#but however upset i've been its obviously NOTHING compared to what its been like for her

[reallyhardy]

read lilly jay's essay ... feel bad that she had to write it at all

[ranchthoughts]

The Mundanity of Meanness

@waitmyturtles' posts over the last few episodes of Only Friends (1, 2) have got me thinking.

There's so much casual cruelty among the friend group of Boston, Cheum, Mew, and Ray - all the little pointed comments or assumptions that always jump to the worst faith/most uncharitable conclusion. Mew's birthday at the bar was ripe with them - Cheum happily saying everyone has a lover, even "a heartless slut like Boston," while Ray is sitting right there; Mew assuming Ray was in the bathroom to get high, then lecturing him and saying he won't live past 30, etc. - but we've seen it throughout the show. Remarking to the professor that Boston won't do anything, as expected... not worrying about how Ray got home or why he isn't answering his calls because he is probably drunk... and so on. In their interactions with each other they've come to tolerate, to expect, meanness and toxicity.

The newcomers to the friend group aren't exempt either - look at what Sand puts up with from Ray, or what Nick puts up with from Boston. I thought it was interesting that the most sincere and heartfelt apology in episode 7 was from Sand to Nick - Sand really seemed to grasp how his comments and actions hurt Nick, even if he doesn't agree with his life choices. It puts into perspective the behaviour of the core four's friend group, where the apologies last episode were mostly insincere or forced in some way. Sand and Nick seem to have lived a life with less of this mundane meanness around, compared to the friend group - they aren't used to treating each other poorly.

The moment that really caught my attention this episode was Boston at the pool fight scene saying "It was unintentional" when pushed to apologize to Mew for sleeping with Top. Mew is pissed ("Unintentional, my ass"), but I think in a lot of ways it was! Boston wanted to sleep with Top. He did. End of story. Obviously, Boston also has his superiority complex about Mew and they have their ideological war around sex going on, and sleeping with Mew's boyfriend does contribute to Boston "winning" in those areas, but Boston also just doesn't think of consequences, he doesn't think about other people. That's what this friend group is all about: YOLO and living in the moment, being self-absorbed.

However, even if the results of their actions were "unintentional," that doesn't absolve Boston or any of the other characters from the hurt they cause. Impact vs. intention. Boston might not have intended to get Mew SO upset at his sleeping with Top (Boston has a different mindset than Mew around sex and exclusivity), Mew might not have intended to drum up Top's fire trauma when he burned the sketch, Ray might not intend to wound Sand with every comment about his lifestyle, but they need to realize/learn that other people are coming at things with their own baggage and through their own lenses and that they need take accountability for their actions and words, even if they themselves don't see harm in them. What might not be a big deal to them might be a big deal to someone else.

The final point I've been musing on is at the simple, everyday, mundanity of all this. Often as fans we've been looking for connections, for forethought and calculation in the actions of the characters, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, I think its important to acknowledge that real harm can come too from unintentional or unthinking actions or comments. It doesn't always have to be a carefully thought out evil plan or a targeted attack. Sometimes people just do what's best for them and don't think about how others would conceive of or react to their actions... especially young people and especially self-absorbed wealthy young people.

[xwishingonraindropsx]

Nothing to See Here by Kevin Wilson

Audio book

April 28th 2024 to May 2nd 2024 (when I read it)

My one sentence summary: Lilian watches her old high school friends step kids who catch on fire sometimes and obviously that doesn't go perfect.

Overall Rating: 12/15

Did I like it? ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Yes! I really enjoyed this book, I loved the accents in the audio book and the way the narrator did the voices. The tone of the book felt very much like an old friend telling me a story or telling me what happened to them this week. It was fun and emotional and very "you would not believe what happened to me!" I enjoyed it and kind of binged it, which I don't normally do. The kids remind me of kids I've worked with in various child care jobs, and I like how it showed different perspectives on differences and disabilities, and how it portrayed Lillian's perspective as the correct one.

Did it do what it was supposed to do? ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Yes, it did! I honestly am not sure what genre this book is, but everything about it feels like a longer short story, which makes sense, the author has mostly written short stories and a few novels. While I can't really say exactly what it was supposed to do, I think it met my expectations from the book summary and it did it well.

Writing: ⭐⭐⭐

To me this read like a short story just a bit longer. I think there was room to raise the stakes, go deeper, or explore a moment for a bit longer. To me, short stories present an idea, and then leave a lot on the table for you to explore yourself. That is really fun and interesting, but this book had a very interesting premise! Kids that catch on fire when they're upset? Thats crazy, and has a lot of consequences and a lot of places the story could go. I read the fire issue as comparable to disability, especially those with "behavioral issues", which is the field I work in. While the author didn't really make that comparison himself, i think the "catches on fire when mad" is a metaphor for toddler tantrums, kids who hit when mad, me who has panic attacks when really angry sometimes, anyone who experiences something uncontrollable that is looked at as disruptive or even dangerous. Its a very interesting comparison and I wish the author went more in depth with other peoples reactions to it. However I think he did do a great job with giving the four adults in the book all pretty different perspectives. I really likes the voice of each character, it was a very character driven rather than plot driven book.

Overall I really like it :)

I hope I get better at writing these reviews, but I've been meaning to start posting my thoughts on my book club books and I just have to do it.