#but i can still watch them in 4k and gif in almost 4k. so i'm gonna

[sunglassesmish]

i'm feeling feral about this

[bossbtch1]

Against All Odds

The GIF is not mine; credit goes to the respective artist/creator.

Summary : You recently joined the Avengers, and everyone has accepted you except for Bucky. Now, the challenge lies in proving him wrong, but can you succeed changing his mind and earn his trust? Or do you have to do more to earn it? (geez, I’m suck at this)

Pairing : Bucky Barnes x Reader (No mentions of body type or ethnicity other than the reader being female)

TW: SMUT, 18+, strong language, enemies-to-lovers-ish, oral (m receiving), rough sex, dirty talk, unprotected sex, degradation (slut calling), slight choking, orgasm denial

Word Count: Around 10k (I know it's a bit long, I got carried away. Sorry) → smut is like 4k hehe

Author's Note: This is my first attempt at writing a story, and it’s a smut one at that. English isn't my first language, so apologies for any mistakes or bad grammar. I hope you still enjoy the story!

Part 1, Part 2 , Part 3

If you like my story, please go check out my other stories here

These are the aesthetic for part 1 (solely for visual representation of what going to happen on the story, this meant no representation for body type or ethnicity)

You've always been a dependable agent ever since you were young, someone who could handle the toughest missions without letting your emotions get in the way. Nick Fury spotted your potential when you were just a kid, taking you under his wing. It was his belief in you that kept you going, and it all led to the thrilling moment when he thought it was time for you to join the Avengers. After all those years of hard work, it felt like a dream come true.

Then came your first day with the team. You'd just joined, and they wanted to see how good you were in a fight. You almost beat Natasha in a really intense battle, proving to everyone that you totally belonged with the Avengers. Your determination to show your worth never wavered. But there was this one guy, Bucky Barnes, who just couldn't seem to trust you no matter what.

On your first day with the Avengers, the training room buzzed with anticipation as you faced off against Natasha Romanoff, Black Widow. It was a test of your combat skills, a way to see if you had what it took to be part of Earth's mightiest heroes. The desire to become one of them, although it might sound cliché and cringey, burned within you.

The Avengers, including Nick Fury, Captain America, Iron Man, Winter Soldier, Hawkeye and Thor, watched from up above, all curious and eager to see how you'd do. Their faces showed they were rooting for you.

However, as you glanced upward to catch your breath, your eyes locked onto Bucky Barnes. He stood there, solitary and stern, arms crossed over his chest. His intense gaze bore into you, but unlike the other Avengers, his expression was far from encouraging. There was a deep skepticism in his eyes, a doubt that seemed unshakable, and it cast a shadow over your determination to prove yourself to the team.

Natasha, dressed in her familiar black outfit, gave you a serious look that made you stop staring up. When she spoke, you turned your attention to her. "Think you've got this, newbie?" she teased, a touch of amusement in her voice.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves. This was your moment to prove yourself, and there was no turning back. The weight of your new Avengers uniform felt both exhilarating and nerve-wracking. "I'm ready, Natasha.", you responded with determination. You weren't going to back down now.

Natasha grinned. "We'll see about that."

The two of you circled each other, and then, without warning, Natasha lunged at you with lightning speed. Her attack was quick and precise, but you were able to block it, thanks to your training. As the two of you sparred, the crowd cheered and shouted their support. It was a battle of wits and willpower, and neither of you was willing to give up.

"You're good," Natasha admitted, her voice dripping with genuine admiration. "But let's see how you handle this." With a fluid motion, she unleashed a series of acrobatic moves, flipping and twisting through the air before landing gracefully behind you.

You spun around to face her, sweat beading on your forehead. "Impressive, but I'm not done yet."

The fight continued, and you pushed yourself to keep up with Natasha's relentless assault. Your training and instincts kicked in, and you began to hold your own. It was a back-and-forth battle, each of you landing hits and dodging the other's attacks.

But Natasha was more experienced than you, and eventually, she managed to overpower you. She had you pinned to the ground, her face inches away from yours. You struggled against her grip, but she held you firmly in place. "Had enough?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Gritting your teeth, you mustered all the determination you had left. "Not a chance," you replied, refusing to admit defeat.

The crowd went wild as Natasha delivered the final blow, knocking you out. She stood there, victorious, a small smile playing on her lips acknowledging your impressive performance. "Good fight," she said, extending a hand to help you up.

You accepted her hand, "Thanks, Natasha. You're incredible."

The room erupted in applause, and everyone from the observation deck descended to congratulate you. Fury, wearing a proud smile, gave you a warm hug. "Well done, Y/N. You're officially part of the team," he declared, his words filled with pride. He whispered, "I'm proud of you, Y/N," and it meant the world to you.

But amid the celebration with your new teammates, there was one person who didn't seem as thrilled. James "Bucky" Barnes, the Winter Soldier, stood in a quiet corner of the room, his expression inscrutable.

You had felt his presence throughout the entire match, his intense gaze sending shivers down your spine. Bucky's gaze lingered on you for a moment longer, then he turned and left the room, leaving you feeling more confused than ever.

Bucky went out of his way to undermine your confidence, pushing you to the brink of quitting time and time again. His words still fresh in your mind. "I don't think you're cut out for this, kid. This isn't a game. It's a matter of life and death. You’re not ready for this."

It hurt. You didn't understand why he was so determined to bring you down. What had you done to make him dislike you so much? Despite Bucky's relentless doubts, you refused to back down. You were determined to earn his respect, just as you had with the rest of the team.

So, every day, you trained harder, pushed yourself further, and proved your worth on every mission. Your hope was that one day, Bucky would finally see you for the capable agent you truly were and put his doubts to rest once and for all.

One day, as you were making your way to the gym, the sound of voices caught your attention. It was Bucky and Steve, engaged in a hushed conversation that seemed to revolve around you. Curiosity piqued, you tried to maintain a discreet distance, keen on hearing what they were saying. You knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but you couldn't help yourself.

"Buck, I think you're being too hard on her. She's a good fighter and she's eager to learn," Steve argued.

Bucky's skepticism remained unshaken. "I'm just trying to watch out for the team. She's a liability, not ready for this kind of responsibility."

Steve being the optimist pushed back gently, his support for you evident in his tone. "I think you're the only one who feels that way."

Bucky's voice grew firmer as he explained his perspective. "She's only here 'cause Nick Fury vouched for her. There are others who deserve this chance more. I could name a couple who'd fit better on this team than her."

His words hit you like a punch to the gut, casting doubt on your worthiness. It was difficult to hear that the person you looked up to and wanted to prove yourself to was actually against you, even though Bucky's argument was valid.

You couldn't help but question if your acceptance into the Avengers was indeed solely because of Fury. You had always believed that your spot on the Avengers was earned through your skills and dedication. Bucky's doubts made you second-guess if you had truly earned your place.

"Buck, there's more to it than that," Steve replied, his voice steady. "Just be patient with her."

Unable to endure the conversation any longer, your heart felt heavy as you turned away, doing your best to conceal the hurt that washed over your face. With resolve, you changed your course and headed towards the field track, hoping a run would help clear your mind.

Later, as the sun set on the horizon, you were still out running laps. Your thoughts were racing, and your body was aching, but you couldn't bring yourself to stop.

"You're gonna wear yourself out if you keep pushing like that."

You jumped, startled by the sudden voice. Looking over your shoulder, you saw Bucky standing a few feet away, his arms crossed.

Caught off guard, you tried to put on a brave face. "I'm okay," you lied, attempting to hide the pain that was clearly etched on your face. Stopping abruptly had caused your feet to throb with discomfort.

Bucky, however, wasn't buying your façade. He narrowed his eyes, his concern deepening. "You're not. You're hurt."

In response, you shook your head stubbornly, your pride urging you to push through the pain. "I'll manage," you insisted, even though every step sent a sharp twinge through your feet.

Bucky's gaze remained sharp and unwavering. "You're not fooling anyone with that."

Deep down, you knew he was right. The pain was becoming harder to ignore, and your stubbornness could only take you so far. But in that moment, you weren't quite ready to admit defeat or show weakness, especially not to someone like Bucky.

Bucky took a step closer, his expression resolute. "Come on, we're heading inside," he stated, his tone leaving no room for argument.

“I'm okay, I can-." You began to protest, but he interrupted you firmly, "Y/N, enough. This is an order. You're only making my job more difficult by trying to tough it out. Let's go, and I don't want to hear another word from you."

Reluctantly, you fell silent and went along with Bucky, allowing him to guide you back to the facility. As you walked, you couldn't help but mull over his earlier words, "You're making my job harder by trying to tough it out." It left you wondering why he cared or felt responsible for you, especially when you believed he disliked you.

Once inside, Bucky seated you and fetched a glass of water. Taking a sip, you felt a wave of relief as it helped ease some of your fatigue. Then, without uttering a word, Bucky briefly stepped away, returning in less than a minute with bandages and medicine in hand.

Your curiosity got the best of you, and you couldn't resist asking, "What's all that for?" Your eyes were drawn to the medical supplies.

"Take off your shoes and socks," Bucky directed, his tone brooking no dissent.

"I don't think I need..." You began to protest, but a quick glance at Bucky's determined face made it clear that there was no room for discussion.

Letting out a sigh, you gave in and removed your shoes and socks. What you saw shocked you: your feet were in a terrible state, bleeding and covered with painful blisters, a clear result of your overly enthusiastic run.

You heard Bucky mutter a curse under his breath as he knelt down in front of you. "Bucky, seriously, I can handle it," you tried to protest, but he wasn't having any of it.

"Just stay put and let me take care of this." His voice was firm, and he got to work tending to your battered feet. Gently, he placed your feet on his lap, starting to clean the cuts on your soles. You winced slightly as the sting of the alcohol met the open wounds.

While he busied himself tending to your injuries, you found your gaze drifting to him. Bucky was undeniably handsome and hot, you couldn't help but appreciate his appearance. As your eyes met his, he suddenly looked up at you.

"Got something on your mind?" he asked, his expression as enigmatic as ever.

You blinked, realizing that you'd been staring. Heat crept into your cheeks as you stammered, "I, uh, have an issue with my shoes." You finally managed to say, though it wasn't exactly the eloquent response you'd hoped for.

Bucky, his expression unamused, retorted, "Well, that's clear." After he finished bandaging your wounds, he added, "But there's more to it than just your shoes."

"You can't be out here, pushing yourself so hard if you're going to injure yourself. This isn't a game. You must take care of yourself. You can't expect to get the full experience if you're going to hurt yourself." His words were harsh, but they were true.

"I know," you admitted with a sigh, guilt gnawing at you. "I just got caught up and lost track of time. It's not that bad."

Bucky raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "Not that bad?" He challenged you. "Then stand up. Let's see how not that bad it really is."

Your cheeks burned. You could already feel the ache in your legs and the throbbing pain in your feet. But you refused to show any weakness. Not now. Not in front of him.

"Fine." With a determined look, you pushed yourself up from the chair, wincing as you put weight on your injured soles. Your feet stung, and your muscles were sore, but you gritted your teeth and pushed through it.

Bucky couldn't help but scoff, clearly frustrated with your stubbornness and tendency to challenge him.  "You want to be part of this team, right?"

You nodded, your determination unwavering despite the discomfort. "Yeah, I do.”

"Then you need to stop being reckless and start acting like an Avenger. We can't afford to have someone on our team who's too stubborn to admit when they're injured. It's only gonna make things worse." he said firmly, taking a step closer to you. "Maybe you could start by, I don't know, following orders and not talking back every chance you get."

The harshness in his words took you by surprise, but they also cut deep. Because you knew he was right.

With that he left the room, leaving you behind to wallow in shame. You knew he was right. But it hurt, especially coming from him.

Weeks later, you received the news that you'd be joining the team on your very first mission. The excitement bubbled up inside you as you geared up for the assignment. But as the mission unfolded, things took a turn for the worse.

You spotted a group of enemies heading for a crowded area and impulsively decided to engage them without waiting for the team's signal or support. Your intentions were to protect the civilians, but your recklessness got the best of you. Your impulsive move led to a chaotic firefight, and in the midst of the chaos, a civilian stumbled into the line of fire, narrowly escaping harm.

Bucky, who had been keeping an eye on you, witnessed the entire sequence of events unfold. His anger and frustration boiled over as he watched you put not only yourself but also innocent bystanders in danger.

Inside the quinjet, as the mission concluded, he couldn't contain his fury any longer. "What the fuck was that, Y/N?!" he erupted, his voice echoing in the confined space.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, feeling an overwhelming sense of shame and regret.

"Sorry isn't good enough!" Bucky snapped, his intense gaze burning into you. You couldn't bear to meet his eyes, and instead, you cast your gaze downward, your hands trembling with the weight of your mistake.

"If you're gonna keep making mistakes like that, then maybe you don't belong on this team. You could've gotten someone killed back there." His words stung, but he was right.

Natasha stepped in to defend you, "Bucky, it was an accident, and it was her first mission. Everyone makes mistake.”

Bucky didn't back down. "Yeah, and accidents can cost lives, Nat. She need to be more careful," he retorted, glaring back at you. "You can't afford to be an idiot like that out there. What the fuck is wrong with you?" He yelled, his anger getting the best of him.

Clint said, "Hey! Enough. She's done enough of a beating already, I know she can do better next time."

"There might not be a next time," Bucky grumbled.

Confusion and worry welled up inside you. 'What do you mean by that?' you wondered silently, unable to find your voice.

Bucky's frustration boiled over as he remarked, "Maybe she should think twice about putting others at risk if she can't handle it."

You turned your gaze away, determined not to let the tears fall. Tony took charge of the situation, his voice steady and reassuring. "Alright, that's enough," Tony declared firmly. "We're all on edge right now after what happened. We all know she can do better, and we'll address it later. For now, let's just concentrate on getting back home."

The rest of the ride was filled with tension, Bucky's glare never leaving you as you tried your best to avoid his gaze.

Wanda noticed your discomfort and moved over to sit next to you. She placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder and asked gently, "How are you holding up?"

You appreciated Wanda's concern and gave her a small, grateful smile. "I'll be okay," you replied softly. "Just need some time to process everything. I guess I'm just a little overwhelmed."

Wanda patted your shoulder again, offering more comfort. "Mistakes are part of learning, especially on your first mission. Remember, the key is to learn from them and get better. Don't let Bucky's words get to you too much."

You let out a weary sigh, realizing the truth in her words. "Yeah, I know.”

The quinjet touched down on the landing pad, and a sense of relief washed over you as you realized you were finally back home. This was it. You were finally home. "We'll talk later, okay?" Wanda asked, giving you a sympathetic smile.

You nodded appreciatively at her and quickly made your way to your room. You wanted nothing more than to lock yourself away and forget the whole thing ever happened. But the guilt and shame were too much to bear.

About a month after the incident, news of another mission started to circulate rapidly around the Avengers' headquarters. The buzz of excitement and anticipation filled the air, and you couldn't help but feel a rush of emotions—both excitement and anxiety. This mission was your chance to redeem yourself after the missteps on your first assignment.

Determined to discuss your readiness for this new mission, you sought out Steve. As you approached his office, you noticed him engrossed in reading some files. You gently knocked on the open door.

"Hi Steve, may I come in?" you asked politely.

Steve looked up from the files and offered you a welcoming smile. He promptly closed the documents and gestured for you to enter. "Of course, come in Y/N." You stepped into his office, and he continued, "How are you doing, by the way?" Steve motioned for you to take a seat, showing genuine concern.

You settled into the chair across from him and fidgeted with your fingers, trying to find the right words. "I'm good, better than what happened last time..." You paused, your voice tinged with regret. "I'm sorry about last time..."

Steve's warm smile remained reassuring. "Hey, Y/N, that's okay. We all make mistakes," he said with a reassuring tone, "Don't beat yourself up too much about it, okay?" His kindness and understanding were a comfort, making you feel grateful for his leadership and support.

"So, what brings you here?" Steve asked with a welcoming smile.

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat. "I heard there's another mission in 2 days..." After a pause, you continued, "But I haven't received the assignment or briefing for it..."

Steve's friendly expression faltered, and he sighed. "Y/N, about that..." He looked genuinely conflicted. "We already have teams assigned to cover that mission. You don't need to worry about it."

Your heart sank, and you couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment. It was becoming increasingly clear that you were being sidelined. "Is this because of what happened on the last mission?" You finally voiced your concern, your tone a mix of frustration and hurt.

Steve must've noticed the change in your tone. "Y/N, there'll be plenty of missions, and you'll definitely join the next one, okay?"

You took a deep breath and forced a smile, masking the pain that was gnawing at you. "Ah, okay, Steve." You chuckled, though it felt forced. "That's alright, I was just curious.”

Steve smiled weakly, but you could tell he understood your disappointment. "Y/N..."

You got up from the seat, disappointment heavy in your chest. You knew this was likely Bucky's doing. "Thank you, Captain, for the information. Good luck on the mission!" With that, you turned and left the room, trying to hide your frustration and disappointment.

As everyone prepared to leave for the mission, they bid you farewell, their expressions filled with sympathy. You knew they felt sorry for leaving you behind in the tower. Watching them depart filled you with a profound sense of sadness, knowing you couldn't join them.

You returned to your room, aimlessly flipping through the channels on the TV, but nothing captured your interest. Your mind kept wandering back to the missed opportunity, and the guilt and frustration gnawed at you.

After a futile attempt at watching TV, you tried to occupy yourself with a book, but the words on the pages blurred together as your thoughts remained fixated on the mission. With a sigh, you put the book down, realizing you were too distracted to read.

Restlessly, you paced around your room, contemplating various ways to improve your skills and prove that you were a valuable member of the team. Maybe you could spend some time in the training room or review combat strategies. You knew you had to keep pushing yourself to become better.

Eventually, you settled on the idea of practicing your marksmanship in the training room. Grabbing your gear, you headed there with determination in your step, determined to make the most of your time while the team was away on the mission.

Inside the gym, you started with some intense punching and kicking exercises. It felt great to release your anger, sadness, and disappointment through physical exertion. As you pummeled the sandbag, you couldn't help but imagine it as Bucky's face, channeling your frustration and resentment into each punch and kick. You unleashed your emotions on the inanimate object, giving it your all to cope with the overwhelming mix of feelings inside you.

Sweat dripped down your face, mixing with the occasional tear, but you didn't let up. You wiped away the sweat and tears from your face. "What" punch "Do" punch "I" kick "Have" punch "To" kick "Do" punch "To" punch "Prove" punch "To" punch "You" kick "That" kick "I'm" punch "Just" kick "As" kick "Good" kick "As" punch "Them" punch kick punch kick.

Why were you treated this way? What had you done to earn Bucky's disdain? How could you prove your worth to him? Frustration boiled inside you, reaching its peak as you let out a guttural scream, causing the sandbag to plummet from the force of your final blow.

Panting, you collapsed on the gym floor, you were exhausted and emotionally drained, but you felt a strange sense of relief. You clenched and unclenching your fists. You flexed your fingers and winced as the pain shot through them.

You chose to ignore the pain and you slowly got up from the gym floor. You knew you had pushed yourself too hard, but it was the only way you could vent your frustration and anger.

Limping, you made your way towards the bench where you had left your belongings. The room felt heavy with the echo of your pounding. Your trembling hand found the familiar coolness of your water bottle, and you clutched it tightly, taking a long, refreshing gulp. The cool liquid soothed your parched throat.

Just as you were catching your breath, Bucky unexpectedly strolled into the room. His presence surprised you, you hadn't expected anyone else to be there, especially not him.

His gaze, sharp and perceptive, honed in on your movements, "Still trying to prove yourself, huh?" he remarked, his words hanging in the air like a challenge, his tone laced with doubt.

You met his gaze defiantly, refusing to back down even in the face of his skepticism. "I don't need to prove anything to anyone, including you," you replied, your voice steady despite the ache in your body. "I'm just making sure I'm ready for whatever comes our way. Maybe you should worry less about what I'm doing and more about why you're not on the mission with the rest of the team."

Bucky's expression remained inscrutable, his indifference a stark contrast to your determination. He nonchalantly shrugged, an aloof response to your pointed words.

Letting out an exasperated sigh, you couldn't help but roll your eyes, your frustration with him boiling over. "Whatever, Barnes. Keep your doubts to yourself."

You began packing up your belongings, a clear signal that you were ready to depart from his presence. You suspected he was still watching you, his intense gaze never wavering, but you wanted nothing more than to distance yourself from him. It felt like he was deliberately keeping you from the mission, and the resentment simmered within you.

After finishing packing, you headed towards the exit, but Bucky halted you by grabbing your hand. You turned around, irritation clear in your eyes. "What do you want, Barnes?" you snapped, trying to pull your hand away. “What the hell? Let me go!”

Ignoring your protest, he led you back to the training area, placing you in front of him. An uneasy feeling settled in your stomach. Did he intend to spar with you? The uncertainty hung heavily in the air, making the atmosphere tense.

You stood your ground, your nervousness growing with every passing second. "What? Scared?" Bucky teased, a mocking smirk playing on his lips.

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes, refusing to let his taunts unnerve you. You managed a fake smile and replied, "Of you? No. Why would I be?" Determined not to show any fear.

Bucky's smirk widened as he said, "Well, you should be." He locked eyes with you and asked, "Ready?" The challenge in his tone was clear.

You took another deep breath, squared your shoulders, and met his gaze head-on. "Alright, Bucky. I'm game. What's the plan?" Your voice remained steady, even as your nerves continued to buzz beneath the surface.

Bucky's lips curved into a smirk. He motioned towards the training mats, his movements smooth and practiced. "Just try to land a hit on me."

Without a moment's warning, he lunged at you, his attack swift and precise. You barely managed to block it in time, the impact sending a jolt through your arms.

Taking a moment to catch your breath, you felt a sting to your pride. "Just one hit?" you questioned, a mixture of disbelief and defiance in your voice. Did he genuinely doubt your abilities? Determination flared in your eyes as you prepared to prove him wrong.

He chuckled, a mischievous glint in his eye. "Don't get ahead of yourself, doll. Come on, you're starting to bore me." You gritted your teeth and launched into your counterattack.

The atmosphere in the training room grew tense as you continued your attempts to land a hit on Bucky. Each time you launched an attack, he seemed to anticipate your every move, effortlessly blocking your punches and kicks. It was as if he had an innate ability to read your intentions, and it left you feeling frustrated and somewhat helpless.

With each failed attempt, Bucky's smirk grew wider, and he let out a low chuckle. "Come on, Y/N," he taunted, his tone dripping with playful mockery. "You've got to do better than that if you want to stand a chance."

His words stung, and they fueled your determination. You were well aware that Bucky was pushing your buttons, trying to rile you up, but you refused to let it show. You had a point to prove, not only to him but to yourself as well.

You decided to take another shot, launching into a new round of attacks, hoping to catch Bucky off guard. But just like before, he expertly caught your wrist each time, preventing your strikes from connecting. Frustration gnawed at you, and you let out an audible groan each time he effortlessly pinned your arms behind your back and pushed you back.

Bucky didn't hold back with his taunts either. "Is that the best you've got, doll?" he prodded, his gaze locked onto yours. "I've seen other recruits do better. What happened to all those praises they were singing about you?"

Taking a deep breath, you tried to surprise him with a sudden kick, but Bucky saw through your move. He even managed to catch your legs mid-kick, causing you to lose your balance and tumble to the ground.

His voice dripped with mock disappointment as he quipped, "Doll, I expected better than that. That was just plain bad."

You took a deep breath, frustration fueling your determination. This time, you decided to go all out. You lunged at him with full force, no holding back, hoping to land a solid hit. His dodge and blocks were frustratingly precise, but you didn't give in.

Finally, you managed to back him into a wall, and you saw an opening. You went for a powerful kick, but he swiftly caught your leg, pulling it towards him. Before you knew it, you were pinned against the wall, your front pressed firmly against the hard surface.

"Doll, nice try," Bucky said, his tone edged with approval, "but you've still got long ways to go."

You groaned as he pinned you to the wall, frustrated since you couldn't beat him. "Fuck!"

He chuckled lowly, and you could feel the heat radiating off his body, his face mere inches from yours. "Language, sweetheart."

The feeling of his body pressed against yours sent tingles down your spine, and you tried to keep your breathing under control, your cheeks flushing.

Bucky seemed to notice your blush and couldn't resist a teasing remark. He leaned in even closer, his voice dripping with playful mischief. “What's the matter, doll? Is it too hot in here?" he teased, pressing himself closer to you.

Your blush deepened as he teased you, and you turned your head away from him, not able to meet his gaze. "You know what? You're seriously annoying."

Bucky's smile only grew wider, and he didn't let up. "Aw, come on, doll. Getting all worked up because you can't keep up?" he goaded, his warm breath tickling your neck. His face was even closer now, his eyes dark with a look you'd never seen before.

You huffed in exasperation, determined not to let his teasing get the best of you. "I can keep up just fine, thank you very much," you shot back, your competitive spirit coming to the forefront.

Bucky chuckled, the sound low and deep, sending a delightful shiver down your spine. "Well then," he challenged, his tone inviting. "Prove it. Try to break free from my hold."

Your breath caught in your throat at the suggestion, a rush of adrenaline surging through your veins. "Okay," you agreed, your tone confident. You decided to take Bucky's challenge head-on.

With a swift and calculated move, you attempted to break free from his hold, using all the skills you had acquired during your training with the Avengers. Bucky, ever the skilled fighter, didn't make it easy, but you were determined not to give in.

You tried and tried, but you couldn't seem to break free from his strong hold. You were both sweating, the effort causing the air around you to grow thicker and heavier. You could feel his chest pressed against your body, muscles flexing as he maintained the firm grip he had on you.

Finally, after what felt like hours, you were both breathing heavily, neither of you willing to give in. In that moment, with your bodies pressed together and the heat between you almost unbearable, something changed. You felt his hold on you loosen slightly, and you took the opportunity to spin around, pinning him to the wall.

A surprised chuckle escaped his lips, clearly caught off guard by your sudden move. His eyes, filled with desire, locked onto yours, and the tension between you seemed to reach a boiling point.

You couldn't help but smirk as you managed to gain the upper hand, "Huh, I wi-" But before you could finish, he swiftly turned the tables, pinning you back against the wall.

He chuckled, his voice low and husky. "Not quite, doll." He leaned in close, his breath hot against your ear. "Never let your guard down until you know your opponent is truly defeated," he whispered, his voice low.

You gasped, feeling the cool metal of his arm pressing against your skin. "You were saying?" he murmured, his voice low and husky. He leaned in close, his breath hot against your ear.

You bit your lip, feeling the tension between you reach a fever pitch. He leaned in close, his breath hot against your ear. "Never let your guard down until you know your opponent is truly defeated," he whispered, the words sending a shiver down your spine.

Your frustration bubbled up, and you couldn't help but shake your head in response. "That's not fair!" you protested, your voice tinged with exasperation. "I managed to break free from your hold. Doesn't that count for something?"

He chuckled, "Not it doesn't. You've still got a lot to learn. I could've easily gotten the upper hand on you again. The moment you let your guard down is the moment you lose the fight."

You clenched your jaw and stared into his blue eyes, not backing down from his challenge. "Okay enough with the taunting. I'm not afraid of you, Barnes."

His lips were so close, you could feel his breath against your skin. "You should be, doll," he murmured, his voice low and husky, sending a delicious shiver down your spine.

A moment passed between the two of you, and then, as if a dam had broken, he kissed you hard, it made you surprised, you gasped on his mouth and felt his tongue exploring you.

Your heart was pounding, the excitement building as you kissed him back. You tangled your fingers in his hair, pulling him closer as the heat between you grew.

"God, Y/N," he groaned against your mouth. His metal hand reached for your thighs, lifting you up effortlessly, wrapping your legs around his waist. He pressed you harder against the wall, his hips grinding against yours. You moaned at the friction, feeling your body responding to his touch.

The training room was forgotten as the two of you gave in to your desires, the heat between you driving you both wild. You knew it was a bad idea, but in that moment, you didn't care. All that mattered was the pleasure, the heat, the intensity of it all.

"Bucky..." You panted, feeling his lips and teeth exploring your neck, his tongue licking you, tasting you.

The sound of his name on your lips sent him over the edge, and he couldn't hold back anymore. His hands found their way under your yoga pants, gripping your ass. He bit down on your lip, drawing a small moan from you. You could feel him smile into the kiss.

"Fuck, doll. You like this? Me fucking you against the wall?" he groaned against your mouth.

You nodded, unable to form any coherent words. “Tell me, do you want more?"

"Yes," you breathed, your body trembling with need.

"Tell me," he ordered, his voice husky with desire.

"I want you, Bucky…. please."

"Beg for it," he growled, his hands moving to the front of your yoga pants. He tugged them down, the cold air hitting your wet core, his hand quickly finding its way between your thighs. You arched into his touch, desperate for more.

"Fuck, doll," he muttered, his fingers slipping into your panties, finding your wetness. "So fucking wet for me.” His fingers slid inside you, making you gasp, your hips bucking against him. "Is this what you want, doll?"

"Yes!" you cried out, your hands grasping at his shirt, trying to pull him closer. "Please," you moaned, your hips bucking against his.

He pumped his fingers in and out of you, his thumb rubbing circles around your clit, making you writhe and moan beneath him. "Such a good girl," he murmured, his free hand coming up to grip your breast. He groped you hard, squeezing and massaging you through your sports bra.

"Put your hands up," he commanded, pulling his fingers out of you. You complied, your hands reaching above your head. He pulled up your bra, exposing your breasts to him.

"Such a pretty little thing," he whispered, his breath hot against your ear. He took one of your nipples into his mouth, his tongue flicking over the sensitive bud. You moaned, your hips bucking against him as he sucked and nibbled on your breasts.

"So responsive," he chuckled, his hand reaching between your legs once again, his fingers dipping into your wetness. "Such a wet little girl. You're dripping for me."

"You like this?" He growled, his fingers rubbing your clit, his thumb sliding up and down your slick folds. He chuckled, the sound sending shivers down your spine, "Tell me were you already wet when we started sparring? Did you want me to pin you against the wall? To fuck you hard?"

You couldn't respond, the pleasure was too much. You were teetering on the edge, ready to fall over at any moment. "Please, Bucky..." you gasped, your hips grinding against his hand, desperately seeking release.

"You're a naughty girl, aren't you? You want me to fuck you, right here, in the training room, where anyone could walk in and see us?"

He was right, you didn't even think of that possibility. You shook your head, "No.. of course not... it's just the heat of the moment... It's just... we're alone right now."

"You sure about that, doll? Cause I'm pretty sure I heard someone walk by a few minutes ago. What if it was Clint? Or worse, what if it was Fury? I bet he would love to see this. His little protégé, getting fucked by the Winter Soldier."

You froze, your eyes wide.

"You know what?" He chuckled, "Let's put on a show for them. Let them watch. Let them see how you beg and scream for me."

“Cat’s got your tongue doll? Where are all the firey comebacks now? Nothing to say?” Your mind was in a state of shock. You tried to think, who was it? But Bucky was stroking you at a relentless pace, his thumb rubbing circles on your clit.  

"You want me to make you cum, doll? To make you scream my name?"

"Yes," you panted, you didn’t care anymore, all you wanted was release. Your body trembling as he drove you closer to the edge.

He reached up, gripping your chin, his eyes locking onto yours. "I've wanted to fuck your attitude out of you ever since you came to the compound, doll,” he said, his voice husky with lust. "Watching you fight, all that fire, all that passion, it makes me so fucking hard. You have no idea how many times I've wanted to take you right here, to show you who's in control."

You couldn't take it anymore, the pleasure building, "I'm so close... Bucky," you moaned. You were so close, and he was taking you to new heights. You couldn't stop yourself, you could feel yourself losing control.

"Yeah I can tell, you're tightening around my fingers. Are you going to be a good girl and cum for me? Beg for it, and maybe I'll let you," he teased, his fingers still pumping in and out of you, faster and faster, sending you over the edge.

"Please, Bucky..." you cried, your hips bucking against his hand.

He pulled his fingers out of you, and you whined in frustration. "What the hell, Barnes?”

"Now, now," he tsked, his fingers trailing down your stomach, and stopping at your hip. "You don't get to come until I say so, doll," he ordered, his voice low and dangerous.

"But, please, I'm so close," you begged, the frustration almost unbearable.

"I know, but you need to learn who's in charge, and it's not you," he said, his fingers tracing circles around your clit, making you moan. "You have to obey my orders, Y/N."

"What the fuck, Barnes!" You screamed at him feeling angry at how he toyed with you. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

He grabbed your hair and pulled it down making you winched in pain, "What did you fucking say to me?" He grabbed it harder when you didn’t answer him.

"Ouch." You winced in pain.

Bucky's eyes darkened and he tightened his grip. “First, you need to watch that mouth of yours." He was breathing heavily, his voice rough and commanding. "Or I'm going to shove my dick in it and put you in your place." he warned, his hand moving to grip your hair, forcing you to look up at him.

You gulped down at his threat. There was no mistaking the promise in his voice, but your pussy clenched at the thought of taking him into your mouth.  

"Second," he continued, his grip loosening slightly. "You need to learn that you don't get to question my orders, doll. You're going to be a good girl and listen."

You stared at him, unable to speak. He was serious.

"Answer me Y/N or I will leave you here, frustrated and wanting more," He threatened.

You could feel the heat pooling in your belly, his dominance and authority turning you on even more.

"Yes please, I'll obey," you said, your voice shaking slightly.

"Good girl, that’s more like it," he murmured, his metal hand coming up to caress your cheek. Bucky leaned closer and kissed your lips, his tongue sliding inside your mouth. He was sucking on your tongue and nibbling on your lips, his teeth digging into the soft flesh of your mouth. He kissed your cheek and moved down to your neck.

"Now, where are we?" He asked, his fingers back on your clit, rubbing in slow, agonizing circles. He was torturing you, teasing you.

He smiled wickedly, his hand moving from your clit and slipping inside you. He pushed two fingers inside your core and began pumping them. He started moving his hand faster and faster, the sound of his fingers sliding in and out filling the air.

You wanted to scream and yell at him, but you were unable to speak, the pleasure and the need for release overwhelming. You were panting and moaning, your eyes closed shut as you were trying not to come.

"Not yet." he growled. He pushed a third fingers inside your core and began pumping them. He started moving his hand faster and faster, the sound of his fingers sliding in and out filling the air.

"Beg," he commanded, his voice firm.

"Please, please, please, Bucky," you whimpered.

"Louder," he ordered.

"Please!" you whimpered, the desire and need taking over. "Please, Bucky, fuck my pussy and let me come," you begged. You felt your inside tightening, you need to come right now.

Bucky leaned closer and kissed you again, his tongue pushing its way into your mouth, exploring every inch. He moaned into your mouth, his fingers still pumping into you, his thumb circling your clit. "No," he said, and your eyes snapped open, meeting his blue ones. He smirked, seeing that you were close. "If you come before I tell you, I will punish you, doll."

Your eyes widened and your whole body shook with fear.

"Do you understand?" He asked, his fingers slowly pumping inside you.

"Yes, yes, I understand."

He chuckled, "You're a needy little slut, aren't you? You'd beg for my cock too, wouldn't you?"

"Yes," you moaned, the word falling from your lips without a second thought. "Please, Bucky, I need to come. I need your cock inside me, fucking me hard and fast," you begged, the words tumbling from your lips.

"That's a good girl," he murmured, his fingers picking up their pace. "You're gonna cum for me now, doll. You're gonna cum all over my fingers, and then, when you've recovered, you're gonna get on your knees and suck my cock. And when I'm ready, I'm gonna fuck you, and I'm gonna make you scream my name."

You moaned loudly as his fingers brought you closer to the edge, his words sending a thrill through you.

"You'd like that wouldn't you, doll? Having my cock buried deep inside you, fucking you senseless?"

"Yes, yes, yes," you panted, the pleasure building. He added another finger and curled them inside you, hitting your g-spot, and you gasped.

"That's it, Y/N," he groaned, his fingers moving faster. "Come for me. Let me hear you."

"I... I'm gonna..." you moaned, the pleasure building in your body. You couldn't hold back any longer, the pleasure overwhelming you,

"Come now!," he ordered his fingers working even faster, and suddenly, you exploded.

"BUCKY!" You screamed, your body shaking violently as waves of pleasure washed over you. Your body was trembling, and your juices were flowing freely down his fingers

"Such a good girl," he praised, his fingers slowing, drawing out the last of your orgasm, licking them clean. “Delicious," he murmured.

You panted, your body still shaking from the intensity of the orgasm. He lowered you to the floor, your legs shaky from the intense pleasure.

Bucky chuckled, seeing the confusion on your face. "Don't worry, doll," he said, leaning down and kissing you. "We're just getting started."

"On your knees," he commanded, his voice husky with desire.

Your knees trembled and you looked up at him. His eyes were dark, his pupils dilated with lust. You could see his cock straining against the fabric of his pants. You did as you were told, dropping to your knees. You looked up at him, your eyes locking onto his.

"Open your mouth," he ordered, and you obeyed. "Suck my cock." His voice firm and authoritative

Your eyes widened and your cheeks flushed with embarrassment as you watched him slowly unzip his pants, his thick, hard cock springing free. You stared at him for a moment, taking in the sight of him. The serum must did something to him, as his member was definitely bigger than any man you'd seen before.

"Now," he ordered, his voice low and commanding. "Don't be shy," he coaxed, his eyes dark with lust.

You slowly reached up and grasped his thick shaft in your hand, feeling the hot, smooth skin, marveling at the size of him. You felt a jolt of excitement run through your body as you stroked his length, feeling him twitch in your hand. You could feel yourself growing wet as you continued to stroke his cock, his member growing even harder under your touch.

His fingers tangling in your hair  "Now, put my cock in your pretty mouth, doll," he said, his voice thick with desire.

You lowered your head and opened your mouth, wrapping your lips around the tip of his cock. You licked the tip of his cock, swirling your tongue around it, tasting his salty pre-cum. He groaned, his hips bucking as you took more of his cock into your mouth, bobbing your head up and down.

You hummed around him, the vibration making him moan. His fingers tangled in your hair, pulling at the roots as you worked your mouth up and down his shaft, his cock hitting the back of your throat.

You felt a surge of pleasure run through your body as you sucked his cock, loving the taste and feel of him in your mouth. You could feel his grip tightening on your hair as you continued to suck him, your tongue dancing along his length.

You didn't have any practice beforehand, but you are naturally gifted hearing praises, such as "Mmm, that's it.”, "Just like that.", “Fuck, you are good.” and the way his thighs trembled beside your ears were a tell-tale sign that you were doing great.

"You look so good like this," he moaned, his hand holding onto the back of your head, guiding your mouth over his cock. "I've imagined you sucking me off before."

His words made you moan around him, the vibrations sending shockwaves of pleasure through his body.

"You're taking my cock so well, like you were made for it."

You whimpered around him, his cock hitting the back of your throat once again. The feeling of his cock throbbing in your mouth, the taste of him, and the way he praised you were pushing you closer to the edge.

"God, your mouth feels so fucking good," he moaned, his hips thrusting as he fucked your mouth. "Such a good little slut, aren't you, doll?"

You felt your pussy clench at his words, your arousal growing with every stroke of his cock. You bobbed your head faster, taking him deeper into your mouth, loving the sounds of his moans.

His fingers tugged at your hair, the pain and pleasure mixing together to send another rush of pleasure through your body. You moaned around him, the sound vibrating through his cock, causing him to thrust deeper into your mouth.

You whimpered, your eyes watering as he pounded into your mouth. You could barely breathe, his thick cock stretching your throat as he fucked your mouth. Your pussy throbbed, your arousal coating your thighs as he mouth-fucked you.

"Oh yeah, you love this, don't you?" He groaned. "You love choking on my cock." As he thrust his cock into your mouth, his hands travelled to your breast, squeezing them hard, making you moan.

He groaned as you continued to suck, his grip on your hair tightening, the pain sending another wave of pleasure through your body. He was fucking your mouth ruthless, the wet slurping sounds were the only sound in the room. And the sounds he was making was almost enough to make you cum.

It became harder to breath with each stroke of his cock meeting the back of your throat, tears pricked in the corners of your eyes, the pain and pleasure mixing together.

He looked down at you, the sight of your mouth around his cock was almost enough to make him cum. He pulled out of your mouth with a loud pop, leaving you gasping for breath and tears running down your face.

"Look at you, what a mess you are," he smirked, his eyes raking over your body. "You're such a dirty girl, aren't you?"

You felt your face flush, his words making your pussy ache with need. You whimpered, the need to be filled by his cock becoming unbearable.

"Do you want me to fuck you, doll? Do you want me to fuck you so hard, you can't walk tomorrow?"

You moaned, your body trembling with anticipation. "Yes, please," you begged, your voice hoarse. "Please, fuck me, Bucky." You couldn’t think straight, you had no filter, you were just saying whatever came to mind.

He grabbed a fistful of your hair and yanked your head back. "Say it," he growled, his eyes dark and dangerous.

"Please, Bucky," you said, your voice pleading.

"Try better than that," he said, his voice firm.

"Please fuck me, Sergeant," you whimpered, your voice laced with desperation. "Please fuck me hard and fast until I can't walk. Please use me however you want."

He smiled wickedly. "Your words, not mine. Be careful for what you wish for, doll."

He shoved you onto the floor, his body looming over you. "On the floor. On all fours now," he ordered, his voice stern and commanding.

You scrambled to comply, getting onto your hands and knees. Your heart racing as he positioned himself behind you.

"Spread your legs," he said, and you complied.

He knelt behind you, his hands roaming over your body, caressing your skin. You could feel his hands on your hips, his cock rubbing against your wetness.

"Do you have any idea what I'm going to do to you, Y/N?" He whispered, his voice low and husky.

You stayed quiet waiting for him. "I'm gonna make you scream and beg for me, I'm gonna make you forget everything, except my name."

His words sent a shiver through your body, his tone full of dominance and power.

"And when I'm done with you, you'll never forget me, Y/N. You'll always remember me, remember the way I made you feel."

You could feel his hardness pressing against your entrance, teasing you, tormenting you. His hands running over your ass. "But I'm not gonna go easy on you. You understand?"

"Yes," you moaned, your voice breathy. "I understand."

"Good girl," he said, and with that, he pushed his cock inside of you, filling you completely. You cried out, your body quivering as he stretched you. "Such a tight little cunt," he groaned, his hips snapping against you, his cock buried deep inside of you. "So fucking perfect."

You cried out, the pain and pleasure mixing together.

"Fuck, you're so tight," he grunted, his hands gripping your hips tightly. He started to move, his pace slow and steady, his cock stretching you with each thrust.

"Oh god," you moaned, your voice echoing in the room.

"You like that, Y/N?" As he slammed his cock into you, his voice full of lust.

"Yes," you moaned, the sensation driving you wild.

"That's right, doll, take my cock," he growled, his fingers digging into your hips. "Take all of it." He was rough, his pace fast and unforgiving, his cock filling you to the brim with every thrust. You cried out, the pleasure and pain mingling into a sweet symphony.

You moaned, your body shaking as he fucked you. He was pounding into you, his cock hitting all the right spots. Your body was on fire, your mind lost in a haze of lust and desire. "Who's pussy is this?," He asked.

"It's yours," you gasped, your body trembling.

"Say it again," he commanded, his thrusts growing faster and harder.

"It's yours," you repeated, your voice barely above a whisper.

"Fucking right it is," he growled, his voice low and husky.

He was pounding into you, his pace relentless. The room filled with the sound of skin slapping against skin, the smell of sex hanging heavy in the air.

He yanked your hair, forcing your head back and you whimpered. He kissed you, his tongue invading your mouth. His teeth dug into your bottom lip, making you moan.

"Who's a dirty little slut?" He demanded, his hips slapping against yours.

"Me," you gasped, the pleasure threatening to overwhelm you. "I'm a dirty little slut, Bucky."

"That's right," he growled, his grip on your hair tightening. "You're my dirty little slut, and I'm gonna fucking ruin you. You’re fucking mine."

Your body trembled, your muscles tensing as his cock slammed into you. You could feel the pleasure building, the pressure mounting inside of you. You were so close, and you needed him to finish you off. "Oh god, I’m so close," you begged, your voice desperate and needy.

"Not yet," he snarled, his grip on your hair tightening. "You'll cum when I say so, and not a moment before."

"Please," you begged, the pleasure becoming almost unbearable. "Please let me cum, Bucky."

"Soon, doll," he promised, his thrusts becoming more erratic. "Very soon." He knew you almost came and he decided to torture you further when his fingers finding your clit and he pressed down hard.

You cried out, the pleasure and pain becoming too much. "Oh god," you whimpered, your body trembling. "Please, I can't take it."

He slammed his cock into you, his balls slapping against your clit. "Yes, you can," he growled. "And you will."

You whimpered, the pressure inside of you reaching a breaking point. "Bucky, please please please," you begged, the pleasure threatening to consume you.

"Now," he commanded, his voice harsh and commanding. "Cum for me, doll."

You cried out, the pleasure exploding throughout your body. Your walls clenched around his cock, your muscles spasming. Your mind went blank, the world around you fading away. Your body was shaking uncontrollably as he fucked you through your orgasm, his hips snapping against you, his cock pounding into you.

You were exhausted, your body drained of energy. He continued to fuck you, his pace slowing slightly.

He slapped your ass, the sting of his hand sending a jolt of pleasure through your body. "Such a good little slut," he growled, his hips slamming against yours. "Taking my cock so well."

"Bucky," you moaned, the pleasure building once again. "Please, I can't take anymore."

"Yes, you can," he said, his voice low and husky. He slapped your ass again, harder this time. "You're going to cum for me again, doll."

"No," you protested weakly, your body trembling with exhaustion.

“Yes," he growled, his thrusts becoming more intense. "You will." His metal hand sliding up your stomach, between your breasts, and around your throat.

Your body arched, pushing your hips further onto his cock. The sound of his ragged breaths mixed with yours as you both raced towards your climaxes. "I'm close, Y/N. So fucking close."

His hands pinched your nipples, sending another shock of pleasure through your body. He sucked on them, the sensation almost too much for you. You whimpered, his lips capturing yours again. Your tongues swirled around each other, tasting, devouring.

His cock slid in and out of you, his pace quickening. His moans and growls echoed around you as his orgasm neared. He was so close. So was you.

"Please, Bucky," you begged, your pussy clenching around his length.

He tightened his grip on your throat and slammed his hips into yours. His free hand slid down to your clit, his thumb rubbing circles over it. His eyes meeting yours. his hips slapping against yours, his cock hitting all the right spots.

"Cum with me, doll. Don't close your eyes. I want to see those pretty eyes as you come apart."

Your entire body shuddered, his command sending you over the edge. Your walls fluttered around his length, milking him of his seed. Your body trembled, your muscles spasming as you rode out the waves of ecstasy. His breath becoming ragged as his own release neared.

"Fuck," he groaned, his hips slapping against you. "Your cunt is so fucking perfect."

"God, yes," you moaned, the pleasure threatening to overwhelm you.

He slammed into you, his pace becoming erratic as he neared his release. "Oh god," he moaned, his hips snapping against yours. "I'm gonna cum."

"Yes, Bucky. Cum inside me," you whimpered, your voice barely above a whisper.

Your words were enough to send him over the edge.

He growled, his grip on your hair tightening as he pounded into you, his cock filling you completely. He groaned as he cum, his body shuddering as his release washed over him.

"That's right," he groaned, his body going limp. "Take all of it." You felt him twitch inside of you, his hot release spilling into you.

You slumped forward, your body spent as it slick with sweat and cum.  You could hear Bucky panting behind you, his chest heaving. You rested your forehead against the floor, trying to catch your breath. You had never been fucked so thoroughly in your life. Your muscles were sore and tired, your pussy throbbing.

Bucky was still inside of you, his cock softening. He pulled out, his cum spilling out of you. You could feel his cum leaking from your pussy, dripping down your thighs. "Look at that," he whispered, his voice thick with satisfaction. "Such a pretty sight." He slid a finger between your folds, collecting the sticky mess, then he pushed it back inside you. You let out a small whimper as he slowly pumped it in and out.

Bucky turned you around, your head falling back against the floor. His face hovered above yours, his blue eyes burning with lust. He looked down at you, before he could say anything, you both heard footsteps approaching.

You were panicking as someone could see you in such state, strangely, Bucky seemed unfazed, his expression steady despite the unexpected interruption. Then the next thing made your heart skipped as you heard the doorknob turning. You could only pray the ground to swallow you whole.

Hey everyone, I hope you enjoyed the story! Apologies if the ending didn't meet your expectations, I'm considering a Part 2, but I'd love to hear your thoughts. I'm open to any feedback for improvement. Your input means a lot.

If you want to see more, please show your support by leaving a like. Thank you for taking the time to read!

A/N : Thank you so much for the kind replies and support! I'm really glad you enjoy the story, you have no idea how much that motivate me to continue writing. Please stay tune for part 2! Love youuuu xx

[dearanakin]

good partner

Summary: You get a call from Sam asking to help him and Bucky find the Super Soldiers, and get Zemo out of prison. You're still not done with your mission, but the former Winter Soldier doesn't like the idea of you around. This is mostly based on episode 4 of the show, "The Whole World is Watching". I wanted to write something light but you can request a smut.

Warning: Angst, mentions of The Winter Soldier, fluff | Word count: 4k

Pairing: Bucky x f!reader

A loud thud echoed through the loft as Zemo hit his back against the hard floor. You stomped your foot on his chest and heard him grunt against gritted teeth.

"I'm in this case as well. You're just a rat who got lucky from getting out of a cell" You spat out. Both Sam and Bucky trying hard not to snort.

The baron still kept his gaze at you, holding your foot so tight you almost stumbled. He got up on his foot and wrapped a hand around your bicep.

"Leaving you to turn on me once we get to Karli. Hmm. I prefer to keep my leverage. I can't trust you" He locked his eyes on yours and squeezed his fingers on your skin.

You let out a dry scoff. They should've let him die in that prison. Behind your back, Sam was about to step in. Zemo had shifted his demeanor to a cold look. "You let them do it. Stay out of it".

"And who are you to say shit about what I should or should not do?" Raising your voice, he didn't flinch.

The man pointed a finger at you as a warning, still holding his damn tea cup. Only a slight second later, Bucky shattered the glass against the wall and pulled him by his collar.

"You wanna see what someone can do with leverage?" The soldier asked him. He tightened his metal wrist and you could see his shoulder grow wide.

Sam stood next to him, resting a hand on his forearm. "Take it easy. Don’t engage him. He’s just gonna extort you and do that stupid head tilt thing".

Bucky still had him in his grip. Zemo didn't hold any expression, otherwise. It was infuriating. "You want some cherry blossom tea?"

You watched as the taller man twisted his collar. "You fucking touch her again, I'll break your neck". He shoved the baron backward and left the living room.

You were surprised, to say the least. Bucky was annoyed you were on this mission with them. He thought you were actually missing a few points and messing with their plan.

But much to his dismay, Sam agreed to have you on board and didn't complain about your work. Said his partner was just being grumpy.

The former Winter Soldier was leaning against the countertop, his hands gripping tightly against the edge. You offered a glass of water, which he denied.

The Falcon was somewhere else making a call, which left you alone with an irritated soldier and a trash bag of an ex-prisoner.

"Don't let him get through your head" You whispered, standing close to Bucky. He didn't look back at you. "It's what he likes to do. Ever since the last time you engaged".

He gulped harshly, it was back when he was being accused of planning a bombing in Vienna. And then, when he was held hostage in Germany, where Zemo broke him and brought Winter Soldier back.

"I don't like him either. But it's easier if we just ignore" You tried to humor him, but he still wasn't in the mood for interaction.

"Would that work if I ignored you as well?" Bucky lifted his eyes to meet yours. He had a stupid faux grin on his face.

As soon as he didn't get a response, he walked past you and made his way back to follow Sam, leaving you alone with Zemo.

~~

You're all gathered around as The Falcon goes through the plan again. Refusing to tag along with Zemo, you had to agree and make Bucky company.

They tracked Karli Morgenthau to a memorial service. But John Walker and his partner figured out the exact same plan. All you wanted to do was get all the serum back.

That is, if you didn't run into the shittiest Captain America while you and Bucky walked up the alley. You could literally hear him tightening his fists, his metal arm already functioning.

"Ah! How’d you find us now?" The soldier carried an unamused tone in his voice. You watched as John and his partner got closer to you both.

"You think two Avengers can walk around Latvia without drawing attention?" He wasn't wrong, but you knew Bucky was past that now.

The Captain motioned his head towards you, measuring you from head to toe. "New Avenger?"

You snorted out loud and cracked a laugh. Your stomach was starting to cramp and the soldier next to you watched as John held a confused look.

"She's just a partner" He shrugged. "Sam asked for her help".

"Yeah, but not just a partner. So you better not step foot on our plans" Bucky knows how much of a menace you are.

He can't disagree with the fact that you can actually start a fight with the wrong people and not fear them.

John snorted and you narrowed your eyes at him. "Yeah, right. You wanna meet Karli, there will be civilians there. There's a high risk of casualties".

"No one's asking for your opinion, Cap. Sam is gonna talk to her and reason her" You tried to face him, but his demeanor didn't go down on you.

"She blew up a fucking building with people in it. If he's in there alone with a Super Soldier, he's getting himself killed".

Bucky rolled his eyes. "He's dealt with worse".

You were waiting inside the building while Sam tried to convince Karli. John couldn't stop pacing back and forth, even Zemo seemed annoyed already.

He started complaining about how dangerous it was, but the soldier next to you made sure it hadn't even been ten minutes yet.

Already done with his bullshit, you shifted on your foot. Bucky looked at you from the corner of his eyes. You weren't supposed to be there in the first place. He knows you're highly qualified and if shit went down you'd protect yourself.

And even though he's still pissed you're there, he can't wrap his head around the fact that this could be really dangerous for you.

John almost towered over Bucky, he was deadpanning at the Captain. "This is all really easy for you, isn’t it? All that serum runnin’ through your veins".

"Barnes, your partner needs backup in there. Do you really want his blood on your hands?" He tried getting into his head, but the man next to you did nothing but chuckle.

"You really don't know Sam, do you?" You chimed in and watched as John narrowed his eyes at you. "You come in here parading this new shield which, by the way, doesn't fucking belong to you and you want to dictate shit?"

By this point, he really wishes he could hit a woman. Bucky notices how John moves his body and tries to face you, but he doesn't let him.

"You better keep your distance" He warned the Captain, who took a few steps back and raised his hands in surrender.

John didn't wait five more minutes and decided to intervene in their conversation. Karli was fast enough and knocked them down before running away. You couldn't find her in the maze, but Zemo made sure to destroy the serums she had. Or he thought so.

~~

Back in the loft, the German man was lying on the couch with a soft fabric covering his eyes. He was talking about how Super Soldiers weren't allowed to exist.

In gets Bucky as he sighs before taking his jacket off. You couldn't take your eyes off his firm body, his strong arms, and perfectly shaped abs.

You were sitting opposite to him as he was on his back, just staring at his entire body. He poured a glass of whiskey before speaking up about his suspicions about John.

"Well, I know a crazy when I see one. Because I am crazy" He says as he rests his lips on the rim of the glass.

"Good thing you recognize that" You let out a laugh, and he snaps his eyes at you.

Bucky rolls his eyes and speaks through the glass. "You should have a look in the mirror".

You're taken aback by his response and open your mouth, ready for retaliation, but he speaks up again. "Shouldn't have given him the shield".

Sam stood next to him and pointed a finger, but you defended him. "He didn't give it".

You're sitting on the couch with your arms crossed against your chest. The former Winter Soldier walks toward you before crouching in front of you.

"Steve definitely didn't. And you're past the point of giving an opinion here. I said this mission wasn't for you".

He was too annoyed today, that's for sure. But that didn't give him the right to be a brat with you all the time. And you should ignore him, but the bickering gets him all the time.

You lift your torso and fill the gap between your faces. His brows are furrowed. "You don't get to say what I should or should not do".

The staring lingers for a while until the new captain barges into the loft asking for you all to turn Zemo over.

"Shield or no shield, the only thing you’re runnin’ in here is your mouth. Now, I had Karli and you overstepped. He’s actually proven himself useful today" Sam walks over to him.

John tries to tease your friend before the Wakandans enter the loft. They peacefully ask to turn Zemo as well, but a fight bursts in the room.

You run towards the corner of the room behind a pillar, while the wakandan knocks the captain and his friend down. The other three men are standing there, watching him get beat up with amused looks on their faces.

"Looking strong, John" Bucky teases and you snort loudly. He snaps his head your way and grins.

The soldier tries reasoning with Ayo, but she pulls herself away from him and continues to fight against John and his partner. Both him and Sam are too busy to notice that Zemo is trying to get away.

You run after him and hold the door knobs before he can lock himself. "Where the hell you think you're going?"

"Let go, or I'll shoot you" He warns, but you paid no mind. Only then, he gripped his gun quickly before shoving you backward, locking himself.

You looked over your shoulders and watched as Bucky was kneeling on the floor, grabbing his metal arm.

"Shit" You mutter and rush to him. "Everything okay?"

He carried a different look for a slight second, almost vulnerable. He reattached his arm back. Bucky looked at you and nodded. You grabbed his limb and carefully inspected it.

"Did you know they could do that?" He was still glancing down at you. His blue eyes were soft and light. He shook his head and clanked his arm.

Later on, Zemo was still nowhere near to be found, while Sam and Bucky were pissed they missed him.

"How could you not hold him back?" Your friend was messaging a few people he knew might know about him.

"I tried. He pointed a fucking gun to my head" You snapped.

The other man sat next to you on the stool by the countertop. He let out a sharp inhale. "Was it even loaded? He could've just tricked you".

"How the fuck would I know?" Your face was millimeters away from his once again. Your breath was fanning his face and you watched as he tightened his jaw.

"Know why I hate this fucking plan? Because you had one job today and you couldn't even do it" You closed your fists and clicked your jaw at his words.

"As much as I know Sam would bow down to you and say you're a great partner. I beg to differ" He got from his seat and walked with his heavy boots against the floor toward the couch.

Your voice cut through the air with bitterness and you immediately regretted it. "Sometimes you're no different from the Winter Soldier".

He stopped his tracks and spun around. Quickly, Bucky captured your face with his metal hand and squeezed your cheeks, making you pout.

"What the fuck did you just say?" His forehead was brushing yours and you could see rage in his eyes.

"Let go of her. She's just disappointed" Sam gave you a cold look before handling his partner. He grabbed Bucky by the shoulder before the man shoved your face.

You were sitting alone in the loft during the night, trying to book a flight home. Obviously, your plan to help with the mission became a disaster, nonetheless, from the beginning you knew Bucky didn't agree on this.

He thought you couldn't keep up with the plan and he was right. You were making things worse at this point. You wanted to help them, you tracked the Super Soldiers and you helped with Zemo, but that was just it.

Now you're debating whether you should just go without warning or not. Sam is going to be pissed at the end of it. He knows you're better than that, and after what you told Bucky there's no way you can face him again.

Your friend watched you from the corner of the hallway. He knows you're hurting from what happened, you wouldn't snap like that if his partner didn't push you. Sam talked to him, but he was too angry to actually forgive you.

He didn't blame him either.

"Hey, you going to sleep or what?" Sam asked as soon as he dropped his weight on the couch next to you. He peeked through your screen and saw it. "Woah, you're not leaving right? This isn't over. I still need you. We need to find Zemo".

"You can do that without me. You did it before. Besides, he's out there because of me. And Bucky is tired of my face".

He closed your laptop, and you glanced at him. "I can do it, but I don't want to. S'why I reached out to you. And we're gonna find him, he needs us too".

"And Bucky... I think it's just his sexual frustration talking" He laughed as you gasped at his words.

"Sam, what the fuck?"

"Dude doesn't even go on dates, he's probably nervous having a woman around. He's always been grumpy, I think it's in his nature. He'll come around at some point" He grinned at you.

"That's not my problem. He keeps pushing me, I'll fight back" You didn't need to look at him to see he was definitely enjoying the playfulness.

"You guys should just have sex. This is so annoying" Sam grabbed his phone as you choked on your own spit.

"For the love of God, drop this conversation before I snap at you too".

He handed the phone to you, saying Karli was threatening his sister and his nephews. She wants to find him, alone.

He has other plans, of course. But you can't even think about accepting the idea before Bucky gets to talk.

"He doesn't need to know. I'll go with him, you meet us there".

~~

You watched as he and Bucky fought the Super Soldiers along with John and his partner. They were beating each other up relentlessly.

One of them pulled a pocket knife and tried stabbing Bucky and you gasped. He shielded himself, dropping the object close to their face.

He had a snapped cut on his nose, and his jaw was split up. His knuckles were bloody red. Sam was in better shape than his friend, though.

You were shocked when you saw John's partner sitting unconscious on the floor. The captain rushed to him, too desperate to make any sense.

You pulled Bucky and Sam away and ran out of the building. "We gotta get the hell out of here now. He's gonna kill the kid" Your hands were shaking, and you almost tripped on your foot.

"Hey, woah. What are you doing here?" Bucky stopped in his tracks, looking back.

"Let's argue later, dipshit" Sam shouted at the soldier as you kept running.

In the loft, you asked Bucky to sit on the stool as you worked on his injuries. Starting on his nose, he hissed at the contact with the wet cloth.

"Keep steady, crybaby" You whispered and he looked up at you.

You cleaned the dried blood from his face and managed to apply some saline solution. The entire time, he kept his gaze on you. He noticed how focused you were on his injuries and how gently you managed it.

He held his hands up as you cleaned up his knuckles. They were red from all the punching, and it surprised you how he was still human besides the serum.

You squeeze his hands lightly, too embarrassed to look back at him before apologizing. "I'm really sorry about yesterday. It was a really shitty thing to say, and you don't deserve it. I was an asshole".

Bucky trailed his eyes to scan your face. He had a peaceful look. "I shouldn't have pushed you either. I was just annoyed Sam brought someone up to this mess".

"I accepted it. There's no right or wrong, I wanted to help". You were both still brushing your fingertips against each other.

"You're not bad after all" He mused and you chuckled. "I just- I don't think I can keep losing people".

You saw his raw personality right in front of you. That man who kept his serious and defensive demeanor was showing his true self. It was hard to miss it.

Your hand grasped his jawline, carefully rubbing his skin. He almost faltered. "That won't happen. I got two Avengers to protect me".

He snorted, showing his teeth when he laughed. "Should've seen that coming".

"And more than anyone else, you deserve that happiness. You just need to stop lying about your nightmares".

"How do you-" He was about to ask and you tilt your head.

"Sam and I talk. I know it's hard to erase the past. But you're James again, you're you" Your other hand is still holding him tightly.

Bucky refuses to look at you for a moment. And when he does, his eyes are glassy. "It means I remember. It means a part of me is still there. Which means a part of the Winter Soldier’s still in me".

You smack your lips. "You need to stop thinking you're making amends. You need to give them closure, be of service for them. Stop thinking like you still owe them just an apology".

He drops his head and bites his lip. You hold his chin up and force him to look at you. "You're not that guy anymore".

You were about to get closer for the hundredth time. Maybe close the gap between you and pull him in for a kiss. Not because you feel bad for him, for his past. But because you feel warmth when you're close to him.

You feel like he could hold the world above your head and fight for you.

That was when his phone started ringing. John killed that kid out of revenge.

~~

You finally meet Sam's sister, Sarah, after he invites you and Bucky home to help him fix his boat. A lot of their neighbors are also helping. There's a gathering with food and drinks by the lake, and every kid is excited to see the soldier. They're all lining up to hang up on his metal arm.

You're watching in the distance as he and Sarah chat about something, while two kids hang themselves on his limb. He seems lighter, happy even.

He has a different look on his face. Especially after Sam finally decided to become who he was supposed to be.

Bucky walks toward you holding two cans of beer in his hand. "You want one?"

He holds one out for you, and you accept it.

"The kids love you, you know?" You speak after sipping on your drink.

"What can I say? I'm pretty charming" He leans against the wall next to you, watching as the sun sets. There's a hue of orange in the sky.

"They only like you because of your arm. Don't get too cocky" You shove him by the arm playfully and he holds your hand for leverage.

Bucky pulls you closer to his body, his chest is heaving against yours. He's taller, so he has to look down at you.

"So you don't think I'm charming?" His words are too soft, but his grip on your waist is almost tight.

"I didn't say that" You smirk and he uses his other hand to rub the pad of his thumb on your lower lip.

The moment you felt his skin against yours, it felt like everything slowed down. Even though he was desperate to finally give you the kiss he'd been wishing for, it was obvious he was too nervous.

Sam's words lingered in your head. He was definitely in need of dates and he refused to accept it. Whatever changed his mind made you realize he had a soft spot for you.

That's what made you take the first step. You finally closed the distance and crashed your lips against his. It tasted like beer. The tiniest movement of your tongue had him groaning in the back of his throat and it almost made you smile.

He slid his tongue against yours and tilted his head for better access. He wished he wasn't holding a beer right now because all he wanted to do was cradle your face and pull you in for a deeper kiss.

Your arms wrapped around his neck and Bucky faltered as you grasped his lip between your teeth. Both tongues were fighting for dominance and you shivered.

The fresh taste of beer in your mouth made his heart flutter inside his chest. His heart was racing and pounding against his ribcage and he felt like the air got knocked out of his lungs.

You both had to pull out for air, his hand not leaving your body for a second. Resting your forehead against his, you watched as he kept his eyes closed.

"I'm glad you're happier now. I can see it right through you"

"Someone gave me a nudge. And Sam is a great friend, much to my disappointment" He joked, giving your lips a chaste peck.

"He said some pretty nasty things about you the other day" You laughed as he displayed a surprised look on his face.

"Oh, he's a dead man".

"Hmm, he might be right" You sipped on your beer, watching as Bucky placed a hand on his hip.

"What was it about?" The soldier mirrored you with his beer.

Getting closer to his face, you spoke against his lips. Voice low and teasing "You'll have to find out".

You gasped as he pulled you harder against his body and kissed you again. This time, it had a different impact, he was rough and needy.

A growth beneath you brushed against your body, and you chuckled between the kiss. Bucky had to pull away from you. He lowered his head and shook it.

"I might know what he meant" He barely had time to laugh as you pulled him in for another kiss.

You didn't even have time to tell Sam goodbye. Next thing you know, you were both in his hotel room, filling the air with a lot of passion and moaning.

You woke up the next day with a weight on you. His metal arm was spread above your body.

Jesus, they needed to get blackout curtains in the bedrooms. You slightly opened one of your eyes and peeked through your lashes as you saw Bucky peacefully sleeping close to you.

A smile escaped from your lips at the thought of the previous night.

Happiness crossed your mind when you cradled his face and traced his jawline. He was definitely happy. And hopefully, soon, the nightmares would go away.

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook

𝕽𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 | Teaser

Hang the sinner by his wings.

Tags/Warnings: Demon!Jungkook, Human!Reader, Modern fantasy AU, Angst, slow burn, mature themes, hurt and comfort, Tags vary for each chapter

Length: ~4k words per chapter

There is no taglist for this fic.

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He can't even get you to drink anything at all, but he has to if he wants even the slightest chance at getting that rogue demon out of you.

He tips the cup of water against your lips to aid in getting you to drink anything and replenish what your body so desperately needs during this time- but he knows, deep down, that you can't keep this fight up much longer than you already have. Your soul might be strong, but your body is already hitting its limits- muscles trembling from the force of the most recent attempt made to possess you.

"There you go.." he hums to you in gentle reassurance, unable to contain his affection for you even if you're incapable of returning any of it. He can't help the way his hand runs over your back to try and comfort you, even though he knows it means nothing to you.

You feel nothing for him but indifference. You don't even hate him.

Knowing what he does now, he's aware of the fact that this entire situation is partially, if not entirely, his own fault. When he saved you centuries ago, he also made you very much horribly attractive for houseless demons like the one currently attempting to use you as more than just a host, but even if he knew back then what he knows now, he would've still gone through with it.

He'd save you any chance he'd get. And maybe that's the sickest part of his whole curse.

The knife on the table is another way out for you, of course. A dead vessel is worth nothing to a demon of this kind, and maybe, it would let you rest for once as well- but he knows that even if held against the prospect of eternal punishment, Jungkook wouldn't ever be able to be the one to take your life. After all, he did what he did many lifetimes ago to save it, and not have it taken either way.

He didn't just buy you time.

He bought you the guarantee of a full life, with every reincarnation.

Jungkook helps you back into bed after letting you calm down for a little bit, before he opens the door to let your friend back inside. At the sight of him, you immediately begin to reach out and cry, and the sight alone has his heart in a chokehold.

Or whatever is left of it, in this case.

Your tears are salty in the open scars he has inside of him, but the fact that you can even shed them at all makes the sting feel a little less harsh. He can deal with this, as long as he knows you're getting the life you were almost denied. He can see you smile, and cry, and love-

Even if it's in the arms of someone else.

"She's a lost cause." Yoongi mumbles from a corner, watching Jungkook who closes the door behind him.

"She's not." Jungkook denies.

"You barely made any progress." The fellow demon shakes his head at him. "You're torturing her."

"I'm saving her." The younger demon denies. "Any progress is progress."

"And how long can you stand this, I wonder." The cat eyed man asks, crossing his arms as he leans against the wall behind him. "Let me-"

"No." Jungkook instantly denies. "You'll kill her."

"And maybe that's for the best, my friend." He offers in sympathy. "Why are you chasing after someone who cannot even love you?"

"Because if I don't,.." jungkook mumbles, turning to look at your closed door.

"...then everything I sacrificed has been for nothing."

[tribalauthor]

Needy Chief

(roman and y/n one-shot)

warnings: 18+, oral sex, unprotected sex, harsh sex, masturbation, edging, unconsciousness (kinda)

word count: 4k

Summary: Roman makes Y/N jealous and she decides to punish the Tribal Chief but does she succeed?

A/N: okay, this is my first one-shot and I hope yall like it :), error warning

gif by me

I am pacing around my room with the tip of my index finger in my mouth, biting it, barely being able to find a place and keep my sanity. Just a woman all prepared for her man- washed, shaved, moisturized and dressed up with his favorite red lacy lingerie since red is his favourite color and a short black kimono on the top because I feel cold from hatred.

But why am I pacing? Not because I'm nervous of my man who happens to be the face of whole sports entertainment, undisputed WWE champion for over 3 years and counting, people know him as the Tribal Chief, the Head of the Table, Roman Reigns. Nor the fact that the man in question is the most attractive man to walk on this planet, undisputed.

No. It's not that. I'm way over this. The problem is that he has an appearance on Smackdown tonight hence I made a plan to surprise him afterwards. I was getting all prepared and everything since I want to be perfect for him - to look good, to smell good, to taste good.

And what happens? I turn the show on the TV and there is him getting out of his black Jeep with his wise man. The WWE reporter, Kayla - that little woman with her perfect curls and pretty face anticipating with the mic in her hands. Then you have my man, Roman, getting out of the car after the wise man.

"What's going on tonight, Roman?" - Kayla asks. "Who will have the opportunity to face you next?"

And then he replied:

"You still seem not to get the things around here, babygirl. You don't "have" the opportunity to face me. You "win" this opportunity."

That's when I completely froze up.

He dared to call another woman "babygirl"? In front of me? In front of live television?

"He is so dead when he comes back" I thought and I'm still thinking it. I was thinking of making a great scandal but that's old, you feel me?

Men are not really affected when you scream at them and tell them how upest they made you. They can easily manipulate you and make you feel guilty about "overreacting" and yet again "being too emotional".

So I tossed this thought away and came up with a better plan.

I am gonna make Roman beg for me.

I brushed my hair and decided to put on a body oil on my skin with vanilla scent because Roman goes crazy when he smells vanilla. CRAZY.

I looked at my reflection on the wardrobe mirror which was next to the bed.

I'm gonna make him weak.

I heard the door downstairs unlocking and I quickly laid on the bed seductively, yet casually while changing the TV channel. I don't want him to see that I've been watching Smackdown.

I felt that he is entering in the bedroom but I pretended that I'm not seeing him and being too caught up with the random programme I put on.

"Hey, babe." he said softly with his deep, clear voice.

I turned to him and he had his long hair down. Oh, he knows I go weak over his natural, black, curly hair. He is wearing his usual black "Acknowledge me" tank top and black sweatpants. We'll see who will acknowledge who.

"Hey." I replied, unbothered.

He licked his lips while grinning. I think he is realizing that I'm all ready to be haunted by him but I'm gonna let him know who is the boss tonight or must I say the tribal chief.

"Why are you mad?" he laid next to me and started placing kisses on my cheeks coming down to my neck. His beard tickling my skin. "I tried not to be late. I see you got ready for me". The kisses started to become wet and his low voice got me almost ready.

I felt his big hands on my hips trying to take off my underwear but I stopped him.

"Not so fast" I simply said and he had a confused look on his face, going a bit far from me. "Tonight things will go a little different" I clarified.

"What do you mean different?". He furrowed his eyebrows.

I got up from the bed and slowly took off my kimono.

"Let's play a little game". I suggested and he rolled his eyes.

"Y/N, I am about to rip this pretty ass lingerie with my bare teeth and eat your pussy out like the last meal I'm gonna have in my life. Do you think I'm in the mood for games?" He suddenly got pissed. And I know why. Cause he wants everything to be his way, no questions asked.

"And why do you think you deserve this opportunity...chief?" I cocked my eyebrow. I just pulled a superman punch on him, mentally.

"What do you mean why? You are my girlfriend. The woman of my life...the love of my life." He replied and ran his fingers through his hair. "Babygirl..."

"Ah." I raised my finger. "Don't call me that. I thought Kayla was the babygirl."

Roman then got the look of realisation.

"Come on, Y/N...is this what you are mad about? Please." He reacted as if it's nothing. "I don't really mean it, you know?"

"Aha. And what if I call another man daddy?" I asked and crossed my arms which made my boobs pop out even more.

"I'm gonna beat the living shit out of him then show you who the real daddy is." Roman replied immediately with a not so slight growl in his voice.

"Well now..." I crawled on the bed to him and made him lean back. Then I put myself on his crotch. "I'm gonna show you who the real babygirl is".

I felt his hands on my ass but I removed them.

"No touching game"

"What do you mean no touching?" He slightly got up but I pushed him down again.

"Tribal chief can't take his punishment?" He looked me deep in the eyes and swallowed loudly. "I'm gonna stay up here and I'm gonna have fun with you but you are not allowed to touch me".

I got closer to his face.

"If you lay your hands on me, - I whisprered - I'm gonna go over there on the couch and I'm gonna touch myself, making you watch without being able to touch me and taste me, you understand?"

He gave me no answer, he just let out a growl, the exact beast low growl he does during mid match when he gets angry at his opponent.

I left a small peck on his lips just to tease him even more, then another one and on the third one he attacked my lips or more precisely, my tongue which made me separate from his face.

"Ay, you are so impatient, Roman." I scolded him and licked my lips.

"You make me this way". He said through his teeth and I giggled while taking his tank top off, exposing his beautiful upper body - the muscles and the magnificent tribal tattoo which made him even hotter.

I started leaving slow and wet kisses on his chest all down to his stomach. His breaths were getting heavier and heavier. I can feel how much he wants to touch me but he had his hands squeezing the sheets. I started licking his abs and took a look at his face. He had his lips pressed and eyes close shut.

I couldn't help but smirk and put my ass on his lap again, slowly started grinding.

"Don't". He hissed putting his hands on his head.

"Aw". I pouted and leaned to his face again.

"Daddy can't take it?" I asked and then brushed my lips against his in a deep, passionate kiss but Roman swiftly turned it to a very aggressive one. It almost felt like he would swallow my whole mouth and tongue. That's what I call a kiss of desparation.

Not to mention that I felt a big bulge beneath me. Now I awoke the true beast. I started grinding even more but problem is I am getting wet, too.

"Those sweatpants ain't thick enough for me to not notice you are getting seriously wet." He said through the kisses.

"I think you should worry about your boner, baby, cause that shit must hurt." I whispered against his mouth with a big smirk on my face.

"Also, I can always do this". I ripped my tong off with a bare hand and I slid myself like a snowboard on his abs and left a wet trail.

The look on his face was just priceless. It was mixed with shock, joy and anger. I can't really explain it.

I got beside him, taking off his sweatpants which were about to rip off from his own dick and now he is only left with his red boxers which may also rip off in a while.

He couldn't help but grab me by my hips and put me on him.

"Ah. I think you just broke the rule, Roman. No touching." I tsked and shook my head. "You know what this means."

I got away from him and turned my bare ass around walking to the couch taking off my bra, slowly, leaving myself completely naked.

I sat down on the couch, spreading my legs, just right in front of his eyes.

I licked my fingers slowly and seductively and put them on my clit.

Roman's POV:

If she continues going around like this, I'm gonna fuck her until she literally becomes unconscious and I mean it.

This woman knows how to play with me and I mean it in every single way.

I can handle anything. I'm a big man. You can put me against 2, 3, 4, 5 men and can handle the beating, no problem but I can't handle Y/N and her beautiful naked body standing in front of me and I'm not allowed to do anything.

That's something I can't survive and I don't know until when I am gonna stand like this and not enter in her like a drill in wood.

Her standing over there, looking at me with her hungry yet innocent eyes, playing with her pussy which was obviously crying for me. Her little fingers getting in and out. Her sexy moans getting inside my head.

"I'm just not gonna watch." I laid back looking at the white ceiling.

She started moaning louder and heavier and I felt like I'm gonna explode down there. Her moans always make me go insane, ecstatic even.

"When is this game coming to an end, Y/N?" I yelled.

"Whenever I say, daddy." She said through her heavy breaths and after a while she reached her climax, screaming out my name in the most needy tone ever.

Lord, how much I want to jump from that bed and put my dick inside of her tight pussy.

"Y/N, I need you, please. This is not funny" I said through my heavy breaths and then she got up, coming to me.

"Did you just say please?" She grinned sweetly.

She knows. Y/N knows too well how to make a big and strong man like me weak.

She has this effect.

"Yes. Is this what I had to do?" I asked her as if I'm cracking a code.

"Almost." she replied and she licked her fingers not leaving anything for me.

What does she mean by almost?

She got over me yet again. Okay. I guess game is over then. Y/N started taking my boxers off. It's happening.

Y/N's POV:

"Daddy deserves a reward after all he said but we still have work to do." I said while taking his boxers off, and his big beast exposed in front of me, all ready to be inside my holes.

"No touching me." I repeated in the same strict tone.

- What?- he cried out and I immediately started sucking his dick like a kid who just got its favorite lolipop.

I was going on fastly and as deep as I could and judging by his heavy breaths and whimpers, I knew if I don't slow it down, he can cum just like this. I want to show him how easy he is and how little he needs from me to cum. So I slowed it down, got it out of my mouth and licked my lips.

"Please don't stop like this." He whined.

This view is priceless.

Priceless.

A big, tough man like him all desperate for me to continue.

"I'm never gonna leave my daddy unsatisfied but the moment you touch me, I stop and you deal with this yourself." I warned him.

"Tie me up, at this point." He yelled.

I shook my head.

"Let's really test your limits, Roman." I licked my lips and then went back to business, changing the tactic. I started licking...slowly.

- At this point.- he talked to his heavy breaths.- I'm not gonna talk...to any other woman. Nah. I ain't gonna look at another woman. If you are gonna punish me like this.- his usual deep voice was crying out of desparation. I almost can't even recognise him. He is so given up.

I couldn't help but grin and then take as much as I could in my mouth, although tears were forming in my eyes and I will choke after a while.

He hissed.

Then I started going at my pace at first, more swiftly. I took a look at his face.

He is so sweaty from the head to the upper body, his hair is all messy, such a look of desparation and neediness. I felt my pussy throbbing and soaking from this view alone.

"Please, Y/N.- he cried out.- How much more do you need me to beg you? I need you!" He sounded so helpless.

Okay. Mission is accomplished. I think he learned his lesson.

I did a few more ups and downs and there we go. His dick exploded in my mouth like those hard candies with a liquid filling. In this case, a very, very hard big ass candy with extra, extra filling.

This mixed with his grunts is a whole another experience.

And I swallowed it all like a champ. Like an athlete swallows his protein shake right after workout.

I got up in a sitting position. My hair was all messed up and I felt a lil bit of sperm around my mouth and I immediately licked it. My breathing was heavy as well cause god damn, my man's tool is not small. It takes a lot of work.

Problem is I need him inside of me. Now. I am also a needy bitch.

"I had no idea the chief is so needy." I finally spoke with a taunting tone.

Roman was still coming to his senses. I think he doesn't know where he is. Honestly, he looks beautiful. I got close to his face. I slightly fixed his messy hair which got even curlier and placed a kiss on his sweaty forehead.

His breathing calmed down and he opened his eyes. He doesn't look cute now. No. He looks scary even.

My expression suddenly changed and was about to get off him but he caught me and swiftly changed the positions, slamming me onto the bed and now I'm under him.

"Are you done, princess? Are you done playing with your daddy now?" He asked with a low tone yet scolding one. Also the look on his face was very hungry yet frightening. "You think you tired me? No." He shook his head and caught my cheeks with his one hand. "You think you can play with me like a toy and then leave the things like this?" he asked me and shook his head again.

"Spread your legs." He ordered to me but I sat still. I am still shocked by the sudden change in him.

Okay I thought I got him for a minute but I swear to God, that's a beast and I can't tame him for long.

I swallowed loudly.

"Spread your beautiful legs for me." He repeated but it was in a slightly softer tone. I did it this time and he stared down at my pussy.

Roman smirked and licked his lips as if he is ready to devour a delicious meal.

"Look at it. It's crying out for me" He chuckled. "So ready to be eaten up by me" He growled going down on me and then he licked it in a really slow motion then kissed it.

A desperate moan left my mouth.

He suddenly came close to my face.

"You know, I'm a generous tribal chief, Y/N. If I was a brat like you, I would also think of a silly little game but my will to devour every single part of your body is stronger, so I'm not responsible for what it's coming. You brought this upon yourself."

My heart started beating as if it's gonna jump out of my body and I felt new juices forming in my core.

"Don't give me this scared look now." Roman smiled running his thumb over my chin. "There is nothing to be scared of. Daddy just wants his princess to acknowledge him and to make her feel good. Do I want too much?" He furrowed his eyebrows.

"N-no." I stuttered.

He started kissing me. We exchanged some passionate, tongue kisses then he went down on me again.

I was making fun of him earlier that I can make him cum fast but same thing goes for me, I fear. And he is going slow, still. Enjoying every bit of my womanhood.

"Please, faster". I said through my heavy breaths, feeling the sweat forming on my forehead.

Not only he didn't go faster, he stopped, looked at me with this devilish look he always does before he came up with something mischievous, which typically doesn't end well.

"Now when you order your favorite meal, do you eat it at one go or you take your time to enjoy it?" Is he eating me out or we are having a discourse lecture?

"I eat everything in a blink of an eye and you damn know it." I replied with annoyance.

"Well, I'm the opposite type, so please, after the hell you just put me through, I deserve to enjoy my meal...slowly." He said and went back to his doing.

A helpless moan escaped my lips.

Why is he like this?

The leisure motions of his tongue were driving my body nuts, just like a time bomb. However time bombs in movies usually have seconds left until they explode but not in my case. I will explode when the tribal chief says so, I fear.

He started placing kisses on it then even slightly sucking on my clit.

"Please." I cried out. Literal tears started forming in my eyes from the frustration and desperation, forming in my whole body. "Please, Roman, faster".

He stopped and looked at me again but he didn't move his face far from my womanhood.

"Funny how the tables have suddenly turned." He literally whispered against my pussy which brought shivers all over it and made me flinch even.

Then he started eating me out fastly, so sudden yet so deeply anticipated by me.

I became a moaning mess again, almost in sync with his motions. I was feeling sweat dripping on my forehead and the tension in my whole body was building up, craving to cum.

I don't need much. I really don't need much. Just a few seconds and I'm gonna-

And there it is. The bomb exploded. I fear that this man may go deaf from my vocal performance tonight.

He placed another few kisses on it and of course, licked me all dry. "There we go, baby." He chuckled and while I was coming back to my senses, until I realize, I got positioned on four legs with Roman behind me and in front of the mirror.

He got inside of me as a thief in a house. However, thiefs get inside in a quiet, cautious way. Roman's stroke wasn't any of that.

Although, I was wide and ready for his dick, I still felt a bit of pain mixed with pleasure and fulfillment because we were both waiting for that exact feeling of our bodies colliding.

Our bodies, so needy of one another, that exact drug-like feeling which you can never get enough of.

The room got filled with my moans and his grunts.

"I want you to take a good look at the mirror, princess, and see, how good daddy makes you feel. Take a look at this hot view". He said through his heavy breaths yet he still sounded so dominant.

The view is really out of this world. We look like a hot mess.

"Same goes for you, bae". I smirked and then whimpered from his strokes which were gradually becoming faster and faster. "I want you to see that no other woman will fit you as I do"

"When did I say this?" he asked through his teeth and the strokes became so deep that I almost felt his dick up in my stomach, which of course, led my breath to choke and tears form in my eyes. "Huh, tell me babygirl". Roman insisted while not slowing at all. His expression was so angry but I know he is having the time of his life.

"Never but-" I didn't even get to finish my sentence because my body reached yet another orgasm and I felt that warm feeling of his sperm filling my insides.

We both came in unison. Roman let out some moans of conquerness. He finally got what he wanted.

My moans were frail...shaky. I feel like I got no more voice to let out and will go mute if he continues to fuck me sensless.

He grabbed me and slammed my back on the bed while him being over me.

Eye to eye.

"Sorry, babygirl, so rude of me to interrupt you. What were you saying?" Roman smirked. That damn smirk which never fails to drive me crazy.

"I-" and I was interrupted again by his dick getting inside of me but this time it was in a slower motion.

"I deeply apologize once again" He emphasized on "deeply" as he went deeper. "You were saying"

"Huh?" I had no idea what he is talking at this point. Roman let out one of his deep chuckles. "I asked you when did I say that another woman can fit me"- he repeated his question.

"You did not say it with words but-" He started going faster but not too fast. However it was enough for me to cut my breaths.

"Use your words, Y/N" He is enjoying this way too much. "You were very talkative while you were explaining the rules of your game. What happened now, huh?" He was talking with this victorious tone...he knows he took the control once again.

"You said it with action" My voice was all raspy and I tried to sound clear but the situation wasn't allowing me at all, so I sounded more like a powerless human being.

"I see" he went fast once again. I digged my nails into his sweaty, half tatooed back. It will probably leave red marks but he just loves this shit.

Then he attacked my lips in a deep, passionate kiss but there was a nuance of anger. Our tongues were in a battle, exchanging moans and grunts.

I felt that I'm gonna pass out really, really soon due to the fact that I was seeing stars with my eyes closed.

"Look at me, Y/N" Roman stopped kissing me and I tried to open my eyes. That damn man still looks fresh as hell like he can go for few hours yet I probably look like I'm gonna leave this world sooner than you think. "You think I'd do that for another woman, huh?"

"No." I officially lost my voice because I barely said this.

The moment we reached our climax, I was letting out mute moans. Yes, MUTE MOANS. There was literally no voice and no power left in me. I feel all numb and powerless.

"Good". Roman spoke through his heavy breaths. After he fully nutted in me for the second time, he got out of me.

Then I felt him laying a kiss on my sweaty forehead.

"I love you and you only, Y/N. I said with words and actions"

[stxrvel]

welcome home (1)

series summary: you woke up from a long coma with no memory of a part of your life only to be told by your teammates that you're married to the man you hated seven years ago. even though that seemed to be the only problem, as time goes on you're realizing there's a lot more history and mystery behind the accident that left you in medical care for months. blackouts, more memory loss, mistrust and a strange man who seems to be connected to everything. every day it gets harder to trust anyone around you, but you won't stop until you can finally uncover the truth behind the accident.

chapter summary: when an accident makes you forget the last seven years of your life, you're lucky to have someone like Bucky to support you in your recovery. except he's not the Bucky you remember.

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: +4k

warnings: angst. that's all.

note: this wasn't planned. at all. i had the day off and wanted to write something but nothing was coming to me enough to write another part of the outbreak or how to break a routine in one year, so i was just browsing tumblr until i saw something related to memory loss and this popped into my head. i thought i wasn't going to finish writing it but it came out more than i expected. and clearly this gives for a part two and even more, but at the moment i don't know when that will happen. also, i suck with titles, i think i'll change it later. meanwhile, i hope you enjoy it! feedback is always appreciated, thank u for the support! 💜

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Bucky was right to be scared. He was right to feel his soul leaving his body and his heart bursting with pain. He was completely right to be frightened, unsure of the future and the opportunities it had taken with it. Bucky was right to feel that his world was crumbling, that he was left with half a heart to survive for the rest of his life.

But he was also right in deciding not to show how scared he was. He could have his nerves frozen inside his body and feel his blood boiling inside his veins, his whole insides churning and messing up without any compassion, but he couldn't let that rule his life. He knew that the only solution was to cope rationally and objectively, even if he wanted to burst into tears every ten minutes.

“Okay, everything looks good for now,” Bucky heard the doctor, along with the others who were in the room.

He had been standing in the corner of the room the whole time, not moving a millimeter barely to breathe. The mood was so bleak and melancholy that he feared the sadness would rub off on him if he blinked any faster.

“So, can you discharge her now?” Tony Stark asked, his body closer to the door than any other.

“Yes, she can leave after you sign some paperwork. I'm going to need her to come back for some monthly checkups and let me know if she comes to remember anything.”

“Of course,” Steve Rogers stated.

Bucky wandered his gaze over the other two men in the room and the two women behind them, Natasha Romanoff and Carol Danvers. They all looked wary, not taking their gazes off your figure lying on the gurney after the doctor finished checking something in your eyes. He didn't like the way their bodies moved, anxious to talk, anxious to ask questions. He didn't like how Steve constantly opened and closed his hands; how Tony crossed and uncrossed his arms over his chest; how Natasha suspiciously watched the doctor every time he approached you and asked what he was doing; how Carol glared at the man every time he told them there was no news or progress. They had overwhelmed you before with so many gestures and words that the orderlies had to take them all out almost by force.

In a way, Bucky understood them. He too had been terrified at the beginning, still was to some degree, but it had been a while before they began to regulate their behavior. Bucky understood that the situation was difficult for them, as it was for him, but they also had to think about what it was like for you.

You were on the brink of death and awoke to find that about seven years of memories had been erased from your head.

Bucky had not taken it well at first. He was in a constant panic and searched the internet for all possible solutions that could make up for the mistake that was made. He was anxiously talking to Wanda trying to convince her to find something to do. He had gone to Strange almost begging him for some spell that could fix everything. He had asked the doctor a hundred times on the verge of insanity if it was possible to fix it with another surgery. It had simply been the worst news he had ever been given in his life.

Until, by some divine miracle, the rational part of his brain took control of his thoughts and emotions. That's when his “there's nothing we can do” thought came. The rest of the team was surprised when they saw him calmly walking around the Complex and going on missions, when Bucky had finally understood that he couldn't stop his life for something he couldn't fix. He had to learn to live with that and he hoped the others would too.

But no, it seemed that moment of enlightenment hadn't come to anyone but him.

They returned to the Complex after signing papers and picking up medications with the orders the doctor had given them, some pills for the eventual migraines and muscle relaxants if needed.

The trip was tense. Everyone sent you wary glances and purposely averted their gazes when they saw you watching them. Bucky could tell you were starting to get nervous. Even more, anxious.

Lacking knowledge of your family's whereabouts and that your current address was the Complex, that was where you would spend the rest of the days of your recovery -although Bucky had other options in mind-. The doctor had put his buts in, believing that being in such a tense, busy and overwhelming environment as the main Avengers facility was could hinder your process of getting better, but Tony was very specific and quick to tell him that there was a part of the Complex, a wing, that they had almost completely isolated to keep you in a safe place and away from the stress of the job. The mechanic spoke confidently about how you would be totally at ease as if the decision was entirely up to the doctor, while giving Bucky a helpless look. Finally, to please Tony, the doctor agreed to let you go spend your recovery at the Complex.

Of course, it had nothing to do with the fact that Bucky was your husband.

The doctor who treated you for almost a year, from the time you arrived injured and near death, to your subsequent surgeries and recovery, always knew that the final decision was out of his hands. It was funny to watch Tony argue his points to influence his decisions, but in the end that was not something he had any power in. His gazes always turned to Bucky, waiting for a nod or a shake.

Tony knew that too. You had invited him to the wedding because you were closer to him than Bucky, plus they had to see each other constantly for work. They weren't best buddies, but they maintained a relationship that was professional and affectionate and friendly enough to keep you satisfied. That is, until the accident. Since that day, Tony had taken a completely different stance towards Bucky and he really didn't find it strange. He hadn't even been able to speak to him since the day he had almost apologized with his knees to the floor when they had to tell Bucky that you almost died because of a mistake.

Over time, Bucky had let go of the anger along with his realization that he couldn't do anything to change the past, but it seemed to him that Tony still felt guilty about what had happened.

Bucky looked away from the road when he saw you stir in your seat as they were about to arrive at the Complex. The team tried to make small talk after several minutes of traveling in awkward silence, but it resulted in a much more tense atmosphere with everyone turning their heads to look at anything but you like fish out of water.

Bucky watched you from his position in the back of the van as you moved forward to view the Complex facilities in delight. He couldn't help but smile after spending months in constant stress, realizing that you had done the same thing the first time you had gone over ten years ago.

Carol and Natasha took it upon themselves to guide you through the isolated wing of the Complex to the room you would be staying in. Bucky stayed a few floors down along with Steve and Tony in the living room.

“How are you feeling?” Bucky heard Steve ask next to him, as Tony quietly approached the bay window.

“Fine.”

“Buck, you don't have to-”

“Really, I'm fine,” Bucky nodded, noticing Steve's incredulous look. He had to fight not to roll his eyes in disgust.

One thing the team had taken to doing constantly was treating him like a child, like someone who didn't know what he was feeling and didn't know how to control his emotions. That had been happening since the moment he accepted that he couldn't fix something that was out of his control. That you'd had an accident, you'd lost your memory, you'd forgotten him, and there was nothing he could do about it. He had tried everything, and there was nothing.

But the team thought his attitude was that he was trying to hide his feelings and, well, in part he was. He didn't deny that it still made him scared and angry to think of all the opportunities and moments that were gone along with your memory, but he was aware that showing himself that way in front of you wouldn't bring you any good. Unlike him and completely unaware of the truth, the team believed he was in denial. They believed that Bucky had been trying for months to avoid dealing with his feelings and that at any moment he would break down and suffer fighting the horrible reality.

Bucky had only responded to their unconscious attacks and questions with the truth, but it seemed the team was in more denial than he was.

“The doctor said the chances of her regaining her memory were high. Don't worry.” Steve patted Bucky on the shoulder to accompany his words, a sympathetic smile on his face.

“Steve, I'm not wor-”

“And she'll adjust well to the routine in this place. You know we'll be constantly keeping an eye on her and making sure she's okay, right?”

“I'd rather you stay away,” Bucky mumbled, his teeth grazing at the discomfort.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing.”

Bucky kept his distance at first. He wanted to first meet and see how you were adjusting to your new home and how you related to others. Besides, he was also a little nervous about talking to you. You had done it before, yes, at the hospital. You had introduced yourselves and asked him a few questions when he was around. But when Bucky finally confessed to you that he was your husband, it was as if something had disturbed the gravity around the both of you. Clearly Bucky was quick to notice that change in your behavior and began to pull away trying to give you your space and not overwhelm you, unlike others.

You had some memories with him, Bucky was sure. You had lost the memory of about seven years, and you had come to the team ten years ago. That would have been good for him and your relationship, except that in the beginning neither of you could stand the other.

That's right. You two hated each other's guts. And Bucky eternally regretted waiting until the fifth year of meeting you to make his feelings known to you. Because, at that point, all you remembered about him were his stinging comments and his cold, calculating stares. When he remembered the things he had said to you to hurt you on purpose, he would cringe and his body would tremble in rejection.

Before confessing, he had thought about the possibility of keeping everything hidden, maybe try to win your trust again and suddenly have what you had before. And maybe the Bucky of six years ago would have done that, wouldn't have hesitated to keep the truth hidden just to guide you down the path he wanted to walk. But the Bucky who was there, in year ten, couldn't look you in the eye and try to keep something in the dark. He knew it wasn't right and that lies usually backfired on the person telling them. Besides, ever since you had decided to try to have a relationship, you had made him promise never to keep anything from you, no matter how stupid or horrible it was. You had been in such a toxic relationship with him before that you only wanted to look out for each other's welfare. A relationship based on trust and communication was a good relationship.

And Bucky wanted to keep his promise, even if you couldn't remember it.

So he was keeping his space, but he was always aware of what you were doing. And that's why he noticed every time you would give him a questioning look and then pull back and focus your attention on something else when you noticed he was looking at you.

Bucky wasn't sure if it was a good or bad idea what he was doing. He could just walk up and talk to you, maybe you were willing to do that. Or you might think he was crazy for watching you from afar like he was an eagle and didn't want you near him under any circumstances. Bucky didn't know what to do, and asking the team wasn't in his options, so he just decided to do what he thought best.

One day, a couple of weeks after you returned to the Complex, Bucky met you casually. Really, casually.

He had spent a whole week in constant stress so he hadn't even been able to get near the side of the Complex where you were staying. He had been assigned an undercover mission and it had turned out to be a little more complicated than it seemed at first. There were too many fights involved in the end, but he had achieved his goal.

The day he arrived at the Complex he took a long shower and a long nap. It was the least he deserved. After waking up, he went to the kitchen to make himself a coffee because it was just getting light, when he saw you leaning on the kitchen counter.

You froze at the same time he did. Bucky wasn't expecting the first person he would meet to be you, he didn't even know you were already freely leaving your safe place, but life is full of surprises, apparently. Bucky noticed your wary gaze on him, how the cup you held in your hands had been halfway to its destination and how your body moved only to breathe.

He moved, continuing with what he had gone to do, despite feeling that captivating electricity coursing through his body and asking him to move closer to you. Moving his eyes away from yours felt like a sin and his body was almost reluctant to follow the directions in his head.

Bucky finally approached the coffee pot to notice the steaming liquid coming out of it. So, it was coffee that was in your cup.

He was a little hesitant to drink from the coffee you had made because he didn't know how you would react to his intrusion, so he decided to move to the other side of the kitchen where the drawers were and grab the first cereal to be found.

“You can have some of that coffee,” you spoke to him suddenly, resuming your movements and he could barely turn to look at you over his shoulder. “Clint did it.”

Bucky followed your eyes moving all over the instance, anywhere but on his, and even though he felt he'd had a year to prepare for this, it seemed completely insufficient: nothing would have prepared him to ever again hear your nonchalant voice directed at him the way you spoke to him before you decided to become a couple. Bucky thought that those years had been buried in the back of his head, that the situation you were going through wouldn't bring back memories he preferred to keep hidden, but thinking about doing it was easier than actually doing it.

He moved his body almost groaningly until he was back in front of the coffee pot next to you. Hearing you talking to him like that had knocked his mood to the floor. He wasn't too high either, that mission was both physically and mentally exhausting, but he was more relieved to be back at the Complex.

“I didn't see you this week,” you spoke again as Bucky thought you were about to leave the kitchen. He moved his head to look at you, his expression indescribable, you could barely describe him as dumbfounded and bewildered.

Bucky mumbled a few words before responding. “I was on a mission. Far away.”

“Mhm,” you hummed in response, and Bucky nearly melted at the sound. Even though he recognized your demeanor, because that was how you acted before when you wanted to get information out of him or when talking to someone you suspected was hiding something from you, he couldn't help but rejoice at finding little gestures that made him reminisce about the good times he had with you.

With more encouragement, Bucky poured his black coffee under the umbrella of your expectant indifference.

“How have the others been?”

He moved to stand in front of you with the cup in his hands, and could notice how subtly your shoulders slumped a little. He couldn't define whether in calm or ennui.

“It's been… complicated.”

“Are they very insistent?”

You turned your head to look at him, and Bucky nearly choked on the sip of coffee he'd taken. He thought you'd keep visually ignoring him and not turn to look at him like he was a life preserver in the middle of the ocean.

“They're horrible,” you barely whispered, your head bobbing closer in complicity. Far gone was your mask of coldness the moment you found someone to complain to about how terrifying those weeks at the Complex had been. “I feel like I can't move my hair without having someone behind me asking me if I want my hair combed for me or if I was moving it because I had a headache. Anything I do is over-analyzed and that's so…ugh, so frustrating.”

Bucky definitely didn't expect you to spew all those words in front of him, but he did understand how overwhelmed you must be and mentally berated himself for agreeing to you having visitors from the moment you arrived. His idea was that you would have time to clear your thoughts and to adjust to that new place on your own, but somehow the team managed to convince him to let them in from time to time to greet you because being alone too much all of a sudden wasn't good for your sanity.

He should have known better knowing how clingy and pushy his teammates were.

When he was around you, they behaved, but they seemed to pretty much take advantage of the times when he wasn't around to behave as they pleased.

“I hate being treated like I'm a piece of glass. I understand well what happened and its aftermath and that it affected them too much, but I can still live peacefully without needing them to do things for me. I'm not incapacitated or anything like that.”

“I understand.”

Wow, Bucky, couldn't you have said something much more interesting?

“I'm fine,” you continued speaking as Bucky noticed how your eyes were lost in the distance in the kitchen. “I really feel fine. But they're always on me like trying to convince me otherwise and talking about my memories every other time.”

Bucky furrowed his brow and suddenly felt the sting in his chest from anger. There was only so much Bucky had in life to control his temper and that was you. With anything else, Bucky was nothing but walking indifference. He didn't care about the fights the others on the team had, he didn't care about the decisions that had to be made, he didn't care about what the majority chose, he didn't care about the discussions about the rooms when they had to stay in hotels. But when it came to you, there was no stormo chaser that could withstand his tempestuous attitude.

The limit was that the others could get angry, fight and argue about whatever they felt like, but the moment that started to affect you, Bucky didn't hesitate to step up and shut them all up. That was one of the reasons he was the leader of the mission most of the time. It was easy to recognize his leadership ability, even if he tried to hide it through that window of indifference. He was very objective when it came to making tough decisions and was very capable of organizing whatever chaos had been created around him.

And, at that moment, Bucky felt he had reached his limit. He had let himself be convinced by the team to bring you here to carry out your recovery contrary to what he had thought of leaving you in the city with one of your closest friends that you remembered very well; and then he had let himself be convinced to let them invade your space when it was clear that they were not going to know how to behave around you and would overwhelm you just like they did in the hospital.

Bucky couldn't understand how he could have made such bad decisions about you. He felt he had completely failed you as your husband by not giving you a truly safe place in which to heal.

“I'll tell them not to come back,” Bucky told you after a few seconds in silence and your blank stare focused on his suddenly elated face.

“What?”

Bucky met your gaze. “This wasn't the way I wanted you to spend your recovery, and it's certainly not the way you should spend it. You should be calm, but I don't see that happening. I'm sorry.”

You watched his face, transfixed. Bucky looked quizzical for a few seconds at your dumbfounded stare and no response. His eyes moved around your face trying to figure out if he had said something wrong… until it all clicked in his head.

You didn't remember.

Yes, it seemed stupid because he'd been living with that thought all last year, but apparently he had to remind himself. For a moment, he had gotten so lost, not only in the familiarity of your ramblings and gestures, but also in the annoyance and self-reproach, that he had forgotten for a few measly minutes that you didn't remember. You didn't remember that protective side of him. You didn't remember how much he loved to sit and listen to you talk about others, good things or bad things. You didn't remember how much it made him angry when other people made you the least bit uncomfortable or angry. You didn't remember the way he showed that appreciation, that love for you.

That attitude Bucky was giving you was completely new to you. Surely it was like seeing a different person. Bucky mentally cringed at the thought that you must be thinking of him as a jerk who acted like a teenager and said hurtful things just for the fun of it.

At that moment, he would have liked to take more time when you were in the hospital to talk to you, so he could get to know you and you could see that he was different and not the same person he was six years ago. But at that time he felt so scared. Just the memory of your face contorting when he had told you he was your husband still sent shivers down his spine.

One thing he couldn't deny was that he had lived constantly, even up to that moment, in fear of rejection. When you had reacted that way that time at the hospital, Bucky had at first turned away in fear. But then he had tried to be nice to you, as if nothing had happened. However, he could tell that it was much more strange for you to see the flowers on the table in the room or to have him bring you lunch because the hospital food was so simple. It seemed that no matter what he did, that reluctant expression on your face would not go away.

Then, he stopped trying. He would only show up in your room when you were sleeping, in the daytime or at night, and when everyone gathered for the doctor's checkup. Bucky didn't know how to get back into your life and the very idea was driving him to the brink of panic again. So he tried to have that moment of enlightenment again, but all he got in response was that maybe he should continue to keep his distance.

At that point, Bucky didn't know what to do. It wasn't your fault to react that way because it wasn't what you remembered about him, that wasn't wrong. He felt again that incessant need to pull away and go back to watching over you from a distance, because the look you had given him was so similar to the others that it was scary. Too scary. The possibility that he could never get back even half of what you two had before danced around him like a taunt. The ring on his ring finger too heavy to bear.

“Thank you…? I think,” you replied at last, but without changing the quizzical look on your face.

“I'll talk to Steve,” Bucky announced, a little more impassively than he had planned, and took the cup tightly in his hands with the thought in his head to get out of the kitchen so he wouldn't keep invading your space.

He felt your gaze follow him until he was near the living room.

“Hey, wait.”

He heard your footsteps following him and planted his feet on the floor. He gave you a questioning look over his shoulder, waiting for you to say something. Bucky watched you move from side to side, shifting your weight on your legs, a clear sign of your nervousness. When you looked directly at the contents of your cup instead of his eyes as you spoke, he couldn't help a small smile.

“I'm sorry about that. It's just… This is too weird for me. I wish I could get close and talk to you because that's what my body wants, but my head keeps me alert and defensive when you're around. What I remember about you is not…”

You cocked your head and twisted your lips. Bucky thought that had been the kindest way to describe it.

“You don't have to apologize.”

“But I do have to!” you exclaimed, scowling at him. “It's been a year and you've been nothing but kind to me. You've given me space and time, unlike others-”

Bucky nodded strongly at your words.

“-but I've given you nothing in return.”

He relaxed his features, letting the tension dissipate away from his body. He momentarily pushed away his worries and negative possibilities because you stood there in front of him with such a contrite expression on your face that it caused him physical pain.

“You don't owe me anything, Y/N, okay? What I do I do because I want to, not because I'm expecting anything in return from you. If you feel like you need another week before you talk to me, that's fine, take it. If you feel it's a month, six months, a year, it doesn't matter. Take as much time as you need. Either way, anytime, you know where to find me. I'm not going anywhere.”

Bucky hadn't missed the journey of emotions that roared across your face and he was genuinely happy about it. It had been a while since he had seen you feel not only comfortable but joyful around him, that he had begun to think that those moments would only live on in his memory from now on. But, perhaps, that might not have been the case…

“Thank you, Bucky,” you murmured after sighing, and if Bucky hadn't been so attentive to you he surely would have missed it. Along with the small smile you gave him that would be enough to keep his sanity afloat for the rest of the month.

You saw him give you a small nod and then begin to walk away, leaving as the sun's rays began to appear through the living room window. A strange feeling settled in your chest, and it seemed like a turf battle was taking place between your reluctance to accept that Bucky had changed and that you two had taken your relationship four levels higher than expected, and this new feeling that was akin to hope. You could barely recognize it.

You didn't know how you were going to begin to deal with the reality that you were married to Bucky, but you suddenly felt a little less afraid to know the history of the decisions that had brought you to this point.

You remembered the wedding ring that was tucked away in your nightstand drawer and how it shone just as brightly as the one you saw on Bucky's finger. Maybe you felt a little closer to being ready to start dealing with it.

[dearmantis]

I have no time for confession

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/The Darkling x Durast!Reader

Summary: After waking up you're forced to meet with the General, hoping that he will believe your hastily made up lies.

Warnings: drowning, manipulation (?)

Word Count: 4k

Authors' Note: I am no longer sick! I mean I am but I'm feeling better, so I was able to write a bit :) The title is from the fruits by Paris Paloma. I'm still no native English speaker and this still isn't really proofread but here it finally is, part two for Does he know that I'm falling. Who knows when I'll be able to get part 3 out but I promise, the story isn't over yet, I'm just slow at everything

Part 1 | Series Masterlist

You dream of drowning.

You've dreamed of it before. Of waves crashing over your head as you try desperately to keep your head over water, ice cold liquid sucking the last bits of warmth out of your body. There's chaos around you, inside of you, as you feel the waves trying to pull you under, crush your ribs, rip your muscles apart with their pure, ancient strength.

But the dream that haunts you today is not this one. There's no familiarity, no moment where your brain catches up to your dream, forcing you to realize that the things you're seeing, smelling, hearing are false images, that you're safe.

In this dream there's no ocean. There are no waves throwing you around like a leaf. No, there's just you, a bridge, a calm, deep river, and heavy chains that drag you down no matter how much you try to fight your way up to the surface.

There is no panic either, just silent acceptance of the cruel end you will find, and a single slither of hope, somewhere deeply buried in your chest where not even a Heartrender could find and take it from you.

The chains are heavy and sharp, cutting into your neck and wrists as they pull you down. You know they're made of iron, a metal easy to shape and move around, but you can't get your hands to move, can't get your fingers to wrap around the metal so you can quickly pull them apart.

Heartbeat hammering in your ears you try again, desperate to free yourself, lungs screaming for air while your chest feels like its sinking in on itself. There's still no panic, oddly enough. Just pain. So much pain. It feels like your entire chest cavity is on fire, like a burning piece of coal and a few knife blades found their way into your lungs and are ripping and burning you from the inside. Your vision begins to blur and your chained body becomes weaker and weaker. Because of the pain, because of the coldness of the water, it doesn't matter.

You lift your head in a silent prayer to the saints towards the surface but all you see is clear water, a grey sky and the bridge you got pushed off from, now filled with people watching you drown.

When instinct takes over and your brain forces your mouth open to breathe you feel the ice cold river water enter your lungs and your eyes finally rip open.

Hand clutching your chest you fall out of your bed, kneeling on the cold wooden floor of your room in the Little Palace as your lungs greedily take in air, fingers digging so deeply into the fabric of your sleepwear that you can feel the muscles cramping.

You stay like that for a while, desperately trying to calm your breathing, before fully laying down on the floor in hopes of cooling your hot skin down a bit. Heartbeat too quick for you to count you notice an almost hollow feeling in your chest. Coughing in hopes of easing the weird sensation you ask yourself for just a second if a Heartrender is messing with you before shaking your head. It's quiet in the Little Palace and dark in your room, the only light source being the halfway filled moon and stars hanging high in the night sky. Even the worst of the Corporalki would not stay awake that long just to torture a Durast.

You're still shaking like a leaf when your breathing finally slows down, slowly lifting yourself back up to your knees, then your feet. For a while you sit on the mattress of your bed, eyes glued to the ground before you finally decide that your heartbeat has slowed enough as well, the hollowness in your chest disappearing.

Standing up on weak legs, the adrenaline dispersed during your nightmare finally disappearing fully, you stretch for a few seconds before turning to the window, just to scare yourself half to death again, leaping half a metre into the air, hand clutching your chest once again.

A shadowy figure is standing right in front of your window, breath showing on the class as they stare into your room, face hidden by the shadow cast by the moonlight. Your breath is shaky as you start to contemplate if you should look for a weapon or rather scream for a guard when the figure lifts a hand and knocks at your window with a wooden staff.

For a few seconds your breathing stops, your body fully freezing, before a quiet groan escapes your lips. Shaking your head lightly you walk over to the window to open it.

This isn't a Drüskelle who somehow entered the grounds of the Little Palace. In fact, that might be preferable. No, this is the woman you probably know better than your own mother.

The literal last person in all of Ravka you want to see, especially after you just woke up from a longer than planned nap to sleep off the effects of the forbidden science.

As soon as you open the window she's already hitting you with her staff once, twice, three times while saying - hissing, really - "You stupid, stupid child! Of course it was you! Nobody else in all of Ravka is stupid enough."

She pushes you to the side before throwing her staff through your window onto your bed. Then she climbs into your room, angrily huffing and puffing as she pushes her way through the window until she's finally standing safely on your wooden floor. You have thought about helping her but you didn't want to risk her hitting you again. The old woman has never taken kindly to people getting too close into her own personal space and you don't want to risk getting hit even more.

"I basically raised you and you do this? Betray me like this?"

Your heart sinks as you watch her grab her staff and sit down on your mattress, hands resting on the top of the wooden walking aid. The tone in her voice doesn't just sound mad, she sounds genuinely hurt and you're not sure what you're supposed to do about it, what she expects.

You didn't know that she cared about you like that. Saints know she never actually showed these feelings to you. She has never been kind to you, or anyone else for that matter.

"What are you talking about, Baghra?" You ask carefully, choosing to sit down on your desk chair across from the bed. You feel safer here, despite the fact that your room is so small that you're still in perfect hitting range for the old woman.

"Your stupid experiments, child. Did you really think I didn't know what you're doing?" She lifts an eyebrow, her dark brown eyes starring into yours unblinkingly, daring you to deny it, to lie directly into her face.

You don't, because she's right. She did basically raise you, just like she had done with the other problem grisha children who made slower progress, who fell behind and didn't really fit as seamlessly as Kirigan would like. You can lie to other Grisha, even the General, but you can't lie to the person who taught you lying. Nobody knows your tells the way she does.

"How did you know?" You ask instead, refusing to deny it but also choosing not to reveal what exactly you have done, how far you've come.

Baghra shakes her head, grey hair falling freely around her head. Usually it's always tied up. It's weird to see her like this. She looks tired and vulnerable in a way that you don't like. It only makes this talk worse. She looks like a real person now. A real, exhausted, hurt human being, not like the untouchable, unbothered almost saint she usually presents herself as.

"I knew that you would only bring more problems the second I laid eyes on you for the first time, child. You asked too many questions, always took the bullying from the Heartrenders too personally, tried too desperately to find new ways to use your powers." Her gaze hardens, fingers tightening around her staff. "I knew, if any of the children in the Little Palace would be tempted by Merzost it would be you, and here we are. I was right, like always."

You stare at her for a few seconds, heartbeat deafeningly loud in your ears. As soon as the word Merzost left the lips of your old teacher you felt your stomach drop into the void. Taking a shaky breath you fold your hands, fingers intertwined with each other, before trying to find your voice.

"But how did you know that I summoned it today? That's why you're here, right? I've been planning for today's experiment for months, researched Merzost quietly behind everyone's backs for years. Not once did you talk or even look at me. Not once did you try to warn or protect me."

Slowly you feel anger push it's way up your throat, past the fear that still has a tight hold on your heart. The frustration and the still present loud heartbeat messing with your hearing making it hard to form logical thoughts, to actually think about what you're saying and what the consequences of your words could be before you're already speaking. "You didn't care at all. If I was dumber I would be dead now, ripped apart by the magic I summoned and you would not have cared. Now you sit here and act like you care. Like the years I spend practicing with you meant anything to you even though we both know that's not true."

You're loosing your composure, the last bits of your usually controlled nature slipping through your fingers like sand. There's still some part of you that knows that what you're about to say next is stupid and over the line and you can only pray to the saints that this won't be a point of no return as you stand up and grab one of the many folders from your desk, filled with old project sketches you made when you were still a bright eyed child that believed all the lies from the older Materialki, about how people will listen and help you turn your ideas into reality.

Turning back to the woman you look at her one more time, eyes sharp and cold like the blade of a knife. "I appreciate that you chose to at least try to act like you give a shit now that you know that I have the potential to master Merzost but please do me and everyone else here a favor and stop. We all know that we could be brutally murdered right in front of you and you would not care. You have no heart and no kindness or love in that old body of yours, so stop acting like you do. It makes you look pathetic."

Before she gets a chance to answer you rip open the door to your room and walk out, falling into a light jog and then a sprint as soon as you're around a corner, only returning to a normal walking speed when you're close to the generals quarters. You know he's awake, you've checked about three times during your quick run just to make sure, but you're still nervous.

Everything seems to be darker since you woke up from your nightmare and you can't get the fear out of your chest anymore, no matter how hard you try. It's like a part of your heart disappeared when you summoned the Merzost and the pure, unadulterated panic that has accompanied you since then has taken residency there.

If one of the Corporalki saw you shaking like this they would never let you live it down, making fun of you for months despite the fact that everyone is at least a bit scared of the General, even the Heartrenders and stoic Oprichniki, his clear favorites. Kirigan still bothers to try and charm them, and even the Etheralki get some love from him. Only the Materialki don't get that treatment. You exist to make the things he asks for while staying out of his eyesight as much as possible. And without his charm there's only fear and respect in your heart for the man.

Your hands are shaking horribly when you finally fully stop and kneel down on the cold floor, laying the folder out in front of you. One more turn left and a few steps straight and you will be at the generals quarters. It's time to decide which old project of yours you will present to the Shadow Summoner as your current passion project. Which lie you will feed him.

The folder you grabbed is full with older sketches and plans, some of them from when you were only a child. A fond smile paints itself onto your lips despite your stress as you look though the ideas, a faint feeling of nostalgia and grief making itself noticeable in your chest as you notice all the little doodles and drawings you used to ad to your sketches back then. Little rabbits and birds, squirrels and other animals and flowers covered the empty spaces of every paper.

You used to be so happy. What happened to you?

Finally you find one of your more detailed and complicated ideas from that time, a several pages long concept for a smoke bomb from when you were thirteen or fourteen. A quiet, satisfied hum leaves your lips as you look through the sketches and descriptions, making sure to pull out all the pages before getting back up on your feet and hiding the rest of the folder behind a curtain.

The pages are as professional as they could be, devoid of the little animals you have drawn on every other page and idea in the folder. You wanted to present it to your teachers, you remember, so you made sure to keep every page clean and organized.

Your mind wanders back in time as you get back into movement, stepping around the corner, the Generals quarters now in sight. A Corporalki child made fun of the idea, you remember. His name was Georg. He died two years ago during a conflict at the Fjerdan border.

The memory of that rude boy ripping your plans out of your hands, jumping up and down while he loudly read out your ideas, one of his stupid friends keeping your body under his control while they all made jokes about how stupid the idea was and how it was no wonder that it got rejected fills your mind like thick pudding as you nod at the Oprichniki standing in front of the door. He responds by turning and knocking on the door for you before stepping aside so you can enter the room.

General Kirigans voice sounds oddly tired as he calls you inside. To be fair, as a Durast you only really see him when he comes down to the workshops to demand new weapons. Maybe this heavy, almost raspy tone is actually normal for him and you just didn't know.

Your hands shake as you push the door open and you immediately begin to look through the room, fully aware that you will probably never see these quarters ever again. The Darkling let's you, silently watching as you take it all in before smiling softly when your eyes finally meet his.

"Moi soverenyi" You whisper almost, bowing quickly. "I'm sorry to disturb you this late."

Eyes glued to the dark wooden floor you don't see the expression he's making but you can hear his quiet chuckle. It's probably supposed to assure you that he's not upset but you can feel the sound resonating in your bones. Nothing about the sensation has a calming effect on you and you're suddenly very aware of how dark it is in the office, lit only by a handful of candles spread throughout the room. Their warm light creates long shadows that tower over you along the walls, large beasts that move in tune with the flickering of the candles. The curtains behind the desk the General is sitting at are open, letting the darkness of the night seep into the room. You ask yourself if Baghra is out there, hidden in the void of the night, watching as you carefully balance on your tightrope made of hastily made up lies above an infinity of nothingness, praying to every saint you know that you will somehow be able to trick the man who controls the darkness.

"I asked you to come as soon as you're awake, don't worry. I'm glad that you obeyed my command." The general finally says, voice still oddly quiet but less raspy now. Your eyes find him again, sitting at his dark wood desk covered in so many documents that it almost overwhelms you, and reaches out with a hand. First you're confused what he wants until you clench your hand a bit too tight and hear the paper in your hands protest quietly.

"Oh!" Quickly moving towards the desk you give the plans over, clearing your dry throat quietly before you begin to clumsily explain what the sketches show. "These are plans for a smoke bomb. At first it might look like the smoke bombs that are already in use but this one is different. The mechanism at the bottom is what makes it special."

A smile finds it's way onto your lips as you watch your General look over the plans and you feel like you're back in your thirteen year old body, presenting the plans to your teachers. The darkness around you still scares you but your passion for your work shines like a light in your soul. "If you turn the base, the smoke can change colour. Of course, that only works if the bomb isn't activated yet. The turning of the base adds pigment to the chemicals in the main body of the grenade responsible for the smoke. The plans I just gave you are for a grenade that can change colour to blue, red and purple."

Your grin wavers slightly. This is the part where your teacher shook his head and threw your plans in the trash for you to dig out, loudly exclaiming how stupid the idea is and how clear it is that you have never seen battle. "The coloured smoke could help hide the exact location of Grisha. That way it could be harder for Drüskelle weapons to find their target. If a Drüskelle sees a kefta, they know to aim at the middle and then slightly up to hit a Grishas head. If the kefta blends into the smoke, they don't know where to aim."

Clearing your throat again you speak again, just to fill the heavy, all consuming silence in the room, the General still busy reading your notes and looking over your plans. "Of course, I could also make special smoke grenades with green or brown smoke for the first army, grey for the Oprichniki, or black for... for you, moi soverenyi."

You take the stutter as a sign from the saints to shut your mouth and instead choose to watch him look through the few pages. His dark eyes scan every page, read every note and you can see that he's actually trying to understand the sketches, clearly rereading a few passages to make sure that he takes in every piece of information available to him. You can't lie, the attention he gifts your drawings makes you feel valued, important. The effect will most likely disappear as soon as you leave his quarters again but right now you feel like you could actually matter. Not because of the magic you summoned mere hours ago but because of your mind and your mind alone.

When the General finally looks at you again he nods, quick and simple. "The idea is good. Good enough to make me question why you have to work on it in the early hours before dawn."

Your voice gives out completely when you try to answer, heat rising to your face in shame as the General smiles almost fondly at you and reaches over to give you his glass of water.

"Oh, no. I couldn't- I couldn't possibly-" You try to reject, but he stays persistent and simply looks at you, halfway filled glass of water still held out to you until you finally take it and drink. After placing the glass back down on the table you speak again.

"I presented it to my teachers a few years ago but it got rejected. All of my projects and ideas get rejected. That's why I've decided to hide in the last hours of the night and the beginning of morning to work on my ideas. I found this one a few weeks ago in my room and I've been working on correcting and improving it since."

That sounds plausible, right? As close to the truth as possible with only the most important information, just like Baghra always warns.

Sympathy is clearly visible in the Generals dark eyes, warm and comforting like the hug of a close friend, and you ask yourself how you could've ever been scared of this man. Where did the terror coursing through your veins come from when you met him in the hallways last morning? Why have you ever been scared of this man?

"I'm very sorry to hear that. I assumed the Materialki Order would know better than to dismiss a talent like you but I must've been wrong. Your idea is smart. The smoke grenades currently in use have a hard time hiding the colourful keftas, which is why the second army doesn't have much use for them. This could be helpful."

You beam at him, the smile on your lips so big it almost hurts.

"I will request that you're removed from your current team to give you all the time you need to make a few prototypes. If those convince me I will allow you to create a team that will help you make your grenades." The General says, voice soft and joyful, as if your own happiness infected him. He holds your plans out for you to take before holding out other hand for you to shake.

You do so, carefully placing your hand in his before shaking it, but when you try to let go his own grip tightens. His gaze is intense as it meets your own once more, like he's trying to look into your very soul. Like he's waiting for you to break and offer up every single one of your secrets. It's unnerving, scary even, but before fear can truly find it's hold on your soul once again like it did this morning he lets go, smiling kindly as if the last ten seconds never happened. It's disorienting and you can't form any coherent thoughts until you're out of his office, stumbling back to your room like an idiot, picking up the rest of your folder on the way.

Removed from your current team. Will that give you more time to experiment with merzost? Or will every waking hour now be filled with thoughts about a project you haven't worked on in years? He didn't give you a deadline yet. If it stays that way, you might be able to work on both projects at the same time.

Baghra is long gone when you finally enter your small room, the window closed, suggesting she probably walked out of the Little Palace like a normal person instead of climbing out. The shame you feel at the way you ran out of the room after accusing her of not caring for anyone almost suffocates you, but you don't regret your words. These thoughts have been haunting you for years, this idea that nobody would care if you perished. You know that most Materialki feel this way, know that all the bullying inside of your Order is simply insecurity born from the treatment the Fabrikators receive from the other two Orders, but you can't stop yourself from taking it personally.

This deep, all consuming feeling of worthlessness whispered into your soul by the others is the reason why you started researching the forbidden science. It's what pushed you to do all of this, and Baghra had a hand in creating it. You can't blame yourself for blowing up in her face, you just wish you did it on a different day and in a different way.

Part 3 - For I'm too busy committing sins

Taglist: @shawty-writes-a-little @dreamlandcreations @snowkestrel

[babeydollx]

can you make a fic about the scene in season 2 where sarah gets shot by rafe and john b takes her to that doctor or whatever and she almost dies and all.

except y/n is sarah?

this scene was heartbreaking 🥺😭

Prayers

Warnings: cursing, angst, violence, shooting, Rafe shooting Y/N, Y/N almost kind of dies, just some heartbreaking shit

Pairings: John B Routledge x Female Cameron Reader

Summary: After you, John B, Cleo, Stubbs, and Terrance make a plan to get the gold it all goes into motion smoothly until Rafe shoots you.

Scene: S.2 E.2: The Heist and S.2 E.3: Prayers

Word Count: 4k (ik this is so long lmao)

a/n: ugh this scene was heartbreaking, it made me cry.

This is seen from Y/N's POV and John B's POV.

John B Routledge Masterlist | OBX Masterlist | Navigation

© Maybanks-Luver, please do not steal or translate my work

(gif credit to @tweedlydumbtweedlydoo)

John B and I slowly crept around  trying to get the gold back. We had came up with this plan with Cleo and her friends. Since Rafe and Ward came down to the Bahamas to get the gold back home, you all decided that now was your chance. 

Cleo and Terrance were dressed up as construction workers and were up blocking the road for when they would come and you and John B were hiding. The two of you watched Ward and Rafe drive up and stop in front of them. Terrance waved the orange flag when they came up, telling them to stop.

"Come on. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go." You could hear Terrance say to Cleo. 

"What's going on?" Ward asked as you and John B stayed back with your faces covered, watching everything happening.

"Sorry." Terrance said. 

"Road's closed. Nobody coming through!" Cleo said. 

"Well, can you let just one truck through?" Ward asked. "We just... we kinda gotta get through today. We got a delivery that-" Cleo then cut Ward off.

"I don't think so. Sinkhole. Massive." Cleo said as she walked over to the passengers side of the truck where Rafe was. 

"I'm begging you guys, if-" Before Ward could finish, Terrance pulled out a gun and pointed it at Ward. 

"Let me see your hands." Terrance said. 

"Don't do anything stupid." Cleo said as she put her knife to Rafe's throat. 

"Get out. Easy." Terrance said as he and Cleo made Ward and Rafe get out of the truck. 

"Listen to your papa." Cleo said as Rafe got out of the car.

"Everything nice and easy." Terrance said. "This is what we'll do. You're gonna walk to the sign. You'll put those signs on the side for me. You go to that sign. You go to that sign." Terrance said as he held the gun to Ward, forcing him to walk over to the large barrels with the signs in front of them.

"Move the damn sign." Terrance said. Ward did so and moved the sign, putting it to the side of the road. "You too buddy. Put it on the side of the road." Terrance said to Rafe. Rafe did the same thing, grabbing the sign and tossing it to the side of the road.

"Right over there." Cleo said.

"Go to the barrel." Terrance said. Ward did as he was told. "Put the barrel to the side of the road. Put the barrels on the side." Terrance said as Ward picked up the barrel and threw it on the side of the road. 

"Throw another barrel and I'll blow your damn head off." Terrance said to Ward. You and John B still watched quietly, waiting for the time. 

"Take two steps back. Easy! Get on your knees!" Terrance said to them. Rafe and Ward both had their hands up as they did as they were told. 

"On the ground. Come on!" Cleo said to Rafe and practically forced him to his knees. 

"Put your hands up." Terrance said.

"Who are you?" Ward asked.

"Kiss the ground." Terrance said.

"Who are you?" Ward asked again. 

"I'm the Royal Commission for the redistribution of wealth. Kiss the ground." Terrance said. Ward finally did as he was told.

"You guys are idiots. Our escorts are right behind us." Rafe said. 

"A wise guy, huh?" Cleo asked. 

"Okay. It's time to go." John B whispered to you. 

"Go! Go! Hurry!" Terrance yelled to the two of you. The two of you ran out of your hiding spot and ran for the truck. "Go! Hurry! Hurry!" Terrance yelled to you both again. As Ward was laying on the ground, he peeked over to see who Terrance was yelling at and saw you with John B. His eyes widened slightly and he started to get up slightly.

"Y/N?" Ward said.

"Get down!" Terrance yelled at Ward. 

"Y/N! You're alive!" Ward yelled. You ran to the passengers seat of the truck and pulled your mask down then finally looked over at your father. "Baby! You're alive!" Ward yelled again. Ward got up and was about to run over to you.

"Don't talk to her! Stay down!" Cleo yelled.

"Stay back." John B said. 

"Hey! Stay down!" Cleo yelled again.

"Y/N! You're alive!" Ward yelled once more, overjoyed. 

"Do not talk to her!" Cleo yelled.

"I love you, baby!" Ward yelled as Terrance grabbed him and put the gun to him again. "I love you, baby! I can't believe it!" Ward yelled.

"Stay down!" Cleo yelled at him again. John B then pulled out his gun and pointed it towards Ward as you stayed behind John B. 

"Stay back." John B said getting ready to put his finger on the trigger.

"No! No, no!" Terrance yelled as Ward was yelling and crying for you as well.

"Stay right there! Stop!" John B yelled. As this was happening, Rafe had got up and pulled his gun out, pointing it at you both.

"Hey!" Rafe yelled.

"No!" Terrance yells. Rafe fires the gun as Cleo smacks it out of his hand. Cleo then pointed the gun at Rafe as Terrance his Ward on the back of the head with the gun. 

"We gotta go." John B says to you. You got into the truck, kind of having a hard time. John B got into the drivers seat. John B then drives off as Rafe and Ward yell at the two of you. You knew that Terrance and Cleo would be following the two of you.

"Shit, they're coming. Shit." John B said as he tried to drive the truck faster. You look back to see how close they are to you guys. "Come on. It's too heavy, Y/N. The gold's weighing us down." John B said. 

"Is there anyway to make this thing go faster?" You asked. 

"I'm going as fast as this hunk of shit can go. Hold on!" John B said.

"What?!" You asked. John B grunted as he turned the truck, almost flipping it over as he did so. You both ended up loosing the people that were following you. You sat there and put your hands on your head and then breathed out. John B then drove both of you into a field of tall grass, the truck stopping.  John B looked around and then looked behind him to see if they followed you and he smiled.

"Y/N, we got the gold. Y/N, we did it. We did it. Oh my god." John B said. As he said so, you started to feel a terrible pain in your stomach and looked down. You then saw that there was a hole in your jeans, the fabric around the hole soaked in blood.

You lifted your hand up to look at it and saw blood on your fingers. John B then looked over at you. 

"I'm shot." You managed to get out. John B quickly pulled his bandana off of his neck . You were whimpering.

"Uh. I need you to push down, okay? Look, this is going to hurt, but I need you to push down." John B said as he put the banda on your bullet wound and pushed down. You gasped loudly as he did so.

"I'm sorry." He said as you whimpered and whined, tears filling your eyes. "I know it hurts. We've gotta stop the bleeding." He said. "Push down. Push down. Look, we gotta take this shirt off." He said trying to stay calm.

"I'm going to push down. You take the shirt off." He said. You whimpered and started to cry as you took the shirt off. " Okay, here you go." He said. "Okay. Okay, lean back. Lean back." He said as he got you to lean back.

"Just stay as still as possible." He said to you as you tried to breathe deeply. "I'm gonna call Terrance." John B said as he dialed in his number. You then herd Terrance pick up.

"Did you get the gold?" Terrance asked.

"Hey, look, we got it." John B said. 

"All right!" Terrance yelled.

"You did it!" You herd Cleo yell.

"We got it, but listen, we have bigger problems. Y/N's been shot." John B said.

"What?!" You herd Terrance say.

"Yes, she's been shot in the gut. I need your help. We're up in the cane field, a mile up on the left." John B said. He finished his phone call with Terrance after he tried to tell him where he was. You panted as your hand was now covered in blood as you tried to keep the bandana pressed down on your wound. 

"Help is on the way, okay? Just stay with me." John B said. Terrance and Cleo found both of you and pulled into the spot. As they were, John B got you out of the car. You wrapped your arm around his shoulder and he got his hand around your waist as he helped you walk over to them.

"Shit!" Cleo said as she got out of the car and ran over to help you.

"I just texted you an address of a doctor! Tell him I sent you!" Terrance said. 

"Okay, it's a hospital, right?" John B asked as him and Cleo helped you into the white truck that Cleo and Terrance arrived in.

"No. You wanna get caught?" Terrance asked.

"I really don't give a shit, T. She needs help." John B said. 

"He's better than any of the doctors in that shitcan. He's my guy. He got ya." Terrance said as he walked over to you. 

"Y/N, look, you gon' be okay. Okay, baby? Just breathe, relax. Everything's good." Terrance said to you as he held your hand. "We're gonna meet at the wharf in eight hours. No more. It is hot as hell out there." Terrance said to John B.

"My guy's good. He's gonna take take of you." Terrance said to you as you fought off tears. 

"And this is him, right?" John B asked as he showed Terrance on his phone. 

"That's him. He got you. He's a good guy." Terrance said as he let go of your hand and you finally began to cry a little.

"T? Thank you." You said as you stuttered and fought for air slightly.

"We good, baby." Terrance said to you. 

"Hey, hey. You're gonna need some money." Cleo said as he gave John B the money. "John B, take care of my girl. Y/N! You're a fighter, girl. Hold on! Hold on!" Cleo said to you as she ran away from the truck window before hitting the hood a few times. " Go! Go! Go! Go!" Cleo yelled. John B drove sped off. 

"What if they... what if they take the gold?" You managed to get out.

"Look, screw the gold okay? I'll take care of you. We'll get you to the doctor." John B said. You herd the GPS say that the doctor was 4 miles away. You whimpered and all you could focus on was how much pain you were in. 

"Hey, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay." John B said as he tried to go faster. "I'm just gonna follow this GPS, okay?" He said as you whimpered. "Just hang on. Everything's gonna be fine." He said as you began to cry more. The GPS began to give instructions again but, he dropped his phone on the floor as he was trying to drive. 

"Shit.." He mumbled. "Shit! I need the directions." He said as he was trying to grab his phone while trying to focus on the road and drive. You groaned and whimpered. "Y/N, it's okay. It's okay." He said to you as he tried to grab his phone.

"John B, car!" You yelled when he almost drove into another car, trying to grab his phone. 

"Shit!" He yelled and quickly swerved, missing the car. You began to start sobbing loudly now, you gave up on trying to keep your composure. John B finally grabbed his phone off of the truck floor and looked at it quickly to see the destination. 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

~ JOHN B'S POV ~

We finally get to where we were suppose to be and I park. "Hold on, Y/N. I'm coming." I say as I get out of the truck before running around to her side to help her out. "Here we go. I got you, okay?" I said as I wrap her arm around my shoulders.

"Okay. Ready? Let's go." I said as I help her out of the car. She groaned as she got out. "I got you. I got you. I got you." I repeat quietly as we began to walk. "Do you guys know where the doctor is?" I ask some of the people sitting.

"In there." The man says. 

"Thank you." She manages to get out. We go to where we need to be and I begin to press the button for the buzzer. I keep pressing it over and over again before hitting the wall a few times. "Come on!" I yell slightly.

"Yeah, what do you want?" The man says through the speaker.

"I'm looking for Dr. Nygard." I say.

"Dr. Nygard's not here." The man says. 

"Okay, well, do you know where I can find him?" I ask. 

"Who are you?" The man asks.

"I'm a friend of Terrance's. Okay, look, somebody's been shot." I said.

"Aw, hell." The man says. "There's a camera above to your left. Look at it and let me see your faces." The man says. Her and I both look up at the camera. "All right, go through the bar. There's some stairs on the right." The man says.

"Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Let's go." I said. I once again help her to get inside. "Doc!" I yell.

"Bring her in here!" The man from the speaker yells.

"Doc, where are you?!" I yell.

"Here! Right here!" The doctor yells. We get over to the stairs to see a man with gray hair and glasses standing at the top of the steps.

"Hey! Hey!" I yell.

" Yeah, come on. Oh!" The doctor yells. "It's not her head, is it?" The doctor asks.

"No, it's not her head. Come on, Y/N." I say. 

"I don't do heads." The man says. 

"You're good. You got two more. Two more steps." I say to her as she groans. 

"Whoa. Whoa." The man says as he sees her wound. There is blood on her hand, blood covering the right side of her shorts and blood running down her right leg. The doctor tells me where to bring her and I do as I am told.

"Where do you want me to put her, Doc?" I ask as we get inside.

"Take her straight down the hallway here." The doctor says. "Damn! She's in worse shape than I am." The doctor says. "Put her put on that table, right there." He says. I put her down on the table and she whimpers loudly.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I say to her. She whimpers and her eyes begin to close. "Stay with me. Stay with me." I say to her. "Tell me what to do, Doc." I say. The doctor pulls some rubber gloves on and then gets ready.

"Let's have a look at this thing." He says as he unbuttons her shorts. I help remove the fabric away from her wound. "So, what do we have here? Ah, oh boy." He says. 

"She... she's gonna be okay, right?" I ask.

"That remains to be seen." He says. 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

She is now passed out so the doctor can get the bullet out of her and stitch her up. 

"Put some pressure on that wound." He says. 

"Yes sir." I say as I do as I am told. "What kinda doctor are you?" I ask. 

"I'm not a doctor." He says. "Not in the eyes of the law, anyway. I'm more like a service provider." He says. I stand there confused.

"What... what does that mean?" I ask.

"Tell you what, if you find the cure for arthritis in med school, the higher-ups don't like it very much." He says. "You know, the powers that be don't give a damn about curing anything. All they care about is the green stuff, the money, the bottom line." He says.

"Follow me?" He asks.

"Yeah, totally. Is there anything else I should be doing? I really don't know anything about this." I say. 

"Yeah, just be quiet a bit. Take that off and let me study it a minute." He says. I take off the cloth that is covering her bullet wound and Dr. Nygard takes a look at it. "She's bleedin' a little on the outside, and she's bleedin' a lot on the inside." He says.

"What does that mean?" I ask.

"It means I can go in." He says as he grabs a medical knife and gets ready to get started. 

"You're... you're gonna sanitize that, right?" I ask. 

"Good call, kid." The doctor says.

"Just tryin' to help." I say. 

"Now when I do go in, she's gonna lose a lot of blood." He says. 

"Okay." I say.

"And it may kill her." He says. 

"No. No.." I say.

"Or it may not kill her." He says. "Point is I can't be held liable for this either way." He says. 

"You're not liable, all right?" I say.

"Yeah. There's one more thing. Job like this costs 4K." he says. I try not to cry and I get the hunk of gold out of my bag that JJ, Kiara, Pope and I had melted down a little while back. 

"This is all I've got." I whisper. The doctor grabs the gold and looks down at it and then back up at me again.

"Your shittin' me." He says. He then puts the gold down and grabs the surgical knife again. "Hold that back." He says and I do so.

"Doc. Save her, please.." I say. He doesn't say anything and just gets to work. 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

"Well, that was no garden-variety extraction. I can tell ya that." The doctor says as he finishes stitching up Y/N. "Okay, can you give me the scissors?" He asks. I grab them and then hand them to the doctor.

"And then give me that salty dog, if you would, please." He says. I nod and go over and grab the cup then walk back over and hand it to him. He takes it and drinks what is left in the glass. "Perfecto." He says.

"So, what happens now?" I ask.

"We wait." He says. "And we hope she wakes up." He says before he walks off to get a refill. 

"We're good though, right?" I ask.

"Only time will tell." Dr. Nygard says. 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

I sit there beside her with my hands in my hair waiting for her to wake up. I then notice that the monitor is fizzling so I check her pulse on her wrist and her neck. Something's wrong.

"Hey doc. Doc! Come here!" I say. He walks in when I call him.

"Can you feel it?" He asks.

"I can feel it here but not on her wrist." I say. The doctor checks her pulses and sighs.

"Oh, shit." He says. 

"What do you want... what do you want me to do?" I ask. 

"She's got too much fluid already. More's gonna kill her. She should be waking up." He says. 

"Hey." I say quietly when I see Y/N's eyes slowly open.

"John B.." she says weakly. 

"Hey, Y/N, it's me." I say but then her eyes fall closed again.

"Hang on. I gotta go check something. I'll be right back." He says. 

"Hey.." Y/N says weakly as I caress her left cheek with my thumb. 

"Sleepyhead.." I say quietly.

"It's not here." I hear him say in the other room and I look over as he curses and looks for something. 

"John B?" She says weakly.

"Hey. Hey, you're okay." I say as I turn my attention back to her. 

"I can't feel anything..." She says weakly. 

"No, no, no, no, no. You're okay. It's okay. Just listen to me." I say. 

"God dang! Where is this thing?!" He yells in the other room. 

"What if I don't make it-" She says weakly. 

"Don't talk like that. You're gonna be fine." I say. "We'll leave this creepy doctor's office and everything's gonna be okay." I say. "I need you to stay with me, okay?" I say. Her eyes start to flutter shut and the monitor starts to beep rapidly.

"Doc?" I say. 

"Hold on. I'll be right there." He says. All of the sudden the monitor then flatlined. 

"Doc! Hey!" I yell. 

"Do you know CPR?" He asks.

"No." I say. 

"That's a sternum. Push on it until I tell you to stop." He says. 

"Okay." I say.

"And try not to break her ribs." He says. I begin to preform CPR on her. After a few minutes of doing CPR, he tells me to stop. He then uses a medical tool to give her air. 

"Okay, go again." He says. I once again begin doing CPR. 

"Stop." He says after I did CPR for a few minutes. "Stop. Stop." He says when I don't stop. He leans down to check to see if he chest is rising. 

"What's wrong? What's... what's going on?" I ask. "What are you doing?" I ask. He doesn't say a word and he begins to walk off. "Where are you going? Help. Help me." I say in tears.

"She's just lost too much blood, kid." He says. "I'll leave you with her." He says as he walks out. I grabbed the thing he used to give her air and tried to give her some air. I then begin to prefore CPR on her as I count. Nothing happens and I begin to cry. 

"Stay with me." I whisper to her as I begin CPR again. 

"Hey, come on." I sob as I give her air again. I very gently hit her cheek a few times before starting CPR again as I sob. "Hey! Please don't die." I sniffle as I cup her face. 

"Come on. Come on! Wake up!" I scream. "Y/N, wake up!" I scream as I begin to do CPR once again. I began to tremble when nothing works and before I know it, I'm sobbing and throwing things around. 

I come back to her and rest my head on her chest for a moment sobbing before looking back up at her. I sit on my knees now face to face with her lifeless body as I sob more. 

"I love you.." I whisper as I gently caress her hair and sniffle. I then rest my head beside her sniffling, completely hopeless. She was gone. Then the monitor begins to beep faintly. Her finger then moves slightly. I check her pulse. She's alive.

"Doc? Doc. Get in here." I say. "You crazy son of a bitch." I whisper. He feels her pulse on her neck and then looks back over to me. He nods and smiles. She's alive...

"She just needs to rest for a few minutes. She'll come around." He says. I walk away from her and go into the other room where he is. "Come in. Have a seat." He says as I shut the door. 

~ Y/N'S POV ~

You wake up on a table with a blanket on you. You can hear the muffled voices of the doctor and John B talking in the other room. You then sit up and wince. You get up off of the table and then head over to the closed doors where John B and the doctor are. You open the doors, slightly stumbling in when you did so.

"Whoa, little lady! You need to go lie down" The doctor says.

"How long did I sleep?" You ask.

"Not long enough." John B says. 

"Can we still make it?" I ask.

"No. No. We- it's over, okay?" John B says. 

"No, it's not." I say as I shake my head.

"Y/N-" John B says but I cut him off.

"We still have an hour." I say.

"You need to rest. You just got shot." John B says. You look down at my self where the bullet wound once was.

"I am fine." You said as you look back up at John B. "We're going." You say.  And the chase for the gold was back on again.

a/n: I hope y'all enjoyed this fic! Sorry ik it's super long!

Taglist: @smokingbeersdrinkingweed @gillybear17 @luversgirl @rafesrings

[celestialevie]

Take a chance on me // Pietro Maximoff x f! reader

Genre: Fluff with tiniest angst

Summary: After saving Pietro with your powers during the battle of Sokovia, he starts flirting around. Ruining her date with love confession doesn't seem like the right thing, right? Or does it?

Warnings: Cursing, possible grammatic mistakes?

Word count: 4k (Again)

A/N: I'm so sorry for posting this so late, but I got distracted by watching Tangled so it took me way longer than it should've oops. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this. Credit for the idea to my lovely bestie @speedysimp

Being the baby of the Avengers hasn't been the easiest. Everyone loves to be so overprotective over you as if you can't protect yourself. Sure, it's nice to be taken care of and knowing the others have your back if needed, but sometimes they act way overprotective. When in reality, there's a really low chance of you getting hurt and not being able to recover. You're basically their guardian angel with your healing powers along with empathy and emotional manipulation. So when they went on a mission to find Loki's scepter they were really close to not letting you come with, no matter the fact that you're full on adult.

It was kind of cold in the woods near where it was assumed Loki's scepter was.

Standing close to Natasha, you kept getting these weird emotions rage, anger. Which was confusing because it wasn't from anyone on the team, but you guys were the only ones there besides that shooting thing. Until someone knocked Clint down. '' What? You didn't see that coming? '' the stranger said as he looked down at Clint and dissapeared in a second. Quickly you rushed to his side, making sure he's alright. At the same time, something knocked Steve down as well. Things only escalated from there. Another stranger showed up, but it was a female this time, she manipulated Tony's mind. A couple of days later, you ran into them again. She decided to try manipulating Bruce's mind, so you decided to play with both of the twins emotions. Choosing the strongest emotion that both of them ever felt. Grief and sadness. She screamed in pain while he fell on his knees, craddling his head in his arms. '' Wanna play some more games? Game on, bitch. '' You kept pushing and enhancing those emotions until you felt exhausted. The man, who if you rememeber correctly is called Pietro looked at you in shock for a second, before grabbing his twin sister who was still feeling those emotions and took off. Pro tip, you never want to piss of an empath and a girl who can control emotions. The next day you were on the train, fighting Ultron's babies basically, until those two showed up again, and for some reason started fighting with the team and not against the team. When the train was succesfully slowed down and stopped, along with Captain, you approached the twins. You wanted to make Wanda if you remember correctly doesn't attempt anything again. '' I just need to take a minute. '' Pietro said as we came close to them. '' I'm very tempted not to give you it.. '' Steve said as you only smirked. '' The cradle. Did you get it?'' Wanda asked. '' Stark will take care over it. '' she looked at Steve in shock and almost betrayal as she said '' No he won't. '' Pietro only sighed as he was catching up with his breath. '' You good to go back Cap?'' you spoke for the first time. Steve only nodded and with that you went back. Unfortunately, the twins came back with you guys to the tower. Of course there was some tension between Clint, Bruce and the twins. They didn't trust them at all. Not that you trusted them any less. A minute later, Pietro fell through the floor and Wanda was being held by Bruce. '' Bruce let her go. She won't do any more harm as long as I can help it. You being angry will only awaken the big guy and we don't need him right now, as much as I appreciate him. '' you gently approached them as Bruce let her go. Making sure she was alright, you peeked through the hole that Pietro fell through checking if he's alive. Clint was there looking as if he's about to fight Pietro. '' Clint get up here and leave him alone. '' Was all you said. A few minutes later, Vision has joined you and everyone was making a plan how to take Ultron down. After the plan was created, everyone went to change into their gear outfits. ( your outfit: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/598767712959263146/ )

Arriving in Sokovia, just like in the plan, the twins and you began escorting the civilians out of the city. As people were not wanting to cooperate, Pietro used a bit of agressivnes and used his powers to escort them as much as possible while Wanda used mind control and you used emotional manipulation to get them out of the city. While the three of you were escorting people out, Natasha was kiddnaped by Ultron. The battle was slowly begining. Ultron's babies started attacking the civilans. Along with Wanda you were aiding the people, healing the ones who needed to be healed while Hawkeye bought us time by destroying the drones with his arrows. One of the drones landed and fired at the people. Wanda tried to help by creating the shield and repeling the blasts, but the shield dissipated from the force of the blasts and knocked her to the ground. You rushed to her side, helping her recover and get up. Everyone was soon fighting the drones, Pietro using his superspeed to destroy as many as possible in a little time, while Vision fought with Ultron. Everything only went downhill from there. By the time Thor reached the boosters of the Doomsday trigger, it was too late as the trigger was already activated. Massive portion of Sokovia began to lift off the ground, as the team only stood, nothing to be done. Ultron decided to claim his victory, saying how the Earth would crack from the weight of our team's failures, that there's nothing to stop him. Tony went off to rescue a family from collapsing apartment as Steve ordered everyone to destroy Ultron's babies, giving us a speech about how if we were to get harmed, to harm our opponent in return and if we get killed to walk it off or for them to get to you.

Wanda, Clint and you rescued civilans while fighting off the drones. Clint soon grabbed both Wanda and me to take cover inside some house. Wanda began panicking and feeling guilty about joining Ultron and allowing this to happen. Calming her slightly down, as Clint told her about how now is not the time to panic and what's done is done. There's nothing to be said more. After that, he went back to fighting Ultron's babies. Seconds after that, Pietro joined us and carried us both to the chruch. '' You two good? '' he asked both you and Wanda nodded. '' Yeah. Go get people on the boat. '' Wanda told him as she fought the sentries. '' I'm not going to leave you. '' Pietro said. '' Listen to her, she can handle this and I'm here as well. Be useful some more and get everyone on the boats. '' Wanda smirked. '' You can come back for me when you get everyone else. Not before. Do you understand? '' Pietro hummed '' You know I'm 12 minutes older than you? '' Wanda laughed. '' Go. '' and with that he was gone. The real fight was beginning. You stayed by Wanda's side the entire time because of your similar powers. Soon the rest of the Avengers were by your side, and everyone was fighting sentries (aka ultron's babies) as Thor distracted Ultron so that Vision could whack him away with Mjolinir before returning it to Thor. As Thor let everyone know the drones were coming back for the core to activate it, Ultron showed up, confronting us and asking how will we stop him. Tony's only response was '' Together. '' as he finished the sentence, the drones started attacking us. Everyone was using their powers, fighting the drones attempting to come closer. Ultron was pissed and started attacking himself, Vision being his first target. Vision blasted him off with energy coming from the mind stone as Tony and Thor joined Vision blasting Ultron with lightning bolts and repulsor beams. His shell slowly melting away. Weakened and damaged, Hulk punched Ultron away. The drones started to escape but Tony ordered everyone to stop them and to destroy them.

Captain ordered everyone to retreat to the boats, however you along with Wanda volunteered to stay behind and guard doomsday trigger. Unbeknownst to us, damaged Ultron made his way to the Quinjet. Clint left the boat in order to rescue a Sokovian woman's brother, but soon realized he was in the line of fire as the bullets from the Quinjet were racing towards him. As you sensed both Clint's and the boy's fear and heared the firing, you rushed towards the sound wanting to help if anyone was hurt. But right before the killing blow was struck, Pietro saved Clint and the boy as he sped past them, taking the bullets instead, seconds before you arrived. He was basically dying in front of your eyes. Wanda's scream could be heard as her powers went wild, feeling the loss of her brother. Quickly shaking off the shock, you rushed to his side, using your healing powers to get the bullets out. '' You fucking idiot, you just had to be saviour and take the bullets. Because why not save Clint and the boy by carrying them away. '' tears were rushing down your cheeks. After the bullets were all taken out of him, you did your best to heal his bullet wounds. As you did everything your powers were capable of, you checked his pulse. It was faint but it was there. As minutes passed, the pulse was better and soon a groan left his lips and a thankful tears again left your eyes, as you rested your head next on his chest. While you were saving Pietro, Clint took the boy to the boat, while Wanda went to find Ultron. '' Am I in heaven? '' Pietro asked. No matter what he did before, he was making up for his mistakes like his sister. He didn't deserve to die. '' No but I'm sure once your sister finds out you're alive, you will experience hell. '' You got up and wiped your tears away. Gently you brought Pietro up, putting one of his arms around your neck while you rested yours around his waist and slowly made your way to the boat, minutes before Thor's mjolnir destroyed the slab of Sokovia. He still had to go to Helen to make sure everything was as much as possible healed up and he had to rest.

- A month later after Sokovia's battle –

It's definitely safe to say Pietro is as good as new. You did amazing job at healing him so only thing he needed to was rest for a couple of weeks. How you know he's basically good as new? Well besides the fact that he's been constantly training along with the rest of the team, he's been flirting with every single woman who gave him even slightest of attention, besides Wanda of course. Natasha is one of the exceptions because you're pretty sure he's intimidated by her. But the rest of the interns or the new shield agents who come over to train are no issue for him to turn on his charm and flirt. It annoyed you so much, because at first he only flirted with you and you thought he was into you, so you developed tiny bit of crush on him. But turns out you were just first of many women, therefore you're pretty much pissed at him and everytime he pisses you off, temptation to use your powers on him keep creeping up on you.

Remembering that you were the one who saved him and seeing him now sometimes makes you wonder if it was worth it. Wanda's reaction was worth it though. She's your aboslute best friend right now and you're so grateful for her.

Currently you were in the kitchen making yourself a coffee, when the devil himself ran in. '' Hello frumoasa. '' he winked as he leaned on the kitchen island. Rolling your eyes, you gave him a small wave of acknowledgement. '' Did cat get your tounge y/n? '' he chuckled and the next second he was right next to you. '' For god's sake Pietro, did you want me to spill my hot coffee on you? If it burned you I wouldn't be bothered to heal you, learn from your mistakes. '' with your coffee in your hands, you started going around Pietro, when he grabbed you by your forearm. '' I'm sorry, I promise I won't use my powers when you're holding a hot cup of coffee. '' sighing. '' It's whatever. I need to go. '' and with that you left him alone in the kitchen. You were pretty bored so you decided to go on a walk and maybe visit the library you liked to visit on days like these. As you got dressed up, you took all the important things like phone, wallet, keys etc and were on your way. You texted Cap and Wanda letting them know you're outside so that they don't turn into mother hens, especially Cap. It was really nice weather outisde and you were enjoying this walk. You really needed it to clear your head from all thse stupid jealousy thoughts that were forming in your head about Pietro. He's not worthy of your time. 20ish minutes later you've arrived in front of the library. Happiness and joy started taking over your body and it made you so happy that libraries and bookstores were happy and safe places for many people, you being one of them. As you entered the building, the familiar and comforting smell of books filled your nostrills. First thing you checked out was the table with new books that they've recieved, wondering if there was anything that would peak your interest. There were a lot of interesting book titles but none of them were something you'd read, so you went to your favourite isle, romance. Reading romance scratched that itch you have about wanting to be loved. Some of the books you've already read, and some you haven't. Remebering favourite moments from the ones you've read, made you smile and giddy on the inside. You used books as an escape from all the Avengers problems and world problems, getting lost in this small fictional headspace that you created. '' Hi can I help you anyhow miss? '' a guy around your age asked you. He must be a worker here, hence the name tag on his shirt. '' Oh hi, um Aaron. Thank you, but I don't think I need any help. I'm just wandering around reminiscing of all the books here I've read. But if you have any romance books recomendations I'm all ears. '' You smiled. He looked very cute. Brown hair, light eyes, slight beard going on. Smile playing on his lips. '' I'd love that. Well we can start with some classics like Pride and Prejudice which I'm gonna asume you've read, correct? '' a small nod was all you gave him. '' Hm, how about...'' he skimmed through the shelves before stopping at one and taking it out. '' This one? '' it was one of your absolute favourites. '' Of course. Must say it is one of my all time favourites. You have a great taste so far. '' he smiled brightly. '' Thank you. I would love to talk more about romance books on some dinner, if you're up for it? '' you widen your eyes '' You're asking me out on a date? After knowing me for five minutes? What if I'm some crazy insane girl? '' you ask him with a small smirk playing in the corner of your lips. '' Well for a pretty girl like you, I'd risk it. '' he winked and you laughed. '' You haven't even asked for my name. '' '' Well pretty girl, what is your name? '' a tiny bit of heat rushed to your cheeks. '' It's y/n. And here, you can have my number, I should be going now, but please text me or call me if you're really that keen on taking me out on a date. '' taking out a small paper from your bag, your write down your number and give it to Aaron. With a last smile, you leave the library, hoping the cute librarian was really serious about taking you on a date.

A few days have passed since you met Aaron and he called you about an hour later after you left the library. You agreed on going on a dinner date tomorrow at 7pm. Some new restaurant that he wanted to try out. When you told Wanda you have a date, she seemed shocked at first, but after that inital shock she was genuinely happy for you. So of course she also told almost the entire team, and they all had different opinions. The next day, you were giddy since the moment you woke up. It's been awhile since you went on an actual date. Soon it was time for you to get ready, with Wanda's help. You put on a cute dress that Natasha decided to let you borrow,put on some very simple makeup and Wanda braided your hair. Tony asked Happy if he could drive you and he agreed with no hesitation. With 10 minutes to spare, Wanda decided to leave you alone with some quiet time. About two minutes have passed from Wanda leaving you alone in your room, before someone knocked on your door. '' Come in. '' the last person you expected to see was coming inside your room. '' Bet you didn't think it was me, eh? '' he chuckled awkwardly '' Pietro? What are you doing here? '' you asked him confused look on your face. '' I heard about your date. I guess it's not a surprise a beautiful woman like you is having suitors. '' he cleared his throat. '' But I have one request for you though, if you'll allow me.'' you could sense nervousness radiating off him. '' Depends on the request. What is it? '' he took small steps aproaching you before he took your hands into his, looking you straight into eyes. '' Let me be the one you date. Not the guy you're supposed to go out, but me. I've had feelings for you since the first moment I saw you. You were so beautiful while being pissed and angry at my sister for messing with your chosen family. But I'm asking you to take a chance on me. Give me a chance to prove I could be the best man for you. '' he places his hands on both of your cheeks. Shock was the smallest emotion you're feeling right now. Anger, confusion were also there. '' Excuse me? '' a shocked laugh escaped you as you took a step back from him. '' I will not let your jokes ruin my date. Pietro, if you're so into me like you're claiming, why haven't you said anything literally any day before? Leave me alone and please never speak to me again. You dissapointed me even more than I thought you could. '' shaking your head, you go around him before he grabs you by your forearm, just like few days ago in the kitchen. '' I'm dead serious about my feelings for you. I know you're way out of my league and I'll probably never deserve someone as good as you, but the only reason I flirt with these women is to make you jealous. I needed to see any kind of reaction out of you. I'm well aware it's not the smartest plan, but it's something I knew would work. Or at least hoped. I'm sorry for everything. '' and with that he dropped your arm, leaving your room. Stunned you stood there until a notification from your phone came from Happy, asking if you're ready to go. Quickly you texted him you'll be downstairs in a minute. Shaking off your thoughts you made sure you've got all of your things you needed and met with Happy.

The date was perfect. Well as perfect as it can be when you've got someone else completely running around your mind. Aaron obviously noticed that you weren't 100% in the date. '' What's going on? I noticed you were a little bit spaced out. '' a sigh left your mouth before you looked at him. '' I'm sorry, but you deserve someone who would be 100% into the relationship and I can't give you that. One guy I've known for about a month now, has confessed his feelings towards me right before I left for the date and it's messing with my head because I still don't know if he really meant it or he said it to mess with my mind. He's been flirting with every female that gave him slightest attention besides his sister of course. You're a really great guy, but you don't deserve all this drama. I hope we can be friends after this. '' and with that you rose up from the table, gave Aaron tiniest kiss on the cheek, leaving enough money to cover up your part of the meal before leaving the restaurant. Rushing back to the tower (because you couldn't be bothered to wait for Happy to show up) you took off your shoes and started running. About 30 minutes later, you were all out of breath but you were finally arriving at the tower.

You rushed in the elevator, pressing the button many times. Two minutes later, you were finally on the floor that Pietro's room was. Rushing to his door, you started knocking like crazy. ''Okay,okay I'm coming jeez. '' second later he opened his door, wearing nothing but the pajama pants. Wow he had some mean abs. '' prinţesă what are you doing here? Weren’t you supposed to be on the date? '' he was confused. '' I have to talk to you. Can I come in? '' he moved to the side, letting you walk in. '' You ruined my date. '' Pietro scratched his head nervously. '' I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin your date. '' he sounded genuine '' Well you did. But Pietro, how serious you were about your feelings for me? I mean when you started flirting with me after the battle, I started having a small crush on you. What I didn't expect is for you to start flirting with so many women. It hurt me and I refused to let myself be hurt by that. How can I trust you that you're serious about me? '' Pietro approached me, putting his hands on both of my cheeks. '' I've adored you from the moment I first saw you. I was stunned how beautiful you looked but you were an enemy back then. Until very recently, even though we were on the same team now, I still didn't fully trust you, which is why I kept flirting with others. I'm so sorry for hurting you unintentionally. I know you like watching Mamma mia and listening to Abba so...'' he took a deep breath before a small chuckle left his lips. Tilting your head to the side you looked at him confused. What does your love for Mamma Mia and Abba have to do with any of this? '' If you change your mind, I'm the first in line, honey I'm still free, take a chance on me? '' laugh erupted from your lips, you just couldn't hold it in. '' I'm sorry for laughing. I couldn't help it. Fine, I'm willing to take a chance on you. But we're gonna take it slow, if it's alright. I'm still not fully convinced, but it's enough that I'm willing to give you a chance. '' he smiled. God he was so pretty when he was smiling. '' That's all I'm asking for prinţesă. ''

TRANSLATION:

prinţesă – princess

frumoasa - beautiful

[untiltheendoftime]

Summary: Staring at a stranger leaves you with an empty plate of fries and a heart filled with the slightest bit of love.

gif by @stevenrogered

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: A normal amount of swearing, other than that it's pure fluff.

Writers note: This is for @celestialbarnes "4k writing challenge"

Reblogs, likes and your thoughts are so much appreciated. Feel free to point out any errors.

    ─── ☪ ･ ☪ ･ ☪ ･ ☪ ･ ☪ ───

Can I steal your fries?

You had found yourself in a small diner, after another terrible date, with a large portion of fries in front you. Perhaps alcohol would've been more helpful to forget the whole day, but sadly your work schedule didn't allow you to get drunk and risk a hangover.

As soon as you sat down, you deleted the dating app off your phone, earning an amused look from the stranger in the booth in front of you when you had muttered something along the lines of "Fuck this shit." and "Might as well start referring to myself as a trash can if trash is all I attract."

You could feel the warmth of a blush rising on your cheeks when you heard the stranger chuckle and you were sure that you looked exactly like the ketchup on your fries. Why did you have to blush so easily? Fuck.

Unfortunately he was quite handsome, which didn't help your ketchup-face problem at all. His hair was rather short, though it looked like he was growing it out, and he gave off cozy vibes with the navy blue hoodie he was wearing and the steaming cup of coffee in his hands. He was far more than quite handsome. It was then that you noticed that his eyes, unfairly blue like the sky on a perfect summer day, were focused on you.

He fully caught you staring at him. Damn it.

In order to hide your embarrassment, you quickly adverted your eyes to the plate in front of you. Suddenly the fries were very interesting.

The sound of footsteps appeared and just when you had thought that you creepingly staring made the stranger leave, a muscular body came in sight and you were starting to feel anxious.

Thinking that apologizing was the best way to get over with this as soon as possible, you tried to come up with an excuse "Look, I'm sorry for staring. I jus-" you started bubbling, but he quickly interrupted you.

"Wouldn't have caught you staring at me if I wasn't staring as well, would I?" he said, his voice surprisingly sweet and when you had gathered up enough courage to look up at him, you were welcomed with a breathtaking smile.

Without any hesitation, he sat down in front of you and the anxious feeling quickly washed away, being replaced with irritation instead. Sure, he didn't look bad, but he was a stranger after all.

You eyed him suspiciously and he did the same, obviously mocking you. "I don't want to sound rude but I believe your coffee wants your attention more than me" you said, actually not really bothering to sound polite.

"Does sound rude to me, doll."

He probably used the nickname a lot, however it didn't stop you from feeling flattered. Not wanting to acknowledge it, and turning red again, you decided to keep your mouth shut.

The silence was starting to feel uncomfortable and from the way his brows slightly furrowed with thought, you could tell that he didn't want the conversation to end so soon.

"You're not here for the first time and I actually wanted to talk to you for a while." he admitted, "Even tried to get your attention, but all you did was stare into your phone and yeah" a faint blush crept up on his cheeks.

It took you a solid minute to process his words. Yes, you were a frequent customer, most of the times visiting after another date went downhill and sometimes you would google dating advice and gag at all the bullshit everyone wrote. You didn't exactly hate being single, though having someone to come home to wasn't the worst thought you could think of. The more dates went wrong, the more you and your family, especially them, began to wonder what was wrong with you.

"Always love a stranger watching me" you joked and instantly grimace at how badly you had worded it. That's not what you meant.

His laughter filled your ears and it was full of warmth and so contagious, you had to laugh as well.

After the laughter had died down, he cleared his throat and extendended his right hand to you "I'm Bucky" he softly said and while shaking it, the contact sending slight shivers down your spine, you tell him your name.

"Now that we know each others names, can I steal some of your fries?" Bucky asked, not waiting for an answer as he reached for your plate.

"No" you chuckled out, playfully swatting his hand away, and he glared at you for a second before dramatically putting the hand on his chest, claiming that you've really hurt his feelings and it might take decades to mend the pain in his heart.

The conversation between the two of you flowed nicely. He told you about his visits to different countries and you would ask questions about how the people were and if the food tasted good, the latter truthfully answered with a "I usually went for cheeseburgers due to the lack of time."

You had told Bucky how much you despise going on dates now because your family would pressure you, saying that the problem has to be you since your ex shortly found a significant other after the break up.

Bucky's jaw tightened at that and he voiced out how fucking rude your family was, wondering if they don't have anything else to do than rubbing their noses in your love life. Seeing that he has was way more understanding than your own family, empathy had always been something all of them undoubtedly lacked off, made you even more fond of the handsome stranger and you felt comfortable sharing personal pieces of your life with him as hours passed by.

Midway through your story you paused to look at your plate, realizing that it was almost empty now and the only reason why he didn't stop your rambling was because it allowed him to eat your fries.

"Stop taking my fries." you muttered out, causing him to grin.

"What are you gonna do about it?" he questioned, voice heavenly charming as he suggestively wiggled his eyebrows at you.

Perhaps this was the most cliché thing to do, but the look he gave you when you threw a few fries at his face was something you wish you would've gotten a picture of. His eyes were still slightly widened in shock when he, not so attractively, shoved all of the fries in his mouth, making you laugh at his childish behavior.

"I got to eat the fries. Seems like I won, sweetheart." he proudly declared.

Banters and stories later, your eyes caught a glimpse of the clock on your phone and you frown when it reads two a.m

You jolted up from your seat, calling out an apology to the old waitress who seemed to be startled by the sudden change of energy. "I do enjoy talking to you, but my shift starts in six hours." you said, your voice laced with a hint of sadness.

Bucky stood up as well and reached for your phone that was still lying on the table. He handed it you, signaling for you to unlock it, and when he had access to it, he quickly typed in his number and pressed the saving button. A cheekish smile on his lips when he puts it in your grasp again and you can't help but beam at him, too.

He held his hands up in defense, "Figured you need my number after you have deleted all the datings apps."

You rolled your eyes in response and, who knows where the confidence boost came from, step closer to him. "Goodnight" you murmured, pressing a light kiss to his cheek and they instantly heat up, which made him look adorable. Maybe you had found someone who blushes just as easily as you.

Once you had entered the front door of your apartment, your phone gave off a noise, signaling that you had received a message. A quick glance at the screen told you that it was Bucky asking if you came home alright. He definitely is a gentleman. Just when you were about to answer him, another text popped up. You had to bite the inside of your cheek to stop you from grinning like a lovestruck teenager while reading it.

Bucky:

When will you take me out?

Sincerely, your trash

    ─── ☪ ･ ☪ ･ ☪ ･ ☪ ･ ☪ ───

First story on here. Hopefully it's not that bad? I would absolutely love to hear some feedback. Thank you for reading everything ♡

[wildernessuntothemselves]

I'm Yours, You're Mine | 7

Word Count: 4k

Genre: Smut, angst

Warnings: yandere!felix, sub!felix, dom!felix, sub!reader, dom!reader, mentions of violence, character death, drugging, noncon, breeding kink, binding, doggy

GIF CREDIT @christopherbanq

You wake up in a warm embrace, surrounded by the sweet, vanilla scent of Felix. Opening your eyes, you’re met with the splatter of his freckles that seem to glow under the sunlight. Everything feels perfect. It feels right, and you wish you could stay in this moment forever, protected from all that has happened or will happen. But you can’t, the memories of last night’s darkness creep around the corners of the brightly lit room, seeping the warmth out of it until everything is plunged into darkness.

Felix opens his eyes, his bright sparkling eyes, unaware of the darkness surrounding him, his ignorance protecting him. But his light diminishes as his gaze focuses on you.

“Noona, why are you crying?” He asks, arms pulling you even closer to him to the point where you don’t know where your skin ends and his begins.

“Chan…” You sputter, little sobs rattling your chest now. Felix frowns sharply, “Did he do something to you?”

You shake your head, your tears now flowing down your cheeks. “He’s in the hospital. Someone attacked us while we were coming back from the cinema yesterday.”

Felix bolts upright, pushing you at an arm’s length and scrutinizing every inch of your body. “Are you hurt?”

“No, but Chan is.” You wail, throwing your arms around him and burying your face in his shoulder. “He’s hurt really bad.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” For the first time, Felix doesn’t comfort you, his body rigid in your embrace and you hesitantly pull back to look at him. He is completely still, a numb look on his face. And you suddenly realize how thoughtless you’ve been. Despite their fight, Felix and Chan have been best friends for years, way before you met either of them. You should’ve told him as soon as it happened.

“Is he going to be okay?” His lips quiver as he speaks, his eyes terrified and looking through yours for help, and you could smack yourself for being so selfish.

“Oh, baby.” You breathe, pulling him into your embrace again. “I’m sure he’ll be okay.”

_______________________

He wasn’t.

Chan hasn’t woken up by the time you both visit him in the hospital, and the doctors were giving you vague responses every time you tried to ask about his condition--if he’s going to be okay, if he’s even gonna make it--and that petrifies you.

“We’re doing the best we can, but I can’t say anything for certain. He’s in a really bad condition.” The doctor informs you after you’d asked for the millionth time. You nod heavily and he lets you know that he’ll be there if there is anything else you need before he leaves. Yeah, right. The doctors were basically running from you at this point. You weren’t stupid. You knew what it meant.

“Thank you, doctor.” You mumble. You feel guilty, like this is all your fault for wishing for Felix to come back, like somehow this had been a bargain by a cruel god, giving you Felix back but taking Chan away.

As soon as the doctor leaves, Felix falls to the floor beside the bed sobbing. You run to him and wrap your arms around him and he immediately leans into your touch. “I did this.” He wails and your body goes stiff, your breath stuck in your throat, choking you.

But then he continues, “I wished for this the night he threw me out. I was so angry at him, but I never wanted it to really happen.”

Your body turns to jelly, the fear that had gripped it was so intense that it left no energy in its wake, and you can’t even caress Felix’s back to comfort him.

_______________________

The police interview you over and over, asking you to remember if there is something about the man who mugged you that you’re forgetting that could help identify him. You don’t have to force yourself to remember, you see him in your dreams every night, and every night you wake up screaming, poor Felix having to comfort you and kiss you back to sleep, never once complaining.

Through it all, those few agonizing days, you held a terrible secret close to your chest. You felt wretched just thinking about it, but you couldn’t help it. You knew he was going to die anyway. You just wished it would happen sooner than later so you could properly grieve instead of being stuck in this fake limbo, pretending like you think he’s going to make it, even to Felix, so that he wouldn’t completely break down.

You go to visit him less and less until you stop completely, which doesn’t paint you in a very favorable light in front of law enforcement or the doctors, letting Felix go on his own to the hospital every day. But fuck them. What do they know about the pain you’re going through? The guilt?

When it finally happens, you can’t believe it. They say he coded in the night and they tried to do everything to save him, even brought him back a couple of times, but it was ultimately useless. He was gone.

You had to see him for yourself to believe it. You went alone. Felix couldn’t bear to look at his best friend’s now dead body. He begged you not to go but you needed to.

As you gaze across his face, you’re thrust back to that night. You had heard that dead people often have a peaceful look on their face, but Chan didn’t look peaceful. It almost looks angry, accusatory, asking you why you weren’t there for him.

He doesn’t forgive you, but it’s okay. You don’t forgive yourself either.

_______________

The case officially turned into a murder investigation following Chan’s death. His body was handed over to the coroner to do an autopsy and try to gather any forensic evidence left, but neither yielded much information, and the police had no leads.

Soon, the case turned cold.

As for you, you had moved in with Felix,, unable to step back into your apartment without Chan. Fearing that in doing so you’d be acknowledging that he’s gone, and then his spirit would remember to come back to haunt you.

Felix takes such good care of you, even though he’s the one who has the right to be hurt more. He stuck around you all the time, making you feel safe and comforting you. He also kept his distance as much as he could. You could tell he wanted to seek comfort in your body, to help each other through this pain, but you were selfish as always. You only let him comfort you. You never comforted him back.

As the months passed, Felix started getting more and more needy, making you feel even more wretched even though he never said anything. He loved you and you loved him, but Chan’s death had pushed a wedge between you. You couldn’t touch the younger boy without feeling guilty. It felt like you were cheating on Chan more than you ever did before, and so you kept Felix at a distance.

For his part, Felix never outright made an advance on you, respecting your need to grieve, but you could tell from the boner he’d get every time you kissed him even a sweet innocent little kiss or put your arms around him that he needed more, and it made you feel even more horrible. You couldn’t help Chan when he was alive and now you can’t help Felix. You felt like the most selfish fucking human being in the world.

So when you’re woken up from sleep one night, feeling hot and with something hard poking against your ass, you decide to finally give back.

“Noona...” Felix whimpers into your ear, nuzzling his face in the nape of your neck, making goosebumps erupt along your body. You weren’t ready to go all the way yet but at least you could give him some release.

Turning on your back, you guide him to straddle you and let yourself slip into the right headspace. "You dirty little thing, humping your noona in her sleep?"

His eyes light up when he realizes that for the first time in a long time, you’re reciprocating, and he sighs in relief, starting to grind his hips against yours. Tantalizing, you lower the straps of your nightgown, a delicate pink satin piece that Felix bought for you, to expose your tits for him. He hums appreciatively, reaching out to touch, but you slap his hand away. “Only look.”

He shudders, nodding, and humps against you faster. "Noona, please, fuck me. Fuck your dumb baby."

"No whining." You reprimand, lifting his shirt up to his mouth and he obediently bites on it, muffling his noises. With the shirt up, his boxers are exposed, and you watch as every time he thrusts forward, the tip of his dick pokes out from his boxers, red and leaking. “And I thought you’d thank me for being so nice to a pervert like you.”

Felix pants around the fabric in his mouth, his dick dripping over your panties. Placing your hand on his ass, you feel the muscle clench and relax as he ruts desperately against you. “Is this how you wanna fuck noona? You think your little dick can make me feel good?”

He pushes the shirt out of his mouth with his tongue and babbles. “I can noona. Just let me put it inside.” He grabs his dick and runs the head of it over your clothed slit, making you shiver at the stimulation. Then he pushes the head against your hole but is prevented from pushing in because of the underwear “Just let me put it in, noona.”

“You’re a greedy little kitten aren’t you? Put your hands up to your chest, kitty.” You order, and he reluctantly obeys. “Now stick your tongue out and pant for me.”

He does so with a flush, looking like a cat in heat. Absolutely filthy.

“That’s it. That’s a good, boy. Putting on a show for noona.”

He nods happily, high off the praise you’re giving him. "I'm gonna cum for you noona. Watch me cum for you."

“I’m looking, little whore. Cum for me.” You purr, cupping handfuls of his ass as you encourage his now sloppy thrusts.

Felix cries out, cum spurting out of the tip of his cock and landing on your pretty silk nightgown. You tut disappointedly, “Look at the mess you made, kitten. You ruined my nightgown with your filthy cum.”

“I’m sorry, noona.” Felix pants, not looking sorry at all. In fact, he looks enraptured by the sight in front of him. “I’ll buy you a new one.”

He falls over your chest, suckling on your breasts gently as his breathing slows down and becomes deep as he falls asleep.

_____________________

That’s how things go for a long while. Just you helping Felix take the edge off without actually going all the way. You can tell he’s disappointed. He must’ve thought that this was the start of you reigniting your relationship, but you still can’t get yourself to be there for him in the way he needs you. And despite you acting romantically together and going on dates, you never officially acknowledged that you are in a relationship, and you can tell that this, more than anything, hurt him the most.

You feel pity and self-hate fill you up as you play with the boy’s hair, his head resting on your lap.

“How do you like the cocktail?” Felix asks lazily, taking you out of your thoughts.

You blink and take another sip of the drink he made you, appreciating the taste on your tongue. It’s actually pretty good, and you tell him exactly that. “But it seems quite strong. I’m a little lightheaded already. What’s in it, kitten?”

Felix giggles as he presses a finger to his mouth, making a shushing sound. “It's a secret.”

You smile fondly at him, soaking up his laughter along with the afternoon son, the calming rhythm of lix's breathing and the strong drink making you feel sleepy. You decide you’re gonna ask him if he’d like to take a nap with you, but before you can form your words, you abruptly get much sleepier, your eyelids turning to lead as they struggle to stay open to the world spinning around you.

You finally manage a little groan, attracting Felix’s attention. He looks up at you in question and his curious eyes are the last thing you see before it all goes black

_____________________

You wake up feeling hot and sticky. Groggily coming to, you blurrily see a mop of blonde hair over your exposed chest and feel wetness over your nipples. Despite your heavy head, you can immediately tell it’s Felix, and your thoughts trudge along as you try to think of what you were doing last but the memory is too fuzzy.

You’re easily distracted when you feel his moans against your skin as he kisses and suckles on your breasts, his hips dragging over your thigh needily. You try to move your hands to push him away, confused and mad that he is touching you without permission, but you only hear the sound of metal clanking as your hands stay above your head, and with a panic, you realize that you were shackled to the bed.

At the sound, Felix lifts his head up and smiles at you sweetly, as if nothing about this was weird. “Noona, you’re awake!”

You stare at him in bewilderment, and he finally realizes what’s wrong. Sheepishly, he explains, “I’m sorry. You were taking so long to wake up and I couldn’t help myself.”

His words don’t really make the situation much clearer. "What is happening? Why am I bound?"

He smiles, moving up your body so his nose is touching yours. "You've been bad noona, rejecting me for so long. I tried to wait. I tried to be good for you but you still kept rejecting me. So I decided to push things along a little."

"What?" You ask, throat dry.

"I put a sedative in your drink so you'd pass out and I can play with you." He explains cheerily, like that was a completely normal and benign thing to do.

"What the fuck, Felix?” You shout, pulling on your shackles in alarm. “You're crazy."

"Crazy over you." He giggles, pinning your hands to the bed so you wouldn’t struggle. “Now stop or you’ll hurt yourself.”

“You’re the one who is hurting me!”

He frowns. “Don’t say that, noona. I’ve been taking good care of you, haven’t I?”

“And you think that gives you the right to drug and assault me?”

His frown deepens at that, all air of playfulness gone from around him. “Stop. Saying. That.” He grits, “I can’t assault you when you’re mine.”

He leans back and palms at your breasts greedily, his thumbs brushing over your wet buds, and you struggle to not arch up into his touch, a fresh wave of arousal sticking your shorts to your pussy even more. “You’re so perfect, noona.”

"Let me go." You cry, gradually getting more and more panicked.

"I'll never let you go again." His voice is gruff and it sends a shiver down your spine as he rubs his fingers over your clit coarsely. “So stop this or you’ll make me really angry, noona.”

You still immediately, thinking back on what he did last time he got mad. You could still feel the suffocation gripping your throat.

“If you’re wet, noona. I’ll know you want me too.” He pulls back from your chest and slowly peels your shorts down your legs, a gasp escaping him when he is undoubtedly greeted by your underwear sticking to your slick, puffy lips in arousal. “I knew it. Fuck, you’re so sexy.”

He grabs the top of your panties, pulling them up so they’d rub over your pussy, teasing you and delighting in watching you involuntarily squirm. “You’re so sensitive, noona.”

“It’s okay. I’ll take care of you.” He slinks your panties down your legs then pulls your thighs up, spreading your legs wide for him, and moaning out in appreciation. “Ah, fuck, noona…so hot.”

His fingers slowly rub over your exposed, drenched pussy, driving you crazy with the deliberate, wide strokes. You have to fight hard to not close your legs around him. “Want more, noona?”

You bite down on your tongue. You won’t give him the satisfaction of admitting it out loud. Resolutely, his fingers trail down your pussy and into your warm, tight heat, and you can’t fight back the gasp that is ripped from you. You shake as his fingers ever so slowly pump in and out of you. And when he puts his mouth on you, your moans flow out, not caring anything for your ego.

Felix moans into your pussy, eating you out slowly too, maddening slow as if he was kissing you. The wet sounds of his lips and tongue on you make you burn in shame and arousal.

He stays between your legs a long time, driving you mad, his tongue deliberately moving along your folds and and his lips sucking on your sensitive skin, while his fingers stay inside your pussy and relentlessly but equally as slowly rub against that sweet spot inside you. You feel the burn gradually build in your body, it fries your brain and by the time you cum, your entire nervous system is on fire.

He climbs up your body, looking down at you with the most fucked out look on his pretty face, his eyes absolutely glazed over with lust as he bucks his crotch against you and kisses your mouth the same way he did your pussy. You taste yourself on him so clearly it feels like the taste is imprinted on his tongue forever.

Pulling away, a trail of saliva and cum connects your lips. “Need you to fuck me.”

“Let me go, baby.” You coax gently, hoping he won’t get upset if you’re sweet. “Let me go and I'll fuck you."

He shakes his head, "I know you're lying to me, noona. I know I have to break you in first before I let you go."

You pale, bile rising up your throat at the ominous words. "Break me in… how?"

"You’ll see." He giggles, craning your neck up and kissing your skin harshly, growling in between the sloppy kisses, "But when you're over those worthless boys, maybe you can fuck me again. I hate being a bad boy but this is the only way to make you see."

Pulling back from your stinging neck, he presses his dick to your entrance. Your pussy spasms around the tip of his dick, and he chuckles deeply. “Look how needy your pussy is for me. Noona was wasting time being a little slut and letting those bastards touch her when she could've had me." He says reproachfully, as if you were a misbehaving child, and it makes your anger flare up and overpower your fear.

"I don't want you, you freak." You spit out and he slaps you, hard, the force of it busting your lip open. Taking a deep break, he calms himself down and smiles again. "Now that's not very nice, noona. After all I've done for you." He leans down and licks at the drop of blood that sprung from your lip, moaning at the taste.

"You made me wait for so long, noona. I can't wait anymore." He shakes a little, as if it really was hurting him physically to hold back. Pushing into you, he lets out a shuddering cry. "I love you so much. You're finally mine."

You arch your back as he buries himself all the way inside of you, and he takes that opportunity to bend down and pluck one of your nipples into his mouth. You whimper against him, making him speed up his thrusts.

“I’m making you feel good, aren’t I, noona?” He grunts, keeping your legs wide open as he fucks into you but you don’t reply, angering him. Suddenly, you’re flipped onto your stomach, and he pushes himself between your spread legs so you can't close them, plunging his dick back inside you. “You will not ignore me, noona. I will not allow it.”

He steadies himself on both sides of you and leans over you, trapping you under him and fucking you hard and slow, trying to get as deep inside you as possible despite his size and making you shiver as his dick drags against your walls. He gradually speeds up, his dick gliding easily over the track it made, overwhelming your poor pussy.

He fucks you so well, and you’re entirely, completely ashamed of how good it feels. It seems like he is intent on humiliating you, his dick hitting the sweet spot inside of you perfectly with each thrust, and your pussy keeps clenching around him more and more as the sound of your flesh smacking together fills the room. You’re transfixed under him, eyes squeezed shut and mouth hanging open with your back perfectly arched to receive his thrusts, and soon, he grunts into your ear, "I'm so close."

Your eyes snap open urgently. “Pull out. I'm not on birth control. You can’t cum inside me." You explain hastily. You had stopped taking the pill ever since Chan had passed away. You weren’t fucking Felix so you felt no need to take it.

"I know, noona." He says and you almost sigh in relief, fully expecting Felix to whine but pull out. But to your horror, he continues, "Gonna breed you so you'll never leave me again."

Your breath catches in your throat and your nerves go numb. You sob, “Felix, please no. Pull out, baby please. I won’t leave. I’ll stay.”

“You will.” He promises you, and doesn’t pull back. Instead, fucking you harder and spanking your ass as he grunts loudly, "Take it like a good noona."

He empties himself inside of you, his hot cum flooding your pussy, and to your great shame, that pushes you to cum too, your pussy milking him obediently. He praises you happily, "Good noona, taking all my cum. Your pussy knows you belong to me."

You think he’ll be done now, having fucked you and filled you up. But to your horror, he turns you on your side and embraces you from behind. Lifting one leg up in the air, he starts fucking you again. With how wet you were and his previous ejaculation, wet lewd sounds fill the room along with his low grunts and your breathless gasps.

He spends the whole night fucking you, taking you in every position conceivable and making sure to empty every little drop inside of you, apologizing for being a bad boy and promising you that he'll take any punishment you give him once you’re pregnant with his baby and he can be sure you'll stay.

The worst part is that he makes sure you cum too, seeming intent on not allowing you any space to later claim like you didn’t enjoy yourself, murmuring praises into your ear every time you orgasm. "Good noona, cumming around my cock. Kitty is so happy with you. You wanna cum again?"

You are almost passed out when he’s done fucking you. Leaving you used up and sprawled out on the bed, he gets up to retrieve something. When he gets back on the bed, you purposefully don’t look at him, expecting him to now try to suck up to you and get you to forgive him.

But he doesn’t say anything and you suddenly jolt at the sharp sting you feel along your inner thigh. You look down in horror to see felix carving something with a knife onto your skin. His own name.

You shout and begin to struggle, only to quickly realize that you shouldn't be moving around with a sharp knife so close to your genitals, and Felix is aware of that too. He ignores your tearful pleas and pained screams until he’s all done. Brandishing the now bloody knife, he whispers conspiratorially, “Wanna know something, noona?”

You don’t reply but he doesn’t care, smiling as he pushes the knife to your throat. “This is the knife I used to stab Jisung.” Your stomach drops and your blood beats frenziedly against the knife pressed to your skin. “It’s also the same knife I used to kill Chan.”

You stay frozen in place, not even breathing, not even blinking.

"I didn't want to kill him. I really loved him. He was the only one I was willing to share you with but he left me no choice.” He goes on, pouting slightly as if he was lamenting losing his favorite mug. “But it’s better this way. Now you’re all mine. And once you're broken in, I'll let you use this to mark me up too."

____________________

A/N: let me know what you think of the ending. I love to hear it!

[spencestyles]

I’d do anything

summary: spencer is in love with y/n and y/n is in an abusice relationship. will spencer be able to save y/n? love her when she needs him most?

pairing: spencer reid x bau!fem!reader

warnings: ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP DO NOT READ IF NOT COMFORTABLE READING THIS CONTENT, normal case violence

words: 4k+

please do not read if you are uncomfortable with the content of it abuse is a trigger. be mindful of this.

enjoy!!

SPENCER'S POV

"Guys this is my boyfriend, Owen," y/n said to the team on a night out.

For the longest time she and I have been best friends, nothing more. I have been in love with her for a while now, but I have always been too afraid to tell her. Now that she had a boyfriend, I knew I had lost my chances.

"Oh my gosh!" Penelope yelled. "It is so nice to finally meet you! y/n has told us so much about you!"

Owen smiled and gave y/n a side hug, "Hopefully all good things."

"Yes," JJ quickly said. "She makes you seem amazing. Hopefully you can live up to the expectations."

"Hopefully I do not disappoint," Owen replied.

The night continued with the team asking Owen questions. I had met Owen before and he truly was a nice guy. That was the worst part. However as the night continued, y/n acted strange and almost seemed afraid of Owen. She was acting timid, something she has never done, not even in front of an unsub.

Owen went to get y/n a drink so I decided it would be the perfect time to ask y/n, "Are you okay? You've been acting strange, is Owen hurting you?"

"What?" y/n laughed. "Spencer are you okay? Of course not. Owen and I are perfectly fine."

I sighed, "Okay, just checking. Are we still on for Dr Who tomorrow night?"

"When have I ever not showed up for Dr Who?" y/n retorted. "I will obviously come. Nothing can ever come between us and Dr Who."

Owen suddenly came up behind y/n, "Wait, you're hanging with Spencer tomorrow?" Owen asked aggressively. "I thought we were going to do something?"

y/n laughed, "I told you I can't ever hang on certain Fridays because I watch Dr Who with Spencer. I also never agreed to doing something together, I would have never forgotten a Dr Who watch party."

Owen glared at me. Obviously he was angry I was hanging out with y/n.

"I think it's time for us to leave," Owen said, grabbing y/n's arm very hard. "Say goodbye to your friends." Owen walked over to the table with y/n and put on a fake smile. As they walked out the door, I noticed y/n look back at me, tears in her eyes. Something was wrong.

The whole team was sitting at the table talking about something random when I decided to speak up, "How did you guys like Owen?"

A mix of complements were thrown by the girls, but the guys, they didn't seem too impressed. JJ, Emily, and Penelope, all went to get drinks while Rossi, Hotch, Derek, and I stayed at the table.

"What did you guys think of him?" I asked.

"I hated him," Derek said simply. "I saw the way y/n acted around him, much profilers the girls are. She's acting just like someone who has been manipulated and abused."

Hotch nodded, "I agree with Derek. I know we aren't supposed to profile team members, but the girls obviously don't see anything wrong."

"Are you guys sure?" Rossi asked. "I mean he seems very nice and maybe you all just think he is not good because you all wish y/n and Spencer were together."

The guys looked at me as I began to blush profusely, "I don't want to be with y/n that much anymore." They looked at me in disagreement. "Guys I'm serious, she has a boyfriend."

"Yeah and you don't like her," Rossi argued. "Just admit that you still have a crush on her and then if something really happens I will believe you."

"Fine," I sighed. "I still like y/n."

YOUR POV

"What the hell y/n," Owen screamed at you. "What the fuck is Dr Who night? You know I don't like him."

You choked a sob, "Owen it isn't like that. I don't like him, he's my best friend. Please don't hurt me."

"He obviously has something for you and you have something for him," He yelled.

"I d-don't lik-ke him Owen," I whispered. "I promise."

This had become your normal routine. Spencer or some other male would say something and Owen would go crazy. Especially about Spencer. Owen would yell at you and sometimes things would escalate. That unfortunately is how it went tonight.

It started with a push, then a slap. Sometimes it progressed more, but that was rare.

"We are going somewhere," Owen said.

You were being dragged out of the house, "Owen, what?"

"Well since you can't be obedient, I'm going to have to teach you somehow y/n."

And like that you were knocked out unconscious.

SPENCER'S POV

I walked into work carrying a coffee for both y/n and I. I decided to get her a coffee to apologize for last night's irrational decisions. I had come to the conclusion that Owen wasn't actually abusive, I was just jealous.

Derek and Hotch though, not so much.

"Baby girl, that guy is a grade A asshole," Derek said to Garcia. "Can you please just do one background check?"

Penelope sighed, "I can't do that Derek, I promised y/n I wouldn't look into him."

I decided to ignore the conversation and wait for y/n to come in for work. After about thirty minutes of waiting I decided to ask Hotch.

"Hey, is y/n coming in today?" I asked.

"Um, no," he said, pulling out his phone. "I got this strange text though, can you look through it."

"Yeah let me see," I said, walking over to where he set his phone down.

"Agent Hotchner, I will not be able to come into work tomorrow for the case. I have an issue with my tonsils. I am sorry." I recited. "I don't think y/n typed this, maybe we should send someone to her house and to Owen's house."

Hotch groaned, "I'll send Derek and JJ, I am hoping our next case doesn't become y/n. Please continue to look over the text and I'll have Garcia look into Owen."

I nodded and put the text onto the white board so I would be able to write on it.

"Hotch, look at this," I said, Hotch walking over to me. "First, y/n hasn't called you agent Hotchner since her first day here, she usually calls you Hotch or Aaron. Also, y/n got her tonsils removed when she was 7."

"Garcia, have you looked into Owen at all," Hotch asked.

"Yeah a little, but it's all normal," Garcia answered.

Hotch glared at her, "Not enough, do a full deep dive. I don't care what y/n told you not to do, he is hiding something and so is she."

Garcia nodded and went straight to work as Hotch's phone began to ring.

"Morgan, you're on speaker."

"Okay so y/n's apartment was spotless," Morgan said. "But it was also locked, so I don't think she went home to her apartment last night."

JJ began to add on, "Owen's apartment on the other hand, was a mess. Like it looked like there was a robbery of some form. Also, y/n's purse was there."

"Garcia what do you have on Owen?" Hotch asked.

"Owen Winters, he is 42 and from Southern California," Garcia began. "As a child CPS was contacted many times and it looks like his dad killed himself when he was 8. It looks like he has an extensive amount of charges for abuse and harassment, all from his ex-girlfriends."

"Do any of them live near?" I asked.

"Yes, boy wonder, 25 year-old Vanessa Montgomery works in a coffee shop near the white house," Penelope explained.

"What is the coffee shop?" I questioned.

"The Starbucks over on Pennsylvania Ave. near the White House," she answered. "Why?"

"I know her, she is the barista that always gets our order perfect," I replied.

"Morgan and JJ pick her up on your way back," Hotch ordered. "Owen Winters is our new unsub and y/n y/l/n is our newest victim."

I sighed as I began to prepare the questions for Vanessa. I looked over at y/n's desk and decided to start looking through it for any details.

As I walked over to the desk, I looked at the coffee on y/n's desk. I wanted to apologize for something that I was right about. Why didn't she tell me? was the only thing going through my head.

At her desk I noticed some things that I guess I hadn't seen before. On her desk she has four framed pictures. One of her, Hotch and Rossi. Another that was her and the girls. One that was of her, Derek and me, from one of the first cases we had together . The last one however, was the one I had never seen. It was a picture of y/n and me from when she took me to Colorado to ski and hike.

I smiled at the memory,

"Spencer, be careful," y/n yelled as I walked closer and closer to the edge of the cliff.

I laughed, "y/n I'll be fine! Come here, let's take a picture."

"Fine! Spencer I swear if I fall, you are coming down with me."

"For you, y/n, I'd do anything."

I then began to look deeper in her desk. I felt like I was violating y/n's personal space, but this needed to be done. As I looked through her drawers, I wasn't able to find anything that could help. Until I looked in the last drawer.

In this drawer, I found papers for a restraining order that had been filed and denied. y/n was trying to get away from Owen.

"Guys, I found something," I said yelling into the conference room. The team looked at me to continue, "y/n filed a restraining order on Owen but it was denied. The date was two months ago. I was thinking back and y/n has been acting a little strange for the past five months. Owen has to have her."

"Reid, we already established Owen has her, but this ensures that he was abusive," Hotch said.

Emily sighed, "The timeline makes sense. She has been hanging out with us less and she has worn more turtlenecks in the past five months than I have seen anyone ever wear."

"Yeah," Penelope said. "y/n has ditched us for girls night for the past few months. She also got mad at me at team dinner last night when I asked why she wasn't wearing something more revealing."

"Her smiles have been fake," I added. "She smiles at us all the time to brighten our days, but they haven't been as nice, welcoming."

"Well, Reid, it looks like you were correct," Rossi said.

"What do you mean?" JJ asked.

Derek laughed, "Last night when you three went off to get drinks, Reid told us he thought Owen was acting violent with y/n and thought she was acting strange. Hotch and I immediately agreed, but Rossi didn't seem convinced. Rossi thought Reid was just jealous because he has a crush on y/n and he doesn't realize she likes him."

"Derek, not the time," I said sternly.

Emily laughed, "I can't believe you of all people couldn't see it Spencer. y/n is hopelessly in love with you and now she is dating a scumbag because she doesn't think you like her."

I sighed as I began to look over where y/n could be located, thinking about the idea of dating y/n wouldn't help us find her. We had made little progression on this, but we knew it had to be somewhere with significance to either one of them or both of them.

I decided to ask Garcia, "Garcia, have you made any progress on where y/n could be?"

"Yes 187, it looks like Owen owns a small cabin around half an hour from here," Garcia said.

"Okay let's go now," Hotch told us.

Garcia gasped, "Wait there is a live feed. I'm putting it up on the screen."

The video was horrific. y/n was tied to a chair looking almost dead. She had blood falling from above her head and looked like she had been through hell.

"Hello BAU," Owen said to the camera. "I have your dear y/n, but you wont be able to get her. y/n will never be out of my sight ever again. I will not have Dr. Spencer Reid ruin our relationship."

"It's not your fault Spence," y/n said to the camera. My heart clenched. She was in pain and I couldn't be there to help her.

"He is the one in the way of our relationship y/n," Owen yelled. "Of course it is his fault."

"Spencer isn't the issue with our relationship Owen," y/n yelled back. "You are."

Hotch started to grab his things, "She shouldn't have said that, we need to leave now. She is already in danger."

We all ran to the SUVs. I went in a car with Derek and Hotch. Derek drove and broke every traffic law imaginable, making the thirty minute car ride less than twenty. The three of us grabbed out vests and began to run to the cabin.

Suddenly, Hotch stopped me, "Spencer it isn't safe for you to be there."

"Hotch I have to go," I protested.

"Spencer, you are the reason she is there," Hotch said. "It may be Owen's fucked up mind, but you are the trigger that made him angry. y/n loves you more than him and he noticed and now we're here. Stay outside." I decided to not fight and stay outside to wait for the other team members. The other SUV pulled up quickly after us.

"Jesus Christ, that was the fastest I've ever driven," Emily complained. "Spencer what are you doing out here?"

"Morgan and Hotch already moved in, Hotch doesn't want me inside," I explained.

"I'll stay out here with you Kid," Rossi said. I nodded in thanks as I watched Emily and JJ run to the cabin. I stood staring at the cabin. Time had become slow motion. It felt like an eternity watching the movement inside.

I heard Derek yell from the cabin, "MEDIC! WE NEED A MEDIC!" I immediately ran into the cabin. I looked over and saw y/n in Derek's arms, barely breathing. I heard Owen yelling at me, but couldn't focus on anything besides y/n.

"y/n," I said, moving to where I was holding her head. "y/n, I need you to listen to me. I love you, I always have and I am so sorry I never told you."

"Sir, we need you to move," the medic said, trying to move y/n onto the stretcher. I began to move when I felt someone grab my hand. I looked down and noticed it was y/n. She gave my hand three squeezes. I Love You.

With y/n on her way to the hospital and Owen getting taken back to Quantico, Derek, JJ, and I all went to the hospital to keep tabs on y/n while the others closed the case.

I sat in my chair nervous out of my mind. Derek sat next to me trying to calm me down and JJ was across from me.

"Spencer, you need to calm down," Derek told me.

"I can't calm down Derek, y/n could die," I said frantically.

JJ began to laugh, "Did you know the other day y/n told Emily, Penelope, and I, that she wanted kids? Can you imagine that? y/n with kids?"

A tear trickled down my face, "She always told me she wanted two kids, one boy and one girl. y/n would be a great mother."

Derek laughed, "The thing that would make y/n such a great mother if her kids were also yours Pretty Boy. I have known since the beginning you two would have pretty kids." I laughed, but also glared at him.

"y/n y/l/n?" The doctor called. The three of us stood up and the doctor began to walk towards us, "y/n is out of surgery. It was touch and go for a while, but she is stable. There were many noticeable signs of abuse that were old, she has a broken harm and three broken fingers, all of which are old."

I let out a shaky breath, "When can I- we see her?"

"I can only let one person in at a time and I doubt she is awake," the doctor explained. JJ and Derek looked at me, signaling me to go to y/n's room. I followed the doctor to her room.

"It might be a little much to see, she may not look like herself. She is very, very fragile and has wires attached to her," the doctor said before opening the door for me. Walking into the room, the environment was tense. y/n was laying in the hospital bed with wires attached to her and much of her body was wrapped up from the surgery and from her injuries.

I went over and sat next to her bed, grabbing onto her hand, "y/n, you can't hear me but I am here. It's Spencer. I am so glad you are okay, but why didn't you tell me about Owen? I could have done something. WE could have done something. I am just so glad you are safe."

For the rest of the time, I sat there watching her sleep. Not in a creepy way, but to make sure she was safe. I was so pissed at myself for not realizing what Owen was doing earlier. I should have been able to see the warning signs. Some of them were subtle, when she wouldn't hang out with the team or was constantly checking her phone. But some of them should have been immediate red flags, the flinching in front of the unsub or how she always wore clothes to cover herself. I should have known. The team should have known.

I felt y/n's hand move and saw her shift, "Spencer?" she asked.

"y/n," I said breathlessly. "I am right here, but I need to go get a nurse. You are at the hospital, Owen hurt you."

I started standing up to leave, "Spence, no. Don't leave me."

I sighed, looking at her disheveled features, "y/n, I will be right back. You need to see a nurse."

Walking out of the room was painful, hearing her sobs in fear of being hurt again. It pained me to know I was leaving her when she needed me, again.

I walked over to her nurse, "Um y/n y/l/n has woken up, I thought you should know." The nurse said her thanks and walked with me to y/n's room. As we walked in, the sound of y/n's labored breaths became more noticeable.

"Miss y/l/n, we need you to calm down," the nurse said, running to y/n's bedside.

Immediately, I walked over to y/n and held her hand. "Sir, you need to exit the room," the nurse said, ushering me away from y/n. At that moment I didn't know what was worse, hearing y/n's cries or feeling so helpless in the situation.

Suddenly, I felt a presence next to me, "Reid, you need to leave, it's not good for you here."

Derek.

"Derek, I-I-I can't just leave," I stuttered. "I need to be there to help, she's all alone."

"Kid, you need to shower," Derek said.

"No, Derek you don't understand," I said angrily. "I can't just leave her here again. I didn't notice when she was hurt and I need to show that I care."

Derek sighed, "Reid, she knows. She's not going to hate you. No one knew that she was going through that. It's not your fault."

I was about to say something when I say y/n being moved out of her room by doctors, "What is going on?" I asked.

"Miss y/l/n is getting taken back into surgery," the doctor said. "We don't know what happened." I began to hyperventilate. I was freaking out. y/n wasn't alright. She was going to die.

As I began to sob, Derek pulled me into a hug, "She is going to be alright man. You'll get to see her again and talk to her and finally ask her on a date. Does that sound good?"

I unconvincingly nodded my head.

"No, Spencer, don't do that," he said. "Don't doubt the doctors and think about the statistics, y/n is not a statistic."

I nodded, wiping my eyes.

"There you go," Derek smirked. "Now, go take a shower at your house so y/n wont shy away at your scent. Also, maybe get her some flowers. She likes-"

"Pink roses," I interrupted, laughing. "Pink roses are the most difficult flowers to find."

Derek laughed, "At least try to find them."

"For her," I began. "I'd do anything."

After that, I ran to the SUV to head to Quantico and get my car. The car ride felt like forever and I wasn't excited for the possibility of seeing Owen. Thankfully, I didn't see Owen between the time of dropping off the SUV and going to the parking lot to get my car. The car ride to my apartment was short, thank God. I decided to take a quick shower, just wanting to freshen up. I got dressed in my home clothes, which were in fact different from my work clothes, contrary to the belief of most of my team members.

I made it to the flower shop that was down the street from my apartment. I was usually able to find at least one pink rose here, but it was typically very difficult.

"Hello," the shop owner said. "We are close to closing Spencer. Do you need anything in specific?"

"Pink roses," I stated.

The owner laughed, "I'll have to check the back, but don't get your hopes up."

I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up, but I couldn't help myself. y/n loves pink roses and I love y/n.

The owner came back, "You my kind sir, are in good luck. We had one bouquet left of pink roses in the back."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," I said, pulling out my money. The owner nodded as I ran out the door to my car.

Speeding to the hospital, I made it to the waiting room. In the waiting room, I couldn't find the team. They were all there, but they weren't in the waiting room. I decided to go to y/n's room and see if they were near there.

Walking to y/n's room, I heard laughter. I looked into the room and saw the team in there along with y/n, smiling. I knocked on the door and slowly opened it.

"Spence," y/n smiled. "I missed you."

"Well I should get going," JJ began. "I need to go see my boys."

The rest of the team followed with their excuses for leaving y/n and I alone.

"H-hi y/n," I stuttered. "I brought you flowers, h-how are you?"

"I am as good as I can be," y/n laughed, obviously compensating the pain. "Thank you for the flowers Spence, I can't believe you could find them at this hour. You have always told me-"

"10 AM is the best time to buy pink roses," I interrupted. "Sorry."

"It's okay Spence, how are you?" She asked.

"Not that great," I said honestly. "Why didn't you tell us y/n?"

y/n sighed, "It was hard Spencer. I already barely had time alone with you guys and I didn't want to ruin it. Owen was also very scary- a mad man. I felt hopeless Spence, I didn't know what to do. I mean I've seen situations like this all the time in cases, but when it was actually happening I felt like there was nothing to do."

I held on to y/n's hand, giving it small kisses while she continued to talk me through her feelings, "and Spencer, I don't want to be alone tonight. Do you think you could stay?"

"Of course y/n," I answered.

"Thanks Spence, you're the best," she said. We continued to sit in a comfortable silence, watching the new episode of Dr Who on the small television in the corner of the room when y/n spoke up again, "Did you mean it?"

"Did I mean what?" I asked, hoping she didn't mean my love confession.

y/n looked at me, knowing I was avoiding the topic, "When you said you love me Spencer. Did you mean it?"

"Yes," I answered.

"I love you too," She said.

I smiled, "Maybe once you're better Icantakeyoutodinner?"

"Spencer say it slower and I'll answer," y/n laughed. "I couldn't understand you."

"Once you're better maybe I can take you out to dinner?" I asked.

"Of course," y/n said. "But no Indian, if we are going on a date I want to go out somewhere. I want to feel pretty."

"To me, you are the most beautiful girl in the world," I said.

y/n blushed profusely, "I still can't believe you found those pink roses! I bet you had to look all over."

"I did, but for you, I'd do anything."

[allthingskakashi]

• Bells and Balls •

[ Kakashi x Reader ]

Tags : NSFW, Smut

Words : 4.8k

A/n: I wrote over 4k words just to get some dick.

Okay sbsbajash idk I'd been working on this for like a whole week and i couldn't concentrate on anything unless i finished this lmao so here it is whatever, I can't drag this around anymore. Uhhh hope you like it I'm still not very good at writing smut im sorry. This takes place in the post Anbu and pre team 7 era and Kakashi’s a bit of an asshole but you know you still love him. This is also a little similar to my other fic ‘Yearning’ but here you get the s e x and i’m sorry if the characterization is bad, i put more focus on making it hot i guess ok ill shut up now i hope you like it

You give the sheet of paper in your hand one final glance, and look around the room. There’s a long line behind you and you’re surrounded by your fellow jounins, each here to submit their respective lists.

You were extremely happy with the performance of your team and didn’t have to think twice before passing them. You had no doubt that they would make wonderful shinobi. You looked forward to teaching and guiding them, and judging by the chatter around you, most other jounins had passed their teams too.

The trouble, however, remains with Kakashi Hatake.

A few weeks ago, you had all been named squad leaders and put in charge of a squad, and today was your very first day with your assigned teams. As instructed, each of you conducted a test for the genin and depending upon whether they passed or failed, the final list would be announced.

No one till date had ever passed Kakashi Hatake's infamous test, and everyone was sure that no one would this year either. Most genin trembled in fear of him, being aware of his strict methods.

And as it happens, at this moment, this infamous man is right in front you, standing with his back hunched forward as he hands his paper in to the woman behind the desk.

You wait for your turn, your eyes fixating on the red symbol on his vest as you wonder, ruefully, about the fate of the students he must have failed this time.

You take a step forward as he turns around, having submitted his paper, and the line moves up behind you.

Kakashi peeks briefly at your paper as he passes, letting out an audible scoff at the list in your hand before walking on ahead, hands tucked in his pockets.

You’re momentarily confused by this sudden act, but something is already starting to boil up inside you. You aren’t exactly known for being placid, nor for sitting by and allowing people to give you crap. Your eyebrows furrow as you hastily thrust your sheet onto the desk, before making your way to follow after him.

“Do you have a problem?” you call to his back as a few heads turn towards you.

He stops, taking his time turning back to look at you, half lidded eyes looking as indifferent as always.

His demeanour pushes you further to the edge and you take a few steps closer, craning your neck to meet his eyes, waiting for an answer.

“Well?”

He peers down at you unfazed, completely oblivious to the audience around you, as if they are not even there.

“You’re too soft”, he shrugs. “You don’t know how the shinobi world works” he says bluntly, piercing you with his unwavering gaze.

You glare back at him, your mouth twitching with the sled of retorts forming at the back of your tongue.

“Who gave you the right to—"

But he’s already turning away from you, your eyes meeting with the red symbol of his vest once again.

“Hey don’t you fucking walk away from me!” you yell, going forward to stop him, but he saunters on ahead without turning back; his scent lingering in the air as you stand there, watching his figure disappear slowly along the hallway, your fury seething inside you.

Who the fuck does he think he is?

--------------------------------------------------

 “Thank you! This is just what I needed.” you chime, digging into the hot bowl of ramen in front of you, your mouth salivating just at the look of it.

You take a big mouthful, revelling in the immediate burst of flavours on your tongue.

“Mmmm.” You moan, “You’ve outdone yourself, Ayame!”

The young girl smiles at you in delight, proceeding to serve you another helping.

You take another blissful bite, closing your eyes to relish the moment.

The streets are quiet around you except for the faint chirp of crickets, as is expected at this hour of the night. It must be past midnight by now, you’re not exactly sure.

You had been tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep. For some reason, the encounter with Kakashi from earlier today had you feeling bitter and edgy. You hated that he was in your head, you didn’t understand why. It wasn’t like you to be this bothered by some mindless comments from someone. You’d had altercations before, worse ones, but they were never enough to steal away your night’s sleep.

And yet, this time…

You had to do something to take the edge off, ideally punch him in the face, but since that was not the plausible choice, you settled for the next best thing. Going for a run and treating yourself to your favourite comfort food later.  

So here you are now, out at night all by yourself. The Ichiraku shop was still open, bless the lords.

You slurp some of the soup from the bowl and let out a loud smack of your lips.

You can feel your spirits lifting, and you’re glad for it. He wasn’t in your head after all, you were just having a bad day, that’s all.

You shift your focus back to the bowl in front of you, moaning and slurping as you go.

“Whoa there, Get a room.”

The sudden interruption of the familiar voice makes you stop cold.

Are you fucking kidding me?

You look up from your bowl, turning your head around to see none other than Kakashi Hatake, standing smug in all his glory.

The strange pang of bitterness is back in the depths of your stomach and you resist the urge to punch that smug look off his face.

“Ah, if it isn’t Kakashi Hatake, the all-knowing wisenheimer.” you say, your tone snide. “Say, don’t you have somewhere else to be? Some genin to fail?”

He comes around to take a seat on the stool beside you, a smirk evident through his mask, almost as if he’s enjoying this.

“I’ve already failed them” he smiles sweetly at you. “Worked up quite an appetite too.” He says, looking away from you to place his order.

You notice as Ayame notes his order down, the distinct shade of pink that tinges her cheeks as does, before turning away and disappearing into the supplies room at the back of the shop.

Ugh. What is with this guy? Why is it so….

You don’t realise you’re staring at him until he looks back at you, raising a questioning eyebrow. You supress your startlement at being caught, pretending as if you’d meant to be glaring at him.

“What the hell are you even doing out here so late?” you spurt, trying to sound irritated but it comes out sounding almost…concerned?

Thankfully, he doesn’t notice. “I could ask you the same.”

You look away, unwilling to answer. You were out here to get him out of your head, and now here you are, sitting beside him in a ramen shop while the entire village sleeps.

It almost feels like you’re the only two people in the world. The feeling makes something churn inside your stomach.

You dab your mouth with your napkin, before swivelling on the stool to face him. You look at him intently, studying his features. He stares back at you, as if waiting for you to say something.

“Why?” you ask, catching him off guard with it.

“Why what?”

“Why does no one pass your test? What’s so difficult about it?” you ask, gaze fixated on him. You expect him to look uncomfortable but he just shrugs.

“Why do you want to know?”

“I’m curious” you reply truthfully, watching him smirk at your answer.  

You hate it when he smirks, how his face looks when he’s being cocky.

Ugh.

He swivels in his chair now, turning his body towards you. “Is that so?”, he says through the smirk, resting his elbow on the counter and leaning in.

You don’t know why, but something about his tone and the way he leans in makes it difficult for you to breathe all of a sudden.

But you’re not one to be fazed.

“Yes” you reply, refusing to let yourself crumple under his gaze. Your voice comes out sounding hoarse, and you clear your throat.

He smirks wider at your reply and stretches the next words out.

“If you’re so curious…Why don’t you find out for yourself?”

Your heart thuds like clapper clanging against a bell. You resist the urge to gulp.

Was it this hot when I left the house?

You clear your throat again. “I don’t have the time to take part in your stupid games”

The smirk is adamant on his lips, his gaze unnerving.

He breathes, “Do you not have the time…or do you not have the balls?”

His tone is challenging. Or inviting. Or both, you’re not really sure, you’re not thinking straight anymore.

Your jacket is too hot against your skin, you writhe beneath the thick material.

Sliding off the stool, you walk slowly towards him, erasing the space in between you bit by bit with each step, until your bodies are a few inches away from touching. Your eyes bore into each other’s as if in silent battle. It’s your turn to smirk now.

“Training Grounds in 20 mins” you whisper. Despite the hitch in your breath, your voice is clear. “Don’t be late.”

You walk past him without breaking your gaze, brushing your shoulder against his arm as you walk by, perhaps a little harder than necessary, leaving Kakashi to stare after you.

--------------------------------------------------

You sit on the damp grass with your back against a tree, waiting. Your jacket lies in a puddle beside you.

You count the weapons in your bag, you hadn’t exactly come out prepared for a fight tonight. Two kunai knives, that’s all.

Would that be enough to take down the copy ninja? You hope so. There’s no way you’re letting him win. It’s time someone taught him a lesson and you would love to be that someone. The nerve of him…to actually challenge you.

He really needs to get a life. But then, here you are too…

Why am I here? What am I even doing?

You close your eyes and tilt your head back against the hard bark, your eyebrows furrowing the way they always do when you’re deep in thought.

Back at the shop… the way he spoke…the look in his eyes— God, Stop. Stop it.

Who the fuck cares about the look in his eyes?

Not me.

It’s okay. I’m good.

We’re here to teach this asshole a lesson. An asshole, that’s what he is. Insufferable and stupid and smug and ridiculously ho— horrible. Ridiculously horrible.

You take a deep breath, opening your eyes and standing up so fast that it makes your head dizzy for a brief second. You start walking around, jerking your arms and legs, stretching your neck, even slapping yourself a few times on the face to make yourself focus.

Yes, I need to focus. The lack of sleep is getting to me.

You crouch down to tighten your shoelaces, before getting up and starting some stretching exercises. Gotta loosen the muscles, make sure you have full flexibility. After all, taking on Kakashi Hatake all by yourself is probably not going to be a piece of cake.

You look down to check your attire: running shorts and a tank top, not fully ideal but it’ll do.

You’re bent over, in the midst of doing rotating toe touches when your eyes fall upon a silhouette far ahead, nearing closer and closer. You pause, standing up straight with your hands on your hips as the figure walks slowly towards you, a faint jingling noise ringing through the air, as Kakashi finally comes near enough for you to make out his face in the dim light.

“Late as always” you say, crossing your arms over your chest.

Kakashi stands a few feet away from you, holding something in one hand, other hand inside his pocket. He’s not wearing his jacket anymore either, you observe.

“Sorry, had to go get this” he says, holding up what looks like two small bells with strings attached.

You squint at it, coming closer to get a better look. “What the hell is that?”

“Bells”, he smiles. “That’s the test. You have to get these bells from me. You can use any attack you want but… since you’re not a genin, I’ll raise the stakes a little higher for you. You cannot use ninjutsu or genjustu. It has to be purely physical attacks. You have till dawn.”

This little fucker. He knows taijutsu is not my strong point.

But fine. If that’s how he wants to play this, so be it. I’m taking him down one way or another.

“Dawn?” you chuckle, fixing him with your gaze. “I don’t need till dawn” you sneer, coming forward with a kick aimed to his head. He blocks it just as you’re about to make contact, grasping your ankle in his strong hold.

“I didn’t say start yet” he says through a smirk, letting go of your foot.

You take a few steps backwards, glowering at him as he ties the bells to a loop on his trousers. They hang over his thighs with a jingle, silver metal glimmering in the moonlight.

He looks back up at you, eyes twinkling with an unusual sparkle.

There’s that look again…

“Go” he commands, his body tensing up into a defensive stance immediately, ready for you.

You fix your gaze on the shiny metal of your goal and hurl yourself forward, your arms meeting each other’s in blows and defences. You throw a few kicks to his stomach, making him tumble but not enough to knock him out.

You shift your stance, before directing another punch to his face; he deflects it, sniggering.

Okay okay okay, I’m not focusing. I need to focus.

You take a deep breath.

Kakashi stands waiting, his features emanating pure amusement.

You feel a restlessness brewing within you, a strange energy buzzing through your veins. You’d been itching to punch him in the face and now’s your chance.

You watch him, mentally calculating all your options. His silver hair shines like moonbeams in the dark.

FOCUS.

Drawing a kunai from your bag, you lunge forward, distracting him with a kick to the head as your kunai slashes through the air, just about to cut across the strings when— your hand is caught in his grasp, a ‘slap!’ cutting through the air as his palm clasps around your wrist.

He bores into you, your wrist held firmly in his hand as he turns you around swiftly, gripping both your wrists at the back.

You feel the muscles of his chest against your body as he comes closer, the metal bells hanging over his leg brushing against your fingertips behind you.

You wriggle your hands, trying to break free but it’s in vain. His grip is firm, slender fingers digging into your skin as he leans into your ears, his warm breath tickling your skin.

“Not so fast” he whispers, his lips almost brushing the top of your ears.

The words send a shudder through your spine. You feel the black sky closing in on you, there’s a hum springing through your veins.

He loosens his grip as your hands fall, the kunai held limply in your hand. You turn around, your heart skipping a beat at how close he is to you. You feel your resolve weakening.

No.

No.

Stop.

Your hand flies to the collar of his shirt, the other hand holding the kunai to his throat as you push him backwards with your body, your eyes blazing into his.  

Keeping the kunai at his throat, you lower your other hand slowly, brushing it down his chest, his muscles taut under your hand. You trail your hand down along the line of his sternum, down the firmness of his stomach and further down, your fingers lightly caressing the bulge of his trousers before they almost make contact with the bells alongside, right there, just a flick away—

so close—

Before your wrist is caught in a sudden, fast clutch again.

His grip is much stronger this time, unyielding, hungry. Your bones ache beneath his hold.  

You watch something ignite in his eyes as his shoulders rise and fall in rhythm to your heaves. You suddenly realise how out of breath you are.

In the flash of a moment, Kakashi grips your kunai holding hand, holding it away from his throat as he pushes you, the weight of his body pressing onto yours as your feet scrape along the ground, stumbling backwards till your back slams against a tree, the force making your body jolt. The kunai slips from your hand.

His arms pin you defenceless against the tree, his gaze holding you hostage, burning through your skin.

The touch of his skin against yours feels alien. When was the last time you felt the warmth of someone’s skin? You cannot recall.

He’s so close to you, you cannot see anything beyond him.

In the dark, under the moonlight, the edges of his face look softened.

A wind passes by, the sound of rustling leaves filling through the silence. A volcano erupts within you.

Now.

You gulp. Up this close, you can make out the outline of his mouth.

Now.

Your lips press into Kakashi’s in a desperate lurch, your neck straining to meet him as far as his grip on you allows. Your heart explodes like firecrackers inside your chest as your tongue pushes against the cloth of his mask, demanding to be let in.

You feel his grip loosen around your wrists as the mask is off and he reciprocates, his lips on yours, his hand gripping your chin up as his tongue moves in fervent swirls inside your mouth.

A thousand questions swarm inside your head, buzzing but you’re not being controlled by your head anymore. You can feel the thud of his chest against your own.

He trails his hand down to your throat, holding you in place, other hand exploring every edge and curve of your body before it snakes down the waistband of your shorts, down the elastic of your underwear.

You gasp, arching your back as you feel the touch of his long fingers down there, moaning helplessly into his mouth as he rubs along your wet entrance in rapid strokes.

Your head is a dizzy mess of jumbled emotions as yearning overpowers your senses, your previous resolve weakening into a mushy puddle with every stroke and thrum of his fingers inside you.

He pulls away from your mouth to leave sloppy kisses down your neck, his tongue painting patterns along your skin as you catch a glimpse of his face and you see it— his face, glowing under the moonlight. And you realise.

He’s…beautiful.

An overwhelming ache breaks through your senses, creating a frenzied whirlwind of passion and agony in your mind. Your detestation for him crumbles into pieces underneath the weight of your desire, as you realise…

You don’t hate him.

You never did.

Not even close.

Not even a little bit.

Not even at all.

You pull his face up to meet your lips again, planting urgent kisses on his mouth as your hands tease the hem of his shirt. His fingers slip out of you and you can feel the wetness of your panties, soaked through with arousal.

“Kakashi…” you whisper in pleasure as he looms over you, your foreheads touching, out of breath and heaving with exhilaration. His eyes burn with the same passion that you feel inside.

“We can’t…shouldn’t…here…people...” you mutter in struggled breaths, as he plants another kiss to your lips, the sparks from it fogging your mind

“Since when do you care about people?” he whispers against your ear, his raspy voice enough to strip you off of all your remaining sense and judgement.

You pull his shirt over his head in one swift motion, throwing it to the ground beside as he follows, taking off your shirt and then unhooking your bra, tossing both away as his hands reach for you in hungry clutches.

His hands caress your breasts, pressing them and pulling on your hardened nipples, his mouth following soon after. His lips lock around them, sucking hard as you bury your face into his broad shoulders, biting lightly to keep yourself from screaming.

You sink your fingers into his hair, tugging softly as his mouth moves in a wet trail further down your body, strands of his hair tickling your stomach as he goes, his hands tugging your panties, sliding them down the curves of your hips.

Your heart thuds in your ears as Kakashi sits crouching in front of you, parting your legs. He looks up at you, as if asking for your permission, and you give it to him by pulling the back of his head closer between your legs.

He puts your right leg over his shoulder, spreading you for him, his other hand clutching the back of your left thigh as his mouth teases you down there.

The tip of his tongue flicks at your entrance, before it finds your weakest spot, and you feel your body shuddering, barely able to keep your balance.

You tug at his hair harder as his tongue moves skilfully inside you, fingers rubbing your swollen clit simultaneously. You feel every nerve ending in your body come alive as you moan out his name “K-Kakashi…” through trembling lips.

Your insides shudder and a deep moan forms at the back of your throat, threatening to escape as Kakashi puts his hand over your mouth, before pulling you down on top of him with a sudden tug.  

You come down with a thud on his thighs, your body jolting with the force as you watch him in front of you, the copy ninja… bare bodied and heaving in front of your eyes.

Who would have thought…

You straddle him, admiring his unclad torso, before pushing his shoulders down with your hands, making him lie back on the grass as you stoop over him. His eyes are fixated on you, pure pleasure making itself known on his face.

He really is beautiful.

You bend forward, your mouth exploring the smoothness of the skin on his chest, as a strange cold feeling down there distracts you.

You look down, squinting in the dark to find yourself sitting on two glimmering metal balls placed over his thigh.

The bells.

A thrill runs through your nerves as you smirk, glancing up at him.

He’s noticed it too.

His eyes return the same sparkle of mischief as yours as he lies still, waiting.

You press your hands down on his chest, locking your gaze with his as you position yourself over the bells, tilting your head back as you move back and forth over them.

The cold metal of the bells rubs against you, sending tremors through your entire body.

Your gaze at Kakashi again, watching him squirm at the sight of you, his hands twitching to feel your skin.

You keep your eyes on him as you slide down slightly on his thigh, tugging his trousers down as you go. Your hands find the base of his cock as you allow yourself to admire his throbbing length.

He leans his head back on the grass and you feel him getting harder in your hands.

Forming your hand into a fist around him, you move it up and down along his shaft in slow steady strokes, leaning down to bring your mouth closer to his tip, before swirling your tongue in circles around his skin.

His hips tremble as he clutches onto the grass, writhing.

Your lips clasp around his cock, mouth slurping up and down his length, taking your time sliding down to the base and back up, your hands following suit.

You tease him, switching between the tip of your tongue and your whole mouth, sending sparks of pleasure shooting through him.

He quivers and you sit back up, bending forward over his face and pressing your lips on his. A groan from his mouth erupts inside yours as he clutches your hips.

His hands guide your hips back and forth over his length, your lips trembling as he slips into you, his cock finally inside you, pushing into you, filling you as deep as you can be filled.

A new rush of pleasure burns through your senses, your insides stretching as you move your hips around him, back and forth and then in circles.

“A-a-ah...mm…yeah…”, your muffled moans cut through the depths of the forest in the silence of the night.

Kakashi breathes your name, the eruption of your name from his lips enough to send you to a frenzy, filling your heart with drunken fervour.

You moan his name back in reply, hopping up and down on him as his arm snakes behind your waist and he flips you over in a sudden, swift movement, the weight of his body falling over you now.

You arch your back, pushing your hips up to meet his, unwilling to break away even for a second.

You want him so, so bad.

The pointy peaks of grass underneath poke your skin, your nails digging into his back as he nibbles on your neck, thrusting deep, deep into you.

You feel the familiar shudder from earlier again, your mind getting clouded with waves of pleasure coursing through you. Kakashi’s grunts quaver in your ear as you feel his hips jerk in tune to yours.

There’s a tantalizing jolt of ecstasy through your body as you scream out, your quivering voice matching his grunts as you both put a hand over the other’s mouth, your muffled moans melting into each other’s skin. He quivers inside you for a final time before you feel him slipping out of you, as hot wet cum trickles along the insides of your thighs, dripping into the dewy grass beneath.

Droplets of sweat from his hair drips down on you, tasting salty in your mouth. You heave together in exhaustion as he plops down on you, before rolling to the side.

You lie on your back panting, your entire body damp with sweat.

Languor threatens to take over you as you struggle to keep your eyes open, looking up into the night sky.

You see a firefly glowing above your head. You lift a lazy hand to reach it, but it flies away far above, becoming one with the twinkling stars in the sky.

Soft sounds of Kakashi’s breath echo beside you, his foot still touching yours lightly as the both of you lie heaving under the stars.

He turns his head to look at you and you can feel his eyes on you as you try, with all the fibres in your body, to not look back at him.

You know you won’t be able to hold yourself together any longer if you do.

He extends a hand towards you. “That was…”

“Sshhh… Shut up” you say in a slumberous whisper, moving closer into his arm, putting your own around him, your head buried into chest as you feel your eyes getting heavy…not able to stay awake anymore. You feel Kakashi envelope you in his arms, the warmth from his skin against the cold air lulling you to sleep, your mind becoming foggy as you close your eyes, slowly drifting off somewhere far, far away…

--------------------------------------------------

Your eyes open to the chirping of birds perched on the branches above, rays of morning light casting a rosy glow in the horizon.

You watch the half light in the distance, rubbing your eyes, smiling to yourself.

The night had taken with it the black clouds of denial fogging your mind, your heart is as clear as day now.

You turn your head just in time to see Kakashi opening his eyes, his eyes puffy, imprints of grass marking his soft cheek.

You smile at him as he looks at you, lips curled into a sleepy smile. “Good morning” he yawns, tapping over his mouth with his palm.

“I won.”

“Hmm?” he asks groggily, eyes still adjusting to the light.

You hold up the two small bells in front of him, they jingle over his face.

He chuckles. “I don’t think so. It’s past dawn”

“I took them off before. I won.”

He laughs again, his face lighting up in a way you’d never seen before. He looks even more beautiful in the daylight.

“In all fairness y/n, there are no losers here.”

You laugh along with him now, reaching across and smoothening the imprints on his cheek, keeping your hand there, cupping his cheek.

“So, I passed?” you ask, looking at him, inching closer.

He looks back at you, with the same look from earlier in his eyes.

But you’re not turning yourself blind to it anymore.

“Top of the class” he laughs, pulling you closer, nuzzling your nose with his before pressing his lips into yours.

Notes :-

Did I quote 10 Things I Hate About You on a Kakashi Smut?

Yes, yes i did.

[ay0nha]

The Race That Launched A Thousand Ships: Part 6/?

(Working) Summary & Title: Niki Lauda, the rookie starting his   career requests the help of a mechanic,  Margot Lancaster who has a buried past that he’s seemed to uncovered.  

Pairing: Niki Lauda x femme!OC (mechanic)

Word Count: ~4K

A/N: UPDATED CHAPTER. Still a little rushed, but I don’t want to leave anyone hanging any more! Also, don't fight me, I used some lines from Grey's Anatomy. It's my comfort show. Hope you enjoy! Thank you.

Taglist: @scuttle-buttle @creme-bruhlee @hardlyinteresting @ginger-abreu  @livvyshmiv​ @eater-of-corn @apparrio @whatawildone @greeneyedblondie44 @fictionlandslanddreams​ @lieutenantn @linkpk88

Masterlist - Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

"You're nothing more than a grid girl."

I hummed as I continued my work, not bothering to ignore my incessant colleague anymore, "If you're going to insult me, at least sound like you mean it. Try again."

"What do you even know about a car? You're butchering it."

"Oh? You too now?" I didn't bother looking up as I heard another join in, "More the merrier."

"I suggest you watch the way you talk to us."

"Or what?" I questioned with a slightly bored tone, pulling out the parts they had just put in for added instigation. I had decided only moments ago to voice my thoughts as they came after weeks of comments being made just loud enough for me to hear. It was always under the breath, in passing, or to each other within earshot just so I could know how the men I worked with felt with having me in charge this season around. So now, when I was met with a staggering silence, I only pushed further, "Another tip boys, if you're going to threaten someone at least have the decency to follow through.

"Listen here -

"I'm all ears."

"You better watch yourself," He said yet another unoriginal threat, trying to grasp at anything to rattle me. Then he dared to say the one thing that was a guarantee to truly piss me off,  "Niki won't be able to protect you forever."

This was exactly what I wanted to avoid. My back was still turned to them. I  picked up my tools and used the towel from my waistband to clean them,  placing them aside one by one, taking my time counting to ten as an attempt to calm down. I looked up at the ceiling hoping there would be some type of explanation written to as why these men were  are moronic as they were. Stretching my neck slightly on each side, I   turned around to face the so-called hotshots. However, once I got to ten I realized there was only one thing that could be done.

"Fine, can you please help me then?" I pretended dully.

He gave a little scoff, then a look to his friend for reassurance. He rubbed his chin slightly, before throwing up a hand as if saying what the hell, taking a few steps toward me. Before anyone could stop me, or even realize what I was doing, my fist made contact with the man's nose eliciting a satisfying crunch and hiss of pain from me as I  pulled back sharply. The room erupted almost immediately, everyone going to the aid of the man now on the floor in shock.

"You bitch!"

"Get up," I said lowly.

Despite  my calm stature, I was  getting ready to deliver another blow if  needed. The rest could see this  and sprung forward to hold me back just  in case I decided to bolt  forward again. There were about five  different languages going on around  me, but I knew everyone understood  what my intentions were. I didn't  fight the arms that were holding me  back because I was satisfied by  getting at least one hit in. One that  caused the man to stay huddled on  the ground with a small group around  him to help him up.

However, their grips slackened when Niki came storming in shouting, "What is this?"

"She attacked me!"

I  couldn't help but roll my eyes. Everyone  was calm again, using the  silence as a coping mechanism to Niki's anger.  All hands were to   themselves at this point and I had even taken a seat,  waiting for the   long-winded lecture we were probably going to receive  from Niki.   However, the man who I never bothered to learn the name of  was still   recovering from my blow, now stood in front of me with an  accusatory   finger pointed into my chest. Within seconds, like  rapid-fire, we were back at each other's throats. As we  began to squabble again,  Niki became the physical barrier between us as  we spat at each other.  At this point, I'm sure my words weren't coherent  just fueled by months   worth of pent-up anger.

"Enough!"

I could feel the steam coming out through my ears at Niki's words, "I don't need you-

"Go wait outside!" He bellowed, practically pushing me towards the door. I had finally seen his eyes and recognized the fire in them.

As  I walked out he kept the same volume, yelling in German to the   rest of  the people. Although my feet carried me forward I wanted nothing  more  but to run back in there and really let loose. But I knew better. I  was  content that I got my point across one way or another. However, I   hadn't felt done yet as I sat down on the curb, waiting for Niki to come   out. I wanted to leave, but the desire to wait for him exceeded that,   and that in itself infuriated me beyond belief.

It didn't take much longer for Niki to come striding out with the same force as he just had, "What was that!"

"Nothing I couldn't handle," I looked up at him fiercely, but somewhat level-headed. I had almost reveled in the fact he was having this type of reaction.

"Clearly you could not handle that."

"It was under control."

"Under control?" He was now yelling, one hand on his hip while the other gestured violently in the air, "You have broken that man's nose."

"What? " I looked at him, taking in his serious expression, understanding what he wanted me to do, "...You're not asking me to apologize, are you?"

He  gave me a slight look that said yes.  I blew a raspberry at him, which  he didn't appreciate, but there was no way in hell I would   apologize  for my actions.  

"I can't have you-" He stopped for a moment,  looking at my face debating on how to follow, ultimately correcting himself, "Can't have your hands be  indisposed. The  car-

"Right, the car," I almost spat,  getting up to leave   altogether, but Niki grabbed my elbow, forcing me  back to him. But   especially back to finish the conversation.  

He  looked at me for a moment, then let go to look down at my   reddening  hand.  He glanced at me then to the side a couple of times   before  settling, his expression softening briefly as he asked me, "Are you  alright?"

"I want to go home," I pulled my arm back and crossed my arms.

He nodded his head yet again, "Take the rest of the evening off."

"No, home, I want to go back to London."

"Margot-

"No," I seethed, shutting him up, "You don't get to try to understand what it's like to be the only woman on a team full of men." He  was taken aback by my statement, but I only continued, "Men who  think I  can't do what they do. Because I'm a woman, I have to give an   explanation as to why I know these things. Because when you're a woman   you can't just know and God forbid I can do something better than them on my own!" I let out a bitter laugh. Then, pushing his   shoulder slightly I said, "You have to be connected to a man. Don't you   get that?"

He knew better than to answer. I was deliberate with  my words, taking  my time to really flesh out what I wanted to say.  There was zero urge  to cry, yell, or do anything but get my point  across.

"I'm tired, Niki. I'm really  tired. I don't have  the energy to  be shy, to be meek, to explain myself to you or anyone  else. I'm not  going to change the way I speak or hold myself just   because...just-

"Think about it, and I mean really think about it,"  I tapped the side  of my head for emphasis, "If I were a man talking  this way, acting this  way, I would go down in history for being that-  that son of a bitch  that you wish you one day could be. No, you strive to be.  If, if I were a man punching him we'd probably grab a beer in   an hour  and laugh about it. But what do I get? I get reduced to the bitch who got lucky enough to land a sucker punch on him. And, and over the years the story would change to that he let me hit him. He let me. Isn't that just so kind?"

"I will never be the bigger person because I shouldn't be expected to. I stand here doing my job minding my fucking business but I am still approached simply just because. I'm not going   to sugarcoat shit to protect a man's ego. I'm not willing to conform to what you think you want me to be."

It was silent. The only  thing that could be heard was my heavy   breathing and the annoying drip  of some pipe that needed fixing. I held  Niki's eye contact, refusing to  be the first to break. His expression  was blank and neutral which in  turn only pissed me off more. I wasn't  sure what reaction I wanted out  of him, but I wanted something. That fire in his eyes was gone.  

"Are you done?"

"Walk away before I hit you too," I hadn't missed a beat, it was like my mouth had  a mind of its own waiting for the perfect opportunity to say this to  him.

He started to walk away and once he was almost out of sight  so did I.  It hurt me a little that he hadn't chased after me, but it  fueled my  rage even more. I didn't have a destination in mind, I just  wanted to be  anywhere but here. After not making it very far, I heard a  soft hum of a  car pull up next to me. I knew exactly who and what it  was without  looking up. I continued to walk, but then there was nowhere   more for me  to walk. So I watched as Niki leaned over and opened the   passenger  side's car door.

"Get in the car," He spoke calmly, but firmly, "We're going for a drive."

I stared at him and he stared back. He couldn't possibly think I would get into the car after all of that.

"Please."

It  was the first time I had ever heard him say that word. I wanted to   strangle him, but I wanted to be close to him. I was angry, I was angry   at him, I was angry at the situation. I wanted nothing more than to be   away from here. So, before I gave myself a chance to say no, my hand   already reached for the door handle.

I was surprised I hadn't  burned through the car seat with the amount of anger that seeped through  my skin.  I  think he was uncomfortable with my anger. He could handle  it if it was  directed towards him, but when it was an overall upset, he  didn't know  what to do. So, to make it easier for both of us, I leaned  my head  against the window to watch the scenery go by.

He was  tapping on the gear stick as if he were thinking, each tap a new  thought that matched the gear he was in. It was starting to get on  my  nerves, but I knew if I started talking again, I'd start to regret  what  I'd say. So, I channeled my frustration into my own tapping. With  my  non-throbbing hand, I started to tap my knee. It only stopped when  Niki  had stopped it. He had taken my hand in his. He was toying with it  the  same way he toyed with tools when he was thinking. He was always thinking. But it seemed like his thinking had stopped.

He  kept one hand on the steering wheel while the top of his other   wormed  its way under my palm, effectively placing his hand on my knee.   Then  with our fingers slightly entwined, he placed them both onto the  gear  shift, as if he was teaching me how to drive manual. It was only  then I  tore my eyes from the scenery and looked down at our hands  blankly,  not quite registering what was happening. Then, my eyes floated  up to his  arm, until they landed on his side profile.

His eyes were trained  on the road like they always were, surveying   the plain, but he sent me  a fleeting look before repeating his   unanswered question from before,  "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," I croaked out a whisper after I  made sure his eyes were back on the road. Looking down at our hands  again, I started to feel   that bubble of anger again. I went to pull my  hand away, but his fingers  flexed up to keep it in place.

"Did  he hurt you?" He glanced at me again, his voice quiet, which was  unlike  him. It was almost as if he was dreading my answer.

"No."

"Good," He secured his grip on my hand before shifting into a different gear.

After  some time passed, I let the weight of my hand completely relax  onto  his, becoming his second skin. We had driven far out into the   countryside and the sun was starting to set. I had no idea where we were   and I wasn't too sure Niki did either. Regardless, the drive   continued.  The winds of the roads acted as a cradle, rocking the   immediate tension  away.

But as life goes, we couldn't just  drive forever. Soon  enough, he pulled up to the hotel to let me out.  This time he let me  pull my hand away, but I had wished he kept it  there. I thought about  staying and keeping it there, but it was time  for this eventful night to  come to an end.

"Margot," He called for me as I stepped out of the car. His accent dripped off of my name like honey.  

"Niki,"  I turned around, looking through his now open window. I said  his name  like a warning, it was his turn to know better than to say  something  he'd regret to me because that would have been the last straw.  

"I know this," He pointed into the car, referencing our drive, "Doesn't solve the problem, but I...I hope it helps alleviate it."

"Goodnight, Niki."

"Goodnight, Margot."

---

"Good morning," Niki announced in a booming voice, gaining the   attention of everyone in the shop. I knew what was coming and I could   feel it in my gut that the once calm atmosphere would never be the same,  "Mr. Wagner is  no longer on our services,  so while we look  for a   replacement, I am  going to need everyone on their  toes."

In a very Niki-like manner, he expected his announcement to be all  and that everyone would follow suit no questions asked. However, this  statement this early in the morning caused a few eyebrows to raise.

"You fired him?" One person spoke up immediately,  "He was the best here!"

"He was a pig," Niki shrugged his crossed arms simply as if solving that man's gripe, "Any other questions?"

"It's because of her isn't it?" Another further insinuated, throwing his thumb back in reference to me, "She's the one who hit him."

"And  you?" Niki said taking a few steps forward, standing tall to  coming almost nose to nose with the man due to his  affront, "What did  you  do to help the situation?"

"What?" He scoffed, taking aback by Niki's response.

"Do you wish I repeat myself?" Niki practically seethed.

"It  was between them,"  Stepping down slightly the man only shrugged   trying  to backtrack before  things really turned sour, "That's all   that I'm  saying."

"Tell me this then," Niki put a finger into the air, it was a trap  for this poor man who was now in the jaws of the predator, "Should I  question your abilities the way you have done to her?"

"Enough, Niki," I interrupted him, getting annoyed by the whole thing, "I don't need you protecting me-

"I'm not," Niki was firm in his response, looking at me with the same firmness,  "You're suspended for the week."

"Niki, come on," The man tried to reason, but Niki's expression was unwavering, "Just suspend Wagner, we actually need him."

"Out," Niki jutted his thumb, already turning his back on the man and facing the rest of us, "Anyone else?"

"You can't go firing people because she came tattling crying to you-

"Out," Niki repeated himself and was ready to say it to whoever else said something next.

"For fuck's sake Niki," I openly complained hoping to diffuse the   situation, but my own anger overtook like a wildfire, "This power is  going to your head-

"Stop talking before you regret it too," Niki warned me slightly.

"May as well add on another week to my suspension," I challenged him,   thinking I was ready for whatever he could throw at me, but I needed to beat him to it "Better yet, I quit."

---

The witching hours were always kind to me. No one else was here because no one else wanted to be here. That's why I was jumping the fence with my toolbox to look over the car hours after people had left and hours before they would arrive. I tried hard to leave the nights events behind. I thought about getting drunk to really forget about them, but I couldn't sit still long enough. I needed to tinker, I needed to fix, I needed to see how those hooligans manhandled my work. I was quiet as I made my way into the garage. The emergency lights were on,  dim enough for me to make out a figure sleeping softly in the corner. I froze slightly, afraid it was a guard or perhaps a dead body, but once the thought passed and I got a closer look it was less than surprising.

Niki's body was slumped, the most relaxed I had seen it in this environment. He must have been exhausted to fall asleep in such  a place in such a vulnerable state. But it wouldn't last long now that I was here, he knew it was coming the moment he decided to stay here. I hit my foot against his, waking him up with a slight jolt. With a sharp intake of breath, he regained consciousness.

"Go home."

"I knew you'd come here," He said groggily, breathing out deeply and warmly, "However, I did not think it would be this late."

"Go. Home."

"Home for me is Austria," He looked at me intently, the dark circles under his eyes prominent in the yellow light. I knew he'd rather be sleeping now, but I also knew sleep couldn't find him with the way we had left things.  "In my hometown, Vienna, my family is famous for one thing, business," He spoke over me effortlessly, knowing I wasn't going to fight any further than I had to, "My grandfather was a businessman, my father, too. So when they heard I wanted to race cars for a living, they had a few things to say. I decided to risk everything."

"Was it worth the reward?"

"Absolutely." He didn't  stutter, but he took a thoughtful pause,  "We're both stuck here...In  this-this world. You of all people know once you enter, you don't truly  leave."

"I can leave whenever I want to."

"Then what are you doing here?"

"I-"  I looked at him as if he had the answer. It was repetitive at this   point, the cat and mouse game I was playing with myself. Telling myself that from the start I didn't want to to this, but continuing. I couldn't  even call it an ebb and flow, it was right in my face. I was lying to  everyone around me and lying to myself. I was here with a motive, one  that was clear as day, but one I struggled to even admit out loud, "To  prove a point."

"You say that," He held up his finger  characteristically, his slumber shaken off in an instant as he stood to meet me,"But your point is  getting lost and you're letting these petty comments dictate-

"I don't need a lecture on toughening up," I butt in with my own hand, "Don't worry, I have thick skin."

"Skin is not a very tough armor, Margot," His hand fluttered to find my sore one as he continued, "It is soft and easily broken."

"Seriously, Niki?" I pulled away, crossing my arms to hide my newly bruised hand.

He nodded his head, brushing off my rejection, "Look at what is has made you do. You have forfeited, so now we have both lost."

"How selfish of me..." I mused rhetorically. I was looking at his fully now. He was being sincere. But I was quick to cross my arms, not wanting to accept Niki's vulnerability, "What are you doing?"

"What do you mean?" His eyebrows furrowed.

"I  mean Niki," I started frustrated, "You called me every day,   you've-you've got me back into this, you're holding my hand, then now I get a lecture, what are you doing?"

"This isn't the first  time you've expressed your desire to leave and you've never failed to  take an opportunity to tell me," He noted  smoothly, "You're   intentionally volatile, a liability nightmare, and now  you ask me what I am doing?"

"Any more compliments you want to throw my way?"

"You need to get your priorities straight."

"That's rich coming from the one who thought it would be a good idea on top of all of this to try and kiss me."

"So now you want to talk about that?" Niki retorted, "When it's convenient for you?"

"Maybe I'm not the right risk for the reward you're so desperately looking for."

The air went still. Niki had become apart of the game. But it was hard to tell who played the role of the cat and who played the mouse. There was it point to our argument, I wasn’t even sure what our argument was over. It was just an excuse for us to talk, to be there together occupying the same space. Now, as the air went still between us I took in a deep breath.  Then another. We stared at each other through exhausted eyes. No matter how tired we both were, he was willing to wait me out and I only had so much fortitude left in me. My arms were crossed and my feet were planted, I was practically shaking to keep myself together.

"Margot-

"Give me a minute," I held up my finger to his as went to step forward to fully assess the damage. I did everything I could to keep the tears from falling. I was doing a fantastic job at keeping them at bay as Niki stepped forward.  

"I can't do that," He denied me firmly, with a soft shake of his head.

"Niki, please." My voice broke in desperation.

This time, however, he simply pulled me to him. It was entirely unreasonable and entirely spur of the moment and entirely something I should not have done. But I could only hold back so much as my arms clung to his body, pulling him to me further.

[athena-is-a-chaotic-lil-shit]

Feral Fatality

(Part 1)

So this has been in my works for a week now. You see, it was a typical day for me scrolling through Tumblr and visiting some....tags, and then a short drabble inspired me to write about a feral reader totally not because I was craving violence and murder no, which reached more than 4k words on the first draft so here we are! Shitty title, I know. The proofread work went over 7k, and it's not even finished yet. Once I'm done posting this and my main orc fic, I will get into the requests so please be patient!

Pairing: Jason Voorhees x Fem!Reader

Word count: 3k

Warnings: Brief blood and violence at the end of the first part

Contains: Swearing, mentions of neglect and abuse (not graphic)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

-

Screams slit through the twilight as the frigid autumn wind blew harshly through the trees of Camp Crystal Lake. The rustling of bushes and cracking of twigs echoed as foolish teenagers attempted to escape, running for their lives when they were the ones who dared step foot in the place, tarnishing it with their sins.

Jason Voorhees, the innocent kid who died several years ago; pushed to the lake by his bullies and left to drown for being different and unsightly— all because the counselors were busy with their fucking business—, returned as an undead killing machine right after his mother murdered them and died. His sole purpose: to protect the land and purge the people who had no right to be here, sentencing them to a horrendous death.

One by one, they struck the ground, lifeless, either chopped into pieces, beheaded, or stabbed countless times by his trusty machete.

Limbs...ripped off with his bare hands.

-

The muffled snapping of branches reached your ears as the vehicle's wheels ran over them, stirring you from your nap. You rubbed your chilled skin under your clothes as you looked out of the window, thumping your forehead on the glass when you leaned forward the moment you saw the scenery. Trees, both ancient and young, their leaves varying in hues of green, orange and red, filled your line of sight. It was still early in autumn, your favorite time of the year, not hot but not too cold either. You watched in awe as the warm-colored leaves cascaded down from the branches and down to the ground, some carried by the wind farther from their origin.

The view did its best to distract you from a couple in session a seat before yours. They always seem to do that all the time, regardless of place or occasion.

This was a week-long getaway after graduation, they said.

Nothing but a white lie.

An excuse for the girls to hook up with their campus crushes, a week of fucking and smoking drugs.

You, however, just got invited —forced— by your "friend" Eloiza, the self-proclaimed hottest girl in the entire school, typical captain of the cheerleading squad; blonde and curvy. Her words were much too sugar-coated that even a deaf person could tell she had ulterior motives.

She only planned to use you as a tool to raise her fame. A stepping stone for her own gain.

That wasn't the only reason though.

Everyone knew who you were, but only by your name. News and rumors alike spread like wildfire through gossipy mouths. Your deeds were known throughout campus.

(Y/N)(L/N), top academic competitor and multiple-award winner, a straight-A student for five years in succession. Some believed you were a genius, the rest called you insane.

You wouldn't call yourself a genius though, you did not possess the obsessive need to acquire eternal knowledge and discover the secrets of the universe as most of them do, to effortlessly solve every problem that comes their way.

If that were the case, then you wouldn't be here in the first place.

You only love learning and indulging in the beauty of Mother Nature, plus a handful of hyper-fixations.

Fine, a buttload of hyper-fixations. And such came in handy in various situations.

You were unrivaled, not one of your peers could come close to your level of wit. Many people wished to have a brain like yours, and just as many hated you for even having one, praised you just as much as slandered your name and judged you.

Despite your reputation, the poor school didn't broadcast it, at least every time. The staff probably got tired of repeating the same phrase over and over again. Which caused more than half of the whole campus to never believe you to be the one behind all of that, laughing at your face when you said your name.

"You? The (Y/N) (L/N)? Ha! As if I'd fall for that! Everyone knows how she looks. You're the absolute opposite!"

"You got to be kidding me."

"You're a joker, aren't you? Is this a prank? If so please stop it, don't pretend like you're her."

Yep, and it goes on and on and on. They were right, you didn't look like someone who would win contests or excel in class.

You constantly wore clothes that hid your form, silent unless spoken to or asked to answer, distant and reserved, you preferred the company of books and nature to the rowdiness and prying hands of humans. A sociopath they deemed you. Quite an extreme word to use when you simply wanted to enjoy the only things that made you happy in this living hell.

You only know a handful of people who approached you first-hand and praised you genuinely, even asking for an autograph, which really surprised you.

Yet, they would never understand you even if you explained, because you can't, words evade you when it comes down to voice out what you feel. Even if you can, no one would care. And even if they did? You doubt it was real. Everyone wants to use you, and they seem to believe you'd let them. You didn't trust anyone. The last time you did only left you sobbing on the dirt.

You wanted to be left alone.

To connect with nature and get as far away as possible from your parents. Parents who kept shouting profanities at each other, the main cause for your depression and anxiety levels to skyrocket, the shaking turning into trembling, 7 hours of sleep to barely a blink.

That's why you agreed to go in the first place.

You hated your household—despised it— a mess of broken shards of bottles and ceramics littered your kitchen floor more often than not. You didn't bother cleaning it up anymore, your mother would just waste away her money on more things to break and throw them at your joke of a father when they fought anyway.

Not only that, you thought...No, you believed if you worked hard to be the best and win countless competitions, your parents would give you recognition and reconcile for your sake, but no, no, no. They didn't care one bit about you or your medals, it was as if you were never even included in their lives at all. Even birthday celebrations ceased to exist in everyone's books after your 13th.

So you gave up.

Down into the void, your wishful thinking went, that they'll become better people over time, that the attention and love you deserve will be given one day. Instead, you wallowed yourself in your studies, besting everyone in everything academic. Oh, but you weren't athletic. Far from it. Damn, you were getting thin and sleep-deprived from being neglected, dark circles under your eyes every time you looked at your reflection. People hating your existence wasn't helping, some teachers even suspected you of cheating.

There's no way in hell you'd let yourself get dragged down to end up like them! You were of legal age now, a fresh graduate from high school, you doubt your parents even knew that since they didn't fucking show up on your graduation day. You were moving out of that shithole of a town. Anywhere is better than where they breathed and spat their poison.

And so here you are. Standing in this breath-taking and mysterious place. Camp Crystal Lake, it is named, secluded, barely touched by modernization as it is hidden between mountains and trees as far as the eye could see. Not to mention its namesake, the lake, you imagined it would mirror the sky, be it day or night. You loved it, you adored the fresh, breathable air that went through you the moment you stepped out of the van.

You also knew about him.

Resolved to never go back to that goddamned house, you took everything you had and needed; the special little trinkets you've collected through the years shoved into a box, the few clothes you had, art materials, and your precious books carefully packed inside a big travel bag, along with your stocked up canned goods, convenience food, snacks, and toiletries.

And other, important things.

You hauled your baggage out of the van and got off, immediately moving to the side and away from everyone.

You got used to people ignoring you that you didn't care anymore.

Why waste your time with them when you can have all of it to yourself?

Eloiza led the group into the larger cabins, the others went straight into the lake for a swim. You even notice some teens disappear into the trees, most likely for a quickie.

In return, you stayed out of their way, fully satisfied being invisible and with your own company as you trudged to a cabin, the one you caught a glimpse of earlier in the van. It was a long way's separated from the rest, closest to the forest and hidden behind a few trees.

You were panting when you finally stopped in front of it, clearly not used to walking long distances and carrying stuff near as heavy as your weight.

Upon closer inspection, you found yourself gaping at its appearance. The wooden walls lost their color as they aged, white and brown mushrooms grew on the ground along with green moss sticking to the beams, and a few vines crawling their way up and on the roof. Despite all of that, the cabin looked sturdy still.

There's this "one with nature" vibe that drew you to it, like a string pulling you closer and inviting you. Ominous most would say, but you almost cried when the rich scent of earth and oxygen filled your lungs as you took one big inhale, sighing in content for once. It was a lot smaller compared to the others, but you didn't care. As long as you were left alone with your stuff you were a-okay.

Perfect.

You turned the knob and peeked inside, letting out a small gasp and opening the door wider to see the whole thing.

Old as it is, it was proper and neat, regardless of the tiny cobwebs on the upper corners. A small, square dining table sat in the middle of the first part of the place, two wooden stools placed underneath. There were cupboards on the wall and a simple sink with an empty space to the side. You went to the next room, doorless and separated with but a wall of thick plywood. It had a single bed in the corner, off-white cotton sheets sitting atop, not a wrinkle in sight. No pillow though. There's a decent-sized closet along with a small table on one side of the bed. One of the windows had a hole in the middle, a ray of sunlight streaming in through the cracks. It was too big for the size of a gunshot, so maybe a rock.

A bit hesitant, your fingers traced the wood, feeling the inconsistent texture. When you went through the back door, your smile reached your ears when trunks of trees and bushes greeted you...

Wait, is that what you think it is?

Stepping closer to the treeline, your jaw dropped when you spotted a thicket of fruit-bearing plants past them, gathered in a tiny clearing.

Blueberries.

Purple little cuties poked out of the green shrubs, sporting a vibrant hue that caught your eye. The sun shone overhead and providing the energy they needed. Blueberries managed to grow in the area despite the trees fencing them.

Tempted and suspicious, you crouched down, inspecting the shrub if it really was a blueberry plant and not a deadly doppelganger. Once you were sure it was, (it would be hilarious if you simply died from nighshade poisoning), you plucked one and brought it to your mouth. It was sweeter than you expected, with a slightly bitter aftertaste. You hummed in delight, wiping the juice with your thumb when it dribbled out, staining your finger and lips.

You didn't want to anger anybody. Hell, coming here was already trespassing, so you didn't push your luck and left it alone, hoping they'd forgive you for picking one. They surely didn't look wild with the way they lined up.

You scanned the rest of the area, eventually going back inside to unpack after your little evaluation.

-

The sun was a hand's away from setting when you finished. Pride swelled in your chest at the work you did, your things stocked and organized with care inside the cabinets and drawers. You won't have to worry about your food for now as cupboards were filled to the brim with them. You also had a decent amount of money left from your savings account that your parents weren't aware of. Prize money, allowance, and the salary you got from doing online jobs all went into it. The camp was a few miles off the road, and a couple more to the nearest gas station with a convenience store. Very far yes, but it's better than living with the people who made you do this in the first place.

You just hoped you wouldn't die walking.

Everything was worth it, anyways. You were free now, at least that's what you think.

You trudged to the bed, eyeing the cushions, wary and a little scared to touch the sheets that appeared to be cleaned just recently, you didn't even lay a finger on them ever since you got inside. Oh, but your tired muscles were screaming to just flump down and relax.

So you did.

You dumped yourself face first and inhaled. It wasn't smelly nor fragrant, just the simple freshness on the cotton fabric. You felt beat but ain't sleepy, yet, so you reached to the drawer beside the bed and pulled out a book to pass the time as you waited for the sun to go down and give way for the moon. Its spine and pages had creases, worn out and yellow-stained from age and use. It was a horror-mystery novel told through a first-person narrative, a story of a middle-aged detective and her Maine coon in their attempts to solve a murder case of a young European lady named Cassandra Chase.

You dozed off in the middle of chapter 21, the part where Dinnie, the cat, discovers a valuable clue to the crime, a rotten limb in the dried basement well.

—

—

Jason settled down on the stairs of his porch; shoulders relaxed and hunched as he leisurely sharpened his machete with a small whetstone. Lines of sunlight kissed him through the leaves of trees, the birds in the area chirped on their perches, and the grass swayed, gentle, as a cool wind passed by.

His day be so fine. No troublemakers to deal wi—

The alarm rang, announcing unwelcomed arrival. As if a switch flipped inside, he's already on his feet, making his way swiftly to their location.

A new batch of wretched youngsters, another day ruined. Hunting them down makes his blood thrum in his veins, yes, but they soured his mood, just when he was at peace. He's dead set on slaughtering them in the most gruesome ways possible, only then he could go back and enjoy the serenity the nature around him brings.

He surveyed the area, camouflaging with the wilderness, silent as he watched and counted the soon-to-be corpses, his mother's voice at the back of his mind, guiding him.

They decided to go either to the main cabins, or the lake...even into the trees.

All but one.

Jason already planned to cut down the couple later as they lose themselves in the forest, doing nasty, dirty things to his camp. The killer shifted his attention to you, curious as to why you didn't join the lot. Instead, you walked back down the road. He followed and saw you approach the small cabin, separated from the rest, your eyes widened...

Adoration?

You were quiet— except for the little gasps of awe you let out in between pants—as you looked around and over the place. The ones you came with were rowdy and destructive, a complete opposite. He hid as he observed you from afar, moving around to adjust his vision on you. You smiled every time you looked to the trees, he noticed.

Why were you smiling like that? Why did you pick this cabin? Were you planning on defiling it?

The last question in his mind made his blood boil. He'll kill you first if that was the case. That cabin you chose was special, it was where he and his mother used to stay. He occasionally visits that one to keep it clean and free of dust. If you even think of—

Jason, sweetie...look closer. She does not have such intentions.

His mother's words rang in his head. Even from where he stood, he could see what you did inside. You looked a little hesitant, touching and drawing back your hand before letting your fingers feel the wood as if it was something delicate. Despite the initial...shyness? You proceeded to make it your home, somewhat, dropping the large duffel bags you carried on your front and back, and a similarly large roller case on your left. It was as if you planned to stay for a long time.

Jason hears you take a long breath and sigh as you went out the backdoor. You grinned wider when you saw the nature around you. You stepped forward, straight in his direction...

For a moment he thought you saw him, seeing your jaw drop. You moved closer, and he just froze there, until you crouched down.

Oh, his plants.

He watched you as you gently picked a fruit, your gaze...soft. You brought it to your mouth, some of the juice spilling on the side and you wiped it with your thumb.

Cute.

You went back inside and continued to unpack your things, carefully maneuvering around the cabin.

Maybe he'll spare you if you continue to be good. You didn't do anything dirty, yet. It's only a matter of time before the camp is shrouded in darkness and his hunt will begin.

Let's see what you'll do before that happens.

-

Jason tracked down the three that went into the forest. He knew the place like the back of his hand, and it was easier to pinpoint them as he heard moans.

What he saw was utmost disgusting, two girls pleasuring a male with their mouths in broad daylight.

Kill them, my boy! Such foul beings need to die! Kill them, kill!

He circled them, steps soundless. Jason gripped his machete and brought it down the guy's neck, embedding the weapon into the bark, the head rolled down, oozing with blood, and fell against the women, drenching them in red. Not a single cry left from their mouths as he sliced both with one swing, blood pouring out of their throats and staining the ground. Jason dragged their bodies and tossed them into a pit he dug beforehand, making quick work in burying them.

A swift end. Now he waits.

[goldenmaybank]

meant to be

(not my gif)

pairing: jj maybank x reader

summary: y/n has been in love with her best friend, jj maybank, for years and now has to watch him fall in love with another girl, who is a kook.

warnings: swearing and slight angst (?)

word count: 4k (it’s a long one) 

a/n: hi! this is my first imagine and i hope you like it. i know it’s a long one i just got carried away :)

2 years. 730 days. 17520 hours. 1051200 minutes.

that's how long i've had to watch the guy i'm in love with be with another girl. two long years of seeing them kiss, hold hands, cuddle, go on dates and anniversaries. all because i was too scared to tell my best friend that i loved him.

two years ago

" yo, y/n ! y/n ! guess what just happened." my best friend since we were kids, jj, said as he ran up to me.

"what?"

"you remember that girl, shay, that i was telling you about? that kook that i met at the kegger last weekend with the long blonde hair, green eyes, slim waist, and fat as-"

"yes, yes. jj i remember." i said cutting him off from finishing his sentence.

"so, i just asked her out and guess what? she said yes!" he said with the biggest smile on his face.

"okay."

"okay? that's all i get? an okay? y/n, this is the hottest kook i’ve ever seen that we're talking about here."

"yeah and last week kate was the hottest kook and the week before that was penelope. this is nothing new j. it's just another pretty girl with big boobs and a nice ass that you'll mess around with for a few weeks maybe even days and then move onto the next girl."

"no y/n, this time is different. it feels different."

"mhm sure" i say not convinced

this is what jj does. he meets a cute kook girl or touron at one our parties, they hook up for a few days or weeks, and he moves onto to the next one. this was no different. however, in that moment, i didn't realize how serious he really was about her until it was too late.

few months after

jj and i were laying on john b’s couch watching movies like we always do every friday night. we've been doing this since we were little kids, usually the rest of the pogues would join us, but they’re all busy tonight. john b is with sarah, kie is working, and pope is helping out his dad. so that just leaves me and jj together.

"um, y/n?"

"hm?" i asked in response

"would you mind if i ended our movie night a little bit early?"

"why?"

"because shay just got off work early tonight and wants to hang out. she's been really busy lately, so we haven't gotten the chance to hang out as much. would you be okay if i left to go see her?”

"um, sure. i guess i can just rewatch friday the 13th again without you."

"really? you're the best! thanks." he said jumping up excitedly to put on his shoes and grab his hoodie, " i mean it's not like we haven't watched this a thousand times already, you'll be fine without me."

"i kinda wanted you here, but i guess she's more important" i mumbled under my breath

"huh?"

"n-nothing. uh, j can i ask you something before you go?"

"yeah sure, but it can't take too long shay is waiting for me."

"are you serious about her? like really serious?"

"yeah, i guess i am. i don't know i've never really felt this way about a girl before. she just makes me feel so happy and i always want to be around her and spend time with her. i usually just get bored with girls after a while and break up with them, but it's different with her. it's something about her i can't explain it." he said with admiration in his eyes.

that's when i knew it was too late. i could see the way his eyes lit up when i mentioned her and how he talked about her with such admiration. he was head over heels for this girl and who am i to step in and ruin it by telling him my feelings. he wouldn't reciprocate those feelings anyways she's the only girl he's felt like this about. i never had a chance against her. i will never be her.

after that day i didn’t see jj for three weeks. he cancelled every single one our plans because of her. “i cant go surfing today, shay wants to go get lunch” “can’t go fishing, shay needs me” “cant make it to the boneyard tonight, shay wants to have a movie night” he bailed on us, on me, all week because of her. the kook girl he just met a few months ago. 

finally, after countless begging and excuses jj came to hang out with us at john b’s house. we were all laying on the hammocks outside watching the sunset and for a minute it felt like everything was how it used to be even though i knew it wasn't. you could feel that everything was different especially between me and jj. he wasn't his usual flirty, touchy self with me and the tension in the air was thick. the rest of the pogues tried to act like everything was normal, but we all knew after today it would be another few weeks before we saw jj again. all he did was hang out with shay and he barely had any time for us anymore.

“so, jj since when did you start dating kooks?” john b snickered as jj punched his arm

“since when did you start dating at all?” pope replied

“i don’t know, man. it’s just different with her, i guess. i never thought i could be capable enough to have a relationship, but she changed that. she changed me.” 

kie looks at me with sympathy in her eyes. she was the only one who knew about my love for jj. i spent so many nights crying to her about my feelings for him and how i wish things could be different between us. it took a lot to get jj to open up to me, especially about his dad, and i always wanted to be the one he could go to for anything. i was the one who patched him up after a fight with rafe, i was the one who hugged him as he cried to me about his dad, i was the one who went along with his crazy ideas, i was one who did everything i could to get him to love me the way i love him. but i guess things don’t work out the way you want them to. i give kie and a nod and smile letting her know i’m okay. as long as jj is happy that’s all that matters to me. i would do anything to make him happy, even if it means i have to watch him fall in love with another girl.

present 

6 years. 2190 days. 52560 hours. 3153600 minutes.

that's how long the love of my life has been with his girlfriend. six long years of me trying to get over him and find someone else yet i could never get that boy with blonde hair and blue eyes out of my mind. he followed me everywhere i went even when i wasn't with him. he's everything i want in a guy yet i can't have him because he's not mine to have. he's someone else's and now i definitely can't do anything about it because they're getting married today.

today is their wedding and of course they invited me and the rest of the pogues. i debated even going and just letting kie give them my present with my pathetic excuse for why i wasn't there, but after talking to jj about the wedding the other day i couldn’t not go. "i could never have my wedding without you there, y/n. you're one of the most important people in my life." is what he told me. if i was strong i wouldn't care and still not go, but i'm not. all i had to do was look in his eyes when he told me that and i was puddy in his hands. there's no way i can't go and let him down like that. he means way too much to me to hurt him just to spare my own feelings. 

i walked into the venue looking around at the setup. of course the kook princess wanted a fairy-tale wedding. i sigh as i look at all the expensive decorations everywhere. i always imagined what my wedding with jj would be like. definitely wouldn’t look anything like this. even after years of all my hard work and schooling i still could never afford something like this. i always thought we’d have our ceremony by the beach since that’s where we first met when we were little kids and spent all our time together. it became our little safe space to get away from everyone and all our problems, and just be together. just me and jj. 

“gotta admit it looks beautiful.” pope says as kie hits his shoulder

“it’s okay, kie. he’s right, it is beautiful. more than i could've ever given him.”

“hey” kie says as she grabs my hand, “you sure you’re okay? because we can leave right now. trust me, i really don’t care to see the little princess wearing a dress that costs ten times the amount of my house.”

“it’s fine, kie. we have to be here for him. i’m just gonna go talk to jj quickly.”

“okay, i’ll save a seat for you.”

i went towards the back to find where jj is, so i could give him something before the ceremony started.

"knock knock." i say as i opened the door to jj’s room walking in to see him finishing getting ready.

"hey you. i almost thought you weren't gonna come."

"now why would i miss my best friend getting married to the girl of his dreams? i would never miss this no matter what"

"good because i know i would never be able to do this without you here."

"so.." i say as i sit down next to him, "how does it feel to finally be getting married?”

"it feels unreal. i never thought this day would come. and if it did, i honestly thought you would be the one standing at the end of the aisle"

"yeah, so did i" i say as i laugh weakly.

"i remember we had this whole thing planned out as kids. we were gonna get married on the beach, preferably the bahamas, but you know any beach would’ve worked for us. 

"and we were gonna have this huge reception and have our friends give sappy speeches talking about how we've been friends forever and despite the “no pogue on pogue macking” rule we still ended up together and got married." i added.

"and our honeymoon was gonna be in mykonos. we were gonna get a suite with a pool and relax all day and then turn up at night at the clubs there." he said as we both laughed.

"wow. we had a lot of plans when we were younger."

"we really did, but i guess none of them really worked out huh?"

"i guess not"

we sat in silence for a moment thoughts both roaming our minds about how we ended up here. best friends since we were little, spent all our time together, always acted like a couple, and yet here we are sitting in this room minutes before he gets married to a girl who isn't me, a kook nonetheless. it's now or never. do i let him know how i feel and finally have this weight lifted off my shoulders or just keep it to myself and let them be happy?

"uh, j? i- um, wrote this letter for you" i say as i take an envelope out of my purse, "it was the original speech that i wanted to tell you at the reception later but felt as though it wouldn't have been right to say, so i just wrote it for you to see. just, don't open it in front of shay, please."

"why can't you just tell me what's in the letter in your speech later?"

"because i would be a shit person if i say what's in that letter at your wedding reception in front of everyone."

"what's in the letter that's so bad?" he asked confusingly

"j-just read it when you're alone, okay?"

"no"

"no?"

"no. just tell me now what's in the letter."

"jj, i-i can't."

"yes you can. what's so bad that you can't tell me now?"

"i don't want to overstep my boundaries or ruin anything or make anything awkward, so just read it later when you're alone."

"no, y/n. tell me right now."

"jj, your wedding starts in a few minutes you need to finish getting ready. we don't have time for this."

"yes we do. i always have time for you."

"jj-"

"no. i'm not leaving this room until you tell me."

"j, don't be difficult."

"i'm not being difficult just read me the letter and this will all be done with"

i sighed, "oh my god fine. i'll read you the damn thing." i take a deep breath and begin to read the letter that might just change everything between us.

"dear jj, i'm not sure when exactly you'll be reading this, but i know when you do you'll be happily married to shay. so, congratulations best friend you're finally someone's husband. i honestly never thought this day would come; you were never one for relationships. always thought it was too much work to handle and you already had enough shit to deal with in your life. remember when we were little we made a promise that if neither of us were in a relationship by the time we were 30 we would get married. as silly as it was i always thought that would happen. that we would be the ones getting married and have our best friends write a speech for us. i'd always imagine kie writing mine and john b and pope would write yours, mainly pope though because we all know he’s way better with words than any of us ever were. but i never once in a million years would think i would be writing one for you and another girl. we've been through so many ups and downs and we still stuck together through it all. you're my best friend and i love you. words can't even describe how much i love you. jj, you've brought me so much happiness and never fail to put a smile on my face. even during my worst times you were always there to pick up the pieces and make me laugh. i never thought i would have someone in my life who means so much to me as much as you do. being around you immediately makes my day a hundred times better and i don't know what i would do without you in my life. my life would've probably been extremely boring and plain without you and your crazy adventures. your smile can make anyone's day better and you always make sure everyone else is happy even before yourself. and that's one of the many reasons why i'm in love with you. yes, i'm in love with you and have been for a while. this is more than a just as friends thing. i'm completely and utterly in love with you and that's never gonna change. and i know it took you a while to believe that someone could truly love and care for you, but i always have and always will. you so deserve so much than life has given you and i hope you know how amazing you really are. i’ve become such a better person because of you and you make me so incredibly happy. i'll never be able to repay you for everything you've done for me. i love you so much. i hope you're happy in your marriage and she treats you right, which i know she does. all i ever wanted was for you to be happy even if it wasn't with me. even though i just dropped this huge bomb on you, please don't let this affect our friendship. i will always be here for you no matter what. i love you, jj maybank."

there was complete silence. jj just sat there staring at the wall not saying a word.

"see this is exactly why i didn't want to tell you in person because i knew this would happen. i-"

"you love me?"

"yes, j i do."

"like actually love me?"

i sighed, "yes and i have for a while as i said in the letter"

"w-why didn't you tell me?"

"i don't know i was always so scared to and i thought you would never really find someone, so i had nothing to lose by not telling you. and then you started dating shay and i could tell you were really happy with her and by the time i realized you two were serious it was too late. i didn't want to step in and ruin anything or lose our friendship."

"you wouldn't have."

"what?"

"you wouldn't have ruined our friendship because i felt the same way. i still feel the same way." jj admitted

"you, what?"

"i love you y/n and as more than just friends. i have since freshmen year of high school when i first told you about my dad and you cleaned up all my cuts and held me in your arms all night. but i was just always too scared to say anything because i thought you were out of my league and i never really deserved you. the only reason i was with all those girls was to forget about you and get rid of my feelings for you, but they never did go away."

"i guess we're both stupid then. we always had these feelings for each other and just never said it."

"i guess so."

"so, what does this mean for us?"

"what do you mean?" jj asked

"i mean this obviously changes things, so what are we gonna do?"

"i don't see why things have to change. yeah we admitted we have these feelings, but that doesn't change anything."

"you're getting married, jj. in like twenty minutes there's gonna be another girl waiting at the end of that aisle for you to go there and give yourself completely to her. and i don't want to stand in the way of giving you and her that happiness you both deserve. me still being here is gonna change things because things are different now whether you want to believe it or not. these feelings are out there and they're still relevant. and i'm not gonna sit here and watch you two be happy and in love and be on the sidelines and feel like shit. i don't deserve that. i don't deserve to have my heart broken seeing you together knowing you have feelings for me and yet i can't do a damn thing about it. and it's not fair to her either to have another woman who you have feelings for sit there and get in the way of her happiness. i'm not gonna ruin this for her, jj. i won't. shay has been nothing but sweet to me and i'm not gonna do that to her. she doesn't deserve it and neither do i."

"so what do you want me to do then?"

"i want you to let me go."

"what? y/n, i love you. you can't tell me to do that"

"let me go, jj. as long as you sit here and tell me that you love me and have feelings for me, this will never end. and we will be going around in circles and i've been stepping on eggshells long enough for you and i'm done. you love her and she loves you, so be happy with her."

"but i love you too y/n and that's never gonna stop." he says with tears in his eyes.

"i know and i will always love you too, but i can't keep doing this. i can't watch you be with her and not be able to do anything. i can't be able to be alone with you knowing how you feel and not do anything to you. you don't know how badly i've just been wanting to kiss you after hearing you say those words to me. you don't know how bad i want this, but jj i can't do this" i say tears running down my face.

"i'll end it then. i'll cancel the wedding and we can be together."

"no. no, jj you can't do that. i'm not gonna ruin this. you've been with her for six years already, you've created this beautiful relationship and commitment to each other and i'm not just gonna ruin that. she's doesn't deserve that. you just need to let me go, jj. let me get over you because the more i'm around you the more the feelings grow. just let me find happiness within someone else.”

"so what? we're just gonna end our friendship? our years and years of friendship is over just like that? i don't want to lose you. if i cant have you in that way, even though i want to so badly, i still want you in my life as a friend."

"but i can't jj. i can't be around you. please, just let me go. let me get over you and find someone else. maybe one day if it's meant to be we'll find our way back to each other and maybe things can work out differently but for now just let me go." i say as my voice breaks

he sighed, "fine, i'll let you go, but only if you do one thing for me."

"what is it?"

"kiss me."

"w-what?"

"kiss me. i've been waiting years to tell you how i feel about you and finally be able to hold you and kiss you, so please just let me do it."

"jj, i don't know" i say hesitantly

"shay never has to know about this and once we kiss it's over. i'll let you go."

"if i kiss you, you'll let me go?"

"yes."

i sighed looking at jj. i actually got a good look of him right now in this moment. he looks so broken. dried tears streamed down his face, his eyes are puffy, and nose is red, but yet he still looks beautiful. no words can describe how jj looks. "cute" or "hot" never did this man justice. he was beautiful both inside and out and that's why i fell in love with him years ago. and as i started to lean it looking in his eyes all the memories we've made together came flashing through my mind all at once. this is really it. after this i'm actually leaving my best friend, who's the love of my life, to move on with my life.

moments later i felt his soft pink lips mold against mine. our lips moved in sync in such a way i have never felt with anyone else before. there was something about the way his lips moved against mine in such a passionate and loving way that i've never felt before. my stomach was immediately filled with butterflies and my mind went blank. all i could do was be in this moment with him. a few moments later it ended leaving both of us breathless. we stared at each other in awe not knowing a simple goodbye kiss would make us feel this way.

"wow. i've been waiting for this kiss for so long and i never knew it would feel like that." jj said

"neither did i.”

as much as i didn't want to, i knew what had to be done next. i stood up grabbing my bag and walked towards the door.

"so this is really it? you're just leaving now. after what we just felt in that kiss you're still gonna leave?" jj asked

"you know i have to."

"no, you don't have to. you want to, there's a difference. but it’s fine you’re just gonna leave just everyone else does, huh?”

don't turn back now. i know what he’s trying to do. he knows how the last thing i ever wanted to do was leave him like countless of other people in his life have done. but don’t let his words get to you. don't turn back now. the decision is already made. if i go back now i'll never leave and end up in the same cycle again.

i turn around one last time to look at my best friend, "i'm sorry. goodbye, jj."

that was the last time i saw jj.

after that i left the venue without saying anything to anyone. i got a ton of calls from kie, pope, and john b asking me where i was. i know they all eventually found out how i felt about him, which sometimes makes me wonder how he never knew, but then again i'm pretty sure they knew he had feelings for me too and i still never noticed. it's crazy how that happens. you could spend every moment of every day with someone and still be so oblivious to how they really feel about you. i guess i was just so caught up in my feelings for him i never noticed all the signs he showed of liking me back.

they always say what’s meant to be will be no matter how long it takes whether it's a day, a month, or a year. well i never really believed in that until now. years later after i walked out of that room, now stood face to face with the guy who was and still is my everything.