#but he might also not be 'pure' enough and in that case it doesn��t really matter

[redridinnghood]

How should I call it?💕 Part 1

Hello There,

I'm Back with a new Story, Story will contain more parts and be a bit slow burn.

You meet a man with a Addiction and other Problems. For example he doesn't have any Impulse Control. Can you work it out? Can you help him heal? Or will he be your End?

What happens when you meet a certain Chaotic blonde?

Polyam relationship between Rafe, JJ and Reader. Don't like, don't read.

(Y/N Pov)

The first time I met him it was a late Summer Night. Met is the wrong word, I found him lying in an Back alley behind some Fancy Club.

He was clearly under the Influence of some Drugs and Probably Drunk as Fuck. But I couldn´t just leave him there like that at three in the morning. Should I call an Ambulance? Shit but I couldn´t risk it to pay for it. On the other Hand he needed defiantly help. I let out a deep sigh. Y/N how do you get yourself always in such situations? Leaning down I check his pulse, it´s fast but not dangerously fast. His skin is hot nearly Burning and his breathing is uneven.

Gently I stroke his head. ”Hey Man wake up, you shouldn´t sleep here it’s Dangerous.” My Voice is soft, I know how People under the Influence can act out. He just slightly lifted his head he tried looking at me, he failed his Head rolled Back. His Long limbs splattering out on the Pavement. Dam it! “Can I call someone to pick you up?” Voice still soft. He shook his head slightly. No. “Okay that’s not a big Deal do you live anywhere near here? I could call you an Uber and bring you there.” My Voice sounded a little more desperate. He blinked slowly. “No..” his Voice was raspy and sounded worn out.

Again I sighed deep. I held my Hand out for him, “Come on Big Boy, you can crash at my place but I can´t carry you so you need to help me a little bit.” He blinked Again slowly he reached out to take my hand. As I got a grip I pulled him up at first into a sitting Position, scared he might throw up. I waited a few seconds than I helped him up on his feet. He stumbled into me but I managed to help him stay Upright.

He groaned, he was distressed, his Head spun and he is pretty worn out. Yeah I know how it feels being slightly overdosed, not from my own experience but from a few people I grew up with.

His body felt Hot and I could feel his shirt being drenched in his own sweat. He needed a shower and to take of his drenched clothes. Slowly I made my way towards the big Apartment complex dragging him with me. Thank God it wasn´t far away, finally we reached the building climbing up some stairs.

As I put my Keys into the door I felt him clinging to me as if his life depended on it. It kind of did, I mean this neighborhood isn´t peaceful. Isn´t good to people who fall asleep on the pavement. After a few moments of struggling with the door it finally opened. Gosh when will the Landlord finally repair those fucking doors. Carefully they made their Way into the small apartment. I placed him on the couch.

“Alright Big Boy, can you tell me your Name?” Voice Soft but louder than before. Blue eyes with giant orbs fixated me, Truthfully he was quite Handsome. “Rafe” I heard his hoarse Voice. “Okay” I smiled a little. “We need to get you out of those dirty Clothes. It would be best if you would take a Quick Cold Shower.” He nodded absently. I walked out of the small living room into my Bedroom, searching for a few clothes my best friend Luca always left here. It were just a pair of gray shorts and an old Band Shirt but that would do it, Just in case I put a pair of Boxer in the pile. Since Luca wouldn´t wear them again I could throw them Away. I walked back into the Living room handing him the Clothes.

“Here take those, and there is the Bathroom. It´s nothing special.” He nodded and took the clothes. Slowly like in slow motion he got up steading himself on the couch. Than he reached for the wall because he started stumbling a bit. “Don´t look the door in Case you faint and keep in Mind it should be a cold shower.” I said loud enough so he could hear me but not loud enough to be shouting. When I heard the Water in the shower I started preparing the couch for him. After I prepared the Couch I filled a big Cup with water and placed it on the small Table. I made myself a tea and waited in the Kitchen area for him to finish. As he walked by I could just confirm my statement.

He was Handsome, beautiful Face with storming blue Eyes, he was Tall and had Dirty Blonde hair. When he spotted me he looked at me intensely. I just smiled “You are ready, that’s good I prepared the Couch for you and some Water. I will hop in the shower next If you want I can throw your clothes into the washing machine.” He looked at me and nodded I took a deep inhale. “I hope the cold shower lifted the fog a little bit of your mind.” His Gaze softened. “Yes, thank you” his voice was still cracking and the small smile he gave me didn´t quite reach his eyes.

Giving him a small nod I disappeared into my small Bathroom. The old blue tiles were still a bit wet I looked around and found his small pile of clothes throwing it into the Machine with my clothes. Turning her on, on a short Program so she would be ready in 20 minutes. As I stepped into my shower letting the Hot water embrace me. So I started thinking. He doesn´t Look Poor, his clothes seem to be pretty expensive. So what is he doing here? And why did I help him, I mean yeah I couldn´t just left him there I mean I could have. Why didn´t I just called the Police? It didn´t matter anymore he would crash here tonight and be gone tomorrow. Leaving the shower I hop into an old shirt and some panties hanging up the freshly washed clothes.

As quietly as possible I walk down the apartment into the bedroom. Soft snores coming from the Man, so I stop and look at him. The way the slow sunrise aluminates his Body makes him look so peaceful so out of a fairytale. Realizing that I just stared at a Stranger while he slept I quickly kept going. Carefully I lay down in my Bed, its full of Pillows and I have a few Books laid out on the other side. Sleep came faster than expected.

 

(Rafe Pov)

A soft humming sound wakes me gently I open my Eyes. Where am I? This is not the new Mansion? Not the Hotel where I usually stay when I go out.

It´s a small living room with a weird combination of furniture but it looks Good. Kind of. It seems cozy. Slowly I sit up stretching out. Wait those are not my Clothes. What the actual fu…

“Good Morning Big Boy” I hear a soft Voice. Why does it sound so angelic? Turning around I spot a Young girl in the Kitchenette. It´s probably her apartment.

“Want some coffee?” she asks while turning around grabbing a cup. “Sure” I reply while standing up and walking towards her. As I reach her she hands me a Baby Blue Mug with Puppy´s on it. Really?

She smiles, a smile so pure I never seen before. “thanks” I answer as I take the Mug. “Milk is in the Fridge and Sugar there.” She points at a small Container. “You want some Breakfast? I suppose after your consumptions yesterday you are pretty Hungry.” She asks while I pour some sugar in the Mug. “ This would be really nice.” I give her a small smile. My Memories of yesterday are coming back slowly. Why did she take Me in? Rafe takes a moment to Look at her, really look an her.

She is small around 5`3 her (Y/H/C) is tied in a lose ponytail her Skin looks so smooth and her (Y/E/C) are trained on the food she´s making. She is not skinny but also Fat, She´s just Beautiful.

But at the same time I´m  concerned, why did she took a stranger in? What if I had Lashed out on her? “ Thank you for Yesterday. I.. Honestly I´m really grateful but you could have gotten Hurt.” I swallow the Lump in my throat. “I could have Lashed out on you or something.” She hands me a plate with scrambled Eggs and some Toast. “Come let’s sit down and eat.” She just rounds me and sits down on the couch placing her plate on the small table and mentioning me to sit back down where I slept the last night. I obliged.

“Listen I´m Fine and that’s all that counts. You didn´t Lash out. You didn´t hurt me. And I couldn´t let you stay there.” Her Voice was genuine. It feels weird having someone so lovely not fearing me. Everyone fears me. “I.. Thank you.” I was dumbfounded she was right and I shouldn´t think about what if´s. Peacefully she sits next to me eating her Breakfast so I also start eating.

And oh my I never thought scrambled Eggs could taste so good. “This really good.” I smile at her, and she smile´s Back. “Thanks” she mumbles, she is cute.

Than it struck me I don´t even know her Name. “Hey.. um.. I think you didn´t tell me your Name…so.. What is your Name?” Why am I so Nervous. “ (Y/N). My Name is (Y/N)” I felt like my Heart skipped a beat the way she smiled and how soft her voice was. We ate the rest of our Breakfast in silence. It´s weird but I didn´t want this moment to end. I don´t know when it was the last time I felt so at ease. So content with myself. After Breakfast she handed me my Clothes and I changed. When it´s time to say goodbye and go our separate ways I find longing for staying. As if she could read my mind she hands me a small piece of paper. Confused I Look at her. “My Number. In case you need anything like a place to crash or something. Or just want to talk. I´m here.” Her gentle smile mesmerizes me and I can´t help it but embrace her in my arms hugging her. Carefully or she might break. “Thank you so much. I will defiantly reach out to you.” I say a little to enthuasstic. When I realise hear I hear a small giggle. I´m making my way down the stairs notifying my Dad I won´t be home for a few Days. Then massaging my dealer that I need some new Stuff.

After that I stare at the small pice of Paper, alright nothing to lose. It's late when I send her a Message, just a basic Hi.

[linkspooky]

I would like to ak you about Stain and Dabi, at the very least Stain seemed to consider Deku and Shoto "true heroes", with All Might at the example to follow. Meanwhile it seems Dabi doesn´t believe real heroes exists, not even All Might. Why do you think that´s the case?

So your question here is whether Dabi is following Stain’s will or not? Dabi’s ideals may not line up 1:1 with Stain, but I would say he’s far more loyal to Stain and his ideals than to anybody else in the manga. He may even be more loyal to Stain to the point of being disloyal to the rest of the league of villains. A comparison of ideology and methods of both Stain and Dabi underneath the cut. 

1. Stain’s Number One Fanboy

There are lots of aspects of Dabi’s reveal that were clearly inspired by and are even a continuation of what Stain did that made ripples in society. First and foremost Stain’s greatest success was that he got the actual public talking about him. 

This has always been the difference between the League of Villains, and Stain. Even when the League of Villains has points to make and try to communicate with others, they often get dismissed as villains who chose to be villains for selfish reasons. With Stain, even characters like Deku who are often too naive to grasp this can recognize  why Stain’s motivations eventually pushed him into becoming a villain. 

Stain is the one villain so far we’ve seen the heroes react to with something other than, “Well obviously they just chose to be a villain, because they’re evil, mean, nasty and selfish.”

To us, the audience Shigaraki makes more sense as a character. We know exactly why Shigaraki does what he does because we see him as a human. However, Shigaraki is not human to hero society. 

Someone like Stain is more palatable, because his ideals are a warped version of Hero Society’s own. Rather than being someone who rejects the idea of heroes entirely, Stain merely says, I want the number one hero to be like All Might, pure and selfless. Every hero should be like All Might. Stain only rejects a certain type of hero, not all heroes in general, and not the way Heroes are given too much license and power in this society. 

Stain notices the flaws within hero society, however rather than addressing it as a societal issue, he believes if he kills a few posers then the real heroes will step up. Stain takes what is a societal issue, and wants people to take individual responsibility for it. Which is why he ends up taking it out on completely innocent people too. There are family legacy heroes who are just in it for the job, and the glory (cough, cough, Endeavor) but Tensei was not really one of them. It’s not really Tensei’s fault that all of hero society is corrupt,  at least not particularly more than anybody else is, he’s just a well meaning guy doing his job. 

This is why Stain’s actions can blur the line between justice, and personal revenge. Stain thinks that it’s okay to kill people in service of a cause, but in this case isn’t he just beating up someone who was otherwise a good guy because he wanted to someone else to take the blame for the ills of society? 

It’s true Stain will go as far as to spare, or even save those he deems as worthy, but at the same time it’s only ever on his personal value of worthiness. He also, only saved Deku from a nomu after his battle was already lost. When they were getting in the way of him killing Tenya, he was only a little bit relucant to try to kill both of them because they were in the way of his mission at the moment. 

So anyway those are all of Stain’s bad points. Stain emphasizes the exact same kind of survival of the fittest and individualism that only saves some people in hero society and damns all the rest in the first place. Stain’s good points, he actually did mean what he said. Stain genuinely believed his actions were going to make the world a better place. 

Stain called Endeavor a fake, he also insists on personal responsibility that he has to do something to be the one to fix society he can’t just pretend to be ignorant of it. Stain as we know was a hero student, but couldn’t stay a student when he began noticing all of society’s flaws. In a manga where most characters are ignnorant, the fact that Stain is one of the first characters to point out something might be wrong here, and then had to act on at least his personal sense of justice does mean something. 

Stain’s wors also managed to reach people and stif them up that there is “something wrong here.” They got a response out of people. Which as we’ve been seeing this arc is hard to do. The fact that villains are only evil because they choose to be is just so ingrained in things that it’s hard to shake off. 

So I’m going to list three ways Dabi primarily took after Stain. 

Televised Broadcast

Insistence on Personal Responsibility

Heroes Must be Pure

The reason Stain reached so many people is primarily because of the broadcast. It’s how we see it reached even Dabi himself who was apparently either just a minor crimminal, or living in hiding until that point. Dabi realizes that nothing is going to happen, no concrete change will happen, even if he’s right, unless he gets the public on his side.

This is also why even though Shigaraki has some points to make, almost no heroes listen to him. Shigaraki one does not know how to make his point in an understandable way, and two does not know how to play the game of public opinion. 

Dabi always mentions casting public doubt on heroes, and making a stir in thenews. As long as they get a foot in the discussion, they’ve won somehow. 

Stain reached so many people because his news coverage was a spectacle, and it sparked mass debate. Dabi has been aspiring for a long time to cause the same kind of spectacle and stirring. That’s why he intentionally lets Endeavor gets victories to build him up, that’s why he burns people and leaves them to be found to increase his own notoriety. He was creating a narrative to sell to the public, one that would be easily digestible. Taking inspiration from Stain, he wants to make another news blitz to throw everything into question. He wants to be just like Stain, seen as someone driven to villainry by their intense ideals, and their desire for a betterworld. 

In fact Dabi is even a lot smarter than Stain in some aspects. Stain attracted the wrong crowd. For the most part after the news story died down, the most people that came to the league were those not really invested in his ideals. However, here comes Dabi who knows exactly how to frame himself. Just look at the difference between the way he addresses other people, and the way he addresses Shoto and Endeavor. 

Dabi’s playing his cards as best as he can to create a narrative that will get talked about, because the greatest impact that Stain left behind is that he got the masses attention for a litlte white. 

Number two - Individual Responsibility

Just like Stain, Dabi takes everything on his shoulders, for good or ill. He’s a staunch individualist. In some aspects that means Dabi can’t ever leave well enough alone. There are some injustices he can’t forgive, so he goes out of his way to punish them. 

Part of what is happening really is just consequences for Endeavor’s actions. Something that both the rest of society, would have just let him get away with. Dabi, Stain as individuals, can’t swallow any kind of injustice, and can’t be quiet about the things they notice as wrong or hypocritical in their society. 

Hypocrite or not, I believe Dabi is moved by some kind of ideals, some idea of justice. One that easily overlaps with personal revenge, in the case of Stain, that can very easily branch out and beat up perfectly innocent people who have nothing to do with it besides the fact that Dabi is in a bad mood and wants to feel like he’s punishing an individual for the ills of society. 

For good or ill, Dabi does repeat Stain’s habit of purging as well. Like I said because of the overemphasis of personal resposnability, the belief that an individual has to overcome society all on their own (pulling themselves up by their bootstraps), if someone fails to meet Dabi and Stain’s sliding scale of standards, whoever they are, they may just decide it’s appropriate to murder them. 

This behavior also lashes out and hits people who were almost completely unrelated. Tensei gets hit by Stain’s purge. Dabi’s plan to invite Hawks into the league (probably to dig up dirt on him) ends up hitting Twice as well. 

However, there is also a strong sense of personal responsibility that should be noted. Dabi is like one of the only league members to express remorse over killing people. Not just live on television, but also to himself in the aftermath of the pro hero arc. 

There’s also a tragic element for this as well. Dabi’s decision that he has to do everything on his own, means he can’t open himself up to cooperation. He can’t accept the friendship, the sympathy, or the sense of community for the leaguethat’s been offered to him multiple times. Of course, it’s sadder for Twice because he’s dead. But at the same time Dabi can’t trust anyone, can’t work with anyone, it’s extremely unhealthy and self destructive behavior in the end. 

#Heroes must be Pure

Here is where Dabi and Stain differ a little bit. It’s also where Dabi differs from his brother Shoto. Both Stain, and Shoto were inspired to beieve that real heroes exist because they witnessed All Might. Shoto beliees even if his father is corrupt, he can become a hero like All Might which is the utlimate way to reject his father. 

For both Stain and Shoto, they can believe that good heroes exist because they have All Might as an example. As far as we know, Dabi doesn’t even seem to mention All Might. 

So for Dabi, we still have the idea that heroes need to behave a certain way, heroes need to be pure. He points out that Endeavor is a bad pillar because he’s not ideologically pure, he’s not a hero who saves others like All Might. He also believes like stain that if he culls the bad heroes, then the good heroes will rise up from that destruction.

However, I think Dabi himself may have trouble believing the idea that good heroes even exist. 

Dabi shares the same purity / stain motif with Stain himself. 

Once things are stained they’re impure. Impure things need to be cleansed. He can’t forgive the dirty past of either Endeavor or Hawks. He can’t let someone who has already dirtied their hands pretend to be a hero. 

However, I think Dabi goes a step beyond Stain in that Stain thought if he picked off a certain amount of heroes within the society then the good heroes will do better. Dabi must believe that there is no way for a hero to remain ideologically pure in this society. So, his attacks are levvied at the society that’s incapable of producing good heroes. 

Stain had a tendency to attack individuals while demanding ideological purity from them, Dabi has the same habits but he goes one step further and suggests that society is ignorant, that society needs to question whether these heroes it uplifts really are good people. 

Which is also what I think leads to what you said that Dabi treats Deku and Shoto differently than Stain would. Dabi can’t believe in real heroes, so he sees the kids aspirations to be a hero as proof of their ignorance. 

I would say he doesn’t think Deku or Shoto could be a true hero because one, he doesn’t see them as individuals, he looks down on them as kids. Two, he believes they blindly follow the false heroes. He even mentions directly he doesn’t really see Shoto’s individual will, or his desire to become a hero to save his mom. He just thinks Shoto is the perfect puppet Endeavor raised him to be. Dabi is unable to separate himself from Endeavor’s abuse of him, and therefore he’s also unable to separate the idea of Shoto from Endeavor. 

So yeah, that’s the best way I can explain it with “the vague approximation of Dabi” that canon has given us right now. Basically Dabi is pretty loyal to Stain actually, he follows Stain’s ideals to the letter,he copies his strategy, he even has the same flaws, individual emphasis, black and white thinking, blurry line between “sacrifice for a better society” and “vigiltante justice because I think I’m right.” 

The main differences come from either Dabi just seeing the UA kids as either kids who don’t know better, or blind followers in the system. (This makes sense if you realize Dabi is someone who was raised by a hero since childhood, not someone who just became a zealot like Stain). And Stain has All Might for his idea of a “pure hero” whereas Dabi either believes no good heroes exist period. Or no good heroes can exist in the current society. I hope that answered your question, nonny!

[yandere-daze]

25. "Why won't you talk to me anymore?" For manipulative Yandere Bruno. Peace! Take care of yourself!

Of course! This is my first time writing yandere bruno so I hope I got it right^^  This is what I´ve been working on the last few days and it really got kind of long.

Enjoy!!

25. "Why won't you talk to me anymore?"

Cut for length!

Yandere! Bruno with prompt 25

It was a tranquil and warm evening in Naples, the sun slowly setting and the bustle of the city quieting down for the day. You were sitting in the living room, listening to the radio while waiting for your husband. Your husband´s name was Bruno Bucciarati and he was a very gentle and comforting person that cared about you a whole lot. You two have been living together for a few months now, you realize as you gaze down at the pretty golden ring on your finger. A testament to your love and happiness. Your husband was currently in the kitchen and cooking dinner for the both of you. You asked to help him with the preparations, not wanting him to have to do all the work, but he quickly declined and insisted for you to rest and relax a bit. Of course, you didn´t really mind, you could use the break, after all your head has been hurting the whole day already. The pounding, aching feeling in your head has been plaguing you more than a few times recently and you were never really able to ignore the pain, so you often took painkillers to alleviate the problem. You had been feeling like this for a long time now, ever since that one fateful day.

It was a few months ago, when you woke up to a world of white consuming you. You felt dazzled and confused as you looked around, your surroundings barely registering in your mind. Looking down, you noticed you were laying on a bed. Noticing an itching feeling on your arms, you examined your own body to find that you were wearing some kind of white gown and to your horror, the entirety of your arms where bandaged up, as well as your legs. Where you in a hospital? It looked like that was the case, but what happened to you? Why were you bandaged up like this? And who was the man sitting at the side of your bed?

This man had short black hair, neatly cut into a bob as well as very striking blue eyes. He was wearing an elegant white suit with some black dots here and there. What you found a bit strange were the extraordinary number of zippers on his suit that seemingly served no purpose at all. But you weren´t really one to judge, the suit did look good on him, you couldn´t deny that. More important than this man´s appearance though was the reason he was here next to you. You have never seen this strange man in your entire life, so what was he doing here?

Seemingly hearing you shift around in your bed, the man raised his head and smiled a charming smile at you. He looked relieved; you noticed the tension on his shoulders slowly vanishing at the fact that you were awake.

“Ah y/n, I´m so happy you woke up! I was so worried about you, you´ve been in a coma for the last 5 days! I was so scared that you might not wake up again.”, the stranger said as he gently grasped your hand in glee. His touch so soft, it was as if he thought you were extremely fragile, as if a simple touch could break you. Whoever this was, he seemed very concerned about you but you just didn´t remember him at all. Who was this man?

“Uhm thank you very much for your concern but sir, I don´t mean to be rude but…. Who are you? Do we know each other?”, you just had to know.

The man in front of you almost looks a bit offended for a second before a look of confusion crosses his face, his eyebrows furrowing as he seemingly thought something over. There was a short pause before his face lit up again, a gentle smile on his face as he directed his attention on you again.

“Do you not remember me? My name is Bruno Bucciarati. Do you know how you got to this hospital?”

“No I´m afraid I don´t…Bruno. In fact I don´t remember anything at all. All I can recall is my name and my age. What happened to me? And how do we know each other?”. You were so confused. Try as you might, you couldn´t remember anything that lead up to this situation. It´s as if everything was suddenly gone.

“That´s a shame..”, the man now known to you as Bruno contemplated before continuing. “I don´t mean to overwhelm you, but I am in fact your husband. We´ve been married for quite some time now. Look, this is the symbol of our bond together.”, he said while smiling.

He raised his right hand to show you a beautiful gold ring on his ring finger. Looking down at your own hand, you find the very same ring decorating your own finger. So this was true then? You were happily married but couldn´t remember anything? You felt exhausted, all this new information was too much for you.

“Is this really true? Why can´t I remember anything at all? I´m so sorry Bruno, this must be very upsetting for you. Me not even being able to remember my own wedding.” You felt genuinely bad for him. You felt that he truly loved you, you could just tell from his gaze that was directed to you. He must have done so much for you, how could you just forget everything? All of your shared time together?

Bruno was seemingly able to understand your train of thought, because he immediately tried to cheer you up.

“Don´t be sad amore mio. You lost your memories in an accident; it was not your fault at all so don´t beat yourself up over it. I don´t ever want to see you sad, you hear me? It´s not the end of the world that you can´t remember, we can just make new memories together! I´m sure everything will be okay. We can even have a second wedding once you have adjusted if you want that.”

He then leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss against your palm as you felt a fluttering feeling inside of you. He truly must care about you so much! You couldn´t believe how lucky you were to have him.

Looking up, your husband spoke up once again.

“As far as I know, the doctor said you were free to go as soon as you wake up. Do you want to leave the hospital together now? I can show you our shared home if you would let me.”

couldn´t deny that you wanted to finally leave behind these suffocating white walls around you. You also were a bit excited to see your new- uhhhh old home.

 You were kind of surprised to see how well decorated your shared home seemed to be. Everything looks amazing in your opinion! You obviously seemed to have a hand in decorating the place, it perfectly fit your tastes!

You two then came to a stop in front of a door, you almost bumping into Bruno. From what you could tell, this seemed to be the last room in the house, probably the bedroom.

Your husband looks back at you and gently urges you to open the door yourself, you should be the first one to enter the room. You carefully press down the door handle and open the door. What greets you blows your mind. You thought the other rooms looked amazing, but this was even better!

In the middle of the room was a huge double bed, tons of pillows piled on top, it had to be super comfortable! You were very tempted to just jump on top of it and go to sleep, the events of the day really tired you out. You heard a light chuckle from your right, looking over you saw that Bruno had entered the room as well and looked vaguely amused at your tired form.

“Feeling sleepy, cara/o? We can go to bed if you like, this day must have been very exhausting for you. But don´t worry, I´m sure you will feel right at home in no time!”

And with that, you two went to bed together, you falling asleep almost instantly despite the foreign situation.

After settling in, Bruno spends a lot of time talking about your relationship and how you two got together. You two met by pure coincidence at a coffee shop and had to sit down at the same table because there were no empty ones left. You then made pleasant conversation and one thing led to another, meeting each other more and more and eventually falling in love. Though Bruno absolutely insists that it was love at first sight for him. That he saw you and immediately felt a spark, he knew you were the one for him. He´s so glad to have you with him now! You´re just happy to know that you´ve managed to find a good match for yourself, someone that cares for you so much and would do anything for your happiness.

It´s been a few months now since you last saw the hospital, but your mental state hasn´t gotten any better. You still can´t remember anything from before you met Bruno in the patient room and it´s infuriating beyond belief. Sure you felt happy and comfortable with him, but you wanted to know so much more! But no matter how much you tried, your mind was as foggy as ever. Asking Bruno for insight on your past rarely did any good.

“Don´t strain yourself too much, darling. It´s okay if you don´t remember, we can always make new memories!”

Of course you want to make new memories with him but you also want to remember! It makes you a bit uncomfortable how ready your husband was to dismiss your past.

He was more than happy to talk about your relationship and how happy you both have always been but when you ask about your friends and your job? He immediately changes the topic as soon as it comes up.

“Are you not happy with me y/n? Am I not enough for you? I give you all the love I have to offer and that´s not enough? Those people weren´t good for you, you shouldn´t need to remember all of these painful memories!”

You really don´t know what to think anymore. Bruno is so nice and sweet to you, always looking out for you and making sure you´re comfortable but something doesn´t feel right.

Holding his hand doesn´t feel right.

Being in his arms doesn´t feel right.

Kissing him doesn´t feel right.

But whenever you do, you can´t help but see something flash in front of your eyes. A flickering image, gone before you can fully grasp it. But in your mind, you can see a different person, you´re sure of it. But all you can see is red.

Red eyes staring into yours.

Red red red red.

Dripping red.

Drips of red, forming a pool in front of your feet.

Someone laying on the ground.

Black and white clothes coated in crimson.

And then a flash of pure white.

A person in white, stained in red, walking towards you.

You feel a sudden surge of panic, an urge to run fills your entire being.

Panic.

Red traffic lights.

Red car.

Even more red.

Red red red.

Everything is red again.

And then piercing blue staring right at you.

You´re staring into Bruno´s eyes and the warm embrace that usually calmed you now set you on edge.

  Back then, you felt like you were on the verge of remembering something very important. But you weren´t exactly sure what you were meant to remember, you still weren´t. You wondered why you recalled this situation now of all times. The radio blared on in the background as you waited for Bruno to finish dinner.

“We are here to report the death of a man. His body was discovered just days ago, though doctors believe him to have been dead for some months now, judging from the state the body is in. The police are currently looking for any relatives or friends who might be able to identify…”

You notice that your husband had entered the living room as the radio went silent. You turn your head to see him holding a remote, as well as balancing the food in his other hand.

“Dinner is ready darling. I decided to turn off the radio so we can properly concentrate on our conversation. The noise is always so distracting from the important things.”, a gentle smile on his face as he puts down the food.

“You didn´t need to make my favorite, Bruno.”, you softly said.

“No, I insist. It´s only natural for me to do. I love you so much, why wouldn´t I cook your favorite dish for you? You´ve been so stressed and on edge lately, I decided this was the least I could do. You´re so important to me after all.”

Bruno poured wine for the both of you and then sat down himself. You two made pleasant conversation while enjoying the food he made. You then decided to tell him what´s been on your mind lately, the strange things you´ve been seeing, all the red. He showed so much concern for you so of course you were going to tell him!

He purses his lips, his brows furrowing as he thinks for a bit before deciding to finally answer.

“Darling are you sure you´re okay? That sounds very serious. Have you been taking the pills I bought for you? Maybe you should take some more, just in case. You´ve been talking about some very strange memories the past few days. I´m concerned, y/n”.

Yes, Bruno had been giving you daily pills for as long as you can remember. He said they were good to relieve the stress and anxiety you had felt after the accident, so you always took them. And he seemed to be right with that! Whenever you forgot to take the pills, you would get a pounding headache, feeling as if your brain was about to explode. You also sometimes saw these strange things, just like you did today. It seemed like you forgot to take your pills once again. You didn´t think it was too bad though, they always made you feel a bit loopy, feeling as if a heavy fog clouded your mind. You felt relaxed but also very hazy. You weren´t sure if you liked the feeling, you always felt a bit clearer when you didn´t take them.

So when Bruno got up to bring them to you, you decided to stop him and told him that you didn´t want to take them anymore.

He stopped dead in tracks, shoulders slightly tensing before turning around to face you. He was frowning, very apparently not liking the idea.

“Darling, you need to take these pills, they are important for you.”, he told you with a strained smile.

But you didn´t want to, so you kept declining.

He grew almost desperate at your continued refusal to take the pills, looking very panicked as his eyes widened and he started to wildly wave his hands around as he tried to convince you.

“Y/n come on, don´t be silly now. You just don´t know any better. I don´t think that´s the right decision for you to take. I know what´s best for you! Please don´t ruin this. You´ll thank me later on. I love you so much amore, so your health is my top priority! Just trust your husband!”

Something about his insistence didn´t sit right with you but you didn´t want to anger him further. For some reason you knew that you should never make Bruno angry, so you relented in the end.

As Bruno visibly relaxed and got up to bring your pills, you decided to keep eating your food while pondering over what just happened.

Hahh, eating risotto always made you feel at home for some reason.

  You woke up to an empty bed, your husband must have left for work already so you were on your own for now. You shifted your head to look at your nightstand, your daily pills already taken out of the box, ready for you to take. Come to think of it, this was how it always had been. You have never even seen the bottle the pills came in, Bruno always prepared everything for you.

For some reason, this new discovery gave you a feeling of anxiety. But why? He was your husband, why should he ever do something to harm you?

Still wanting to reassure yourself that everything was okay, you headed to the bathroom and looked for the medicine cabinet. It was supposed to be here somewhere. Looking around for a bit, you finally found the right bottle, you of course being able to recognize the size and the form of the pills you took daily by now. Carefully taking it out of the cabinet, you tried to read the label but were immediately confused by all of the complicated words written on it, so you just decided to look up the name on the front of it.

You were shocked when you looked them up and saw that these pills in particular were very infamous for their bad side effects, which caused them to not get sold anymore. These side effects included sleepiness, decreased concentration and extreme forgetfulness.

Extreme…forgetfulness?

You could swear you were hearing alarm bells ringing in your head. This couldn´t be. Was your own husband actively trying to repress your memories?! Does he not want you to remember something? But why? What reason could he possibly have? While you were lost in thought, you noticed he must have accidentally left the radio on, because it was blaring in the background again.

“Dead man now finally identified by coworkers as one Risotto Nero. The young man..”

You didn´t hear anything else anymore. Risotto Nero? Why was that name so familiar to you?

And then it happened.  

You felt an intense headache, your brain feeling like it might burst out any moment. And then… you remembered.

Risotto Nero, your former boyfriend. You were super happy together and were even planning to get married once his work calmed down a bit. He was not usually a very expressive person but with you, he felt comfortable. He felt like he was finally understood, like he could be at peace.

And then you met him.

Well you didn´t really MEET him. You just bumped into him while walking on the sidewalk, you quickly apologizing and then moving on with your life quickly forgetting about the man.

But it wasn´t the same for him, oh no. When he bumped into you back then and saw your beautiful face as well as heard your wonderful voice, he was lovestruck. This couldn´t be a coincidence, fate had led you two together! You were meant to be together! But you didn´t see him. No matter how hard he tried to contact you again in a crowd, you didn´t recognize him. It couldn´t be. There must have been a reason. And he soon found his reason. This monstrosity of a man, Risotto Nero held you captive. He was trying to separate you two out of jealousy. If he wasn´t there, you two could finally be happy together! So he knew he had to do something. And that he did.

You can now remember that day clearly. You came home from grocery shopping when you saw it. The living room was a mess, broken vases, toppled over furniture, definitely signs of a fight. And in the middle of it laid your boyfriend Risotto. A large pool of blood flowed out of his wounds as he laid there motionless. Dead.

You couldn´t believe this was happening. You ran over to his body and quickly felt the tears gathering in your eyes as you let out a loud sob.

You then felt a touch on your back and immediately tensed up. No one else was supposed to be here, so who was this? Did the attacker come back to kill you as well??

You then felt the strangers hand shift, moving towards your face and then gently wiping away the tears that have gathered in your eyes. Moving your head to at least see the bastard that killed Risotto, you were surprised to see someone vaguely familiar. You didn´t think this was someone you personally knew but you could never forget someone with a fashion sense as unique as this. The white suit, that was now bathed in red, with the zippers, it was all so familiar yet you couldn´t place where you had seen this before. As you continued to ponder over this, the man then spoke up.

“Shh darling, please don´t cry. It hurts me to see you like this. You should be smiling! After all this time we can finally be together! I´ve been waiting so long to have you in my arms and now my wish has finally come true.”, he exclaimed while tightly wrapping his arms around your shaking form.

“You….you bastard! What did you do to Risotto?! Why did you kill him! How could you do this?! What the hell are you even talking about? Now we can finally be together? How could you possibly think I would want to have anything to do with you after this?! You monster!”, you screamed out while pounding your fists against his chest, wriggling around as much as you could. He couldn´t be serious, did he really think you would forgive him and want to be with him after he killed your boyfriend in cold blood?

“Please don´t be like that darling, everything is going to be okay. I did this for us! I love you way more than anyone ever could! Just wait until I show you the house I renovated just for you, you´re going to love it!”

This man was definitely not sane and you desperately needed to get away this instant. Searching your brain for any escape plan that you could come up with, you had an idea. It was risky and most likely not going to work but you needed to try anything you could while you still had the chance. Who knew what would happen to you once you were brought to this house.

So summoning all of your courage, you raised your leg and kicked the man where the sun don´t shine and decided to make a run for it as he kneeled down in pain. This was your only chance to get away from him, you had to make it count. As you ran along the streets of Naples, you thought over what you could do to possibly escape this creep. You didn´t think going to the police would do you any good so what were you supposed to do? You thought possibly the best course of action would be to try and leave the country but would you even be able to accomplish that?

You were once again pulled out of your thoughts as you heard loud footsteps behind you. Turning your head, you were able to see that the man had now almost caught up with you. Shit shit shit what were you going to do now? He was so close to getting you!

“Amore please don´t run! This is for your best, trust me! You will be so much happier with me!”, the deluded man shouted after you. This was crazy, absolutely crazy. Watching him some more, you suddenly saw his eyes dramatically widening, his mouth forming an “o” as he then called out to you.

“No wait! Stop!!”

Stop? Pftt he wished that you-

CRASH

All you saw was red once again.

The red traffic light and the red car that hit you were all you could see before passing out and everything fading to black.

 And this was the truth of what truly happened to you. Looking at the bottle of pills in your hand, it was still so hard to believe. So all this time, Bruno has just been manipulating you? He gave you these pills to prevent you from remembering what happened and played the role of a loving husband when he killed your boyfriend in cold blood. You felt sick to your stomach and your legs were shaking. You had to get away from here. You had to leave this country. You had to leave now while you were still alone, you still had a chance you-

Cliiick

You heard the sound of the front door opening.

Bruno was home.

You tried to keep your cool when he entered the room and asked about your day. If you got heated now, everything would only get worse. You wanted him to be blissfully unaware that you recalled your memories now, that the whole gig was up. Who knew what he would do when he didn´t need to pretend anymore? You had to repress a shudder at the thought.

“Y/n? Is everything okay? You´re being awfully quiet. Did something happen?”, he inquired now, looking vaguely concerned, his brows furrowing in worry.

You didn´t know what to say. Who knows what would happen if you told him the truth? That was an absolute no-go as far as you were concerned. But you also didn´t think you could get away with lying, you´ve come to notice that Bruno is very sharp with these kinds of things. So not knowing what to do, you just kept quiet.

That must have been the wrong choice because he looked a bit angry now.

“What happened y/n? Tell me. I promise I won´t be mad! Why won´t you talk to me anymore?”

More deafening silence.

Okay he DEFINITELY looked angry now. His shoulders tensing as he bit his lip, probably trying to prevent himself from raising his voice too much.

“Amore please talk with me! I love you so much you have no idea, but I´m slowly losing my patience. Stop being so difficult.”

You couldn´t help but kind of snap at that comment. You were being difficult? Well look who´s talking! He freaking killed your boyfriend and basically kidnapped you! He played with your memories and manipulated your feelings! He was trying to make you fall in love with him, to imprison you in this house and never let you go! He was sickening!

So as you were standing there, trying to stop your ragged breathing, you felt pure terror in your stomach as you saw Bruno´s facial expression change from an angry one to one full of shock. Wait shit. Did you really just say that out loud? Why now of all times? Why did the universe hate you so much?

“What…how…you remember? But how could that have happened? I guess it doesn´t matter now. Y/n I love you! I killed him for us! He could never love you like I do, he doesn´t deserve you! But you weren’t able to see that, he blinded you. So of course I had to get rid of him! You looked so scared back then, it broke my heart! When I saw you get hit by that car, I almost lost my mind. I was so scared you wouldn´t make it so when I saw you wake up and not remember anything, I knew this was my chance. It was fated to be! So I´m sorry for not being upfront with you about this but I´m sure we will be able to work it out.”

“Work this out? You want to work this out? Hell no! I´m leaving! I don´t want to stay here for even a second longer!, you screamed out in anger as you tried to get up.

Keyword: Tried

You felt an absolute numbness in your legs and you weren´t able to move them at all. Looking down in surprise, you were terrified to see them completely missing from your body! How could this happen? What is going on? No no no no! You felt the tears streaming down your face as you came to accept the truth that you wouldn´t be able to escape from this. You weren´t able to escape from him.

“Look what you made me do darling! Why did you have to say such hurtful things to me? You want to leave? I won´t let you. We were meant to be together, I knew from the moment I first saw you. So I won´t ever let you leave my sight, do you understand? So please don´t fight me if you ever want to have your legs back, okay? You can do that for me can´t you, amore mio?”

“Let´s make some new happy memories together and forget about everything that happened!”

---------------------------------------------------------------

 Wowee this ended up being almost 5k words! I´ve never written anything this long so I´m kind of proud of this one^^

Also remember the outline I was talking about? Well I showed it to @naranciabestboi for some thoughts and we both agreed that you needed to see this little bit of the structure I wrote down. This was for towards the end when reader remembers that bruno killed risotto:

Thank you guys once again for reading my writing and supporting me so much <3

[argentdandelion]

The True Power of NEO: Part 2

To see previous entries in the series, check out "The True Power of NEO" tag on the ArgentDandelion blog. Made with help from CinnamonAzzy and Ihasafandom.

Introduction and Overall Theme

What Mettaton thought would happen. Image from NCHProductions' Chara vs. Mettaton NEO YouTube video.

General Motivation and Tactic Explanations

Alphys, Undyne, and Gerson are more pragmatic, even cowardly or “dirty”, in their approaches. Alphys stays away from the Human, hindering them with laser traps (probably remotely). Most of the time, Undyne attacks from a distance, using the environment to her advantage to hinder the human’s movements, kill them, or give her cover. Gerson doesn’t try to attack the human, shrewdly selling them items, and possibly knowing the Human can’t kill shopkeepers. None of them, not even Undyne, are looking for fame, nor do they want to absorb the Human’s SOUL themselves.

Initially, Mettaton encounters the human in Hotland, but doesn't fight them, saying: "The world needs stars more than it needs corpses!" However, he changes his mind, later saying:

"You see, I can't be a star without an audience. And besides...there are some people...I want to protect."

He doesn't stick with pragmatism. Why?

For the sake of concision, the following section covers Mettaton’s aspects of Mettaton’s modus operandi shared by all three tactics.

Reason 1: Invulnerability

Consider Mettaton’s tactics. Alphys, Gerson, and Undyne understand they are all vulnerable to the human’s attacks, but Mettaton doesn’t have the same problem. His original body is supposedly “invulnerable”, according to flavor text. Furthermore, judging by the Mad Dummy dialogue and Mad Mew Mew battle, he probably can’t be killed by physical attacks. Note that when fighting Mad Mew Mew, damage is only listed in the final strike: it's unclear whether a body-destroying strike can be somewhat damaging to a ghost possessing the body, or whether that was damage to the physical object. Even then, Mad Mew Mew survives the dismemberment of her body, seemingly unharmed, as she didn’t fuse with her body yet. If Mettaton can assume he won’t fuse with his body and become corporeal, then confronting the human is pretty sensible.

Reason 2: Drama/Bloodshed/Heroism

As shown in the Neutral/Pacifist Routes, he wants to exploit the human to gain fame (e.g., his TV segments), but also kill the human, take their SOUL, and be a star on the Surface. Mettaton has a flair for the dramatic, as well as a taste for violence and bloodshed. After all, all of his shows in other routes are violent, even when the shows’ genres typically aren’t violent.

Although exploding the CORE’s exit ahead of time would block the human, it doesn’t have the same drama and bloodshed as fighting them. Though there are much more pragmatic tactics to block or kill the human, but he doesn't take them: probably because it’s not glamorous or heroic enough. Neither attacking from a distance Undyne-style or herding the human into traps seems very heroic or "anime". Mettaton may have wanted to block the exit while the human was in the room, dealing damage at the same time the entrance was sealed.

To avoid confrontation with the human entirely is the safest route, just in case he’s not as invulnerable as he thinks or he somehow fuses with his body. However, doing so simply isn’t dramatic, nor violent.

Reason 3: Cross the Barrier (and Be a Star)

Yet, neither blocking the entrance ahead of the human nor blocking the entrance as the human enters the room fits his motives as much as killing the human. Mettaton loves humanity. Part of the reason he wants to kill the Human on the Neutral and Pacifist Routes is so he, not Asgore, can take their SOUL, allowing him to cross the barrier and perform for millions of humans.

It is unclear whether he wants to protect humanity from getting wiped out purely so he can perform for them: if monsters waged war and created a huge prison camp of humans that Mettaton could perform for, would he be happy then?

If he blocks the exit, the people of New Home will be safe (for a while, at least), but someone else (i.e., Asgore with six SOULs) might come in and kill the human instead of him.

Reason 4: Protect Humanity (from the Genocidal Human and Asgore)

Overlapping with the above reason, it is necessary to keep the seventh human SOUL away from Asgore, and to stop the destruction of the barrier.

The biggest difference between a high-murder Neutral Route and the Genocide Route is how, in the Genocide Route, monsters believe the human will try to wipe out humanity.

Undyne (pre-Undying): "This isn't just about monsters anymore, is it? If you get past me, you'll... You'll destroy them all, won't you? Monsters... Humans... Everyone..."

Mettaton (Genocide Route):"After our first meeting, I realized...something ghastly. You're not just a threat to monsters...but humanity, as well."

Under ordinary circumstances, even a hateful child armed with improvised weapons wouldn’t really be a threat to humanity. A monster with a human SOUL is a “beast with unfathomable power”. If the reverse applies, the genocidal human might be a threat to humans only after absorbing Asgore’s SOUL. Although zeal in killing monsters doesn’t guarantee zeal in killing humans, Undyne and Mettaton both believe the human is still a threat to humanity. What’s worse, in the Genocide Route there’s a lot more urgency for Asgore to absorb the six SOULS he’s collected. Undyne believes Alphys has been watching her battle, and has surely instructed Asgore to absorb the six human SOULs and so gain the power to stop the Human. Even Flowey hurries to Asgore, likely begging him to absorb the Human SOULs and fight the genocidal human.

Reason 5 and 6: A Humanoid Body, and Fusing With It

Mettaton really, really wants to change into his new body, to the point he often asks Alphys for progress on it. It’s not simply because it’s cool, or has improved dancing ability. It seems that he has some sort of body dysmorphia, for, according to his diary:

“She [Alphys] surprised me with something today. Sketches of a body that she wants to create for me...a form beyond my wildest fantasies. In a form like that, I could finally feel like..."myself". After all, there's no way I can be a star the way I am now."

In the Neutral and Genocide Routes, Mettaton shows his boxy mode was his original mode, so he’s surely lying about swapping to a more “photogenic” boxy body in the Genocide Route. Judging by Mad Dummy/Glad Dummy/Mad Mew Mew, ghosts fuse with their bodies when they feel pure, unbridled emotions while possessing a body. Most likely, Mettaton expected that emotion to be happiness.

Summary

Unlike all other characters, Mettaton has many desires, is driven to fulfill those desires, and all his desires are fulfilled, almost all at once, if he can kill the human in his humanoid form. If he doesn’t take the Human’s SOUL himself, it’s likely Asgore will, and he’s expected to break the barrier and try to destroy all humanity as soon as he does. If Mettaton can kill the genocidal human in a humanoid form, he gets everything he wants: showing off his humanoid body, glamour (and glory), violence, and a human SOUL. Indeed, this anticipation of getting all he desires might have been the "unbridled emotion" necessary to fuse him with his body.

Weak Points & Problems

All his likely tactics rely on one thing: that Mettaton won’t die if his body is damaged (whether from self-destruction or combat) because he hasn’t fused with his body.

In fairness to Mettaton, fusing with his body when encountering the human wasn’t guaranteed, and it might have seemed unlikely. Most likely, he believed fighting the human would only help him eventually fuse with his body. After all, fusing instantly is just too unlikely. Yet, it seems this is difficult to achieve, even under good conditions, so exactly when they fuse is impossible to predict. In the Genocide Route, Mad Dummy fuses instantly, surprising them. Mad Mew Mew, however, doesn't become corporeal during or immediately after the battle, saying:

"Huh...? Such... such kindness...!It's... making me FEEL something! It may be a while before I can truly fuse with this body. But, I think this is a start...!”

Furthermore, it's also possible that, if "unbridled emotion" causes fusing with one's body, Mettaton didn't consider fear would work, and seriously underestimated how afraid he would be while fighting the human.

In conclusion, Mettaton's sheer level of confidence, combined with presumably good offensive and defensive options, meant he didn't create a backup plan.

If you liked this content, check out the ArgentDandelion Ko-Fi and Patreon.

[chibinekochan]

Hey it's me soccer girl again and I hope your health is better now I was wondering if u could do were rfa+v+saeran+vanderwood got out to the park with my hand in hand and while they are walking a butterfly lands on mc's nose and she giggles how would they react? Hopefully u can do this one thxs and watch your health^^

awww super cute !

Zen

You really enjoy your walk with Zen.

You stop by a field of flowers when you see a reallypretty butterfly.

It flies right on to your nose.

You just stay still and you giggle.

Zen looks at you and this is the cutest think h eversaw.

He takes a picture from that instantly.

Its the best think he ever seen.

Zen always knew that you where sweet but that you sweetenough to attract butterflies is just so cute.

He tells you that he will have to be n the watch forbees now if you attract these too you might be in  danger.

Not on Zens watch though he will protect you from bees.

Yoosung

He loves to have little dates like this.

Its the perfect weather too.

Yoosung almost feels like he is dreaming since its soperfect.

Then suddenly a butterfly lands on your nose.

You giggle since this is the first time that everhappened

Yoosung really is sure he is dreaming now.

This is so surreal you are that cute too him especiallywith that butterfly on your nose.

You have to pinch him so he is sure that he is not justdreaming.

Jaehee

You enjoy the free time together with Jaehee in a park.

You two sit on a bench and holding hands.

The fresh air and the sunlight feel really good.

That is when the butterfly comes and sits right on yournose.

First Jaehee wants to shoo it away.

You then just giggle.

Its just so sweet how you giggle its precious.

Jaehee finds it cute that a butterfly just landed on youthat must mean you have a really calm aura.

Jaehee really enjoys moments like this with you.

Jumin

You are in the garden with him.

You both walk around and enjoy the time together

Jumin really likes to spend time like that with you.

You enjoy the sun and you see the butterfly comingcloser to you.

It lands on your nose and you find that so funny thatyou start to giggle.

Jumin feels really blessed by your giggling.

He finds this picture really cute and innocent.

Jumin would take a picture but we all know how thatwould end.

Though he wonders how you would react if that been aspider instead.

707

You are glad that you could drag him outside to a nearbypark.

He enjoys being outside with you though.

He likes walking around with you and holding hands.

When you see butterflies on a nearby field you watchthem for a bit.

Then one of them lands on your nose.

For a moment he thinks he is hallucinating he rubs hiseyes.

You giggle and he feels really blessed by that sound.

Its such a great picture to him its like an other provethat you are a angel.

Only a truly pure hearted person could make a butterflyland on their nose that is at least his opinion.

Minor trio under here just in case of spoilers -

V

*He got his surgery in this HC*

You are on a walk with him by a lake.

The weather is just right for that.

You talk over all kinds of thinks while V takes here andthere pictures of the scenery.

You see the cute butterfly and you watch it for a bitthen it lands on your nose.

You start to giggle from the feeling.

V´s first reactions is to take a picture oc

Right after that though he just really loves it that yougiggle and this is the cutest think he ever seen.

V calls you for the rest of the day a sweet flower whatmakes you blush every time.

Saeran

He enjoys to take a walk with you.

He is a bit shy with holding hands but that is okay.

Saeran wants to take a break and so you both sit in theshade of some trees and look at the clouds.

That is when suddenly a butterfly lands on your nose.

First Saeran wants to get it of you but then you giggle.

Saeran is not sure why having a bug on your nose is thatfunny but you are quite cute like that.

If it doesn´t bother you why it should annoy him ?

He kinda envies you for being innocent enough forlaughing over something like that but  he also smiles because you arejust cute.

Lowkey wants to take a picture but takes too long tomake his mind up.

Vanderwood

You are in a parkwith Vanderwood.

Even when he firstcomplained a bit about going out he enjoys it.

You take a shortbreak with him.

Suddenly a butterflycomes your way.

It lands right onyour nose.

Vanderwood is quitesurprised over that.

You just giggleabout it Vanderwood is not really sure why that is funny to you.

But he not complainsabout it its something that is really rare to see.

Vanderwood is kindof happy to experience something like that with you.

Take a look at my Masterlistmy requests are open so drop by !

[colascriptura]

Notes on Mere Christianity

The opening parts of this book, which use philosophical arguments to convince you of the existence of God, are bad. The later parts, which try to describe Christianity as a coherent system, are much, much better.

The thing I take from the book is that, if you try to understand Christianity by the methods of science or analytic philosophy, it doesn't work too well. But if you try to understand it at the level of meaning, of symbol, of logos, of the Word, it works a lot better. I don't necessarily regard this as a failure of Christianity, since if it's right, the meaning is real...

Moral Realism and God

The book bases itself on Moral Realism (MR) and so might not be persuasive for those unpersuaded by MR. If one is persuaded by MR, it is of course hard to fit MR into a materialist worldview. (I personally have wondered if moral realism could be integrated into materialism by insisting that conscious beings know what is good and bad for them, and so good and bad are real things; but alas I don't know how to integrate consciousness into materialism...)

Lewis thinks one can find out about God, in a sort of natural religion way, by examining the Moral Law one finds within oneself. But if such moral feelings are just natural products of biological and memetic evolution then this is not a valid move. By its very nature, evolution has a survivorship bias for that which works, and so Lewis's point that all humans actually have quite similar moral views is not decisive.

Lewis also argues (book 2 ch 1) that one cannot say that the universe in unjust, therefore there is no God, because our concept of justice has to come from God. But actually, one can do precisely that, as an apparent reductio ad absurdum. Assume God does exist and did give us our concept of justice. Well then, the universe God made is unjust by God's own standards. But this seems absurd, so our premises are (apparently) wrong. Of course, Lewis has more to say about this...

On materialism and evolution

Lewis splits philosophy into two types: materialist and religious. His characterisation of materialism is very crude; he comes across as saying that intelligent beings can only exist by a series of ridiculously unlikely events. It is not clear if he understands that evolution is not random, and not purely based on chance. It is also not clear if he understands that, in a very large universe, even unlikely things happen somewhere.

The dread of God

Some people talk as if meeting the gaze of absolute goodness would be fun. They need to think again. They are still only playing with religion. Goodness is either the great safety or the great danger - according to the way you react to it. And we have reacted the wrong way.

This sums up why Lewis finds God terrifying - he sees us as constantly failing God. But if one doesn't have this feeling...

Christianity tells people to repent and promises them forgiveness. It therefore has nothing (as far as I know) to say to people who do not know they have done anything to repent of and who do not feel that they need forgiveness.

There might be some interesting sociological point here about individualism and the collapse of religion.

The queerness of Christianity

Reality, in fact, is usually something you could not have guessed. That is one of the reasons I believe Christianity. It is a religion you could not have guessed. If it offered us just the kind of universe we had always expected, I should feel we were making it up. But, in fact, it is not the sort of thing anyone would have made up. It has just that queer twist about it that real things have.

Rebellion against the rebellion

Christianity agrees with Dualism that this universe is at war. But it does not think this is a war between independent powers. It thinks it is a civil war, a rebellion, and that we are living in the part of the universe occupied by the rebel.

Enemy-occupied territory—that is what this world is. Christianity is the story of how the rightful king has landed, you might say landed in disguise, and is calling us all to take part in a great campaign of sabotage.

This might be the part that made me smile the most.

Theodicy

Lewis explains the unfairness of the universe by free will. Interestingly, I think he takes the free actions of Satan to be the cause of natural evils such as disease (e.g. book 2 ch 2). This actually seems semi-sensible to me. (But why does God allow Satan to do anything? Many have asked this question...)

Anyway, freedom also applies to us, and lets our lives have meaning, which also seems sensible.

Some people think they can imagine a creature which was free but had no possibility of going wrong, but I can't.

This is difficult though: isn't Heaven supposed to be like that? Also, aren't the angels which made the right choice now in that state? Finally, weren't Jesus and even Mary (on the Catholic view) like that? I guess one has to make the choice, after which you're sort of committed.

The happiness which God designs for His higher creatures is the happiness of being freely, voluntarily united to Him and to each other in an ecstasy of love and delight compared with which the most rapturous love between a man and a woman on this earth is mere milk and water.

A question that vexes me is why God would keep himself such a secret.

Why is God landing in this enemy-occupied world in disguise and starting a sort of secret society to undermine the devil? Why is He not landing in force, invading it? Is it that He is not strong enough? Well, Christians think He is going to land in force; we do not know when. But we can guess why He is delaying. He wants to give us the chance of joining His side freely.

Of course, this is a bit suspicious from a memetic point of view. Religious people would have to end up believing something like this in exactly the case that God didn't exist at all.

Atonement

Christianity is the view that God's death and resurrection have put us right with God. Exactly how this works is open to debate. I'm glad to read this from Lewis since I only realised it myself recently.

Easter

???

Salvation

Anyway, Lewis's picture (book 2 ch 4, which he admits may be a wrong picture) is that Jesus was a sort of perfect penitant, and that by becoming one with Him, we can ourselves repent adequately.

Repentance

Remember, this repentance, this willing submission to humiliation and a kind of death, is not something God demands of you before He will take you back and which He could let you off if He chose: it is simply a description of what going back to Him is like.

Psychology

There's an interesting chapter (book 3 ch 4) where he thinks about how our choices are constrained by our psychology. These sentiments are not exactly traditionalist, I think:

When a neurotic who has a pathological horror of cats forces himself to pick up a cat for some good reason, it is quite possible that in God's eyes he has shown more courage than a healthy man may have shown in winning the V.C. When a man who has been perverted from his youth and taught that cruelty is the right thing does some tiny little kindness, or refrains from some cruelty he might have committed, and thereby, perhaps, risks being sneered at by his companions, he may, in God's eyes, be doing more than you and I would do if we gave up life itself for a friend.

I think one has to say something like this. Of course, exactly how free will enters the picture, or what it even is, remain mysterious.

Moral practice

Book 3 is concerned with the actual practice of Christian morality. It's about what you'd expect and so there's not much to note down. I suppose the thing that stands out is that its framework is very much Virtue Ethics.

The chapter on sex though doesn't really do a good job, at least to modern eyes, of justifying itself.

Trinity

Lewis sees God the Father as the Person we are trying to reach, Jesus as someone who walks alongside us, and the Holy Spirit as something that enters into us.

Lewis's idea of what the Holy Spirit is, is quite interesting...

You know that among human beings, when they get together in a family, or a club, or a trade union, people talk about the 'spirit' of that family, or club, or trade union. They talk about its 'spirit' because the individual members, when they are together, do really develop particular ways of talking and behaving which they would not have if they were apart. It is as if a sort of communal personality came into existence. Of course, it is not a real person: it is only rather like a person. But that is just one of the differences between God and us. What grows out of the joint life of the Father and Son is a real Person, is in fact the Third of the three Persons who are God.

Well, I guess that resolves the Filioque issue.

Son of God

Lewis sees our mission as to become sons of God. This means becoming like Jesus. God made us rather than begot us, and so isn't literally our father, but we are ordered (e.g. in the Lord's Prayer) to consider him so, anyway. We must fake it until we make it.

[doctorbluesmanreturns]

So a few weeks ago, I wrote a long post all about dating for Christians, which as we all know is really confusing a lot of the time. Since then, I’ve thought of some more things (mostly thanks to following the wonderful @aubscares) that I should address, about when you’re in a more committed dating relationship. I’ll also talk a little bit about marriage towards the end, focusing on some problems that Christians might have in figuring out things about sex. Nothing graphic, but there’s a lot of contradictory advice out there, and popular culture also influences our thoughts about this whether we want it to or not so I’ll be tearing down a few myths you may have internalized without realizing it.

So, let’s start with dating. You’ve met a really incredible person, or else started dating one of your best friends, now what?

Well, the first advice I have might seem contradictory, and should also be practiced with extreme caution:

Don’t always be chaperoned.

I’m pretty sure that I just caused a whole bunch of parents to either have heart attacks or have their heads explode, but before you get out the pitchforks and torches, let me explain.

Marriage is, at least until (or even if) you have kids, going to be the two of you alone together for long periods of time. Therefore, it’s of vital importance that you make sure you get to know each other and how your future spouse acts when he or she is just with you, as opposed to how he or she acts when your parents are giving him or her the Intense Gaze and seeing who breaks eye contact first. Granted, that’s an extreme example, but it’s just awkward to always be around family, especially if for some reason one or more of the parents initially doesn’t like your significant other.

This is equally true of the favorite dating advice of almost all Christian relationship columnists, ministers, and assorted life coaches: the group date. Which can definitely be fun, but do you really want to be with other people every single time you go out with the man or woman you want to marry? Yeah, I wouldn’t, either.

The main reason, of course, that both Courtship (constantly being around the family of your boyfriend or girlfriend) and Group Dating are recommended is that it prevents the couple in question from getting up to anything they’d be embarrassed to have their family or friends be witness to, i.e. sex or anything related to it. Which is all well and good, and it’s definitely not a good idea to go into a locked room upstairs together and lie down on the bed. You should obviously never tempt fate.

BUT

There is an important life lesson here that many Christians, in their zeal to keep young couples “pure” before marriage (more on that below), often forget:

If you’re constantly told that you have to be watched so that you don’t start making love right there in the middle of the room, you’ll start to believe that, and that you have no self-control, and that your sexuality is dirty and wrong and something you should be ashamed of.

WHICH IS COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY WRONG.

Is self control hard? Of course it is, it’s always easier to give in to what your body wants rather than what you know is right. But it’s not impossible. And there’s nothing wrong with being physically attracted to your boyfriend or girlfriend--that’s a GOOD thing!! 

So, it’s important to have alone time together, in a setting which still makes it easier to fight temptation (a brightly-lit restaurant rather than a dark theater, for example), because you need to be able to see what marriage with this person is probably going to be like, and that won’t happen if you’re either surrounded by friends and family all the time, or else scared of what might happen if you’re left alone with them.

This leads to my next point:

Figure out the boundaries of your relationship together.

Depending upon what branch of Christianity you come from, there will obviously be some cultural limitations anyway. But you also have to know what you’re comfortable with doing, both before and after marriage. And you also need to know your future spouse’s boundaries, not only so that you can respect them, but also so that you can watch out in case your boundaries are totally incompatible.

For example, say you’re really shy and physical contact is hard for you until you really know someone well. (Me, by the way.) And let’s also say that you end up dating someone who is very open with people and thinks nothing of physical contact. You’re going to have to tell this person that you really don’t like being slapped on the back or hugged yet, because you don’t feel as comfortable around them as you’d like to. This could either mean that you stop dating and stay friends, or that the person agrees to adjust their behavior in order to make you more comfortable. 

And while I would probably suggest that the latter is the better option (it’s always best to try to marry someone who has a similar personality to you, introverts with introverts etc), if the person likes you enough to adapt their behavior, then there’s an important addition to that: you need to adapt some of your behavior to make them more comfortable, too. Because if they’re always on edge around you because they don’t want to upset you, the relationship and friendship will die really fast. So you should at least try to be more open with this person, and even try to move past your own boundaries a tiny bit.

AND THIS DOESN”T MEAN TO SUBSUME YOUR WHOLE PERSONALITY TO SUIT THEM, IT MEANS JUST TRY TO ADAPT AND COME OUT OF YOUR SHELL A LITTLE BIT.

And it’s important to know your boundaries about sex at this point, too. Because you need to know what you’re getting into and what your future spouse might be expecting of you. And that’s not a bad thing, it’s just good to know what kinds of things they might want to do before the wedding night rather than during, so that you aren’t suddenly thrown into a total state of confusion.

The next point is sort of related to this, and also sort of related to the earlier one:

Don’t be too concerned about “purity” for “purity”’s sake.

While waiting until marriage to have sex is a really good thing to do, it’s important that we know WHY we’re doing it, beyond “because the Bible says to wait.” 

Because if you’re only remaining pure because you’re supposed to, you can again start to see sex as something inherently bad, especially since you’re constantly being told by those around you that you can’t be trusted and, for women, that you need to dress really modestly in order to keep your boyfriend’s lust in check. 

Which is 1) insulting to men and basically assuming that the only reason we’re ever with women is for sex, and 2) really unfair to women because it makes them think their body and their beauty is somehow bad and something to be ashamed of. 

Even the name of Purity culture, and the slogan “Pure Until Marriage”, can make people believe that sex isn’t pure, and even after marriage it’s bad.

WHICH COULDN’T BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH. 

There are several big reasons why God doesn’t want us to have sex until we’re married, but He definitely wants us to have sex AFTER we’re married. The first thing He tells Adam and Eve after they’ve met each other is to “be fruitful and multiply”, in other words, go make babies. 

But sex isn’t for the sole purpose of procreation, although that is definitely one of the most important purposes. It’s easy to be a cynic (I know that I was) and think things like “well, God only made sex pleasurable because there’s no other way that people would keep having kids.”

But that isn’t true, because God loves us and wants us to be happy. That’s another myth, that being happy in this life is wrong and we should be more concerned about our eternal lives than our earthly ones. And we should always be worried about our eternal lives, BUT that doesn’t mean that we can’t enjoy ourselves while we’re here.

One of my best friends put it this way: if God didn’t want us to be happy, He wouldn’t have created anything that gives us joy, like animals (dogs especially) and sunsets and the beauty of nature, and, yes, sex.

So stop thinking that either sex is inherently bad, or that it’s only good if it’s used in the context of having children. Because neither of these things are true.

Going back to the original point, the reason you should wait until marriage isn’t merely because the Bible says so; it’s because sex is designed to be a gift that you share with your true love as a way to show how much you love them. It’s lowering all of your defenses and allowing someone to have control over you, and trusting them to not abuse the power you’ve given them, but instead to respect you and love you as much as you love them.

Now, in the final section, I’m going to be talking specifically about the wedding night, because Christians need to consider this so it doesn’t become some sort of really scary thing instead of a truly joyful and blessed night. And this section is going to be broken up into smaller points because, really, it’s more advice-based than the others were.

1) It is going to be really awkward at first.

If you’ve waited until marriage and suddenly you’re alone together and finally ALLOWED to have sex, yes, it will feel a little bit weird. Seeing your new spouse naked for the first time will be a little bit weird, too. And sex is inherently a little bit weird just in how it actually works. So don’t worry if you feel embarrassed or suddenly really, really shy at first, that’s all part of it.

2) Don’t worry about not being any good in bed.

This was something that used to absolutely terrify me. I was certain that, while my wife would definitely respect the fact that I had waited until marriage, she would be profoundly disappointed by my lack of knowledge. It wasn’t until a friend pointed out that, if she married me, she loves me and won’t be judging me, AND she probably won’t know much more than I do, that I stopped worrying about this particular issue. 

3) Don’t worry about following directions.

There are so many sexual guides out there that promise the BEST!! SEX!! OF!! YOUR!! LIFE!!!! that it can seem like, if we aren’t following what’s in those, we’re doing something wrong. But that’s not true, either. Adam and Eve didn’t have any sexual guides and figured it out just fine. God created us to be able to have sex--and really pleasurable sex--without needing to follow 20 pages of diagrams. All you really need to know is where the male and female erogenous zones are, and a really basic knowledge of how to stimulate those, and you’re good to go. And don’t be afraid to try different things, because what feels good one week might not feel good the next, plus doing exactly the same thing every time is just going to get boring.

Now, the point I just made might seem to contradict the one right before it. After all, if we don’t know anything about sex, how is it also possible to be able to have great sex without any research?

Answer:

4) It’s going to get better as you get used to each other.

The wedding night isn’t going to be some sort of magical, best-sex-of-your-life earth-shattering experience. And there’s no reason to think it should be. But, also remember, IT’S THE FIRST NIGHT OF A LIFETIME YOU SPEND WITH THE PERSON YOU LOVE. You have literally decades to get to know each others’ bodies and figure out what works and what doesn’t.

I’m a musician, so I like to think of it this way: it’s like being given a brand new piece of music you’ve never played before, and being asked to sight-read it and play it perfectly. And, since sex isn’t anything easy, let’s say that this is the piece of music:

Think you could play that perfectly the first time? I sure didn’t, it took me MONTHS to learn this and be able to play it correctly. I was literally figuring out things about it on the day I had to publicly perform it! (Which, all I can say is, thank heavens there isn’t a jury review for marriage!)

But I was able to learn it, by practicing and carefully figuring out the parts that really were difficult, and now I can play it through without any mistakes, on good days. There are also days where it completely crashes and burns because I’m not paying attention, but actually that’s a good thing to remember, too: sex is only as good as what YOU put into it.

Now, before I end this post, I’d just like to go through some really quick, obvious reminders for the wedding night, just common sense things that I’ve heard that I think are really valuable:

1) There’s going to be blood, bring an old--but clean!--towel from home so that you don’t ruin the hotel’s bed sheets.

2) Don’t rush into it, this is where foreplay comes in, to make both of you actually feel comfortable enough to actually want to do anything. 

3) Men, be careful that you aren’t accidentally hurting your wife, it can be painful the first time (did I mention that there WILL be blood?) so always make sure you ask if she’s OK.

4) For both of you: don’t think of sex as something you get, think of it as something you give. If you’re both entirely focused upon the pleasure of your partner, you’re both going to have a really wonderful experience.

Also, I think these are some valuable resources:

http://hotholyhumorous.com/tag/tips-for-grooms-for-the-wedding-night/

http://hotholyhumorous.com/2013/10/what-i-wish-id-known-before-the-wedding-night/

http://hotholyhumorous.com/2012/06/wedding-night-sex/

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/preparing-for-marriage/approaching-the-wedding-day/prep-for-the-wedding-night

http://www.boundless.org/relationships/2012/sex-series-grooms-guide-for-the-honeymoon

http://www.boundless.org/relationships/2012/sex-series-bridal-preparation-for-the-honeymoon

http://phyliciadelta.com/scared-wedding-night-christian/

Yes, that’s a lot of websites, but I wanted to try to find ones that would help both men and women, so really you only have to read half unless you want to know what your spouse’s concerns might be.

And, I’m very, very aware that there is FAR more to marriage than sex, but I feel that I’m already going out on a limb by writing this when I’ve never even been in a relationship. Basically, I tried to put all the good advice I’ve heard in one place, and address the things which I was scared of or worried about, and which therefore others might be as well. Marriage is far, far too complex for me to attempt to explain how a good one works except in the vaguest terms. 

But here are two things I’ve learned from watching my parents, who are best friends and have been married for almost 40 years:

1) There is no such thing as “man’s work” and “women’s work”. There is only “work that needs to be done by whoever isn’t busy with something else at that time.” I know that God created men and women for different purposes, but He also created us to have empathy and definitely allows for some overlap, especially where housework is concerned.

2) Always talk about things that are bothering you, and COMPROMISE. This doesn’t mean to back out of any issues that you really think are important, but instead to always realize that your spouse has thoughts of their own, and opinions, and dreams, and desires. Also, you’re NEVER going to get your way on everything, so be less concerned with that and more concerned with how you can make your husband or wife happy. Like I said about sex, if both of you are always 100% committed to making the other happy, you’ll both always be happy.

Thanks for reading this far and hopefully the whole part about sex didn’t make anyone too embarrassed or uncomfortable. 

I hope that I was able to address at least some of the things you might be worried about.

Have a wonderful day!

[badmuslim-blog1]

Don’t you have a heart?

Oct 4

So I broke it to my Iraqi suitor when he finally spoke to me today about wanting to marry me. He said he’s come to like me. like-like. Which happens to be the same word as love in Arabic. So it was awkward. My first real face-to-face rejection, at 21! it was kinda exhilarating not gonna lie. But also made me feel uncomfortable and kind of embarrassed. But I was prepared for this, I read the room before I even entered the room and I knew what was going on so when he asked me to think about it first I was able to say I already had, plenty.

I knew going into this that I was a catch, the pick of the litter, a purebred of sorts. Educated, born in a reputable, clean country. Canadian citizen, bilingual, *cough* green card *cough*. Yeah, I’m pretty sure we have a bad case of de ja vu going on here. Let me explain.

My mother is an Iraqi woman who migrated with her family during the war and eventually landed in a Canadian town, going to Canadian schools and one day was married off to my father by her father. He was living in Iraq and upon their union he moved to Canada, worked as a taxi driver, making mad money. Nothing he ever cared to spend on his actual immediate family, penny pincher was an understatement. All the while he would periodically return to Iraq to send money and gifts to the family back home as well as setting up business’, buying real estate, cars, making money there as well. Investing big Canadian bucks within an Iraqi economy went a hell of a long way. Until finally I supposed he decided he didn’t want to return to his Canadian life and had milked quite enough out of it so he decided to leave behind his four kids and wife to return HOME. He then pretended to be mentally ill, riddled with “dark magic” for 7 years he didn’t contact us, didn’t call or email. I’m not supposed to know this but he even got himself a second wife and I’m sure some more kids. Until we came to Iraq for a family vacation, seeing my mom’s side of the family as well as visiting religious shrines. Seeing his 3 daughters all grown up, one ripe and ready to pick, of course, he wanted to pawn me off and make use of me the same way my mother was used. Deliver one of Iraq’s great minds, a worthy educated, pretty boy, someone in the family of course, to the land of success, and recognition. The place where his children and most importantly sons would be birthed into greatness.

Lol, as-if.

So back to the suitor, he’s my cousin. Which isn’t a big deal if I’m being honest, biologically speaking there’s a whole lot of stereotyping and stigma that doesn’t hold. Anyways, he’s cute, smart, charming, successful whatever but I knew what he was after before my eyes finish checking out his chevy. He wants out of this country, even it’s citizens recognize it as being a trap, void of opportunity and progress. He really thinks he can charm me into giving him an out to all that at the expense of my own freedom. No. He thinks he can trick me into thinking I won’t be giving up anything by marrying him.

Ever since the talk where he told me he likes my values and personality and like-liked me he’s been calling me things like “lover”. At first, with his accent, I thought he was saying “my liver”. I was mildly concerned about what could be wrong with his liver. When I realized what he meant I just felt nauseous. Grossed out, creeped, appalled, insulted, cheap, disregarded, disrespected, all of the above, take your pick. Please tell me how one goes from being rejected after saying “I love you, wanna marry me”, to thinking it appropriate to using pet names, using words like “sweetheart”, “lover”, “my love”. Was I just not mean enough?? I clearly need to be more direct, I thought when he asked me if I had a heart after I continuously told him no that he got the picture. Apparently not. Now he’s trying to love bomb me into submission! Into giving in and becoming his wife. The most frustrating thing about the entire ordeal was-is my inability to proficiently deliver my feelings of disdain and woe in Arabic. Unfortunately, my Arabic vocabulary is a third of the size of my English one.

I Just might google translate this post and send it to him. :) If only Iraq’s government wasn’t so shit and they weren’t currently censoring everything from Google, to Facebook, to Tumblr to dictionary.com right now :’)

*2 days later*

So today I had enough, after a full day of, well, sexual harassment I was ready to blow. I thought this vet guy was more put together than this, I thought he was above Iraq’s grossest primal male habits of harassing women, in the streets and in close proximity but I was wrong. Now granted I do recognize part of this epidemic they have going on in this country is due to heavy gender segregation. Men don’t know HOW to respectfully treat women, they don’t know when a woman is not responding positively, is giving dirty looks, is turning their back, ignoring, and walking away from you and your advances, it means she DOESN’’T  like it and you should stop. Plus they’re not used to being told no, being rejected to their faces, by women no less. However, that is no excuse, nor proper justification. I’ve felt utterly uncomfortable, unsafe, and violated multiple times in the past two days. From having this man attempt or feign touching me multiple times, swiping my glasses from my head, getting too close as I literally take strides in the opposite direction of him over and over again. To cringing at every inappropriate disgusting and demeaning name he throws my way. “3ainy”, my eye, “lover, “my love” all seemingly harmless and light but dripped acidly, densely, heavy with the weight of a brick, being slugged my way. This is sexual harassment people. And oh did I tell him.

At the end of the day, I asked him to see me outside because we needed to talk. This was no movie or romance novel where some white knight was going to pop out of the bushes and ask me if this guy was bothering me. No one was going to save me from the situation I was in. Ironically the vet used that as a selling point, saying if I were to chose him he would help me and be my support in anything I needed, making sure I would be able to go back and finish my studies whether my parents allowed it or not. If I was a weaker naive individual I may have crumbled at that, and sold my soul to the devil but I’ve come too far to give in now and fall in tow 10 steps behind a man for a favor. No one was going to save me but myself, this is my burden, my trial, my obstacle to overcome and grow stronger from. If I don’t end up dead in the back of some creeps cab of course.

The fact that he was smiling, pleased with himself indicated to me that he truly believed his actions the past few days had gotten him somewhere. He really thought that he was harmlessly flirting with me and didn’t understand the damage he was really doing to me and to his chances. It was time for me to tell him that I had thought more about it like he had asked and I hadn’t changed my mind. I exploded on him and he was definitely not expecting it. I don’t suppose men usually get these talks here, I mean it even took me a while to see the signs and understand the situation I was in. At first, I was wondering if I had said or done anything to make him think his behavior was acceptable but it wasn’t. And that’s never really the case when it comes to sexual harassment. That’s what makes it sexual harassment. I explained to him that that is what his behavior is called back home and he had proved me right in saying there are certain things within Iraqi men, instinctual things that the people who are born here tend to do, things within their nature that I could never be tied to. He thought he was different but he really wasn’t, and any hint of doubt I may have had about my initial decision was gone. No matter how many promises to change he made, any change one makes within themselves has to be purely a selfish one, something they want to do for themselves, their own decision, not for someone else, those just don’t hold. The universe made this one easy for me, gave me an extra push in the right direction. And I’m grateful.

Since the talk, he hasn’t repeated said actions, I think he’s just been trying to save face a little, being a prideful man and all. Trying to show he’s actually a good guy and all. I mean he did end up apologizing. That’s not going to stop me from returning the medallion he gifted me with a slip of paper that says “sexual harassment” in the box. In truth I really just want him to look up the word and educate himself about it because he’s not a bad guy, just made some fatal errors.

[xottzot]

2018-04(APR)-11th--Friday criminals roaming about this hellhole area--A POLICE LEVEL INCIDENT OCCURED LAST NIGHT AT THIS HELLHOLE AREA!

2018-04(APR)-11th--Friday criminals roaming about this hellhole area--A POLICE LEVEL INCIDENT OCCURED LAST NIGHT AT THIS HELLHOLE AREA!

(I will get to the POLICE INCIDENT TOWARDS THE END OF THIS ENTRY SINCE IT HAS ONLY JUST BECOE APPARENT ATER A VISIT HER TO ME BY A POLICE OFFICER CANVASSING FOR ANY WITNESS REPORTS AT THIS HELLHOLE AREA AT AROUND 11am THIS MORNING)

Forgive my typing. My typing hand/arm is heavily bandaged up again. It feel like I have a cast put on but there isn't. My broken wrist/forearm (fractured whatever medical terms they bandy about me) is healing apparently but my entire wrist and forearm feels VERY painful at times. When SC comes around here at 'home' to re-bandage and attend to my wounds (which all was done in hospital when I was in hospital for a week or so), they take off the wound dressing to change it and suddenly it feels very cool and I can see all the damage done to it and I get a flood of sensations in my forearm and wrist. This morning however, I'd previouly taken pain masking pills and so the sensations weer not painful but very aching....just as they had been when I was in bed....it's like a truck has parked on my forearm and wrist and teh d river has got out and walked away leaving me there....THAT is the sort of pain and distress I am constantly in and NOTHING helps it. - Sure pain masking pills cover the pain up for awhile, but then it's like hell laughing at me saying,...we're just taking the pain away for a short while so when it comes back you will REALLY feel pain bwahahahahaha!

Friday 11 April 2017:-------- It was supposed to rain but it didn't. Now the forecast has suddenly changed to cloudy with a slight chance of rain near the coast. But it's getting VERY overcast......even though the sun is shining down at the moment.

I KNOW I don't live near the coast, I live just before the hills in what they call 'the foothills' of 'Perth area'.....but descriptions for this hellhole place are always vague and changing shifting depending on politics (promoting or evading), or authority (buck-passing or blaming), or news-speak depending on whatever event has just been promoted to make NEWS for a period.....

I had a truly TERRIBLE TERRIBLE night of 'sleep'....endless repeating nightmares of the same nigtmare and progressions of, I'd wake up, then go back to sleep only to continue with the damned nightmare as if the nightmare had been temporarily place on-pause whilst I had awoken for a short while, then when I managed to struggle back to sleep....'pause' would come off and teh nigtmare would continue or repeat yet again.....

A Hell never-ending.

I finally got up out of bed this morning (not for the first time I can tell you), let dear Sam & Max outside and went with them for their ablutions in the back yard of this hovel to keep them safe, then let them back inside and secured them okay. It was not quite time to fed them yet, and besides, I needed to get some fresh bread from the local shop nearby to eat, and of course dear Sam & dear Max get some of that as well.

I then had literaly just went outside to go to the shop to get some bread when SC came here to attend to dressing my wound and changing my bandage(s). It was as surprise to me. I walked to SC and amaiably greeted her, and stayed with her for her safety as she went to the boot of her SC marked vehicle to get the medical stuff she needed for me.

As she was doing that......a teenage? thug on a pushbike came from the Koongamia shops area and was aimlessly circling around nearby us on the road. Of course he has no bicycel helmet because that would be obeying the law and the criminals about this hellhole not only don't obey any laws they frolic about in front of Police without any problems at all whilst anyone else gets fined. You think I'm joking? I'm NOT. This has been going on for so very long now. It was just another tiny thing that dear Fliss saw all the time and nobody would believe her about it all either, let alone the rampant drug dealer and the violent households and the utterly feral criminal children who never ever went to any school.....

Ask Fliss all about it....oh but you can't....or you're not allowed to....wherever she is....I have been torn from her and kept apart from dear Fliss....and it is more than hell.......

The thug-on-a-pushbike roamed about then dashed back to the shops area to join up with another on foot who had a carry bag of foodstuffs crap and reported what he had seen.........and that a vehicle wass till parked down at fatguts aboriginal criminal household....a big dark black softtop 4WD vehicle of which males were getting in and out of repeatedly and wandering all about there. (customers or departmentals or what?)

No feral children were about on the streets however which was very strange. And none were playing on the lounge suite still dumped on the street verge outside the twinned criminal aboriginal household across the road from them. -- But read nothing in any of that which is good because it's all just a temporary sham by them.

The SC person told me that it had rained overnight. (maybe the lounge suite was all wet....but that still wouldn't stop them from 'playing with it').

All the roads of thise hellhole area were utterly dry, the ground all dry and dusty. Rain doesn't exist in reality here as it does elsewhere.

The SC person collected the materials needed as I warned her of the roaming thug on a pushbike. The SC person looked up and saw the shit on a pushbike roaming and circling quite close nearby and took careful notice. The SC person made sure (and I also stated it verbally) to make sure the vehicle was securely locked as we walked away to attend to my wounds.

Truly, YOU have no idea of the state of this hellhole area unless you remain here for awhile...and aren't spotted watching the criminals that is....

SC attended to my wounds, which were all yellow which caused me intitial alarm when the bandage was unwrapped from my forearm & wrist, but then I remembered that SC had used some stuff upon my wounds the oher day during dressing them. It's probably the stuff that causes it all to appear yellow? I any event, SC wasn't concerned so I guess that was the case.

Why do you think thugs roam around whenever they see a SC vehicle going to a place to attend to a needy person for medical treatment at home? -- It's because of two thigs....they can raid the SC vehicle and steal what they can.......or badger or disract the SC person whilst somebody else thieves from the vehicle......and also because it shows to roaming criminals who is at home and who is not.......which places to break into and rob......which people they deem to attack....and on and on and on. -- This sort of thing has been going on for many years abut this hellhole area. Dear Fliss saw some of it herself which added to her malaise. The innocent being victims purely from being injured by others and getting help and being seen as having 'lots of money' when in fact the opposite it true...but you can never reason with criminals and least of all with the criminals about this hellhole area.

My injuries have been attended to by SC. - SC has left. And of course the romaing criminals are roaming about now in the streets of this hellhole area.

The Koongamia school siren has gone off (they have no school 'bell' only literally a siren), and so that should mean no school-aged children whould be out on the streets for awhile.....

It's usually when roaming random patrols by Police or whatever might be glanced or perhaps they are following up from crimes committed the night before or days before or weeks before or just...random.

Damned jet planes are flying into Perth Airport nearby and flying low to do so, making noise and exhausting crap into the air. They fly RIGHT OVER HERE ALL THE TIME.

I spotted many planes today taking off from Perth airport, fly over here then suddenly turn and go north to other headings and destinations. Meanwhile OTHER jet planes are also coming in over the hills and flying rigt over and past here to go to the Perth airport. -- Honestly, it's like the Perth airport can only afford to run one runway strip at any one time no matter how busy things get.

Fliss experienced all this hell herself too, so don't just take my word for the truth of this hellhole area.

Growing up as a child, I used to have dreams of big jet planes crashing into the sheep paddocks a few houses away at the end of the street here. And in reality huge planes would thunder in flyig slow and low and make my bed shake, the cabinets in the kitchen clink, and teh noise woudl always wake you up witt their non-stop parading of passenger jets.

The SAME non-stop parading of passenger jets as is occuring right now as I type this.

Even as I was talking outside to the SC lady, the damn jets were loud enough for me to have to repeatedly pause my talking so my voice wasn't drowned out by the damned jet plane noise.

All this and more is why so many people have moved out of this hellhole area and never will return.

STOP PRESS:---- As I am typing this sentence at 10:00am now, I heard a vehicle door outside slamming shut closeby. I looked and what did I see? - A dark grey vehicle parked in a nearby neighbours driveway. I wonder who they might be? - But also at the end of the street, at the end of Kalara Way street, across the Clayton Street road in the little car park there favoured by criminals is a parked marked Police sedan vehicle just sitting there ready to race off at a moments notice as so happens so much about this hellhole area. It's just parked there windscreen pointing up the Kalara Way street. I don't know if anyones in it at the moment or not. There's no reason why they shouldn't be.

And STILL the damned planes fly low overhead coming in to land at Perth Airport......drowning out all noises as the planes do so.

Earlier there was the sounds of aboriginal kids/toddlers etc running about on the roads. I never looked to see anything. I just hope they get run over as proof of what I've been so saying for so many years as did poor dear Fliss also say to everyone but nobody would listen or do anything...hence it got worse.

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This above is Friday morning at this hellhole.

Once again, forgive me of any typos in my writing.

Once again, to dearest Fliss I hope and pray you are alright and that we will get back together again.

Dear Fliss, I was crying and sobbing in abject sorrow last night of us being parted and not being permitted by others to live the life we were always supposed to have. I had to do it silently or else my violent brother might get angry or violent at me for upsetting his video game playing and his mutterings to himself.

It's 10:26am.......I suppose I'd better have a small plain brand tinned tomato soup with my bread rolls and share it with dear Sam & dear Max. - Ughhh! A damned plane has noisily flown low overhead again as I'm typing this. Are ALL the damned planes in Australia parked at Perth airport now?

The poor sole lone chicken needs company and support so I have to give it some company too after I eat. (ANOTHER DAMNED PLANE HAS JUST FLOWN LOW SLOW OVERHEAD!)

Has anyone tried to wash up plates and so with one hand bandaged before like I have? - It's so VERY VERY hard not to get anything soiled or wet. Especially after so much careful work was done to create it by the nice SC person.

Outside now is a vehicle I'm hearing just slowly turning around in the intersection. It's one of the things that constantly goes on around this hellhole especially when things are quiet. And it upsets dear Sam and dear max because they think dearest Fliss is returning since she would alwasy slowly and quietly try to drive up here without causing them distress too.

Arghhh NO! - Now there is the noise of a shithead on a small motorbike who has just come out of the pedestrian walkway and rode along the roads on an unregistered motrobike of course...and NOW...a thundering car has roared past on the road as well....and a neighbours dog somewhere has been loudly barking in alarm too.

Can you see the HELL dear Sam and dear Max are in too?

This is hell.

No wonder those people in that corner house moved out....all this and worse...AND being broken into (smashed into with a large rock) by an aborigial thug the day after Xmas day.....

And now a damned plane flies overhead again.......

Non-stop noise in a supposedly 'quiet' place.......it USED to be a quiet place and it WAS......and that's why I invited dear Fliss here and it WAS quiet and peaceful and serene until all the criminals moved in......

Arghhhh! - ANOTHER damned low flying low speed jet plane flying overhead even before I've had a chance to send this message upline! -- It's HELL.

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POLICE INCIDENT at this hellhole.

I was just finishing up typing in all this entry at 11am when there was a knock on my front door and when I investigated it was a young West Australian POLICE woman canvassing households of this hellhole area for any eye witness deatils for 'something' that occured last night at this hellhole area.

By the sounds of it, it was some sort of assault (upon a woman?). Where exactly the assault occurred I don't know. Who it occured upon I don't know. Or it was a criminal incident involving all that and was more?

THAT IS THE NATURE OF THE HELLHOLE AREA NOW...SOMETHING HAPPENS AND YOU NEVER QUITE KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AND YOU CAN NEVER FIND OUT AND IF YOU TRY...THEN YOU RUN THE RISK OF BEING SEEN BY OTHERS TO BE GUILTY OF WHATEVER HAPPENED.

As I said the POLICE officer was not forthcoming with details. And I certainly was not brazen or a fool to attempt to find out any more, I respect real people far more than you or anyone imagines). And I do so wih dear Fliss and have always done so.

Dear Fliss's parents and to dear Cath in Queensland...can you see how BAD this hellhole has become? - It has been erupting like this AFTER dear Fliss arrived here. It was not like this before. It was, but it had got better. THAT was why I invited dear Fliss to come and live in peace and safety and no pressures of debts over Fliss's head. Dear Fliss nor I had NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF IT LAST NIGHT. - I do not know where dearest Fliss is in any case.....I hope she is safe......

It was why dear Fliss and I were always trying to get away from it all because it sudenly grew worse here AFTER Fliss arrived. What with the aboriginal drug dealer house and worse.....

Dear Fliss HATED all the shit (Fliss never swore) going on and she terribly kept blaming herself as if it was a 'curse' or something that followed her. Fliss herself was never to blame. I always had to keep reassuring dear Fliss that even when she was sobbing and blaming herself at her worst times. Others would just think Fliss stupid.

No wonder there was a marked POLICE sedan parked in the Koongamia school oval car park later today that I saw......!

I wonder if the impromptu meeting in the street earlier this morning of the next door neighbour etc was also because of LAST NIGHT?!?

I directed the Police officer to possible residences where she might get what she was after. And I pointed out the empty corner household saying that THEY too had experienced hell here themselves......as had the previous residents before them.....and had moved out.

THIS IS A HELLHOLE.

----------------------------------------------------

I love you dearest Fliss and want to be with you just as you promised me, and to yourself, to be away from this hellhole forever. - I'm dying here. That raffle has been drawn and I won absolutely less than nothing as usual. - ANOTHER JET PLANE OVERHEAD. - How many times can any person in their entire life enter so many things and NEVER EVER win? - I told you of this hell dear Fliss and how this hell afflicts me and never lets me live a good life. - Dear Fliss we love each other and have been cruelly parted by your afflictions and your false memories and those who control you who have brainwashed you into believing what they WANT you to believe about us. - NOW can you see why I was always so scared about us bringing into being any children of our own, at least here? I also told you the same thing when you were with me and you thought me foolish for believing it. Really? - What would have occurred had we had a child and right now it was living with us being parted? - I NEVER EVER wanted a child to live wihout us dear Fliss...I have lived some of that existance myself with my own mother and father being parted as I was growing up and it was truly HELL too, living in poverty, existing on second hand hand-me-downs, poor people food, (a plain sponge cake was a treat for us), my poor dear mother cut off from ALL her dear close relations who lived in South Australia half the Australian land-mass from us......, my poor dear Mum always struggling to pay ANY bills.....but for all of that I loved my dear Mum with all my heart. She KNEW that but always felt she had 'failed' in being a mother who could provide everything to her two young growing sons. - But I grew up with a stout heart and soul whch my dear Mum was silently proud of...and I took care of her after she had a severe stroke leving her severely disabled...I did NOT abandon her and NEVER would I ever think of doing so......but then dear Mum died alone in hospital after I had rushed to see her because she had hours earlier been close to death but then she had recovered, it was truly cruel....I truly hope Mum knew how much she meant to me and my brother....and I truly hope to see her again when I am dead.

Later closer to midday........I was checking the empty postbox (no word from dear FLiss) and I was collecting the just-delivered local newspaper, and I saw POLICE slowly walking in the school oval carpark area that THAT POLICE vehicle had been parked at as if they were looking on the ground there...or are they just milling about?

Meanwhile, over at Ms New Ages rented house, the old guy there has been hammering away all morning (sounding like somebody at my front door) and he has put up more security AGAIN all about the fencing. -- If the 'incident' and Police visit disturbed me, it might also have spurred him further into making his home a fortress again.

THIS IS A HELLHOLE AREA.

EVERY time I think it is 'getting better' here, people suffer, and it proves that it is not, or at least hell is being selective on where and whom it chooses to be victims. - I also weep inside for all those too scared to weep or be seen to be weeping.

THIS IS A HELLHOLE AREA.

I love YOU dearest Fliss (Felicity A. Carthew) and want to be with YOU just as YOU promised me, and to YOURSELF, to be away from this hellhole forever. - I'm dying here.

ANOTHER DAMNED JET PLANE OVERHEAD!..........

[mdye]

Does anyone actually like this bill?

Avik Roy, Phil Klein, and Bob Laszewski are the three Obamacare critics I follow most closely. Each of them represents a different pole of Obamacare skepticism. Roy, the co-founder of the Foundation for Research on Equal Opportunity, is a reformist conservative who admires the universal health care systems of Sweden and Singapore and has designed his own universal health care plan for America. Klein, a writer at the Washington Examiner, is a more orthodox conservative who is less concerned about coverage but wants to see the health system rebuilt around market-oriented principles. Laszewski is a pragmatic health industry consultant who specializes in insurance market design.

All three have eagerly awaited — and in Roy’s case, worked hard to create and sell — a Republican replacement for Obamacare. None of them like the American Health Care Act, the bill Republicans released Monday night.

The conservative critique: this is Obamacare lite

“In releasing their healthcare plan on Monday, House Republican leaders sent a signal loud and clear: liberalism has already won,” Klein wrote for the Washington Examiner:

The GOP bill preserves much of the regulatory structure of Obamacare; leaves the bias in favor of employer healthcare largely intact, replaces Obamacare's subsidies with a different subsidy scheme, and still supports higher spending for Medicaid relative to what was the case before Obamacare.

Ultimately, it doesn't do much to foster the development of a free market system. Under GOPcare, individuals would not be able to take insurance with them from job to job, because tax credits would not be available to people who have an offer of job-based insurance. They would not be able to purchase whatever plan they want, because the federal government will still be dictating what has to be in insurance policies, making insurance more expensive then it needs to be. If this bill passes, everybody would have to get their insurance either through government, their employer via tax subsidy, or be left to purchase government-designed health policies using federal subsidies.

Klein goes on to argue that Obamacare lite — which this bill is — might be better than Obamacare heavy. On the other hand, “there is an argument that if conservatives know this bill is a turkey and will fail, it's better that they don't embrace it, so that the ‘free market’ doesn't get blamed for the failures of a big government policy.”

I think conservatives are going to be taking that last point seriously in the days to come. This bill doesn‘t achieve many of their goals, and it’s also extremely poorly designed. It will lead to millions losing their health insurance, millions more paying higher out-of-pocket costs, and death spirals in weak markets. Do they really want to own all that for ... this?

The pragmatic critique: it won’t work

The first three words of Laszewski’s analysis are stark. “It won't work,” he writes.

Laszewski is no fan of Obamacare. In his blog post on the Republican bill, he calls the Affordable Care Act “so poorly constructed it is literally an anti-selection machine.” The only problem? “The Republican proposal is worse.” Here’s the core of his critique:

House Republicans are proposing a very attractive program for the better off and, with the Medicaid rollback, gutting the program for the poor to be able to pay for it.

Republicans claim their new tax credits would be enough to buy a catastrophic plan even for the poorest––and in many cases that will likely be true. But, what good will it do a person making $15,000 a year to get a premium credit only large enough to buy a plan with a $3,000 or $5,000 deductible?

The House Republicans are also proposing an individual health insurance market scheme that may even be worse than Obamacare itself.

As bad as the Obamacare individual mandate was for consumers––and as ineffective as it was for insurers––it did cause those not buying health insurance some pain. The Republicans now want to create a scheme that doesn't require anyone to sign up. But when they get sick enough that they need insurance, they will be able to quickly do so by paying a paltry 12-month 30% premium surcharge.

It’s worth reading Laszewski in light of the GOP’s attacks on Obamacare. Remember this quote from Mitch McConnell, for instance?

Well, what you need to understand is that there are 25 million Americans who aren’t covered now. If the idea behind Obamacare was to get everyone covered, that’s one of the many failures. In addition to premiums going up, copayments going up, deductibles going up. And many Americans who actually did get insurance when they did not have it before have really bad insurance that they have to pay for, and the deductibles are so high that it’s really not worth much to them. So it is chaotic. The status quo is simply unacceptable.

As Laszewski’s analysis makes clear, the GOP plan makes every single one of these problems worse. It will lead to more people without insurance. It will lead to premiums going up, copayments going up, deductibles going up. It will lead to destabilized markets where the healthy hang back because there’s no individual mandate — not even a weak one, as we have now — forcing them to buy insurance. Many Americans will be shunted into bad coverage that they can’t afford to use.

The reformist conservative critique: it discredits us

The last line of Avik Roy’s assessment for Forbes is its most brutal. “Expanding subsidies for high earners, and cutting health coverage off from the working poor: it sounds like a left-wing caricature of mustache-twirling, top-hatted Republican fat cats,” he writes.

There are parts of the bill Roy likes — chief among them, the Medicaid reforms. But “those reforms are overshadowed by the bill’s stubborn desire to make health insurance unaffordable for millions of Americans, and trap millions more in poverty.”

Ouch.

“The critical mistake of the AHCA,” Roy argues, “is its insistence on flat, non-means-tested tax credits. The flat credit will price many poor and vulnerable people out of the health insurance market.”

The result is Republicans have proposed a reverse-Robin Hood structure: The poor get much less help than they do now, and the rich get much more. To someone like Roy who believes that conservatives are, or should be, the real champions of America’s poor, this is disastrous. It’s not just a bad idea, it’s a bad idea that discredits all their other ideas; a bad idea that confirms what liberals have always thought about them.

Making matters worse, Republicans have given up on getting any Democratic support for their reforms, which means they need to pass the bill through the narrow channel of budget reconciliation so it can’t be filibustered. But the budget reconciliation process can only absorb purely budgetary proposals. That means most of the insurance regulations Republicans wanted to repeal, or remake, are left out of the bill. Republicans are left selling insurance that must meet most of Obamacare’s standards even as they give low-income Americans much less money with which to buy it.

Who actually likes this bill?

Last night, Jon Cohn, a liberal health wonk, tweeted something apt:

None of the liberal wonks I follow like this bill. None of the conservatives wonks do either.

— Jonathan Cohn (@CitizenCohn) March 7, 2017

There’s more to the world than wonks, of course. But who exactly is the audience for this bill? House conservatives are already calling it Obamacare 2.0. Republicans have given up on Democratic votes before even trying to secure any. Voters aren’t likely to cheer a bill that takes health insurance away from the poor to offer tax cuts for the rich. Insurers are going to look at this proposal and run in the other direction.

As I wrote last night: The only plausible goal this bill achieves is letting Republicans say they repealed and replaced Obamacare. If that’s the real motivation, then Republicans have mistaken their slogan for the goals their slogan was meant to serve. Republicans wanted to repeal and replace Obamacare because, in theory, they had something better — something people would like more, and that would achieve their goals of cutting costs and creating a real market in health insurance.

But that’s not what they have here. They’ve developed something worse than Obamacare that would prove disastrous to actually implement. That’s why Obamacare’s sharpest critics are reacting with such horror.

@EzraKlein