#but he suffers a lot from his root identity and also struggles with the relationships that came from it

[timaeusresponds]

Also to get my nose in on the Hal classpect discussion everyone has had

Mage of Heart.

[boy-in-red-dress]

HEAR ME OUT, so I made a list of Ford and Bill's character traits and how they compliment each other. Ford and Bill's relationship is a rather interesting and twisted dynamic which is one of the reasons why I like them a lot. So let's start with my interpretation of the two characters...

Stanford Pines

He a deeply intricate character, shaped by a life that have left him both brilliant and broken. Born as one of two twins, Ford’s life has been a constant struggle with self-worth and identity. His intelligence and curiosity set him apart from others, but they also isolated him, creating a sense of loneliness. This isolation was only deepened by his complex relationship with his twin brother, Stanley. Ford’s need to prove himself became a driving force in his life. Yet, it was never simply about proving his worth; it was about escaping the deep-seated feelings of jealousy, shame, and guilt that had haunted him since childhood.

Ford's brilliance, however, is matched by his flaws. His obsession with knowledge and understanding the unknown led him down dangerous paths, often pushing away those who cared for him. The rift with his brother, born out of both love and rivalry, is a central part of his character. Which is why (if you've read some of my work on ao3) I put the fact Ford thinks about Stan often.

Despite his vast intellect, Ford’s emotional intelligence often lags behind, making him susceptible to manipulation and leading him to make decisions that are sometimes cold and calculating. He is a man who is willing to risk everything—even his own humanity—for the sake of discovery and the pursuit of what he believes is right and what could do good for the world. This single-minded determination, while admirable, also reveals his vulnerability. His self-imposed isolation and his relentless drive to prove his worth have left him with a fragile sense of self that is easily shattered when confronted with his own limitations. Speaking of his limitations, that's where Bill comes in. To make Ford go beyond the limits of his human capabilities.

Bill Cipher

He's a being of pure chaos and malevolence, contrasts Ford's character in almost every conceivable way. Where Ford is driven by a desire for knowledge and understanding, Bill is driven by a desire for power and control. Bill’s complexity lies in his unpredictability and his capacity for manipulation. He is a master of deception, able to twist the desires and fears of others to suit his own ends. Unlike Ford, who is bound by his human emotions and flaws, Bill is unrestrained, reveling in the chaos he creates. He lacks empathy, seeing others only as tools to be used or obstacles to be destroyed. His lack of morality and his enjoyment of others' suffering make him a truly terrifying entity to come across.

BUT. They have similarities, too. Stay with me.

1. Intellectual Curiosity and Ambition

Both Ford and Bill possess an insatiable curiosity and a relentless drive to uncover the secrets of the universe. For Ford, this curiosity is rooted in a genuine desire to understand the unknown, to push the boundaries of human knowledge, and to make his mark on the world. His intellect is one of his defining traits, and it’s what led him to explore other dimensions and study the mysteries of Gravity Falls.

Similarly, Bill is driven by a desire to know and control everything. His curiosity, however, is twisted by his malevolent nature; it’s less about understanding and more about exploiting knowledge for his own gain. Bill’s intellectual prowess is evident in how he manipulates others, devises complex plans (or impulsive plans), and navigates the multiverse with ease. His fascination with the workings of the universe mirrors Ford’s own, but where Ford seeks to understand, Bill seeks to dominate and corrupt.

2. Rejection of Limitations

Both characters reject the limitations imposed on them by their respective worlds. Ford’s entire life has been a struggle against the boundaries set by society, by his family, and even by his own humanity. His six-fingered hands marked him as different from a young age, and this difference fueled his determination to transcend the ordinary. Ford’s rejection of these limitations led him to create the portal, opening a gateway to other dimensions, and ultimately, to his fateful encounter with Bill.

Bill, too, rejects any form of limitation. As a being from the Nightmare Realm, Bill refuses to be confined by the rules of any single dimension. His very nature is one of rebellion against order and constraint. He sees limitations as challenges to be overcome, often through manipulation and force. This shared disdain for boundaries creates a unique parallel between the two: Ford, the man who defied his world to expand his knowledge, and Bill, the demon who seeks to break the rules of reality itself.

3. A Sense of Superiority

Ford and Bill both harbor a sense of superiority, though it manifests differently in each. Ford’s superiority is intellectual; he knows he is smarter than most people around him, and this often leads him to act alone, believing that only he can solve the problems he encounters. This mindset can make him seem arrogant or dismissive, particularly when dealing with those who don’t share his level of understanding.

Bill’s sense of superiority, on the other hand, is rooted in his power and knowledge. He views himself as above all others, not just because of his intelligence, but because of his status as an interdimensional being. Bill sees humans as insignificant creatures to be toyed with, and he revels in the chaos he can create among them. His superiority complex is part of what makes him so dangerous; he genuinely believes that no one can match him, which drives his desire to control and manipulate.

4. Isolation and Loneliness

Both Ford and Bill are, in their own ways, deeply isolated figures. Ford’s intellectual pursuits and his strained relationship with his brother have left him lonely, often feeling like he is the only one who can understand or solve the mysteries he uncovers. This isolation is both self-imposed and a consequence of his choices; Ford often distances himself from others to protect them or to keep them from slowing him down.

Bill, despite his power, is also a fundamentally lonely being. His existence as a demon is one of isolation; he is a creature of chaos in a universe that generally strives for order. His interactions with others are almost entirely manipulative, and he lacks genuine connections. This loneliness could be a driving force behind his desire to dominate and destroy—if he cannot be understood or accepted, then he will make the world bend to his will instead.

5. Obsession with Control

Control is another trait that both Ford and Bill share, though their methods and motivations differ. Ford’s obsession with control stems from his fear of the unknown and his need to protect those he cares about. After his experiences with Bill, this need becomes even more pronounced, as Ford understands the dangers that lurk beyond the veil of reality. His attempts to control situations, however, often lead to unintended consequences, and his desire to keep everything under control can sometimes cause more harm than good.

Bill’s obsession with control is far more malevolent. He doesn’t just want control—he wants total domination. Bill thrives on bending others to his will, on twisting reality to suit his desires. His manipulation of Ford is a key example of this; by gaining control over Ford, Bill was able to bring chaos to the world in ways that would have been impossible otherwise. For Bill, control is both a means to an end and the ultimate goal itself.

Conclusion: A Complex Relationship

The similarities between Ford and Bill make their relationship all the more complex and tragic. Ford’s intellectual curiosity, his desire to break free from limitations, his sense of superiority, and his isolation all made him an ideal target for Bill’s manipulation. At the same time, these shared traits create a twisted mirror image between the two—Bill literally represents the dark potential of Ford’s own qualities, turned towards destruction rather than discovery. That is if you look at it that way.

Together, they form a complicated pair: Ford, the man who seeks to protect and understand, and Bill, the demon who seeks to control and destroy. Their similarities make them more than just adversaries; they are reflections of each other’s strengths and flaws, locked in a struggle that is as much about their own identities as it is about the fate of the world. This dynamic is what makes their interactions so compelling and their conflict so deeply resonant, as each tries to outmaneuver the other while grappling with the very qualities that make them who they are.

I want to lick these senior citizens— WHAT WHO SAID TJAT

[kooki914]

How do you think would Noelle and Ralsei interact with each other if they got the chance? What would their relationship bring out of the other?

This is something I've given a lot of thought to, and something I'm still salty wasn't explored at all in Chapter 2. So this post is both going to answer your question as well as be my excuse to write an essay about these two.

The thing is, Noelle and Ralsei are narrative foils to each other. That probably sounds weird on account of the fact that they never interact, but both mechanically and through dialogue, we see parallels form between them. They're both enigmatic, mysterious, while keeping up friendly appearances, while also being literal or figurative royalty in their respective worlds (Noelle is from a rich family and is adored, Ralsei is a prince with no subjects). They're both love interests to the leads (yes, to Kris and Susie BOTH, the snowgrave route is essentially an exploration of a toxic friends-to-lovers but I'm not getting into that here), and they're both rife with religious symbolism, as well as the fact they're both prey animals (in a world where boss monsters like Toriel and Asgore can look more lion-esque, Ralsei's decidedly goat-ish appearance is kind of striking to me). They have the same heal spell (a pray to light) and they're both "passive" in that kind of way a mage usually is in RPGs.

Noelle's arc mainly centers around agency, while Ralsei's arc mainly centers around identity. For all the struggles she faces, Noelle doesn't really have that... crisis of character that Susie and Ralsei are prone to. Even in the snowgrave route, she doesn't question herself, she questions Kris. And, while Ralsei IS an obedient doormat, it's not out of a lack of agency (he shows us as much when he puts his foot down right before the kids open a fountain), it's an active choice he KNOWS he can simply... Not Do (as evidenced by how upset he is with Susie's behaviour in chapter 1 and his epiphany about it in chapter 2, he essentially equates mean behaviour to Purposefully making people around you suffer, instead of a personality quirk or showing of emotion).

It's interesting to think about how they'd complement one another. Not even strictly in a character arc sense (I'll get to that), but just in a... character interaction sense. Noelle has this pattern of putting the spotlight on other people. Even when she talks about herself it's always framed as a way to lift up those around her, while Ralsei has this sneaky way of getting to know you without you even realising (if the rooms he made for Kris and Susie are anything to go by). I think this would result in a dynamics where Noelle (passively, almost accidentally) allows Ralsei to open up in a more genuine way, while Ralsei still tends to Noelle's needs like he does for everyone else.

It's also interesting from a worldbuilding sense. We've seen Ralsei not give a flying fuck about Anyone that isn't directly connected to the prophecy, both for humour reasons and for horror reasons (as seen in the snowgrave route), so giving him a friend that's 1) a lightner, 2) not part of the prophecy, and 3) trying to actually know him on a personal level - it'd probably cause him to actually rethink his worldview. If someone like Noelle, someone who's got nothing to do with the prophecy, can be an important person to him and a good friend to people she doesn't *need* to care about, then why can't he? Can he be someone outside the prophecy? Is his identity and purpose not confined to this, and what does that mean for him in the long run?

And, on Noelle's side of things, Ralsei would probably be a healthier outlet for that feeling of nostalgia she's so addicted to. With him around, she's allowed to just be a kid again. No appearances to keep up, no expectations to fulfill, he's a fresh start and a new friend that she's allowed to be her authentic self around because his existence is essentially rooted in tending to the inner child of all the lightners he comes across. And maybe then she'll be able to let go of the past. Maybe, though viewing her childhood through an outsider's eager point of view, she can see how far away it is, and how she doesn't NEED it to be happy. Things can't be the same, and maybe that's a good thing. Maybe they can be better.

Overall, there's also a... vague "burden of femininity" they both have. They take on emotional labour even when they don't have to, just because that's what's expected of them. I so badly want a Dark Fun Gang-esque arc with these two where they defect from the team and just decide to be bad guys on their own terms for a while. Just because they can, just to see what it brings out of them. And, they'd be complete dorks about it of course, but it'd be nice to see them breaking their moulds with people they don't feel judged by, with friends they don't feel the need to impress because they're already so similar to.

There's this one bit of dialogue I wrote for them for one of my AUs, specifically in the above scenario where they decide to be bad guys for a bit, and I feel I need to share it here because it puts into words something I can't without taking away from the feels of it:

[voltrixz]

Why YOU should go vote for Spider-Man/Peter Parker (TSSM) in @cartoon-character-competition​

Well you guys are definitely familiar with Spiderman aka Peter Parker. He’s an icon really. And he’s definitely been in his fair share of tournaments here but from what I’ve seen his TSSM version isnt in that many tournaments. Which is a crime since his TSSM version is probably one of his best versions!!!!!!

I dont think you guys need me to tell you the story of Spiderman, you know the deal. Guy gets bitten by a radioactive spider, has to learn that with great power comes great responsibility, has to save the city again and again while struggling to hide his secret identity and keep his normal life in check.

But what makes TSSM Peter so good then? 

Well first of all despite his suit not being all the different, the general style of the show just makes him look a lot better

like cmon he’s just a silly guy trying his best!!!!! 

But besides this, lets talk actual character

Peter Parker is 16, just a teenager trying to navigate his life while also having to keep his secret identity under wraps and save the city.

And as expected of a teenager, he makes a LOT of mistakes, he’s very clearly flawed. And this is only amplified because of his secret identity as Spiderman. In order to hide his true identity he often fails to keep promises to his friends, he forgets to meet with them, he’s forced to run away from them, he tries to help his friends the best way he can but his duties as spiderman keeps pulling him away from his relationships. His secret identity makes it seem as Peter is constantly abandoning his friends and failing to keep their trust. He’s doing his best but he makes mistakes. But he learns from them. Each time he tries to do a little bit better. 

He attacks Electro unprompted? He realizes his mistake and tries to make ammends with Electro and end things peacefully (It doesnt work but he tries!!!!)

Things often do go his way but he still tries!!! He still has those small wins!!!! He knows he cant run away from his responsibilty as Spiderman, even if he considers doing so, he knows he’s needed. He may suffer and put his relationships on the line, but he knows he has the power to do something to help so he helps!!!!! (after all “Spidey stays because Spidey’s needed”)

I’ve always been more of a Spiderman villains kind of guy but I just cant help rooting for Peter. He’s just a guy trying to do his best to help with the power he has. He may suffer and sacrifice but he has his small moments of glory and it pushes him forward, he knows that if he has power to help, he is going to do his best to do so!!!!

SO yeah VOTE SPIDER-MAN/PETER PARKER!!!!!!!!!!!

(also so he can avenge all the other tssm characters I submitted and got eliminated already) (it’d be really awesome and funny since all the rest of the characters are villains)

[phoenix-is-the-hottest-thing]

That actually reminds me of an incident in a previous fandom years ago... it was a comic, and there was a page where a character, let's call him "Bob" (a bit of a village idiot, but with a little violent streak on top) freaks out because his colleague "Peter" says he might be gay, protesting, "aren't I already weird enough?".

Thing is, in Bob's world... being gay isn't weird? Like, Peter works in the government and he's openly gay. There's a famous scientist who's gay, there's multiple famous entertainers who are openly gay or bi, it's the kind of fantasy world where it's clearly not seen as a big deal. I think this was meant to be a reflection of the real world and queer experience, rather than something logically born of the story's circumstances.

And I remember there were two kinds of reactions to this page.

There was “I felt that so hard”, notably from a queer and neurodivergent murican person who had gone through a lot of stress after having the Realization because they'd already struggled to fit in. They noted their experience was basically beat for beat Bob's feelings, and that's likely the case for the author as well (also murican and gay). They related.

and then there was what my girlfriend's reaction sums up as "bro, you being gay is the least weird thing about you, are you fucking kidding me" (she WAS raised in a very homophobic environment, but not murica). To that camp, even if they were also queer and neurodivergent, the scene felt weird, overdramatic and alienating instead, and they were rolling their eyes.

There was a culture and experience gap that led to completely different reactions and even dissonance, even with similar identities... so yeah, OP's list really isn't universal queer experience, and shouldn't be. I came out to my parents and they said yeah we figured. I realized I was gay months into a same-gender relationship because I'm a little bit oblivious to things, and I honestly couldn't tell you that I ever assumed I was straight so there wasn't really a surprise factor.

Queer culture rooted only in pain and adversity will inevitably not be universal because the obstacles are never the same, if they're present at all.

This is something still reflected in my day to day actually. I'm friends with a lot of fellow trans people, but we often have different needs, and I've found myself now but I struggled to relate to them for years.

What I want and need for my identity is control. I do not feel the need to change my body or name from what I was born with like many of them do; it is enough that they are mine alone.

I've had gender dysphoria that was directly caused by interacting with other trans people and feeling out of place because their experience was more negative than mine. I felt like I was faking if I didn't hate myself. This is obviously a dysfunctional way of living. You do not need to hate anything about you to be gay or trans or whatever!! That's not what being queer is!!! As OP said, defining queerness based on suffering is alienating.

Now that I'm a little bit more grown up, I'm cool with it, but yeah, my habits as a trans person seem to be somewhat unusual.

I've chosen new names, but there's no need to throw old ones away, I don't have a deadname, they all have a place in my name hoard. I have new pronouns to better reflect who I am, but the most important thing about them is that I get to choose and define what should be used to refer to me, what other people think they mean is secondary. Sometimes I feel like the way I'm most comfortable with my identity is in complete opposition to what most people seem to think of as "transitioning".

I'm sure, somewhere out there, other queer folks relate to me! Most likely, it's a mix of culture, age, and personal experience. Hell, one of my oldest trans buddies recently shared their gender got less binary as they transitioned because they felt weird to pass 100% of the time, which they used to think was what they wanted.

Queerness isn't simple, or straightforward, or defined by suffering. Sometimes, we do have common experiences rooted in joy or pain, but that's not what being queer is. Being queer is a unique, personal human experience, and sometimes it's just not that big a deal either.

so guys turns out that being raised by queer people alienates me from the queer experience. probably not a good thing

[isolatedbubble]

Romance in MXTX, Priest, and SHL

MXTX: Flower, Wine and Dreamworld

The romance in MXTX's works is like flower that grows in ice and snow; colorful, bright and hopelessly romantic, blossoms in misery and hardships.

It features a distinct "us against the world" mindset, depicting love as the only constant in the world. It's an eternal "dreamworld" detached from worldly matters, the perfect escapism as well as a source of strengths in the face of cruel reality.

Both MDZS and TGCF are a critique of mob mentality.

The contrast between CQL and MDZS is very interesting. While the former ends with LWJ taking charge, and therefore changing the world for the better, the novel ends with wangxian isolating themselves from grand politics and focusing more on helping individuals as recluse. It has an essentially pessimistic attitude towards the morality & intelligence of the collective. 

TGCF takes a slightly more optimistic approach, featuring the crowd being courageous under the right circumstances. However, both works share a similar undertone: putting one’s absolute faith in the collective is dangerous, whereas unconditional trust and devotion can be only found in one-to-one connection

MXTX herself compares MDZS and TGCF to 花间一壶酒 (A cup of wine among flowers), MDZS being the wine and TGCF being flower. She also compares MDZS to 风雪夜归人, the person returning home from snow and wind, and TGCF to 红泥小火炉, a small red furnace.

Priest: Breezing Wind and Burning Iron

The romance in priest's works is more complicated. It's the most gentle in its normal state, when it is rational and collected, in which case it's like the breezing wind, soothing, sweet and light-hearted. It gives the individuals more incentive to achieve their individual and/or societal vision, as well as more reason to value their own lives & well-being.

In Faraway Wanderers, the most distinct feature of WenZhou relationship is how in naturally sync they are, and how comfortable & smooth their dynamic is. They both have past burden, but it doesn’t matter, because they bring simple joy, understanding and happiness in each other’s lives.

In Sha Po Lang and The Guardian, the ML’s lingering love for the MC motivates them to become better version of themselves, to care about others, and to form a holistic vision about bettering society. 

In The Defective, Lin Jingheng(MC) explicitly said that Lu Bixing(ML) is the only meaning in his life. He had little incentive to care about his own life after his revenge plan fell apart. LBX helped him reconnect with his inner idealism, and gave him a reason value his life.

When the passion and fiery energy manifests itself, however, the romance is like burning iron, blood and fire. It isn’t actually toxic or unhealthy, but it's not pure and innocent either; in this case, it strives for something deeper and more intense, never content with the past or the present. The sheer intensity of relationship is like a double-edged sword, walking the fine line between unconditional devotion and dangerous obsession. 

SHL: Spring Water and Healing Open Wounds

The romance in SHL is like "spring water"; it's warm, gentle, nurturing. It breaks through the boundary between individuals to bring the couple closer to each other, taking them back to a utopia of their childhood dream, away from social pressure and responsibility. The theme central to their relationship is “salvation”: how love is able to bring people back to integrity.

Both drama wkx and drama zzs have lots of regret about their past sins and wrongdoings. Four Seasons Manor is essentially a metaphor for purity, acceptance and the safety of childhood home. How to make drama wkx open up and accept this safe harbor as his home is one of the most significant plot-lines of the show.

SHL couple is way more emotionally vulnerable and expressive. A significant part of SHL arc is healing the wounds in an open and honest way. They cuddle and confide in each other way more often, talk about their shameful past and even cry about their regrets in front of one another, which is very rare among MXTX/Priest works.

The heat of the relationship sometimes gets too hot and even burns; in other words, there are constant miscommunications, conflicts and misunderstandings in the relationship. However, they can never let each other go, because it's the only source of warmth left for them in their hopeless lives filled with regrets and guilt.

Similarities and Differences

*Note that this is not a SHL/TYK comparison. TYK is kind of an “unorthodox” priest novel; you will know what I mean if you have read 3+ of her works. 

Relationship Dynamic & Narrative:  

In MXTX’s works, the concept of “romance” itself is divined; and the characters are illustration of the ideal of “undying love”. People are made for one another, to complete one another. Her works use colorful symbolism (silver butterflies, the emperor’s smile, the 3 thousand lanterns, etc.) to depict this romanticized ideal of love. 

For MXTX, the romanticization of “destined love” is one of the most recurring themes of her novels. Therefore, the readers look at their relationship through rose-color glasses. Obsession is usually framed in a jolly & romantic light, and doesn’t feature much tension or stress, and has less negative or unhealthy undertone. 

In most of priest’s works and SHL, soulmates are not born but made, so they have to figure out how their relationship works step by step. Therefore the narrative is less of a “rosy picture”. 

Priest has a habit of using derogatory terms to describe relationships that are mostly healthy, but somewhat “bloody” and edgy, full of excessive passion and obsession. The most common phrase is “爱生忧怖”, a Buddhist term meaning “love results in worry and fear”. 

SHL obviously has to be more subtle in expressing love. That said, drama WenZhou are way more emotionally vulnerable and expressive than their novel counterparts, as well as most Priest & MXTX characters. They have a dramatic falling out once in a while, even towards the end. They barely fit the Chinese definition of Zhiji (to know me/to understand one another), but are “lovers” who are buried deep in their passion instead. 

Past, Future and Evolvement: 

In SHL, characters are encouraged to treasure past impressions that are thrown in figurative “wrappings”, whose luster is derived from age-old experiences (Psychological Types, Carl Jung). In other words, they are encouraged to root their love in a shared past, a Utopia of innocence. 

The contrast between The Defective and Word of Honor is very interesting to observe. Both involve long separation, and the suffering and personality changes hat comes from it.   SHL narrative frames their innocent childhood as something to cling to and return to. Drama WKX is encouraged to accept his identity as Four Seasons Manor disciple because it was part of his childhood past. This is a significant part of drama WenZhou relationship.

In The Defective, the narrative doesn't encourage the couple to dwell on the past that much. On the contrary, the all-knowing AI explicitly discouraged the MC from “comparing past to present”. They are advised to accept changes, however painful it might be, and build a better, more equal dynamic out of it, evolving from one-sided pandering to fighting side-by-side.  

In Priest’s novels, the characters rarely return to something in the past, but look into the future. Change is usually framed as inherently beneficial, albeit usually painful and rocky, the implication being that you need to constantly strive for something better.  

Sha Po Lang is a good example of this, with Gu Yun’s changing attitude towards Chang Geng after he as he matures, gradually showing his intelligence in politics. CG starts referring to GY as Zixi instead of YiFu is also a sign of this change---to see him as equal rather than a parental figure & protector.

The Defective is even more obvious in this regard, with both parties uncomfortable with the change initially, but gradually adjusting to the changes during their 16-year separation. The ML also stops calling MC by his surname “Lin”, as a sign of viewing him as equal. 

In MXTX’s works, change in personality or relationship dynamic is neither framed as painful or good. It just happens. It’s a natural flow that take place when it does. Their relationships are rarely challenged by change. They are objectively at a better place compared to their past, but it’s merely the result of a series of events rather than a deliberate choice or struggle.  

WangXian’s relationship naturally changes over time after WWX’s rebirth, but neither of them really struggles with the change. 

Xie Lian doesn’t even recognize Hua Cheng as the someone from his past, so they start out as friends getting to know each other. 

Salvation and Changing one another: 

Priest herself stated in an interview that she doesn’t believe in the concept of salvation, since people have the inner capacity to be their own savior. Therefore, priest characters usually don’t actively try to change their partner’s morals or personality. Some might be willingly influenced by their partner, but there’s rarely an element of moral condemnation. Even when there is a conflict between different values, the options are 1) to reconcile them by choosing the middle ground 2) to maintain their independence and tackle it with nuance 3) to break up.

On surface level, Mo Du/Silent Reading is about Luo Wenzhou being Fei Du’s salvation. However, as LWZ pointed out himself, Fei Du would’ve been a good person at heart with or without his influence. 

In The Defective, when Lu Bixing mistakenly thought Lin Jingheng stayed in the Eighth Galaxy against his own wishes because of their relationship, and that their priorities are irreconcilable, he even thought about breaking up. Of course he was not serious about it, but this showcased that he would never try to change LJH’s convictions. 

In SHL, however, the concept of salvation is central to the theme. Some find it strange that SHL make drama zzs the more “moral” one of the two, despite his action being more objectively questionable. In fact, the only reason he get framed as more “moral” is that he admitted his fault sooner, and therefore could guide drama wkx’s path back to salvation: to recognize the goodness in people, make peace with external world, to clear his name in Jianghu, and to follow due process with his revenge plan to avoid collateral damages. 

“I tried to change you, but you end up changing me”, said drama ZZS. This relationship dynamic is never present in any of priest’s works I’ve read. Priest characters don’t *try* to change one another. 

Does MXTX believe in salvation? Hard to tell. One could argue that Hua Cheng would have be way more amoral and even immoral if it hadn’t been for XL. This is complicated and is a topic for another time.

However, it is certain that MXTX MCs don’t condemn each other morally. “The orthodox one defending their unorthodox partner in front of the world” is a common wuxia trope, but the way MXTX novels approach it is very different from SHL. 

HuaLian never had a serious falling out about being on different sides. Even when they disagree, they respect each other and love each other exactly the way they are. Hua Cheng didn’t approve of Xie Lian saving Mu Qing, but he didn’t interfere with Xie Lian’s decision. Xie Lian feels responsible for helping Shi Qingxuan in Blackwater arc, but he is perfectly fine with HC helping He Xuan keep secrets. In several cases where they have different values, they are able to make it work with ease.

LWJ never *morally* condemned WWX for his action, and never once objected to WWX practicing demonic cultivation after his rebirth. In fact, LWJ never objected to WWX’s morals; in their previous life he was worried about his safety, and struggled with what to do about certain situations due to his family background, but difference in morality is not an issue for them. 

The “righteous” one does not feel the need to guide their unorthodox partner or to be their salvation with regards to integrity. 

*The similarity & differences part is a bit messy and some points are not fleshed-out. Sorry about that. 

**I don’t claim to have the right interpretation. The lens by which we see different styles of romance is ultimately subjective. 

[wings-of-a-storm]

Same anon with another general thought here, but I don't think enough people are talking about how crushed Benji must be to know that not only is he not allowed in Victor's home because of Isabelle, but that also Isabelle was right off the bat so accepting of and friendly towards Rahim. Not even Victor seemed to give it much thought, and I get that he was happy that his mom was "doing better", but he really should have considered Benji's feelings on the matter more and noticed how hurt he was.

Hello again! Another wonderful general thought to ponder. A very complicated one though, as it turns out, as this particular situation is full of nuance and mental health minefields…

When you’re that overwhelmed by external stress (and it intermingles with your mental health), you can’t think or behave on a level you would normally have the energy and clear-thinking to be able to do. And Victor’s situation with his mother is impacting on both boys. Both are distracted by their own stress and trying to stay above water in their own ways, which makes some of their reactions very self-focused.

Victor’s stress is pretty evident because we have his point of view and are living in that pain with him.

Benji’s is more subtle but the clues are there to piece together.

For me, it is pretty clear that Benji has had to compromise a lot of himself in their relationship so far due to the more dire nature of the stressful situation Victor is currently going through. Normally, that level of compromise could possibly be maintained in the short-term for someone who is at a healthy-enough headspace in their own life, but I don’t think Benji is there yet. Not just because he is a recovering addict, but because of the root cause of that addiction -- his own journey of coming to peace with his identity.

Events happened in Benji’s life -- like his violent car crash -- that reshaped him into someone who survives internalised hatred about himself through mule-headed determination and idealism. Like, Benji is very idealistic about living an authentic life and expecting others to be better in society. And most of the time it is well-meaning, if not misguided, idealism, such as telling Victor he shouldn’t compromise with the basketball change room because he should only ever hang around people who accept him for who he is.

And so much of that attitude has probably come from the trauma of that car crash -- it would have affected his tolerance level in life. He realised he almost died before ever getting to freely be who he is and the horror of that realisation completely shifted his priorities in life. He isn’t going to let anyone or anything get in the way of him living as his authentic self.

Derek’s influence would have only re-enforced that perspective, as Derek is also someone who is very much in the mindset of ‘I’m going to be exactly who I am and screw heteronormative bs.’

For over a year, Benji was able to live his own freedom and solidify his identity. It was really important to him to be able to do so. But then along came Victor who isn’t at that stage yet and that created a big imbalance in their relationship, through no one’s fault.

When Benji and Victor first got together, we saw Benji intuitive enough to display that concern -- that it might be tough to date Victor since he is so new to accepting his sexuality and hadn’t even said the words out loud yet, whereas Benji would have to relive being stuck in the closet. But even worse this time, because he had already had his car accident epiphany and would feel extra suffocation. But Benji decided Victor was worth all of that and he’d be there with him every step of the way through his coming out process.

For several months, Benji had to compromise who he was, relive a shame that literally took a drunken car accident to break through (more or less), and watch the person he really cares for feel rejected by his mama over and over again. Living that sort of cycle, even within a perfect summer bubble, takes its toll over time. It slowly erodes your patience and strength, exacerbates old wounds, makes you feel helpless… And for someone with such incredibly strong ideals as Benji, it is even tougher to sit on the sidelines and be unable to change anything. Benji has no control over that situation at all, when normally a sense of control helps manage anxiety (especially for a recovering alcoholic).

But Benji is dedicated to Victor and willing to (temporarily) compromise a lot of the steps he made to get to where he is today so that he can be Victor’s support. Where S2 starts, we see Benji still trying to stay strong in himself and be as patient and supportive as he can be for Victor. Cracks are there though because he has his own baggage that he’s constantly having to push aside.

Victor absolutely deserves that support and his situation takes precedence, but it would be a little unfair of us not to acknowledge the toll it does take on a partner. Both parties’ mental health matters.

And then, through all that compromise and unspoken toll on Benji’s end, Benji gets to hear how another gay teen is treated almost flawlessly by his boyfriend’s mother. It really is a lot of salt in the wound -- this other teen got to just show up at the Salazar house and be treated courteously, whereas Benji put so much effort into giving Isabel space and time and tried so darn hard to bond with her, only to be rejected at every attempt.

It would start to feel like the problem is with him; that’s he’s not good enough as a person (and feeling good enough as a person is clearly an insecurity Benji is still fighting through because we saw how much it meant to Benji in 1x05 when Victor told him he thought that who he was as a person was pretty darn good).

Rationally Benji might be able to acknowledge that it will always be easier for a mother to accept a gay friend than a gay boyfriend, but with the baggage of internalised hatred Benji already had growing up, rationality is so easily subsumed by negative thought patterns. So his control slipped and he couldn’t hide his hurt and bitterness when Victor told him about Rahim’s success. I really can’t blame Benji for having that initial reaction…

On Victor’s end, he is going through a lot himself. So so much. And when you’re in that amount of stress, it can be hard to look up out of that maelstrom and notice someone else’s stress. There’s just so little reserve left of your own to offer someone else when you’re depleted and trying to keep your own head above water. So for Victor, surviving that stress and pain meant focusing solely on his own situation. That, I also absolutely get.

It’s just really unfortunate that they’re both so exhausted that neither could spare extra energy to give the kind of support each other needed in that phone call. Victor needed to hear acknowledgement of how well his mother was doing, which Benji didn’t give at all. And Benji needed acknowledgement from Victor that it hurts that Rahim gets a free pass while Benji has to walk through fire for the same thing (except so far it has just been a lot of fire and no headway).

And to make things even worse, when Benji pushed through that hurt to apologise for his negative reaction, Victor had no intention of returning the sentiment for his own lack of support. He somehow didn’t see why Benji would be upset even after Benji pointed out the double standards with Rahim’s treatment. So we have uneven needs being met… Which is why Benji stumbled again so soon in the same encounter and couldn’t contain his bitterness once more. If Victor had recognised he also needed to apologise, Benji would have felt more seen and acknowledged and regained some positive energy to give back to Victor. But alas….bad cycles.

So yeah wow, I guess in summary to your ask, both boys played a part in each other’s hurt, both boys could have handled themselves better, and yes, I think in an ideal world Victor should have been able to take a moment to look up and really see where Benji’s own mental health is at. Because it was obvious that Benji was struggling with something -- if Victor was able to take a break from his own pain and have the reprieve of a clearer head, he would see the correlation between an increase of passive aggression from Benji and him suffering from something he isn’t voicing out loud to Victor. But both boys’ mental health isn’t that great at the moment and they are only human so monumental stuff ups are going to happen on both sides… :(

[besanii]

He watches as Wei Ying backs away from him, the horror on his face twisting like a knife in his own heart as he shakes his head and reaches out a hand towards him to halt his steps. But Wei Yingflinches from his touch, the tears flowing thick and fast now, so he stops where he is and allows him to stumble out of his reach.

“Wei Ying,” he says desperately. “Wei Ying, listen to me—”

“Tell me it isn’t true,” Wei Ying begs. His eyes are red, his nose scrunched and face blotchy from struggling to hold back his tears. “Tell me what he says isn’t true, Lan Zhan. Please.”

Lan Wangji glances at the sky. They’re running out of time. They have less than an hour before the solar eclipse ends, and then it will be too late. These last twenty years of careful planning would have been for nothing. He turns back to Wei Ying, struggling to hold himself together, distraught.

“Wei Ying,” he says again. “I can explain. I promise I’ll explain. But right now, we don’t have much time—”

“No, don’t listen to him, Wei-gongzi.” Meng Yao steps out from behind a gap in the rock formations scattered about the gorge, his dark eyes glinting even as he wears an expression of concern on his face. “He’s only trying to get you to drop your guard for long enough to get what he wants. He doesn’t really care about you. He only cares about saving his lover, whose soul he planted inside your body, and the only way to do that is by killing you.”

“Be quiet!” Lan Wangji snarls, but it’s too late. Wei Ying is already regarding him with distrust, with fear…with heartbreak. “Wei Ying, don’t listen to him. Please—”

“Is he telling the truth?” he demands tearfully. When Lan Wangji hesitates, he raises his voice, panicked. “Answer me! Is he telling the truth?”

There is no reasoning with Wei Ying in this state, so Lan Wangji reins in his temper and impatience and takes a deep breath. He glares at Meng Yao where he stands just out of Wei Ying’s line of sight, the ghost of a smirk on his lips.

“Wei Ying,” he says as calmly as he can manage. “Someone very important to me was grievously hurt and their life in danger—the only way to save him was to send him here, to the mortal realm, to undergo three mortal trials in order to heal his soul so he can return. And you—you are him. I’m trying to save you.”

It almost works. Wei Ying’s features soften into uncertainty for a brief moment, before morphing into disbelief. Into pain. Into betrayal.

“So all this time…I’ve just been a replacement,” he says faintly. “All those times you told me you loved me, all those things you did…was because you took me for him. For your lost lover—”

“No!” Lan Wangji moves forward to take his hands, but Wei Ying shrinks even further away. His arm hangs in the air between them, helpless. “No, Wei Ying, that’s not true. I meant it all. Every word of it.”

“Is that so?” Meng Yao interjects silkily, slipping in behind Wei Ying to murmur in his ear. “Do you know who he is, Wei-gongzi? The man you call Lan Zhan doesn’t even exist. His true identity is Hanguang-jun, the God of War.”

Wei Ying sways dangerously where he stands, but before Lan Wangji can make a move to catch him, he rights himself again, holding a hand to his temple. The other hand is visibly trembling as he uses it to keep Lan Wangji at bay. His face is pale and clammy, a deep frown creasing his brow, damp with sweat.

“Hanguang-jun?” he says, voice strangled. “The God of War?”

He looks to Lan Wangji pleadingly, but Lan Wangji says nothing to refute it. There’s nothing he can say to refute it, even if he had wanted to. Guilt and shame rise in his throat like bile, but they don’t have time. The eclipse is almost over. He clenches his fists, squares his shoulders, and raises his head.

“Begone, demon,” he thunders, voice echoing around the gorge. Both Wei Ying and Meng Yao clap their hands over their ears in pain at the sound. “You will not poison his mind any further!”

Wei Ying has fallen to the ground with a whimper, his head still in his hands; mortal ears are not made to hear the voices of gods, even if the soul inside the body is an immortal one. Lan Wangji wants desperately to go to him, to ease his pain, but he must first rid him of Meng Yao’s influence. Bichen materialises before him, unsheathed and pointed directly at Meng Yao’s chest; the demon laughs, high and mocking, and claps his hands in delight.

“Yes, yes, there it is,” he laughs, “the righteous and mighty Hanguang-jun, here to rid the world of the evil demon! Look carefully, Wei-gongzi—look carefully at your beloved!”

But Wei Ying doesn’t raise his head, doesn’t spare Lan Wangji or Meng Yao a glance. He’s hunched over, kneeling on the cold ground, hands over his ears; he sobs and shakes his head, his lips moving silently over and over. The sight of his distress roots Lan Wangji to the spot, striking him through the heart like a bolt of lightning. Bichen clatters to the floor.

“Wei Ying…Wei Ying, please,” he begs, sinking down to his knees. “Wei Ying, please trust me. You have to trust me.”

Meng Yao laughs again.

“Trust you?” he says. “How can you be trusted, Hanguang-jun? You’ve been lying about your identity to his face for three years! What else have you been lying about? Your relationship? Your feelings?”

His next words are choked on a gasp as Bichen buries itself into his chest. He grins at Lan Wangji and waggles his fingers playfully at the two of them as his physical body begins to disintegrate into wisps of smoke.

“Is he even real, Hanguang-jun?”

Wei Ying goes very still. The last piece of Meng Yao fades, the ghost of a menacing grin accompanied by his chilling, mocking laughter carried through the gorge on the smoky remains of his corporeal body.

Lan Wangji’s heart drops to his stomach. He staggers forward and falls to his knees in front of him, every fibre of his being screaming to take him in his arms and shield him from Meng Yao’s cruel words, but he can’t. Not when Wei Ying continues to shy from his touch. Not even if the flicker of flame in his chest threatens to shatter from the pain.

He clenches his jaw against the pain. The flame spirit is weakening with every passing moment, and once it goes out his body will return to its frozen stasis without his heart. But he can’t do that until the soul inside Wei Ying’s body—until Wei Ying reascends.  He needs to get Wei Ying’s trust, needs Wei Ying to see—they’re running out of time.

“Wei Ying,” he tries again, his hands hovering over his shoulders, aching to touch. “My name is Lan Wangji. I am also Hanguang-jun, the God of War. I do have an older brother—his name is Lan Xichen, but you would know him better as Zewu-zun, the God of Medicine and Healing.

“I made a promise to watch over you, to protect you, but I couldn’t protect you from the people who wanted to destroy you for something that wasn’t your fault—so we devised a plan to send you here to the mortal realm to protect you from them until you were strong enough to return. This is the last trial. After this, it will all be over. They won’t be able to hurt you anymore. You’ll be immortal again—”

“But I won’t be me, will I?” Wei Ying says softly. He lifts his head from his hands, staring down at them like he’s seeing them for the very first time. “I won’t be Wei Ying. Or have I always been just a doppelganger, an empty vessel that only exists to serve its purpose and then discarded? Is my life here even real? My family? My friends?”

“Of course you’re real,” Lan Wangji replies, aghast. “Wei Ying, you’re real. Everything here is real. All of it.”

Wei Ying looks at him then, his eyes haunted by doubt and sorrow.

“Did you ever love me?” he asks. “Not him. Me. Wei Ying. Did you ever love me for me? Or was it because I’m him?”

Wei Ying. Bright, beautiful Wei Ying who had suffered so many hardships in his short life and still smiled with so much joy. Who had taken him in without a second thought when he had thought him in danger, had done his best to nurse him back to health despite his being a perfect stranger. Who had forged a life of his own, and who just wanted to be loved.

If only we could be like this forever, he had thought fondly only last night as he pressed a kiss to Wei Ying’s forehead. Just Wei Ying and Lan Zhan.

The words die on his tongue. The hesitation is answer enough.

Wei Ying laughs, brittle, hard, wounded.

“You must love him a lot, to be willing to do so much for him,” he says bitterly. “He must be an amazing person to be loved by you.”

“Wei Ying…” Lan Wangji starts. He trails off, unsure of what to say. “I—”

Wei Ying shakes his head and holds up a hand to stay his words.

“Don’t say anything.” Lan Wangji closes his mouth immediately. “I have no way of knowing if anything you’ve ever told me about yourself is real. I don’t know if what you’re tell me right now is real. But I know that Wei Ying is real. Everyone I know here: Jiang-shushu, Yu-furen, Jiang Cheng, Shijie. All of them are real. This life is real. Everything inside me tells me it’s real. I know it in my soul.”

He looks up at Lan Wangji then, his eyes brittle and anguished. He’s so beautiful, even now. The shame and guilt of what he’s about to do, the selfishness of his own decisions, wages war with the anxiety inside Lan Wangji. But they don’t have time. It must be obvious, because Wei Ying shakes his head and exhales.

“I don’t know if you love Wei Ying,” he says, his voice cracking. “But I know you love him. And I know I love you. So whatever you need from me that will save him…you can take it. Just take it.”

He reaches out and takes Lan Wangji’s head between his hands, presses their foreheads together and stares deep into his eyes. In them, Lan Wangji sees an infinite amount of sorrow, resignation…and love. Pain lances through his chest at the sight, the flame spirit sitting in place of his heart flaring painfully in response. He gasps around it, tears burning in his eyes.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying murmurs into the space between them. “If the whole purpose of my life is to die here today, then that is what I’ll do. But I want you to promise me something.”

He takes a deep breath and traces Lan Wangji’s cheekbone with his thumb, tears spilling down his own.

“When you and your lover reunite, I want you to remember. The person you spent three years with here in the mortal realm, who nursed you back to health and who agreed to marry you—was Wei Ying. Not anyone else. It was Wei Ying. Don’t you dare get us confused.”

He pulls back before Lan Wangji can react, ignoring the aborted noise of protest he makes. He smiles, but it’s lopsided and wobbly at the corners despite the determination in his eyes.

“Do it,” he says, and turns his back on him.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji chokes, his throat constricting. “I—I’m…Wei Ying—”

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying says softly. “Please. Just do it.”

Above them, the sun is starting to peek out from behind the shadows. The eclipse is almost over. They don’t have much time left—

“Wei Ying,” he says again, tears obscuring his vision until Wei Ying is just a hazy blur before him. He blinks them back and raises his hand. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I love you, I’m sorry—”

Wei Ying bows his head and weeps.

—

Wen Ning looks up at the flash that erupts from the cauldron in the centre of the talisman array. A phoenix burst forth with a shriek, the tips of its fiery wings reaching to the furthest edges of the vast chamber; it circles around twice, drowning the entire place in blazing heat, before slowing down and shedding the flames as it lands.

A tall young man draped in black and red emerges from the fire. He turns to Wen Ning, down on one knee, and regards him with blank, grey eyes.

“Congratulations on your successful ascension,” Wen Ning says, bowing his head. “Wei Wuxian-shangshen.”

Notes:

shangshen (上神) - High God

Based on Love and Destiny (三生三世宸汐缘), where Jiu Chen, the God of War, sends Linxi (a vermilion bird spirit) down into the mortal realm to cleanse her soul of the dark energy that had been imbued into it from when she was a baby, and she returns from it in her true form as a phoenix.

[wordsandsound14]

Switchfoot albums ranked (not including interrobang)

I've been thinking about this a lot too recently. Ik I'm late to the party on this one but I don't get on reddit often. Only got on since the band did the ama. I won't include interrobang since it's so new and ranking it seems difficult. (worst to best)

11. Learning to Breathe - While this record has some of the best written songs (Learning to Breathe, The Loser, Love is the Movement), it also has some of my least favorites (Poparazzi, Innocence Again, Living is Simple). I often just find myself bored with this album and disappointed. There are plenty of dipping of toes in ideas and then abandoning them. For instance, the beginning of Erosion is such a cool unique sound and then it's abandoned for the rest of the song. The themes of this album are also really boring to me, even when I was a christian. I just found it wasn't taking a unique perspective or doing anything different with its themes when they have done so before.

10. Where the Light Shines Through - I feel this was the band when they were the most uninspired. It feels like it was trying to sell itself to the CCM crowd and make some waves there since it's been the most consistent place of making waves and it still didn't do that. Don't get me wrong, there are great songs here (If the House Burns Down Tonight, Float, Holy Water). The first half of this album is super good. It's that back half that feels like an axe to the first half. Every song on the back half has something that disappoints me. And I'm fine with christian themes and all but it felt like this album had more just praise songs vs the questioning of faith. Would've been a great EP and it kinda made sense that they went into hiatus after this album. I also feel that the themes of the album didn't really make it to it. Jon talked about how he was in a some struggle and storm before the album and then by the time they got recording it more so became an album after the storm. And I just wonder what was going on. Cause there's only small hints. I can only feel that an album that actually talked about that or coming out of the storm would've worked but we got way after the storm and leaving a lot of good inspiration behind in a ball of mystery that we still don't know about. I don't need to know every information that he went through but the songs got effected by it.

9. New Way to be Human - I think what holds this album down the most is it's lack of direction. I can feel them trying to tackle all of their ideas from folk to pop to indie while maintaining their identity. I just don't feel these ideas get fully fleshed out. But these songs are really well written and the philosophy bleeding into these tracks and ending up being a basis of many future songs can all be tracked back to this album. This album is just a very specific listen so I don't often turn to this album. I do think Something More is the most overlooked song, with Amy's song being a close second. I also think Incomplete is a just a better version of I Turn Everything Over so it feels like a repeat track. But I really appreciate what this record represents in their career and see it as a stepping stone of sorts. (Company Car is one of their best earlier works)

8. Native Tongue - Seems a lot of people have very different feelings about this work. I think the biggest thing that makes Native Tongue feel distinct is that it feels like a Jon Foreman project with Switchfoot. Like Jon was the only one who couldn't stay away from the studio and was calling the other members. They came and were happy to but it was Jon with the initiative. At least, it's how it sounds to me. A lot of these ideas are incomplete. But when they aren't, they hit really well (Native Tongue, Dig New Streams, Oxygen). And the amount of trying different things! Granted a lot of ideas of modern production ideas but I'm glad they happened. But some I'm not too fond of (Joy Invisible, Wonderful Feeling, The Strength To Let Go). I feel this album also really fell short without a good producer. It's not the production value that doesn't work but Switchfoot works best when there is a producer there that works with them and pushes them. I fell they could have been better but it also has some solid songs in here.

7. Legend of Chin - This is one of the most fun Switchfoot records but has such a distinct sound and charm to it. I understand that a lot of songs are about girls that Jon doesn't even know any more but there isn't a bad song on here. It's all just fun from 3 guys jamming in a room. I used to not like the closing track but it's grown on me and I crave that sound more and more. Some standout tracks are Home, Chem 6A, You. With Underwater being a super creative song. I don't have a ton to say other than this is root Switchfoot and their cores are on display here.

6. Fading West - I feel this is their most misunderstood record. The struggle this album went through is tremendous. Take the two best things Switchfoot is known for and strip them away and they still make a record worth listening too imo. It's not their best but it's really ambitious, even if accidental. Originally, they were going to only strip the guitars away but when you listen to the story of Fading West, going on a journey to feel inspired. There are plenty of lines hinting that Jon was having writer's block (blood clot pen). It does mean the lyrics suffered some here but I don't think they suffered a ton. They achieved the california surf music. However, I do think they missed a huge part that I feel the fans were wanting. It's the sound that's on the ep. It's the one we were advertised and didn't receive on the album. I would loved if the album had the sound of Edge of the Earth (the song). But I really appreciate the risk cause it's a huge one. (stand out tracks: Love Alone Is Worth the Fight, BA55, Slipping Away).

5. Vice Verses - This was the best they have ever been as musicians (you could argue this for Oh Gravity too tho). But the amount of pushing their musical talent is very apparent on this album. The bass lines and drum rhythms are amazing. The only songs I'm kinda eh about are Rise Above It (still has great production and energy) and The Original (still has amazing bass and guitar parts). This album does have a weird issue with the lyrics either hitting really deep parts of your heart or being a very vague or simple line. The production is also the best imo and everything is layered super well. The only production that I disagree on is on Where I Belong (the digital claps for why and some parts sounding a little inconsistent with the rest of the album). But the choices in the sounds of the guitars and genre jumps and the grunge. Still lacking in some areas but still a solid record. (Holds my favorite Switchfoot song Thrive)

4. Oh! Gravity. - Oh yes, the golden era as I call it. I pin this album as the core Switchfoot sound. If you want to hear what Switchfoot sounds like, this album nails it. Guitars, fun, great lyrics, and musical variety. I don't have much words like I did for Chin. It's a pretty simple album to digest and it's the quickest made one (from what i'm aware of) and it shows but in the best way possible. It's also only made better by the podcast series they made. The only things that hold this album down a bit is American Dream and Burn Out Bright being repeat tracks of another (American Dream being the better one) and the double edged sword of it being simple when surrounded by high effort long works that are beyond exceptional.

3. The Beautiful Letdown - The Classic Foot album that defined their careers. It's not a joke tho that everything went up a whole level with this album. Something clicked in Jon's head that turned out some of his best lyrics and the song formats and sound just grew a ton. Jerome being an essential new member. And only one song that's a little meh (Redemption) and even the meh song is still catchy. Overexposure might be why it's not higher but I feel I have more reasons being that it does sound dated. Most of the time for better but a little for worse. I also feel that if Drew was a part of this album, it would be up a another level also. There's just a slight amount of incompleteness to this record. Not sure exactly but regardless the songwriting on this album is amazing and the questions and the way they are asked remain timeless.

2. Nothing is Sound - Grunge at its best here. I'm still not certain what Jon was going through here other than what the lyrics mention but whatever he was feeling hits hard. It resonates so much. To this day, these songs hold my throat. Not a bad song on here. It's a really good album that only gets beat by it's production value. Some songs could've been produced better (ironically Jon mentioned that recently too lol). Golden, The Setting Sun, and We Are Young Tonight are the forefront of those. And it's not like they are terribly produced but they are missing a little from what they could be. But literally it. Front to back, this record just rocks while wallowing in despair from the fallen world and the loneliness and helplessness it brings. It also represents a huge decision on what to do after a breakout record and is one of the best records after a band reached public success.

1. Hello Hurricane - The whole sound of this record is the most complete the band has ever sounded to me. The writing on this album is so great. Not one song is a waste and process this album went through is amazing. I get that they can't (prob shouldn't) do this process but damn was it worth it. This project sounds so complete and so organically made, even with two songs that I feel could have been switched out. (Always isn't my favorite but I may having it be a song for a past relationship. But it also does still have a lot of raw emotion in it that I appreciate and can get past my own perceptions. It's the lesser of the offense. Free is the other one only cause it kinda is booty in studio. It's live version makes ya wish it was that way on the record). But i adore these lyrics and I love the sounds they used without washing it up with production but still using production (Sing it Out) as a tool. It's so good and I love this album so much

quick review of interrobang is that it’s a very solid record and I love the sound of it so far. It doesn’t take my top record but it’s an insanely catchy album with a lot of listens in the future. I’d probably rank it as 2 or 3. Not sure if it’s above or below nothing is sound. but really give it a listen. It’s exactly what i’ve been wanting from the band for so long

[violethowler]

The Things That Matter

I’ve talked a lot over the last two months or so about the many different ways that the characters, story, and themes of the Kingdom Hearts series align with the framework of the Heroine’s Journey. For the final chapter in this series of essays, I’d like to talk about what it means for this series to follow this narrative formula. Because the fact that Kingdom Hearts fits into this storytelling pattern is critically important now more than ever. 

The three most recent series I know of that aligned with the Heroine’s Journey framework all ended up missing the landing in various ways. Two of the three - Voltron: Legendary Defender and the Star Wars sequel trilogy - abandoned the formula in their final installments, while the third one - the Frozen movies - managed to fit into the formula almost completely, but suffered in the second movie from a lack of clarity as to which of the two leads is the main protagonist and which is the Animus. Two of these were under the Disney umbrella, and all three have had evidence found that executive meddling or other behind-the-scenes conflicts over story direction played a role in how the final installments ended. 

As I mentioned in my essay “Into the Unknown,” when a story deviates from the structure it appears to be following, it produces a visceral sense of wrongness in the audience. In stories which up toward the end aligned with the Heroine’s Journey, that effect is amplified. The framework of the Heroine’s Journey was designed to uplift the experiences of identities outside of what society considers the default option in storytelling. The lived experiences of those identities are mirrored in the narrative’s themes. So when a story set up around calling out prejudices and double standards about those identities that are ingrained into the audience’s culture deviates from that formula, the result inevitably ends up reinforcing those biases instead, on top of the brokenness of the narrative in general.  

In terms of how this applies to Kingdom Hearts, Sora and Riku’s individual character arcs have been noted by many LGBTQ+ fans to have notable parallels with elements of their own lived experiences:

Riku’s arc of learning to accept his darkness as something natural that’s a part of him and which he can express in a positive way mirrors how many LGBTQ+ people grow up with the idea that same-sex attraction is “sinful” and “unnatural” and have to unlearn that mindset in order to realize that there’s nothing wrong with them. Likewise, Mickey’s line in Re:COM about how spending time with Riku has positively changed his opinion about Darkness can be read as an analogy for straight people who are initially unsure of or hostile to LGBTQ+ identities changing their minds with education and first-hand interaction to become staunch allies. Esmeralda’s talk with Riku about how “There are just some things we need to keep separate from the world at large, at least until we have time to figure them out”[1], while on one level is referencing Riku’s Darkness and his inner turmoil relating to Ansem, can also describe the common LGBTQ+ experience of being in the closet and hiding that part of yourself from the people around you[2]. 

As for Sora, in Kingdom Hearts III he responds to Davy Jones’ comments in The Caribbean about the romantic relationship between Will and Elizabeth by saying that “I still have a lot to learn about love[3],” indicating he lacks understanding of his own feelings in the area of romance. This is supported by the official Kingdom Hearts Character Files book published by Square in February 2020. Short stories in this book featuring Sora’s POV depict him as actively confused about what romantic love is[4], and struggling to define the nature of his relationship with Riku[5][6]. This can be a common experience for LGBTQ+ youth growing up surrounded by media that only ever depicts romantic relationships as one boy, one girl. Many people who grew up like this—myself included—have had similar experiences of struggling to understand our own feelings about someone of the same gender because for our entire lives up to that point we had little or no exposure to the idea that being romantically interested in someone of the same gender as you was an option. 

Sora and Riku are each written in ways that speak to common LGBTQ+ experiences, and the fact that so many things—the canon parallels to Disney romances, the match with how love interests are portrayed in the Heroine’s Journey, the fact that one of the series’ Lead Event Planners Michio Matsuura was described by the Co-Director Tai Yasue to be “head over heels for the bond between Riku and Sora’s hearts[7]”, in connection with his enjoyment of “pure love dramas[7]”—are all pointing to the conclusion that these similarities did not happen by accident, but by design. 

It makes so much sense for Heroine’s Journey narratives to be used to tell LGBTQ+ stories because there are so many ways that homophobia and transphobia overlap with and are rooted in the very same gender and cultural norms that the framework challenges. Many countries have come a long way towards public acceptance of LGBTQ+ identities, but in terms of the stories that we tell, mainstream fiction is still skewed in favor of stories with protagonists who are straight and cisgender. Storylines with straight romance are treated as a society-wide default, while creators in countries like the U.S. who want to include even the smallest background references to LGBTQ+ relationships have had to fight and push back against corporate pressure to remove them. 

This is especially true for media aimed at children and teenagers, as the fact that being openly LGBTQ+ is still widely considered problematic in many countries is frequently used by entertainment executives in ostensibly more progressive countries as an excuse for censoring LGBTQ+ storylines and characters. Multiple creators working on animated shows for Disney and/or its competitors have spoken out in recent weeks about the resistance they faced to including LGBTQ+ relationships[8][9][10] and how they were told that openly acknowledging characters as non-straight was too controversial or “inappropriate for the channel"[9].

As a consequence of this environment, creators wishing to depict non-heterosexual relationships have had to resort to creative methods of getting the implications past the censors in a way that LGBTQ+ audiences would recognize while still maintaining plausible deniability so that the executives could make money off the story in anti-LGBTQ+ markets. The downside to this is that because these efforts are more subtle, most straight audiences will either not notice the implications, or else dismiss them as an accident. Some will go as far as coming up with alternate explanations to justify why any potential LGBTQ+ subtext about a character or relationship could not possibly have been put there by the creator intentionally. 

This extends not only to audiences, but also to people who interact with these stories in a professional capacity, such as translating and marketing a story’s international release. Animated shows that feature same-gender relationships have had international dubs change the gender of one character in the pairing to make it straight, for instance. Or there's the infamous example of how the English dub for Sailor Moon in the 1990s changed two girls from lovers to cousins in order to provide an explanation for their closeness that didn't involve acknowledging that the characters were not straight. In terms of the Kingdom Hearts series, the English localization has routinely downplayed LGBTQ+ subtext in the series while in some cases adding romantic undertones to interactions between a male and female character that did not exist in the original Japanese script. Kingdom Hearts III was one of the most egregious examples of this:

Hercules’ recollection of how he dove into the River Styx to save Megara’s soul in KH2 is thematically connected to Riku sacrificing himself for Sora at the Keyblade Graveyard through the phrase taisetsu na hito (literal meaning: “precious person”) when Hercules is talking to Sora in Olympus and when Mickey is talking to Riku in the Realm of Darkness at the beginning of the game. The English version translates this as “person I love most” for Hercules, while changing it to “what matters” for Riku and Mickey to call back to his meeting with Terra in Birth by Sleep, which the scene includes a flashback to. While Mickey and Riku’s original meaning can still be deduced from the conversation around it, especially with Mickey saying "sometimes you care about someone so much," changing the line for the sake of a callback downplays the evolution of Riku’s goals from protecting “things that matter” to protecting “the *person* who matters”. 

Donald and Goofy’s teasing Sora in the scene at Galaxy Toys where Sora comments on how much he or Riku resemble Yozora is framed in the English version as “Riku would be a great action figure because he’s cool, unlike Sora.” However the original Japanese indicates that the teasing is centered around the fact that Sora said a character who looks like Riku was good-looking.

When Kairi offers Sora a paopu fruit, she says in the original Japanese that it’s simply a good luck charm so that they don’t get separated, while in the English localization, she says “I want to be a part of your life no matter what, that’s all.” While “that’s all” still fits with how the parallels to Winnie the Pooh indicate her connection with Sora has weakened and she wants to maintain it, the first part of the English line calls back to the legend of the fruit introduced in KH1, which was openly referred to as romantic by Selphie in the original and localized versions of the first game. As a result, this adds romantic implications that contrast with Sora’s unreceptive body language and facial expressions[11] as he reacts to the initial offering of the paopu fruit. 

In the original Japanese, Riku’s words to Sora before his sacrifice at the Keyblade Graveyard translate to “I believe in you. You won’t give up.” The English localization changed it to “You don’t believe that. I know you don’t.” Not only does it remove a callback to the original game, but this phrasing dowplays Riku’s faith in Sora and ignores Sora’s very clear feelings of inadequacy. 

During the scene where Sora and Kairi are floating through the dark tunnel toward the Keyblade Graveyard, Sora’s line in English, “I feel strong with you,” was originally an acknowledgement of Kairi’s strength that called back to how he wouldn’t let her come along on the return trip to Hollow Bastion in the first game because he thought she’d “kind of be in [his] way”[12]. Removing this callback takes the focus away from Kairi’s growth and brushes aside one of the ways the game shows that Sora’s view of her has changed over the course of the series.

Some fans defend changes such as these insisting that the development team had to have approved of them. However Testuya Nomura himself feels strongly enough about the subject: he stated in a 2018 interview several months before KH3's release that “an incorrect or defective translation risks compromising the comprehension of the whole story,” referring especially to the Kingdom Hearts series[13], and the English localization of Re:Mind—which was much more accurately translated than the base game—directly references the original meaning of Kairi’s words during the paopu scene in one of the DLC’s Kingstagram posts. This all indicates that changes such as these that remove important connections or change the meaning of the conversation are ones that the development team very much do not approve of. 

LGBTQ+ fans of Kingdom Hearts who recognize their own experiences reflected in Sora's and Riku’s journeys know that Disney has not had a good track record when it comes to depicting LGBTQ+ characters in properties they are affiliated with. The most we ever get in their movies are background moments or nameless characters that are only there in one scene that easily can be cut out for distribution in countries with heavy anti-LGBTQ+ legislation. And that’s if the character’s orientation is even mentioned out loud in the film at all instead of simply being confirmed by interviews before or after release but never acknowledged on-screen. Television has fared better, but until recent years we never had any main characters who were confirmed in-show to be anything but straight. But things are slowly starting to improve. Within the last few years shows like "Andi Mack" and "The Owl House" have depicted major characters as openly interested in others of the same gender[14], and Pixar recently released a short as part of their Sparknotes program called “Out”, which openly centers on a man worrying about telling his parents he’s gay. 

This is why it is so important that the Heroine’s Journey of Kingdom Hearts follow through to a structurally appropriate conclusion, with the development team being given the freedom to tell their story in full without restriction or censorship. Deviating from the formula this late in the series would represent a continuation of the recent trend of Heroine’s Journey narratives being structurally broken by inference from forces other than the main creative team. But if the Kingdom Hearts story is able to complete it’s Heroine’s Journey without executives or localization teams getting in the way of the intended story, then the LGBTQ+ themes already present in Sora and Riku’s journey will break so many barriers,challenge people’s expectations of what is possible, and convey powerful messages of self-discovery and acceptance—just like the framework was designed to. 

Sources

[1] Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance; Square Enix; 2012. 

[2] Tumblr post by @blowingoffsteam2; December 3, 2019. https://blowingoffsteam2.tumblr.com/post/189461796759/blowingoffsteam2-dont-mind-me-over-here-just

[3] Kingdom Hearts III; Square Enix; 2019. 

[4] Translation of KH Character Files Beast’s Castle story by @lilyginnyblackv2; February 3, 2020. https://lilyginnyblackv2.tumblr.com/post/611420864489062401/character-files-beasts-castle-story-english

[5] Translation of KH Character Files Arendelle story by @lilyginnyblackv2; March 3, 2020. https://lilyginnyblackv2.tumblr.com/post/611490139845345280/character-files-arendelle-story-english

[6] Translation of KH Character Files Arendelle story by @notaseednotyet; March 1, 2020. https://twitter.com/notaseednotyet/status/1233993459670765569

[7] “Message from the KINGDOM” Updates!; April 11, 2012. https://www.khinsider.com/news/-Message-from-the-KINGDOM-Updates-2427

[8] “”Steven Universe” and “She-Ra” creators on Representation”; Paper Magazine; August 5, 2020. https://www.papermag.com/rebecca-sugar-noelle-stevenson-2646446747.html

[9] Twitter thread by Gravity Falls creator Alex Hirsch; August 9, 2020. https://twitter.com/_AlexHirsch/status/1292328558921003009

[10] Twitter thread by Owl House creator Dana Terrace; August 9, 2020. https://twitter.com/DanaTerrace/status/1292321440029478917 

[11] Frame by frame analysis of Sora and Kairi’s body language during the KH3 paopu scene by @notaseednotyet; September 14, 2019.  https://twitter.com/notaseednotyet/status/1172774158167506944

[12] Kingdom Hearts; Square Enix; 2002. 

[13] “Nomura stresses the importance of direct translations on story comprehension, and talks about world development as well as the Gummi Ship;” August 27, 2018. https://www.kh13.com/news/nomura-stresses-the-importance-of-direct-translations-on-story-comprehension-and-talks-about-world-development-as-well-as-the-gummi-ship/ [14] Disney’s The Owl House Now Has a Confirmed Bisexual Character; August 9, 2020. https://io9.gizmodo.com/disneys-animated-series-the-owl-house-now-has-a-confirm-1844665583

[bestworstcase]

eugene?

What I love about them:

i think he’s a fun take on the jerk with a heart of gold / lovable rogue archetype and the series kind of also deconstructs that a little bit via, like, his acerbic friendship with cass and the times when his criminal past comes back to haunt him. he’s also a very witty guy with a lot of great one-liners and that makes him really fun whenever he’s on screen.

What I hate about them:

this is specific to tangled (2010) but cgi eugene sits smack in the middle of the uncanny valley. hrk. tts design all the way

also my god but this man is hard to write.

Favorite Moment/Quote:

he has so many great witty lines that it’s hard to pick just one tbh. “nope! i know best!” in FONR is up there though.

What I would like to see more focus on:

relationships with people other than rapunzel! eugene feels isolated to me in a way—personable, but really only close to lance (who suffers from a terrible lack of development on his own) and rapunzel, and i would love to see more explorations of eugene growing his relationships with new people.

What I would like to see less focus on:

i kinda feel like the fandom, esp outside of the cass corner of it although i do see this happening among cass fans to, has this tendency to lean really hard into eugene being the worldly/experienced/well-adjusted person in the new dream relationship and always or almost always being right, and being the one who helps her out when she’s struggling. (the most extreme iteration of this trend is the “rapunzel is bad and toxic for disagreeing with him” nonsense.) which sort of leaves a bad taste in my mouth, because eugene has his own flaws and shortcomings, and rapunzel has her own skills and strengths, and i think canon does a very good job of portraying that balance and the give-and-take so i don’t enjoy it when fanworks simplify that just bc eugene has more life experience.

Favorite pairing with:

i’m not super #invested in new dream but i do like their relationship a lot. it’s nice to see healthy m/f couples depicted in fiction.

Favorite friendship:

i do love his friendship with lance.

NOTP:

cass/eugene no thanks

i’m also… really not keen on the ot3 in any configuration

Favorite headcanon:

this one is kind of a hot take but i like to take his fear in BVA completely at face value. like yes! his greatest fear is indeed having a bad hair day! and this is not because he’s shallow or stupid but rather because he is a man of genuine confidence and absolute, unshakable faith in rapunzel so he just doesn’t HAVE any serious, deep-rooted fears for the red rocks to hook into. he’s not insecure when he isn’t in the middle of identity disturbances. he’s not secretly riddled with anxiety. he’s just… a person who isn’t scared of much and that’s why he keeps it together so well throughout the entire episode.

[natsunoomoi]

More SVSSS stuff because I just watched ep 5. I’m not in a position at the moment to pay for the VIP pass and plus it’s like one show that I’d be paying for, so eh. I think I can wait.

The highlight for me is definitely always just looking at Shen Qingqiu’s face. I really like how he looks. Like when they show grown Luo Binghe he looks nice too, but it’s not that often. When Liu Qingge comes out of the cave I’ll probably enjoy the eye candy for every episode thereafter. I’m not normally really like this, so I think the aesthetics of this show just touch on something very comfortable deep in the recesses of my memory of some kung fu movie I watched with my Dad as a young child that imprinted on me so I have a very specific weakness for men with that kind of a look.

I also have a very specific weakness for villain characters that have a kind of redemption or a complicated past with some inklings of maybe they could be redeemed even if overall they were kind of a dick for at least a portion of their lives. This is my Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho weakness that almost universally applies to almost all my interests in life. I think the idea that Shen Jiu set his owner’s house on fire and killed them all except for his friend relates rather strongly to that because that is the thing that Hiei ulitimately decided not to do, but was the thing the Koorime in Hyouka no Kuni feared. Except Shen Jiu acted on it.

But like Shen Jiu supposedly could have been saved if the original’s author was a better writer and wasn’t writing a bullshit stallion novel. Like the fact that he saved Haitang is a compelling example of how his heart wasn’t completely cold. Of course she was his fiancee and people kind of are iffy about if they really were, but like they probably were between each other. Even if he was a slave, she lived in his house and she was his friend and they talk to each other. Naturally if you get along with each other really well, maybe as kids you just say, “When I grow up, I want to marry you.” Then because they’re friends and they like each other, they agree and they plan it that way. Just between them. Nothing to do with her family or the reality of the situation. Just two cute kids making a promise innocently. But like with that backdrop, it’s kind of understandable that he would save her from his slaughter and the fire that he set to destroy her family house. The interesting thing is that he never once in his entire time living there or even in the aftermath tried to tell her what her family was really like and what they did to him. He left her to hate him for what he did and assume that her family was innocent and the attack was unprovoked. He didn’t do anything to destroy her image of her loved ones.

It’s really sad how strong his mistrust for other men is, but that’s trauma too. We’re not really given specifics of how exactly he lived as a slave. We know that he was the 9th one bought, but he likely slept in close quarters with other slaves because it’s not like a noble family would give a whole lot to their slaves and amenities were probably sparse. For very different reasons, the disciple quarters even on Qing Jing Peak are probably similar. Sparse to focus on training and cultivation and close because of the number of disciples and just the overall situation. Even if the quarters had relatively more space than his slave quarters, that does sound too similar for it to be a huge trauma trigger for him on top of being surrounded by mostly other males. Self-isolation as a result of the trauma and hyper focusing on just his cultivation as a means to survive and get by day by day and create the foundation for his entire identity and basically it’s definitely the set up for disaster and all of Shen Jiu’s problems socially that lead him to being the main villain for the original story. It’s very sad. If only Yue Qingyuan tried to actually talk with him more instead of apologizing. I know he probably figured ultimately his excuse doesn’t matter, and it doesn’t, but Shen Jiu really needed help and to feel like his whole world wasn’t cold. Just knowing that he was in his friend’s thoughts and he tried to come back maybe could have eased his suffering even a little and start to build up a new level of trust again for him in particular but even for men in general. It’s sad as well that no mentors in his time there as a disciple ever like kind of noticed and tried to like just talk to him. I know he keeps his cards close and probably didn’t show outwardly he was struggling, but like how come no one asked how come he was spending so much time at the Warm Red Pavilion with women? That’s strange right? No one was concerned? I mean, like even if ultimately you say, it’s up to you if you want to keep going and that’s your business, still maybe ask and be like, “Hey, so I notice you’re not sleeping along with the other disciples and spend every night with the ladies over there? Uh, what’s up?” I think like for his teachers that might have been an important thing they should have done, but no one did? That seems like a big plothole to me that he was allowed to just continue like that with no one asking even once or showing concern that the top disciple of Qing Jing Peak was not socializing with the other disciples or sleeping in the same quarters as them. I’m surprised even not one of the ladies in the Pavilion even asked why he was there every night. I mean, I’m sure they wouldn’t want to shoo a way a client, but like no one asked even like one time? I understand from the meta point of view that plothole is probably there on purpose to show how the original’s author was a dumpster fire to create a horrible world of super toxic masculinity as an ouroboros eating itself, but jfc I really feel bad for Shen Jiu that he was made to feel such suffering as a result of absolutely shit writing just to make him an enemy for Demon Binghe.

Oh and he just had a shit first cultivation master too. What the hell with the horrible luck. This poor kid is just trying to survive and he just gets a raw deal.

But I suppose that’s also like a masterful backstory on MXTX’s part to make us root for Shen Yuan’s rewrite and create a happy life for “Qingqiu” that he wasn’t able to make himself. He did it initially for his own self-interest, but the Qingqiu everyone knows in the end is much more well-adjusted. I’m still sad though that it feels like that means original Shen Jiu still left that world with Shen Yuan replacing him only knowing sadness.

So then I was poking around the tags on here and saw someone had a theory that original Shen Jiu got punted from his timeline and turning into Shen Yuan who knows the whole story and then dies and gets put into his old body. I actually buy this, but my version of the timeline is different. Like I was thinking Shen Jiu-Qingqiu died as a human stick under all the torture and everything and then became reborn as Shen Yuan reading through his whole life and mistakes through a horribly written story and then dying via food poisoning and brought into his own old life with a chance to redeem himself. I really like this idea except that Shen Jiu seems really, really straight and Shen Yuan may be a bit more fluid.

But all this to say, that I have an itch in a confluence of all of my weaknesses to want to really comfort Shen Jiu. ;o; There’s a small part of me that while enjoying Shen Yuan’s rewrites, also really wished Shen Jiu could have been happier so he didn’t turn into such a dick because literally no one else around him seemed to do anything except let him fuck himself over including the people who supposedly cared about him. So very sad. T_T

And then maybe this should be in a different post that’s a different topic. I kind of touched on a bit how the image of the situation probably doesn’t look great, but it looks like some people are like bashing on the Bingqiu ship? It’s the canon ship for one, so just stop there.

But if you really want to go into it, as another person pointed out, the actual teacher-student relationship was between original Qingqiu and Binghe. We’re reading a different situation because it’s Shen Yuan who was a Binghe fanboy who has the relationship with Binghe. The imaging isn’t great because he’s in and controlling Qingqiu’s body, and the rest of the characters in the world don’t know this, but the meta reading of this is that it’s okay because it’s a different person actually. In world, the other characters do probably find it a little odd and the issue with Qingge in the succubus cave as I mentioned before, he’s probably panicking when the succubus mentions that Qingqiiu’s love interest is a junior because he can only think of himself as that role and didn’t think to include a disciple into that description. It doesn’t seem like it’s completely unheard of or taboo though because there seems to be some implications that maybe Shen Jiu originally had some kind of designs on Ning Yingying because he’s also a bit jealous of Binghe for getting her attention too? A large part of his jealousy comes from his insecurity with his cultivation and other people having more advantage or potential to surpass him despite his hard work, because again trauma and hyper focusing on building his entire identity around one thing and no one helping him, but like also seems in this world there’s some leeway between teacher-student relations turning into something else. This is not really a normal kind of situation where they go into a modern school or anything. A lot of the disciples were probably at one point also juniors to their master before they graduated to become a lord, and when they grow enough to end their disciple term and can become more independent cultivators they’re not really obligated to stick by such a standard because they’re adults. Like maybe they hang around the sect still and work as like someone they happen to send out on demon slaying missions if they choose to stay instead of going off somewhere and it functions a bit more like an army in that regard where they’re not really learning anything new or getting any new instruction, but they’re still kind of a disciple. It’s not a perfect 1:1 relation to teacher-student relationships because of the structure of cultivation sects. It’s not great in the army to have a relationship with your CO either, but the point in the story when their relationship develops is more like that. But like Mingfan probably eventually would go back to his family and just live out a noble life because he is a noble, so it’s not like all the disciples would stay and perpetually be students forever. There’s some very important distinctions at play here in the story that the people who object to this aren’t understanding. 

Like this isn’t like an actual school like in Harry Potter or something where the kids all go off to Hogwarts and there are actual students and teachers and every Peak is like a Hogwarts House. They’re learning and the peak lord gives them some level of instruction, but there’s also a great deal of independent study because cultivation is very personal and bound by natural talent and how much you put into it. The fact that everyone has their own manual should tell you a lot about the structure and how it’s okay for Qingqiu to leave for 3 years to go meditate in a cave. The masters in these situations are more like more well studied seniors who just have more experience and have been appointed to help you get unstuck or something because they have more experience to troubleshoot. There’s some authority carried with that as well, but it’s a very different experience from like a boarding school, so such a relationship is not entirely taboo. It’s not perfect because if you’re still trying to play the old roles at the same as your new role as a partnership that can get kind of weird, but it can work out if there’s communication involved as with generally all things.

So yeah, Bingqiu is actually okay, and rather than harping on something that’s not an issue, I think the more interesting discussion is how obligated a person is to be faithful to a different person’s life if they end up in their body. Like for body swap movies where the change is temporary they’re always like “Hey, don’t f up my life!” But like this is a permanent change where Shen Yuan was inserted into Qingqiu’s life after he was already established. What is the philosophical theory to how much he should keep up Qingqiu’s responsibilities and how much freedom should he exert for his own desires? That’s the real question. I think the balance he struck became ultimately more happy for everyone in the sect, so eh.

I realize a lot of this is not related to the episode, but the episode is just a continuation of the sparring match and nothing much else to say about it. The most interesting thing is getting to see a flashback of the original Qingqiu and getting a better idea of who he was like instead of the Shen Yuan version we know.

[crankynewt]

New Beginnings

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Sunrises are known for representing the start for new beginnings, and that is exactly what (Y/N) and Bucky need whilst dealing with the aftermath of the snap.

Warnings: Endgame spoilers (is that still a warning??), a pretty cheesy story, and this hasn’t been proofread.

Word Count: 1307

Masterlist

A/N: THIS IS SOOOO CHESSY and I haven’t proofread this so there will probably be some errors! Also, the italics are flashbacks!

     The early hours of the morning paint the sky with a wide array of warm colors as the sun emerges from beyond the horizon. Many people interpret it’s meaning differently, but to you and Bucky, it means hope. It signifies the end of the darkness and the beginning of a brighter future; a symbol of hope. Somebody once said that there can be no light without darkness, and no darkness without light. After suffering at the grips of HYDRA and manipulated into weapons of mass destruction, both you and Bucky are constantly searching for that path of light.

     Your mind drifts off into deep thought as you admire the sun’s reflection on the open water, embracing the new day with open arms. The crisp morning air is a sheer contrast to the warm mug in your hands, holding the steaming beverage providing you the needed energy to get through yet another day. An oversized sweatshirt hugs your shoulders as you lean against the railing of the Stark’s patio, the quiet sounds of wood creaking as the two figures shift being the only break in the silence. Crystal blue orbs are locked onto you, as the soldier’s mind wanders back to before the world erupted into discord.

     The warm Wakandan air is a welcome feeling as Bucky opens his eyes to start the day, the peace and calm still a foreign feeling to the soldier. As he peers out the entrance of his hut, he is met by a figure framed by the warm colours of the morning. Countless shades of red, orange, and pink embrace him as he approaches the silhouette. You are sitting on a fallen log, looking onto the rolling African hills, reveling in the perfect weather and picturesque landscape.

     “Shouldn’t you be sleeping in?” He questions, as he joins you on the log, lowering himself to where he is no longer towering over your seated figure.

     “I’ve spent so much of my life in a cage, letting others control what I do,” you started, turning your head to look at him, “It’s my turn to choose, and I’m choosing to appreciate what they kept away from us. My mom always used to tell me that each sunrise was a new beginning. Growing up, we used to sit outside and watch it rise every morning, but now I can barely remember a time where I felt that same hope or optimism.”

     “This is a new start for us,” Bucky stated as he reached for your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Although you had spent years training together, neither of you were yourselves. You were always machines, not in control of who you were, and it’s only been the past few weeks that you’ve had the chance to be James Barnes and (Y/N) (Y/L/N). “You might never get that back, but you might end up finding something better.”

     After that day, watching the sunrise became a daily occurrence for the pair. As time went on, they began bringing one another things such as a cup of coffee or a cozy blanket. Simple gestures, yes, but each carried more meaning than a thousand words. They were not dating, despite the feelings that each held for the other, but the term “friends” is nowhere near strong enough. After experiencing the horrors of HYDRA and suffering at the hands of humans who felt they were above others, they understood each other on a deeper level. There is a bond there that is impossible to describe, that remains rooted so deeply into their identities.

     The world changed when half of it turned to dust. Friends were separated, families torn apart. Bucky suffered at the hands of Thanos whilst you were left behind for years desperate to fix what had been broken, to undo the mad titan’s actions. After what felt like a lifetime of isolating yourself, locked into your apartment desperately grasping at strings and exhausting every possibility. 

     When Steve and Tony had shown up on your doorstep explaining that they had found a way to achieve the impossible and that they had a shot to fix things once and for all, it was time to get your act together. And surprisingly enough, it worked, and it was not long before you were reunited with your missing comrades.

     Clutching your aching side, you look up from your spot in the rubble just in time to see Sam flying through a portal, accompanied by T’Challa, Shuri, and Okoye. Your breath hitched in your throat, eyes frantically scanning the number of opening pathways as you stumbled to your feet. However, you were unable to find the man you were looking for before you were swept up into the fight of your lives.

     During the battle, you were knocked off your feet by one of Thanos’ revolting creatures. You struggled against it, desperately reaching for your weapon as it lashed at your throat. But before any damage could be done, a gunshot was heard amongst the chaos and you felt your attacker go limp. Shoving the corpse off yourself, you’re met with a hand offering to help you up. Your eyes flicker up as you were met with the face of the man who had been by your side for so many years, and who you had worked extremely hard to bring back.

     You grasp his hand as he helps you up, and you quickly pull him into a tight embrace. Tears prick your eyes as you cling onto him as if your life may depend on it, Bucky not hesitating in returning the hug.

     “You came back.” You mumble just loud enough for him to hear, your voice cracking with emotion as you refuse to let go.

     “Of course I did, doll. You can’t get rid of me that easily.” He replies with a chuckle at the end.

     After what feels like an eternity, you let go of him before pulling out your gun and letting a smirk paint itself on you face.

     “Let’s go kick some alien ass, shall we?”

     Relishing the calm moment before the undoubtedly hectic day that lies ahead, you and Bucky enjoy each other’s company as you continue your quiet morning.

     “(Y/N)?” Bucky broke the silence, tearing his eyes away from the scene before him and rather admired the beauty sitting to his right. 

     “Yeah, Buck?” You responded, matching his gaze and shifting your body to face his.

     “Do you ever get tired of this? Of the constant stress and worry that it’s only a matter of time before somebody else is turning our lives upside down?” He questioned, nervously fiddling with the mug in his hands.

     “Yeah, but it’s a lot better than the shit that we went through with HYDRA.”

     “I know that, but have you ever wanted something quieter? That simple life that Steve and Tony swore by. Before the war, I never really thought about settling down, but now I just want an average life.” Bucky explained.

     “What are you saying?” You asked, feeling butterflies form in your stomach. It would be a lie to say that you had never pictured or longed for a relationship with the former assassin, and after spending so long having each other’s backs, you are already extremely close.

     “I don’t really know how to say this… God, but I want to try this, us. We could just leave this life behind, move out into the middle of nowhere and start a life together. I want to start a life with you.” He said, and slowly made his way closer to me. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest as we drifted closer to each other. As the distance closes between us and our lips touch, you can’t help but realize, this really is the start of a new beginning.

I’m just starting to write again! Send an ask to be added to my taglist!

[idealnreal]

I would love a meta on a timeline of takuto’s mental state

meta / who ever you are nonnie you have my love forever

I solemnly swear i will not make this a thousand words long crap it is. But yes, lets do this.

1) Childhood to his teen-years

Being quite a sensitive child, Takuto was hyper aware of the emotions running through the house in his early childhood. He still remembers being quite stressed and upset whenever he heard his parents voices being raised. A part of him also understood that he should not expect his father to come back, and he understood enough to feel upset. At school, he was easily overwhelmed in busy and noisy classrooms -- and will often withdraw or to sit on his own. However, for the most part, he was fine with making friends, and did make a few. He also quickly bonded with his step-father, who did get him a cat for a present -- and the combination of both helped him manage his social anxiety.

In middle school, his family moved into another town, and though he experienced a lot of initial stress -- middle school was where he met Shibu and Rumi. And with them, he began to become alot more social and able to manage  his anxiety and emotions. He joined school activities, went bouldering with his friends and seniors. He did have his share of taking on more than he could handle, as he was often who his classmates would go to talk to -- and for help. There were several times where he would mistake the experiences and feelings of another for his own. And would come home terribly upset. He also became more aware of the wider world through both fiction and non fiction, and the news. It was probably in high school when he began feeling anxious of the state of the world -- and his place in it. 

2) University

He remembers his time at university as the happiest of his years. With Rumi and Shibu -- and his new found direction in life -- for the most part he felt completely in control. Sure, there were long nights, short tempers, impossible deadlines and exams-- it never caused him any anxiety that he couldn’t handle. His social circle is limited to Rumi’s and Shibu’s friends, as well as the people he climbs with -- and he never felt the need to have anymore than those. Towards the end of medical school is when he first discovered cognitive pscience and began to research it -- which would become his purpose and joy.

Perhaps the most difficult portion of this stage of his life was his psychiatric residency. He had become painfully aware over how responsible he was over someone’s happiness -- even their lives. This stress made it difficult for him to block himself from over-empathising with his patients again. And he suffered  emotional burn-outs and depressive episodes regularly for years -- straining most of his relationships. Which made him all the happier and prouder when he completed his residency, completed several papers on cognitive pscience, was licensed -- and most importantly, when Rumi agreed to marry him.

3) Prior and after the Incident 

He began experiencing migraines several months before the incident-- which he  thinks could be the effect of staring at his research too long and working late into the night. But despite this, his hope was higher than ever-- as he felt that his life and his future had fallen into place. He was over the moon at the idea that he will marry Rumi -- and though finances were tight, he was sure that his research would one day be able to earn him a decent salary to make their lives comfortable. But his life would never be that simple.

The months that followed the Incident were characterised by periods of intense depression, broken by a handful of days of manic overworking on his research. It is also after the Incident when he began experiencing dissociative/ depersonalisation episodes due to his trauma and survivor’s guilt. He also regularly gets auditory hallucinations, while the migraines also seemed to intensify. However, he feared admitting to anyone that he was suffering from these conditions -- much less seek treatment. He was terrified that it will be used to discredit his research and push him further out of the academic funding circle. Besides, he needed to keep sane for Rumi. He needed to stay strong for her. This is also the point where his distortion begins to manifest.

His first awakening to Azathoth and the subsequent ‘loss’ of Rumi, revealed his path forward. He knew what he had to do, how to do it and why he must see it through. This singular and clear vision began driving him forward on working on his research, despite various failings and attempts to shut his work down. While the migraines and hallucinations have stopped, he still experiences dissociative episodes, as well as very lucid nightmares due to his link with Azathoth -- even if it was under-developed at the time. 

4) Years prior to the start of the game and prior to the third semester

He has pushed away almost everyone in his life in the years prior to the game, his friends and his family-- a result of his unresolved survivor’s guilt and paranoia. He continues with his research and working at a few private practices over the years to help heal people, and to gather data to test his theories. 

And while he suffers from various setbacks to his mental health, he has been able to methodically manage his anxiety, emotional burn out, and his dissociative episodes. He still refuses to admit it to others or to seek treatment -- and he convinces himself that as long as his episodes don’t get too out of hand, and that he’s still able to work on his research, it’s fine. 

Any small happiness he has felt during this period would soon be quenched by compulsive suspicion and guilt. Perhaps any true feelings of joy he felt were all related to advances of his research -- spotting the phantom thieves returning from the Metaverse, and Joker helping him realise that he could integrate the collective unconscious into his theories. 

To make clear, despite his attempt to keep people away -- he cares deeply about every single person he meets, and every single patient or student he takes on. He is genuine in everything he does for them, and he would be the first to go above and beyond to cheer them up or to help them. He shares their joys, as well as their burdens, and these people drive him onwards.

6) Third semester

His full awakening to Azathoth was a cathartic experience. For years, he had worked on studying the cognitive world, formulated theories of how it can be used in therapy and gathered proof that it can be used to heal. And if his first awakening granted him the key, now, he was shown the lock and the door. While his heart was distorted with his messiah complex long before this event, it  has now been given validation and supercharged. Now Takuto had been chosen to give the world and all humanity the peace and happiness it deserves. 

His full awakening also fully merged his mind and self with Azathoth, and as a result, I think he has gained all the maddening knowledge of the world between realities, and of all realities and of all worlds. And by taking root in Mementos, he also began experiencing all of people’s fears, pains, and memories. Now, knowing and feeling all of humanity’s agony -- whatever doubt he had was gone, replaced only by the singular conviction that what he must do was the right thing. 

And this was also the same time his survivor’s guilt twisted into deep self-loathing. When before he would dissociate from a room full of happy people, now, he was convinced that there was no place for him in this perfect and ideal world that he was creating. He would take all of humanity’s burdens and sins -- he would sacrifice his own life and existence-- if it meant their salvation. There was no going back. 

7) Post royal (True Ending)

Atlus: Ta-Da! he’s fine, happy taxi driver man! Me: Uhm, Doubt.

While the change of heart definitely caused his messiah complex madness to disappear -- it left a gaping void of his unresolved trauma, survivor’s guilt and an intense anxiety about his purpose in life and place in the world. He now doesnt trust himself to help or heal anyone -- the only real thing he had about him ‘self’ and his identity. And now -- he has experienced that perfect reality and tormented with the knowledge that he had failed to uphold it, and that if the world was suffering now, it was his fault. The world was back to being the terrifying, chaotic, meaningless place it always was -- and there was nothing he can do about it.

As a result, for the months that followed his defeat -- he would have crippling depression and intense dissociative/derealisation episodes. His would also experience auditory and visual hallucinations -- which, together with everything else, usually resulted in some degree of self-harm.

Yes, I do think he will eventually admit and ask for help from Shibu and his own family-- and he will find some way to pick up the pieces and pull himself back togethe, and that he’ll seek out Rumi and work through their trauma together. But it will be an incredible struggle. There is a happy ending for him -- it just might take a couple more years. And some goddamned therapy.

[thesffcorner]

Binti: The Night Masquerade

Binti: The Night Masquerade is the third and final book in the Binti series, written by Nnedi Okorafor. We start directly after the ending of Home with Binti and Mwinyi racing back to reach the Root, as the Khosh soldiers attack it. Binti is struggling with her new powers, as well as all the different identities she now embodies, as well as her possibly being responsible for her family’s demise by returning to Earth. I’ve made it no secret that I don’t like this series very much. The first book started out strong, but then got lost in a plot too big for the amount of pages it had. The second book was quite infuriating, especially with the amount of character regression Binti suffered, but this latest book greatly improved on it. I daresay it’s my favorite of the series; while I wouldn’t reread it anytime soon, I found it was a satisfying conclusion, and it’s also the most action and plot focused book in the series. My main gripe with the previous two books, is that the action is always rushed and the ending always unsatisfying, because these books have too many things in them, and nowhere near enough time to develop any of it. In just this book alone, outside of Binti, we also have Okwu, Mwinyi and Dele, and they are all given equal weight in the story. I just found the relationship between them and Binti rushed and unsatisfying. Okwu and Binti really should be the main focus, considering their friendship is what causes the conflict in this book, but Okwu spends most of the book as a silent watcher. There is nothing wrong with Mwinyi, I actually found his presence refreshing and liked him a lot, as he was the only character that seemed to act as a human, not an amalgamation of every single desire everyone in his tribe has. But considering this whole mess started because of Okwu, I expected him to be more prominent in the plot. I liked the twist with the Night Masquerade, and I liked the plot with Dele in theory; like most of these, his jump from I hate Binti because the Elders said so, to she’s the savior was too quick and unmotivated, but I appreciated that he was allowed to be a more complex character than just a mouthpiece for tradition. The thing that I had the most difficult time with was that I still found absolutely no redeeming qualities about the Himba. They are terrible to Binti, including her own family, they belittle and condescend to her, they cast her out, they are hostile to everyone who isn’t part of their culture and I never once cared what happened to them. That Binti wants to protect them, and cares for them is understandable and commendable, but I as a reader had no investment in whether any of them lived or died, because they were horrible to her. Binti for her part is still a very passive character. She does a lot more in this book, but she still spends the majority of the book in some form of incapacitation. I get that she is young and I get that she is overwhelmed with hormones, expectations and powers, but this is the third book and she has STILL not progressed from a scared girl cowering in the corner of her room as the aliens around her fight. She is special because she has cool powers and everyone around her says she is; she rarely if ever demonstrates any real conviction or force of character. I liked the ending a lot, and I liked the non-reveal with the edan; I also liked how the conflict between the Khoush and the Meduse ‘ended’. I think this series has so much potential, this universe is so unique and full of possibilities, and I’m genuinely down to read more, especially if it’s a full length novel, even though so far I’ve been mostly let down. I am excited for the TV show because hopefully then we can get a lot more from these characters and universe, but until then, my journey with Binti is complete.

goodreads

[linkspooky]

Do you think Medaka has a martyr complex?

That’s something actually discussed in story. Well, the concept of a Messiah Complex was discussed which has a lot in common with a martyr complex. 

A messiah complex (Christ complex or savior complex) is a state of mind in which an individual holds a belief that they are destined to become a savior. The term can also refer to a state of mind in which an individual believes that he or she is responsible for saving or assisting others.

Whereas a Martyr Complex issometimes associated with the term "victim complex", desires the feeling of being a martyr for their own sake, seeking out suffering or persecution because it either feeds a psychological need or a desire to avoid responsibility. 

What they have in common is that often Messiahs feel the need to martyr themselves for the sake of others, and usually the way they help people almost always has to do with recklessly sacrificing themselves in some way, or subjecting themselves to pain in order to help others. There’s a lot of overlap between these two ideas, I’m meant to save others becaus I’m special, and I have to suffer for the sake of others. In both the individual believes themselves to be special, and chosen, and therefore singles themselves out from others in some way. 

The end result is that self sacrifice becomes a form of self harm. Characters with complexes like this in fiction will seek out to sacrifice themselves again and again, because of their own feelings of worthlessness, or their need to validate themselves. 

Medaka’s behavior pattern does have a lot in common with these two ideas. 

Medaka seeks to find a reason why she was born specifically because she feels guilty for her own existence. She finds it unfair other people have to struggle and work hard when everything comes easy to her. She feels like it was wrong for someone like her to be born, so she tries to chain her birth to a special reason.

It’s also Medaka trying to find some semblance of identity. Not because she’s an inhuman genius or a monster, but because nobody around her treated her like a kid ever since she was little. People found her creepy and adults left her alone, she describes her own house like a beauitful coffin and tried to move out as quickly as possible.

Medaka begins the story seeing herself as less than human, because nobody around her except for Zenkichi has treated her like a normal girl for her entire life. Everyone makes a big deal that Medaka’s simply too smart to understand humans and their struggles, but also nobody makes the effort to see her as a person. She doesn’t understand what nobody has bothered to teach her. 

In a way her perfect life is almost pitifully empty. Medaka does not have much of a connection to her father, except the fact that she is going to inherit the Kurokamis from him one day. Her older brother basically obsesses over her which stops her from having a normal family relationship with him. Her younger sister never played with her and then ran away from home and was separated from her for years. Her adoptive father only ever saw her mother in her, and never cared about her as an individual person. Medaka really does have nobody in her life, and because of that she slowly starts to become a nobody. 

Therefore, Medaka has always sought out an identity and to connect to people in really indirect ways. If she has no connections then she’s just a beast, she’s inhuman. 

That’s why seeing herself as someone special is an identity for her. It’s something to give meaning to an otherwise empty and utterly dehumanizing life where everybody except your childhood friend either worships you or is terrified of you. 

Saving people gives her an identity, and it also gives her friends. The friends she makes in the first arc are people she’s explicitly saved in the past and now feel indebted to her, Akune in middle school and Mogami from the swim team. 

Medaka also generally does not care when other people beat up on her, or break her bones, sometimes to even ridiculous extents because her body is so strong she can usually take it. 

It’s never been about her viewing herself as a saint or anything like that, it’s always been a misguided desire for connection. The point of all of these behaviors for Medaka is that they eventually backfire on her. The strategies she has for getting closer to others always end up keeping them at a distance. 

Akune worships her because Medaka became his reason for living, when what he really needed was to learn to live on his own without clinging to a reason. Which meant the two of them were never able to truly connect and Akune’s feelings towards her never reached her. 

She’s at conflict with herself, because Medaka doesn’t actually want to be a special person. Her desire in her heart has always been to be a normal girl. However, by believing she was born to do these things, that there’s a reason she’s so talented, that she’s obligated to stand above others then she’s making herself distant to others.

As Zenkichi says, Medaka by treating everyone equally is really just making them all strangers and refusing to become close to them. To see herself as an individual she needs to see them as individuals too. 

Medaka certainly has behavior in common with that of a Martyr Complex or a Messiah Complex but I would say it’s not like she has one exactly, because Medaka’s problem isn’t necessarily hypocritical altruism where she only helps others because she personally gets something out of it. It’s more of a sense of self destructive selflessness. 

Medaka’s own sense of self worth is so low that she will basically always put herself down in order to help others. Her complex does not come from a need to see herself as a special person, or a belief that she’s singled out always suffering, but rather both of those are symptoms of the central problem that she feels lonely. She basically begs at the feet of all of humanity for them to accept her as one of their own. That deep down she’s just a lonely girl wanting, someone, anyone to connect to her. However, her methods of connection are so convoluted she really only understands it in terms of saving others, or helping others, because Medaka believes her identity is nothing but her talent.

Medaka always tries to raise others up to her level because she doesn’t understand empathy yet. She doesn’t understand that people who are not geniuses can come to understand her and relate with her pretty easily if she opens up to them, because no one’s made the effort to do that. At the core of her being, her primary problem has always been a need for connection. 

Which is why while she has a lot of things in common with a martyr complex, that term deson’t necessarily cover the roots of her problems. It’s more of a symptom than her fundamental issue. Also, the way it was described in the manga itself was a pretty clear case of Kujira who doesn’t understand her sister all that well projecting on her. 

The reason Medaka seeks out danger is not because she feels like she has to get hurt, but really because she doesn’t see herself as a human being and does not see her suffering as her own. She probably does not actually want to die for a cause, or even suffer for a cause the same way other characters with Martyr Complexes might, it was just a symptom of the really unhealthy mindset she developed due to her loneliness. At her core Medaka’s always been a character really in love with life, and being alive, which is why she’s the one ultimately who saves the much more blatantly suicidal Ajimu Najimi.