#but honestly we really just gotta say fuck that and stop feeding into that mindset with boring bland characters

[the-woman-upstairs]

Begging female authors to stop sanitizing or sanding the edges off their female protagonists to make them unimpeachable in both the text and reality. It doesn’t make them cool or likable or above reproach, it just makes them BORING. I’d rather read about a heroine who’s controversial and engages in the kind of behavior that would generate pages of discourse than one who’s presented as perfect in every way.

[beann-e]

I wrote ‘ thank you for 300 followers ‘ angst ☹️

you knew this was wrong you knew it yet here you were standing in front of the stadium your heart beating through the sweater you wore to fight off the cold you had

to fight off the tears

the heartbreak and not only that but the pure sadness you felt for yourself

you moved through the hallways as you took a deep breath hand steady on the door. You felt as the emptiness of the hallway washed over you

“ once you do that y/n your not only on bad terms with one of them but both “

You dropped your head as you heard kageyamas voice come out softly.

He knew right now what you didn’t need was insensitive comments he was sure you’d get those inside

“y/n just don’t go in “ you shuddered when he reached out his hand to grab your arms and pull you back but your grip only tightening on the door

“ fine your funeral “ he moved back hurt at the action walking inside the gym your body following as he held the door open for you. “ you won’t be alone— I mean yeah kind of because your like dead but, i’ll — i’ll go “

Small steps echoing through the now quiet gym as everyone had been cleaning up to end practice but now all stood staring down at you

‘of course right now they all have to be tall ‘

“ ah ah y/n —w-what are you doing here “

you slowly pulled your head up as you toyed with your backpack straps in anxiousness

“ yeah —y/n “ that annoying voice let out as you heard footsteps “ what are you doing here “

you bit you lip as you felt your hands go sweaty

‘ I have to answer him ‘

“ I just —yams can we talk please “

he looked around in nervousness as he shook his head up and down “ yeah y-yeah sure “

“ thank yo-“

“ well I think that it seems of lesser importance if you waited all day to tell him “

tsukishimas voice continued “ I mean school just let out —could of told him in class “

he stepped closer to you “ lunch —he was with you oh no wait you sat somewhere else “

his voice was questioning as you pressed your teeth harder into your lip “ or were you sitting on someone else “

“ tsukki “ yamaguchis voice came out in a squeal everyones body shaking as you felt people look to you and then back to the floor trying to save you the embarrassment

“ what their the one who’s clearly not being honest here “ his eyebrows tightned in disgust “ just fucking dump ‘em already they didn’t even come here to tell the truth “

“ yeah but they might have been willing to tsukki if you just “

“ if I what ? was nice about it like you are “

“ ye—“

“ that’s why your getting fucking cheated on right now yamaguchi “

your breath stopped as the room went even quieter you could feel your boyfriends eyes prickle with tears at the accusation “ I-“

your voice got cut off as yams spoke “ that’s not -why would — your your out of line “

“ i’m “

“ why else do you think their standing here — why they avoided you all fucking day “ he sighed “ yams come on don’t be so fucking dense over a s/o “

“ wait let’s talk about thi— “ sugawaras voice was civil as everyones pointed looks moved to him

“ please “ you cried tears already hanging off your lashes “ I—I didn’t cheat I didn’t “

you felt your body grow hot at the new tears and the warmth from someone’s eyes pressing down on your skin “ it wasn’t like that I just — please “

“ then what was it like because as far as I could tell “

“ no no we —we were just talking and I “

“ oh so sitting on someone else lap is talking — letting someone else feed you is talking —y/n how about cheering for someone else at a match your boyfriends on the same court as “

you felt your eyes go blurry “ tsukishima I didn’t — it didn’t feel like cheating just please “

“ it didn’t feel like cheating — then what did it feel like y/n ? because I know how it felt when my best friend was waking me up in the middle of the night in fear when he saw you getting your fucking face eaten at the summer vol-“

“ please I didn’t mean for it t—“

“ what y/n what ? everything I hear out of you is excuses—just own up to it already —that’s the least this new shitty person i’m looking at could do “

“ tsukishima let’s just “ daichi said trying to help calm the situation down “ it’s yamaguchi a — “

“ why do you care so much “ kageyamas voice came out in question as he sipped his milk

“ I mean it seems like it has more to do with them and Yamaguchi than you “

“ because I — “ he scoffed “ imagine getting woken up the whole time we were at the camp at 4 in the morning just to go with your best friend to watch his girlfriend kiss an asshole while he cries next to you—every single day for a week “

“ we—”

“ then they just lie the whole time even after they got caught In the act —I mean I got fucking proof —really “ he laughed “ it’s gotta be considered annoying at some point “

“ please i’m not lying he just “

“ who “ yamaguchis voice came out as you sucked in air “ please let’s just —let’s cut the s-shit who was it—we could never tell it was always so dark when you two met up “

your body dropped at the word he’d never cursed at you before

“ it was — “ you gulped you didn’t even know if the person actually liked you or if they were just doing it because you were the only real girl who spent the night in the same dorms due to lack of space but you liked him

you liked him enough to forget your own boyfriend

using the guy and the camp as if it were a spa retreat

How Had you messed up everything that brought you happiness in a short quick week

“ i’m so sorry “

“ you didn’t say the name “

“ what team “

“ a-aobi johesai “

his body stopped “ oika—“

“ THE GREAT KING “ hinata looked at you sadly “ I — I thought better of you y/n “

you cried more as tsukishima laughed “ yeah right not even him it’s someone else —even he wouldn’t stoop that low “

he looked down on you as he finally stood in front of you whispering “ what the fuck are you dragging this out for tell them who you cheated with— he’s not even ace “ his voice hurt you

“ he’s not captain he’s fucking— “

“ mattsukawa “

your body lifted as you let his name out

“ mattsukawa is who I was meeting with at night “

you let your bottom lip go as you took a deep breath heavy eyes now pulled up to meet everyone “ I didn’t mean for — I think he — I don’t know what happened one minute i was —we were sitting down and the next he wa—“

“ no “ kageyamas voice came out “ your the — “

you looked over at the tall male before directing your eyes to all the third years whos mouths were wide open

“ holy hell your the — your the person that everyone was talking about at the barbecue “

you felt your eyes drop

“ he — he talked about me“ your body fluttered

“ look at ‘em actually liking him “ tsukishima laughed scoffing at the end due to your small look of hope “ you still have a boyfriend y/n not for long but —seriously in his face”

“ uh y/n he “

“ no please I don’t —not here “ sugawaras voice came out caring “ let’s just tell them later “

“ no that’s not righ— “ asahis voice came out

“ he told everyone you were easy “ kageyama said as he crushed his milk box

“ he told everyone on that team that you were simple and that he swore he could get you easily boyfriend or not “

your body shook “ wha—huh — no you “

“ you were a bet y/n—nothing more ,nothing less “ kageyama stared you down eyes holding pain for you but, knowing this was your only chance to fix everything with yams if you knew the truth.

He knew the only way to get you out of this crush mindset was to be harsh

“ y/n we swear if we’d known he was talking about you we would’v-”

again sugawara was cut off eyes going straight to kageyama while his face held annoyance at the first year

“ he took a bet with some other asshole that he could —I don’t know what he meant but he said he could ‘tap that’ and if he could everyone on the team would owe him yen”

your heart fell and your body slumped “ I-I gave hi—I gave him everything “

“ everything ? “ daichis voice came out confused

“ y/n it was only a week long camp how did you? there wasn’t much to give “

your mind went blank as you felt your body grow cold eyes coming up to meet with a disgusted and hurt yamaguchi who stood in shock mouth wide open

“ y-y/n you didn’t “

“ i— I thought that —he talked me int—“

you watched as he moved quickly to the door the loud echo from the slam moving throughout the room

“ uh ? “ tsukishimas voice sounded confused as he lost what you meant not being able to decipher the situation anymore “ I don’t — I don’t get this part “

“ because you start shit tsukishima and don’t know the whole story “ kageyamas voice was crisp

you felt your legs turn to jelly as you back away from the rest of the males running out of the door and home pulling your phone out as you dialed the number you were given

“ yoohoo~ this is the fuckboy hotline how can he help you “

you could hear the laughs over the phone as mattsukawas voice came out in small protest in the background

Them finally calming down as oikawa spoke “ ok no but we’re in the middle of practice which one is this “

“ how much you wanna bet it’s the girl he talked to last match “

“ no no it’s gotta be the one from the market “

“ your all wrong it’s gotta be the person from camp “

they all laughed “ yeah right— that one had a boyfriend matsu-chan’s got no balls for that one “

“ even I know not to touch that one — tried it cause their hot but they weren’t interested in leaving the guy “ oikawas voice came out in a scoff “ y/n’s smart honestly —that’s why she’s with that nice guy cause she wants to be taken care of I doubt they gave in to an asshole like him “

“ but dude swear it they were all over him when he said that their boyfriend sent him to dump ‘em “

“ shit— you lie —they believed that “

“ I mean “ you could feel the shrug that took place over the phone

“ woke up with ‘em in the same room as us “

“ damn mattsu got the angel from camp “ you could feel oikawas pout

“ crap I really wanted her too anytime I tried they said they were happy with spotty boy “

iwazumis voice was questioning as you listened in breathing getting heavier “angel from camp ? what the hell— mattsu you played another one I thought I asked you to stop “

“ I-I did “

“ then who’s that “

your voice came out in tears as you spoke “ c-can I—can I please just talk to mattsukawa “

You just needed reassurance everyone was wrong they had to be —they were

he told you there was no one else that cared enough to tell you about yams cheating.

that yamaguchi trusted him to tell you because tsukishima hated you which, was totally believable after just now

that everyone was lying and he — he was right he had to be

“ holy shi— “ oikawas voice went high in a squeak as he heard the whimpers “ oh hell mattsu-chan —your doing extra spikes what’d you do —whoever this is their crying “

“ which one is it “

“ pl-please oikawa just its y/n just please — “

“ fuck fuck fuck — “ you heard mattsukawas voice come out in panic “ I—i’m not here “

your heart dropped

“ uh — hes not here we um“

“ who’s that which one is that “

you heard as oikawa tried to whisper in hopes you didn’t hear “ that’s— it’s the one he banged at camp for the dare— the crows manager — the freckled losers s/o “

“ t-they did it ? they —mattsu how’d you get that “

“ I just —I might’ve told ‘em their boyfriend didn’t want them anymore “

the team went silent “ i swear I didn’t expect anything other than a kiss so I could get my money but once I kissed em —I —I screwed up I went too fast and —you gotta get ‘em off the phone “

you could hear his panicking “ I took their virginity on accident i swear I swear—I swear “

your hand shook as cries poured from you hearing a louder scream ram into your ear form the other end of the phone

“ do you not feel ashamed “

iwaizumis loud voice rang out “ you—you asshole how dare you —how can you take something like that accidentally—how can you take that from them “

“ I swear I didn’t me—they were sad and i — I didn’t know how to help and we were already halfway there and— “

you heard as the phone dropped to the floor Iwas loud voice booming on the other line hearing the occasional grunt and shuffling on the floor

you ghosting your shaky thumb over the end call button until you felt someone else’s hand lead yours to the red button

your body relaxing when you felt the hand you’d always loved to hold

relaxing into his back that pressed against your backpack only to feel him move away and his warm hand leave your own your hand moving out to grab his again as you turned around

“ no y/n “ his voice was so soft it hurt “ no you don’t get that — you don’t get my comfort “

you couldn’t even argue head looking to the gravely road

“ y’know if anybody I would have thought it’d be tsukishima “ he laughed a little “ that’s what I was afraid of y’know the whole time we dated I was scared you’d leave me for him — i was insecure really “

he shook his head “ but you always reassured me telling me you didn’t see him that way you didn’t like him there was nothing to worry about with him— and I just “ he scoffed his hand running over his face In exhaustion “ I guess I should have asked about other guys and not my fucking best friend— shouldn’t have had such a closed mind to be jealous of my best friend should have been jealous of every guy that passed my view when I was with you “

“ yams n— “

“ please don’t make this harder than it needs to be “ your head rose up at his words finally seeing his red stained eyes and floppy hair that he’d fixed desperately to cover them “ your already making it hard by standing there looking just as beautiful as you looked the day I stammered my way through asking you out “

he smiled “ come here “ you moved over slowly to his arms as he hugged you tightly “ yams please I didn’t mean— he just —he told me “

“ I know I know “ he rubbed your back as you calmed down into him his body encasing your own like a teddy bear that you needed to cry into after a hard day

“ we can fix it and we can just work through this —I know “

“ yeah your right “

he kissed the top of your head continuing to rub your back the moment feeling calm. You’d known yamaguchi wasnt one to keep grudges nor was he one to be mean. So this wasn’t very surprising for you.

You were thankful that he’d give you another chance that you even had a boyfriend like that it was truly a blessing for you causing you to hug him tighter

“ we— we can work through this “ he pulled back to look at you a smile on your face as you looked up at him his own mouth quirking up

“ separately “ he rubbed your arms up and down in a way of comfort “ don’t come to the next travel match y/n “

your face and heart dropped all at once “ but— yams i’m — im a manager “

“ yes I know but — the only reason why you were one was because you were my s/o they made an exception we had enough we only needed two”

“ wh— “

“ I think it’s best if we just go our separate ways — meaning you don’t have to pretend to like managing the team anymore and I can try to suck up my feelings for you “

he stepped back as he wiped his face “ i’m sorry but —i’m tired of getting walked over I need to make boundaries for myself and other people“

you shook silently head threatening to blow off in the amount of pain you were sheltering as he nodded towards your front door “ go on “

you looked between him and your house

“ I still wanna make sure you get in safely “

he smiled softly as you walked to your door moving to open it after toying with the lock

his eyes still on you until you walked in the house to look through the window him nodding twice to the floor, and putting his hand over his heart before he looked to your window he knew you always watched him when he left after dropping you off

he finished by waving his hand and turning around to leave

your back hitting the door and falling to the floor quickly tears falling hard and fast

you weren’t crying because he left you

you weren’t crying because you’d cheated

you were crying because he still said he loved you in the hand signals you two created for each other and gave you the same goodbye he’d given you everyday for two years since grade school

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #361

“the world is a vampire, sent to drain”

Have you ever been through a phase of thinking emo guys were hot? A phase? Hunny, they're still hot lmao. Have you ever dated someone that could play an instrument? Yeah. Juan could play guitar, and Girt played I think the tuba in band. What’s so horrible about wearing leggings like pants? I've actually never understood why people freak about this. Like so long as they're not sheer and fit you fine, why exactly is this a problem...? Weirdest picture you’ve ever taken of yourself? Oh dear. When someone claims to be suicidal, do you take them seriously? FUCK you if you don't. Honest to god, fuck you. This is NOT something you just don't even blink at. Even if it's surprising to hear from that person, you take that shit seriously and try to talk to them about it. Ever been kicked out of anywhere? Colleen's house. Ever had Skittles vodka? No, but that shit sounds good. Ever punched someone in the face? No. If you haven’t, do you want to now? Uh, I'll pass. Do you truly HATE anyone? No one I know personally, but people like rapists, pedophiles, etc., I sure as hell do hate them. Most historical/famous landmark/building you’ve been to in your country? No clue. Favorite flavor for most things? Strawberry, watermelon, or blue raspberry, depending on what the thing is. Ever taken pictures in a photobooth? Who with? Yeah: Summer, Jason, and I'm pretty sure Sara and I did? What is the closest book to you? It's a full collection of Poe's poetry that Mom got me. Are you reading it or someone else? I'm not right now. I may eventually. Milkshakes or Sundaes? Hm, I gotta go with milkshakes. Do you like watermelons more or cherries? I'm not a fan of either, but I'd definitely pick watermelons over cherries. Who was the last person you ate with? My family and I went to Ichiban (a Japanese steakhouse that we have here where they cook directly in front of you) yesterday to celebrate Nicole's graduation. Do you prefer broccoli or asparagus? Broccoli. I hate asparagus. Do you have any bug bites? No. Do you have any flowers in your room? No. Do you know anyone that owns horses? Loosely, anyway. It's a family I took pictures for, and I still have the mother on Facebook. When you were little, did you ever go to feed the ducks? Yes, I LOVED doing that. Don't feed ducks bread, by the way. Have you seen any of the seven wonders of the world in person? No. Have you ever won anything out of one of those crane machines? Yeah. Can you remember being taught how to ride a bike? Was it hard for you? Yeah. I don't THINK it was too hard. Did you get carded the last time you ordered an alcoholic drink? No. Do you know anyone who uses medical marijuana? No, it's not legal here. Do you know anyone who’s died in childbirth? No. Which was the worst phase in your life? 2016 was. Towards the end of '15 was the breakup, and through aaaaaaall of 2016, I was just dead inside and totally useless. Every day I wanted to be dead. Can you remember your last dream? I had a nightmare some stupid kids were fucking with my snake Venus, so I was trying to protect her. Do you ever use Snapchat? No, I don't have one. What’s your favorite musical? I don't like musicals. What happened at the last party you went to? Summer prepared some little Halloween treat bags for us guests, we watched a horror movie, and everyone but me smoked some weed. Are you more comfortable sitting or lying down? I would assume everyone is more comfortable lying down... Have you ever been a fan of N*Sync? Yeah, as a kiddo. Favorite kind of cake: Red velvet, yum yum. What is your middle name? Marie. TV shows and anime you watch regularly: None. Do you want to have a big family in the future? Just a big family of pets with a spouse. What was the last thing you did that gave you a rush? Oh boy, I couldn't tell ya. Is Vegas one of your must-see places? No. Pet rat: yay or nay? YAY!! I've had many, but I don't think I'll get any more. I've just had bad luck with them, save for one that died of cancer at an old age. Would you call yourself a writer? Written any stories lately? Yeah. I haven't really written any big RP posts of the late, but I did recently write a poem. Are needles something that you’re afraid of? Okay, so this is super weird. Tattoos and piercings? No problem. Little prick, getting blood drawn, that sorta little stuff, no problem. I am, however, NOT a fan of big needles, which used to not be an issue. It's actually kinda recent, and it's why I'm nervous about my second Covid shot coming up, aha... What was the last unexpected hug you gave/received? I really haven't had an unexpected hug since Jason asked for one before he left my house after our final talk. Who was the last person you held hands with? Either my niece or nephew. Have you ever been in a parade before? If so, was it on TV? No. Do you have a fear of rollercoasters? If so, were you ever forced to go on one? If you don’t, what is your favorite rollercoaster? I have a big fear of them, yeah. Post a picture of you from a recent time. Don't feel like it. Who was the last person to give you some of their food? Miss Tobey let me try one of her dumplings yesterday when we were at Ichiban for dinner. The last person you met, what was your first impression of them? I actually didn't quite like her. Have you ever been to a football game? Yeah, because my sister was a cheerleader. Do you like the snow or rain better? Snowwww. Have you ever faked sick? Yeah. What is your blood-type? A-. Have you ever eaten a bug? Not knowingly. The last time you were in the fridge, what were you looking for? Salsa. Mom got these veggie chips at the store and they apparently taste better with salsa, which it did. They weren't great, though. Are you listening to anything at the moment? It's Gab Smolders' turn for me to watch her Resident Evil 8 upload, haha. I'm literally watching three different people (Mark, John Wolfe, and her) play it. Can you take a bra off with one hand? I haven't tried, I think? I doubt I could, given that I'm not exactly small. Do you have an innie or an outie bellybutton? Innie. Can you crack your neck? NOOOOO AND DO NOT DO IT AROUND ME YOURSELF. Are you donating your organs? Yeah; what am I gonna use 'em for? It just seems like a waste otherwise. They're just gonna decay. When was the last time you talked to you mom? Before she left with Tobey to go to the store. Do you like pumpkin pie? NO. I don't like pie, and I hate pumpkin. Do you own your own computer? Yeah. Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings? Yeah; growing up, my little sister and I did. Is there any piece of technology you want to buy? I REALLY want a PS4. Did you ever have a night light when you were a kid? Yeah. What TV show had you hooked from the very first episode? Meerkat Manor, 100%. I had to know that Shakespeare was okay. What is your least favorite Sour Patch Kids color? Orange or red, can't pick. Have you ever seen the movie Matilda? YES! I love that movie. What is the weirdest chant you have ever heard? Uh, idk. How are you feeling? Annoyed and hurt as fuck because shit Miss Tobey says without thinking for a single goddamn second. I'm honestly beyond sick of this woman. Do you know anyone with a unibrow? I don't think so. Doughy or saucy pizza? Doughy. Do you have anything that’s limited edition? Yeah. Do you have an air freshener in your bathroom? If so, what scent? I... think we do? If so though, I just don't notice it. The bathroom doesn't smell like anything in particular. Do you like Jalapeno Cheetos? Oh man, I forgot about those! Love 'em. Are you a fan of salads? Yeah, they're fine. I have to be in the mood for one, though. What’s one random thing that you don’t like? Uhhh carrots. What’s one random thing that you like? Shrimp. Do you like chicken noodle soup? I don't. Is it easy for you to accept loss? NOPE. I'm the absolute worst with it. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? I really wanna see Sara, so take me to Illinois. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? No, but a former best friend had her birthday the day before mine. Is there someone you just can’t imagine your life without? Not anymore, honestly. After Jason, I stopped that "I can't live without you" mindset. Truth is I'm going to lose people through life, and I'm not attaching my ability to happily exist to anyone. Are you wearing a ring? Two. Have your friends ever stopped by your house just to say hi? In the past, yeah. Do you like Chinese food? Not really. I only ever get pork fried rice and eggrolls from Chinese restaurants. Have you done any shopping for something in specific recently? No. Do you still live in your hometown? No. What was the reason behind the last time you stayed up all night? I don't recall, honestly. I haven't done that in a very long time. Have you ever had a UFO sighting or a sighting of strange lights in the sky? A very strange light, yes. Have you ever seen your mom or dad drunk? Yes to both. Seeing Mom drunk is very, very rare though. My dad was an alcoholic when I was growing up, so I saw him drunk plenty. Do your parents vote? Mom does, idk about Dad. Who’s the most romantic person you ever went out with? Jason. What restaurant has the best fries? Nowhere has anything on Bojangle's, y'all. Have you ever had a surprise party thrown for you? No.