#but i also interpret the dilemma between 'could you be a devil or an angel' as 'can i trust you or not' 'are you going to be my salvation-

[leannlyre]

…your fate intertwines with 5 monstrous strangers. Each can offer you salvation…or damnation.

-Red Spring Studio, Kickstarter

[indigoidiot]

hiiii i just finished lifeboat <3 it was really good!!! i liked all the parts with akechi talking to his two personas, i thought they were really funny and well written. i love the concept of being able to directly talk to your personas, its such a unique way to show the character's true thoughts and feelings without directly saying them. i also LOVE ryuji's characterization. i love akechi's too but i'm very particular about ryuji's characterization in fics and lifeboat captures it perfectly. i love the dynamic between the two as well!! my favorite parts are where you can see akechi's cracks in his walls where he genuinely believes that ryuji cares for him. i hope in the future we see more of him talking with his personas about ryuji and learning to trust ryuji more. i also hope ryuji breaks away from the phantom thieves. i think the connection between him and akechi in this fic is something more real and deep than what he has with them and i can't wait to see them team up in the metaverse again. maybe with loki even instead of robin hood. i think it would be so healing for akechi to be able to show both sides of himself to someone, that way maybe he can learn that those two sides of himself CAN live in harmony. and it would be good for ryuji to be on a team permanently with someone who values his ideas. i also think it could be cool to see akchi being protective of ryuji again, the scene with mona dancing was one of my favorite scenes! thank you for taking the time to write such a great fic xx

WAAAAEAWEG ANON............ TY <3.............. IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT..........

The persona thing started as a funny little flourish for the laughs but now i do think it's a good way to spice up inner monologue and draw a line between someone's more immediate consciousness and the deeper subconscious that personas are supposed to represent... and this is especially gonna take precedence in the next chapter onward. Particularly i like using it for Akechi since i interpret Robin Hood and Loki as something akin to his Ego and Id, aka the angel and devil on the shoulder (but a tad more complicated). The subtlety it lends helps a great deal too!

THAT SLOWBURN RELATIONSHIP BUILDING IS MY BIGGEST THING WITH RYUGORO ITS GOTTA BUILD UP SLOW AND IN AKECHI'S HALF ITS GOTTA BE CAKED IN THAT HESITANT TO TRUST BUT DESPERATE TO HOLD ONTO ENERGY... this guy is so hesitant to trust anybody or even ask for help half the time and now he's got the most clingy, annoying but in a funny and thoughtful way guy latched onto his arm and he has to express feelings of appreciation for said guy???? disgusting, goro akechi shakes his head in repulse before making a mental note to buy ryuji dinner as thanks because he doesn't know how else to express gratitude.

meanwhile in the brain of ryuji sakamoto he suffers the aftermath of flying into a situation at the speed of sound and in that aftermath faces a dilemma of which he should be more concerned for his phantom thief comrades but instead is still supporting a supposed enemy for reasons that he himself is still unaware of, as is his pretty best friend. With Akechi's own questioning he himself faces a "why did i do that" as he can do nothing but shrug and reason it with a Signature Simple Sakamoto "cuz he's my friend and i felt like it" as he stuffs that "why" in the back of his brain so he can keep pushing it back with the simple answer.

they both don't completely get why they act the way they act, both for different reasons but they've both reached the point i wanted them at where they're friends that can support each other, fight with each other and come back all the same, and still have room to learn more about the other and even upgrade that confidant if they have it in them (so help me god they do) and more is coming, i've got a roadmap going and a few scenes done, though at the rate it's going i might have to make two short chapters but i suppose that does mean it'll be more content for the fic itself.

thank you again for the kind message... I really appreciate it and im hard at work to deliver more!!! im also not above dropping a little sample of something that should go with the next chapter or two of the whole thing...

[cryingaggressively]

out of the mouth of babes (2/?)

Rated G, Gen with pre-Deckerstar

"Let's cut the chit-chat. Dad, you should just tell her how you feel about her."

Lucifer gave his daughter a sideways glance, then refocused on the road.

"I mean, I know you're complete shit with human interaction that requires opening up in any way, but don't you think it's time?"

"Quite contrary, I think I'm very much proficient at opening up other people's things." Her father, the brilliant conversationalist. Mature, useful contributions at all times.

"First of all, eww. Secondly, that wasn't even close to a good comeback. And thirdly, stop avoiding the topic  at hand."

Lucifer's grip on the steering wheel tightened, the knuckles of his fingers turning almost white.

"And what topic would that be, child?" It sounded like he was gritting his teeth together.

"That you're in love with Detective Decker and that you should tell her!"

They had reached the grocery store car park. Iris' dad pulled over into a spot and shut the engine off. His hands wandered to his knees, then, as if to steady himself, he grabbed onto the steering wheel again.

"Iris. I'm the Devil. I do not fall in love. With the detective nor with anybody else. That's a preposterous idea," he said flatly, staring straight ahead at the billboard in front of them.

She could not believe this. "Are you serious?"

"Quite serious, I assure you. Of course, I wouldn't mind if she and I did the dirty, but I suspect that is not the direction you were going with this."

His lecherous grin didn't reach his eyes and faded quickly. The fingers of his right hand were now rapidly drumming on the steering wheel.

Iris rubbed her temples, fighting off the headache she felt coming.

"I can't believe you. I love you, Dad, I really do -" at that, her father finally focused on her instead of the sign ahead that proclaimed 'Fresh strawberries, local produce, small price!' - "but that is complete bull and you know it."

The fond expression that had briefly appeared on his face when she'd told him she loved him was gone.

"Every time you call me, and I mean every time, you ask me how I am, how school is, blablabla. And when  I ask about you, the only thing on your mind is Detective Decker.

'Detective Decker is outstanding at her job, Detective Decker is such a kind person, Detective Decker laughed at one of my jokes today, Detective Decker single-handedly saved the world's unicorn population'. "

"I've never said anything like that last part," Lucifer huffed. She chose to ignore him.

"You go on and on about her.  And Dad, that's fine by me. If she is what you want to tell me about when we talk, by all means, do. But don't pretend you don't feel anything for her, " Iris continued.

Her father, for once in his life, looked almost flustered. "I do talk about her often, don't I."

"Yeah, you definitely do." Maybe she was making some headway.

His fingers stopped their incessant rhythm. In a resigned tone, he declared, "It would never work. Presuming she actually returned my..."

His voice trailed off. Ah, no headway then.

"Huge crush? Burning love? Frankly kind of creepy obsession with her person?" Iris supplied.

He snorted. "Now, don't exaggerate, darling."

Iris pulled her mobile out of her pocket, opened her text messages and scrolled down the chat with her dad until she found what she was looking for. A late-night (well, for her) message, months old. She practically shoved the phone at her father's face.

               You, 11:16 pm: went alright, I think I passed. anyway, what's so special about her, you tell me about her pretty often?

                Dad, 11:38 pm: that's good. well, I've never met anyone like the detective. she has the kindest, purest soul I've encountered in  

                                        all of my existence.        

Lucifer looked uncomfortable. "Looking back now, why did I write that? Rather soppy, if you ask me."

Iris pocketed her phone again. "Well, isn't it the truth? Point of pride, right?" Hah. Caught between a rock and a hard place.

Her father made a face as if he suffered from constipation. "Yes."

"Dad, that's something people would write in their wedding vows. The stuff of rom-coms," she said slowly, in a tone like she was explaining something to a toddler.

What she didn't mention was that killing someone to protect the person you love was a sign of pretty epic love. But he didn't need to be reminded of that particular event.

Lucifer opened and closed his hands rhythmically around the steering wheel, his eyes darting from side to side. It was fairly reminiscent of someone having a seizure. After a few moments, he started talking, voice uncertain.

"I, I couldn't just be with her for a longer time while she doesn't believe who I am. That doesn't seem... right."

She tucked her hands between her thighs.  The urge to face-palm was too strong to resist. The solution to his dilemma was so easy, wasn't it?

"Then make her believe. Show her your face. Your therapist got over it and from what you've told me about your lady-love, she's tough. She can handle it."

This whole conversation felt very surreal. To Iris, hardly anything ever seemed surreal. Her father was the goddamned devil. Literally. Her grandfather was God. She'd seen some pretty strange things in her short life.

But she had never seen her usually so suave, confident father so unsure.

Iris had her suspicions about the cause of this.

Her dad was as open with her as he could be, discussing his emotions fairly voluntarily, though peripherally.

By now, she had also gotten incredibly skilled at interpreting the things he said. Discarding his often ludicrous statements and recognizing the real sentiments they masked.

As a consequence, she knew a ton of things he didn't dare tell or show anyone else.

That Amenadiel's hatred against him, reciprocated as it was, did hurt, in a way. How deep Maze' betrayal had cut. That he wished  her grandma's supposed love was real.

The gigantic daddy and mummy issues he had and that he didn't consider himself a particularly good person.

Recently, that he hated himself for killing her uncle. That Dr. Martin's reaction to his face reaffirmed his doubts about himself, made him reconsider any vulnerability he showed.

"Yes, I'm sure she can handle it. The problem is... how she will handle it."

She was correct, then. And sad to boot.

Whatever he might believe, Iris knew her father was no bad person. Inappropriate, inconsiderate of most people's feelings, reckless, childish; sure. She had never known him to  intentionally harm someone who didn't deserve it, though.

How God had ever decided he deserved a life of eternal damnation mystified her.

As someone who had three loving parents, she could not imagine what it felt like to live your life believing that your parents didn't give a shit about you. But she knew that that screwed you up fundamentally. Exhibit A, her father, who believed, deep down, that he didn't deserve to be loved and who expected rejection everywhere he went.

And that made her so, so sad, and not only because those headcases he called parents somehow still had influence over his life and decisions.

But also because she knew from first-hand-experience how wonderful her father could be to the people he loved.

Every time he looked at her that fond, slightly exasperated way, every time he hugged her and kissed her temple, every time he tucked her blanket tighter around her when he thought she was asleep, she felt his love deep in her half-angelic bones.

(He'd even gotten better at telling her directly.)

So, no, Iris herself had never doubted that her father loved her. But she could see what damage it could do if you did. How it made you think that, if your parents didn't love you, no one ever could, because your true self was repulsive.  

No amount of 'I love you's from her had been able to fix that mess yet.

"I know you're afraid -" he started to protest, but she shushed him - "I know you're afraid she'll reject you. And that's a shitty scenario, I'll grant you. But imagine how happy you could be. If it all works out, I mean. And honestly, is it fair to her to let this suggestion of a relationship hang in the air, if you never plan to act on it? Dad, if you really, really can't do this - which, for the record, I know you can - then you have to let her go."

He was deadly still, staring transfixed into her eyes. "I don't want to do that. Let her go."

Iris smiled at him. "There's your answer, then."

His forehead made a rather comical sound on impact with the steering wheel.

"You know, I never imagined I'd say this, but I liked you better when you were smaller," he grumbled.

Iris laughed. "That's what Mum says when I can offer a plausible explanation for why I didn't tidy my room."

"I've always been convinced that your mother is an extraordinarily wise woman."

Oh yes, she was. This impromptu counseling she provided for her dad? Her mum did the same thing for everyone else. It was in her nature, caring and considerate as she was.

In her job as a doctor, that often came in handy. There had never been a complaint filed against her mother, as far as she knew; a rarity in her profession.  

"And right you are. Now, let's talk about the urgent matters at hand. Can we get cocoa puffs?"

Lifting his head, Lucifer smiled for the first time since leaving the station. His hands loosened their grip on the poor, abused steering wheel and slid to his thighs.

"You only love me for the food I provide you with, don't you?"

Iris wrinkled her forehead, returning his look and quipping, "Wow, you really are channeling Mum today."

Removing his keys from the ignition, her father laughed. "I am feeling rather parental today. It's peculiar. I wonder how that came to be."

Satisfied with the result of the talk and relieved her dad wasn't having a meltdown anymore, Iris left the car and skipped ahead to the store entrance.

Turning her head back towards him, she yelled, "Last one in has to do the dishes tonight!"

Apparently, an intercontinental flight and berating your father in a grocery store car par took a lot out of you. By the time Lucifer had packed away the groceries, Iris was asleep in her seat.

He took a good look at her. She seemed hardly changed from the last time he had seen her.

Her hair, inherited from him,  the poor child, was as unruly as ever, curls sticking every which way. But on her, he found, the hairdo seemed rather adorable.

Long lashes almost blocked his view on the dark rings under her eyes. He couldn't tell if they were a very recent addition or if they stemmed from the stress of school finals.

Lucifer was of the opinion that his daughter was rather lovely, but he had found most people thought that way of their offspring, even if the exact opposite was the case.

At that moment, Iris started snoring rather loudly. Right. Lovely.

He got into the Corvette and pulled away from the grocery store, heading home.

It was 3 pm. Quite enough time for Iris to take a nap before the detectives and their spawn showed up. More than enough if he didn't wake her up and just let her sleep till 6.

So when he reached Lux, he handed the valet his keys and instructed him to bring up the bags from the car after parking it. Lucifer then slid his arms under Iris' shoulders and knees, careful not to wake her up, and carried her towards the building.

One of his other employees (affectionately dubbed Man Bun by him and Maze), who'd coincidentally seen the procedure, was holding the door open.

His eyebrows were almost making contact with his hairline, eyes fixed on Iris. Man Bun opened his mouth, then closed it again, obviously struggling with the decision to speak up.

Lucifer could imagine where his thoughts were going, and he didn't appreciate it.

Well, actually, he was glad his employees questioned what went on in his club. As someone who advocated free will, Lucifer was quick to fire people who condoned harassment, and accepting of employees speaking their minds.

Man Bun seemed very much distrustful of a grown man carrying a previously unknown, apparently unconscious teenage girl up his penthouse apartment. And ready to intervene in the interest of said girl, even it could cost him his job. That, he approved of.

What he didn't approve of was the repulsive assumption that he was going to do anything to a defenceless girl. He supposed he could not blame Man Bun, though.

"This is my daughter Iris. Jet lag," he therefore simply said. Man Bun (what was his real name?), walking beside him to the lift, greatly relaxed.

"Oh, I didn't know you had a daughter?" he said casually, the unspoken question standing in the room.

"She lives in England with her mother, most of the time," Lucifer explained. Man Bun pressed the 'up'-button.

"I didn't notice before, but she looks like you," he observed.

"She does, lucky girl. Hit the genetic jackpot," Lucifer replied.

Man Bun grinned.

Thankfully, the lift didn't take much longer to arrive. He really wasn't interested in more of this inane small talk.

He stepped in, Man Bun pressed the penthouse button and left.

Arrived upstairs, Lucifer laid his daughter down on the bed in the guest room, took her shoes off and tucked the duvet around her, then closed the door behind him as silently as possible.

[east-west-bookshop-seattle]

The Dream Detective Blog: Personality Parts in Dreams

by Mimi Pettibone

“PART OF ME WANTS TO EAT CAKE – A.K.A. Personality Parts and Dreams”

At some point, most of us have said something along the lines of “Part of me wants to eat that cake, but another part of me really wants to lose weight!” Or “Part of me wants to be in a relationship, but part of me wants to be single…” or “Part of me wants to buy that new shiny thing, but part of me wants to save money.” Though most of us have not given much thought to this beyond the verbal expression, our language reflects an innate understanding of the concept that we do have many different conflicting ‘parts’ within our psyche. An iconic depiction of this is the proverbial angel and devil sitting on our shoulder. We all have parts within us that are more on the ‘angelic’ side, and other aspects that are a little more ‘devilish’ (but it is not quite so simplistic). Which part wins in terms of our decisions and behaviors can be influenced by our higher consciousness, our self-awareness, and our conditioning.

The basic idea is that we all have different aspects to our personality, different 'states' that we move in and out of at different times throughout the day in different situation and in response to different people. For example, most of us have a 'work' self, a 'relaxed at home' self, a 'responsible' self and a 'playful' self.  How we act and behave in the work place, at home, or in a social setting can be very different, and each persona is literally a ‘part’ of our personality. Our playful self can come out at work, the responsible self can do the right thing in a relationship. We are constantly shifting between these states even from one moment to the next. Some parts reveal themselves more than others, and we all have certain aspects that are more dominant in our personality than others.

Many people ask me: “Is it true that every aspect of a dream represents a part of yourself?” This definitely can be the case, and is a fascinating exploration. Yet it is not always the case. Sometimes another person in the dream really represents that person, and the dream may be showing you something about your relationship with them. Even in this case, it can be helpful to look at them as a part of yourself to gain a new perspective. In addition to people in our dreams, the different characters, animals, settings, and even objects can be explored as parts of our own psyche. Using imagination to embody an element from the dream, and speaking as that part can be a profoundly deep experience. I have found this method to access our deepest truths in a way that is more direct than any other way of working with people. Things that were not remotely in our conscious awareness come to the surface, allowing us to move closer to who we really are and what is really true for us.

Different parts within us can be as specific as different body parts competing for our attention. For example, imagine someone in school who is working on a timed exam: their intellect wants them to stay in their seat and finish the exam, yet their body is telling them it’s really time to go to the bathroom!  An incredibly funny example similar to this was illustrated in an episode of the TV show ‘Seinfeld’. In this show, Jerry dates a woman whom he finds very physically attractive, but mentally she is totally incompatible with him. In a hilarious metaphorical skit, his brain and his penis duke it out in a chess game!

Because we each have many different aspects to ourselves, our parts will not always agree with each other, which produces internal conflict.  One of my favorite ways of working with people is to facilitate these different aspects of personality so each part gets a chance to be heard. This is known as parts work, which can be of great value in decision making, gaining clarity, and calming inner struggle.  One of the most wonderful benefits is the sense of peace and calm that comes after sorting through the parts and having them express themselves. The sense of inner conflict that we all experience finally has a chance to resolve, and a state of peace and calm can be obtained. We also gain awareness of the parts, which can help prevent them from taking over when we do not want them to. For example, if ‘the part that wants to eat cake’ always takes over and wins, ‘the part that wants to lose weight’ is never going to be fulfilled. Awareness can help us realize when this is happening, and then we can have a choice about our behavior and decisions. Having a dialogue between the parts can bring new insights and integration, helping us reach our goals in a congruent way without feeling deprived.

If you are having trouble making a decision, experiencing internal conflict, or would like to gain a sense of peace and increase self-awareness, a parts work session could be of great benefit. Working with parts via a dream, or through the dilemmas of waking life can both be incredibly beneficial. Contact Mimi via www.thedreamdetective.com if you would like to schedule a session.

PS For your entertainment, here is a link to a YouTube clip of the above mentioned Seinfeld skit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEC7FK0xVTQ&feature=related

________________

Mimi Pettibone is the creator of the ‘Enchanted Art Oracle Cards’, and offers private consultations at East West Bookshop. Her practice includes dream interpretation, tarot and oracle readings, and personal growth work focused on relationships, communication and authentic life path. Her background includes social psychology, spirituality, dreams, intuition, and consciousness. Mimi is also a monthly dream columnist for the New Spirit Journal

For more info on Mimi, or to book a consultation: www.thedreamdetective.com