#but i also have a lot of bigender friends or trans men friends who dont like they either

[75screamingtoads]

As someone who uses they/them pronouns;

You are allowed to be uncomfortable when people use They/them pronouns to talk about you

I see a lot of weird transphobic and usually Terf-y shit around shaming ppl who get uncomfortable when someone uses they/them to talk about them

It's not wrong and shameful to not like it

It's the same and me being uncomfortable with She/her

Or someone being uncomfortable with he/him

Or any other pronouns that might make some one uncomfortable to be called

It's okay to not like being called they/them

[genderqueerdykes]

Hi. Here's a lot of words that y'all don't have to read and I have a question that y'all don't have to answer. I think you all make a lot of great points. I'm sorry if this is on the blog already.

I think I might be what you call an egg. I just try not to think about it. I'm going through a lot of stuff right now that needs processing and I can get to the gender thing when I can get to the gender thing. That said, I'm trying to let myself exist in queer spaces and it feels like everyday women are bashing men without batting an eye. Actually, that's happening not just in queer spaces. Nobody says anything except to agree. Even people that I've known for a while and know that I'm married to a cis man whom I love and respect (and who actually got me interested in feminism). I told one friend that I was uncomfortable by her comments and she flipped it around, pouted exasperatedly, and said, "I thought you were a safe space!" I didn't know that there was a safe space for sexism!

What the fuck do I say to people? I'm autistic and have an extreme sense of justice and can't just let things go but I want to be at least somewhat respectful-sounding because when you yell at people they shut down and think you're wrong/the problem. I also don't want to talk their ears off/write paragraphs like this. 😬

🌀

jesus, i'm so sorry people are treating you like that. it really hurts my head to see people do this. you don't deserve that kind of behavior, you're not a shitty person for trying to figure out your gender. you're not shitty for being happily married to a cis man. i have so many words so i hope i won't give you a reply that's too long to parse

no matter what people's beliefs are, everyone is reinforcing that women need to hate men. like you're right it's just everywhere. not just queer communities. it's weird. it's like, i get it, the way we force men to act is absurd. we need to focus on helping men snap out of the shitty things we force them to do and support them in growing and changing. also like i don't get how people dont see how terrible it is to openly admit that they see trans men, queer men, gay men, bi men, disabled men, men of color, intersex men, multigender men, and so on. there are so many groups of men affected by this i dont get why people don't care

this "safe space" thing has gotten abused to hell and back. it's out of control, now it's being used as a gatekeeping tool. it's weird to me but people are defining things like this:

general lgbt/queer communities = women's safe space

lesbian community = women's safe space

nonbinary community = women's safe space

butch, gender non conforming, genderqueer community = women's safe space

genderfluid, bigender, multigender communities = women's safe space

bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, & polyamorous communities: women's safe space

like it's gotten way out of control. people think that every experience that doesn't outright say man is a women's safe space. and even then, we see entitlement there in the transmasculine and trans man communities as well. the thing is is like. these are intended to be communities. not safe spaces. like

women's groups exist. there are groups dedicated to providing safe spaces for just women, irl. a lot of the time they're based out of crisis and sexual assault survivor clinics, but there's also ones for homeless women, and so on. like i honestly guarantee you that if you googled "women's safe space" you'd find some local, brick and mortar places designed to be there for women and only women. like. those. exist.

we don't have to turn the entirety of queerness into a women's safe space. i feel like women who have been hurt by men are running to the wrong place a lot of the time. or they expect every other queer person to have the same trauma as them. like i think people in general are very queerphobic and assume that most queer people are women, for some reason?

i don't know why people view this as the "running away from men club". that's how terfs define the lesbian community. if you want to show people why this is dogshit, it's because that's literally how terfs define lesbianism. that's how rad fems define lesbianism. the "we hate men, we never want to be around men ever again, men are inherently dangerous" club is the lesbian separatism club.

people often say "why is there a lot of talk of lesbian supremacy lately?"

it's because so many people got indoctrinated into rad feminism without ever realizing it. queer communities are not the "we hate men" communities. those are rad fem communities.

so many queer spaces need to involve men, because men are very important in so many queer experiences. erasing their experiences and denying them the right to be in those spaces isn't helping anyone. if people want to be in all woman groups, they need to search specifically for that. if someone defines "lesbian" as "women's only safe space," they're looking for a women's space. honestly, maybe people just need to be nudged in the right direction. maybe not enough people know there are literal all woman safe spaces irl that help women with homelessness, sexual and domestic abuse, childcare, substance abuse, mental health, and many other resources.

sometimes there are behavioral health and crisis centers that accept just women. some psychiatric hospitals have spaces for just women. it really is possible to create, nurture and participate in womens only spaces. people are just trying to take over something they personally don't belong in, and it's insane that that's the norm right now. people are obsessed with going backwards in terms of progress in accepting diversity in queer lives.

anyway, i hate this shit, so i hope things improve for you soon, people are just. so proud of being mean right now. people are proud to be assholes and they take it out on disadvantaged men. isn't that sad? people are pissed off about patriarchy, the establishment ABOVE us, so they attack poor, mentally ill, disabled, neurodivergent, intersex, trans, queer men and men of color, as if that'll solve anything.

[pingintech]

what the fuck does this mean??? transfemme people are transfemme people why are we using agab to try to dismiss or diminish the struggles of someones identity or experience how the fuck is this gender praxis yall youre just reinventing the gender binary

also just because transfemmes can be women and have uncomplicated relationships with womanhood doesnt mean thats the only way to be transfemme nor is it the only way to be a woman!!!

its not misogyny to suggest a woman can have a troubled relationship with being a woman in a society geared towards men

im a binary trans woman i spent plenty of my first years of transition striving to pass and meet some perfect ideal of femininity i believed would let others see me an ideal that i felt i wanted and had missed out on but putting on frilly dresses everyday and wearing makeup and acting stereotypically feminine in a bid to pass felt like i was putting on a costume i was playing a part

its self evident that thats not all being a woman is because i still am a woman despite the fact ive done a full 180 on my approach towards being me towards being a woman

womanhood includes me because ive seen me as i am now in other women and because i get to define what being a woman is to me

but i felt that i needed to achieve some high art form of femininity to be a woman because of the societal pressures and expectations i was raised with and at the time hadnt yet unlearned

so YES i have a troubled relationship with womanhood not just my own misconceptions the beliefs and views society holds of women as a whole but even now i dress more masc i wear whats comfortable im authentically me in a way that isn't traditionally femme and yet im constantly misgendered by men and other women who see me and feel i dont meet what it means to be a woman womanhood has a problem with me but i am still me im still a woman

its not misogyny for me to struggle as a woman in a world that expects so much of women in fact its a very common experience for women in most parts of the world lol

and all thats just me as a binary trans woman there are plenty of nonbinary transfemmes who have totally different and more complicated relationships with femininity and gender because of how society treats them how assholes LIKE YOU treat them as if its misogyny for them to exist simply because they arent strictly abiding to the gender binary

and nonbinary transfemmes dont need to have a complicated relationship with gender to exist!!! you can be assigned female at birth be transfemme and have a really chill relationship with womanhood

the odds arent very high because people like you exist that stand to try and dictate what womanhood even is but regardless suffering isnt a prerequisite for being transfemme despite ones agab

there are plenty of binary intersex trans women demigirls agender bigender or gender fluid folks who were assigned female at birth and identify somewhere on the transfemme spectrum theyre all valid and nothing about their existence is transmisogyny an attack on "real transwomen" or an indication that theres really anything wrong with being a woman inherently

watch your tumblr feeds trans friends because once you let posts like these infiltrate your feed and go unexamined you leave yourself vulnerable to these terf talking points

you need to learn how to spot stink like this and really examine your views on gender and sexism and society read queer theory and consider your biases

this is not me judging any of you who saw this post and were lulled into the line of thought especially since recently theres been a lot of hate geared towards transmascs in the community and people who are trans and were assigned female at birth but you should try and question where some of these talking points are coming from what the goal is if the goal is nothing but creating division and exclusion then maybe theres something to think about

not to say there hasnt been some division created by trans male voices speaking for the transfemme experiences instead of letting transfemme folks tell those stories but there are valid ways to critique behaviors within our culture and then theres mud slinging blatant hate against anyone that isnt you

there is no wrong way to be trans*

femboys crossdressers transvestites transgender people transexuals nonbinary people intersex people two spirit people drag queens kings and everything in between they all deserve a spot at our table they are our siblings and they face similar oppressions if they want community with us they DESERVE community with us they have fought long and hard for it i will not stand for anyone trying to cut off the limbs of our mighty tree to sacrifice it to some conservative demon in exchange for promises of assimilation

if trans people who arent you disgust or scare you then maybe you need to take a step back and realize that youre treating others the way many treat us with revulsion ridicule and hate

if you want so badly to finally be able to turn the tables and be the leopard to eat other peoples faces then maybe you shouldnt be trusted

implicit in the idea of AFAB transfems is the conception of transfem as an identity category that indicates primarily a troubled, intermittent, or circumspect relationship to womanhood. this itself is transmisogynistic. transfems are perfectly able to have a relationship to womanhood as simple as being a woman.

[ultrahotpotato]

I cant stress enough how much i look forward to starting on T, and getting top surgery.

I cant wait to hear my voice crack for the first time.

I cant wait to start shaving

I cant wait to look down at my chest and be happy with what i see

I cant wait to pass as a male

I cant wait to get that jawline i hope i get

I cant wait to stop getting my period. (You have no idea how wrong it feels, every freaking month!)

I cant wait to be called a boy by everyone around me

I cant wait to be a proud trans boy, who isnt afraid.

I cant wait to people making fun of my voice cracking, even if im 21 when i start on T.

I cant wait to go topless at the beach, and no one staring at me weirdly.

I cant wait to be ‘one of the boys’

I cant wait to be able to go into the mens section in stores, and not get weird stares.

I cant wait to go into a mens bathroom, and no one looking at me weirdly.

I cant wait till i find a name that i think suits me, and then having people calling me that

I cant wait to teach people about lgbt+

I cant wait to meet other people like myself

I cant wait to hear somone call me their BOYfriend

I cant wait to be refferd to as a boy, even when im not around.

I cant wait to hear my mom and dad call me their son

I cant wait to tell my story to other trans people, and hearing other stories 

I cant wait to wear a dress, even after i have transitioned fully, and then rock it!

I cant wait to stop being scared

I cant wait to stop crying

I cant wait to stop hating my self

I cant wait to not feeling like this anymore

I cant wait to be happy with my self

I cant wait to be a better person

I cant wait to be more happy, so much more happy

I cant wait to get the people out of my life who arent okay with me being trans

I cant wait to set and X with male on tests

I cant wait to start growing a beard

I cant wait to then shaving it off

I cant wait to when people dont have to be scared to come out as trans, or anything else

I cant wait to all parents are accepting and supportive of their kids

I cant wait to all people re accepting and supportive of their friends and family.

I cant wait to being trans isn't something you should hide, becouse you are scared of others reactions.

I know i can do many of these things already when i havnt gotten the surgery nor started on T. But when i do get the surgery, and start on T, i know im gonna be much more confedint. Im gonna move away from where i am now, and start again, as the boy i truly am, and not someone i pretend to be.

I am so lucky that i have suportive parents and suportive friends, and im so happy. I am so freaking lucky to have them, even though im not fully out at all to everyone i know, just this little start means so much. And i cant imagine how it would be for somone without the suport. So please, if you know somone who is trans, agender, bigender, or something else, pleasure suport them. They might ask you to use a diffrent pronounce, or name, and if they do that, please use the name/pronounce they want, it means so much. And even if its a bit hard for you to remmber it, please try your best, and if you use the wrong name/pronounce, just quickly change it and move on, no need to make a big deal out of it. But just things as that can help so much, it can really mean a lot.

Being trans isnt always easy, some people have it worse than others.But i know just the smallest things, can make someone that much happier. 

I my self is a 17 year old trans guy, i havnt always known that, but im glad i have figured it out. There are still a lot of things i dont know yet about my self, But for now, i know im a trans guy, i am pansexual, though leaning towards guys, so i would say im quite gay. 

People figure out who they are at diffrent times, some when they are young, others when they are older. ANd that is okay, you should never force anything, and you dont have to label yourself, some people like labels, others dont. Just do what you feel comfortable doing, and dont judge others for doing the same thing.

I know i dont have a big following, and most of my folowers are porn blogs, but i just really nedded to say these things, and i will probrly reblog this post later, and probrbly also write one more or two. Happines is something that comes and goes, right now im okay, but i know that i will meet people who wont agree with who i am, and tell me that who i am is wrong, and tell me all kind of negative things, and i know i will cry, a lot more, happy tears and sad tears, beauce there is gonna be hard times and good times, and that is never gonna change, i hope it will though.

Anyways, im Ollie for the time being, a little gay trans guy just passing by. My inbox is always open, and i would love to talk to people, and learn about their experiences. 

I hope you have a great day