#but i am so scared of going to the hairdressers so this feels huge for me <3< /div>
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torgerandsuzanne · 8 hours ago
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Just finished listening to Toto on the Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard. Such a great fun interview. Toto really opens up on a variety of topics. Some highlights:
His childhood: He talks about growing up, his dad being ill, how that affected him and his mom not being present. His mom who is 79 and “not doing well”, told him “I wasn’t a good mother.” He says he told her “I forgive you because I know how hard it was to be at home and see the suffering” 😢
Anxiety about failure: He says that in the years past he was always fearing failure. “Everything could end tomorrow. The racing, the winning, the money—gone. My wife leaves me for the hairdresser.” 😂 (Dax says it’s the personal trainer Susie would have left him for not the hairdresser 🤣) But he says a couple of years ago, he let go of that fear “I realized that I have an amazing relationship with my kids. I have the best wife I can Imagine. I’ve done what I wanted to do. That’s why I have peace if I were dying today” ❤️
Susie’s call during the interview: Toto says his phone is always on silent unless Susie or the kids call. In that case he has a ringtone override. His phone rang during the interview. It was Susie. Dax was yelling “I love you”. Toto passed him the phone and Dax told her “If my wife dies and Toto dies, I am sprinting to you” 😂
The love and respect for Susie: He said if she wanted to grow her career in motorsport he would give up his role as a team principal “She’s such a good manager and entrepreneur. She could do so much more. And I’m saying to her, if you were to have a career in motorsport and you were conflicted with me, I would step out of an executive role” ❤️
She doesn’t like his mirror poses “We have fun at home. When you’re in front of a mirror and you’re doing some stupid posing. Yeah she says that’s really turning me off” 😂
The “model cliche“ discussion with Dax: Toto and Dax talk about the cliche of being with a model. “If a girl stares at her own pictures on the computer, that’s a warning sign for me” 😂 One of his friends got together with a younger lady who then dumped him, Susie told the guy “what did you expect” 🤣
He’s not into fashion: “I’m the most boring fashion guy”
Free diving with George done wrong: He went free diving with George while Netflix crew was there to film. But he ended up bursting his eardrum, and the whole thing fell apart 😅
His go-to drink is vodka, nothing else: 😂 “I don’t drink wine. I don’t drink beer because of gluten. It doesn’t do me well. If I’m drinking alcohol, then it’s full blast vodka. You don’t drink huge amounts and after 20 minutes you’re already having fun. The liquid is not huge and you’re not mixing. So I don’t feel sick. I don’t feel bad the next day. No hangover”
He never got into drugs: He shares a story about trying a “water pipe” with friends when he was 16. Afterward, he went to the subway station and realized he didn’t have his shoes on 😂. But he says he stayed away from the heavier stuff because, “I was always mentally fragile, and I was scared it would leave me in a dark place.”
Lewis gave him his motorcycle as a gift ❤️: He shared a story about Lewis coming over to have dinner with him and Susie in Monaco. He told them to come down, that he needed to show them something and then he told Toto “You’ve done so many great things, and together we’ve accomplished so much. I’ve never given you a gift before so I want you to have this, the #1 bike out of 44 edition series.” (he gave him a MV Agusta Lewis Hamilton edition)
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sampilled · 8 months ago
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im going to get my hair dyed blonde!!!!!!!
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donnerpartyofone · 10 months ago
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Various Social Situations, Which After Writing Them Down I Realize All Involve Money
My dear hairdresser friend is always very intense about how much she loves me and misses me and wants to hang out, but I think I've seen her for a non-hair reason maybe two or three times in ten years. I do not believe she's hustling me, I think she is genuinely very busy and stressed out and VERY easily discombobulated, and she always has some romantic drama going on that takes up most of her non-work energy. Even when I make a hair appointment with her it's always a crap shoot whether she's actually going to keep it. So, it's hard for me to reciprocate her emotional messages when what always happens is that I say "We can hang out any time you want, just let me know!", and then I never hear from her again unless I make a hair appointment. When I started running out of money recently and told her I can't get haircuts for a while but we can still spend time together, I could see she was totally panicking. She just can't figure out how else to interact with almost anyone she isn't dating or related to.
I am always struggling to make plans with one of my few close friends who I don't need a plane or a train to visit. I adore him but we both have kind of complicated lives and I only wind up seeing him a few times a year. He's a single dad and works like a dog, and I always have some idiotic health thing (mental or otherwise). He's also having a really hard time finding room in his life to write and record music, which is basically the life support system for his heart and mind, so that's bad. Sometimes we fantasize about coming up with some sort of joint effort to connect us, like opening a little venue or movie theater, but I don't think either of us has the right head for business. I think both of us feel like huge flakes at this point, but at least the feeling appears to be mutual and no one is mad.
I've had a few friends who are hardcore careerists. None of them really like to admit this about themselves; they're all artists of some kind and certainly not cutthroat business types, but for various psychological reasons they're only really reachable through work. One of them was an old-old friend who formed a little writing group with me, and as soon as the writing was done I basically never heard from him again. That was a big part of how I found out that, despite all his emotional language toward me, we weren't as close as I thought. Another one is struggling to reformat her life since a few of her loved ones became terminally ill, and she's scared she's wasting her whole life on work alone. A third one is someone with whom I have collaborated on a life-changing creative project, and I'm so grateful for that, but I always have this suspicion that even though we both say we have this profound and irreplaceable connection, well, maybe I wouldn't know it was there if it weren't for the work. Whenever he calls me to catch up, it's squeezed between appointments of some kind. His social life seems to be totally made up of big group activities--games and shows and stuff--and I think it's because he would never find time to connect to anyone intimately 1-1. That's pretty much the opposite of me. He's in treatment for being a workaholic now so obviously he thinks this state of affairs is not good, but sometimes I feel like being a dick and asking him if he's REALLY sorry he's like this, or if he just feels like he SHOULD BE sorry.
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jkbabiey · 4 years ago
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𝚂𝚎𝚕𝚏𝚒𝚜𝚑 ⤇ 𝙹𝙹𝙺
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Words: 4.7K
Genre: angst; fluff; it's a sad ending y'all
Synopsis: “I'm in love with you and it scares me to death."
Song Rec: 2 kids - Taemin ; to die for - Sam Smith ; r u ok - Tate McRae ; Emotional bruises - Madison Beer ; Selfish - Madison Beer ; i love you - Billie Eilish ; when the party's over - Billie Eilish
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Oh, he was so perfect! So freaking flawless you couldn’t take your eyes off him for a second!
You had just got to Hoseok’s party with Yuta, but it seemed, to Jungkook, like he had been staring at you for hours. You hadn’t spared him a look yet, and if he hadn’t stood up from his seat on the couch to greet you, you probably wouldn’t have even known he was there too. You were too busy looking at your boyfriend, all wide-eyed and agape lips, to notice his presence behind you. But then Yuta’s eyes hardened as he crossed eyes with your best friend, and you, of course, noticed his change of behaviour and looked over your shoulder.
“Oh! Hi Kook!” you squealed and immediately threw your arms around his neck. Jungkook quickly enveloped your waist in his muscular arms, lifting you from the floor. “God, I missed you so much these last days! Where have you been?” you asked against the skin of his neck. And Jungkook smiled, discretely taking a sniff from your hair.
“I’ve been where I always am. You’re the one who disappeared,” he said, humorously - but not so much, because he actually meant to throw that in your face, but he wouldn’t stand the idea of making you feel bad over anything, ever.
“Oh God, blame Yuta here!” you said, raising your eyebrows and chuckling softly as he let you back on the floor. “Yuta, this is Jungkook, my best friend.” You presented him, and he held out his hand in Yuta’s direction, out of pure courtesy.
“Hey man,” Yuta muttered and shook his hand, a bit too boldly for Jungkook’s liking. Jungkook smiled at the guy - a very small and not-genuine smile. Any other time, you would have noticed how fake his smile was, but right now, your eyes were on Yuta. None of your attention was aimed at Jungkook.
Before Jungkook noticed, you two were already too immersed in how amazing these last days - without him - had been, he turned around and walked out of the toxic, smoke-ish and noisy environment that had taken over Hoseok’s whole place, betting his ass that you wouldn't notice his absence until the end of the night.
His hands were buried in his pockets and his head hung low. He was praying not to bump into Jin, Taehyung or any other of his closest friends that had also attended the party. His lips were currently being intensely wounded by his front teeth. His eyes stung and he didn’t know why. Then he got to his car, sitting down and letting go a deep breath that he didn’t know he was holding in. Then the tears he also hadn’t noticed to be sheltering in his eyes started to run down his cheeks.
He didn't quite know why he was crying. The only thing he knew was that you were taken. You were completely smitten to some other guy, that wasn’t him and that bothered him in measures he couldn’t have imagined. You were absolutely smitten to someone, who wasn't him.
He had lost his chance. That's why he was crying.
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He was a goner.
You were standing there, messy hair, deep dark circles, bare face, large grey sweatpants- that seemed oddly familiar to him, but he decided to ignore that - and a black sweatshirt, in front of him, asking to come in. He stepped away and you came in. Not wasting any time after he closed the door, you grabbed his neck and buried your face on it. He felt the wet patches you were leaving in his thin dark green t-shirt. He held you tight against his body and you sobbed fully. Your cries only intensified when he placed one of his big hands on your head and took his soft lips to your forehead, pecking it.
Then he picked you up, your legs around his waist and your face, still buried in his neck. He took you to his living room, taking a chair and placing it in front of his warm fireplace. He sat on it, you on his lap, holding onto his shoulders. There was nothing better than this spot to calm you down on a cold day. He knew it but he doubted Yuta made any idea of it.
“Have you ever been afraid of losing the love of your life?”
His heart shattered. He could hear it shatter, like a very fragile glass piece. Yuta was the love of your life. What had he to do with that, why were you even here, if your problem was with Yuta?
“You and Yuta argued?”
You hummed, a bit hesitant - the reason unknown to him. He didn’t say anything else. He couldn’t. It was not his place. You just needed a friendly lap to seat on, a couple of warm arms to hold you and a gentle voice to tell you it was alright.
“It’s alright... It’s alright baby...”
That’s exactly what he did.
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“This is Soojin, my girlfriend.”
Your eyes widened and a small, surprised smile played on your lips. He hesitated for your answer.
“Hi!” after greeting the beautiful girl that stood next to him holding his hand tight, you moved forward to briefly hug her. “Jungkook, never mentioned you before!”.
Snarky.
Soojin looked at Jungkook, her shy eyes now displayed a small discreet amount of anger.
“Oh... This is pretty recent. That’s why,” Soojin blurted, a nervous laugh erupting right away.
Soojin was a girl he had met about a month ago and she was amazing. Incredibly breathtaking and Jungkook couldn’t adore her more. His crush on you had been long forgotten - or at least he thought it had.
Jungkook thought the dinner was delicious, but still, when you asked what he thought of the dinner he answered ‘it’s good, but yesterday Soojin made some amazing bibimbap, I should have asked her to do it for tonight instead’. And you smiled bitterly and him. No one else noticed the bitterness in your smile, but he did.
Why was he acting this way? Because since he and his new girlfriend got in your apartment, you had established this dumb discreet competition between you and Soojin, making passive-aggressive comments and the poor girl beside him was so notoriously uncomfortable, he felt sorry for bringing her here.
“Soojin, maybe you should visit my hairdresser”
“I know you probably don’t understand since you’ve never been to college, but I’ve been so happy with my grades recently”
“How have you managed to attract someone like Jungkook, I mean... You know what I mean, right?”
So when the dinner was over, he pulled you away by the arm, bringing you to the kitchen and leaving Yuta and Soojin on the balcony, enjoying the view and hopefully sparing Soojin some minutes of your annoyingly mean comments.
“Why are you being such a bitch to Soojin?” he asked, hands on his hips and his eyes raging.
“I’m not,” you furrowed your eyebrows and he laughed ironically.
“Don’t play dumb with me, Y/N.”
“You had never mentioned her before. Who do you think I am, for you to present me some temporary fling you’re having. I’m more important than that! If you want to present me to someone, I want her to be at least stable. Not someone you’ve been dating for 2 weeks!”
“What has time to do with it? I like her, I think she’s worthy enough for you to meet her!”
“C’mon, look at her. She sports the slutty look.” you deadpanned and Jungkook’s eyes widened.
“You’re going too far! Look at Yuta! He’s the typical high school fuckboy!” he whisper-screamed. “You have no moral to talk about Soojin like that!”
“Oh, now he’s defending her!” you ironized and he rubbed his forehead, trying to look for just a little bit more patience. “You didn’t even tell me she was coming! And plus, I don’t have to mandatorily like her!”
“I don’t like Yuta and you don’t hear me talking to him like he's trash, right?”
“Yeah, that’s because he’s not trash, but we can’t say the same for Soojin, can we?”
That was enough. He turned his back on you, going to the balcony in quick steps and grabbing Soojin’s hand in his. He dragged her across your apartment as you stared at him piercingly.
“Babe, what’s going on?” Soojin asked, completely adrift.
“We’re leaving.”
“I haven’t said goodbye yet, kook”
“You don’t need to, we’re not coming back anyway,” he stated as his eyes locked on yours.
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Jungkook really didn’t plan on coming back but Soojin broke up with him about a month later, claiming that he was in love with someone else and not bothering to explain further. Needless to say, Jungkook had never been as bewildered and nauseated in his life. He had argued with you, his best friend, to protect Soojin’s dignity, and she dared to say he didn’t love her?!
The only one he could think of to help him figure out what the heck Soojin was referring to with such barbarities, was you. You were the most intelligent and astute person Jungkook had ever met. He was sure you were the only one who could possible help him.
When he showed up at your door, you opened it. No sign of shock or surprise evident on your face in seeing him after your huge argument, because you both knew you two would never be able to stay mad a each other for too long. A month of not talking was a new record.
When he blurted out the reason Soojin had used to break up with him, after sitting down next to you on your couch, your mouth fell agape and your eyes widened.
“What?” you exclaimed as Jungkook shook his head, showing his bewilderment.
“That’s what I said!” he exclaimed back and you looked at the floor, completely confused by what your best friend was telling you. The boy had almost finished his 7-year friendship to defend his new girlfriend. How could she even question his feelings?!
“She’s probably just overthinking something... Maybe she saw you hugging another girl... Or maybe a text on your phone...”
“I didn’t text anyone other than her! Not even you!” he screeched and you scratched your ear, trying to think of some logical reason behind the sudden breakup.
“... Probably, it’s really her overthinking something... Girls do that! I do that, all the time!” you looked at him doubtfully, as he stared back in the same way. “SHE’S INSECURE!” you shouted as the sudden realization, that seemed to be the most logical out of every single theory you had already come up with, came to your mind.
Jungkook widened his eyes, straightening his back as your speculation didn’t seem as automatically disposable as all the others that had come to his mind.
“That’s it!” you continued. “Probably, she’s in one of those times where she doubts every single thing in her body, and she thinks she’s not enough for you! I feel that way too often!”
Jungkook’s expression got serious as he heard the last portion of your speech. “You do?”
It took you a moment to understand what he was asking, but as you saw the worry behind his eyes you quickly figured the context of the question. “Oh... Yeah, I guess it’s pretty normal...”
“You shouldn’t feel that way, you’re pretty amazing...”
You smiled shyly and sent him a sweet gaze, as he quickly returned it. “With Yuta, it’s pretty hard not to doubt me at times. Have you seen the guy? Seems like he came straight out a freaking novel...” you chuckled playfully and Jungkook pushed your shoulder with his.
“And so do you.” And there was Jungkook in his natural element.
“Jungkook! Stop flirting!” you screeched, shyly as your cheeks turned into a dark shade of pink. Jungkook laughed, cringing internally at how cute he found you in that exact moment. He embraced your shoulders in his muscular arms, and you finally looked into his eyes. His face was awfully close and you could feel his breath on your face as a soft smile lingered on his lips.
“Missed you,” he whispered so that only the two of you could hear it, even though no one else was around.
“Missed you,” you whispered back, leaning your forehead to his.
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Soojin had taken him back.
She had her reasons to break up with him in the first place, but she couldn’t deny the guy a second chance as he stood by her door, a bouquet of red roses, that you had recommended, in his hand, puppy eyes and pouted lips.
You had found out in the worst of ways.
Crying your heart out, you stood in the elevator, waiting for it to finally come to your destination, your best friend’s apartment floor. When it did, you got out of it, your face smudged with your -supposedly, waterproof - mascara. You knocked and were received by Soojin, in all her beauty, messy hair and no make-up features, wearing Jungkook’s shirt. She was probably busy with something else. She still managed to look extremely gorgeous, and there were you, looking like you had just been run over by a bus.
“Y/N! Are you alright! That’s dumb, of course not! Do you want to come in? Wait a second, I’ll go call Jungkook,” she stated with a genuine expression of worry on her face and a hand on your shoulder.
“No! No, leave it. I’m fine!” you said, grabbing her hand before she could go and call Jungkook. “I’ll just go home. Sorry for interrupting you two!” you smiled, even with your smudged make-up face. “Don’t worry, I’ll just call him later!”
And so you turned your back on her, as you felt her worried look on your back.
“Oh! And I’m sorry about how I treated you last time...” You turned back to her, sending an apologetic smile her way.
“Don’t worry about that...” she muttered and smiled back.
It was obvious why Jungkook liked her so much.
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“What happened yesterday?!” Jungkook shouted as soon as you opened the door, exactly 7:54 AM and the guy was already standing by your door.
“You didn’t tell me you and Soojin were back together...”
“Not what I asked,” he said back, impatient.
“I wasn’t answering you either,” you mocked and he sent you an annoyed look. “Don’t worry about last night. I’m fine now.”
“I just want to know what happened. Not even worried...” he said and you laughed at how sarcastic he could be at times.
“Yuta and I broke up,” you said and Jungkook’s eyes widened. “He cheated. A drunk night out.”
“Son of a bitch...” he muttered and you quickly enveloped his face with your hands, bringing his eyes to yours.
“I’m fine, really. No need to get mad” you chuckled a bit. Jungkook stared at you for a while, before holding your hands and kissing both of them.
“You deserve so much better. Please don’t settle for someone like him.”
“I won’t,” you smiled and he smiled back.
He spent the rest of the day with you. Both laying on the sofa, holding onto each other, and watching movies, with a huge bowl of the sweetest popcorn you could have managed.
“I’m 25...” you muttered out of nowhere and Jungkook hummed back, his face snuggled by the side of your neck, his arms around your waist and his chest against your back.
“And?”
“I want to get married someday and now I don't have a boyfriend,” you muttered once again.
“Were you really planning on marrying that piece of shit?”
“I didn’t know he was a piece of shit.”
“You don’t need to get married now. You’re still young. You’ll find a great guy, who knows how to truly value you as the woman you are,” he said, before softly kissing the skin of your neck, where his cheek was previously resting on.
"Soojin’s a lucky girl,” you said, smiling, after few silent moments.
She really was a lucky girl.
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A few years later
“Would you marry me?”
Your eyes widened, quickly averting to your best friend, kneeled down in front of his 3-year girlfriend. He was glowing. A wide perfectly white smile played on his lips as he stared up at Soojin with eyes that shone brighter than ever. She was speechless - very much like you. Her hands covered her mouth and her eyes were starting to get wet with tears. The answer that followed was obvious.
“Yes!”
There it was. She threw her arms around Jungkook’s neck, as he stood up and enveloped her slim waist in his embrace. She was crying already and he chuckled lightly at the emotional mess his girlfriend was.
You weren't expecting this. But you should have. Jungkook hadn't talked to you about this or left you any clue about it, but still, he was 28 years old. You could see the shine of his eyes getting brighter each time he looked at her, every passing day. They were in love and their relationship was stronger each day.
Your whole group of friends manifested their happiness. Jimin had tears in his eyes from how happy he was seeing that the youngest of the group was finally settling down for life. Namjoon clapped his hands, smirking proudly at the youngest. You could swear you’d seen Jin, that stood next to Namjoon also clapping his hands, winking to his friend when their eyes crossed. Yeri whistled loudly along with Taehyung, while Irene laughed at her friends’ foolishness.
Mingyu, quite unaware of the mess the living room held, kept his eyes secured on you, smiling. When you caught his gaze, you sent him a tiny smile back - the first since the heartfelt proposal. You averted your eyes back to the couple holding each other in the middle of the room and when they parted their embrace, Jungkook’s eyes locked on yours. You weren’t smiling as he expected you to be. You didn’t even seem to be happy for him. He smiled anyway, and you, in all your effort, winked playfully at him, as you turned your back on him. You grabbed a cup of champagne and walked towards the balcony, being interrupted by the male hand that suddenly grabbed your waist.
“We’re next,” you heard Mingyu whisper in your ear. You looked back, grabbing his hand and lightly squeezing it.
“You bet,” you answered playfully and smiled brightly at him.
Mingyu was your boyfriend. You had been dating him for 2 years now and he was great. Jungkook had presented him to you at a home party. You still remember complaining to him about having to watch him and Soojin being all couply while you still spent the night laying in bed and watching romances. The week after your complaints he took you to a party and introduced you to this really nice and good-looking guy, which happened to be his friend, named Mingyu. Mingyu was a few months older than you and he had just started to work as a lawyer. He was already introduced to your family and they all loved him, dismissing your sister's daily comments that claimed her disappointment because she thought you 'would end u with your Jungkook'.
When Mingyu let go of you to go hang out with the rest of your friends, you reached the balcony, closing the door behind you, leaning on the glass balcony and gazing at the amazing view your friend Irene had got when she bought this new apartment with Jin, her boyfriend. Your hair, being wildly swept by the wind, was a mess, but you could care less. Your eyes were teary, you didn't really know why though. Something about Jungkook getting married left a huge ball of emotions sitting on your chest. What bothered you is that even knowing Soojin was an amazing girl and Jungkook would be happy with her, you weren't particularly happy with the news. You knew this could as well turn you into a very shitty best friend, and that's why you thought you wouldn't really be able to talk to Jungkook without catching a breath of fresh air first. Without noticing the tears you had been previously sheltering in your eyes, were now running down your cheeks.
You sobbed and quickly wiped the tears away when you heard the balcony doors opening and closing again. It was Jungkook, you knew it when you felt the warm presence you'd gotten used to after 9 years.
"Hey," he muttered.
You didn't answer, afraid your voice would fail you and just kept staring forwards, feeling Jungkook's gaze on you. You knew he knew you had been crying. He was a master when it came to figuring it out.
"So... you're getting married now hum?" you commented, once your vocal cords seemed stable enough.
"Right," he answered, and you looked at your side, not bothering to hide your puffy eyes. "What do you think of that?" he asked you and you looked down at your hands.
"You know... If you're happy, I'm happy," you said and he chuckled.
"Of course," Jungkook mimicked your actions, looking down as well. You two stayed quiet for some time, as the starry night sky shined down on you.
"You look amazing tonight, by the way," he remarked. "Didn't get the chance to te-"
"You didn't tell me you were going to propose," you interrupted him, looking back at him. There wasn't a shy smile on your lips or a polite gaze on your eyes. All Jungkook could see in your expression was hurt.
"I don't have to tell you every little thing going on in my life," he answered, putting up his defensive side.
"This is not little! This is marriage," you exclaimed and stared at him. He stared down and stayed quiet.
"Mingyu told me he's going to propose too," he announced and you widened your eyes. Not that you hadn't thought about it. Mingyu had commented a lot of times he wanted to make you his wife and build a family with you. But still, it was big news for you.
"I'm sure you weren't supposed to tell me that."
"Are you going to say yes?" he asked and stared at you.
You stared back at him and for once in that night, your eyes met for more than a minute. There was a silent plead present in his eyes that you couldn't really figure out. He sighed and got closer to you, your arms rubbing against each other. You lay your head down on his shoulder and he shortly kissed your forehead.
"Y/n..." he whispered, and you hummed back, still not answering his previous question. "I can... go back. If you... want me to."
"If you love her, then you should marry her," you answered right away, not wanting to hold your best friend back from marrying the girl he loves.
He kept quiet and so did you.
"Are you going to say yes?" he repeated his previous question and you shot your head up, looking straight in his eyes.
"You know... I've always thought of you as the love of my life."
Jungkook's eyes widened as you chuckled. That's when it came to him. That night, you were afraid of losing him, not Yuta.
"I've always been told I should marry the love of my life. But I don't think I can marry you now that you're already married," you stated playfully, but Jungkook's stare was serious. "Mingyu is amazing, really. I worship him. But how do I know if I love him enough to marry him?" you asked, looking up to find Jungkook already staring at you, a mix of different emotions present in his eyes. "How did you know you loved Soojin enough to marry her?" you asked again and Jungkook looked down.
"Well... I like her almost as much as I love you," he whispered loud enough for only you to listen. "And I think that's a whole lot."
"Do you love her, though?" you asked, absolutely perplexed at his answer.
He smiled lightly and sighted.
"You just don't get it, do you?" he whispered.
He stood up straight, turning his back on you and walking back towards the door.
"Why don't you just tell me then?" you said a bit louder than you had talked the whole night.
He looked back at you, over his shoulder, his hand already on the door handle. He chuckled lowly, what sounded like a sarcastic chuckle, before turning back to you and taking two steps forward. Somehow, his expression had changed and you weren't sure how to read it now. He was bitter.
"You want me to tell you? I just proposed and you have the guts to get sad because I'm marrying Soojin??
"I'm not s-"
"Shut up! Just... Shut up." he begged ironically and you stood quiet, he sighed angrily and looked to his left, avoiding looking at you.
"Maybe you should step away... At least for a while."
"What the hell is wrong with you? Jungkook you're getting married. I can't miss that. I won't miss that!"
"Exactly!" he screamed suddenly and walked quickly towards you. He had never been this angry in front of you and it scared you that you were the reason for his anger. His face was inches away from yours and you could feel his quick breath fanning over your lips. "I'm getting married to Soojin but all I can think about is if I should have proposed to you!" he whispered in your face and you could see his eyes watering, very much like you could feel yours do the same. “You know why I proposed so suddenly? Because Mingyu told me he was going to propose to you and I didn’t want to be the only one feeling miserable!”
"J-Jungkook..." you sighed and Jungkook let his tears fall, furrowing his eyebrows in pure anguish, as he nestled his face on your neck, crying silently. He enveloped your body in his arms and you quickly did the same.
"I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I-I'm in love with you and it scares me to death," he sobbed and your grip on him tightened.
"It's alright... I'm right here..."
You two stayed in that same position for a while, until he calmed down and his sobs stopped.
"What do I do now?" he asked, still laying his head on your chest.
"You do whatever makes you happy," you answered and he kissed your neck, and action that, from him, was already usual.
"Hubby! Can we go home?" Soojin opened the balcony's door, chuckling at the new nickname. Jungkook quickly stepped back and wiped the stray tears on his cheeks away. Sensing your stare on him, he sent you a tiny smile.
Soojin caught your gaze from behind Jungkook's shoulder and sent you a smile, which you retributed.
"Yes babe, let's go..." Jungkook answered after a while. He looked at you, the deepest look in his eyes that you had ever seen. He cupped your cheek as you two heard Soojin walking back inside, to say her goodbyes. “I’ll go now.”
“Please, don’t do this. If you don’t want to marry her, you don’t have to.”
“What do you want?”
You didn’t answer, opting to roll your arms tightly around his neck, as he held your waist, bringing your body impossibly closer to his.
“I love you, Jungkook,” you whispered. “, but this is a decision you have to make.”
And he wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready to break all the promises he had made to Soojin this past three years. He wasn’t ready to admit that all she was was a way to get to you. He wasn’t ready to admit that at some point in his life he had become a worthless and selfish jerk and that his life had been diminished to you. He wasn’t ready to break every single ethical moral and principle that he had been trying to live by all his life. This decision didn’t come to him, and only him. It came to you, to Soojin, to Mingyu and to everyone surrounding the four of you. It wasn’t his right to break his friends’ hearts and he wouldn’t do it. He couldn’t do it.
“I’m sorry.”
And he walked away.
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justcallmenikki7 · 5 years ago
Text
These Strands Led Me to You
Pairing: Kim Taehyung x Reader
Summary: having a soulmate who likes dying their hair the colors of the rainbow can be irritating, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.
Warnings: fluff, some angst? (like anxiousness and doubts), and teal haired taehyung because lets face it, we are all hoes for a teal haired taehyung
W.C.: 1.8k
Notes: ooof, I am almost done with this semester.
BTS Soulmate Series Masterlist
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At the age of twelve you woke up with dyed pink hair… on picture day. First off, you were not even close to being happy, you were pissed. You blamed your younger sister, wanting to take out your anger and confusion on someone. So, once your parents walked in on your strangling your sister to death, the first thing they noticed was your pink hear – automatically knowing what has happened. Once your father pulled you off of your sister, separating your sister and you, he explained what soulmates were.
“So, I have the same hair color as my soulmate?” You asked in your innocent twelve-year-old way.
Smiling down at you lovingly, your father nodded. “Yes, Y/N/N. Whenever your soulmate, or you dye your hair, they, or you, get that same hair color.” He explained further, answering your question.
Your happy face turned into a frown after a moment, scaring your father. “But… what if I could never find them? What if they are all the way in Greenland! Or on the other side of the world? What if we never…meet?” Your voiced cracked, emphasizing your worry.
The feeling of your father pulling you in tight to his chest, you felt yourself calm down. “The thing about soulmates, especially this one my love, is that you have the ability to feel them when you get closer because of your hair. Every time you guys get closer, or father, your hair changes. So, when you guys get closer, your hair begins to become your natural hair color. Every time you guys get father from one another, your hair stays the color that they dyed, but with a darker tint.”
“What if we both have the same hair color?” You asked, staring up at your father with wide eyes.
“If that happens, then the color that represents your love, or relationship, will become your hair color for a day, being a sign of your guys founding of one another.”
“Oh…” you drift off, “I hope it’s blue because blue is pretty.”
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Throughout the next ten years, you can confirm that your hair has been every color of the rainbow and much more. Sometimes, you love waking up to the new hair color, but sometimes you hate it because of the day it happens. Like the time you woke up to your hair being purple on the day you have an important meeting that day and you had to look professional. It was hard to explain to your boss on why you had purple hair. Thankfully, though, professional businesses give a pass on those who have certain soulmate types that interfere with their job.
But the one thing that bothers you is that you never once in your ten years have seen your hair become naturally its regular color in any way. It has always been the hair color that either you or your soulmate has dyed. Your worry that you felt that day you learned about soulmates has surfaced frequently now.
“Hey, look at this!” Your coworker and best friend demanded, throwing a paper ball at you when she looked over the wall of your guys cubical.
“What?” You yawned tiredly, looking up at your best friend with tired eyes.
“So, you know that KPOP band, BTS?” She asked, earning a nod from you, “Well, one of their members, Kim Tae- uh, V, has the exact same hair color as you. Like, tint and everything to the T.”
“Wait, what?!” You exclaimed loudly, earning judgmental looks from your coworkers. Ignoring them, you stood up from your sitting position. “You better not be lying, Jisoo.”
“I’m not! Look!” She showed you her phone screen which had the picture of the KPOP BTS member that could be your soulmate.
“Holy. Shit.” Your eyes were wide, finding the male very, very attractive. “This is probably a coincidence. I am not that lucky,” you denied, trying to not get your hopes up.
The feeling of a sharp smack on the side of your head alerted you. “Don’t be a debby downer. He, however, the fuck you pronounce his name, V, is your soulmate. It is impossible to fake, or try to get that exact hair tent, color, and style by getting that done by a hairdresser. He is your soulmate cause look,” she zoomed in on the picture, getting a blurry, but kind of clear view on the picture. “He has the exact pattern in your hair right where it hangs over your ear.”
You could not believe it.
You have found your soulmate – technically.
But a feeling inside of you felt like your heart has just enraptured and that you found home. You do not understand why you feel like this, or maybe you do. But how can a picture make you feel such ways? It is not as if you were staring right at him in person, something that made your heart clench in realization.
“NO WAY! They are coming to tour in the U.S. next month! This means that you will begin to get your natural hair color!” Jisoo exclaimed loudly! Ignoring the ‘hushes’ from your coworkers. “There’s two tickets left for the one in LA on May 3rd! This can be your chance to meet him!”
The nervousness that you are feeling has begun to make you feel dizzy. The thought of never meeting him, or if it is hopefully him, is wearing on you, something that Jisoo definitely noticed. “Okay girl, let’s get you home and I will buy those tickets, and everything will be okay.”
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Taehyung was leaned back in the jets seat, Airpods in his ears while he played music. The sun set was always beautiful while they traveled over the sea, a feeling of calmness that was brought to him as he watched it. He was too focused on the sunset to even notice that a strand of hair on the right side of his head was beginning to change to his natural hair color. The action did not go unnoticed by Jungkook.
A huge bunny smile made its way onto his lips, already knowing what was happening to his best friend. Not being able to contain his excitement, Jungkook launched out of his seat and onto his hyung.
“What the fuc—”
“-YOUR HAIR IS CHANGING COLOR HYUNG!” The yell attracted attention from everyone, excitement evident on everyone’s faces.
“Wait, what?” Taehyung asked, not trying to get too excited. “Please tell me that you are not lying Jeon Jungkook.” The feeling of crying took over Taehyung once Jungkook took a photo of the strand of hair that was changing. “It cannot be. They’re close.”
“I am happy for you, Tae. But what if they cannot come on tour with us once you find them?” Jimin asked, asking the question everyone is not wanting to hear the answer too, especially Taehyung.
“Then I’ll accept their answer and still find a way to do anything I can to see them. I do not want to pressure them into anything.”
Even though Taehyung was hurt to answer that, he still wanted to respect your decision. But the selfish part of him was hoping that you would do so.
In your bed, you stared out of your window, thinking the same thing. You have already talked to your parents and boss and told what could possibly happened. You are willing to do anything to be with your soulmate, even if it means leaving your home. Once you find your soulmate, you will not bear the thought of having to not see them for another long period of time once you find him.
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As you stood in the long line outside of the Staples center with Jisoo, you could not stop the emotional crying of happiness that you are feeling at your natural hair showing. Jisoo had done a lot of research to find the three girls who had front row seats to the concert, directly in front of the stage where Taehyung could easily spot you. You were thankful that they were understanding, the three girls actually soulmates, so they could understand the emotions you are feeling.
“What if he does not see me?” You asked worriedly.
“He will. All soulmates get a glow to them when they first meet. Even though you have the soulmate type of when you get closer your hair becomes natural, and you can feel it, you always get the glow of your guys color of your relationship. So, he will be able to see you, and you him.” Mikayla, one of the girls who allowed you the seats to the front row explained. “Do not stress, it will be okay.” She reassured you softly, giving you a smile.
“Thank you.” You breathed out. The line began to move, signaling that the doors have opened. “Alright, let’s see if this happens.”
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Once the boys came out on stage, you could feel a electricity in your hair. You knew that your Taehyung could feel by the way he began to get excited on stage, the look of excitement and eagerness on his face. The music has stopped, an action that brought commotion to the crowd.
“We are sorry for the slight delay, but our Taehyung is about to find his soulmate.” Namjoon explained, the happiness evident in his tone.
Screams of happiness filled the arena, ARMY excited that their Good Boy is about to find his soulmate. Jumping off of the riser, Taehyung began to look closely into the crowd. You wanted to jump on stage and go to him, but you knew that it would not end well due to the guard blocking you.
Your hair began to tingle even more by each step Taehyung got closer to you, and your skin began glow a Purple color, a sign that caught the ARMY around you.
“SHE’S OVER HERE! SHE’S OVER HERE!” ARMY began to yell, catching Taehyung and the boy’s attention.
“I’M RIGHT HERE!” You screamed, tears streaming down your face at the fact that you are seconds away from being in your soulmate’s arms.
Jumping off of the stage, the guards and the ARMY made room for him to get to you, creating a path that was very cliché in your thought, but you knocked it out of your head once the box smiling boy got in front of you. The both of you could feel your hair turn back to its natural color, quickly turning into a purple color, a tell-tale sign that you both are soulmates.
“It’s you.” Taehyung stated, voice filled with awe and happiness. “It’s really you,” you could hear the crack in his voice, a sign that he is close to crying.
“I’m Y/N,” you greeted.
“Y/N.” Taehyung tested, loving the sound of your name and you loving the way he said it. “Ca-can I kiss you?” He asked, wanting to desperately feel you in his arms and on his lips.
Nodding your head, Taehyung pulled you in close, arms wrapping around your waist. His face was close to yours, a blush forming on your face at the closeness. Smiling back, Taehyung bent down and connected your lips, screams filling the arena from both the ARMY and the boys. The both of you smiled into the kiss, basking in the happiness the both of you are feeling.  
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wanderingchocolateeclair · 4 years ago
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For the asks, 11, 18, 19 for Edgeshot and the soggy noodle (Jeanist) please?
Oohhhh, thank you for sending one in!! I actually did number 11 for these two way back when I reblogged this for the first time in this post (one of your asks actually aha) but I’m going to write out some more/re-write what I’ve written slightly different most probably lmao
Warning: will be mentions of bad coping mechanisms, depression, death and self destructive tendencies and thoughts. Please read with caution. I’ve put number 19 under the cut for this reason.
11. Bad or petty habits.
Okay well, they’re both incredibly bad at dealing with stress and tend to have a habit of overworking themselves.
Jeans gets incredibly fidgety when nervous, however always tends to pick and scratch at his hands. So he’ll always have something with him that he can fiddle with, such as a ring or charm or just the hem of his clothes.
He also is really bad at taking care of himself for some reason, mainly with things like injuries and stuff like that, but still.
Also. Petty habits? His puns. Please, it’s his puns he just cannot stop himself.
Shinya overworks himself, as said earlier, but it just has to be emphasised.
Sometimes (very rarely) he can tend to make a snarky remark relating to someone complaining about their family, with a response along the lines of “oh yeah same” or “ahaha yeah, it’s really annoying huh?” or literally just hitting them with the “yeah, they’re dead.”
He mostly does it to villains as a way to make them actually hesitate, when they say stuff like “oh I’ll kill your friends and family blah blah” he simply answers with a “too late” and he hates how spontaneous he says it.
Obviously, this doesn’t happen often because, well it’s kinda obvious and he has respect towards his family, but some days he just cannot help himself, he considers it a very bad habit.
18. Things they’ll never admit.
That they are tired. Or stressed. Or overworked. Or mildly injured.
They are so stubborn and they just will not admit it.
Also, when one is mad at the other, they don’t like admitting when there is something that they’re mad/wrong about.
They are just incredibly stubborn and will wait for ages. And eventually they feel bad but are still stubborn so don’t want to admit that they want to speak to the other.
Not that they need to admit when one of them feels lonely or sorry or just really bad about something when they aren’t speaking. Because it’s definitely plastered all over their body language.
(To those who don’t want to read number 19 because it does have some pretty heavy angsty stuff, please feel free to leave it here ❤️)
19. People they’ve hurt or indirectly killed, and how it affected them. (Read carefully, contains some sensitive stuff as specified in my warning ^^)
Okay, like I said, these are pretty heavy and contain quite sensitive stuff so please be careful. I’ve wanted to talk about these particular headcanons for a while, but didn’t know how to.
I have a headcanon that Tsunagu has killed someone in the past, and possibly more than just one person. It was all accidental, well, mostly.
When he was younger, about 12, I can’t remember what age I said in ‘When it Rains...’ but he was young. He couldn’t control his quirk and his quirk often would be way too powerful for him and his body to handle.
He found himself rushing to help some kids from a villain but his quirk ended up going haywire and he basically strangled the villain to death, whilst doing serious damage to himself and hurting his sister by doing so. He was just so angry and out of control, his mind was screaming at him.
This spirals him into a very very dark mindset, and he starts to blame himself for everything. The kids at school knew what happened and called him a “freak” and he had no friends.
As time went on, he often got told that “his quirk wasn’t suited for being a hero” and taunted that he should just stick to “making dresses and playing hairdressers” which had a really big effect on the way he saw himself.
He started to agree with them and when they told him that “you can’t be a hero now, you killed someone! Better to just start fresh, yeah?”...he also agreed...and well, I’m sure you can imagine what that leads him to, since I’d rather not go into the details of that too much at the moment...
His sister has to feel all of this pain that he goes through, and this makes him feel even worse.
He manages to get through this with the help of his sister, and a couple of friends that stuck with him throughout it all. And he goes to UA with his mind still clouded with doubts.
He knows he’s weak, he’s thin and not of a suitable fighting form. His quirk is too powerful for him to control and also not suitable for being a hero, but with the help of others and teachers and family he manages to pull through.
As he becomes a hero, he starts to feel better and more proud of himself, however there is still that little comment at the back of his mind telling him that he is weak.
Everytime he fails to rescue someone, or accidentally injured or goes too far with capturing a villain, it takes a huge toll on his self confidence and he starts spiralling again. Even if it wasn’t his fault he will still take the blame. It all brings him back to that moment when he was 12.
This often leads him to overworking himself to the point of passing out or collapsing, and often one of his friends or interns will have to usher him to somewhere he can recover. He lets his health deteriorate and lets any injuries go untreated.
He is the type of person to carry every failure, tiny mishap and any failed missions, completely on his own back. He converts it all to regret and this makes him feel weak, stupid and helpless. He could be on the other side of town and hear of a villain attack that got someone injured and he’d blame it on himself. These thoughts get carried with him until he finally just has to break down and let it all out.
This usually happens at home, where it’s obvious to anyone that he needs to talk about it, even if he doesn’t want to. Or at their usual top 5 meet ups, because they understand and they all listen to him and comfort him beca they know how much it affects him.
Often, in these mindsets, he will end up over using his quirk and injuring himself with his recklessness, however....this time it’s quite deliberate...he just lets it happen.
This carries on until he’s quite a bit older, and even then he still gets moments where his mind starts to slip.
When he meets Shinya, it helps a lot with his mental health, due to them having so much in common (and just being a couple of generally traumatised and depressed heroes who can barely look after themselves properly). They help each other get through the hardest parts and they understand when one feels the way they do.
(I’ve got many other little things that relate to this rather depressing headcanon, but it’s a heavy subject so I won’t write them out unless someone asks and actually would like me to, just for me to make sure you guys are comfortable and okay)
—————got to switch to Shinya now aha—————————
Okay so we have his backstory (which I am still working up the motivation to finish the whole thing)
Shinya ends up killing a large group of the villains that ambushed his village. He didn’t know how it happened, how he did it, or anything like that. But in a moment of rage and adrenaline and pure unbridled emotion, he shot forwards and killed them instantly, brutally.
In the moment he didn’t care. He was scared and had just seen his family and friends die in front of him.
However, once he learnt exactly what he’d done, and how severe it actually was, that’s when he started to feel the regrets.
At first it was not much, but as he started to try to live a normal life again and interact with others, that’s when it became an issue.
He noticed how others glared at him. He noticed the fear in the other people’s faces as they walked past him. The looks on their faces as they acknowledged the broken, empty face of this child and how scared they were of his past.
Slowly this all made him very self conscious and worried about how others saw him. He started to feel more doubtful and less trusting than he was, even with barely any trust left in him.
He trained and trained, overworking himself and using his quirk way too much. This allowed him to gain experience, yes, but it also drained him of having any sense of what a childhood should be - draining his memory of living a normal life.
People were always intimidated by him, and over the years he got used to it, but there are always times where he felt that no one would see him how he really was. Just a lonely person, robbed of a happy childhood and innocence and someone who can’t find it in him to trust anyone ever again. The only person who would understand was his sister, since she wen through the exact same experience and was with him through it all.
When he meets Tsunagu, he finds himself starting to trust again, and found that he was one of the only people that he felt safe with.
Then he started meeting other pro heroes, some with tough backstories themselves, and it just made him feel less alone.
Of course, there will be days where his past haunts him, and he feels the blood of all the lives he’s taken and failed to save on his hands and it terrifies him. It drags him down. These days he ends up shutting himself away.
He doesn’t take care of himself properly and ends up collapsing and becoming ill and rundown.
However, these moments happen. And being with those who he finally trusts and those who are there to help him feel safe...that’s what allows him to recover
That’s what allows them both to feel human once again, despite their pasts and doubts. Despite their flaws and failures. They seek happiness in each other and they find safety in their friends...and that’s what keeps them going.
Thank you for asking! Sorry for how morbid that end one was, but it really is one of my most prominent headcanons for these two, especially poor jeans, and I actually kinda feel a little better to have you guys know it now, so that when I sort of reference it in my writing, you know what I’m going on about.
Please send some in guys, I would love to give you some headcanons on whatever character you’d like to send in! Love you ❤️ This is the post for the questions!! I’m going to bed for now, but please feel free to send some in for me to answer tomorrow, I’ll get to them as soon as I can!!
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skz-writings · 5 years ago
Text
Reaction: s/o dyeing their hair (gone wrong)
Theme: Kind of crack?
Requested: Yes
↳ Ask: Hii~~ good luck with your new blog!!! I was thinking about what you could do to start your blog and it may be funny a reaction of them when their s/o tries to dye their hair but goes wrong hahaha have a nice day💕
A/N: This took me a bit longer because I needed to research which things potentially could go wrong when dyeing hair since I am not very knowledgeable on the topic. Also, some of these are hair dyeing mistakes I made myself hehe.
➤ Bang Chan
Chan dyed his hair a lot, no question about it. His damaged hair was clear evidence of that. Yet the guy couldn’t help himself as he stood in front of you, asking you to help him dye it as his hairdresser had said it would be best not to. You really wanted to be on the hairdresser’s side and tell him “no”, but the pout on his lips messed with your head and made it really difficult to say no. Eventually after asking him a million times if he was sure, and him telling you that he was indeed sure, you finally agreed.
You would do at your apartment since it would give you more space and not have people running in and out when you were concentrating. He had promised to get the bleach if you could buy the hair dye for him. This led you to the nearest store that sold hair dye, and you want to get it over with as soon as possible, quickly grabbed the blonde hair dye box you thought looked correct.
Even while dyeing his hair, he still seemed to be the only one stoked about the whole thing. He still tried to reassure you that it was okay and he would take care of his hair. It did make your mood a bit better and at least you could now enjoy your time with your boyfriend. You did have quite a few hours in front of you to spend with him.
However, you couldn’t help but want to laugh when everything was done and over with and the final result stood right in front of you. He was still gaping at the pastel blue you somehow managed to color it. “I feel like there is a lesson to be learned here.” You spoke, leaning against the doorframe. “Yeah, never ask you to dye my hair again.” He answered still trying to take it all. “Not what I meant.” You answered him bitterly. “You are lucky I can pull everything off,” he said turning to you finally, “because otherwise, you be dead.”
➤ Lee Minho
Minho had been jumping between hair colors as of lately, every two weeks felt like he had a different color and nothing ever seemed to be exactly as he wanted it to be. His more recently were a light brown, one you thought fitted him very well. For once he didn’t completely disagree but had it been just a tiny bit lighter, then it would be perfect according to him. That’s how the two of you came up with the brilliant plan of dyeing it.
As long as you chose a package close to his current hair color, then his hair should be safe. He had not had time to pick up a box himself and had asked you to do it for him. Sending you a picture of the one he personally thought would be best to use, you set out to buy his hair dye.
However, when you reached the store and stood in front of all the boxes with his recommendation in your hands, you had to disagree. In your opinion, it looked like it would dye his hair darker and not brighter. So, you took a different box, that looked like it would give you the right result.
You had not told Minho about your different purchase as you didn’t deem it to be that important. You’d much rather just get started and get it over with, so you could get ‘thank you for doing this for me’ cuddles sooner. Your head filled with cute cuddle images, you hurried to get the job done, while still doing it properly.
Those images would probably only see the light in your imagination, for as the two of you dried his and revealed it the audience of your bathroom aka the two of you. Both fell silent. “y/n..” he said as you only stared at him. “You did pick up the ri-“ you stopped him before he could even finish. “No, I did not.” He only nodded silently, giving you time to quickly escape the wrath of your boyfriend. “Oh no, you get back here right now!” He yelled running after you.
➤ Seo Changbin
One thing Changbin was certain of, was that you absolutely loved his lighter hair color. From the minute he had first entered your apartment door with the new look, had you been all over him. So, he almost felt bad holding the hair dye box in his hand, but he was ready to change his looks up a bit. And it was not like it would be a huge difference, it would only be a few shades darker. Knowing you, however, he knew you would be complaining and the least he could do now was letting you be the one to dye it, like a final goodbye.
It had taken you quite a long time to get started, wanting to take a few more pictures to commemorate his best hair color to date, according to your at least. Even while dyeing it, you had kept sighing and asked him if he was sure. To which he kept telling you, that yes, he was sure.
Washing it out and looking himself in the mirror, he was not sure anymore. Positive he should have told you to talk him out of it. Because looking back at him, was not a few shades of darker hair color, like he had promised you. It was such a dark brown, that it almost could be mistaken for black. Running out of the bathroom with a towel around his hair, he frantically looked for the box and instructions you had used. His mind knowing what happened already, but only needing the text to confirm it. “Oh no,” he said turning to you, “we were not meant to have waited as long as you said we did!”
He only got a confused look and a simple “what?” in return. To show exactly what he meant, he pulled the towel away from his hair. Your eyes looked big as you looked at the dark hair, a color you were not promised. A giggle left your lips as you admired it and simply answered, “I like it though.”
➤ Hwang Hyunjin
Having sported black hair for as long as Hyunjin has, it was impossible for him not to have wanted to change it at some point. The problem was just that he had no idea what he wanted to do with it, and that he really never had time to get it done. You had looked around the internet a bit and sent him hair colors you thought would fit him, but nothing ever really seemed to be good enough for him.
That’s why the two of you eventually came to the conclusion of just making it a bit brighter, so a dark brown instead of black. It would be a change, but not so much that he couldn’t soon change it again.
Since it seemed like a pretty minor thing to do and pretty easy, you decided to just do it at home. Conversations were flowing between the two of you, and he could enjoy a few head scratches from you once in a while as you applied the dye to his hair. It was just an enjoyable experience for both of you.
Rinsing out his hair didn’t really help your excitement to see it. Since the hair still looked black when wet, you both still had some time before the final reveal was ready. Hyunjin was sitting in front of you, while you were sitting on the couch, drying his hair with a towel.
Slowly as the hair started to dry, your fears grew. Nothing had happened. The hair still looked completely black. “That should be enough” Hyunjin told you as he made his way to the bathroom so he could see the results for himself. You were now just waiting for the inevitable and just like that a yell was heard.
“Nothing happened!” Your boyfriend said annoyed as he came back to the living room. “I thought you said you knew what you were doing!” Feeling a bit guilty you told him with a nervous smile, “this was my first-time dyeing hair.”
➤ Han Jisung
It hadn’t been long since Jisung had gone back to blonde. A very praised hair color from fans and you alike. However, after the session he was not left satisfied, it was still too dark in his opinion. A concern he had discussed with you, to which you had offered to dye it brighter, a job that should not be too hard.
Jisung had been a bit hesitant at first, but you had assured him that you knew what you were doing. Now sitting in a chair, with your hands in his hair massaging the dye you had chosen together, into his hair, he regretted nothing. Having you do all the work and just enjoying the affection was nice after a long day at work and as a plus, he would soon have a hair color he actually would be satisfied with.
You were also pretty confident in it turning out perfect and just to be sure, followed the box instructions in case there was something you may have not known. It was all going well, almost too well.
Life just had to be against you. After finishing washing your boyfriend’s hair, you were met with roots that didn’t match the rest of the hair, just a tad bit too orange.
Not knowing what to do, you quickly gather your things in fear of being there when he saw his new hair. He looked on confused as to what you were doing and why you said you needed to meet up with a friend.
He turned towards the bathroom mirror, to see the orange roots staring back at him and now understanding what you were doing, “y/n!” He yelled after you before you could even reach the front door.
➤ Lee Felix
When Felix had first approached you with a box of hair dye, you had been confused. When he had asked you do dye his light brown hair, brighter, you had been confused. You had never in your life tried to dye anyone’s hair, including your own. But your boyfriend kept insisting, and there was nothing that could go wrong as he had picked out a product he could trust.
You still refused and told him to get someone professional to do it, because your lack of experience scared you. He kept trying to persuade you and only succeeded when he promised to buy you whatever you wanted for dinner. Food, your one weakness.
During the whole thing, he had guided you and told you how the hairdressers he usually went to, did it. Slowly you felt more and more confident in the whole thing, it looked like it would turn out nicely. And it wasn’t as hard and nerve-wracking as you thought it would be. It was actually pretty easy to apply.
While waiting the time the box said it would take for the hair dye to settle, the two of you played a few games to make time pass faster. Felix constantly trying to cheat and pretend to mess up your masterpiece, aka his hair.
And a masterpiece it was, well if you were talking about some abstract painting hanging at a run-down art museum. For some reason, the hair dye had not taken to the roots and instead left Felix with a crappy kind of ombre, not even the tiniest bit even. He wanted to see what had made you so speechless since you had not said a word since rinsing the dye out.
The sight was one to be seen, your boyfriend just as speechless as yourself. Until he mumbled a tiny, “I should probably have gone to a professional instead.”
➤ Kim Seungmin
Seungmin was not one to dye his hair often, so it was a huge surprise when he all of sudden had showed up with his blondish hair. Not that you were complaining, it looked nice, it was just something to get used. But used to it, you got. Almost so much that it felt sad when Seungmin came to ask you if you could help him dye it back to brown. But being the great significant other, that you were, you agreed to help him.
Just to make sure you were going to do it correctly, you watched some youtube videos with tips and tricks. Seungmin had asked you to pick up the hair dye, so he could hurry over after he was done with practice. Being the one to buy it, giving you some more time to study the specific instructions included in the box. And when it finally came to the dyeing part, you felt more than ready and extremely confident in your work.
The confidence was however stripped away when you finally stood in front of Seungmin, who had decided to rinse the dye out himself and show you the results when he had it dried. Two things were clear, it was dry and dyed, the dye part, however, was not exactly what you had expected it to be. In the right lighting, it looked as you had imagined it to be in your head. He was not currently standing in the right lighting and that clear outline of green was evident in his hair. You giggled as you finally spoke to your annoyed boyfriend, “sorry.”
➤ Yang Jeongin
It was no secret between the two of you, that Jeongin always had been interested in trying different types of hair colors. He had once told you that his interest grew more after he met you, as he was fascinated with all the colors you often dyed your own hair too. You had even recently decided to try out a bubblegum pink, Jeongin’s favorite so far. He told you it made you look like a fairy when he first saw it. And only a few days later he came to you, with a determined expression. He told you he wanted to try a platinum blonde, it wouldn’t be too different from one of his earlier hair colors, but still something new.
Since you usually dyed your own hair, he had asked you to be the one to do it on him. It shouldn’t be too hard to achieve since you had tried bleaching and dyeing hair a lot. The bleaching part went by perfectly and it finally came to the last part to get the blonde he had so wished to achieve.
When you first prepared the dye, you thought something seemed odd, the color you thought would be different, it didn’t seem exactly like you thought it would have. But when Jeongin asked you when you would get started, you threw the concerns to the side and told yourself you were overthinking it since you were a tiny bit nervous about doing it on someone else.
Dyeing went well too and after waiting some time, it finally came to the rinsing out part. You almost dropped the showerhead when you realized you should have acted on your concerns. Telling him to stay still, you went to grab the box and your thoughts were confirmed.
Quietly you went back to the bathroom and stood in the opening, nervously playing with your hands. “Do you remember how you said you liked my hair and that it made me look like a fairy?” You asked, not even looking at him at this point. “Yeah?” He asked confused, lifting his head to look over at you. “Welcome to the fairy clan.”
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Text
The PA - Chapter 2
Pairing: Tony Stark x named!Reader
Summary: You’ve been at Tony’s side for years now and you never complained until he comes back fromt he mission. Injured. Again. This is where it all changes.
Warnings: Tony Stark (you know what I mean), swearing, maybe a smut, fluff, angst, a lot of angst
A/N: Ok, I never, ever written a story with Stark. It has been sitting in my laptop for almost a year now, so I decided to go ahead and publish it. I really hope you like it.
Here is the edited part, betta’d for me by the amazing @tmnt-bucklover​. Thank you <3
Oh, and Pepper does not exist in this universe. I mean like there was not Pepper in the picture :) And TAGS are OPEN for any of my stories :) Just send me an ask <3
Word count: 2839
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The party was going to happen in two days and you were still preparing some last-minute changes. Some people couldn’t come and well, there was no way Stark Tower wouldn’t be filled with people during one of Iron Man’s parties. So yeah, there you were, putting some finishing touches on the plans.
Tony officially came back to work a week ago and took some of the work from your shoulders, which you really appreciated. You didn’t spend time together. There was too much work to be able to just sit down and relax with a cup of hot chocolate.
“Miss Green, Mr. Stark is asking for you”, you raised a single brow hearing the mechanical voice above you. You looked at the clock on the nightstand and sighed. It was almost 3 in the morning. He should be sleeping.
“Please tell me he is at least in his bedroom”.
“That would be a lie, Miss Green, and I am not programmed to tell lies,” you couldn’t help but chuckle at Jarvis’ answer.
You took the elevator and went underground to the boss’s special room. There was only one place he would be at this time of night if not in his bedroom. At least you knew one thing: if he was there, it meant he was alone. No pretty girl was enjoying the time of her life with the handsome billionaire. Were you jealous? Of course. You always wondered if he would at least try to make a move if you were a bit sexier.
You didn’t even know where you would start with that. Makeup was always a nightmare for you, so you never wore it. Hair normally in a high ponytail, jeans, and loose t-shirts could never compete with tight, short dresses worn by all the other women. Even if you tried, you just didn’t see yourself in those kinds of dresses. You left the elevator and gasped seeing him on the mechanical bed without his shirt on. You swallowed hard and took a deep breath before walking to him.
“You asked for me”, he turned his head and smiled at you sadly, seeing you not in pajamas. Something inside him hoped you were sleeping. He thought that him coming back to work would let you work less but apparently, there was more that needed to be done than he thought.
“I need help with this”, he pointed at his chest and his ‘heart’. You gulped, understanding what he meant. You knew everything there needed to be done when it came to the arc reactor. It was a great piece of technology that amazed you every time you looked at it. “It’s time to change it and I’m a bit too tired to do it by myself”, he continued, seeing your scared look.
“I’m…I’m not sure it’s a good idea, sir…” He chuckled shaking his head.
“Come on, darling, you’re not just my secretary. You were the best in your year-”, You blushed hearing his pet name. “-at M.I.T.”, you looked away not used to the
compliments. You took a deep breath and looked inside the hole, blinked a couple of times, then put your hand into it.
“The wire…the wire, find the wire”, you started whispering to yourself, making him smile a bit seeing your focused face. “Oh, god…the pus, I forgot about the pus”.
“Yeah, sorry. Just remember it’s not from my body”, you nodded, concentrated too much to care about the tone he said it in. One wrong move and you could kill Tony fucking Stark. He raised his brow when your other hand rested on his stomach when you touched the wire inside of him. He felt a small amount of energy flowing into him from your hand. You started to slowly take the wire out of him. You were careful. The flow of energy from your palm would erase the pain if you did accidentally touch the wire to the walls. He trusted you with his life, not because of the healing abilities but because you were a smart kid and were one of the most matured people he knew, including himself. Which honestly, was not hard to top. Before he noticed, the new reactor was placed down his chest, and the energy stopped flowing. Your breathing quickened a bit and your hands were coated in fluids.
“You did great. Here, sit down”, he made you a place next to him. Taking a wet towel, you rested next to him and sat down. “That was fun, wasn’t it?” He laughed and you couldn’t help but agree. You touched the great reactor and it was an unholy feeling. Your eyes moved back into the arc and your lip went upwards just a bit.
“Why are you not sleeping?”
“Well you called me in here, didn’t you ?”, you answered laughing a bit.
“You’re still in your clothes and you got here way too quickly to have been able to change before.” You widened your eyes and looked away.
“Just wanted to make sure that everything’s ready and done for the party”, you bit your bottom lip nervously, hearing him sigh. “You…you should rest as well”, he leaned his head down, not taking his eyes off you.
“What color are you wearing?” You looked up, not understanding the question.
“You’re the organizer of the party and my co-worker, I can at least wear something that matches. That would look good, right?”, he winked at you and frowned when you bit your lip nervously again.
“I’m not coming, sir…you don’t have to worry about the colors…”
“What do you mean? You made this party happen. Plus, it’s a Christmas party we do every year.” He wasn’t happy with the fact that you wouldn’t come. Whatever you had to do could wait.
“I never went to any of the other parties”, you answered, almost whispering, slowly getting up and walking to the sink to clean your hands up from the sticky fluid that was still there.
He couldn’t believe it. You’ve worked for him for three years. Two Christmas parties, two New Year’s Eve parties, and a couple of other ones throughout the year. Not one party? What was worse was that he had never even noticed it. You helped him with all of them and he didn’t even care to notice your lack of presence.
”Why?” His voice was more stern than he planned for it to be. You leaned on the sink and sighed.
”Parties aren’t my thing…”
“I wouldn’t mind you bringing your boyfriend, you know...unless you already have a date with him and don’t want to miss out on it”, he added, hoping it would get you to change your mind. He wanted you there. You laughed out loud and turned to look at him. You were a bit flustered but your eyes were on his.
“I don’t have a boyfriend, Mr. Stark”, he widened his eyes, surprised to hear that. “I don’t have time for something like that”, your voice sounded amused but sad at the same time. “Never really did”. Your face was as red as a tomato now. You shouldn’t have said that but it was too late to bite your tongue. You looked away and turned around, leaving him alone. 
Surprised? Amused? He wasn’t sure how he felt hearing all that. How was that even possible? How could someone so pretty and who had such a kind heart have never had a boyfriend? He cursed under his breath, knowing that flirting or even trying anything at the party was not an option. After all, you didn’t look like a one-night stand type of girl.
**
The sun was shining through your window, waking you up from the nice and much-needed sleep you were getting. You looked at the calendar and sighed. 23rd of December. The day of the huge Stark party and the day of your birthday. After your mother’s death, you never celebrated it. For eight years you didn’t care about this day because you had no one to celebrate it with.
“Happy birthday, Miss Green.” Oh yeah, there was only one that remembered this day. Well, it was somehow programmed into him so it was more of an automatic thing.
“Thank you, Jarvis. I hope you didn’t remind Mr. Stark about it?” You didn’t want the man to remember the day only because a machine reminded him. You weren’t mad. After all, you were no one special so you wouldn’t even expect him to remember. You always remembered his birthday, though.
“Of course not. You programmed me not to do that, remember?”, you giggled and apologized to the machine before going to the bathroom. You knew it would be a long day.
Even if you weren’t planning on going to the party, you would definitely hear it. After all, you lived in the Tower and it was not going to be a quiet party. You took a look in the mirror and sighed. The bags under your eyes were getting bigger and bigger. You needed good night sleep. Maybe even more than one. You quickly washed and got dressed, walking to the kitchen afterward to make something to eat. You stumbled over a box that was laying in front of the door, noticing it had a piece of paper with your name on it. Frowning, you picked it up and went back inside to check what that was.
You gasped seeing what was inside- a beautiful, long, red dress. A traditional one with fallen arms that showed definitely more than you’d like. However, you couldn’t disagree with the fact that it was a beautiful dress. Under it, there were black heels and some jewelry in a smaller box. You gulped seeing a piece of paper under all of it:
             Lex,
            I know you said you’re not coming but you know me. You organized this party so there is no way in Asgard that you miss it! I’ve booked a hairdresser and makeup artist for you so I will pick you up at 7 as a real damn gentleman would do. At least that’s what Cap says…
P.S. Happy birthday, darling.
You looked at the letter with huge eyes in complete, utter shock. Did Tony Stark, THE Iron Man and one of Avengers, just kind of ask you out? ‘No! He’s just being nice.’ you thought. You looked at the clock and gulped. You had a whole day to make yourself beautiful for him, even though it was for this one night only.
**
It was almost seven and you felt anxiety rise in the highest possible way. You were walking around the room, playing with the hair you had put into waves. You wore a bit of natural makeup, with red lipstick the makeup artist said was supposed to make you feel more comfortable and sexy, but didn’t. You looked at the mirror and felt sick. How could you show up with Tony Stark and be at his side? Him, a handsome billionaire, standing in front of his own secretary that couldn’t even pull off a traditional dress.
You jumped and squealed, hearing a knock at the door. You took a very deep breath and turned to the doors, opening them slowly. There he was. In a three-piece suit, looking like a God. Thankfully, due to your small height, you were still smaller than him even in heels.
“Shit”, he exhaled, checking you out from head to toe. “You look…wow!” You blushed when he offered you his arm. Smiling at him, you closed the doors behind you.
“Well the dress is beautiful”, you whispered, not even able to look at him. “It does all the magic on its own.”
“The dress wouldn’t look so good if the one wearing it wasn’t smoking hot…and if…you know. Jesus, this has never been so hard before.” He sighed, but looked at you hearing a quiet chuckle leaving your lips. “Am I amusing you?” He acted offended but the small smirk gave him away. You both went into the elevator.
“Sorry, but it’s actually new to see you stumble while talking to a woman.” You couldn’t help but giggle.
“Sure, laugh at an old man!” he barked, which made you stop in your tracks, surprising him. You pouted looking at him angrily. “What?”
“You’re not old!” You answered, crossing your arm around your chest. The sincerity in your eyes made him smile softly. He leaned down and kissed you softly on your cheek.
“Thanks, kid!” He whispered, making you blush. As much as the tone made you feel warm and nice, the words made you feel an uncomfortable pinch in your heart. “Kid”. Is that all you were in his eyes? Just a kid who worked for him? You looked down at your dress and wondered why he did all of this. Was it because he felt sorry for you? Was it because you never had a boyfriend and he was just trying to be nice? Well, it was your birthday, after all, the first one he remembered. But it still felt wrong. Your good humor was gone which didn’t go unnoticed by the man.
“What is it?” You shook your head rapidly and put on the most beautiful fake smile you could manage.
“Just stressed. Never been to a party like this.” You answered half honestly.
“Never? How about high school or uni parties? Or the prom? That was huge.”
“I never went to prom”, you shrugged feeling his gaze on you. “No one asked me and it just felt weird to go alone and well, I was always too focused on studying at uni…” you gasped when he curled your arm around his and started to walk towards the room. 
“I’ll make sure you never forget this party.”
**
You were looking at Stark talking to people you have never seen before. If you knew their name you would probably know who they were but from their faces alone? No. You sigh and took a sip of champagne you grabbed at the beginning of the party. It was already warm and kind of disgusting. It was almost an hour into the party.
“Here”, you looked up hearing a familiar voice. Natasha Romanoff was smiling kindly at you, sliding you a new glass. “That must taste gross now”, you chuckled, nodding your head. 
“Great job by the way. With the party.”
“It’s…it’s Tony’s party.” You answered shyly. You really weren’t good with compliments.
You missed the little smirk on her lips when she caught you calling your boss by his first name. She knew you always called him Mr. Stark, which she knew truly annoyed him, but apparently, something had changed. She decided, however, to let that go.
“We all know that Tony would be screwed without you.” You took a sip from your drink to hide the growing blush. “He’s an idiot, you know.” You frowned, not understanding. “You need to give him time. He’ll notice your feelings. One day.” You shook your head and smiled sadly.
“There are no feelings, Natasha.” Your voice was quiet and low. How was it possible that someone from the outside noticed how you felt towards the man, but not him? You smiled sadly, seeing her pointed look that told you she didn’t believe you. “Even if there were…who am I to even hope for him to love me back?”
“Love?” She asked, visibly surprised. Apparently, she did not expect your feelings to be that deep.
“It’s been two years, Nat. If he wanted to notice, he would’ve.” You stood up and finished your drink. “It’s ok. Not like I would ever have a chance with someone like him.” Before she was able to answer, you turned around on your heel and started to walk around and look for Tony. You wanted to leave but it was unpleasant to just go without a word of goodbye.
You were even thinking of playfully asking him for a dance until you turned and noticed a long-haired blonde with a body out of this world, leaning onto Tony with her lips on his. His hands were on her waist, pulling her closer to him. You gulped and were about to turn around and leave, when he opened his eyes and noticed you standing there. He pushed the woman away and looked at you in surprise.
“Lex…” he exclaimed, thinking of a way to explain this situation.
“Oh, who’s that? Your daughter?” The woman looked at you and smirked, hugging Tony’s arm. He sent her an angry look but before he was able to say anything, you stepped in and smiled at the man.
“I’m sorry to interrupt but I just wanted to say goodbye, Mr. Stark. I’m not feeling too well,” you lied. You were about to turn and walk away when he stopped you, grabbing your arm.
“Hey, I still haven’t gotten a dance from you”, you blushed a bit but shook your head. You took your arm from his grasp and apologized quietly.
“You should ask your partner…she seems like she’d say yes”, you answered. You left the party, not seeing the painful expression on his face.
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chickensarentcheap · 4 years ago
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Best Part of Me -Chapter Eight
Warnings: none
Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @alievans007​, @thunderintheshadows​
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Tyler gets up with the kids. Helping them with their morning routines, making breakfasts and school lunches, loading up backpacks. Little mundane things that the average person takes for granted, but he finds calm in. The familiarity of the ‘same old, same old’, always knowing what comes next and how to handle it. For years his life had been anything but relaxed and routine; the job always unpredictable, never knowing when something could go wrong and finding yourself fighting for your life, constantly surrounded by the potential for chaos. Now he has complete control over the things taking place around him. He can keep things running smoothly, well organized, predictable. Instead of gunshots and explosions and people screaming in terror and pain, all there is to hear is his children’s voices and their giggles; maybe the occasional argument or a fight that needs broken up or one of Declan’s ear piercing shrieks. But no matter how loud it can get and how much it can try your patience, it’s still a thousand times better than the alternative.
He tends to Millie’s hair as they wait at the end of the driveway for the school bus. Carefully brushing out the tangles in her long, thick tresses, pulling apart separate sections and braiding them, securing them with impossibly small elastics she keeps passing back to him.  It’s surreal; that his hands…with all their scars and their callouses and their busted up knuckles…had at one time being able to inflict so much damage on others, yet now can expertly and almost flawlessly, fixing a five year old’s hair.  
“These too!” Millie says, and fishes two sparkly Hello Kitty barrettes from the pocket of her hoodie.
“Really?” he smirks.  “Cut me some slack. I need to draw the line somewhere.”
“I’m saving the Stars Wars ones for tomorrow because it’s Friday. I always wear those on Friday,” she reasons, and holds the small hair clips aloft once more. “Please, daddy?”
With a sigh he relents, snapping both open and holding one between his lips as he tends to the first.
“Maybe this is what you could get a job doing,” she muses. “A hairdresser.”
“Yeah, I don’t think so. And I think they’re called stylists now. It’s more PC.”
“What does PC mean?”
“It’s just a more polite way to talk to people and about people. Like how it isn’t polite that you go around calling people dick heads.”
“But what if they are?” she asks. “What if they are dick heads?”
“Then just think it in your head. Don’t say it.”
“Dickheads need to know they’re dickheads,” she argues. “So they stop being dickheads.”
Tyler sighs. “Do you have to remember all the bad words I say around you?”
“You shouldn’t say them if you don’t want me to repeat them, daddy.”
He smirks, then attaches the last clip to her hair.  “Shoes,” he nods towards the Spiderman sandals sitting in the driveway. “Get ‘em on. Can’t go on the bus without them. That’s the rules.”
Millie sighs dramatically and rolls her eyes, grumbling complaints as she shoves her feet into her sandals.
“So who’s this guy?” he asks. “Your boyfriend.”
Her eyes narrow. “Who told you?”
“Doesn’t matter who told me. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I can’t tell you everything daddy. Especially about boys. Not when you’re a boy.”
“Doesn’t it make more sense to tell me about boys because I am a boy.”
She frowns. “That’s not how this works”
“You’re starting to sound more and more like your mum every day.”
“It’s not a bad thing though,” Millie reasons.
“No. It’s not. She’s pretty smart. And you shouldn’t be talking about boys anyway.”
She puts a hand on her hip and cocks her head to the side as she looks up at him. “Why not?”
“Because you’re too young.”
“I’m almost six,” his daughter reminds him, and for a moment he feels his entire body tense and his blood run cold. The mere mention of it…the age that Austin had been when he died…brings about the fear that Millie will wake up that morning and something horrible will be wrong with her.  It’s irrational. He knows it is.  But it creates a panic inside of him that is powerful and all consuming.
“Six it still too young,” Tyler says. “Sixty sounds better.”
She rolls her eyes at that.
“What’s his name? At least give me that.”
She has the nerve to sigh dreamily when she says it, “Ryan. He’s really cute.”
“Oh please!” TJ pipes up from where and his twin sit on the curb waiting for the bus, watching surfing videos on YouTube on Tyler’s phone. “He’s ugly!”
“He is not!” his sister bites back. “You’re ugly.”
“We look the same, Millie. So you’re calling yourself ugly too.”
“I do not look like you!” she argues. “Never! In a million, billion, gazillion years!”
“Yeah, you kind of do,” Tyler says. “You all look alike and you all look like me, so..”
“See!” TJ gestures towards him. “We look like daddy and daddy��s not ugly. But Ryan is. Ryan must have an ugly daddy.”
“Okay…okay…enough…” Tyler attempts to diffuse the situation, a hand on the top of Millie’s head to prevent her from bolting at her brother and attacking him. “…no one is ugly. We don’t call people that.”
“Not even if they actually are?” TJ asks.
Tyler scowls at him. “Did I stutter? No one is ugly. Not on the outside. Lots of ugly people on the inside though. And you guys need to watch your mouths. Please. Or mommy’s going to have my ass.”
“You said ass,” Tanner giggles, and soon his brother and sister joins in.
Tyler sighs. Never so relieved to see the school bus as it approaches.
****
They eat breakfast on the beach; a blanket spread out underneath them, Addie in her carrier seat, a towel draped over it to shield her from the sun, only her bare feet visible. Declan sits ten feet away, at the edge of the water in swim trunks and a lifejacket, alternating between digging his feet and hands in the wet sand and laughing at Mac as he bounds through the light waves, splashing the toddler each time.  
It’s a refreshing change from their usual mornings. Most filled with counselling sessions, errands to run, nor work that he’s picked up with Ovi. To be able to just relax and enjoy each other’s company without having the older kids interrupting or without having to worry about rushing off somewhere.  The only thing on his schedule a previously planned lunch get together with Ovi.  He can only imagine what kind of fresh hell awaits him. Either more talk about the job or the younger man seeking relationship advice or help picking out a ring. And he doesn’t want to be even remotely involved with any of those three options.
“Are you going to say something to him?” Esme asks, she stretches out sideways on the blanket, placing her head on his thigh. Even five kids later and only two weeks having the final one she’s just the beautiful woman in the world to him; body slightly tanned, breasts fuller and hips wider, clad in a simple one-piece black bathing suit. “About last night?”
Tyler leans back on his elbows, legs stretched out in front of him. A ball cap turned backwards on his head, sunglasses covering his eyes, clad in only a pair of board shorts. “I already said what I needed to say. What more is there?”
“I don’t understand his sudden interest in the job. He’s never….in the past five years…ever talked about it. And now he gets the urge to jump into it?”
“He said he’s been thinking about it for a couple of weeks. I guess he finally got enough balls to bring it up.”
“Well he’s going need even more balls if he’s that serious about it. Because if he goes into it as the Ovi he is now, he won’t get through the first day.”
“Guess he’ll have to learn the hard way, won’t he.”
“A hard and very permanent way,” she points out.
“Like you said, he’s a man now. Which means he’s old enough to make his own decisions. And if that’s the decision he wants to make…” his voice trails off and he shrugs.
“You can’t tell me you’re going to just sit back and watch him do it.”
“What else am I supposed to do? Chain him to something? Lock him inside the house? He’s an adult. I can’t spend the rest of my life worrying about him. I’ve got five kids to take care of. I don’t need to be holding his hand and wiping his ass too.”
She frowns. “So you’d just let him do it? Without saying a word?”’
“He knows how I feel about it. What more can I do? As long as he doesn’t find a way to drag my ass back into it, he can do what he wants.”
“And say he does,” she rolls over onto her side, facing him. “Say he does get into the job. What if he gets himself in trouble?”
“I’m sure whoever he’ll work for will have people to help get him out of trouble.”
“But would you be able to stay away?”  her hand fiddles with the drawstring on his shorts, twisting it around her middle finger, releasing it, then repeating the action. “If something goes wrong.  We’re not talking about some random off the street, Tyler. We’re talking about Ovi. Our Ovi. It would be like if the twins or Declan got involved. And there’s no way you’d ever let that happen.”
“Those are my kids. My actual kids. That I helped make. There’s a huge difference.”
“But you love him like he’s yours. So it only stands to reason that you’d treat him like your own. That’d you want to help if he got himself into trouble.”
“Well hopefully it won’t come to that, yeah? Hopefully, he’ll smarten up before then. Stop letting Chloe put all kinds of shit in his head.”
“It won’t get that far if you just talk to him.”
“Esme…” he sighs. “…I just told you that…”
“If you actually talk to him. Without losing your temper, without threatening to beat his ass, without having to put the fear of God into him. If you just stay calm and talk to him like a rational and civilized adult.”
“There’s nothing rational about this whole situation.”
“Doesn’t mean you have to flip out. He’ll respond a lot better if you don’t snap and he doesn’t feel scared or threatened.”
“I think he’d be more freaked out if I don’t snap.”
“You have to talk to him,” she insists, undoing the ties on his shorts and then doing them back up again. “You have to get through to him. You can’t just sit back and watch him get into the job.  You know what it’s like.   That life.  You don’t have all those scars on your body for no reason.”
“In all fairness, some are from when I was in the army and from when I’ve done stupid shit when I’ve been drunk.”
“Regardless, the majority are from the job. Including that one,” she reaches up to place a fingertip over the scar on his neck. “And he knows the story behind that one. He was there when it happened. And he knows the aftermath. Yet he’s still thinking about doing this? It makes no sense. I bet you it’s that stupid bitch Chloe. Putting all kinds kind of crap is in head.”
“For some reason she thinks the job is the only thing that makes someone ‘manly’.”
“That’s horseshit. So she’s insinuating you’re not a ‘man’s man’ because you don’t do the job anymore? That’s ridiculous. It takes more of a man to walk away from something to save his marriage and keep his family together, than it does for him to actually stick with the job and lose everything.   Anyone can be a mercenary. Within reason. But not everyone can be a good father. And you’re an amazing father. So she can go and get fucked.”
“Feisty,” he grins, and leans down to kiss her. “I like it.”
“I just want to go and throat punch her. Who the hell does she think she is? She has no clue who you are and what you’ve been through. What you still go through. And she wants to have a chat about it, I’m more than willing to beat her ass. I mean chat.”
“As flattered as I am that you want to defend my honour and as much I know you can take her, no one needs to beat anyone’s ass. She’s just…” he searches for the right word.
“Stupid? A moron? A tool? A swamp dwelling, knuckle dragging,  thundercunt?”
He chuckles. “I was going to say ignorant, but that last one has a better ring to it. Just leave it. Don’t go and make things worse. You go after her and Ovi will lose it and then we have to put up with his shit. Just ignore her.”
“She pisses me off,” Esme huffs, and rolls over onto her back once more. “First trying to get Ovi into it and then you? I wouldn’t be as mad if she’d left you out of it.  How many times to you have to tell people that you’re done? That you’re not going back?  Do you they expect you to change your mind?”
“Guess they’d thought I’d be bored by now.”
“And are you?” she asks. “Bored?”
“I have five kids. When do I have the time to be bored?”
“It’s a different kind of active, though,” she reasons. “You’re stuck in the same place. Day after day. With the same people.”
“First of all,” he sits up, wiping his palms together to clear the sand off them, then places a hand on her stomach and leans down to kiss her. “I’m not stuck. This…what we have…this is not stuck. This is far from being stuck. This is where I want to be. With my kids. With you.”
“But what you do now is a far cry from what you used to you before me.”
“I was an alcoholic addicted to pain pills before I met you. That’s not exactly living the dream.”
“I meant the job. How busy it kept you. You were always on the go.”
“I’m always on the go now, so…”
“It’s different. Way different. You went from one type of craziness to another. It’s a huge change. You can’t tell me there’s not some kind of let down. That your body and your brain doesn’t feel that. You don’t miss it at all?”
“Is this a trick question? I feel like if I answer this the wrong way, I’m going to be sleeping on the couch for a while.”
“I’m not trying to trick you. It’s a legitimately honest question.  I don’t expect you to just get it out of your system and act like that life never existed.  You did the job for years. It was part of who you were. And to just walk away and trade it in for something more…I don’t know…boring….”
“Being with you and my kids is not boring. So get that shit out of your head right now.”
“Okay so boring wasn’t that right word to use. So…normal. Compared to what you were doing before. It’s a huge difference, Tyler. Between the job and this life. You went from all that danger and craziness to changing diapers and making bottles and teaching little boys how to pee standing up.  You can’t tell me there wasn’t some of culture shock thing going on. It’s not like I expected you to just give your old life up and not miss it even the tiniest bit.”
“Do we really have to talk about this? Because I don’t want this turning into a fight. How often do we get to do this? Just sit here like this. I don’t want to ruin it by talking about this shit.”
“I promise you; I am not trying to fight. I’m not going to be mad at whatever your answer is. I just want to know if you miss it sometimes.”
“Sometimes,” he admits, and is relieved when she doesn’t frown or scowl. “It’s hard not to. It’s what I did. Who I was. For a long time.”
“I know it’s been hard on you. Just walking away like that. And I don’t blame you for missing it sometimes. I missed it for a while; after giving it up after Dhaka and staying here.  I think I missed it up right until Millie was born. Then I was suddenly a mom and I never thought of it again.  You did a good thing, Tyler. Leaving it behind.”
“I wasn’t going to lose you. Or my kids. I should have walked away a long time ago. Probably would have been a lot easier.”
“Do you miss it enough to ever go back?”
“No,” he replies quickly, confidently. “I don’t. Because I’d miss you and the kids way more than I’ll ever miss the job.”
She smiles, then lays her hand on the side of his face as he kisses her.  “You have to promise me that if you can’t change Ovi’s mind and he does do this, and he does get himself into trouble…”
He frowns. “I don’t think I like where this is going.”
“…. you have to promise me you’ll do whatever you have to to help him. That you won’t just leave him to rot somewhere.”
“Whoever he works for will have people to help him and get him out. I’m not…”
“You have to do it,” she insists. “You have to be the one that goes and gets him. You’ll never trust anyone more than you trust yourself in those situations. You have the experience. And you’d never be able to live with yourself if you didn’t go and the worst happened. Promise me, Tyler. That if it comes down to that, you’ll be the one that goes for him.”
“Esme, I can’t. You know I can’t. I’m not man I was before. That guy is gone. He’s not coming back.”
“He’s always going to be somewhere inside of you. It’s whether or not you let him out. And if it comes down to it, Ovi will need that other guy. You know he will.”
Tyler sighs heavily and look out towards his youngest son; crouched in the water, fascinated by the wet sand that slips through his fingers. Just so perfect and so innocent and totally unaware of all the darkness; the monsters and demons that haunt his father’s past.
“I can’t lose you guys,” he says. “I just can’t.”
She reaches up and lays a hand against the side of his face, thumb gliding along his lips, his beard rough against her palm. “You won’t,” she promises.
****  
“So basically I have this stupid little bitch who lives at my house,” Esme laments, as she and Salena sit on the latter’s back patio, sharing a pitcher of mock cocktails and the pizza Salena had ordered for lunch.  Declan playing close by in the sand, Addie on ground next to her; awake and content in her car carrier. “Well technically not in my house. In my guest house.”
“And who is stupid little bitch to you?”
“The girlfriend of my oldest. Not my biological oldest, obviously. Friends of our passed away and they named us as his guardians in their will,” the lie is so well rehearsed and used to often that it rolls easily off the tongue. “Ovi. We’ve had him for five years. He just turned twenty.”  
“I think I might have seen him the other day. Walking Macaroni. I was dropping some things off and saw them wander by. Tall, fairly built, darker skin?”
Esme nods and sips her drink, wishing for the first time in months that there was booze in it. “He met this girl when we lived in Colorado. I shouldn’t even call her a girl. She’s a grown ass woman. Twenty-four. And if you knew Ovi, you’d know that he’s still a kid in some ways. Anyways, we made the mistake of letting her come with us. Only because we were worried if we didn’t, he’d stay behind even though he’s nowhere near ready to be away from us. She seemed okay at first. But now…”
“Total nightmare?”
“You have no idea. Without going into too much detail, she’s trying to get him mixed up in the same line of work my husband used to do. And it’s a tough haul. Lots of travelling, a ton of stress, some danger tossed in the mix. It’s just messy. And it’s caused a lot of problems in my married. A lot. To the point we split up for six months at one point. And to the point we see a marriage counsellor. Which is not fun, trust me.  He is not the type that opens up to a lot of people. And he absolutely hates that he has to do it with a complete stranger. Sometimes I think it’s causing more harm than good. But…” she shrugs.
“Must have been one hell of a job by the sounds of it,” Salena comments.
“It was. It was a nightmare. Again, without going into too much detail, he almost died. In a work related incident.”  Those words make it sound so simple, when in fact it’s anything but. “And he spent months in the hospital and months in rehab and therapy and then he got dragged back into it all over again. How and why isn’t important. But he left it for a reason. A very good and very legitimate reason. And this stupid little bitch came up with a business idea that Ovi and my husband go back into the job together.”
Salena frowns. “If it’s that stressful and dangerous, why the hell would anyone want to do it?”
“Exactly. Why? She has it in her head that it’s some kind of exciting, amazing life. And it’s not. It sucks. It’s hard and it’s scary and it causes so many issues. Yet none of that seems to matter to her.”
“Did you talk to her about it? See what her explanation is?”
“I don’t want to talk to her. I want to punch her in the throat. It’s one thing trying to get Ovi involved. That’s bad enough. But to try and get my husband back into it? I won’t tolerate that shit. He’s been through enough. He doesn’t need that on top of everything else.”
“Well I know what I would do,” Salena says, as she helps herself to another slice of pizza. “Confront her. Then throat punch her.”
Esme laughs. “I promised I wouldn’t make things worse. That I wouldn’t cause even more issues. I get a little worked up and irrational and it always comes back to bite me in the ass. So as much as I want to hurt her, it’s probably best I keep my distance from her.”
“Why not just kick her ass out?  It’s your place.”
“Because Ovi would freak out and leave. And that’s the worst thing that could happen. He is totally not ready to be away from us. Like I said, he’s twenty but a lot young in some ways.”
“No wonder. If he lost both his parents. That would mess anyone up.”
Esme nods, then finishes her drink and leans down to tend to Addie when she begins to fuss. Placing the handle for the soother between her teeth as she unbuckles the car carrier straps, and then checks for a dirty diaper before lifting her infant daughter to her chest. The contact brings almost instant calm; one hand on the back of her head, the other on her bum, patting gently. “He’s been through a lot,” she says, as she spits the soother into the carrier. “Things I wouldn’t wish on anyone. And he still needs family. Regardless of what this girl says.”
“Sounds like she needs to be put in her place.”
“Oh, she does,” Esme agrees. “And believe me, I’d love to be the one who does it. She had no clue what my life has been like. The things I’ve seen. All the days and weeks I’ve spent worried out of my mind that husband might not come home. So for her to think it’s exciting and fun? I won’t let some delusional little girl try to downplay anything I’ve been through.”
“Well, I don’t know exactly what you’re talking about or what you went through, but you sound like one hell of a strong person.”
“I don’t see myself that way. I did I what I had to do. Right from the beginning. And she’s just childish and ridiculous and I want to shake the shit out of her.”
Declan abandons playing in the sand and makes his way up onto the patio, a pout on his face, heels of his palms rubbing at his eyes.
“Someone is tired,” Esme presses a kiss to his forehead and curls an arm around his waist, helping him up onto her lap. He’s big and strong for his age, but extremely cautious and gentle around his sister; careful not to bump her as he straddles his both of his mother’s thighs, wraps his arms and her neck and lays his head against her chest. “We should get home, baby boy. So you can nap in your own bed and not be a grumpy shit until bedtime.”
Salena gets to her feet and offers assistance, taking Addie and strapping her into the carrier and covering it with a receiving blanket. “Are you going to be okay? Carrying both of them?”
“This isn’t my first rodeo,” Esme laughs. “I used to have to carry twins when they were both his size. At the same time.”
“Well I’m glad you called. I like our little get togethers.”
“So do I. You’ll have to come to my place next. I warn you now, it’s chaos over there. Controlled chaos, but still chaos. It’s crazy and it’s loud and no one ever lasts more than half an hour.”
Salena laughs. “I’m sure it’s not that bad.”
“You haven’t meet the other three. They’re a little….”
“Is that from mom or dad?”
“Dad. Definitely Dad. He’s mellowed out though. He’s found his happy place” she shoves her feet into her flop flops and picks up the baby carrier. “You ready, buddy?” she asks Declan, and he gives a small nod, eyes already closing. “I’m going to take the beach. In case I drop him. He won’t get hurt if he falls on the sand. But you didn’t hear me say that.”
“I heard nothing. I promise.”
They exchange a quick hug and then Esme steps off the patio and begins the journey home.
****
Esme doesn’t wait for the door to fully open before pushing her way inside, startling Chloe who’s answered in nothing more than a bathrobe and her hair wrapped in a towel.
She tosses a handful of mail onto the table by the door, then turns to face the younger woman, arms crossed over her chest. “You and I are going to have a little chat.”
“Just come right in,” Chloe mutters. “Make yourself at home.”
“Technically, this is my home. I own this. And practically everything in it. Neither of you pay to live her, you don’t even buy your own groceries, or do your own laundry half the time. What do you actually pay for? A cell phone bill? Please.”
“So that’s what you’re here for? Going to lay down some rules? Make up a chore responsibility chart and bribe me with snacks to get me to do as I’m told? That may work on your brats, but…”
“You know why I’m here. You thought I’d let you off that easily? That last night would be the end of it?”
“I think you need to mind your own business,” Chloe says, stepping past the smaller woman and aggressively -and intentionally- bumping her shoulder with hers.
Scowling, Esme snags her by the wrist, fingers biting through the flesh. “Ovi is my business. He became my business the second his father…his birth father…signed him over to me. And he’s been my business and in my care for five years.  So when you start playing these mind games with him and manipulating him….”
“If anyone is playing mind games with him, it’s you and Tyler. Making him think that he can’t survive without the two of you. That he owes you guys something. Putting it in his head that he wouldn’t be able to handle the job. If anyone is manipulating him, it’s the two of you. Especially him.”
“First of all,” Esme tightens the grip on Chloe’s wrist. “Not once have we ever told Ovi that he couldn’t survive without us.  We gave him the option. Stay in Colorado at the house with my brother or come here. He chose to come here. He was the one who said he didn’t want to be away from us. That he wanted to be with his family. And for the record, that didn’t include you. He wasn’t sure if he even wanted you coming along in the first place.”
Chloe frowns. “That’s not true.”
“Oh, it’s very true. He wanted a clean break from Colorado. Just like he wanted a clean break from Mumbai. A chance at a different life. It wasn’t until a week before we left that he asked if you could come along. Telling us how you’d begged and pleaded with him not to leave you behind. You put on some big show about you didn’t want to be without him and how a long-distance relationship would never work and it wasn’t ‘your thing’.  You were never included in his plans. Not until you realized you’d never have to work, and you could live off of other people. And now there’s talk about engagement rings and weddings and all this bullshit. From a guy that didn’t even want you coming here? I think it’s safe to say whose idea all that other crap is.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about it. He loves me.”
“He’s in love with the idea of you. And I don’t know what you’re in love with, but it’s definitely not him.  You think it’s not obvious? That we can’t see right through you? You act like you can barely stand him touching you half the time. His face lights up when you so as much walk in a room and you don’t even bother to acknowledge him nine times out ten. I’m a woman. Women notice these things. We know what it looks like to look like someone you’re in love with. And that is not the look you have.”
“You have no clue what you’re talking about,” Chloe snarls, and yanks her arm out of Esme’s grasp. “Not all women are like you. We don’t all fall at a man’s feet when he so as much opens his mouth to speak. We’re not all put on this earth to do nothing but worship a man, fuck him, and give him tons of kids.”
“Do you just talk to hear your own voice? Because everything you just said is the biggest bunch of bullshit I’ve heard in a long time. And I’ve heard a lot of bullshit. You think you have what it takes to hurt my feelings? Oh honey, bless your heart. I’ve deal with bigger and better than you and have brought them to their knees.”
“Ovi is going to what he wants. Whether you like or it not.”
Esme smirks. “You mean he’s going to do whatever you tell him to do.”
“That’s your field of expertise, isn’t it,” Chloe counters. “You got Tyler to do exactly what you wanted. He left the job. All because you couldn’t handle it. Because you’re pathetic and weak and…”
“He left because he wanted to. Because he’d had enough. Because he was sick and tired of constantly worrying if he’d see his kids again.”
“And because he’s fucked up in the head. You forgot that part.”
Esme’s eyes narrow. “Don’t you dare talk about him like that. Don’t EVER talk about him like that.”
“It’s true, isn’t it? I mean, he’s on meds, he sees a shrink…”
“He has PTSD you stupid bitch. And do you want to know why? Because he had to go into some goddamn shit hole to save Ovi’s ass. And because he nearly died doing it. If it wasn’t for Tyler, Ovi wouldn’t even be here. So I’d watch the way you speak about him to me. I will not hesitate fucking you right up. You honestly think Ovi would be able to handle the job? Do you even know what the job entails? It isn’t just getting to travel all over the globe and see sights and eat different foods. You’re out there putting your ass on the line…risking your own life….to save someone else’s. You think that’s easy? That it doesn’t come with risks?”
“I think it’s not as bad as you’re making it out be.”
“Oh really,” Esme gives a dry laugh. “So you think killing people is easy? That it doesn’t bother you in some way?”
“Not if they deserve it.”
“It doesn’t work that way.  It still bothers you.  All that blood on your hands? That’s blood that never washes off. Your conscience can’t be cleaned. That shit stays with you. You don’t ever forget the things you had to resort to. It isn’t just shooting someone and being done with it. Sometimes it’s using your bare hands and it’s brutal and gruesome and it makes you sick to your stomach that you had to resort doing those things.  You have no clue what that life is like. And I hope you never have to find out.”
“Well I’m going to,” Chloe remains steadfast. “He’s going to do this. You can’t stop him.”
“We can. You seem to underestimate the power we actually have him over him.  Have you ever talked to Ovi about what he went through? What he saw? Ask him about Dhaka. Ask him about the Sultana Kamal Bridge and a man named Saju. Who busted his ass to help and never got to go home to his wife and his little boy.  You ask him about Gaspar and Farhad. And then you ask him what it’s like to watch someone get shot in the throat and just about bleed to death in front of you. Ask him and actually listen to what he has to say.  Give a shit about him for once.”
“I do give a shit about him,” Chloe argues.  
“If you gave a shit about him, you wouldn’t want him doing the job. You’d want him as far away from it as possible. I know what the life is like. I know what it’s like to watch the person you love slowly dying. And I’m not talking physically. That was bad enough. I’m talking mentally.  Do you know what that’s like? To watch the person you love more than life itself being destroyed because of their own mind? To hear them talk about wanting to kill themselves? To watch them start turning into some former version of themselves? Because I do. And it’s better now but I still worry about it every goddamn day. Which is why I am begging you not to let Ovi do this. You need to be discouraging him, not encouraging him.  Because he may not physically suffer or die, but he will mentally. And sometimes that’s even worse.”
“I just think it would be good for him. That it would be a chance for him to ‘man up’ and…”
“Man up? What the hell is that supposed to mean? He’s somehow less of a man because he isn’t doing the job? That doesn’t even make any sense. Any dick can be taught how to use a gun and take someone down with their bare hands. Some of the biggest dumb asses I know are mercenaries. They can’t string a sentence together but they can kill people. When did killing people become how we measure a man?”
“It would toughen him up.”
“Ovi is plenty tough. Believe me. Everything he’s been through? You’re lucky you have a man that’s as tough as he is. And the next time I hear you say something about my husband being less of a man because he left the job, I will hand you your ass. Because he is everything a man…a real man…should be. It took more strength and more courage for him to walk away and fight for his family than it ever did for him to kill someone.  And if you knew anything about what a man should be like, you wouldn’t be talking the shit you do. Trust me. Ovi is a good person. A good man. Just the way he is. And I’m not going to let you destroy him. And there is no way in hell you’re going to get my husband dragged back into that bullshit. So you can fight back all you want, but I’m just going to fight you twice as hard. Don’t underestimate me, little girl. I could have your ass out on the street by dinner time and I wouldn’t even feel the least bit sorry about it.”
“You couldn’t,” Chloe snarls.
“Oh I could. Just watch me. You need to lay off this job shit. Because Ovi is way too good of a person to get into that live and I will not allow you to get my husband dragged back into it. So you fix this. You get this stupid idea out of Ovi’s head.  Or you can pack shit right now and leave and find less of a man to put up with your crap.”
“I’m not going to down without a fight you know,” Chloe calls after Esme as she heads for the door.  “You don’t know who you’re going up against.”
“Little girl, please. Stay in your lane. You fix this, Chloe. And you fix it ASAP. Or I will have you tossed out on your ass.”
“You have no idea who you’re talking to. Who you’re messing with. Who…”
“What are going to do? Call your ex military daddy up to come here and put me in my place? Fuck you. Chloe. And your stupid goddamn ideas.” And with that, she slams the door behind her.
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sirengf-moved · 4 years ago
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oh boy 1) 2, 5, 7, 10, 15 || 2) 3, 7, 9 || 3) 6, 7, 20 || 4) 4, 9, 27 || part five is embarrassing so none of that shit 💓 || 6) 2, 4, 10 || i gave u so many because i lov u but i'm also fucked up 🍊🌿💐💓
mars i lov u , also don’t worry i’m vain and i love answering questions abt myself so this works perfectly 😌🍯☁️✨🍓🍃 HOLD ONTO UR BUTT THIS IS A LOT :
( part 1 ) 🍨
Have you ever cut your hair yourself?
a: as a kid i think i got something stuff in my hair , gum or ? i’m unsure it’s a foggy memory but i just cut my hair and my mom got soooooo mad bc we had a friend who was a hairdresser and we didn’t tell her or anything and we just cut it , tbh it was pretty liberating but at the same time i don’t remember if i did a good job or not 💀
Do you collect anything?
a: mmm, jars ...... me telling myself i’m gonna gather jars for spellwork and i never actually do it so i just have a shit ton of mason jars , emptied candle jars , small flasks with cork screw lids all sitting around my crystals and incense ect....... rip me.
Are you a fan of bread and butter?
a: yes! i eat fried bread w/ light butter for breakfast most mornings , probably unhealthy but like.......it’s very yummy..... 😔
Have you ever almost died?
a: ive almost drowned at least 3 times, this racist dude thst i almost beat the shit out of nearly ran me over on my way home with his redneck truck ( forgetting i knew where he lived ) , almost asphyxiated myself by swallowing melted chocolate at least 3 /4 times , almost got into a head on collision at a 4 way once, when i jumped from the side of my grandfathers sailboat onto the docks i wasn’t considering how big the leap was and landed fine but almost fell back and would’ve been crushed between the boat and dock , and i thought i was going to die when this homeless man glared me down intensely at the local burger king as i ate my chicken and lowkey cried bc i was also going through an emotional meltdown ( unrelated to said homeless man making vicious murder eyes at me , but that sure didn’t help lol ) i’ve also died a lot in my dreams / almost died in dreamscapes ..... long winded answer but hi mars i’m also fucked up 😌
Favorite animal?
a: GELADA MONKEYS! LOOK THEM UP PLS THEYRE AMAZING I LOVE THEM! BIG FLUFFY BOYS!
( part 2 ) 🥧
Do you believe the butterfly effect is real?
a: hm... i feel like every action mayhaps has some sort of consequence but personally i’ve been seeing that like, how can this be true when you have billionaires who use slave/sweatshops/prison labor but yet are rewarded with vast riches? how can you have all of these people of power constantly doing bad , horrible things and not getting their karma? will they get it ten fold? down the road? is their karma their internal struggles? do they not have any moral qualms? are they MAKING the karma for others? these are questions i constantly ask myself to be quite honest....
Do you believe in witches and/or magic?
a: yes , for the most part. there are some i believe because i can feel it , their energy and majesty in the way they hold themselves and how they view the world, some people just scare me with how they go through life with such certainty on everything, certainty terrifies me to be honest. i do definitely believe in magic! it’s in everything! from someone cooking you something that you regularly cook but it tastes better bc they made it? magic! it’s everywhere! and also practical magic ( spellwork / spirit work / deity & entity work / tarot & oracle ect ) it all interests me and i love talking about it , to people who also believe and practice and KNOW AND RESPECT CULTURE/ HERITAGE / CLOSED PRACTICES! c:
Do you believe in anything mythical/supernatural? (Bigfoot, Mermaids, Vampires, etc.)
a: sorta , i’ve had too many rhythmic taps / scratches on my window in the deep hours of the night to not believe. i’m not sure if i believe in vampires as in modern mainstream standpoint but i’m pretty open to just about anything existing..it’s just this world is so weird and i’d be naive to think that just bc i can’t perceive it with my own eyes, it just simply doesn’t exist... u know?
( part 3 ) 🍡
If a friend called you to help hide a body, would you help or turn them in?
a: i ain’t no snitch. also kinda depends on the friend, bc i wouldn’t turn anyone in regardless ( unless they killed someone innocent / were a budding serial killer omg ) but like do i answer calls? rarely , am i also the one everyone always goes to? yes. either way i’d prolly help you bury the body, answering the phone however? another story. ( who am i kidding i’d be so excited that a friend wants to talk or smth then get roped into this whole drama episode )
Have you ever had a crush on someone that, now as you look back, is completely embarrassing?
a: YES , STORY TIME! okay so i was like 17/18 and i liked this guy and at the time i thought i was being soooooo oblivious about it , but like a few months later a friend was like ‘ did u like so and so? ‘ and i was like ‘ was it that obvious? ‘ and they were all like ‘ painfully ‘ and to this day i still get randomly reminded by my brain how stupid , cringe worthy and weird i acted , like my brain is relentless in reminding me how fucking fat of an L that whole crush thing was........ 🙃
How would you react if you had a secret admirer?
a: depends, ive had ‘secret’ admirers who turned very obsessive in my past, so i’m naturally wary , but idk if someone thinks i’m cool i have no problem with that , but if you put me on this weird pedestal then i have a problem ... 🤲🏽 td;lr : id be as humble as possible bc then i’m reminded i’m perceived.
( part 4 ) 🍰
Favorite actress?
a: lupita n’yongo!!
Favorite type of food?
a: savory / rich/ salty food, i don’t really care for sweet foods ... or fried foods ? i don’t like large portions either tbh, i like to feel full not like dead lol. my favorite types are either seafood or seafood coupled with steak and other assorted meat and sides .
Favorite sport?
a: i liked playing volleyball, i like watching soccer and occasionally college football ( ik ik.... ) but i also love watching women’s professional gymnastics!!
( part 6 ) 🌯
Ever kissed someone who wasn’t single?
a: i don’t think so.... no! it sounds like smth i’d do on accident or smth tbh ... but not smth i’d do purposely!
Have you ever done anything illegal?
a: yes! lots of things! but i’m not gonna list them all here, nothing too serious but lol yes haha
Ever lied straight to someone’s face?
a: daily occurrence tbh, i’m really good at lying , i had to get good at it as a kid in order to avoid shit so 😌 now i can convince gross men that i’m in a relationship with a huge weightlifting bouncer and we have 3 kids and hes on isle 6 and will be back soon when i’m in walmart and some creep attempts to talk to me too much! and they’ll believe me.......
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xoxowrestlinggyrl · 5 years ago
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Edgy Huh?
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Requested: No
Pairing: Jon Moxley x Dionna (Flirtationship?, you will see what I mean if you read it. 😂) 
Word Count: 1060
Warnings: Humor & Cursing
Summary: Dionna is showing off her newly dyed hair. She wants to prove to everyone how “edgy” she is to everyone. Jon doesn’t agree that she’s edgy at all.
A/N: I decided to make a one shot based off of this gif from Degrassi. I thought it’d be quite fitting with Mox.
This is a big step for Dionna. A huge step for her. Hair dye has never touched her once virgin hair. Truth be told, Dionna has always had insecurities about her hair.  It took years for her to grow her hair down her back. She’s always been scared to actually let any chemical or even hair dye touch her hair. What if she didn’t like it? What if she ruined her hair completely? She could always chop all her hair off if it does work and start all over? She went to a hair stylist to dye her hair for her. Dionna didn’t want to do it herself and become the equivalent of those Brad Mondo “hairdresser reacts” videos. She’s seen many of those videos, and she decided not to become one of them. 
“We are all done here, Dionna. Are you ready to look at yourself in the mirror?” Crystal, the hairdresser asked Dionna. She looked at her. Dionna’s brown eyes still showed a look of concern.
“I am scared.”
Crystal giggled a bit, “I am not trying to gas myself up, but it’s my best work. I know that you’re going to flip.” She said.
“I will flip if it’s bad.” Dionna jokes. Crystal laughed a bit while she listened to Dionna. Crystal turned around the chair. Her mouth dropped as soon as she saw herself in the mirror. Her once dark, curly locks were now a burgundy red. Crystal took it upon herself to straighten Dionna’s hair. The true length of her hair is shown off. Her red hair complimented her brown skin. 
“Oh my gosh,” Dionna began before looking at Crystal. “It’s beautiful.” She said. She hugged Crystal, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Dionna was so excited. 
Crystal smiled, “You are welcome, just make sure you shoot your friends over to me.” She told her. 
“I definitely will.” Dionna stated. She felt like she had a whole new lease on life. She took a risk she’d never thought she’d take. 
Dionna feels like a badass… Maybe, this is just what I need to shed my good girl image. 
 ~~~
Dionna whipped her hair as she walked around backstage. It’s like she stepped out of Beyonce’s Crazy In Love music video. A smile formed on her face. She is a badass. She is edgy… She dyed her hair red! She has to be. Not many people are willing to take a risk like this. It didn’t help that she's getting compliments left and right. It is only fueling her at this point. 
Dionna heard a wolf-whistle, and she turned around to see Joey Janela. He is one of her good friends. “Well, hello Mr. Janela.” She said with a teasing manner.
“New hair, who this?” 
Dionna walked up to Joey, “Come on, you know me, Joey? It’s Dionna. It’s an edgier version of her.” She whipped her hair. He looked her up and down.
“I like the red. It looks good on you. It brings out a side of you that I’ve never seen before.” Joey said.
“An edge?”
Joey chuckled a bit, “Something like that.”
Jon started walking down the hall. Before he could fully walk back Janela and Dionna, he stopped in his tracks. His AEW World Championship was on his shoulders. He wasn’t dressed for a match. He looked like he might do a promo. 
“Hey, Mox.” Dionna greeted with a smile on her face.
Jon took in her appearance, “Hi, darlin’-” Before he could even finish his statement. He was completely cut off by Dionna. 
Dionna had a bright grin on her face, “You notice something different about me?” She asked, hoping he would notice her burgundy locks. The blue-eyed man let a chuckle fall from his lips.
“I don’t see anything that different.” Jon is pulling Dionna's leg. He is messing with her a little bit. There’s a chance she might not realize it. Joey had an amused look on his face, and he decided to keep his mouth shut at the current moment. 
Dionna’s eyebrow raised, “Jon.” She said.
“Dionna.”
“My hair… Do you notice something different about my hair?” 
Jon looked at her head, and he pretended to think. His bright blue eyes seemed to have lit up. Like he noticed her newly dyed hair. “Your hair, it’s growing. It seemed to have grown a centimetre since the last time we were around each other.”
Dionna’s arms started to cross in front of her chest. She didn’t want to believe Mox was clueless. He isn’t clueless. He is guessing everything else besides her hair. It’s at the point where she thought it was easier to tell him. 
“My hair is dyed. It’s red now.” Dionna said. “It’s quite badass of me, don’t you think?” She whipped her hair once again. Jon nodded. He wasn’t agreeing with her being “edgy” as she liked to call it. She is the same, sweet Dionna. Jon didn’t want her to change or think she’s changed.
“I am pretty edgy, huh?” 
Jon busted out laughing. He didn’t mean to laugh in her face, but he couldn’t hold it in any longer. Joey had to stop himself from laughing.
“I need to go,” Joey laughed out loud. He started walking down the hall. He couldn’t contain himself from laughing for some reason. 
“What? Is the red hair really that bad?” She started to frown a bit.
“Dionna… You think your edgy? You’re about as edgy as a butter knife. I am not trying to be an asshole when I say that…” He started, “But it’s true.” He said. 
Dionna didn’t want to believe him, “No, I am. I’ve become edgy… Rough around the edges. I have no shame.” She made a face like she was going to growl like a dog. Jon chuckled a bit more.
“That right there proves my point, darlin.” He said, “You’re not edgy, but you sure are cute.” Jon tapped her on her button nose. 
Jon smiled, “You should stay that way. It’s a good look on ya,” His blue orbs looked into Dionna's eyes.
"I thought you liked blondes?"
"Blonde or not, if you're good looking... Then you're good looking. Darlin', you definitely are." He winked at Dionna before walking away. A blush formed on Dionna’s cheeks when he walked away from her. Well, maybe being cute isn’t so bad?
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lucijade · 5 years ago
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2019.
Never have I ever lived a year that I felt as though I needed to write about, but I guess there's a first for everything- right? On January first of 2019 I wouldn't have believed you if you told me I'd be where I am now. I was home visiting from college wishing I could tell my parents that I was too anxious to even go to my classes. But I didn’t want to let them down. They were so proud of me for going to college and ‘setting an example for my younger siblings’. So, I didn't. I continued to live that lie and I had accepted my fate. I was sleeping in my younger sisters bed because my room was non existent anymore (my siblings were betting on my old room before I even was accepted into college.) I desperately wanted someone to confide in seeing as I had no friends. And then I met Patrick. From that first swipe I knew something big was coming.
It was like an earthquake that happens before a volcano erupts, I didn't know if that was going to be the whole show or if I should stick around. And let me tell you, am I glad I stuck around. Our first date we broke into a park -the most exhilarating thing I've ever done. Patrick wanted me to see his favorite place but being the workaholic he was, he couldn't catch the park while it was open. Climbing over that fence, I had never felt more right doing something wrong. Normally my anxious self would have laughed at the idea of it but I wanted to look cool for this boy I just met who was so much cooler than me. We sat looking at the ducks as they swam around in the pond. Everytime I heard a noise I’d look all around because I was so sure cops were going to come and take us to jail because we were in a park after close, but I loved it.
The day after our first date, I had to go back to college. Patrick and I texted the entire ride, planning when we would see each other again. First week back to classes, I continued my streak of being too anxious to go to classes. This time instead of hating myself for my anxiety, I had someone to talk to. I spent all my days wishing I was with Patrick and not alone. Then, there was a Greyhound leaving my college town in an hour. I booked it.
I was terrified. Never had I ever taken a public transportation that wasn't a school bus. This feeling of adrenaline manifested in my veins as I downloaded both the Greyhound and Uber apps. I punched my cards’ information into the apps as I haphazardly packed my bag that was bursting at the seams. Greyhound ticket? Bought. Uber? Ordered. I had that same feeling of adrenaline that I had when we were breaking into the park. My moms voice echoed in my head telling me to not meet strangers online. At this moment I decided I’m not telling her, in fact I wasn't going to tell anyone. I know, I could have ended up dead and no one would have known, but I lived to see another day!
I got the notification that the Uber had arrived and I embarked on my journey. The Uber driver and I talked about how this was an unexpected trip and I explained to him how I never do things without a plan. He said to me “yanno, some of the best trips I’ve ever been on were unexpected.” The Greyhound station was scary, I was alone with a six hour ‘layover’. No one knew where I was going besides me and Patrick, I felt like I was on a secret mission. The entire Greyhound trip was not as bad as I made it up to be in my head, it was even (dare I say) pleasant. When I arrived to the town Patrick lived in, we went back to his apartment where he had my favorite things: Hot Cheetos, a green Monster energy drink, and a huge stuffed sloth. He cooked me dinner and we stayed awake all night talking. We did nothing but hang out that entire weekend. It was perfect.
That weekend was only the first of many weekends to come, I would not go to classes, talk to Patrick, then visit him on the weekends and repeat. After about a month of doing this, I decided I was going to drop out of college. I never really wanted to do college in the first place, I was always too scared to say what I wanted. I was scared of hurting other people's feelings, but I decided the debt wasn’t worth sparing someone else's feelings. A couple trips ago, Patrick had mentioned me moving in with him and I decided to take him up on his offer. I booked a one-way Greyhound and I threw my personal belongings in a bag. I decided I was going to surprise patrick. (great idea, I know) I got on the Greyhound knowing damn well I wasn't going to be back anytime soon. The whole time I texted patrick as if I were still in my dorm being miserable. Once I was off of the Greyhound, I ordered an Uber to Patrick's apartment. At this point he was catching on to my suspicious activity. I knock on his door at 9 o’clock at night. And then I just never left.
I was able to experience Patricks town through his lenses. He lived about a 30 minute drive away from where I grew up, so I had been here but I didn't know the ins and outs of the town. He showed me all these amazing food places, including this shawarma place right across the street that we admittedly ate too much of.
Eventually I had to get my horde of things from my dorm in my college town. The drive there is about four hours away from where Patrick lived. Seeing as we had no car, we were going to take a bus to my ex-college town and then U-Haul back down. We almost missed the bus there, we had to run a mile to catch the bus that was leaving in 5 minutes. We barely made the bus, and I was wheezing for a solid hour recuperating from the run. Once we arrived to my ex-college town we got Sonic, which was my guilty pleasure. After a couple corndogs and fries it was off to my old place of living. We quickly packaged all my things and took off. Before the long trek home, we stopped for gas. This is where I scraped and dented the entire side of the Uhaul, sending Patrick and I into a 40,000 dollar panic attack. Luckily, when we returned the U Haul, there were markings of previous damage in that very spot so we didn't end up with that charge. But, I was officially moved into Patricks apartment. It was now our home.
I've always been a self conscious gal when it came to my weight. I was always the heaviest set of all my friends but I always chalked it up to: my whole family was heavy set. Nevermind the bag of hot cheetos and my venti caramel frappuccino with extra caramel on the daily. Or if I was being healthy, a green Monster energy drink. (Yes the green part is important) In March of this year I decided I wasn't going to keep pitying myself, I was going to make a change. The way I looked and how awful I felt wasn’t going to change while I sat on my ass. I cut out all my sugary and snacky addictions right then and there. I started eating healthy and going to the gym. I was extremely serious and even more determined to prove myself wrong. I now occasionally allow myself some hot cheetos and even a coffee when we’re out sometimes. But I made the health decision that I never thought I’d be able to.
When summer time rolled around, I told my mom (keep in mind she thought I was in my college town this whole time) that I was going to move in with Patrick instead of moving home for the summer. She was weary but I didn’t really give her an option.I had to pretend like I was moving down here all over again, but I did it. I couldn't believe my lie has lasted and she still to this day doesn’t know that I was in this city for the first half of 2019. When August rolled around, my family was asking what my plans for the school were, seeing as I had no intention of going back to college. I told them that honestly I had no plans and that I was perfectly content with that. I have interests in many things including photography, videography, and traveling and I was determined to find something I could do in regard to one of those. Haven't gotten there yet but making progress.
This year has been the year of me making my own decisions. My whole life I’ve had long bleach blonde hair. Some time in 2017 I decided that I wanted short hair and bangs, so I told my mom this. As none of you know seeing as this is my first blog post, my mom is a hairdresser. A hairdresser who specialises in long blonde hair. While I was always thankful for getting my hair done for free (a treat some girls would die for) it wasn't fun not having the freedom with my hair that I desired. So, I bought some black box dye and booked a hairdresser appointment. Needless to say, I ended that day with a black bob with bangs. And I felt so cute and independent, not like the carbon copy my mom so wanted me to be.
Moving on with the timeline, Patricks lease was up. We didn't know if we wanted to move to Washington State or stay in this metropolitan city. We decided to stay in this town for now (leaving is a long term goal, just isn't in the cards right now). We moved to this two bedroom apartment which we desperately needed. We needed the space to go through our things and figured out what we had duplicates of and whatnot. Once that got all settled, I set my goals on minimalism, but that's a topic for another time.
I cut people out of my life that I had needed to for too long for my mental health. It was hard, but after doing it I no longer feel as though I carry the burden that was them.
I've grown into the kind of person I’ve always wanted to be this year, me 365 days ago wouldn't have believed you if you told me I was going to be where I am only a short year later. If I’ve learned one this year it is that if you want something, you need to do it. You can't wait for the opportunity to fall into your lap. You are the creator of your own future, so make it and make it sick.
-jay.
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mackenziebrooks23 · 5 years ago
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Ignite The Fire
Chapter 26- Monday After Wrestlemania 
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We were in the same place for Monday Night Raw. Once Seth and I walked in together it was last night all over again. The ones who weren't able to tell us congratulations told us. Aspen my hairdresser was surprised. She said" We do a simple look for tonight honey, just enough to hide your breakouts", I said," Alright do your best". Aspen worked on me and looked good for it to be simple. Once I was done there, I went to go meet with Stephanie.
She said" Tonight your going to open up RAW and talk about last night. Also, keep it simple, everyone knows about Seth and you. Still, have to keep it professional", I said" Yes mam I know, I've learned to keep things private and don't take crap from no one", with a smile. Stephanie smiled back and nodded her head. Because she knew I was talking about her and all the times that she gave me good advice. I finished up with her and went to go find Seth. We talked till it was time for me to go open up. Seth said" Good luck tonight and remember to be professional", I said," Right I have to be the professional one". Seth rolled his eyes and rubbed my cheek with his thumb. He walked away cause it was time for the show. 
I took a breath and I walked out to the crowd. Mike Rome announced" Ladies and gentlemen please welcome the Co-Commissioner of Monday Night Raw...Ryleigh Storm". I gave a couple of people some high fives and walked straight to the ring. I placed my feet on the steps while holding onto the top rope, I guided myself towards the middle of that side. I slid in between the ropes and got into the ring. I walked over to the corner and one of the tech guys handed me a microphone. I walked back to the middle of the ring. Listening to the crowd's voice. Hearing how much they wanted more after the night they had last night. I started to speak, but they kept wanting their voices to be heard. I spoke" Are you going to let me speak", while smiling. They continued their loudness as I spoke once again. " Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Monday Night Raw!!! Tonight is the night after WrestleMania and we could not have made it any better for y'all". Well, for the most part, they loved WrestleMania. There are a few that didn't like it, but that is to everything in the world.
I continued" Last night was incredible. We saw unbelievable moments and moves. We saw titles be retained with power. We saw new champions be crowned with honor''. I was about to talk about those who got gold, but a three-voice theme song overcame the crowd. All you heard was SIERRA HOTEL INDIA ECHO LIMA DELTA......SHIELD. Roman, Dean, and Seth appeared on their set of stairs in the crowd. Michael Cole spoke" Listen to this place!!!", Corey Graves added" The Hounds of Justice are here and making their mark", Renee Young said," They are also lined up with gold once again".
Mike Rowe announced" Please welcome Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose, and Seth Rollins...The SHIELD!". The three started walking down the stairs to the ring. Michael Cole Spoke" It was last night that Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose beat Gallows and Anderson for the tag titles in a very tough match", Corey replied," Then later that night Seth Rollins would defeat Finn Balor with a stomp to become the new Universal Champion. To full fill the prophecy of the SHIELD having titles together".
While they were hopping over the barricade, I said: "Well speaking of champions being crowned". I caught all three trying to hide their smiles. They each got into the ring and walked to the tech people. He handed them each a microphone. I stepped to the side of the ring where I climbed in to make room. They all looked good in their SHIELD gear, epically my guy. Professional Ryleigh, keep it professional. Once they got comfortable, I asked" So y'all want to interrupt me? I can understand this behavior from Rollins over here, but from you two, seriously?"
Seth did his little small smile and nodded. He hated that I had called him Rollins, but he knew it was just for show and fun. Roman spoke first" Hold on Ryleigh, Dean and I just want to let you know that.....Seth put us up to this". Seth looked at him like come on man. I spoke," I figured it was his idea, but ladies and gentlemen your new RAW Tag Team champions and the new Universal Champion!!". I extended my hand to present The Shield. The audience let their voices be heard. The boys looked around smiling. Knowing that they had the gold that they set out to take. 
Seth said" Yes the Shield has titles once again! Roman and Dean the tag team titles and me the Universal Championship. We made a plan and we succeed it!!!". Roman continued" We plan to keep these titles as long as we possibly can", Dean responded," We will take on anyone who decides to step up to the plate". I started to speak but got interrupted by Gallows and Anderson. They weren't happy at all. Anderson said" Alright since you want someone to step up to the plate", Gallows replied," Let's go again tonight unless you are scared". They started making small talk. I said" Scared? The Shield scared of you two...please, but tonight The Shield versus The Good Brothers in none title action!". Everyone liked the sound of that. Corey Graves said," We are going to have a WrestleMania rematch against the Good Brothers and the Shield!". 
Seth said" That goes along with me, I said I am going to be a fighting champion and will gladly take on anyone. Then Ricochet 's theme song played and he walked out. He walked down the ramp and into the ring. Mike Rowe gave him a microphone. Ricochet spoke," Seth, I admire you and would love a shot at that title tonight!". I thought that it was a good idea and it would be a good match indeed. Seth smiled and said," Well Ricochet since you are the first and walked down here to challenge me, challenge excepted". They extended their hands and they shook on it. Ricochet shook hands with Roman, Dean, and me before leaving the ring. Michael Cole said" Ricochet versus Seth Rollins tonight for the Universal Championship! Guys this is huge!", Corey Graves said" That match is going to be a good one. Who would ever think that Ricochet would challenge Seth for the title, the night after he took it from Finn Balor". 
We had finished the promo and we started heading out of the ring. Dean, Roman, and Seth opened up the ropes for me. I slipped through the opening and walked down the stairs. They hopped off the ring and we walked together. Having their theme song play in the arena. We got to the top of the entrance ramp and looked back at the crowd. The Shield put their fists out and they touched. I stood beside the screen to let them have their moment. The three looked at me and they motioned me to come over. I stood beside Seth and Roman not knowing what to do. Because I did not know what they wanted me to do. 
Roman mouthed," Put your fist in Ryleigh", I mouthed back" Really?", and Seth nodded. I smiled big and got all excited inside. I placed my fist between Roman and Seth's.  We dropped our hands and walked behind the screen. Seth put his arm around my shoulders pulling me close. Roman said" How did it feel getting to do the fist bump?", I said," It felt amazing, I've always wanted to do it". They all said you are welcome to me. Dean asked" Is there anything else of the Shield you would like to do?", I said" Maybe get to wear the gear and be part of the Shield one day?", Seth said," We will see Ryleigh, we will see". Roman and Dean went about their way.
Seth and I stayed together to talk. Seth said" Did well on keeping it professional", I said" Yeah, but it kinda got to me when you came out in the Shield gear", Seth replied," I figured it would". I punched his shoulder and saying" Not funny Rollins". Seth laughed and we walked away together. As we were walking, I took his championship and wore it around my waist. I looked up to him and smiled. He smiled back knowing that it looked good on me. That he was okay with me doing it. I'm glad that I took the chance and played with fire. Because at the end...I didn't get burned.
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mentalhealthinpractice · 5 years ago
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Robots in the Therapy Room
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There are multiple reasons for wanting to write about my own mental health, as someone who works as a counsellor and psychotherapist. The first of these is because I feel that the warm, genuine relationship I seek to build with my clients is so markedly different to that shown in the media. I am pretty confident that the reason I was informed at the hairdressers today that I now have strands of grey is due the rage I feel when I see yet another counsellor on TV treat their clients as strange, unpredictable creatures they wish to be rid of the second the clock hand reaches 50 minutes past the hour. This alienation and ‘other’ treatment contrasts so deeply with my own experience of counselling and the genuine admiration and care I have for the people who place their trust in me to hold them in their deepest moments of pain.  The strength and resilience I have seen by some of the children and adults I have worked with inspires me every single day. Therapy is a parallel process and in the same way clients will often introject parts of their therapists, each therapeutic relationship I have had has challenged and shaped some part of me.
Being an external processer and not currently having my own counselling I also wanted to find an avenue to process some of my own thoughts and feelings. I used to carry a sense of shame when I felt I was not coping well or able to manage my own feelings of anger/sadness/fear, particularly once I started training. I felt that because I was helping other people manage their own complex feelings I should know how to do this for myself. I soon learnt that there are huge numbers of therapists who struggle with their own mental health. With books like ‘The Wounded Healer’ and the common (but also not completely untrue) belief that many therapists want to go into the industry because they want to find healing for themselves, it is not surprising that many clients do not receive adequate treatment. I was scared to tell my counsellor about the depression I was experiencing last year due to a fear of not being considered fit for practice. However I learnt from her and others that this is exactly what you should do when you are struggling with your own mental wellbeing - speak to someone and get support. 
As I began to think about it, I realised that I am not sure I would be able to fully trust someone who did not reveal at least some parts of themselves that is less than ‘perfect’. I remember vividly a time my counsellor got my name wrong and although I was a little hurt at the time, it normalised her. She is not a robot and can also make mistakes and have ‘off days’. I also hope that clients I see experience my own humanity and congruence as we build a therapeutic alliance together. Whilst the sessions are theirs and the focus is on their thoughts and feelings, there is no way I can seek to build a trusting and open relationship if I am being dishonest with my own feelings or reactions as these arise. 
It is also important to differentiate which emotions belong to you and which have been transferred from clients. Many Mental Health practitioners experience vicarious trauma, where empathic exposure to extreme pain or trauma from clients can sometimes lead an individual experiencing some of this as their own. Learning self-compassion has been one of the most valuable lessons I have learnt. Oh - and creating boundaries. Now I fucking love saying no when I know something isn’t going to benefit me.  It is unbelievably liberating and my personal counselling experience helped me practice this self-love and respect until I felt safe enough to exercise it and still feel secure in my relationships. 
I am still so early into my practice and still have so much to learn but I thought I might start sharing some of my own experiences and bring my own struggles to the table. I won’t blog about any clients themselves but rather my reactions, thoughts and emotions to the topics that arise. I also want to describe my attempts to feel confident in my own skin, something that has been a constant challenge for me since a very young age. This lack of self-confidence still leads me to ‘spiral’ or ‘catastrophise’ and experience intense feelings of guilt or anger when I don’t reach the unrealistic expectations that I place upon myself. I want to explore this openly and hope that by sharing this often hidden part of myself, its weight will be less heavy. 
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tumblunni · 6 years ago
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I had a really weird dream involving Dr Maddiman. Its a shame i can barely remember any of it and also it seems i woke up before it ended? Like i just had this overwhelming sense that allll the plot threads were gonna be wrapped up any second now and then BOOM awake. So just a whole bunch of random stuff happened with no real explanation at all.
It was some sort of post apocolyptic setting i think? Humanity was in these small isolated cities fighting against some sort of invading army but we never actually saw the aliens themselves. And some part of my brain was like "it makes sense its the same rules as a hairdresser and the design takes cues from a pack of AAA batteries". I have NO idea what that means! So basically everythibg was super vague and undescribed and dream-me just had a sense of already being a long time fan of this series and knowing enough to fill in the gaps. Apparantoy this was some sort of adaptation of a thing id already seen, but id been told the ending was different and more accurate to the manga? Also i wasnt actually a person watching this show i was still the protagonist of the show yet i acted like i'd been reincarnated and relived this week a million times or something
ANYWAY the way dr maddiman comes in is that he was some sort of 'brilliant but dangerous' expert the government had hired to help our fight against the aliens. It wasnt really explained why he was.. yknow.. maddiman. Like is this meant to be that ghosts also exist in this sci fi universe? Was he a half alien hybrid instead of a yokai? Was it just human maddiman with the personality of yokai maddiman due to ptsd...? In any case he didnt seem entirely tethered to the laws of reality and nobody knew exactly how he pulled off all his scientific miracles. He was treated as the only guy who could understand the mindset of the aliens, but that also made him dangerous because he trapped in the delusion of everything being okay and fun and happy and he often did evil things by accident while having good intentions. But they didnt have anyone else who'd cracked the code of the alien weaponry so they had to put up with him. He was just sorta assigned a crack team of secret agents whose job was Be The Old Man's Friend So We Dont All Die. Dont let him realise how the world is all destroyed and such, just play along with his goofyness and try and remind him to do his important work while dancing around why its important. it was super creepy how he was locked up and gaslighted like this!! And he was all 'oh im sure when im done with my ultimate experiment i can go home to my wife and kids' and yeah it was implied here that the same backstory applied :( 'distract the old man and validate his false opinion that his family is still alive and waiting for him' :( poor sci fi madds :(
Oh also for some reason he seemed to be wearing elements of Adventure era Dr Eggman's outfit? But just the general style of the coat and the wearing goggles that he never actually uses. And he had a very warm and cuddly autumnal colourscheme
Anyway i was part of the Super Secret Grampa Cherishing Division whose job was to act as his assistant but also secretly be packing a bazillion weapons to neutralize him if he poses a danger to humanity. But i started to genuinely care for the guy and question the 'any atrocity is permitted for the sake of saving the world' philosophy of my bosses. Also it was just very weird how it was this post apocolypse alien fighting action thing yet i didnt see ANY OF IT cos this story was confined to this one laboratory. It was surreal hearing about all this stuff happening offscreen!
I think Maddiman's main project was some sort of dimensional transport thing using salvaged alien tech? It was just a door in his lab that usually led to a closet but if he got it working itd teleport us straight to the alien base and save the world. And a lot of it wasnt explained but i got this great sense that itd all come together with a great twist ending evebtually but then i woke up before i got that far. Same for the reveal of this maddiman's new sci fi backstory and soooo many other dropped plot threads. Alas!
So anyway: closet. Closet with one of those bead curtain things cos i was thinking about them when i fell asleep. It was supposed to be a teleport but when it malfunctioned it had really scary negative effects warping people's biology and stuff. I remember one of the test subjects was sent in for a five day trip to a specific alternate dimension but then when they came back itd been several years and theyd had to survive in a deadly wasteland and been mutated into a hellbeast. And maddiman had a huge breakdown because he felt like his recklessness and optimism towards this experiment had caused this mistake to happen, and he'd never realized just how awful the consequences could be. He was babbling motor mouth discussing theories for where it went wrong and there was something like 'we'd only tested it for one day trips and assumed that just programming two of them would equal two days but actually with each additional number on the screen it multiplies the days by 3" And there was something about like...the bead curtain was the machine rather than the door itself? Like trying it on a bunch of different doors around the lab to try and find a way to cure this person.
And there was some sort of artificial intelligence computer with the personality of an adorable lil girl, who helped maddiman do calculations and stuff. She missed the mistake in this calculation cos her concept of linear time and the limits of human organs was kinda undeveloped. She only existed within the realm of numbers after all, and didbt even have functionality to record footage of her human friends's faces. No idea wtf a human looks like! So maddiman was lost in his desperate grief of potentially accidebtally killing or at least mentally scarring a person and the government would probably kill them now if they saw they were a super mutant. And he was sobbing and begging this AI to help, his last resort was her maybe being able to see a brainwave that he'd missed. But she was freaking out cos she didnt even fully understand why maddiman was crying let alone what to do to fix it. Eventually she did manage to find a solution theough some simple different logic thing that she had from her perspective as a computer. And that person was saved but still traumatized and maddiman had a moment of realizing just how high stakes everything was and freaking out. He was like 'whats wrong with my head, why didnt i notice that, why was i so reckless, why cant i seem to grasp basic human logic that i need right now" Having a big existential crisis of 'wait how did i even get in this lab, where's my family and why do i seem to have superpowers'. Protagonist mission: hide all the goddamn mirrors to avoid this weird ghostgramp (...aliengramp??) from realizing he's dead (..or an alien??) and losing control of himself. And everyone was running around talking about 'containment procedures' and poor maddiman didnt know that if his panic attack continued he might just straight up be killed for outliving his usefulness. So the protagonist was desperate to help him calm down and it sucked SO MUCH cos they had to lie about his past and weave the web of deception around him again for his own safety. In the end they just hugged him close until he calmed down, and all the other employees were like GASP THEY ACTUALLY TOUCHED THE EVIL DANGEROUS SUPER EVIL MAN and protag was like 'i am 1% away from slapping the next bitch who insults this grandpa'. And it was super depressing cos once he'd calmed down he seemed to start forgetting that anything bad had ever happened?? And he was really panicking and scared cos he didnt understand why he was forgetting, and he knew he had to cling onto something important but he didnt know what. And then five minutes later he was back to haha cheerful nothing is wrong and i love doing my fun science in this room im never allowed to leave. And protagonist was crying the tears that this poor gramp wasnt allowed to cry :(
Also actually i think maybe he was a ghost AND an alien? Like he was a scientist who died in some sort of tragedy back when the aliens first invaded, but along the way he'd been infected so his body got back up as a twisted combination of human and inhuman. And this was something unique to him, like he just happened to have a genetic mutation in his blood that was totally undetectable in life but happened to mix unpredictably with this alien virus to turn him into a hybrid instead of just killing him. So the government was very interested in finding a way to replicate this and create new supersoldiers, as well as just taking advantage of this dude's confused mental state that granted him a unique understanding of alien tech that made him more effective than other scientists. And, of course, also made him easy to manipulate :(
And i also had a feeling that maybe his backstory was mixed up with Adventure dr eggman? Like here it seemed he had a daughter instead of a son, and she had a similar death to Maria Robotnik where she was assasinated by the government he worked for, and it tipped him over the edge. I think Maddiman-alien-scifi-dude originally died trying to save her from being used in some sort of experiment? Like she was already dying of a disease and thats why maddiman took this job to have access to powerful government technology to try and look for a cure. But when the whole alien apocolypse happened, the evil government decided to use her for experiments cos she was 'basically dead anyway'. Theyd just lie and tell maddiman she died of her illness. So this was how they found out that this particular family's bloodline had a mutation that let them form a viable hybrid with alien dna. They were turning this poor kid into a monster in the basement while lying to her dad about her being dead! And maddiman was about to commit suicide from having no reason to live anymore, with the hell of this apocolypse world and the false impression that his kid was already dead. But somehow monster-daughter sensed this or something and broke out of containment to try and save him, and when he saw her he was able to recognise her even in her twisted state. So when the soldiers gunned her down in front of him and fed him some lies about this not being his daughter, he just completely snapped. He tried in vain to fight back and take down as many of them as possible in revenge, but well he was just a simple round dad with no ability to fight a government. So he was unceremoniously executed along with his kid and they shoved the bodies back in the lab to continue testing. "Damn that overemotional science dad, he made us execute our most valable test subject! But at least this way we can analyze his corpse to see if the mutation is passed down on the patrilineal side." But at some point during the fight, monster-daughter's blood had splashed on her dad and gotten into his bloodstream. So the seemingly dead body suddenly got up out of the morgue and started sucking people's blood or something. And this led to the current situation where they have him locked up cos he's a valuable test subject but also hey he has 100% reason to kill all of us and we're screwed if he remembers his past. Also i think the computer AI thing was his subconcious attempt to recreate the personality of his daughter even if he couldnt remember she'd ever existed :(
Anyway at some point things escalated and there was this final showdown versus both the invading aliens and the evil governmebt guys. I think there was some corrupt greedy politician dude who stole maddiman's teleporter tech and sold us out to the aliens cos he wanted money and power or something. And probably predictably the aliens just threw him off a bridge after he gave them the thing, because seriously even this evil army thinks these government dudes are too evil!
So this big actiony event was happening and Maddiman was freaking out like 'no no no i cant leave the lab everyone wpuld be mad at me, i dont even know what its like outside this room' even when he was in the middle of being attacked by aliens. He was forced to face his repressed memories to survive, and he naturally had a massive fuckin freakout! And i think maybe when protagonist character was trying to protect him he accidentally lashed out with his powers and hurt them, and he was so horrified thinking another person he cared about was gonna die because of him. Protagonist was like 'dont worry gramps its just a scratch' but he'd already freaked out and run away into the battlefield to his heavily implied death.
BUT THEN at some sort of moment of dire need, he came back all powered up and re-memoried and was like 'i have every reason to despise humanity but im not gonna let more children die because of these damn corporate monsters (and also literal monsters which are infinately less scary)" And he did some sort of great sacrifice to save the protagonist at the cost of his own life, and it was super dramatic falling from a building into a lake of fire or something. While sobbing and smiling peacefully thinkibg "did i atone for my sins? Will i be able to see my family again?" As his smiling face sunk beneath the flames and the protagonist cried out into the abyss...
Aaaaand then i dont really know what happened in the big battle and i also never found out wtf the solution was to fixing the transporter thing or how the aliens invaded or any of the million plot points that were non gramp related.
I just remember that when we all saved the day and defeated the baddies we found that maddiman had actually survived and it was a big hugs reunion. He was like "OH YEAH i totally forgot i literally already died once and regenerated from it, and this was the entire start to my story. My bad!" *shrugs inexplicably not dead arms*
So yeah in summary im glad my brain summoned up a universe where my favourite sad granddad is literally immortal now, but also why did it torment him with an even sadder plot than his original one
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loving-barnes · 6 years ago
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SHELTER – STEVE ROGERS
(A/N): This one (which still can be found on my wattpad) was originally written for Seb but since I’ve realised that I am not comfortable writing fanfiction with actors, I have rewritten this and made it into a Steve Rogers one-shot. So... enjoy!
Pairing: Steve Rogers x f!reader
Summary: The whole Avengers team goes to Met Gala and Steve and Y/N have their moment.
Warning: fluff
Words: 3100+
FULL MASTERLIST | STEVE ROGERS MASTERLIST
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SHELTER – STEVE ROGERS
When Tony announced that the team would be attending the famous Met Gala, (Y/N) got very excited and couldn’t wait for the big day. It was because this was her first Met Gala. Ever since she became a part of the Avengers family, she attended parties and festivals with the team – or mostly with Tony because for a moment she could feel like a star. Not that she was a diva like Tony, no. She just wanted to live her life fully and enjoy every moment. This time, the whole team, and not only Tony, was going to the Gala too. Y/N forced them a little – mostly the male part of their group.
“(Y/N) are you ready?” Natasha shouted from the living room. The two of them and Wanda were settled in a hotel room, preparing for the night. There was a hairdresser, a makeup artist and also a stylist who brought all the dresses that were paid by Tony. “Get out of the bathroom! We have to leave in fifteen minutes and I really need to use the bathroom! And no, I’m not kidding,” she put on very expensive and massive silver earrings perfectly fitting with her red and silver dress.
The theme for this year’s Met Gala was Steampunk and it was up to the stars if they wanted to put on clothing that represents the theme or not. Natasha wasn’t that kind of a woman. She preferred a fancy dress and she didn’t even have the time to create something with her stylists. “Hurry up, (Y/N),” Wanda sighed, getting impatient. “I really want to see you! You said you are going to wear an outfit perfectly fitting for this Gala. Move your ass. I’m getting impatient and excited at the same time.”
The door to the bathroom finally opened and the young woman came out, fully prepared for the night. She had a huge shy smile on her face. When Natasha and Wanda saw her, they were stunned. (Y/N) was wearing a black corset that looked like a west with a heart-shaped neckline and it had a black flourish pattern with leather edging. It had two leather belts with a small leather pocket that had a metal opening. The corset also had two other leather straps, going from the right breast to the left hip. The last touch was the leather collar serving as a necklace. Eyes falling down, they noticed a massive skirt that had a short front and a very long back. Y/N combined a modern style with steampunk and it was amazing. The material was mostly leather with satin sewed from the inside. It wouldn’t be complete without custom-made mid-thigh high boots of the same colour as the dress was. For accessories, she chose typical steampunk glasses on the top of her head. (Y/N) with the hairdresser’s permission had chosen a very high ponytail for the occasion. They even had to put hair extensions so her hair was twice longer than it actually was. On each side, she had a custom-made steampunk gun.
“Is it too much?” she asked carefully when the people were quiet.
“You are going to steal the Gala,” Wanda smiled at her, stepping closer and gently touching the skirt and corset. “Damn, this looks amazing. But hey, let’s be honest, this is you-you love dressing up for Halloween and masquerade.”
“Well, Steve is going to be speechless,” Natasha smirked at (Y/N), eyes never leaving hers.
“What do you mean?” she asked, shiver coming down her spine. She and Steve were always good friends, but since last mission, they started to spend a lot of time together and thus the feelings changed. She had a massive crush on him. However, she was afraid of making a move – hell, she was a little scared of a relationship. Last time she was in a serious one and it ended with a snap of fingers. Her ex-broke her heart. He found another one, slightly younger and beautiful.
Wanda nudged her shoulder. “You really don’t see it? (Y/N), that man is crazy about you!”
She breathed. “Okay, yes, I admit, I might have noticed something,” and she bit her lower lip. “It’s just… I don’t know. He’s my friend and I don’t want to screw it up.”
The red-haired woman rolled her eyes. “It’s been a year and you are still alone. You need someone and he’s the perfect one! The way he looks at you, even your ex never looked at you like that. When we were on a mission in Amsterdam, you two were permanently together. You two have this amazing chemistry. Okay, yes, you were in a relationship, which was slowly destroying you from inside – let’s be honest – and you and Steve were and still are perfect together – friends or maybe something more.” Natasha grabbed her hands and a smile stayed on her face. “Why don’t you talk tonight?”
“I should be sitting next to him but I’ll give my place to you and I’ll be sitting next to Bucky or Sam,” Wanda offered her. “Deal?”
(Y/N) nodded, her cheeks turned pink and she quickly bit her index finger. “Now, go to the bathroom so we can leave. There are hundreds of photographers waiting there and thousands of people to meet. Fuck, I’m really nervous now.”
There she was, looking from behind a window at the crowd of people in fancy dresses and suits. Natasha went with Wanda in a different car because Tony arranged it like that. The whole team would meet on the red carpet or at their table. She took a last deep breath and the door opened for her. An older man helped her get out of the car by setting his arm.
“Thank you,” she said politely, smiling at him. And then it all started.
(Y/N), over here!  No, come here!   Miss (Y/L/N) can you come here for a picture?!
It was weird – going up the stairs, people shouting her name when she was alone. There was no one to hold her hand and support her. A sincere smile appeared on her face and she went right up the stairs where the organizers showed her to go. The flashes were unpleasant but it was only for a couple of minutes. They needed to see her in the dress. They were craving for her, to take a photo from every side. Another deep breath and… her eyes found them – the perfect couple. Her ex and his new girlfriend were standing a few meters from (Y/N), taking pictures and occasionally kissing. How was it even possible they would be attending a thing like this? Her stomach turned. They were making her sick.
“(Y/N), pose for us!” someone shouted out loud, making her wince a little. There was no time for running away. The only solution she quickly made was to act cool and enjoy the red carpet. She put her hand on a hip and smiled for the photographers, trying to ignore the happy couple. She was sure they were both looking at her, if not talking about the girl. The woman changed a pose and made a face like a rock star.
It was time to move to the main stage where the biggest hunger for photos was. Trying to act cool, she slowly went up, step by step, watching her feet. It would be very embarrassing if had fallen on the red carpet right in front of the “happy couple” and the photographers.
“(Y/N)!” a familiar voice screamed her name. The (h/c)-haired girl turned around and saw the man who caused her butterflies in the stomach. Steve was wearing a typical black tux with a black tie. He was quickly approaching to her, spreading his arms for a warm hug. “Hi!” he smiled like an angel and pulled her into his warm embrace. When he pulled away, his eyes were scanning her from head to toes. “God, you look absolutely stunning!”
“Thank you very much, charming,” you made a grimace. “You look cute too. As usual. When was the last time we saw each other – during breakfast?” she laughed.
“Please, pose for us!” a shout interrupted their short conversation. With that, Steve put the feminine body closer to his and they gave them what they wanted. Luckily, they both loved being silly-the Captain had his funny side too- and they started to make faces. He couldn’t take this whole thing seriously and she loved having fun like this. All celebrities were serious, even Tony and Natasha, trying to look innocent, sweet and sexy at the same time. Steve and (Y/N) weren’t like the rest of the people. They only wanted to have a great time.
“I have to go,” he suddenly whispered into her ear and gently stroked her back. “I’ll see you inside.”
“I’m so glad the party is finally starting. All those speeches and everything, it was so annoying,” said Sam very loudly, who was sitting right opposite (Y/N). His hands were on the table and he was playing with his wine glass. “Who wants to dance with me, ladies?” he looked at Wanda, Natasha and later and (Y/N). Her eyes were fixed on her white napkin and she had a little smile on her face. The girl was enjoying this night. It wasn’t that horrible. She ignored her ex and his new girl and her mind was focused on her friends and Steve who made her laugh every five minutes. She was sitting next to Bucky and they had a great time. “Come on girls! There are great songs and I want to dance! It’s party time,” he was like a child.
“I hate this song,” Wanda sighed and took the wine glass between her fingers. “Can we wait for another five minutes? Then it will be my honour to dance with you, Wilson. You have the greatest moves.”
(Y/N)’s (e/c) eyes looked from side to side. She saw Tony whispering something into Pepper’s ear and she was smiling. They were gorgeous together. This was the perfect, happy couple. It was pure and even she could feel the love. It only made her smile more.
“Hey, what’s that thing on your face?” Steve leaned closer to her, making the girl wince a little. Her eyes found his. “Why are you smiling?” he asked again, also smiling. “Tell me.”
“It’s just,” she breathed, leaned closer to him and started to talk to his ear. The music was loud and they were playing crazy party songs. It all made the communication harder. “When I see Tony and Pepper, I just have to smile. Just look at them – they are happy and adorable. If there was a competition for the cutest couple in the world, they would win. And,” her voice changed from very positive to more sad. “I just hope that one day, I’ll have what they have.”
Cap put a hand on the woman’s shoulder and gently caressed it. “You will,” he replied. “One day, you’ll be as happy as they are.”
When they looked into each other’s eyes, the world stopped spinning for a while. It was just them sharing a moment together. Her heart was beating fast, not slowing down. Once again, those butterflies were back in her stomach, tickling her a little. Yes, she was definitely in love with this man and he probably didn’t even know it. The girls were right. She should do something about it.
“Hey, birds!” Sam interrupted their moment. “It’s dance time! Come on!”
“Do you want a dance-off?” (Y/N) kinked a brow and smirked.
“You think you are better than me?” the man made a grimace.  Steve was even goofier than she thought. “Let’s go. I want to see your moves, (Y/L/N).”
A moment later, the Avengers family was on the dance floor, showing their best dance moves. The music changed and rock music was on. They created a circle and each of them went inside for a few seconds. The people who made the circle swayed from side to side, clapping their hands and the person inside did their best to impress everyone. Sam danced like his life depended on it. Some of the moves were very sensual and the other one was funny. When he ended, he grabbed (Y/N)’s hand and dragged her inside the circle. “Your turn!”
The woman playfully rolled her (e/c) eyes and started to move. Luckily, the genre didn’t change and she could dance to her favourite song Raise Hell. Her hands were in the air, hips moving from side to side and occasionally jumping to face a different person. When she turned to Stebe, he went closer to her and did exactly the same move as she did. It was funny but pretty much intimate. Together, they were singing the lyrics – well, screaming would be the proper word. The rest of the friends were laughing at them.
The song ended and the people started clapping, whistling and screaming from excitement. So did (Y/N) and Steve. Even laughter escaped their throats. Before they could notice, the rest of the team was gone and they were standing in the middle of the crowd alone, when (Y/N)’s favourite song started to play. The soft guitar tune started to play and she had to smile.
“Care for a dance?” Steve asked her when she slowly turned to him. And she accepted. One hand appeared on her waist while the other took hers and he pulled her closer to him. Her other hand rested on his chest. The people around them were too slow-dancing with a partner. The two of them were making leisure moves, enjoying each other’s company. It was very nice and very romantic.
They were quiet for a couple of seconds before he started to speak again. “Have I told you how beautiful you are?” he said to her ear, his voice being confident and serious. (Y/N) couldn’t reply, because he continued. “Have I told you how amazing you are?” The sides of their heads were touching. “Have I told you how you make me feel when I’m with you?” The blond man was still whispering to her ear, even when some of the people noticed how they were dancing. “I wish this moment would never end,” he dryly gulped.
(Y/N)’s eyes were closed the whole time while he was talking to her. Maybe she looked sad from the outside, but inside, her soul was jumping from happiness. He was always sweet, caring and this was something her heart was dreaming for the past few months. “I too wish it,” she replied calmly, deeply inhaling his perfume. “I wish this night would never end.”
They gently pulled their heads away, but not very far. Their eyes met before they fell to her lips. Hers did the same. The girl took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Steve leaned closer, his lips softly brushing against hers. As if he was scared to kiss her. When he was sure she wouldn’t run away, their lips finally connected in a very gentle and romantic first kiss. It was maybe a second or two but felt like an eternity and it meant a lot to them. When they pulled away, their foreheads were leaning against each other, their eyes still closed. The couple was breathing like one body, enjoying the moment and the song.
Love was in the air, that was for sure and even their friends saw it. Looking at the new couple from their table was all they needed. They belonged together. Two lost souls finally found each other. Natasha was smiling like a little girl and Wanda high-fived with Bucky and Sam.
The song was slowly getting to its end. Steve pulled her even closer to him. He needed to feel the warm body on hers, to make sure this wasn’t only a dream. Together, they ignored the whole world, not even caring if someone took a picture of them or not. This was their moment of love and it was just perfect. They didn’t need any words for describing all those feelings. This said everything with a kiss. When the song finished, Steve sighed and (Y/N) didn’t want to leave his embrace. It was warm and loving. He gave her the shelter she needed.
His fingers entwined with hers and together they went back to their table. The music has once again changed and the people started to wildly dance again. Steve helped the woman with her seat and then he pushed his chair closer to hers. When they were sitting at the table, they saw Wanda’s face. The brunette was looking at them with big puppy eyes. “You two are just adorable.”
(Y/N) blushed once again and licked her lips. Bucky approached them unexpectedly, tapping Captain’s shoulder. “Hey man, would you like to go to the bar with us?”
“No thanks, man. I believe Wanda would like a drink,” he gave the girl a look saying, please leave us alone.
“Oh, right, I would love a drink. I need a drink.  And I need more wine,” she mumbled and quickly stood up, leaving with Barnes. The table was almost empty, leaving the two of them alone.
His manly hand found her tiny one and their fingers once again entwined. The girl put her head on his shoulder and he put his head on top of hers. This was all they needed – feel the presence of the other. His thumb was making circles on the top of her hand. This couldn’t be more romantic. This was a pure perfection. “Can I stay with you tonight?” she asked after a while.
“You can stay any time as long as you want, forever if you like,” he replied, kissing her forehead. His two fingers appeared under her chin and lifted her head up. Now, she was looking into his gorgeous blue eyes, even when the light was dimmed and she couldn’t see his face perfectly. “Maybe it’s too early, but I have to say it… I love you.”
(Y/N)’s lips crooked into a shy smile. Her heart skipped a beat. “I love you too.” And it was true. She did love him. They shared another soft kiss filled with love.
The night was slowly ending and the people were leaving the Gala. The new couple enjoyed the time with the rest of the friends, laughing and drinking more wine. Girls congratulated (Y/N) on her new relationship that started on the dance floor and wished them well. When no one was watching and they were all occupied by different people, Steve took his new girlfriend by hand and inconspicuously took her away from the Gala. He wanted to spend some time with her alone, back in his room.  
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