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soobibabe · 8 months ago

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aphrodisiac

pairings: jeon jungkook + reader synopsis: Your husband orders a box of special chocolates for the two of you to try together, suggesting that you see who can resist each other the longest. (spoiler: they forgot about the game the second they're within each others proximity) warnings: dom!jk, low-key switch reader, penetrative sex, unprotected, oral (m. receiving), no use of "y/n", fingering (he fingered his cum into her), explicit language, praising, BREEDING KINK, fem bodied reader

"Kook? Did you order these?" you shout from your doorstep, examining the sealed, unfamiliar package that showed up on your porch unannounced.

You certainly didn't do any online shopping this month, so there's only one other person who could have.

Jungkook appears in an instant upon hearing your call. You turn around to face him, and to your surprise his eyes beam when they meet the box in your hands. "Mhm" he replies, grabbing it out of your hands and pulling you back inside the house.

"What's got you so excited?" you ask looking at the man tearing apart the box like a kid on Christmas day opening presents.

He dips his hand into the package and pulls out a box of chocolates. You stare blankly, shocked that man — your husband, who hates more than half of the sweets you buy — the man who always preaches about how savory and spice is better — is this gaped by chocolates that he ordered.

"Are you serious?" you inquire. "They're not just chocolates, baby. They've got good stuff inside them" he spurs in one breath, kissing you before dragging you with him to your bedroom. "C'mon, we've got a game to play".

He sits beside you on the bed, unwrapping the golden package and snapping a piece of chocolate in two, handing you one.

"They're aphrodisiac chocolates. Taehyung tried it last week and told the group chat that we all have to try it. You know I love challenges, right?" he explains.

"One serving each and the aim is to see who'll give in first" You're stunned, you can't believe your husband wants to part take in this when you both know he can't keep his hands off of you. "Alright, I'll play this stupid game with you, but what are the stakes?"

"I didn't think about all of that," he scratches his head "Let's just eat the chocolates " he grins, waiting for you to comply, and you do.

After 10 minutes of just talking about Taehyung's experience when he had the aphrodisiacs, you begin to feel the effects. You could tell it was impacting Jungkook too when his voice became a little shakey, trying to conceal it out of pure competitiveness.

Alas, you weren't gonna make this easy for him. It was his idea anyway. You crawl over to him while he blabbers on about Kim Taehyungs sex life, and straddle his lap, hearing the words die down in his throat to a gulp as you do so.

"Do you wanna fuck me, koo?" you whisper in his ear, knowing it'll drive him insane. You squirm on top of him in an attempt to settle yourself comfortably on his thighs, feeling his cock grow ridiculously harder beneath you.

"Don't fucking taunt me, baby" he bites back. He pulls his shirt off, grabbing your hand to drag it along his torso, feeling every square inch of the muscles under your touch relax and contract. He stops at his sweats, pressing your smaller hand against his bulge. "Feel how hard I am for you?"

It's torturous how difficult it is to not reach under his boxers and put him right inside you. Instead, you distract yourself by making busy on his neck, leaving pretty trails of love bites on him.

You know the marks work him up. He loves the idea of claiming you as his, and vice versa. Whenever you leave them, though it isn't often, he doesn't do a thing to hide them.

"Fuck, baby please take this off." he nearly whimpers when he voices this. His fingers dance at the hem of your top, trying his best to not rip it off of you.

You peel the layer off, leaving you in only your shorts and bra. "You're so beautiful" he contends. He takes in all of you, admiring every stretch and curve. "You were made for me" he whispers.

"Can I suck you off, kook?" you request, and he looks at you with an expression that says 'Why bother asking?'.

"Do you think I'd say no to my wife wanting to give me a blowjob?" he asks, voice dropping a few octaves lower than his usual soft tone.

With that confirmation, you tug his pants along with his boxers down his thighs. Your hands wrap around his length like second nature, guiding the tip to your lips.

You stick out your tongue, tracing light circles around the head until you finally take it into your mouth, slowly going inch by inch down your throat. As a result of Jungkook previously insisting on size training, it doesn't take long to take him in all the way.

You bob your head on his length, hollowing your cheeks to wrap snuggly around his shaft. He's in bliss watching you please him so well. "Good girl" he groans.

His hand tangles in your hair, helping you take him further as he pushes down gently. "I love you" he murmurs in a hushed tone.

"I'm so close already, fuck" he chuckles, he's never been one to not last long. "Baby pull off, there's something I wanna do, but keep your hands on me."

You obey, maintaining the same pace with your hand on his cock, sitting up between his thighs. "Undress for me," he says breathlessly, on the verge of his climax.

Once your clothes are all off, he aligns himself with your core, fucking himself harder in your fist. You've both long forgotten about the whole 'challenge' by now.

Jungkook cums all over your cunt and stomach without warning, his head thrown back in ecstasy. He pulls you into a deep kiss, riding out his high whilst his hand dips into the distance between your bodies.

He gathers the substance of his orgasm onto his fingers and shoves them inside your sopping pussy, causing you to moan into the kiss.

His fingers thrust mercilessly into you, making your legs involuntarily clench together. "Keep every last drop inside if you" he utters, pulling away from the heated kiss.

He let you have your fun with him, but now it was his turn. There is nothing more he wants to do than fill you up.

"Fuck, right there!" you chant, followed by pleas and cries of his name which sound like music in his ears.

"That's it" he purs, knowing exactly where to curl his fingers to abuse your g-spot. He feels you clench around his hand, your body wanting more than just his fingers.

"Gonna let me fuck a baby into you, Mrs. Jeon?" you nod, too fucked out to give a vocal response other than whines and moans.

"It's about time we had a mini us, yeah?" the thought of you carrying his baby turns him on more than he thought possible.

He replaces his fingers with his dick by lifting and slamming you by your hips onto him, suddenly flipping you over so that he's hovering over you now.

"Can't wait to make you a mama, you'll look so pretty round with our baby" he declares with his hand on your tummy, pistoning his hips relentlessly as he fucks you into oblivion.

"Can't - ah — wait to make you a daddy, kook" you mutter between his harsh strokes, and it makes him feel feral. The words coming out of your mouth only gets him going more.

"S-shit, gonna fuck you every day till youre leaking with my seed for weeks." he enunciates with each thrust.

His words send you spiraling through your orgasm. His eyes glisten with lust as he watches you lose yourself all over him. "Fuck, baby you're perfect. Took it so well." he bends over to kiss you while he continues to fuck you through your climax, til his own follows not long after yours.

He stills, no longer pumping in you, and slowly pulls out, watching in awe the product of both your arousal spill from you.

"I love you" he whispers into your skin when he drops beside you pulling you into an embrace.

"i love you more, kook" he hides his face into your neck when he blushes.

"I hope it's a girl" he confesses out of the blue. "We don't even know if I'm pregnant yet" you giggle.

"Well you will be, I'll make sure of it," he says with certainty, and you wonder where this confidence comes from.

"Round two in the shower?" any ounce of timidness he had 30 seconds ago when you told him you loved him is gone. He is one feral man. Only for you.

A/N: need to have a 3sum w these 2

add yourself to the taglist.

find my masterlist here 𝜗𝜚⋆

#bangtan #jeon jungkook #bts #jungkook #bts smut #kpop #jungkook smut #kpop smut

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moonknixght · 1 year ago

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Jerk [Marc Spector x GN!Reader]

Summary: Despite having plans for a date with you after meeting with his ex-wife, Marc seems to have suddenly gone off communication, leaving you to be a bundle of nerves until you decided to call him. Heavily inspired by episode 3 of scenes from a marriage. Word Count: 2k Warnings: Angst with no comfort !!!!!!!!! foul language, Steven cameo (that's a sweet surprise than a warning), no mention of jake A/N: Gosh! I apologize for being super late with this one,, this was meant to be a drabble but i got carried away lol. And I'm a little rusty with writing atm, so don't look at me if the writing feels a lil wonky. though, Constructive Criticism is greatly appreciated! PS; The ex-wife mentioned in this is NOT layla its some other lady because we love layla in this household

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

The drawn out rings of the phone was slowly aiding to a upcoming migraine as you paced between rooms, silently praying that you would get an answer to your frantic texts. A rather uneventful Friday night that you expected to spend with the person you were recently seeing, an unpredictably mysterious man, had come to an abrupt stop.

There was a lot you didn't know about Marc Spector; and that was okay, because it was just the process of 'getting to know someone' was, right? Sure, You had rambled your head off on the first date, all which he listened carefully; but with Marc, you never felt the need to push information out of him. It was like befriending an fragile animal that takes time to trust, but the epiphany that comes after is unexplainably amazing.

Growing from acquaintances to actually seeing each other and looking forward to spending time as a couple was unrealistic, which was why your entire relationship was so fascinating. The patience of talking things out was a quality that you both shared; likely being the reason of such a bond with each other. If anyone would listen, you would never stop talking about how perplexing that was.

As you both started building a line of trust, You came to learn that he was divorced and was in the process of sorting things out with his ex-lover— which, of course, you were fine with. And today, he had mentioned about her coming over, which you were also on board with. But with the plans that were arranged for today still being overdue and Marc falling off the face of earth, you couldn't help but feel.. jealous? worry, even?

It was exactly why you were frantically texting your boyfriend, questioning on where he was and if his ex-wife had taken her leave. The only response that you received was being left entirely on delivered, adding fuel to your already anxious state. You felt like you were just being extremely clingy— and that they were probably still talking.

Your gaze travelled to the clock. 15 minutes to 1 am. Holy fuck. Had you really been texting him for over an hour? Had it been over two hours since you had set your dinner table, waiting for him? The latest that Marc had promised he would be was by 10:30, so it was just utterly ridiculous that it was past midnight and he was still unresponsive.

Swiftly grabbing the unopened bottle of wine kept on your table and making it to the couch, You set your phone down on the coffee table as you took a swing of the drink. It was crazy how this entire thing had gotten you so riled up, but as much as you hated to admit it, you were head over heels for this guy. So committed infact, that you were desperately checking on him for the past two hours; that you haven't even had your own dinner yet. One last call. Maybe he'll pick up.

That was the words that your guilty conscious prompted while you sat in the uncomfortable silence, eyes falling on the phone that lay discarded on the table. Obviously, you were going to feed into your thoughts. Of course you did.

And much to your surprise, it only took three rings to connect to the voice that you were just waiting to hear— but it didn't take you long to notice that it came off in a growl, much to the contrast of the soft spoken tone that Marc usually carried.

"Marc?" "Hey." You let out a sigh of relief, shaking your head ever so slightly at your own frantic actions. Atleast he was doing okay. "Are you okay? Where have you been? I've been—"

"Good. Uh, yeah, but listen, it's not cool to, like, bombard me with messages."

There was a short pause where you sat slightly bewildered. before you felt yourself sink into the seat, like a child who had just been scolded. Even with guilt creeping up, You wanted to still defend your own case, which was the endless worrying you had endured for the past hour, waiting for anything from Marc. Just a simple notice to cancel their date for the night or even to say that he was okay. But instead, You were simply left in the dark.

"Because you were supposed to call me, Marc."

"I told you, I'd call you when she left." "Oh, so she hasn't gone yet?" "No, She hasn't. She's still here." Sipping from the glass of wine and setting it onto the table nearby, your mind was quick to rush into many conclusions, but you kept your mouth shut. Whatever they had to discuss must have been really important. "Isn't it late? How are you both still talking?" "No, She— She's in bed." An exhale could be heard from the other end, as your brows furrowed. In bed? Marc lived in a single bedroom, so did that mean he was taking the couch? But before you could even question it, it was like the male at the other end had almost read your mind, because he immediately cleared your doubts, Albeit, you would have wished he never said anything. "..My bed." Oh. Feeling betrayed and lost would be an understatement of how you currently felt. Confused even, to some extend as a steady silence began to occupy the call. You weren't quite sure how Marc wanted you to respond to that. Did he want to hear you weep from the other side? Or be upset at him? Maybe even yell a few select choices of words for wasting your time? But instead of any of that, pure silence rang through the call and if it weren't for Marc checking if the call was still running, he would've thought you hung up. "Hello?"

The feeling of being let down was coursing through your veins at this point, making itself obvious with the lump that grew in your throat and how you stiffened up in your seat. You weren't sure what exactly to feel, a floodgate on sadness and anger opening like it was a pent up dam that was released. You sniffled quietly, trying to bite back the tears that were pricking at the corner of your eyes. It was unfair how distraught you felt. Another audible exhale could be heard, before you heard Marc's voice again. You weren't even sure why you felt like crying, but it was clear that this wouldn't end well. "Look, I'm suggesting that we should take a break because this is just not.. Not working out right now." "When did it work out, Marc?" "Wh— What are you talking about?" "I said." You spoke, recollecting yourself in a suspiciously gentle manner. "When were you not trying to use me as a way to move on?"

It was his turn to grow silent, and that was pretty much the answer you needed. To think that you gave him the chance, thinking that maybe this time around you could actually be with someone who cared— There were no other words to describe what you've been this entire time. You were foolish. "Goodnight. Sleep well." You'd be lying if you said that you didn't still want him to come back to you. Justify himself properly. Say that this was all some sick joke. But you were also aware that there was probably nothing that would save this. Still, You stayed when he spoke up again, for whatever reason. "Stop. Just Listen. This doesn't have to be.. what you think it is, I just need time to collect myself and honestly, I've been feeling for a while that—"

The urge to laugh was overbearing, and you didn't hold back. "You're so full of shit, Marc." Anger was finally settling in before the male at the other end could even respond to your words, but this wasn't about being courteous anymore. It felt like if Marc had cared for you even a little, this wouldn't have happened like it did. "Own up to what you're doing, asshole. I know you like to evade your responsibilities but just for once, if you have any respect for me, stand up like a man and say it to my face so I can just accept the fact that I've wasted my time and effort on you."

"Okay, Let me stop you here before you say anything else that you're gonna regret."

"No, fuck you. The only thing I regret is thinking that you actually cared enough to be with me. Turns out, your only concern is keeping yourself occupied and acting like you don't give a shit about everything that leaves you. You're a selfish prick."

"Fine. It's over then."

"Good. Lose my number and Have a good fucking night, Spector." The call was immediately cut, and so was the brightness of the candle that you had lit earlier by the dinner table. The dimness eased your volatile temper, but it bought the dejection and uneasiness that had failed to show up during the call. There was an option for you to cry it all out, but for reason, you didn't. A soft sigh escaped your pursed lips as you rubbed your eyes. Maybe you'd end up bawling your eyes out about this when you were nestled into the cold embrace of your bed.

You didn't even feel hungry anymore; so shoving the pasta that you had cooked hours prior into the fridge and cleaning up, you tried your best not to think of everything that just happened, which was difficult in it's own volition. It was just a few dates, so you were technically the one in the wrong for letting your guard down so easily and falling for a man who barely talked to you. That conclusion stung a little, but it helped you feel better as you picked up your phone and the bottle of wine again— too exhausted to take off the gorgeous outfit you had picked out for the night as you opened tinder; trying to scroll away like you were gonna move on.

—

On the other side, Marc had made the mistake of pacing through his room as he made the call, biting his cheeks as it reached it's abrupt and upsetting end. Guilt did lace his features, but reminding himself that this was the last he would ever hear from you made the circumstances a little less horrible. Glancing at the phone as his thumb hovered over your contact, He heard a meek voice call out to him. Not that of his ex-wife, but that of Steven's— who had seen everything from the reflection of the mirror that Marc found himself standing before. "Marc.." The reflection called out to him, a clearly disappointed expression lacing his features as he tried to find the words to even begin expressing how regrettable this would be. Steven didn't have to elaborate, though, because in the few seconds that Marc met Steven's concerned eyes, he knew this would just add into the contrition that already plagued his mind.

Marc tore himself away from Steven who made a lowly attempt at trying to reason with him; walking back to where he had just been previously. It was because Steven knew, and so did he, that he found what it felt like to be loved again through you. But he was undeserving of it. With everything he has done and all the secrets that he hid, he only deserved the toxic relation he had with his ex, which atleast kept his needs at bay; a fair trade for all the arguments he had with her. You were right about him being a selfish jerk. Though it was for all for the wrong reasons.

#marc spector x reader #moon knight x you #moonknight x reader #steven grant #steven grant x reader #steven grant x you #marc spector x y/n #marc spector x you #marc spector fanfiction #marc spector #marc spector fic #marc spector angst #moon knight x reader #jake lockely x reader #jake lockley x reader #jake lockley x you #moon knight x y/n

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ryomku · 10 months ago

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yellow flowers - kamo choso

synopsis: “when a person gives you yellow flowers it means they want to stop wasting time and spend their lives together with you”.

tags: choso x reader, fem! reader, fluff, aged up characters, college au!, no curses au!, use of y/n

a/n: i know nothing of nursing nor am i a nurse student or stuff like that so there might be some mistakes on choso´s career, idk it's like 1am and i'm crying

a/n 2: i’m mostly doing this after the leaks of chapter 259 cause i'm still crying and i need something soft in my life right now, this is based on a real experience, sorry if there's any typos english is not my first language

As someone who has never received flowers their whole life you don't get the appeal of such displays of affection, dads giving flowers to moms, boyfriends giving chocolate to their girlfriends, you just didn't see the need for such things.

In your eyes this was something unnecessary and silly, your parents never showed affection towards each other, in reality the only interactions they had were arguments which always occurred very early in the morning, at the hours where everyone is meant to be asleep and that you couldn't help but overhear.

Since they always talked about you and your problems that don't really exist, they were just looking for an excuse to say what they really think about each other.

As time went by you just didn't pay attention to any of those things, you had a very neutral opinion about flower giving, yet there were people who said, “You're a pretty girl. How come you've never received flowers before?” Genuinely you didn't know what to answer since you don't have low self-esteem and you love yourself the way you are because there's nothing wrong with the way you look or feel, so it was something that could not be answered.

Yet on valentine's day one of your friends gave you and your girl friends some plastic roses as a token of appreciation and it genuinely surprised you because for many years (or your entire life) you've never received gifts on valentine's, it was a nice gesture you though you thought it might be the last time you get a flower.

You were proven wrong.

On September of last year you met Choso Kamo on the bus you took on the way to college he was a nursing student, more specifically a phlebotomy technician, in your life have you ever seen someone so passionate about their career, the way in which he spoke about every detail regarding his classes it was hypnotizing it drew you in, suddenly you became friends and later one he introduced you to his friend group.

Soon enough it was a new year full of new classes, new teachers and the same friend group that had your back.

Time flies fast they say and suddenly it's March 21st and somehow the entire campus is covered in yellow. Wherever you walked there was people selling bouquets of sunflowers and daisies, girls all dolled up in pretty dresses, guys wasting ridiculous amounts of money on flower bouquets or in plushies it was weird something wasn't adding up.

What festivity happens today? The thought flooded your mind, you felt and looked clueless about the things that were happening around, still there's no time to waste cuz classes start soon.

10:00 am

Luckily the philosophy of education class was a free hour since the teacher didn't show up, there were so many things you can do in a free hour like eating, sleeping or just hanging out with friends and forcefully you had to choose the last one, against your own will.

“Heh Y/N could you come real quick to the cafeteria near the med students building?” Was the message that Yuki sent you a couple minutes ago.

In your way to said building more couples hugging and kissing surrounded the entire campus, it was getting too uncomfortable with how intense some of them were kissing in public.

Upon arriving at the cafeteria you spotted your friends quickly noticing two flower bouquets in front of Choso.

“Those flowers must be for his siblings. Didn't know Yuuji liked flowers so much.”

That's what anyone would think because since you met Choso he always spoke highly and dearly of his brothers, they were his entire life and his reason for becoming a nurse aside from his interest in the career.

Seeing how Choso cares about his siblings is another thing added to the mental list of things you like about him. Is there someone out there who doesn't have a crush on him? Cuz you find that hard to believe, just by feeling the way you felt nervous and the butterflies in your belly would be going crazy every time he talks to you.

Liking Choso was inevitable, like a storm or a hurricane, it was just meant to happen.

Liking Choso was something that involuntarily at this point in your head was always his face, his voice and even the small hugs he gave you every morning upon arriving at college.

Liking Choso was unexpected, you always thought that you might never have someone to like in your life since you didn't want to end up like your parents, living in an unhappy marriage full of arguments and sadness.

Liking Choso makes you feel human.

‘’Hi Y/N! What took you so long?’’ said Yuki as she moved her backpack to give you space to sit down next to her.

‘’Stupid philosophy teacher didn’t even send a message in time and had us waiting like idiots outside of his classroom.’’ You said as you sat down beside your blonde friend.

‘’Y/N here you go.’’ Gojo (your other friend) handed you a package of cookies.

‘’Why are you giving me cookies?’’ As you ask you gave him and Geto (who was handing you a bag of candies) a pointed look.

‘’Just cuz we want to and because you’re a good friend and we appreciate you.’’ Weirded out you accepted the gifts.

As you turned to put the gifts in your bag they drifted off to a conversation with Shoko, Nanami and Haibara though your attention was caught by the flowers displayed on the tablet in front of Choso the curiosity was eating you up.

Somehow Choso was a lot quieter than usual, which is fair enough he is really quiet and only gives his opinion or joins the conversation when he feels like it yet today not only was he quiet, he seemed uncomfortable and it was very clear, his facial expressions gave it away.

Suddenly Yuki stands up and walks behind Choso grabbing his wrist and guiding his hand towards one of the flower bouquets, in unison the rest of your friend group starts laughing while Gojo being the menace he is, starts recording everything.

‘’Come on man we all know you are a coward and if we don’t help you’re never gonna give her the flowers.’’ Said Yuki while laughing and giving you a smirk.

‘’Hold o-on Yuki! I don’t wanna do it with a-all of you here!!’’ Choso started to pull his hand away from the flowers all while his face gained a red hue and stuttered.

You gave all of them a questioning look. Choso was gonna give someone flowers? Did he like someone? If so, who was it? Was it a friend of yours? Or was it someone you don’t know of?

Questions filled your head as a sudden feeling of uneasiness gained a hold of your heart, it was kinda stupid that you thought someone like Choso might like you back, you hated the attitude you had with people, sometimes you would come off as rude or at worst having a potty mouth which you only spoke like that with close friend, Choso being one of them, probably your carefree attitude and shity mouth drove him away or he generally just didn’t like you as a person.

Maybe he never noticed you at all.

It only hurts because you thought he might like you due to the shyness he had around you which you liked a lot, even your friends would tease you both, while it made you giddy inside you never really knew if Choso felt the same way.

Now that you think about it the teasing started with Geto and Haibara saying Choso wanted to take you out to the movies, that never happened, the only reaction you both had was pure laughter.

You were so out of it drowning in your thoughts that you didn’t notice Choso grabbing the flowers and standing in front of you, flowers in hand and a blush on his tattooed face while he handed you the flowers.

‘’These are for you Y/N I hope you like them.’’ He gave you the flowers while looking away.

That made you snap out of it.

Choso, he gave you yellow flowers.

HE GAVE YOU FLOWERS!!

Choso’s face was a poem, truely. You looked so shocked, that he started to question if buying you flowers was a good idea.

Did you not like them?

Were the flowers too simple?

The thought of you rejecting him crossed his head. What was he going to do if you rejected him? It was going to be so embarrassing, he was gonna be rejected in front of the whole cafeteria, that only increased his anxiety.

Suddenly his ears were blessed with your soft laughter, his heart fluttered.

Your beautiful smile, the soft laughter and the cute blush in your cheeks made the anxiety go away, then he saw the most in love look in your eyes. Oh, how he loved your eyes, he could get lost in them for hours.

He felt a pair of arms around his neck in a warm embrace, all he could hear was a soft whisper.

‘’Thank you, Choso.’’

His arms circled around your waist holding you in a gentle hug, his warm hands rubbing circles, he didn’t even notice that he no longer had the flowers in his hands.

‘’Y/N I like you.’’ His smooth and deep voice whispered in your ear, the warmth in your cheeks increased.

‘’I like you too Choso.’’

They say that when a person gives you yellow flowers it means they want to stop wasting time and spend their lives together with you, and Choso knew since the moment he saw you that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you.

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #choso kamo #choso x reader #choso x you #fluff #jjk x reader

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beybaldes · 2 years ago

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I know why we had to say goodbye like the back of my hand

summer sleepover masterlist

jamie tartt x gn!reader

summary : “am i supposed to just let you go?” / “for what it’s worth, i really am sorry”

content warning : technically a part 2 ‘I’d go back in time and change it but I can’t,’ can be read stand alone, more protective!roy and bestfriend!colin, Jamie’s past is held against him and it hurts his feelings because he has changed, two uses of yn, jamie being clueless, angstyish

an : can you tell I’m obsessed with Taylor’s music? Better man is one of the best vault tracks to exist fight me I listened to it the whole time writing this fic.

Christmas and New years come and go and when the first day back at the dog track comes around you’ve almost forgotten about Jamie entirely.

You haven’t spent a single minute of the holidays thinking of him, and yet, he’s spent every single minute of it thinking about you. In no more then 10 seconds, you’d shattered whatever hope he’d had left that maybe, just maybe, he could heal things over between the two of you. And even after that, you’d still wished him a merry Christmas. He was going to get fucking whiplash if things carried on like this.

It was exactly that which had brought him to Keeley’s doorstep at 6am on New Year’s Day. Roy answers the door and he’s still in what he assumes is lasts nights clothes. Even though Roy doesn’t particularly like Jamie, not after what he did to you, he knows Jamie wouldn’t show up here without reason, so he invites him in. He guides Jamie through to the living room and says he’s going to get Keeley but that they’ll be right back. Jamie knows he must look rough if Roy wants to sit in on the conversation too.

There’s glitter on the floor after the party Jamie wasn’t invited to. He’s knows you were here last night. You may still have him blocked on everything, but Colin doesn’t, and fuck, does Colin love posting you. Posting pictures of you all dressed up for the new year, looking perfect as ever, posting videos of the two of you on his story, taking shots together or dancing ridiculously around Keeley’s living room. Part of him knows that in another life, one where he had been a better man sooner, it would’ve been him in Colin’s place; dancing with you at a party, sharing drinks with you, and if he was really lucky, maybe even sharing a kiss at midnight.

“Jamie! Hi! Hey! What are- what are you doing here, babe?” Jamie can tell she’s just as surprised as Roy was to find him here, but that doesn’t deter him from why he came. He knows there’s only one way that he can become a better man, and that’s by trying. “Here, have a pillow.”

Keeley makes sure each of them have a bright, pink pillow in their laps before she encourages Jamie to talk, leaning forward across her own pillow to show Jamie she’s really listening. Even Roy seems open to hearing him out, stretching his arms out across the back of Keeley’s sofa.

“I need to know how I can make things better with yn.”

“Oh, fuck off.” Jamie’s barely got his words out when Roy’s growled at him and Keeley’s smacked Roy in his chest. He takes her hand gently in his and holds it in his lap and Jamie almost winces at the sweet nothingness of the action. “I mean, they’ve told you to leave them alone, so, leave them alone.” Jamie thinks Roy’s changed too, until a mere second later, he lets out the fakest cough known to mankind. “Prick.”

“Oi, I didn’t come here to get bullied by a pensioner, I came here for actual advice.” And just like that Jamie had slipped back into the shell of the person he’d been trying to leave behind. People like Roy made it all too easy, picking on his weak spots with the smallest of words, and causing all his progress to come crashing down.

“What Roy means…” Keeley interrupted, breaking up the bickering before it could ever even really begin. “Is that you made your bed Jamie, now you’ve got to lie in it. If they don’t want to forgive you, or most on from the past, then that’s their choice. You can’t force anyone to forgive you.”

“But everyone else has.” Jamie whined, head thrown back against one of Keeley’s many throw pillows as he took to lying on the settee instead. “I don’t understand why they won’t. I’m trying so…” Jamie paused, sucking in a long breath. He was trying so hard to be better and he couldn’t say that because strong men didn’t need to be better, strong men didn’t want to change for the people they loved. The smaller voice, the one that grew a little louder day in and day out, said the opposite; strong men do change for the people they love, they apologise and they acknowledge their mistakes (even when it hurts to do so). “I just don’t get why they won’t forgive me when almost everyone else has.”

“Did you happen to forget that, out of everyone, yn is the one you actually, literally, cheated on?” Silence fell over Keeley’s living room for the first time in almost 24 hours, and Jamie was sure he’d never heard something so loud in his life. “That maybe, more then anything, more then an apology, what they want is for you to explain why you did what you did?”

“No one wants to know why.” Jamie scoffed, thinking of the multiple apologies he’d make to partners in his lifetime. Each and everyone wanted an apology, he would give it to them, they’d fuck one last time, and then break up on ‘mutual’ terms claiming that it was ‘for the best’. Obviously, he didn’t want things to go like that with you, he wanted to really apologise and for you to really forgive him, and then for the two of you to work on building a friendship between the two of you. But that didn’t mean he’d ever have expect you to want to know why he did what he did. “They want an apology, and for you to seem sorry, and then that’s usually it.”

Keeley eyed him suspiciously, eyes like daggers in a way unusual and unnerving to Jamie. “You don’t know why you did it, do you?”

Jamie can feel Roy’s hand curl into a fist from across the room and he’s sure that if he was any closer he’d be able to hear his blood boiling. “No.” Jamie answers instantly and honestly. “No. I don’t. That’s just who I was then.”

“That’s bullshit.” Roy’s been speaking more then Keeley has and Jamie’s wishing he’d come over for the help at a different time. “You had a year? Two years? To come up with a reason, and that’s all you’ve got?”

Jamie wants to argue. It’s his instinct to argue. To get in some brutal back and forth debating which of them was right about the matter, ultimately say something he shouldn’t, and upset Keeley by upsetting Roy just so he can get out of the conversation. The smaller voice inside his head that’s getting louder tells him the right thing to do, the thing a good man would do, is be honest. So that’s what he does. “They really cared about me, more then anyone ever had, yeah?” Jamie sits up on the sofa, leans his elbows against his knees and hangs his joined hands between his open legs, pulling at his fingers. “Do you know how scary that is? Everyone who was supposed to care about me just ends up hurting me. So, I beat them to it. Hurt them before they can hurt me.”

Keeley and Roy try and get more out of Jamie but he decides he’s been vulnerable enough today and that he has a lot to think about. He spends the remainder of his time off before the season begins again hiding in his bedroom, and thinking about what he did wrong like a told off child.

He decides that on the first day back at the dog track, he’s going to explain everything to you. He’s going to fully embody the better man he’s been trying to become, the man he knows, that once upon a time you knew, he could be.

Thankfully, you have a very peaceful first day back at the dog track. Colin and Isaac come and eat lunch in your office with you, Will hangs around throughout the afternoon helping you with some errands, and Roy brings you coffee at 4 when he knows he’s heading out for the day but you’ve still got some work to do. You’ve barely taken a sip of the saving grace when Jamie enters your office and locks the door behind him. You simply ignore him, continuing to tap away on your laptop and blocking out the image of his puppy dog eyes from your brain.

“Look, can we just talk, yeah?” It seemed Jamie had a way of making you angry by even suggesting he had a right to your time; you stopped typing even though you didn’t mean to. “I want to apologise, and explain, and even if we can’t be friends again, I just don’t want things to be weird anymore.”

“And who’s fault is it that things are weird?” You asked, closing your laptop and leaning back in your chair, creating as much space between the two of you as possible.

“I know, mine, just let me talk, yeah?” Jamie knew he had to get the words out before you interrupted him again or he’d never say them, never give you the explanation Roy had explained, and Jamie had come to understand, you deserved. “I hurt you because I didn’t want you to hurt me. You know what my dads like, what the other people I’ve dated have been like, and every single one of them leaves. And you didn’t, and you didn’t look like you were going too either.” Jamie took a deep breath, holding his own hands to stop them from shaking. “That was so scary, to me, to have someone care about me like that. And, I don’t know, my brain made me think, like, that you were just waiting to hurt me sooner or later, so I should hurt you first.”

You’d fallen completely silent and it entirely unnerved Jamie. All of it made too much sense and a part of you felt so bad for the way you’d acted these past few months. However, you also knew that while Jamie’s insecurities was an explanation to why he did what he did, that it wasn’t an excuse.

“And I couldn’t just break up with you, because I didn’t want to, and I know my actions might not have show it, but I really loved you. And, yeah, I should’ve talked about it instead of sleeping with someone else and getting you to end things, but I didn’t know how to do that back then.” Jamie sucks in a shaky breath and a part of you yearns to hug him, to tell him to not get worked up about it, but you stay in your seat. “And it fucking sucked because I got what I wanted. And I felt so good about it, that you’d hurt me by breaking up with me and that I’d been right, and then I just felt sad.” For the first time since entering your office, Jamie looks at you. “And I just wanted to let you know, that it was never your fault that I did it, it was mine.”

A long silence took over the office, neither you nor Jamie speaking or even breathing as you took in the weight of the words just said to you. Everyone had been telling you for months now that Jamie had changed and you’d been so adamant it was a ruse, but here he was, pouring his heart out to you with the best apology you think he’s ever given, and proving he was a better man.

You stood from your chair, grabbed your bag and half drunk coffee, and tucked the chair under the desk. As you grabbed your laptop and notebook to take home with you, you finally spoke up. “Thank you for explaining Jamie, you don’t know how good it is to hear that after everything. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jamie brow creased and he moved to step closer to the door, stopping you from leaving immediately. “What? So, that’s it?” When you didn’t answer, Jamie took a step forward, reaching his hand out for yours and finding himself surprised when you didn’t push him away. “Am I supposed to just let you go?”

“You know, Jamie, I missed you every minute of every day for the first 8 months, and then I just wished you had been better.” You squeezed his hand gently and for a moment Jamie felt like he’d woken up from some bad dream and he was still where he was 2 years ago. “And then, I woke up one day, and I didn’t think of you at all.” Jamie knew he’d been a dick, he knew he’d hurt you in a way no one deserved to be hurt, he knew you loved him and he pushed that love away like you’d been offering him a loaded gun instead of the key to your heart. “You would’ve been the one if things had been different, but they weren’t different. And that’s okay, but that means you need to let me go.”

Jamie felt sick to his stomach, god, he couldn’t imagine anything worse to happen to him, and yet, he’d done it all to himself. “Im always going to love you, J.” For 2 years Jamie had imagined you saying those exact words to him, forgiving him for his mistakes and turning things back to how they used to be. It shouldn’t be breaking his heart to hear what he’d hoped, and dreamt, and spent sleepless nights praying for.

Jamie let you leave then, stepping away from the door with a downcast look across his face, and finally pulling himself away from your touch. What if he never got to touch you so softly again? What if this was the last time he ever heard you tell him you loved him? What if this was the last time you let him in your door? “For what it’s worth, I really am sorry.”

“I know Jamie, I am too.” You took a step forward, but not towards the door, wrapping your arms gently around Jamie, humming against his neck when his fingers clawed into your shirt and his lips trembled against your temple. “I am too.”

You left your office together and walked Jamie to his car, you said no when he offered you a lift home and he didn’t beg you to accept it. Even if you had said yes, you doubted he knew the drive from the dog track to your new place, and you didn’t want to hurt him more by letting him find out he didn’t know you like he knew the back of his hand anymore.

Tomorrow morning the team will be surprised by the fact you say good morning to everyone including Jamie, but for right now, alone in the empty Nelson Road car park, Jamie finally gets it, and he finally mourns the love he once lost.

#beybaldes summer sleepover !!#ted lasso x reader #jamie tartt oneshot #jamie tartt imagine #jamie tartt x reader

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wonjinburger · 2 years ago

Text

writing prompt #04

bumping into each other as solo travelers ; park sunghoon

태양보다 찬란한 . . . 그게 바로 나

INFO : : park sunghoon x reader / romcom

wc : <1600

notes : this was lowkey rushed bcs i had an idea at 12am but i had to go sleep but i couldn't risk losing the idea

20 JANUARY 2023 : :

2:04 - it's currently 2am and i've just landed in paris, and i'm now heading to my hotel room to take a long ass nap.

13:12 - jk the nap lasted from around 11 hours. now it's 1pm and i'm going to go out for lunch. i've heard a lot of good word about a specific cafe so i'm gonna go try it out!

13:37 - the weirdest things just happened what the fuck? i bumped into this guy, who was really hot btw, by accident. obviously i apologized for it like a normal person but he just scoffed at me and left?? thanks for that random stranger.

23 JANUARY 2023 : :

12:02 - i just had a quick snack and i'm currently on the train to versailles, i wanted to have a quick look at all the beautiful architecture. i find versailles to be such a romantic and beautiful place lol

12:28 - i've arrived at versailles! i have a tour booked for today at 1pm, so i guess i'll walk around versailles for now.

13:13 - no fucking way, the guy i bumped into a few days ago is here too, like, in the same tour group as me. i said hi and he basically looked at me weird and left me standing. thank god idk this guy and i'll never see him again, he seems like an ass.

14 APRIL 2023 : :

10:16 - hi journal, today i'm in the netherlands, i heard about the keukenhof tulip garden and of course i had to come here. i just had breakfast at the hotel i'm staying in and i'm about to head out to the garden to see all the pretty flowers!

11:11 - THE GARDEN IS SO PRETTY OMG BUT THAT EXPERIENCE WAS LOWKEY RUINED. by who you may ask? by FUCKING FRANCE DUDE?? WHY IS HE EVERYWHERE???? like i was taking photos of the pretty flowers and boom, suddenly i see him through the lens of my camera, please get this guy out of my life

11 MAY 2023 : :

00:01 - i have finally done one of the things off my bucket list, and that is to visit switzerland! i always saw tiktoks and photos of the amazing view and obviously i had to come see for myself, but it's 12am rn and i am really tired so i'm gonna go sleep, then i'll explore in the morning

11:42 - okay i woke up a few minutes ago which is quite late, but i'm gonna go down to the hotel's cafeteria and have some brunch before i explore the town

4:51 - hi this isn't funny anymore, i literally just set foot into an eatery near one of the places i was visiting and i see france dude, AGAIN. can he just get out of my life atp please, i'm so sick of seeing his annoying (but ig good-looking) face. AND WHY IS THE ONLY AVAILABLE SEAT LIKE NEXT TO HIS TABLE???

-- (☆)

i'm going back home to korea today, i think i've been travelling way too much, so i'm going to go home and rest up and spend time with my family and some friends.

i boarded the plane and by that point it was 11pm and i was honestly drained. i spent a whole day exploring the more nature-y side of switzerland and the view definitely did not disappoint.

i sat myself down in my assigned seat and was so ready to fall asleep at this point. a guy walked over and sat next to me, and i bet you won't be able to figure out who was gonna be my plane seatmate for almost 12 hours. yeah it was france guy. he seemed pretty surprised to see me too i think.

after he sat himself down next to me, he looked at me, maybe i was staring too hard.. "hey" i looked at him, question marks practically all over my forehead. "can you stop staring at me" i scoffed at him, this guy is ridiculous!

the plane took off a few minutes later and i was starting to doze off, and unfortunately for me i left my neck pillow in my luggage by accident, so my head was dropping left and right.

i suddenly woke up and it felt like i was lying against something? i sat upright to see what i had been sleeping on, and it was france dude? he woke up when he felt me getting up. "you're finally up, my shoulder feels like it's about to dislocate"

'okay sorry for accidentally sleeping on your shoulder but like, rude much'

"oh shit, i'm so sorry. i left my neck pillow in my luggage and i think i just passed out suddenly" he scoffed and i was so close to losing my shit not gonna lie. but the next moment, he handed me his neck pillow and i looked at him while holding the neck pillow. "just use it, i'd rather you use my stuff than you use me" damn okay stranger. "oh, thanks?" and soon he attempted to go back to sleep.

it was currently 8:59am, which meant we still had probably less than 2 hours left of this plane ride, and i was thanking heavens because 12 hours next to this guy would've been hell if i weren't fast asleep.

france guy was moving around in his seat and i assumed he couldn't fall back asleep. i tapped on his shoulders a little to get his attention "hey, you can have your neck pillow back, seems like you can't sleep, and i'm pretty energized right now" he looked at me and sighed "it's fine, i'll just give up on going back to sleep".

after that it was pure silence. and i couldn't stand it so of course i had to open my big ass mouth.

"so.. you travel a lot?" he nodded his gaze fixed on his phone. "alone?" he nodded again still focusing on his screen. damn talking to this guy is so hard. let's bring up the past! "you remember the first time we met?" he finally looked at me. "we've met?" are you fucking serious right now.

"i bumped into you on accident in paris back in january?" he thought about it for a second before replying. "oh! i remember now, you bumped into me and almost spilt your hot coffee all over me" "hey! it almost spilt on me too okay, and i apologized for it" he shrugged it off and went back on his phone.

"you know, i kept seeing you around while i was travelling and at some point i thought you were stalking me" he looked back at me again, his eyebrows furrowed this time. "what the fuck why would i stalk you, i don't even know you?" "it happens sometimes" "hey, for all i know you could be the one stalking me right now" i was taken aback, speechless, i can't handle this guy oh my god.

"you know, your looks and personality clash a lot" he gave me a look that said 'wtf do you mean'. "you're a good-looking guy, like, i'd definitely date you if your personality was nicer" he stared at me for a while and chuckled a little. "for your information i have a great personality" "it sure doesn't seem that way" he scoffed and put his phone down before looking me in the eyes.

"i'm nice to people i'm close to, last i checked, we don't even know each other." "maybe we can change that" he looked shocked by what i said. honestly i'm shocked too, but i mean, he's pretty hot, it would be a wasted chance.

"you want us to get close?" i nodded. "you're ridiculous lady" i rested my head in the palm of my hands as i kept eye contact with him "it's y/n, lee y/n. and you are?" he looked at me in disbelief for a while. "i can't believe this is happening." he let out a deep and heavy sigh before introducing himself. "i'm park sunghoon."

"nice to meet you sunghoon. oh, i was gonna ask if you were korean, but your name just confirmed it for me" "are you heading home right now?" i nodded to his question. "homesick?" he asked, and i nodded. it seemed like he was feeling homesick too. "maybe we should hangout sometime while we're in korea" i blurted out suddenly, to my surprise he didn't oppose of this idea.

i then pushed my phone towards him, "can i have your number then?" he looked at my phone, then at me. "are you hitting on me?" i don't know, was i? i mean, i am interested in him, so i guess? "yeah i am, so what do you say, can i have your number? and maybe we can go out sometime and maybe even travel together?" he stared at me in shock, but his reply lowkey shocked me too.

"sure, let's go on a date soon"

#enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen hurt/comfort #enhypen sunghoon #sunghoon #park sunghoon #sunghoon imagines #sunghoon scenarios #sunghoon x reader #wonjinburger writes

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canarias-stuff · 1 year ago

Text

A STORY FOR 🎃🕸TDDK HALLOWEEK 2023!🕸🎃

Based on Day 2 Prompts: Mirrors / Haunted / "Ghosts never speak till spoken to."

SUMMARY:

“You came back?” Was the first thing that the mirror said, a curious expression on his face. “I thought that you were done here?”

“What are you?” Todoroki asked, ignoring the mirror’s question.

“I already told you, I am a ghost.”

“I spent my whole weekend researching supernatural stuff, my google looks like I am ready to be a ghost hunter, but things still don't make sense! Your existence still doesn’t make sense!” Shouto spilled, his frustration at the topic leaking with every word. “I can see you, but I can’t prove your existence with numbers or logic! And this is so weird, because, what the hell am I doing?! Talking with a mirror?! The only logical explanation here is that I am finally crazy!”

Woah!, Shouto thought, surprised by his own outburst. Last time that he got to say so much in just one breath was at Asui’s 18th birthday party when he got really drunk, and was explaining why people should eat soba instead of ramen.

Or, a TodoDeku story where Todoroki talks with a ghost trapped inside a mirror.

Ao3 link:

“Did you hear?”

“Hear what?”

“What?! You didn’t hear about it?!”

“About what?!”

“It appeared!”

“What appeared?!”

“The ghost!”

��

Medical student Todoroki Shouto was a science type of person. Math, biology, physics and chemistry make a lot of sense, you can prove stuff using logic, numbers, chemical experiments, and you can show people that a bacteria exists using a microscope.

As long as you can give concrete proofs about something, that exists. It's not a rumor or gossip. Numbers and logic don’t lie. It shows you a fact, and even if you don’t understand why you should use that formula, as long as you use that, anyone will have the same result.

It is a fact. It is rational.

But that is his opinion, as a logical person. People are free to believe in whatever they want, but Shouto just didn’t understand why other people were so adamant on believing in…ghosts.

For some reason, since he arrived at his class that morning, the students from all departments were gossiping about the oldest building in the campus - the one that right now was under renovation. From what Shouto heard so far, something, a ghost of all things, showed up there.

He didn’t care about it, zombies and vampires could be spotted around the old building and he still wouldn't care, so he ignored the rumors and continued his day. Or so he did until lunchtime.

“So, Tsuyu-chan told me that Toga-chan told her that someone from the art department went to the oldest building in the campus because of a bet.” Uraraka said as soon as she sat at their regular table in the gardens.

“Oh, is that about the rumors that I’ve been hearing since morning?” Yaoyorozu asked, unwrapping a big sized (and really expensive looking) bento. “About the ghost?”

Todoroki had to control himself, or he would roll his mismatched eyes over this ridiculous gossip.

“I also heard about it.” Jirou commented, pointing her chopsticks at no one in particular. “And the students are also posting a lot of comments and stories about the rumors on the official students page on twitter.”

“Even the teachers had their own opinions about it.” Iida added, fixing the position of his glasses on his face. “Hizashi-sensei was yelli- I mean, sharing his ideas for 10 minutes.”

“This is ridiculous.”

Four pairs of eyes turned to look at the white and red haired boy, who was munching his soba undisturbed by the stories.

“A ghost. Really?”

“Come on Todoroki! You don’t have to sound so annoyed. It’s just for fun.”

“I just can’t understand what is so fun, Jirou.” He admitted, expression serious. “Why do people insist on telling stories about ghosts? It doesn't even exist, it’s so obvious it is a lie, and everyone still gossip and speculate about it.”

“Woah! Sometimes I forget that you are the ‘it doesn't exist until it’s proved the opposite’ type of person!” The short haired brunette girl whistled amused by her friend's comment. “But anyway, it’s not a lie.”

“And how do you know?” He arched a perfect red eyebrow. “Where is the proof?”

“It’s not a lie, but I also didn't say it’s true. It’s a rumor.”

“...It’s a lie.”

“Todoroki-san, just because you don’t believe it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.” Yaoyorozu interrupted, her voice soft and understanding. “I know that you are skeptical about this kind of stuff, but some people believe and you have to respect it, okay?”

“Sorry…I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“I know.”

“But.” He added. “I just don’t…understand.”

“I know what you mean.” Iida seconded. “I am a math and physics student, so I understand that logically speaking, ghosts and the supernatural in general are something that challenges everything that we learn.”

“Oh guys, come on!” Ochako grunted. “You don’t have to believe! Just think that this kind of story appears once in a while for the college student’s fun experiences! I mean, remember back in our school days when people were always gossiping about the School Seven Mysteries? Here at college it is not so different!”

“Uraraka is right, you don't have to believe." Kyouka nodded. "I don't believe it either because I never saw a ghost or whatever, but still, it is fun when people do courage tests and other events."

Well, Todoroki could agree with it. It was fun to see Kaminari and Ashido, two of their high school friends, run around the forest after being hit with a piece of konjaku during a courage test during their senior year.

"By the way, what are the rumors saying?" The tallest girl in the group asked. "I didn't hear about the specifics about the rumors…I was too worried about the mock test…"

"Well, Tsuyu-chan said that this art student went to the storage in the old building because they lost a bet."

"You already said it." Todoroki commented.

She didn't mind Todoroki and continued.

"The thing is, there is a story about a mirror in the storage room."

"A mirror?" Iida sais retorically.

"There's a rumor…"

"Again a rumor…"

"Be quiet, Todoroki!" Jirou snapped.

"...that says that the spirit of a student is locked inside the mirror, and if you call it, it will answer any question. Some people say that it can even tell you about your future."

"And what do we need to say to call it?" Momo asked, genuinely curious about the story.

"Mirror mirror of mine."

They stared at Uraraka.

"What?" Jirou asked dumbfound.

"Yeah, I know, kind of a Snow White punchline, but that's what the rumors say!"

"Seems like Snow White will show up in the mirror." Shouto lips curved up, amused. "Or the seven dwarfs."

"As long as it is not the Evil Queen, anyone is okay." Ochako giggled. "But anyway, the thing is, the student said these words, and something really showed up in the mirror!"

"His reflection. It's a mirror." Came Todoroki dry comment, but his friends ignored him as Ochako continued the story.

"Unfortunately, the student freaked out and left, so we don't really know if the ghost in the mirror can tell you about the future or something like that." She sighed disappointed.

"That's a shame." The ponytail girl said, a hand on her cheek. "If this is true, I would like to know what I am doing in the future so I can prepare better."

"You already do good enough, Yaomomo." The short black haired girl tried to cheer her best friend, patting her on the back. “But it does sound like the kind of story that people would gossip around the campus.”

“Don’t you think so?!” The brunette exclaimed. “If I wasn’t already scared of the old building alone, I would like to take a peek at the mirror and ask the ghost how I can become rich!”

“It’s a mirror.” Todoroki repeated. “It will show your image, and that’s already an answer for your question. Only you can make yourself rich.”

Uraraka rolled her eyes.

“So why don’t you go there and tell me if it’s real or not?”

“Why should I?”

Their friends looked back and forth from those two, clearly, something interesting would come now.

“You want proof that ghosts don’t exist, so go to the old building and call the ghost.”

“This is ridiculous.”

“No, this is science.” Ochako grinned. “You prove theories by trying them, right? So say ‘mirror mirror of mine’ and see what happens. You will prove a point, and entertain your curious friends! It’s a win-win situation!”

Mismatched eyes stared at the brown ones for a moment.

Todoroki sighed.

“Fine.”

…

The sky was already a dark shade of orange and purple when Shouto’s classes ended that day. His friends were probably gone by now, fridays were the days that his classes last longer than the other majors, and no matter how much his friends love him, they definitely love their early freedom on fridays more.

He was tired, and had a lot of homework and a new project to start, but when he was passing by near the old building, the conversation with Uraraka came to his mind.

Proof.

If he goes inside now, he can show Uraraka that rumors are rumors and that ghosts don’t exist, and the earlier he does it the better, or Uraraka would definitely say something like he is afraid of entering the building or whatever.

He approached the building and pushed the door open, a loud crack sound echoed in the empty hallways, and for a split second Todoroki thought that this scenario looked like one from a horror movie that his friends forced him to watch years ago.

There were a lot of paint cans, wood and other tools like hammers and saws scattered around, after all, the college was indeed renovating the building, but no one was there, probably all the workers left early. Well, it’s friday.

“By the way.” Todoroki abruptly stopped walking, mismatched eyes looking around. “Which room has the mirror?”

Of all things to forget, he forgot to ask Uraraka where he was supposed to find the mirror.

…

The sun was long gone when he finally found a storage room for the theater and arts department. The room was filled with costumes, boxes with makeup, brushes and paint, there was some cardbords and signs stacked in one of the corners of the room, but the flashlight of his phone wasn’t good enough to distinguish what was written or draw on them, and Shouto didn’t want to turn on the lights of the building, the last thing he wanted was the security coming by and ask what he was doing there.

Going deep inside the storage, something reflected the light of his flashlight.

A mirror. A full length mirror hanging on the wall.

“Must be this one.”

A rectangular mirror with a golden frame. There was a crack from the top right corner to the bottom left corner, slightly distorting his reflection. Shouto put his phone on the floor and grabbed the mirror, taking it from the wall and turning it around to take a look behind it. It was heavy, but then again, the mirror was glued at a wood surface.

He inspected the object for a full minute, but nothing was wrong with it. It was a normal old mirror that the arts department probably dropped, but was too lazy to throw in the trash.

There’s just one thing left to do. Todoroki thought, putting the mirror back at the wall.

He stared at his reflection, his mouth opened.

“Mirror mirror of mine…” What was he supposed to say now? A question? What should he ask? He didn’t have anything in particular to ask anyway. “...Is there anyone more beautiful than me?”

Okay. What the hell just came out of his mouth? He joked about Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, but his brain must have had a really bad short circuit, because what the hell he just said?! Thank God no one was there to hear that…

A giggled.

…or so he thought.

“Who is there?” Shouto called, eyes looking around the room, because he heard someone giggled.

“Well, so far, you are the prettiest person I have ever seen." Someone said, voice muffled. "But this is just my opinion."

The college student turned his head, once more looking at his reflection in the mirror, this time though, his reflection was not alone.

Big emerald eyes, curly and fluffy green hair, cheeks painted on freckles that looked like stars, and an amused but sincere smile.

"Hello!" The boy in the mirror said when their eyes met, the smile still playing on his lips.

Todoroki flinched. WHAT.THE.HELL?

"Oh, you are the first one that doesn't run away on the spot!"

There must be a logical explanation for this, Todoroki told himself, because how is it possible that...that...an image(?) was talking with him?

"Hum...? Hey?" The mirror waved a hand. "Are you okay? Oh, please, just don't pass out here!"

"I..." He cleared his throat. "I won't." Shouto found his voice again, mismatched eyes never leaving the mirror.

"Thanks god! I was really worried for a second!" And the mirror sighed like he was really relieved.

Shouto studied the mirror again. Was it really a mirror? Maybe it was a screen and someone made a really good job programming an A.I?

"I am not a TV, app or A.I." The green haired boy said amused, and Shouto flinched again, surprised that he was muttering.

"So..." He couldn't believe what he was about to ask. "...what are you?"

"Not 'Who are you' but 'What are you' ..." The boy paused. "I would like to say that I am a person, but people call me a ghost."

A ghost.

Hah. Great.

"Ghosts don't exist." Shouto denied, not wanting to believe in what he was looking at right now.

The boy in the mirror blinked a few times, pointed a finger at his own face, and arched an eyebrow.

"But I am right here...?"

"You're not a ghost."

"If I am not one, then what exactly am I?"

"...I don't know... yet ."

"Oh! I see!" The mirror snapped a finger, face suddenly lighting up. "You are shocked! Or just in denial!"

"I am not!" Todoroki grunted. What was happening? He was arguing with a mirror? He must be dreaming or gone insane! Where was the logic that he liked so much?

"Sure~"

Was the boy in the mirror sassing him?

"Anyway, did you just come here to ask me that?"

"What?"

"I mean, did you really ask me the same question that the Evil Queen used to ask her mirror?"

"I didn't know what to ask." Todoroki replied dryly, and then added. "And I didn't believe or expect that something would answer me at all."

"Well, I answered, so what do you want to do now?"

Shouto stared at the boy, analyzing him. Now that he calmed down and was trying to better assess the situation, he could see that the boy was wearing some kind of costume, like a jumpsuit, and black ironed shoes. The green haired boy was probably shorter than him and around his age. If this was some kind of prank, the mirror boy sure was doing a good job.

"I am leaving." Shouto said suddenly, grabbing his phone that was still on the floor, and turning his back to the mirror.

"Oh." He heard, and it sounded really sad. "Bye bye."

The red and white haired college student closed the door behind his back and quickly left the building.

...

Todoroki didn't tell his friends about the mirror. He spent all weekend searching for logical explanations for what happened at the old building, because as a scientific person, how could he accept that whatever he saw that day was a…ghost?

No. No way.

There must be a logical answer for that. So he researched, and researched and researched. The algorithms for his google showing now, articles about ghosts and other supernatural figures, people trying to hunt said ghosts or communicate with them.

When monday arrived, Todoroki did his best to avoid his friends, because right now he was a man on a mission to prove that whatever was that person he saw in the mirror, was not a ghost.

…

Shouto lied to Iida, saying that he would go to the college library to study for a mock test, and being a serious student, Iida nodded and walked away, proud of his best friend.

Now, the half white and half red haired student was standing in front of the mirror, on a late monday afternoon, glaring at his own reflection and waiting for the green haired boy to show up.

“Hey, where are you?” Shouto said, but the mirror was still only showing his reflection. He pondered for a second. Was the ‘mirror mirror of mine’ a condition for the other boy to show up? He should try. “Mirror mirror of mine, where are you?”

He blinked, and on the next instant, green eyes were staring back at his own mismatched ones.

“You came back?” Was the first thing that the mirror said, a curious expression on his face. “I thought that you were done here?”

“What are you?” Todoroki asked, ignoring the mirror’s question.

“I already told you, I am a ghost.”

Woah! , Shouto thought, surprised by his own outburst. Last time that he got to say so much in just one breath was at Asui’s 18th birthday party when he got really drunk, and was explaining why people should eat soba instead of ramen.

“...Are you done?” The mirror asked.

“...Yes.” The student answered, sitting in front of the mirror.

“What is your name?”

“Todoroki Shouto.” There was a pause. “And you?”

“Well…I am not really sure.” The boy said sincerely. “But I remember someone calling me Midoriya something. Well, something that sounds like Deku.”

“Deku?” Shouto parroted. “That…sounds mean.”

“Yeah, I know. But if this is my name…well, that’s fine.” The mirror, Midoriya, shrugged. “Why…did you come back? People usually leave here crying and shouting and never come back, but you…are here.”

“I am trying to understand your…existence.” And Shouto was trying really hard. “People die, and that’s it. The end. There’s no life after you die.”

“Some things can't be explained. And I am some kind of proof, right? After all, you can’t really pinpoint why I exist, and I don’t think any scientist would understand either, I don’t understand, and I’ve been here for a while.” Deku commented, but there was no arrogance in his voice, he was just saying what he really believed.

“How long? I mean, how long have you been trapped?”

“Hum…that’s a difficult question.” Midoriya looked pensive. “After a while you kind of lose track of the time, since I can only appear if someone says those Evil Queen’s speech. So, yeah, it could be days, months or years, but I bet that I’ve been here for a couple of years.”

“That…sounds…”

“Sad? Lonely?”

“I was about to say boring, but it fits too.”

This time Midoriya laughed, and Shouto couldn't control the small smile that appeared on his own lips.

“Yes, it is boring, but most of the time I feel like I am asleep, dreaming about a world and people that I can’t remember after waking up…so yeah, but I can manage something. It’s not like I’m gonna die…again.”

“Don’t you…want to be free from the mirror?” Shouto asked, taking a look at the golden frame. “Find the light or something like that?”

“Of course I want to, but I don’t even know why I am here!” The mirror boy replied, biting the inside of his cheek. “Maybe I died in front of a mirror and my soul got trapped, people say that mirrors have this power. Or maybe I am cursed? Or I am the real Evil Queen’s mirror!”

“...Don’t be ridiculous.” Todoroki deadpanned. “And how do you know this kind of stuff? I had to do plenty of research to find some legends about mirrors and their power.”

“I am amnesiac, not dumb.” Came the reply, and then the laughter. “I don’t know either, I like to think that I was curious about a lot of stuff when I was alive, and even if I forgot my name, I still have the knowledge that I got during my life.”

“Remembering your name would be better.”

“Maybe yes, maybe no. There’s no way to know.”

They went silent, Deku humming a soft melody that Shouto never heard, but it was nice.

“Do you…want to know your name?”

Emerald eyes stared at him.

“What?”

“I said, do you want to know your name?”

“Well, of course I want to, but how…”

“I will do some research, try to find a clue about you, and with luck, we can get a name.”

“Would you…do something like this…for me?” Shouto didn’t know that a ghost or mirror could cry, but the small droplets at the corner of Midoriya’s green eyes were tears. No mistake.

“If I can’t explain rationally stuff like ghosts, I would like to at least prove that someone by the name ‘Midoriya something like Deku’ one day was a living person.”

“Thank you.” Midoriya said between sobs, hands trying to stop the tears that keep falling. “Thank you.”

And for the first time since all that crazy experience started, Shouto felt like something was right.

...

The days passed by, and Shouto would visit Midoriya every day. It was fun, Midoriya was a good listener and was really intelligent, he would always give Shouto his opinions on the papers that a teacher would score, and mutter over small things.

Shouto didn't even notice when he stopped caring about the logic behind Midoriya's existence.

...

“Another test?!” Uraraka exclaimed, clearly indignant. “How many mock tests have your teachers passed you in the last two weeks?!”

“I lost track after the third one.” Jirou commented, not really giving a shit about Todoroki’s possible suffering. “That’s medical students for you.”

“Ugh! This way you will never have enough time to check the old building!” The brunette complained, and Shouto had to control his usual stoic expression. “The rumors are already dying, and I still don’t have an answer about the mirror!”

“Rumors are rumors anyway.” Todoroki said, not letting a single amused tone of voice escape his lips. “And if you are so curious, just go there by yourself and check it out.”

“No way! I am scared!” She cried, arms around her shoulders, trying to protect herself from an invisible threat. “What if something really shows up?”

“Then scream and run away.” He answered. Shouto wondered what Midoriya would say to whatever Uraraka asked about.

Yaoyorozu placed her chopsticks down, and stared at Todoroki for a moment, but it was long enough for Shouto to realize that the ponytail girl was looking at him.

“Something is wrong, Yaoyorozu?”

“No, not really.” The tall girl said, but her eyes still had a curious light in them. “I just feel like usually you would answer a little bit different that kind of question.”

“What do you mean?”

“You said ‘Then scream and run away’ , when usually you would say ‘Nothing's gonna show up’ .”

“Ah. That’s true.” Iida agreed. “That would sound more like Todoroki-kun.”

“Heh~” Ochako hummed, amused. “Have you finally accepted that a ghost may exist, Todoroki-kun?”

“I never said that.” He stated, trying his best to keep his cool. “I just gave you a logical solution for a hypothetical situation. Or would you stay put and wait for something to jump on you like those stupid people from horror movies?"

“Of course I would run away! No way that I am dying like that!”

“I thought so.”

“Yaomomo, that is a totally Todoroki kind of answer.” Kyouka nudged her taller friend.

“I guess so.” Momo sighed and went back to her lunch.

Crisis averted.

…

“Why do you wear a jumpsuit?” Todoroki asked one day.

“Hum…I wonder why…” Deku answered. “But they are pretty comfy.”

“It’s weird.”

“No, it’s cool! Makes me look like a superhero!”

“Are you a kid?”

“I look around your age though?”

…

“Why do we need to say ‘Mirror mirror of mine’ to call you?”

“I don’t know. But it’s kind of fun!”

“For you.”

“Of course! Or maybe there’s a rule like ‘Ghosts never speak till spoken to’.”

…

“Someone came here today.” Deku said.

“What did they ask?” Todoroki asked, eyes never leaving his anatomy book.

“They asked about you.”

“About me?” He got his coffee, taking a sip of the drink.

“Well, the exact words were, ‘Mirror mirror of mine, how many children me and Todoroki Shouto will be blessed with? ’.”

Shouto spatted the coffee and coughed, Deku laughed the whole afternoon after that.

…

“You are popular.”

Shouto arched his eyebrow.

“Why do you say it?”

“I mean, people keep coming here, and your name appears a lot on their questions.” Midoriya smirked. “Do you want to know what they asked?”

The red an white haired student glared at the mirror.

“Let me get a coffee, and this time I can spat all my coffee in the mirror.”

“That’s gross!” The green haired boy laughed, and Shouto's expression softened seeing the mirror so relaxed.

“It would be your fault.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

…

“Todoroki-kun…do you have a girlfriend?” Deku asked one day, freckled cheeks slightly pink, and for some reason, Shouto felt his own getting hot. “Or a boyfriend?”

“No.”

“Hum…and do you…like someone…?”

That question was really tricky. Shouto should lie, but just one look at Deku’s face was enough for the college student to spill everything.

“Yes, I do.”

“Oh…I see.”

After that, Midoriya changed topics, and didn’t comment about it anymore, and neither did Shouto.

…

“Mirror mirror of mine, why can't I find anything about you?”

That was the first thing that he told the mirror that afternoon.

“I don’t know.” Deku said as soon as his image appeared in the mirror, a small smile on his lips.

“...I am sorry, Midoriya.” Shouto apologized, sitting in front of the mirror, a defeated expression on his face.

“Don’t make this face, it’s not your fault that apparently, I am a difficult person to find.” Midoriya joked, trying to lighten up the mood. “You’ve been researching for almost two months, you are using your precious time on stuff that you didn’t even need to.”

“But!”

“It’s okay. Really.”

“I thought…that I could prove that you existed.” Todoroki frowned, eyes looking at the floor and hands closing around the fabrics of his pants. “I thought that I could help you…”

“Todoroki-kun, look at me.”

“I can’t…”

“Yes, you can.”

Slowly, mismatched eyes looked up to find gentle green ones.

“You don’t have to wear such a painful expression.” The boy in the mirror commented, a gentle and soft smile on his lips. “It’s not your fault that there’s no information about me. Maybe I died so long ago that there is no data at all. Don’t blame yourself for stuff that you don't have control over.”

“I just wanted to find your name.” He muttered.

“I have one. Midoriya Deku.”

“You are not sure.

“I am, because is the name that you call me, right?”

“Midoriya…”

“Yes, that’s my name.” Deku smiled.

…

Something changed by the end of the second month since Shouto met the boy in the mirror.

“I hear someone calling my name when I am sleeping.” Midoriya said during one of their conversations.

“Your real name?!”

Deku shakes his head.

“No, they call me ‘Midoriya’.”

Shouto stared at the boy in a jumpsuit, Midoriya looked like he wasn’t telling him everything, but demanding answers was never a good option, he should be patient and wait until the grenette was ready to talk.

“Maybe it is a piece of your memory.” Todoroki tried, and green eyes stared at him. “And soon you will get an answer.”

“Yes, maybe.”

…

Three months after he met Deku, something felt off.

Shouto woke up that morning feeling like something was wrong. His alarm didn’t go off, he woke up 30 minutes before the alarm, and occurrences like that were rare since he wasn’t a morning person.

It was raining outside, the sky was gray, and once in a while he could hear the sound of cars running over water puddles. Usually he didn’t mind rainy days, but that morning, that kind of weather wasn’t helping him get rid of the wrongness inside his chest.

Midoriya.

The name of the boy in the mirror was the first thing that came to mind.

He wanted to see Midoriya no matter what.

…

“Midoriya!” He exclaimed, pushing the storage room open and going straight to the mirror, forgetting for a second that calling his name like that didn’t work. “Mirror mirror of mine, where is Midoriya?”

The clock ticked.

One, two, three, four, five…a full minute.

But Midoriya didn’t appear,and that made Shouto panic.

“Mirror mirror of mine, where is Midoriya?!” He tried again, however nothing but his reflection was there. “Midoriya! Hey! Midoriya!”

“...Todoroki-kun.”

The voice, that familiar and sweet voice came from behind him. Slowly Shouto turned his body, and behind him, was a shorter green haired boy, with emerald like eyes, and freckles that looked like the stars, wearing a green jumpsuit and black ironed shoes.

“Midoriya…”

“Hi.” The boy waved.

“You…” Shouto said dumbfounded, approaching Deku carefully, as if a single hasty gesture would scare him away. “...are free.”

“Yes…looks like that.” Deku agreed, not moving from his place.

“How…?”

“I had a dream last night, or more like I retrieved my memories.” He said, and when Shouto stayed silent, he continued. “I remembered why I was stuck inside the mirror.”

“Did you…” But Todoroki didn’t have the courage to finish that sentence, because right now, everything was too real.

“No, I am alive.” Deku said, and Shouto felt his heartbeat skyrocket. “And I’ve been alive for a really long time, when something called quirks were still going around the world.”

“Quirks?”

“Something like superpowers, I would say. Can you imagine a society where we had heroes and heroines running around the city saving people’ lives?” Deku explained, a little bit more excited. “That kind of explains why I am wearing a jumpsuit that looks like a Halloween costume.”

“Midoriya,” Shouto called, trying to make the boy come back to track.

“The thing is, there was a villain…her quirk allowed her to trap people inside a mirror, and I think she died before someone could figure out where I went. Time passed, and I was probably sleeping all these years, no one found me, and the first time I woke up, people were scared of me.”

“What was the condition to get you out of the mirror?” Shouto asked, stopping in front of Midoriya that didn’t back off.

“I had to remember my name.” Midoriya replied, a nervous look on his face. “For a few weeks, I felt like someone was calling me in my dreams…or memories, and last night…they finally said my real name.”

“...can you finally introduce yourself?” Shouto asked, lips quivering.

A few tears fell from Deku’s green eyes, but he smiled.

“Yes, I can.”

“So, mirror mirror of mine, can you tell me your name?”

“Nice to meet you, I am Midoriya Izuku.”

“Izuku…” Todoroki tried the name. “Izuku.”

It was perfect.

“Do you want to know who was calling me?”

Shouto nodded.

“Ask the question.”

“Mirror mirror of mine, tell me, who was it?”

“Someone that I loved so much, and fell in love once again.” Izuku said, loving eyes staring at mismatched ones. “Do you know someone that goes by the name, Todoroki Shouto?”

…

“Did you hear?”

“Hear what?”

“What?! You didn’t hear about it?!”

“About what?!”

“It appeared!”

“What appeared?!”

“The ghost!”

“Oh, is that about the rumor about the ghost trapped inside the mirror hanging on the wall of the storage room in the old building?”

“Yes!”

“No way, there is no ghost there.”

“And how do you know?”

“Because I heard it from a student whose grandfather used to study here. Did you know that is not a horror story? It’s actually a romance?”

“What? A romance?”

“Yep! They said that once upon a time there was a hero who was imprisoned within a mirror, waiting for his soulmate to appear, because that was the only way he could recover his memories and break free from his glassy confinement, so one day he could get together once again with his loved one.”

#boku no hero academia #my hero academia #fanfiction #ao3 #fluffy #friends #angst #romance #mirror #haunted #story prompts #drama #fanfic #midoriya izuku #todoroki shouto #tododeku #tddk #tddkhalloweek2023 #halloween

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infinitesimaldna · 6 months ago

Text

Have You Ever Considered Killing Your Title?—Chapter 8.5

Masterpost

______

Roman was not doing so well.

Of course, he was doing better than most; that just came with being a prince. It would be hard to compare his silly plights to all that was faced by the people of the kingdom. Still, comparison did very little good, and so he chose not to focus on that. Instead he focused on the fact that the ceremony that would declare whether he or Remus was the crown prince was coming up in mere days, and he was unable to speak to his brother about it.

This time though, he wasn’t quite so willing to let a little servant stop him.

“Janus, seriously, this is ridiculous. I saw you walking with my brother to his chambers not 10 minutes ago. Are you still to tell me he’s not in there right now?”

The conversation had been going on for a while now, Roman even going so far as to resort to his status to try and gain entry. It wasn’t a move he liked to pull, especially against someone he knew Remus trusted, but he was desperate to see his twin.

For his part, the servant merely gave a small shrug. “He could be busy, you know. After all, we are approaching an important day pretty soon.”

“I’m well aware of what’s approaching,” Roman scowled. “It’s half the reason I’d like to talk to him. It may very well be one of the last times I’m able to before things change between us, and we never speak the same again.”

The laugh Janus let out was coated in bitterness, full and dense with no sweet tang for it to hide behind. It had Roman wondering how many of the laughs Janus had given him over the years were real, or if they all had just been given a mask.

They both seemed to have agreed to drop whatever facades they put up in talking to one another for 6 years now. That didn’t mean it made Roman feel any better about being faced with Janus’ honesty for perhaps the first time.

“Things changed between you many years ago, my lord. I wasn’t even around for all of it, but I certainly saw pieces and the end results. Would another change really be so tragic?”

“I—of course things changed between us throughout the years. We were both growing, changing as people. That doesn’t mean he still isn’t my brother, and that I don’t have the right to talk to him.”

“Prince Roman, my first and foremost duty is to work in your brother’s best interests, and I’m not sure if allowing you access is a part of that.”

Scoffing was perhaps pretentious, but necessary in Roman’s opinion. “Janus, I am not some villain you need to protect my brother from. I’m the one who was there for him before all else, and he was there for me too. I highly doubt Remus is taking this whole thing as well as you’d like me to believe, and I’d like to see or even help if that is the case.”

As he spoke his shoulders raised, and he commanded an energy that he always hated to tap into. That voice of authority, the nebulous idea that he knew better than all. “At the end of this, I can order you to let me in, and the only thing that could fight that was if you had a direct order clashing against it. Do you have that?”

A pause. “He ordered that he have no visitors.”

“I’m not a visitor, I’m his brother! There’s a bit of a difference!”

The outburst was childish, and Roman wasn’t surprised Janus stared him down with a hard look. The next words, however, took him by surprise.

“You have not been that for a long time. Since I’ve met you, you’ve been little more than your position, and I’ve only seen that grow throughout the years. If Remus’ brother were the one approaching me, perhaps I might allow it. However, I’m faced with no one more than Prince Roman, who certainly wouldn’t be allowed in under orders.”

Roman faltered. Still, he needed entry. There was always another argument to be made. “I have changed throughout the years, but so has he. I’ll admit the… pressure, from the king and queen have been taxing, but I’m still the same person at my core.”

“That’s a laugh and a half.” That same bitter sound emerged from his opponent, and Roman was quick to decide how much he hated that sound. Janus didn’t stop there, however, meeting Roman’s eyes and letting each word sink in. “Your parents, and all their little tutors and teachers have changed you so wholly from who you used to be. I doubt even you know what sits at your core. And even then, it’s buried beneath so many layers of false pretenses, you can hardly utilize it as a defense when you can’t find it in the first place. I have to applaud you on some level. I myself might not be a beacon of truth, but you’ve crafted your disguise so skillfully it’s practically stitched into your skin.

“Your parents may be the king and queen, but they needn’t have this level of control over you. You let yourself be melded to fit into their little box, and stomped out any part of you that didn’t match their image.”

It was Roman’s turn to laugh, hollow and void of anything besides disbelief. Of course a servant wouldn’t get the intricacies of the matter, of course he would have to explain them.

“It wasn’t a choice, Janus, it was conform or be left behind. What I did was survival; it was what I had to do. It was what we both had to do.”

“No, it’s what you chose to do. You can tell yourself all you like it was necessary, but the proof otherwise is right behind this door. Remus put up a front, and acted the part when he needed, but he was always himself whenever the opportunity arose. Can you say the same?”

Distantly, Roman realized that was the first Janus had actually admitted his brother was in there, but it didn’t feel like much of a win. Not with the weight of the words spoken compounding upon him. “I…”

“You always were the better actor of the two of you, I’ve been told. Perhaps too good if you got so lost in your part you let it change who you really are.”

There was little Roman could think to respond to that. It was hard to even think. If all the world was a stage, Roman had certainly played his part. He just hadn’t realized up to this point how all his lines had been scripted.

When had that truly happened?

Janus of course, didn’t hold the answer, and he wouldn’t owe it to Roman if he did. So the servant didn’t come forward, offer him more pearls of wisdom, present the answer to the problems he had brought to light. No—he just turned around, hand resting on the door handle to retreat back to a space Roman hadn’t been welcome to in ages. He held for a moment before entering, however, turning back just slightly to let the words fall between them.

“Perhaps one day I’ll get to meet the brother Remus so admired. Until then, he asks that he not be disturbed.”

------

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dramarants · 2 years ago

Text

trying to come to terms with the bewildering final 10 minutes of tteotm:

first and foremost, undeniably, the technical and narrative execution this ep was choppy, weirdly paced, ambiguous (not in a cool OE way, just literally hard to follow - how are we in the tomb, why is she back in devil bride attire, where did the scale in the last shots come from, why did qingyu's fucking hair need to turn blond, pang yizhi what did you finally understand cuz I sure as hell don't??) and left a lot of loose threads. with all the build up to his sacrifice, you want some sort of twist or surprise but nothing comes. the ending is so abrupt and this is always and forever gonna leave a bitter taste in my mouth.

the last eps especially emphasized legacy and, with li susu returning as a goddess, I must assume the immortal realm learned the truth about ttj's sacrifices and believed it. ttj gets his roses.

I'm gonna pretend ttj explained the zhaoyou situation to her too

in fact if we're in imaginary land jiwu grew the fuck up and, upon realizing the depth of ttj's friendship in spite of everything, becomes riddled in guilt for a while and fiercely protects ttj's memory

a child!! literally how to carry a legacy and memories into future generations

ttj's destiny was to suffer and resent the world + give up his body and soul to carry out the devil god's will

instead, he embraced the light, learned to cherish the world, bore other's resentment in his final trial (strength that I sure as hell don't have! even saving jiwu from himself!) he remained in control of himself, choosing to sacrifice his body to stop the devil god's plans

the love was there and for once, to break a cycle of pain and sin, overcome the consequences in the mortal world, for ttj and lss, it was fucking enough!

by destroying the evil bone in his final moments he prevents the devil god from ever returning, truly the world's savior

his death was mostly on his own terms, with purpose he didn't have before

saving a part of his divine essence in the scale to continue to protect susu was a full circle moment

in fact ttj embodies mingye in a ridiculous number of ways by the end, from his actions to his values down to his clothes, yet another way to stick it to the devil god fate

he looks at peace in his last shot during the battle and in the scale

they had to cut scenes and therefore couldn't elaborate on the post all-in-distress world

or dedicate the 30s it takes to show him regrow from the scale or something lbfad style 🤧

it seems like he could hear susu when she was speaking to the kid? so he can follow his wife and daughter's lives knowing he's loved and respected until his return that I am headcanoning??

by being in the scale, he keeps his promise to stay by her side forever and accompany her in moving forward through parenthood and the ordinary life he dreamed of

in fact ttj never has to defend himself or put up with bs again, his fight is over and he gets to watch a harmonious world that he and susu made possible

susu my girl, having faith in him and understanding everything immediately and wishing to meet him again

bearing the cross of the only living god and continuing, again, their legacy, protecting their love and the world

she was ready to die with him!! like!! fuck till death do us part I'll share your burden let's embrace and face the end together!! a sparkle bathed version of ttj trying to die with her in ep 29!!

nothing can come between them anymore they fricking ensured that

plus them in the heavenly realm, the only two gods existing, removed from the world and basking in that moment where the devil god no longer exists and it isn't a dream 😭

the tomb scene was so heartbreaking in the good way

these characters have been on such an incredible, unhinged journey and looking back, there's so much more to unpack and appreciate

ugh it's not a bad ending cuz it's sad, I mean how many of us predicted he'd die for the greater good a long time back, it's just the way it ultimately played out was... somehow disappointing

but you know what I enjoyed the path here so much and can imagine their path ahead enough to forgive it and continue loving tantai jin and li susu and tteotm overall anyway

#I wasn't gonna post this and just brain dump maybe share any nuggets ppl might feel but fuck it all I'm ready to flip tables #it's all one post and we all have feelings who fucking cares #I'll be camping in the tteotm tag for closure for many weeks to come #till the end of the moon #spoilers #ranting

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pykanico · 1 year ago

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Day 23 - Familly

Fic if you want to read every posted day : https://archiveofourown.org/works/51386731/chapters/129854215

“Ingo this is verrrry ridiculous, I hate it”

“Emmy is right, why did you have to paint your hair black? it looks dumb”

“Yup, it looks dumb”

Ingo cannot believe that the first thing that his brother and Iris agree on is that they hate his new style, and it has only been 10 minutes since these two met each other.

Emmet and Ingo had just returned home after their visit to Nimbasa city to see how Elesa was doing and passed the day together, to discover than Drayden got himself a surprise visit from an old friend, who just happened to be the legal guardian of Iris.

And if his younger twin was already a menace to himself with his infuriating prank, then Iris, of her 4 years of existence, was by her guardian mouth ‘a hell of a Impidimp’ with her boundless energy, and they said all of that before promptly leaving their daughter here because of an emergency.

Now that the tracks of Emmet and Iris converge in one, Ingo is not sure if the world is prepared for it, He, is not prepared for it personally.

And it seems that they decided to direct their track in his direction full speed ahead, as Emmet was pretty vocal about his distaste with Ingo’s new interest in fashion and Iris seemed to hate it with as much fever as his brother.

“My outfit is in no point dumb, it is a perfectly adequate one that Elesa has approved as such, neither of your opinions have value for me”

The two troublemakers looked at Ingo with no emotion, betraying them before Emmet turned his attention to Iris with a mischievous smile, one that Ingo could recognize everywhere, his twin talking quietly as if he was sharing a secret but loud enough to be heard by every people who was in the room “Elesa did not approve his hair at all, yup, she only approve his outfit”

That seemed to be enough to make Iris grin like she found the last piece of candy, as she herself turn her head in Emmet direction and false-whisper to him “That explain a lot Emmy! Your friend did not want to say that he shouldn’t have painted his hair!!”

“I am Emmet, and I am sure that is the reason”

Ingo could only groan loudly at the shenanigan of the two, as they seemed to laugh loudly at his misery, With all of that, Drayden simply entered the living room with what seemed to be an amused expression as he put two cup of tea and one glass of orange juice on the small table.

“Emmet, Iris leave Ingo alone, I am sure you two have other things to talk about other than bugging him off?”

His younger twin rolled his eyes as he seemed to understand what their uncle was asking and reluctantly left Ingo alone, starting a discussion about Pokemon that seemed to perk up Iris attention.

“Thank you Uncle Drayden”

“...I must admit that your brother is right through, black hair does not look great on you”

“…”

____________________________________

“This is utterly stupid, Ingo you cannot walk around this house in that!! Come on !"

“I am Emmet, And I am utterly disappointed in you, how can you do that to us?!”

It’s only been one minute, how can they be already at him when he had just changed into the ONLY available outfit, who was unfortunately this for some mysterious reason.

“Maybe if someone didn’t stolen the rest of them, then maybe I wouldn't be on this track”.

The two culprits seemed to laugh at his misery as Drayden entered the room with the breakfast, Even years later, things really never change.

“Ingo, I thought you hated this shade of Green?”

“…” For once in his life, he had a sudden urge to scream more loudly than his usual volume.

#pokemon #pokemon au #submas #novembmas #zoroark emmet au #ao3 #ao3 fanfic #my fic #subway boss ingo #subway boss emmet #champion iris #gym leader drayden #You see the 'Misery X CPR X reese's puffs' meme?#It is totally Ingo Em and Iris right now #you can not say the contrary #Illusion of Replacement AU

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potterandpromises · 1 year ago

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sorry for not winning you an arcade ring: chapter 10

The conclusion. [Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9]

Also on AO3

(Picks up one day after the last chapter.)

Hid in the backroom of the venue, still in her wedding dress, Mabel bursts into full belly laughter.

Theo huffs out a laugh, too, watches her from behind the chocolate croissant held to his lips. There's a crinkle around his eyes when he laughs. Or when he holds it back.

All things considered, the second (annual?) killer reveal party went better then she anticipated. To think the case was ultimately solved by some blue paint speckled on Sazz Pataki's shoes.

She should take off the dress. It's a rental, and it isn't covered in blood or anything, so she should be able to get her deposit back if she manages not to spill on it. But, if she leaves, even just to go to the bathroom, even just for a few minutes, her agreement with Theo will end, and it'll all be over.

How long, until Charles and Oliver are finished talking to reporters and come find her? It could be hours, honestly. Hopefully.

She's tired of hoping.

Theo's eyebrows are raised; his mouth quirked upwards. He's stopped snacking just to puzzle her out.

"This is ridiculous," Mabel says, and again in sign: "We’re ridiculous."

"You only just realized?”

"No."

She doesn't want this to be the last time they stand around in fancy clothes eating leftovers. (She does not know how to sign 'leftovers.')

She crosses to his side of the staging table, pauses just far enough away that they can talk, just close enough to reach out and run her fingers down his face, if she wanted.

He bites his lip, looks right through her. If it were someone else, it would be like a bite. Down by his hip, his fingers curl into a fist, glide up.

“Life would be less complicated,” he's slow, tense, doesn't move his mouth at all, “if we stopped…”

He stops, lets his hands hover for a moment. “But you know that.”

Mabel shakes her head, digs her teeth into her lower lip. “People think we’re bad for each other, but they’re wrong, okay?” She looks around the room as if it contains all their complications, as if it isn’t their last ditch oasis. “And you’re worth… I-T.”

He’s less of an oasis in the desert, more of a pond frozen still. “Theo?”

He blinks and the tension eases out of his shoulders. That curiosity is back in the crease between his eyebrows, in the slight tilt of his head. Zoe was right, he really does have beautiful eyes. There's something like wonder in them. Something like joy.

Mabel searches her mind for the sign: 'kiss,' and once again draws a blank. She should have prepared. Easily, she lets it go.

She steps forward. He steps forward. Their lips brush, but mostly, they just bash their chins together.

They pull back, look at each other, and, at the exact same time, snicker.

"We're so in S-Y-N-C."

He nods, licks his own sheepish grin.

In the back room of the venue for their fake wedding, she kisses him again.

His hands land on her hips. Her fingers find his scalp. They sink into each other, go down.

She straddles him, presses him against the 90s carpet. His sigh tickles her cheek. The train of her dress spreads out in all directions, covers him. His hands slide up, make her shiver, find the sides of her breasts.

The door opens.

“That was a wonderful— oh!”

Mabel pulls herself upright, but not off of Theo, because the only thing worse then being caught like this, would be to trip on an escape attempt. Theo, meanwhile, writhes beneath her.

“Well,” Oliver says, “I can’t say I’m actually surprised. Though, it would have been nice if— Charles! Quit staring!”

With some teamwork, Mabel and Theo disengage their complicated clothes. As they pull apart and stand up, Charles seems to reboat himself.

“As long as your happy," he says, like someone's kicked him to say it. It gives Mabel a warm, fuzzy feeling anyway.

"I am."

"Yes, well, then I think it's best if we leave these two young loverbirds alone." Oliver seems genuinely pleased by the development, by his understated smile. "Text me the dets!"

He and Charles shuffle out, arms entangled in something between hand holding and arm wrestling.

"I'm not going to do that!"

She turns back to Theo, who hasn't quite recovered.

"They're fine," she reassures him. He looks skeptical, and worried. "And we're fine, right? We have..."

“We have time,” he finishes, taps his wrist at the same moment she does.

#theobel #only murders in the building #omitb #mabel mora #theo dimas #oliver putnam #charles-haden savage #fanfiction #my fanfic tag #fic: sorry for not winning you an arcade ring #it's DONE

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tennisdadsaficionado · 27 days ago

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2024 Fanfiction meme

How many words have you written this year? So, according to my 2024 GYWO tracker, I wrote – and I am so fucking proud of this – 141,633 words last year. And I published 115,015 which is just mindblowing, I’m not gonna lie

How many works did you publish this year? Um. 37 apparently. I counted twice. That’s epic!

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? Honestly, there’s quite a few of them, I really loved a lot of the tennis RPS I wrote last year - going through the photographs, staring at the phone, 'cause you kiss me and it stops time, the consequence of you touching my hand in a darkened room, I still remember the look on your face lit through the darkness at 1:58, and the whole of the and maybe get some sleep tonight series

What work of yours has the most hits? Sometimes I wonder when you sleep are you ever dreaming of me which has 1160 hits

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected? Honestly, the fact I got any feedback at all on any of the Darren/Jannik kinkfic really surprised me – I didn’t expect to get any and I got some really nice comments

Favourite title you used I can’t pick! I have so many titles that I really like because…

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most? They’re pretty much all Taylor Swift lyrics

Pairing you wrote the most for this year? Carlos Alcaraz Garfia/Jannik Sinner (24)

Favourite pairing you wrote for this year? Um… yeah probably the Sincaraz

What work was the quickest to write? So many of these were written really quickly, mostly in one sitting – I was ridiculously productive and the words all just flowed, it was great

What work took you the longest to write? I’m still editing a fic that I started in October. But of the ones that were posted, it would be my voice comes out begging – it got pretty much completely re-written in the editing process

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year? 150 or so… lets not think about that though

What’s your longest work of the year? Love’s a game, wanna play? which is 8241 words! The second of the Juan Carlos Ferrero/David Ferrer puppy play series, I’ve got one more to finish writing, edit and post but OMG I had so much fun.

What’s your shortest work of the year? hide away and find some peace of mind my very first tennis RPS fic and it came in at 788 words

What WIP are you taking into next year with you? Lets see… there’s the Darren/Jannik powerplay, the Juanki/Ferru puppy play, a bunch of different Sincaraz first times, some Sincaraz angst, more Darren/Jannik kink, there’s a Juanki/Ferru omegaverse ‘verse, there’s a Jannik/Darren/Simone omegaverse ‘verse, a Sinnettini breakup.. I’ll be here forever if I list them all 😂

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag? PWP with 11, closely followed by established relationship (10), fluff (9), teasing (8) and one shot, smut and age difference with 7.

Your favourite character to write this year? Jannik. Hands down. Pretty much all fic revolve around him. He’s just so… y’know?

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year? Also Jannik, actually. He’s kind of fascinating to play with because of it.

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year? Probably some Sinnettini, and maybe some tennis dads. More Sincaraz, more Ferreru, more Darren/Jannik

Which work of yours have you reread the most? Only twenty minutes to sleep but you dream of some epiphany – I’m still really proud of the description of Jannik and Carlos curled up asleep together on the plane.

How many kudos in total did you get this year? 1,593 which is fucking mindblowing, y’all!

Which work has the most comments? I still remember the look on your face lit through the darkness at 1:58, Only twenty minutes to sleep but you dream of some epiphany, and And when you can’t sleep at night all have 6 comments

Did you do any collaborative works this year? I did not, no

Did you write any gifts this year? I did, yes. It must have been the way you kissed me was written for the Tennis RPS Discord Secret Santa. And I wrote a bunch for the Advantage Tennisblr promptfest

Did you receive any gifts this year? Yes I received a fic in the secret santa (One Look, Dark Room) and a bunch of the prompts I left in the promptfest were filled

What’s your most common category? M/M with 140

What do you listen to while writing? Nothing specific – but I write when I’m watching tennis, watching TV, listening to anything really.

Favorite work you wrote this year? I genuinely don’t know that I have one. They’re all my babies and I love them all.

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? “it’s 3 a.m. Can we please pick a language and stick to it? Preferably one we all speak!” – it was one of those lines that just happened, I was thinking it as the author (at one point Carlos was speaking Spanish, Jannik was speaking German, Simone was speaking Italian, all in the same conversation) and so I had to write it in.

Biggest surprise while writing this year? Honestly, just the fact that I can still actually write, that I haven’t completely lost the ability to tell stories. That I can still write fic really quickly. That my planning/drafting/writing/editing process has fully cemented itself. And how much I’ve improved as a writer since doing those creative writing units at uni.

#fanfiction #tennis rps #writing

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cleverhottubmiracle · 2 months ago

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One year ago, at 22:00 on a quiet Sunday night, I excitedly filled in a load of forms as a precursor to finding out if I was autistic. My friend Kirsten, who has an autistic boy, saw traits in me, and my wife Emmalou agreed. She asked me to seek assessment. I was happy to to find out. I’d always known I was ‘different’. I’d always been called weird/eccentric/funny (bizarre)/unique/batshit. Whatever. I’m (now) proud of who I am, so what was the harm? By 22:15 I knew I wasn’t autistic or on that spectrum. Instead, I knew I had ADHD. It was so glaringly obvious now, where it hadn’t been a few minutes before. This was, contradictorily, a total surprise and something I immediately knew to be true. I, like many, thought ADHD was for over-excited 10 year old boys who smash up classrooms and get expelled (sadly this does happen, but it’s not their fault). Not me. I breezed through 6 online tests for autistic traits. I answered honestly but knew that wasn’t me. The scores agreed. The last sheet was for ADHD. As I started filling it in, my adrenaline rose, and the epiphany came. This was it. This was the key. This was why life never quite fitted. Why I never quite felt certain of what or who I was. It was a rush. What a rush. I spent the next hour devouring articles on ADHD, emailed the assessor my results, and managed to go to bed, impatient for my consultation. A few weeks later I met Deborah at Aspire Autism (ADHD is closely aligned with autism and they’ve both forms of neurodiversity) online, for a 90 minute chat. She asked me to describe my life. I’ll attempt to distil what I said! “I was badly bullied at school. I had no friends until I was 9. I was always called weird. I said stuff other kids didn’t say. I had a strange sense of humour and would often be accused of not thinking before I spoke. I was called over-sensitive and thinking about it, the slightest wrong word made me feel terrible. I was assessed as being extremely intelligent, but teachers said I was lazy or a daydreamer. “If only Nick would put in the effort, he would realise his potential”. Etc. I can remember saying to my mum, in tears as a boy “Mum, I can’t stop thinking about everything at once. It’s so exhausting. I just want quiet.” I often felt I was my own worst enemy. I didn’t like or respect myself as a child. Problem was, I wasn’t lazy, I felt like I was always working SO FUCKING HARD. This made me very depressed and self loathing in my teens. I understand now that I felt suicidal and depressed at a number of periods of my life, starting in my teens. I fluffed my A-Levels, and left my degree in my third year. I was on a 1st at one point, but couldn’t maintain interest. I would always hand in essays a the VERY last moment, just as the professor was walking away with the pile, and would always wait until after midnight to do it, often falling asleep at my desk. They also said I was lazy and “a lead swinger”. “Always an excuse with you Nick. If only you buckled down, you could be the star here.” This just made me feel worse. I didn’t know HOW to get it right. I loved work, so I left and helped run a nightclub. I found I had a gift with people and the creative. I preferred talking and doing to writing and researching. I need to see, touch, feel, do, to learn. I am not methodical, but instinctual. I think I am very empathetic, I love people, but I’m exhausted by being around people. My career bounced around from path to path, ridiculously. I would achieve lots, very quickly, then get bored and leave. It drove my wife crazy. I would stay up until 3am in the morning, every night, playing computer games if she wasn’t there. Then ALWAYS be 5 minutes late for work, having ALWAYS run for the tube. I found my stride working in film, and rose quickly, but again, ended up hating it. I became an entrepreneur, which seemed to suit my interest in many things, my intense passion and drive (which people had always spoken about), and my frightening work ethic (a therapist once said “everything you do is to try and prove to yourself that you’re a good person, but you don’t believe that. That’s why you can work yourself until you literally pass out. Its a dangerous source of pride.) My first business went well at first, but I wasn’t good enough, and it went bust. I realise now I was burnt out, then the collapse of the business and the subsequent effects on our household and finances, caused my intense shame, humiliation and self loathing. I had a nervous breakdown and made a plan to kill myself. I hated myself so much, and thought people were better off without me. But luckily I was an unemployed househusband at that point, and my little kids kept me alive. They made me, with their innocence and dependence upon me, seek help. Now? I’m well, but regularly have terrible suicidal thoughts that pop into my head, especially when I drink (my dad is an alcoholic and I’m pretty sure is on a spectrum). I find it impossible to work in an open office and hold a conversation, when other people are in the room. I talk over people, because I feel I’ll forget what I’m saying if I don’t say it NOW! Emmalou says she loves me, but I’m very hard to live with. I’m random, forgetful, and can get so focussed on something, I forget everything else. And that’s me!” She said “Nick, normally I wait until the end of the session, but you are so clear and consistent with your description, that I can confirm I do think you have ADHD.” Then we chatted. I was over the moon! I’m not one to avoid truths. The truth, painful or not, enables us. We can make better decisions with our lives, even if they’re hard. Now I could re-build, or at least rejig my life to fit with this new understanding. So I began. I immediately told you, my FRAHM audience, in the hope it would help others. I received 100s of replies, asking how to get diagnosed (info at the end of this blog) and relating to any story. This gave me great joy and made me feel less alone. I got educated. Then I made changes. Here are the ways I’ve immeasurably improved my life, and my productivity, and thus FRAHM, knowing I have ADHD. Note on Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: I have a bit of the H - Hyperactivity, but I’m mostly Attention Deficit bit. My understanding of it is that I lack the normal control of dopamine that most folk have, which controls concentration. So I am either VERY concentrated, to the detriment of everything else (I often won’t eat or go to the loo, all day!!), or I can’t hold a conversation without daydreaming. My hyperactivity is I am constantly energetic, and if I start talking, it’s quite hard for me to stop. I am very lucky that I don’t have the impulsivity of many severe ADHD sufferers, who may harm themselves, spend money they don’t have, or do something illegal (a huge proportion of the prison population is likely to have undiagnosed ADHD). ADHDers often chase dopamine, by taking risks, or by self-medication. A lot of us are alcoholics or addicts in many dopamine-chasing ways. I am extremely grateful that I’m not. I’m also very lucky that I’m not a ’loser of things’. It’s called The ADHD Tax - the extra money an ADHDer spends on replacing lost wallets, keys, laptops, bags, etc. ADHD is not all daydreaming and being a bit eccentric. It can ruin lives. My version (everyone is different) means I’m just a bit rubbish at certain stuff. But importantly, I’m also extremely good at certain things too - Strategic and creative thinking. Being innovative. Having a clear ‘vision’. I can picture objects in perfect detail easily - like jacket designs! I have extremely sensitive sight and hearing (this can also be overwhelming). I am very curious and and take nothing at face value. I can focus so intensely (Hyperfocus) that I can complete SOME tasks to a far higher standard, far quicker than others. But I can also fluff a lot more, with very poor focus. Anyway, I’ve lost my thread (yea, ADHD). Actions!: Telling People - I’m lucky that I run my own business, so I don’t worry about consequences - there’s still prejudice out there, though it is illegal to affect someone’s job if they have ADHD, by the way. Telling my fiends, colleagues, anyone that’ll listen, helps people understand how to best work with me. Why I interrupt. Why I’m totally exhausted after meetings (listening to many people at once is HARDCORE! It’s why I’m crap at parties). Drinking - I gave up drinking nearly a year ago. The difference is frightening. I am so much calmer, steadier, less given to down periods of self-loathing. I don’t wake up confused or depressed. I’ve less snappy and bad tempered (but not perfect). Just, what I suppose is ‘normal’. Normal is LOVELY. FYI, I was always a light drinker. I find any drink makes me feel shit about myself, so I’m now teetotal, I assume for life. I’m not superhumanly self-disciplined. It’s no hardship, as it has so positively improved my life. It’s very motivating, having the ability to think clearly and not hate yourself. Exercise - I’ve always loved cycling, walking, gym, anything. Now it’s a prescription. I am a far better person for it, and far trickier without. I MAKE time for it. Outdoors - Now I know why I love countryside, space and air. It’s simple and quiet. I get massive overstimulation sometimes, especially at work or being around my family. I call it “overheating the hard drive” - I stutter - like a drive skipping. I can’t think. So to cure, or prevent that, I walk or cycle amongst the green, in all weathers. Ahhhhh. Noise Cancelling Headphones - I can’t cope with multiple sources of input. Especially voices. I actually started wearing NCH before my diagnosis. It’s funny how you find the things that help you by instinct. I’m wearing mine now…In my own office. Own Office - FRAHM now pays for me to work in my own separate office from my colleagues. It’s low-lit (bright lights are a thought-killer for me), cool, quiet and simple - just the things I need. It is a sanctuary that has seen my contentment and work output skyrocket. It’s extraordinary. I need to make FRAHM more successful, so that I can afford a house with a study, or a garden to put an office at the end of! Mushrooms - I was very cynical about nootropics, until Dr. Andrew Huberman (check out this one on ADHD, and his other podcasts) validated some of them and a friend of mine, who had life-saving brain surgery, said his surgeon has recommended Lion’s Mane to help rebuild his damaged brain! Despite being very creative and random, I’m also weirdly logical and not given to fads. Having started taking Bristol Fungarium’s Lion’s Mane Tincture, I’ve seen a huge effect on my calm and concentration. Me and Emmalou both take it twice a day. Help From The Government - Weirdly (to me anyway) I now have a recognised disability, and thus can get funded help with my work. I’m talking-to my ADHD work coach in a few minutes actually. The scheme is called Access To Work. Medication? - I went to my GP and got diagnosed by a psychiatrist in October. This gives me access to drugs, if I want them. I am wary, as the most common tool is Ritalin, essentially amphetamine (speed!). Obviously it’s not in the doses I may *cough* have tried when I was clubbing as a young man (with its horrible side effects, I don’t recommend it). But it is still a stimulant. I’ll probably try it (I’m still waiting to be given it), as I’m too curious not to. I didn’t do it all at once, it’s taken a year, but a year of huge improvements. This all sounds super awesome. But I had a major wobble in November and became depressed. Apparently it’s common that about 3-6 months after a diagnosis, there’s a delayed reaction. My initial Amazing Positivity (friends often said this) gave way to sadness and regret. The sadness that comes from knowing and now understanding, having post-rationalised my life and all it’s events, that it’s been an unnecessarily shitty struggle. “If only I’d known?” I hate regret and “if only” because hindsight is bullshit. It’s time travel - we can’t do it. But the human brain has habits and it does these things. Even to yours truly. In November I went back onto anti-depressants for the first time in 5 years. I wasn’t suicidal, but Emmalou recognised I was not in a good place, and I immediately agreed with her. I am, despite my openness and seemingly being on top of it all (don’t trust social media folks!), just as fragile as anyone. Now it’s March, a year after this truly life-changing epiphany, and I’m so glad. I’m not depressed anymore and hoping to come off the drugs soon. I’m 50 in June, I don’t drink, fitter than I’ve ever been, and I have far far fewer moments of frighteningly horrible thoughts that I can’t help. ADHD is shit and wonderful. It is part of what makes me special. Specially shit and specially great. I wouldn’t be doing FRAHM without it. It’s been a hard journey, with many peaks and troughs, to the understanding I have now. I’ve learnt so much, and have so much more to learn. I’m so glad I know. If this strikes a chord, or if you’ve always felt things ‘didn’t fit’, in a different way, do something about it. You deserve it. You deserve contentment and peace of mind. We all do. Nick. Source link

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norajworld · 2 months ago

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ellajme0 · 2 months ago

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chilimili212 · 2 months ago

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