#but he’s only mildly messed up and still has his own issues and traits we can extrapolate would become prominent interacting with C

[scarrunner05]

it’s so funny to have like. A completely different interpretation of a popular pairing in a fandom. Like these characters do not interact in canon and therefore neither of us are really right cause you can interpret both of the characters interacting in reasonable in character ways and come out with 2 wildly different scenarios. I see you people that also think about this ship in wildly different ways than I do. I respect you. I am also mildly afraid to share my opinion on them cause it’s hilarious but also objectively like. The least functional vaguely toxic dynamics.

[silverducks]

Jaime Lannister - Honour vs Loyalty

And why I didn’t like his ending.

Ok, so I was going to write a post about my thoughts on how they ended the show for Jaime Lannister, but it was getting very, very long, so it will have to wait for another day. Because yes, nearly a month after I finished watching the series, I’m still not over that.

Anyway, as that post was getting very long, I thought I’d just focus on this one thing here, and that’s the idea of honour vs loyalty and how it effects Jaime as a character.

Spoilers below (cause I’m sure there’s still a few people in the world who don’t know yet how it ends.)

Ok, so to say it bugs me that Jaime went back to Cersei at the end of the series and died in her arms is putting it mildly. No matter how much I try to reconcile it, or watch/read people’s opinions on it, I just can’t get it to make sense. It’s more than a bit frustrating.

For me, it makes no sense that, after all that character development, after everything he went through and everything he watched his sister do, after finding another woman who not only believed in the good in him, but helped bring it out, he decides to run back to Cersei.

Now, I’ll leave most of my thoughts on that in the other post (I have a lot, lol!) and just wanted to focus on here the idea that Jaime’s ending is somehow tied up with his concept of honour vs loyalty. Or at least in how I’ve read people try to justify it.

Ok, so I’ve not read the books yet, but I’ve read enough quotes/analysis and opinions online to know that after about series 4, Jaime’s character takes a very different path to what we have in the show. So I’m only really talking about the show here. Also, I have only watched it all once, recently in a marathon watch, so there’ll be loads of stuff I’ve missed or forgotten.

And I’ve read/watched enough online to know a lot of people are also very annoyed that Jaime went back to Cersei. In fact, most of what’s been bugging me is based on comments I’ve read on YouTube or series 8 reviews. The main video, or review, mentions that they don’t like how they assassinated Jaime’s character arc, but then there are discussions in the comments saying that for some they do think it makes sense.

Now, I’m not saying they’re wrong, but I do disagree with some of the main justifications they have said. One of these is that people say it was honourable for Jaime to return to Cersei at the end. That it made sense for his character to return to his sister and it did complete his character arc.

My thoughts on that are basically NOPE! You’ve misunderstood the point of his character arc. I’ll save most of my thoughts for the other post, but to summarise, for me, Jaime’s character arc has been both about redemption and identity. It’s been about becoming a better person and trying to make amends for your past mistakes, but also about finding your own voice, your own thoughts and your own inner self. And, as both these arcs are tied together for Jaime, overall his whole character arc was about him breaking away from Cersei and, through doing that, becoming a better person.

Yeah, I know that sounds kinda corny and simplified, but, for me, that’s overall been Jaime’s character arc. He’s had plenty of slip ups (cough mainly the writers refusing to let Twincest go cough), but overall he’s grown as a person, so what we see in series 8 up to that scene in episode 4, is a better, changed person. As he says to Bran, “I’m not that man anymore.”

This means the fact that he just goes back to her at the end, does indeed ruin his whole character arc. And I honestly can’t get it to make any sense in way that isn’t JUST because the writers decided he should.

So, if we then consider the idea that it’s somehow honourable for him to go back to Cersei… Ok, I can see why people may think that, but for me, it’s not honour, it’s loyalty. Honourable would be to continue on the better path, acknowledging that your sister has done wrong, continues to do wrong and has gone down the opposite path. Jaime’s path has been about redemption, Cersei’s has been one of villainy.

Cersei needs to pay for her crimes as it were and that is, imho, the honourable thing to do. Now pay for your crimes doesn’t mean anything as awful as torture or that walk of shame (no, even though Cersei tortured others, I’d never say the same should be done to her). But as she’s never shown any remorse for what she’s done (unlike Jaime, who then had 7 series of redemptive arc making up for it), it’s not honourable for Jaime to go back to try and save her, to think they can just run off together. Of course, I know and understand both Jaime’s and also Tyrion’s inability to just let her die – they instinctively want to try to help her because she’s their sister. That’s why Tyrion still keeps on trying to plead with her. If Jaime was already in Kings Landing he could do the same.

No, the issue is he leaves Brienne in the dead of night, breaking her heart and saying how hateful he is, rides all the way to Kings Landing just to be with Cersei. Especially when he knows it’s pretty much a suicide mission and won’t make any difference. That is not honourable - to want to die with your evil twin sister so she’s not alone. That is loyalty.

And, this brings me back to the whole honour vs loyalty issue with Jaime, and why series 8 messed it up imho. In the earlier series, we see that Jaime is very loyal to his House, as is everyone in Westeros really. And usually loyalty is seen as a good trait – in our world as well as the world of GoT. And the Lannisters are even more focused on their loyalty as we see from Tywin. Your house/family is it and you pledge loyalty and are willing to die for them. So him being willing to do all he can to save his sister, that is loyalty.

And Jaime is very loyal to his house. But he’s also a Knight and Brienne is right, there is also honour in him. Something she first found out when he told her about why he killed the Mad King, and something that she has been slowly encouraging and bringing out in Jaime ever since.

Yet what do you do if your House/family are not honourable? The Lannisters as a House have done all sorts of bad things, including things like organising the Red Wedding and Cersei’s attack on the Sept. What do you do then, when your honour conflicts with your loyalty? This, for me, is one of the biggest struggles for Jaime’s character and so imperative in his overall character arc.

This is something that is brought up in the tent scene between Brienne and Jaime – they both know there is no honour (ie, it’s not the right, moral thing to do) to attack and kill the Tully rebels when they are defending the home the Lannister’s took from them. But he is a Lannister. And this is a big struggle for Jaime – as he’s trying to be more honourable and become a better person, his loyalty to his House and family are more and more at odds with that. Even more so when you consider his complicated relationship with his sister.

In that situation, he found an alternative; a way to still be loyal to his house, by taking back RiverRun, but also be honourable, by making sure no blood was spilt.

And for me, as Jaime grows in his character arc, he starts to choose honour over loyalty more and more (eg giving Brienne the Quest to find Sansa rather than killing Sansa at Cersei’s request and then freeing Tyrion against his sister and father’s wishes.) This culminates in the scene where Brienne challenges him outright in the Dragon Pit. There is no alternative here; he can do the right, honourable thing and join the fight for mankind, or he can choose to remain loyal to his sister and Queen and not help.

Now, we know this isn’t an easy decision for Jaime, but eventually, he does just that. He chooses the honourable thing by going to the North to help them. And that is, imho, where he finally and fully breaks away from Cersei and becomes his own person.

So, for me, the idea that it is honourable for him to return to Cersei goes against his whole character arc. It ruins his identity arc, because he once more stops being his own person, stops making his own decisions and is all focused on Cersei again. And it goes against his redemption arc, by choosing loyalty above honour, by returning to her and trying to save her after everything she has done.

That is not honour, it is loyalty, which is basically taking Jaime back to the start – where he always did choose loyalty over honour and it made him do some pretty darn bad things.

So, for me, for a Jaime that had been through so much, come so far in his character arc, his identity and redemption, to return to Cersei like that is a complete 180 and a waste of those 7 years of character development we saw.

And it makes no sense.

[abstractedthinking]

D•E•A•T•H•N•O•T•E

Meet my sides

What my sides look like

Ficlets: First day Sleepless Hold onto me (cause I'm a little unsteady) You Can Run Away With Me

I do not own deathnote or any of the content portrayed in the Anime. This is created by a fan in order to expound upon the love I have for it.

Now that we have copyright issues out of the way I do need to say that this has VERY MILD spoilers of episode 12: Love. Nothing beyond that. This is made because immediately after the *sterotypical dumb blonde* appeared and revealed their motives, I immediately started to pick them apart and try to understand them on a psychological basis.

If you are not up to episode 12, DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO HAVE IT MILDLY SPOILED!

With all that out of the way, let us begin. (Ps this also apparently takes place at a time after Sleepless)

****

Everything has started to finally relax after the attack from Salem on Parker and her sides, Parker went to a new doctor and got a new prescription for an antidepressant known as CeleXA, and after it kicked it Salem's clutches upon her loosened slightly, just enough for self-preservation to win out every time, and since Salem was much weaker, Katya's injuries got less and less severe but she still was just as exhausted each time.

Parker had decided that she wanted to take care of Katya's injuries as, 'it was the least I can do... you've saved my life how many times now?'

After a slightly more aggressive attack from Salem, Katya and Parker sit on the couch in the physical world watching Netflix together. More specifically Deathnote. A show that both of them had been wanting to watch for a long time. Originally they just planned to watch one episode as Parker cleaned and bandaged a scratch on Katya's wrist, but, Parker had pushed up her leather jacket and black flannel sleeves to see that all the old scars that littered her arm had reopened, "Katya! Why didn't you tell me it was this bad?"

The side simply shrugs, avoiding the host's eyes, "Take off your jacket. The flannel too."

"Not gonna happen, Park. It's really not that bad." She shoves down her sleeves and hunkers in, watching the anime intently. When the credits roll the anxious side unfolds herself and stands and readies herself to sink out, "If you let me take care of all of your injuries I'll marathon this with you."

The Anxious side slowly turns to look at her, the wheels in her head turning, ".... if we marathon it, it'll be available in the mindscape for me to watch whenever."

"I know."

"If I can watch it whenever I'll be able to see how popular culture of the time and even theories possibly influenced the anime."

A smirk, "I know."

Parker can feel Katya's own excitement buzzing under her skin, and can practically see the wheels turning as she weighs the pros of staying (Deathnote, psychological evals of the characters, Deathnote, conspiracy theories of the time period, Deathnote!!! Psychoses of the characters! DEATHNOTE) verses the cons (jacket gone. Flannel gone. Skin on display. She's going to touch me. She's going to see all her old scars. What if that causes her to relapse. Will I be able to save her again.) Katya turns her matching green eyes to the host's, taking Parker apart and seeing if her own her own desires could possibly be taken into consideration and fulfilled for once. After thorough examination of her consenting host's mental state, she sighs heavily, "Start up episode 2." She slowly begins to remove her jacket and carefully fold it up, followed by her flannel so she only has a soft black tank top on. The various marks on her arms are on full display, the reopened wounds stand out vibrantly against her pale skin. She lowers herself back to the couch and scrunches into a ball, resting her head on her knees, stiffly holding her arm out.

Parker gives her a grateful smile as she pushes play, making sure it's started before she begins to clean and bind Katya's wounds. Too focused to notice how some of tension leaves the other at her touch.

~

It takes her a bit to finish cleaning and covering the reopened wounds, but as soon as she says she's finished, the anxious side immediately pulls her flannel back on, "... you know you don't have to do this every time right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Parker. Come on," Katya leans forward and presses pause, stopping somewhere in the midst of episode 4, "I'm a side. I'm not an actual person so I can't die, I need a few of the things that humans need to survive, but at the end of the day... when I get hurts it's not a big deal."

Parker stares at the other open mouthed,"Okay. You're an aspect of my personality, yeah. But that doesn't mean that you or your hurt are any less important," she grabs the others hands, just slightly colder than her own, "You're physical. Right here, right now you're real flesh and blood and bones. Which makes you just as deserving of care. Hell, even when you sink out you're still deserving of care! You protect me so much that literally the least I can do is to is try to help ease your pain afterwards! I can't be there all the times and that sucks, but when I can be I'm going to try to fix you up as best I can and try to take care of you. If movies are included with that, then we're gonna watch movies!"

Katya looks down, a small rare smile crossing her features and reaching her eyes, "I forget how stubborn we all are sometimes...but thanks..." she clears her throat, a bit uncomfortable, "Back to the Anime for crying out loud!"

~

The credits for episode 12 start to roll, "WHAT?!" Katya pushes stop, and gets to her feet, "Okay no," she starts to walk a line in the floor, turning back and walking the same line, pacing. Her heavy platforms loudly thunking with every step she takes, "Nearly everyone in this show is real messed up. So, we've got L, Light, and this blonde bitch, Misa. L is the most normal, he's a genius, he might be a sociopath- no it's more likely he's on the autism spectrum with how he operates. He's also highly functioning with a strong sense of justice-"

"He must be protected."

A pause in the rhythmic thumps, "Shh." The thumps Resume as she continues, "I really want to pick him apart but... I don't know enough yet!"

"If he gets hurt I'm gonna cry."

The platforms once again pause, "Don't even say that," they resume their stride, "Light is a huge piece of work.. Light could 100% be a sociopath but-"

"-But he exhibited signs of distress when he realized the Deathnote was real and was actually killing people."

"Don't blame him for that," Katya chuckles, "so even though thus far he exhibits a lot of signs of sociopathy... he might not be one. It's more likely-"

"-or lightly!"

"Don't start that. You're not as clever as you think. Anyway, he could have antisocial personality disorder... he exhibits lots of those traits..."

"He is also really narcissistic, I mean 'I will be the god of this world' come on!"

Katya smirks, "Yeah. He's definitely a narcissist. But he's also detached... he didn't give a shit in one of the first episodes if Ryuk was gonna take his soul.... but again, sociopathy... he doesn't give a shit about what happens to people if it helps him create his perfect world."

"Hmm... he's also extremely detached with himself since he was able to stay cool under L examining him.... so he could have some aspects of psychopathy as well.. if the spaceland date was anything to go by he's also emotional abusive with the girls he interacts with, and he only interacts with people if it will benefit him."

"I bet he pulled wings off of butterflies as a kid," Katya states ceasing her pacing and staring at Parker.

"There's no doubt about it," Parker nods.

"... but he also treats Kira as a separate entity, so he could have multiple personality disorder."

"... that's true. But now what about Misa-"

"Don't get me started on blondie. She's stupid! And arrogant! And she gives up half of her lifespan so she can maybe help him out by killing L? Did the shinigami dying for her give her some sort of a god complex?! And she wants to meet Kira so badly?! She does what's called Monster Worship! UGH!" Katya flops back onto the couch, drawing her knees to her chest. Parker looks at her, snickering when she's reminded of L,"How do you know so much about psychology? I thought it was Athena that handled all my knowledge."

"I'm left brain too. I know stuff too, plus it's interesting cause it lets me see people's motives easier."

Parker slowly nods, "I gotcha."

"But this show is driving me crazy! The characters are just... GAH!!"

The two are quiet for a moment before Parker breaks the silence,

"So you wanna watch more?"

"Fuck yeah."

"Light needs lots of drugs. Lots of prescription drugs to fix all that," Parker says, leaning forward to start the next episode.

"No fucking joke."

*

sorry this took so long to get up! I've had it written but no time to edit it

Please leave feedback and let me know if you would like to be added to the tag list!

@parkersanders / @xaandiir @emo-space-trash @sunshinelollip0ps @gabe-killed-me-with-ace-cream @ssides @ashrain5 @sketchymel @theoneandonlyfangirlofpower

[midnightluck]

walk right off the plank (into the wishing well)

This was vaguely based on a comic, but it went...off-track, so expect another attempt at this scenario again later. Here be sads.

--

The third partner Koala is assigned smiles a lot. He bows when he says his name is Sabo, and he’s generally pretty nice and polite and doesn’t hesitate to cut back with words when she starts it. He’s tall as her, blond, and they click well as partners, despite her misgivings.

She comes to know he’s crazy in a subtle kind of way and has a reckless disregard for anyone’s personal safety when on mission. It is a trait that has mostly served him well.

Mostly.

“Don’t you trust me?” he’s asking her now, grinning  the most untrustworthy grin ever.

“The second we get back, I’m putting in for a new partner,” she says and crosses her arms. “This plan is stupid. The risk factor is too high--”

“High risk, high reward,” he answers, eyes full of mischief and arrogance and bad life decisions.

She sighs and doesn’t unfold her arms. “I want it on record that I’m following you under protest.”

“Sure,” he agrees easily, tipping his hat. “You worry too much; it’ll be fine!”

It was, of course, not fine at all.

--

“You deserved it,” Koala says later, stumbling under his weight. “I can’t believe you tried to bribe him--”

He sways a bit and she holds his arm tighter. “His profile said--” he protests.

She hisses him quiet because he doesn’t get to talk, not after that. “--you deserved to get stabbed--”

“--it’s just a scratch, really, I’m fine--”

“You’re crazy, is what you--shit!” She lunges to the side, dragging him with and gritting her teeth against the strain it puts on her knee. He helps as much as he can, and they press into the small shadow in between shops.

Boots go thudding by, with lots of yelling. She bodily presses him further into the shadows and knows it’s gotta be hurting his shoulder, but he doesn’t make a sound.

It seems to take forever for the noise to fade, and she’s careful when she ducks out to check the path. It’s clear, so she drags his arm back across her shoulders and hauls him forward some more.

“Come on, we’re nearly there,” she says to both of them and keeps walking. The masts of the small schooner they’ve got for this mission are clearly visible. “We’ve got the berth til morning so once we get in, we can take a look at your shoulder.”

“I’m fine,” he says, stumbling over his own feet. “Just gimme a band-aid; I’ve had worse.”

“That’s not--!” She takes a deep breath, then lowers her voice and continues. “That’s not the point. C’mon, keep going.”

They make it all the way down the dock, and she looks up at the lines securing the schooner to the cleats. Her mouth sets, firm, and she ducks out from under his arm. “Lean against the hull; I’ll go up and put down the gangway.”

He protests because of course he does, but she jumps for the line and climbs it with the ease of long practice. She scrambles for the gangway and gets it down, rushing because otherwise he might do something dumb like try to climb the rope himself.

She’s mildly and pleasantly surprised to find him right where she left him, for once. He’s sweating profusely and his smile is solidly in grimacing territory, but he quietly lets her help him up the gangway.

He heads down into the cabin while she resecures the gangway and checks the lines real quick, and by the time she gets down there too, he’s at least got the medical kit out and his coat off, but he’s trying to bandage his shoulder over his shirt.

“Sabo.”

His teeth flash in the least convincing smile she’s ever seen him try. “I’m fine,” he says, and her patience snaps.

She drops and sweeps his feet, and he goes down. He doesn’t even manage to catch himself, which speaks more to how fine he isn’t than anything he could’ve said. She sighs, then goes and sits on his back to keep him there.

He wiggles and yells halfheartedly about how fine he is while she cuts the shirt apart and wipes away enough blood to get a look at it. It looks jagged but not too deep, probably, maybe, if he’d just stop moving--

By the time she's putting in the stitches, though, he's finally holding still. The boat is rocking and it's hard enough in the dark anyway, thank you. They both say a lot of really horrible things during it, and she grits her teeth and works through it because for all he’d put them in a spot to get hurt, the man had been aiming for her.

She dumps probably too much antiseptic on it and he howls like he didn’t when he actually got stabbed, the bastard. She wraps it with the only bandage they have left, swearing and snarling at him to stop it and not even trying to be gentle.

When it’s all done, he’s panting and getting sweat and blood everywhere, and she’s covered with both and still sitting across his back. She stares down at her hands, red against the pale skin and angry pink burns, and just breathes for a minute. He does the same, and the air is close and hot and quiet.

“I’m not sorry,” she says eventually.

He laughs, just a bit, and returns, “My brother would like you.”

She’s suddenly breathless for a whole ‘nother reason, and she scoots off to sit on the floor. It’s not an apology or a thank you but it’s so much more.

Because this is Sabo, the bright rising star of the Revolutionary Army and professionally paranoid spy. They found him dying of burns in the middle of the ocean and he’s been theirs ever since, but they know exactly nothing about his life from before.

Koala has to blink more than a few times to kill the burn, and then busies herself with repacking the medical kit. She can hear him sitting up somewhere beside her, but doesn’t dare to look over.

This is the first time since he's joined that he's voluntarily giving up any kind of personal information whatsoever, much less a weakness as big as a family that he loves. It's a gesture of trust so monumental, and it is because she earned it.

So she swallows and the next thing she says is, “We need to restock bandages when we get back.”

She never does get around to following through on that request for a different partner.

--

It becomes a thing.

In the quiet darkness of completed missions, when they’re safe for the moment and done catching their breaths but before the chaos starts up again, whoever messed up the most or feels the worst will offer something, just a little thing.

The time she gets him captured and has to go save him from torture, she lays in the darkness and stares at the wood above them and recites the history she carries on her skin, talking into the darkness with the soft counterpoint of waves and breathing. He accepts it and doesn’t try to apologize or empathize, like everyone else does when they find out.

In the morning, they’re right back to how they always are. She checks on his swollen wrist, he insists he’s fine, and she threatens to request a new partner and certainly doesn’t cry.

His are all about his brother. It's all stories about this kid named Ace. They come spilling out of him and it becomes abundantly clear to her why he's never mentioned Ace before. Sabo loves him to a worryingly dangerous degree; Ace is less Sabo’s weakness and more of a walking wound.

It's not like he only tells the good stories, either; he tells even the bad ones. The ones where they hurt each other and argue over tiny things, the ones where Ace disappeared for days and Sabo worried he was dead, and the ones where they failed at hunting and curled up hungry in the trash heap they apparently grew up in. Koala soon realizes why he tells them, even though every time he sounds like he’s poking that wound harder: he was so young when he joined the Army, and Sabo's clinging to any memory he has of them with fingernails and teeth.

It's another two years of constant missions and close calls and harrowing escapes before he even mentions Luffy.

--

“Let’s stop for lunch,” Sabo says.

Koala looks up to where he’s standing on the railing, one hand in the rigging and leaning out dangerously far, and sighs.

“Come on,” he says, swinging out on one foot to somewhat face her. “We’re two days ahead of schedule, the island is right there, and we can resupply!”

“We shouldn’t,” she says, but she’s already changing their course. They’ve got a while yet to go before they get back to base, and the problem with Sabo is that he eats everything. If stopping off so he can eat things that aren’t part of their rapidly dwindling supplies is an option, she’s gonna take it.

“You’re the best, Koala,” he says, and she rolls her eyes. She can never tell if he means it but it doesn’t matter because yes, she is the best.

“”I’m a pushover, is what I am,” she mutters, but it’s mostly for show.

They dock at the port with no issues, and Koala takes care of securing the boat while Sabo goes to rent the slip for a few hours. He comes meandering back with his hat tilted just a bit and a light in his eyes that she knows too well. “What’s up?” she asks instead, because accusing will just get denials.

“Interesting rumors,” Sabo says casually. “Some pirate causing trouble hereabouts, so the Marines are on a manhunt.”

She finishes tying off the last cleat and sits back on her heels. “Too hot?” she asks, and he shakes his head.

“They’re focused on the pirate,” he says, and offers her a hand up. She takes it, and they stroll into town.

A stampede of Marines comes pouring down the main street, and she pulls Sabo back and to the side as they pass. Neither says anything because they’re too busy trying to make out what the Marines are shouting.

Once they pass and the street clears, Sabo offers her arm. She takes it and they keep walking, and she murmurs, “Fire Fist, huh? Didn’t expect him all the way out here.”

Sabo hums like he’s listening, but he’s not paying attention, she can tell. His eyes are everywhere, looking for either threats or restaurants, so she continues mostly thinking out loud. “Whitebeard Commander, right? Was offered a shichibukai position and turned it down.”

“Of course he did,” Sabo says absently, attention caught by something across the street. “He couldn’t’ve risked it.”

She glances over too, and there he is. Fire Fist is leaving an alleyway, headed the opposite direction as the Marines. He probably thinks he’s sneaking but he mostly looks oblivious.

She can tell the moment they go from wandering to following Fire Fist. She’s still got a hand on Sabo’s arm and his steps go from purposeful to relaxed. It’s all fake, of course, but they both know you only want to look purposeful when you haven’t got a purpose, and eyes skate over a relaxed wanderer in a crowd.

Fire Fist turns the corner ahead of them. It’s not an issue until the clang-boom of a fight echoes out and then Sabo steps double-quick to catch up, nearly dragging her along.

She slides her hand away from his arm when he unholsters his pipe. “Wait--” she says, running after him, but he’s already charging forward.

She skids around the corner right after him, but he’s already in the thick of the group of Marines. There’s only a dozen or so, and with Fire Fist at it too, Koala knows she’s not needed. She steps back to the corner they’d come around instead; she’ll be the eyes and let him know if more are coming, and it’s always better to have the advantage of surprise, when you can get it.

The Marines fall because of course they do; they could never hope to stand against either Fire Fist nor Sabo in quality, and with both together they’d lost even quantity. They go down hard and fast and stay down, and Sabo spins both himself and his pipe around to face Fire Fist.

Fire Fist glares at him through narrow eyes. “Do I know you?” he asks, hands high and defensive.

She hears Sabo do that thing he does, regulating his breath, and then he says, "Ace,"  in a way she's never heard in daylight. And now she knows why, because that expression on his face looks like heartbreak.

It makes her breath catch in her throat because suddenly she knows; this isn't just Fire Fist Ace, this is Sabo's Ace, and her duty to watching her idiot partner's back is conflicting with the sense that this is something she really shouldn't see.

"Who are you?" Ace asks, and Sabo's smile turns hollow under manic-bright eyes.

"You don't recognize me?" he asks, and she will never know how much effort it takes to keep his voice that steady.

Koala is watching this, every word sticking under her bones like shattered glass, because this is Ace, this is Sabo's Ace, and he clearly doesn't recognize his own brother.

And Sabo--Sabo is young and driven and high up already, trusted with secrets and in charge of plans, and she knows he can't afford a weakness, much less one like this. And if she knows it, she knows he does too.

Finally Ace straightens up, dropping his stance to wave dismissively. "Whatever, stranger,” he says. “I'm gonna get back to the crew. And Pops. Because I'm a Division Commander of the Whitebeard Pirates. And they are my family and extremely protective."

Sabo’s face doesn’t change but his breath breaks. It’s funny, she thinks, in an awful kind of way; she can almost see Sabo's hand in that warning. He must’ve tried to teach Ace how to think tactically, but it’s blunt and imprecise.

It’s also effective, because using family against Sabo makes the light in Sabo's eyes go dead. He's hitting that dangerous nobody-home look that heralds a breakdown, and then Ace turns away.

“Oh, Ace.” Sabo takes one second, one instinctive step forward, and one quiet breath that shudders. Then his hand and his shoulders fall and he smiles, a smile so sharp with grief that it cuts Koala cold.

Ace doesn’t seem to notice the pain there, though. “Yeah, seriously, bye,” he says, edging away.

“Goodbye, Ace,” Sabo says, watching him leave. “Go back to your family,” he says, even though Ace can’t possibly hear him anymore..”...you don't need my brand of trouble anyhow.”

Koala watches him watching his brother, and she knows that she will never ever threaten to request another partner ever again. She has been spoiled by him, for all his mischief, because there's no one else in the world this strong.

He doesn’t say anything to her about Ace or the lunch they never got. He just tugs the brim of his hat down and puts his smile in place, then aboutfaces and heads for the docks. She’s barely breathing as she follows him, and her heart hurts for every step he takes.

No one stops them or gets in their way, and he may have forgotten she’s there, for all the attention he’s paying. He disappears under the deck without pause, and she hesitates.

The door closes behind him and she sinks down and sits in front of the stairs. There’s sounds coming from inside, but she ignores them and instead focuses on the world around them.

She can’t help in any way but this, so she’ll stand guard as long as he needs.

[wine-anon]

1, 2, 6, 20, 26, 29, 30, 35, 45, 48, 53, 55, 60, 63, 66, 69, 70, 72, 88, 93, 94, 96, 98, 112, 116, 120, 124, 125

1.  What is the last dream you remember? (describe)

The last dream I vividly remember is from a few days ago. I was having a conversation with my dad and older sib about paintings. We were talking about it and for some reason my older sib said that his favourite painting was ‘The Birth of Venus’ by Sandro Botticelli (it’s not in real life and that should have been the hint that it was a dream). 

Anyway, he was saying that he wanted to see it one day and I was like, “yeah, it’d be amazing to see it in its full glory because it’s huge,” (the real size is 1.72 m x 2.78 m). 

And my older sib was like, “woah, I didn't even know it was that big. I always thought it was smaller because it looks tiny in photos.” 

Then my dad said, “it’s misleading. Like the ‘Mona Lisa’ is very small in real life, only about the size of an A4 portrait but seems really large in photos.”

Then I went on about it being bullshit that the Mona Lisa was so small and how much it bugged me.

Anyway, it was so vivid that I thought it was a real conversation with them and I was super confused that my older sib like ‘The Birth of Venus’ so much. But yeah, weird dream right?

2.  What is something that you fear will happen to you in the future? (Also Why)

DRUG TW

I am scared that one day someone will trick me into taking heroin and I will become addicted to it. It’s totally irrational but my fear of needles coupled with the intense addiction that comes with heroin is super freaky to me. I don’t wanna do heroin.

6.  Do you believe in love at first sight?

Hm, I’m on the fence. In some situations there is the immediate knowledge that you are in love with someone and you see your life with that person without a shadow of a doubt. But other times I feel like it’s more of a lust at first sight, ya’know? That you are physically attracted to that person because you know nothing about them. I think that love is more than just a physical connection, there is so much that goes into love.

20.  Name a subject you would like to study if you had time?

I would like to study photography and cinematography. I think it’s such a cool talent to have and would come in useful a lot in life.

26.  Has a movie ever made you cry?  Which one.

So many movies have made me cry. So many. If I had a list, it would go on for a very long time. I think the most recent movie I watched that made me cry was ‘Avengers: Infinity War.’ Marvel really messed me up with that one.

29.  Do you think that forgiveness is mandatory to move on from something?

Always. It’s a very cliche motto to have but I live by, “always forgive those who have done wrong against you, but do not forget those who wrong you.” I always forgive people for the bad things they’ve done to me, I think it’s mandatory, but I will not just forget that they have hurt me in any way.

30.  If you could be a dictator on an island, what kind of crazy “dictator” rules would you put in place?

Hm, I think that the first rule is that I make the rules but I will listen to the democratic votes. Half democracy but half totalitarian. The main rules are that all people are equal, currency doesn’t exist, love everyone and solve issues respectably, and that everyone shares.

I don’t think I'd implement anything too crazy.

35.  What are some weird habits or “quirks” do you have?

I tap a lot. Like a lot. So much.

I click all the time, often subconsciously.

Goodness, I can’t think of anything else right now. A lot of my ‘quirks’ are just things that I physically do all the time without realising.

45.  If you could write a book, what would it be about?

About untold true stories. Of people who have impacted the world more than anyone knows but they are the ones who are still in the dark. People of all types, cultures and ages, who have done incredible things and deserve the credit where it’s due.

48. If you could make one rule that everyone had to follow, what would it be?

To love everyone. Love is paramount in life.

53.  What is the scariest monster you could imagine?

Something that is intangible. Just a mass that is physically nothing but mentally messes with you. I think psychological fear is the scariest thing ever.

55. If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?

I wouldn’t change my name unless I had to but probably to something like ‘Amelia’ or ‘Harper’.

60. What is a personality trait that you love about yourself?

My wit. Like my ability to think of quick quips and jokes, sarcastic comments. I love to make people laugh.

63. Do you have an irrational fear? What is it?

DRUG TW

I said it before, but that someone will trick me into doing heroin. It won't ever happen but like... WHAT IF IT DOES??

66. Do you believe in Aliens?

Yes. They are very likely and I totally think that there is something else in the universe. There is no way that we are the only life in the entire universe.

69. If you were put in solitary confinement, what do you think you would think the most about?

Gosh, my mind automatically goes to the deepest pits of imagination just in general. I think that I would think mostly about my loved ones and any of my favourite characters. Basically it’d be like a fanfic in my head that I could vicariously live through.

70.  In your opinion what is something horrible everyone should try once?

A cooked bug.

They honestly don’t taste THAT bad. They are still pretty gross but I’ve eaten worse things. Some people just have to eat one and get over themselves.

72. What is the hardest lesson that you have ever learned?

That I can say ‘no’ to things. I have always felt the compulsion to make people happy but I’m allowed to say ‘no’ or that I don’t want to.

88.  People in the past were buried with things that were important to them, what would you be buried with?

I want to be buried with things to confuse anyone who digs me up in a couple hundred years. I don’t have any possessions that are so important that I want to be buried with them. Gimme a pair of cool sunglasses, a map leading to no where and a random unopenable box. That way people will think that I’m hiding some secret treasure or something.

93. What makes you roll your eyes every time you hear it?

The “Hurricane Katrina, more like Hurricane Tortilla,” vine. It makes me so unnecessarily mad.

94.  Do you believe in the right to die?  Why or why not?

I do. If someone is in so much pain that they must be in a vegetative state to stay alive then they certainly should have that opportunity. If someone is incapable of looking after themselves anymore than they should have the opportunity.

96. What is your cure for the hiccups?

Tipping my head completely back so that my throat is straight, then I drink water slowly and straight down. Concentrating on that stops hiccups.

98. What mythical creature do you wish existed and why?

Dragons. Is there any competition. Can you imagine having your own little dragon? It’d be so damn cute!

112.  What is the last lie you told to someone and why did you lie?

I actually don’t remember but I only ever lie if I have to. It is often to avoid hurting someone in any way. though even then it depends. I never outright lie to someone, it’s just mildly bending the truth.

116. What language would you like to speak if you could?

Latin. It’d be so cool to speak Latin!

120.  If you were in prison, what do you think would be the worst part?

Not having a private place to shower and go to the toilet. The rest I don’t care about.

124. What movie universe would be the worst to live in?

Probably the Narnia or Harry Potter universe. They are likely the only ones that I wouldn't die in.

125.  What is something you think has been blown way out of proportion?

Unpopular Opinion Inbound (note that this is just an opinion)

I think Political Correctness has been blown way out of proportion.