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theworstbob · 7 years ago

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yellin’ at songs: 1997, part three

freedom. horrible, horrible freedom. in this post i get distracted a whole lot, so hey, look forward to that!

5.17.1997

36) "It's Your Love," by Tim McGraw & Faith Hill

a fun game to play with pop music sometimes is "what song does this chorus sound like." this is rachel platten's "fight song," like maybe i'm going crazy but "fight song" sorta jacked its chorus from this wack-ass country ballad.

47) "It's No Good," by Depeche Mode

It's a new session. It's a glorious Sunday morning, I have coffee, already listened to a couple dope albums, made some lists, got the Wimbledon final in the background, am feeling generally good about my life. I could have had a sub-2:30 in an LttP rando if I hadn't forgotten to check Dark Kakariko. (I’m a special boy.) So maybe that's why I'm way more into this Depeche Mode song than I was the last one I listened to, but this also sounds closer to the Depeche Mode I'm interested in, less of the shitty Prodigy influence, more of the exceedingly dark '80s post-punk sound. This one goes so much harder and is so much deeper than the other, and I believe this to be an honest thought, because if I were truly in a positive place I wouldn't be responding so well to a Depeche Mode song.

61) "5 Miles to Empty," by Brownstone

You know how R. Kelly's "Ignition" is basically a song in which R. Kelly says he's gonna fuck a car? (Not to be confused with "Ignition (Remix)," which is not a remix of "Ignition" but a song about what will go down when the remix to "Ignition" is released.) I have found the song to which "Ignition" is a response. After years of searching, this pop music archaeologist has finally uncovered the song R. Kelly was thinking about when he decided to compare a woman to a car. And maybe that's not true, maybe R. Kelly made "Ignition" because he was born to make it, but the only way I could make this song interesting is if I gave it a place in music history as the headwaters of the "Igniton (Remix)" river. (I wrote this before the new allegations came out but am leaving it in because I also wrote it while being aware of the old allegations.)

64) "If I Could Change," by Master P ft./Steady Mobb'n, Mia X, Mo B. Dick, & O'Dell

One thing I haven't mentioned on this guided tour of 1997: so many songs are from the soundtracks of movies! Obviously, 2007 will soon house High School Musical 2, and 2017 had "Beauty & the Beast," but it seems like every week, the credits theme for some movie makes it to the chart. Movie soundtracks are a lost art. I don't know why we think Avangers movies are better served with a dramatic orchestral score than some dunderheadedly thunking nu-metal single. Am I ever going to see I'm 'Bout It? Of course not. Why would I? But I can tell you something about this film by listening to this song from its soundtrack. If you played me selections from the Avangers and Suicide Squad soundtracks, I wouldn't be able to tell you which came from which, and that's with me having heard at least one song from the Suicide Squad soundtrack.

96) "It Must Be Love," by Robin S.

This song almost doesn't exist. Neither the song nor Robin S has a Wikipedia page of its own, it doesn't seem to belong to any soundtrack for any film, and the only relevant result on YouTube is a Robin S. - Topic page with fewer than 2,000 views and one comment that just says "Best." That's a damn shame. This is a really solid track, a really fun disco throwback with a powerful vocal performance, and it deserves better treatment from the history books. Truly, this is the forgotten classic, this is why this project exists, to highlight a song no one remembers and say, "We should've done better." Truly, this is the "Run Up" of its day.

97) "Sometimes," by The Brand New Heavies

sometimes, 1997 will give me some actual funk, and that is truly appreciated. This is a somewhat cerebral funk song that found a home on this chart, maybe only for a couple of weeks and only in the back half, but it still made the chart. You can hear the craft that went into composing this track, just the way it keeps building and building until it reaches this really cool climax just before it starts fading out. There's love in this track. You miss that level of craftsmanship in the music in 2017, and even in 2007 to a certain extent, but more in 2017. I don't think I've ever thought about Calvin Harris sitting down to write one of his songs, I just think about him making some noises and saying, "Yeah, sure, whatever, this is good enough to release." His songs don't sound written as much as they sound packaged, and the lack of effort in the writing process is maybe not readily apparent but certainly felt when you listen to his music. Which isn't to say no one in 2017 is thinking about their music, hey remember that one week we all agreed Kendrick was amazing that was a good week, but no one is putting the same energy into writing their music as these cats did.

5.24.1997

5) "Say You'll Be There," by Spice Girls

1997 is coming off a really solid week, so it's understandable why it would want to take a play off. Spice Girls: still bad in a very real and incredibly unfun way! I just remembered Spice Girls are British. Europe, you ruined everything good.

55) "In My Arms," by Erasure

Y'know what, I'm here for this. I'm glad these dorky dudes from Britain are making their synthpop music, and honestly, anything that had even a small role in bringing Future Islands' "Seasons (Waiting on You)" into this world can't be pure evil, and this sounds like something that was influenced by something much cooler that also influenced Future Islands. This isn't a great song, I'm not going to run to Facebook to tell everyone how great this band is, but hey, if every song were the best song ever, this project would have no meaning. I am here to experience 1997 in its totality, and between the dizzying highs and plunging lows, there is an interminable middle to be traveled. I began this paragraph saying I liked this song and for the life of me I don't know what changed in my heart between then and now.

64) "The World Tonight," by Paul McCartney

I know I talked about this when Paul McCartney popped up on a 2007 chart, but it has to be absolutely amazing to know you could spend seven minutes writing a song and thirty minutes recording it and then make $50,000. There's more effort in this song than there was in "Fun Dance Yes!" or whatever that thing was, and I have spent so long thinking about the "I'm going back so far I'm in front of me" line that there is some catharsis in finally knowing what song it came from, but I would have rather listened to most anything else. Like, say what you will about "My Baby Daddy," at least people sounded like they were trying when they made that song.

94) "If U Stay Ready," by Suga Free ft./Playa Hamm

I wanna know who played guitar on this track because this guitar part does work. I'm also way into this dude's flow, like maybe I'm just overly impressed by someone who can rap fast (I'm so stoked for the Twista song 1997 is gonna give to me), but this dude and that guitarist made this song way more interesting than a song like this typically is. You can kinda hear how dull this song might've been when Playa Hamm and his more conventional voice pops up and wastes everyone's time. Really impressive.

5.31.1997

36) "Do You Know (What It Takes)," by Robyn

Did you guys know "Dancing on My Own" didn't chart in the US? There might be a whole swath of our (I assume this isn't finding much love in Germany or whatever) population that only knows Robyn as the sweetheart singing the line "Do you know what it takes to do me right?" and not as the ABSOLUTE TITAN who crafted maybe the best pop song of the last eternity? This is the same swath of the population that probably only knows "Dancing on My Own" through that trashdick cover Kings of Leon did. Like, it's kind of weird to think about the scads of pop music children the '90s produced and wonder if anyone at the time knew that Robyn would be the one to make an era-defining smash.

48) "The Perfect Drug," by Nine Inch Nails

On the topic of Fire Walk with Me, the cinematic follow-up to David Lynch's television masterpiece and failure Twin Peaks, Quentin Tarantino said he felt "David Lynch had disappeared so far up his own ass that I have no desire to see another David Lynch movie until I hear something different." This is germane to the song, as it was made for the soundtrack of a David Lynch movie, and it feels like the sort of song a David Lynch fanboy would make if they knew David Lynch made fucked-up things but didn't have any idea what made David Lynch such a compelling director, were just being fucked-up for the sake of being fucked-up.

78) "The New Pollution," by Beck

Man, if you were a white teenager who thought they were smarter than they actually were, this was a killer week for you. But #actually this song is good because Beck can play a lot of instruments, and if you don't make all your music all by yourself it is artistically worthless. The Notorious B.I.G. didn't even write the music for his song, therefore his work has no artistic merit and Beck is the only true artist that has ever performed. What a joy it is to live in a world with Beck in it! (We should all be salty any entity which claims to be a governing body for music thought any Beck album was better than any Beyonce album.)

6.7.1997

34) "Alone," by Bee Gees

oh good, i was hoping to catch the bee gees during the country downswing of their career. this is so pleasant, this is everything i wanted, no no no, this is amazing. gosh, if there's one thing i love, it's when well-known musicians realize they probably can't hit on the pop charts anymore and dip into that sweet sweet country honeypot.

56) "Go the Distance," by Michael Bolton

I could have guessed that Disney's Hercules would have inspired such ardor. Disney's Hercules has one of the all-time Disney soundtracks. This song is not what makes the soundtrack great! This song sounds completely out of place with the rest of the gospel-influenced selections on the soundtrack. Like, you have the muses doing these legit amazing things, and then Michael Bolton shows up and Michael Boltons it up in the most Michael Bolton fashion, and even outside the context of the Disney's Hercules soundtrack, Michael Bolton doing Michael Bolton things isn't something people should be into.

74) "One More Day," by New Edition

Going on a first date with a '90s R&B singer is probably the most exhausting experience. You just wanna get to know this person and have a nice time at dinner, and this dude's pledging his eternal love for you and swearing to God he will defend you from those who'd do you wrong and telling you that he will give you an unending pleasure you can never get from any other man. Like, dude, just chill for a second and tell a story from your awkward teen years, like drop down to my level. This relationship needs to advance past the unending breadsticks phase before we get to the unending love phase.

84) "Who You Wit," by Jay-Z

"I'ma stay with it, rock the custom drop Bentleys/Never eat at Denny's and party like Lil' Penny." That's amazing. Just burn Denny's to the ground for absolutely no reason. Guys, this Jay-Z fella, I don't know if we hear more from him in the future, but I hope we do.

85) "When I Die," by No Mercy

So this is just '90s R&B, I don't know what you want me to say but will say it if needed. Let's see what the YouTube comments have to say. Top comment: God where did the 90's go ? Please bring them back ! Reply: The same could be said when standing for judgement before our creator...where did our past life go? Hey. Hey, fella? Fella. Calm down. I know this dude has been claiming he'll love his woman 'til she dies (I mean, I wasn't paying close attention because ho could I, but this is a safe assumption), but no one is here to talk about death. "I miss the music of our youth!" "Fun fact! Youth is fleeting and we are on an inexorable march to death. You may still have time to get right with your god. I suggest you get on that." Just have some spaghetti, fella. Chill.

6.14.1997

1) "I'll Be Missing You," by Puff Daddy ft./Faith Evans & 112

This was written from a place of the deepest grief, the likes of which I will one day know but still hope I can worm my way out of ever knowing, and it is heartfelt and pure and open. I'm okay with making fun of the other tributes, because they're written from less real places, but this, I think I'm gonna lay off this. Like, Diddy's a millionaire and doesn't need me to protect his feelings, but it's more about respecting another person's humanity than anything else. Anyhoo, back to deeply shallow snark.

29) "You Bring Me Up," by K-Ci & JoJo

OH DIP! It's a '90s R&B song with ATTITUDE! Been a hot minute. Still '90s R&B, still running out of things to say after nearly a week of contending with '90s R&B, but it's so refreshing to hear a "fuck you" after miles of "EVERY BEAT OF MY HEART IS IN TRIBUTE TO YOU." This is the first "fuck you" since "Return of the Mack," and while this isn't the same statement of purpose "Return of the Mack" is, 1) what else is?, and 2) a "fuck you" is always refreshing.

48) "We Trying to Stay Alive," by Wyclef Jean ft./Refugee Allstars

The first half, which is just dudes rapping over "Stayin' Alive," is really cool, if only because I'm a simpleton who didn't realize what a fantastic beat "Stayin' Alive" would be for a rap song. Like, of course people rapping over "Stayin' Alive" would be listenable, how did I not realize this? And then there's a second half, which sure exists, and I'm sure it exists for a reason, but I'll never forget what a treat the first two minutes were.

61) "Gimme Some Love," by Gina G

62) "Butterfly Kisses," by Raybon Bros.

Lest we ever think country music was ever immune to pandering, this song shouts out Jesus before the first chorus. I'm also having trouble believing this song coming from Raybon Bros. Like, this is clearly about one of their daughters. Why do we need Uncle there? "Jeff, it really was sweet how your daughter would butterfly kiss you." Like you wouldn't write a song about your niece, why would you sing on your brother's tribute to his daughter. Imagine the main Raybon playing this song for his daughter, and it's a tender emotional moment and then Bill belches "I helped. That's me on guitar."

84) "Come with Me," by Keith Sweat ft./Ronald Isley

The intro for this song gives me a great idea: there should be a bass trapper. Like, none of these trap dudes have particularly deep voices. Some of them have pleasant growls, but none of them sound like the intro to this song. Like, give us one bass singer, man. I'm still angry at that one dude who called himself Marc E. Bassy, we need an actual bass singer. Even country is piled high with nasal tenors, they don't have any friends for Josh Turner. Give me bass. Give me someone with a voice that can shake the earth. The bass singer isn't on this song after the intro, but that doesn't mean this song made the right call.

87) "Da' Dip," by MC Luscious ft./Kinsui

This is a remake of the Freak Nasty song "Da' Dip." Does the name Freak Nasty feel weirdly familiar to you? It felt weirdly familiar to me, too! Do you remember, in 2007 Week 19, the song "Do it Just Like a Rock Star," which surged onto the chart due to an indexing error? That is the very same Freak Nasty! Evidently Freak Nasty is tangential to music history in years that end with 7, so I am looking forward to his upcoming feature on a DJ Khaled track. Freak Nasty is the most important irrelevant rapper alive, and YAS is evidently devoted to promoting his life and work.

90) "Felton St.," by Leschea

This song is legit. There's a certain energy about this song I can't quite place, it just feels, what am I looking for, unresolved? Let's try to figure this out. It's like, this song is about meeting this dude from your block and getting him to fall for you and starting that life together, but the song doesn't feel particularly jubilant, does it? It feels on edge, like there's something amiss. And there's that one line, "Fantasy's reality/Much respect to you baby," and now it's no longer clear that he ever did meet her, if he swung his Jeep her way and cell phone checked her at all. This could all be in her head, and she's ruing that this dude doesn't notice her. The first verse in this song is about how she bumped into him and he didn't think to stop moving, which, apart from being inconsiderate, doesn't set up a happy ending. So this could all be a dream, which is why the song never feels stable, why her voice sometimes does these cool dips at the end of lines, because none of this is real. This song is legit, man.

95) "Rhythm of Love," by DJ Company

I accept this. We struck gold with "Felton St," found that buried treasure, and then we got greedy and our most recent dig has unearthed a nest of angry bees somehow. I don't know how bees would burrow underground, but I also don't understand how this awful nonsense made its way Stateside. Life is full of mysteries we just have to accept. I do like that the last couple of dance songs sound like something a human being would dance to, though. We're getting closer to acceptable.

6.21.1997

4) "Look Into My Eyes," by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony

"What makes a nigga think he can bite my shit and call his shit original?/What's worse, tellin' people you made the style we put down three fuckin' years ago!" This was a selection off the official soundtrack for Batman & Robin, and I really hope this is the lyric that made someone think, "Yes. This display of pettiness is the soundtrack the world imagined for Batman." Like, this is a song in which Bone Thugs is angry at people who bit their style, and it's fun to imagine people picking up the Batman album and trying to find the connection. Batman had a lot of things, but no imitators.

22) "Smile," by Scarface ft./2Pac & Johnny P

See, this doesn't feel sincere. This feels like Scarface using a 2Pac sample because he could and because mentioning 2Pac would get sales. Like, I'm sure he felt shitty when Pac died, but it is unclear why Scarface needed a 2Pac verse on his songs. The only 2Pac features on Scarface songs came after Pac died. I don't see the connection. This feels cynical.

47) "Smokin' Me Out," by Warren G ft./Ronald Isley

this is so much better than "i shot the sheriff" that "i shot the sheriff" is even more embarrassing now. This song is kind of perfect. (Only the second time I've used that phrase so far!) It's light, it's groovy, it's laid-back, it's kind of the apotheosis of pop/rap as a thing that exists. This is the most I've enjoyed an Isley all year (weirdly ubiquitous, the Isleys! I thought they were '60s things! Apparently I'm an idiot!), and the song's not even over-the-top gross, despite being about the girl who is best at smoking pot in all the land! This is cool.

89) "How Do I Live," by LeAnn Rimes 91) "How Do I Live," by Trisha Yearwood

THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING. We never get to do this. We never put two divas or bravos(? there should be a boy term for divas) into a ring with the same song and let the market decide who survives. Like, we let Ryan Tedder write the same song over and over again, and I guess that suffices, but we don't let Ryan Tedder say, "This song is a hit. This song will be a classic, and it will be attributed to either one of you. Who wants it more?" As far as the head-to-head, I think LeAnn Rimes is the clear winner, not just in sales but in quality of song. This song needs an great singer to sell it, to keep up with the song in the climax, and Trisha Yearwood is barely hanging on in the verses. But man, to have been able to have seen this battle played out in real time. Country music Twitter would have been... Created, I guess, country music Twitter doesn't seem like the most active place in the world. Trisha Yearwood's also has a completely unnecessary saxophone solo. Like, gurl, don't hide behind the sax. If I'm saying a song doesn't need a sax solo, you know it's a bad sax solo.

92) "Get Your Groove On," by Gyrl

I sure will, Gyrl! /turns off this song /turns "smokin' me out" back on Thanks for the suggestion! Nothing against your song, it's acceptable, but like "Smokin' Me Out."

6.28.1997

24) "Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)," by Backstreet Boys

So evidently "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" is something I completely missed while archiving the list of 1997 hits, despite the fact it hit #2. But another thing to consider: there were serious flaws with how the Hot 100 was calculated in 1997. It underwent a massive overhaul in 1998, and that'll be fun to deal with when we get there, but I guess it wasn't factoring in radio play at the time, because "As Long as You Love Me," a song every single one of us knows by heart, doesn't make the chart. But basically, this entry serves to remind of two things: 1) The chart if flawed and does not represent an entirely accurate snapshot of music history 2) I am flawed and probably missed a song or two. So instead of thinking about this song, which let's be real is sort of shitty and boring, let's talk about two songs we're aware we missed.

Oops!) "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)," by Backstreet Boys

As far as songs about reintroducing an entity which most people weren't aware existed before this point, this song pales in comparison to "Return of the Mack." This does not make it any less iconic, I only wish to remind you how iconic "Return of the Mack" is. Like, this is the best kind of garbage, just loud and obnoxious and catchy as fuck. There's a reason this ridiculous song has endured in the culture for so long. Also Panic! At the Disco completely ganked this video for "I Write Sins, Not Tragedies." Fewer monsters, but plenty of dudes in top hats in bad make-up.

Oh also!) "Semi-Charmed Life," by Third Eye Blind

There's a cover of this song some indie band or another did for AV Club a few years back that haunts me to this day, simply because I was never that attached to the original and was never confronted with the lyrics, I was always distracted by the dude's bad rapping and worse falsetto. This song is beautiful, though. Even the original is tinged with this certain sadness, buried in '90s alt-rock trappings as it is. I am thankful to the indie band at the AV Club for unlocking the full potential, but I also appreciate the silly things the original could do. Frontier Ruckus. That was the band. Guys, y'all did a cool thing with this song.

67) "Hip Hop Drunkies," by The Alkaholiks ft./Ol' Dirty Bastard

You know how, in the '50s, pop music was still at the point where people could drop songs about hula hoops and have a pretty big hit from singing their song about hula hoops? Hip-hop was still in that stage in the '90s, where you could have a silly song and a name to match that song and people would be into your dumb novelty single. If The Alkaholiks had any career beyond this song, it's a miracle. "I drink more brewsters than Punky." Even in 1997, that's dated!

79) "Listen," by Collective Soul

This is the song the youth pastor sings when he needs to convince the #teens that Jesus can rock. I don't have to write about Vertical Horizon's "Everything You Want" for a good while, so I'm comfortable firing this bullet in anticipation of the fact I can pick it up and rechamber it in a couple years and none of y'all will ever know. But like this has a surprisingly unique guitar line and lyrics that are a bright smile away from being Christian rock -- "you crucify your honesty!" A youth pastor could go to town on that line.

83) "Can't Let Go," by Laurnea

The producer of the song may or not be in the comments for this song. It is probably him, because who on earth would pretend to be the producer of this whelming '90s R&B song, and specifically who would pretend they were the producer of this song just to say "Laurea was a class act to work with with." But this does give me an idea: when I listen to the songs of 1998, I want to leave a comment under each that's a different story from a prom night that never happened. I'm inspired by the comments under TRONICBOX '80s remixes, and I can't wait to forget this stupid idea after I hit post on this hot YAS content.

7.5.1997

50) "C U When U Get There," by Coolio ft./40 Thevz

"The other homie shot the other homie and ran off with his 20/And when the other homies heard about it they thought that it was funny/But who's the dummy, 'cuz you just lost a hustler/A down-ass brother been replaced by a buster." I know you're trying to warn against the dangers of street life, Coolio, but this sounds more like you're lecturing low-level drug dealers on the importance of retention. "Attrition affects productivity, which affects the bottom line, not to mention the time sink you put into training that team member and now training their replacement!" What other efficient management solutions does Coolio have for us? This is a maudlin hip-hop song that would never badmouth synergy. Also "C U When U Get There" is passive-aggressive and helps no one. What a shitty thing to say to someone.

73) "Just Another Case," by CRU ft./Slick Rick

there's a lot of atmosphere in this song, how it tells a tragic story about good people caught in the wrong time. kinda sucks these guys only got one album together, these guys had a strong point of view and a handle on what they wanted to do, and it would've been awesome to see what could've happened if they had a chance to grow. just another case of a group getting scooped up and forgotten by a major label.

79) "Things Just Ain't the Same," by Deborah Cox

This song comes before a Whitney Houston song, and it is also the 12th-to-last song I have to listen to for this leg of the project. I will never know if this song is legitimately boring or if I'm looking ahead to the end zone, but I do know I'm probably not gonna listen to this song again to find out. Sorry it couldn't work out, Ms. Cox. I hope we meet again in 1998, when I'm better able to give you a shot!

81) "My Heart Is Calling," by Whitney Houston

Whitney Houston is a fantastic singer and she single-handedly keeps me a thousand times more interested in this song than I know I otherwise would be. I am sorry to keep calling Deborah Cox out like this. I am sure she is a phenomenal friend and a generous soul.

83) "Love II Love," by Damage

Anyone who uses Roman numerals when numbering anything but Super Bowls is not a person I can be friends with, and anyone who would use Roman numerals for this specific purpose has lost any trace of humanity and should be shackled in a heavily-guarded cage twenty miles below the ocean floor to enusre they can never hurt. I don't care how fresh this song is, these people are monsters.

86) "What's Stopping You," by The O'Jays

I would like to renounce my right to say anything even remotely critical about this song because The O'Jays!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

94) "Summertime Summertime," by Corina

I'm eight songs away and life's too short to try to determine if this has any value. I am sorry for being derelict in my duties two songs in a row but this song is bad and I hated the part of it I listened to and I have a fake self-imposed deadline to meet. YEAH I KNOW THERE'S TWELVE TO LISTEN TO FOR THE POST AFTER THE POST, BUT THAT'S A HILL COMPARED TO THE WEEK I'VE SPENT ASCENDING MOUNT GARBAGE.

95) "Serenade," by Shades

Since this may be the last one of the project, just wanna shout GIRL GROUP HYPE!!!! for the last time before we resume regularly scheduled programming. There was a scad of girl groups, each more wonderful than the last, and we need to have a stern chat with 2017 about the things we can expect from it going forward. This song is delightful. I dig that "True" sample, and, yeah, I'm kind of over gentle voices sweetly whispering, but I'm also not really looking for vocal dynamos over the "True" sample, like this makes it work. Good work, y'all.

7.12.1997

8) "Sunny Came Home," by Shawn Colvin

This song already has the deck stacked against it, because we've listened to no insignificant amount of quality songs, and this is the one the Grammys decided was the best song released in 1997. Now, mind you, the Record of the Year field in 1997 was kind of not representative of the songs that made 1997 great. You had "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" and "Everyday Is a Winding Road," which are both inferior female singer-songwriter fare, "MMMBop," which is there for ratings, and a song by a monster. Of the five, it's the least objectionable winner. It's a fine song, expertly crafted and deeper than I've considered either of the times I've listened to it for a dumb marathonny project, but it's not "Hypnotize" or "Return of the Mack" or "Bill" or "Bitch." (Also, fun fact, it didn't even win Best Female Pop Vocal Performance. Sarah McLachlian got robbed!) And like, you don't want to judge a song against your expectations for it, but this song is etched into stone as the best song of 1997, and great a song as it is on its own, it ain't that.

26) "All for You," by Sister Hazel

This is probably the finest of any of the alt-rock songs we've heard so far, simply because it's influenced by something more than grunge, there's this upbeat energy to it. It's bouncy, full of fun, not trying to be weighty and imbued with so much meaning and HEY YEAH YEAH YEAH, OH NO, it just wants to shout this girl out for being a neat person he wants to hang with. It's sweet! It's a nice song by nice boys who want the world to have a nice time.

33) "Not Tonight (Ladies' Night Remix)," by Lil' Kim ft./Da Brat, Left Eye, Angie Martinez & Missy Elliott

HELL YES. I'M NOT EVEN GONNA TRY TO ANALYZE WHAT MAKES THIS SONG PERFECT BECAUSE IT IS ABSOLUTELY PERFECT. THIS IS SUCH A TREAT! I HAD NO IDEA DA BRAT WAS THIS GOOD LIKE JIMINY DA BRAT'S VERSE BUT ALSO EVERYONE ELSE'S VERSE BUT ALSO THAT TRACK BUT ALSO I AM SO PLEASED I HAVE LIVED TWENTY YEARS OF MY LIFE WITHOUT THIS SONG AND I HAVE REALIZED THAT IS THE SOURCE OF MY DEPRESSION, IT ISN'T SERATONIN IMBALANCE OR PASSED ON FROM GENERATIONS OF SAD PEOPLE, IT'S BECAUSE I NEVER LET MYSELF ACCEPT THIS NEVER LET MYSELF PUT THIS INTO MY LIFE MY STARS! MY STARS!!!!!!!!

57) "More Than This," by 10,000 Maniacs

What a comedown from "Not Tonight!" Imagine if this and "All for You" got flipped, where I would be thinking about this not knowing what "Not Tonight" had in store for me, and then "All for You" was the alt-rock song that got hecked by its spot in the project. Like, this is fine. It's just not an absolute jam, and that's what I'm in the mood for right now.

77) "Invisible Man," by 98 Degrees

1997 kind of knows "Not Tonight" is the true finale and is now clearing out the bar. OK, guys, hope you liked your dance partner during "Not Tonight," because we're gonna play this shitty song by the sixth-best boy band of the '90s, and you need to be outta here by the time it's done. I'm paying more attention to the video than to the song because one of the degrees is absolutely swole, like he's way more muscly than any boy band member should be. How come he isn't linebacking?

87) "Everything You Want," by Ray J

I appreciate that the timing of this project meant we got to come full circle. We began with '90s R&B slow jamz, we end with '90s R&B slow jamz. And while I'd like to say we pick back up on Wednesday with R&B slow jamz, hoo boy, we very don't! But anyway, this song. It's OK. It's, it's nothing. I'm not as tired of R&B as I am of trap, but it's nice to be free from this particular obligation.

THE TOP TWENTY 20) "Sometimes," by The Brand New Heavies (5.24) 19) "Don't Keep Wasting My Time," by Teddy Pendergrass (4.19) 18) "Feelin' It," by Jay-Z (5.3) 17) "Step by Step," by Whitney Houston (3.15) 16) "On and On," by Erykah Badu (1.25) 15) "I Want You," by Savage Garden (3.1) 14) "It Must Be Love," by Robin S. (5.24) 13) "Smokin' Me Out," by Warren G ft./Ronald Isley (6.21) 12) "Silent All These Years," by Tori Amos (3.22) 11) "What They Do," by The Roots (1.11) 10) "Step Into a World (Rapture's Delight)," by KRS-One (4.5) 9) "I'm Not Feeling You," by Yvette Michele (2.22) 8) "Bill," by Peggy Scott-Adams (3.29) 7) "Just Another Case," by CRU ft./Slick Rick (7.5) 6) "I'll Be," by Foxy Brown ft./Jay-Z (2.15) 5) "Felton St.," Leschea (6.14) 4) "Bitch," by Meredith Brooks (4.26) 3) "Return of the Mack," by Mark Morrison (3.1) 2) "Hypnotize," by The Notorious B.I.G. (4.26) 1) "Not Tonight (Ladies' Night Remix)," by Lil Kim ft./Angie Martinez, Left Eye, Da Brat & Missy Elliott

And you may be wondering: “Bob. When are you going to give us a list of which years won with week without including even one of the songs from any week or, really, any context at all?” HERE IS YOUR NONSENSE LIST OF NUMBERS Week One: 2007 Week Two: 2007 Week Three: 2007 Week Four: 2017 Week Five: 2017 Week Six: 2007 Week Seven: 2017 Week Eight: 1997 Week Nine: 2017 Week Ten: 1997 Week Eleven: 1997 Week Twelve: 1997 Week Thirteen: 1997 Week Fourteen: 2007 Week Fifteen: 2017 Week Sixteen: 2007 Week Seventeen: 2017 Week Eighteen: 2017 Week Nineteen: 1997 Week Twenty: 2007 Week Twenty-One: 2017 Week Twenty-Two: 1997 Week Twenty-Three: 2007 Week Twenty-Four: 1997 Week Twenty-Five: 2017 Week Twenty-Six: 1997 Week Twenty-Seven: 1997 HERE ARE THE OFFICIAL STANDINGS 1997: 10 2017: 9 2007: 8 IT IS CLOSER THAN ANYONE EVER COULD IMAGINE. 1997 has the lead! Will that lead sustain through Wednesday? ...Oh gosh Wednesday. Shackles. Sweet, sweet shackles.

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