#but i can't NOT use computers bc that's my entire job

[grayskies2525]

After having the dumbest work week of my life involving the most tedious task I've ever been given, I was so excited to have the time to finally sit down and begin writing my next chapter of my thing.

But all I've done for the past two hours is stare at my blank document and now my eyes are doing the stupid thing they do when I spend too much time on the computer. So I wasted the precious time I had with actual functioning eyesight by staring at my screen without accomplishing anything 😭😭😭

[seaofreverie]

So busy with Sparkstember that I almost forgot that I go back to school on tuesday

[robertseanleonardthinker]

38

hiii im finally at my computer 👋👋👋

2- i'll rb this with a picture of my handwriting when i have a chance lol

5- what made me start my blog? uhhh well fun fact, i originally joined tumblr when i was 11. i originally joined bc all my friends were on there + it seemed very lgbt and i was a confused and questioning 11 year old. this time around, i just thought it would be fun :3 all the fandoms and stuff yk

12- what's some good advice i want to share? uhhhh learn radical acceptance. hands down that is the single most useful dbt skill i have ever learned in my life. dbt in general is great, but i looove radical acceptance. it basically is what it sounds like: entirely accepting something as it is. it doesn't mean you like said thing. it doesn't mean you agree or think it's fair. it just means you accept it. accepting something you can't change is soooo helpful. once you stop spending energy on that, u have more to spend on things you CAN change!!!! or more energy to spend on coping. this skill is helpful both in relation to my mental illness and autism. it helps me get through the day most days. it's hard when shit doesn't go the way i expect, but we ball!!!!!! here's a quick website abt it bc i don't think i explained it that well lol

17- 3 things that make me happy are birds, my friends :3, and rsl lol

24- one thing i'm proud of myself for is my recovery!!!! i genuinely did not think i'd live to see 18. not only have i, but i am now a college student, i have a job, i have friends, and i have a life. shit was hard but hell yeah

27- any nicknames? honestly? not rlly. i'm 100% fine if ppl wanna call me nicknames!! but no one rlly does (and I'm fine with that as well).

33- any hobbies? i like to write, do photography, hike, do archery, color, and do various little crafts. oh also i fucking love crossword puzzles i do soooo many crossword puzzles

38- fav song at the moment? uhhh idk man i like so many songs. maybe bishops knife trick by fall out boy? idkkkk

yippee

[gordonzola-ramen]

My mutual @alectricblue tagged me in this game tag! I normally dont do these, but I thought it'd be nice to get to know me more (and also meet y'all if you wish to participate)!

It will be long though. Sorry

1. Were you named after anyone?

Was originally gonna be named Andrea after a ballerina my grandma liked! Sadly no one remembered her well, not even grandma, so I don't know much about her.

My deadname was simply just chosen bc it was easy to pronounce, as well as my chosen name Diego (it's what I would've been called had I been male), although when I chose it for myself I liked the JoJo character Diego Brando so there was some correlation there.

Funnily enough, people think I'm nicknamed Lio after the Promare character, but I hadn't met them yet.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday. At 11pm. Watching OR3O's One Piece song. It was nostalgic ok

3. Do you have kids?

Nope. There's an absurd amount of reasons I don't want them, although not a single one is because I dislike them. I've had to babysit many kids and they've all been very sweet.

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

Oof, my recent sports is taking my dog for a walk. But I used to like volleyball and kickball! And reluctantly played soccer and did swimming! Sports give me a lot of anxiety and i'm not sure why.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

I do a lot of teasing and lighthearted banter that can sometimes be considered sarcasm?

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Their eyes! Or anything outstanding like cool hairstyles or visible tattoos.

With online people, I mostly recognize them by pfp or a vague mental pronunciation of their username.

7. What's your eye color?

Dark brown?? Or black??

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Honestly, whatever makes me think more. Unhappy endings tend to do that more though, so I guess scary movies! But of course it depends on the mood, sometimes I just want a nice story to cheer me up.

9. Any talents?

I've been told I am talented at the piano! And music in general, although most of my skills feel less like talent and more like just studying the thing.

10. Where were you born?

So I was born in the US, in Florida, but my entire family is from Costa Rica and I just happened to be born while my parents were studying abroad. I don't remember much from the US though, I came back to CR with my grandma in my first months because she was less busy than my parents, and then they came to live here again. So in my eyes I've been a true Costa Rican since always hehe

11. What are your hobbies?

Playing the piano! Also drawing sometimes (I like to color more than draw, but unless I get my hands on a coloring book I can't do that unless I draw), playing videogames (mostly RPGs and visual novels), and doomscrolling.

12. Do you have any pets?

YESSSS my beloved dog Mia!!!!!!!!!!! I love her so much, she escaped her abusive home and we found her while walking around a plaza, said hi, and she followed us home. She's been with us for 8 years now and I adore her. Reference below because how can I not show her off:

13. How tall are you?

Excellent question. I forgot but I'm average if that helps!

14. Favorite subject in school?

It changed over the years, in senior year it was English because we had my favorite teacher! I knew him for years because he has a literature club I partook in, so I was very happy to have classes with him. Plus, we saw the Oresteia, which goes tremendously hard especially when your teacher geeks out about all the symbolisms.

Apart from that, computer class! We barely ever had it, and almost had it cut out entirely in senior year, but the few times we did I really enjoyed programming and practicing typing! And when we didn't do anything we could play so.

15. Dream job?

I want to make my own videogame! So I'd say a game developer, although being a part of any videogame, especially RPGs, would be a dream come true.

Well thank you for reading, I hope that was some insight, it was very fun to reply!

Tagging section (no pressure to do it at all, you can also do it if you're not tagged who cares)

@skyllion-uwu @thefrogswhospoke @gorgeousuare @chronologicalimplosion @fishy-lilic @smoothedsmoothie @mx-mind @montied @aspirationatwork @jhofoyitchg @derkhue @mellomaia @federalfazbear @mcfinnigan @mutantsgurls @foxounderscorecube @sweetnessfollowsmp3 @mildredtefoneck @oh-my-stars1969 @unfullbucket @fluffnfuzzxoxo @electriceel69 @scottigyn @stressedsilverware @sapphicrobotenjoer @antjellies @milk1non-tolarantes @ovalbrain @chocokhaos @markdiegamer @astralix13 @atheist-xmas @blktomekurata @monstar-dreams @glass-duke @c--eam @laooneart

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 11/21/2023

awful lot of cooking content from me, who hates cooking but finds the evenings jittery and boring

listening

Doorbell by Sterling Press, off the spotify weekly recced playlist. i don't know that i like this song. i don't know that it's particularly good. goddamn if it isn't catchy. alt britpop, they hate being compared to blur but mmmm. you do hear it. notes of ska as well. a song to blast in your car when your spring break plans fell through and you're driving to the good target two towns away from your hometown.

i don't think this music video could have existed pre-pandemic-- idk doorbell cams were that ubiquitous or well known, despite heavy advertising from nest.

from an interview:

Speaking about the new release, they said, “We wrote the song in our mates garage using drum samples off YouTube. We spent all night writing it then in the early hours of the morning drove to Maccies to have breakfast and had it on repeat the whole time. We all fell in love with it straight away. These lyrics speak to the importance of authenticity and sincerity in your actions. In a world where appearances and pretences can be misleading, it's a reminder to be true to yourself and to avoid trying to impress others for the sake of it. “I feel like its an experience we all share. We all know someone who goes off to uni or gets a new job and you bump into them on the street and they act as if they have no idea who you are. I guess this song is reflection of our frustrations towards those people.”

they have what i would consider an unusual amount of hype and presence for a band that has exactly three songs out, but they've all been making music together and separately since well before the pandemic so maybe they've just finally broken out? i can't figure out who these kids are related to. i don't think it's a full on industry plant but i do think someone's dad has some money.

a friend once said she hated how eighties songs faded out like a printer running out of ink, and i do not particularly care for how 2020s songs end with the entire band vanishing underwater.

this song is truly not that deep but it is thoroughly stuck in my goddamn head.

listening: special podcast edition

i am not looking for solutions. do not say solutions at me. i am taking through a brain thing and having a weird workflow and brain problem. i have tried other apps with browser support and do not like them, and i cannot have my personal apple id tied to my work computer bc i have and frequently use a work apple id.

i have been listening to podcasts through Spotify ever since mmm november ‘20. it has not been a good experience but juggling the Apple Podcasts app through my phone (distraction minefield) and whatever im listening to or working on with the work computer is a nightmare. ethics of spotify aside, it is a tremendously successful all in one listening platform. i do not have the brainspace to manage my own music library, and support my favorite artists in other ways.

i am not looking for solutions. do not say solutions at me.

however, if you listen to enough podcast episodes, spotify does not seem to believe you when you tell it to unfollow a podcast. it just keeps letting you know hey this has a new episode. this got me stuck on a loop where i was listening to more and more episodes of two very prolific conspiracy theory debunking podcasts to the exclusion of almost everything else. this was not very good for my mental health.

i am not looking for solutions. do not say solutions at me.

despite the real annoyance of finagling a very distracting phone and the work laptop, i have gone back to Apple Podcasts and (after weeding out a variety of podcasts for a variety of reasons) started listening to friends at the table again. not sure why i stopped but i felt a weird amount of guilt around restarting?? the tablefriends neither know nor care. i have finally finished road to palisade and am excited but nervous about starting palisade proper

-

reading

a local religious thrift store has absolutely rancid vibes but does regularly have 6/$1 book sales. there were a couple older trade paperback comics the last time: the first three volumes of ULTIMATE XMEN and a radom What If? superman.

my trouble with the xmen, and i have to read something from it once every two years to remind myself, is that magneto is right. they will never be able to assimilate into white picket fence middle america, or even among the liberal coastal elites or whatever the term du jour was in 1999. the box will always be smaller and you will never be perfect enough. i did not enjoy this enough to continue bc of this fundamental disagreement with most xmen comics.

also it looks like this. magneto’s lair has an arch in the shape of the arch on the front of his helmet and that was pretty baller, but there’s a real. what was they gimmick blog about all the comic book women in contorted spine-breaking poses? it’s like that a lot. WHAT is ororo’s body doing there

-

watching

hey. what the fuck do you mean tomato sauce is that easy. i dislike tomato sauce and almost exclusively eat jar upon jar of aldi brand pesto. im not allergic bc tomatoes aren't tingly but it's just sort of Nothing all the time. what do you mean it can be good???

i don't actually remember why i'm subscribed to mr internet shaquille. perhaps, like so many other food things, it's kali's fault.

-

playing

g/enshinposting.

pulled this horrid little brat. very pleased with myself.

i do not. love. her story quest. it falls into the childrens' media trap of Sometimes It's Okay For Other People To Stomp All Over Your Boundaries If It's For The Good Of The Group! or perhaps this is just a thing i'm particularly twitchy about. either way, annoyed that other characters of this importance have gotten some deeply moving writing and so far furina has...not gotten that.

the next character i am excited about is lolita taylor swift, or geo-aligned lady with big fuckoff sword. from some early maybe-leaks i think she would pair beautifully with my playstyle and my pirate lady with big sword. my playstyle is mostly brute force damage. i hit things as hard as i can until they fall over and i've played the entire game (with some exceptions that required actual thinking about elemental reactions) that way. it pleases me.

re: the conclusion of the annapausis sidequest, genshin does a really good job of teasing out "ok in a world with actual gods, what does spirituality look like/what are the differing views on fate/how do people make sense of an afterlife". mostly this is gnosticism. and sometimes it's a real life occultist secret society (reskinned Rosicrucianism). fascinating writing choices.

-

making

turkey cottage pie with scalloped potatoes, bc i had a five-pound bag of russets that were starting to sprout. im just going to yoink this pic i posted earlier bc it is now half gone and in tupperware form

this is the first time ive ever cooked in a dutch oven and im in love. i thrifted this for $20 some weeks ago but bc the lid has some chips and rust i haven't used it. which is silly, bc the body of the oven is fine. de-rusting and seasoning the lid will wait for a day when i actually need it bc for now we can get by with doubled-over sheet of aluminum foil.

used this recipe: only had a pound of ground turkey and liberally stretched it with potatoes (i think about three and a half pounds out of five) and three pounds out of a cheap frozen veggie mix bag. did not include mushrooms bc i did not like them. threw in some bay leaves bc i have a giant bag of them, i think i almost doubled the wine bc i doubled the recipe, but i do not think i remembered to double the beef stock. i also shook in a liberal amount of italian seasoning bc i have a cheap jar from aldi i want to use up.

the final product was somewhat soupy. i anticipated that slicing the potatoes was going to be the longest part (mostly true, i had to take breaks) and kept them in a big bowl of cold water to stop them browning while i chopped and after i blanched them. i also could have reduced the filling down some more but i am not a patient woman.

not as intended but still yummy, which was a lovely surprise bc usually when i fuck recipes up i fuck them up But Good. plus new technique (dutch oven). if i make this again (likely) i will do instant potatoes on top bc this was a fuck of a lot of chopping for one recipe. thinking about getting one of those stupid little hand smash veggie choppers bc a full food processor is extremely out of budget.

[jazz-kitty]

For ask thing - 6, 10 (i think like i have an idea) and 13?

ended up being long

6. least favorite ship(s)

i had beef with melivenam [venelia? (menam? {something else?})] a while ago but i think it's chill now. cute even. adorkable perhaps. and i think talon & florin are interesting enough as Brothers In Arms as opposed to dating. but even that is loose; i just don't think they'd ever call each other the word boyfriend and at the end of the day don't actually care if people want them making out. and that's about the extent of it i think?

i don't really mind any of the ships i've seen; it's a small fandom and the amount of people that mention ships is even smaller. i'm chill with most of em. i'll draw like 80% of them. i see the vision and respect it even if i do not follow it

10. favorite villain / antagonist

smiles. You know. besides flora though who is the default answer because she is the best character ever. i like texen a lot. my friends have made several pieces of artwork with religious allegories with texen because it has been a joke for multiple years. i knew texen before i so much as thought about playing a pokemon fangame. texen was the first fangame character i ever drew. my friend made an entire reborn texture pack just for texen

and horrifically dedicated bit aside, i do think he's funny & enjoy seeing him on screen. don't diss the do

13. any random theories

this is already getting long as shit so im not explaining any of them #sorry. also because if i think about any of these for too long they fall apart:

eizen is the fourth of whatever eden clear & kieran have going on [chess piece thingies implied there was a fourth bitch and he's weird. idk. theyre in chess club together idk], madame x is the 2nd interceptor thats mentioned at the... interceptor computer thing... in like zeight? i think it was called that?, puppet master is risa and just uses he/him pronouns on the weekend (but she has a job so she doesn't really care about that right now {or rune but its more boring to think its rune just bc she's been off screen and mysterious. she's just dead or something bro #GiveItUp [< i am aware it is probably rune]}), nymiera is one million year old, vitus is one million year old and fumbled nymiera so bad that the plot of rejuvenation happened, whatever the gang in sashilla [ren, erin, venam, melia, you, aelita, other people im forgetting] is was wished for by maria and is why they were all uplled together & maybe the cause of intereceptors entirely, dr isha died however many years ago under a different name and stole the body, brain, organs, or something else that he definitely shouldn't steal to continue "living",

and the evil gang cool squad is the 6 protagonist kids who gave away their bodies to adrest's mom whatever her name is to stop storm 9. they can't do it themselves because they're just a bunch of teenagers, which is why they get uhh. me. hi. to fix the world using their image, while they get to watch Yay! im not sure why anything is specifically LIKE that, but im pretty sure that's whats happening. + adrest is here too because Mom said you have to bring me along if you wanna hang out with your friends :'(

[atalana]

okay im sorry but did you seriously just say "'dont let your disability stop you' only applies to things like becoming a master artist!!!" what. in what world is becoming a fucking master artist easier to do than walking. in what world is that not something that a disability can prevent. what kind of fucking logic are you even operating on. lol. lmao

okay you have waaaaaay misinterpreted my words on quite an old post but i do remember the post in question so on the miniscule chance you're asking in good faith let's clarify what i meant

as a disabled person, and an artist, of course your disability can prevent you from going about things in a conventional way. there are some people who will never be able to hold a paintbrush, for example. hell, i consider myself quite lucky that im able to get close to conventional art methods, but i still have to reckon with my dyspraxia, which means im never gonna make a speed paint bc people don't need to know it takes me three times as long just to make a smooth line, or my fibromyalgia, which means i can't sit upright in a chair for more than about two hours without needing to lie down and/or causing me serious pain

but the distinction i was trying to make is that becoming a master artist is not a physical skill. art is inherent to all human beings, and we work with what we've got. frida kahlo painted from her bed. people who are lacking limbs have made art with their feet or their mouths, people lacking motor skills have made art from typewriters, or computers, or made paintings that took advantage of their disabilities rather than being weakened by them

if your dream in life is to become an artist, then you will find a way. and i know it can be despairing, because i'm an actor, it's the only thing in the world i feel like i was born to do. and when i got the fibromyalgia (and was also diagnosed with endometriosis around the same time), i thought i'd never get to where i am because i didn't think i'd have the energy for the kind of rehearsal schedule and flat out show week a show demands. hell i quit my first agency when i was 19 because i couldn't handle the audition notices knowing i wouldn't be able to manage the job if i got it. but i adapted. and i found things that work for me. and i did an entire theatre degree followed by a successful fringe season, and while i may not move as quickly as others in this field, im going to keep going, and i'm going to do more

that is what the phrase "don't let your disability stop you" should be used for. for when you know in your heart that this is the only thing you were put on this world to do, but you feel like it's impossible because you can't do it the way other people do it. what you've got to learn for yourself is that it doesn't matter how other people do it. do it how you can do it. because if this is what you were meant to do, you might as well try

however, what i was criticising when i said that, is that abled people have got a hold of that phrase, and are using it to deny peoples disabilities. if someone can't walk, saying "don't let your disability stop you" is not going to magically make them walk, it's just going to make them feel bad about letting their disability stop them. which is stupid, because disabilities do stop you, that's why they're called disabilities. and pretending they don't exist just hurts disabled people. in either situation, i'm encouraging people to work with what they've got, rather than trying to force what doesn't work to work, which is how one learns to live in this world with a disability (or several)

abled people don't want us to work with what we've got, they want us to do it how they do it, even if it causes us serious pain or injury, or even if we're straight up physically unable to do the thing they want us to do. and those are situations in which i want abled people to shut the fuck up, and in which i want disabled people to know it's okay to go at their own pace, and to do it in a way that doesn't hurt, even if it seems bizarre and backwards to the people around them

also for some people art is easier than walking. we all live in a world governed by our own limits, and trying to fit a cookie cutter mold helps no one

[self-indulgent-paw-patrol]

It sounds like you're going through some shit, you doing alright?

I mean, I could be better--

But yeah... Things aren't really well here. I keep getting bad news over bad news. My health is shit (confirmed I'm severely underweight/malnourished), I'll get paid less this month because of my unpaid sick leave, my computer isn't REALLY fixed as it shut down on its own last night just after 2h of use after I got it back (I'm using it again now bc I'm stubborn but it might shut down on its own again any moment), also the computer screen died so I'm using the CPU plugged to my TV, and on top of it all I just got e-mailed my Wi-Fi bill will increase from 125 to 153 (Brazilian Real currency) from next month on.

I legit feel lost here. The only things I feel I can do is to keep sharing my commissions offers, I'll create some adopts to sell (did it once before and people on my Telegram art channel loved them so might as well do it again), maybe some raffles selling numbers very cheap to raffle winners for some prizes (my Telegram followers loved this idea too), and offer particular reinforcement English classes for Brazilians. I might even suck in my pride and open up to receive donations. It's that bad. I don't have physical strength to work on anything else like odd jobs (cleaning houses, walking pets, washing cars, etc, besides it's not a thing here where I live in Brasil).

I can't lose my Wi-Fi, it's literally what grants me any kind of income, as low as it may be, and still need to buy food too, so I can recover my health. Not to mention try and get a second laptop to substitute this poor CPU, I'm giving up on fixing it entirely, it'll probably be like this forever, shutting down randomly, I can use it but I can't TRUST it for work...

[florasletter]

i am gonna rant, tomorrow is the oscars, i need to say something ive been wanting to say for a while

any fucking filmmaker that makes drama/comedy (taika, gunn, greta, etc) movies would make barbie, its easy marketing, hoards of money, its a low risk investiment since its a popular, PG 13 movie, colorfull, appealing for everyone, has all the IP to make money, WB is thirsty for good press and is swimming on money, they will give its full support, its a story everyone knows for 60 years of a ficctional character or a doll the whole world knows. i like barbie it was a good movie. greta did a wonderful job for what was giver her. period.

now tell me

a book about a historical controversial figure, boring ass talks abt nuclear war, ww2, communism and cold war, phsysics stuff, relased in 2006 and won a pulitzer prize.

no director dared to make a movie abt it. very high risk, why?

the pandemic and its inflation and new habits of consumption post super hero (very saturated) cinema era in an era quick shitty streaming movies bc they dont need theatrical release, little effort, just pump movies out, no control wheater is good or not no one (as many would think) would want a 3 hour movie, with heavy dialogue (bc it needs it to tell the story properly) with many black and white scenes, Rated R, nudity and s3xual representation scenes about this historical controversial figure. tiktok and reels era, most people are obssessed with a 30 seconds videos in their hands, keeping a very bad habit of zero attention span and quick serotonin, unable to enjoy the development of a full story that is longer than 30 without a pop music playing on the background can't go around marketing the movie like its super fun and colorfull for the entire family ahah cool, lets make it a competition like ahaha BARBIEMHEIMER ahah so fun lol why dont they get into it too? it would help their marketing bc lol who wanna watcha 3 hour R rated movie abt a physicist lmao get real!!! No buddy, you wanna scrutinize what happened the people of japan? this guy was scrutinized by its own country after everything he was asked to do? no, you cant market it like that, its harder, but thankfully the ppl making the movie ARE THE MARKETING. also the ppl saying "who cares abt nuclear war lmao, it wont happen" guess who just did a speech abt it the other day abt using them?? i am not gonna say his name yall know who it is. now invest 100mi on a movie like this. didnt see all the others directors around rushing to make a movie abt oppenheimer like chris did, he thought it was very interesting and passionate abt it, he had a vision for it, to contextualize yall: he has been wanting to make something biographical for years (will we ever see his howard hugues movie? thanks martin for doing it first??? will chris ever recover from this? poor bby). and ffs this movie didnt even use that much computer VFX, so much amazing pratical effects it didnt even an oscar nom for it, any other director could have done with the computer technology from 10 years ago. buddy literally asked for black and white imax films, no one did this before. buddy dark knight came out 16 years ago, the first movie shot in imax, back then there was 4 or 3 cameras in the world and this idiot i love even managed to break one of them during the shooting (see the behind the scenes of dark knight its amazing and hilarious). what other filmmaker is going this far for a biography? they could have made this movie but

they didnt make it. period.

i am not here to say that this is better than every other movie, oppenheimer should be forever praised (it is not in my sincere opinion chris' best movie, neither my fav of his) but this is for the ppl whining abt barbie and putting oppenheimer against it.

the reels i saw the other day "greta could make oppeneimer, but nolan couldnt make barbie" HONEY... WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS INFO? IS THIS SUPPOSED TO ME HER LOOK GOOD ? you are not helping her at all... if she can make oppenheimer why didnt she make it before? is it bc it would be hard to pitch? it wouldnt be easy to make money from it or get funded? it would just be another oscar winning box office flop? bc lets be real, many amazing oscar movies i love, they were commercial flops, and its ok, BUT YOU SEE IT RIGHT?

marvels endgame was a huge commercial movie and a great box office, no one here is screaming the russos to get noms

"ah its a groundbreaking movie bc of feminism"

honey please there's more groundbreaking movies better than barbie, are you fucking kidding me. this is the stuff that makes me ashamed of saying i am a feminist.

also who cares abt margot, isnt it abt to be feminism or is it white feminism ? i wanna see support for lilly gladstone who did and insane work in KOTFM than emma stone in PT.

i am biased, i am his fan afterall, i have no hate for the others, but i am a realist. chris has been making movies for 20 years, groundbreaking breathtaking beautiful stuff, i am not here to throw the party like "visionary director" but i wanna put things on the table, he has been way past what the academy considers cinema, he has been snubbed for so long it became ridiculous. he has been doing an imppecable work of supporting filmmaking and the theater industry, supporting the craftsmanship of filmmaking the studios' inverstors and companies look down on just for profits. to end my rant now, the last thing i wanna say is: i don't care if yall say "ah just another cis het white man winning/being nominated" yes honey, it is.

if anything, this is the "cis het white man" who you just can't believe has not won yet. insane right? he has been snubbed by other cis het white males who would believe it right? lmao

now i am done.

we take in the sheets tomorrow evening. have a great saturday yall

[beaversatemygrandma]

some yapping

not all too much has been going on lately between work and home and my entire side piece off the table for breaking parole... I've been invited to two weddings on the same weekend in may which left me a choice of which one to go to. And obviously I chose the more local one so i wouldn't have to drive an entire state north, just an hour south. Small drive, casual dress code, not my shitty side of my family, bf's uncle. Yeah. That one is a bit better. I won't look like an out of place poor person who just drove 8 hours in the shittiest car those people have probably ever seen. (I'm lucky that thing goes over 60 and doesn't shimmy some days. I don't like taking it on the highway.) Anyways, the bf's uncle took us to the mall and straight up bought us a bunch of clothes. Himself. Very not careful with money. He got a full outfit, shoes and all, that was a total of like $300. And a few other shirts and such. Like. Damn. This uncle intimidates me a bit. But I got an outfit out of it too, but just pants, a cute shirt and sweater (that were on clearance bc i don't like when people spend THAT much on me.) Tbh, i regret not asking for shoes as well. Could've been nice and clearly this man has money. I mean, calvin klein, nike, brooks brothers... the cheapest things in those stores were $15 socks. Insane actions tbh. (It is evident that I try not to spend more than $20 on damn near everything.) Either way, solid excuse to not be the white trash attendant at my cousin's wedding. I'm the dirty little poor person there.

But the actual thing that's been entirely on my mind way too often. Yep, the guy. Who's currently in jail waiting on a court date that's in two days now. He really is actually calling everyday, checking in, making sure I know that I'm appreciated, and just trying his damnedest to keep in touch. Though, he did miss one day. Just yesterday. I get a message that he wouldn't be able to call. And to add on that, and i quote, "I miss you more every day." again stating that I am his best friend, which was closely followed by using the L word again. ...Holy fucking signs here. Like this emotionally went from situationship to wants me romantically far more than before real quick. And the weird part of it, even with this entire situation going on and the red flags on him getting redder, I can't even complain. I actually like him and he's nothing but an emotional green flag. It's just all the other stuff. I know he'd treat me well. He does. It's just literally everything else.

It doesn't help that i had this dream last night with him in it. I don't remember much of it but i have this vivid memory of one part. We were in this dimly lit office space with a couple other people. In the corner there was this L-shaped desk with a computer. He was there, using the computer, shirtless for some reason. And had two more tattoos other than what he already has. They were black and red and honestly looked like they were freshly drawn with sharpie. I ended up kissing him and leaving him to whatever it was he was doing and going off with the other people who were there. There's definitely a reading on how i see him there.

Just everything with him feels nothing like casual anymore. Even with this distance now. Sure, I'm at a point where we could just slowly stop talking and it probably wouldn't hurt too much. (over time, if he just Stopped, it would Hurt. Bad.) But I genuinely believe that with the right environment, he could actually be a perfectly fine person to be with. With the right motivations, he doesn't fall back on old habits. I've seen it. I've seen improvement and it's possible. It's not always a straight line up, there's always fluctuations. Some days are better than others. But then again, he admitted to having started using shortly after getting fired from the job we met at, but slowly and rarely at first, and then a bit before he got caught having done that, he was basically doing it once a day or every other. Then again, i did notice some things that were off and I have very much learned that this is somebody i need to call out on random errands that don't really make sense. ...and yet i still believe in something positive out of him. Somehow.

It's just now that it's been revealed, i know exactly when it happened. Just don't know how or where. And I'm not that type of person, but i swear if i end up going further with him, I'm going to end up having to be the one who keeps tabs on him and forcefully deletes a few contacts on his phone. Yeah. I need some more time to process this shit and a bit of separation is definitely helping me do that. Because all he's been is somebody who was constantly available for a while, suddenly not as available (now i think i know why), and was an escape from a dead relationship.

A few days later edit: because it's actually been hard to even put my own thoughts together here. I already wimped out of having this conversation with him. I sent a message that was essentially all i had put together, he asked me if i wanted to talk about it more. I ended up telling him that i was in a different headspace earlier in the day and i couldn't even think of how to start explaining it. I couldn't even put together more than saying "it's a back and forth thing." Because i still fucking care and i still believe that he can indeed improve.

And apparently the court does too. This is a good thing. So, the court hearing was today. He has been offered something that's similar to a parole sentence, but it's more in line with regular drug counseling, tests, and that sort of thing. Just a forceful support to get sober. And essentially being free to continue his goals of being in school and working for something more with his life like he had been doing. Currently there's a 2 week wait to see if it gets approved by the system that's offering it. It seems promising because there were people who were part of this system who actually recommended him as part of it because he is a promising individual for it. So I swear to god if he doesn't get approved. Because he really does need actual help and not to be treated like a criminal for having a health problem. You know, actual help and rehabilitation. So there's a good chance he'll be out in two weeks. If he doesn't get approved, it's like a year in prison. So. I swear to god. He's a safe person. He just needs help and that's The Help.

Plus, it didn't help my worrying spiral of thoughts of if this is good or bad and waiting for what the court says when i get this notification that somebody else in the prison is trying to contact me. Freakier part: I recognized the name. I didn't accept this, obviously. I'm only talking to the person i trust who's there. Apparently why he couldn't call last night was because he was getting his dorm changed because of This Guy. I asked him about the name through a message earlier because it was just concerning me. And as soon as i answer the phone earlier after the greeting was "First thing, Do NOT accept that. That's the piece of shit i had to move away from and I must have accidentally forgot the note with your number on it." Then proceeds to further emphasize how big of a piece of shit this guy is and how much I should not accept that. And again, obviously I wasn't going to. I think I'm more curious about what happened between those two now. I want the tea there. That was an aggressively protective set of statements and he cut off me asking about how the court date went (bc that's what i wanted to hear about) just to say all of that. But it was bad enough that he got shifted around just for the two weeks that he'll be there.

Either way, if that system does approve him, I honestly think there is a chance and it's not as chaotically unhealthy as I've been afraid of. I know he tries. I know it's a hard thing to get past. He does want to do good. Last week, i ended up giving him a whole talk because he was going on about how he felt like he failed everybody he cared about. I told him that he can make it up to me by actually trying and succeeding. Then because the biggest one is his daughter, i point out that she's 5. I don't remember anything before 8. He still has a chance to not fail her if he gets his shit together Now. He took that statement and ran with it. Just knowing that she is still young enough to not even know about this stuff. He's just gone for a month this time around. A month at 5 may feel like forever, but in the long term, she's not going to remember that. Anyways, a very strong motivation for getting sober again and staying that way. I really do think it might just work. Just a bit of a positive statement every once and a while when the thoughts go dark and focus on the negative.

(As you can see, that quickly back to positive. Even after rereading a lot of those previous words. I swear to god he better get approved. He's got a chance.)

[curse-of-candlewood]

Meet the characters: Melien Clove

To spare my roomates of me yapping about my future webcomic, I'm going to post info about the characters here to get it all out and better introduce people to the small town of Candlewood and its residents. Meet Melien Clove, our main protagonist.

Melien Clove is a fifteen year old who has lived in Candlewood their entire life, residing in the Clove Family Cabin that has been passed down for generations with their little brother and their aunt. They spend a lot of time gardening, sewing, and searching for jobs and future colleges on the old family computer (the only source of internet in the cabin other than their aunt's phone).

They're a bit of an outcast, and they insist that they are okay with that. They are blunt, and that tends to scare people away, and often paranoid that people have secret ill intentions which makes them push others away. However, if someone can manage to get close to them like their family, they are fiercely loyal, generous, and protective of them, even if they struggle to accept that help for themself.

Melien wants nothing more than to get OUT of Candlewood, and being on the internet has only fueled their desire to leave. There are opportunities for their interests in horticulture and forensics, people who understand their nonbinary identity much better than the residents of their small town, and a fresh new start awaiting them where they won't be tied by the persisting urban legend about the Clove family being the 'Witches of the Woods...'

One problem. The Cloves are haunted by a curse. As long as they stay in Candlewood, they'll be safe, but take one step out of the town borders while the sun is down and they could end up like their parents who tried to leave.

Melien thinks curses, ghosts, and anything supernatural is a bunch of baloney. People can't be trusted to tell the truth about those things, people shouldn't be trusted in general. With Halloween approaching in a couple of months, Melien is buckling down to get a job and fund their plan to get out of town as soon as they turn eighteen and doing their very best to not associate with any witchcraft (despite their aunt being an actual witch), ghost stories (despite the fact that their little brother can SEE ghosts), or anything to spur this idea further. That is until someone new shows up in town... Some other character info and trivia!

Melien uses they/them pronouns

They are aroace

Their middle name is Bobbin

Most of what they wear was either altered by them in some way, or made from scratch

They are vegetarian, which is mostly just from the fact that they are kind of particular about eating food from THEIR garden that THEY prepared.

Sharing their harvest and making food for people is one of the easiest ways for them to show affection since they struggle with conversation and aren't the biggest fan of being touched

Same with sewing! Melien loves to repair old clothes for people they care about and makes little plushies or other fabric projects for special occasions My official sketch, and some picrews bc I'm still learning digital art and I'm way too scared to color them in but I want people to get the vibe

[the-acid-pear]

Had a wild and vivid dream it was me with another girl (can't remember who she was, maybe my irl friend? She was blond-ish and spoke little) and we were just, going around hypnotizing other women. Was this sexual in nature? Probably. But we just walked down the streets I in front her a few steps behind me flashing my telephone to them and they'd either get big empty eyes and walk away or just smile and shake their heads like Nah Doesn't Work On Me. It was like Halloween too I think everyone was outside on their front door and some had costumes and shit.

We walked until we reached a mall and inside the mall we got into this, toy shop? Where it was full of ppl many very kinky too. We didn't try hypnotize them but they seemed to be familiarized w whatever we were doing. There was a doll someone was holding up with a massive clit you'd even more up and down I praised it outloud. I wanted to stay here but my friend kept us walking and eventually we found a doll to buy where I also admitted I had a doll kink so this is great which, I mean I fucking guess????? Maybe????????? Not something I'd list up in the top 10 but whatever you say dream Luly. So we went to pay an the prize was 175.000 and I was like ah I don't have that much money :( so I was gonna just steal it but my friend went Nuh Uh ☝️ Wait and then the number became 153.000 so we left jolly. Again didn't give me the chance to hypnotize this one.

We kept walking and we ran into a comic/manga store w a glass full of little figurines and I was like lol wait I want to see if the hypnosis works in any of them (don't know why I thought it would thinking with my dick I guess) but suddenly my friend taps my arm and I see a mall cop stopping everyone telling them to get down and I was like attempting to walk away but my friend grabbed my arm and got on her knees so I followed suit.

He then kept yelling and screaming and I wasn't having fun bc i don't like cops and I also kept doing things you shouldn't probably like searching around in my bag (tbf he had asked for our Visas so I was like well I don't have that but I'd show my id at least in my phone). Also took off all my many rings that for some reason I had.

He then exclaimed that we were everyone going to have to give back what we took in little boxes and leave them under computer desks (guess the mall had a cyber or something) and that's when I got pissed because 153k IS A LOT OF MONEY :/ so i started ranting about how me and my friend might've done other crimes but we paid the prize for what we bought it wasn't stolen so it wasn't fair to get the same treatment and I rambled so much man just not only agreed but started venting and was like complaining about how it's because these people that the mall is coming apart and I looked down and on the ground floor it was abandoned and a cloth circle dirty and dull laid in the middle.

From there he actually took us to his home where we met his wife, a tall and lanky middle aged woman with brown hair held in a bun. She was sweet and cute. He on the other hand was very pale, fat and short. Almost entirely bald except for the sides. Stress definitely aged him more than he was old, he was wrinkly. And he was missing one eye, something that wasn't as noticeable when he was on his uniform.

From here I remember little the house was old and yellowy light brown the wife was gonna cook us a meal we found where to sit and he was just having a breakdown. He clearly wasn't good economically and he couldn't stand to lose this job. His missing eye was really upsetting for him too I remember him saying while covering that side of his face "WHERE'S PORKY'S OTHER EYE?". It was sad a little.

[globodamorte]

hiii so as you probably know I recently got a PC that I refused to get Windows on!! Here's my thoughts about it:

I personally got the Linux Mint distro, which I heard was pretty friendly to new users! This is true. There are a lot of well-written, detailed and clear guides about installing the Operating System (OS), and tons of YouTube tutorials as well. Once you have it installed, I think the OS itself also does a great job at walking through what you should do and how to get started and so on. If you mostly use your PC for web browsing and typing documence, you may never need to open up the terminal.

Unfortunately, I think if you have zero coding or computer science background it is going to be intimidating if you DO want to do other finagling. It would be really great if you had a friend you felt comfortable calling, who perhaps already uses Linux, feels reasonably competent and would not mind helping you through certain snags. (I would not mind being this person but I must make it clear that I don't think I qualify for the "reasonably competent" bullet point.)

If you have special programs specifically for work/whatever that isn't supported by Linux, there are lots of different workarounds, but I think they're all kinda soggy and not fun to do. For Clip Studio Paint, I ended up getting a virtual machine that I ran Windows 10 on, and then used CSP in that. But I also had to jump through hoops to get the virtual machine to detect my tablet and so on.

If you are scared of jumping directly into Linux completely and totally abandoning Microsoft, you can put both OSs on one device. I will say, going from Windows to Windows + Linux is FAR FAR FAR FAR easier than Linux to Linux + Windows, and the vast majority of tutorials out there is about going Microsoft -> Linux. I say this specifically because I put Linux in my new PC and then realized I still needed Microsoft for CSP, and realized it was a crazy crazy pain to do (hence my virtual machine solution)

No idea about gaming. I have heard that many games are not really supported on Linux, but also SteamDeck runs on Linux? So I think even if it's tough right now it is definitely in the process of becoming better. Sorry, I don't really play games.

YouTube tutorials and old forum pages are your friend... everything I have run into as an issue had already been encountered by some other poor soul. If you still cannot find a solution I think the Linux community is filled with people who want to see you succeed and will help you out. You are not an idiot, you can read and follow directions, I think it will be fine :]

LibreOffice, the default word document/spreadsheet/whatever office suite thing for Linux Mint, is entirely compatible with Microsoft Office, which means old documents you have in Microsoft can be accessed and edited with LibreOffice. This is great because I'm personally also not a huge fan of hoarding everything on Goggle Docs/Drive which is what I had been doing to cope with losing access to Microsoft Office.

The whole time I was gnashing my teeth trying to get it work I simply kept telling myself "how can I ever hope escape from capitalism if I can't even escape the grasp of Microsoft even with so many people waiting to pull me over to the other side" and well. It will probably take a while for you to iron out the kinks. Weeks, months maybe. I don't even know if it's worth it just yet. But I'm doing it because I feel like it's the right path for me to take. I can really only see Microsoft getting worse so I may as well pack my bags now rather than later, eh?

oh my God thank you so so much for this. I really do just need to stop one day and do good research about it bc I always get intimidated/too overwhelmed and stop. I might know a single person who seems like they would have used linux at some point so I'll see if I can talk to them. thank u so much

[blue-banditt]

I'm stealth at work was outed to my coworkers on Friday by a security worker, who— despite the fact that my security badge and computer security profile both have my name at the top and in bold (my badge only has my chosen name)— decided to use my legal name to get my attention / ask which one of us was [deadname] so she could talk to me about how my badge was expired or whatever.

So, yk, I had to identify myself when they asked for me. And my coworkers were all like "what?? 🤨 [Deadname]??" Like they were all confused and one asked if it was my last name and I was kinda just standing there like 😶‍🌫️😶 I really just wanted to delete their memories. Bc ik if they didn't get it RIGHT then, they were going to eventually put two and two together, it was only a matter of time. And they have.

I spent that entire day afterward paranoid as hell. I was hoping to the gods they would forget about it and write it off as something weird or none of their business and not think too far into it.

Because— while nobody's been blatantly transphobic to me so far, which I'm extremely grateful for— when a cis person finds out you're trans; no matter how much they respect you, or believe in trans rights, or "see" you as a man, no matter how much you pass; the first thing in their head when they see you or think about you becomes "this person was born female and has female genitalia and is a biological female that looks like a man" (whether or not those specific words get thought or just the concept, it's still there always in the back of their head now when they perceive you)

they become subconsciously scrutinizing about every little detail about you that could possibly be proof of that reality, and instead of it being perceived as a normality for a cis man who might be a bit feminine, it now becomes a little tiny thing that will make them perceive you as a little tiny bit more female. And they will subconsciously start treating you as more female. I've literally experienced this happening firsthand. The difference between being perceived as cis and as a trans man is so fucking insane.

we get held to such high standards. If we want to be seen as MEN, we can't be feminine in the same ways men are allowed to be. We get seen as "not enough of a man" or "no longer a man" whereas cis men will get seen as "weak" or "a sissy" or "perverted"— which isn't a good thing— but nobody will sit there and dispute the fact that they have a dick and balls. Id rather be seen as a sissy with a dick and balls than a fake man with a vagina.

Anyway. So now I'm no longer seen as a cis man. The men at my job are more standoffish, less open and welcoming to me. The one woman who works with me started talking to me about period stuff and women's problems like I understand and relate to her. I've been accidentally misgendered multiple times today despite the fact that, previous to being outed, NOBODY doubted the fact that I was a cis man, no matter how femininely I presented (long hair, painted nails, I even wear a sports bra when my binders are in the laundry bc my chest honestly isn't that noticable anyway, they still never doubted me.)

The accidental misgendering really gets me, it's PROOF that they don't see me as a cis man, that they now perceive me as a female cosplaying a man.

I'm grateful they respect me, respect my choices, haven't been intrusive about it, BUT FUCKING HELL JUST TREAT ME LIKE A FUCKING CIS MAN PLEASE THATS ALL I WANT

Nothing about me has changed, and yet they treat me like a completely fucking different person.

I really, really can't wait until I can be 100% stealth. I'm so tired of just waiting for the day people find out I was "lying" to them, being paranoid everyday they can tell, and having to be incredibly self conscious and overcompensate once they do find out. It's so dysphoria inducing and it makes me genuinely consider completely leaving this place just so I can find somewhere else where people don't know and will treat me like I'm cis.

Im gonna quit my job and find a new one where nobody knows I'm trans

[totally-correct-genshin]

Found families in this game makes me crazy and the knights are a big found family.

Ill mainly talk about Jean, Kaeya, Lisa, Klee and Amber here because I didnt play enough to find Mika yet (but im reading his lines, hes just baby sibling) bc i got bored and my computer can't take it anymore and Eula and Albedo are more like an awkward cousin.

(i will talk less of Klee bc just- everyone knows how she is :sob:)

Im going to show a few lines i want to talk about then go crazy about it.

Ok so. Starting with Jean.

Lisa:

Kaeya:

Amber: (+ "Amber shut up abt Jean" bonus round)

Klee has way too many mentions of everyone sigh.

Anyways. THE RELATIONSHIPS.

You can see how everyone cares about Jean, everyone says she should rest and try to help her in the way they can.

For Kaeya, it's usually by helping her get shit together.

For Lisa, it's by inviting her for time offs and tea time.

For Amber it's a mix of both.

Klee is too young to understand how overworked is Jean, but she does know Jean can be tired.

Lisa and Jean are a special case, always together, Lisa is always inviting her for stuff, Jean is the first person Lisa sees in the morning, Jean even says Lisa makes her calm, they're a very married couple, god bless.

Kaeya and her have a fun friendship, she cares and worries for him and he does the same for her, it's mentioned in his story that sometimes she doesn't understands his methods, but she still considers him a good knight and trusts him entirely, as they were childhood friends, they probably have in each other a trust even higher than the usual.

Amber thinks extremely high of Jean, I'll explain parts of that a bit later, but you can see throufh everything, how Amber is always mentioning her, as if she wants to make Jean proud (eg: "Jean will be upset if she catches us lazying around like this") and cares about her opinion a lot. In turn, Jean seems proud of Amber and where is Amber going.

Klee seems to be a bit scared of Jean, but Jean still is extremely patient with her, despite getting her grounded for valid ass reasons, Jean cares and seems worried about Klee, and trusts her enough to help her fight sometimes, which is how Klee exploded a whole mountain.

With Lisa, things are a bit different but still fun.

Of course we have Jeanlisa being jeanlisa, Lisa always praises Jean and wants to help her, in turn, Jean has full confidence in Lisa's habilities, both magic and intelectual, so much that she lets Lisa in command whenever she's out.

Lisa and Kaeya are a funny pair, it's said that Lisa makes him do some stuff that should be her job, but they do respect each other. It doesn't have that much on this pair compared to the others.

Lisa seems to be a motherly figure of some sorts to Amber, who even mentions that Lisa tells her stories, and similar to Jean, Lisa also seems proud of Amber and wants to see where Amber is going.

Lisa and Klee are another motherly pair, where Lisa helps Klee with her explosives sometimes and Klee seems fond of Lisa.

Kaeya and his relationships are always fun because Kaeya doesn't really talk a lot about his life compared to sincerely everyone else.

As we know, Jean and Kaeya have the biggest respect and trust in each other, even when they butt heads because they're both stubborn as hell, Jean seems to respect his... Dubious methods, and he respects her decisions in return. They're the duo that if they go against you, you know you fucked up.

I did say as much as i coukd about Lisa and Kaeya already since Lisa didnt have a line about him that I could find.

Kaeya and Amber are a very... Weird pair. Amber is so wary of him, justifiable after the manga, but she still seems to trust him. She picks on him and he annoys her, but they still have a mutual respect. They're pretty much just siblings annoying each other. She says he doesn't trust her and treats her like a child, but in his voiceline about her you can see he does respect her habilities

Kaeya and Klee are also very fun. Kaeya seems to help Klee evade Jean, and help her do her things, in turn, Klee is always happy to be around him.

Amber is someone so fun to see her relationships due to unresolved abandonment issues.

She holds so much respect to Jean, and thats where i wanted to explain. In her profile it kept saying about the senior knights and how they took care of her, but she just wanted to show she is capable, so she was always wanting to go for stuff alone and during a fight, their vision towards her changed, to one of proudness once she helped with a monster.

I think at least two of those senior knights, are Jean and Lisa. Both said they saw her since they were younger and are proud of her now, and even Kaeya who "still treats her like a child" is aware of her habilities.

So they probably keep an eye on her, not out of not trusting her, just because they care. She's even part of Jean's morning routine excuse me im gnna cry.

Anyways Klee seems to treat Amber an older sibling, she loves the baron bunny and thinks Amber is very fun, Amber in turn also helps her escape from the wrath of Jean

I sincerely cant write much about Klee. Girlie is an open book 😭

[seekingthestars]

tagged by @koalammas!! thank youuu 💞

buckle up ladies and gents time for some rambles okay go

1. Are you named after anyone?

nope lol my middle name was going to be Rose after my great-grandma on my mom's side, but my parents didn't want to offend either side of the family by using a name from the other side of the family so they ended up opting for completely random names for me and my brother hahaha

2. When was the last time you cried?

around april 21 (friend's funeral, her brother was speaking during it and i did not keep it together)

3. Do you have kids?

nope! only my cat, who i love and adore with my entire heart, she is my sweet lil angel muffin

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

kinda depends i guess? sometimes?

5. What is the first thing you notice about a person?

ohhh good question hmm i guess if i'm just seeing someone in passing, probably appearance? otherwise how they interact with and treat other people.

6. What’s your eye color?

brown, but leans a little hazel-ey some days.

7. Scary movie or happy ending?

agree that i like satisfying endings that are also hopefully happy! but between these two options, happy endings, i cannot do scary movies or tv shows or anything, i get freaked out and then can't sleep lol

8. Any special talents?

i genuinely don't know L O L i don't know what would constitute a special talent??? i can memorize song lyrics pretty quickly and then they sorta embed themselves into my brain forever, does that count??

9. Where were you born?

southern usa!

10. What are your hobbies?

video games, watching movies/dramas (though i do not always have the attention span for it lol), reading, crafting (i like physically making things with my hands since i just do design on my computer all day for work! i like trying lots of different things, recently been trying a little bit of hand embroidery. also painting little ceramic figures and stuff like that), cosplaying. i've been trying this year to build taking a walk into my daily routine, not sure if i count it as a hobby or not lol

11. Do you have any pets?

my sweet sweet rileycat!!!! i love cats!!!!

12. What sports do you/have you played?

am not a sports girlie LOL i did tap/ballet/jazz for six-ish years when i was younger! in high school i took theatre classes and was in the plays/musicals instead of sports.

13. How tall are you?

5'4" which is like 162.5cm??

14. Favourite subject in school?

oh i love english, i always loved english. and math! i actually really loved math up until i took calculus. my calculus teacher was horrible, he made you feel stupid for asking questions and he intentionally made the tests too long to finish in a class period and made them extra confusing, it left me in tears more than once. cried at school bc i failed a lot of those tests. anyway i got a 5 on my AP exam for calculus (highest score) so i understood the material, my teacher just sucked and made me hate math after i'd loved it my entire life so ✌️

also loved my theatre classes in high school ahhhh

15. Dream job?

i think something working with cats / big cats / red pandas would be really fun. not a vet necessarily, i don't think i could handle it lol, but like a cat rescue or animal sanctuary maybe??? idk honestly

but yeah mostly agree with the "something that won't drain me and actually leaves me with savings and a will to live" answer. i like my current job/workplace/coworkers a lot more than my last job, but i still don't know if i'd want to be in this field until i retire, that's so many more years and clients sometimes make me wanna bash my head into a wall lol

i have a hard time with the ~dream job~ question bc i've just never felt like i had a "calling" or any overwhelming grand idea with what i've wanted to do with my life, i'm just vibing my way through somehow

Bonus: any significance to your blog's name:

NOPE lol when i was making this blog uhhhh 12 years ago everything that i wanted at the time had been taken and this was the only thing i could think of that i liked that was available and it was just something random 😂 i've thought about changing it but idk it's been too long now LOL