#but i also was literally so depressed at the time it ended up hella depressing. i don't like. remember anything from that year

[daddyplasmius]

this is let grief do its work, a fic (currently unedited rip) I started as a kind of sister fic to hand on my stupid heart, another fic I'd written earlier and uh. yeah. you guessed it. haven't finished. I'm working on this on the side, Flying Over the Pit of Death + its sister fic & my original novels being my main focuses right now. I will most likely continue lgdiw sometime in the future, it just isn't my main priority. Like all of my fics, this idea is free for anyone to take & run with. if/when I finish this fic, the edited version will go on ao3. For context: this is just a prologue of sorts, depicting vaguely what is happening on the human side of the Portal the month after the Accident. On Danny's side, he's been chillin' in the Ghost Zone, where he ended up after half-dying, believing he's fully dead (he's not) & only realized he's still alive after it was too late for him to tell everyone what happened cuz like, awkward & embarrassing lol. HOMSH takes place a year later, when things come to a head. I feel it's important to reiterate that, although Danny isn't actually dead, the characters think he is & act accordingly. okay author's infodump note complete, fic under a readmore

“when they first go, let yourself think every selfish, no-good, dirty, angry, filthy, horrible thought. let the waves of anger wash through you. let grief do its work.” ーCaitlyn Siehl; Grief Counseling

On the first day, Sam had thought that, maybe, Danny was just busyーtoo busy to answer their texts, and their calls, and everything else. But then Tucker called her. It was a horrible game of telephone at first. Danny’s parents told Jazz, who told Tucker, who told Sam, and that’s how the communication went for two days until she and Tuck had enough.

They went to FentonWorks, the big, ugly building on the corner of Mockingbird and Cedar, and were surprised to find no one home at all. Not even Jazz. And, for the first time since they’d known the Fentons, the doors were locked. And when they tried to talk to Jazz later, they would find that they’ve officially filed a police report.

ー

Danny Fenton is missing. The last time Sam talked to him she was making fun of him, for being too scared to go check out the Fentons’ new Ghost Portal. She knew he was freaked out by stuff like thatーby ghosts. Now she doesn’t know if she’ll ever see him again.

There’s just no way. He can’t be gone. She literally saw him on Saturday. His empty seat in homeroom on the first day of school is the thing that does it. There’s this gap in the desks where he should be, but he’s not. Like he’s already haunting her.

It makes her sick. Everythingーeverything in her head, everything she knows. Despite what Dash and his asshole friends say, Danny wouldn’t run away. And the longer a person is missing, the more likely it is that they’reー

Sam doesn’t wait for the bell. She leaves Tucker in homeroom, goes straight to the bathroom, and wipes her face down in the sink, water turning black. Suddenly, everything macabre, everything dark and creepyーit just disgusts her.

She goes home early. No one even says anything, not the school, not her parents, not Tucker. Alone in her room, Sam starts to shake. She sobs once, something seething just under her skin. She stalks over to the wall where most of her horror movie posters are taped and starts tearing them down, one by one.

ー

Danny Fenton has been missing for a week, and Tucker, staring at the sweater his best friend forgot at his house, laid across his computer chair, thinks he’s starting to feel it.

Opening his phone, he feels it again. Looking at his texts, he feels it again, and again, and again.

Saturday • 4:47 p.m. Danny Phantom: xD Danny Phantom: not playing tonight, ghost portal opening night 👻 Danny Phantom: can play tmrw tho Too Fine: hell ya txt u then Danny Phantom: 👍 Sunday • 10:20 a.m. Too Fine: yo still up 4 doomed Too Fine: dued Too Fine: dude* Too Fine: you there Sunday • 10:21 a.m. Too Fine: txt me when you wanna play Sunday • 11:58 a.m. Too Fine: you up?

Tucker lets his phone fall on his bed. He doesn’t bother checking in with Sam. She’s been out of school and ignoring him for the last three days. It’s almost been a week sinceー

He gets up and stumbles to his chair. He sits down, careful not to mess up Danny’s NASA hoodie. Tucker turns on his desktop, types in his password, checks his emails. He messes around for as long as he can before he literally cannot take it anymore. He just can’t ignore it.

God. His best friend is gone. Is he coming back? Is heー

It’s like something inside his chest cracks. Without thinking, he pulls the NASA hoodie into his lap, and then over his head. It’s been here too long. It still has that smell of ozone and copper on it, though.

Tucker leans back in his chair and stares at the wall.

ー

Danny was home. That’s the thing. The last time Jazz saw him, he was inside the house, and she never saw him leave. He must have, at some point. She has no idea why, or for what, but he must have. It’s the only rational explanation. Danny left. Something happened. He never came home.

She feels the panic rising, gripping her throat again. She puts the candle down on the bleachers. Wipes her face. Whoever is speaking to the crowd of students holding vigil is a mess of white noise in her ears. It doesn’t help. It should and it doesn’t. A lot of things are the opposite of what Jazz knowsーthought they are.

She almost wishes it had just happened at home, been a little less drawn out.

As soon as it pops into her head, she feels sick, disgusted at herself.

But no one goes missing this long and lives. A very small percentage do. And if it had been some accident in the lab, like she always feared would happen, at least they’d have a body to mourn. At least they would know.

ー

Sam’s parents pretend they aren’t happy. They have to look worried, grieving, because what would the neighbours think if they didn’t? She can see through it, unlike them. They always hated the Fentons. They always hated Danny. They always hated Sam’s fascination with the macabre.

Well. They got what they wanted.

It’s like he’s in everything. She isn’t even looking for him, and he’s still there, still everywhereー

Sam rubs her eyes on her sleeve before she can properly cry. There’s no body. He could still come back. A month is a lot, but he could stillーhe could show up. Someone could find him alive. He could be alive.

Her parents look at her from across the lavish, stupidly large, solid wood table. She should know what type of wood it is but it’s like the information is behind a fogbank. She can see the silhouette. She just can’t make it out. Mom places her cutlery down neatly, dabs her mouth with a cloth napkin, and clears her throat.

“Sammy-kins…” She starts, and the rage inside Sam bubbles up like lava bursting through rock. “There’s been… We…”

She looks to the side for help, from dad. He looks incredibly awkward for a moment before turning to Sam with an expression she hasn’t seen since grandpa died.

“Saman… Sam.” He says, simply, slowly, and the lava in Sam’s gut turns cold, and heavy. “They’ve found evidence that has given them reasons to believe that… your friend is gone.” He’s never spoken this softly. Ever. His voice is barely audible above the blood rushing in her ears. “They’ve called off the search.”

ー

Tucker didn’t expect nightmares. He wakes up and he panic-cries into his pillow and hopes to whatever god or deity is listening that ghosts in dreams aren’t real. He can’t explain the fear. Everything is incredibly normal, more normal than his dreams ever have been, and then Danny walks in.

He would give anything for this to happen, right now, in real life. He’s afraid, though. In his dreams, a sheer terror overcomes him. He can’t get away fast enough. He can still hear his own voice echoing in his head. “You’re dead! You’re dead!”

It’s a wrongness he can’t quite graspーor doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to be afraid of his best friend. Tucker wants him back so badly. But his brain knows the truth, even if Tuck is digging his heels in and refusing to budge.

Someone knocks on his door, and he tenses.

“Tucker, sweetie? It’s…” Mom takes a deep breath. “It’s time to go.”

He grits his teeth and shoves his face into his pillow so hard he can’t get air. He stays like this until he can’t. He gets up.

Tucker walks across the floor like a zombie, barely aware of what he’s even doing. He manages to put on the suit his mom put out for him yesterday, and goes downstairs. He refuses breakfast. The three of themーmom, dad, Tuckerーgo out to the car, and drive to his best friend’s funeral.

ー

Jazz stares at the closed casket. There’s a pair of police officers out of uniform, or maybe detectives, standing in the corner by the photo album laid out on a table looking haunted. Aunt Alicia, uncharacteristically wearing a plain, black dress, sits with mom and dad at the other side of the room. Jazz stares at the casket and she tries to imagine that it’s not empty. That it isn’t making her scream inside with the frustration of it all. Her baby brother is gone. They couldn’t even find him. And probably never will. Because that’s how these things end.

Tucker walks into the room. Dark bags circle his unfocused eyes. His parents are right behind him, his father’s hand on his shoulder. Tucker looks at the casket. He turns away, catching sight of Jazz, and when his parents break off to meet hers, Tucker walks over.

He picks at his sleeves. Says nothing. Jazz tries to pick at the grief counseling she knows she’s studied for fun, but finds herself falling short.

She doesn’t see Sam or Mr. and Mrs. Manson walk in, but suddenly they’re there as well, smiling tightly and giving their condolences to Jazz’s parents. Sam doesn’t walk over. She stands in a corner and stares at a wall with purpose.

Jazz breathes slowly, willing her heart to stop pounding. She counts the stages she can see in front of her.

Too much Acceptance, all from strangers who never even knew him personally. She glances at Dash Baxter, tugging on his tie and looking annoyed. She can feel Anger in her. But also Denial. Bargaining. Depression.

And somehow, Acceptance, too.

They’re not stages. She never really got that before. You feel them all at once, all the time, and they don’t go away. The intensity changes, turning from a background hum to bright bursts of emotion at any little reminder.

She looks at Tucker out of the corner of her eye. She wonders if he’s feeling that way too. Being bombarded by the stages of grief in a way no one prepared them for. Is this why mom and dad never let them get any pets? Besides Danny’s gerbil, which promptly disappeared before she could even get used to the rodent’s smell. What happened to it? Was it rehomed, or is its body still somewhere around the house, unfound, unlooked for?

The stages start over, skipping between Depression, Anger, Denial, the emotions falling over themselves. She wished the cops would leave.

Not soon enough, it’s over. The funeral home employees usher them out, the rooms and halls now empty. The drive home is simultaneously the longest and shortest ever. She stares up at the brick and all she wants to do is sleep. She heads inside intending to do just that.

She takes her shoes off at the door. Mom and dad take off their jacks and move to settle in the living room. Mom is holding a tissue to her eye. Jazz hesitates for just a moment.

Should she do something? She feels like she should do something, anything. She wants to suggest therapy. She’s afraid to open her mouth, though. Jazz can feel the blame on the back of her tongue, ready to spill out. That would be the worst thing for her to do, and she doesn’t know if she has the strength to hold it back, because for fucks sake, if they just watched their children, this wouldn’t have happened.

Jazz turns to the stairs and starts climbing them. She doesn’t get halfway before she’s blinded by drywall dust and knocked off her feet.

[graceofagodswrath]

Transformers x HASO Headcannons | Part 2

Back on my Transformers kick and it’s making me depressed about the realism behind humans being helpless and tiny. I also went over this in my first set of Transformers headcannons as a reply, so this is me expanding on a lot of those points.

My main focus is that if humans were the average size of other sentient beings in the Transformers universe, we would finally be taken a little bit seriously. Cue ridiculous research into humans' actual strengths.

Transformers are coming to understand our evolutionary path. Because we’re so small, it’s easily overlooked that humans are still predators. We hunt, we kill, and we’re violent. If we don’t have someone to hate as a unified group, we turn on ourselves.

But specifically, we’re pursuit predators. Our endurance and stamina is what makes us deadly. Our main hunting strategy back in the cave and hut days was literally to just walk after an animal for days on end until it either gave up or dropped dead from exhaustion. We can go miles without tiring (when trained properly).

As long as we have water, we can last a month without food. The longest someone ever fasted was for 382 days (look up Agnus Barbieri), and that was with the bare essentials of liquids and vitamins. No solid food.

And when we do have to find our own food, anything is game. We will find a way to eat it. Whether poisonous, venomous, tough-skinned, or just a lot of teeth, we will figure out a way to make it a meal. We have the advantage of being omnivores. In a game of survival, outside of predators, we’re top dogs.

While no natural armor sucks, our hairless selves are perfectly adapted to adapting to any environment. We are hella sensitive even to the slightest changes. We can smell weather changes based on moisture in the air, taste anomalies in our food, feel the slightest brush on something on our skin, etc. Our lack of armor allows for easy flexibility most species can only dream of, especially transformers. Getting into tight spots, getting out of tight spots, and moving hella fast is our bread and butter (when motivated lol).

One thing I really find interesting is our prey/predator instinct vs transformers.

Transformers did not evolve (as far as my knowledge goes) with natural predators. They have been through horrific times, from slavery under Quintessons to their own government, but the only really natural evolutionary advantage they have is their technological adaptability. Their ease of learning alien languages is an example. As well as their main transformation ability.

TF One really highlights this (small spoilers). Their planet is shown to be a constantly changing environment, from flat surfaces to rapidly changing cliff faces. Their ability to transform between a vehicle and bipedal form is imperative to quickly adapt to such a fast-paced and even deadly environment. The only predators I can account for are scraplets and spark eaters (there are probably more, but idk them). However, their reaction to this is to pull guns and freak out. They assume their technology and "superior" processes will solve all their problems.

But their cockiness in other environments shows how nonchalant they are about these interactions, and it backfires heavily. The only real threats they see are other transformers and larger sentient species. Plus diseases, but that’s a whole other thing.

Humans on the other hand have had to contend with thousands of predator species over our evolutionary path. It’s only in the last couple hundred years or so that we’ve truly eliminated most of these threats or domesticated them. And when I say eliminate, I mean either mass hunting or learning about said predators to easily deal with them and avoid dangerous situations. Our prey instinct gives us the alertness to deal with imminent threats easier than species that don’t have such a strong experience.

That leads to the big evolutionary advantage of humans - our brains. Even though we’re considered primitive by transformer standards, that’s transformer standards. A race that has existed for ten million years through technological immortality, is also their undoing. Because they have lived for so long, breaking free of long-held traditions is near impossible for their society, which is why their war took place. Without consistent generational death and birth, they are literally stuck in the past.

Humans don’t have that issue - we change with the times because of our short mortality. While not the main influence for the size of our brains, it’s a point I wanted to add to clarify why transformers may struggle to adapt to certain environments versus humans.

Through the consistent stresses we endure because of our vulnerability, we have to consistently think outside the box to survive. To stagnate is death, forward is all we can do. Our brains have developed in such a way that we can comprehend, understand, and innovate with ease. It’s our main calling card. Hell, when there’s no stress we just do that shit for fun (shrimp literally frying rice contraptions for example).

When you combine these talents and we know what the fuck we’re doing, we’re pretty much unstoppable. As long as we’re on an even playing field. Via size. Because let’s be honest, that’s the only reason humans are looked down upon (other than being organic, but if anyone has any other ideas, let em flow).

A personal fav of mine is the idea that if we were the same size as the average transformer, we’d be cryptid level creepy. The way we move, behave, even the way we smile would be unnerving, no matter how similar we look. If anything, the similarities between the average cybertronian and human would probably freak transformers out, seeing their own features reflected in an organic. Noses, eyes, teeth, especially toes.

My personal headcannon is that Transformers would think toes are so weird. Like, what’s the point of having so many extra digits? Cue our climbing abilities and balancing in weird places. Or just closing a drawer or door with a foot. Grabbing something with the dogs. Pull a chimpanzee and let the weird looks fly.

Better yet, our pain tolerance. Sure, we’re squishy and get hurt easily thanks to the lack of armor and exposed skin. But that just builds pain tolerance. We tolerate getting picked up and thrown around by these giant asses so much because it’s what we’re already used to. We teach our children coordination, balance, their physical limits, and so much more through rough play. Its how we learn to become this versatile.

Roughhousing, doing dangerous shit just for fun, our vulnerability makes us used to the pain. It becomes easy to ignore and work through. This leads to the crazy shit about getting stabbed or shot and just walking it off. Imagine a transformer losing their shit over their human getting shot and the humans just like, “damn, feels like when I burnt my hand on the stove” or some shit. Unfazed.

And ANOTHER thing. Our instincts play a big role. That feeling you get when being watched? Or uncanny valley? I have a huge headcannon that humans would not be fooled by holomatter avatars. It would just hit us immediately. Transformers have no instinct to breathe. They probably don’t think about blinking. Their movement would probably be stiff and awkward, used to navigating spaces with more stationary bulk. Sure, they could probably program their avatars to do it, but I get a feeling that you would… get a feeling.

Plus their clothes choices make no sense half of the time (I’m looking at Rodimus, wtf was that getup in swerves arc in MTMTE?? Only Nautica and Swerve looked normal, plus Megatron - without his shoulder-padded trenchcoat).

This was a 2am rant, so if it’s unclear, I apologize. And if anyone wants to clarify or make corrections, please do! Again, I am not up to date on all comics or lore, so I’m probably missing a lot of shit. This is based on my personal feelings, knowledge, and observations.

[fuzzyduckduckyfuzz]

after all this time I still found you part 6 Timebomb

64.media.tumblr.com

64.media.tumblr.com

Summary- months after jinx’s “death” Ekko had gone into a spiral, making everyone around his worried. He can’t stop the feeling that maybe she’s still out there, and it’s only when he finally goes looking for her that his dream and nightmare comes true

warnings- hella angst, some fluffity fluff, uh oh curse words, also mentions of depression and alcohol abuse.

Ekko was practically sprinting to the last drop, eager to see what else jinx had in store for him. By the time he got down to the under city he was panting heavily. it had been a while since he had gotten proper exercise after his mid life crisis at 19.

“damn it Ekko, knew you should’ve worked out more…” he mutters to himself as he leans forward to catch his breath

once he can actually breath he walks into the last drop. He is immediately greeted by smiling friends and fellow firelights. They attempt to make conversation with him but he quickly excuses himself from the conversations, he had a mission.

“stay focused Ekko…” he mutters to himself

is it a problem how much I’ve been talking to myself lately? He thinks to himself. He quickly shakes his head, he can’t get distracted right now.

he searched around the last drop for a bit, trying to be discreet. But he didn’t mind anything. He sighs and leans back against the bar, and guess what happened? Bam! Another tin monkey plops down on his head.

“Ow! Mother fu—” he curses to himself as he rubs the top of his head. He picks up the tin monkey off the bar counter and scowls. Why did her amusement have to be at his expense…

“this better be fucking good, I’m starting to get a headache from this….” He mutters to himself, opening the little piece of paper this monkey was also holding

“haza!! Haha!! You found your clue, and now you’ve got two. Four more to go my dear dear friend and then this game must come to and end”

he rolls his eyes with a small smile and flips the paper over, again there’s a message on the back that reads.

“that sounded a lot darker then intended, the next clue is somewhere hidden in plain sight…literally, especially after the rebuild.”

he laughs slightly, when he reads the last bit of the message his brows furrowed in slight confusion. He tilts his head back as he thinks to himself.

he walks out of the last drop thinking, and then…it hits him. A place hidden in plain sight, especially after the rebuild. This clue was already in the last drop so that leaves…the firelight base!!

he smiles, feeling slightly triumphant but also praying that he actually guessed right. He looks back down at the tub monkey in his hands and notices…another piece of paper. He raises his eyebrow. He takes it and slowly unfolds it. His eyes widen and his cheeks heat up slightly at the message.

it said…..

ha!! You actually thought you were gonna know, maybe another day. He chuckles softly and tucks the paper into his pocket.

“you cheeky little shit…” he mutters to himself, before he heads towards the firelight base.

[sombredancer]

Li Lun, a villain I feel for (Pt. 4/4)

Since we know that LL’s redemption is not the point, and the main purpose of him being in this story is a̶ b̶r̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶v̶i̶s̶u̶a̶l̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶f̶i̶n̶a̶l̶ ̶b̶a̶t̶t̶l̶e̶ a bunch of plot twists to be sacrificed, everything what happens next is pretty logical. After that conversation with ZYZ’s boyfriend LL moves to the last two stages of acceptance: depression and, actually, acceptance. He got his answer to the question “why do you treat me like this?” but he can’t turn back time and be of superior attitude as current ZYZ’s boyfriend is, so he understands that he will never be able to get ZYZ back. And since he is insanely obsessed with ZYZ, losing hope to reunite means for him losing the meaning of his existence. So, he doesn’t try to possess any other healthy body. He doesn’t even try to find a remedy for the current one, or to notify ZYZ’s squad that their friend’s body is dying in hope they will save Little Traitor (as far as he knows they can do literally impossible things). Of course they can! GJM’s sleeves are full of aces for them! He just waits for his body to die.

This scene in the cave is very beautiful yet meaningless. Li Lun’s lifeless and dark birthplace is now in intense blooming! It’s so beautiful, it means… What is it supposed to mean?🤷🏻‍♀️ There is no redemption, no reason to bloom if only sophoras aren’t trees that bloom only before their death. The only thing that changed in LL’s mind is his acceptance, both of irreversibility of their break-up with ZYZ and of his inevitable death.

Then we have a super strange monologue, in which LL says that he has no place in this world and no home (But darling, why? In this drama there wasn't a single scene where LL was denied by someone except for ZYZ and his friends, they are not the whole world! He is still a part of demon society, no one can take it away from him!). Throughout the drama there was also no sign of him searching for his place in this world! Not a single scene about it! He just wanted to talk to his ex and that’s it! Hearing him speaking of an absence of home while watching his home all over blossoming was really weird.

Although I found it very nice to see Li Lun treating Ao Ying well (It’s so rare for villains, especially obsessed ones, to treat their servants well!), I didn’t understand what this scene was for. To show us that LL is good now and is able to do good deeds? But I already had no doubt he is, because he saved those demons from the dungeon, and saved Great Wilderness centuries ago together with ZYZ, and all that jazz. He never treated Ao Ying bad in frame, so this scene doesn’t work as a contrast to his previous behavior neither. It’s here just to show us dying, miserable LL and to prepare us for feeling for him a little bit more while he will be sacrificed.

In the end of his monologue LL says that he is ready to die but wants to have a great stage to die on and someone to take with him into nothingness, and goes to… ZYZ! So, since he has no hope to get him back, he wants to die trying to take ZYZ with him, I suppose. It’s so within his obsession plot line, although is hella pathetic.

But Ao Ying disturbs his plans and shows him what end should meet every obsessed person in a Chinese drama. She transfers the poison out of Little Traitor’s body into herself and dies for a person she was obsessed with. So now Li Lun knows what to do.

He passes out at the threshold of ZYZ’s residence, and no one of the main characters uses this opportunity to pull his soul out of Little Traitor’s body! Not dying anymore, he talks to ZYZ again and says that he regrets they broke up and wants to return those times. And ZYZ says once more that LL should leave Little Traitor’s body and die. Why doesn’t ZYZ say by this very conversation that he doesn’t want Li Lun to die and has a way to keep his soul alive? Just because. LL is not convinced by ZYZ’s generous offer, so he fights the whole bunch of ZYZ’s friends, loses this fight and gets expelled from Little Traitor’s body. But SUDDENLY ZYZ asks his friends to spare LL’s life and to return his primordial spirit into his own sophora root that once was a love token between them. So LL could chill in his birthplace for a hundred years cultivating himself a new body and would stay alive. Why didn’t ZYZ offer it to LL before, when LL asked him multiple times to spare him? 🤷🏻‍♀️ No idea!

LL’s behavior oddly swings from his willingness to die to his willingness to survive, but Ao Ying paved him the only way obsessed characters could follow, so if he can’t be with ZYZ anyway, he dies saving him. His act of dying is the last part of break-up acceptance: he regifts ex’s gift to his current boyfriend and symbolically hands him over the burden of caring about ZYZ. And lastly has a tantric threesome sex with both ZYZ and his new boyfriend.

"Zhao Yuanzhou, I can't bear seeing you this weak."

I discussed my unhappiness with LL’s plot with my fellow @i-selina and she voiced the thought that there is some sort of Chinese cultural pattern in dramas saying: “your misery is your own weakness and a reason others will try to make you even more miserable”. My cultural pattern says that one should be merciful to other’s misery, that’s why I would like to see Li Lun’s inner fracture get healed and his true redemption arch happen, letting him stay alive. But GJM didn’t seem to bother even developing the main characters, so I shouldn’t expect that much of him here. He was busy making FoF insanely beautiful. No one can be equally good at each aspect of cinematography. Still love Li Lun, though.

Here is Part 1 Here is Part 2 Here is Part 3

[bluginkgo]

Depression is hitting hard, but you know what hits harder? Eternal Dream with the context of ep7

I kid you not, I was doing regular chores and brain said "Hey, pssst, eternal dream is HELLA depressing now."

...

BRAIN I DID NOT NEED THAT-

So here's me dissecting Eternal Dream yet again but with images from ep7 just to cope ;w;

Spoilers duh

(indicate my thoughts/ramble/not part of the lyrics)

I am tired of this dream Will it ever end for me?

(Betrayal after betrayal, the general tiredness of being let down over and over)

I don't have the will to know... Can you help me see?

(This verse remains a bit up in the air for me, as it always has been. I'll try a jab at it though. This is Uzi asking for help. She's tired of the horrors, the secrets, and betrayals. She needs someone else to help her see that this is not a waste of time. She needs N to help her see that there is going to be someone to encourage her.)

Let my body keep you warm Let my essence be your breeze

(So, technically, these images are rather hard to connect. But going with "Let my essence be your breeze" everything that N does in the fighting scene is to get Uzi to return to herself. Her entire being and personality is what is driving N to fight so hard. And in turn her "essence" becomes his "breeze" and will to fight back in situations that seem hopeless.)

Can you hear me calling? Please look out for me

(And he does, despite fighting to the death, he still continues to look after her TwT)

Can you set me free? Will you take my soul away?

(I keep going back and forth on this one. But the more positive one would be if N could set Uzi free from the Absolute Solver, like he has done in ep4 and helped in ep7.)

Casting me in cold Bury me in bones Rest eternally

("Bury me in bones" was first made me think of even doing this silly thing 😅 Because Uzi is literally going to be buried in the grave of Absolute Solver cores and humans that the solver snagged during the core collapse.)

Will you take me home? Can we see the moon again?

(I'm mostly pulling on the moons because they're seen in the background. This can be taken also as a way of asking to go back to the old times. To the times when none of this happened before.)

Dancing in the dark

(Hey, I know I've overused this, but I still can't stop thinking that this was a nod back to ep3. Their entire fight seems like a dance... a brutal, angst-filled, dance ;w;)

'Till we fall apart

(You know, I WAS THE ONE THAT FELL APART TwT. In all seriousness, they did fall apart. Fell/forced apart by the events of ep7.)

I can't end this dream

(This is not the end. Despite being ready and accepting of death, I- personally, so feel free to yeet this into the void- believe her job is not done. She still has something else to settle. And this dream will not end until Uzi finishes that job.)

Does this make any sense? I reckon not. But I needed Eternal Dream out of my head, and this is the only way I could think of getting rid of it ;w;

[conceptofjoy]

what do u think of dirk n hals Gender Situation given 10 or 20 years? if they ever finally settle down their various identity issues etc

......... great question..

dirk's masculine gender identity is fucking fascinating and there's always something new to consider when i look at it at a different angle. and i mean this also goes for bro too. like gender is a very complex thing in homestuck with many metaphors physical or thematical littered about. Dirk specific gender identifiers are lil cal (empty), being seen as cherry red (either failing at those standards or admired for achieving them), and bro-ism which in this instance is often interchanged with heroism.

canonically in caliborn's masterpiece, after dirk seals caliborn away into cal, and lets cal and arq go, homie has straight up lost all the signifiers he's identified with and is left in his pink god tier outfit. literally forced to reckon with the fact that he is a gay man, and how that actually may be way better than the alternative that he was trying so desperately to be seen as. idk there was a series of posts i made about it a month or so ago. this is like, the final realization dirk has in the comic. i mean i dunno about specifics of labels, but gay and genderqueer is like the basic all encompassing ones. to be honest most homestuck characters fall under this extremely broad category, as queerness is a huge underlying theme.

a dirk that doesn't immediately go through caliborn's masterpiece learns this the loooong way. cis guy-> trans guy (refuses to acknowledge this during the session but slowly gets it towards the end of 3 year voyage. will NOT say he is trans through his lips though.) and then shit just stagnates there. i think it depends on his environment, but 5+ years (depends on who he surrounds himself with. if its no one, he is COOKED.) is about the time needed to have those same revelations.

and then there's hal........ arq is one of them brightly colored gendersonas. like what swimz said, arq sacrificed her continued existence for her friends. i dont think arquius ever gave her gender a name because of how thoroughly she embodied it by her self love/ the joy she felt for being alive. it was already said by her existing. hal getting a body vs hal getting a body after being arquius r people who understand vastly different amounts of things about themselves.

a hal sans arq brain meld has a silent kind of depressive acceptance about them. yeah i got a body, things feel better, but it feels like there could be more i could be doing for myself right now, however do i really need it? umm sandpaper floor room esque. trying to figure out what to do with herself after getting less than the bare minimum of being a person. would take a bit to realize she can be a girl.

hal post arq brain meld. holy FUCKING shit i can feel like that?? suddenly no longer arquius's confident persona and is kind of freaking out about the various implications. there would be an amount of time where she falls into a depression, however tries to bring herself up back to that point because a part of her who was arquius knows she deserves it. she would over think the gender thing though, ok yes im a girl, BUUUTTT -etc etc-. almost for the same exact reasons why dirk is attached to those bro-isms. she was supposed to. red girl struggle. again, idk the specifics, gay and genderqueer is hella broad.

i do think hal is fem aligned and more confidently can call herself a girl over time, and dirk can finally wear pink without thinking about it and wanting to decapitate himself.

[venus-is-thinking]

DRDT Chapter 2 Episode 12: Initial Thoughts

Hello everyone! I thought it'd be fun to do a post going over some of my first thoughts from the episode after each release. "Initial" is a bit of a stretch, considering I did watch it a second time while making this post, but it's more "initial" in the context of being before the next episode drops. It's sort of like my "initial thoughts" of the Milgram MVs, which are actually the result of, like, 3 hours of obsessing and research, lol.

(By the way, @accirax and I watched the episode together, so apologies if her initial thoughts end up being, like, the same as mine.)

SPOILER WARNING FOR DRDT CH 2 EP 12!

T/W: Body image issues/body dysmorphia, murder, suicide

The Reactions

Confirmation of what I think most of us already suspected! I do think it's a little weird that Nico didn't bring up their testimony about all of the fish being there at the last time they fed the fish. That probably means it's being saved for later in the Trial, I guess?

It's okay Teruko, I saw literally no one in the entire fanbase figure this one out either!

Why is everyone so mean to her though. Everyone here has been an idiot in the Trials at LEAST once

God I missed David

This was so funny. Get his ass.

(In all seriousness, though, I do wonder if we're going to come back to what J said. I don't currently (?) think Arei was drenched, unless the real purpose of the water WAS just to confuse the time of death, so if the water didn't connect with her enough to cool her down, it might be weird that the body isn't warm after all.)

This took me out. Who let you say that. What.

Okay, but Ace, outside of a killing game... why. Like, literally why would a plastic surgeon need to know how to do an autopsy. King.

Like Felicity...? /hj

All in all, though, this was a really interesting character moment for Arturo! And god, the fact that he started learning medical knowledge and spedrun plastic surgery specifically since age 12 HAS to mean something. My vague theories of Felicity having struggles with body image/dysmorphia (Arturo's section of this post) are... maybe real???

Honestly, I'm starting to wonder if Arturo is going to go farther in this game. I don't expect him to survive or anything, but I could see it taking him a surprisingly long time to die. He feels like he's got too much lore to unpack to die, like, next chapter. Unless he gets HELLA focused next chapter, which is definitely possible.

This is so silly. I love them.

(Note: I'm not a Whit mastermind truther, but if I were, I would point out that MonoTV sort of covering up a rules violation for Whit could be relevant. I'm not a Whit mastermind truther though, so I think this is just a very silly joke a la "no wifi! why live :(" )

Well you see Eden, the killer would have actually had all night to prepare. If, say, they mentioned that they could dial in and focus on their work for like 14 hours straight, they could have gotten a lot done before 7:30 AM!

I'll talk about this more later, but the fact that J, David, Veronika, Hu and Nico seemingly have alibis that actually matter is so iconic. I can't believe that many theories died that quick. I'll talk about that more in my theories section, though!

It's been said before, but. Funniest fucking reaction to being declared innocent of murder.

"David still has a family history of depression even if that isn't his secret" nation where you at?

This one made me laugh out loud. Who does it like him

How truthful do we think David is in this next section? I refuse to believe it's 100% a lie, just because he's cooking SO hard on SOMETHING, but I could also believe David thinks he's lying to an extent. I could definitely see a "the best lies are based on the truth" kind of thing?

Also, damn. Xanvid really is real. LGI got me to believe it but WOW David's just being gay on main now

This was a really good, succinct way to have Teruko show her opposition to David's ideas. Even if it is to end the killing game or do something "good' or whatever, Teruko is still hurt and betrayed by what Xander did. Xander tried to kill her, and presumably would have tried to kill everyone else. David is now doing the same thing.

It's going to be really interesting if, whether genuine or not, David is kinda taking on Xander's position. That's going to give Teruko a reason to (outwardly) hate him even more. I'm really looking forward to learning more about how both Teruko and David view Xander.

Also, it's so fucking funny that Teruko and David are literally fighting over Xander. Like, valid, but. Guys.

(Also, David soooo knows Teruko's secret is the killing game is all your fault. Idk if he specifically knows that Xander's plan was to kill Teruko no matter what, but he's definitely caught on to some extent.)

This was crazy. Is Xander famous? Why would everyone recognize him? Like, did David just take particular notice of Xander because he's a simp, or is there something else going on?

Notably, it's also extremely interesting that David says "Even if you all lost a year of memories for this killing game." It almost implies that David didn't? What do you know???

Also, if David DOES have weird memories about this that no one else does, it's a really interesting comparison to Teruko remembering the existence of a killing game in the area investigation when she was talking to Veronika. Are these two getting special memory privileges because they're important? Or does everyone have some kind of memory that they all should have, but only one person knows each thing?

At first I was confused when David said this, because I really don't know how dear anyone in DRDT's life to him was other than Xander. But then I realized, if David is talking about killing 15 others and yourself, he's definitely still talking about Xander's mindset. Xander had something worth the lives of 16 people that he was trying to do.

I don't know how much David cares about ending the killing game. I wonder if "belief in Xander" is the thing he's willing to kill 13 people plus himself for?

I'm starting to get REALLY curious what J's deal is. Between this and her voiced line earlier in the trial saying something along the lines of "it's like you all still haven't grasped just how serious murder is," she definitely seems to have strong opinions on specifically the morality of killing other people. WHY is she being singled out with these beliefs, what does it say about her, and where is her character headed?

(If she is the mastermind, does this couple with the "all murderers must be held accountable" rule?)

"Any answer" is so funny. I think she's looking for the truthful answer, David. This is why no one believes you when you say anything ever /aff

Notably, this is VERY similar to the plan Eden came up with that Veronika described: using the fact that TV shows need entertainment to continue to end the killing game. It's the same thing, but with a much more depressed "everyone should just give up" kind of flavor.

The level of similarity does make me think David is probably not being 100% truthful, and that he just repurposed Eden's escape plan to be something sort of similar to what he was going for.

I do think that he WAS trying to defeat the killing game by killing people through the class trial. I just think that, between Xander's actions and the motive secret he received, he was trying to kill Teruko specifically. Yet another way that David's unhinged behavior ties into the Chapter 2 secrets.

*Hu hopeless child looms in the distance*

I'm so glad that Hu gets to pop off though. She really hasn't gotten, like, any content in the series so far. Here's hoping this is kicking off her getting a bunch of time to shine!

Interesting that they had both Ace and Hu cut Nico off in this interaction. The staging definitely implies that they're trying to show that while Ace is wrong for talking over Nico and not letting them say anything, Hu is also wrong to an extent for not letting Nico defend themself and running to their rescue all the time.

I am begging you. Please discuss the murder method. I didn't realize until my rewatch of the trial that they have actually literally not talked about the murder method at ALL except for telling David that he doesn't know shit about it.

HUH?????????????

Theory Update/Analysis

Well, I'm gonna start this off by saying that I'm still pretty locked into Eden being the killer. We still need to address the tape, and I personally still found her to be decently shifty now behavior wise (she seemed nervous when we turned back to solving the trial, and she says something about "it's too hard to narrow down the killer :/" when people were talking about morning alibis). I just think it makes the most sense.

While obviously my logic for why Levi would be the accomplice has to be at least somewhat flawed, given Levi's surprise confession (!!!), I still think it's possible that Levi is the accomplice here. He could be doing this to further confuse/complicate the state of things (hence why he calls it leading people astray), and it's possible he's not being 100% honest here.

Something that Levi could be doing here is taking control of the situation and spinning the truth in his favor. Hu mentioned earlier (e11, I think?) that the secrets are phrased dramatically. Similarly, Levi may be trying to offer an explanation for his secret that might be more tame, but still believable.

For example, if Levi says that he killed one of his parents because of the circumstances he grew up in, but it turned out that his parents were extremely abusive to him in some way (cough cough Amane Momose), wouldn't people be more willing to forgive the fact that he's a "murderer"? There are different levels to the culpability of murders.

So, it's definitely possible this is still an attempt by Levi to conceal the truth of his secret. It's true that, right now, no one's really trying to match all of the remaining secrets up with the remaining secret holders in-universe, but the entire fanbase pretty much slam dunked this one. Once the content of the secrets was revealed, it wasn't too difficult to track the origin of this secret to Levi. Levi might know that, and might be trying to spin it in a positive way while he can get everyone's attention and tell everyone the same narrative here in the class trial.

I don't think any Levi accomplice or killer truthers have to fully give up on the idea, or at least not until we see what Levi actually says after this. It's a WILD topic to reveal we're going to talk about, but we haven't actually talked about it yet. If we were told "we get David's motivations for trying to throw the trial," I doubt literally any of us would have locked in the prediction of "David is trying to follow in Xander's footsteps by killing everyone via the trial because he kind of remembers Xander." So, until next week, I'm keeping an open mind!

This was insane. I can't believe we actually got a new episode, and that we're gonna KEEP getting new episodes until the chapter finishes. What the fuck!!!

[skyj80]

Please just put a super long rant about like anything

Im bout to rant about my original characters y'all aint ready

So I've been writing a script (idk if it would be like a play type thing or what) titled Ángelito!!

It follows a puerto rican seventeen year old from the bronx (self projection) name Ángel who has NO IDEA what he is doing with his life. He struggles in school due to undiagnosed dyslexia, but is very smart. Especially when it comes to writing. He has a pretty pessimistic view of life and overthinks about death. He is thinking of joining the military after high school. His family calls him Ángelito.

He has an older sister named Carmen who is his literal (platonic duh) soulmate. She is ill and wanted to be the first in her family to go to college, but couldn't due to her illness. She works part time at a cafe which is where she met her girlfriend Dahlia. Dahlia adores Ángel as if he was her own brother. Even after carmen ends up passing they stay incredibly close. There is some tension in the family due to her relationship. Dahlia is a Dominican women and some family members subtly suggest she should be with a Puerto Rican man.

Ángelito's and Carmen's parents aint too great. They aren't in love, but "stay together for the kids." The mother, Alma, is where Ángel gets his grim view of the world. She is incredibly depressed and drinks a lot. Whenever there is a moment of connection between her and her kids she fucks it up by saying the wrong thing. She thinks her kids are just to sensitive. The father, whose name is also Ángel, came to the New York from San Juan when he was very young. He has no idea how to connect with his kids. He tries. He fails. Ángelito finds himself connecting with his teacher Mr.Philips as a guiding figure more than his parents.

Mr.Philips is a young teacher who is pretty laid back, but doesn't play when it comes to his students. If they confide an issue they are having with him he will do whatever it takes to help them. Ángel's best friend Jayson calls him “philly.” He scolds him every time but deep down doesn't really care.

Ángel's friends are named Jayson and Madeline. Jayson is a trans dude who has been friends with Ángel since before his transition. He is hella energetic. Madeline is shy and doesn’t talk much. Mainly just adding small comments and offers silent support. She is very intuitive to people's feelings. Definition of a kind soul.

They also have an acquittance named Aaron. He was originally gonna be a bestfriend but I switched it so that their friendship develops over the timeline so they don't start off close at all. Aaron is popular and he does convinces Ángel, Jayson, and Madeline to go to a party with him. Ángel ends up getting drunk and freaking out. When Jayson and Madeline are at a loss Aaron steps up and seems to be the only other person who care about Ángel's safety. They get close from there

I might make some more posts about things like how Ángel got his name. Carmen's inner conflicts. Inside the minds of the parents. Or if anyone is interested in learning more about certain characters/plot points (please ask please ask please ask please ask)!! :D

Tiktok playlist about them

How I imagine the characters look

Fanart of them (OMG OMG OMG GHUREIOJWFHJV I GO FERAL)

Made by rainbowwatermelons on TikTok

Made by absolutelydone8 on TikTok

Made by rainbowwatermelons on TikTok

Made by Moony1981h on TikTok

Made by _to_the_stray_dogs_0 on TikTok

Made by grace

[sleepyboywrites]

Playing on my last req with strong reader, what about where reader playfully picks him up from behind? Like when you try to scare someone, but end up giving them a bunch of kisses? 🥰

I'm answering two of your asks with one post. Yes I'm still writing (mostly to ch.ai bots because my depression won and I couldn't bring myself to write anywhere) but, yeah still writing, I'm a writer by heart if you don't hear from me for a hella long time, and I haven't written elsewhere I'm probably just really sad or struggling again. Thank you for asking, low key made my anxiety force me to write again and helped my mental health in a twisted kinda way, and thanks for being patient so ta-da~ sorry if it's bad or on the shorter side I'm rusty cause I haven't written in a while.

Boo! - Masky x Strong Male reader (Part 2-ish)

It's no surprise that as Slender's one-man clean-up crew you have an, interesting, to say the least, skill set. You meet your fair share of literal creeps, and cleaning up their messes means you learned how to dispose of bodies, get human remains out of clothes, floors, and walls. How to navigate weird moving forests, and large bodies of water. You also know everyone's allergies and on occasion have to patch creeps up, so first aid basics as well.

However if you ask your murderer boyfriend, your scariest skill, and one of your favorites, is one you learned from your big, abusive, family. You were incredibly light footed and tended to move so silently you'd 'teleport'. You had, in reality, just walked to the location you were at but it scared the night owl creeps as you grab a midnight snack or glass of water, for yourself or your overworked exhausted boyfriend.

You loved to sneak up on Masky just as much as he did to sneak up on you. You fondly referred to said sneak attacks as love attacks for you had a tendency to smother him with affections post spook and sneak up.

The first time you very narrowly avoided dying at the hands of your beloved, because he's a trained killer and doesn't take kindly to being snuck up on.

You snuck up on him for the first, and almost last, time while he was doing paperwork late at night. He had been overworking himself to the bone, with stacks of paperwork and victims, both his and the others. You thought you'd be nice and bring him some tea, maybe convince him to go to bed, if you'd be so lucky. But as you got to his office seeing him so engrossed in his work you saw an opportunity to sneak up on him for once instead of the reverse and so you did. You set the tea behind you on a filing cabinet and snuck behind his chair pulling it out and spinning him towards your saying "Hey, honey!" And the bullet ricocheted in such a way that if you hadn't ducked, or Masky hadn't pushed your head down rather, it would've hit square between your eyes.

Sometimes it'll still be a close call if he's to wound up from his workload. But the successful ones sure are sweet.

You and Masky had a lazy day planned, where both of you had authorization for a day off and decided to take a walk, have a picnic and swim by one of the lakes in the forest. Masky had been waiting for you at the bottom of the stairs being familiarized with the stairs and your handy little skill you saw an opportunity that you couldn't miss. You crept down the stairs and scooped up your boyfriend, kissing his face, and throwing him over your shoulder as you began to walk out the mansion. Tim laughing and squirming the entire time. His laugh is a warm and enticing sound as he doesn't do so very often and hearing it fills you with an indescribable amount of joy. So much so you wish you could bottle the sound to immortalize its purest form.

When you put him down you kiss him properly this time, deeply and adoringly, "Boo!" You murmured against his lips before running off ahead of him and making him tackle you into the grass with similar treatment.

[hisbutler-problematic]

On the topic of Sebastian being completely enthralled about everything Ciel is, I personally love it so much more knowing manga context, because O!Ciel was the 'spare'. He was not supposed to carry the family nane and, frankly, people didn't think he'd be capable of it due to his poor health anyway (Remember Frances and Vincent's conversation in the flashback chapters? It's obvious O!Ciel was quite saddened by what he heard).

By all means, in a twisted way, Sebastian might just be the first person to regard O!Ciel as someone deeply capable, a shiny singularity that doesn't live in anyone's shadow. The adults around him were - tho not unrightfully - seeing his fragility first and foremost while his brother, despite seeing him as worthy, didn't wish for him to leave and forge his own path. R!Ciel's reaction came from childishness sure, but that isn't to say that it didn't feed into the idea that O!Ciel was 'his backup'.

Going off from this, Sebastian is also the one thing in his life and is irrevocably his. Again, twisted, but all O!Ciel built has been under another's name. The manor, the company, the engagement etc. None of them truly his, but his brother's. And the other servants? They are loyal, however ultimately their own people. Sebastian? In an entirely different spot. He'll be there until the end after all.

This is an aspect of their relationship that tugs at my heartstrings so much. It's so toxic and depressing yet strangely soft and tender somewhat at least to me.

Sorry, I just really wanted to pour my thoughts and I appreciate your posts. So here I am!

anon, i’m in love with you

i literally think about this all the time like. that conversation frances and vincent had? imo vincent just flippantly saying "i guess ill just have to give the estate back to the queen lmao" could be taken 2 ways which is: at face value OR (what i think is more likely) vincent just saying what he knows will piss frances off to get her to stop talking. tbh vincent seems like a good dad imo and like he doesnt super underestimate o!ciel (he seemed absolutely fine with the idea of o!ciel going off to london by himself and opening a toy store in the future), but he DOES know that o!ciel is frail and sickly, and it makes me wonder how seriously he considered the idea that o!ciel might inherent the title of the queen's watchdog.

honestly, i feel in some respects, r!ciel treats o!ciel more carefully than their parents. he very much has an attitude of "my baby brother NEEDS me, he cannot survive without me!!" (gasps and shock, to learn it is actually the other way around /s)

all this to say, whether you lean more towards my interpretation or yours, or a fun mix, or whatever, it is undeniable that all of o!ciel's relationships were 'tainted' (for lack of a better term) by his illness and the way it made others view him and treat him.

AND THEN COMES SEBASTIAN

sebastian, who takes one look at o!ciel, and goes "lmao what a fucked up lil dude. time for little a snacky". sebastian, who then sits down to forge a contract with said little dude only to realize Oh Okay So This Child Is Clever. And o!ciel being sickly does kind of come up when they're making the contract, but sebastian focuses more on the actual logistics of that and o!ciel says 'nvm we'll deal w it when it comes up' (which is hilarious imo. he really said a sudden chill can put me on my deathbed but thats a problem for future me).

and then it turns out o!ciel is hella sheltered. but also a huge bitch.

and at this point, all i can assume is sebastian is so bewildered by this experience that the fact that o!ciel is frail and sickly and fragile is like. just another thing about this kid. o!ciel has never made sebastian's life easy and it would be stupid to think he would start now, sebastian thinks as his young master suffers from yet another cold just bc it rained yesterday. "i never knew you had asthma" says sebastian, who has read every medical journal to date on chest colds. "you never asked," says the bane of sebastian's existence.

and the thing is you can say "sebastian is only worried about o!ciel bc if o!ciel dies, he loses his meal" which is true and accurate and tbh if i was sebastian and i had put up w that much, i wouldn't want to lose my meal to a mere cough.

BUT ALSO

then you see the way sebastian is so fascinated and intrigued and bewitched by o!ciel. i think to sebastian the fact that o!ciel is frail and sickly is just another contradiction in the sea of contradictions that makes o!ciel so fascinating. and i think sebastian is the only one who really sees all those contradictions, he's the only one who sees everything that makes up o!ciel. and he loves what he finds.

(not to mention the fact that sebastian is the only person o!ciel allows to see his every aspect. or, well, some he tries to hide, but only because he thinks sebastian will try to use something against him. either way, sebastian is still the only person who he lets see the most of him. because sebastian is the only person who knows who he really is, who he doesnt have to put up a front for. he doesn't have to pretend to be his brother, he doesn't have to worry about being the spare.)

[darth-sonny]

Ooooh the fam is hella protective aren't they for Leo in the bad end... I have 2 questions :]

1. When Leo destroy the kraang how does the resistence react to this? I mean.. they've been trying to defeat prime/kraang for years but this very young adult just.. defeats it?? Where was he? And why does he look like the host?

2. After Leo is free.. does he get any depressive or derealization episodes? Also what does the fam do to gain Leo's "forgiveness"?

i know Leo probably already forgave them but some twisted side of me kinda want Leo to be bitter.. Like- he was suffering for who knows how long in the mind demension and i can imagine he has at least a bit of distrust in his fam (difficult to seperate them with their mind versions at first) and in the end... The one who had to save him was literally HIMSELF- no offense i get Leo love his family to death but i fully believe there has to be at least SOME resentment..

Sorry for the long ask, this AU is super interesting and i love it!

hella protective doesn't even BEGIN to cover it

as for the questions:

Leo killing Prime (and subsequently the rest of the Kraang race) happened far away from where the Resistance 2.0 currently was at that time. and once Leo is free, the fam is gonna hide him from everyone else due to circumstances, only letting him out when Leo says he's ready. when (if) he does, Leo's gonna be already scrubbed free of all things Kraang on his body. so to everyone, he's probably just another survivor they brought in

a lot. so much. pretty much every day. he finds it a bit difficult to grasp that he really is free, that Prime is gone, and that what happened to him is over, and it won't happen again. or ever. it just feels like too much for him

and as for the "does he hate his family" thing. weeellllllllllllllllllllll........

at first, he doesn't. those first few days, maybe weeks, after he's freed all he can do is just stay close to everyone, and vice-versa

after that? well...

that's up to personal interpretation

[sarndonic]

My ramblings on RE: Death Island

Y'all RE: Death Island opened in PH cinemas today and here are my thoughts on some of the scenes. Leaks have been going around on TW since this morning, so I'm dividing my ramblings into four sections.

WARNING: HEAVY SPOILERS AHEAD

Can confirm:

-Definitely Jill's time to shine. Everyone was like..."If there's Jill, there's hope..."

-She even has a big ass plasma rifle scene (probably a tribute to re3r)

-Movie more or less confirms that Jill has met Leon and Claire before. Their first scenes with Jill were like "hey, how's it going?" situations.

-Chris and Claire sibling interactions! We haven't been blessed with those since Code Veronica, nice.

Want to clear out:

-Pertaining to an early leak which caused quite a ruckus on TW: Maria was climbing over Leon like a koala to a tree during their fight scenes, but never once did he flirt with her or anyone else for that matter. He even called Maria "Arias' bitch" who could finally be with her Dad again after she died by Leon's hands. Kinda brutal coming from Leon if you ask me.

-This Leon came in with a luggage-ful of cringey but kinda funny one-liners. He reminds me of Damnation!Leon and I didn't sense any undertones of depression in him! Though he still hates his job (he refers to it as just a "living"), Leon seems to be in a much better place this time around. This scene literally happened:

Leon blurts out a one liner

Jill musters up an Oscar-worthy "Ugh...really?" reaction

Jill, probably:

Want to add:

-Movie was about how people respond to trauma differently. Dylan practically experienced the same sh*t as the main cast in RC, but he had chosen to side with the villains.

-Really nice to see this new model of Leon in action, doing re4r-esque stunts. That was kinda missing in ID, tbh. Also Leon and bikes look hot together, but can never be good news.

-Other character relationships in a nutshell, for those who are interested.

Jill and Leon -> This was definitely their buddy cop movie. I know people like to bully Leon for being "dumb" or for whatever reason, but Jill clearly respects his skills the same way Leon respects hers.

Jill and Chris -> Movie makes it clear that Chris absolutely cares about Jill. You can interpret it as both platonic and romantic (not very much so on the latter, though). I love Chris' "Welcome back!" line to Jill in the end and their little fist bump.

Chris and Leon -> I'd say they're like old co-workers who definitely know how to defeat BOWs. That's about it. They are mostly in action scenes together, with very little dialogue.

Rebecca and Claire -> Had great moments of nerdiness together (I mean that in an affectionate way), but very few action scenes compared to the other 3 mains. 

Can't say much about the other character combos, tbh. There was no mention of the ID conflict bet Leon and Claire. They have very little interactions in the film, probably less than a min. of dialogue? Just Leon saying Claire's name when they saw each other for the first time in the film (not even sure if that was Chris or him even), and then a scene where he ordered her and Rebecca to go mess around with the computers (ala ID).

-That character with a special mention in the early leaks -> It was Chris talking about Piers from re6. Unfortunately, there were no surprise appearances from other fan-fave characters. 

-The ending was your classic "heroes staring into the sunset after one hella fight" cliche, but t'was nice nonetheless haha

Overall:

It's everything you expect from a Resident Evil movie. Campy and with a weak plot, but gets redeemed by featuring a sh*t ton of welcome fan service (both good and bad). I like it better than Vendetta. 

Supposedly a 10/10, but that licker scene was a disservice to Jill, so 9/10.

[fuzzyduckduckyfuzz]

after all this time I still found you Timebomb part 8

Summary- months after jinx’s “death” Ekko had gone into a spiral, making everyone around his worried. He can’t stop the feeling that maybe she’s still out there, and it’s only when he finally goes looking for her that his dream and nightmare comes true

warnings- hella angst, some fluffity fluff, uh oh curse words, also mentions of depression and alcohol abuse.

Once again, Ekko found himself literally sprinting through the undercity, manoeuvring his way through bustling streets as he ran towards the fire light base. He was happy he had finally opened this place up to the public, happy him and his allies didn’t have to make a difference in silence anymore. He smiled fondly as he remembered vi and Caitlyn’s reaction to the news.

flash back

“What?!?” Vi exclaimed jumping up from her chair.

Caitlyn grabbed her by the shirt and tugged her back down to sit, a warm smile on her lips

“that’s a lovely idea Ekko. Opening your services to the public” she says kindly

“damn right it’s a good idea!!” Vi explained. A proud grin on her face as she crossed her muscular arms over her chest “I’m proud of you little man…but how exactly are you guys gonna pull that off?”

“wellll…i was thinking…with your guises help?” He says, his voicing getting higher pitched as he goes on. He knows it’s a large ask especially after…everything. But this is something he new he couldn’t do without there help.

“oh! Well…” Caitlyn trails off, she shifts her gaze to vi and then to you. Vi looked at her with a pleading puppy look that made Ekko snicker, and Caitlyn told her eyes “fine fine…we can help you out Ekko” she says, a fond smile in her lips

vi jumps up again and pumps her fist in the air “Hell yeah!!” She pauses when she notices one of the maids of the kiramman estate looking at her. She was unaware she had even walked in.

vi clears her throat and sits back down, feigning a calm persona as she clears her throat. “Ahem.i mean, yes Ekko that sounds great”

the maid quickly walks away from the awkward situation and Caitlyn and vi burst out laughing, but at the back of Ellis mind all he can think is “jinx…powder, would’ve loved this”….

end of flash back

Ekko chuckles to himself at the memory, but quickly shakes his head. He can’t dwell on the past when he has such an important mission to take care of. He soon reaches the entrance to the base and sprints inside, passing by other firelights quick so they don’t try and start a conversation, stalling his plan.

he must have looked like a goddamn crazy person, practically tearing the base apart trying to find this stupid clue from jinx, with literally no explanation from him to the other people in the building. When he finally thinks he thought of the wrong goddamn place, he remembers. His room! He hasn’t checked his room!

He raced through the building, making a b line to his room. He practically kicks in the door as he enters and he immediately starts tearing his already disastrous room apart even more. He has to step over clothes and empty booze bottles as he frantically looks around. He glances in the direction of his bed and, he had to admit, his bed looked extra comfortable after being out since the last night and the sun now almost fully risen.

he was having no goddamn luck finding this clue. Non at all. He lets out a frustrated huff and slams his fist into the desk, causing the area and surfaces around it to vibrate, and guess what falls on his head in that very moment. You guess it! The fucking clue! He lets out an annoyed grumble as he picks up the tin monkey.

“this is getting old.” He mutters as he takes the piece of paper from the monkeys hands. He unfolds it and reads the next clue

“haza! Haza! You found the damned clue! The next one my friend is rather close to you. A friend of mine and yours both very close bonds, holds the next clue that defines the odds”

he reads it am immediately knows who this person is but isn’t any less confused. Vi? How? Was she in on this? Did she know jinx was alive??

he continued to ask questions in his mind when he glasses at the window and sees…a peak of blue hair from the other side…that was without a doubt jinxes hair.

“jinx?!” He cries, running over to the glass door. He frantically opens it but just as he does, her hair disappears out of sight. He looks around in absolutely every direction calling out her name…nothing.

“…I think I’m starting to go fucking crazy…”

[geddy-leesbian]

HEYYYY !!!!! so i was just wondering a few things if that’s okay

1. what re games have you played?/which is ur fav

2. did u like luis the moment he was introduced or did knowing his full story really connect w you?

3. rare pairs!! i love rare pairs so please explain any of the ones u like with luis :-) not asking about any in particular i just like to see people talk abt stuff they like

TYSMMM BYEEEE

YAYYY ASK!! IT'S MORE THAN OKAY

1. so my RE pipeline was kinda wild. In 2020ish I watched my sibling play through RE4 on our wii, but didn't have any strong feelings, like nothing stuck with me. I literally forgot Luis existed, I had zero memory of what he was like in that game. Then last year they showed me this fantastic youtube video and I was hella interested in Leon/Luis so they replayed RE4R (they're insanely good and had already beaten it several times) and I became OBSESSED with Luis and Leon and RE generally. After RE4R they binged and replayed (with me watching ofc) some of REmake, RE2R, RE7, and Village. The games I've actually played myself are RE1 but only the DS port, Revelations, RE4R, both Chronicles games, and this obscure beauty that is incredibly noncanon but actually very dear to me:

(and I've at least read about/watched some cutscenes from all the other games)

This is insane of me, but honestly I fucking love Darkside Chronicles so much that I almost want to say it's my favorite, but I won't go that far and just say that RE4R is my favorite with an honorable mention to Darkside. 

2. My first real exposure to him was from that youtube video so like

yeah I was hooked immediately and then got deeper and deeper into RE lore and loved him even more 

3. Of course I love Winterserra. I just love that they're both what they need, that they save each other; Ethan needs saved from his infection/the corrupt part of the BSAA, Luis needs a malewife someone to save him from himself and his guilt, making him feel like he deserves to live and pulling him out of his depression. 

I'm also going to gush about a nonromantic pairing that I really love: Luis and Alfred Ashford.

It all goes back to Darkside Chronicles:

My brain worms honed in on "traitors to Umbrella" and went "ah yes so Luis Serra would have been in Rockfort if he'd tried to sabotage the Nemesis Project instead of quietly disappearing to Valdelobos. Interesting." That spawned a whole AU where Luis avoids execution by being charming as hell. Seeing as Alexia Ashford was a child prodigy, Alfred is 👀 when he finds out that a prisoner he received is also a child prodigy (I imagine Luis being the first and last child prodigy to end up in Rockfort, most would just be too brainwashed and manipulated to want to break away. I mean I guess technically Wesker and Birkin were child prodigies who broke away but Luis would still be the only one that ended up in Rockfort) and has Luis moved and treated better than other prisoners. Luis learns to roll with Alfred and stay on his good side, eventually managing to con him into believing that a) he did not betray Umbrella at all but got framed by his coworkers and b) an elaborate bullshit story about Luis actually being nobility.

... which Alfred REALLY likes and he gets to be the first non Ashford to enter the private residence, where he's supposed to be Alfred's companion until Alexia wakes up. I'm going to cut this ramble off here but being Alfred's BFF is actually hell on earth tbh (Alfred is genuinely very fond of Luis and tries to treat him well, but the problem is that Alfred Ashford is a mentally unstable absolute WEIRDO that has no idea what normal people enjoy and their basic needs so like. Yeah. It's better than being physically tortured/executed/a guinea pig, but still a very bad time!) but Luis hangs in there and eventually escapes back to Valdelobos, but as a very different person, a very bitter one who would really, really not want to help Leon and Ashley… but still would eventually.

My last Luis rare pair is Luis/Annette but there's not much to elaborate on really. Annette likes fucking him because she's trapped in a loveless marriage and William hasn't had sex with her in years and Luis is young and pretty, and a lot better in bed than William. Luis likes fucking her because he feels like a monster for his work and misses Leon (this is an AU where they knew each other as teenagers) and sneaking around with a blonde reminds him of sneaking around with Leon back in the day. There's nothing emotional, just two people using sex as a coping mechanism to distract themselves from how deeply unhappy they are. (i kinda lied it does get a bit more interesting with Annette entrusting Sherry to him when Everything Went Wrong, but up to that point the "relationship" is 100% physical, only sex, no feelings.)

AGAIN THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING I ALWAYS LOVE ANSWERING ASKS <3

[reilleclan-blog]

Brooooooo when is it my turn to experience queer love , WHEN IS IT MY TURNJNNNNN, I swear when I'm committed to someone I try to let them know I'm interested but I'm not gonna be chasing someone like we in a damn movie or something, I've had a crush on a friend for the longest time and she told me she wasn't into me and that's cool but geez even as my friend it felt like she didn't want me around or "there was no space for me" in her life or whatever and it's fine. And yes I even told her/asked her u know I don't want to be intruding if u don't have time and I just left it at that . And I understand so many ppl going thru burnout and being depressed . I go thru that every week but to feel like I can't even get a text until 4-5 months later ... damn I feel hella irrelevant and unloved even from my friend.

Even my best friend she takes time to text me like a week or two b/c she's always busy even I take forever or I let her know sometimes I'm just not in the mood for talking and she respects that but to feel blatantly ignored really hurts. And at times I felt like maybe I'm blowing it outta proportion but I don't think it's that hard to text back. And in the end I just left her alone it seems like I'm not needed so yeah I just stopped texting her not like she was really hitting me up either. But the annoying part is how I still think about her and how I'm "yearning" for someone that doesn't think about me. I just want someone to love me as much as I love them. Friendship or the other u know!

Literally I was at work and this girl's gf was waiting for her outside and they were kissing I'm like "OMGGGG I WANTT THAT" whyuuyyyyy every person I ever liked didn't like me back or wasn't honest with actually liking me . ITS SO FRUSTRATINGLY LAME. And then the place I was at has some fine ass ppl around but like I'm at work I'm not gonna say anything but omgggggff when is it my turn. Even if I don't ever get my turn fine whatever . ;-; I'm tired of getting my heart wounded anyways. I got trust issues and constantly think ppl don't like me. I guess that's why I've always gotten crushes on my friends or most of them b/c they accept me for myself and b/c I feel safe and connected to them I guess it sprouts into feelings for them. Again not all the time but u know . I wish someone loved me as much as I loved them and honestly I don't want to hear someone saying "it's gonna be ur turn" b/c I've been waiting for most of my life. And no I don't want a damn cougar or some old ass man tryna hit on me I want authenticity LOVE AND TO BE LOVED UGHHHHHHH UGH.

Also this day was kicking myass , masking is so difficult (not wearing a mask but masking as in trying to be neurotypical) like today wasn't even super taxing but I was standing for the longest time and feeling out of place around other ppl never feels good . I was lowkey thinking of crying b/c me and my client was outside waiting for our ride for 1hr and it was stressing me out and I just can't deal at times .*big baby cry cry* 😭

And the fact that we were at the damn hospital and ppl sniffing and coughing nurses just refuse to wear masks is beyond me

I was hungry and stressed and thennnn it started mf raining . I got home ok thank goodness I guess . I'm stressed bruh I really am :/

[golbrocklovely]

I’m gonna say that it scares me how bullying other people has been normalized on the Internet to the point that people with morals and brains who do not really even like the person that is being harrased are made fun of for simply trying to stop the hate.

I am not even here talking about the whole sam and katelyn situation. I am talking in general. I’ve noticed that in many fandoms harrasing people online that we do not like, making fun of them in every possible way has been so normalized that a person who praises them will appear as a “silly” for a bigger audience of fans. Like what? Like f.e this has been a thing rn in yr fandom (idk if you watched the show). People have been targeting E and hating on him for having a gf (literally… same thing as snc lol) and making fun of people who are being just supportive and lovely.

I, like everyone else also have people i dislike. But what the heck is the point of bringing it to the Internet and basically sending those people hate? And that applies to everyfuckinhone. Sam, Colby, Edwin, idk Katelyn, Malia, Katrina etc etc. If you do not like someone… just shut up and rant to your bestie about it on private. Why bring it into public space when everyone can see it ? INCLUDING the person you are making fun of /hating on. There has been sooo many cases of people trying to commit s*icide or committing it only due to online hate they received and i wonder how many more of it will take for people to finally reflect that what you put on the Internet and how you treat others can have very big influence on how they are feeling and things can turn really really bad turn. Or are we are just gonna stay as immature wannabe “cool and savage” mfs, who are just mean and sad and one by one gonna all k*ll eo either is literally or metaphorically (like kill eo happiness and personalities)

i agree with you so much, anon.

it's so odd to me how easy it is for certain ppl to hate someone they truly don't know.

and look, i won't pretend to be a saint. plenty of ppl know who i don't like bc i've talked about it. however, i have never in all my years of being on the internet (both in this fandom and not) have went to someone's page and hated on them directly or dmed them. i don't wish harm on those i don't like or disagree with. but so many ppl do and it's truly upsetting.

do i complain on here about ppl that aren't on here? yes. but i'm not gonna go to a site they are on and @ them and say "hey here's why i don't like you" bc that type of behavior to me is hella weird.

truly i think more ppl would benefit from just buying a journal and writing shit out there. bc too many ppl feel embolden to be as rude as possible, as if there isn't someone else on the other side of the screen.

bullying online never makes sense to me bc… what exactly do you want the end result to be? for them to hurt themselves? deactivate? never come back online? i just don't understand what thought process you have to think that harassing someone is gonna make them bend to your will, whatever that might be.

and no, i don't watch the show you're referring to, but i can believe that 100%. that happens so often to any male figures in literally every form of media. it's so odd. hell, i know i used to act that way when i was younger and in the jonas brothers fandom. but even back then i didn't @ miley cyrus and say she didn't deserve nick jonas lol

this is the first time in a long time i've ever actually considered leaving the fandom. not only has this harassment of katelyn really been eye opening to me, but also just the way sam went about all of this too. it all has left a sour taste in my mouth. but i'm trying to just remember that surrounding myself with nice ppl in the fandom (or those that are reasonable enough to not harass another person) is the better option than just up and leaving. bc i do love snc, even if rn i'm disappointed by them.

i just wish ppl would be nicer. maybe it's bc of my depression or past issues with bullying, but it's so disheartening to see all of this play out the way it has. and while i know i haven't always been kind, i at least try to be. but i feel like so many don't even do that. and that's a real shame.