#but i can't NOT use computers bc that's my entire job

[grayskies2525]

After having the dumbest work week of my life involving the most tedious task I've ever been given, I was so excited to have the time to finally sit down and begin writing my next chapter of my thing.

But all I've done for the past two hours is stare at my blank document and now my eyes are doing the stupid thing they do when I spend too much time on the computer. So I wasted the precious time I had with actual functioning eyesight by staring at my screen without accomplishing anything 😭😭😭

[seaofreverie]

So busy with Sparkstember that I almost forgot that I go back to school on tuesday

[gordonzola-ramen]

My mutual @alectricblue tagged me in this game tag! I normally dont do these, but I thought it'd be nice to get to know me more (and also meet y'all if you wish to participate)!

It will be long though. Sorry

1. Were you named after anyone?

Was originally gonna be named Andrea after a ballerina my grandma liked! Sadly no one remembered her well, not even grandma, so I don't know much about her.

My deadname was simply just chosen bc it was easy to pronounce, as well as my chosen name Diego (it's what I would've been called had I been male), although when I chose it for myself I liked the JoJo character Diego Brando so there was some correlation there.

Funnily enough, people think I'm nicknamed Lio after the Promare character, but I hadn't met them yet.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday. At 11pm. Watching OR3O's One Piece song. It was nostalgic ok

3. Do you have kids?

Nope. There's an absurd amount of reasons I don't want them, although not a single one is because I dislike them. I've had to babysit many kids and they've all been very sweet.

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

Oof, my recent sports is taking my dog for a walk. But I used to like volleyball and kickball! And reluctantly played soccer and did swimming! Sports give me a lot of anxiety and i'm not sure why.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

I do a lot of teasing and lighthearted banter that can sometimes be considered sarcasm?

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Their eyes! Or anything outstanding like cool hairstyles or visible tattoos.

With online people, I mostly recognize them by pfp or a vague mental pronunciation of their username.

7. What's your eye color?

Dark brown?? Or black??

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Honestly, whatever makes me think more. Unhappy endings tend to do that more though, so I guess scary movies! But of course it depends on the mood, sometimes I just want a nice story to cheer me up.

9. Any talents?

I've been told I am talented at the piano! And music in general, although most of my skills feel less like talent and more like just studying the thing.

10. Where were you born?

So I was born in the US, in Florida, but my entire family is from Costa Rica and I just happened to be born while my parents were studying abroad. I don't remember much from the US though, I came back to CR with my grandma in my first months because she was less busy than my parents, and then they came to live here again. So in my eyes I've been a true Costa Rican since always hehe

11. What are your hobbies?

Playing the piano! Also drawing sometimes (I like to color more than draw, but unless I get my hands on a coloring book I can't do that unless I draw), playing videogames (mostly RPGs and visual novels), and doomscrolling.

12. Do you have any pets?

YESSSS my beloved dog Mia!!!!!!!!!!! I love her so much, she escaped her abusive home and we found her while walking around a plaza, said hi, and she followed us home. She's been with us for 8 years now and I adore her. Reference below because how can I not show her off:

13. How tall are you?

Excellent question. I forgot but I'm average if that helps!

14. Favorite subject in school?

It changed over the years, in senior year it was English because we had my favorite teacher! I knew him for years because he has a literature club I partook in, so I was very happy to have classes with him. Plus, we saw the Oresteia, which goes tremendously hard especially when your teacher geeks out about all the symbolisms.

Apart from that, computer class! We barely ever had it, and almost had it cut out entirely in senior year, but the few times we did I really enjoyed programming and practicing typing! And when we didn't do anything we could play so.

15. Dream job?

I want to make my own videogame! So I'd say a game developer, although being a part of any videogame, especially RPGs, would be a dream come true.

Well thank you for reading, I hope that was some insight, it was very fun to reply!

Tagging section (no pressure to do it at all, you can also do it if you're not tagged who cares)

@skyllion-uwu @thefrogswhospoke @gorgeousuare @chronologicalimplosion @fishy-lilic @smoothedsmoothie @mx-mind @montied @aspirationatwork @jhofoyitchg @derkhue @mellomaia @federalfazbear @mcfinnigan @mutantsgurls @foxounderscorecube @sweetnessfollowsmp3 @mildredtefoneck @oh-my-stars1969 @unfullbucket @fluffnfuzzxoxo @electriceel69 @scottigyn @stressedsilverware @sapphicrobotenjoer @antjellies @milk1non-tolarantes @ovalbrain @chocokhaos @markdiegamer @astralix13 @atheist-xmas @blktomekurata @monstar-dreams @glass-duke @c--eam @laooneart

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 11/21/2023

awful lot of cooking content from me, who hates cooking but finds the evenings jittery and boring

listening

Doorbell by Sterling Press, off the spotify weekly recced playlist. i don't know that i like this song. i don't know that it's particularly good. goddamn if it isn't catchy. alt britpop, they hate being compared to blur but mmmm. you do hear it. notes of ska as well. a song to blast in your car when your spring break plans fell through and you're driving to the good target two towns away from your hometown.

i don't think this music video could have existed pre-pandemic-- idk doorbell cams were that ubiquitous or well known, despite heavy advertising from nest.

from an interview:

Speaking about the new release, they said, “We wrote the song in our mates garage using drum samples off YouTube. We spent all night writing it then in the early hours of the morning drove to Maccies to have breakfast and had it on repeat the whole time. We all fell in love with it straight away. These lyrics speak to the importance of authenticity and sincerity in your actions. In a world where appearances and pretences can be misleading, it's a reminder to be true to yourself and to avoid trying to impress others for the sake of it. “I feel like its an experience we all share. We all know someone who goes off to uni or gets a new job and you bump into them on the street and they act as if they have no idea who you are. I guess this song is reflection of our frustrations towards those people.”

they have what i would consider an unusual amount of hype and presence for a band that has exactly three songs out, but they've all been making music together and separately since well before the pandemic so maybe they've just finally broken out? i can't figure out who these kids are related to. i don't think it's a full on industry plant but i do think someone's dad has some money.

a friend once said she hated how eighties songs faded out like a printer running out of ink, and i do not particularly care for how 2020s songs end with the entire band vanishing underwater.

this song is truly not that deep but it is thoroughly stuck in my goddamn head.

listening: special podcast edition

i am not looking for solutions. do not say solutions at me. i am taking through a brain thing and having a weird workflow and brain problem. i have tried other apps with browser support and do not like them, and i cannot have my personal apple id tied to my work computer bc i have and frequently use a work apple id.

i have been listening to podcasts through Spotify ever since mmm november ‘20. it has not been a good experience but juggling the Apple Podcasts app through my phone (distraction minefield) and whatever im listening to or working on with the work computer is a nightmare. ethics of spotify aside, it is a tremendously successful all in one listening platform. i do not have the brainspace to manage my own music library, and support my favorite artists in other ways.

i am not looking for solutions. do not say solutions at me.

however, if you listen to enough podcast episodes, spotify does not seem to believe you when you tell it to unfollow a podcast. it just keeps letting you know hey this has a new episode. this got me stuck on a loop where i was listening to more and more episodes of two very prolific conspiracy theory debunking podcasts to the exclusion of almost everything else. this was not very good for my mental health.

i am not looking for solutions. do not say solutions at me.

despite the real annoyance of finagling a very distracting phone and the work laptop, i have gone back to Apple Podcasts and (after weeding out a variety of podcasts for a variety of reasons) started listening to friends at the table again. not sure why i stopped but i felt a weird amount of guilt around restarting?? the tablefriends neither know nor care. i have finally finished road to palisade and am excited but nervous about starting palisade proper

-

reading

a local religious thrift store has absolutely rancid vibes but does regularly have 6/$1 book sales. there were a couple older trade paperback comics the last time: the first three volumes of ULTIMATE XMEN and a radom What If? superman.

my trouble with the xmen, and i have to read something from it once every two years to remind myself, is that magneto is right. they will never be able to assimilate into white picket fence middle america, or even among the liberal coastal elites or whatever the term du jour was in 1999. the box will always be smaller and you will never be perfect enough. i did not enjoy this enough to continue bc of this fundamental disagreement with most xmen comics.

also it looks like this. magneto’s lair has an arch in the shape of the arch on the front of his helmet and that was pretty baller, but there’s a real. what was they gimmick blog about all the comic book women in contorted spine-breaking poses? it’s like that a lot. WHAT is ororo’s body doing there

-

watching

hey. what the fuck do you mean tomato sauce is that easy. i dislike tomato sauce and almost exclusively eat jar upon jar of aldi brand pesto. im not allergic bc tomatoes aren't tingly but it's just sort of Nothing all the time. what do you mean it can be good???

i don't actually remember why i'm subscribed to mr internet shaquille. perhaps, like so many other food things, it's kali's fault.

-

playing

g/enshinposting.

pulled this horrid little brat. very pleased with myself.

i do not. love. her story quest. it falls into the childrens' media trap of Sometimes It's Okay For Other People To Stomp All Over Your Boundaries If It's For The Good Of The Group! or perhaps this is just a thing i'm particularly twitchy about. either way, annoyed that other characters of this importance have gotten some deeply moving writing and so far furina has...not gotten that.

the next character i am excited about is lolita taylor swift, or geo-aligned lady with big fuckoff sword. from some early maybe-leaks i think she would pair beautifully with my playstyle and my pirate lady with big sword. my playstyle is mostly brute force damage. i hit things as hard as i can until they fall over and i've played the entire game (with some exceptions that required actual thinking about elemental reactions) that way. it pleases me.

re: the conclusion of the annapausis sidequest, genshin does a really good job of teasing out "ok in a world with actual gods, what does spirituality look like/what are the differing views on fate/how do people make sense of an afterlife". mostly this is gnosticism. and sometimes it's a real life occultist secret society (reskinned Rosicrucianism). fascinating writing choices.

-

making

turkey cottage pie with scalloped potatoes, bc i had a five-pound bag of russets that were starting to sprout. im just going to yoink this pic i posted earlier bc it is now half gone and in tupperware form

this is the first time ive ever cooked in a dutch oven and im in love. i thrifted this for $20 some weeks ago but bc the lid has some chips and rust i haven't used it. which is silly, bc the body of the oven is fine. de-rusting and seasoning the lid will wait for a day when i actually need it bc for now we can get by with doubled-over sheet of aluminum foil.

used this recipe: only had a pound of ground turkey and liberally stretched it with potatoes (i think about three and a half pounds out of five) and three pounds out of a cheap frozen veggie mix bag. did not include mushrooms bc i did not like them. threw in some bay leaves bc i have a giant bag of them, i think i almost doubled the wine bc i doubled the recipe, but i do not think i remembered to double the beef stock. i also shook in a liberal amount of italian seasoning bc i have a cheap jar from aldi i want to use up.

the final product was somewhat soupy. i anticipated that slicing the potatoes was going to be the longest part (mostly true, i had to take breaks) and kept them in a big bowl of cold water to stop them browning while i chopped and after i blanched them. i also could have reduced the filling down some more but i am not a patient woman.

not as intended but still yummy, which was a lovely surprise bc usually when i fuck recipes up i fuck them up But Good. plus new technique (dutch oven). if i make this again (likely) i will do instant potatoes on top bc this was a fuck of a lot of chopping for one recipe. thinking about getting one of those stupid little hand smash veggie choppers bc a full food processor is extremely out of budget.

[totally-correct-genshin]

Found families in this game makes me crazy and the knights are a big found family.

Ill mainly talk about Jean, Kaeya, Lisa, Klee and Amber here because I didnt play enough to find Mika yet (but im reading his lines, hes just baby sibling) bc i got bored and my computer can't take it anymore and Eula and Albedo are more like an awkward cousin.

(i will talk less of Klee bc just- everyone knows how she is :sob:)

Im going to show a few lines i want to talk about then go crazy about it.

Ok so. Starting with Jean.

Lisa:

Kaeya:

Amber: (+ "Amber shut up abt Jean" bonus round)

Klee has way too many mentions of everyone sigh.

Anyways. THE RELATIONSHIPS.

You can see how everyone cares about Jean, everyone says she should rest and try to help her in the way they can.

For Kaeya, it's usually by helping her get shit together.

For Lisa, it's by inviting her for time offs and tea time.

For Amber it's a mix of both.

Klee is too young to understand how overworked is Jean, but she does know Jean can be tired.

Lisa and Jean are a special case, always together, Lisa is always inviting her for stuff, Jean is the first person Lisa sees in the morning, Jean even says Lisa makes her calm, they're a very married couple, god bless.

Kaeya and her have a fun friendship, she cares and worries for him and he does the same for her, it's mentioned in his story that sometimes she doesn't understands his methods, but she still considers him a good knight and trusts him entirely, as they were childhood friends, they probably have in each other a trust even higher than the usual.

Amber thinks extremely high of Jean, I'll explain parts of that a bit later, but you can see throufh everything, how Amber is always mentioning her, as if she wants to make Jean proud (eg: "Jean will be upset if she catches us lazying around like this") and cares about her opinion a lot. In turn, Jean seems proud of Amber and where is Amber going.

Klee seems to be a bit scared of Jean, but Jean still is extremely patient with her, despite getting her grounded for valid ass reasons, Jean cares and seems worried about Klee, and trusts her enough to help her fight sometimes, which is how Klee exploded a whole mountain.

With Lisa, things are a bit different but still fun.

Of course we have Jeanlisa being jeanlisa, Lisa always praises Jean and wants to help her, in turn, Jean has full confidence in Lisa's habilities, both magic and intelectual, so much that she lets Lisa in command whenever she's out.

Lisa and Kaeya are a funny pair, it's said that Lisa makes him do some stuff that should be her job, but they do respect each other. It doesn't have that much on this pair compared to the others.

Lisa seems to be a motherly figure of some sorts to Amber, who even mentions that Lisa tells her stories, and similar to Jean, Lisa also seems proud of Amber and wants to see where Amber is going.

Lisa and Klee are another motherly pair, where Lisa helps Klee with her explosives sometimes and Klee seems fond of Lisa.

Kaeya and his relationships are always fun because Kaeya doesn't really talk a lot about his life compared to sincerely everyone else.

As we know, Jean and Kaeya have the biggest respect and trust in each other, even when they butt heads because they're both stubborn as hell, Jean seems to respect his... Dubious methods, and he respects her decisions in return. They're the duo that if they go against you, you know you fucked up.

I did say as much as i coukd about Lisa and Kaeya already since Lisa didnt have a line about him that I could find.

Kaeya and Amber are a very... Weird pair. Amber is so wary of him, justifiable after the manga, but she still seems to trust him. She picks on him and he annoys her, but they still have a mutual respect. They're pretty much just siblings annoying each other. She says he doesn't trust her and treats her like a child, but in his voiceline about her you can see he does respect her habilities

Kaeya and Klee are also very fun. Kaeya seems to help Klee evade Jean, and help her do her things, in turn, Klee is always happy to be around him.

Amber is someone so fun to see her relationships due to unresolved abandonment issues.

She holds so much respect to Jean, and thats where i wanted to explain. In her profile it kept saying about the senior knights and how they took care of her, but she just wanted to show she is capable, so she was always wanting to go for stuff alone and during a fight, their vision towards her changed, to one of proudness once she helped with a monster.

I think at least two of those senior knights, are Jean and Lisa. Both said they saw her since they were younger and are proud of her now, and even Kaeya who "still treats her like a child" is aware of her habilities.

So they probably keep an eye on her, not out of not trusting her, just because they care. She's even part of Jean's morning routine excuse me im gnna cry.

Anyways Klee seems to treat Amber an older sibling, she loves the baron bunny and thinks Amber is very fun, Amber in turn also helps her escape from the wrath of Jean

I sincerely cant write much about Klee. Girlie is an open book 😭

[atalana]

okay im sorry but did you seriously just say "'dont let your disability stop you' only applies to things like becoming a master artist!!!" what. in what world is becoming a fucking master artist easier to do than walking. in what world is that not something that a disability can prevent. what kind of fucking logic are you even operating on. lol. lmao

okay you have waaaaaay misinterpreted my words on quite an old post but i do remember the post in question so on the miniscule chance you're asking in good faith let's clarify what i meant

as a disabled person, and an artist, of course your disability can prevent you from going about things in a conventional way. there are some people who will never be able to hold a paintbrush, for example. hell, i consider myself quite lucky that im able to get close to conventional art methods, but i still have to reckon with my dyspraxia, which means im never gonna make a speed paint bc people don't need to know it takes me three times as long just to make a smooth line, or my fibromyalgia, which means i can't sit upright in a chair for more than about two hours without needing to lie down and/or causing me serious pain

but the distinction i was trying to make is that becoming a master artist is not a physical skill. art is inherent to all human beings, and we work with what we've got. frida kahlo painted from her bed. people who are lacking limbs have made art with their feet or their mouths, people lacking motor skills have made art from typewriters, or computers, or made paintings that took advantage of their disabilities rather than being weakened by them

if your dream in life is to become an artist, then you will find a way. and i know it can be despairing, because i'm an actor, it's the only thing in the world i feel like i was born to do. and when i got the fibromyalgia (and was also diagnosed with endometriosis around the same time), i thought i'd never get to where i am because i didn't think i'd have the energy for the kind of rehearsal schedule and flat out show week a show demands. hell i quit my first agency when i was 19 because i couldn't handle the audition notices knowing i wouldn't be able to manage the job if i got it. but i adapted. and i found things that work for me. and i did an entire theatre degree followed by a successful fringe season, and while i may not move as quickly as others in this field, im going to keep going, and i'm going to do more

that is what the phrase "don't let your disability stop you" should be used for. for when you know in your heart that this is the only thing you were put on this world to do, but you feel like it's impossible because you can't do it the way other people do it. what you've got to learn for yourself is that it doesn't matter how other people do it. do it how you can do it. because if this is what you were meant to do, you might as well try

however, what i was criticising when i said that, is that abled people have got a hold of that phrase, and are using it to deny peoples disabilities. if someone can't walk, saying "don't let your disability stop you" is not going to magically make them walk, it's just going to make them feel bad about letting their disability stop them. which is stupid, because disabilities do stop you, that's why they're called disabilities. and pretending they don't exist just hurts disabled people. in either situation, i'm encouraging people to work with what they've got, rather than trying to force what doesn't work to work, which is how one learns to live in this world with a disability (or several)

abled people don't want us to work with what we've got, they want us to do it how they do it, even if it causes us serious pain or injury, or even if we're straight up physically unable to do the thing they want us to do. and those are situations in which i want abled people to shut the fuck up, and in which i want disabled people to know it's okay to go at their own pace, and to do it in a way that doesn't hurt, even if it seems bizarre and backwards to the people around them

also for some people art is easier than walking. we all live in a world governed by our own limits, and trying to fit a cookie cutter mold helps no one

[jazz-kitty]

For ask thing - 6, 10 (i think like i have an idea) and 13?

ended up being long

6. least favorite ship(s)

i had beef with melivenam [venelia? (menam? {something else?})] a while ago but i think it's chill now. cute even. adorkable perhaps. and i think talon & florin are interesting enough as Brothers In Arms as opposed to dating. but even that is loose; i just don't think they'd ever call each other the word boyfriend and at the end of the day don't actually care if people want them making out. and that's about the extent of it i think?

i don't really mind any of the ships i've seen; it's a small fandom and the amount of people that mention ships is even smaller. i'm chill with most of em. i'll draw like 80% of them. i see the vision and respect it even if i do not follow it

10. favorite villain / antagonist

smiles. You know. besides flora though who is the default answer because she is the best character ever. i like texen a lot. my friends have made several pieces of artwork with religious allegories with texen because it has been a joke for multiple years. i knew texen before i so much as thought about playing a pokemon fangame. texen was the first fangame character i ever drew. my friend made an entire reborn texture pack just for texen

and horrifically dedicated bit aside, i do think he's funny & enjoy seeing him on screen. don't diss the do

13. any random theories

this is already getting long as shit so im not explaining any of them #sorry. also because if i think about any of these for too long they fall apart:

eizen is the fourth of whatever eden clear & kieran have going on [chess piece thingies implied there was a fourth bitch and he's weird. idk. theyre in chess club together idk], madame x is the 2nd interceptor thats mentioned at the... interceptor computer thing... in like zeight? i think it was called that?, puppet master is risa and just uses he/him pronouns on the weekend (but she has a job so she doesn't really care about that right now {or rune but its more boring to think its rune just bc she's been off screen and mysterious. she's just dead or something bro #GiveItUp [< i am aware it is probably rune]}), nymiera is one million year old, vitus is one million year old and fumbled nymiera so bad that the plot of rejuvenation happened, whatever the gang in sashilla [ren, erin, venam, melia, you, aelita, other people im forgetting] is was wished for by maria and is why they were all uplled together & maybe the cause of intereceptors entirely, dr isha died however many years ago under a different name and stole the body, brain, organs, or something else that he definitely shouldn't steal to continue "living",

and the evil gang cool squad is the 6 protagonist kids who gave away their bodies to adrest's mom whatever her name is to stop storm 9. they can't do it themselves because they're just a bunch of teenagers, which is why they get uhh. me. hi. to fix the world using their image, while they get to watch Yay! im not sure why anything is specifically LIKE that, but im pretty sure that's whats happening. + adrest is here too because Mom said you have to bring me along if you wanna hang out with your friends :'(

[self-indulgent-paw-patrol]

It sounds like you're going through some shit, you doing alright?

I mean, I could be better--

But yeah... Things aren't really well here. I keep getting bad news over bad news. My health is shit (confirmed I'm severely underweight/malnourished), I'll get paid less this month because of my unpaid sick leave, my computer isn't REALLY fixed as it shut down on its own last night just after 2h of use after I got it back (I'm using it again now bc I'm stubborn but it might shut down on its own again any moment), also the computer screen died so I'm using the CPU plugged to my TV, and on top of it all I just got e-mailed my Wi-Fi bill will increase from 125 to 153 (Brazilian Real currency) from next month on.

I legit feel lost here. The only things I feel I can do is to keep sharing my commissions offers, I'll create some adopts to sell (did it once before and people on my Telegram art channel loved them so might as well do it again), maybe some raffles selling numbers very cheap to raffle winners for some prizes (my Telegram followers loved this idea too), and offer particular reinforcement English classes for Brazilians. I might even suck in my pride and open up to receive donations. It's that bad. I don't have physical strength to work on anything else like odd jobs (cleaning houses, walking pets, washing cars, etc, besides it's not a thing here where I live in Brasil).

I can't lose my Wi-Fi, it's literally what grants me any kind of income, as low as it may be, and still need to buy food too, so I can recover my health. Not to mention try and get a second laptop to substitute this poor CPU, I'm giving up on fixing it entirely, it'll probably be like this forever, shutting down randomly, I can use it but I can't TRUST it for work...

[florasletter]

i am gonna rant, tomorrow is the oscars, i need to say something ive been wanting to say for a while

any fucking filmmaker that makes drama/comedy (taika, gunn, greta, etc) movies would make barbie, its easy marketing, hoards of money, its a low risk investiment since its a popular, PG 13 movie, colorfull, appealing for everyone, has all the IP to make money, WB is thirsty for good press and is swimming on money, they will give its full support, its a story everyone knows for 60 years of a ficctional character or a doll the whole world knows. i like barbie it was a good movie. greta did a wonderful job for what was giver her. period.

now tell me

a book about a historical controversial figure, boring ass talks abt nuclear war, ww2, communism and cold war, phsysics stuff, relased in 2006 and won a pulitzer prize.

no director dared to make a movie abt it. very high risk, why?

the pandemic and its inflation and new habits of consumption post super hero (very saturated) cinema era in an era quick shitty streaming movies bc they dont need theatrical release, little effort, just pump movies out, no control wheater is good or not no one (as many would think) would want a 3 hour movie, with heavy dialogue (bc it needs it to tell the story properly) with many black and white scenes, Rated R, nudity and s3xual representation scenes about this historical controversial figure. tiktok and reels era, most people are obssessed with a 30 seconds videos in their hands, keeping a very bad habit of zero attention span and quick serotonin, unable to enjoy the development of a full story that is longer than 30 without a pop music playing on the background can't go around marketing the movie like its super fun and colorfull for the entire family ahah cool, lets make it a competition like ahaha BARBIEMHEIMER ahah so fun lol why dont they get into it too? it would help their marketing bc lol who wanna watcha 3 hour R rated movie abt a physicist lmao get real!!! No buddy, you wanna scrutinize what happened the people of japan? this guy was scrutinized by its own country after everything he was asked to do? no, you cant market it like that, its harder, but thankfully the ppl making the movie ARE THE MARKETING. also the ppl saying "who cares abt nuclear war lmao, it wont happen" guess who just did a speech abt it the other day abt using them?? i am not gonna say his name yall know who it is. now invest 100mi on a movie like this. didnt see all the others directors around rushing to make a movie abt oppenheimer like chris did, he thought it was very interesting and passionate abt it, he had a vision for it, to contextualize yall: he has been wanting to make something biographical for years (will we ever see his howard hugues movie? thanks martin for doing it first??? will chris ever recover from this? poor bby). and ffs this movie didnt even use that much computer VFX, so much amazing pratical effects it didnt even an oscar nom for it, any other director could have done with the computer technology from 10 years ago. buddy literally asked for black and white imax films, no one did this before. buddy dark knight came out 16 years ago, the first movie shot in imax, back then there was 4 or 3 cameras in the world and this idiot i love even managed to break one of them during the shooting (see the behind the scenes of dark knight its amazing and hilarious). what other filmmaker is going this far for a biography? they could have made this movie but

they didnt make it. period.

i am not here to say that this is better than every other movie, oppenheimer should be forever praised (it is not in my sincere opinion chris' best movie, neither my fav of his) but this is for the ppl whining abt barbie and putting oppenheimer against it.

the reels i saw the other day "greta could make oppeneimer, but nolan couldnt make barbie" HONEY... WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS INFO? IS THIS SUPPOSED TO ME HER LOOK GOOD ? you are not helping her at all... if she can make oppenheimer why didnt she make it before? is it bc it would be hard to pitch? it wouldnt be easy to make money from it or get funded? it would just be another oscar winning box office flop? bc lets be real, many amazing oscar movies i love, they were commercial flops, and its ok, BUT YOU SEE IT RIGHT?

marvels endgame was a huge commercial movie and a great box office, no one here is screaming the russos to get noms

"ah its a groundbreaking movie bc of feminism"

honey please there's more groundbreaking movies better than barbie, are you fucking kidding me. this is the stuff that makes me ashamed of saying i am a feminist.

also who cares abt margot, isnt it abt to be feminism or is it white feminism ? i wanna see support for lilly gladstone who did and insane work in KOTFM than emma stone in PT.

i am biased, i am his fan afterall, i have no hate for the others, but i am a realist. chris has been making movies for 20 years, groundbreaking breathtaking beautiful stuff, i am not here to throw the party like "visionary director" but i wanna put things on the table, he has been way past what the academy considers cinema, he has been snubbed for so long it became ridiculous. he has been doing an imppecable work of supporting filmmaking and the theater industry, supporting the craftsmanship of filmmaking the studios' inverstors and companies look down on just for profits. to end my rant now, the last thing i wanna say is: i don't care if yall say "ah just another cis het white man winning/being nominated" yes honey, it is.

if anything, this is the "cis het white man" who you just can't believe has not won yet. insane right? he has been snubbed by other cis het white males who would believe it right? lmao

now i am done.

we take in the sheets tomorrow evening. have a great saturday yall

[seekingthestars]

tagged by @koalammas!! thank youuu 💞

buckle up ladies and gents time for some rambles okay go

1. Are you named after anyone?

nope lol my middle name was going to be Rose after my great-grandma on my mom's side, but my parents didn't want to offend either side of the family by using a name from the other side of the family so they ended up opting for completely random names for me and my brother hahaha

2. When was the last time you cried?

around april 21 (friend's funeral, her brother was speaking during it and i did not keep it together)

3. Do you have kids?

nope! only my cat, who i love and adore with my entire heart, she is my sweet lil angel muffin

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

kinda depends i guess? sometimes?

5. What is the first thing you notice about a person?

ohhh good question hmm i guess if i'm just seeing someone in passing, probably appearance? otherwise how they interact with and treat other people.

6. What’s your eye color?

brown, but leans a little hazel-ey some days.

7. Scary movie or happy ending?

agree that i like satisfying endings that are also hopefully happy! but between these two options, happy endings, i cannot do scary movies or tv shows or anything, i get freaked out and then can't sleep lol

8. Any special talents?

i genuinely don't know L O L i don't know what would constitute a special talent??? i can memorize song lyrics pretty quickly and then they sorta embed themselves into my brain forever, does that count??

9. Where were you born?

southern usa!

10. What are your hobbies?

video games, watching movies/dramas (though i do not always have the attention span for it lol), reading, crafting (i like physically making things with my hands since i just do design on my computer all day for work! i like trying lots of different things, recently been trying a little bit of hand embroidery. also painting little ceramic figures and stuff like that), cosplaying. i've been trying this year to build taking a walk into my daily routine, not sure if i count it as a hobby or not lol

11. Do you have any pets?

my sweet sweet rileycat!!!! i love cats!!!!

12. What sports do you/have you played?

am not a sports girlie LOL i did tap/ballet/jazz for six-ish years when i was younger! in high school i took theatre classes and was in the plays/musicals instead of sports.

13. How tall are you?

5'4" which is like 162.5cm??

14. Favourite subject in school?

oh i love english, i always loved english. and math! i actually really loved math up until i took calculus. my calculus teacher was horrible, he made you feel stupid for asking questions and he intentionally made the tests too long to finish in a class period and made them extra confusing, it left me in tears more than once. cried at school bc i failed a lot of those tests. anyway i got a 5 on my AP exam for calculus (highest score) so i understood the material, my teacher just sucked and made me hate math after i'd loved it my entire life so ✌️

also loved my theatre classes in high school ahhhh

15. Dream job?

i think something working with cats / big cats / red pandas would be really fun. not a vet necessarily, i don't think i could handle it lol, but like a cat rescue or animal sanctuary maybe??? idk honestly

but yeah mostly agree with the "something that won't drain me and actually leaves me with savings and a will to live" answer. i like my current job/workplace/coworkers a lot more than my last job, but i still don't know if i'd want to be in this field until i retire, that's so many more years and clients sometimes make me wanna bash my head into a wall lol

i have a hard time with the ~dream job~ question bc i've just never felt like i had a "calling" or any overwhelming grand idea with what i've wanted to do with my life, i'm just vibing my way through somehow

Bonus: any significance to your blog's name:

NOPE lol when i was making this blog uhhhh 12 years ago everything that i wanted at the time had been taken and this was the only thing i could think of that i liked that was available and it was just something random 😂 i've thought about changing it but idk it's been too long now LOL

[curse-of-candlewood]

Meet the characters: Melien Clove

To spare my roomates of me yapping about my future webcomic, I'm going to post info about the characters here to get it all out and better introduce people to the small town of Candlewood and its residents. Meet Melien Clove, our main protagonist.

Melien Clove is a fifteen year old who has lived in Candlewood their entire life, residing in the Clove Family Cabin that has been passed down for generations with their little brother and their aunt. They spend a lot of time gardening, sewing, and searching for jobs and future colleges on the old family computer (the only source of internet in the cabin other than their aunt's phone).

They're a bit of an outcast, and they insist that they are okay with that. They are blunt, and that tends to scare people away, and often paranoid that people have secret ill intentions which makes them push others away. However, if someone can manage to get close to them like their family, they are fiercely loyal, generous, and protective of them, even if they struggle to accept that help for themself.

Melien wants nothing more than to get OUT of Candlewood, and being on the internet has only fueled their desire to leave. There are opportunities for their interests in horticulture and forensics, people who understand their nonbinary identity much better than the residents of their small town, and a fresh new start awaiting them where they won't be tied by the persisting urban legend about the Clove family being the 'Witches of the Woods...'

One problem. The Cloves are haunted by a curse. As long as they stay in Candlewood, they'll be safe, but take one step out of the town borders while the sun is down and they could end up like their parents who tried to leave.

Melien thinks curses, ghosts, and anything supernatural is a bunch of baloney. People can't be trusted to tell the truth about those things, people shouldn't be trusted in general. With Halloween approaching in a couple of months, Melien is buckling down to get a job and fund their plan to get out of town as soon as they turn eighteen and doing their very best to not associate with any witchcraft (despite their aunt being an actual witch), ghost stories (despite the fact that their little brother can SEE ghosts), or anything to spur this idea further. That is until someone new shows up in town... Some other character info and trivia!

Melien uses they/them pronouns

They are aroace

Their middle name is Bobbin

Most of what they wear was either altered by them in some way, or made from scratch

They are vegetarian, which is mostly just from the fact that they are kind of particular about eating food from THEIR garden that THEY prepared.

Sharing their harvest and making food for people is one of the easiest ways for them to show affection since they struggle with conversation and aren't the biggest fan of being touched

Same with sewing! Melien loves to repair old clothes for people they care about and makes little plushies or other fabric projects for special occasions My official sketch, and some picrews bc I'm still learning digital art and I'm way too scared to color them in but I want people to get the vibe

[the-acid-pear]

Had a wild and vivid dream it was me with another girl (can't remember who she was, maybe my irl friend? She was blond-ish and spoke little) and we were just, going around hypnotizing other women. Was this sexual in nature? Probably. But we just walked down the streets I in front her a few steps behind me flashing my telephone to them and they'd either get big empty eyes and walk away or just smile and shake their heads like Nah Doesn't Work On Me. It was like Halloween too I think everyone was outside on their front door and some had costumes and shit.

We walked until we reached a mall and inside the mall we got into this, toy shop? Where it was full of ppl many very kinky too. We didn't try hypnotize them but they seemed to be familiarized w whatever we were doing. There was a doll someone was holding up with a massive clit you'd even more up and down I praised it outloud. I wanted to stay here but my friend kept us walking and eventually we found a doll to buy where I also admitted I had a doll kink so this is great which, I mean I fucking guess????? Maybe????????? Not something I'd list up in the top 10 but whatever you say dream Luly. So we went to pay an the prize was 175.000 and I was like ah I don't have that much money :( so I was gonna just steal it but my friend went Nuh Uh ☝️ Wait and then the number became 153.000 so we left jolly. Again didn't give me the chance to hypnotize this one.

We kept walking and we ran into a comic/manga store w a glass full of little figurines and I was like lol wait I want to see if the hypnosis works in any of them (don't know why I thought it would thinking with my dick I guess) but suddenly my friend taps my arm and I see a mall cop stopping everyone telling them to get down and I was like attempting to walk away but my friend grabbed my arm and got on her knees so I followed suit.

He then kept yelling and screaming and I wasn't having fun bc i don't like cops and I also kept doing things you shouldn't probably like searching around in my bag (tbf he had asked for our Visas so I was like well I don't have that but I'd show my id at least in my phone). Also took off all my many rings that for some reason I had.

He then exclaimed that we were everyone going to have to give back what we took in little boxes and leave them under computer desks (guess the mall had a cyber or something) and that's when I got pissed because 153k IS A LOT OF MONEY :/ so i started ranting about how me and my friend might've done other crimes but we paid the prize for what we bought it wasn't stolen so it wasn't fair to get the same treatment and I rambled so much man just not only agreed but started venting and was like complaining about how it's because these people that the mall is coming apart and I looked down and on the ground floor it was abandoned and a cloth circle dirty and dull laid in the middle.

From there he actually took us to his home where we met his wife, a tall and lanky middle aged woman with brown hair held in a bun. She was sweet and cute. He on the other hand was very pale, fat and short. Almost entirely bald except for the sides. Stress definitely aged him more than he was old, he was wrinkly. And he was missing one eye, something that wasn't as noticeable when he was on his uniform.

From here I remember little the house was old and yellowy light brown the wife was gonna cook us a meal we found where to sit and he was just having a breakdown. He clearly wasn't good economically and he couldn't stand to lose this job. His missing eye was really upsetting for him too I remember him saying while covering that side of his face "WHERE'S PORKY'S OTHER EYE?". It was sad a little.

[globodamorte]

hiii so as you probably know I recently got a PC that I refused to get Windows on!! Here's my thoughts about it:

I personally got the Linux Mint distro, which I heard was pretty friendly to new users! This is true. There are a lot of well-written, detailed and clear guides about installing the Operating System (OS), and tons of YouTube tutorials as well. Once you have it installed, I think the OS itself also does a great job at walking through what you should do and how to get started and so on. If you mostly use your PC for web browsing and typing documence, you may never need to open up the terminal.

Unfortunately, I think if you have zero coding or computer science background it is going to be intimidating if you DO want to do other finagling. It would be really great if you had a friend you felt comfortable calling, who perhaps already uses Linux, feels reasonably competent and would not mind helping you through certain snags. (I would not mind being this person but I must make it clear that I don't think I qualify for the "reasonably competent" bullet point.)

If you have special programs specifically for work/whatever that isn't supported by Linux, there are lots of different workarounds, but I think they're all kinda soggy and not fun to do. For Clip Studio Paint, I ended up getting a virtual machine that I ran Windows 10 on, and then used CSP in that. But I also had to jump through hoops to get the virtual machine to detect my tablet and so on.

If you are scared of jumping directly into Linux completely and totally abandoning Microsoft, you can put both OSs on one device. I will say, going from Windows to Windows + Linux is FAR FAR FAR FAR easier than Linux to Linux + Windows, and the vast majority of tutorials out there is about going Microsoft -> Linux. I say this specifically because I put Linux in my new PC and then realized I still needed Microsoft for CSP, and realized it was a crazy crazy pain to do (hence my virtual machine solution)

No idea about gaming. I have heard that many games are not really supported on Linux, but also SteamDeck runs on Linux? So I think even if it's tough right now it is definitely in the process of becoming better. Sorry, I don't really play games.

YouTube tutorials and old forum pages are your friend... everything I have run into as an issue had already been encountered by some other poor soul. If you still cannot find a solution I think the Linux community is filled with people who want to see you succeed and will help you out. You are not an idiot, you can read and follow directions, I think it will be fine :]

LibreOffice, the default word document/spreadsheet/whatever office suite thing for Linux Mint, is entirely compatible with Microsoft Office, which means old documents you have in Microsoft can be accessed and edited with LibreOffice. This is great because I'm personally also not a huge fan of hoarding everything on Goggle Docs/Drive which is what I had been doing to cope with losing access to Microsoft Office.

The whole time I was gnashing my teeth trying to get it work I simply kept telling myself "how can I ever hope escape from capitalism if I can't even escape the grasp of Microsoft even with so many people waiting to pull me over to the other side" and well. It will probably take a while for you to iron out the kinks. Weeks, months maybe. I don't even know if it's worth it just yet. But I'm doing it because I feel like it's the right path for me to take. I can really only see Microsoft getting worse so I may as well pack my bags now rather than later, eh?

oh my God thank you so so much for this. I really do just need to stop one day and do good research about it bc I always get intimidated/too overwhelmed and stop. I might know a single person who seems like they would have used linux at some point so I'll see if I can talk to them. thank u so much

[blue-banditt]

I'm stealth at work was outed to my coworkers on Friday by a security worker, who— despite the fact that my security badge and computer security profile both have my name at the top and in bold (my badge only has my chosen name)— decided to use my legal name to get my attention / ask which one of us was [deadname] so she could talk to me about how my badge was expired or whatever.

So, yk, I had to identify myself when they asked for me. And my coworkers were all like "what?? 🤨 [Deadname]??" Like they were all confused and one asked if it was my last name and I was kinda just standing there like 😶‍🌫️😶 I really just wanted to delete their memories. Bc ik if they didn't get it RIGHT then, they were going to eventually put two and two together, it was only a matter of time. And they have.

I spent that entire day afterward paranoid as hell. I was hoping to the gods they would forget about it and write it off as something weird or none of their business and not think too far into it.

Because— while nobody's been blatantly transphobic to me so far, which I'm extremely grateful for— when a cis person finds out you're trans; no matter how much they respect you, or believe in trans rights, or "see" you as a man, no matter how much you pass; the first thing in their head when they see you or think about you becomes "this person was born female and has female genitalia and is a biological female that looks like a man" (whether or not those specific words get thought or just the concept, it's still there always in the back of their head now when they perceive you)

they become subconsciously scrutinizing about every little detail about you that could possibly be proof of that reality, and instead of it being perceived as a normality for a cis man who might be a bit feminine, it now becomes a little tiny thing that will make them perceive you as a little tiny bit more female. And they will subconsciously start treating you as more female. I've literally experienced this happening firsthand. The difference between being perceived as cis and as a trans man is so fucking insane.

we get held to such high standards. If we want to be seen as MEN, we can't be feminine in the same ways men are allowed to be. We get seen as "not enough of a man" or "no longer a man" whereas cis men will get seen as "weak" or "a sissy" or "perverted"— which isn't a good thing— but nobody will sit there and dispute the fact that they have a dick and balls. Id rather be seen as a sissy with a dick and balls than a fake man with a vagina.

Anyway. So now I'm no longer seen as a cis man. The men at my job are more standoffish, less open and welcoming to me. The one woman who works with me started talking to me about period stuff and women's problems like I understand and relate to her. I've been accidentally misgendered multiple times today despite the fact that, previous to being outed, NOBODY doubted the fact that I was a cis man, no matter how femininely I presented (long hair, painted nails, I even wear a sports bra when my binders are in the laundry bc my chest honestly isn't that noticable anyway, they still never doubted me.)

The accidental misgendering really gets me, it's PROOF that they don't see me as a cis man, that they now perceive me as a female cosplaying a man.

I'm grateful they respect me, respect my choices, haven't been intrusive about it, BUT FUCKING HELL JUST TREAT ME LIKE A FUCKING CIS MAN PLEASE THATS ALL I WANT

Nothing about me has changed, and yet they treat me like a completely fucking different person.

I really, really can't wait until I can be 100% stealth. I'm so tired of just waiting for the day people find out I was "lying" to them, being paranoid everyday they can tell, and having to be incredibly self conscious and overcompensate once they do find out. It's so dysphoria inducing and it makes me genuinely consider completely leaving this place just so I can find somewhere else where people don't know and will treat me like I'm cis.

Im gonna quit my job and find a new one where nobody knows I'm trans

[soullikethesea]

Meep. Pain has been pretty bad again yesterday and today. I thought I was just imagining it, but then I got those *intense moments* and I was like "OK, OK, owwwieeeee. I'm listening."

I don't know if it's just because it normally would be the week before my period now. Or because I had some cookies (sugar). Or because I did some difficult inner work.

I let Mae draw a memory and she did, but now it all feels like I'm faking. Maybe it was just a bit too much. I also still feel a lot of shame about the T session.

The good news is that a friend is going to help me with the job process. We had a long call last night and it feels so helpful to have some support. I really need it. (Which I'm also ashamed of, but nvm).

For now I mostly just wish the pain could ease. It's not as intense as it was before BC, but it's still pretty intense back and hip pain, gastrointestinal discomfort/pain, and those sharp pains. Like someone trying to put your intestines on their fork. Plus the dull pains of small patches of pain that sort of radiate out. I can still talk and walk and I'll probably also try to exercise. Hopefully that will help.

I think I need a day of distraction. No trauma stuff, please. But I can feel everything with Mae bubbling below the surface. Like when you keep failing a level in a computer game and keep trying over and over again. It feels like that, but not like I'm consciously doing that. More like it's happening in the background of my mind.

TW physical abuse, body memories

T said that when you keep getting the same flashback, it's likely trying to be heard. But I think I know this memory inside and out. Yesterday I suddenly got bruises fitting with the memory, so that is a bit intense - but I swear I don't need to get bruises to know what it felt like! (Just for those parts in the back).

I know the whole sequence. The texture of the chair. How warm it was in the house. My burning cheeks. The screaming and my crying. The cold floor. Grasping anything I could. The burn marks from being dragged across the floor. The pain of bumping into the side of the door. The hand on my arm. The duplo I had been playing with. How he made sure to close the door behind us. The stern talk about how I was going to have to feel it. - The hitting part is surprisingly blank. - Then back at the table. How everyone looked away. How I still could not eat.

How I forgot this ever happened, until I remembered when I was 10 - when Mae was the main ANP.

She drew the memory using numbers instead of normal lines. All the doors have numbers. The fingers of the hand that dragged me away. (The endlessly big painting that was randomly generated using colour numbers, but I probably can't have known about that back then).

I don't think he said anything while hitting me, but maybe I counted it to myself. Because while drawing I kept hearing counting and then I remembered that nero was originally called zero. Like he started existing right before.

But that feels so, so, so fake. Like I'm just trying to make up a story that fits. Like when you find something in your pocket and you tell yourself what probably happened, but maybe something else happened entirely.

I don't know why this memory keeps coming up. Maybe it's because the physical aspect makes it count as "real abuse" in my head, especially back when we had no idea of the impact of neglect (looking at you, Mae). Maybe it's also because I haven't fully accepted and felt the fear in it.

The fear and anger, because I didn't feel like I was doing anything wrong. And I wasn't trying to be bad. The sun and the heat were massively overstimulating, and then I also had to eat food that felt like it was going to kill me because it was so intense. I refused to eat. And then my dad dragged me away amd hurt me, because I refused.

I was only three or four. My little brother didn't exist yet. It was one of the first dinners with my stepmum.

I think that objectively the memory is not that bad. But I guess it's the message that spoke to me - that I wasn't safe, wasn't going to be protected, wasn't going to be understood or comforted. Was alone. That no matter how much I fought to protect myself, that wasn't always going to work. I was a bad kid. I made them do it to me.

Zero is a good name. Right before. The body and mind try to protect itself. Right that moment, I encapsulated all of my father's shame. The intergenerational trauma and his inner child.

"You beat it in me, that part of you // but I'm going to split us back in two." (Elliott Smith - 2:45 AM).

I still feel the shame and maybe that's why it keeps coming back. The shame and the rage and the internal conflict of being good vs. bad. It is such a strong drive for repetition, for trying to solve the conflict somehow. I still feel that same fear from back then whenever I have contact with my family now. Even when it's only a small memory in everything that happened.

I still don't know how to process it.

[ironmandeficiency]

falcon, falcon, goose!

pairing: sam wilson / reader

word count: 3547

summary: there were reports of geese leading people to their soulmates spanning centuries, and it seemed like a cool concept, but why did it have to coincide with you coming out of your writing slump?

warnings: cursing, geese, dumbassery, implied happy au where the avengers get along, iw and endgame who?

a/n: this is an older piece i wrote a couple years ago, decided to brush it up and repost it. and the reader works for snl bc why the hell not? keep in mind that the original was written before everything went to shit w iw & endgame. posted from mobile yet again yall what is wrong w me

it was a sunny day outside, and deciding that you had been cooped up for far too long, you brought your laptop to the park a couple blocks from your studio apartment.

being a writer for saturday night live wasn't always so peachy, what with the lack of a social life outside of your co-workers and constantly explaining your job to confused relatives. you had been in a slump for the past couple weeks, the fact most of your sketch ideas not making the cut for the next episode continuing to throw you off your rhythm.

this week, you were going to change that. Your headphones were playing your concentration playlist full volume and you were hyped to the max. with your laptop on the picnic table in front of you and a warm cup of tea beside it, you were ready to blow the producers away with your next idea.

"honk! honk!"

you felt something nudge your leg, but you were too engrossed into what you were typing to care. after getting through a few more lines, it happened again.

"honk! honk! honk!"

you couldn't hear the sound but the feeling on your leg got a little bit rougher, more demanding. you moved your headphones to the side for a minute and took a moment to look around you. there was no kid running to get their ball back or any squirrels nearby that dropped a nut.

strange.

but you put your headphones back on, trying to keep your groove alive while hoping the interruptions are finished.

"HONK! HONK! HONK!" the goose honked louder, pecking at your leg harder than it had earlier.

you were getting frustrated and a little pissed. the creativity was flowing through your veins for the first time in what felt like ages and this — whatever it was — decided that today was the best day to annoy you.

you kicked your legs out with a strange flail and when you came into contact with something large and solid you nearly screamed.

"ow! motherf- oh my god!"

standing on the ground beside your table was a goose. it honked yet again with impatience (geese could do that?) and nipped lightly at your thigh closest to it. looking to the pond nearby, it was nearly an entire gaggle of the damned things.

so here was this goose honking at you and nipping at you like you were supposed to know what the hell it wanted from you.

"i don't have any bread, dumbass. go find someone else to bother." thinking it would leave if you ignored it, you turned away and continued your work.

"HONK! HONK!" it continued to honk and decided to peck you before flapping its wings, landing itself on the table next to your computer.

"get outta here, ya damn goose!" while you were trying to shop it away, it expertly evaded you. "go! shoo! leave me alone!"

it just stayed over on the bench, expertly dodging your attempts to get it to leave.

a few people nearby had heard your altercation with the infernal bird. one of them was an older gentleman that laughed as he sat across from you, the mirth in his eyes glinting as you give him a sarcastic side eye while trying to deal with the current issue.

"that bird won't leave you alone, you know." At his voice, the goose calmed down and waddled a few feet away from your arm's reach.

that was the first time the thing had been seemingly calm since he showed up at your little table.

"what do you mean he won't leave me alone?"

he pauses, part of him enjoying the irritation in your tone. he remembers someone talking to him like he was to you many years ago, and it made his heart smile at the idea of repaying the favor. "have you ever read about soulmate geese?"

"hey we're gonna go for a run, wanna join?" steve’s offer was given with a smirk. ever since reuniting with bucky, the two supersoldiers found so much humor in doing laps around sam every time they went out jogging.

it annoyed the shit out of him, the "on your left" comments from steve and the newer "on your right" jabs from bucky, but it also pushed Sam to work harder during his runs. ultimately he knew his non-enhanced body didn't stand much of a chance beating them, but he enjoyed when he was able to close the gap between their times just a little bit.

"sure, just gimme a few to eat breakfast and I'll join you guys." the blond nodded and turned back to the elevator, having woken up far earlier than sam and therefore already ate.

he hummed otis redding as he laid the bacon flat into the pan, shoulders moving along with his created rhythm while changing the grounds in the coffee filter. this was how he spent most of his mornings, barring the occasional hangovers and missions where he couldn't afford the distraction.

he ate, got dressed, and told FRIDAY to let bucky and steve know he was ready to go. h had his water bottle in hand, giving his body a pep talk in preparation for the run. they met in the common room and soon, the trio was off.

"on your left!"

"on your right!"

"oh, come on!"

he knew it was gonna happen, but for some reason it felt like it happened sooner than normal. either they were trying really hard to mess with him today, or he was off his game. but regardless, he pushed his body harder than he probably should have because when there was something obstructing his path, he didn't pause. no, he charged it straight on through and fell hard.

steve and bucky had seen this from a distance and immediately rushed to get to their friend.

sam rolled onto his back, exhausted and now in terrible pain from the fall. he closed his eyes and just let it all sink in. when he opened his eyes at the sudden foul smell flooding his nostrils, he could feel the palpitations, thinking he was about to have a heart attack.

"holy shit!" sam sat up like a rocket despite the way his body was throbbing from the fall.

the goose stared at him curiously and turned its head toward the pounding footsteps from the approaching brooklynites.

"sam! What happened?" steve was concerned, inspecting sam while bucky noticed the bird. The brunet bent down to meet the goose eye-level and was somewhat surprised that it didn't run away at the close proximity.

"did you trip the dumbass? was it your fault sam landed on his face? Huh, little guy?"

"honk! honk!"

"i thought so. good job, man." bucky pats the animal on the head gently before turning to help steve get sam off the ground.

"nothing’s broken but there's probably a sprain, can't really be sure until we get to cho." sam and bucky lift their friend from the pavement and they have no problem supporting his weight.

they began the walk back to the tower in silence. well, almost silence. there was a faint pitter-patter of tiny, webbed feet behind them that sam and bucky weren't paying attention to.

steve noticed the goose slowly waddling behind the trio and looked at sam with a smile. sam responded to steve’s happy face with a glare, not enjoying any of the situation he found himself in.

"look behind us, guys."

both men took turns looking behind them and see the goose waddling behind them patiently. sam wasn't particularly happy about the culprit from moments before trailing behind him, but bucky thought it was hilarious.

"do you know what this means?"

sam rolled his eyes because he thought the blond was about to make some sort of poetic comment about one thing for another.

bucky had paused to think about the implications of a random goose for a moment before gasping. "dude," bucky nudged sam softly, being conscious of his friend's injuries. "you’re gonna meet your soulmate, man!"

"a soulmate goose. man come on, are you out of your mind?"

"steve got his goose back during the war, i think we know enough about it."

sam had only heard vague reports of soulmate geese throughout his life, but now that he thought about it, it did make sense. the goose showed up randomly in the middle of his routine, completely throwing him off, and was now refusing to leave him alone.

"well if this is my soulmate goose, then somebody’s gotta tell tony about our newest avenger." they laughed at the implication, viciously eager to witness tony’s reaction to the newest resident of avengers hq.

it has been three days of dealing with your goose, and you were now teased at work as “bird brain”, walking into your office to see several loaves of bread covering the desk. your goose, that you had named piper once you got home, was excited at the prospect of more food, but you planned on donating most of the bread to local shelters, only keeping a couple loaves for the house.

the guest host that week was mick jagger, and he had emerged into the room “i dream of jeanie” style, startling both you and piper, who honked at him in irritation.

it was time for you to work on the song for your little sketch with him, and you had only two more days before performance night (it was thursday) to finish writing it. after settling down and getting into the right mindset, the writing process had begun.

"alright let's see," mick murmured. "let’s all go to the picnic, let's all have a drink. what rhymes with 'drink'?"

you thought for a moment and said quietly, "think?"

you weren't prepared for the absurd response you received from the man, his accent making him round mean as he barked out a loud "NO!" with an unnecessary hand gesture.

piper just about lost it. she was honking and flapping around your office in a tizzy (but staying away from mick because the man was seen as a stranger she wasn't comfortable with).

you racked your brain for another solution, something else to rhyme with 'drink' and you eventually found it: "sink?"

mick thought about it for a moment before replying with a much lighter "yes!" also paired with unwarranted pointing.

‘motherfucker, is this how you write songs?!'

thursday and friday came and went, and soon it was time for your piece to be performed by mick. du to an accidental ankle twist someone else suffered, you were forced to perform a skit live for the first time in your career. it would have been great, but there was one teensy problem: piper blatantly refused to leave your side when it was time to perform, and she would honk and bite anyone that tried to keep her from you onstage.

even poor bobby, who she had grown fond of, was taking the brunt of it. she was not allowing you to be more than a couple feet away from her, and it was almost endearing if you weren't being broadcast on national television.

apparently, piper would also be making her debut appearance on saturday night live tonight as well.

saturday had arrived, and it was sam’s day of rest. he spent the day doing the bare minimum, eating junk food and watching almost everything on netflix he could find.

he didn't stray too far from tradition, not really. it was just that now he had a goose accompanying him the entire time, honking at this and that and eating occasional pieces of popcorn that sam didn't want to share.

he didn't mind his feathered companion, he was actually quite fond of his goose at this point. whitewing (not to be confused with redwing) was the most calm goose any of them had seen, no biting or nipping and especially no honking at ungodly hours of the night.

steve was perplexed. "Are you sure whitewing hasn't done anything bad? no waking you up at night or bites when you don't feed him soon enough?"

sam would chuckle and shake his head, proud to have such a calm goose. "why are you so keen to see him misbehave? aren’t all soulmate geese like this?"

"for lack of a better word, most geese are assholes. i don't know how whitewing is so well behaved," steve balked at the very idea of all geese being so mellow and decided it was story time.

steve’s goose from the century before was the most rambunctious animal anyone had ever seen. he recounted the first and several occasions following where his soulmate goose, jimmy, fended off the blond man's alleyway attackers.

sam was extremely grateful that whitewing had less feral and goose-like tendencies. whitewing was extremely well behaved and had an almost human way about him, the way he honked in reply to sam or the rest of the team when they talked to him.

it was late in the evening when clint decided to plop down onto the couch and flick the channel to nbc, where tonight's host was mick jagger.

"why are we watching this?" sam was enjoying his sitcoms before the other bird man had showed up.

"i haven't watched it in ages, plus mick jagger is on tonight."

"alright, whatever you want."

the intro played like usual, and whitewing was perfectly complacent. they laughed in the right places with the occasional honking from the bird, and everything was great.

"hey man, look!" clint interrupted, keeping sam from being able to hear the punchline. "i think that's a goose!"

"why is there a goose? The skit has nothing to with-"

sam and clint seemed to come to the same realization at the same time as whitewing, the goose beginning to honk incessantly. he was going absolutely berserk, flapping his wings and hopping off of sam’s lap and onto the coffee table, occasionally pecking at the tv where he saw the other goose.

he was going absolutely bonkers.

"whitewing! whitewing, no! calm down!" sam scrambled to calm down his goose, but he was having none of it. the whole entire skit, whitewing was honking and flapping and being a general nuisance.

he found his soulmate.

whitewing kept at it until the screen went to a commercial, his soulmate off of the screen.

"y’know," clint spoke around a slice of pizza. when did he get pizza? "if you hurry, you could go to the studio and meet your soulmate. the show is about halfway over."

before sam could think over the proposition, tony’s voice was heard from the corridor. "somebody shut that damned bird up before I pay ramsay to cook it!"

"i’m taking care of it!"

with that, sam heads to the armory with whitewing on his tail to get his wings. once he's equipped, sam heads to the window and jumps, immediately setting his course for studio 8h and his soulmate.

you’re released to go back to your office once you finish the skit alongside mick and piper, the show almost over. you’re gathering your things lazily, knowing that you have no other responsibilities for the night.

just as you lock your office and piper is waddling beside you without a care in the world, you see kyle running towards you with a look of fear in his eyes. that fear seems to only triple when his eyes land on piper beside you.

"kyle! what’s-"

"there’s another goose on the set! no one is safe!"

wait, was he bleeding?!

you were going to try and help your friend but one look at piper sent him off the rails, the lanky man nearly falling on his ass in an attempt to skid the corner. you hoped that someone would help calm your panicked friend, seeing as you were literally the worst person for the job at the moment.

without further incident, you are able to say goodbye to cecily and mikey before you're stopped in your tracks by michael, who gives piper a funny look.

"wait, so the goose that attacked kyle wasn't piper?" You shake your head in confusion. "dude, your soulmate must have come to the set!"

piper must have either understood what your co-worker had said or she could sense a change in the studio, but she began to honk erratically and run away from you. the last thing new york needed was two feral geese running around attacking people, so you did what anyone would do and ran after her.

"piper! piper, come back!" michael laughed as you chased after your goose. while you were running, you nearly died when you heard a honk that you knew wasn't from your piper. hers were carved into your brain, and you were positive that you could pick hers out of an entire gaggle of geese, so there was indeed a second goose in the studio.

to your dismay, piper did not stop and wait, she just kept on honking and flapping and scaring people in pursuit of the other goose, poor old you having to chase her.

there was another voice you assumed was yelling at his goose since you didn't know of anyone naming their kid whitewing. your eyes were not looking straight ahead when you suddenly bumped into someone, immediately stumbling a bit before regaining your balance.

piper had stopped her honking and that scared you. did someone hurt her? was she-

her and another goose were making muted honks to each other. they sounded like affectionate honks, which is one of the weirdest sentences you ever constructed in your head. but it was true! they were cuddling close to each other and making really quiet honking noises at each other, and if that wasn’t affectionate then you didn’t know what would be.

so if piper found her soulmate, that means yours was-

"i hope comin' to your job was okay. whitewing wasn't gonna give up until I left, so here we are." your eyes were dragged from the touching scene of piper and her special goose to a pair of dark brown irises that radiated warmth and a promise of happy days.

you were absolutely dumbstruck. your mouth was unable to form coherent words, so you decided to take in the appearance of your soulmate. he was wearing a soft grey tee and sweatpants, and socks without shoes. did he realize how unsanitary the streets of new york were?

but upon further investigation, you realize that he probably didn't walk to the studio. on his back was what you would normally call a jetpack, but when you recognize the face your mind completes the puzzle: your soulmate is sam wilson, otherwise known as the falcon. holy shit.

"uh yeah of course, i guess you flew here? no sane person in new york would walk around barefoot in the street." did you really just say that?!

sam nodded and then remembered that he was in his pajamas in front of his soulmate without any shoes. "yeah, he wasn't gonna stop attacking the tv once he saw uh…"

you realized he was asking for your goose’s name, and so you hastily gave it to him.

"yeah, once he saw piper, he went wild. caused more chaos in five minutes than he did in five days!"

you laugh, the nervousness falling away as you recount the story of you first meeting with piper.

people are staring at the pajama-clad avenger and his soulmate, their geese finally satisfied. after all, it wasn't every day so many people were able to watch soulmate geese (and their people) meet for the first time.

sam gently took your hand, his thumb smoothing the skin on the back of it, just listening to you talk. you asked him a question about whitewing and he was in the middle of telling you when he cut himself off. "i just realized i don't even know your name!"

in most scenarios you’d be slightly put off by this, but you didn't have an issue because of the specific circumstances. if he weren't an avenger you wouldn't have known his either, and plus, no one really pays attention to the little rat writers. you give him your name and smile when he introduces himself, his voice even helping show off the brightest smile you’ve ever seen.

with impeccable goose timing, piper and whitewing honk at you to hurry your introductions and leave the studio.

"do you want to fly back to your place , or can I drive you?" it was a risk to ask him such a question, but you were genuinely concerned. you hoped he wouldn't think you were trying to jump his bones only minutes after meeting him so you used (terrible) humor to show your intentions. "you shouldn't fly so late at night without headlights, no matter how high up you get."

sam’s laughter was infectious and soon you joined him, your geese about to get more irritated with their humans.

"yeah, I'd like that. lead the way, soulmate." piper and whitewing honk as the two of you head to the lobby hand in hand, the birds waddling behind you just as happy as soulmate geese could be.