#but his reason for this fear is rooted in unhealthy codependency and his insecurities not because he’s just so in love

[starbylers]

Can we talk about how Mike ‘not being able to say he loves El because he’s scared she won’t need him one day’ makes no sense when you consider that for Mike this conflict spans two whole seasons, and there needs to be a consistent character motivation throughout.

Mike struggling to tell El he loves her has been, on the surface, his main conflict since s3.

In season 3, after blurting out he loves El, Mike brings it up again at the store. He tries desperately to get his point across, to make El understand ('I've never felt like this before', 'blank makes you crazy, like the word'). But no-one can deny that in this scene Mike is doing everything he can to avoid actually saying love. Now, what is the Mlvn excuse for this again? 'He's not good at expressing his emotions’. That's their running narrative post s3. (Let's ignore how that's not even canonically true of Mike's character and continue).

We come to season 4, and Mike is still chronically unable to use the word love, even when speaking about El and not to her. (Like this is clearly a deeply ingrained thing but I digress). Pre vol. 2, the Mlvn excuses are still related to Mike basically being emotionally unintelligent (his parents, his age, blah blah). But when Mike himself finally reveals the big reason, it's...'I didn't want to tell you I loved you because I was scared you won't need me one day'? Okay. Theoretically, out of context, that could make sense. So this becomes the new Mlvn narrative.

Here's the problem: both of these things cannot be the root cause of the same issue. It's one or the other: either he can’t say he loves her because he’s bad at expressing feelings, or he’s scared El one day not needing him would hurt more. This two-season dilemma is part of one series-long character arc for Mike. Mike in s4 is the same person with the same struggles as Mike in s3. Whatever his motivation for avoiding it in s3 (which was never addressed, it’s not like we got closure for that and then they just came up with a new reason he can’t say it) must logically be consistent continuing into s4.

Can anyone seriously tell me that Mike, here in this scene, was struggling to say the word 'love' because he was 'scared one day El wouldn't need him':

No. Of course not. He was specifically avoiding the word, and the most plausible explanation for his aversion (if we're ignoring Byler) is that Mike's just a kid and love is a big scary word. Bad at emotions etc. Which is why Mlvns and GA subscribed to that narrative, it seems obvious. But it cannot be right because Mike reveals the 'true reason' in 4x09. This is the canon explanation, finally—he's been scared she eventually won't need him. Except, that cannot be right either, because that reasoning does not align with his obvious (again, ignoring Byler) s3 motivation (love being daunting for a young teen) for the exact same behaviour. Like he literally uses the exact same pattern of avoidant wording from s3 in s4 (‘I care for you so much') and like I’ve said this is all meant to be one singular, overarching conflict.

If the initial 'bad at feelings' reading of Mike was correct, you'd expect the monologue to be more along the lines of 'I find it really difficult to express myself but I do truly love you, so this is me being vulnerable and brave'. Personally, I would've somewhat bought that. As a Byler I would've been like okay, it's kind of boring cliché storytelling but I'll admit defeat. But that’s not what happens. Basically what I’m getting at is:

Neither of these explanations can account for Mike’s inability to tell El he loves her in both seasons, so then by the logic of Mike having consistent motivations, neither can be true.

Which leads to the conclusion that there must be a different, all-encompassing, underlying cause for his heavy avoidance. Something that connects all the dots. I wonder what that could possibly be.

[fizzigigsimmer]

Fargo s5 Episode 8: Manipulation and Codependency.

I am UNWELL after this last episode. I have so many thoughts. What it says on the tin, this is just me processing my reaction to the latest episode so if you are not caught up, spoilers will be found within.

Let’s start with the lady of the hour. Miss Dot. Miss Dorthy Lyon 👏🏾 Put some respect on her name. This character is endlessly fascinating to me. She’s incredibly complex. Almost over powered in one sense, but also incredibly fragile. We’re seeing now in clearer detail what an accomplished manipulator Dot is. She’s not just a fighter. She’s not just hiding and masking her trauma. She is actively playing the people around her and moving them around a board in her mind. The same way Roy does. The same way anyone in a position of power does, honestly.

Roy and Loraine and people in general, we seek control over others out of a place of insecurity, in order to make ourselves feel safe in our little worlds. Survivors of abuse are particularly good at this, and it’s something I am so glad to see the narrative touching on. The media likes to paint victims with cinderella syndrome. They are often childlike innocent caricatures who are endlessly kind and pure in the face of unjustified cruelty, purely so that audiences will emotionally attach to them quickly and feel whatever amount of fear and revulsion the creator wants for the antagonist. But the reality for real people who suffer domestic violence and other forms of abuse is that they’re just people. They have the same potential for good and bad and selfishness, they developed unhealthy coping mechanisms and they learn to play the game just like everyone else. And when you live your life in fear, you have more incentive than most to get good fast at controlling your surroundings.

We see another example of this in Karen this episode. Roy’s current wife is no stranger to her husband’s violent temper and is very aware of the danger he represents. When he’s humiliated in spectacular fashion and likely to lose his election, there’s this palpable tension in the air as the family rides home. We know heads are going to roll, and from the look on Karen’s face so does she. When she first opened her mouth I was so scared for her. lol I wanted to reach through the screen and shake her, like “shut up! That man will kill you.” At first I thought she was being hopelessly naive, saying exactly all the wrong things to try and comfort Roy that were only pressing on the wound. BUT THEN! Then we watch her turn it on Dot. She calls her a curse, playing into Roy’s belief that there are scales to be balanced in order to make the world right again, and pointing out that all of this only happened when Dot came back. She basically says, Dot’s the reason you have bad luck not me. Go hurt her and not me. And then he does. It’s brilliant.

I was on the edge of my seat watching Dot desperately try and hang onto her world. Everything from her name down to who gets to remind Wayne to take his Lactaide medication, using anything and everything at her disposal to do it. When Roy isnt impressed by being reminded he married a child around his own son’s age - oh please, she had hair and her period so she wasn’t a child - she switches tactics quick as a whip and leans hard on Roy’s family man ideals. She relentlessly forces him to confront the contradictions in his actions by reminding him he is destroying a family. Finally, when that fails too she delivers a violent threat. You will do as I ask, or I’m going to hurt you. The writing here was so masterful. They are opposites. We’re rooting for her, and yet, they mirror each other. Dot has been using manipulation tactics she learned at the hands of her abusers to carefully curate a place where she feels safe, and now that it’s all crumbling around her she’s finally starting to see it for herself.

Her scene with Gator was particularly poignant. Because when he comes in, he’s subdued and we get the feeling that he’s there (whether he’s going to admit it or not) purely because he wants to see her. Her, the big sister who used to comfort him while he watched his father abuse his mother. Who then replaced his mother and became his father’s wife while his own mother seemingly abandoned him. The way she plays him in this scene is so heartbreaking to watch but also incredibly insightful. She knows why he’s here: because deep down he wanted to see her. She dances back and forth between playing on their buried bond ( “I didn’t tell the FBI anything” implying, she wouldn’t tell them anything that would hurt him) and plucking on his insecurities (you’re sloppy, you’re weak, you’re a fuck up and your daddy doesn’t love you).

But the biggest card that Dot tries to play is Linda. She tells Gator that she saw her and tries to bring him into her fantasy that Linda got out and has healed from her trauma. That she loves him and never meant to leave him, and that everything will be okay if he just helps her get out. She can take him to his mother and they can leave all of this behind him, and he can finally be free to be the person that deep down she knows he wants to be. And I just love the way this scene was played. Because while it is tempting to believe that Dot is purely just confused from the accident and the sleep deprivation, the music lets us know that more is going on here. We hear flutes, specifically those played by snake charmers. Gator is the snake, and Dot is hypnotizing him before our very eyes. This isn’t the first time Gator has been connected to snake imagery/symbolism either. When Dot decides to tell him why he’s not named Roy after his father, she likens him to a pale little lizard. @tdciago did an excellent post on some of the symbolism we’ve seen in the show thus far, and it really emphasis how often Gator is likened to or associated with snakes: His character bio compares him to the snake in the Garden. His LOL tattoo has forked tongues on the Ls. He's got a "Don't tread on me" flag featuring a snake in his room. He stopped at the Gas 'n Go to "drain the snake." He left an empty Slim Jim wrapper in Donny Ireland's evidence box, that looked like a shed snakeskin. He said that Munch came up "snake eyes."

And as much as Dot’s speech about Linda is about playing on his natural yearning for his mother, it’s also about them too. It’s about Dot. In a way, Dot is also saying that she’s sorry. She never meant to leave him alone. She loves him and she wants things to be alright. They can be if you just help me. Gator obviously wants to believe what Dot is saying is true all of it, but he’s not as dumb as everyone seems to think he is. He knows Dot lies to herself and to others and he calls her out on it. With a single line “You’re lying. You’ve never once in your life told the truth.” we’re left to wonder about all the lies Dot has had to tell over the years. First in order to survive on her own as a teenage runaway, then when she was taken in by the Tillmans, and again when Linda disappeared and she became Roy’s wife.

She told herself that Linda got out, that she was somewhere safe and free and building the life that she wanted. At first she used this lie not to have to face the reality of Roy, of her own likely end, maybe even to appease the twisted sense of guilt she would feel taking Linda’s place and in the light of Gator’s grief over his mother’s sudden absence. Later, she probably used this lie to give herself the courage to be her own Linda. To get out and make the life for herself that she deserved, even if it meant having to leave Gator behind. Even if he doesn’t understand all of the pieces, in his heart of hearts Gator knows his mother is never coming back. She’s either gone or dead, and either way she left him just like Dot did, and Dot is lying to herself.

“I hope you die in here Nadine and that you never see your kid again.” Because that would be justice in his eyes. That would balance the scales. Because he’s never getting out, so why should she?

“No you don’t.” And it’s true. She knows him. Knows he wouldn’t even be here if he weren’t soft. She gave him an opportunity. This was Gator’s crossroad and he chose to stay his course, and the looming figure of Munch reinforces the message that Officer Witt Later delivers, the consequences for Gator are almost here.

Dot too is approaching a crossroad. Because as the episode progresses she is forced to finally confront one of the lies she’s been telling herself for years. Linda is dead. She never made it out. She’s buried under the windmill with Roy’s other enemies. This is not the first time that Dot has seen this windmill, because it was also in her dream about Linda. I would not be surprised if all of Roy’s wives did not witness a body going into that ground at some point or another because of how Karen was so quick to redirect Roy’s rage to Dot. They’re on different sides of the line but they are both fighting for the same thing. To be with their children and not to end up rolled into an early grave.

[amwritingmeta]

i am living for all this meta talk tbh, it makes me feel less Tragically Optimistic and more regular optimistic. SO, we know that Dean and Cas' respective stories, and the story as a whole, doesn’t necessarily NEED that romantic element to be complete, right? supernatural isn’t a romance story. but, dean's response to the idea of “settling down with someone” is never “i don’t want that,” it’s, “i can’t have that,” essentially. which, in my mind, is just really good, ah, cannon fodder

Hello, sweetling! 

Aw that’s so brilliant to read! And regular optimistic is good! Welcome to the fold. :)

supernatural isn’t a romance story.

Exactly! It truly isn’t. And even if the scenes we get between Dean and Cas from here on out, or at least in S15, begin to illuminate the fact that they’re in love with each other, I will still say that the show won’t be about them and so the narrative axis and its main plot points, if you will, most likely won’t have anything directly to do with their love story.

If that makes sense?

We won’t get a finale centred around Destiel, is what I’m saying. Like, I’d bet my hair. (and I’m quite fond of my hair) (never mind it’s greying around the edges) And, can I be frank? Hope so ‘cause I’m gonna be. I actually don’t want a finale centred around Destiel. Or centred completely on the brothers. I would like it to be about TFW!

Adding to that statement the reason for it, which is that I would love the love story to come into bloom slowly and organically and I know these writers and these actors could make something quietly spectacular out of it so I’m just gonna sit here and cross my fingers and toes, yeah? 

That said, if we get high drama then hell, I’m not gonna say no to that. I just hope we get it, and that we get it indisputably on screen, whatever it may be. I have such high hopes that we won’t just get it strongly hinted at (because the commentary will then be lost on every viewer who actually doesn’t read the subtext) or that we land in it in the very final episode or something like NO! GIVE ME SCENES DAMN IT! GIVE ME IT!! GIVE ME THEM TEXTUALLY FLIRTING DARN IT!! GIVE ME LINGERING BLOODY EYE CONTACT AND BUTTERFLIES IN STOMACH SMILES AND JUST WHATEVER!! ALL THE DAMN ROMANCE!! 

Pretty please. With all the cherries.

This may not be a romance story, but it is a story about love and… love. :)

Look, I believe we will get it, but I don’t know we will, so my faith is entirely based in hope here. I just really want to actually witness those moments when they begin to open up to the goddamn truth of their relationship: they love each other equally and they truly balance each other out beautifully. 

They’re so good for each other. They bicker and argue and push and pull, yes, but they both need that, you know? They both need someone to question their behaviour, and it just so happens that the person questioning them is the one person neither wants to let down. It’s gorgeous! It’s the foundation for opening up to change. Someone you respect questioning your actions while never turning away from you, even when you mess up so badly you grow to hate yourself. 

Aw, it’s so important that they have the other there as quiet support no matter what!

And, back to your actual ask, YES! Dean’s issue has always been that he thinks he doesn’t deserve to have good things and his fear of happiness is entirely based in this deeply rooted belief that Good Things Don’t Last, which is entirely tied to Mary’s untimely death, yeah? And this has been, to my mind, what has informed how he relates himself to this man he’s falling madly in love with who happens to kind of sort of be an angel that dicks off at any given moment without so much as a by your leave, good things don’t last, yeah, very aware.

Cas’ unreliability hasn’t stopped Dean falling in love with him, though, which I think is a part of Dean’s character progression. Instead of him having even the whisper of a codependent relationship with Cas (though their reliance on the other is unhealthy in other ways) and it feeding Dean’s insecurities, it’s the complete opposite and it exposes Dean’s insecurities as false. Because CAS ALWAYS COMES BACK. :P

As for the unhealthy part, I do believe that losing the person you love doesn’t have to stop your life in its tracks. I’m not dismissing the incapacitating weight of depression or grief related depression, but I also believe that there’s help to be had, you know? I’ve gone through horrendous grief in my life. It never goes away, that loss. But you can learn to deal with it, yeah?

Losing Cas has derailed or stopped Dean’s progression twice. Hugely. Majorly so. And however romantic the undertones, the reality of it (the way I see it) is that it’s unhealthy. Instead of Dean unconsciously relying on Cas to be his compass, since Cas represents faith to Dean, Dean should have faith in himself regardless. Same goes for Cas, but I think Cas is a little farther along here, because he’s stepped into the place of humanity himself many times over, especially this season, in how he relates himself to Jack (though Cas still refers to himself not as a human of course not but rather as a thing) (never over it), and in how Jack chose Cas as father figure, which is just all shades of pretty.

Dean and Cas’ relationship will be happy and balanced when both of them are moving into their true identities, chill to be themselves, no more armour to be seen.

Gah! I want it for them so badly. *clutches at heart*

Your ask is pretty much you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed agreeing with the idea of Destiel not having to happen, but that it happening will deepen the overall message of the show, once the narrative truly wraps up and we land in what that message was always (or not) meant to be, yeah? 

I mean, I sincerely think they don’t have to deliver on anything, because, as said, the narrative could be tied up without the love story coming to a conclusion, but I believe the writers want the love story to conclude, because of how intentional the subtext has always been, and because of how important Cas has been, subtextually, to Dean’s progression. That takes thought power. That takes awareness and love and care. Immense love and care for these characters and their needs and wants. And huge respect for the narrative as a whole. The writers have worked with these tools for going on fifteen years and for a reason. I cannot fathom that it’d be for no good reason. The reason for it is right there in the narrative.

But I don’t need to argue for this. We all know this. :P

What I believe in, very firmly, is that the writers also don’t want the love story to conclude ahead of its time. Every time its been building towards an actual conclusion they haven’t changed their mind, they’ve just had to draw it out, because there was more story to tell, more character progression to explore, and I’m stoked that they now have the chance to finish this narrative and finish it the way they’ve envisioned it for the last few seasons. Or that Dabb envisions it now, as they know for certain they’re truly wrapping it up. Whichever it is.

Now, as already agreed, the narrative doesn’t need the love story to conclude to end on a good note, it really doesn’t. But like I said in another ask today: if the love story is left open to interpretation, that openness will leave a hole. Perhaps not for the GA, as it were, but certainly for us, right? It won’t diminish the subtext in any way, but leaving it wholly open to interpretation would, at least to me, be taking away from making a more resounding statement about breaking free of societal norms and fear of judgement, which is what I believe has kept Dean away from being openly queer for such a very long time.

Either way, I’m excited to see how much they give us and how far they’ll go. Truly, truly excited. I’d love to get to watch all three characters level out and grow truly comfortable in their own skin. With a fourteen year build towards the show’s climax, the denouement should hopefully be something we get to witness for more than an episode or the very final scene of the entire series. I hope we get more. But I also know the show we’re watching and it’s possible they’ll keep it excruciatingly subtle right to the very end. 

We shall see!! Whatever happens, I’m sure it shall be spectacular!