#but i can definitely lose enough for it to fit *better* and get some shapewear to do the rest

[self-sailing-ships]

who knew that "found the perfect jacket for a halateez look but the biggest size they had is 2 sizes too small" would be the motivation i need to finally start eating better and losing some excess weight

[eichy815]

A Plus-Sized Problem

Originally Published on November 26, 2014 on Eichy Says

Body image is, without a doubt, one of the greatest stressors in modern American culture.  Whether it’s film, television, print/magazines – or even daily life – we seem to be inundated with imagery of highly desirable (or “ideal”) bodies.

It’s only in recent years that people advocating female equality (and male equality!) have begun to challenge these conventions.

A Twitter explosion began to resonate on Nov. 9, after model Myla Dalbesio gave an interview with Elle magazine where she discussed her participation in the Calvin Klein clothing line’s “Perfectly Fit” campaign.  Dalbesio’s print ads depict her modeling lingerie at a Size 10 – perfectly normal, for an American female.

However, in recent weeks, Calvin Klein has come under fire for portraying Dalbesio – and female models of similar physiques – as supposedly “plus size.”

The one overlooked variable in this controversy:  Calvin Klein never defined a Size 10 as “plus size” in its marketing campaign, to begin with!

Instead, that definition has been cultivated by other mainstream fashion outlets.  Both Cosmopolitan and PLUS Model seem to concur that clothing industry gurus nowadays consider anything ranging from a Size 6 to a Size 14 to be considered “plus size.”

Presumptuous?  Ridiculous?  Petty?  Delusional? 

Yep...all of the above.

In her interview with Elle, Dalbesio praised her experience doing the photo shoot, from the perspective of someone who falls somewhere between “skinny” and “overweight.”  As she stated:

It’s kind of confusing because I’m a bigger girl.  I’m not the biggest girl on the market but I’m definitely bigger than all the girls [Calvin Klein] has ever worked with, so that is really intimidating.  [But, at the photo shoot] No one even batted an eye.  It was very cool.

Representatives from Calvin Klein clarified that the campaign was meant to be “more inclusive” in that, historically, they’ve only featured models well under a Size 10.  As Dalbesio further explains:

I’m not skinny enough to be with the skinny girls and I’m not large enough to be with the large girls and I haven’t been able to find my place. This [campaign] was such a great feeling.

I’ve always viewed Calvin Klein as an overrated and overly-pretentious brand.  But, in this case, rather than bashing Calvin Klein’s alleged-but-nonexistent sexism, proponents of equality and diversity should be applauding the company’s efforts – however limited and small in scope.

As decades pass by, we’ve been increasingly pelted with the suggestion that body fat is categorically bad.  Witness all of the products marketed to women that are intended to “hide” or “camouflage” one’s girth.  Spanx, traditional girdles, the Genie Bra, and other assorted shapewear (including – but not limited to – bodysuits, waist-cinchers, slips, and thigh-shapers).  This isn’t even taking into account liposuction or diet pills.

Aside from that, there is an onslaught of emphasis on “weight” rather than overall health.

I’ll never forget the 1990 episode of Full House, where D.J. (Candace Cameron Bure) goes on a crash diet in a desperate attempt to get thin for Kimmy Gibbler’s pool party.  Although the adolescent D.J. was extremely distraught about her outward appearance, she also measured her crash-dieting “progress” based on how much she weighed when stepping onto the scale.

Similarly, former child star (turned Jenny Craig spokeswoman and Hot in Cleveland co-lead) Valerie Bertinelli – who underwent her own remarkable (and public!) weight loss transformation in the latter half of last decade – documented her travails with body image in her two best-selling autobiographies, Losing It: And Gaining My Life Back One Pound at a Time and Finding It: And Satisfying My Hunger for Life without Opening the Fridge. Both are FANTASTIC reads, by the way! (for those of you who haven’t finished your Christmas shopping yet...)

Although I greatly admire Bertinelli’s personal accomplishments (as well as her sharp and lovably self-deprecating sense of humor throughout), I do feel that she placed way too much emphasis on the numerical measurement of the amount at which she would weigh in, day-to-day.  If that’s what worked for her (in terms a barometer for measuring her progress), I understand that – but people in general shouldn’t be pressured to hold themselves hostage to an impersonal number displayed upon one’s bathroom scale.  And, as Bertinelli exhibits in her personal accounts, when that number didn’t drop low enough for her liking, it would drive her crazy!

That’s one of the reasons I never weigh myself.  Psychologically, if I see a number that’s higher than I would like it to be, I’ll be inclined to just eat more – and, most likely, eat stuff that’s less healthy and has inferior nutritional value.

As far as my personal body image goals, I typically hover between a (waist) Size 36 or Size 38.  This is a huge improvement for me compared to when I was in college, where I tended to oscillate between a 40 and 42.

Yes, ideally, I wish I was already a Size 32 or 34.  Upon decreasing my BMI by two or three points, I should ultimately reach what is considered “normal weight.”  The whole dubiousness of the present-day BMI index is a separate article for another day – but given how its only four categories are “underweight,” “normal weight,” “overweight,” and “obesity,” even conventional BMI measurements tend to be overly-simplistic.

Body image is becoming an increasingly touchy subject for males, as well – it just isn’t as talked-about (or exploited as blatantly) in the public sphere as it is for females.  In the same way that women have various physical goals for themselves, individual men desire a gamut of body types ranging from “muscular” to “ripped” to “athletic” to “lean” to “skinny.”

The rise of glorified, male-centric print ads – depicting buff, studly dudes at the gym, swimming pools, water parks, or just generally shirtless – only speaks to this trend.  And, just like exploited young girls (sometimes when they are still minors), boys are becoming younger and younger when included in these skin-showing ads.

Some feminists (or misandrists) cackle about how it’s “long overdue” for men to feel the pressures and insecurities that women have been feeling for decades (even centuries!) of exploitation.

I take the opposite view:  that it’s “long overdue” for our appreciation of a diversity of bodies (female and male, alike!) to be embraced across the spectrum.  A tall order, for sure – but not unworthy of gradual attempts.

One of my own goals, before I finally reach middle age, is to find myself in circumstances where I must be naked in public (or 99% naked, perhaps)...because I believe it would help to impel a greater sense of self-confidence in me, as well as contribute to getting over my body image issues and my hesitance about public nudity (and the locker room at the gym doesn’t count, because that’s a semi-private and enclosed sanctuary).

One of my favorite literary (and on-screen) depictions of a kindly soul who eschews traditional standards of “beauty” was from the 2001 TV movie Isabelle & Amy (an adaptation of Elizabeth Strout’s novel of the same name).  The blue-collar character of Fat Bev (portrayed boisterously by character actress Conchata Ferrell – best known as Berta from Two and A Half Men) was an overweight extrovert who encouraged her female friends (coworkers at a mill in Maine) not to be shy about indulging in delicious, high-calorie food during special occasions.

Yet, even amid her confident bravada, Fat Bev certainly must have wrestled with her own body image issues, as a character, at some point during her life.

So here are some rules-of-thumb that we all should constantly strive to live by...and that includes myself.

In general, comparing yourself to others makes your goals unattainable.  There’s a difference between, “Wow, you have great abs – will you share some of your nutritional habits and workout tips with me?”...

...versus, “My good buddy Skylar has a rockin’ bod...I wish I could look exactly like him/her, so I’m going to starve myself and work myself to death in the gym so I can make that happen!”

Keep in mind that so many of these models whom we see on magazine covers (or “hot” actors/actresses in TV and film) are often airbrushed and covered with makeup (Dermablend, anyone?).   They have stretch marks, scars, and areas of flab on their bodies...the stylists in those studios just make sure we never see those “imperfections.”

And yes, most of them tend to stay in great shape (who wouldn’t, when they can afford personal trainers and high-end cuisine with the money they earn?) – but it’s far less stressful for us, as individuals, if we seek out practical ways to emulate their success within the context of our own lives.  Otherwise, we end up like D.J. Tanner – working ourselves on the treadmill like superhuman Energizer Bunnies until we literally faint!

Think about this:  are you really turned off by your true friends if they happen to have more body fat or scarring than you yourself happen to?  Are you less inclined to go out and have fun with buddies just because their BMI might happen to be higher than yours?

If your answer is yes – you’re probably a shallow person whose friendship simply isn’t worth it.

When associating with others – be they friends, acquaintances, coworkers, business contacts, or family members – one’s emphasis should become substance over looks.

The same applies, to a different extent, when you’re looking for romance.  Obviously, any of us want to be physically attracted to our romantic partner.  But I’d also rather be with someone who has a brain and a good heart – which is likelier to remain strong, even as our looks fade with age.

When I’m around other guys who are more “average” or “overweight” in their physiques, it actually makes me feel like less of a leper – often because I can relate to them better than I can to someone who has a seemingly “perfect” body. 

None of this is to say we shouldn’t combat obesity or promote healthy eating.  But, at the same time, “real people” (rather than the socially-privileged...or “genetically-blessed”) should operate under realistic goals of steady progress.

The average waist size for American men is currently in the range of 38 to 40.  The average American woman is a Size 12 or 14.  For a majority of Americans, our weight may fluctuate throughout the year based on a variety of factors:  lack of exercise, relying upon food-on-the-go, sedentary habits around the house, cortisol arising from stress, and income disparity.  Not everyone can afford protein shakes, a personal trainer, fresh/organic produce, or nannies and personal assistants to help manage our time.

However, we shouldn’t let this impede our social lives or support systems (amongst buddies, coworkers, and “friendquaintances”).  If I lose a bet and have to go streaking, you should make fun of me because I’m being forced to humbly swallow my pride and shed my dignity (which is fun, particularly for the spectators)...NOT because I (along with 70%-75% of other American men out there) happen to be X-pounds heavier than Channing Tatum.

Yes, I’ve got a bigger ass than Michael Socha...but if I have to bare it (whether in a game of strip poker or as a supporting actor in someone’s student film), then you should either point and laugh at how I’m doing something hilarious...or applaud me for having the balls (even if I’m covering them with my hands) to do something that even many glamorous A-list celebrities are too modest to do themselves (i.e. Joey Tribbiani-style “butt-doubles”).

Maybe it’s different for me, because I’m a gay dude – but I find it really heartbreaking that our pop culture has become so judgmental and superficial that American females can’t find similar enjoyment in the possibility of feeling open and liberated with their bodies.

Finally, that brings me to my last little bit of advice.  We should all be vigilant about balancing lightheartedness with sensitivity toward the insecurities of others.

Remember that a BMI is not always accurate or realistic – and not all waist sizes or chest sizes are created equal.  Meaning, if your BMI is “off” by one or two digits, it shouldn’t necessarily be considered a problem.

Why do we have so many young girls (and a rising number of young boys) becoming anorexic as they attempt to starve themselves?  Along with the onslaught of idealized body imagery in mass media, a lot of the self-consciousness comes from being judged by complete strangers – we those whom we may encounter on the street.

There is no need for a person to make cracks about the weight of a fellow shopper in their local department store.  Or for checkers at the grocery store to make small-minded comments about their customers’ shopping habits.

Even when someone says “You look good” as a result of the person’s visible weight loss – while I realize that’s usually intended to be a compliment, it may actually cause the recipient to be more self-conscious about how they once looked.

To hammer away at an old cliché – if there’s any question about whether what you’re going to say is appropriate...then say nothing.

We must be mindful of this glaring disconnect between mass media images and the physical bodies we encounter in everyday life.  If you expect your significant other to resemble a model with a stunning body (such as those we see in photographic ads), then you’re going to be sorely disappointed.  

Some folks (including myself) prefer being photographed in close-ups (rather than wide shots)...because it hides our comparative imperfections in girth, and minimizes the “negative space” that makes us appear “fatter” than we actually are.  Please respect that.

Nutrient-rich foods are great.  But don’t be shy about splurging during the holidays.  As Michelle Obama said, prior to Thanksgiving four years ago:  “Eat the dressing!”

If someone wants that buttery chocolate croissant (or two or three)...let them eat the damn buttery chocolate croissant!  That includes Maya Delbasio or Valerie Bertinelli.  Nutrient-rich foods are for the other 10-11 months of the year.

And, even when we succeed at our health-minded goals – the psychological achievement of body confidence itself remains a continuous work-in-progress for just about anyone.