to cook, let alone shop to get ingredients, so it's fast food nearly every day, but that is also unhealthy, and unsustainable long term. I just don't know what to do about that either.

Meanwhile, I have lived here since 2008 and still have cardboard over my bedroom window and plain white paint with one ugly green wall because I finished painting the living room and the master bedroom (which became the ex's room when I stopped being able to tolerate sleeping in a bed with a very active, loud sleeper with RLS) by myself, and ran out of energy before doing my bedroom which was intended to be a spare room and not my bedroom, and, well, it wasn't a priority for both of us, just one; he didn't sleep in this bedroom, only me. It's miserable and depressing.

We could get help to do it, but I can't I just can't let anyone in here when we have so much cat mess in the dining area. I'm tired, and improving anything requires so much effort. The "pick one thing a day" approach just...does not work for us.

I don't know how to fix any of this. I'm tired. I could run a fundraiser I guess, but it's an incredibly high goal for something that is hard to sell as "critical", which it is. Maybe getting more granular with finance people at flooring stores will give us some payment plan with down payment options and we can fundraise from there. Payment plan. Pffff. We don't have that. We are running at a deficit already. But it's all I can think of. There are no assistance programs here that cover floors or heavy house cleaning. We're on the hook for this ourselves. Jesus.

I will keep going because what else can I do? I love my girl, my cats need me, life is a beautiful thing and I adore being here on this world with so many beautiful people. Even if only 1% of them were good, that's still so many. Still worth loving us as a species, loving people, for. And it's way more than 1%. So I will stay, of course, until I am materially evicted from this mortal coil by forces outside my control because I refuse to cede my place in the world when I have already survived so much sadness and emptiness and things seem like they really might get better.

I don't have answers. We need help. It won't happen. We stagger on.

[fadewalking]

drug use tw and also probably tmi but ....

Idk i just wanna vent into the void a little bit

Ever since the D.A.R.E program, I've always been really pro-drugs. I think many drugs are fine to take, and there shouldn't be a stigma around doing them. I also think we (the US) should decriminalize ALL drugs, including the very bad ones, in an effort to destigmatize so that people who are addicted to them feel safe getting help, and for a lot of other reasons but that's not what this post is about.

Sure some drugs have risks that make taking them dangerous or addictive, and I can agree that some drugs should never be done, even once, and that even mild drugs aren't for everyone, especially those with addictive personalities. Still, in general, im pro-drug. though i feel like i've recently discovered a side to it that i didn't consider before, and im not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing. Which is, i really don't feel happy unless im on some kind of drug. now u may be thinking "that's obviously a bad thing wtf are u ok" and the answer is no, im not ok. But im also Fine, you know? Like, safety-wise, I'm completely stable, so no worries there. But also, it's not like i was very happy with life, started doing drugs, and then all of the sudden i can only be happy when on drugs. I've been Not Okay for years, and doing drugs is the only place I've found relief. I guess it could get dangerous if I start being reckless, and doing more and more risky drugs in an effort to get a stronger, longer high, but so far I've been very careful about what I take, and how much of it i take. And in general, i stay away from anything with high health risks, and I don't typically do any drugs that have a risk of chemical dependency. I intend to keep things that way. That's not to say im not addicted to the drugs i do take, because i definitely am or at least getting there. But my addiction is a behavioral one, and not a chemical one.

Since I don't have any chemical dependencies. I can technically stop, and often do for long periods of time when i don't have the funds for it. But why would I ever want to stop? during those sober times is when I am mentally at my lowest point. If I'm not actively doing something, I get agitated and depressed, and keeping busy makes me feel exhausted and drained, which is equally unpleasant. the only time i am comfortable just existing on my own is when im high. It's not even really a "high" feeling, not like euphoria or anything. I just feel content and peaceful, like I'm okay being in the moment, and just vibing. It's not a feeling I could get before I started doing drugs. So the drugs didn't take anything from me, only added to it. I guess the downside is the financial burden, and the social risk of being drug tested when applying for jobs or whatever. But it's worth it to feel Okay imo. I suppose it's likely that my doing drugs makes the sober periods worse than they'd otherwise be if I never did them. Like, I get MORE agitated than I would be if I stopped or never did them to begin with. and I can see how someone would read this and think I am just rationalizing and unhealthy behavior as being a positive thing. but like, oh well, i guess? In an essence, how is it functionally different than taking antidepressants? This is a rhetorical question. I know there are many technical differences from a prescription drug, monitored by a professional, and street drugs. I just mean, they both have mood stabilizing/altering effects, and in my case, both are used to try to help me be less Not Okay. So why is one an unhealthy crutch, while another is perfectly okay? (assuming that the drug in question is relatively risk free, as far as drugs go). This is also a rhetorical question. But if u really wanna talk about it for some reason, you can shoot me an ask i guess. In conclusion, my new opinion on drugs is as follows: if you're someone who struggles, but manages to find contentedness without drugs, maybe don't do them, because they just might take that ability to find okayness or even happiness away from you. But as for me? Oh I'm gonna turn up.

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Buster

Bea: Buster, are you available to talk? Buster: Yeah Buster: Say what you wanna say Bea: Alright, well me and your Dad have been talking it over and there are questions we need to ask you Buster: Go on then, not like I haven't been waiting for it Bea: We had to get our thoughts together before we did, you understand Bea: Its better than words said in anger and shock, yeah? Buster: I get it. It's not an attack, mum Buster: Add it to the list of disappointments between my two kids and whatever else and then we can move on Bea: Buster, they aren't disappointments Bea: but in that vein, is that why you're doing this, a reaction to all the issues you've had in that department? Buster: No Buster: I can see where you're coming from but it's not like that Bea: Okay, and we realise you wouldn't have considered telling us, regardless of the Chloe situation, if you didn't think it was serious enough to warrant it Bea: correct? Buster: Correct Buster: I love her Bea: You've given this serious thought, haven't you? You know how hard this could make your life? Buster: It's all we've both been able to think about for such a long time, trust me. Because it has been a long time Bea: How long? Buster: I've wanted to be with her since before Chlo and all of it and she felt the same Buster: Years mum Bea: You're sure she feels the same, positive? Buster: I am Buster: We've talked about it Bea: I know I'm asking a lot of questions but this is how it will probably be for you Bea: Its fine when people don't know but the people who do, they're always going to talk Bea: We understand that firsthand Buster: I know Buster: But it really hasn't been fine keeping this a secret either Bea: No, believe it or not I also get that Bea: If its your truth, you have to own it and live it Bea: but don't commit to it unless you're so sure, you HAVE to, because it won't be worth it for anything less, yeah? Buster: I wouldn't have got into the mess I did with Erin if I could have been open about it then Buster: But we're both ready now Buster: And we both know it's worth it Bea: So, we don't have to worry about any more grandkids now? Buster: No Buster: Focus on the ones you've got 'cause we're gonna have to fight for at least one of them Bea: That one was just a joke Bea: We will Bea: we've talked to her parents and they think she's being unreasonable as per Bea: she can't stop us seeing Jay, its not happening Buster: I did try and tell her all this Buster: But she's never wanted to listen to me Buster: I'm sorry mum, I don't regret it but I didn't mean for all this to happen Bea: Its not your fault she's not all there Bea: We know none of this was intended Bea: and we're proud of how you've stepped up for Jay Buster: I'm really trying to get my shit together, I swear Bea: We know, Buster Bea: You're so young, its okay Bea: These years are the hardest Bea: it will fall into place Buster: It might not look like it to everyone else, but it finally is Buster: Me and her Buster: That's just the start Bea: And the rest of the plan is still the same? Pass the bar, back to London etc Buster: Yeah Buster: But now I'm determined to get Jay away from her mum too, even more than before Bea: We'll support you then, you know the risks, we can't do anything but prepare you for that Bea: That will be difficult, they rarely award full custody without more serious reasoning but Bea: we'll support you with that too, financially too if needs, you can pay it back when you have it yourself Buster: Thanks. I don't say that enough, I know Buster: Do you think Nancy will ever come around? I can't seem to convince her it's real, which is understandable after what happened with her and that teacher, but it's not the same Buster: Not a fantasy Bea: Your Sister needs to see things to believe them Bea: so if its going to be all you say it is, then she'll see it and accept it Bea: You don't have the best track record either with women, so you can understand why she thinks its just a game again Buster: Yeah Buster: It's different this time, I'll prove that Bea: She's not unreasonable, give her time Bea: That's all most people are going to need, time Buster: I know, if she doesn't hate me after what happened with Chlo then we can definitely work on this Bea: Exactly Bea: Regardless of the situation Bea: She likes Rio, we all do Buster: Good, 'cause so do I Bea: I think I've covered all we had to say on it Buster: If there's anything else you know where we are Bea: Yes Bea: Don't be a stranger, okay? Buster: I won't. Not anymore Bea: We love you Bea: We just want you to be happy, and I know you haven't been for a long while now Bea: so if this, Rio, makes you happy, then that's what we want too Buster: I promise she does Bea: Alright, I'm glad Bea: I'll leave you to get on, sure you have lots to be getting on with, who else have you told? Buster: I've just told Nance and you two Buster: It's harder for Rio Bea: I'm sure her family will be understanding Bea: there isn't much Ali doesn't Buster: They won't want to lose her. Not after Edie. It's not like Billie's gone exactly but she's not here like she was either Bea: No Bea: They know the value of family Bea: She'll be fine Buster: Yeah Buster: I can't imagine Jay doing anything ever that would make me not want her around Bea: Exactly Bea: Real parents don't do that Bea: its unconditional Buster: I'm lucky to have you and dad Buster: I didn't appreciate it properly until I was one Bea: Its alright, you're not meant to Bea: Its gotta be thankless, not doing it in the hopes you say the magic words Buster: Please force that memo down Chlo's throat like Bea: I'm not wasting my breath to save hers Bea: She gonna realise what she's done wrong too late and that's her punishment Buster: Yeah. I just hope it won't be Jay's too Bea: I'm not pretending it ain't going to affect her, that's her Mum no matter what Bea: but you can't control Chloe, like she can't you no matter how she tries Bea: as long as Jay has got us there, she'll be fine, I promise Buster: Thanks Bea: Don't stress it, just keep doing what you're doing Buster: I will

[lyonface]

I don't know what to say. I came into your inbox so many times but I'm still struggling. I'm heartbroken. You've hurt me. I respected your blog before. I respected all of you. I looked forward to your posts but now all I remember is that you hate people like me but that everyone else stood by, as if it was an opinion on the weather. You cannot respect people like me all while questioning my right to live. I do not feel safe knowing you will not read this. I am grateful for the whistle blower

I wonder why you didn’t think I’d see your message when you sent it, anon. I don’t ignore messages.

Hate is a strong word. It requires passion and a lack of a desire to understand a person or group of people beyond what you already know about them. As someone who values knowledge and understanding as the most important aspects of personhood, it’s exceptionally difficult for me to hate anyone. I live in grey morality, but there are a few things that I cannot and do not tolerate, and those are the things that I hate.

I hate two things: willful ignorance and malicious coercion. The first are people who are unwilling and have no desire to better themselves or their own understanding of something due to being content in a worldview that they don’t want challenged, a worldview that serves to justify their actions against others and for themselves. They spread misinformation to people who want to be educated and who genuinely want to help, and their naivety or uninformed stance can lead them astray. I don’t hate people who spread misinformation with good intentions and don’t realize that what they’re saying is incorrect, I hate the people who perpetuated that false information in the first place to serve their own agenda. The second are people in power (financial, social, familial, mental, what have you) that use that power not to better the circumstances of those who need it, but to hurt them and use them for their own means. This can be on a social/cultural level (racial bias in the judicial system and other branches of government,) community level (religious leaders who use donated funds from their congregation to finance their own purchases,) or on a personal level (a parent who neglects to give proper care to their disabled child because it’s “inconvenient”) but I hate them all the same.

It’s a doozy when I find people who fall into both of those categories. Trump is one of them, so is Hillary, though with Trump I feel more pity for how pathetic he is than hatred. The arsonists and looters that take advantage of the peaceful protests in the BLM movement to steal from and burn their own neighborhoods are another. Even then my desire to see the original sentiment for BLM come to fruition supersedes my dislike for those that are serving to destroy it. The journalists and press that deliberately spread misinformation in order to smear others or bolster an agenda rather than present honest information, like mic. or Gawker, are yet another, and I have little more than disgust for people like that.

Everyone has a right to live whether I hate them or not, and unless you fall into one of the above categories, I don’t hate you. I discourage using language like that because all it does is fan emotional fires uselessly.

There was no point in a whistleblower because I have never been shy about who I am or what I think, and I always encourage open communication if I’m being misunderstood. I’m fine when people disagree with me, but not when they go behind my back and slander me, or they’re pretending to engage in a conversation and only picking what they want to hear. I have also been open about my being Jumin’s mun for a few weeks now, but only recently made a post where I said as much.

I’m starting to regret that choice. If it brings any comfort, know that Jumin and I are not the same, and we do not always hold the same opinions. I understand not liking me will probably sour the blogs for you and that in turn will take away from the enjoyment my friends get out of it. That’s the biggest regret I have in all of this.

Either way, thank you for sending this to me instead of staying quiet, or sending it to Nani instead. Messaging me gives me the opportunity to defend myself or help, whether you intended that or not, and that’s all I ask for.