#but i didn't cut myself and im supposed to count it as a win
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GOD of all the things i jettisoned to survive high school. writing is the one i miss the most
#when eden said You Talk A Lot Well Act Like It#and when eden said When You Hate What's In Your Head The Fuck Would You Speak Your Mind#bummer blacklist#tw si mention#tw sh mention#back when i could churn out 15 page essays A+ in an hour and then cut myself for the rest of the night. those were the days.#now it's like. i sit down to write a 1 page cover letter#8 days pass and i want to kill and die. nothing is written#but i didn't cut myself and im supposed to count it as a win#i mean. i guess i do count it as a win#but.#in order not to want to kill yourself you do also have to feel like actual shit sometimes.#like when i could write and be proud of it and then self-flagellate for being proud of it. that was so much simpler than looking at the#genuine fear (and easier despair) of My Writing Is So Bad--And Worse It Is Pretentious#amplified tenfold when writing about myself#but even academic essays now make me suicidal. like girl come on.
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