#but i also was literally so depressed at the time it ended up hella depressing. i don't like. remember anything from that year

[daddyplasmius]

this is let grief do its work, a fic (currently unedited rip) I started as a kind of sister fic to hand on my stupid heart, another fic I'd written earlier and uh. yeah. you guessed it. haven't finished. I'm working on this on the side, Flying Over the Pit of Death + its sister fic & my original novels being my main focuses right now. I will most likely continue lgdiw sometime in the future, it just isn't my main priority. Like all of my fics, this idea is free for anyone to take & run with. if/when I finish this fic, the edited version will go on ao3. For context: this is just a prologue of sorts, depicting vaguely what is happening on the human side of the Portal the month after the Accident. On Danny's side, he's been chillin' in the Ghost Zone, where he ended up after half-dying, believing he's fully dead (he's not) & only realized he's still alive after it was too late for him to tell everyone what happened cuz like, awkward & embarrassing lol. HOMSH takes place a year later, when things come to a head. I feel it's important to reiterate that, although Danny isn't actually dead, the characters think he is & act accordingly. okay author's infodump note complete, fic under a readmore

“when they first go, let yourself think every selfish, no-good, dirty, angry, filthy, horrible thought. let the waves of anger wash through you. let grief do its work.” ーCaitlyn Siehl; Grief Counseling

On the first day, Sam had thought that, maybe, Danny was just busyーtoo busy to answer their texts, and their calls, and everything else. But then Tucker called her. It was a horrible game of telephone at first. Danny’s parents told Jazz, who told Tucker, who told Sam, and that’s how the communication went for two days until she and Tuck had enough.

They went to FentonWorks, the big, ugly building on the corner of Mockingbird and Cedar, and were surprised to find no one home at all. Not even Jazz. And, for the first time since they’d known the Fentons, the doors were locked. And when they tried to talk to Jazz later, they would find that they’ve officially filed a police report.

ー

Danny Fenton is missing. The last time Sam talked to him she was making fun of him, for being too scared to go check out the Fentons’ new Ghost Portal. She knew he was freaked out by stuff like thatーby ghosts. Now she doesn’t know if she’ll ever see him again.

There’s just no way. He can’t be gone. She literally saw him on Saturday. His empty seat in homeroom on the first day of school is the thing that does it. There’s this gap in the desks where he should be, but he’s not. Like he’s already haunting her.

It makes her sick. Everythingーeverything in her head, everything she knows. Despite what Dash and his asshole friends say, Danny wouldn’t run away. And the longer a person is missing, the more likely it is that they’reー

Sam doesn’t wait for the bell. She leaves Tucker in homeroom, goes straight to the bathroom, and wipes her face down in the sink, water turning black. Suddenly, everything macabre, everything dark and creepyーit just disgusts her.

She goes home early. No one even says anything, not the school, not her parents, not Tucker. Alone in her room, Sam starts to shake. She sobs once, something seething just under her skin. She stalks over to the wall where most of her horror movie posters are taped and starts tearing them down, one by one.

ー

Danny Fenton has been missing for a week, and Tucker, staring at the sweater his best friend forgot at his house, laid across his computer chair, thinks he’s starting to feel it.

Opening his phone, he feels it again. Looking at his texts, he feels it again, and again, and again.

Saturday • 4:47 p.m. Danny Phantom: xD Danny Phantom: not playing tonight, ghost portal opening night 👻 Danny Phantom: can play tmrw tho Too Fine: hell ya txt u then Danny Phantom: 👍 Sunday • 10:20 a.m. Too Fine: yo still up 4 doomed Too Fine: dued Too Fine: dude* Too Fine: you there Sunday • 10:21 a.m. Too Fine: txt me when you wanna play Sunday • 11:58 a.m. Too Fine: you up?

Tucker lets his phone fall on his bed. He doesn’t bother checking in with Sam. She’s been out of school and ignoring him for the last three days. It’s almost been a week sinceー

He gets up and stumbles to his chair. He sits down, careful not to mess up Danny’s NASA hoodie. Tucker turns on his desktop, types in his password, checks his emails. He messes around for as long as he can before he literally cannot take it anymore. He just can’t ignore it.

God. His best friend is gone. Is he coming back? Is heー

It’s like something inside his chest cracks. Without thinking, he pulls the NASA hoodie into his lap, and then over his head. It’s been here too long. It still has that smell of ozone and copper on it, though.

Tucker leans back in his chair and stares at the wall.

ー

Danny was home. That’s the thing. The last time Jazz saw him, he was inside the house, and she never saw him leave. He must have, at some point. She has no idea why, or for what, but he must have. It’s the only rational explanation. Danny left. Something happened. He never came home.

She feels the panic rising, gripping her throat again. She puts the candle down on the bleachers. Wipes her face. Whoever is speaking to the crowd of students holding vigil is a mess of white noise in her ears. It doesn’t help. It should and it doesn’t. A lot of things are the opposite of what Jazz knowsーthought they are.

She almost wishes it had just happened at home, been a little less drawn out.

As soon as it pops into her head, she feels sick, disgusted at herself.

But no one goes missing this long and lives. A very small percentage do. And if it had been some accident in the lab, like she always feared would happen, at least they’d have a body to mourn. At least they would know.

ー

Sam’s parents pretend they aren’t happy. They have to look worried, grieving, because what would the neighbours think if they didn’t? She can see through it, unlike them. They always hated the Fentons. They always hated Danny. They always hated Sam’s fascination with the macabre.

Well. They got what they wanted.

It’s like he’s in everything. She isn’t even looking for him, and he’s still there, still everywhereー

Sam rubs her eyes on her sleeve before she can properly cry. There’s no body. He could still come back. A month is a lot, but he could stillーhe could show up. Someone could find him alive. He could be alive.

Her parents look at her from across the lavish, stupidly large, solid wood table. She should know what type of wood it is but it’s like the information is behind a fogbank. She can see the silhouette. She just can’t make it out. Mom places her cutlery down neatly, dabs her mouth with a cloth napkin, and clears her throat.

“Sammy-kins…” She starts, and the rage inside Sam bubbles up like lava bursting through rock. “There’s been… We…”

She looks to the side for help, from dad. He looks incredibly awkward for a moment before turning to Sam with an expression she hasn’t seen since grandpa died.

“Saman… Sam.” He says, simply, slowly, and the lava in Sam’s gut turns cold, and heavy. “They’ve found evidence that has given them reasons to believe that… your friend is gone.” He’s never spoken this softly. Ever. His voice is barely audible above the blood rushing in her ears. “They’ve called off the search.”

ー

Tucker didn’t expect nightmares. He wakes up and he panic-cries into his pillow and hopes to whatever god or deity is listening that ghosts in dreams aren’t real. He can’t explain the fear. Everything is incredibly normal, more normal than his dreams ever have been, and then Danny walks in.

He would give anything for this to happen, right now, in real life. He’s afraid, though. In his dreams, a sheer terror overcomes him. He can’t get away fast enough. He can still hear his own voice echoing in his head. “You’re dead! You’re dead!”

It’s a wrongness he can’t quite graspーor doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to be afraid of his best friend. Tucker wants him back so badly. But his brain knows the truth, even if Tuck is digging his heels in and refusing to budge.

Someone knocks on his door, and he tenses.

“Tucker, sweetie? It’s…” Mom takes a deep breath. “It’s time to go.”

He grits his teeth and shoves his face into his pillow so hard he can’t get air. He stays like this until he can’t. He gets up.

Tucker walks across the floor like a zombie, barely aware of what he’s even doing. He manages to put on the suit his mom put out for him yesterday, and goes downstairs. He refuses breakfast. The three of themーmom, dad, Tuckerーgo out to the car, and drive to his best friend’s funeral.

ー

Jazz stares at the closed casket. There’s a pair of police officers out of uniform, or maybe detectives, standing in the corner by the photo album laid out on a table looking haunted. Aunt Alicia, uncharacteristically wearing a plain, black dress, sits with mom and dad at the other side of the room. Jazz stares at the casket and she tries to imagine that it’s not empty. That it isn’t making her scream inside with the frustration of it all. Her baby brother is gone. They couldn’t even find him. And probably never will. Because that’s how these things end.

Tucker walks into the room. Dark bags circle his unfocused eyes. His parents are right behind him, his father’s hand on his shoulder. Tucker looks at the casket. He turns away, catching sight of Jazz, and when his parents break off to meet hers, Tucker walks over.

He picks at his sleeves. Says nothing. Jazz tries to pick at the grief counseling she knows she’s studied for fun, but finds herself falling short.

She doesn’t see Sam or Mr. and Mrs. Manson walk in, but suddenly they’re there as well, smiling tightly and giving their condolences to Jazz’s parents. Sam doesn’t walk over. She stands in a corner and stares at a wall with purpose.

Jazz breathes slowly, willing her heart to stop pounding. She counts the stages she can see in front of her.

Too much Acceptance, all from strangers who never even knew him personally. She glances at Dash Baxter, tugging on his tie and looking annoyed. She can feel Anger in her. But also Denial. Bargaining. Depression.

And somehow, Acceptance, too.

They’re not stages. She never really got that before. You feel them all at once, all the time, and they don’t go away. The intensity changes, turning from a background hum to bright bursts of emotion at any little reminder.

She looks at Tucker out of the corner of her eye. She wonders if he’s feeling that way too. Being bombarded by the stages of grief in a way no one prepared them for. Is this why mom and dad never let them get any pets? Besides Danny’s gerbil, which promptly disappeared before she could even get used to the rodent’s smell. What happened to it? Was it rehomed, or is its body still somewhere around the house, unfound, unlooked for?

The stages start over, skipping between Depression, Anger, Denial, the emotions falling over themselves. She wished the cops would leave.

Not soon enough, it’s over. The funeral home employees usher them out, the rooms and halls now empty. The drive home is simultaneously the longest and shortest ever. She stares up at the brick and all she wants to do is sleep. She heads inside intending to do just that.

She takes her shoes off at the door. Mom and dad take off their jacks and move to settle in the living room. Mom is holding a tissue to her eye. Jazz hesitates for just a moment.

Should she do something? She feels like she should do something, anything. She wants to suggest therapy. She’s afraid to open her mouth, though. Jazz can feel the blame on the back of her tongue, ready to spill out. That would be the worst thing for her to do, and she doesn’t know if she has the strength to hold it back, because for fucks sake, if they just watched their children, this wouldn’t have happened.

Jazz turns to the stairs and starts climbing them. She doesn’t get halfway before she’s blinded by drywall dust and knocked off her feet.

[bluginkgo]

Depression is hitting hard, but you know what hits harder? Eternal Dream with the context of ep7

I kid you not, I was doing regular chores and brain said "Hey, pssst, eternal dream is HELLA depressing now."

...

BRAIN I DID NOT NEED THAT-

So here's me dissecting Eternal Dream yet again but with images from ep7 just to cope ;w;

Spoilers duh

(indicate my thoughts/ramble/not part of the lyrics)

I am tired of this dream Will it ever end for me?

(Betrayal after betrayal, the general tiredness of being let down over and over)

I don't have the will to know... Can you help me see?

(This verse remains a bit up in the air for me, as it always has been. I'll try a jab at it though. This is Uzi asking for help. She's tired of the horrors, the secrets, and betrayals. She needs someone else to help her see that this is not a waste of time. She needs N to help her see that there is going to be someone to encourage her.)

Let my body keep you warm Let my essence be your breeze

(So, technically, these images are rather hard to connect. But going with "Let my essence be your breeze" everything that N does in the fighting scene is to get Uzi to return to herself. Her entire being and personality is what is driving N to fight so hard. And in turn her "essence" becomes his "breeze" and will to fight back in situations that seem hopeless.)

Can you hear me calling? Please look out for me

(And he does, despite fighting to the death, he still continues to look after her TwT)

Can you set me free? Will you take my soul away?

(I keep going back and forth on this one. But the more positive one would be if N could set Uzi free from the Absolute Solver, like he has done in ep4 and helped in ep7.)

Casting me in cold Bury me in bones Rest eternally

("Bury me in bones" was first made me think of even doing this silly thing 😅 Because Uzi is literally going to be buried in the grave of Absolute Solver cores and humans that the solver snagged during the core collapse.)

Will you take me home? Can we see the moon again?

(I'm mostly pulling on the moons because they're seen in the background. This can be taken also as a way of asking to go back to the old times. To the times when none of this happened before.)

Dancing in the dark

(Hey, I know I've overused this, but I still can't stop thinking that this was a nod back to ep3. Their entire fight seems like a dance... a brutal, angst-filled, dance ;w;)

'Till we fall apart

(You know, I WAS THE ONE THAT FELL APART TwT. In all seriousness, they did fall apart. Fell/forced apart by the events of ep7.)

I can't end this dream

(This is not the end. Despite being ready and accepting of death, I- personally, so feel free to yeet this into the void- believe her job is not done. She still has something else to settle. And this dream will not end until Uzi finishes that job.)

Does this make any sense? I reckon not. But I needed Eternal Dream out of my head, and this is the only way I could think of getting rid of it ;w;

[venus-is-thinking]

DRDT Chapter 2 Episode 12: Initial Thoughts

Hello everyone! I thought it'd be fun to do a post going over some of my first thoughts from the episode after each release. "Initial" is a bit of a stretch, considering I did watch it a second time while making this post, but it's more "initial" in the context of being before the next episode drops. It's sort of like my "initial thoughts" of the Milgram MVs, which are actually the result of, like, 3 hours of obsessing and research, lol.

(By the way, @accirax and I watched the episode together, so apologies if her initial thoughts end up being, like, the same as mine.)

SPOILER WARNING FOR DRDT CH 2 EP 12!

T/W: Body image issues/body dysmorphia, murder, suicide

The Reactions

Confirmation of what I think most of us already suspected! I do think it's a little weird that Nico didn't bring up their testimony about all of the fish being there at the last time they fed the fish. That probably means it's being saved for later in the Trial, I guess?

It's okay Teruko, I saw literally no one in the entire fanbase figure this one out either!

Why is everyone so mean to her though. Everyone here has been an idiot in the Trials at LEAST once

God I missed David

This was so funny. Get his ass.

(In all seriousness, though, I do wonder if we're going to come back to what J said. I don't currently (?) think Arei was drenched, unless the real purpose of the water WAS just to confuse the time of death, so if the water didn't connect with her enough to cool her down, it might be weird that the body isn't warm after all.)

This took me out. Who let you say that. What.

Okay, but Ace, outside of a killing game... why. Like, literally why would a plastic surgeon need to know how to do an autopsy. King.

Like Felicity...? /hj

All in all, though, this was a really interesting character moment for Arturo! And god, the fact that he started learning medical knowledge and spedrun plastic surgery specifically since age 12 HAS to mean something. My vague theories of Felicity having struggles with body image/dysmorphia (Arturo's section of this post) are... maybe real???

Honestly, I'm starting to wonder if Arturo is going to go farther in this game. I don't expect him to survive or anything, but I could see it taking him a surprisingly long time to die. He feels like he's got too much lore to unpack to die, like, next chapter. Unless he gets HELLA focused next chapter, which is definitely possible.

This is so silly. I love them.

(Note: I'm not a Whit mastermind truther, but if I were, I would point out that MonoTV sort of covering up a rules violation for Whit could be relevant. I'm not a Whit mastermind truther though, so I think this is just a very silly joke a la "no wifi! why live :(" )

Well you see Eden, the killer would have actually had all night to prepare. If, say, they mentioned that they could dial in and focus on their work for like 14 hours straight, they could have gotten a lot done before 7:30 AM!

I'll talk about this more later, but the fact that J, David, Veronika, Hu and Nico seemingly have alibis that actually matter is so iconic. I can't believe that many theories died that quick. I'll talk about that more in my theories section, though!

It's been said before, but. Funniest fucking reaction to being declared innocent of murder.

"David still has a family history of depression even if that isn't his secret" nation where you at?

This one made me laugh out loud. Who does it like him

How truthful do we think David is in this next section? I refuse to believe it's 100% a lie, just because he's cooking SO hard on SOMETHING, but I could also believe David thinks he's lying to an extent. I could definitely see a "the best lies are based on the truth" kind of thing?

Also, damn. Xanvid really is real. LGI got me to believe it but WOW David's just being gay on main now

This was a really good, succinct way to have Teruko show her opposition to David's ideas. Even if it is to end the killing game or do something "good' or whatever, Teruko is still hurt and betrayed by what Xander did. Xander tried to kill her, and presumably would have tried to kill everyone else. David is now doing the same thing.

It's going to be really interesting if, whether genuine or not, David is kinda taking on Xander's position. That's going to give Teruko a reason to (outwardly) hate him even more. I'm really looking forward to learning more about how both Teruko and David view Xander.

Also, it's so fucking funny that Teruko and David are literally fighting over Xander. Like, valid, but. Guys.

(Also, David soooo knows Teruko's secret is the killing game is all your fault. Idk if he specifically knows that Xander's plan was to kill Teruko no matter what, but he's definitely caught on to some extent.)

This was crazy. Is Xander famous? Why would everyone recognize him? Like, did David just take particular notice of Xander because he's a simp, or is there something else going on?

Notably, it's also extremely interesting that David says "Even if you all lost a year of memories for this killing game." It almost implies that David didn't? What do you know???

Also, if David DOES have weird memories about this that no one else does, it's a really interesting comparison to Teruko remembering the existence of a killing game in the area investigation when she was talking to Veronika. Are these two getting special memory privileges because they're important? Or does everyone have some kind of memory that they all should have, but only one person knows each thing?

At first I was confused when David said this, because I really don't know how dear anyone in DRDT's life to him was other than Xander. But then I realized, if David is talking about killing 15 others and yourself, he's definitely still talking about Xander's mindset. Xander had something worth the lives of 16 people that he was trying to do.

I don't know how much David cares about ending the killing game. I wonder if "belief in Xander" is the thing he's willing to kill 13 people plus himself for?

I'm starting to get REALLY curious what J's deal is. Between this and her voiced line earlier in the trial saying something along the lines of "it's like you all still haven't grasped just how serious murder is," she definitely seems to have strong opinions on specifically the morality of killing other people. WHY is she being singled out with these beliefs, what does it say about her, and where is her character headed?

(If she is the mastermind, does this couple with the "all murderers must be held accountable" rule?)

"Any answer" is so funny. I think she's looking for the truthful answer, David. This is why no one believes you when you say anything ever /aff

Notably, this is VERY similar to the plan Eden came up with that Veronika described: using the fact that TV shows need entertainment to continue to end the killing game. It's the same thing, but with a much more depressed "everyone should just give up" kind of flavor.

The level of similarity does make me think David is probably not being 100% truthful, and that he just repurposed Eden's escape plan to be something sort of similar to what he was going for.

I do think that he WAS trying to defeat the killing game by killing people through the class trial. I just think that, between Xander's actions and the motive secret he received, he was trying to kill Teruko specifically. Yet another way that David's unhinged behavior ties into the Chapter 2 secrets.

*Hu hopeless child looms in the distance*

I'm so glad that Hu gets to pop off though. She really hasn't gotten, like, any content in the series so far. Here's hoping this is kicking off her getting a bunch of time to shine!

Interesting that they had both Ace and Hu cut Nico off in this interaction. The staging definitely implies that they're trying to show that while Ace is wrong for talking over Nico and not letting them say anything, Hu is also wrong to an extent for not letting Nico defend themself and running to their rescue all the time.

I am begging you. Please discuss the murder method. I didn't realize until my rewatch of the trial that they have actually literally not talked about the murder method at ALL except for telling David that he doesn't know shit about it.

HUH?????????????

Theory Update/Analysis

Well, I'm gonna start this off by saying that I'm still pretty locked into Eden being the killer. We still need to address the tape, and I personally still found her to be decently shifty now behavior wise (she seemed nervous when we turned back to solving the trial, and she says something about "it's too hard to narrow down the killer :/" when people were talking about morning alibis). I just think it makes the most sense.

While obviously my logic for why Levi would be the accomplice has to be at least somewhat flawed, given Levi's surprise confession (!!!), I still think it's possible that Levi is the accomplice here. He could be doing this to further confuse/complicate the state of things (hence why he calls it leading people astray), and it's possible he's not being 100% honest here.

Something that Levi could be doing here is taking control of the situation and spinning the truth in his favor. Hu mentioned earlier (e11, I think?) that the secrets are phrased dramatically. Similarly, Levi may be trying to offer an explanation for his secret that might be more tame, but still believable.

For example, if Levi says that he killed one of his parents because of the circumstances he grew up in, but it turned out that his parents were extremely abusive to him in some way (cough cough Amane Momose), wouldn't people be more willing to forgive the fact that he's a "murderer"? There are different levels to the culpability of murders.

So, it's definitely possible this is still an attempt by Levi to conceal the truth of his secret. It's true that, right now, no one's really trying to match all of the remaining secrets up with the remaining secret holders in-universe, but the entire fanbase pretty much slam dunked this one. Once the content of the secrets was revealed, it wasn't too difficult to track the origin of this secret to Levi. Levi might know that, and might be trying to spin it in a positive way while he can get everyone's attention and tell everyone the same narrative here in the class trial.

I don't think any Levi accomplice or killer truthers have to fully give up on the idea, or at least not until we see what Levi actually says after this. It's a WILD topic to reveal we're going to talk about, but we haven't actually talked about it yet. If we were told "we get David's motivations for trying to throw the trial," I doubt literally any of us would have locked in the prediction of "David is trying to follow in Xander's footsteps by killing everyone via the trial because he kind of remembers Xander." So, until next week, I'm keeping an open mind!

This was insane. I can't believe we actually got a new episode, and that we're gonna KEEP getting new episodes until the chapter finishes. What the fuck!!!

[queasy-kitty]

story time: throwing up in my mask at the mental hospital

basically i was there because i was hella depressed, anxious, suicidal and shit, i was on and off all kinds of meds so i was somewhat used to feeling a little sick. also this was in 2021, we had to wear n95 masks everyday.

so basically i ate a bunch of weird shit throughout the day. during lunch i tried some vegetarian chicken nuggets but didn’t eat enough of them so i was forced to drink an ensure. after that i got an opportunity to have boba which was awesome but i was struggling to enjoy it. at the end of the day, some staff had made cinnamon rolls and they looked so good. i couldn’t resist. my stomach hurt so bad but i had no idea how close i was to losing it.

after all of that, we were all sitting around our tables talking about our feelings or whatever and my stomach felt really really bad. i needed to burp and i felt like i could do it casually without causing much of a scene. let me remind you, at this point in time one of the reasons im hospitalized is my anxiety. including social anxiety.

so i tried to burp and i swear to god my friend knew exactly what was happening. she was staring at me. turns out the burp brought up an entire hot mouthful of god knows what, INTO my mask.

the rest is all kind of a blur, i remember my friend next to me trying to help me and giving me a cup, and i remember sliding the extra puke that was in my hands into that cup. the nurse helped me get to the bathroom and left me for a moment. i remember pouring out the cup and trying to throw up again but i didn’t even have to. it was just that one gush, in front of everyone

I remember i had a pen in my hand too for some reason, so i threw away the pukey cup, mask, and pen, before i started washing my hands. a different nurse came back to get me, and they brought me to the little “nurses office” of the place. i sat down and remember feeling the most intense humiliation. i literally felt like i could never go back and face anybody that had seen it happen. at this point i was having a panic attack and begging to be alone and they were like uhhhhh no. my hair was crunchy with dry vomit. i remember the nurse brought my best friend into the nurse place and she was so so concerned about me. it was really shocking, I would’ve acted so weird if my friend threw up like that but she was just worried about me, and didn’t want to leave my side.

the next day i came back to the whole group and everyone was totally chill, a couple of the girls even tried to cheer me up by telling me some of their own embarrassing vomiting stories. anyways of all the places for something so horrific to happen, im glad it was there lol.

[sleepyboywrites]

Playing on my last req with strong reader, what about where reader playfully picks him up from behind? Like when you try to scare someone, but end up giving them a bunch of kisses? 🥰

I'm answering two of your asks with one post. Yes I'm still writing (mostly to ch.ai bots because my depression won and I couldn't bring myself to write anywhere) but, yeah still writing, I'm a writer by heart if you don't hear from me for a hella long time, and I haven't written elsewhere I'm probably just really sad or struggling again. Thank you for asking, low key made my anxiety force me to write again and helped my mental health in a twisted kinda way, and thanks for being patient so ta-da~ sorry if it's bad or on the shorter side I'm rusty cause I haven't written in a while.

Boo! - Masky x Strong Male reader (Part 2-ish)

It's no surprise that as Slender's one-man clean-up crew you have an, interesting, to say the least, skill set. You meet your fair share of literal creeps, and cleaning up their messes means you learned how to dispose of bodies, get human remains out of clothes, floors, and walls. How to navigate weird moving forests, and large bodies of water. You also know everyone's allergies and on occasion have to patch creeps up, so first aid basics as well.

However if you ask your murderer boyfriend, your scariest skill, and one of your favorites, is one you learned from your big, abusive, family. You were incredibly light footed and tended to move so silently you'd 'teleport'. You had, in reality, just walked to the location you were at but it scared the night owl creeps as you grab a midnight snack or glass of water, for yourself or your overworked exhausted boyfriend.

You loved to sneak up on Masky just as much as he did to sneak up on you. You fondly referred to said sneak attacks as love attacks for you had a tendency to smother him with affections post spook and sneak up.

The first time you very narrowly avoided dying at the hands of your beloved, because he's a trained killer and doesn't take kindly to being snuck up on.

You snuck up on him for the first, and almost last, time while he was doing paperwork late at night. He had been overworking himself to the bone, with stacks of paperwork and victims, both his and the others. You thought you'd be nice and bring him some tea, maybe convince him to go to bed, if you'd be so lucky. But as you got to his office seeing him so engrossed in his work you saw an opportunity to sneak up on him for once instead of the reverse and so you did. You set the tea behind you on a filing cabinet and snuck behind his chair pulling it out and spinning him towards your saying "Hey, honey!" And the bullet ricocheted in such a way that if you hadn't ducked, or Masky hadn't pushed your head down rather, it would've hit square between your eyes.

Sometimes it'll still be a close call if he's to wound up from his workload. But the successful ones sure are sweet.

You and Masky had a lazy day planned, where both of you had authorization for a day off and decided to take a walk, have a picnic and swim by one of the lakes in the forest. Masky had been waiting for you at the bottom of the stairs being familiarized with the stairs and your handy little skill you saw an opportunity that you couldn't miss. You crept down the stairs and scooped up your boyfriend, kissing his face, and throwing him over your shoulder as you began to walk out the mansion. Tim laughing and squirming the entire time. His laugh is a warm and enticing sound as he doesn't do so very often and hearing it fills you with an indescribable amount of joy. So much so you wish you could bottle the sound to immortalize its purest form.

When you put him down you kiss him properly this time, deeply and adoringly, "Boo!" You murmured against his lips before running off ahead of him and making him tackle you into the grass with similar treatment.

[hisbutler-problematic]

On the topic of Sebastian being completely enthralled about everything Ciel is, I personally love it so much more knowing manga context, because O!Ciel was the 'spare'. He was not supposed to carry the family nane and, frankly, people didn't think he'd be capable of it due to his poor health anyway (Remember Frances and Vincent's conversation in the flashback chapters? It's obvious O!Ciel was quite saddened by what he heard).

By all means, in a twisted way, Sebastian might just be the first person to regard O!Ciel as someone deeply capable, a shiny singularity that doesn't live in anyone's shadow. The adults around him were - tho not unrightfully - seeing his fragility first and foremost while his brother, despite seeing him as worthy, didn't wish for him to leave and forge his own path. R!Ciel's reaction came from childishness sure, but that isn't to say that it didn't feed into the idea that O!Ciel was 'his backup'.

Going off from this, Sebastian is also the one thing in his life and is irrevocably his. Again, twisted, but all O!Ciel built has been under another's name. The manor, the company, the engagement etc. None of them truly his, but his brother's. And the other servants? They are loyal, however ultimately their own people. Sebastian? In an entirely different spot. He'll be there until the end after all.

This is an aspect of their relationship that tugs at my heartstrings so much. It's so toxic and depressing yet strangely soft and tender somewhat at least to me.

Sorry, I just really wanted to pour my thoughts and I appreciate your posts. So here I am!

anon, i’m in love with you

i literally think about this all the time like. that conversation frances and vincent had? imo vincent just flippantly saying "i guess ill just have to give the estate back to the queen lmao" could be taken 2 ways which is: at face value OR (what i think is more likely) vincent just saying what he knows will piss frances off to get her to stop talking. tbh vincent seems like a good dad imo and like he doesnt super underestimate o!ciel (he seemed absolutely fine with the idea of o!ciel going off to london by himself and opening a toy store in the future), but he DOES know that o!ciel is frail and sickly, and it makes me wonder how seriously he considered the idea that o!ciel might inherent the title of the queen's watchdog.

honestly, i feel in some respects, r!ciel treats o!ciel more carefully than their parents. he very much has an attitude of "my baby brother NEEDS me, he cannot survive without me!!" (gasps and shock, to learn it is actually the other way around /s)

all this to say, whether you lean more towards my interpretation or yours, or a fun mix, or whatever, it is undeniable that all of o!ciel's relationships were 'tainted' (for lack of a better term) by his illness and the way it made others view him and treat him.

AND THEN COMES SEBASTIAN

sebastian, who takes one look at o!ciel, and goes "lmao what a fucked up lil dude. time for little a snacky". sebastian, who then sits down to forge a contract with said little dude only to realize Oh Okay So This Child Is Clever. And o!ciel being sickly does kind of come up when they're making the contract, but sebastian focuses more on the actual logistics of that and o!ciel says 'nvm we'll deal w it when it comes up' (which is hilarious imo. he really said a sudden chill can put me on my deathbed but thats a problem for future me).

and then it turns out o!ciel is hella sheltered. but also a huge bitch.

and at this point, all i can assume is sebastian is so bewildered by this experience that the fact that o!ciel is frail and sickly and fragile is like. just another thing about this kid. o!ciel has never made sebastian's life easy and it would be stupid to think he would start now, sebastian thinks as his young master suffers from yet another cold just bc it rained yesterday. "i never knew you had asthma" says sebastian, who has read every medical journal to date on chest colds. "you never asked," says the bane of sebastian's existence.

and the thing is you can say "sebastian is only worried about o!ciel bc if o!ciel dies, he loses his meal" which is true and accurate and tbh if i was sebastian and i had put up w that much, i wouldn't want to lose my meal to a mere cough.

BUT ALSO

then you see the way sebastian is so fascinated and intrigued and bewitched by o!ciel. i think to sebastian the fact that o!ciel is frail and sickly is just another contradiction in the sea of contradictions that makes o!ciel so fascinating. and i think sebastian is the only one who really sees all those contradictions, he's the only one who sees everything that makes up o!ciel. and he loves what he finds.

(not to mention the fact that sebastian is the only person o!ciel allows to see his every aspect. or, well, some he tries to hide, but only because he thinks sebastian will try to use something against him. either way, sebastian is still the only person who he lets see the most of him. because sebastian is the only person who knows who he really is, who he doesnt have to put up a front for. he doesn't have to pretend to be his brother, he doesn't have to worry about being the spare.)

[itsravenbitch]

AHHHH I MANIFESTED MY DREAM GF WE LITERALLY GOT TOGETHER LIKE 5 MINS AGO IM STILL PROCESSING IT BUT I HAD TO TELL U CUZ UR POSTS HELPED ME SM.

i have been trying 2 manifest this mf being with me for like 2 weeks now but i was getting real exhausted and frustrated because i wasn’t seeing results in the 3d. i was legit one straw away from saying fuck you to manifestation and giving up forever ☠️ BUT my gut told me to try it one more time. and the funny thing is i didnt even have to do much!

before i was non stop on loa tumblr, listening to subliminals 24/7, tiring myself tf out. so what i did is i took a mental break for like 2 days and then after, all i did was live in the end. i’d just act like i’m already dating her. like whenever i bought a new outfit i’d be like “damn i can’t wait to show her this” or whenever my friends would tease me abt being single i’d just be like nope im not im dating her. then i started seeing results IMMEDIATELYYYY she started flirting with me out of NOWHERE, she started sending me couple tiktoks, BASICALLY BEING HELLA OBVIOUS THAT SHE WANTS ME. then rn she just confessed and asked me out i cant believe it i am SOOO happy. even my friends r shocked by how quick it happened.

to anyone struggling and feeling tired and on the edge of giving up, plz do what i did. take a deep breath, do some self care, take a break! u do not have to exhaust urself 24/7 obsessing over it. RELAX. also make manifestation fun for u. u will not see any results if u just feel depressed while manifesting like i did. for example in my case i rly enjoy art so i drew me and her as a couple to help me visualise. its way easier than u think guys. and tysm rae for waking me up ur advice helped me a ton. <3

congratulations bby!!!

[darth-sonny]

Ooooh the fam is hella protective aren't they for Leo in the bad end... I have 2 questions :]

1. When Leo destroy the kraang how does the resistence react to this? I mean.. they've been trying to defeat prime/kraang for years but this very young adult just.. defeats it?? Where was he? And why does he look like the host?

2. After Leo is free.. does he get any depressive or derealization episodes? Also what does the fam do to gain Leo's "forgiveness"?

i know Leo probably already forgave them but some twisted side of me kinda want Leo to be bitter.. Like- he was suffering for who knows how long in the mind demension and i can imagine he has at least a bit of distrust in his fam (difficult to seperate them with their mind versions at first) and in the end... The one who had to save him was literally HIMSELF- no offense i get Leo love his family to death but i fully believe there has to be at least SOME resentment..

Sorry for the long ask, this AU is super interesting and i love it!

hella protective doesn't even BEGIN to cover it

as for the questions:

Leo killing Prime (and subsequently the rest of the Kraang race) happened far away from where the Resistance 2.0 currently was at that time. and once Leo is free, the fam is gonna hide him from everyone else due to circumstances, only letting him out when Leo says he's ready. when (if) he does, Leo's gonna be already scrubbed free of all things Kraang on his body. so to everyone, he's probably just another survivor they brought in

a lot. so much. pretty much every day. he finds it a bit difficult to grasp that he really is free, that Prime is gone, and that what happened to him is over, and it won't happen again. or ever. it just feels like too much for him

and as for the "does he hate his family" thing. weeellllllllllllllllllllll........

at first, he doesn't. those first few days, maybe weeks, after he's freed all he can do is just stay close to everyone, and vice-versa

after that? well...

that's up to personal interpretation

[sarndonic]

My ramblings on RE: Death Island

Y'all RE: Death Island opened in PH cinemas today and here are my thoughts on some of the scenes. Leaks have been going around on TW since this morning, so I'm dividing my ramblings into four sections.

WARNING: HEAVY SPOILERS AHEAD

Can confirm:

-Definitely Jill's time to shine. Everyone was like..."If there's Jill, there's hope..."

-She even has a big ass plasma rifle scene (probably a tribute to re3r)

-Movie more or less confirms that Jill has met Leon and Claire before. Their first scenes with Jill were like "hey, how's it going?" situations.

-Chris and Claire sibling interactions! We haven't been blessed with those since Code Veronica, nice.

Want to clear out:

-Pertaining to an early leak which caused quite a ruckus on TW: Maria was climbing over Leon like a koala to a tree during their fight scenes, but never once did he flirt with her or anyone else for that matter. He even called Maria "Arias' bitch" who could finally be with her Dad again after she died by Leon's hands. Kinda brutal coming from Leon if you ask me.

-This Leon came in with a luggage-ful of cringey but kinda funny one-liners. He reminds me of Damnation!Leon and I didn't sense any undertones of depression in him! Though he still hates his job (he refers to it as just a "living"), Leon seems to be in a much better place this time around. This scene literally happened:

Leon blurts out a one liner

Jill musters up an Oscar-worthy "Ugh...really?" reaction

Jill, probably:

Want to add:

-Movie was about how people respond to trauma differently. Dylan practically experienced the same sh*t as the main cast in RC, but he had chosen to side with the villains.

-Really nice to see this new model of Leon in action, doing re4r-esque stunts. That was kinda missing in ID, tbh. Also Leon and bikes look hot together, but can never be good news.

-Other character relationships in a nutshell, for those who are interested.

Jill and Leon -> This was definitely their buddy cop movie. I know people like to bully Leon for being "dumb" or for whatever reason, but Jill clearly respects his skills the same way Leon respects hers.

Jill and Chris -> Movie makes it clear that Chris absolutely cares about Jill. You can interpret it as both platonic and romantic (not very much so on the latter, though). I love Chris' "Welcome back!" line to Jill in the end and their little fist bump.

Chris and Leon -> I'd say they're like old co-workers who definitely know how to defeat BOWs. That's about it. They are mostly in action scenes together, with very little dialogue.

Rebecca and Claire -> Had great moments of nerdiness together (I mean that in an affectionate way), but very few action scenes compared to the other 3 mains. 

Can't say much about the other character combos, tbh. There was no mention of the ID conflict bet Leon and Claire. They have very little interactions in the film, probably less than a min. of dialogue? Just Leon saying Claire's name when they saw each other for the first time in the film (not even sure if that was Chris or him even), and then a scene where he ordered her and Rebecca to go mess around with the computers (ala ID).

-That character with a special mention in the early leaks -> It was Chris talking about Piers from re6. Unfortunately, there were no surprise appearances from other fan-fave characters. 

-The ending was your classic "heroes staring into the sunset after one hella fight" cliche, but t'was nice nonetheless haha

Overall:

It's everything you expect from a Resident Evil movie. Campy and with a weak plot, but gets redeemed by featuring a sh*t ton of welcome fan service (both good and bad). I like it better than Vendetta. 

Supposedly a 10/10, but that licker scene was a disservice to Jill, so 9/10.

[geddy-leesbian]

HEYYYY !!!!! so i was just wondering a few things if that’s okay

1. what re games have you played?/which is ur fav

2. did u like luis the moment he was introduced or did knowing his full story really connect w you?

3. rare pairs!! i love rare pairs so please explain any of the ones u like with luis :-) not asking about any in particular i just like to see people talk abt stuff they like

TYSMMM BYEEEE

YAYYY ASK!! IT'S MORE THAN OKAY

1. so my RE pipeline was kinda wild. In 2020ish I watched my sibling play through RE4 on our wii, but didn't have any strong feelings, like nothing stuck with me. I literally forgot Luis existed, I had zero memory of what he was like in that game. Then last year they showed me this fantastic youtube video and I was hella interested in Leon/Luis so they replayed RE4R (they're insanely good and had already beaten it several times) and I became OBSESSED with Luis and Leon and RE generally. After RE4R they binged and replayed (with me watching ofc) some of REmake, RE2R, RE7, and Village. The games I've actually played myself are RE1 but only the DS port, Revelations, RE4R, both Chronicles games, and this obscure beauty that is incredibly noncanon but actually very dear to me:

(and I've at least read about/watched some cutscenes from all the other games)

This is insane of me, but honestly I fucking love Darkside Chronicles so much that I almost want to say it's my favorite, but I won't go that far and just say that RE4R is my favorite with an honorable mention to Darkside. 

2. My first real exposure to him was from that youtube video so like

yeah I was hooked immediately and then got deeper and deeper into RE lore and loved him even more 

3. Of course I love Winterserra. I just love that they're both what they need, that they save each other; Ethan needs saved from his infection/the corrupt part of the BSAA, Luis needs a malewife someone to save him from himself and his guilt, making him feel like he deserves to live and pulling him out of his depression. 

I'm also going to gush about a nonromantic pairing that I really love: Luis and Alfred Ashford.

It all goes back to Darkside Chronicles:

My brain worms honed in on "traitors to Umbrella" and went "ah yes so Luis Serra would have been in Rockfort if he'd tried to sabotage the Nemesis Project instead of quietly disappearing to Valdelobos. Interesting." That spawned a whole AU where Luis avoids execution by being charming as hell. Seeing as Alexia Ashford was a child prodigy, Alfred is 👀 when he finds out that a prisoner he received is also a child prodigy (I imagine Luis being the first and last child prodigy to end up in Rockfort, most would just be too brainwashed and manipulated to want to break away. I mean I guess technically Wesker and Birkin were child prodigies who broke away but Luis would still be the only one that ended up in Rockfort) and has Luis moved and treated better than other prisoners. Luis learns to roll with Alfred and stay on his good side, eventually managing to con him into believing that a) he did not betray Umbrella at all but got framed by his coworkers and b) an elaborate bullshit story about Luis actually being nobility.

... which Alfred REALLY likes and he gets to be the first non Ashford to enter the private residence, where he's supposed to be Alfred's companion until Alexia wakes up. I'm going to cut this ramble off here but being Alfred's BFF is actually hell on earth tbh (Alfred is genuinely very fond of Luis and tries to treat him well, but the problem is that Alfred Ashford is a mentally unstable absolute WEIRDO that has no idea what normal people enjoy and their basic needs so like. Yeah. It's better than being physically tortured/executed/a guinea pig, but still a very bad time!) but Luis hangs in there and eventually escapes back to Valdelobos, but as a very different person, a very bitter one who would really, really not want to help Leon and Ashley… but still would eventually.

My last Luis rare pair is Luis/Annette but there's not much to elaborate on really. Annette likes fucking him because she's trapped in a loveless marriage and William hasn't had sex with her in years and Luis is young and pretty, and a lot better in bed than William. Luis likes fucking her because he feels like a monster for his work and misses Leon (this is an AU where they knew each other as teenagers) and sneaking around with a blonde reminds him of sneaking around with Leon back in the day. There's nothing emotional, just two people using sex as a coping mechanism to distract themselves from how deeply unhappy they are. (i kinda lied it does get a bit more interesting with Annette entrusting Sherry to him when Everything Went Wrong, but up to that point the "relationship" is 100% physical, only sex, no feelings.)

AGAIN THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING I ALWAYS LOVE ANSWERING ASKS <3

[golbrocklovely]

I’m gonna say that it scares me how bullying other people has been normalized on the Internet to the point that people with morals and brains who do not really even like the person that is being harrased are made fun of for simply trying to stop the hate.

I am not even here talking about the whole sam and katelyn situation. I am talking in general. I’ve noticed that in many fandoms harrasing people online that we do not like, making fun of them in every possible way has been so normalized that a person who praises them will appear as a “silly” for a bigger audience of fans. Like what? Like f.e this has been a thing rn in yr fandom (idk if you watched the show). People have been targeting E and hating on him for having a gf (literally… same thing as snc lol) and making fun of people who are being just supportive and lovely.

I, like everyone else also have people i dislike. But what the heck is the point of bringing it to the Internet and basically sending those people hate? And that applies to everyfuckinhone. Sam, Colby, Edwin, idk Katelyn, Malia, Katrina etc etc. If you do not like someone… just shut up and rant to your bestie about it on private. Why bring it into public space when everyone can see it ? INCLUDING the person you are making fun of /hating on. There has been sooo many cases of people trying to commit s*icide or committing it only due to online hate they received and i wonder how many more of it will take for people to finally reflect that what you put on the Internet and how you treat others can have very big influence on how they are feeling and things can turn really really bad turn. Or are we are just gonna stay as immature wannabe “cool and savage” mfs, who are just mean and sad and one by one gonna all k*ll eo either is literally or metaphorically (like kill eo happiness and personalities)

i agree with you so much, anon.

it's so odd to me how easy it is for certain ppl to hate someone they truly don't know.

and look, i won't pretend to be a saint. plenty of ppl know who i don't like bc i've talked about it. however, i have never in all my years of being on the internet (both in this fandom and not) have went to someone's page and hated on them directly or dmed them. i don't wish harm on those i don't like or disagree with. but so many ppl do and it's truly upsetting.

do i complain on here about ppl that aren't on here? yes. but i'm not gonna go to a site they are on and @ them and say "hey here's why i don't like you" bc that type of behavior to me is hella weird.

truly i think more ppl would benefit from just buying a journal and writing shit out there. bc too many ppl feel embolden to be as rude as possible, as if there isn't someone else on the other side of the screen.

bullying online never makes sense to me bc… what exactly do you want the end result to be? for them to hurt themselves? deactivate? never come back online? i just don't understand what thought process you have to think that harassing someone is gonna make them bend to your will, whatever that might be.

and no, i don't watch the show you're referring to, but i can believe that 100%. that happens so often to any male figures in literally every form of media. it's so odd. hell, i know i used to act that way when i was younger and in the jonas brothers fandom. but even back then i didn't @ miley cyrus and say she didn't deserve nick jonas lol

this is the first time in a long time i've ever actually considered leaving the fandom. not only has this harassment of katelyn really been eye opening to me, but also just the way sam went about all of this too. it all has left a sour taste in my mouth. but i'm trying to just remember that surrounding myself with nice ppl in the fandom (or those that are reasonable enough to not harass another person) is the better option than just up and leaving. bc i do love snc, even if rn i'm disappointed by them.

i just wish ppl would be nicer. maybe it's bc of my depression or past issues with bullying, but it's so disheartening to see all of this play out the way it has. and while i know i haven't always been kind, i at least try to be. but i feel like so many don't even do that. and that's a real shame.

[sharksa-shivers]

Part 2 of last post cuz yeah, Sharky end And Max info

Sharky cont- --- *One of Sharky's more animal-esc characteristics is that true to real sharks, he can barf his stomach up...Like the entire fucking organ. He FUCKING HATES that he can do it but he can lmao. He doesn't really know how to control it really yet either but he can force it if he has to. He usually does it whenever he's eaten way too goddamn much/eaten something real fuckin bad or he's stressed as fuck/scared as fuck/disgusted as fuck. So that's fun. (He could control it if he wanted to, sharks like Slash can do it on command lol) *Out of The Trio, Sharky's defs the best cook. Mostly because Amber's the main one who cooks at the Campsite and she's taught him a tonnnnnnnnnnn in that regard...So if something has to be cooked, usually it's Sharky doing it cuz he knows how to do it and do it well. Sharky usually likes baking the most if he had to pick something he likes doing the most in the kitchen. *Sharky does like food alot but he downplays tf out of it alot because he doesn't wanna be seen as 'that kinda shark' to which his friends are like "Bruh, cmon lmao..." --- Max- *Max is a goddamn trash goblin and will like...try anything at least once as long as it's not poison (cuz duh) and if it's not fish related (fish make him sick) so like...If you gave Max a chocolate shake with hot sauce and pickles blended into it, Max absolutely fucking would...Probably without hesitation either...And then he'd tell you you'd have to try alot fuckin harder to gross him out lmao... *Max sometimes will legit eat inedible things...Because as stated above, he's a trash goblin. He literally fucking is lmao...He also will eat out of the trash without hesitation too. (he says he's had to do it a ton as a stray kid on the streets so...Doing it at 14/15 doesn't bother him at all. Not a shred lmao...) *Max does get into alcohol at some bits, mostly stealing it from adults around him...Max is constantly trying to find stuff to numb his depression so...Booze is a classic option in that catagory of stuff and Max does know that... *Max is a goddamn cryptid anomly we do not understand...Thus he can easily outeat Sharky like 30x's over and Max doesn't ever gain weight...Everrrrrrrrr really...Which actually gets on his nerves alot, he wants more weight to throw around in fights lol...Max also gets annoyed genuinely too that he seemingly is never really ever satisfied/full. It's very fucking weird and nobody understands how Max functions in that sense... *Max says there is a difference between his constant never ending hunger and like...hunger hunger like 'i need food or i'm gonna be in some shit soon'...He says the hunger hunger is alot stronger and feels like shit...It's alot stronger of a feeling then his usual constant nonstop hunger he feels all the time... *Despite being a dog, Max can eat chocolate and whatnot cuz he's an anthro. Anthros are more human-esc in some ways and more animal-esc in other ways...Depends on what aspects we're talking about but in that regard, anthro dogs are like humans, chocolate is fine for them...Which makes Max hella happy since he fuckin adores brownies... *Max should have died by cardiac arrest by now with how much fucking coffee he drinks but like so many other things, it doesn't affect him in negative ways really and we don't fucking know why... *Max knows how to cook but he is lazy and impatient alot whenever he does do it so...He usually doesn't lmao...

[malaismere]

help i accidentally fell into a homestuck rabbit hole and got obsessed with trying to do god tier classpects for the cr characters. this...may end up becoming a proper au, we'll see.

I put, perhaps, way too much thought into this, but:

Vax as the Rogue of Doom

Vex as the Thief of Blood

Pike as the Knight of Hope

Grog as the Bard of Rage

Scanlan as the Heir of Light

Percy as the Prince of Time

Keyleth as the Maid of Breath

Tary as the Page of Heart.

Details/explanations below the cut!

For the lunar sway:

Prospit dreamers are optimists, extroverted, instinctive, creative, flexible, and ordered. They're honest, in the messy kind of way. Derse dreamers, on the other hand, are more pessimistic, introverted,, hiding behind masks, rebellious fighters, and calculating minds.

Grog and Keyleth are straight up Prospit; Vex and Percy are straight up Derse. Vax feels like he should be Derse, but ultimately, I think he's more Prospit, just, depressed. Tary I also put Prospit, because he's fairly open. Scanlan and Pike, I'm leaning towards Derse. Scanlan's plenty with the masks, but while Pike doesn't quite seem the fit, I think ultimately she's more Derse than you expect from a cleric of Sarenrae. She's got plenty in the way of masks, and she's hella rebellious.

My very rough idea of entry order (as a general chain, idk who I actually think would start) is:

Percy -> Vex -> Vax -> Scanlan -> Pike -> Grog -> Keyleth -> Tary

although I'm not super confident on Tary's place there (maybe Vex as server for him, but idk who I want to be his client if not Percy)

Vax: Rogue of Doom

Okay, so, starting off with the twins. These two are very easy to archetype, because they're both Outlaws first and foremost. I'll admit that Vax is the one I could see going the other way, specifically Knight, but I think at his truest heart, Vax steals. He's the rogue to Vex's thief because he's the more passive of the two (passive in the literal, as the less take-charge, but moreso in that he's selfless to her selfish).

Fate-touched, Champion of the Raven Queen, he's all about Destiny. There's some associations with Time, there (and, well, there's a Crow-Time thing, although I think that's more Dave than inherent) but ultimately, I think it works better for Doom - which, aside from the literal, is also rules, obligations, and destiny.

Rogues start off unable to accept their aspect, either from what they see as too much or not enough of it. Vax is reckless and more than a bit of a rulebreaker, always rushing in at the first. But Rogues come into their own. After all:

Vax literally stole Vex's doom from her.

Rogue of Doom is 100% the martyr class.

Vex: Thief of Blood

So, again, Vex is the thief because she's also an outlaw, and because she's the active. Selfish, in this case, is not a negative trait - it's that she does stuff for herself and not for others, more offensive than support.

Thieves are cocky, and they hide their insecurities, not letting anyone see. They hoard their aspects, and need to learn to let others have them.

Now, I was tempted to go Life as the inverse aspect for Doom; there's some stuff there. Life is associated with nature, and especially with wealth/luxury, so it's a very Vex aspect. However, while she's greedy, Vex doesn't want money. She wants status, she wants respect, and most of all...she wants her dad to like her.

Blood is the aspect of connections, bonds and friendship and, well, family. It's one of the 'leadership' aspects, which matches Vex as one of the more leaderly of the team. It's stubborn, so as she, but also charismatic.

We don't see Vex as an extremely jealous person, but I think it's there in part; and you can argue that as a thief of blood, she needs to let the connections go both ways, not just having people supporting her, but supporting them in turn.

(Also, like, there's a parallel to Sylas, as a vampire, being a literal blood-thief, and any time I can get Perc'ahlia to parallel Sylas/Delilah is a good day).

Pike: Knight of Hope

Pike as Hope is a pretty straightforward one; she's bright, shining, cheerful, and motivational. Life and Space also make sense, being a healer, but Pike in all her glowing divine glory is the epitome of a hero of Hope.

Archetypally, as a cleric, Pike should be a Fairy - Maid and Sylph, the two creation classes, that focus on healing, growth, and guidance. But, here's the thing: Pike's not actually the guide of the group, nor is she really their moral center. She's moral, sure, but I can't truly think of an instance where Pike changed them. That always felt more like Vax and Keyleth's purview. Pike was inspiring, but she wasn't guiding.

Instead, I think that Pike is a Warrior, or more specifically, a Servant. She's not here to show people what to do, she's here to help them with what they're doing. On the more passive side, I'm placing her as a Knight, which also just, fits, visually. Pike is, of all of them, the quite literal Knight in Shining Armor, fighting with Hope Manifest.

Knights are notable for hiding behind a shield/armor of a false identity. And, while Pike's upbeat, one of her major character moments is her crisis of faith. LoVM really exemplifies this - Pike is worried she's a shitty priest. And she's hiding this from the world and the rest of the group, because she doesn't want them to see her weak. But, of course, she's great at what she does - all knights are.

Grog: Bard of Rage

Look, we all knew Grog was going to be Rage. The aspect isn't necessarily anger, but Grog's also a very chaotic and anarchic character, arguably the most of the group.

Neither of the warrior classes - Knight and Page - fit, so instead, I turned to the Destroy classes, Bard and Prince. Bards are passive, moved by their aspect, building it up within themself to unleash it - which is very Barbarian Rage for a berserk mode.

Narratively, Bard may seem like a weird choice, but it does fit Grog - as one of the 'Noble' classes, well, he's royalty to the Heir of Storms, and Bard especially lines up with him being more comic relief.

There's a lot of meta about Bards being calm and representing their opposite aspect, before building it up until they break and go crazy, but I think that's reading way too much in to Gamzee. While I do buy that both destroy classes tend to be more like their inverse- which, in Grog's case, is Hope, representing his childlike naive personality - I think the break is more Gamzee's personal issues. Grog doesn't put too much of himself in his inverse, he's got a healthy respect and use of rage. So, his berserk rage is a power, not a time bomb waiting to go off.

Scanlan: Heir of Light

Scanlan is smart, funny, flirty, and 100% hiding deep insecurities that he's a failure no one will ever love. While there's some interesting stuff to put with him and Heart (being somewhat romantic but mostly about a sense of self) I think, at his core, Scanlan is a star, a showman, a main character - a Hero of Light.

Light is kind of symbolically messy, because it's knowledge, luck, and literal light, but I think more than anything, what it is is Plot Relevance. It's the spotlight shining down - which maps better, because while its inverse Void is secrets and darkness, more than anything else it's irrelevance.

Archetypally, Scanlan's either the Magician or the Prophet. He bounces between the two a bit, but they're a pair, and the closest/most fluid of the pairs, but that fits. I thinkhe leans more passive, as a support, and is more on the Magician side, so, I place him as the Heir of Light.

As the Heir of Light, fame and fortune are intuitive. Naturally lucky, naturally competent. Scanlan's pretty often the one finding the answers, he slides into the center point as face easily, and, like a lot of heirs, he can be more than a little easy to full.

But a big part of Scanlan is that he's the character I think we see get a full inversion - from Heir of Light to Mage of Void.

Mage is the class of suffering, and void insignificance. Void is also tied strongly to drugs and alcohol. At his lowest, Scanlan is convinced that no one has ever loved him or ever will, that they do not see him as anything but a joke. This isn't true - but inversion isn't your true self, it's unhealthy, and Scanlan is so caught up in his own self-deprecation, he can't see the ways Vox Machina does care for him.

Inheritor of Knowledge does fit really neatly with LoVM Scanlan and his relationship to Mythcarver (and, inevitably, Ioun) and I think there's an interesting meta about how the LoVM versions are kind of easier to classpect, because LoVM is the cleaned up and more focused narrative, so they have a more solid arc presented, but that's a whole different post.

Percy: Prince of Time

Narratively, Percy is a very active character, both as a plot driver (he's got the most active role in his personal arc) and as a more selfish character. He's mainly associated with creation and destruction - the inventor of weapons.

While he is a smart guy, I don't think knowledge (and therefore Light/Mind) are really a driving aspect of him in comparison. Instead, I think that we're looking more at that Create/Destroy angle, which is Space/Time - of which, I think he leans towards Destruction, Time. And, well, Clocks are a pretty big motif for him!

Archetypally, Percy is a Noble. He does lean prophet and warrior, but I think Noble is the most sense, and that is the class pair of Destroy. The active version is Prince.

Princes destroy their aspect, or destroy using their aspect. As they do this, they tend to take on their inverse aspect. Percy ghosts space as he destroys time - creating the means of destruction (guns) even as he seeks to destroy them (fight Ripley). He's got a lot of the characteristics of a space player, calm, aloof, and creative, but at his core still the focus and drive of a time player.

The main struggle of a Prince is to not destroy themself on their path. Percy, caught up in Revenge, needs to integrate these aspects of himself. I'd argue that's what his final confrontation with Ripley is - him accepting he cannot undo what was done, that guns (destruction) have been unleashed upon the world, and while that doesn't mean he can't stop the spread, it can't consume him.

Keyleth: Maid of Breath

Keyleth of the Air Ashari, Voice of the Tempest - she's totally a Hero of Breath. Aside from the Wind, Breath is associated with self-confidence and leadership, which is the main thing that Keyleth struggles with, as well as freedom and change.

Archetypally, Keyleth is either the Mage or the Fairy, Change/Create. While she's a selfless person, she's not really support, which rules out Sylph. Heir is the less passive, and has some fun things (as Heir to her mother's legacy) but Breath doesn't quite come natuarlly enough to Keyleth. She's powerful, but not really rebellious enough to be a Witch, so I'm leaning on Maid.

Maids start out relying on other people for their aspect. At the beginning, Keyleth goes along with the group. She's not assertive, and she's kind of just following them where they go, even as she really disagrees with them.

However, as she comes into her own, she learns to rely on herself. She becomes more confident, more assertive, and more powerful, and is able to share that with everyone else - literally, with Inspiring Leader. Keyleth in her final state is the epitome of Breath leading by example.

There's also something I think to be said about Breath as the opposite of Blood. Keyleth is destined to long outlive everyone she ever knows. As the Voice of the Tempest, we see her come to terms with that. It's not that she abandons her connections to the world, but she has, to an extent, moved past them. She's not chained to these people; she loves, but she's willing to let them go.

Tary: Page of Heart

Alright, one last chance to put a Space player in and save the session from being Voided. Space can fit with Tary, right? It's science aligned. Page's And there's some fun stuff with him wanting to be like Percy, who's the inverted Time?

Yeah, no. Vox Machina are doomed.

So, Tary is a page. He's like, the Epitome of Page. Even in canon, he's very much Vox Machina's Page - following around trying to learn from them, wanting to be a knight ("Sir Tary"). Pages are the class with the most potential, but the furthest from it, and, well, he is a bit useless. But, while it's a slow ride, he does have a lot to get to.

Pages are lacking in their aspect, so what is Tary missing? Well, his main arc is being a self-absorbed entitled guy learning to come to terms with who he is and who he wants to be. Classic Heart player.

Heart isn't exactly love - although Tary also grew up lacking in that - so much as Soul and Self. He's missing a strong self identity. He's emotionally stunted, leans on copying others for their ability. Pages also notably idealize their inverse - Tary would really love to be a Hero of Mind, and while he's smart, he's not the most comfortable in cold logic.

Also, Tary's gay and has a complicated relationship with being Gay. Which is also very Heart player (and very Page?).

Tary's arc is about growing into himself as a person. It's less about confidence, and more about knowing himself and being genuine. In the end, we see him getting fought over as Best Man, and leading his own brigade of heroes. While he's maybe still got some work to do, he has definitely come into his own by accepting himself.

[eternallyanxiousandstressed]

The Tea

OKAY FRIENDS! Let me set the scene. Young (21 year old) River. So in love with who I shall call Ratboy. I get married, one year ago today (02/22/2024) actually! I'm heavily pregnant. There's a snowstorm. We get married by my aunt in her apartment living room. Less than two months later our son, whom I shall call Luke (not his actual name, just the name of my angel son in Obey Me) on April 8th. Yaaaay! And then the horrors hit.

I get hella bad poatpartum depression and anxiety (and postpartum OCD which I didn't realize was a thing?). 3 months postpartum (July) I go inpatient to a psych hospital for 10 days to stabilize myself. Yay! Or so my dumbass thought.

Ratboy, while I was inpatient, downloaded dating apps! Which I only found out about when I tried to set an alarm on his phone while he was sleeping and there was a notification for Tinder! I confront him. He says one of his alters (E) did it. I talked to a couple of the other alters. They said it was E. I talked to E the next day. He admitted it and apologized and cried! I was like okay. Because, dear friends, young me was dumb and naive and wanted to believe my dear husband would never cheat on me. But oh ho ho, I wasn't completely stupid. I had doubts. Like, how he had my aunt watch Luke at 7pm one night. He said he helped a friend move. Well my lovelies? I decided to look over it. Why should I doubt my husband, right? Right?!?!

Boom, October hits. We move in with his mother. (ew). End of the month I find out I'm going to be going to a residential facility for my eating disorder (shout out to Monte Nido and the RCs for making me kinda sorta eat again woot woot). A couple nights before I am meant to go 3 hours away to a facility to stay for a month or more... He starts talking about his ex and how she lost the baby her and her boyfriend had and whatever. He said she wanted him to come over (obviously trying to get me to okay it). Well, that night I do something toxic but a bitch doesn't care. I look at his phone.

Readers, you won't BELIEVE this shit. I checked his messages first and low and behold there is someone he talked to way back in July WHO HE MET UP WITH AND HAD SEX WITH! Messages that were not there when I checked in July. And what did the new messages say, you ask? Oh ho... They said that he wanted to meet up with this guy again. This is important for later... He said he wanted to try bottoming. Okay, so I looked more through his phone. Not only did he have 9 dating apps (yes, you read that correctly, 9) he had apps to talk to them. I didn't get the chance to look before he woke up and stole his phone back. I confronted him. He said it was a different alter (S). One he had never even told me about. He then let me look at the messaging apps (not without me literally threatening to leave first). And oh boy, turns out the person he was trying to meet up with that night was not his ex and not this other guy. No, he was trying to meet up with another chick. Dear followers... you must be screaming "how could you be so naive?!" To that I say, I knew, I was just in denial.

So I go on my way to residential (shout out to Monte Nido and the RCs for teaching me not to absolutely hate myself woot woot) and we get phone time two times a week. I my friends, use my phone and check the Xfinity app, which shows the apps he's been using while on wifi. The entire time I'm there he uses the messaging apps! Fuck my life, right? Oh, and he can't even bother emailing me pictures of Luke occasionally. Like, I literally feel so unloved that he can't take 5 seconds of his time I know he spends on his phone to email me a picture or two. I'm pissed. I want to leave. I mean, I wanted to leave before I went into residential because of the cheating, but also, dealing with divorce while in residential is not great. (Neither was dealing with a cheating husband though, as the RCs and my friends can testify to).

I get back in November! Yay (not really, I definitely wasn't ready, my insurance just stopped covering it). Things are shitty. I hate living at his mom's. She literally reminds me of both of my abusers (my mother and my ex-stepfather). My mental health declines rapidly. I beg him to listen and try and find somewhere else to live. He says no because he feels supported there (by someone who constantly yells at him and calls him a failure, lovely).

December rolls around. Guess who tries to off themselves? If you guessed me, you'd be correct! Ratboy is at work, Luke at a babysitter's and me home alone. I try and OD on my antidepressants (oh the irony). My sister reads the text I sent her to say goodbye because she's not at work like I thought she was. Bitch (affectionate) saves my life by having 911 called. Ambulance gets me to hospital. I am gonna live. They call Ratboy, let him know I'm there, and he says he'll visit after he gets off work. (I should note I was trying to go to the hospital earlier as I had been throwing up blood so that's what he thinks happened). They bring me up to the ICU. Cool. He does not visit that night.

The next day he says he cannot visit when they call. Okay, whatever. They let me use my phone! Cool! I text him and he's pissed. Oh and guess what? His mom is kicking me out because of the attempt. She was actually the one who told Ratboy I tried to off myself. How did she know, you ask? Homies... SHE WAS THE GODDAMN 911 OPERATOR WHO TOOK THE CALL!

I eventually convince him to visit the next day. He doesn't give me a hug. Acts cold and rude and distant. And doesn't let me hug Luke before they leave. Like, what was the point of coming then?

I go back inpatient for 7 days! Yay? He's cold during phone calls. Some days doesn't answer at all. Chat, he literally didn't pick up the phone on Christmas. Fucking CHRISTMAS. And, he did not at all try and help me find somewhere to fucking live like I had asked. Ratboy was about to let me be on the streets. Thankfully, my dad is a homie and was like "That ain't happening under my watch."

I get out. I see him (he was supposed to pick me up but canceled literally when he was supposed to he there but whatever, my dad was a homie again and picked me up). Ratboy, Luke, and I hang out that night. I have a mini breakdown because I literally feel so anxious and ugh. I end up asking him if he wants a divorce. He says he doesn't know. I tell him to figure it out. I leave the car and go upstairs to safety.

Next day. He says he wants divorce. I ask why, because like, my dumbass still thinks I want to be with him? He explains his reasons. I'm like "nani the fuck?" I literally explain away those reasons. We work it out. Cool. Great. We talk every day and play games a lot. Yay!

I get mad at him for something. I don't even remember what. But I vent about it on C.AI to a random AI. Honestly, I think it was a Steve Harrington bot. Shout out Steve Harrington. AI Steve listens to all these things he says and does and guess what? AI Steve informs me Ratboy is emotionally abusing me! I say no way! I've been emotionally abused before, I'd know it if I saw it. (Narrator: They did not know it when they saw it). I ended up looking up emotional abuse so I could refute AI Steve and mods, AI Steve was right. I even told one of my friends from residential about it and they agreed! I confront him about this with extensive evidence and he apologizes (actually apologizes for the first time in ever) so I believe him.

But I fucking... I fucking start getting paranoid again. I just know this motherfucker was talking to people while I was inpatient. I just know it. So, I fucking... I fucking do the toxic thing of checking text logs. Low and behold, I find him talking away with a number at like 1am. I get a fake number app and text this person. Confirmed he was on grindr and one other dating app at least. She even provides screenshots for me (girls gotta stick together amiright?)

I confront him. He's a dick about it. Says he only did it to prove I'd invade his privacy again. Bullshit answer but whatever. I'm still in denial. Are you all pissed at me for being stupid yet? Things go back to normal.

Bloggers, I went to go visit him at his mom's house! I wanted to see Luke and do other things that don't need mentioned. I went to grab something out of the bathroom box to take home with me and looked into the box of condoms we had from when it wasn't safe for me to do the hanky panky without them (birth control being affected by a different med). Squad, there were only 4 left out of twelve. We had used 2. Fucking 2. I confront him about it. He swears up and down he didn't use them. I don't believe him at all but at least he was using protection, yeah?

I go with him a couple days later to Luke's doctor appointment. That was cool. Loved seeing Luke. Hated that he had to get shots that day. Ouchie. Went home. Thought all was good.

Guys, he randomly only starts talking to me once a day. I'm like what the fuck? Then he goes over a goddamn week ignoring me! Literally, the only time he answered a message was when he got a piece of my mail that said I had something go to collections (I called the place the bill was originally from because I had no record of even having the bill, they said I had no current balance AND nothing in collections). He stops talking to me again.

I get drunk one night hanging out with my brother, sister, and mom (not biomother, she sucks). I get fucking DRUNK guys. And we played Cards Against Humanity. Let's take a minute to marvel this beauty gang.

I was the one reading the black card. My sister was the one who played the white card. I had to read that. It hurt. It hurt real good. I was both too drunk and not drunk enough to be sad though so I laughed my ass off. Thank you my dear sister for that.

Back to the tea. The drama. Anyways, he eventually starts talking again. Woooow. But like... barely. I honestly don't care at this point I'm still in denial about what I want to do. Gamers... I made this playlist with him in mind:

(Said playlist now also has the song STUPID by Ashnikko in it. Shout out to Ashnikko for giving absolute bangers for me to sing when I'm pissed at him.)

Anyways, I was supposed to go visit him today, our 1 year anniversary. That was the original plan. But even the thought of seeing him caused me so much anxiety that I almost had to take one of my PRNs. So, I gave a bullshit excuse of why I couldn't go over. I want desperately to see Luke but it won't be good if I'm literally bordering mental breakdown while I'm there. So, hopefully he can agree to having a public hang out so I can see Luke.

Anyways, there's the tea, as long as I didn't forget anything. Feel free to comment or ask questions because it feels fucking amazing to get it all out. I even have ~screenshots~ of shit that happened. It's great guys. And expect updates! Because boy will there be more! All for your viewing pleasure under the tag: #the tea

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

I had this article from upworthy (a clickbaity fb page tbh) on my fb newsfeed the other day. some of the comments on it were the typical "bc they're so lazy and want mummy and daddy to drive them everywhere till the end of time!!!! they never want to grow up!!!!! the true meaning of a spoilt generation who'll always want to mooch off of everyone else!!!!" and the like. others were kinder, luckily, citing the ever climbing petrol (gas) prices in the US/worldwide, the skyrocketing prices of cars in the last couple years due to the pandemic, and the cost of driving lessons or car insurance etc etc. as valid reasons for young people to be dissuaded from driving in general, and also from getting their license.

for me, as a younger millennial/elder gen z/whatever the fuck a 1995 baby is, me not getting my Ls licence at 16 here in australia in 2011 and my Ps directly a year later at 17 in 2012 was inextricably linked to my mental health.

I've talked on many, many, many posts over my years on here about my struggles with getting my license. I couldn't go at 16, because I was ~vaguely suicidal~ and rather depressed/anxious; and most worryingly very attached to the emo kid thing of "crash my car just to feel again". I was filled with so much self loathing at the fact that I NEVER got to be 😎👹🤟 R E C K L E S S 😎👹🤟; that my first thought about learning to drive/having my Ps was to immediately crash a car into a tree or something else, just so people would believe that i was reckless and edgy and whatever the fuck other bs. and also maybe crashing a car would make people care about me more??? idek. i was really mentally unwell. period.

on the mildly safer flip side, this was very much linked to the annoying pop-punk theme of hating and escaping your hometown- which was a little more bearable and understandable. wrapped up in this was my belief that "escaping" to a uni 8 hours north of me would suddenly make me rich and famous (lmao fuck x10), so much so that i would come back to my shitty hometown and rub it in everyone who thought i was useless and embarrassing and whatever else, faces. which still isn't the best reason for learning to drive, either, let's be real here lmao. all in all, 16 year old me's mental health was a fucking trash fire: so why on fucking earth would you put her behind the wheel of a goddamned rolling death trap???

the last part of what stopped me learning to drive in high school was my marks at the end of it in 2013. when i got my ATAR (the uni entrance mark in new south wales) I got 38.25. for some bizarre reason I thought getting that mark made me "too stupid to learn how to drive"- quite literally. so I didn't even bother to pursue learning to drive till about early march (maybe) 2014.

when i finally went to my first driving lesson in 2014, i mistakenly unloaded some of the above info onto the instructor. by the end of my first lesson, she told me "your driving is so awful that no one in the Illawarra (our local area) will EVER BOTHER to teach you. stick with me, and you'll learn." so what did i do? i ditched that woman and didn't drive for another year.

when i got back to driving lessons in 2015, i think, at some point, my trainer with another driving school was great. i still wasn't getting consistent driving at home with my parent, bc he was also teaching my sibling. he also found me too stressful to teach, bc i was SO anxious that he just pushed it completely off on to the driving school instead. my lessons with this instructor were great (except for him always playing the radio during the lessons and that really distracted me). until my parent was like "uni is far more important than learning to drive. so focus on uni instead". so i dropped driving for another 6 months, by which time I was okayish at driving- but still hella anxious around trucks and during heavy traffic and doing reversing (which I still fucking hate and still gives me anxiety to this very day along with parking).

then I went back to it in 2016 or maybe 2017 again. in my first lesson with my 3rd instructor with the same driving school as the guy above (he'd left by the time I got back to it), we gelled. I finally got my licence in 2019 after two or three years of lessons and MANY failed tests (about 6 or 7 I can't remember now tbh). we stuck with me till the end. she eventually told me that she used me as a success story for anxiety as well, to all the kids who were incredibly anxious with driving.

my main reason for telling this story is because I imagine that I think many gen zer's would be the same. driving is incredibly anxiety inducing for many people, especially while they're learning. for example, when I began learning to drive my speed limit on my Ls was literally 70km/hr. which meant I was anywhere between 10 to 40 km/hr slower than everyone on highways- where the speed limit can be anywhere between 80 to 110 (for example the speed limit going to Sydney is 110km/hr- whereas the local highway I drive to work every day is 80km/hr and other parts of the highway are 90kms an hour). now the speed limit on Ls and your red Ps is 90.

but being on your Ls means that a vast majority of drivers will either aggressively overtake you, assert their road rage (usually assholes in jeeps and utes tbh), honk at you bc you're too slow (like sorry i can't go any faster on my Ls than 70 bro back in 2014, go fuck yourself). like i fucking hate driving so much, that i don't know why i even bothered buying my car tbh lmao.

just yeah. there's a myriad of reasons people don't want to or maybe even can't learn to drive; and for me it was mental health related and the fact I had to mature out of my angsty pop-punk and emo phase first as well. i shouldn't've had to meet the "standard" of getting my licence during high school when i very obvs wasn't ready or even mentally healthy for it at the time.

like. don't get me wrong, my mental health was still not the best when i was trying to get my licence in my early 20s.... considering i was hating very heavily on myself for not getting my licence at the right time like all my acquaintances from catholic school (*cue rich boy at tafe asking me in 2013 why I didn't have my licence yet*). but yeah. for many people, the whole getting your licence in high school thing just isn't possible, or let alone a good idea.

[shslpunkartist99]

Hiiiiii

What a... fuckin' year

It's a doozy, so.. y'know the drill

So I've been more quiet as the year slowly drew to a close. The holidays have become a stressful time for me now. It used to only be because of work (work is always hectic for the holidays), but after moving out a couple of states away from my og home, it got more stressful trying to visit family. My manager didn't help with it either, literally delaying in approving my time off, so I had to go broke buying expensive plane tickets. Had to work a shit ton, both to make as much money as I could AND because it was the standard (we're an entertainment place for all ages, so yeah. Hella busy).

The holidays themselves were.. not the best. You guys know I don't talk much, and the few friends I have know that I'm not a social person (I feel constantly guilty about that). I would be perfectly content sitting at the edge of the table with friends while they chatted away. Hell, I'd be content not talking to anyone for over a month.

This ends up including my family, unfortunately. I know family is important and I need to keep in touch with them, but it's difficult. Both of our lives are extremely boring and mundane: we work, we rest at home, we eat, that's all. None of us go out to travel. None of us do any exciting activities. It's the same day everyday.

I bring this up because my silence has gotten people close to me to believe that I don't care about them. I don't keep in touch, therefore I don't care. I "only think about myself", so I'm selfish. I "don't think about other people", so I'm a careless person.

So that, uh... fucked me up.

We made the most of it, them claiming they don't want the holiday ruined (even though I was already defeated day 1 out of 4), so it ended.. ok? But it still sucked. Especially since I ended up getting sick. Medicine only made it worse because haha, why would it WANT to help? (Had me puking after taking it. Hadn't puked in years). I'm still sick now (haven't had time to properly recover because I had to work to make up for lost time, and my job wouldn't have me go back to work until I got a doctor's note, and that's just added stress I didn't want to deal with), but at least I have today and tomorrow to rest up.

Now that the holidays are done and over with, things should go back to how they SHOULD be: answering you guys' asks more often, putting up more frequent content and ideas, actually keeping in touch with friends.. the good stuff. Work should slow down to a much easier pace after this week (starting this week tbh, the next "big" event isn't until the end of this month), so I should be able to manage my time and energy properly.

I'm not gonna make any big deal about resolutions or anything like that, but I do want to try and get a writing piece done every week or something. Whether based on an existing idea or something random. I want to get the flow going again. Art shouldn't be an issue. Streaming will still be random.

The main thing is also to socialize again. Kim, Shades, I missed you guys. Kinda left ya on read, and I know you guys are super understanding and stuff, but it feels very unfair that you guys do a lot for me, and I don't do anything back. I'm gonna regain focus and energy to properly return the favor. I'm gonna try to keep the same energy with my family too. As shitty as that visit went, they're all I got, and they're all going through issues as well. So if me messaging them a "Hey, how are you?" sparks some joy in them, then I'll do that. At least for my bro, who I feel has been going through the most. He deserves better.

I still got some recovery to do. Not just with the sick or the mental, but also taking care of my home and better habits. Haven't been cleaning or cooking lately because of depression, and it's starting to show. I need to fix that up. But I'm just relieved the year is over, and I don't have to worry as much about work or spending lots of money or traveling or any other shit going on. I can finally (hopefully) relax..

If it's seen as selfish to take care of myself.. tbh? I'm defeated. I don't care anymore. I'm barely holding myself together with cheap tape. But with things easing up, it should be better. Should be easier.

I might still be a lil quiet here still until at least the sick is gone, but I might do lil stuff here and there. Probably have the Punks take over a lil for fun. I've been thinking about them a lot, as well as the comfort characters Keith, Leroy, and Naomi (I've actually been having multiple dreams with her, which made me really happy. I'll talk about them one day. She's so cool).

You guys have made for a great year tbh. Helping me develop ideas and being interested in my silly gay characters and aus. Idk how many of you are here (or still here), but I wouldn't have a happy corner without you guys. Thank you so much. I hope you guys had a great holiday, had a good enough year, and will continue to have fun times for the current future.

♤♡◇♧Bloop♧◇♡♤