#but hes jst trying to get back nto character

[chrliekclly]

surely storytime of you pissing glenn off...

i dont actully hav an interesting story lol its almost always me being underfoot when im marking takes badly

i did once appear to disappoint him greatly tho

he seemed truly disgusted id hurt his favorite shoes like that

[finding-the-daylight]

So, now that my finals are officially over, I am going to proceed to have a drink or two or three and rewatch Eclipse. Here’s (soberly) what I remembered from the film prior to starting this account (since starting this account, posts re:Eclipse have reminded me of things I’m not going to include in this introduction): 

1. Bella is basically playing tic-tac-toe with Edward and Jacob and her feelings for them. She can’t make up her mind. When I watched it the first time, my dad was in the living room half paying attention to it and said she was very selfish. 

2. Edward tries to control Bella, but it’s “out of genuine concern for her”.

3. Jacob tries to control Bella, but it’s “out of genuine concern for her”.

4. Both fight for her affection and even though she’s engaged to Edward, she won’t let go of Jacob.

5. When the newborn army shows up, Bella cuts her arm with a rock.

6. There’s awkward tension in the tent.

That’s literally all I remember of the movie while sober (aside from what I have relearned from posts about Eclipse on this blog). My drunken thoughts will be below the break:

Okay, so this dude I think his name is Riley is lowkey kinda dumb, no offense. Like he just stood there and screamed “WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?” This is how all horror movies end badly. You don’t talk back. You run or hide or esape.

THE MEADOW IS SO FUCKING PRETTY. IT’S THE PUREST THING WE HAVE IN THIS FANDOM OMG HE’S PLAYING WITH EHR HAIR AND I JUST WANT SOMEOEN TO PLAY WITH MY HAIR. DAMN BELLA, MY FINALS ARE OVER. SUCKS TO SUCK, DOESN’T IT?

I never noticed the CUllen cuff before, but now thanks to this blog it’s all I’m looking @ lmao. 

I FCKING LOVE CHARLIE TOO MUCH AND HE DESERVED BETTER THIS WHOLE TIME. HE IS SUCH A GOOD FATHER AND HE DESERVES THE BEST.

THERE’S A GLOWING RED LIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW WTF I THINK IT’S THE REFLECTION OF A CAR LIGHT BUT I FUCKING SWEAR

NVM ITS GONE

WHAT THE FUCK EDWARD?? YOU MESSED WITH BELLA’S TRUCK SO SHE COULDN’T SEE HER FRIEND? FUCK. I WOULD’VE DUMPED YOU AND LEFT YOU IN THE WOODS BRO.

Edward sitting with Bella’s friends. We can’t help but stan. He’s still a bitch for the truck thing though. 

I love how Alice looks @ Edward and tells him the party will be fun because she knows nothing bad will happen. But then he reads her mind and looks conerned wtf is ognna happen?

Side note: I really like the lighting in this movie. Everyone has a healthly glow. They lokk happy.

The fucking Volturi always gotta ruin everything. Bitch ass hoes. Ol’ crusty asses acting like some outdated monarchy. Why don’t the vamprires start a democratic government?

Charlie really deserved better. Like I know they couldn’t tell him teh truth but they could’ve been slightly less untruthful prbabl.

I WANNA FIND SOMEONE WHERE MY MOM SAYS WE’RE LIKE MAGNETS WITH EACH OTHER. I WANT SOMEONE TO LOOK @ ME LIKE I’M THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE. DAMNIT EDWARD. DAMNIT STEPHENDW. 

Y’ALL ARE TELLING ME THE ENTIRE CULELN CLAM COMBINED COULDN’T TKAE OUT VICTORIA? THIS SHIT IS GETTING UNREALISTIC LMAO.

THE MUSIC THAT STARTS PLAYING WHEN JAKE TURNS AROUND IN THE PARKING LOT SENT ME LMAOOOOO. 

Leah is such a badass and I wnat to be best friends with ehr plase. 

ALSO FCK THIE IMPRINTING STORYLINE. 

SAM AND LEAH WERE HAPPY TOGETHER.

NO BELLA YOU DON’T FUCKING WANNA KNOW WHAT IMPRINTING IS. NONE OF US WANTD WTO KNWO. IT NEVER SHOULDVE BEEN WRITTEN.

Taylor and Kristen are such babies in this movie. They’re so young and precious. WHIH REMINDS ME WHY TF DID SPTHEJNFNWFNA MAKE THIS SEIRESO ABOUT CHIDLREN??!?! I STILL SAY IF THE CHARACTERS HAS BEWNNF MORE MATUEE AND IN LIKE THEIR MID OR LATE TWNETIEMS OR THIRTIS IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER. FIUCKUNG FIGHT ME.

INITING BELLA TO HEAR THE TRIBE’S HISTORIES? THE CULTURAL APPROPRIATION FUCK STEPHEN0AWFJQ. BITCHJ.

SETH IS SO PRECIOUS. AGAIN. THEY’RE ALL SUCH BABIES. THESE POOR CHILDREN.

this hwoel shite is sof ukcing offensie. bitch. listen. why tf did stpehwb fafb have to appropriate cultues like this? BITCH>> you do realize if the legnds are actually like this they’rel ike that because it’s aout defeating yo white as sright? like your’e aware stpehebe ? 

omg bree is so scare d poor baby. literally why did stephenjdbawfbi do this? she just wnated to be ok not hurt anywaon.

exuce me vut CARLISLE IS HOT AS FUCK BITCH

edward is saying some real romantic shit and i sill hate him for the turck thing but like he loves her so much btu he’s stil an asshoel in this smovie

I’M ABOUT TO HATE JACOB I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES I’VE SEEN THE GIFS HOE WE GONNA GIGHT. BITCH SHE JUST TOLD YOU SHE DOESN’T LIKE YOU DON’T PUSH HER LIKE THIS. DUMBAS S HOE BITCH. YOU’RE GONNA FIGHT FOR HER? I’M GONNA FUCKIN FIGHT YOU BTCH. I WISH SHE WAS ALREAYD A VAMPIRE SO RTHAT PUNCH WOULDA HURT BITCH YOU DESERVED IT.

THESE FUCKWITS ARE FIGHTING OVER HER AND NOT LISTNEING TO HER THEY ARE BOTCH CANCELLED. BELLA NEEDS TO LEAVE BOTH THESE HOES AND GET A NEW MAN WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS HOW TO LISTNE. BITCHES.

I love Emmett so much. BELLA SHOULD FINA A MAN LIKE HIM. IT’S WHAT SHE DESERVES.

ROSALIE IS ABOUT TO POP TF OFF. SHE IS A QUEEN AND I LVOE AND SUPPORT HER. the saddest thing about this is that she thought her life was perfect and then some fucking asshoes ruiend it. she was so happy. wtf im gonna cry. fuck. i hate sptehej n so much. these gross ass hoes i’m gonna cik all theyre assses. this is so gross i’m so angry literaluy setthing beithc. BUT THEN SHE GETS HER REVENGE AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL. FUCK THOSE BASTARS. but she;s so sad it breaks my heart. she wants to be human so bad. this scene is so sad and it’s theonly good scene in twilight and nikki reed deserves an ocsa like if you agree.

jane and alec more childrne who should’ve been able to be children fck the volturie

why the hel is jessica the fucking valedinact ion? it should’ve been bella they made her seem so damn smart but now she’s not theo ne? i don’ beliee it. but anna kendrick is a gift and now i wanna watch ptiche perfect. CHARLIE is so pure he deserved better and i’m gona kep saying it.

i love those fucking rose colored lamps hanging at the cullens house int he window at hte party scene can anyone link them to me i need? 

why the hell is the wolfpack athe cullesn hosue? this doesnt make sense and it doesn’t seem real am i too drunk and imabginf this?

jno wait it’s real. jake’s appolgoizng.

how fucking conventinet the woflpakc is there hwen alice realizes there abotu to be attacked. this aint realistc. bitc.

why are these kids being forces to act like audls? “I wans;t asking for permission” hoe you’re like 16 go home and go tib ed and odnt go to war.

these woflies gonan kick yo ass edward get tf out

i’m laughign nrow but nothigng funy is happening lmaoooo

fck carlisle is really hot as fuck his jawline kills me

i hate jasper’s hair here i’m sorry i know we all lovehim bt heis hair is a dam nmess

belal is so fuckign negative all the time no one is gonan get killed exceptsvictoris

THE COWBOOIIIII WHY DOES HE LOOKS LIKE OWNE WILSON IN THIS DAMN LIGHTIN? ALICE AND JASPER LOVE EACH TOHER SO MUCH MY APLOGIZKE MAAM FCK IT UP.

why thfe fuck is hake comparing his situaton with leah and sam and emily? We are nto the same hoe wae are not the same. bella is choosing edward sit yo ass down. but i still thin kyall are both problemastic as fuck in thos movie and hse deserves better.

CHARLIES DESEVRS  BTETER THEY KEEP LYIGN EVEN WHEN THEY DUCKGN DONT NEED TO

reblog if you thought edward and bella wre gona fuc, when she went over to his house in eclipse when yo ufirst read the book or saw the movue

he really oes love her a lot though fkcn i’m so alone 

 he looks si sad wgen he mentind ices tea on the porch poor edward

EVERY DANM MOMENR OF FOREVER BITCG I WANT  LOVE LIK THST 

LITERALLY THIS IS THE SUTPEIDEST PLOT EVER. A WHOLE FUCKIN ARMY TOO ATTACK ONE IGRL? BITCH. THIS AINT EVEM A THING. 

im gettign ral tired yall dik if i waill mke it to the end of this movie but i will tru

i hate the enrgey from jae and efard in this tent. ya’ll are both dumb hoes and she could do better than either ofy ou. 

WRHAT THE FUCK FASTER IF YOUR TOOK YORU CLOTHS OFF BITCH WHAT THE FUCK NOW I AM GONNA FUCKIN PUNCH YOU IB HOEP BELLA OUBCHES YOU WHEN SHES A VMAPRIE STUPID HOE 16 YEAR OLD SHOULD BE AT HOME IN BED INSTEAD OF IN A TENT TRYING TO FIGH A FCUKCN WAR

edward is such an emo boi in the tent and he thinsk she doesn;t lve him any more. yo ua stipiud hoe edearf but she still loves you anwyab ithc.

wheb edward said i’m not gonna force her into naythign ever agin i realized he was hte better man good for you eddie you fickun manned up you win

MY REASON FOR ESXITNST HOE I JST WNAT TO BE LOVED

now edwards bene a fuckboi again trying to hurt jake b ymaking sure he knew they were getting maried edward what the fuck iw was just starting to be on your side agian and you let me down like this

jacob is beign an emo boi now jake go be a child @ home and stop this nonsense you’re not a man go be a chid and take a nap and eat some grilled cheese youkk feel better

now she told him she wants to kiss him wtf bella don’t kead this bitch on he’s already in pain let hom gp home and eat a grilled cheese

mow bella’ supsetti spaghetti because edwards know she kissed jake

this shit is so unenecasialr dramtic wht the fuck yall  like a whole army ofver one girl and then its like all everyboyd trying kill everybody this is bulshittheyre all children who should eb at home eating grileld chesses not at war

victoria is a real bitch lying to this boy telling hin she lvoes him hoe bitch

og shit efward ifs pissed now he’s tauntign ab ithc

i acutaly kinda fel bad for riley he wnet through so mcuh and was manipulated i wish the cullens could have adopted him and bree

oshit is the volutire 

SAM DONT FUCKUGN TALK TO LEAH LIKE THAT EVER AGIAN YOU HOE

CARLISE AND I REPEAT AGAIB IS HOT AS FUCK FUCK CARLISRL

I LITERALLY AHTE THE VOLTURIE FOR KILLIGN VREE THEY WILL NEVER BE FORGIVEN

JASPER KNOWS WHATS GOOD HE DOESN’T TURST THESE HOES

I’M SO PISEED THAT THE CULLENS NEVER FUCKING IFHT THE VOLTURIE LIKE CARLISLES IS SMART AS FUCK AND EHS TILL WONT START A DEMOCRAY LIKE YALL KNOW ROSLAIE WOULDVE FOGUHT FOR THAT SHIT TOO

 I LVOE YOUDADY CARLISLE

THIS 16 YEAR OLD LYING UP HERE BECAUSE OF TE DUMBASS WAR I TOLD YALL TO GO GOEN AND EA A GRILELD CHEDWE

poor jakie he knows hed better good for her but she reallys loves eward jake deserved better than what he got reblog is youf agree he jst said he’s even love her after she’s a vamprie bruh go eat a grilled chease and love yourself

WERE BACK IN THE FUCKING MEADOW ITS LIT AND ITS LOVELY I WANNA FALL IN LOVE IN A MEADOW WITH A HANDAOME MYSTERIOUS MAN WHO LOVES ME UNCODNITONATLY

KIRSTNE STEQARD IS THE WBEST AND SHE DESERVED AN OSCAR FOR THIS MOVIE HER AND NIKKI REED AND NODBOYD ELSE

fianlly this bitch is gonna beh onest with chalrie took you long enough

that was an anticlamtnc ending but i love love

[bloojayoolie]

Af, Back to the Future, and Computers: I lyrangalis ow prokopetz Random Headeanon:That Federation vessels in Star Wek seem to anefact of the selevision serial format. Rather, r's because the Federation as a cuiture are a bunch of deranged hyper-neophiles, toaling around in ships packed ful of beyond-cutting-edge tech they con't really understand Encless rustraing r you have to ngt them, because they can pus an eftectvely unamned ณn ber or busn space-mage countermeasures out of their arses but they're as ely as not to give themselves a lethal tve-cimensional wedgie n he prooess Al those rampant holograms and warp core marunctions and ncioents? That doesnt actuaty happen to the rais ike that anyone etse. ส3 iterally just Federation vessels nat go And they do so ona airty regular basis So to everyone elbe in the galaxy, all humans are basically Doc Brown prokopetz ens who have seen the Back to the Future movies iterally dont realse that Doc Brown is meant to be funey. They're just ike yes, that is exactly what at human sclentists are lke in my experience THE ONLY REASON SOOTTY IS CHIEF ENGINEER INSTEAD OF SOMEONE BECAUSE EVERYONE FROM THOSE SPECIES TOOK ONE LOOK AT THE E ROOM AND RAN AAY vuican scienoe academy: why do you need another warp core humans were going to plug two of them bogetmer and see if we go twice as a last time we gave you a warp core you threw t into a sun to see if the sun eould go twice as fast humans hanana yean humans it did ho humans it exploded twice as fast love this. Especially because of now wel it plays wn my headcanon that the Federation does so mach better against the Borg than anyone ebe because beating the Boig with mirary tactics is nigh-impossbie, but beating tem with ล2cky superscence shenangns works as long as they're anoue wacky. Reminos me of the thing I wrote a while back about Humans in hign tantasy realms they're basicaly Team Fuck iR Hold My Beer1 Gat This Impulsve, passionate to a fauit, the social structures they build 1o try and reguiate this hetheadedness ironicaly creanes even greater levels of sheer bul headedness Even theit cooler heads take acien in months or weeks All their great heroes of the past were impossibly rash by galactic standards Humans Just Go with It, which is their grear fnlaw but also their grearest strength ingon okay we dont get t vuican science academyget whar ngons: you vakcans are a bunch of stufy prisses but youre also tougher tranger, and smarter than humans in every single way dingons: wny do you let them run your federation vican scoence academy: this is a species where t yeu give them bwo warp cores they dont do experiments on one aro save me r Tor if The first one ican science academy: this is a species where yeu give them bwo warp core6. they ask tv a 1hid one. mmediately plug anthree nto each other, punch a hole into an altemate universe where humans subscribe to an even mare destnuctive ideological system, font everyone in it because they re ofended by that, steal meir warp cores plug those together, punch their way back here, then try to turn a nearby sun into a torus because thatwas what ther nital scienatic experiment was for and they diont want to waste a trip ican scoence academy: they did hat last week we have the wite-up right here its geting pubished in about six hundred scienific journais across to hundred diferent discipines because otf how many estabiished theories their ndculous tthe expedion has just cated ino question also they d burn that sun into a torus, and no one achualty knows haw vuican sdence academy: this is why we let them do whatever the hel they ngon can we be a part of your tederaion Come to think ot Imean. Look at the rst human warp drve" thing in the movie. That was Not howVulcans would have done it you know what the best evidence for this is? Deep Space 9almost never broke down, minor maftunctiong that irnitated OBrien to hel and back sure b atmost none ot the truty weind she hat betell voyager and al the starshps Enterprise wrat was the ล"dest matunnon DS9 ever had?the senior staf getting trapped as holosuite characters in Our Man Base, and that was because θ numan decided topst dump the transponer buter more stations coe memory and hope everying wouis work out semehoK Wich is a bit ihe swapping your computer's hand drive out for a memory card trom a PlayStation 2 and expecting to be able to play a game af Spyto the Dragon wth your eyboard and mouse ou knaw what Im not done with this post let's talk about the Pegasus. the USS Fuckng Pegasus, testhed for the fest Stareet cloaking device. here we have a hananuil af humans working in searet to develap a dloaking device in vielaion of a treary with the Romulans theyre playing catchup trying to develop a technology other species have had for a cenhury and what do they do? do they decide to 0°cate a Romuun coakingdevice precisely, jst see at t while we're builaing our very first one of these nings, just to find out if this s passible, lets see if we can mave hs in phase us out of normal space so we can fy threugh pianets white we're invisible ut why saia the one vuican in the room Decause that would fueking rule said he humans igh-tving each other and siamming cans of 24-cenbury Ried Bul thene must be ie twenty dfferent counseling groups for non-human engineering students at Starfeet Academy and every week in every single one of them someone walks in and starts up wth a story ike our assignment was 1o repair a phaser eitier and y one haman classmate buit a chronometrio- x toaster that toast MacGuyver" is the equivalent of Vuican vintage human hormor television. roachpatral during onentaton at hran colege. wkas are presented with a Bt of what is ue word tick, for," we innocent young vucans want 10 know. "surety. modifers yeah, yourd thnk so say the weary, jaded vulcan psoessors your'd realy there is a phrase in lcan for the particuler moment you understand what the weed tuck'is for This is why the Pederation is the only organsation to ever stand a chance The Borg can adapt to the trillant mitary strategies of the Romulan Star Empine, the Kisgons and even the cold logical inberectual prowess of the The Barg werent prepared for a starship captain to lure them into his Srs no detective holo-novel and then machine gun them to dear with a weapon made out af hard light

[bloojayoolie]

Af, Back to the Future, and Computers: I lyrangalis ow prokopetz Random Headeanon:That Federation vessels in Star Wek seem to anefact of the selevision serial format. Rather, r's because the Federation as a cuiture are a bunch of deranged hyper-neophiles, toaling around in ships packed ful of beyond-cutting-edge tech they con't really understand Encless rustraing r you have to ngt them, because they can pus an eftectvely unamned ณn ber or busn space-mage countermeasures out of their arses but they're as ely as not to give themselves a lethal tve-cimensional wedgie n he prooess Al those rampant holograms and warp core marunctions and ncioents? That doesnt actuaty happen to the rais ike that anyone etse. ส3 iterally just Federation vessels nat go And they do so ona airty regular basis So to everyone elbe in the galaxy, all humans are basically Doc Brown prokopetz ens who have seen the Back to the Future movies iterally dont realse that Doc Brown is meant to be funey. They're just ike yes, that is exactly what at human sclentists are lke in my experience THE ONLY REASON SOOTTY IS CHIEF ENGINEER INSTEAD OF SOMEONE BECAUSE EVERYONE FROM THOSE SPECIES TOOK ONE LOOK AT THE E ROOM AND RAN AAY vuican scienoe academy: why do you need another warp core humans were going to plug two of them bogetmer and see if we go twice as a last time we gave you a warp core you threw t into a sun to see if the sun eould go twice as fast humans hanana yean humans it did ho humans it exploded twice as fast love this. Especially because of now wel it plays wn my headcanon that the Federation does so mach better against the Borg than anyone ebe because beating the Boig with mirary tactics is nigh-impossbie, but beating tem with ล2cky superscence shenangns works as long as they're anoue wacky. Reminos me of the thing I wrote a while back about Humans in hign tantasy realms they're basicaly Team Fuck iR Hold My Beer1 Gat This Impulsve, passionate to a fauit, the social structures they build 1o try and reguiate this hetheadedness ironicaly creanes even greater levels of sheer bul headedness Even theit cooler heads take acien in months or weeks All their great heroes of the past were impossibly rash by galactic standards Humans Just Go with It, which is their grear fnlaw but also their grearest strength ingon okay we dont get t vuican science academyget whar ngons: you vakcans are a bunch of stufy prisses but youre also tougher tranger, and smarter than humans in every single way dingons: wny do you let them run your federation vican scoence academy: this is a species where t yeu give them bwo warp cores they dont do experiments on one aro save me r Tor if The first one ican science academy: this is a species where yeu give them bwo warp core6. they ask tv a 1hid one. mmediately plug anthree nto each other, punch a hole into an altemate universe where humans subscribe to an even mare destnuctive ideological system, font everyone in it because they re ofended by that, steal meir warp cores plug those together, punch their way back here, then try to turn a nearby sun into a torus because thatwas what ther nital scienatic experiment was for and they diont want to waste a trip ican scoence academy: they did hat last week we have the wite-up right here its geting pubished in about six hundred scienific journais across to hundred diferent discipines because otf how many estabiished theories their ndculous tthe expedion has just cated ino question also they d burn that sun into a torus, and no one achualty knows haw vuican sdence academy: this is why we let them do whatever the hel they ngon can we be a part of your tederaion Come to think ot Imean. Look at the rst human warp drve" thing in the movie. That was Not howVulcans would have done it you know what the best evidence for this is? Deep Space 9almost never broke down, minor maftunctiong that irnitated OBrien to hel and back sure b atmost none ot the truty weind she hat betell voyager and al the starshps Enterprise wrat was the ล"dest matunnon DS9 ever had?the senior staf getting trapped as holosuite characters in Our Man Base, and that was because θ numan decided topst dump the transponer buter more stations coe memory and hope everying wouis work out semehoK Wich is a bit ihe swapping your computer's hand drive out for a memory card trom a PlayStation 2 and expecting to be able to play a game af Spyto the Dragon wth your eyboard and mouse ou knaw what Im not done with this post let's talk about the Pegasus. the USS Fuckng Pegasus, testhed for the fest Stareet cloaking device. here we have a hananuil af humans working in searet to develap a dloaking device in vielaion of a treary with the Romulans theyre playing catchup trying to develop a technology other species have had for a cenhury and what do they do? do they decide to 0°cate a Romuun coakingdevice precisely, jst see at t while we're builaing our very first one of these nings, just to find out if this s passible, lets see if we can mave hs in phase us out of normal space so we can fy threugh pianets white we're invisible ut why saia the one vuican in the room Decause that would fueking rule said he humans igh-tving each other and siamming cans of 24-cenbury Ried Bul thene must be ie twenty dfferent counseling groups for non-human engineering students at Starfeet Academy and every week in every single one of them someone walks in and starts up wth a story ike our assignment was 1o repair a phaser eitier and y one haman classmate buit a chronometrio- x toaster that toast MacGuyver" is the equivalent of Vuican vintage human hormor television. roachpatral during onentaton at hran colege. wkas are presented with a Bt of what is ue word tick, for," we innocent young vucans want 10 know. "surety. modifers yeah, yourd thnk so say the weary, jaded vulcan psoessors your'd realy there is a phrase in lcan for the particuler moment you understand what the weed tuck'is for This is why the Pederation is the only organsation to ever stand a chance The Borg can adapt to the trillant mitary strategies of the Romulan Star Empine, the Kisgons and even the cold logical inberectual prowess of the The Barg werent prepared for a starship captain to lure them into his Srs no detective holo-novel and then machine gun them to dear with a weapon made out af hard light