#but i can more easily find historical trans romance than a novel with a relatable 20 or 30something transmasc protag

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

i guess the reason so many books featuring trans characters have them able to go stealth and make it so other characters don't know they're trans unless they say something is because that's an escapist fantasy for many trans authors who don't get that and want to imagine what it's like to live in a world where you don't get misgendered on sight every single day, and because they don't want to write about the latter (very fair)

but also when these are YA books it depends on the characters being able to medically transition at like 14 and i have literally never in my life met a single person who was able to do that (partly because I live in the UK where you can't and also I am old enough that for people my age, coming out as a preteen would've been way harder and rarer than it would be for current teen-aged protagonists)

so idk. i would like to read a book with trans characters who feel like real people living in the real world occasionally. it's hard to walk a path when you never get to see other people do it first and never get to witness it safely in fiction before you experience it IRL, and only ever seeing people walk roads that don't even exist in your reality doesn't really help at all tbh

[theboywhocriedbooks]

Like a Love Story by Abdi Nazemian

[Goodreads]

It's 1989 in New York City, and for three teens, the world is changing.

Reza is an Iranian boy who has just moved to the city with his mother to live with his stepfather and stepbrother. He's terrified that someone will guess the truth he can barely acknowledge about himself. Reza knows he's gay, but all he knows of gay life are the media's images of men dying of AIDS.

Judy is an aspiring fashion designer who worships her uncle Stephen, a gay man with AIDS who devotes his time to activism as a member of ACT UP. Judy has never imagined finding romance...until she falls for Reza and they start dating.

Art is Judy's best friend, their school's only out and proud teen. He'll never be who his conservative parents want him to be, so he rebels by documenting the AIDS crisis through his photographs.

As Reza and Art grow closer, Reza struggles to find a way out of his deception that won't break Judy's heart--and destroy the most meaningful friendship he's ever known.

Thoughts:

Spoiler-Free Thoughts:

This was a book that I instantly became excited for when I learned what it was about. It discusses queer love, HIV/AIDS, NYC, the late 80’s, and those are all right up my alley. I’ve personally spent a lot of time educating myself about this history, be it in classes such as the one I took that focused on QPoC and HIV/AIDS specifically, or online, so you can say I’m pretty invested. I even wrote my own short story that focuses on similar themes (more on that some other time). Those parts of this book were so great, to an extent. One of my favorite historical moments is the St Patrick's Cathedral protest in the late 80’s, the die-in, where an individual can be heard screaming ‘You’re killing us!” and that made it into this book. So many other important historical moments made it into this book and I think that is its strongest aspect. 

I was also excited about this book because it discusses this topic AND is by a person of color, an Iranian American specifically and one of the main characters is Iranian American as well. I felt like, ‘who better to explore themes of love and friendship during this time than someone who was alive during that time and also is a person of color’, aka, a voice I don’t hear enough of when discussing this topic. So much of this book is important! The queer Iranian representation, the queer youth rep during this time in history, queer sex + safe sex, the iconic activism, and even just some of the general references. I respect this book for that alone, for attempting to tackle it all and doing some of it very well.

Unfortunately, I had a lot of problems throughout the book. I know one or two might be very biased and personal things, but I know there are some I would like others to know or talk about. This includes: love triangle/melodrama?, general pacing, Madonna, the white characters, cis-normativity, privilege, the pov’s, and more. I will discuss that below, so run to read the book (if you want) or continue to read my spoiler-ful thoughts!

Spoiler-ful Thoughts:

I feel like some of what I have to say might be controversial so bear with me. For context, I am a young queer Mexican-American writer from Los Angeles, and that’s where I’m coming from with this, identity wise.

I was so stoked to hear this history told in a PoC perspective but aside from the author being of color, I don’t actually think I got a PoC perspective??? Let me break that down. First of all, the story is a multi-pov that alternates each chapter from Reza, Art, and Judy. Realistically, 1/3 of the story is told from the Iranian American character’s eyes. Then the other two are white characters. That itself is where I began being a little iffy (because, again, I was excited about a young PoC pov on this topic) but I was open, especially because I enjoyed them all in the beginning. I just didn’t understand why we needed a straight ally’s point of view? Overall her arc fell flat, aside from the cute moments of fashion design or that moment with Reza’s brother surprisingly. I would have been okay/would have preferred if it was just Reza and Art’s pov though.

In relation to Judy, the whole romance between her and Reza and then Reza and Art was so overblown and unnecessary. Reza didn’t need to date her, though that is a valid and relatable gay teen feels. I wish it ended in that “oh!!! you’re gay, wait!! lol let’s be friends then!” thing. Instead, she’s in love with him for half the book, super pushy with sex and gets extremely upset with Art for… liking Reza, and then you don’t ‘see’ her much throughout the rest of the novel anyway? It just felt so unnecessary, and so love-triangle-y. I did really like Art’s “you don’t understand how it is to like someone and be gay” speech cos felt valid to gay teen vibes, but that could have just been said in a way less dramatic argument? It really made no sense to me.

Before we leave Judy, lets touch on privilege, specifically white privilege and class privilege. Reza’s family, was once poor but now filthy rich. Art’s family, filthy rich and white. Judy’s family, allegedly shown to not be ‘rich’ by the two lines that say “my friends’ rich parents gifted us that cos we’re not as rich as my rich friends” and yet there is really no discussion on that any deeper than that. Like why are her parents not shown working, her mother especially? And her uncle? He lives alone in an apartment in the upper east side or whatever, and doesn’t work anymore? I might have missed that but I shouldn’t be able to just ‘miss that.’ Like, how did they pay to go to PARIS. It just didn’t at all feel like a story I could relate to or one that this history could relate to entirely. Like, even them having a whole ass wake/party thing for her uncle in a night club? Most people who died of AIDS complications didn’t get that, especially not ones who aren’t from ‘not-rich-families’. It was subtle and yet the smell of privilege was everywhere.

Then even Art and Reza’s relationship was also weird? It was forbidden then it immediately wasn’t and they were in love, due to one or two time jumps that really did not help to build their relationship at all. Okay though, some teens love easily, especially gay teens who don’t know many other gay teens so it could slide? Then, however, there is this really real and valid fear ingrained in Reza regarding AIDS and gay sex. He is terrified, and I loved (and hurt) for how terrified he was because it felt reasonable. What I didn’t love was, knowing this, Art was also super pushy sexually? Do you realize he, at multiple times, tried to pressure Reza into sex and once even got naked and pushed his body against him? Doing this after full well knowing how uncomfortable Reza was? No, thank you. From the author’s note in the book, I felt like MAYBE this could have been intentional and not meant to be an extremely positive? While that could be a stretch, it also doesn’t at all criticize or directly address this toxic behavior so boop.

This brings me back to not feeling like I get a QPoC perspective. Reza is our main queer person of color, and really the only prominent one (Jimmy was a rather flat character). Yet, everything else revolves around whiteness. I already addressed Judy taking up space as a narrator. Then there is Art, the super queer activist teen. He is mostly where Reza learns all the queer things from, and he is mostly the perspective where we see the queer action/activism from. Then, who is the elder HE learned everything from? Stephen, the gay white poz uncle of Judy. THEN, who do they frame EVERYTHING around? Madonna, the straight white woman. 

Sure we hear about Stephan’s deceased Latino boyfriend and, as I said, Jimmy didn’t have much character to him aside from wearing a fur coat, saying “my black ass,” and helping move Stephan’s character along. He also has one of the few lines that directly addressed qpoc, where he says qpoc are disproportionally affected by AIDS but no one is talking about it. Ironic. It almost rarely addressed PoC throughout the rest of the novel. Heck, it almost never addressed trans characters either. What about the qpoc and trans woc who were foundational to queer rights movements that take place before this book? Sure he name drops Marsha P. Johnson, in passing, on the last page of this 400 page book, but why not mention them in depth even in one section?

Someone asked me, why does the author HAVE to do all of this. Why do they have to representing everyone, like Black trans women. Isn’t that unfair? My answer is no, it’s not unfair in situations like this. This author isn’t writing just a casual romance/friendship story. No, he is heavily touching on so much literal queer history and yet leaving out so many key players that are so often left out because of white-washing that happens in history. He didn’t even have to name these people, but just addressing that they are there as a community. Instead we get two or three throwaway lines about Ball culture after they “went to a ball that one time,” a random line from Jimmy, and a Marsha P. Johnson name drop at the end. It is honestly disappointing. 

Even framing everything in the words of Madonna was a bit much for me. Sure, I know of her history and importance to queers so this is one of the more biased parts of this review. I just don’t think we needed several references to her every other page. I then screamed when, not only did we time jump like 20+ years (gays don’t do math, sorry) and the last quote is Lady Gaga! Oh, my god. I won’t linger on the white popstar allies because it’s not worth it. In regards to that time jump, though. It felt unnecessary as well, just trying to tie it all up with a bow. It’s reference to Pulse seemed random, and honestly felt a bit cheap, but so did lots of the things I’ve referenced. 

Lastly, why did Art abruptly lick Reza’s lips out of nowhere, or when he was angry it was shown by saying “ and his brow sweats”? Anyway, I’m bummed out. I haven’t been reading as much this year or writing reviews but here I am, writing a novel-sized review basically dragging this book. I liked it enough to finish, and I think it’s important. I know some queer kids reading this will love it and learn from it but I just couldn’t help but realize that right under the surface, this book was sort of a let-down.

Thanks if you read all of this, and also sorry at the same time. Share your thoughts!

[femmenerd]

Romance Novels I Loved in 2016

I did a bad job documenting my reading this year, so in some ways it was a bit tricky coming up with this list; on the other hand, as a result all of these books stand out to me as not merely enjoyable but memorable.

These are the books where I got up in the middle of reading them to walk around in circles in order to process their wonderfulness, or immediately reread passages to prolong it. They are the kind of books that make me feel better about the world for producing them. They are, IMO, outstanding examples of the Romance genre, but not because they are somehow exceptional or “better than” their genre–rather, they demonstrate the best of what is possible within it.

Note: all of these authors are consistent autobuys for me, and since this list includes a number of novellas, could serve as low-commitment intros.

Hold Me by Courtney Milan (contemporary) - Maria Lopez has a secret, and it’s not that she’s trans: only a handful of people know that she’s the one behind a certain nerdy apocalypse-themed blog with a cult following in academic circles - and she’s only an undergrad! One specific person who doesn’t know is Jay na Thalang, a surly scientific colleague of her brother’s with whom she’s been trading barbs since they first met, while all the while they’ve been messaging each other You’ve Got Mail-style online. This is the second book in a series, and while you don’t have to read the first one (featuring Maria’s BFF) to understand this, I can’t fathom why you wouldn’t want to. There are so many reasons why this is a great book, including wry humor and excellent secondary characters, but I especially appreciated the way that this book highlights in a non-pedantic way certain aspects of misogyny that can be experienced by all women, but are particularly fraught for trans women. Also, there’s a subplot involving a genetically altered, glow-in-the-dark baby shark.

Let It Shine by Alyssa Cole (historical interracial romance; 20th century America) - This novella originally appeared in The Brightest Day: a Juneteenth Historical Romance Anthology, but is now reprinted with a bonus short story. Set during the Civil Rights Era, this is a poignant friends-to-lovers story featuring college student and long-time Good Girl Sofie Wallis and up-and-coming boxer Ivan Friedman, who used to play together as children when her mother worked as domestic help for his family and meet again as adults at a Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee meeting.

Gambled Away: a Historical Romance Anthology, with stories by Joanna Bourne, Isabel Cooper, Rose Lerner, Jeannie Lin, and Mollie O’Keefe - This is one of those rare anthologies where all of the stories are great. All of these stories employ (and subvert) one of the classic, old school historical romance tropes in which the heroine finds herself wagered in a game of chance, but their differing settings are indicative of the increasing diversity of HR subgenres: post-French Revolution, early twentieth century California with bonus magic & elves, Regency era England with bonus queerness and Judaism, Tang Dynasty China, and post-Civil War Colorado, respectively.

Bittersweet by Sarina Bowen (contemporary) - First book in her True North series, all of which are - full disclaimer for personal bias - set on a family-run apple farm in Vermont. I wasn’t actually sure which of the three books to put on this list since they were all released in 2016, but went with this one because Beard. Sarina Bowen also writes New Adult and Sports romances (hockey) which she infuses with the same kind of emotional depth and down-to-earth relatability found in this series–qualities that are even more rare in subgenres prone to high melodrama and trope-laden caricatures. 

Listen to the Moon by Rose Lerner (Regency era England) - This book! Features two career servants (a maid-of-all-work & valet/butler) who enter into a marriage of convenience in order to attain jobs in a vicar’s household whose last butler was fired for sexually abusing female staff. All of Rose Lerner’s books - even the ones about upper-class characters - tend to fill in the typically frothy, airbrushed image of Regency England common to Romancelandia with dust & sweat & quotidian details supplied in spare, elegant prose that reminds me of those times when you see a yellowed old-timey photograph in which the subjects are laughing or blurred or doing something weird and you think, “huh, people have always been people.”  Yeah.

Lessons in Pleasure by Victoria Dahl (Victorian England) - While the state of modern sex education leaves much to be desired, I think we all know that it was uniformly worse in the Victorian era, especially for girls. And this novella about a newly married middle class couple really digs into the injustice perpetrated on young women by society at large and the medical profession in particular. Rather than have our “innocent” heroine swiftly & easily indoctrinated into sex by the hero and his magic cockstand, this story presents the issue as a problem they both have to confront together (both literally & metaphorically), with the specter of the heroine’s mother’s mental illness looming all the while. So while this story elicited a certain rage in me, it soothed that sting with sweet and sexy wish fulfillment.

P.S. I am still likely to make a separate “slut-shaming sux!” themed recs list if there is interest.