#but i can't let a guy shorter than me to win this just no fucking way

[drysauce]

i did everything on the exam. if the guy fails me then tomorrow morning im going there and waiting in front of his room for consultations and i WILL be arguing

[opossumanon]

I just got reminded of an experience of mine a year ago now that serves as a pretty good example of the kind of shit trans men, transmascs, and transneutrals often go through.

(Full yap session ahead)

So I'm sitting with my new friends at the same spot in the hallway as always. We aren't exactly a small group. We're all different, but one thing that's obvious is that in the eyes of bullies we're all fucking losers.

So this one group comes up to us and starts to make fun of us. Every fucking day. Like clockwork. They're puny little shitheads who have barely started puberty. Their leader, who was shorter than me, couldn't even say "cavalry" correctly and was pronouncing it as "chavalry" for some fucking reason.

Every day, this kid and his buds come up and try to harass us, often by asking us about gay shit and asking me about my pronouns. Every day, I roast him and the group into oblivion and they sulk away to regroup and come back the next day.

One day, this kid is mad enough about me making him look like a small-dicked loser in front of his friends, that while walking away he calls out at me "I would fight you but I don't know if you're a boy or a girl"

He never acted on the threat thankfully (Probably cuz I literally chucked him out of a classroom), but the point still stands that this fucker and his friends were threatening to attack me for being trans.

This fucker and his friends looked at me, someone they knew had a vagina and tits, but used a deep voice and had short hair, and they couldn't tell if I were a binary tranny, a nonbinary tranny, or an ugly dyke. They wanted to beat me up for it, and also cuz my tranny/dyke self was making them feel emasculated.

This is the kind of shit that trans men, transmascs, and transneutral people put up with more often than some of yall realize.

(To clarify right now NO, I AM NOT SAYING THAT TRANS WOMEN, TRANSFEMS, AND FEMININE CIS WOMEN DON'T GO THROUGH THIS. THEY DO. WE ALL KNOW THIS. I AM SIMPLY POINTING OUT AN EXPERIENCE THAT MASCS, AND NEUTRALS TEND TO HAVE THAT THE REST OF THE COMMUNITY TRIES TO DENY THE EXISTENCE OF)

We're still threatened with violence. Our existence makes perisex cis men uncomfortable, makes perisex cis women disgusted, and makes both scared for one reason or another. The more masculine an "afab" queer person is, the appropriate it is to beat the shit out of them. Because she's a man, right? If she wants to be a guy and wear guy's clothes and speak with a guy's voice, then she can take the fucking beating that we give her, because that's just what guys do.

So transmascs will walk into a queer space and become the emotional punching bag of insecure queers, and then turn around and walk into a cishet space and become the literal punching bag of insecure cishets. We just can't win.

Obviously the queer space is still safer, which is why we're still invading with our disgusting testosterone-filled bodies. But it isn't exactly fun to try and engage with people we see as "like us" (queer) only to be pushed away because we're men, and if we're men we never deal with oppression, right? We can handle violence, cuz that's what men do. As men, it's our job to let the ladies and fems verbally diminish us because they were hurt by men and so they have a right to take out their pain on us. If we don't agree to this, then we're misogynistic pigs, and then "trans men really are the men of the trans community".

Transmascs with functioning uterus' are conveniently left out of abortion rights discussions, and when we try to announce our presence we're told to shut up. Transmascs who are passing are conveniently left out of trans discussions, and when we try to announce our presence we're told that we don't count because we aren't oppressed because we fully pass now. Transmascs who don't pass are conveniently left out of safety discussions, and when we try to announce our presence we're told that we don't count because we pass as cis women, and cis women have more privilege than trans women. (That last one is a real line I've seen on this site btw)

Trying to say "I want acknowledgement" as a transmasc present at a more friendly queer space doesn't result in vitriol, but what happens instead is that there will be a "transgender recognition" night that has maybe one trans man if we're lucky, and then dozens of trans women and more feminine-looking nonbinary people.

I'm gonna cut this post off right here before I accidentally type out a full-blown book of all the gripes I got, but the point is that you can't apply the baby-level radfem idea of "man bad, woman good" to the queer community. It's dumb as fuck in the cishet world, and it's so much worse in lgbt spaces. Literally the point of being queer is to fuck with gender roles. This doesn't just mean everyone is feminine. You can't walk into a queer space and go "men are evil" without it affecting half of the queer population. Trans men aren't attacking trans women by saying "I want to be respected as a human being, please". Trans men aren't trying to trick gay men into fucking them by saying "I want to be respected as a gay man, please". Trans men aren't trying to trick lesbians into fucking them by saying "I want to be respected as a boydyke, please".

If everyone in the community were to take a fraction of the energy and love they dedicate to feminine queers and use it to "reach across the isle" and try to connect with and understand masculine queers, the community as a whole benefits. Also masculine queers deserve to be treated well even if it doesn't give good things to the entire community, cuz we're people too. We deserve decent treatment because we're human. Who woulda thought.

(P.S. I still see the leader of the dumbfuck squad walking around sometimes. He's still shorter than me, but his hair is taller. I swear it looks a little more tall every time I spot him.)

[yourtouchismidas]

reading what the new yorker has to say about george and how he radiates utter stillness (very hot) has given me so many ideas, like imagine him with someone who has the absolute shortest fuse ever. idk maybe while he believes in quiet, stoic intimidation, girlie (a foot shorter than him) just gets into a bar fight. maybe she sees a couple of much older men getting a bit too comfy with young girls just trying to have a fun night and she's ready to throw hands. firm believer that george has to actually pick her up and take her away so she doesn't get arrested. also a firm believer of the fact that he finds it insanely attractive and shows it to her quite generously

(the possibilities are endless 😌)

you're drunk. its fucking great and you're having an amazing time. the music is loud. everyone is dancing. you're grinding on some girl you havent ever met, dont even know, and your boyfriend and his bandmates are all at the bar, sipping beers and laughing at you. with the exception of matty who is right there on the dancefloor with you, jumping around and pumping his fist.

ugh george. you love him. you love his face. his cheek bones. his smile when he laughs at you. you give him a cute little wave and he winks at you, barely moving apart from that. then you go back to dancing. god life is good.

you've lost the girl you were dancing with before but you dance with matty for a bit, his curls bouncing, you whooping, egging him on, and him grabbing your hands and spinning you around. when he does, he takes a step back and accidentally nudges a girl behind him, and her and her friends turn to you both, you meeting their eyes as you finish you spin.

matty holds his hands up, "sorry, sorry,"

they glare at him. you pull matty away and start dancing again, saying sorry yourself. the girls turn away. they sip thier drinks. but they aren't moving. thier standing on the dance floor. not dancing. there is plenty of space over by the bar to stand, if they want. you wave at george again, who is standing in the space, like a good boy.

oh well. fuck them. you're having a good night. you just wish they would stop glaring at you, because they are again, in between the gaps matty's arms make. you spin him around so your back is to them instead, so they wont get upset with him again if he nudges them, because he might, because he is drunk too.

you dont know if your feet actually land on hers, you dont feel it, and okay they might have, but the girl yells out.

"erm. ow!" she says. you turn around.

"sorry," you say again, even though you're not even sure you touched her.

"you stood on my foot," she says.

"i'm sorry," you say again, not sure what she wants you to do.

"you should be a bit fucking more careful, you know."

you breathe in. you were being careful. but thats not the point. its a dance floor. in a club. it's one in the morning. and they are standing on it. you start to burn, in your chest, angry.

"you know there is plenty of space over there if you dont wanna dance," you say, pointing to the bar. george notices you point. his attention pricks. he looks over to where you are talking to a group of girls and one of them is giving you a dirty look.

"we can stand where we want thanks," she says. "just like you act like a twat wherever you are."

"woah, alright," matty says, stopping dancing.

"what's this guy's problem anyway?" the girl says, looking round at her friends.

"we don't have a problem," matty says.

"we might," you say, staring at her. george has put his beer down on the side. ross is already primed, ready to watch it, if needs be.

"no no, just go back to dancing," matty says, smiling big at the girls.

"go back to standing in everyone's fucking way you mean," you say.

"shut the fuck up," the girl says, stepping closer to you.

you're in it now, you can't back down, you cant let this girl win. you step towards her too.

"i'll do what i like, thanks though."

the girl shoves you. everyone around you moves. you're reaching out to shove her, and before you know it, george is in the crowd with you, hand on your shoulder and waist, firm, looking down at the girl that shoved you. she has to look up to see his face.

"everything okay here?" he says, mainly to the other girl.

she nods. but she's smirking. she looks back at her friends, smirking. you lunge, out of his protective grasp, towards her. she steps back, trips a little, spills her pink drink all down her white dress. you dont reach her. georges arms have got you again, but this time, he is lifting you into the air.

"come on," he says, "be the bigger person,"

"i dont want to," you say squirming. the girl is crying, looking down at her ruined dress while all the other girls flock around her and fawn over her.

"dont have to," george says, nudging you to look at her, sobbing. you smirk.

george turns to carry you out, but before he does, he turns back to the girls and says, almost monotone, "ladies, if you're not gonna dance, dont stand on the dancefloor. it's good advice"

and then you're both gone, into the night air, into your boyfriend's arms.

[sortofanobsession]

Please pardon me if I already sent you this fic idea!

Roy/Jaime: Jaime takes a boot to the chest but assures everyone he’s ok and they go on to win the match. It’s only later that Jaime reveals he’s not that fine, the metal on the bottom of the boot tore him up good, his chest a bruised and bloody mess. Roy is pissed as he takes Jaime home with him and cares for him. As Roy's tending to Jaime's wounded chest, the air grows charged between them and things happen.

A/N: A bit shorter than most of my stories recently. If you find a typo that changes the meaning of something, please let me know. I didn't do a re-read because it is late. But I promised I would post it tonight.

Ao3

Ted Lasso Masterlist

Word Count: 3k+

Paring: Roy x Jamie (Romantic), Roy x Will (Platonic), Jamie x Will (Platonic), Jamie x Isaac (platonic), Coach Beard x Jamie (Platonic) Jamie x AFC Richmond Himbos (platonic)

Content Warning: Blood, Injury, PTSD, Mentions of abuse, mentions of violence, pain, bruising, mentions of head injury, anger, cussing/swearing/cursing.

You clearly can't be trusted to look after yourself

Roy felt dread pool in his gut as he watched Jamie Tartt take what seemed initially to be a well-executed but poorly landed shot. The ball found its target in the back of the net, but Jamie’s boot slipped, and he ended flat on the pitch. The defender that had been attempting to stop him didn’t have time to adjust his path, and his boot connected with Jamie’s chest. Jamie had the wind knocked out of him when he first hit the pitch. The boot connecting sent searing pain through his already screaming lungs. But the look in the defender’s eyes as moved to try and help Jamie sent a pang of guilt through him as he managed to catch his breath. The guy hadn’t done it on purpose. And Jamie’s dazed brain didn’t want him to feel bad. That feeling, in addition to the tiny voice in the back of his head that always sounded suspiciously like his dad, telling him not to be a weak pussy, had him getting up. Accepting the player’s hand and waving off his apologies as he did. The crowd cheered as he got back to his feet. He went to the sideline and insisted he just needed to catch his breath and get a drink. The game went on without him for a few minutes. He accepted the bottle Will gave him and checked the clock on the scoreboard. 7 minutes til half.

“Sit the fuck down,” Roy had told him. And he did. He bunched up his hands in his kit. It stung as the chilled air hit a sticky mix of blood on his chest that was clinging to his undershirt. He’d have to change it during the half.

When the team headed to the locker room, he grabbed his bag and headed to the loo. He waved off the concerns of a few of his teammates. Saying he was going to try and clean up his kit. He was glad he habitually kept a first aid kit hidden deep in his bag. A holdover from the days his old man had taken his frustrations out physically on Jamie, and he didn’t want to have to go to the treatment room and get asked a million questions. It had always been easier this way. The team didn’t need to know then, and they didn’t need to know now. Jamie could handle it. He always did. When he was in the solitude of the toilet, he removed his kit and made quick work of peeling off the long sleeve undershirt he had on under his kit. It was a fucking lost cause. He’d toss it. He was on the clock. If he took too long, someone would come looking, and then he’d have to explain everything. He didn’t want that. He wanted to get back out there and finish the match. So he rushed through bandaging and covering the bloody boot print that caught the edge of his left peck and obliques. He huffed a laugh at himself, thinking at least his abs were fine. He put on his new undershirt and tried to get as much off his kit as he could. On his way out, he tossed his undershirt in the bin. Hoping no one would see it. 

“You good?” Isaac asks when he rejoins the team. 

“Did fuck all to clean it, don’t envy Will’s job,” Jamie joked as if anyone would give a fuck about his actual kit if they knew he was actually hurt. Isaac studied him. And for a second Jamie thought he might not be playing it off as well as he thought he was. 

But Isaac just shrugged. “He’ll manage. Paid to deal with it,” Isaac says. “Not like it was intentional, bruv.” 

“Arse on the pitch was not what I intended, but still a beautiful fucking goal, yeah?” Jamie says. 

Isaac laughs and claps him on the back. And Jamie has to bite his cheek to keep from shouting. But Isaac must not notice his change because he is off with the team as they all head back out. 

“You good to stay in the game?” Beard asks.

“Course,” Jamie says. Beard looks unsure. “I’m good, coach. Let’s win this, yeah?” And Beard must trust his judgment, probably shouldn’t, but he does. So Jamie gets back out on the pitch for the second half.  

Roy knows something is very wrong when Jamie winces slightly as Jeff hugs him after the game. Jamie is good at hiding pain. He has years of practice at it. Roy does too. That's why he can see it. He doesn't hug Jamie as aggressively as he normally does. But if Jamie notices, he doesn't act like it. But Roy watches his every move now. The way Jamie is holding himself and avoiding certain movements. The way Jamie is drawing to the back of the team as they head inside. Slow, calculated movements. He sees Jamie actually sidestepping some of the celebration, and that has the final alarm going off in Roy's head. And Roy takes action because he knows Jamie is dragging his feet and avoiding the showers. 

But he can’t sit back and do nothing after Will pulls him aside. 

“Coach, you need to see this,” Will had told him and waved Roy into the boot room. 

“What?” Roy demands. He was annoyed at the distraction. 

“Pretty sure this is Jamie’s,” Will holds up the blood-stained undershirt. “Was half in the bin.”

Roy lets out a litany of curses. This just confirms Jamie’s injured and hiding it. 

“What should I do?” Will asks. 

“Bin it,” he says, since Tartt clearly intended to. “I’ll deal with Jamie fucking Tartt.” 

Will just nods and Roy leaves. He goes straight to Jamie. 

"Let me see," Roy says as gets Jamie’s attention.

"See what?" Jamie says. 

"Don't play fucking dumb," Roy says. 

"Roy, behave, don't make me report you to-" Jamie tries to joke, but Roy is not fucking having it because he knows Jamie well enough to know humor is often a defense mechanism. He knows Jamie. So even if Jamie might get angry at Roy, Roy doesn't care. Roy reaches over and raises the hem of Jamie's kit and lets out a string of curses before dragging Jamie to the treatment room. Jamie knows he is caught now. No getting away now that Roy knows. 

"You weren't going to say a fucking word, were you," Roy posits, and Jamie doesn't answer. "You were going to go home and patch yourself up and ignore the fact you could already be halfway to an infection by not getting this treated, and then I find your ass half dead or worse when I show up for training tomorrow morning. What the fuck, Tartt?" 

"Let me explain. I-"

"Don't fucking lie to me," Roy cautions as moves around the treatment room, gathering everything he thinks he might need. He washes his hand and finds gloves. "Fucking off with it," he gestures to the top half of Jamie's kit and undershirt. "Will showed me your fucking shirt.” Roy glares. And Jamie feels like a kid that has been caught stealing sweets. “You won't let the actual med team help, but you aren't fucking getting out of this room until I am sure you're not going to fuck your whole career with staph or sepsis or fucking tetanus from a dirty fucking boot."

"Kit didn't even rip. And the league wouldn't let me play if I didn't-"

"Off." Roy glares. "Now." Jamie winces as he takes it off. "Jamie...fucking hell." Roy actually sounds pained, and that catches Jamie off guard. "How did you finish the match like this?" Roy didn't even know where to start with helping Jamie. So he starts by trying to clean him up the mess of slapdash bandaging, partially dried blood, and swelling bruises. "This is going to fucking sting."

An hour later, Jamie is as patched up as he could be with just Roy's help. Jamie goes to change out of the rest of his kit. Apologizing to Will as he does that he took so long.

"It's fine, Jamie," Will tells him. "Glad you're okay, was a nasty hit." Roy grunts and disappears into the office. 

"Be fine in a few days," Jamie shrugs off as he finishes changing and tosses his kit in the cart. "And we won. That's what matters."

Will just nods because he just knows Roy Kent is listening. He doesn't want to say the wrong thing.

"Ready?" Roy says, and Jamie looks confused as he looks away from the kitman to his coach.

"For what?" Jamie asks. 

"To fucking leave," Roy says. Annoyance is clear in his tone. 

"Sure," Jamie says, but it sounds almost like a question. He is still very confused about why Roy is asking. 

"Going to celebrate with the team?" Will asks.

"Fuck no," Roy says. "You either." He looks at Jamie. 

"Wasn't exactly going to," Jamie says as he grabs his stuff. "Too fucking sore." 

"Don't Fucking doubt it," Roy says. Jamie is shocked when Roy takes Jamie's stuff and ushers him out the door.

"I can carry my shit," Jamie says. 

"So can I," Roy says. 

"Roy," Jamie goes to take it when he goes to pass Roy's G Wagon to his own car. And Roy just tosses it in the boot, and Jamie has no idea what is happening. "What are you doing?"

"You're fucking coming with me because you can't be trusted to ask for help when you fucking need it, and I have a fully stocked first aid kit assembled by an actual medical professional. Someone has to keep your arse alive."

Jamie is too stunned to say anything. Roy hadn't just insisted on patching Jamie up, but now he was insisting Jamie go to his home so Roy could look after him.

"You fucking hit your head and not fucking say anything?" Roy says as he moves closer to Jamie, concern clear on his face. 

"I'm wondering the same thing because this is very weird for me," Jamie admits. 

"Fuck off," Roy says. "Get in the fucking car before I make you."

And Jamie does because he has zero doubt Roy will do it. He has a very low opinion of Jamie's ability to take care of himself at times. And Jamie knows that. 

At his flat, Roy makes Jamie shower and insists on redoing the bandages. Jamie already feels like he's intruding, so he does not put up as big of a fight as he might normally. 

"Here," Roy hands him a cup of tea once Jamie sits on Roy's sofa. 

"You really don't have to do all this," Jamie says.

"And?" Roy says as he sits at the other end of the sofa. And Jamie doesn't know how to answer that. "Just fucking accept that some people actually care about you and fucking drink your tea." Roy turns on the TV to see what the press is saying about the match. The kick that resulted in Jamie on his sofa was brought up before they even finished their tea. Now that Roy sees the close-ups, he looks over at Jamie.

"The fuck were you thinking, not telling anyone you were fucking bleeding?" Roy asks.

 Jamie sighs. "That it wasn’t an underhanded play. Shit happens. The lad felt shitty enough already. And we really needed this win, and any more stoppage in play might fuck up the momentum of the team."

"And your suffering didn't matter? And what? You did fucking bandages in the fucking toilet?"

"I managed," Jamie says.

"You shouldn't have had to," Roy growls. "You could have worsened your injury playing like that. Tore something. So close to your fucking heart, Jamie.” A pained look crosses Roy’s face before he schools his features. “I am your coach, you can’t fucking-” Roy stops and takes a breath. “Listen to me, Jamie. You cannot do this again. Fucking ever."

Jamie does not respond.

"Jamie," Roy shifts closer. "How would you feel if it was one of the other? Like Sam or Dani."

"They wouldn't-"

"Fucking right! Because that is insane, and you could have really gotten injured."

"Says the guy that-"

"And I fucking paid the price!" Roy was now on his feet, looking down at Jamie. "I won't let you make the same fucking mistakes. What kind of fucking coach would I be if I didn't aim to make you a better fucking player than I was. Fucking teach you what not to fucking do. And this." Roy tugs Jamie's shirt up to show the bandages. "This is not fucking okay. A win is not worth your fucking future or your fucking life. Now fucking swear to me this will not happen again. If you don't, I'm going to insist the medical team checks you over after every fucking slip, every foul. I will not let you kill yourself for a fucking game. We’d be better off losing a fucking match than you. No, we’d be better off losing every fucking match this season than losing you fucking permanently. The lads would probably prefer relegation again."

“Doubt that,” Jamie says.

“I fucking don’t!” Roy shouts.

"Fuck," Jamie says. "You're serious, aren't you?"

"Like a fucking car wreck," Roy says. 

"Okay," Jamie says. "I'll fucking tell someone if I'm injured again. Will you sit down and fucking relax now?"

"Fucking good," Roy says, and the tension leaves his shoulders. "Contrary to popular belief, I fucking care if you live or die, you fucking prick."

"That's the nicest thing you have ever said," Jamie says. 

Jamie must move wrong in his sleep because he is gasping in pain as he wakes up. The room is dark, and he looks at his phone. 2:26 a.m. Fuck, he hurts. He gets up to try and find a way to make it hurt less. To get some painkillers. He looks around and remembers he is at Roy's. He didn't know where Roy kept anything. He headed to Roy's kitchen to at least get a glass of water. He had just sat down at Roy's table for a breather when Roy entered the kitchen. And Jamie thinks he might swallow his tongue because he has seen Roy without a shirt. He had seen it often when they were teammates. But this was a half-asleep Roy, in just pants, hair a mess from sleep. And fuck, Jamie had not expected to feel the urge to kiss Roy fucking Kent at 2:30 in the morning. 

"Here," Roy hands him a pack of paracetamol. He then goes to his freezer and gets one of the ice packs he usually uses on his knee.

"Thanks," Jamie says as he takes the pills and accepts the ice pack. "Sorry if I woke you."

"It's fine," Roy says as he sits down at the table. 

"I know but-"

"Jamie, I brought you here so I could help you with this shit. So it's fine."

"I know but-"

"No fucking buts, Tartt," Roy says firmly. "Just like with training, I want to help you."

"Okay, but-"

"Fucking hell," Roy says before he stands up. He pushes Jamie's chair and holds out his hand to help Jamie up. Jamie takes it. To his surprise, Roy doesn't step back but stays in Jamie's face. Roy continues. "I don't actually enjoy the idea of you suffering alone. Fucking lose sleep over it."

"You lose sleep over me?" Jamie says with shock.

"I lose a lot of fucking sleep over you, Tartt," Roy admits. He glances down at Jamie's lips. 

"Why?" Jamie asks. Roy is so close Jamie wonders if Roy can hear how Jamie's heart beats insanely fast. Roy's face is so close Jamie could just lean forward and kiss him.

"For fuck sake," Roy mutters before closing the distance a bit. "Because you drive me fucking insane." Jamie can now feel Roy's words against his lips, and Jamie's brain must reboot because, without thinking, he pushes forward and closes the small gap, and presses his lips against Roy's. And Roy responds in kind. Jamie doesn't want this moment to end because Roy Kent is kissing him back, and his life could not be better. He never thought Roy could have feelings for him. Jamie had thought his feelings were one-sided, but clearly, he was wrong because Roy was pulling Jamie closer. Jamie goes willingly. At least until he shifts wrong, and it pulls at the healing cuts on his chest, and pain hits him. He must make a noise because Roy recoils like he was burned and puts enough room between them so he can see if Jamie's bleeding again. Jamie tries to brush it off and goes back to making out in Roy's kitchen at almost 3 a.m. Roy curses Jamie's lack of self-preservation and ends up dragging Jamie into his own bed.

"You clearly can't be trusted to look after yourself," Roy grumbles as he gets into bed beside Jamie. 

"You up for the task then?" Jamie asks.

With a growl, Roy gently pulls Jamie against him. Jamie takes advantage of the situation and snuggles right into Roy's side. 

"I'll take that as a yes," Jamie chuckles. 

"Get some fucking sleep," Roy says. Jamie hums and falls asleep fast. 

Jamie hurts like hell the next morning. Angry bruises now take up most of his chest now that the wounds have closed for the most part. Roy does not let him leave the bed most of the day. Insisting he will reopen them if he does. And Jamie thinks he'll be bored out of his mind, but Roy stays with him for most of it. He leaves for a few hours to go over match tapes with the other coaches, but he comes back with takeaway, and Jamie thinks he might be the luckiest man alive because he is in Roy fucking Kent's bed, being taken care of by Roy. After they eat, they end up making out like fucking teenagers. Jamie is annoyed that Roy won't take it any further because Jamie is now filled with bad ideas, and Roy refuses. Not because he doesn't want to but because he doesn't want to hurt Jamie or delay his healing process. No matter how much Jamie begs or pouts, Roy doesn't cave. 

"Not fucking risking your health, Tartt. Get fucking used to it."

Jamie gets looked over by the med team and is not allowed to train with the rest of the team for almost two weeks, and Jamie hates it. Roy doesn't care because Jamie's health is too important to him. And that is the only reason Jamie hasn't lost his mind. Roy cares about him. A lot. Roy fucking Kent has spent most of his time keeping Jamie busy. Cuddling and kissing. It's been beautifully frustrating. Frustrating because he wants more. Really wants to show Roy he cares just as much but has no way to do it because Roy is holding Jamie back. It might be for Jamie's own good, but that doesn't mean he likes it.

The first match Jamie gets to play after the injury, the Richmond fans lose their shit. They scream for him, and he takes that feeling and uses it. And Roy is so fucking proud of him that it hurts. They win, and it's so different from his last match. Jamie is right there with the team celebrating. And it's not until Roy pulls him aside and kisses him that Jamie draws away from the team. And Jamie cannot remember ever feeling this happy. Roy promises that when they get out home, they can celebrate their own way, and Jamie trips over his own feet in a rush to get changed so he and Roy can leave. And Roy, of course, thinks that's the most amusing fucking thing he has ever seen. It becomes the second most amusing thing later that day because watching Jamie goes to fucking pieces at Roy's fingertips is fucking amazing, and Roy thinks there's no going back now. He is lost on Jamie Tartt. And Jamie realizes Roy's attention is something he is absolutely addicted to and never wants to live without. It won't be an easy journey having a real relationship between them, but neither of them has ever shied away from a challenge, and they agree it's worth trying.

[pastel-comfort]

Don't know much about Sukana, can you tell me more about him?

Gladly!!!! Okay, so Sukana is from the series Jujutsu kaisen (its an anime but started off as a mange that's still being worked on to this day. Up to 265 chapters so far but it's honestly really good.)

Big old dang below the line since I'm just going off lol

Regardless, his actual name is Ryomen Sukana how he's called the king of curses in the series and honestly,I love it. He's also like hella ancient since he was originally from the golden area of Jujutsu,also known as the Heian Era. He was a popular legend,known as the Imaginary Demon even though he was just a human sorcerer known as the disgraced one. During the Heian Era, powerful sorcerers of all kind came over to defeat him and give it there all, only to fail in the end. However, when it came to sukanas end, he went outta his way to become a cursed object even after death so he could be reincarnated each time. The cursed objects he became are literally twenty fingers that can be consumed but not destroyed.

Bro looked like this during his Heian Era.

It's actually known as his true form. He's got four fucking arms, four eyes and all together looks like a fucking god. He looks absolutely gorgeous and I'm all for it tbh. I wanna be held by him. His gorgeous.

Regardless, back on track. The actual series starts when the Mc , Yuji Itadori ends up becoming the vessel for Sukana by eating one of the finger jerky. It's wild but Sukana ain't exactly a pleasant being to be a vessel for so Yuji is tormented the entire time. Poor guy.

Sukana though, when he actually has someone has a host, he'll look abit more like them instead of his original form since he's using them as a vessel. The only difference being the multiple eyes, markings and claws that differ the vessel from Sukana. Take a look below

Looks alot more different due to the host situation. However, if the host ends up consuming the twenty fingers then Sukana basically takes the body for himself. So the four arms and fours eyes come back.

I personally like to draw him in his original form since that's actually what caught my attention bout him. I honestly am just so fascinated with his og/true form and his history. In the actual manga, he does state that he sees love as worthless so when a new sorcerer comes to defeat him(and fail), they try to at least teach and show him ways of love since he was human to begin with. So it's honestly incredibly fascinating to watch and know that their legit using love as a utensil to win when it comes to Sukana since he's just that powerful. Like bro, I would honestly give to a try but do it abit differently.

I want to be the one to show him certain things, take the time needed to show him the smallest aspects of life that he could learn to at least appreciate. Cause in the end, it's the small parts that build the foundation to something bigger. And I'm much shorter than him so I'd make a great foundation.(Lol) Regardless, I'm absolutely infatuated with this man. I love everything about him(i don't condone the whole murder thing he does though since obviously murder is wrong). I want to hold him, let him rest his head on my lap while I play with his hair. I want to help him out when he can't figure things out or help him learn from mistakes. I want to be the one he can depend on and come to when something doesn't add up. I would love this man as the earth would love the sun. No matter how deadly he may be, there is still something so gorgeous about him that gives life a different perspective. I would love him not for the fire or power he holds but I'd love him for the radiant glow that he admits. To the sparkles amongst the sky and how his smile shimmers brighter than the gold on a trophy at the end of the finish line. I want to be the reason he appreciates life so that every day he lives, he can learn and love.

I just love him bro. He's gorgeous.

[yinnina]

Finn's Arm Is Mint

"Are you going?" Asked Aryanah, which for your info, was your average Caucasian girl.

"Be more specific, where exactly are we going?" I asked.

"The baseball game, of course!" She smiled at me, almost as if to convince me to go with her.

I groaned, "Are you guys going?" I asked both Gabby's.

"We will if you are going, and you?" Gabby looked at Boston.

We had our small friend group from Gym, but Boston was the only one I had two classes with, Gym and Orchestra. That was if Ren wasn't being counted, who was a black girl about my height, a very funny person as well.

"Yeah, who do you take me for? A pimp who stays home and watches his parents cry about 'little' money?" He said.

Out of everyone in the group, it was him who had the least amount of money, preventing him from hanging out much with us unless we paid for him.

Boston, like Aryanah, Kaylee and Gabby, was white, but he wasn't straight, nor was it near it either.

Not like anyone in our friend group was it. Well, we can't really say much about Gaby, we didn't really know whether or not she was bisexual or not.

"Guys! Guess who has enough money for a movie tonight?" Kaylee, one of our friends, came up behind us.

"Great, so I buy us snacks for the game and you guys invite the movie?" I ask, everyone nodding towards me.

Everyone but Ren

"You guys do know we could just sneak in through the back, right?" She told us.

"I mean, yeah, but if we get caught, you pay our fee." I told her, without looking at her.

"Sure."

"But before anything, let's go to the locker room. I left my stuff there." I told them, to which everyone agreed.

As we were walking, we bumped into Vance and his little friend group.

"Watch it faggots." Said one of them, the shorter one.

"Just who the fuck are you calling a faggot? Last time I checked you and Moose got some sexual tension between you."  Gabby went off on him.

He looked ashamed at that. It was a total lie, but someone spread a rumour about 2 years ago about him and Moose when they were seen talking behind the middle school they went to, and since it was a small town, the word spreader quite fast.

"Oh yeah? You gotta get it now—" I cut him off, "If you boys would excuse us, we need to go to the locker rooms to get our stuff, and unless you guys would like to carry those heavy bags then you better get out of my sight." I told them, to which they quickly rushed out of our way knowing how heavy our bags were.

Both groups departed without looking at each other, other than me and Vance, we both looked back to each other's groups, which made us make eye contact.

We held it for a while till he went along with his friend group, yelling at them for leaving him.

"They're so weird, I swear." Boston said.

I gave him a side eye, walking alongside Gabby at the front.

"You know, you two seem to get along the most." She whispers to me, trying to not have anyone else hearing.

"Shut up, if we we're to get along then maybe he would leave me the fuck alone." I whisper yell.

She rolled her eyes and continued walking.

Once we got our stuff we decided to buy snacks for the game and headed to the baseball stadium, which was filled with people, both students and parents.

Gabby and I sat next to each other as always, cheering on the boys as they played out in the field.

In the end, it was our school's team that lost. It wasn't much of a big deal since we knew they wouldn't win.

It was mostly 9th graders against mostly 10th graders.

Both schools did things differetly. Both schools didn't have the 9th graders and 10th graders separated for the sports teams, they were both added together due to this being a small town.

As we were walking out of the stadium, I saw two of the players talking, one which I knew of, Finney Blake, thanks to being bullied by a few kids. The other one, Bruce Yamada, due to being one of the popular guys.

I only ever talked to Bruce once or twice, not really interested, Finney, on the other hand, I talked to a few more times.

"You're Finney Blake Right? Your arm is mint!" Bruce said to Finn.

I ignored whatever else they said, since it was none of my business.

"So, whose turn is it to pick?" Asked Gaby.

"Mine," I said and everyone looked at each other, "get ready to watch Silence Of The Lambs."

Now everyone looked at each other scared to the bone, all but Gabby, who looked unfaced.

It was a disturbing film that we both watched late at night when I managed to get my hands onto a cassette.

I invited everyone to a few snacks, since I was about to disturb them all, and we decided to sneak into the drive-in.

Once we were there, they went to buy the snacks with my money and me and Gabby decided to walk around, trying to find the perfect spot to watch without having to deal with the couples having sex inside the cars.

Gabby whistled, "You'll never believe who's here with us today." She pointed with her head, up to front.

Vance Hopper and his little gang were watching the movie, and once they saw us, Vance and his friends started walking towards us.

"Great, we're fucked once again." I told Gabby.

"Or maybe it's fate, admit it, it would be nice to have a couple in our friend group, other than Aryanah. Her boyfriend stinks." I agreed with her.

"Well, if it ain't the loser and the faggot. Why are you even here? You'll probably piss your pants to the horror." A guy with long hair said.

"We already watched the film lots of times, if anything, it would be you guys who'll piss their pants." I told them.

"Tch," He clicked his tongue, "yeah sure, and pigs can fly, as if we'll believe that."

Gabby and him went off on each other while I simply stared at Vance, who started back.

"You got pissy friends, you know." I told.

"And you got faggots as friends." He said.

"And you don't?" I pointed to the shortie next to him, who went red.

Vance simply shrugged it off and told his friends to go find a spot for them while I told Gabby to keep looking for ours.

"Are you really here to watch the movie or are you here to piss me off?" I asked him.

"I would've preferred just seeing you, but there's nothing much to look at."

"As if, have you seen yourself lately? You don't do anything other than play in the Pinball Machine and bully kids."

"And you don't?" He raised an eyebrow.

"We are completely different, you do it for fun, I do it when it's needed."

"What difference is it if we both do the same thing?" He asked me, getting closer to my face as he did.

"The reason why." I whispered to him.

His face was inches away from mine, but I could feel his breath hitting my face, and our noses almost touched.

He chuckled lightly and backed up away from me, going to see his friends.

"[Y/N], I found our spot!" Gabby yelled out to me and I walked towards her, waiting for the others.

[lavend3r-stardust]

BUCKLE UP FOLKS THIS IS A VERY PERSONAL POST (abt questioning gender wahooo)

am I enby? am I a butch/tomboy? am I a demigirl? am I only questioning my gender identity bc I live in a patriarchal society where femininity is demonized so I feel comfier in the default which is masculinity? h m m m . .

like I cringe when people call me "a good girl" or "ladylike" or whatever, but that's typically said by desi aunties n stuff, I know they don't mean to hurt me or anything and I do appreciate the sentiment bc they just want to acknowledge how hard I work . . . but it just messes with me, like it doesn't feel right being called that . . . I don't think i'd care much if people saw me as a boy or whatever, but I guess that'd be hard to do lol I look pretty fem (got pretty soft ish facial features ig)

i've never really felt comfortable wearing traditional desi outfits bc I feel like I look wrong . . . in a way. Like they feel tight around my chest (and that's emphasized too much imo, but compared to others I might not have much to hide :P) and I think I'd feel much more comfortable wearing masc stuff like a panjabi or something (but that doesn't have to be a gender thing, that could just be a comfort thing like shopping from the mens section in general)

i've never liked being seen as a stereotypical woman or being held to all these restricting molds that afab folks are forced into, like having kids and managing domestic roles n stuff . . . like is that all I am? a walking incubator? I'm more than that :\\ maybe I feel safer presenting as masc bc being fem comes with all these standards I feel suffocated by.

i don't mind she/her pronouns but I think I wanna try out they/them along with that, make a little pronoun salad yk? mix things up and experiment bc there's nothing wrong with that. And with fem clothes, I think some are fine, like i'll wear a tennis skirt now and again, but I think I might just have a general dislike for them bc my mom has picked out my clothes for me since I was little, and her perception of how her daughter should look doesn't match up with how her kid sees themselves. She grew up in a different culture, which isn't her fault. If I feel confident in fem clothes, it's because I picked it out and Ik i'll feel good in them because it's what I want for myself.

I don't completely hate my appearance, I don't mind menstruating and bras and whatnot (I think I feel pretty fucking badass in them lol, black lace for the win lets gooo). But sometimes I don't really like the curves of my legs?? like sometimes I wish I could de-emphasize my hips so I try to wear baggier pants n whatnot. Is that a dysphoria thing? Maybe? I don't really know . . . And I never liked how my voice sounds bc its too high n nasally (maybe too fem? but all that boils down to how I define femininity), I wish I sounded like a few of my guy friends :\\ wish I had my voice a little deeper like theirs, need some of their testosterone lmaooo (I don't think I'd go on hormones or whatever, just joking around over circumstances I can't control). Sometimes I get this urge to cut all my hair off bc it's hella long and I think a shorter/medium style would be affirming for me. I've gotten used to seeing myself in a certain light that I really want to change things up just to see how my confidence would improve.

tldr, I guess I just feel mostly like a girl? but also not quite? if i'm making sense. I just don't like how rigid gender norms are in western society and I don't completely feel like a boy or want to be a boy either. I'm pretty attracted to and would like to present more masculine (mostly regarding clothing, but also my crushes have been pretty masc/tomboyish) or androgynous in general.

in the end, how I view myself will def change between now and later, so I don't need to feel pressured by picking a label or feeling intimidated by using a term that feels "wrong". if I think it'll work for me now, I might as well stay with it unless something changes in the future. phases aren't necessarily a bad thing, it just means you're taking time to experiment and see what fits you best, you wanna understand yourself and there's no harm in that.

[bryophytas]

gonna make my first real post a vent post.

my partner (not boyfriend- partners bc we're both bi and to us, "partner" signifies equality in the relationship) means well, i know he does, but it fucking frustrates me that he makes food in front of me and tries to get me to eat. he's one of the only two people i have EVER told i have an ED (the other being this trans guy i'll call T, who is coincidentally the only other person i've loved) and he's trying so so hard to help me recover and a part of me just dies inside because he's so earnest but like. i think i'm kinda a lost cause at this point? and this leads into problem #2

he doesn't think i'm that sick. he's partially right- i mean, i've never been healthy. even at my healthiest i had a BMI of around 18. i was still underweight. but because one of his exes (that he just started talking to again, btw!!) had a BMI of 14 he doesn't think i'm as serious. i don't want him to fix me. i don't even know if i want to fix myself.

all i ever wanted was to be beautiful. i'm the third generation in a modelling family, though my grandma eventually got too old for it and my mom ended up quitting to go to grad school. i modelled as a young child (~7 yrs) and while i know the industry is fucked, i miss it so much. i miss being a part of that world. i was really close to this former model last year, and the year before that i was dating one. i think i really let myself go because i lived in a big city where people really got scouted often. i may be on the shorter side, but my mom is my height and her mom was even shorter, and they both were pretty successful. guess i just didn't win the genetic lottery, but that's nothing that can't be fixed. this leads me to problem #4

he wants to fucking fix me. he fed me fajitas he cooked himself and made this face when i couldn't finish eating it because why the fuck would i want to do that, and i just wanted to die on the spot. i started shaking and he held me. i'm only 106lbs. i can be so much better than that.

i want to be good, but the only people i know in this city well enough are my best friend (recovered anorexic, which, good for her, but i can't exactly tell her about this stuff) and him. it's like i can't fucking breathe. everything is food food food, and i'm simultaneously too skinny for my partner to treat me as healthy, and too normal to be treated with the same concern he gave his ex. basically, until i lose more, i'm fucked.

does this motivate me? not exactly. but i do genuinely think i'm catching a cold a friend of a friend had, so that should give me an excuse not to eat tomorrow.

[omentranslates]

Villain - chapter 4 english fan translation

Warning for misgendering and heavy themes

Hello, I've translated chapter 4 of the manga adaptation of Teniwoha's song, Villain. This translation is text only, the manga itself is free to read here. The cover page of this chapter: "The more cruel a town, the more beautiful its rainbow."

Dream Azuru: Renri, I love you. I'm in love with you.

Dream Renri: Get your hands off me. I can't believe you, you make me sick.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Shop attendant: Thank you!

Azuru: Oh...I picked him up a little gift without even thinking...the force of habit's kinda scary. What I'm really scared of is going to see him, though.

Flashback Renri: Just stay Azuru.

Dream Renri: Get your hands off me. You make me sick.

Azuru: Renri would never say something like that....or is that just what I want to tell myself?

Azuru Narration: Despite his body, Renri's a guy. I know he really cares for me AS a guy friend. And I know he already likes me a good amount.....but his 'like' and my 'like' aren't the same. These feelings of mine are a betrayal of his friendship. I don't want him to hate me. No...it's more than that. I don't want to hurt him.

Renri: Yo, Azuru, you're here! Check it out! I helped the Chinese food place out with their stock and the old man sent me home with some, let's share it! Azuru?

Azuru: I came to say goodbye today.

Renri: ...what? Huh? Why? ...did something happen?

Azuru: ...I'm about to get real busy with examp prep, actually. So I say "goodbye" but really I just mean I won't be around for a while so...

Renri: Don't lie to me.

Takitou: Hey.

Renri: AZURU.

Takitou: I heard there was a super strong guy picking a buncha fights around here....looks like it was just you, Midou Renri.

Renri: Takitou Ozamu

Takitou: Been a while, hasn't it. I almost didn't recognize you for a second there with your hair so much shorter.

Renri: Don't fucking touch me, moron.

Takitou: Haha, foul-mouthed as ever. Is that wimp over there your buddy?

Renri: None of your fucking business. Get lost.

Takitou: Oh yeah...? Hey, you. Just how well do you really know Renri?

Renri: TAKITOU!!!!

Azuru: STOP IT!!

Takitou: Haha, don't worry about it, wimp. I'm not the kinda guy who hits girls.

Takitou: ...what's the matter? Renri, you didn't tell your friend about that?

Renri: TAKITOU WOULD YOU KNOCK IT THE FUCK-

Azuru: ....STOP IT NOW! RENRI...IS A GUY, NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT!

Takitou: Haha, well isn't that nice, Renri, your friend pities you. Oh-

Takitou: Get it through your head already, Renri. We're not kids anymore. A woman like you isn't going to win with the men.

Renri: You fucking...-

Azuru: ....Renri, don't!

Takitou: Damn, something came up. I'll see you, Renri. Let's hang out again.

Azuru: Renri, are you hurt any-*choking sound*

Renri: You fucking knew...

Azuru: ...I'm sorry.

Renri: Huh. So you were the same as everyone else the whole time...you found out my situation and tried to get yourself far away.

Azuru: ....that's not it! I really do think of you as a guy, I just...!

Renri: THERE IT IS AGAIN. BE A MAN OR BE A WOMAN, EVERYONE FORCING THEIR CHOICES ALL OVER ME!! I'M ME, JUST ME. ISN'T THAT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANY OF YOU?

Azuru: ....Renri, I...-

Renri: I'm done with this. Get your hands off me.

Renri: I can't believe you, you make me sick.

[minetteskvareninova]

Thank y'all for participating! The results... Sure are something. Just a quick disclaimer: I wanted to make Bali one of the options, but he was left out as a favor for not annoying me too much throughout his stint on season 3. I don't think he'd win anyway, like I don't think he's anyone's least favourite? But don't worry I didn't forget him, and most certainly not what he did to Armin. Consider him a honorary mention in this competition.

And our winner is... Drumroll please... Ibrahim! Which surprised me even as someone who can't stand him. Like wow, he beat a supervillain, child murderer and Lütfi pasha, that's some trashiness! Part of this seems like echo chamber effect (fuck Ibrahim, all of my homies hate Ibrahim) and general atmosphere of appreciation for Nigar and Hürrem in our circles, but to be fair, not like he hasn't earned it. His treatment of Nigar alone is deserving of all the middle fingers he could get, not to mention his murder of Leo (along with an attempt at then-pregnant Hürrem's life), an affair that lasted for years, general hubris and douchebaggery (this man had a throne installed in his own living room, for crying out loud) and other things that I don't even remember. In short, a worthy denizen of superhell to be sure.

Süleyman should NOT be so far behind him but very well. His actual crimes aside, the consistency of his shitty, self-absorbed behavior puts him in my mind on par if not above Ibrahim. This man functions as such a perfect stealth (and, well, not-so-stealth at times) critique of absolute monarchy it sometimes feels like GRRM made him. At any rate, my mind is at peace knowing he and Ibrahim are in superhell together. Yay!

Speaking of superhell denizens! The bronze medal goes to my personal favourite, Lütfi pasha. Well, favourite in this competition, so you know. He has a lesser rap sheet than the rest of the guys here, but that's mostly a result of his shorter tenure on the show (half a season, less than any other of our contestants) and pure, unadulterated laziness. Otherwise he's guilty of brutal mutilation, persecution of sex workers and of course being a bad husband to Şah sultan, which as we all know is an executable offence. Good job, Lütfi, may your genitals also burn in superhell forever!

I didn't WANT to let Rüstem compete, but I need to be fair here. This guy was literally introduced with a Klingon Promotion and generally worked hard every second of his screentime to deserve his place in hell, from murders to casual douchebaggery towards anyone he doesn't suck up to. I am glad he didn't win (I assume because he's too cool and disapproved of by the narrative for us to hate him more than, say, Ibrahim), but still, he's one rotten bastard.

Lastly, we have everyone's least favourite elevated thug. *sad trombone* It's a shame that most of his crimes are purely offscreen, but the sheer dissonance between them and his self-righteous Diriliş Ertugrul reject pose should have earned him a higher position in this competition, I think. I assume that while everyone hates this guy, most of us just has someone they hate more than him, which, fair, that's the case with me as well.

Anyway, thank you for your participation, ladies, gents and the rest of the genders! It was a fun little thing we did here. More awards to come, possibly, whenever I fancy. Bye!

[dorimena]

I seriously love Bakugou and Todoroki. Especially Bakugou in his tight winter costume in S5. And I love Dom reader and femdom more than a sub. Can I pleaseee request Todoroki or Bakugou where the reader is recording them playing with a vibrator or dildo but get overstimulated because they can't cum from the cock ring because it's their punishments since they forgot their anniversary so reader also forget to stop the toys even if they beg reader to stop in the camera.if you don't mind the request

I don’t mind~ May your sin be forgiven with this prayer (˘⌣˘人) This sounds really, really sexy, so I had a blast imagining and putting this into words.

𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔢𝔯; bakugou katsuki & todoroki shoto

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱; 2.1k

𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰; fem!reader, sex toys (dildo, vibrators, cockring), overstimulation, cam sex (recording), exhibitionism, semi-public, dom!reader, sub!character

𝔬𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔱𝔞𝔤𝔰; balcony sex (?), threesome, whiny Bakugou, weeping Todoroki, punishment, orgasm denial, aged-up characters, Bakugou and Todoroki are both 20+

𝔰𝔦𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔢; Unravel Me by Sabrina Claudio and Fuck Love by XXXTENTACION ft. Trippie Reid somehow helped me piece this together. Sorry if there are any typos! It’s not proofread.

𝕯𝖔𝖚𝖇𝖑𝖊 𝕿𝖗𝖔𝖚𝖇𝖑𝖊

“I-I-”

“W-we! We-”

You watch as both men struggle to speak, trying to ask for forgiveness, once again. It’s the fourth time this hour, the way Bakugou tries to open his mouth wide enough to not slur his words and Todoroki tries to correct Bakugou while keeping himself coherent.

It’s cute how the smartest guys in your life seem to fail miserably in having a decent human conversation

Well, you can’t blame them either, not with the way you keep toying around with the intensity of the vibrators taped to their dicks, cum drying on the toy enough to show anyone who looks up on the balcony that these two men, with such stature and muscles, are easily falling apart.

“Speak better, sweethearts. Can’t have you guys sounding so dumb on camera, right?”

Oh yeah, and you’re even recording them, in case anyone else would want to watch the rising proheros break.

You’re not actually going to show them to the public, but maybe to their friends. Maybe Kirishima would like to watch? Kaminari? Sero? Or maybe Iida? Midoriya?

Heck, the girls might even ask some day.

But you know what makes you curious about showing this video to their friends?

The way both Bakugou and Todoroki are presenting themselves beautifully, as if they’re pro porn stars saving the wanks rather than proheros saving the day.

It’s cute, how Bakugou’s puffing his muscular chest in the air as if they were the juiciest tits ever, which they are, and how Todoroki is somehow sensually humping the air with every buzz against his furious red tip.

Your eyes stay on the screen, making sure the lighting is entering nice enough to make it seem like they’re glowing, other than their post-orgasm glow.

How many times have they come by now?

“Babes, how many times have you cum?”

They both shake their heads.

Of course they wouldn’t know. They just take what they’re receiving. They’re making up for their mistake.

You still pout, tapping the touchable screen to even out the weird lighting as another cloud covers the sun, again.

Maybe giving their punishment out on the balcony wasn’t such a good idea.

As you look down to the floor below them, seeing the once growing puddle of cum slowly be pushed by the wind to trail off towards the side of the balcony, seeping through the small opening and probably dripping feets below is what keeps you positive, happy knowing people will eventually look up and wonder ‘what the fuck is going on?’

Well, either the drying cum gives away your dirty activities or it’s Todoroki’s wailing as an orgasm is ripped out of him forcibly.

Pity nothing comes from his tip, not since some time ago.

They both thought they deserve to cum and be satisfied?

Maybe you should’ve put the cock rings on them before making them come the first two times, but their reactions and frustration with how little some cum leaves or how their body reacts with the dry convulsions makes you giggle in pride.

Pretty babes.

“Todoroki, shut up. You’ll make the neighbors look over- oh! Oh, that’s what you want? I understand.”

And poor Todoroki is just shaking his head way too fast, enough to give him whiplash, but you just snicker as you reach over to a white box.

An unfamiliar white box.

Bakugou’s eyeing Todoroki in pity, wondering what the other will have to endure as he keeps trying to fight off his orgasm.

How he’s doing it, he has no clue. But god his dick hurts.

He’s been wanting to cum for the past 30 minutes, but with the way he resents this stupid cock ring, he’d rather not humilliate himself in front of you and figure out how else to please you.

Maybe he should offer to eat you out?

The way his body is super tense and his breathing is shallow doesn’t escape your attention, less how much pity is showing itself on his face as he shakes his face in disapproval with Todoroki’s recent dry orgasm.

Good thing you invested in this double dildo.

Neither of the boys take notice with how you’re lubing the dildo that looks like it’d belong to you. It’s quite pretty, long and thick enough to hopefully please your boys.

Even if they won’t get to cum.

“Bakugou,” you start, smiling as you watch his once bright eyes suddenly darken as shock takes over his face.

What the

“Fuck is that?!” He yells out, accidentally letting his body relax as it finally submits to the vibrations of the toy, his yell turning into an unbroken series of high-pitched moans, his hips losing control with how incredibly close he is.

“A double dildo, baby. Look! It even looks like if I’d be fucking you two, isn’t that fun?”

Bakugou shakes his head, gasping ‘no, no, no!’ before he falls forward, balancing himself with his palms as he sobs through his first dry orgasm. Maybe he shouldn’t have held back for so long, not with the way his body unforgivably goes through waves of pure unsatisfied pleasure.

Todoroki, meanwhile, is nodding eagerly, eyes welling up in happy tears at the idea of getting fucked, in getting more pleasure and love from you, even if this is meant to be punishment.

But, why are you exposing them like this?

They forgot your anniversary.

Your 3rd anniversary as a throuple, the anniversary Bakugou swallowed his bite and pride to confess to you how much he loves you and how he’s falling in love with Todoroki too; the anniversary Todoroki finally let loose the dam of emotions and even if a bit tipsy, agreed he too was falling in love with both you and Bakugou, how he hasn’t ever felt so understood, so loved, so safe.

So, yeah, how dare they forget?

But if they wanna be dumb, you’ll help with that.

It’s been a while now since you’ve turned off the vibrators and since you’ve prepped them well enough to take the dildo together.

The scene in front of you is gorgeous, ethereal, sublime.

You just want to ruin them like this everyday.

“Aagh! Ugh! F-fuck! Sl-slow do-own! Haaah~”

“S-sorry! ‘m s-sorry! Ca-an’t! Nnah…”

It’s cute watching them argue a bit, how Bakugou can’t take how fast Todoroki is fucking himself back on the dildo while also pushing the toy deeper into Bakugou. And Todoroki doesn’t actually look sorry, not with how his eyes keep crossing everytime he manages to get the toy to hit his sweet spot.

He’s trying so hard to win your forgiveness by putting up with this, but it’s kind of sad knowing you’re not going to stop anytime soon, or take off the cockrings.

Not like they know anyways.

Bakugou might’ve known, might’ve noticed, with the way he’s trying to keep this dragging as slow and steady as possible; with the way his precum is struggling to escape the confines the cockring gives; with how much his red and miserably hard dick keeps jumping with every push Todoroki’s ass gives him.

You’re lounging about, resisting the urge to get off to the scene in front of you, or else they’d start begging to let them please you as apologies, and knowing how sentimental this day is for you, you know you’d immediately give in.

But this is punishment for their forgetfulness.

So, as the cherry on top of this cum covered balcony sex sundae, you’ll also forget about them.

It lasted for a while as you got bored with how neither of them seemed to be reaching another orgasm.

If only the dildo had a vibration option.

But the vibrators still taped on their dicks will have to do.

So you turn them back on, and oh would you look at that! The cockrings could also vibrate.

The pleasure-filled scream coming from Bakugou and the cute, drawled whine of your name Todoroki lets out makes you feel grateful for thinking ahead, kinda.

Now both boys are writhing against each other, different ways to let out their desperations and dying need to properly cum manifesting in either rapid fucking on the dildo to simply submitting to the minstruations of the other party.

To put it in better, shorter words, Bakugou took the reigns in fucking the dildo in such rigor and strength that made Todoroki lay on his chest, ass still up as he simply took everything Bakugou kept pushing into him, mouth opened as hiccups and drool escaped. His eyes settle onto your form, watering as more tears gather on his waterline before dropping to the ground his face is resting on.

It feels so good, so, so good he can’t believe this is punishment. Even if he hasn’t been able to properly cum for some time now, he still thinks you’re being nice with them. Must be because of the anniversary that you sadly reminded them of.

He’s trying his best to push back on the dildo, wanting Bakugou to feel just as good as him, just as fucked as him.

And everytime the toy hits him just right, Todoroki sees stars, feels an all too familiar tingly sensation as he tries to grab his dick, but when you turn the vibrator up even more, his hands just lay on the ground, nails raking as he tries gripping on something, anything.

He really, really, really needs to cum. He wants to cum.

Keep being a good boy for you.

But all he gets is a choked sob of your name leaving his mouth as his eyes roll to the back of his head, eyebrows furrowed upwards as the strongest orgasm takes over his body, he’d be convinced there’s an earthquake happening. Small whimpers of how much it hurts leaves his mouth soon after, his dick twitching pathetically as it slowly becomes purple, barely a dribble of cum managing to escape.

Bakugou is in no good shape either, loudly moaning and crying out how good you’re fucking him, how he’s taking your cock, how good he is being, to please, please, please let him cum.

But actually cum, to let him contaminate the floor even more with his sperm, to let him taste it even, if that would make you happy and forgive him.

He’s close to wailing by now, hips going impossible faster as he forgets all about poor Todoroki riding out his high.

And the moment you turn on the vibrators intensity, he gets dizzy, breath getting stuck in his throat as his brain tries to process the spiraling of his warm, hot orgasm growing too much, burning him everywhere as if it were lava.

Small sparks sound on his fingertips as he howls and gets hurled into his own orgasm, back arching and head thrown back as his eyes roll to the back of his head.

He didn’t even notice the tears rolling down his cheeks, not with how his mind only cares about how good yet bad this orgasm feels.

Not even how loud his high-pitched wails of how good it feels, how much it hurts, is enough to alarm anyone near the radius of this defiling act.

Both boys are left shuddering or twitching through their intense dry orgasm, the way their bodies react with the built up cum in their dicks, with how hot and how wreckless they’re becoming with their quirks.

Still connected with the dildo, neither move, unless it’s some pathetic hump to help drag the orgasm a little more before they try to even remember what letter your name begins with.

Bakugou’s whimpering.

Todoroki’s crying silently.

Both blinking the haze out of their vision as they remember about the buzzing, about the relentless feeling on their really, really sensitive dicks.

Bakugou’s crying now.

Todoroki’s just busy mewling like a slut by now.

And when they both turn to look at you, they gasp so loudly one of them begins choking on air and the other with saliva.

Where’d you go?!

Come back!

And ‘come back’ and ‘forgive us’ is the only thing anyone could possibly hear for the next few hours as they fuck the dildo and let the vibrators do their job in milking more and more orgasms out of them.

If only they’d look closer, they would’ve seen a post-it note stuck on the tripod of the camera telling them you went to the kitchen and that they better come crawling.

Oh well, you’re enjoying the view anyways as you sip on some liquor of your liking, turning off the vibrators as you slowly walk to the balcony.

The sun’s beginning to set. You’re not that cruel in letting them fuck each other in the cold.

The bedroom is much better, and comfier.

Perfect for you to finish the job and let them finally, finally, get their deserving orgasms.

You’ll be sure to milk out

Every.

Single.

Drop.

[duckugou]

golden

Kenma x GN!reader

Im trying to stray away from my comfort zone of just writing readers that use she/her so bear with me

sorry if this lowkey sucks but it was inspired by harry styles song golden

cw: big cursing, huge fluff, strangers to friends to lovers, comfort, aged up!

come to my asks to be a part of my taglist! just let me know what kinds of fics/ what fandom/ what characters/ etc you want to be tagged in!

Requests are open!!

-------------------------------------

Being a streamer comes with perks. Being comfy at home, not having to face people in real life every day, playing games, typical shit. Another perk is making good friends.

Meeting people on a voice chat is common for Kenma -guys and gals alike. What he wasnt expecting one night was the sweetest voice on the other end of his headphones.

"You're all fucks- I'm better at this game than all of you combined. Try me."

To think that was the sentence that made Kenma's ears perk up and burn.

"What the hell ever- we have the great Kodzuken on our side." One of the guys said, half joking half dead serious.

"Oh yeah, he isn't even speaking up to defend your pussy asses- probably knows I could beat him too." You could hear the smirk in that last part.

"U-uh, no. You can't beat me. Nobody can actually. Not at this game." Kenma rebutted , confident in his gaming skills but not so much his speaking skills to this stranger.

"Oh man, you certainly sound confident. Come on, Kodzuken- 1v1 me then. Show me who the best really is."

Kenma suddenly felt nervous. Should he really demolish this stranger? Isn't it polite to let the person you like win? He didn't like this person yet but god their voice was attractive.

"Fine. Send the request." He decided.

"Sent, fucker."

The game resulted in a tie because this stranger actually knew what they were doing. They both threw friendly insults at each other the whole time of course, making each of them laugh a little.

"Okay fine. The great Kodzuken himself almost beat me. Im almost honored to have a great streamer almost beat me."

"Well you almost beat me too- uh-" Kenma stuttered over the fact that he didn't know how to address this stranger.

"Oh! Call me Y/n." The person giggled.

"You can uh, call me Kenma."

"Oh you don't want me to repeat your title over and over like everyone else?" They laughed.

"No, friends don't call me that. They use my name name." His ears were burning.

"Friends, huh? Guess that means you owe me your number so we can schedule a rematch where I can properly beat your ass."

"Huh, guess so."

A few months had gone by and Y/n and Kenma were as close as they could be. They found out they live close by each other and began hanging out a lot.

Y/n would be in the back of his streams on occasion and wouldn't hesitate to speak up during them. Thats the thing about Y/n. They've always been so outspoken. Since the start. Everything they talk about comes so easy to Y/n. Nothing is held back. Kenma knows everything about them. He on the other hand is still a bit closed off. Quiet. The two are so opposite yet so alike. Kenma doesn't speak much about himself, opting to listen.

Especially when talking about past relationships.

One night, they were sat in Kenmas room in separate chairs, letting conversations flow.

"So, you've dated but why have the relationships ended?" Y/n asked.

"Ah, I dont know- its not important. Why did yours end?" Kenma flipped the question as he always does.

"One guy cheated," Y/n tossed a piece of popcorn in the air, missing their mouth and brushing it off. "One girl left because she was leaving for school, and one guy just didn't mesh with me. Your turn." Y/n pushed the question back.

"Uh- well. I don't click with people easily. I'm pretty closed off so when I date it usually ends in hurt feelings by accident or they get sick of me." Kenma finally admitted.

"Huh." Y/n flopped onto their stomach on the bed after setting down the popcorn. "Don't you like anyone though? Like- if you liked someone enough, do you think you would give opening up a shot?"

"I mean I guess. Nobody ever takes the time to...pry me open." That got a laugh out of Y/n. Good. "But yeah I do like someone."

Sitting up suddenly, Y/n became visibly excited.

"TELL ME WHO."

"No god no- it isnt important." Kenmas ears burned again.

"Come onnnnn. Its gotta be someone big time cool to earn your heart. I have to approve."

Y/n pulled Kenma from his chair to the bed, not letting go of his hand as he sat down.

"Theyre very cool- and very sweet. Understanding. Someone who stands up for me and makes me comfortable-" Kenma began gushing.

"Do I know them?" Y/n interrupted.

"Y-yeah. You sure do." Kenma scratched the back of his neck.

"Oooh ok, a guessing game. Describe them more- their looks!" Y/n held his hand tighter, bouncing up and down with excitement.

"Well- ok." Kenma took a deep breath and decided he could be vague enough. "Theyre short. As short if not shorter than me. Competitive. Very cute smile-"

"TOO VAGUE give me the JUICY DETAILS" Y/n pushed.

"They uh- they have..pretty eyes." He was staring at this point, eyes wandering around Y/ns face to find more things to describe. "cute nose too I guess. Squishy cheeks. Glasse-"

"WHO THE HELL IS IT KENMA- its starting to sound like youre describing me." Y/n laughed.

"No- I'm totally not!" Kenma rushed.

"Tell this person you like them. You look so happy when you talk about them. Its kind of sickening."

"I can't just do that." Kenma stated flatly.

"Yeah you can."

"No-"

"DO ITTTT. Nothing to be scared of- it's CUTE. They would be dumb to not like you."

Kenma sighed, knowing he couldn't tell Y/n the truth about who he liked. What does he usually do when he's put in a corner like this? Oh thats right-

"Who do you like then Y/n?" He asked, proud of himself for deflecting again.

"Oh thats easy. You." Y/n said, letting go of his hand and laying back on the bed, leaving Kenma sitting up and stunned.

"What? No I mean a crush idiot. Who do you liiikkkeee?" Kenma pushed, hoping he didn't hear Y/n wrong.

"You, Kenma. I've had a crush since our first tie in a game. Thought that was obvious-"

Kenma flopped back on the bed as well. The both of them looking at each other.

"Oh. My person is uh... really... open and honest." Kenma said quietly.

"Is that why you wont tell them?" Y/n asked just as hushed.

"Yeah... what if right now they say yes but then their feelings change one day? That would hurt so bad. Worse than not telling them ever." He whispered.

There was silence. They knew what they both just admitted. Kenmas heart started racing. This might've fucked everything up. He might lose them. But they like him too so why is he so scared?

Y/n held his hand again.

"I know that youre scared because I'm so open...but hey... If you wanna give it a try..." Y/n whispered, scared about whether or not their honesty fucked them over.

"You might be right this time Y/n." Kenma whispered.

The space between them was closed due to both of them being drawn together like magnets in that moment. A sweet kiss.

"Let's try it then. I'll work on... being more open if you'd like." Kenma said.

"Kenma. I dont want you to change one bit. I like you the way you are."

Acceptance. It was the best thing Kenma has ever felt.

[larrythefloridaman]

Finally picked this up again! episodes #Reboot and CPUK11 notes under the cut! Considered doing more eps for this batch of notes but decided to make a new post as we hit the end of each new arc for the sake of breaking these posts up into bites thatre a Liddle shorter, lol. enjoy

CPUK Reboot! Ryan says outright they're gonna ignore some stuff going forward for the sake of clarity, like for example mario from super mario's weirdnesses. They launch into an explanation of the whole crimson debacle, describing BOTH hamburger Helper summoning the crimson initially AND the Crimson killing the Grunk as having been accidental, which tracks a bit with crimson's comments about the whole grunk thing being 'messy,' and later established fact that what he was trying to do was corrupt him, and resisting being made into something he wasn't is what killed him. Whole lot of fuckin. Life-Changing Whoopsie Doodles going on in here. just an absolute tragedy of errors. Crimson later, in CPUK Orange: "but he got better! you can't stay mad at me forever right?" sorry crimson i know you've probably already accepted this by now. but they are going to.

Following Ryan leaving cpu kerfuffle for a bit after the fucking bummer PR Nightmare that was the grunk and jay dying, everyone just went fucking hogwild attempting to claim championship for themselves as in the absence of the competition, noone had been officially declared the new champion, and therefore it was considered up for grabs and the contestants descended into chaos and infighting, banding together into factions to try and take championship on behalf of their team. need to know more about this era. CPUK11 describes it as Mad Max-ish. It sounds hilarious. Iggy 'tamed' the Crimson, sacrificing his godpower to do so in what we later learn was the result of a multifaceted deal with Cobalt to keep Crimson Alive, but no longer interfering with the normal function of the tournament itself, while also paying off Iggy's debt to Cobalt for bringing back Home as part of the timeloop. Chat Member: "hot take: cpu kerfuffle has more complicated lore than homestuck" Ryan: "not yet, give it time." smiles

Ryan: "The crimson right now is like- pretty chill, it wont be contagious, it wont be killing anybody- i like that I like it not killing anybody-" aside from the obviously bad still possessing val thing he's just been. fucking vibing? i guess? Compliant with Cobalt and Iggy's terms. It is interesting in retrospect how thoroughly crimson was discussed like a Thing and not a Person early on despite definitely being played as having personality and human level intelligence even then. Just a lot… quieter. 

Ryan: "But Iggy's decided: okay you guys made factions? We're going to do the tournament all the same, except now everyone's gonna be fighting on and representing their own teams."

Team Crimson original description: "the team for anyone with loyalty to the crimson, or just really likes the color red. All of them are quite passionate for whatever it is that they love, whether it be the abomination that is their namesake or their more personal passions, but the one rule is you Gotta be wearing the color red."

Cash money is about making cash money, OR brand loyalty/cultivation. very little has changed beyond the eventual outright banning of rich people to center more specifically on small businesses, individuals furthering their careers and freelancer types.

"Team Clutch's sole purpose is to produce the greatest fighters ever to live, and they will train hard and win this tournament to prove it." lol. lmao even (affectionate)

Team Cones has seen that cpu kerfuffle is ALL about the chaos, and they're leaning into it baby, lets go!!

"After the Crimson was tamed by Iggy. Unfortunately, even as the Crimson was tamed, Captain Crimson stayed within the Crimson's clutches, he was the one thing it managed to hold onto tightly. Captain Crimson used to be known as Captain Valentine, is essentially the sort of- emissary of the Crimson, the leader of the Crimson, and the one who formed Team Crimson. Right now he's- just kind of a crimson boy- a lot of people are speculating that Valentine might still be in there but if we see him again it might not be this time-" 😔

"The other member of team crimson- Dantoinette! Dantoinette originally came here as a player of Tekken and Soul Calibur, 3d fighters, and came here like 'i kick ass at those games, this is gonna be Nothing' and they showed their stuff-" ryan keeps they/them-ing random fighters. he keeps doing it and it's awesome

"-however, throughout all the madness that came, the whole outbreak, the hiatus, Dantoinette actually didn't choose a team at first- but Captain Crimson was like 'hey, you wear red, you've got this passion for these games, want to join my side?' And Dantoinette decided 'yeah, lets do it.' So thats Dantoinette." Crimson. I reiterate that her first reaction to meeting you was attempting to kill you. Boy-

ICEE remains just a guy in a bear suit that likes him some fuckin ICEE baby! Or actually a bear. Ryan says the jury's still out on that part. At this point im willing to say ICEE just IS a bear suit. Like a sentient mascot costume i mean. Take the head off and theres just nothing in there. Yung Papaya made a few singles that got charted during the hiatus, so he's making that Money, and him and ICEE started team cash money as a joint thing.

Team Clutch formed by Sword Goku with the goal of creating a team where people can work to become the best version of themselves, they can be the champions they know they can be. And part of Team Clutch at this point is the former champ, the king himself, Big Yopper, the first champ before it was even called CPU Kerfuffle. He and Sword Goku spent the whole break training.

"Team Cones wasnt really founded by anyone it just sort of- appeared from the aether. We have Hamburger, the original reigning champion, a winner at the top of his game for many years- originally he was just sorta- doing his own bullshit, he was actually married to someone else who we'll talk about in a second- got divorced after the whole Crimson thing, and after the whole Crimson thing was all said and done, he decided y'know what? I'm breaking away from all that. He defected from the Crimson and joined team cones because he's all about that chaos." Defected is an interesting word choice here because it implies despite Crimson's whole thing being physically controlling you that he just Did That. Between this and Chessmaster (both of whom were explicitly willingly possessed for the sake of a power boost) it feels like. Maybe there could be some kind of Personal Revelation type condition to meet to free yourself from Crimson? Considering the fact he's a god of treachery who possesses your body to do evil, a bad influence personified that tempts you toward destructive coping mechanisms with varying degrees of intentionality and malice, a correlation between choosing to earnestly change yourself for the better and being able to throw off his hold on you seems pretty Thematically Appropriate, although it does make Dantoinette literally axeing the evil out of people even funnier. Dantoinette voice: i dont need therapy and neither do you. what you need is an asskicking to get some sense knocked into you and i can deliver one. express shipping DIRECTLY to hell

"And joining him on that team is his own ex-husband of all people, Dadondorf! Unfortunately they did have a bit of a divorce- crimson took over him, he was being a bit of a dick, and dadondorf is not… with him right now he's just joining the team with him, helping build the team, he's like, 'no funny business, strictly professional relationship we have as we rule over Team Cones'." i think dad's lying a little bit i think mamma mia by abba is on repeat in dadondorf's brain at this point and he was being very brave about it /j

ICEE's bird is named Cherry <3

ICEE and Big Yopper are good friends that hang out often and apparently sometimes they stream together? ICEE's friends are like 10 or 50+ with very little in between with the exception of like, spriteman. who's like. I think he's in the same early to mid twenties age range as j0hn and larry? but thats an assumption based largely on 'it feels right.' 

Jimbo plays both persona and minecraft. This is the only fresh information i can glean from Cap'n Crim vs. Dadondorf its nearly all unremarkable match commentary and that's a little funny to me. Later though its suggested Dadondorf performs poorly in this fight because 1) hes feeling like a washed up old man and then later 2) fighting captain crimson just sort of Inherently threw him off and put him on the defensive

Yung Papaya calls for a ban on New Donk, claiming it gives an unfair advantage to team cones because they revel in the chaos of a stage with walk offs that moves that much. Hamhel sets a challenge that if YP can win their set then sure, he'll agree to a ban. If Hamburger helper wins the set, he gets to ADD a stage to the legal stage list. Ryan: "I don't know why Hamburger Helper is in charge of this but Iggy approves." He legalizes fucking Hanenbow. We have hamhel to thank for the fuckleaf <3

Dani V. Swoku rematch! Ryan: "these guys are almost opposites, I'd say- Dani being like this lone wolf who's only a part of team crimson because of the passion for another game while Sword Goku's a guy who wants everyone to be the best they can be out of a love for this game. Dantoinette's the one who puts salt in all the chats, Sword Goku's the one that fires it up." Dani ruins his life as per the usual. Dani closes out the match with trash talk, but Sword Goku 'isn't really phased by stuff like that.' Gestures at 20's 1-0 good goddamn, goku im sorry,

Capn Crim vs. Big Yopper, yopper takes the first round bc crimson fucks up and falls for yops disruption tactics. lol. Ryan: "if I'm Captain Crimson right now, im taking- I'm taking a minute to destress, because this guy is absolutely in his head right now. So i think he's taking a breather to get his head in the game to make the same kind of big brain plays he made against dadondorf." Captain Crimson proceeds to counterpick to mario maker. Listen i know he helped found team crimson/calibur but lbr he's always belonged with cones this fucker just wants to make a goddamn mess more than anything. And i guess by like, technicality gestures at limbo that would be his team right now. Crimson gets 2-0'd <3

Hamhel vs. Dantoinette. Dantoinette says L+ratio+youre divorced and 2-0s him to death. It is very clear that without crimson behind the wheel as he was in 9 hamhel cannot challenge dani. They go stock for stock both rounds but Hamhel stagepicks deliberately to small stages where he has disadvantage. in a round where if he loses he has to fight his husband next. Hamburger proceeds to almost 3-stock Dadondorf, and Dadondorf, when asked to comment on this, makes the very suspicious comment of 'its all part of the plan.' This does not obviously appear to go anywhere.

Captain crimson fights a child (yung papaya) and sds less than 20 seconds into the match. Ryan: "at this point- id be packing my bags, taking a deep breath and trying to clear my head for the next round cuz it might be good just to take an L at this point-" despite this capn crim brings it back and wins the first match by (non-literally 🥁) getting into his opponents head like big yopper got into his. then nearly 3 stocks in the second match. Does so much off the wall shit this round. Chat: "this is my first cpu kerfuffle and i already think captain crimson is the most batshit person here" Ryan: "yeah, no, Crimson did really good when they took Captain Valentine." and Yung Papaya has made it his life goal to ban New Donk <3

Dantoinette has a loooooot of close calls in this ep, and she does Lose A Match to Big Yopper after Yopper pulls some Bullshit. Wins second round handily. Starts third round by angrily slamming axe straight into ground repeatedly instead of taking advantage of yopper being shieldbroken and vulnerable. She keeps forgetting about his crown and getting hit. 

1-800-AREYOUYOPPIN

Hamhel vs. Capn Crim. Ryan: "this is gonna be an interesting one- the one that's now gone against the Crimson-" (puts up hamhel) "-vs. The face of the crimson itself, since defeated." (Puts up captain crimson) "it's gonna be interesting to see which Number One Guy Of The Crimson wins out. I know right now this is kind of a personal grudge for hamburger helper, so we're gonna have to see how this ends up turning out. Although right now just in terms of like, team loyalty, Captain Crimson isn't worried too much- he's pretty confident in Dantoinette's skills to take it all."

I could watch hamhel fight captain falcons forever and never get bored this is being played like a bitter grudge match and he's still clearly having the time of his life. He dash dances on captain crimson twice. Regardless, capn crim juuuuust barely wins their round.

Captain crimson got fucking Yopped.

Dantoinette then yopped the yopper and took home the championship.

Best of 3 iggy v. dantoinette just for fun exhibition match to close out the night. A nerfed un-ryan-controlled Iggy is firmly on the list of gods Dani could kill if so desired

CPUK 11!!! Doubles, babie!!!

Jay didn't know how he died, and woke up in a coffin tanning bed 6 feet underground. Or why his skin is just a biiiiit red in places. Forgot crimson did it. 'Budget cremation'

Iggy has taken over for Ryan as the Tournament's owner as ryan's special boy and just kept the commentators on as commentators going forward and they are being paid for this

Home MD brought both Grunk and Jay back to life but 'he did still bury you (Jay) alive in a tanning bed before you woke up as a joke.' Larry-

Dantoinette looked at the multiple members of teams in the first tournament of this new direction and said 'no thats stupid. 8 teams, one representative of each.' and the rest of the teams got split off. Then she said 'but Also. this is gonna be doubles.' instead of making everyone play soul calibur like she initially set out to do

Team Crimson: Captain Crimson and Dantoinette. "Arent really big fans of the kerfuffle format- are here to shift it or take it down." 

Dani: "I'll show you what the real gamer. I'll show you what the real game is." so true queen.

Ryan: "Dani won last time and instead of making us all play soul calibur, she split teams and Dani said, whichever two teams win, the final match will be between the two of them and the last man standing will be the champion. Because she's so confident she can kick Captain Crimson's ass. it's very funny." Comona: "From what I've seen, I don't doubt that either." Crimson she is very nearly openly declaring her intent to kick your ass why are you here, calling this shit a long con is so generous to Dani ya girl isnt even trying to lie!!

Team Cones! Hamhel defected from the crimson and brought someone new to the stage- and that's Larry. Jay: "oh my god, wait, is that Larry from the grocery store?" Ryan: "yeah, we met up with him at the grocery store- I think he looked like a dog, there? Remember that dog?" Vivid mental image of Larry (dog form) attempting to work a normal shift bagging people's groceries with paws

Ryan: "yeah, he's kind of a jerk, all about ruining your day and messing stuff up, but y'know, other than that he's just all about the chaos, yknow?" Comona: "yeah i remember the time i was at the self-checkout, and he was just like, a regular dude that day? And so I asked him for help- it was giving me trouble, did the weight thing wrong and it was telling me to get somebody to clear it for me and he just sort of stood there for 5 full minutes before he came over and cleared it for me, true agent of chaos, right there." The Abrasive Traumatized Experiment Man Is Dissociating Intensely In Public Spaces.

Team Cash Money! ICEE didn't want or need to get paid but he Does have a sponsorship. As said before Yung Papaya's tracks charted and he founded cash money looking for more of those fat stacks.

Team Clutch! "You wanna be the very best like no one ever was? Then you want to cheer for team clutch!" Goku with a sword, and MY MAN ALABASTER! Comona: "I mean, I assume the sword comes with a different personality-" Ryan, chipper: "oh Absolutely Not! If you wanted a different personality, then maybe ask T. Runks?" Comona: "Oh! Who is loosely related to G. runk?" Ryan: "THE G.Runk!"

Ryan: "Alabaster is a real CPU Kerfuffle Veteran." Jay, about Al: "I really respect how committed he is to this, I saw him at a local the other day, real top level competitor." Comona: "the best thing about being a good competitor that goes to your locals and really preaches that good mentality stuff is it just brings up everyone around you, it makes your whole scene better." Alabaster really is the Krillin of CPU Kerfuffle. Been here forever… A pretty good guy that's besties with Goku... Started out serious but played goofier with time… Significantly stronger than most average normal human beings of the setting from the sounds of it (bc CPU Kerfuffle is consistently characterized as the Top of the Bloodsports game, and even if Al always loses He Is Still Here, they imply Crimson had to Fight His Way To The Top with his pokemon team to get involved in his introductory ep,) but most well-known for getting owned repeatedly because he's constantly placed in competition with terrifying battle-freaks that aren't fucking normal... Befriended and partnered up with an android…

Team Chonk: do you like em big. Do you like em chunky. BIIIIIIIIIIG YOPPER. THE GRUUUUUUUUUUUUNK. The grunk dont funk but he do chunk. This is vital lore information

Team Charm. Yo anybody in chat gay. Rights and Fly Bi. Who once again is defined entirely by ryan having a crush on him thats the entire bit <3

Team Cross! Sora. but Blonde. And the one, the only, minecraft steve. They fucking hate eachother and its REALLY funny

Team Craken! Hoedown and her husband Patch <3 the red kraken is both real people and also, according to Jay, a bestselling novel about those real people in this universe

Jay: "I know you are a practitioner of the joke. I want to hear what your best joke is." Comona: "my best joke is 'I think Hamburger Helper and Larry are going to win this tournament.'" Jay laughs then "that wasn't funny." Comona: "what, you think they have a chance? In what universe does this fallen grand-champ and some guy from the grocery store have against Otherworldly Forces? And team cash money? ICEE AND YUNG PAPAYA?" Jay: "I'm just saying. Hamburger Helper can handle anybody in this bracket. I know hamburger better than anybody and i think he has what it takes to win. Maybe not all the time, maybe not even today, but sometimes Hamburger Helper has what it takes to win. And If Larry just puts in the effort… i could put my weight behind big yopper, but why wouldn't i want to root for the underdog?" Comona: "because the other team has Big Yopper and The Grunk on it, next question." Jay: "yknow what thats a good point im going with big yopper"

Ryan: "I believe in team clutch." 😔

Jay: "i would sell both of you out for the chance to shake Big Yopper's hand." Ryan: "understandable, big yopper is a legend amidst all this, he's considered the first champion and he's earned it."

Firmly believe Minecraft Steve has never returned because he's a shitty teammate and Blonde Sora kicked him out, he keeps attacking his captain, for NO reason,

Ryan: "theres a lot of discord- a lot of infighting between Dantoinette and Crimson- i mean, the whole reason Dantoinette set this up this way is because she wants a one on one fight against captain crimson in finals after they win it all together." That's IT!!!!!!!!! there is no ruse!!!!!!!! there was never a ruse!!!!!! she's just straight up saying it!!!!!! and Crimson is legit just letting this shit happen!!!!!!! the commentators are pretty literally just stating her intentions in character, the only part thats being left out is the exorcism. Dani could not possibly be more blatant like this is just………….. crimson…… ………. homie……………………… what are you thinking. What is happening in your little freak brain rn. Is it just a windows screensaver going on up there? fuck. Its suggested in passing later in the episode that he's just assuming this whole time, with increasing frustration, that her uncooperative behavior is just her being a gloryhound. Also Johannsen saying Dani's more of a fighter than a thinker in the nccts ringing real true being this Obvious about all this. 

A lot of argument over what kind of bird Fly Bi is with wildly differing options. Jay says he's a parrot. Ryan says hes a falcon. Jay then says 'wait is he a seagull.' Ryan says hes a good boy is what he is. Comona says 'i dont think hes a dog.' Ryan: "good boys aren't limited to dogs!!" Jay: "oh so hes a cat." Ryan: "yes. Hes a catboy. Glad thats settled."

Al and Swoku besties who fight at locals. Jay: "Every match you lose with Sword Goku he makes sure you leave with new information, you get better from losing to him." Ryan: "exactly, and thats why hes such a favorite among the fighters." Comona: "real recognizes real." Jay: "well, I'd say the three of us are the only real ones here." Ryan: "debatable." wow with exchanges like this it's honestly no wonder j0hn figured out there was a real person showrunner among the commentators so fast (referencing that line about 'so its ryan… it makes sense, hes the only one who's at every tournament…' from him in the nccts)

Team Charm struggles to fight individually because of a lack of regard for themselves and their own performance, too empathetic to be pragmatic, and Comona takes a nice moment to say Remember to Take Care Of Yourself, you can only help the people around you so much when you yourself are struggling, so if you can't do it for you, do it for them. Team Clutch work well on their own and support eachother well, but fail to capture or match the synergy of team charm or team crimson. Ryan: "I think they definitely need a little more unity, maybe kiss or something, who knows i'm not here to be a matchmaker." Jay: "I thought it was your tournament?" Ryan: "Iggy's tournament now. Iggy's the matchmaker." team clutch no stranger to kissing the homies goodnight

Craken V. Cones! Jay: "I feel like I've seen this matchup in my dreams." Ryan: "Dreams or nightmares?" Jay: "Definitely nightmares." Ryan: "how did it end in your nightmares?" Jay: "well it ended with hoedown turning into a starfish, so i don't really know-"

Ryan suggests Hamhel might be a bit washed, and potentially intending to pass the torch on to Larry. lol. lmao.

Squid Jenny's done some investigative journalism and has failed to track down the Florida Man for comment on rumors about the Shapeshifter, increasing the likelihood of their connection.

Hamhel catches patchmans key and the commentators lose track of it. Ryan: "I think Hamburger Helper ate the key!" Comona: "oh man do i have a story for you about eating keys later." Ryan: "IM SORRY?"

ICONIC bit: Jay: how do you Know RPS is a solved game? HamHel: "That Question Was So Stupid, I'm Gonna Kill Larry." 

Larry, after Hamhel keeps killing him says Okay, Fuck This, and challenges HamHel for Captainship of team Cones, revealing himself as Florida Man at the same time. Ryan: "bullets everywhere!" Comona: "You know its not hard to get a license for one of those in florida." Ryan: "absolutely not, no." Jay: "yeah, you know how it is." Ryan: "Miami days, baby!" Jay: "they need something to defend themselves against the alligators." Truly there is not one OUNCE of respect in how hamhel fights larry its very funny. Multiple pointless footstools. Drags him just far enough offstage his stand can't save him even after mashing out and he falls anyway, hamhel eating a lost stock just to fuck with him. Larry loses. Jay: "if Larry wants to be captain, he's gonna have to put in as much work into this as hamburger helper has, and that's a LOT of work."

Team cash money vs. Team clutch. Funny Punch Approacheth.

Yung Papaya has a condo in new donk city with a full window view of where it all started, which requires not just money but Connections! Potentially political ones! This is never elaborated on!

Funny Punch <3

Super mario 64 type music is basically always what's playing in ICEEs head. Just pure chipper video game elevator music

Deeply funny in retrospect that Alabaster claimed in his attempt to trash talk in CPUK Red that atleast his list of opponents hes lost to doesn't include a bear. when he has objectively also lost to Icee specifically and in fact managed to lose 4 stocks in a three stock game to him because swoku shared him one. He has Extremely Lost To A Bear. Its just that noone remembers it because Alabaster has lost to A Lot Of People. So noone cares to check! Funny how that works.

Team Cross vs. Team Chonk! Minecraft steve continues to be uncooperative and blora hates his ass so bad. Round one goes poorly for them. Jay, after team chonk Got Their Asses, talking about the Grunk taking out steve's last stock: "God. There's a timeline out there where we just witnessed our first fighter Death." Ryan: "well. second fighter death." Jay, who also died: "oh COME ON, he GOT BETTER!"

Team Charm vs Team Crimson. Jay: "i dont feel that either team is strong enough over the other team to be comfortable betting on this, im keeping my wallet closed." lmao. el oh el

Ryan: "team crimson has a- this weird sort of inverse synergy, their discord just works in their favor, I don't get how that works." Well you see ryan there's a concept you were perhaps forgetting at that point in time called kismesistude- /j

Of course right after i say this, the first obvious instance of Dani's intentional sabotage happens. rights gets shield broken, captain crim is about to finish out the kill with a nice disrespectful fully charged smash attack, and Dantoinette Gets Him with her lance, and the commentators start speculating with astonishment about her potential secret heroism. Jay: "I'm beginning to wonder- Captain Crimson, member of the Crimson- isnt really on a full team per se, are they? Crimson doesn't really have followers?" Ryan: "No, not really anymore after Iggy." 

Dani's record pays a bit for her sabotaging her partner in a lost set against team charm. Captain Crimson is reported to be… in a bit of a strange daze.

Captain Crimson, described as getting shaky and angry: "Listen, we need to talk-" he tries, but Dani just ignores him and starts the next fight. Jay: "she just… keeps attacking Captain Crimson." Ryan: "yeah its a bit fucked up."

Captain Crimson demands a grudge match. Valentine briefly flickers into control before Crimson quickly takes it back. And the fucked thing is Captain Crimson actually manages to win this fight, two stocks up, and i think thats the best a Falcon's technically ever done against Dani. Then they continue as partners into the final round. Crimson doesn't do anything because he won that grudge match, they just. move on. even though he's fully, clearly onto what's happening here now. I fully forgot this fight happened. but it sure is Interesting.

Team Craken vs. Charm is, lore and bitwise, uneventful, but kind of insane its a fun watch

Jay got sent to hell on accident for a few days of his Being Dead time. Front desk gave him the wrong room number, you know how it is.

Dantoinette is spotted off to the side, discussing something with Big Yopper and The Grunk, her team's next opponents. Squid Jenny isn't able to catch whats actually said.

Team Cash vs. Team Cross. Green greens. Three SDs in the beginning of the first match, none of which being Icee. YP rage quit, losing all his stocks stupidly, then took a share stock, and then icee immediately lost his last stock. Its just a truly stupid match in the best way. Ryan: "and for the second time we have Yung Papaya demanding the banning of a stage, he lost the first time, we're not gonna field it again." Icee reassures YP that they'll get 'em next round.

Team Crimson vs. Team Chonk. Comona: "I know we're expecting possibly some collusion here but you know what I think? I think she was just over there trashtalking, like 'I don't care if this guy gets in my way at all, i don't care if he tells you to be careful of dantoinette, you BETTER be careful of me, because I can wreck your shit all by myself.' And everybody knows that she can." Ryan: "absolutely." explaining that shes treating this match like shes 1v3ing to an old man she keeps bullying and the guy her partner Literally Got Killed and telling them if he tells you to be careful, to treat her like a ticking fucking time bomb right now hes right you fucking better if you know what's good for you. like. GIRL? Also love the idea that crimson's warned people about her having one of her Moments enough times that its something she's getting passive aggressive about here. 'i dont care if he tells you to be careful of me because yknow what hes right you SHOULD be' lmao. sure sounds like you care. just a little perhaps.

Alfred joins call just to roast Big Yopper at length, calling him a fake bitch and arguing a little with Comona and Jay about it.

#BigFlopperHategang 

Ryan: "so if one of that team's members were something different you'd be able to support team chonk? If it was say, hamburger helper?" Alfred, also a known hamhel hater: "what is wrong with you? Do you think this is a game?"

After Dani promises team Chonk to treat this set like a 3 v 1, she starts doing Considerably Worse, losing each of her stocks earliest in the second match. Captain Crimson is responsible for winning their team the set, team chonk taking out dani, making her get out first, then Captain Crim taking out Both members of team chonk back to back immediately after in an Admittedly Pretty Clutch Set Of Maneuvers. Alfred: "...I've become a Crimson stan." Jay: "I don't think you have a choice, I think EVERYONE'S a crimson stan now." Comona: "Look at me. Look at me. You're a Crimson Stan now." guess we figured out which episode peppermint saw first /j

Team Charm Vs. Team Cash. With all of the robots gaining sentience and forging their own identities this show has its funny to remember the first one was rights who was built for defending the rights of queer people and gained sentience, looked at their purpose, and went 'yep got it in one' and continued to do it but with slightly more of a personal, self-invested touch. I mean technically Mac's the same, had no issue with his assigned purpose, but in a less well-adjusted way given his purpose was 'be google but better and Win.' 

Ryan: "I know you said you were probably only gonna stay for one match but I think the next one is pretty pertinent to you, Alfred." Alfred: "what is it?" Ryan: "Big Yopper vs Yung Papaya." Alfred: *almost demonic noise of hatred and disgust* "you can't say that. dont do this to me." He does leave but it was funny

Comona, after Icee gets a kill: "wow, Icee is just The Silent Killer, isn't he." Ryan: "Yeah I look away for one second and someones dead and im like 'oh yeah icees just kinda there, huh." Funny little bear minding his own business being smiley and unbothered (he is capable of being SO efficiently violent)

Jay, watching cash money gain advantage because yp and icee keep dunking chonk in the water: "yeah, big yopper doesn't like water, hes kind of like a cat that way." Ryan: "yeah hes exactly like a cat, he doesnt like water. Also he's probably killed multiple government officials." Comona: "I don't know man I read warrior cats wasnt there a whole clan that-" (comona chokes and fails to finish the thought)

Team Chonk performs unexpectedly poorly against team cash money. Comona and Jay speculate that while they hit hard and play well, theyre not really built for Stamina, but Ryan suggests something that was said in their talk with Dani might be what has them feeling thrown off, that she'd gotten into their heads, and Jay talks about how the grunk was dead for a bit and how thats a difficult thing to come to terms with so quickly, and that they, Team Chonk, team Big Of Spirit, may have lost the will to fight. Note: Big Yopper, despite being a captain, doesn't appear again even in like, cameos iirc until G4/Squad Strike. We LOVE a toxic girlboss who can ruin the mood so bad it can make seasoned fighters like actually want to take an extended break from the scene entirely <3

Big Yopper whispers something to Yung Papaya before Team Chonk leaves, but Jenny can't catch what.

Capn Crimson's holding their head all irritated about Dantoinette, and Valentine flickers into control. With what we know about how Crimson possession works- he doesn't really seem to touch your mind exactly, at least not in the infiltration-y sense that Prism does, his possessees all seem perfectly lucid when hes not actively in control of them- he just sort of steals your body and forces you mentally into the backseat as a peanut gallery to whatever he's doing with it and if he's not currently in active control of you he can still tap into your senses- kind of suggests to me what's happening here is maybe that he's too mentally/emotionally preoccupied with what Dani's doing here to focus on staying in full control of Valentine's body? Yung Papaya's half demon exorcist dad Rod who is trapped in the body of a snake is getting very excited about it

Dantoinette shoots Valentine point blank in the chest while Valentine is in control, taking his first stock👍 its said this was necessary to finishing off the Crimson and removing it fully from Val's body. She continues to team kill repeatedly. 

The commentators chatter excitedly about how her behavior all makes sense now- shes been playing the long game to free Valentine the whole time! Jay: "thats why she talked to the chonky boys! To ask them to throw!!!" Jay im sorry but i think you have a little too much faith in her. I know the rat match cometh and you will see the light but i dont think she asked them to throw. I dont think dani would ever ask anyone to throw against her even before her godkiller reputation made her worse. i think she mightve just genuinely decimated their feelings somehow.

Comona: "shes strong, shes got the mental game on lock, I don't know what to make of this except that she might be the protagonist of LIFE." Prism certainly seems to think so! Might want to dial back on the 'mental game' thing though because she has not been Even A Little Subtle about her intent to get captain crimson's ass in finals, once again, The Entire Tournament. Like shes a multi-tasking queen and the crazy son of a bitch did great but you're giving a lot of credit to her machiavellian planning when it sure does look like no aspect of this plan would have worked if. Crimson had genuinely wanted to harm her in any way. Fundamentally reliant on crimson genuinely wanting to be on a team with her. 

Captain Valentine is free! They start singing a bunch of random vaguely applicable lines from unknown from M.E. Dont approve of him but gotta trust him. This partnership is only temporary. I'll be the one to set your heart free true. Cleanse yourself of them evil spirits thats in you. Dani assigned Knuckles. Dani gets knocked out of the match and Val cinches the 2v1 for the both of them.

Commentators give Dani extensive credit for 'basically fighting by herself the whole tournament' while trying to exorcise Valentine as though she was 3v1ing the whole time, calling her 'the most powerful person theyve ever seen.' They aint wrong about the Strongest thing necessarily but. Points at crimson legit carrying at certain points despite his teammate being actively hostile. And the commentators ascribing machiavellian intelligence and planning to something that really doesn't appear all that complicated and was executed in a kinda scuffed on-the-fly way that Would Have Failed if Crimson hadn't kept rolling with her even after her intentions were being made blatantly clear, had to feel some kinda way for Dani 'how dare you throw against me ive gotta Earn it you piece of shit' dantoinette. Dani gotta be feeling some typa way about all this not necessarily earned credit for stabbing a guy in the back who only ever got understandably frustrated with her for Attempting to Stab Him In The Back and even then let it slide assuming she was just being a gloryhound and continuing to trust her right up until she shot him out of his host's chest. Or maybe she's not, at least not yet. As we know, "Dani's more of a fighter than a thinker." - johannsen, ncct4

Speaking of, Dantoinette stands up. Shes making a quick announcement. She says shes done everything she needed to do here. She stopped the demon. She brought back valentine. The crowd erupts. And she is Leaving. Valentine can fight her rat. She'll like. be back probably. Bye. Valentine is disappointed by her complete disinterest in even humoring him and leaving him to fight her rat.

Noone expects secret Johannsen. very talented rat equipped with tasers. 

Jay: "i know this is just a normal rat but… isnt this rat looking a little big?" Ryan and Comona: "It's from new york."

Jay: "I know im gonna get weird looks for this but i dont think normal rats are yellow." Ryan: "you haven't been to Manhattan. You haven't been to Piss Rat Central Station." Comona: "thats so close to what ive heard actual new yorkers call that place."

Comona: "i think Dani mightve… you know that grudge match with-" Ryan: "Captain Crimson at the time, yeah-" Comona: "i think she might have thrown that match to stay on a team with him- to stay in his good graces, or else he might have quit?" bold of you to claim Dantoinette would throw under any circumstances even before she apparently Got Worse. She was already Fucking Fuming about even the Idea that ICEE was bracket dodging to not rematch her in 9. That bit is actually Not new.

YOUR NEW CPU KERFUFFLE CHAMPION: DANTOINETTES PET FUCKING RAT. Valentine is seething.

Jay: "yknow if i was captain valentine right now i would be thinking of going and finding some NEW crimson. I'd be salty. I'd be Mad." Comona: "Captain Valentine has been fighting this demon inside of him so long and he finally gets exorcised, he gets brought out, Dantoinette's like 'cmon we're winning this' he gets the final kill and he feels like a badass and everybodys chanting his name and Dantoinette's like 'fight my rat.' And then he LOSES to it, like the FUCK man!!" Ryan: "Dantoinette is a disrespectful motherfucker to the end."

Comona: "shes like traveling through a dimensional wormhole right now laughing her ass off cause she knows this man's about to get bodied by a RAT." Jay: "on the whole of it, in her broad strokes, shes a good person, right? But at the finer points of her? She's a shitter." Ryan: "yeah, she's a piece of shit. She's a gamer, that's what it is. She'll be back one day- she's made it clear she OWNS cpu kerfuffle, she's just handing things off to the rat so she can go play a game she actually WANTS to play."

And so the crimson arc ends as it began- on the burning bridge of a messy gay breakup along moral lines! /j

Been rewatching bits and pieces of cpuk season one for fun and taking notes of funny stuff we dont talk about much in the discord and thinking abt it in the context of later seasons/information and its very fun. This is stuff from 1-5 (will likely update as i get further in this partial rewatch, under readmore for spoilers of later parts of the series and keeping the post short)

Hamhel and dadondorf apparently taught jimbo 'butt/butts' is a swear word but 'fuck' isnt. Jimbo is really interested in music as we know but also distinctly very bad at it. Jimbo's biological parents are dead, but left him a LOT of money and as a result spending too much money on shit he doesn't need became his favorite coping mechanism and, following the divorce, he used up all of his inheritance money and started dipping into the family funds, which is when Dadon and him start having Problems. Jimbo is extremely hamhel's kid neither of them should be trusted with any kind of power. Jimbo, i know you've been through a lot and the dad that was demonstrably better at connecting with you is being Fucked Up And Evil Right Now but honey, the shopping addiction is not gonna make your life any stabler. listen to zzzzzzoey. go to therapy. 'Jimbo tried to summon satan to kill his dad' is a thing thats said. Which. gestures in crimson's general direction. funny. Jimbo is peak 'remember when you were 15 and convinced you were evil and irredeemable but really you were just 15' except at this point hes like, 13 max im pretty sure and also hes Really stupid (affectionate.) (CPUK1)

Dadondorf is personal friends with Cranky Kong. Hamhel claims he threw a match in winners finals against Dad to give him a fighting chance and I think he's full of shit as ever <3 Dadondorf to Jimbo: "I'm sorry, It's just- I know you miss your other dad, but we'll get through this together." bro dont talk to me about to wring hamhel's dumbass neck, you dumb son of a bitch meat man abandoning your family for demonic power to recapture your glory days im gonna KILL Y- hes better now its fine im fine theyre fine. man imagining what the winners finals and championship match between dadon and hamhel at the end of cpuk1 would be like with season 2-3 style voiceacted storytelling has me fucked up. itd kill me i think .

Zzzzzoey's apparently like. 18 years old in cpuk1????? If thats still canonical shes in her fuckin. early 20s now. what the Fuck. more like a cool big sister to Jimbo convincing him to go to therapy and helping him reconcile with his dad like that than a peer. (CPUK1)

Patchman apparently worships some kind of obscure scarecrow harvest god called Scarny, and either his ratspeak was kind of rusty or he genuinely briefly forgot what science was because when he called Zapmouse the work of the devil and Zapmouse corrected him by saying he was a product of science he said he didnt believe in scientology. Zapmouse is explicitly an atheist. Zapmouse also likes to use elaborate threats to get his point across. Zapmouse ended a friendship and threatened to rip out a person's teeth for patronizing him by calling him their pet to explain why they were talking to a rat. (CPUK2)

Grundy, the Grunk's brother, has a confirmed skin, he's represented by the green bowser when they talk about him during the Grunk's intro! He and the Grunk lived in Tennessee, and he's a famous and respected restauranteur specialized in Southern Comfort Food whose critical opinion is so highly respected a bad yelp review from him can tank businesses. He, and I quote, 'sucks.' they talk about grundy so much in the grunk's debut episode it's kinda funny that he's never shown up. They even raise the idea of introducing him as a fighter at some point. although considering his brother died being part of kerfuffle and then he kept doing it and let his son participate too, i dont blame him for not wanting to get involved. People apparently start beef with the Grunk sometimes just for being related to Grundy, considering sauceboss. maybe they just don't. talk anymore. (CPUK4)

Home MD really likes fish and cares about the ocean as an environment, Alfred even throwing out the idea that he wears black in grim remembrance of the Mozilla Oil Spill. i wonder if this interest was present before the time loop or if it developed during. What im asking is what came first hackshifter aquarium dates or home md getting just like really into maintaining his doctors office fish tank as a coping mechanism. Did Larry frequently get into physical altercations with litterers at the beach growing up or is that new. They say Home MD saw Finding Dory and cried. they also, unrelated, say Home is so old he canonically uses internet explorer. Fucking mean to him!!! he's like 25ish at this point in the loop! I know he has the exhaustion in his eyes of a man twice that age but leave him alone!!!!!!! (CPUK4) (Sidenote its so fucking funny to me that even during the home timeloop larry was picking fights with hamhel. He wants to kick that old mans ass so bad but it'll never happen. I think larry greets hamhel every time they meet by trying to put him in a headlock and casually failing. Their weird frenemy relationship is so funny to me)

Firefox is a Mega-Corporation that has its fingers in lots of things, the browser's just the main thing they do. So in the kerfuffleverse mozilla as a company is kinda like google as a company is in the real world. Mozillas dead as hell and Nightly hates his ass and has understandably complicated feelings about family but it's unclear in my memory if he's still like, involved with the company or the rest of his family in any way. Is nightly a disowned out of touch ex-richboy or what (CPUK4)

it is funny that the lowkey bloodlust has been whats stuck about Corn most into the present from her debut. Alfred: "corn really just put a knife to this man's (home md) neck and said 'i'm here to take your blood.'" She craves violence and always has and i respect it (CPUK4)

ICEE was a huge superfan of ICEE who got sponsored as a result of him promoting the brand through his very public love of it abd as such has some amount of unofficial pull with the company. Spriteman is not sponsored. The coca cola company does not want to be associated with Spriteman in any way, shape, or form. his sheer violent feverish devotion to that citrus soft drink is completely fucking unmarketable to them. If cpu kerfuffle wasn't distinctly unaffected by the law he'd probably be getting sued for so aggressively stanning their product in such an intensely unflattering way on a public platform. Also christ in a clown car he was stuck perfect for SO LONG he went perfect between cpuk3 and cpuk4, and didn't recover until cpuk20. This man was in a feral state and not fully in control of himself for a bit under 2 years i think? he is So rusty at being a human. In the first episode he was 'Perfect,' he seemed fairly lucid, which is. Upsetting. because it implies that he slowly lost that lucidity until he was the 's-sprite' stammering beast he was by the time g2 rolled in. 

Yung Papaya's snake exorcist dad was described as being half demon before becoming a snake, and his name is actually Rod. These are some of the only things the snake priest dad remembers from his life before being transformed into a snake aside from his work as an exorcist. I have no additional commentary on this i just think its funny (CPUK5)

The Light Void is, apparently, a void of pure light and an entity that instead of consuming or encompassing things as one might imagine the maw of the void to do, allows things to take of it whatevers needed that it can give. a sort of metaphysical wellspring hammerspace of potential, it sounds like. One of the many odd, complex and multifaceted world-crafting forms of Spectrum's divinity, perhaps? its emissary, corrupted into the cbt demon, is described as having little sentience/autonomy to begin with, so it's tricky to exorcise because it lacks much of a will of its own to free, and doesn't have the capacity to desire to be freed, as it exists to serve whatever purpose its needed for. It can only speak occasionally, and it's very direct and lacks personality. (CPUK5)

In CPUK5's intros, ryan says dan is a geeksquad employee that was Sent Into The Game. Like A Normal Guy From Real Life Literally Sent Into The Video Game. Its compared repeatedly to scooby doo cyberchase. nccts stuff clarifies this is arguably pretty normal for the fighters origins but Dan was literally intentionally isekai'd here from Normal Actual Real Life to help try to deal with hamburger helper. Every Dan Is Explicitly From Another World. Also he seemed like he was having so much genuine fun fighting Al compared to his whole Comedically Tired Cosmically Tormented Everyman thing hes got going on now and also for like the whole rest of his time in even this tournament. Also apparently he fixed icee's ipod once and returned it and all the music was gone except 15 copies of ice ice baby with one under pressure. blows kiss love u dan <3

Alfred: "Alabaster Uppercut has been fighting for 27 years, and dedicated the other two to teaching children how to do the uppercut just like him" oh my god was Al already like 29 when cpuk5 happened. Is Al in his early thirties now. Also he says Al was already very respected and well-known in his home village and he was once ideologically pacifist and only signed up for cpuk because a group of other competitors viciously defamed him and his village and called him a pussy on social media and one of the village kids started getting bullied over it and that's what crossed a line with him, which is interesting. Ya boy loves the fight for the sake of the fun of the fight now but he supposedly used to Very Much Not Like Fighting Pointlessly At All? Originally more of a 'practices a martial art as a meditation and preservation of heritage' kind of guy before discovering The Joys Of Consensual Sportsman's Violence

[abusivelittlebunny]

The thing I really like about the idea of Stefan x John is that John, who's bigger, meaner, and has more power overall, pushing Stefan against the wall and telling him to keep quiet or he'll beat him to a pulp, is still the one craving to get dicked down, but he's too afraid to put such power into somebody's hands who could actually hold him down and use him as he wants, so he gets on his knees for Stefan, the scrawny, shorter guy that he does not find hot at all lmao but he knows the boy (he says the word as if Stefan wasn't older than him by 6-7 years) has had a massive crush on him since he first laid eyes on him, couldn't hide the tent in his trousers or the blush on his face as he stared so hungrily at John like a fill course meal; and John didn't know any other gay guys that would fit his narrow criteria.

I hold more power than him. I am more likely to win in a fight. They know their place but are still obsessed with me. They've got a big dick and won't snitch on me for sucking it or riding it. Stefan just fit well into this.

Stefan being John's labrat, testing out his sexuality on him should work in theory but in practice John finds himself blushing wildly on his knees with his lips wrapped around Stefan's cock because after the initial shock wore off on the guy, he started petting John's hair and face all over, dreamily sighing and moaning about how cute John looks, how pretty, how long his lashes are from this angle, how soft his hair was, how warm and nice his mouth feels around him and how thankful he was for John sucking him so sweetly- not even grazing Stefan with his teeth would shut him up and his fucking gushing just made John embarrassingly bashful like a little virgin girl; he couldn't even take Stefan more than halfway, he shouldn't be getting praised on such sloppy blowjob skills.

But then when he pulls off and tells Stefan to shut the fuck up and orders him to fuck his ass, Stefan opens him up with his tongue so eagerly that John almost screams as he cums from getting eaten out but Stefan doesn't give him time to relax because he fucks him so fast and hard, John is thankful to be kneeling on the floor otherwise his legs would have given out in a minute. Stefan kisses and bites at every inch of skin he can reach on John's neck and back, leaves a trail of hickeys down his spine and John doesn't understand how the fuck can such a scrawny dude fuck so hard and have a dick twice his size or why he has to lay his chest on the ground because he just can't keep himself up from the onslaught, and even after John came three times Stefan doesn't pull out, just keeps fucking him with the same rhythm like a machine, no matter how many loads he already spilled inside, kneading John's fat ass with his boney fingers and gasping about how he could only dream of this moment for so long.

John can't fucking walk after, he's so fucked out, and Stefan offering to let him sleep over is the last thing he needs, they can't find out he's been getting railed for the last four hours by the fucking mole servant to the point where his asshole has been permanently resized so he just slurs to Stefan to ask Arthur to take him home and say he's drunk out of his mind after pulling his pants up. His legs are useless and Stefan carrying him on one side is annoyingly chipper and not tired in the slightest while Arthur is laughing by his side that John boy had too much did he? Yeah definitely too fucking much, and if Tommy notices how Stefan's cum leaking from his ass stained the backseat and not just his trousers he doesn't say a thing. He still eyes John with a creepily knowing and curious gaze as John limps and can't sit for a week after, amusedly watching as John chokes on his tea when he mentions Stefan called and asked how he was doing. Tommy looks like an absolute menace when he offers John Stefan's telephone number, and even more so when John hastily accepts.

John isn't excited about seeing him again, of course not, he just needs to ask the fucker if he told Tommy anything he should not fucking have...and maybe to pick a location and a date to when Stefan could rearrange his guts again...

[mattdcblog]

About the comic asks!! Why is Booster your favorite character!!

Booster Gold is one of the few superheroes I've found who has to work incredibly hard to even be seen AS a superhero. Its the juxtaposition of this kid in his early 20s who essentially feels like he's already screwed up his entire life, who takes a chance to change it all, regardless of the consequences...its the juxtaposition of that to him going into the past and trying to present himself as a larger-than-life shill. The shilling isn't so much the interesting part - I mean, look around, shilling is basically 50% of the hero shtick nowadays - but its the WAY it wraps back around into his character. Because, like, that had been all he knew. Using himself, his talents, his looks....putting 100% of the responsibility on himself, and taking 100% of the blame every time it backfired.

More under the cut xoxo

And thats kind of another thing that I like about him - he never really seems to win. Like, even if we just look at his volume 1 run: His face is on every billboard, every TV, a movie in the works, he hangs out with famous people on the daily! And yet he still goes home, alone, and wishes he could have made it right with his mom and sister. And when he gets the chance to go back, its because he's about to fucking die! Its like a big monkeys paw, man! You go back to make things right, but you're incredibly sick. You go to talk to your mom, but she's gone by now. Your sisters back, but for how long? He doesn't really have anyone to rely on,, and i think thats the major thing that pushes him into superheroics. The wanting to be wanted for sure, but also trying to prove to everyone that he BELONGS there, anywhere.

And, this is a bit of a side note, but he is incredibly rude sometimes! He stood out to me a lot because he's a superhero thats Allowed to be a bit of an asshole sometimes. Like, looking at him from an outside perspective, he can be incredibly hard to like. He sees things one way, and often its when the ends justify the means. I think back to that one quarterly where he's about to kill someone that wrongs him in the future, and the only thing that stops him is beetle essentially saying "the only monster in this room is you." And I think on some fronts, he knows it. He's internalized it. He looks into the mirror and it takes everything in him to not see his father looking back.

I really hate to say it, but this ceaseless cycle of disappointment and let-down are kinda what make that character for me, at least in his initial years. Does this mean I want DC to kill more of his friends and family to further his character growth? NO!!!!! ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!! STOP FUCKING DOING THAT YOU ANIMALS

But anyway, I also really love how this character, who I see as a lonely kid doing his best to live past his regret and still messing something up along the way, goes to the JLI. And they accept him (after a bit of set up) for better or for worse. He makes friends, and a best friend who forever marks him as one half of a set. (I could go into that for plenty more paragraphs, but the short and skinny of the way I view them is this: "they love each other, they can't stand each other. They're friends forever, they never wanna see each other again. You ruined my life, you're everything great in my life. And so it goes, like this weird ouroboros.") They all fuck up, they get into fights, they say the wrong things to each other, and they always have each others backs.

Anyway, slight other note, but reading the issues after death of superman where he rushes to use armor thats not ready yet and ends up getting himself killed and losing an arm...man, what an interesting way to go with the character! Much to be said there, but I still need to reread those issues, so I'll leave it for someone more knowledgeable than me to make that yeast into bread.

And now, for my second reason for liking this character! Jdnfbskfjf much shorter than the first one I promise. This guy is EVERYWHERE. Every major event, he's somewhere in the background or playing a major part. He's the fucking Kevin bacon of the DCU. Six degrees of booster gold. I mean it. Name any character, and you can trace them back to him. Its kinda insane.

And lastly, I do have to leave you with the screenshot of the moment I essentially decided I was going to mainline every booster gold comic directly into my veins for 3 months straight:

It may not be a dignified reason, but thats pretty much where it began lmao

[hnychn]

𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐀 𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐄

pairing: mina x fem! reader

summary: no one every thought you were capable of exploding, but they also didn't know they were only lighting your fuse. and it was slowly getting shorter.

note🐝: warning: homophobia!! i love this girl too much not to write a headcanon about her. also! i know i said i would be working on a hawks fic, but it's a lot harder than i thought it would be lol. so instead, i'll be working on smaller headcanon fics while i work on it! i have a little angsty one coming up next with class a's big three :) as always, lmk what you thought! 🤍 -honey

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

so to begin with, your relationship with mina is very much ✨yes✨

like bro, she's so hype and energetic and ready to do just about anything

and you're so calm and down to earth and ready to do just about anything

you just go along with her ideas, no matter how crazy they can be

because you're 🥰whipped🥰

but i mean who wouldn't?

anyways, so as much as I'd like to believe this world is 100% a utopia, it isn't

so when you and mina came out with your relationship,

obviously all of your friends supported you guys,

but there were some people who would give the two of you disgusted looks in the halls

and they would talk shit behind your back,

but never to your face, assholes 😤

but y'all two are some ✨bad bitches✨

so you don't fucking care 🤪🤪

like talk yo shit bitch

but we all know you're just scared 🥰🥰

but recently you notice mina has been a bit reserved with her love for you in public

like, normally she's all over you and kissing your cheeks and shit 24/7 🥰🥰

ugh i love her

and she's a confident girl and you know she doesn't pay much attention to all the nasty words people throw your way

so you don't really worth much

but she has been reserved like i said

and you start to worry 😔✋🏼

in your dorms during cuddle time, you ask her

"is everything okay, amor?"

please i'm spanish let me have this 😩

and she just nods, "of course, babe."

so you leave it at that

because the two of you are so communicative in your relationship

you think she'll tell you when she's ready

but she doesn't

so you get even more worried.

and you go ask jirou about it

and she looks at you a bit weird because

"bitch you don't know?"

you shake your head.

jirou sighs, "some people have been cornering her after school and calling her some. . .not so pretty names for being lesbian.."

and you just-

I SEE REDDD,

REDD

you have never been one for confrontation,

and actively avoided it

but being friends with bakusquad only riased your chances of being in arguments or fights

you were the passive one of the group

the one hat kept bakugo in line

but everyone had their limits

and yours was just pushed 🥰🥰

completely disregarding the fact that first class was about to start,

you for their names and class number from jirou

and off you were 😌

the rest of bakusquad, who weren't too far off and heard jirou spill the beans to you, were hot on your trail

kiri was trying to rationalise with you, they all were,

🦈 "c'mon, y/n, classis gonna start soon, this isn't worth it."

💥 "be smart about this, dumbass! you'll get suspended!"

⚡️ "maybe you should calm down a bit y/n!"

mina and sero weren't there

the two went off to get some drinks before class started

and were chilling in class thinking y'all just went off to the bathroom or whatever

now, when you get to their class you just-

bURST IN

your hands curled into fists by your side and a calm look on your face

but your eyes were bringing with pure rage

their teacher wasn't there yet either

and you-

"where the fuck is nishida and akame?"

your voice was chilly calm and it sent shivers down everyone's spine

kirishima had a grip on the back of your shirt to make sure you shouldn't do anything stupid

bakugo and kaminari were just standing at the door

a boy and a girl then stood up, a condescending look on their faces

"what's it to you, bitch?"

i'm sorry i just can't write a homophobic slur it physically hurts me 😭✋🏼

"is this about us cornering that pink bitch?"

"you concerned about your lover, freak?"

"the pair of you are nothing but disgusting."

you didn't really take any of their comments to heart

but obviously mina did if she started to be more reserved

and your heart begins to race from all the r a g e burning in your body

because you start to imahinehow mina must have felt

have to face such harsh words alone

and bottling it all up

and how harsh they must have been to have her, a girl so confident and optimistic, become reserved

and in the blink of an eye, you

fUCKING LUNGE AT THEM

and begin to bEAT THE SHIT OUTTA THEM

kiri, baku, and kami are low-key cheering you on

but also ready to jump in if you start losing

which you don't 🥰

because you're a bad bitch 🥰

and you know how to fight 🥰

but you also don't realise that some people begin to record

oops-

i won't go into detail about the fight, you can imagine it however you want

plus i'm terrible at writing fight scenes 😭✋🏼

but eventually the teacher shows up

and goes to get aizawa because she recognises the four of you as 1-a students

so he comes, ahaha 😅

and he sees you going at these two students

(highkey proud you're winning).

now, aizawa isn't stupid

he's heard the whispers

and he hates that two of his students are being bashed for just loving

dadzawa

but he's a teacher first and foremost,

so he binds you up and pulls you away from the students

some students groan from the entertainment being over

aizawa glares at them

he gives you a little glare when you struggle a bit in his binds

"kirishima, bakugo, kaminari," aizawa's voice booms through the silence that settled over the class, "detention for not stopping this when i know you three could have very well prevented it."

but i know why you didn't - words unspoken on aizawa's tongue.

"you're coming with me, l/n"

so he unbinds you and the two of you walk to his office

it's silent when you get there and he gestures for you to take a seat

"do you know why what you did was wrong?"

you nod.

"you you regret it?"

your answer came almost instantly, "no. and i would do it again in a heartbeat."

aizawa nodded, "good."

and you-

HUH???? 😀

"i understand why you did it and i don't blame you for wanting to confront the people who hurt mina, but you also understand why i have to suspend you, right?"

you nod.

he nods.

it's a mutual understanding he wouldn't suspend you if he had the choice,

but he has to

so you're suspended .

and the videos the other students took blow up

and it gets back to mina

so she watches it obviously

and 😳😳😳

she was bLUSHINGGG

like bro-

tHATS YOU??

her calm bundle of joy??

absolutely hammering those two students??

she has a hard time believing it

but lo and behold, there's the charm bracelet the two of you add to every anniversary on your wrist

the one you're punching the boy with 💀💀

and -

she has never in her life been more turned on like-

hOLY FUCK THATS HOT 😫😫

"CAN YOU BEAT ME LIKE THAT PLEASE??"

like queen, what? 😀

she bursts into your dorm after school

and throws herself onto you

and

"baby the was both the scariest and hottest thing i've ever seen.."

while peppering kisses to your neck

and her hand slithers its way up your shirt

c h i l l s

"yeah?" you smirk

she hums and sucks hickies onto your neck-

😌😌😌 yeah. . .

shit gets a little steamy after that 😌😌

after,

the two of you are just chilling in the after glow,

the sweat sticking you two together a bit, but neither of you minded

mina traces over the hickies she left on your chest and neck, "you should get angry more often."

"if it'll lead to more of this, then you know damn straight i will."

after that no one cares to even look in either of your directions 😌