#but i also think sam is the copout/boring answer.

[louandhazaf]

ANNUAL WRITING SELF EVALUATION

1. List of works published this year:

Feeling it Out (Hazoff) : Harry lost the grip on his towel, and it fluttered to the ground. The other guy took a step forward, reached down to pick it up, and stepped closer to Harry to return it. Close enough for Harry to see the occasional grey hidden in his beard, the unruly pit hair, still wet and clumped together, the way his dark chest hair continued down, through the middle of his belly and directly to his—      Harry jerked his eyes up to see the the other guy's questioning look.

lost in my head (Larry) : Louis had been, until about a year prior, the love of Harry’s life.

battling on the regular (Louis/Sam Fender) : Sam rearranges all the thoughts in his head that had been bouncing around since Louis had said relationship shit. Gone are flouncy bottle blondes who are not so subtly taking advantage of him and instead there’s Calvin Harris, breaking his heart. As if Calvin Harris deserves someone kind and generous like Louis to begin with.

Campus Creatures (Larry) (cowrite with @kingsofeverything) : It’s senior year for werewolf Louis Tomlinson and vampire Harry Styles, and as presidents of their respective fraternities, they’re determined to do it right.     Though what that means is anybody’s guess.

Those Hometown Lights (Lilo) : Louis came back into the screen a few moments later. He was in the faded red lifeguard trunks that Liam had spent many an afternoon drooling over from afar, but now it was practically a second set of skin, cupping his dick obscenely and leaving absolutely nothing to Liam’s imagination.     “Sometimes I can’t tell if I look any different, but I guess those squats are paying off,” Louis says with a laugh. He does half of one, with his back towards Liam, his thighs tensing and the seams of the bathing suit pulling tight.

Nothing but Time on His Dirty Hands (Larry) : Harry enjoys his daydream about Louis Tomlinson.

A+ Patient (Larry) : Harry hated everything about the dentist—the antiseptic smell and the bright light in his face and the disappointment in himself and the suction thingy that kept his mouth too dry.      But the thing he hated the most was how in love with his dentist he was.

Tommo the Tease (Nouis) :  Seeing Tommo relaxed and shirtless in person was a whole lot different than seeing him gleaming and shirtless on a camboy video.

When We Hold On (To The Past) (Zouis) : “Not a story to tell while we’re fucking,” Louis said with half a laugh. Zayn could drop the subject and keep fucking him, keep the strings from getting attached, pretend that they weren’t getting closer than Louis was comfortable with. Or Zayn could choose the opposite path—which he did.

Golden (Larry) : Harry makes a costly wish.

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

OOF. Well, I’d say either Feeling It Out -- because the Hazoff pairing was really hard to capture and the fact that I got through it and posted it means I should give myself a pat on the back -- or else When We Hold On (To The Past) because I had been wanting to write fallen angel Louis for literal years and I finally found a way to make it happen. 

3. Work you are least proud of (and why): 

Eh. I’ll go with Tommo the Tease because I forgot that I wrote it and then when compiling the list for #1 I put it as a Larry fic and then I just happened to catch the pairing and realized it was Nouis which means I wrote a Nouis fic this year and totally forgot about it???? So I must not love it. Which is fine! But therefore I’m not exactly proud of it.  

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

This feels like a bit of a copout since it’s also the summary, but I really adore this moment of When We Hold On (To The Past)

“Not a story to tell while we’re fucking,” he said with half a laugh. Zayn could drop the subject and keep fucking him, keep the strings from getting attached, pretend that they weren’t getting closer than Louis was comfortable with. Or Zayn could choose the opposite path—and he did—of pulling his fingers out and wiping them down and sitting comfortably, with his wide, intense eyes boring into Louis.

I just really love the idea of Louis trying so hard to keep a distance from Zayn, and then opening up for him (heh, while he was being opened up by him) by giving Zayn a choice, of either the physical or the emotional? I think this fic is a lot about living with the choices you’ve made, and this moment is sort of a corner where their relationship is going to change in major ways -- both because of Zayn’s choice to dig deeper emotionally and Louis’ choice to take another risk. 

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

All of them. Literally every nice comment, every kudos, every fic rec... each one brings joys to my life. 

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

I mean.... motions vaguely to all of 2020. A quick summary of my year - I was laid off on 12/31 so I started the year jobless. Then we uprooted my family due to Covid19. I’ve been jobless all year. I decided to stay in the new location, so I’ve effectively moved... but my husband is still in the old location. I’ve come out as non-binary, I’ve done a lot of thinking about what I want my future to look like, I’ve been home schooling, and I’ve a year that is basically a total transition. So basically, all year writing was really, really hard. But since about end of summer, writing has been so hard that I haven’t done it at all. 

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Looking back, I’m surprised I wrote so many pairings! Hazoff, Larry, Louis/Sam, Lilo, Nouis, & Zouis! 

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

to be honest, I’m not sure I did, but more importantly, I managed to write 10 fics during a global pandemic, so I’m not going to beat myself up about it. 

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

ha. Well. At this point simply getting back into the habit of writing would be a huge win for me, so let’s go with that. 

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Literally everyone who was able to write during this year??? Like, I know how hard it’s been for me, and to still get to visit ao3 and have new works to read and to get to cheer my friends on, that has brought me so much happiness and stability and I can’t express enough how amazing it is to be part of such a great community

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Other than ongoing themes of learning to communicate, and the Lilo fic happening during the pandemic, nope. 

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

I am not in a headspace to be offering up wisdom, but I hope other writers know how valued they are! 

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Yes. ha. There are some. I’m going to hold my cards close to my chest though. 

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read.

@kingsofeverything @disgruntledkittenface @lululawrence

*All answers should be about works published in 2020. Also, you can skip any questions you hate or don’t want to answer, but please leave them on the list so that others can do them if they want.

(also, here’re my responses from 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019)