#but i constantly feel sad and dissociated so that fantasy seems worthless and out of reach
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feeling unprecedented levels of alienation, fear, and depression tonight <- said for the 292nd time this year
#i really don't feel quite right afsgdggs i seem to have a very myopic perception of my life and future at the moment and it's not good!#i feel a perpetual mix of anger and envy when i'm around other people to the extent that isolating myself is increasingly appealing#at the same time i generally feel very miserable about the direction of my existence and my prospects and everything feels pointless#i don't really feel happy about things anymore haha#i don't know... i'm honestly really minimising how i'm feeling because i don't want to seem whiny as usual but i feel really bad#i just wish i could live somewhere quiet and rural and write and paint and have no expectations hanging over my head#but i constantly feel sad and dissociated so that fantasy seems worthless and out of reach#i'm in therapy but it's not doing much... i don't really know what else there is haha :( my brain is truly broken#i know i should try and distract myself with books and games and things but i can't seem to. i'm too far back into my own head#i don't know how to pull myself out :( i want to scream#sea rambles
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