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stefanmikaleson1864 · 1 year ago

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My Life / Our Life

My Life / Our Life

A/N : I really hope everyone enjoy this !!! I am so excited for this piece ! :)

If you like my work please comment , like and reblog it means a lot to see interaction on my work !

Family was the only thing that have ever mattered to you. I know it sounds cheesy but it’s true.

You home life wasn’t the greatest. Your mom and dad weren’t bad people, they weren't just the greatest parents.

You also didn’t have a lot of friends either. You were by far the tallest and the biggest kid in class. Kids always made fun of you because of your weight

But all that changed when a Blonde hair kid and his little brother transferred into your school.

The day Courtland saw you sitting alone eating your lunch he took to you. You were beautiful and he just knew there was something in you that he needed, that he wanted.

So you choose your family. Court and his brother were your chosen family. They were about the same age as you.

There home life wasn’t good either. Their piece of shit father was an abuser.

So you all kind of made the best of your situation. You spent the nights a lot at their house.

Court always protected and hid you the best he could from the violence. He knew at your home it wasn’t the best either. At least their you were with him and he could protect you.

Growing up you knew you had to study hard to go to a good school and get away.

You wanted to study journalism and tell the stories that mattered. You never had a voice before so doing this finally had one.

Court’s Brother kind of shifted as he got older.

Things got hard as as they got older their dad was getting worse and worse. When he was eighteen and you were sixteen that night changed the trajectory of all of your lives.

You weren’t there when it happened. You and Court were both grateful for even more so court.

It had reached a breaking point and he knew it was going to be his dad or his brother and that was a easy choice.

You remember being home an seeing the police come out. Every being nosey rushed out of their homes to watch. You just had this undeniable bad feeling in your gut. Something was wrong and you were to afraid to find out.

But nonetheless you ran outside, and what you saw broke you into a million pieces. You watched as a handcuffed bloody Court was being escorted out of the house. He kept his down not looking.

Your natural instinc was to run to him. You didn’t know what you were going to do but you know you needed to do something, anything.

Your parents and sisters were outside and you yelled his name breaking out of the clutch your dad had on you.

You caught him just as he was at the bottom of the stairs. He looked up at you and he had a blank look on his face. His eyes were scanning yours and it looked like it took hm a moment to process that it was you.

When he did his face softened up and he looked at you with tears in his eyes.

“I love you it’s going to be okay I promise you” You said to him

“I love you more” He said quietly.

Then the cops took him away. You didn’t break eye contact the whole time. He kept his head turned looking at you the whole time.

It truly broke every single thing in your body seeing that. Your feet were frozen in that space and it felt like the weight of everything was in your shoulders.

Watching as they carried out his dad’s body on a stretcher you didn’t even have to ask who it was. You already knew there was no question.

The weeks and the months had passed sense. No one was allowed inside of the house for a while. It was a crime scene after all.

Court’s Brother had gone and vanished which hurt. You two always cared about each other even when we was gone he still reached out. When he was home he loved to annoy you and do typical brother things.

Home was getting harder. Hearing your parents talk about how they knew he was trouble. Like they ever even gave him a thought before.

You couldn’t see him, which hurt you weren’t 18 and your parents weren’t sure as hell as taking you to see a murder.

Their words which was just untrue. He wasn’t a nasty or vile person. He was in a bad situation. And he was a protector and he had a choice to make.

You two did write letters though. He never talked to you about the inside though.

He only wanted to talk about you. You tried asking him was he okay , did he need anything. He just avoided it. He didn't want you worried or upset.

A year had gone by sense that day and the trial was offical starting. You woke up early and caught the bus to be there for him. You were the only person in his corner. Maybe just maybe because he was a kid and his background they would let him go easy.

His lawyer asked you to testify in his defense. He shut it down immediately, he said there was no way he was going to ask you to do that. He didn’t even want you at his trial. Not that he was utterly grateful for you.

It just killed him that you had to see him like that. You were young to you deserved to be shopping with friends and being a kid. Also seeing you and not being able to touch you or hold you close killed him.

You didn’t listen to him though a bad habit of yours. Always telling him he didn’t control you and you were your own person.

So you testified anyways telling the judge and jury and everyone who would listen how much of a amazing person he was.

How he was your protector , your friend , your mentor. Someone who always picked out the pink starburst because he knew you loved them.

When you felt insecure about your weight because you were plus size he always told you how beautiful you were. How every day he made you feel like you mattered.

How he eas everything good in this world that life had to offer

He mattered to he was someone , just because he got delt bad cards in life it didn’t mean that he should pay for it with the rest if his life. You pleaded with them to give him a chance.

When you were done you saw Court wipe a tear from his eye. Not that he would ever admit it. But sadly your pleas weren’t enough. And at the ripe old age of eighteen they decided to just send him away for life.

When they said the verdict you let out a sob. Feeling like your heart was ripped out of your chest. There was no way you heard it right. Court just sat there not showing emotion but feeling it on the inside.

Your sob was something he would never forget. How he felt so broken.

You struggled after a lot. He stopped writing you back. But that didn’t stop you from sending them anyways. You talked about everything and anything to him. He loved and hated them. He loved hearing anything about you.

But he hated them he wanted to let you go. As much as it hurt he knew you deserved a life and you needed to move on and be happy. That’s all he ever wanted from you was to be happy.

A few months after the trial you found out you got accepted into your dream school. You couldn’t believe UCLA wanted you. Not to mention a full scholarship everything you worked so hard for.

At the same time you got accepted into a smaller state school with a full ride. It was close to the prison Court was at.

You knew as much as you dreamed about LA you couldn’t leave him behind. He would have been all alone. In a few months you would have been eighteen.

You could be there and see him when ever you wanted. So you made a choice , which everyone in your life disagreed. All this for a man who would never breath free air again.

But that’s thing it was your choice. No one else’s.Court was always there for you so it was time you returned the favor.

So you wrote to him about college. You left out the UCLA part but told him where you were going to school. It was close by and you could come see him all the time.

His heart broke into a million pieces. He knew how much you dreamed about LA. He was also proud you for getting into a school with a free ride. He didn’t want you in the prison though that was a big fear.

He had changed in the two years he had been here. He didn’t talk anymore he had built up a wall and he became more distant. It was the only was he could survive. He didn’t want you exposed to this.

So when you graduated high school and moved into your dorm. It was a bittersweet feeling. You were so happy but also feeling so many different emotions of loss , guilt and emptiness.

But college life was fun. You meant a great group of friends. You felt like you belonged and you were happy and content with your choice now.

You were bubbling with excitement as your eighteenth birthday had approached. It meant you could see him again.

No one at school knew about it. They didn’t understand and you didn’t want to be judged.

So finally when it came around and you were happy about the gifts and the cake and the party in your dorm your friends made you. You were ready for the big day.

When it finally came you put on your prettiest outfit and asked your friend to help you with your makeup.

The butterflies were strong in your stomach. You got up early and caught the busses down. When you saw the fenced walls and the barbwire you couldn’t help but suddenly feeling nervous and unsure.

But you pushed it down and knowing when you saw him it would be worth it.

You were shocked to see so many people there. It was nerve wracking seeing the cops and it was so loud in there.

Being searched literally scared you and left you un easy. But when they walked you into the visitors room and sat you down. You quickly let all that go.

Court knew you were coming. They told him he had a visitor on his list and he instantly knew it could only be you. He knew he should be strong and not come out. Maybe you be so hurt you would stop talking to him.

But he couldn’t do that not to you. You deserved better than that. He needed to see you , he needed that breathe of fresh air. He needed a reason to keep going because he was slowly loosing it.

So when the day came he got so excited but of course he wouldn’t show it. His face looked like you better not fuck with me.

As he walked down the long hallway he could feel the excitement and nervousness bubbling up in his belly.

And when he saw you sitting there it was like he could breathe again. Like that exhale that he didn’t know he needed to finally let out.

The walk over to you felt like it took forever. But when he made it he sat down next to you. you both were made very clear on the no touching rule. God it killed him so bad.

You smelled like vanilla, like a cookie. It made him smile a little. You looked gorgeous and you were glowing. God you were so damn beautiful.

“Hey” You breathed out, letting out the same deep breath.

“Hey” He said, looking at you.

“Y/n” He started.

It made you worried the way he said it. You knew what he was going to say .

“Our life” was all you said.

He knew what you meant. You both had said it so many times together. It wasn’t just your life with your our’s because we were family.

He looked at you with a soft look on his face like he was holding back some tears he was to worried to let out. Despite being hard inside you always broke him.

“You deserve a life , something I can’t give you in here” He saId.

You so badly wanted to grab his hand and give it a squeeze.

“I know what I want and who I want it with i make my own choices” You said.

“I don’t want to hold you back” He said

“Your not I promise” You said.

“Now let’s talk about happy things only happy things.” You said

“Deal”: was all he said.

As the years went out you made sure to both keep you word to that statement. No matter how bad it was out for the both of you only happy things were talked about in your visits.

They were constant twice a week every time you could. And as the years went on both you changed. You worked as a freelance writer. Traveling between Maryland and New York because New york is where the work was.

Court had changed to, He was getting older and he started becoming more and more like a shell.

He knew you were getting older to you had needs and a life that you wanted he couldn’t provide you.

He wanted to know who you were out there with and were they touching you the way he wanted to touch you. The life he always dreamed of giving you.

But little did he know you weren’t seeing anyone. You tried hard but it wasn’t the same your heart belonged to him. No one could replace him.

You didn’t want to tell him that because you didn’t want him to feel guilty because of your own choices.

Little did you both know a big change was coming. That would really change the rest of your lives.

You went in for your usual visit but they told you he couldn’t bee seen. Which made you worried, I mean someone would tell you if something happened right ?

The visit from these people also took Court by surprise he had no idea who else would want to see him.

He was pulled into a more private room which made him become more nervous. He sat in a room for a while alone before a suit walked in.

The suit didn’t say anything to him just sat down. He threw Court some bubblegum, and Court took it.

Court wasn’t going to ask any questions he wanted to feel him out. He wanted to be in control. But the other suit also wanted to be in control so who was going to break?

Finally the suit decided it was time to stop playing games. He opened up the file and pretend to read it. He knew Court that was the whole reason why he was here. After a few minutes the suit looked at him.

“How would you like a get out of jail free card”? The suit said.

Court felt his heart skip a beat and he was intrigued. He didn’t want it to show or get his hopes up for that matter.

“Tell me what do you want” Court asked. Leaning up and looking the guy in the eyes scanning his emotions.

The suit never faltered he just kept his cool and didn’t show anything.

“Have you heard of the Sierra program” He asked not even following up.

“Was I supposed to” Court asked.

The suit just chuckled and then opened up then closed the file in front of him.

“Listen we want you your skilled and i’ve been keeping track of you in here I know everything about you” The suit said.

“Oh really” Court said.

“Look well train you to become a well trained assassin you work for us you do what we say when we say” The suit said.

“Yeah sure okay” Court said.

The suit pulled something out of his pocket and it was his ID proving his identity.

“You agree and your out of jail” The suit said.

“Thank but no thanks” Court said. He never was a killer. He didn’t want to sign his life away for some government propaganda.

“You could see her , touch her again” The suit said.

Court felt his protectiveness coming out. How the hell did they know about you. Was they threatening you ?

“Leave her the hell out of this” Court said he wanted so badly to ring this guy out because he kept his calm.

“Wow you must love her this is the most emotion i’ve seen from you” The Suit said.

‘Look i’m not going to hurt her I wouldn’ i have no reason to but I do have an offer, right now she’s what back and forth between New York and here just so she can see you” The Suit said.

“But if you accept my offer i’ll give something in return a chance for you two to have the life you always wanted the one she gave up hers for”The suit said.

Court looked confused at this statement because he knew the man obviously meant something more than what was entended.

“You don’t know do you” the suit asked surprised clear in his voice

“I guess it makes sense she would keep it from you, but she got into UCLA her dream school when you first got arrested but she turned it down to be with you she choose you over her dreams and she’s smart so she had a chance” The man said in a more human voice. It was soft spoken.

Court’s heart sunk into a million pieces. He knew how hard you worked for that. He knew what it meant to you. It was all you ever wanted and he felt responsible for taking that away from you.

The man was right you were smart you had everything going for you. You were meant to be someone and he took that away from you.

“What’s your offer” Court asked trying to hide the sadness in his voice.

“Were move the two of you out to prague that’s where the training is. She can work out there do whatever she wants. Were pay a very nice salary for the two of you she will being living wild above now and she can finally pursue her dreams to do what ever” The man said.

Court had a feeling it was to good to be true. But if there was a chance even a small one that he was telling the truth he needed to take it you deserved it.

“You said I’ll see her” Court asked.

“Yes of course we will allow days for you to go see her and once the training is over well your not under arrest” The suit said.

“And what i just work for you forever” Court asked uneasy but also more leaning to the idea.

A life with you was something he always wanted. He always dreamed about but he knew it was impossible.

“Listen it’s this or jail so i feel like the answer is clear well in my book it is you take the bad guys down and you live your life with your girl” He said.

“I wanna talk to her” Court said.

“Fine we can arrange that a visit no rules just the two of you how does that sound” The man asked.

“Set it up” Court said.

The man gathered his stuff and got up and left.

“Fitzroy by the way” The man said as he got up and walked out.

Court didn’t even give another thought he couldn’t for the sake of his mental health. He got up after that and reuturned to his cell.

The what if kept creeping back in head as much as he didn’t want it to.

A few weeks has passed sense then,

You had no idea that any of that happened. No way Court would tell you something like that. He needed to handle it first.

Right now you were sitting in your apartment. It was afternoon and you were working from home. You didn’t feel like the travels of New York today. It was nice and quiet in your place until someone started banging at the door.

Who the hell was it and why were they banging down the door. Then your anxiety started creeping because you were worried something bad happened.

You opened it up to see a man in a very nice suit sitting there.

“Fitzroy, wow you are more beautiful in person” He said.

“Um who the hell are you” You asked.

“I work with the CIA now come with me” He said

“No why would i do that” You asked snapping back.

He pulled out his ID and flashed his identity to you.

“Listen it’s about Courtland so let’s go” The man said

You felt your heart stopped and your knees got weak, What happened you thought.

“He’s fine he’s okay nothing like that” He said

“Get your stuff come on” he said.

You did as you were told, and got your things and quickly followed behind. You walked out to a black SVU that was waiting.

You got in and you all took off. The car ride was silent and the man looked straight ahead. He seemed like he was all business.

You on the other hand was a nervous wreck. You were also afraid of the fact this was a kidnapping.

But the journalist in you needed answers.

“So you gonna tell me what this is about” You asked.

The man just sat straight ahead and didn’t even look at you.

“Not my place” was all he said.

The car ride was familiar and you instantly knew where you were going. Your nerves and curiosity were taking over.

Finally you reached the prison and you wanted to bolt out of there. You got out and followed behind the man.

You all passed the line for check in and search. Which raised your red flags.

“What’s going on” You asked

The man didn’t answer you. He just kept walking and you followed him.

You ended up walking down a long hallway. Then finally you walked up to a room you never seen before. You never even been down this way ever. It was haunting.

The man opened up the door and you walked in. To your relief Court was sitting their uncuffed and fine.

“I’ll leave you two alone” Fitzroy said.

He got up and walked out. Leaving you two alone

Court got up and you ran over into his arms. God it felt so good. Having his big arms wrapped around you.

You instantly started crying this feeling was so missed. He hugged you so tight and you hugged him even harder.

You started crying and you felt a tear fall down his face and hit your neck. You never thought this would happen again. Was it a dream ? were you going to wake up ?

After a few minutes you both finally let go.

Court looked at you and placed his hand and brushed his thumb against your cheek. He sat his forehead against yours.

“I love you” was all he said.

“ I love you too” You said.

You both broke up. Court gestured for you to sit down which you did.

He pressed his hand grabbed yours and he pressed his knees against yours. Touching you as much as he could.

“Why didn’t you tell me” He started.

You looked at him completely baffled. Confused on what he was talking about

“School , LA I know please don’t lie to me why would you do that. You had a life you could have done something” Court said

You tensed up a little you never wanted him to know, he sounded hurt and disappointed

“I made my choice, it was mine alone no one else’s I stand by it” You said

“I never wanted to hold you back” Court said.

“You never did never not one bit I live my life with no regrets. Not one I love you I always loved you, everything was worth it. You were worth it” You said squeezing his hand.

Court looked up at you with a soft look on his face. He seemed a little taken back.

“What’s going on he said it wasn’t his place” You asked.

Court looked like he was searching for his answer.

“I can get out” Court was saying before you cut him off

“What are you serious, how when” You asked in one breathe

“The CIA being apart of a group training and it’s in prague. You can come with me there pay me us nicely” Court said but something in his voice seemed like it was uneasy

“What do you wanna do what training” you asked

“CIA not much is known taking bad guys down but they said you could come we could be together” Court said.

“Is this what you want” You asked.

“I want you, I want out we could be together” Court said.

“I want that all of that but not if your not sure about this program” You said honestly.

“I’m taking it the offer if it means spending my life with you it’s worth it” Court said.

“I love you I know your going to do the right thing for you” You said to him.

Court took his hand and cupped your face with it. He then scooted in closer to you. He looked deep into your eyes before pulling you close to him.

He leaned in and you leaned in and finally after all these years he finally kissed you.

It was everything you ever dreamed of. Minus the prison of course, but everyting was magical. The butterflies were strong.

It was like your lips melted against his and you didn’t want to let go.

Finally needing air you both broke apart. Court finally gave you smile.

Then the moment of course was interrupted and you two scooted a little away from each other.

“Well what’s the answer not that I don’t already know” Fitzroy said.

“I’m In” Court said.

“Welcome to the Sierra Program your new life starts now”

#sierra six #sierra six x reader #sierra six x y/n #the gray man #the gray man x reader #the gray man fanfiction #ryan gosling #plus size reader #plus size imagine

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zvtara-was-never-canon · 7 months ago

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https://www.tumblr.com/xabura/752028677741608960/bryke-confirming-that-katara-loves-aang-like-a?source=share

What do you think of this? Apparently Bryke themselves said Katara loves Aang like a babysitter or brother. I don’t understand it? This is coming from the actual creators of the show even though I never got that vibe from Kataang despite what the ZKs say. Does that mean they were right?

If Bryke had said "Ozai is not abusive, he is just strict" it would not suddenly erase the canonical proof of abuse that is literally burned into Zuko's face. Yang can say he didn't write Zuko to be an abusive piece of shit in the comics, but I saw him literally throwing Azula in a place that, by Yang's own admission, only made her condition worse.

I saw Katara get jealous when other girls were paying attention to him as early as episode four of the first damn season, and then ten episodes later looking intrigued and even happy at the possibility that maybe they are fated to get married when they're older.

I've seen her blushing next to him like she did with Jet and Haru. I saw her doing a romantic dance with him. I saw her wanting to kiss him and then getting offended when he said he didn't want to kiss her.

If I saw a babysitter doing that to a child, I'd call the freaking cops. And if Katara had done any of that stuff with Sokka, Nickelodeon would not have let Avatar air (I'm still surprised the bedroom scene in The Awakening didn't get scrapped or at least severely altered).

And speaking of Sokka, I never saw Katara teasing Aang in a sisterly way like she did with Sokka, and with Zuko. I never saw Aang say that, when he thinks of "mother", he thinks "Katara" like Sokka does.

Instead I saw Aang and Katara hanging out, and him reminding her, IN THE FIRST EPISODE, that she was ALSO a kid. And then Katara immediately got attached to him because, in her own words, he had brought FUN back to the vilage.

(And before someone inevitably brings up her dressing up as his mom in "The Headband" - she also dressed up as Sokka's heavily pregnant wife. Read into it if you want, but be consistent. You can't cherry-pick one aspect of the scene and ignore the entire context).

They're children. They're peers. They're friends. Maybe Bryke wanted to add a "But she's also the mom/older sister/babysitter" aspect to it, but if that really is the case, then they fucking failed at it in an absurd way.

Like, if you want her to be "the babysitter" make her baby him, not treat him as an equal even when she's in the role of Sifu with him as the student.

Now, if Zutarians want to use this word of God moment as undeniable proof that Kataang is "weird", fine by me. I'll disagree because I actually DO like "weird" ships and Katang didn't interest me for the longest time exactly because it LACKED any weirdness, but whatever.

But if they expected that shut down differing opinions, once again, they gotta be consistent: Bryke also said that Zutara is toxic, would have no future, and that characters don't like each other like that.

If they want to have the right to disagree with them on that, they can't turn around and say "But you gotta take their word as law when it validates half my point!"

Either everyone is free to agree to disagree, even if they're disagreeing with the creators of the show, or no one is. Either everyone can engage in Death Of The Author when they genuinely think the intention doesn't match the text, or no one can.

If they wanna disagree with Bryke on the anti-zutara thing, but agree with them on the babysitter thing, fine. But they don't get to act all shocked when people do the reverse and pretend it's somehow hypocritical of us to do the same thing THEY are doing.

(Also it's very funny of zutarians to constantly cry "Male gaze" because "Oh, it's just young boy having a crush on an older girl" like they aren't CONSTANTLY using "What girl goes for the younger guy instead of the older one?" as an argument for their ship. Funny how fantasies and tropes are only bad when it's not THEIR fantasy or prefered trope)

#anti zutara #pro kataang #pro aang #bryke critical

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archiiive · 10 months ago

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How To Get My Husband On My Side

I usually love strong female characters and I love reading them. Not a big fan of weak or damsel in distress characters. But RUBY. Idk how to explain my thoughts and feelings about her. Ik it doesn't make any sense but I feel like this is what I'd feel about my own daughter if I had one (I just turned 20 last month lolol). Ruby is by far my most favourite manhwa fmc and the most beautiful girl in my eyes I'm not even exaggerating. Yall won't believe how many times I scroll back to see the panels Ruby is in. I don't think I've even replayed shirtless Izek that many times lmao. I just stare at her in awe. I can't help but smile. I just re read this manhwa for the 4th time today, I just keep coming back here. This manhwa is so beautiful, cute, sad, painful and heartbreaking all at the same time. I cry, smile, laugh, giggle, get angry, so many emotions all at once.

I feel so sad whenever I look at Ruby's eyes. I just wanna give her a hug. Ruby is by far one of the strongest characters I've ever read. Being strong doesn't necessarily mean being physically strong yk. Everything she's gone through, those are unimaginable. The fact that she's still sane is probably the biggest proof of how strong she is. Cause imagine being abused like she was for that many years (even in her previous life, or should I say lives), she's only suffering. I can't imagine how deep the trauma runs.

Every kind of Abuse destroy people. She has gone thorough so many kind of abuses. But man SA has got to be the most horrendous things to ever happen to someone, that too by her own brother, at her own house, for so many years, where the so called brother even spread rumour about their questionable relationship outside just so her marriages could be broken off. I can't imagine going through all of that everyday and still having to smile sweetly 24/7, not having anyone to share these with, no one to rely on and pretending to be completely fine. I'd never be able to last so long, I'd be long gone.

As much as I love Izek now, it's an undeniable fact that he was a jerk to her when she first came here. Okay he had his reasons cause her family couldn't be trusted yada yada but RUBY didn't deserve any of it. Good thing she escaped from the hell, her own house but then came here to be treated like a nuisance by her own husband. Okay he's changed now and he loves her and everything is good so I'll kinda forgive him too cause at least he's giving Ruby the love, warmth, support, reassurance, comfort now. She needed them so bad. She really needed someone to confide in.

Whenever I see her holding things in and not being able to talk about her past traumas and abuse with anyone and silently putting up everything that fu*king Cesare bitch a**hole ugly looking piece of sh*t son of a wh*re does in fear that things will get worse, I just want to go get myself off by a truck and isekai into the story and stab that filthy guy until my hands fall of. I don't think I ever hated or will hate anything as much as I hate Cesare. This manhwa keeps breaking me but I still keep coming back for Ruby and maybe a little bit for Izek too, love to see them together.

I'm so mad she had to endure all of that. Idc what Ruby does or ever did. I'd support her even if she were to take initiative to end the world. I'd gladly let her destroy everything, kill everyone including me if that's what she wanted, I'd give her everything she could've ever asked for and even more cause RUBY my love deserves everything. Okay but why do I sound like a mom tho lolol. I guess Izek has a stronger competition now cause at least I'd never treat that angel like precious munchkin the way he did in the past hmph.

So in conclusion what I wanted to say is, I LOVE RUBY. My loveliest most adorable bestest sweetheart. My heart swells with love everytime she smiles. She shines so bright I fear. Ruby is the most amazing, Ruby is the most beautiful, Ruby is the strongest, i wanna bawl my eyes out everytime I look at her eyes. And if anyone tries to hurt my Ruby and talk shit about her, I'm personally coming for you, you better sleep at night with an eye open. Cause Ruby might be the sweetest but I'm certainly NOT.

#how to get my husband on my side #manhwa #historical #historical manhwa #strong female lead #ruby #rubyizek #izek #webtoon #webnovel #rubybestgirl

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sostrangerous · 1 year ago

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i love rereading fics from when i was a teen... often they're not as good as i remember. this fic in particular, lemme type out my thoughts (note: this fic contains graphic depictions of CSA and death, that trauma is the core of the fic)

There's some really compelling and interesting moments in this fic, which i think are valuable. But the overarching story itself is extremely limited in how it deals with these things. Like, the whole story is a power fantasy, and I think power fantasies are a very specific type of story that's really bad at nuance. in this story kirk is deeply traumatized and abused and his history of abuse leads to him suffering as he grows up, but nothing actually sticks. he went to juvie several times, he was homeless, hes an alcoholic, he's had multiple concussions.... and yet once in a structured, academic environment he's basically superfunctional. like, he takes a quantum mechanics class despite apparently never having any kind of formal math training past the age of 15. he does double the work of anyone else in the program. he is absurdly high functioning depressed, but he never burns out, either.

to be clear I'm not saying this fic is terrible. it's just interesting to reread a trope i liked when i was a teenager, where the main guy is in a lot of pain but ultimately he's totally competent and badass and everyone is forced to admit how undeniably special he is. it feels good to read, power fantasies are fun for a reason. (i used to read this type of power fantasy about Edward elric specifically lol)

this story is most compelling when he's younger. the question of how to 'resolve' his trauma is unanswered, and I think that ambiguity is a lot more interesting and emotionally difficult than the conclusion the story comes to. the beginning is when he's allowed to truly be self destructive and have ugly feelings that come out and hurt people. kirk does remain basically morally unimpeachable throughout this fic which isn't a problem exactly but I found it a lot more interesting when he was getting in arguments with his mother about his dead brother and father, and she was saying some unspeakably cruel things to him, and he was lashing out in return (the mom in this fic is an unforgivably bad parent which, again, is more interesting in the beginning than the end of the fic)

honestly endings are really really hard to write well 😕 unfortunately.

i do find it charming how this fic has the most fanfiction-y prose I've ever read. I'm not sure if fanfic sounds exactly like this anymore, so it's kind of a perfect 2015ish millennial-author time capsule. it literally uses the word *derp* (which is yet more evidence for my theory that you should never include memes in writing)

anyway! why am i talking about a star trek fic that came out 8 years ago? because i can. clearly the fic speaks to a lot of people bc it's very popular. it used to speak to me, and i think it's interesting to go back over how and why. if it's novel length why shouldn't I analyze it like a novel ykwim

#fic rec #kinda

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 2 years ago

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TW: cancer, illness, hospital mention, death child abuse and all that follows

I'm the Anon who talked about c-ptsd symptoms and "only imagining the darkness as a child." You can tag me as "🌱☔️"!

(Vent)

In the last two years I went through great healing - I finally got friends and they showed me a completely different perspective on life (earlier I only had friends who themselves were in genuinely hard situations [depression, abuse, etc.]) I found role models and inspiration, new interests, and finally got access to some of the basic resources I didn't have as a child.

I slowly started to acknowledge my pain and step by step started to grow. About a month ago I even got to reveal it to two of my close friends (separately), of whom I knew that they (although they wanted to) couldn't understand me without having some of that "background information." One broke down crying, saying that she only now did understand many things looking back, and the other was sincerely shook, saying that he "will need to process that." For neither of them did I include the actually painful details, I only barely mentioned how my Dad's father was neglectful and sometimes aggressive, and how my Dad adapted and justified his ideology so he doesn't have to face the painful past and admit that the way his parents treated him wasn't right. He was harsh and extremely critical (and physically neglectful!) both towards us and himself and hated all emotions - he almost only let himself feel "righteous rage" against his and our imperfectness. He knew that he was intelligent, (he truly was!) so he tried to prove his worth by doing something great for the world - but he never got to achieve his dream. Three months ago, in October, he died of cancer. (It was the very same type his father had died of.) He was only a few years older than 50.

[Once I brought him food to the hospital and he was sitting on his bed and nudged me to take care, and dress up warmly, because "it is cold in here" (he was by then constantly freezing of fever), worried for me not to catch a cold - he wasn't ever so gentle before. 😢 ]

It's a tragedy. I did love him, despite all - in the whole world, I was probably the closest to him and understood him the most. I was always the translator and advocate between my parents and even my little brother. I was always there to listen and even managed to break the ice a little so he accepted some caring from me.

Our lives (sadly but undeniably) got a lot more peaceful since then, Mom started to slowly heal as well (hallelujah!) (her family was nothing ideal either, but I won't go into details...) and is a lot more kinder now and I'm truly happy that she is getting better. Now we really have a lot better relationship and I'm glad to be 18, because now she doesn't treat me as a traitor, or as a child who's wrong by default, but as a friend. (Yess! Life goals!)

The original idea I started to type upon was that even though I acknoweledged the pain earlier, recently I reconsidered and all my "trauma" was because I was a selfish and self-centered child (nor this nor the opposite can be proved). My Mom used to say that I was "very good at self-pity" and that I "didn't have much empathy." Now, that really hurts, if it's true, because all I ever defined myself by was my will to help people (back then by self-sacrifice). And now I'm just facing the reality that all I have experienced as "traumatic" was because I took all that my parents said to heart (threats and "creative punishments" I don't even know I remember right, [Mom doesn't] but that made me believe that all I ever have can be taken away at any given moment and it's only their mercy that it isn't) or because I was indeed a horrible kid as a 4 years old so much that they could only deal with me this way??? I will never understand. I only know my "symptoms", the comics I drew and the bed time story I told myself all about escaping (to a forest, to a hospital with an illness or because of getting hurt, being homeless, getting into a children's home, etc.) and going away so I won't burden them. I never wanted to burden them! Why are children burden to their families...

I'm still pretty harsh on myself, especially lately. Also, I got to reunite with a friend of mine who was also abused and just moved away from home, but the way she told me her story, made me see my experience a lot less significant.

Thank you for patiently listening! Just writing it out helped put things right in my head already.

BTW thank you for all you do!! You don't even realize how much it means for many of us! 💖

I wish you all the bests!

Hi 🌱☔️,

First of all I'm so glad to hear about your healing journey. I'm also so sorry for your loss, but I'm glad to hear that your relationship with your mother has improved.

I think it's a little ridiculous that you've been made to feel like you were a "selfish" or "self-centered" child, because you were a child. As children we can really only process things in the context of ourselves, you know? We've just began to navigate the world, and the self is the only thing we know to be true, so it can be what's used to measure against other things, you know? I feel like anyone who suggests you should've known better, or that you should've had more empathy, especially at 4, doesn't really understand childhood development. I also want to suggest that if you were a "horrible" kid at 4 years old then it's indicative that something was impacting you.

Please know that trauma is not defined by what happened, it's defined by its effect on you. In other words, no matter what happened, if you were traumatized by it, then it's valid trauma. What happened is important, but it doesn't determine whether or not you're "rightfully" traumatized. That's because our brains, genes, environment, and other factors are all so different that people are going to psychologically respond to the same situation on different levels. Some people may not find a particular incident traumatic while another may be deeply disturbed, and that's okay.

I often find that comparing your trauma to others just minimizes your own trauma, and that can feel bad. It's important to remember that comparing your trauma to others is usually not conducive to healing. Your trauma is significant to you just as your friend's trauma is significant to her. You may be going through different things, but your trauma and what you're going through as a result is still worth examining and healing from. Your trauma is valid.

It's definitely easier said than done, but it may be worth working on being kinder to yourself. You've been through a lot, you're going through a lot, and as a survivor, you owe it to yourself to give yourself a break, you know?

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #🌱☔️#tw abuse #tw child abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw death

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dicmondskies · 2 years ago

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☆ & * . ♡ i n t r o d u c t i o n …

[ ◟ KAY. ◝ ] ⸻ have you ever heard brutal by olivia rodrigo , well it is SOLANA NAVARRETE to a tee . the twenty one year old nanny has been spotted wandering down portobello road markets just last sunday , do you know them ? would you say she are more delusional or more imaginative ? anyway , they remind me of the universes boundaries dissolving around us until we're all blended together as one , a lush forest hosting a natural waterfall that spills into a beautiful lake , skinny dipping on a private beach , the beauty and delicacy of a pearl , maybe you'll catch them around yeah ? ⸻ [ ◟ MALIA PYLES. ◝ ]

tw: infertility, trauma, domestic violence

this is my dreamy pisces sun, pisces moon, cancer rising bby solana. with three water signs in her big three ( the big three is your sun, moon, and rising sign in astrology ) she is extremely sensitive in all ways that can manifest. she is extremely sensitive to her environment, meaning, when others in her environment are upset, unwell, happy, etc, it can really influence her own emotions in ways she doesn’t fully understand yet.

solana was named after the sun, because she was undeniably the light of her mothers life. after solana’s mom was told she could never have children due to reproductive trauma that happened when she was in a bad car accident as a teenager, solana’s mother was surprised and incredibly grateful when she learned she was pregnant with solana when she was 20. it wasn’t an ideal situation for solana’s mom, she was still young, an adult, but still so young and inexperienced.

solana’s mom was one of three siblings who were sent to the United Kingdom from the Philippine's to live with a close relative. the end goal was so they would have better opportunities for their future and a chance at higher education than their village at home.

with only her siblings in the u.k with her and a close relative she had never spent much time with, solana’s mom found her way in all sorts of trouble related to men.

unfortunately, solana’s dad was a very abusive older man who took advantage of solana’s mom, isolated her, got her pregnant, and tried to move her even farther from the only family she knew.

solana’s mom still worked through her schooling and pregnancy, but she protected and cared for solana from the moment she learned she was pregnant. she knew she could never stay with solana’s father, and that she had to be rid of him before solana was born. she knew she couldn’t have a baby in that environment.

solana’s mom did everything right, she put a plan in place, and by the time solana’s mother was around six months pregnant, she fled in the middle of the night, her brother and sister right behind her, vowing to help her care for solana as a family unit, to protect her, and never to be seen by solana’s mothers’ abusive boyfriend again.

solana’s mom was on the run with her for years, always watching their backs to make sure he hadn’t finally had the urge to come looking for them. solana’s mom didn’t think he would, but she couldn’t be naive, she had to assume that he was looking, and that they could be in danger at any given time if he found them. her worst fear being that he would want to demand shared custody, and solana’s mom knew that would be the worst thing for solana.

solana’s early life consisted of a lot of travelling, she was homeschooled by her aunt who also ran a daycare out of their three bedroom apartment, while her mother and uncle went out and did whatever jobs they could pick up for extra money. by the time solana was eight, her mother, aunt, and uncle had saved up enough money to buy an RV.

the RV was solana’s life from the age of eight to fifteen. they traveled to different camp sites, they’d set up, go out into the town for school lessons and viewing the most popular tourist attractions of wherever they ended up. still, they were always watching their backs, each time they moved camps, it was strategic, but solana just thought it was all part of her homeschooling, until she was old enough to realize something wasn’t quite right.

she’d asked about her father many times before, but was only told that he was stuck in the Philippines and couldn’t be tracked down. she was told that her father didn’t even know she existed. this sparked her interest, and when she was thirteen, she started trying to do her own research, looking high and low for answers on how she could get in contact with her father.

the questions about her father led to more questions and solana started picking up on the possibility that her family had been lying to her all along and this started to build tension and bridges between them all.

solana’s mother didn’t think it was the right timing for solana to know the truth, but her aunt disagreed. she felt it was dangerous not to let solana know, she could see how curious and restless solana was getting, hungry for answers that solana’s aunt was afraid she’d find out.

solana made things harder to hide, the older she got. she started wanting to go to a normal school, to be in one place for more than three months, to have a yard, and a mailbox, and neighbors who had kids her age she could make friends with.

the truth came crashing down the summer solana decided to go to college in nottinghill. her mother didn’t even know she’d been sending off college applications, and when the news broke that solana would be attending college in nottinghill, all hell broke loose.

nottinghill is where solana’s mother met her father, so of course she did everything she possibly could to try and stop her daughter from going, but solana had her mind made up and she was already fed up with her entire life seeming like one big lie to control her. she wanted a sense of freedom, a normal life, and there was nothing her mom, aunt, or uncle could do or say to change her mind.

it wasn’t until solana’s second semester as a freshman on campus that she ran into her father. he’d seen her in passing and instantly knew who she was. he’d been hiring a private detective to find her, so he had updated pictures of her, updated enough to where he recognized her as a nineteen year old young adult.

he didn’t approach her the first time, he waited a while before reaching out to her on facebook, explaining to her his twisted version of the story, trying to convince her that her mother had stolen her and taken her away without ever letting him meet her.

solana was freaked out at first, and it took her a few months to finally respond to him, only for her mother to find out after solana left her laptop open and the messages where the first thing on the screen. a huge fight erupted and solana and her mother couldn’t see eye to eye. as a result, solana has been avoiding her fathers messages and isn’t on the best terms with her mom. she wants to believe her mom, but after all the lies, she doesn’t know how to feel but she’s not certain she’s ready to give up her life in nottinghill just to avoid her mothers demons. her mother wants her to leave nottinghill immediately but she hasn’t figured out just how dangerous her father is yet.

wanted connections:

university friends: these would be people who are extremely important to her because she grew up homeschooled and travelling her whole life. of course she made friends along the way but these are her main stable friendships, which is something new for her.

roommate: can be on campus or off campus, but thinking more of roommates who are best friends, solana gets attached to people very easily and fast because she’s never had many relationships outside of her family

family she nannies for: older muses can fit here, or if your muse has children, or if your muse has younger siblings

crush: this would be the first person she has had the real opportunity and chance to develop feelings for. she has a cute little crush on this person but it doesn’t have to be mutual.

#solananavarrete #nothillhqintro #solana #tw: infertility #tw: domestic violence #tw: trauma

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livi-in-digital-circus · 2 months ago

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I strongly agree.

But I think Glitch and Goose should finally decide together who TADC is for. Like you said, Goose wants it to be for a more mature audience, while Glitch's marketing makes it look more like it is for kids.

No wonder TADC often gets thrown in the same bag as Poppy Playtime and used for shitty stuff like content farms. The merch they sell is what attracts kids, even though their show/game is not something people that young should be watching. The problem is even worse in my country where bootleg plushies of Pomni and Catnap are sold next to bootleg plushies of characters from Bluey and Paw Patrol.

There's nothing wrong with creating something for adults with a cartoony aesthetic and "kid-friendly" characters. Take, for example, all those movies about killer dolls. But again, marketing is what makes the difference.

Another thing I want to point out is parents. It's up to them to decide whether or not what their children are watching is appropriate for them. I myself don't want my younger brother to watch TADC until he's much older, but he already knows the characters since I have a Ragatha plushie or because he saw Pomni in one of the games on his tablet. My mom works as a kindergarten teacher and some time ago I saw one of the kids in her group playing with a bootleg Jax plushie. She knows what TADC is, but it's weird that she didn't say anything about it, especially since she once complained about my brother drawing Pomni, Jax and Ragatha lol.

Goose isn't the only one in this situation. A lot of people can't help it if kids see their work. It's also very important to note that she's not the one who should check the age of every single TADC fan, but like I said before, this task belongs to the kids' parents.

As for the fault being on her side, all I can say is that she can't change the fandom, but she can always change herself and just stop with the s3x jokes. Young kids watch TADC, that happened, and we should just accept it instead of ignoring it and just throwing NSFW at them, which can have a huge influence on their minds.

I myself had a closer relationship with someone who was a bit older than me, and that someone got me into a terrible kind of h3ntai that made me a bit s3xually unstable at 13. But that was a different thing because this person was aware of how old I was and kept doing it until they turned 18 and realized they could go to jail for being a p3do (funny because I was about to turn 15 at the time, which is the legal age to have s3x in my country). I was manipulated, used and at the end of the day their friends and even their mother said it was all my fault. My birthday Bunnydoll one shot "PRWTSD" and the recent "The Abuse" are no coincidence (though the second one is more fictional).

But back to Goose and the minor she was talking to. This may sound a bit controversial, I'm not taking sides, but I feel a huge need to say this.

Can minors stop posting NSFW without indicating their age?

Goose had no idea how old this person was, but it was still bad of her to continue inappropriate conversations after she found out, that's undeniable. However, what I noticed while looking through this document is the fact that the said Adamas28 seemed to be interested in the NSFW stuff, also made inappropriate jokes, posted suggestive art and showed it to Goose, etc. as a minor. This makes the situation even more complicated, especially when none of them SEEMED to have a problem (in capital letters, since we don't know what was going on in their heads at the moment) with an adult and a minor talking about such things.

BUT WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT, this has happened in the past, Adamas stated this in their post about TADC and I hope both they and Goose have acknowledged their mistakes.

Still, we should remind Goose that there are children in the fandom, and I know she desperately wants them to leave, but there's NOTHING she can do about it. The only thing that can ultimately be done is to tell kids that they should show TADC and Goose's tweets to their parents and let them decide if it's appropriate for them or not.

That's all I wanted to say, thank you.

Minors please do not interact

The people compiling this document have been long time TADC fans who often check in for updates and had noticed a pattern of concerning behavior with Gooseworx that led us down a rabbithole. Gooseworx publicly had inappropriate convos on her twitter with someone she initially started talking to when they were 17 and she was 26. At one point the 17 year old made a post about their upcoming 18th birthday and, despite the history of inappropriate comments/interactions between the two, she replied to the post "how are you all so young??" and kept contact, where these types of convos continued. Gooseworx has also acknowledged the kids in her fanbase even before TADC in very gross ways + still makes sexual jokes/comments despite knowing who follows her. More details and screenshots are shown in the document below.

Mobile users please use the Google Docs app for readable screenshot quality

#the amazing digital circus #tadc

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edettethegreat · 4 years ago

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in honor of the end of high school, here’s a short summary of every book I had to read over the past 4 years:

9th grade

A Separate Peace-

Finny: Hi Gene!

Gene: *pushes him out of a tree*

Finny: Ouch. *dies*

Great Expectations-

Pip: I hate Estella

Pip: nevermind she’s pretty

Pip: I like Estella

Pip: but she doesn’t like me!

Pip: she was leading me on this whole time!!

Estella, who constantly told Pip she doesn’t like him: I was what now.

Lord of the Flies-

Ralph: we need to keep order on this island

Jack: but what if we didn’t

Ralph: ok you do you and I’ll do me

*after at least 2 people die*

Ralph and Jack: where did we go wrong

Alice in Wonderland-

Alice: huh wow this sure is a weird land I landed in

The Tempest-

Prospero: Here’s my elaborate revenge scheme on my brother

Prospero: it involves my daughter happily marrying the man she loves

Prospero: and then we all happily return to Italy

Prospero: with my brother facing minimal legal consequences for banishing me.

Prospero: REVENGE!!

Driving Miss Daisy-

Daisy: hi I’m racist

Hoke: but what if you weren’t

Daisy: huh. I never considered that. Thanks.

Pygmalion-

Higgins: I think I’m going to mildly abuse this kid called Eliza

Eliza: huh that sure would suck

Higgins: sucks to be you then. This wouldn’t be happening if you spoke proper English.

Eliza: that doesn’t sound entirely right, but I don’t know enough about proper English to argue.

10th grade

To Kill a Mockingbird-

Atticus: in conclusion, this man is undeniably innocent

Jury: Atticus have you considered that this is the south and he’s black?

Jury: *unanimously votes Guilty*

Atticus: literally what is wrong with you.

The Merchant of Venice-

Shylock: in conclusion, I have a legal contract stating I can stab the guy who’s been committing hate crimes against me for years now

Portia: Shylock have you considered that this is 14th century Italy and you’re Jewish?

The court: *forces him to give his possessions away and convert to Christianity*

Shylock: literally what is wrong with you.

The Count of Monte Cristo-

Villefort: In conclusion, you’re clearly innocent and someone’s framing you

Villefort: but have you considered that you now have evidence that my father committed treason and if I don’t send you to jail you might tell someone?

Villefort: *gives Edmond a life sentence in the Chateau d’If*

Edmond: literally what is wrong with you.

11th Grade

My Antonia-

Jim: welp I’m an orphan now so I’m gonna move in with my relatives in Nebraska

Jim: *does that*

Jim: welp Nebraska is full of fields and farms.

Jim: guess I gotta learn some farming now.

Fahrenheit 451-

Montag: what if I read a book?

Everything: *goes very wrong*

Montag: oh no.

Twelve Angry Men-

Everyone except for 8: the kid’s guilty

8: but get this

8: what if he’s not

Everyone: *is angry*

Macbeth-

Witches: you’ll be king!

Macbeth: ah so I have to kill the guy who’s currently king?

Witches: ... literally when did we say that?

Macbeth: ok he’s dead now.

Huckleberry Finn-

Huck: hey Jim let’s leave this place together!

Jim: ok

Huck, 20 chapters later: I don’t know what’s happening but I have at least 10 aliases now

Twelfth Grade

The Longest Day-

The World: hey guys who’s up for a Second World War?

Everybody: no please no

The World: oops too late

Beowulf-

Beowulf: I’ll fight all the monsters!!

Everyone: yeah!!

Beowulf: oops a dragon bit me and I’m dead now

Homecoming-

Dicey: wow it sure sucks that our mom abandoned us

Dicey: if only we could find a functional place to live

Nobody:

Dicey: actually yeah I don’t know what I was expecting- no one can afford to take in 4 children in this economy

Raison in the Sun-

Lena: Here’s all the money we have

Lena: be very responsible with it- we need it to buy a house and send your sister to medical school

Walter: oops I lost it all to my sketchy friend who turned out to be a scammer

Lena: literally WHAT DID I JUST SAY??

Antigone-

Antigone: I’m gonna go bury my brother

Creon: ok then I’m gonna go murder you

That one guy: actually if you kill her everything will go very wrong

Creon: I’m gonna kill her anyway.

Everything: *goes wrong*

Creon: If only someone would have warned me!!

Hamlet-

the ghost: go kill your uncle. Avenge my death.

Hamlet: ok

Hamlet: *responsibly verifies the facts*

Hamlet: ok NOW it’s murder time!

Hamlet: *kills the wrong person*

Hamlet: whoops.

The ghost: you had ONE job!!

Death of a Salesman-

Willy: I wanna die

Everyone: ok.

Willy: *kills himself*

Everyone: if only there had been some way to prevent this tragic outcome!

Long day’s Journey into Night-

Edmund: dad I’m dying

James Sr.: hi dying I’m dad

Edmund: that’s not helpful. *proceeds to suffer*

King Lear-

Lear: I’ll divide up my kingdom according to who loves me the most

Goneril and Regan: that would be us

Lear: well since lying wasn’t invented yet I’m going to believe that wholeheartedly.

Pride and Prejudice-

Elizabeth: I hate Darcy

Elizabeth: plus Wickham says he’s the worst

Elizabeth: oh wait Wickham was lying

Elizabeth: oh wait Darcy’s really rich and hot

Elizabeth: nevermind I like Darcy now.

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summerwritesfics · 2 years ago

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🏢I Wanna, I Wanna Stay ‘Til The End, Chapter 1 - But In The Morning, It Might Just Change

Pairing: Rain/Kuai Liang Length: 5483 Words Rating: Explicit 🔞 Warnings: Neighbours AU, Modern AU, Friends With Benefits, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Self-Esteem Issues, Medical Procedures, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Past Cheating, Cockblocking, Eventual Smut, Is it slowburn if the sex is fast but the emotions are slow?, Minor Tanleena, Anxiety, NGL like 70% of this fic is me cockblocking Rain lol

I Wanna, I Wanna Stay ‘Til The End Masterlist

Notes: Once upon a time, Summer had a rarepair that made no sense to anyone but them and they went “fuck it” and decided to make it everyone else’s problem. Again, I wrote this back in like December as some weird self indulgence, because I literally kept daydreaming about it so started writing stuff down. I actually have chapter 2 mostly written out too but that’s gonna wait to be finished until after October so lmao. Fic will mostly be kinda light hearted, but both Rain and Kuai have pretty rough pasts and while I do not intend to explicitly write that past, they will think and talk about them eventually. I will put warnings in the chapter notes if any of those darker subjects do come up :) (Why Do I always go with modern au’s for my rarepairs, wtf is that all about?) Fic title is from “Heavenly” by Pale Waves and chapter 1’s title is from “Television Romance” by Pale Waves, because once again, I am clearly going through something here lol. There’s some very vague hints towards past domestic abuse in this chapter, as well as a direct reference to past infidelity.

Rain finished pouring his coffee, turning around to survey his new surroundings.

It wasn't the biggest apartment in the world, and it definitely wasn't the best looking, given the majority of his furniture was brought last minute from a thrift store. But it was all his. He had worked his ass off, saved up his money for the deposit, made sure he's be able to pay the rent and bills every month. He hadn't needed a penny from his father, unlike his brothers. He had done this on his own.

He was so proud of himself, even if no one else was.

If only mom could see me.

He shook his head. He hadn't even known his mother, she'd died when he was an infant. Yet he often wondered what his life would have been like had she lived. If he's not been forced to live with his dismissive father, Rain a symbol of his infidelity that needed to be swept under the rug.

He shook his head. That didn't matter any more. What mattered was the future and how now he's made such progress he wasn't going to let anything stop him.

First however, he needed to finish his coffee and then get to work. All of this wouldn't pay for itself after all.

He drank it as quickly as he could, did a quick double check to make sure he'd got everything and he hadn't accidentally left anything on. Satisfied he grabbed his keys and headed to the door. He locked up and went down the corridor. As he got to the stairwell, he headed to the elevator.

There was another man standing outside waiting for it to come, though even as Rain approached he didn't acknowledge him. As Rain stood next to him, he couldn't help but take a curious peak at him. He was asian, looked a little older than him but shorter by quite a few inches, short black hair, blue eyes and a trim beard. He had a large and striking scar on the one side of his face. He was wearing a blue jacket with a fluffy white fur trim.

The more he stared, the more he felt something stirring in him. This man was undeniably gorgeous and the more Rain observed him, the more details jumped out to him. Rain sure wouldn't mind having a man like that on his arm.

The man's eyes flicked over to him, and he looked quite startled. Rain couldn't blame him, he had been staring rather intently.

"Ah, good morning," he awkwardly greeted, hoping it would stem some of the creepiness.

"Good morning," the man returned, smiling and nodding his head slightly.

"So... Do you live here?" Rain realised how absolutely weird he was coming across. He wasn't normally this awkward when it came to people he found attractive, why was this man so different?

"Um. Yes?" The man said wearily, raising an eyebrow. Rain grimaced realising once again that could be quite an ominous seeming question. "Do you?"

"Yeah, I uh, just moved in over the weekend," Rain informed him, hoping maybe that would stem any potentially menacing vibes and make it seem more like he was anxious about meeting his new neighbours.

The man seemed to relax at this a bit, as he asked "ah, number 33?"

"That's right." Rain scratched the back of his head. "Guess you noticed the movers."

"I did." The man looked over his shoulder towards the corridor. "I'm in 34, so it was hard to not notice."

"34? So, you live in the apartment opposite then?" He asked, trying to not feel as giddy about a hot guy living across the way from him as he did. The man nodded. "I'm Ranjit, but everyone calls me Rain."

"Kuai Liang," was the reply he got, followed by him reaching his hand out. Rain took it and shook without question.

Seconds later, the elevator rang out and the doors opened. Rain gestured for Kuai to go first, seeing as he'd been waiting longer. He got an appreciative smile. Rain couldn't help but look down slightly as he followed behind. Kuai's trousers were fairly tight, and along with the rest of him, he had a really quite nice ass too. He made sure not to look too long however, nothing like introducing yourself to your neighbour and then completely alienating him by acting like a horny teenager.

Kuai clicked the button for the 1st floor, standing back as the door closed behind them. Rain got this far he might as well continue with the small talk.

"So, how long have you lived here?" Rain asked, leaning against the wall.

"About 3 years," Kuai stated, fiddling with the zipper of his jacket. "It's a nice enough place, no one really causes any problems."

"Good to know." It was a relief. Before this he'd lived with his friends, Mileena and Tanya, for years and to say they had troublesome neighbours was an understatement. "Do you live with anyone?" Rain couldn't see a ring on Kuai's fingers but that didn't mean he didn't have someone.

"No, no it's just me," he confirmed, shyly pushing a strand of hair behind his ear. "What about you?"

"Just me as well," Rain said with a grin. "First time living without room mates."

"That's nice," Kuai said softly but genuinely. "It's strange to get used to, but it's nice to just have your own space, y'know?" He stopped fiddling and just stared down for a minute. "A bit lonely, sometimes, but..."

Kuai never finished his sentenced, just stared down with a frown on his face. There was something odd about that, but Rain had a feeling whatever was causing such a wistful look was off limits, at least for now.

"Well, at least I have a nice neighbour to keep me company," he tried instead, trying not to laugh at the way Kuai's head snapped up.

He stammered slightly, a light blush coming over his cheeks. He finally settled on a small smile that somehow managed to make him look even shyer, and a whisper of "I guess you do, yes."

The elevator doors slid open, and Rain yet again let Kuai go first, trying to not let his eyes linger on that perfect ass too long. As they reached the front door, Kuai pushed it open, this time letting Rain go first.

"Well," Kuai sighed as he stepped out himself, letting the door lock behind him. "I'm off that way." Kuai pointed in the opposite direction from where Rain was going to have to go for work.

"Ah, well, this is where I'll have to leave you for now then," Rain tried to not sound too disappointed. "Hopefully I'll catch you later."

"Hopefully," Kuai agreed, "until then."

Both men turned away and went their separate ways. Rain couldn't help glancing over his shoulder, taking one last look at Kuai's ass as he walked away.

I have got to fuck him.

He sighed, looking straight and continuing his walk to work. If there was any time he wanted his life to devolve into a romantic comedy, it was right now.

"So, is everything to your liking?"

Kuai no longer had his coat on and could no longer play with the zipper, instead playing with the hem of his t-shirt instead. His eyes were fixed on Hanzo across the table as he read through Kuai's latest article.

He had no idea why this still made him nervous. He'd been doing this for years, he'd known Hanzo for years, both socially and professionally. The man had very rarely requested changes.

So why were his hands shaking so much?

"This all looks good, like always," Hanzo replied with a smile. "I'm sure my editors will do some nitpicking like always but there are no major re-writes needed." He put the papers down. "I'll have Ayame send the rest of your paycheck." Hanzo reached for his phone to call her.

Kuai let himself breathe again. Freelance magazine articles weren't really his main income, but the extra money between novels certainly didn't hurt. He didn't even really need to keep working or writing, he could probably live off the money he got from royalties, but he liked keeping himself busy.

"So, how are things?" Hanzo's voice cut through his thoughts and made him jump slightly. The other mans brow saw drawn together. "We didn't really get to talk last time you were here."

"Fine," Kuai tried, desperately trying to maintain eye contact so Hanzo might think he was telling the truth. Still the intensity with which Hanzo stared at him was a little too much. Hanzo was an intense person in general, and sometimes talking to him felt like being in a burning room, inhaling smoke and ash.

"Kuai Liang," Hanzo said quietly, his features softening but that fire was still burning away in his eyes. "I know you don't like to talk about these things, but if you're struggling-"

"It's not- I'm not struggling, not really." Kuai bit his lip, hard enough that he could feel it ache. "Things have been actually kind of okay lately. Anxiety aside." He bunched up the hem of his shirt, trying to find anything to keep himself distracted while he had this conversation. "I'm almost finished the first draft of my next book. Johnny is looking to turn another of my books into a film. I have this. Things are... things are good."

"You know your work isn't what I'm talking about." Kuai winced because yes, he did know that.

"I know," he said lowly, rubbing the back of his head slightly. "I really am okay though. Doctor says I may need another surgery but he's happy with how I've healed from the last one. I'm leaving the house more, I don't feel as trapped..." He paused desperately trying to think of something else that might provide evidence things were improving. His mind went back to that morning in the elevator and the man who seemed extremely eager to talk to him. "Oh! I have a new neighbour and I actually talked to him this morning!"

Hanzo blinked a few times, "you begun a conversation with a stranger?"

"I- Well," Kuai stuttered, before giving Hanzo a sheepish grin. "Technically he started the conversation." It was a start though, at least in Kuai's mind. There was a time where he'd have just completely ignored the conversation. Granted it would have been more out of fear for the consequences should a certain someone catch him, but that was a whole other barrel of issues. "He was a bit... awkward."

"No offence Kuai, but that's a bit rich coming from you," Hanzo teased, thankfully all that intense worry disappearing. It seemed Kuai had said enough to convince Hanzo he was okay.

"I'm not awkward, I'm anxious, it's two completely different issues," Kuai dismissed with a wave of his hand. "He seems nice though, so hopefully he won't be a problem neighbour."

"Well, if he ever does become a problem, I'll sort him out." The declaration wasn't an unusual one, but still caught Kuai off guard slightly.

"You sound like you're intending to beat the shit out of him," Kuai exclaimed with a snort.

"No," Hanzo said in a tone that indicated that's exactly what he was intending. "Well, only if I have to."

"You know when Bi-Han asked you to look after me, I'm pretty sure beating the shit out of people who upset me wasn't what he had in mind." It was strange, how seriously Hanzo took a promise from so many years ago. But Hanzo and Bi-Han had been best friends, and maybe after Bi-Han's death, this was the one thing he felt he could do for his late friend.

"Really? The amount of people he beat up for you?"

Kuai paused at that, before grimacing "yeah in retrospect that's probably exactly what he meant."

Maybe it was better that Bi-Han wasn't around for Kuai's divorce and the subsequent criminal trial. Kuai's ex would have been dead the second the details of their relationship entered his ears. But then, maybe if his brother had been there, things would have never gotten to the point they had.

Kuai didn't really want to think about that right now though.

"Anyway, I'm sure you have work to do, and I have a few things I need to do while I'm out," Kuai announced, thankful that Hanzo didn't seem offended by the fact he was standing up and putting his coat on. "We should probably meet outside of a work environment at some time, right?"

"There's that film wrap-up party Johnny's throwing at the end of the month," Hanzo mentioned, "but I would like to see you before then." He paused and walked around the desk, placing a hand on Kuai's bicep. "I do worry about you, you know."

"I know." The only reason Kuai didn't try to fight that fact was that everyone who knew him had expressed worry for him. And in their defence it wasn't completely unfounded, given everything that had happened to him over his 40 years of life. "There's that new coffee shop opened up in town, if that interests you?"

"Sounds good to me." Hanzo lent in to give Kuai a hug, he returned it, maybe clinging a little too tightly. "I'll let you know when I'm free." They separated, and Hanzo added, "take care of yourself."

"You too," Kuai said. Hanzo may worry about him, but that gave Kuai free pass to worry for Hanzo too. "Say hi to Kenshi and Takeda for me!"

"Will do."

And with that Kuai grabbed his bag, and with a short wave turned to leave the office. He held his breath, right up until he left the building. Once out in the fresh air he let it out, breathing deeply.

Okay, okay, task one done. Task two, check in with my agent and make sure there's no deadlines I'm at risk of missing.

He nodded to himself, and set out in the direction he needed to go in.

Rain grunted as he jiggled the key in the lock. No matter what he did, the door just wouldn't open. He begun swearing under his breath, as he tried to get the damned thing to unlock.

"So as fun as it is to watch you struggle, are we gonna get to see your apartment any time soon?" Mileena asked, leaning against the wall as she watched him. Tanya snickered at her girlfriends comment. He wanted to show them his new space, but that was hard unless he could get inside the building.

"I'm trying, there must be a trick to this door that I don't know about." He furiously twisted but stopped for fear the key would break in the lock. He slammed his palm against the door, "god fucking dammit."

"Uh, there is a trick to the door, actually," another voice interrupted from the other side of him. Standing next to him was Kuai Liang, looking at him with a somewhat amused smile on his face.

Rain moved aside slightly, ignoring the strange looks Mileena and Tanya were giving. Kuai took the key in one hand and the other under the handle. He lifted the handle up slightly, while twisting the key. The lock clicked and the door swung open.

"It takes some getting used to," Kuai explained, removing the key from the lock and handing it to Rain. "After a while it just sort of becomes second nature."

"I see. Well thank you," Rain said, watching as Kuai held the door open for him and his friends. As they entered, Mileena gave Rain a rather expectant look and Rain knew what she wanted. "Oh, yeah, uh, this is my neighbour, Kuai Liang, and these are my friends, Mileena and Tanya."

"It's nice to meet you," Kuai softly greeted, closing the door behind him and bowing his head slightly.

"Ah, you too," Mileena said with a wave of her hand. As Rain went to hit the button for the elevator, she added "we promise we're just here to be quietly nosey around Rain's apartment, we're not gonna have a crazy party or anything."

"You realise saying that makes it sound like we're totally about to have a crazy party, right?" Tanya stated. Rain hissed but looking at Kuai he seemed to realise they were joking.

"Sooo, did you have a good day?" Rain tried to move away from whatever his friend's were talking about. Kuai's head snapped to him, as did Mileena and Tanya's.

"It was good, thank you for asking," he replied. Rain ignored the knowing look paired with a dark smirk that Tanya was now giving him. "How was yours?"

"Good. I mean I was at work so it was boring, but other than that good."

The elevator doors opened, and Rain made his way in, the others piling in behind him. Kuai hit the button for their floor before standing against the wall.

Tanya cleared her throat slightly, "so, Kuai Liang?" Kuai looked to her and Rain was suddenly dreading what she was about to say. "Sorry if this is rude to ask, but, how old are you?"

How Rain managed to stop himself from making a strangled sound, he wasn't sure. Earlier in the day he's decided Kuai was older than him, but he wouldn't dare just ask him like that.

Kuai for his part, chuckled nervously and said "I'm 40, why do you ask?"

That surprised him. Rain was 34, and he thought Kuai would be 36 at most. He had a very young face, he’d clearly aged extremely well. Yet somehow knowing he was older than he looked somehow made Kuai more attractive to him.

"Just curious," Tanya spoke innocently, a small smile. Rain knew what she was doing, fishing for info for him. Dammit. "Is there a Mrs. Kuai Liang then?"

Kuai blinked a few times, face going rather red and making the most nervous sound Rain had ever heard a human being make.

"No. I don't have a partner." And that reply gave Rain two points of interest. One was he was single, thus it was totally fair game for Rain to pursue him. The second was the use of the term partner. Granted it wasn't a confirmation he was gay, but it was ambiguous enough compared to Tanya's use of "Mrs" that it gave Rain a spark of hope.

The elevator opened and Kuai looked like he was trying so hard to not just run out the doors and down the corridor to his room. Rain made note to apologise to him later. When they reached their respective doors, Kuai turned slightly, keeping his head low so to not make eye contact. Yeah, I definitely gotta make it up to him.

"I hope you all have a nice evening," Kuai said despite his clear embarrassment.

"You too," Rain called out just before Kuai managed to open his door and slip through and out of sight.

He sighed, opening his own door and holding it open for his friends. After he walked in, and he closed the door and lent against it. He stared at Mileena and Tanya, both looking at him with tilted heads.

"I am going to fuck that man so hard," he announced. A little crude, sure, but it was how he felt.

"If Tanya hasn't completely frightened him off, you mean," Mileena said with a roll of her eyes. "Babe, I love you, but the poor guy looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole!"

"I'll find a way to make it up to him later," Rain stated, pushing himself away from the door. "Anyway, shall we start the tour of Château Rain?"

The two girls looked at each other, before shrugging and letting Rain guide them around the apartment.

It had been a couple of hours. Kuai had no idea why he still felt so mortified.

He poured the cake batter into the cupcake tins he had prepared. He felt like he wanted to just curl up in a dark corner and cry. It had become somewhat of a ritual for him to bake when he felt like that, an idea brought forth by his therapist. It helped, having something to do with his hands often let him think about whatever had upset him more rationally.

Except there wasn't any real rational reason for why he felt like this.

It was just two questions. Two very simple questions, that in the grand scheme of things, were completely innocent.

He wasn't embarrassed by how old he was, that was just the nature of time after all and completely out of his control, so why worry about it? As for his relationship status? He wasn't particularly bothered about being single. After his experience being married, he didn't really want anything serious, and being able to focus on himself for what felt like the first time in his life was so freeing.

So why did those two questions asked together fill him with such a strange sense of despair?

He finished up putting the batter into the cupcake tins, walking it to the oven and slipping it on the middle shelf. He sighed leaning back against the counter, and staring up at the ceiling.

The only part of the questions that he could say might have upset him was the used of "Mrs" and the assumption on his sexuality. Even then it was very much a minor thing, and not something to be this troubled over.

He was about to make himself a cup of tea when there was a knock on his door. He frowned. Given he hadn't buzzed anyone up, that meant it had to be someone already in the building. It wasn't unusual for his neighbours to knock and check on him. He slowly walked away from his kitchen and towards the door.

He swung it open to find Rain stood on the other side.

He felt all that horror come back to him, even as he gave a weak "hello."

"Hi, sorry, I just wanted to apologise for Tanya," Rain went straight to it, leaning against the doorframe. "I really hope she didn't upset you with her questions, I think she was just being nosy."

It had upset him, but he didn't have the words for it, especially with someone he didn't really know. So instead he just gave an uneasy smile and said "it's okay, I know she didn't mean anything by it."

What was social protocol in this situation? Should he invite Rain in for a cup of tea? He supposed it wouldn't hurt, would it?

"I was about to make a cup of tea," Kuai blurted out, quite surprised with himself if he was honest. "If you like, you could join me?"

"If I'm not interrupting or anything," Rain said with a non-committal shrug, and Kuai's mind was screaming.

"No, not at all," Kuai said, breathing deep and trying to keep calm as he moved aside for Rain to come in.

Rain looked around the open plan room, laughing slightly "your furnitures nice, at least it all matches."

"Admittedly I like things to be coordinated." Kuai walked back to his kitchen, flicking the switch on his kettle and reaching into the cupboard to get an extra cup. "I'm one of those people who get's really annoyed when a pattern is slightly off, you know?"

Kuai looked over his shoulder, expecting to see Rain still inspecting his apartment. Instead the other man was standing off behind him, looking him up and down. He didn't seem to realise Kuai was observing him. It was strange, Kuai couldn’t understand why he would be, there had some be something next to him that Rain was looking at.

Then, a light clicked on in his head. Rain was looking at him, it was a gaze Kuai was mostly oblivious to when it came to himself, but he’d seen it when people had crushes on his friends.

He’s checking me out.

No. There was no way. He was looking at something else and Kuai was misinterpreting his actions. That had to be it.

But… What else could he be looking at?

Was this why his friend was asking if Kuai had a partner? Was Rain attracted to him? If he was... Why? Kuai was nothing special in terms of looks.

He jumped when he heard his phone go across the counter.

As he turned around, Rain was looking straight, staring at the phone with a frown on his face.

"Uh, caller ID says it's someone called Sareena," Rain informed him, and Kuai felt a little uncomfortable that he was looking at his phone.

"Ah, I'm sorry, I'd better get it," Kuai excused reaching for the phone. He ignored Rain's double take, likely over how red Kuai's face was. He hit answer. "Hello?"

"Hey Kuai, hope I'm not interrupting anything?" Sareena sounded quite chipper this evening, that was good. It probably meant she wasn't ringing about anything too serious.

"Ah, I have a new neighbour over." He glanced at Rain, who seemed to be watching with intent. "Is something up?"

"Sorry I won't keep you long, promise," Sareena's voice was apologetic, "can I have your chocolate cake recipe? Pretty please? I've tried ones I've found on the internet but it doesn't taste the same as yours."

"Hmm, I suppose I can divulge my secret's to you," he teased, remembering his own cakes in the oven. He took a quick glance, they had risen but weren't brown yet. He reached for the cook book on the counter, "I'll take a picture of it and send it over."

"Thank you so much, you are an absolute darling," Sareena squealed.

"No problem." They both hung up, Kuai flipping to the recipe in question. "Sorry about that, my sister-in-law. Sometimes she rings me about work stuff, but this time it was just a cake recipe she was after."

"I see," Rain said with a hum. "So, you have a brother then?"

Kuai flinched slightly. It was reasonable conclusion for him to come to, but it was far too early in knowing him for Kuai to go into detail about all that. His brother’s death still hurt him, even so many years later. It was so hard to talk about him.

"Had," Kuai corrected, choosing to concentrate on taking the photograph of the recipe.

"Oh. Shit. I'm sorry."

"You weren't to know," Kuai sighed, finally sending the photo to Sareena. He finally turned to Rain who was looking rather unsure what to do with himself. "Ah, I should finish that tea shouldn't I?"

Rain silently nodded, watching as Kuai put his phone back on the counter.

"I- uh. I have two brother's myself," Rain spoke up, clearly not entirely sure where to go with the conversation. "Well. Half-Brothers. Twins." Kuai was turned his back to Rain, focusing on the kettle and the tea, but he could hear Rain tapping his foot. "I don't really get along with them. One's a self righteous prick and the other is currently in prison."

Kuai finished the tea and turned to Rain with a puzzled expression. "I- that's... quite a family you have then."

"Trust me, you have no idea," Rain muttered somewhat bitterly, but accepted the tea regardless. "Thank you." He took a sip, leaning back against the counter. "So, um, can I ask you something?"

"Okay." He felt a little unsure, given that Rain had already been asking him questions, so why did he feel the need to request permission now?

"Earlier when Tanya was asked if you were in a relationship you said you didn't have a partner," he began and Kuai was already feeling a little regretful for agreeing to the question. "Was the use of the word partner for any reason?"

Kuai opened his mouth and closed it, before taking a sip of his tea. It wasn't the question he expected, but paired with Rain staring at him so intently only minutes ago, it was clear where this was going.

"I'm gay." Well he hadn't intended to put it quite so bluntly, but it was out there now. "I said partner because I'm gay."

Rain smiled at this news. A sultry smile, as he licked his lips. Kuai felt his entire face go hot. It felt like he was on fire. Was the room always this hot? Did... Did Rain always look that attractive? The other man lessened the gap between them. Kuai stopped breathing.

"I was hoping that was the answer," Rain purred leaning closer. Kuai felt a hand lace his side, and he gasped. "You're a very attractive man, Kuai Liang."

"Thank you?" Kuai squeaked out. Rain's hand was firmly on his hip. They were so close Kuai could see nothing but Rain's eyes. Oh shit, he has really fucking nice eyes. Rain's lips brushed his and Kuai shuddered. He wanted to kiss him, to see just how far Rain was willing to push this. Was he really this desperately lonely? He didn't even know Rain.

The smell of cinnamon overwhelmed him.

Cinnamon?

"Oh fuck! My cakes!" Without thinking he pulled away and rushed over to the oven and threw on an oven mitt. He pulled the cakes out and put them in top of the stove, turning the oven off as he did.

The good news was his cakes weren't burnt. The bad news was they were still looking overdone.

"Are they okay?" Rain asked, standing next to Kuai.

"They'll probably be dry, but still edible," Kuai explained with a sigh. He hadn't messed up his baking in a long time. He stared at them like maybe that would help them suddenly not be overcooked. When he finally decided that wasn't going to help, he turned to Rain and matter of factly stated "you owe me."

Rain blinked and shook is head, eyes wide. "Huh?"

"You owe me. You distracted me, thus, you owe me for these cakes." Kuai placed a hand on his hip and lent against the counter. He wasn't entirely sure what he was trying here. He believed he was attempting to flirt.

If it was what he was trying, to his surprise it actually seemed to work, as Rain had that smile on his face again. "Ah, I see." He closed the gap again, arm looping around Kuai's waist. "What can I do to make it up to you?"

Before Kuai could reply, a phone went off. Not Kuai's this time. It wasn't his ring tone. Rain backed away and pulled out a phone from his pocket. He looked frustrated and glanced up to Kuai.

"Sorry I really have to take this," he said, not sounding happy about that fact at all. Kuai just nodded as Rain turned away and answered the phone. "Hello? What do you need?" There was a pause. "Alright, I can-" He shook his head. "By tomorrow? That's a bit short notice isn't it?" He started pulling on his hair. "Yes, yes. Alright okay, I'll see what I can do. Alright, see you tomorrow. Bye."

If it wasn't a mobile phone, Kuai swore it would have been slammed down. He gulped slightly.

"Everything okay?" He chanced, feeling a little better when Rain's face softened at the sight of him.

"Yeah, it was just my boss. He's sprung a last minute report on me that has to be done by tomorrow." Kuai hoped his disappointment didn't show on his face too much. "I'm sorry, I really need to do this."

"No, it's... I understand, you need to do it," he agreed, biting his lip as it threatened to tremble.

He led Rain back to his door, sliding it open and letting the other man out into the corridor.

"Don't forget you owe me!" He called out. Rain turned to him with a sly smile, winked at him, and then like that was gone.

Kuai closed the door, resting his forehead against it after. He sighed, pushing himself away and slowly making his way to the kitchen. He stood in silence, staring at his almost ruined cakes and then the two half drunk cups of tea.

"I just flirted with him." The realisation smacked him in the face so hard he almost got whiplash. "Oh. Fuck, I just flirted with him."

He wasn't sure why, but he slowly dropped to his knees and curled up into himself. His fingers tangled in his hair as he tugged on it. He wasn't sure where his boldness had come from at all. And now it was over? He felt completely stupid. Granted, Rain clearly enjoyed it, and for whatever reason, really seemed to want to do him. But he still felt foolish.

He flopped over onto his side, laying on the floor, questioning his life choices for the evening.

≛❀≛ Next Chapter ⋟

#mortal kombat #subrain #kuai liang #sub zero #rain #🏢i wanna i wanna stay ‘til the end

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collecting-stories · 2 years ago

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ahh i see where you’re coming from- it’s undeniable that billy is a terrible asshole- but do you think there’s a possibility that him having a younger sister might have affected him at least a little bit? like she would’ve been there for some fond memories with their mom and also been really really young in the bad memories- and i don’t think he would like seeing her get abused by Neil or be upset abt their mom (bc she might not understand at that age) so like maybe he’d have at least a tiny bit of brotherly protective nature? that might make there be like some sort of relationship?? ljke a “i don’t really like ur personality most of the time or how you treat max (at all) but you’re still my brother and i don’t want something terrible to happen to you” - there is no doubt he would still have a shitty attitude though idk urgh

No I genuinely don’t think it would change him at all. I think when she was little he would probably be mean and jealous (like those kids that have siblings and then hate them because they’re getting the attention…like everyone would have to show up to her party with a present for Billy or he’d smash the cake). I think he puts way too much emphasis on his mom vs dad and definitely views her in a skewed light so I think this other sibling would’ve just been a distraction that took her attention away from Billy.

And then she died??? Billy’d be pissed like, first she doesn’t have enough time for me and now she’s gone altogether. I seriously think he’d be like one of those kids from like an SVU episode where the younger sibling is obvi getting hurt and the parents are like ‘idk what’s going on’ but it’s the older sibling. That’s Billy. And I think if tattled on him to Neal and Neal hit him Billy would turn right around and hit her.

I don’t think he’d be nice at all, he’s narcissistic and abusive and I don’t think he’s actually capable of loving someone or caring about their needs.

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unhealthyfanobsession · 4 years ago

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How would you compare the ACOTAR ships to TVD ships? Some people say Feysand is like Delena.

This is SUCH A FUN ASK!! Don’t mind if I do! I’m going to compare the general dynamic of the characters as well as archetype/ story parallels.

This is a crossover post so SPOILERS FOR BOTH ACOTAR AND TVD BELOW.

Stefan-Elena-Damon = Tamlin-Feyre-Rhysand

I don’t mean to do Stefan dirty like this, but the parallels are really undeniable. Stefan and Tamlin both were the kind, caring, magical first introduction to this whole new world for Feyre/Elena. They fell in love with them easily and it was a pure, beautiful love but while they were in it there were darker (Damon and Rhys) forces pulling them in another direction. Both women loved these men SO fiercely and sacrificed for that love. Feyre fought the 3 trials with Amarantha where she ended up being helped by Rhys. Elena went looking for Stefan in his ripper days even though Klaus would kill her if he found her and she was helped by Damon. Both of them fought for this love but then once they had it back... either they or the man or both had changed too much from the trauma and their relationship simply couldn’t work anymore.

I totally agree with the Feysand= Delena point because I think they are both relationships that are very “this person over everyone else no matter what” and that is romantic, but at we see, can also be overbearing/toxic at times. They both do awful things that the heroine has to later learn their motives for and forgive them for. Damon “kills” Jeremy and tries to compel Elena to kiss him early on. He feeds Elena his blood against her will when Klaus might kill her but then he ultimately makes it right through self sacrificing hero acts. Rhys does... everything he did under the mountain and he doesn’t tell Feyre she’s his mate, but then he helps her heal after Tamlin and ultimately saves Prythian. Both characters are also haunted by an abusive relationship- Rhysand a sexually abusive relationship with Amarantha that he endured for 49 years and Damon and emotionally abusive/manipulative relationship with Katherine that defined his life for 150 years.

Damon has a quote in season 4 that I think really describes both couples. He says: “if you’re going to be bad, be bad with a purpose. Otherwise you just aren’t worth forgiving.”

Klaroline = Nessian

This one is more based on character interactions and a bit of my own bias. I struggled to find a TRUE nessian parallel couple but I think Klaroline is the closest for a number of reasons. Largely because Caroline and Nesta are very similar characters. Both start off as shallow, superficial mean girls who we get an early glimpse of their heart (Caroline crying and her I’m never the one monologue and Nesta being on Feyre’s side when she returns in ACOTAR) who then get changed into something they never wanted to be and it helps them grow and OWN THEIR P O W E R. Even Caroline’s stint as emotionless mess after her mom’s death parallels Nesta’s destructive actions after losing her father.

Cassian and Klaus both have the whole “I’m a worthless bastard that no one wants and I killed my father but I am STRONGER THAN EVERYONE so you can’t hurt me even though I’m really just a soft boi who needs love” vibe going on.

And the CHASE. That’s the biggest parallel here. These are both couples where this powerful man walked in and said “that one” re the beautiful woman who hated them and then did not give up. But with both of them it’s a gentle chase. Klaus knows that Caroline is constantly trying to trick him but he doesn’t care because he just wants to spend time with her and whenever she is in danger he is there on the DOUBLE and does things he doesn’t want to do for her (ex- graduation, hiding/ protecting Stefan in season 6). Cassian knows that Nesta is going through a hard time after ACOMAF and he flies up to the House of Wind every damn day to see her even when she pushes him away and he instantly goes into fierce general I will kill mode if anyone threatens Nesta. Also both couples are prone to lashing out at each other (Caroline “terrible people” line; Klaus with his biting. Cassian “everyone hates you”; Nesta with her well... being Nesta LOL)

Bonus points for pet names and relentless teasing when they aren’t trying to kill each other.

Quote for them is when Caroline tells Klaus “anyone capable of love, is capable of being saved” I think that also has big Cassian @ Nesta in ACOSF energy.

(PS I did consider Nessian being Steroline but 1. I fucking hate that ship and 2. Stefan was never there for Caroline during the hard times which is the anti Cassian AND I think the for me it’s always you vibe just fits the intensity of Nessian better)

Kennett = Elriel

I’m not tagging this Elriel so don’t COME FOR ME. In my opinion, these are both ships that had some fun ~tension~ and are kinda sexy/enticing. Kol with his love of witches and their little graduation ghost adventure and Azriel with his attraction to Elain and saving her from Hybern. BUT ultimately I think the most interesting thing about these ships was their convenience. I think fans liked to put Bonnie with Kol in fanfics because it was an easy way to make Bonnie understand Elena and Caroline’s choice for a dark boi and it was just convenient. Likewise I think that Elriel is convenient in writing to simply throw Elain with the other bat brother and tie everything up in a neat little ribbon.

Mabekah= Elucien

In this comparison Rebekah is Lucien and Matt is Elain. This was a couple where one person started off with bad motives (Rebekah wanting to kill Matt at the ball; Lucien plotting with Hybern) but they have genuine feelings for the person once they get to know/are mated to them and you see that person is a much more complicated character than we previously saw. Rebekah and Lucien are both lost, lonely, and struggling to find where they fit in while Matt and Elain are both struggling but ultimately the much beloved “sweet” character who everyone is willing to die to protect. At first the sweet character avoids the villain character like the plague, but eventually things turn around and they see past their previous bad actions.

BonEnzo= Gwynriel

Talk about characters who have some trauma to heal together. Enzo was literally kept in a cage by the Whitmore’s for 50 years and abused much like Azriel in his dungeon. Gwyn has had to make unspeakable decisions in order to protect the greater good and suffer the horrible consequences for it- losing her twin to protect those children much like how Bonnie lost her grams to protect Stefan and Elena. Enzo started off interested in Caroline (like Azriel and Elain) and getting over an obsession with Lilly (Azriel and Mor) but was ultimately drawn to Bonnie for her strength, determination, and good heart despite everything she had been through. These are really all just characters that have been through the RINGER and need to find healing in each other’s arms but would never admit that’s what they are doing so it just happens slowly and one day they realize things don’t hurt as much anymore.

AND FINALLY:

Damon and Caroline= Nesta and Tomas

You know why. Damon doesn’t get off that easy just because he “changed”. He abused Caroline and I won’t be pretending in 2021 that he didn’t.

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jopetkasi · 3 years ago

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Old friends, meet again

When I was in college, I used to sing with the university choir. Truth be told, I cannot even carry a decent tune nor read score sheets. But as luck would have it, I passed the audition. Initially, I sang bass, but the choir mistress realized her mistake and made a tenor out of me. So that was how freshmen life was: classes in the morning, choir at 12:10pm Mass, more classes in the afternoon, a couple of org activities and rehearsals. Life was good then. I thought I was striking a balance until I had my first relationship.

Going back to the choir, the members have become good friends of mine. We would go out and eat. Monthly sleepovers, shopped in HongKong during school breaks. We had a good run, until one day, I lost all of them.

It wasn’t their fault to begin with. Mine alone was the guilt.

I admit that beneath the unassuming face of mine, came several layers of lies that I made. You see, I gave the impression that I came from a happy and complete family, when it was all broken to begin with. Although I did not lie about my intimate relations, I never discussed it. In other words, I was living a double life and when the choir friends learned about my indiscretions, including the video that circulated featuring me and this blockmate having sexual intercourse, they somehow grouped themselves away from me; to a point i can hear them talk about my sins and referred to me in the 3rd person (para di halata)

In other words, I felt their anger, and that is totally warranted because I lied. Again, mine alone was the guilt.

The day came when they sat me for an open forum, which was undeniably useless as they asked me to leave the group. Wala naman problema doon.

I left.

I admit I was broken by this collective rejection from people I thought were friends? So there was another added insecurity in my life on top of my mom hating me so much, my late brother who would physically hurt me and my home room teacher verbally abusing me because I do not understand math due to dyslexia.

I guess my insecurities fueled my hunger for misguided desires. I became a person of low morals. I got addicted to porn, nicotine and alcohol.

Thankfully, God is merciful and He made it possible for me realize my faults, accept my past and move on with hope. But the process of healing has not stopped to this day. I still battle with my demons and fall a lot of times. Tama nga sila, it is a process.

Why am I saying this? Why am I reminiscing something that haunts me? The answer came days ago when I was at the mall for errands at Shangrila. I was making my way to the parking lot when the former friends (choir peeps) emerged from this restaurant and we saw each other.

We just froze and stared at each other after all these years. A part of me wanted to approach and hug them. But I decided not to because deep inside me, I still want to honor whatever anger they have against me. Besides, I do not wish them ill nor make them feel odd.

Lost for words, I smiled and excused myself.

Inside the car, I cannot help but cry. I shed tears not because I felt ashamed. Instead, the gush of emotions came because I realized after all that’s been said and done in the past, I am still hurting but more at peace with myself.

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ofstoriesandstardust · 4 years ago

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The 5 Times Luther Thinks He’s in Love With You (and the one time he actually does something about it)

A/N: I’ve never written for Luther before but I am full on simping for this man. I know he’s kinda hated in the fandom so we’ll see if this fares better then my Diego piece. No, I still haven’t finished season 2 yet. If I were to spend as much time watching TUA as I did reading and writing fan fiction about it, I would’ve finished weeks ago. This might be super out of character for Luther so hopefully this doesn’t suck. It also ended up being way longer then I had intended and is officially the longest thing I’ve ever written. I think it starts out mediocre and ends strong so there’s that.

masterlist | prompt list

warnings: takes place post-season 2 but my own version again, Ben came back to life again because I said so, my trauma, canon childhood abuse, trauma, and reference to drugs, swearing,

word count: 6,438

i. the time you treat his siblings like your own

The first time Luther thinks he might be in love with you is the day Klaus gets out of rehab...again. Over the last year, the Hargreeves clan has worked hard to get Klaus clean and sober, and Ben coming back to life was a big push for Klaus to get help. Unfortunately, it’s been more downs than it had been ups. As a survivor of childhood abuse yourself, you had told Luther it would take time for the mental scars their father left behind to heal and Klaus was no exception. Still, Luther had thought the process would go a little bit smoother than it had, and it killed him to watch his brother relapse again and again, and the toll it took on Diego and Ben every time he did. However, they thought this time might be different. Klaus had made a lot of progress during this last stint in rehab, progress he hadn’t made before. You coming into the Hargreeves family and becoming a rock to the siblings had brought a lot unexpected comfort to Klaus, that someone outside the family cared for him and his well-being. It had been a push he needed, and you really believed he’d stay clean this time.

Diego and Ben had volunteered to pick the seance up from rehab, with the other siblings arriving at your apartment to create some sort of semblance of a ‘welcome home’ party. You had volunteered to watch Klaus the next few weeks, knowing the Academy was no place for him to be. How could he stay sober living on the streets or at the home of all his abuse? And seeing as you didn’t drink, there was no alcohol for Klaus to even access if he wanted to. Luther had been adamant you didn’t need to go out of your way to make a space for Klaus but you had over ruled him with the support of Ben and Diego and the decision was made whether Luther liked it or not.

Over the course of the last year or so, you had sort of tumbled into his life, crashing straight into Luther one morning as he was leaving Griddy’s. It had snowed the night before, and the street was icy, and the next thing he knew, someone had walked straight into his large frame and was tumbling towards the ground. Luther reached out, large hands wrapping around your much smaller frame, and hoisting you back up before you could hit the ground. He awkwardly cleared his throat and put you back down on the ground. “Sorry about that.” He mumbled, overwhelmed by the fact that he had stupidly almost sent the pretty girl crash-landing to the ground.

“It was my fault, really. Shoulda been looking were I was going.” You said. Fate, however had other plans, when Ben came along the road. You turned to greet him, and his eyes drifted from you to Luther. He stopped next to you and a shit-eating smirk grew on his face. “Well, (Y/N), it looks like you’ve met my brother Luther. Luther, this is my co-worker (Y/N).” Luther had a moment of realization, understanding he had knocked into Ben’s favorite co-worker at the bookstore/cafe he talked so much about. Ben invited Luther back inside to Griddy’s as the two of you got breakfast before your shift and Luther agreed, not having a much better plan. Allison was in Manhattan with Vanya, Klaus was doing a stint in rehab, Diego was working at the gym, and Five was off god-knows-where doing god-knows-what. The breakfast was quite enjoyable, Luther observing your comfortable energy and your kind nature. You had offered your number to Luther before parting with Ben, in case “he ever needed a friend”. It wasn’t long after that, that the family had had a tumble towards rock-bottom as Klaus got out of rehab, immediately seeking the nearest drug he could get his hands on. Ben had asked you to come over and the support you offered the family through your experiences with an alcoholic mother and comfort had irrevocably changed your position and meaning to the family and to Luther. While Luther had always felt you were closest to him, the closest thing he had to a best friend, he couldn’t unsee the way you joked with Klaus, the support you offered Diego, the witty banter you’d exchange with Five, the conversations you’d have with Allison, the encouragement you offered Vanya, and the normalcy you brought Ben. He always thought that you liked them a little bit better, but every time, you were able to read that he was too far into his self-doubt, and assured him that he was and would always be your best friend.

This time was no different. As Klaus returned to the apartment and was practically glued to your side, he felt that small piece of him rile up again, making him want to shrink to the background. As the night wore on, he felt himself retreat further and further behind the walls in which he had put up. He had hoped to get a moment alone with you, which didn’t seem promising. But luck was on his side, and an opportunity arose, which came in the form of a Mario-Kart tournament. You excused yourself and Luther from the first few rounds, asking for his help with the dishes. He felt confused, as you always stated doing the dishes helped you focus and relax. You turned the water on, beginning to wash dishes and handing them to him to dry. He did so, in silence for a few minutes, but not a bad one. “You know that Klaus staying doesn’t change how I feel about you, right?” you said quietly, as to not let the Hargreeves overhear your discussion of one of his biggest insecurities. He nodded.

“Yeah, I know.” he said in a gruff voice, looking out over the city from your window, avoiding looking at you.

“Luther.” You said sternly and he chanced a glance at you. “You know I love your family like my own siblings and you know I would do anything for them.” He felt his stomach beginning to sink as he waited for the other shoe to drop that would never come. “But, you, you’re my best friend in the entire world. Nobody’ll ever come close.” You said, nudging his shoulder and turning back to the dishes. He looked down at you, and looked at the way your face was lit up by the light of the moon, and he looked back up the moon to where he spent so many years in isolation, hoping one day he’d get to meet someone like you. He was starting to think that he didn’t want to be just best friends anymore... and that thought scared him almost more than anything.

ii. the time he can’t imagine his life without you

The thought that does scare him more than anything is the thought of losing you. It’s never been a thought he’s allowed to stay in his mind long; shuddering away from the thought of losing you to the cold clutches of death, the way he lost Ben, the way he had thought he lost Five. Unfortunately, he is forced to confront the thought one night. Diego shows up the Academy, clutching you in his arms, cuts and bruises littering your frame. Luther is the only home at the time, everyone else either gone, living their lives or in the case of Five, at Griddy’s. Diego sets you down in a chair and with the exception of the minor physical harm and the fact that you can’t seem to stop shaking, you seem to be alright. “I’ll explain in a minute. Where’s Mom?” Diego asks quietly. This seems to snap Luther out of his state of shock, that if Diego thought your injuries might be bad enough to have Mom look over them, he needs to present and here.

“Diego, I told you-” you winced, a movement neither Hargreeves boy missed, “I’m fine.”

“Even still, Mom should check you out anyways. I think she’s upstairs. Do you want me to go get her?” Luther said softly. Diego shook his head.

“Nah, I’ll go grab her. You stay with (Y/N).” Luther nodded and took a tentative seat next to you, wanting nothing more than to reach out and pull you into his arms and quell all your fear and make you forget all this pain and-

“Oh, (Y/N), darling.” Mom’s soft voice reaches his ears. She checked you over, determining that all the injuries you sustained were minor and would heal within the next few days.

“See, Diego. I told you I was fine.” You snapped, as Mom put a kettle on the stove to make tea for the three of you.

“What even happened, (Y/N/N)?” Luther asked softly, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear, almost missing the way you leaned into his touch. Diego sighed and pinched the bridge of his noise.

“I was wondering the same thing myself.” He grumbled.

“It was just some creepy guy. I was fine.” The tension in the room is so thick one Diego’s knives could cut through it as the implications of what your sentence meant settled. A endless train of possibilities of what ifs fly through Luther’s brain that he almost misses what happens next.

“Fine?!” Diego asks incredulous. “Fine?! (Y/N), he had a knife-”

“I had it handled!” You said indignantly.

“You could have been killed!” Diego shouts, and the silence that follows is undeniably terrifying for all three of you. You looked to Luther, who must’ve looked like a fish out of water, gaping at you, struggling to come to terms with what Diego had just said.

“I might not be a superhero, but I can take care of myself.” You said, voice soft now, not making eye contact with either boy. Luther looks at Diego, who is clearly ready to make another argument and Luther finds the fear growing inside of him at an alarming rate. Luther stands up abruptly, his chair toppling over behind him.

“(Y/N), you could have died.” Luther says, now growing concerned regarding your apparent lack of concern for your well-being. The fear and panic spreading through his body seems ice-cold and the thought that Diego could have brought your lifeless corpse back to the Academy instead is rooting him to his now standing position. You look up at him.

“Okay, well I didn’t. I’m fine and here to live another day. Nothing worse then any thing you guys have done, and besides-”

“(Y/N), I could have lost you!” Luther yells, surprising all three of you. You look up at him. “After losing Ben, after losing Five, after everything that’s happened-” Luther goes quiet, choking on words he isn’t sure he means. I’m in love with you. I can’t do this without you. “I can’t lose you too.” His voice is soft and you look away from him, biting your lip.

“I’m sorry, okay? My co-worker called out, I didn’t think anything would happen. I've walked home a million times after closing, it’s never been an issue. I thought I had the situation under control.” You refuse to make eye contact with either boy, glaring a hole into the table. The silence remains for a while longer and Diego eventually excuses himself, saying you’ll finish the discussion in the morning. Mom put your tea down on the table, and you startle, seemingly forgetting the AI was still there. She leaves you and Luther alone in the kitchen with a gentle smile. Your hands are still trembling as your hands wrap around the cup, and Luther almost takes one of them in his own, but decides against it.

“I’m just glad you’re okay.” He says, softly. You look over at him, if for only a moment. He needs to start sorting of these thoughts of love he has towards you, but for right now, he’s just glad you’re still with him.

iii. the time Diego teases him

A month or so passes between that night and the next time Luther is forced to confront his foreign feelings for you. It’s early one morning and the eldest Hargreeves boys are sitting in a comfortable silence as Grace walks around the kitchen making breakfast. Diego is the first to break the silence. “So, Luther,” he begins, a shit-eating smirk upon his face, not unlike the one Ben wore the day you and Luther met. Luther stiffens, concerned about whatever is about to come out of his brother’s mouth. As good as their relationship has been since Texas, Luther can’t help but feel like there will always be a sort of unspoken tension between the two of them that will never truly go away, residual feelings of competition leftover from their childhood. “When are you going to tell her?” Luther stares at Diego, utterly confused about what the boy might be asking.

“Tell who what?” Luther asks, which in response, prompts Diego to roll his eyes.

“Don’t play dumb. I see how you look at her. When are you going to tell her?” Diego says, smirking. “C’mon, you can tell me. This is a safe space.”

“Tell who- Allison?” Luther blurts the name out, the only girl he can think of that Diego might be referring too. Diego startles at the name-drop of their sister.

“What- no, not Allison!” Diego splutters. “Jeez, you really have no idea who I’m talking about, do you?” Luther shakes his head. “I’m talking about (Y/N).” Luther relaxes at the sound of your name and sinks back into his chair, but he’s still concerned about what Diego thinks he needs to tell you.

“What am I supposed to be telling her?” Luther asks to which Diego shoots him a look. Luther finally understands, at least, he thinks he does. “I’m not telling her about my... condition.” Luther says, the word feeling weird on his tongue. It’s an open secret the family never speaks about, sensing Luther’s insecurities.

“That’s not- she doesn’t know?!” Diego asks, incredulously.

“Not unless one of you told her.” Luther says, anger growing in him at the thought of one of his siblings going behind his back and telling you, his closest friend, his deepest secret and biggest insecurity. He doesn’t need you to look at him the way his siblings do, with pity.

“Luther- Luther you have to tell her.” Diego says, his voice firm. “She has a right to know.” Luther casts a dark look at his younger brother.

“Right to know what? Right to know how Dad mutilated my body?! Right to know that no one will ever love me because of it?!” Luther asks, the anger (and fear) seeping into his tone. Diego sits back in his chair, not breaking eye contact with the blond boy. The quiet in the kitchen settles as Grace put the plates down in front of them but unlike before, this one isn’t comfortable. It’s awkward and there’s strong emotion radiating off of the two boys.

“Thanks, Mom.” Diego says quietly, but Luther doesn’t say anything, not trusting his voice. “I was actually going to ask when you were going to tell the poor girl you’re in love with her.” Diego says, beginning to cut up the pancake on his plate. Luther startles and his eyes widen, looking back up from his food to face Diego.

“I don’t-” Now it’s Luthers turn to splutter through his words, struggling to form a cohesive sentence.

“You do, Luther, you sooo do.” Diego responds, the shit-eating grin returning to his face. Luther just stares at Diego. “I see the way you look at her. The way you drop everything to be near her, the stupid little smile you get whenever someone talks about her or she comes over, I see it.” Luther shrugs, feeling like he’s wading through concrete, trying to form a sentence in response to Diego’s too accurate statement.

“She’s our best friend.” Luther says, shrugging with a fake nonchalant attitude. The word friend feels foreign ion his tongue and wishes he could use something else that would more accurately describe his feelings for you.

“Sure, but I’d be concerned if Ben started looking at her the way you do.” Luther stares at Diego, the confusion returning. “Your face lights up whenever you see her.” Luther remains dumbfounded and quiet, sensing Diego had a point he wanted to get to. “I’m not the only one who thinks it either. We all see it. Sure, she’s our best friend and like a sister to us, but you, you’re in love with the girl.” Diego must take Luther’s silence as a reason to continue, because Diego puts his fork down and looks at Luther seriously. “I only bring all of this up because- well, if you don’t tell her soon, she won’t- won't stick around forever.”

At Diego’s words, it feels as if someone has dropped a rock in Luther’s stomach and he thinks he might be sick. The thought of you leaving- “She’s a patient person, but she’s not going to wait forever for you to figure out your feelings. So if you are in love with her, and I know that you are, you need to tell her- tell her everything.” Diego stresses the last word and Luther gathers that he means his condition as well. Luther wants to shove his plate away, walk away from Diego, and lay in his bed for the rest of the day, pretending that he hadn’t been forced to confront these feelings he isn’t ready to have for you.

Instead he mumbles out a “She’ll hate me.” Diego sighs.

“She won't hate you. I’m pretty sure she feels the same way but you’d have to ask Vanya or Ben for that answer, Lord knows she confides in them more than me.” Luther looks back up at Diego. “Besides, even if she doesn’t feel the same way, she won’t hate you.”

“But it will change things.”

“Sometimes change can be a good thing.”

“Not in this family.” Luther mutters as Five makes an appearance, the blue light startling Diego. The conversation gets left there but Luther can’t help but mull over Diego’s words, wondering if he’s right.

iiii. the time you have a fight

You and Luther’s friendship has been struggling, he knows it just as well as you do. Ever since his conversation with Diego, Luther has been pulling into himself, retreating further and further away from you. He’s not being a good friend, he knows that, and you deserve better, and he knows that too. Still, he can’t help but feel like the only way he’ll get over his feelings is by not being around, positive he won’t ever tell you that he thinks he might be in love with you. He knows there’s no way you're in love with him too. He’s ended up at your apartment tonight, returning a book Five had borrowed. Why he couldn’t return it himself, he wasn’t sure but Five had told he owed him one after “saving his sorry ass through two apocalypses”. Now that he was here though, he thinks it was just a ploy to get him here. Even still, when you invite him in, he can’t bring himself to say no to you. The pair of you stand in the kitchen in total quiet, the distance between the too of you feeling much more like a gaping chasm than the four feet. “What did I do?” You ask, arms folded across your chest, almost like your protecting yourself from him. Luther looks up at you. “Did I do something wrong?” A pause. “Why do you hate me?”

“I don’t hate you.” He says quickly, clearly too fast for your liking. You sigh and let your arms drop, turning away from him to put the hot water from the kettle into the two mugs in front of you.

“You do Luther. I can see it. You don’t come over anymore, you hardly speak to me when I’m around, I did something and now you’re mad at me.” Luther remains silent, something that seems to be occurring more and more lately. “If you hate me, if you want to end our friendship, that’s fine. I’ll let you go, but at least have the decency to tell me why.” Your voice trembles on the last word and Luther is kicking himself as he struggled to find words to assure that it’s not you, it’s him. However, his tongue feels heavy and his mouth feels like it’s full of cotton and his mind is blank. He couldn’t very well tell you the truth, he’d lose you for sure, but it looks like he’s losing you anyway. You must take his silence as reason to keep pushing. “If this is about- your condition-” your voice drops on those two words and Luther stands up abruptly.

“How do you know about that?!” He seethes. You glance up at him from where you’re staring intently at the tea steeping below you on the counter, but only briefly.

“Allison told me. Months ago.” You responded, voice quiet. He’s in the process of figuring out all the different colorful things he’s going to say to Allison upon his return at the Academy, when you speak again. “Why didn’t you tell me Luther? I’m your best friend.” There’s that word again. Friend. The word has caused so much stress, frustration, and confusion in his life and now he’s going to lose you over it too.

“You’d hate me.” You look up at him.

“I could never ha-” He interrupts you, the panic and fear and anger sliding down his spine.

“Or worse, you’d look at me like everybody else does, with pity in their eyes.” He spits the words out with so much venom, he surprises himself. It clearly surprises you as well.

“Is that what you really think?” You finally dare to make eye contact with him for the first time the whole night and your voice is cold. He shrugs, not knowing what to say. “After all this time, after everything, that’s all you think of me?” Luther is, once again, at a loss of words and he feels the panic crawling up his throat that if he doesn’t say something soon, it’s not going to be pretty. You take his silence as apparent confirmation because the words you utter next is ones he never wanted to hear.

“Get out.”

He throws the front door of the Academy open and spots Vanya coming down the stairs. They make eye contact and she shrinks back, feeling the anger radiating off of him. A pang goes through his chest, remembering the last time he felt this angry. “Where’s Allison?” He asks and Vanya nods her head towards the kitchen. He heads there and he can feel Vanya following behind him. His siblings are sitting around, clearly laughing at some sort joke Klaus has just finished telling. The room falls silent as they look over to a glowering Luther and Vanya who is shrinking behind him in the doorway. Luther’s eyes settle on Allison, who is conveniently, the furthest away from him. “What gives you the right to tell her about what Dad did?” His voice is low and and it’s Diego who understands first.

“Oh, shit.” Diego mutters. He glances over at Ben, who looks at Klaus, who looks to Vanya.

“Maybe we should...” Klaus says, as Diego and Ben move to stand up.

“Sit down.” Luther says, and the three resume their position as Vanya moves behind them. Allison is looking at the table, avoiding looking at him. Five’s head swings between Luther and the rest of the siblings.

“Did I miss something?” He asks, finally settling on Vanya and Diego. Diego shrugs.

“Unless, you’ve been missing the heart eyes Luther makes every time (Y/N) comes around, you’re as up to speed as the rest of us.” Five snorts. Luther lets Diego’s comment slide because the only thing he can feel is the sheer betrayal he feels at Allison’s actions. Before Five can formulate a response, Luther finds himself talking.

“What the hell, Allison!?” The girl finally makes eye contact with him. “After everything you and I have been through, what gives you the right to tell her that?! You knew, better than anyone, how I felt about that.” Allison sighs and looks away from him.

“I’m sorry, okay? I thought she already knew, I promise. I wouldn’t intentionally tell her that if I hadn’t thought she already knew.” Luther softens, but only a little.

“So I didn’t get a choice in the matter?! To tell the girl that I love-” His voice stops on the word, realizing what he’s just said out loud. Five’s eyes narrow and Klaus raises his eyebrows. No one else seems to be phased though, leading him to believe there’s been one too many conversations about him behind his back. Figures they’d leave Klaus and his big mouth and Five’s smart mouth out of it.

“Like I said, I thought she knew. Why didn’t you tell her?”

“I didn’t get a chance! You got to her months before I could!” Luther exclaims, getting defensive once again. He’d rather not think about the consequences of his words just yet.

“Wait, hold on. She’s known this for months?” Ben intervenes. Allison nods.

“Four.” She confirmed.

“Four months and she didn’t say anything?” Ben asks, chuckling to himself a little bit.

“This isn’t funny.” Luther deadpans, now staring down Ben.

“It is, just a little.” Ben said, his laughter growing. It seems to click for Vanya, who joins in on Ben’s laughter. “Why’d you never tell her Luther?” He asks, still struggling to hold in his chuckles.

“I- I didn't want her to hate me, or- or think of me differently.” Luther said quietly.

“Well that answers that then.” Vanya says. The siblings all look over to her and she shrinks back from the sudden attention. “Well, I’m just saying, if she’s known for four months, and she hasn’t said anything, and nothing’s changed, I’d say the answer’s pretty obvious.” It’s Klaus who understands next and his smirk grows.

“In fact, one might say, to know for four months and to not say anything means there’s something more.” He says, using the voice he must’ve used when he was preaching or whatever the hell he did with his cult in the 60′s.

“Where you going with this Klaus?” Diego asks. Its Allison who joins in next, a grin growing on her face.

“Well aside from our brother’s new confession of undying love for the poor girl, she must feel the same to know for four months and never say anything.”

“To let nothing change in hopes that one day you’d feel the same way for her.” Five finishes, realization dawning on his face.

“Well, it doesn’t matter because she’s never gonna speak to me again.” Luther says, and turns from his siblings, heading back up to his room. So, he’s pretty sure he’s in love with you. So what, if it just means losing you? He’d go through a million apocalypses, swallow his feelings for you a hundred times, if it meant you’d still be in his life.

v. the time you drop everything to be there for him

It’s been a week since you’ve spoken to Luther. Klaus and Ben keep telling him he should talk to you, to fix things, but if you can go this long without talking to him, he knows that you’re better off. You don’t need him in your life messing things up and making it harder for you. Unfortunately, late one night, fate makes the decision for him. It’s storming out and Luther hates the sounds of thunder. His heart is racing as he lays in his too small bed, arms clutching his comforter. He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to drown out the images in his brain as he searches for sleep again. His nightmare keeps replaying over in his mind, the image of you and his siblings lifeless on the ground. There was so much blood. He knows it’s just a nightmare, it has to be, but fear is crawling up his throat and he thinks he might be sick. What if that was real? What if it was some suppressed memory, and everyone he’s ever cared about is just- gone? His eyes fly open as he fumbles for his phone. He still isn't really sure how to use it but he knows well enough to call you. Pleasepickuppleasepickuppleasepicku-

“H-hello?” The voice on the other line sounds groggy and somehow through his sheer panic, he feels a pang of guilt for waking you up. His mind is racing and he still can't breathe but he can't deny the relief he feels hearing your sleepy voice. “Luther? You there?”

“Y-yeah, I’m here.” He stutters.

“Is everything okay? It’s 3 in the morning.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He can’t help the way his voice shakes, clearly giving away the reality. “I just... just needed to hear your voice, s’all.” His heart is slowing down the longer you’re on the phone with him.

“Do you want me to come over?” As much as he wants to say yes, he shakes his head, forgetting you can’t see him. He clears his throat.

“No- no, I’ll be okay. Just a nightmare.”

“I’m coming over. Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?” He can hear rustling in the background, visualizing you pulling your shoes on and grabbing your keys.

“You- you don’t have to do that.” He says, even though he wants nothing more than to pull you close to him and maybe fall asleep with you in his arms.

“Just stay on the phone with me okay Luther? I’ll be there in ten.”

It’s actually 7 minutes before you’re opening the door to the Academy and rushing in. Luther’s sitting on the stairs waiting for you. He had to get out of his room but he didn’t want to go too far, not wanting to miss your arrival. The light in the foyer is on and you slowly walk towards where he’s seated. You crouch down, so that you can make eye contact with the man. He looks up at you and he realizes how much he misses you, how much he yearns to be around you. “You okay?” You ask softly. He shakes his head, finally allowing himself to be vulnerable with you. “What can I do for you?” He shrugs, still not wanting to voice how much he just wants to hold you in his arms. “C’mon, let’s go to the kitchen. I’ll make tea.” He follows you wordlessly. He sits in silence as he watches you fill the kettle and put it on the burner. You come around behind him and reach down, sliding your arms around his neck. It takes him a minute to realize you’re hugging him around his larger frame. He takes your hand and squeezes it. All too soon, the kettle starts whistling and he reluctantly lets you go. You put the hot water into two mugs and put the teabags in, letting it steep as you set the mugs down in front of the two of you.

“Thank you.” He says, quietly. You nod.

“Of course.” You say as you take the seat next to him. “I’m always gonna be here for you, even when I’m mad at you.” He looks over at you, thoughts being brought back to your fight, if you could even call it that. “I’m not mad at you, by the way. I was upset that you felt like you couldn’t trust me, but I know that’s something that-” You draw in a breath. “Something that takes a while to build.”

“I do. I do trust you.” He says firmly. “I trust you more than I trust anyone else.” He says honestly. “I was just- just scared.” You scoot your chair closer to his until your knees are touching and you can lean your head on his shoulder.

“I’m not going anywhere, Luther. I promise.” He looks down at you as the truth finally settles comfortably in his heart for the first time. He’s in love with his best friend and he’s okay with it. He thinks that just maybe- you feel the same way.

+ the one time he actually does something about it.

Luther wakes up alone the next morning. Disappointment settles in his chest, hoping you’d still be there. He gets up however, and goes about his day. He starts to worry though, as the day goes by, and he still hasn’t heard a word from you. He thinks that maybe last night had been out of pity, or some sort of obligation to his siblings. After dinner though, he gets a text from you, asking if he wants to come over. It doesn’t say what or why, but he misses you and he thinks he’s finally ready to tell you the truth, no matter what you might say in return. In fact, for the first time in a while, he’s starting to let himself hope, a feeling that’s a bit too foreign to him. He hopes you feel the same way about him. That you’re in love with him too. He agrees, texting you that he’d be over soon. He clear his throat, standing up from the table, and put his plate in the sink, ignoring the questioning look Five shoots him. He walks to your apartment, a dopey smile on his face. He makes it to your building and he lets himself in, watching how you turn to face him from the hallway. You give him a soft smile.

“Sorry about leaving this morning without saying anything. My co-worker called out so I had to cover their opening shift and I didn’t want to wake you because you looked really peaceful so...” You trail off, a light blush forming on your cheeks. He shook his head.

“It’s okay.” He says. The two of you stand there, just looking at each other. You startle finally.

“OH! I was wondering if you wanted to make these cookies with me? My Dad was finally able to get his hands on some of my Grandma’s recipes and I wanted to try one out?” He nods, smiling at the excitement lighting up your face. Your grandma had passed when you were little and it had been a struggle to get the family recipes, your family getting left out of a lot of the division of property. You had once told him that you were really only connected with her through baking. He always told you she’d be proud of you and your baking. You’d always blush and look away. He nodded, remembering he was going to need to use his words if he was going to hope to have the nerves to tell you that he was in love with you.

“Sure.” He says, moving to your kitchen. You follow him and pull the recipe up on your container as you both pull the ingredients out of their designated areas. The two of you spend so much time together that he knows his way around the kitchen like it’s the one at the Academy and the two of have baking together down to a science. You turn to music on, having made a playlist specifically for the dance parties that would happen while you’d wait for your pastry or dessert to cook. As the cookies bake in the oven, he watches with a smile as you dance around the kitchen, using the wooden spoon as a microphone. He isn’t planning it but-

“I’m in love with you.” Your eyes widen as you slowly come to a stop. The music still playing in the background feels unnatural given what was just said and you must agree because you slowly reach over to the computer, pausing it. You reach back and look at him, eyes still wide in what he thinks is shock. He’s starting to panic now, as you just stand there, mouth open. “It- it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way.” God dammit, this is why he didn’t hope for things anymore. Damn his siblings for letting him think you might feel the same way. “It doesn’t have to change anything. I understand. I just wanted you to know.” He says, quietly. “I’m sorry, I’ll go.” He turns to leave, feeling defeated. Fate is a cruel temptress, he’s officially decided.

“Luther- Luther wait.” You say, arm shooting out to grab his. You pull him back around to face you and he turns to see you unusually close to him. “Sorry, sorry, I panicked and froze.” You’re tumbling through your words, trying to spit them out, hardly breathing between them. He grows concerned at your state and he thinks you’re still worried about him feeling bad.

“Seriously, (Y/N), it’s fine-” You cut him off.

“No, no it’s not.” His heart sinks, but only for a minute because suddenly you’re talking again. “I’m in love with you too Luther. I have been for a while. I just never thought you’d feel the same way and I-” Your words stop as you look up to see you two are quite close together and all he wants to do is lean down and-

“Can I kiss you?” The words slip out before he can stop them but he’s not going to take them back. Not this time. You nod, and close the gap between the two of you. It’s short and sweet, just like you. The oven beeps, unfortunately, interrupting the moment.

“Oh, shit.” You mumble. “I love you Luther, but if I burn these cookies, I’m gonna be pissed.” He chuckles, loving how casually that word slips out of your mouth. He lets go of your waist, where his hands had been resting. You pull the cookies out of the oven and standing back from them, looking down at them proudly. He walks over to you and pulls you close to his chest and you sigh contentedly. “I could hold you like this forever.” He says, fingers running through your hair. You hum, wrapping your arms around him under his coat.

“I wouldn't mind it if you did.” You respond softly. Luther looks down at you, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. He finally got the girl.

#luther hargreeves #luther hargreeeves imagines #luther hargreeves imagine #luther hargreeves fic

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heavenlysageee · 4 years ago

Text

Storms Like These

Chapter 2: Two Sides of the Same Coin

fandom: BNHA/Dabi/Shinsou

pairing: Dabi x GN!Reader

word count: 1327 words

!Possible TW!: complicated grief, depression, mentions of death

>> Previous Chapter << >> Next Chapter <<

a/n: thank you so much for waiting chapter 2! i am so so so grateful for every single one of you that followed me and ask for more! i’ve introduced mr. shinsou hitoshi in this chapter! *everyone is adult ages!*

»» — — — — ♡— — — — «« ♡ »»— — — — — — ♡ — — — — ««

Reader’s POV

He got up from the chair, stretching his taut muscles out and you weren’t too keen on hiding the fact you noticed. His staple littered lips upturned into a smirk and let out a big sigh.

“Thanks for the help. I’ll leave while the night is still young, I don’t want to look too suspicious. After all, I am a suspicious character in a stranger’s apartment who I’m sure has a pristine reputation.” Leaning down to your level, his fingers gingerly swiped along your jaw as he emphasized the word “pristine.” Chills ran through your body and your mouth felt dry.

Before you could respond, his hand slipped away and his boots began to walk away. Wait. I don’t want him to go just yet. You called out abruptly, “Wait- uh…” He turns around with eyebrows slightly raised as if suggesting you continue. You mutter “It’s uh, still pouring outside, are you sure it’s okay for you to walk home like that?” It was silent for a second before he responded “It’s alright angel, you don’t have to worry about me. I like the storms more than I like the clear skies.”

Angel. “That’s not my name you know.” He let out a raspy chuckle, “I know your name isn’t angel, but if we’re gonna be a little friendlier I wanted to give you a nickname.” You shrugged and laid back further on your couch trying to look more casual.

“Well, if you need any more help with anything at all, my door is always open for you.” His icy blue eyes met yours and nodded before leaving your apartment. You couldn’t help but keep repeating everything that happened last night. He walked out last night but you couldn’t help and wonder if you were simply being overzealous because of your undeniable attraction to him or if you genuinely wanted to help. You weren’t even sure if he was going to take you up on the offer in the first place.

Your bare feet padded across your cold bedroom floor while you rub the sleep out of your eyes. It was barely 9:30 a.m. meaning you had at least an hour to yourself before opening up the flower shop below. You lazily make breakfast with your mind still full of thoughts of him but you’re abruptly interrupted by your ringtone. Who the hell calls this early in the morning?

Begrudgingly picking up the call you answered with a slightly bitter hello. A chuckle is heard on the other end, “Is that any way to treat your precious brother you haven’t spoken to in months?” You smile to yourself and sarcastically bite back “I don’t know about you being precious, but what’s up?”

You couldn’t deny that Hitoshi’s voice was quite comforting to hear and a welcomed distraction from the thoughts overflowing from last night. You felt a slight buzzing in your head and your body began to work on its own. You try to grab your head from the immense pressure and droning causing your phone to drop onto the granite kitchen countertop next to your breakfast. Your face contorted into annoyance and confusion as your feet walk to the door on their own. Your right hand twists open the door knob expecting no one. However, as your eyes scan upward at the stranger at your door, you see a pair of black sneakers, black techwear pants and baggy grey shirt. You immediately recognize the signature purple bed head and eye bags, this was definitely no stranger. “Was that really necessary Hitoshi?” you let out a sigh of relief and rub your head as the pressure is immediately alleviated from your brother’s presence.

He shrugged with a satisfied grin and opened his arms out to you enveloping you in the familiar cologne you haven’t smelled since you both moved out to your own respective places. “I wanted it to be a surprise and missed messing around with you, what kinda brother would I be if I didn’t?” You smacked his head and he sheepishly rubbed his head to alleviate the pain. “A good one.”

You invite him in by offering him breakfast since it was so early in the morning still. Plopping down on your couch and resting his feet upon your ottoman, he shakes his head “Nah, I already ate before I came over.” Joining him on the couch with a cup of coffee in hand, you sit with your knees to your chest the way you used to when you would both hide in pillow forts as kids.

“So, what’s with the surprise morning visit? And I don’t wanna hear the whole missing your sibling crap, that could be fixed by a call and the usual visits on the holidays.” He rests his hand on his hand turning to you, “Ah, the ever affectionate sibling aren’t we? I’m here to check up on you and make sure everything’s all good. You never know what could happen to someone as weak as you.” He struck a nerve in you and you felt your blood boil in competition, “Oh yeah? Wanna say that again panda boy?”

You feel vines begin to snake out of your skin as rivers of your nerves surge with adrenaline. You don’t really like to use your quirk often with several exceptions. The main purpose is to maintain the health of the flower shop, the second reason is to keep creeps away to defend yourself and third is to just mess around with your brother when he pisses you off or challenges you like this. Besides, people use their quirks too often for abuse or trivial things to make life far more convenient for them. Hitoshi always encouraged you to register as a pro-hero and earn “big money” from the Hero Public Safety Commission. But, you didn’t wanna live with the hassle of society’s expectations on you as a “god-like” hero, you just wanted to live quietly with your flower shop. Mom would’ve wanted you to. You know it.

With gritted teeth, you allow the lengthy leaves to wrap around your arms and down to Hitoshi’s torso as you pin him to the couch. He attempts to brainwash you and you shake off the buzzing despite him attempting to egg you on to respond. His deadpan eyes contrast his impish smile indicating he gives up. You back off and allow the vines to retract back into your body.

He rubs his wrists, “You know you’ve gotten stronger. It hurts a little more this time.” You turn toward him once again and ask with an insistent tone, “So, this time, without insulting me, what’s up, why are you here?” He leans back against the couch with his hands behind his head and replies without returning eye contact, “The Commission wanted me to stay around the area, I’ll be working with some agency nearby. It’s a small job, but it pays and I knew it was near your place so I figured I’d stop by every now and then.”

Well, that’s reasonable, you could use the extra hand at the shop. It would’ve been a lone shift since it’s not too busy on Mondays. You turn to him and reply, “I could also use the extra hand at the shop if you’re not busy being a big shot hero?” He glanced at you from the side and rolled his eyes, “Fine.”

You reply with a sour grin, “Consider it compensation for brainwashing me and putting your nasty ass sneakers all over my furniture.” You kick his feet off your ottoman and see his expression shift from deadpan to content. You walk away to get ready for your shift but turn around midway and retort “Don’t go snooping around my apartment, I’m gonna get ready for my shift and I’ll throw you an extra uniform from the supply closet when we get down there.”

#dabi x gender neutral reader #dabi x yn #dabi x reader #bnha fanfiction #bnha dabi #my hero academia #my hero x reader #hitoshi shinso #mha imagines #touya todoroki #dabi todoroki #hitoshi shinso headcanons

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