#but he has a long way to becoming that person he used to be before meeting reni and became his mentee

[osarina]

ᡣ𐭩 WE WERE BORN SICK

FEATURING: dazai osamu

SUMMARY: that sinking feeling that's been looming over you both has finally come to fruition. truths are revealed, questions are answered, but one big one remains: is love enough for you and dazai's relationship to survive this?

AUTHOR'S NOTES: happy fridayyyyy, i can't believe we only have one chapter left of civzai, it's actually makin me emotional </3 this chapter was quite a doozy to write, and i hope it's equally a doozy to read HAHAH no no jkjk , i hope you enjoy. also do u guys want to add an arcane au to the dazaiverse .. ive been thinking heavily about it. comments & reblogs appreciated

GENERAL WARNINGS: fem!reader, port mafia executive!reader, civilian!dazai, dazai's struggles w suicide & sh, reader partakes in mafia business, dazai isn't dazai without a bit of obsessiveness and possessiveness (the possessiveness doesn't come til later but the obsessiveness starts from day 0).

CHAPTER SPECIFIC WARNINGS: hardly edited. angsty chapter. explicit depiction of suicide (past recollection of dazai), implications of past self-harm (dazai), very toxic thought processes at certain parts (dazai), past (and a bit of current) suicide ideation (dazai), manic behavior (reader).

SEE: WASTELAND, BABY! SERIES MASTERLIST

“I’ve been eager to meet you for quite a while. In all of the years I’ve known her, my little hime has never let something as trivial as a boy come between her and our work… I knew you must be special, but I never could’ve imagined just how special. I’m so pleasantly surprised.”

Dazai’s head throbs as he comes to his surroundings. He’s laying in an uncomfortable bed—a hospital bed, he thinks, he can smell the unfortunately familiar scent of antiseptic, but the walls aren’t the typical white he’s used to. He winces as he sits up, unable to recall where he is or what happened to him. Everything is too fuzzy, he remembers being with Fitzgerald, the car ride to the tea house, and-

And he remembers you. 

He remembers you.

He lets out a shaky breath as he recalls the way you’d pulled him into your arms, cradling him close as soon as you got him back from Fitzgerald. God, he only got to be with you for what felt like a second. It wasn’t enough time. It wasn’t nearly enough time. You sent him off, he remembers—you sent him with two of your subordinates, the weretiger and that freaky little girl, and then… 

“Shhh… Don’t speak. I want to get this done and over with.”

The gun to his back, Atsushi and Kyouka’s cries of shock, the baton to his head.

“No can do, weretiger. On orders from the boss.”

His mind tracks back to the words that had been spoken as he was teetering on the edge of consciousness, mouth going dry and eyes widening as he becomes acutely aware of the other person in the room with him. His gaze flicks up to where a vaguely familiar man sits at a desk watching him—straight chin-length black hair, inquisitive purple eyes, a long black coat, Dazai isn’t sure where he recalls this man from but he knows that they’ve met before. 

“Who…” Dazai asks, voice wavering as pain shoots through his head with every little movement. “Who are you? Have we… met before?”

His wrist hurts. His mother’s nails dig into his skin so deep that it draws blood, and he doesn’t know what’s going on. He’d just been sleeping—is he still sleeping? He isn’t sure. He’s stumbling over his own feet trying to keep up with her, he keeps asking her what’s going on but she doesn’t answer him. 

They turn a hall and his mother stops so suddenly that he slams right into her, nearly tripping over onto the ground. He doesn’t even regain his footing before his mother is pulling him back the way he came, he looks over his shoulder trying to figure out what caused his mother to panic so badly and he looks at—a man? 

Who is that? 

Why is he coming from grandfather’s room?

Is that-

Blood?

“Shuji! Shuji, don’t look back! Keep moving!”

Shuji? Who’s Shu-

“I think you know the answer to that already.” Dazai is startled out of the memory—was that a memory?—by the man’s voice. He sounds amused, and from the way that his eyes are glittering, Dazai can tell he’s finding great entertainment out of this situation. It pisses Dazai off. “Don’t you?”

“Tane-chan, you know you won’t be able to hide him forever. You’re just making this harder on yourself.”

Dazai’s breath catches. He shifts backward on the bed to press his back against the wall. Everything is wrong—the air is too cold, his bandages are itching, his head hurts, and he doesn’t know what’s going on. Who is Shuji? Why is he thinking of his mother after all of these years? And what… what was he remembering? 

Memories of his youth have always been sparse and fleeting—he can vaguely recall the faces of his siblings, the anxiety he felt around his grandfather, the loneliness—but something like this… The panic on his mothers face, the pain in his wrist, the way she was dragging him around, the fear in her voice when she screamed at Dazai—was he Shuji? But then why—to not look back, to keep moving. He would remember something like that. That would be… crazy to forget, right?

What is going on?

“You’re Mori,” Dazai breathes out, clearing his throat. He hopes he doesn’t look as disconcerted as he feels, but he thinks he must. “You’re…”

The leader of the Port Mafia. 

The closest thing you have to a father.

So, how does Dazai remember him from years ago? It doesn’t make sense. He couldn’t have been older than thirteen, maybe fourteen in that memory. What did he forget? When did he meet him? What’s going on? Dazai wants to scream, his mind is still slow from just waking up—he doesn’t even know how long he was unconscious, it couldn’t have been that long.

Mori’s smile widens as if Dazai just walked right into whatever trap that had been laid out for him, violet eyes flashing with a type of cruel amusement that makes Dazai sick to his stomach. Dazai has to circle back to remember what he just said, he needs to snap out of the daze he’s in. He needs to think. He made a mistake—Dazai made a mistake. He shouldn’t have admitted that he knew Mori. That was a mistake.

How does he fix it? 

Can he fix it?

“You do know,” Mori says, like he didn’t actually expect Dazai to admit that he knew him. Like he’s pleasantly surprised. Again. Like Dazai just made things much easier for him. Shit. “Interesting.”

He’s going to use it against Dazai. Dazai knows it. He’s going to use it against him to hurt you. He remembers everything he’s learned about your relationship with Mori—how he pit you against that other girl, Yosano, to get results from you. And he already said it. He already said that Dazai is getting between you and your work, he’ll do the same thing here. He’ll pit you against him.

He’s going to tell you that Dazai knew who Mori was, and that Dazai is someone that he’s not—who is Shuji? Why doesn’t he remember his own name? Is that really his name? How does Mori know all of this? Who is Dazai?—and Dazai needs to be able to say something. He needs to be able to explain. How does he explain this when he doesn’t even know what’s going on? Dazai needs to remember; he needs to remember now, he needed to remember yesterday, because if he’s not the one to tell you this… If he can’t explain this…

This cannot be happening—it can’t. Right when he thought everything would be okay, when he would be with you. His throat starts to clog as anxiety clouds his head and weighs on his chest, a panic attack that he can’t afford right now. He needs to think, he needs to figure out what’s going on—Mori knows something about Dazai that he doesn’t know himself, and he’s going to use it against him to drive a wedge between the two of you. He’s going to tell you, and-

Dazai’s world feels woozy. Why can’t he remember? How does he know Mori? What was happening that night with his mother? He needs to snap out of this, needs to think, but he can’t even breathe. Fear—the mind killer.

“I don’t know what’s going on,” Dazai rasps, his voice is hoarse, and he feels sick, and he hates admitting that he doesn’t know what’s happening, but he needs Mori to believe it so that he doesn’t tell you something that’s not true. “I don’t know how I know you. I don’t-”

“You might believe that,” Mori says amused, “but will she?”

Dazai stares at Mori, his stomach churns violently and his vision swims as the answer becomes abundantly clear to him.

He doesn’t know. 

———

The gun in your hand weighs heavily.

You hid it in the inside of your blazer to get up to the conference room. No weapons are allowed up past the thirty-fifth floor unless you’re one of the Boss’s hand-picked personal guards—even executives are forced to disarm themselves before going up, but security is much more lax for the upper echelon. Because you’re you—the hime, second-in-command, the Boss’s daughter—the guards outside of the elevator that goes directly to the top floor wave you past the metal detectors to go on up.

A mistake.

(Who is Tsushima Shuji? It can’t be Dazai. You know Dazai. Mori must be wrong.)

The smile on your face is bland and doesn’t meet your eyes as you walk down the hall to the conference room attached to Mori’s office. You greet the guards, and they don’t notice how off your demeanor is, too starstruck over the fact that they’re being acknowledged for once. They also don’t notice the way your hand is curled around the grip of your gun in your blazer.

A mistake. 

(Mori is never wrong. Do you really know Dazai?)

When you reach the end of the hallway, you toss them one last brilliant smile. This one is a bit more genuine because you’ve realized that you’ve gotten through the top notch security of the upper levels of the Port Mafia headquarters without a hitch. That you’re one step closer to finishing this. They’re so blinded by the beauty of your smile that they don’t realize your teeth have sharpened into knives and the floral perfume you wear masks a putrid bloodlust. 

A mistake. 

(It’s always been odd, hasn’t it? The way he approached you. The way he was so insistent on pushing himself into your life. You always questioned it. There was a sinking feeling that something wasn’t as it seemed. Why didn’t you question it more?)

You keep your back turned as you slip into the room. You can feel four presences behind you—Kouyou, Piano Man, Chuuya, Ace. No Mori. No Dazai. That’s fine—you have something to take care of before they show up anyway. The conference room is soundproof; Mori designed it that way because he didn’t want the guards outside to overhear any discussion of sensitive topics. Even if he handpicked them for their loyalty, he understands that money can make the most devout man’s faith waver. Still, it’s not them rushing in that you’re worried about—it’s the people in the room with you rushing out, so you very carefully twist the nub of the lock and then reach up to fix the deadbolt. It won’t stop them, but it will slow them. You can feel their eyes on you as you make sure the door is locked, but none of them call you out for it or try to stop you.

A mistake. 

(Mori always told you that the Tsushimas were like cockroaches. If they all weren’t killed, one would eventually return to reclaim their grandfather’s empire. There’d be a power struggle between the factions loyal to the new regime and the ones that still hid in the shadows believing that the Tsushima blood belonged at the head of the organization. Everything the two of you had built would crumble to ashes.)

You turn to make your way over to the conference table where the four of them are sitting. You haven’t decided how you want to go about this yet. You don’t know who all was aware of what Mori did, and because of that, you don’t know who needs to die. Treachery has always faced a death penalty—you don’t care if Mori ordered it, you don’t care that the Boss’s word is absolute, you have bled and breathed for the Port Mafia. You’ve sacrificed everything you’ve ever owned and wanted for the Port Mafia. You have made the Port Mafia into what it is today with your efforts abroad and at home—foreign governments, foreign criminal organizations, the Japanese government and other domestic mafias, all of them are just puppets that you pull the strings of to ensure the Port Mafia stays on top. Treachery against you will face the same penalty one would receive if they betrayed the Port Mafia, because you are the Port Mafia—Mori has made sure of that. 

Chuuya and Piano Man share a look with one another as you approach the table. Neither of them say anything—is it confusion? Is it guilt? Did they know? Were you the only one unaware of the schemes going on around you? Were you the only one loyal? The only one you could trust?

Did they know?

Did they know?

(No one could ever love you without your ability at work influencing them. You’ve known that since the very beginning, but you were so quick to forget that when you discovered Dazai’s ability. You should have had more questions, you should have been more suspicious. Mori had been right from the very beginning. You were emotionally compromised. You were weak.)

Ace opens his mouth to speak.

A mistake. 

“It was nice meeting your-”

Ace’s head hits the conference table with a hard thunk, his eyes wide and glassy, his mouth open around the words you didn’t let him finish speaking. Blood seeps from the bullet hole in his temple and pools around his head and the ground beneath his chair, staining the glass table and the white floors. 

Instead of lowering your arm, you shift it so that the gun is pressed against Piano Man’s temple next. Chuuya says your name—it’s awful, something caught between a gasp of shock and confusion, he’s never said your name like that before. Like he doesn’t know what you’re doing. Like he doesn’t understand you. Like you’re something unfamiliar. Unrecognizable. You ignore him anyway, and the pangs that come along with it, and instead, you keep your gaze trained on Piano Man’s face.

He’s not as panicked as Chuuya, but you can tell that he’s just as caught off guard from the way his lips are twisted. He watches you carefully, waiting for you to say whatever you’re going to say—if you were going to pull the trigger, you would’ve done so immediately, he knows that. He’s always been good at reading you, better than even Chuuya sometimes.

“Did you know?”

Your voice is steadier than you expect it to be. Cold almost. Distant. You don’t recognize it yourself, you suppose it’s no wonder that Chuuya’s staring at you with such a foreign expression. You watch him just as carefully as he does you. He has a tell when he lies: he squints. Not an obvious squint, just the barest hint of his eyes squeezing shut like he’s calculating exactly what he wants to say, in what tone and with what fluctuation he wants to say it.

A subtle tell, but a tell nonetheless. 

“No.”

He stares at you steadily as he says it. There’s no squint—he’s telling the truth. You don’t let out a breath of relief, but you certainly feel the weight off of your shoulders. You lower the gun, satisfied with his response, and then you walk over to where Chuuya is sitting.

You don’t raise the gun to his temple immediately. He looks up at you, you look down at him, a whole conversation is had in the silence between you, and eventually he lowers his lashes in resignation, telling you to do what needs to be done for you to feel more at ease.

He’s always put others before himself. 

You lift the gun at the same time he lifts his gaze to meet yours. He could activate the Tainted Sorrow and end this before it starts, but he doesn’t—you know in your gut that if you pulled the trigger right now, he would accept the fate you delivered. Probably would take it as a better one than he deserved—it being at your hands rather than Arahabaki. 

“Did you know?” you ask. The words taste bitter, rancid—they don’t belong there, Chuuya would never betray you, but you had to hear it from him. 

Chuuya doesn’t have many tells when he lies—he’s a good actor, much better than people give him credit for. If he wanted to lie to you, he might be able to get away with it. But he won’t lie to you, not when he’s looking you in the eye. 

“No,” he says, voice soft and raspy like he can’t believe he has to say it.

You let the gun drop to your side. It weighs heavier now—heavier than it did in the elevator, heavier than it did in the hallway leading to the room, heavier than it did when it was pressed against Piano Man’s head. You can hardly bear to keep holding it, but you’re not done yet.

Slowly, your gaze turns to Kouyou. Her expression is cold and unreadable, gaze pinned on you in the same way a lion stalks its prey through the tall grass… No, that’s not right. She stares at you with the same look in her eyes that a snake does when it’s curled in a corner, rattle shaking and hissing to try to scare off the predator that has it trapped.

“You knew,” you breathe out softly in disbelief. Your voice hardens and tightens as you repeat, “You knew!”

Before you can raise your gun—before you can pull the trigger four, five, six times, before you can riddle her body with holes because how dare she know, how dare she know and not tell you after what the previous boss did to her—the door that separates the conference room from Mori’s office opens, and your attention is drawn to the one person who caused all of this.

“Oh my,” Mori says airly, looking between you, Ace’s body, and Kouyou with an expression that is frustratingly amused. “I see you’ve been busy.”

You don’t even know what to say to that. You almost want to laugh. You think you do laugh, actually—someone does, and you think it’s you, because you feel yourself walking away, you lift your hands to your head to tug at your ears in frustration. Your vision is blurry—are you crying?

“You betrayed me,” you finally say, voice quieter than you intend, so you raise it as you repeat yourself. “You betrayed me. You. Of all people I never thought you would be the one to-”

You can’t even finish the sentence, your voice cracks over the words. It makes you feel sick, it makes you angry, it makes you want to crawl out of your skin, because how could he? To you? You don’t know why you’re so angry, why you’re so betrayed. Mori has always made it clear that his priority is the Port Mafia, but still, to do this to you. To do this to his-

To his what?

You’re not his daughter. You hate when people imply that you are, you hate being called hime, you hate being called ‘Miss Mori’, you hate when people give you respect because of your perceived relationship to him. 

He’s the only father you’ve ever known. Almost every decision you’ve made has been with the motive of making him proud of you. When he seeks out your opinion specifically during meetings, your chest becomes warm with pride.

You don’t love him. How could you? Look at what you’ve become because of him. 

Then why do you feel so betrayed? Why did you think he would be the last person to do something like this to you when you know the type of person he is? Why does your chest feel like it’s caving in? Like your heart’s been ripped right out of it? Why does this hurt as much—why does this hurt more than Dazai’s potential betrayal?

And he certainly doesn’t love you. He never would have done this if he did. 

He’s killed people for disrespecting you—he hardly ever gets his own hands dirty, but he does when it’s you and your dignity on the line. He spends hours meticulously picking out birthday presents that he knows you’ll like. He gets sad when he invites you for lunch and you don’t join him, reminiscing about the days where you clung to the back of his coat.

He touches your shoulder, and your finger twitches on the trigger of the gun. You want to lift it, press it to his temple and pull the trigger just like you did to Ace, but you can’t. Your arm feels like lead, and when his hand slides down to your bicep to force you to turn around and face him so that your back is to the rest of the executives, you dutifully follow along.

His expression is unreadable as he looks down at you, violet eyes swimming with an emotion you’ve never seen in them before. He lifts his hand to wipe away one of the tears that had spilled over your cheeks with his knuckle, and then taps your cheek twice, chiding you silently. 

Do not cry here, little hime. Not here.

“You have always been so dramatic,” Mori hums just loud enough for you to hear, but the words are fond, and the corners of his lip curl up as he looks down at you. “I would not betray you. Not ever, dear.” 

You look at Ace pointedly in response and then back to Mori, the man sighs dramatically and gives you a disappointed look. The nerve, you think bitterly, narrowing your eyes on him as you wait for his explanation.

“I told you,” Mori says. “I did this to protect you. I wanted to get ahold of the boy-”

“Because you have some mistaken belief that he’s a Tsushima,” you interrupt coolly. “How did you even manage to come up with that ridiculous theory?”

Mori’s eyes flicker with something akin to interest, but shifts quickly into pity—you can’t tell if it’s genuine or mocking, and you don’t know which would be worse. He must be mistaken, he has to be. You don’t think you can handle the implications of if he isn’t, of what it might mean for you. For Dazai. Your whole relationship with him. How much was manufactured for him to get information about the Port Mafia? So he could get a foothold in the organization? Get in contact with the remaining loyalists to his family?

“Sit,” he tells you, guiding you over to the seat at the right of the head of the table. “I’ll explain everything, but first… Shuji-kun, why don’t you come out and join us?” 

Your breath catches at Mori’s words, gaze twisting to the side over to the door that he’d come out of. You watch as the door creaks open, and the achingly familiar sight of his face finally comes into view. You’ve missed him—you’ve missed him, and you hate this. You should be back at your apartment with him, you should have him curled up in your arms, you should be listening to him complain about how long he was stuck with the Guild. 

This shouldn’t be happening. You shouldn’t be sitting at the executive roundtable with Ace’s dead body a few feet away, and Dazai entering the room, questions of his identity, of whether or not he’s been using you for information and opportunity to take back his grandfather’s legacy. 

You hoped that Dazai would enter the room angry, irritated by the kidnapping and the accusations, but you don’t think you’ve ever seen Dazai look like this before. He looks a mess, fidgeting, brown hair matted to his forehead, dark eyes wide and swirling with emotion. When he seeks you out, they’re pleading, imploring, like he already knows that whatever is about to be said is going to be bad for him. 

He looks… frazzled. Nervous. Confused. 

He looks guilty, and you know that Mori is telling the truth. 

How much of this was a lie? All of it?

Your throat feels uncomfortably tight, gaze sliding from Dazai back to Mori.

“Tell me.”

Who are you, Dazai Osamu?

———

Despite his body being wracked with a strange sense of guilt, Dazai pushes open the door to enter the room where he assumes you’ll be waiting. You’re not the only one there sitting at the table—there’s five… no, four others—but Dazai can’t help the way he immediately seeks you out. He recognizes his mistake instantly. That highly unwelcome, and highly misplaced, guilt amplifies the moment his gaze meets yours and he sees how crushed you are by all of this. His face twists into something that he knows condemns himself more. and from the way you instantly look away from him, directing your full attention to Mori, he knows he has. 

Now, you won’t meet his eyes at all.

Dazai sits stiffly across from you to the left of Mori. Nakahara Chuuya is on his opposite side, glaring holes into the side of Dazai’s head, but he can’t drag his gaze from you. He’s never seen you like this before—even back at the beach house when you’d been so close to breaking down under the weight of everything on your shoulders, you’d held yourself together as best you could. 

You’re unraveling now; he can tell you’re still trying to hold yourself together, but it’s as good as trying to pick up water with your fists, your emotions spill out through the cracks carved into the walls you used to hide yourself behind. Mori hasn’t even begun talking, yet your breath is unsteady and your eyes are swimming with emotion; your fingers are still wrapped tight around the grip of your gun, and Dazai is very acutely aware of Ace’s dead body slouched over the table not even a few feet away. 

And you won’t even meet his eyes.

Maybe it’s a good thing, he realizes, because Dazai isn’t sure what you might see if you do. You clearly didn’t like what you saw the first time. He just feels so guilty, and he doesn’t even know why he feels guilty because he’s not-he didn’t do any of what Mori implied. He didn’t use you, he didn’t know who you were before meeting you, it wasn’t all some scheme to try to take over the mafia. That’s ludicrous—he’s a literature student at YNU, not some gang lord. He just-

He loved you. Loves you. No ulterior motives. No strings attached. 

“I said tell me,” you snap when Mori doesn’t immediately begin talking. “You love talking, so why are you holding back now? Tell me, or I’m leaving.”

Dazai feels a bit sick to his stomach when you say ‘I’ with no implication of taking him with you. He tries to get you to look at him again, silently pleading with you to just spare one glance in his direction, but you’re irritated now. He can see it in the way your fingers flex around the gun, knuckles whitening and finger twitching on the trigger—it’s pointed at the woman sitting next to you, who is very acutely aware of the fact from how stiff she is. 

“Do you remember the night we took over the Port Mafia, dear?” Mori asks her, voice a low hum. 

“What kind of question is that?” you answer tightly. Your lip curls up in irritation, Dazai can see you become more and more antsy and angry—he’s never seen you so out of control before. “Of course, I do.” 

“And you, Shuji-kun?” Mori turns his attention to Dazai and he wants to spit in his face—his name is Dazai—but his voice fails him when he sees the way your face twists at the sound of the unfamiliar name. He stares at Mori instead, hating how amused the man becomes at his silence. “I’ll take that as a no, allow me to refresh you.”

“Eight years ago, a coup was staged against your grandfather’s regime,” Mori says, and Dazai feels like he’s being studied under a microscope. All eyes are on him now—even yours, but now, he can’t bring himself to look at you. He doesn’t know what he’ll find, and he’s scared it’s going to be something he doesn’t like. “Your grandfather was mad, killing civilians and mafiosos indiscriminately, something had to be done, and nobody was willing to do it, so we did.”

“We had to wipe out the whole family, and any loyalists. I was fourteen when I killed someone for the first time. She was a girl my age—the previous boss’s grandaughter…”

Dazai’s gaze drags over to you. You’re staring ahead now, gaze listless and expression eerily blank like you’re slowly starting to realize what this means. Dazai hasn’t come to terms with it yet, because if even a little of what Mori is saying is true then…

“We wiped out the whole bloodline and as many loyalists as we could,” Mori continues, “or we thought we did, at least. My dear hime was who I sent to kill the heirs, I trusted in her to make it quick and painless. We didn’t realize one of the grandchildren were missing until it was too late—he wasn’t in his bedroom, apparently liked to wander around at night because he couldn’t sleep. His mother was able to swoop in and get him out of the estate before our men took over the building… Tsushima Shuji, the youngest of the previous boss’s grandsons. Does this sound familiar yet, Shuji-kun?”

He has the best view of the night sky from an alcove on the fourth floor of the estate—his grandfather’s floor. It’s where he likes to go when he can’t sleep at night, and ever since his cousins and siblings started fighting over their grandfather’s legacy, that’s been just about every night: half because of fear now that things have started escalating to violence, half because he’s not even sure why he’s still here.

His knees are tucked tight to his chest, arms wrapped around them and head resting against the cool glass as he looks up at the stars. He hears a commotion happening somewhere downstairs, but there’s always a commotion happening at the estate, so he thinks nothing of it. He submerges himself in the darkness instead, letting his mind float away as he stares up at the sky—it’s the only time he’s able to relax, escape from the shadows of his own mind.

He’s not sure how long he sits there admiring the night, time passes immeasurably when he’s lost in the stars—he’s only snapped out of it when he hears feet slamming against the ground in his direction. He stiffens, eyes wide, wondering if another one of his cousins has finally turned to bloodshed as the way to inherit their grandfather’s legacy, but instead his mother turns the corner, her smooth face contorted in a type of panic he’s never seen on her before.

“Mothe…” he starts to say, confused, but he doesn’t even get a chance to finish the word, gasping as his mother grabs his wrist and yanks him off the cushioned seat in the alcove.

“Shuji, we have to go,” she gasps, “we need to get out of here. It’s not safe.”

He stumbles after his mother, struggling to keep up with her quick pace and longer legs. Her grip was painful, nails digging into the bandages around his wrists, right into the fresh wounds they covered. He grimaces in pain, breathing heavy as he follows his mother down the hall, assumingly toward the steps near his grandfather’s room. 

“What’s going on?” he asks. “What about Bunji? Akane? T-”

His mother chokes over what sounds like a sob and his eyes widen—he’s never heard his mother cry before. 

“There’s no time,” she chokes out, “we have to leave without them. We-”

They turn a hall, she skids to a stop and-

“It seems that it does… Allow me to continue then,” Mori hums, drawing Dazai out of the memory. He sounds unbearably amused, and Dazai would be angry if he wasn’t so shaken. He pulls his hands off of the table to rest them in his lap to hide the way his fingers are trembling. “Your mother was able to hide you from us for half a year, I warned her that she wouldn’t be able to for long and since she didn’t share your grandfather’s blood, promised to spare her life if she gave you up to us, but she refused. She tried to take you out of the Kanagawa Prefecture, but our men were catching up to her, and she took… drastic measures to ensure we couldn’t track you down. That I’m sure you remember.”

“Mother,” he whispered, staring up at the rope, her limp body, gaze trailing down to the kicked over chair. “Mother, I don’t… why did you…”

He takes a step closer. A step back. Another step closer. He reaches out, fingers brushing the white nightgown she’d worn the night before while getting him settled in bed, but he snatches them back instantly like he’d been burned, clutching his hand to his chest.

He’s not breathing, he realizes when his lungs start to burn. His eyes sting painfully, unable to draw his eyes away—unable to even blink—is it a nightmare? Is he hallucinating? She sways—sways like when she used to distract him when he was settling into a depressive episode by putting on music and forcing him to spin with her in the kitchen, sways like the wind chimes she keeps outside because the house doesn’t feel homely enough without him, sways-

“Shuji! Shuji, get away from there!” The voice that calls to him is familiar��Aunt Kiye? Why is she here? “God, I tried to get here earlier. Nee-san, forgive me.”

Aunt Kiye grabs his wrist, yanking him away from his mother, dragging him out of her bedroom and down the hall. His voice is hoarse as he screams, he doesn’t know what he’s screaming, if he’s even screaming anything intelligible. He doesn’t stop until he’s out of the house and she’s kneeling in front of him, shaking him out of his panic.

“Enough, Shuji! We have to go, we can’t stay here, they’ll be here soon,” Aunt Kiye shouts at him, expression twisted and eyes pooling with tears that she doesn’t let spill over. “We need to go, and we-we need to change your name, change everything. I promised I would hide you, I-”

“We can’t leave her there,” he argues, voice shrill. “I don’t understand, why did she do that? What did I do? It was my fault, It was my fault, wasn’t it? It-”

Aunt Kiye doesn’t answer his question. She looks bitter, angry, hateful. “We have no time. We have to leave,” she whispers, dragging him to the car despite his protests. She continues talking, more to herself than to him, but the words make his chest cave in. “I told her not to get involved with that family. Their blood is black, cursed. Everyone knows nothing good comes from associating with those people.”

His fault, he realizes, breath becoming thin and shallow. It’s his fault, his blood, his fault that his mother-

“Yes, quite the unfortunate scene we walked into,” Mori says dismissively. “She was smart for it though, she never would’ve survived a night with our sweet hime interrogating her. You should see what she did to that despicable journalist. Of course, she wasn’t as fine-tuned with her ability back then, but that would’ve been at your mother’s expense—her first few attempts at conditioning were quite… unfortunate for her test sub-”

“Enough,” you spit out, interrupting him. Dazai wants to believe that it’s because you can see how uncomfortable he’s getting, but he’s not even sure that you care. He’s not even sure you remember he’s in the room. “Get to the point. You think he’s the Tsushima kid we missed—that doesn’t prove shit. It doesn’t mean-”

You don’t finish what you’re going to say, but you do look at him, and Dazai’s breath catches when his gaze finally meets yours again. He can’t tell what you’re thinking—the expression on your face is entirely indecipherable, something caught between being accusatory and guilty. Dazai doesn’t know if he’s going to make it out of this room alive. Even if by some miracle, you decide to believe him, there’s a good chance that Mori will order his death anyway, and he’s not sure if you’ll pick him over the Port Mafia. 

That being said, Dazai doesn’t even know if he wants to make it out of here alive. His brain is fogged with memories that he locked so deep within him that they never should’ve resurfaced—every time Mori speaks, Dazai’s recalling something new, something awful, something that proves that he’s every bit the freak people have always claimed him to be. Every bit as bad. Every bit as wrong. Not like other people. A monster whose mother killed herself because of him, a monster who's been cursed since the day he was born. 

“... blood is black, cursed… nothing good comes from associating with those people.”

More than that, he doesn’t see how the two of you are going to be able to come back from this, and that scares him more than anything. You’re the only good thing left in his life, and he doesn’t think he’ll make it without you, but he doesn’t think that after all of this things are just going to work out. You killed his siblings. His cousins. And yeah, Dazai was never close to them—they thought he was too quiet, too strange, all of the things that the other students at school whispered, his family was the first to—but… they were still his family, and if Dazai had been in his room that night, he would’ve been just as dead at your hands as the rest of them.

You killed his family. You would have killed him. The Port Mafia is the reason his mother killed herself, the reason why he walked into her bedroom and saw her hanging from a fan. The Port Mafia is the reason his aunt hated him so much that she couldn’t even bear looking at him, the reason why he was left to die in Suribachi City. 

Would you ever be able to get over the guilt of that? Would Dazai be able to accept it? You had a heavy hand in ruining his life, is it enough that you saved him years later? He doesn’t know, he’s hardly even processed it, he just knows that he has to cling to what little he has left, dig his nails in and not let go even if it makes you choke on guilt, even if it makes him sick with shame. He won’t let go. 

“So impatient,” Mori sighs. “Your aunt hid you for almost another half a year, but she wasn’t able to move out of the Yokohama area. She did well though, I’ll give her that. We had our best trying to find you, but she was very careful. It was partially our own fault that we didn’t get our hands on you back then—some loyalists to your grandfather snuck under our radar, told her when we were closing in on the two of you. She got rid of you before we got to her… but we did get to her. Kouyou-kun was the one who handled her, if I recall it got quite… messy. I can’t imagine how it must feel knowing that your mother and aunt sacrificed themselves to protect you only for you to throw it all away in an arrogant attempt to reclaim your grandfather’s legacy.”

Dazai doesn’t even zero in on the last bit of what Mori says because he’s too busy trying to wrap his head around the rest of it. Aunt Kiye didn’t… die for him. Aunt Kiye hated him. He remembers that clear enough—he remembers how she could hardly stand to look at him, he remembers the way she was always so cold and rough with him, he remembers-

“You have to go, Osamu.” Aunt Kiye is shouting at him, and he’s sitting in the passenger seat of her car. He doesn’t move, he thinks maybe if he sits still enough, she won’t see him there and won’t make him leave. “Osamu, get out of the car and go, we don’t have time! They’ve found us.”

The name is still unfamiliar—he’s not used to it, and he doesn’t know if he likes it, but Aunt Kiye insists that Tsushima Shuji is dead and that name can never be uttered again. She gets mad when he doesn’t immediately answer to it, tells him not to let his mother’s death be in vain, and that’s usually enough to get him to stop being stubborn over it.

“Osamu, go!” She grabs his bicep hard to try to get his attention, but he flinches and squirms out of her grip, still not responding to her. He can’t remember the last time he’s spoken—he thinks maybe since they left the cabin that morning. “You-”

Aunt Kiye sounds angry now, but he can’t bring himself to look at her. It’s only when he hears her unbuckle and feels her start reaching over him that he starts to panic. He reaches up to grab her bicep, trying to stop her from grabbing the handle of the door to open it, but she’s stronger than him. He’s hardly been eating lately, and he’s never been particularly strong—he was always the smallest among his siblings. 

It takes no effort for her to bat his hands away, pushing open the door and unbuckling his seatbelt. He struggles against her as she tries to push him out of the car, and she’s still speaking—shouting at him, begging him, he thinks she might be crying too, but he can’t even tell. His mind is fogged with panic and fear—he doesn’t want to be alone in Suribachi City, he doesn’t want to be alone at all. He wants to stay with Aunt Kiye even if she hates him because he doesn’t want to be alone. 

Eventually, Aunt Kiye wins the fight—even with him fighting tooth and nail, she manages to push him out of the car. He hits the ground hard, gasping when he lands poorly on his elbow. He’s stunned for a moment by the shock and pain, and Aunt Kiye takes the chance to toss out a backpack from the back seat and close the door behind him, locking it quickly. 

“No!” His voice is raspy from lack of use over the past few months. He scrambles to his feet and tries to pry the door open but can’t. Aunt Kiye won’t even look at him, she stares ahead as she switches the car into gear and he slams his hands against the window. “Aunt Kiye! Aunt Kiye, don’t leave me here! Don’t leave me here, please, I’ll be better, I’ll do better, just don’t-”

He stumbles back as she pulls the car away, falling when he trips over the backpack onto the asphalt, scraping up his hands and forearms. He’s not sure how long he sits there staring after where the car disappeared waiting for her to come back for him.

She doesn’t.

She didn’t die for him, Dazai thinks again, nails digging crescents into his palm. She didn’t die for him, she couldn’t have. Dazai won’t believe it. Aunt Kiye hated him, she abandoned him in Suribachi—none of this can be true. It can’t. His mother killed herself to be free of him, not to protect him; and Aunt Kiye abandoned him because she hated him, not to save him.

That’s the truth. It has to be. They couldn’t have died for him—for him. It doesn’t make any sense. He doesn’t want to remember all of this—he was better off thinking that they hated him, that they wanted to be free of him.

He can feel you looking at him now, but Dazai is back to being unable to look at you. He’s staring down at the glass table looking at his reflection, his eyes are wide and dark and far too black—he looks warped, inhuman almost. His expression is blank, none of the turmoil within him is reflected on it, and he doesn’t even understand why. He thinks it’s probably just making him seem more guilty.

“We figured she left you somewhere in Suribachi City, but we weren’t able to track you down,” Mori says flippantly. Dazai wants him to stop talking, but he has a sick feeling things are only going to get worse from here. “Not until you ended up with Oda Sakunosuke, at least, we…”

Dazai’s ears ring at his old friend’s name. Mori is still talking, but his words become a distant buzz. Everything starts coming back to him at once—his time alone in Suribachi City, the weeks he spent rationing the little food he had, getting the shit kicked out of him by some low rung gang who stole his mother’s ring from him. He remembers giving up, questioning the point of his own existence with a detached logic that left him with only one answer—there was no point to his existence, so he was as good dead as he was alive. 

He remembers seeing on a sign that it was the eve of his fifteenth birthday, and he remembers dropping himself in the bay during a storm, hoping that the tide dragged him so far beneath the surface that he’d never see the light of day again.

He remembers waking up the next morning to an unfamiliar face at his bedside, brows knit in disapproval and lips turned down, and he distinctly remembers feeling put out by a stranger looking at him that way.

“What’s your name, kid?”

Dazai couldn’t remember anything but the name Aunt Kiye had drilled into him over and over again the past few months.

“Dazai Osamu.”

“Hm. Oda Sakunosuke. You got a family, Dazai?

Odasaku brought him in. 

Odasaku saved him. 

The doctors said he’d been dead for almost three minutes when Odasaku found him washed up on the beach—said his memory might return over time, but it might not—but Dazai didn’t even care, because Odasaku brought him in. He gave him a roof over his head, food to eat, and a reason to live. He sent him to school so he could feel like a normal kid his age. He played board games with him and didn’t even care when Dazai was a sore loser and quit mid-game when he realized he wouldn’t win. He humored Dazai when he faked being sick because he didn’t want to go to school. When Dazai was going through bad depressive episodes, Odasaku would sit with him silently and write his book so Dazai never felt alone. Odasaku introduced him to Ango and they were-

They were his friends.

Family, maybe.

They were all he had, and they were all he needed. 

And then-

“We were the ones who killed him.”

Dazai’s gaze drags up from the table to focus on Mori. The man’s lips are curved into a cruel smile, his eyes are sharp, and Dazai is moving before he can stop himself. He lunges across the table, but Mori doesn’t even flinch because Nakahara Chuuya grabs the back of his shirt and yanks him back down into his seat. 

“You-” Dazai spits, voice raspy and angry.

“Don’t look at me like that, we were trying to get to you,” Mori says casually as if the words don’t shatter Dazai’s entire world. “We would’ve loved to have Oda Sakunosuke amongst our ranks. His death was unfortunate. Collateral damage. He was an assassin for a long time—one of the best in the world. He was pretty much unkillable, his ability allowed him to see six seconds into the future. I never understood how our sniper managed to get him that day, but now I do. He saw you getting shot with his foresight and tried to pull you out of the way, but your ability is nullification, so when he touched you to save you, he damned himself. In those split seconds when he was pulling you to safety, he couldn’t see the future, and couldn’t see the bullets aimed for you that lodged into his chest instead.”

Dazai can’t do this anymore. He tries to push himself up to his feet but his legs are numb and uncooperative, and he can’t move his hands or arms. Mori’s lips part to continue speaking but Dazai can’t do this, he can’t hear anymore of this. He’d always known in his heart that Odasaku’s death was his fault even if he couldn’t remember much about his mother and Aunt Kiye and their desperate attempts to hide him from the Port Mafia. He’d known, but hearing it-hearing the confirmation, it’s too much for him.

Before Mori can say anything, Dazai is startled from his spiraling thoughts when you stand up so abruptly that your chair goes flying back. Your expression is haunted and you’re not looking at him again, but Dazai is glad for it, because he thinks he’s about to throw up.

“I… I need a minute. I just need a minute,” you say shakily before fleeing the room into Mori’s office so quickly that you almost trip over the chair you knocked over.

The room is silent in your wake, and after a few impossibly long moments, Mori stands to follow you into the other room. The three Port Mafia executives left in the room don’t say anything for a moment, and Dazai is just trying to breathe. He’s trying to breathe and process what Mori just said, but he’s failing miserably at it. 

It’s the woman, Kouyou, who speaks first.

“She’s going to kill me for knowing about this,” she says simply, sparing a glance down at the dead body on her opposite side. “I’ve never seen her like this before. Even when Chuuya-kun went missing for a few days, this…”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have conspired against her,” Piano Man sings, looking entirely unperturbed. “I mean honestly, after what the previous boss did to you, I would’ve thought you’d be more sympathetic. Silly me to think you aren’t a cold-hearted bitch.”

Dazai tries to pay attention to what they’re saying, he tries to ground himself with the conversation happening so he can forget the feeling of Odasaku’s blood all over his hands, staining his clothes, smeared on his face. He tries to replace Mori’s echoing words with what they’re saying but he can’t.

“We were trying to get to you.”

“It has nothing to do with sympathy,” Kouyou snaps, but she does look ashamed. “It’s a security threat, it’s bigger than love. This boy could spell the end of everything we’ve built.”

“She won’t kill you, Ane-san,” Chuuya finally speaks up, his knuckles are tight around the armrest of the chair he’s sitting in. “I’ll talk to her, I just-”

“When he touched you to save you, he damned himself.”

“Chuuya-kun, she almost killed you,” Kouyou says so dryly that the words almost don’t even register to Dazai, but when they do, they’re the only thing that effectively draws him from his spiraling thoughts. He looks at Chuuya sharply to see if what Kouyou said was true, and his eyes widen when he only grimaces and looks down. “You and Piano Man. She didn’t even hesitate before pulling the trigger on Ace. She’s unstable right now, there’s no talking to her.”

“But she didn’t,” Chuuya says tightly. “I’ll talk to her, but first…”

Chuuya looks at Dazai so suddenly that he almost wants to snap his head away and ignore him, but he can’t. The ginger studies Dazai so intensely that it makes him want to crawl out of his own skin.

“Did you know?” Chuuya asks, voice low. He’s angry, Dazai can tell from the way a dark red color starts to flicker around his hands, but he’s trying to keep it together. “Tell me. Did you know who she was and use her to get closer to the Mafia for revenge? I’ll spare her the pain of having to put a bullet through your fucking head and kill you myself right now. Did you know who she was and purposely-”

“No,” Dazai interrupts, voice hoarse. “No. I didn’t-I didn’t know.”

Chuuya stares at him for a few seconds, studying him like he doesn’t know if he actually believes him, but after what feels like an eternity, he finally shakes his head and looks away, rubbing his face with his hands.

“Fuck, this is such a mess,” Chuuya breathes out, voice strained. “Fuck. She-”

Chuuya doesn’t finish his sentence because the door to Mori’s office reopens and you step back into the room, Mori at your heels. Your eyes are red, but your expression is withdrawn now, void of the tumultuous emotions that had been raging across it just a few minutes before. You settle back in your seat. Your eyes flit over Dazai like he’s not even there before focusing on Mori.

Dazai suddenly has a bad feeling.

“I’m not quite sure how you escaped us after that,” Mori continues where he left off, and Dazai is so sick of the man’s voice that he almost wants to rip his own ears off. “Probably Sakaguchi-san from the SDUP, I recall him and Oda-san being close… but that brings us to the present, doesn’t it? Four years later, you stumble into our lovely hime… Come, dear, let me tell you my running theory, and you tell me how accurate I am, yeah?”

Mori is looking at you now, eyes glittering as he waits for your response. Dazai has his own serious issues with the man, but he thinks it’s sick the way he’s enjoying your clear discomfort and increasing distress. Your jaw tightens a bit, but you nod, signaling for Mori to speak. Dazai’s nails dig into his pants as he waits for Mori to continue. Neither of you look at him, and Dazai’s lips part to speak so he can preemptively deny whatever Mori is about to accuse him of, but he can’t push a single word out. 

“Your first meeting with him wasn’t by chance. A cafe, maybe… a bar?” Mori offers, watching your face carefully for a reason. You look away at the second option, and the man’s lips curve up. “A bar, then. One you frequent, I bet. The one in Hodogaya-ku, perhaps? Your first meeting, but not Shuji-kun’s first time seeing you. Ui Koutarou—his journalism professor at YNU—wrote his first article implicating the Mori Corporation’s connection with the Port Mafia in February of this year, around a month before rising fourth year students register for classes. Shuji-kun, naturally, has been following anything related to the Port Mafia closely, so when he sees a class being offered in the fall by the same man who has been openly targeting the Port Mafia, he sees an opportunity and signs up for the class.”

No, Dazai tries to say. His lips form the word, but the sound doesn’t come from his lips. No. No, no, no, no. You look haunted suddenly, and Dazai remembers the argument he had with you during the government event in Tokyo. How cold and withdrawn you’d become. How when he confronted you next, you accused him of working with Ui Koutarou and blackmailing you for money. Mori is reigniting all of the initial fears you once had.

“Ui-san has had his sights set on you for quite a while, dear. You don’t need me to tell you that, you’re very well aware of the man’s hatred of you… When Shuji-kun started classes in the fall, Ui-san roped him into his plans, and you became his project. That wretched man had many documents on you. I had the Black Lizards raid his apartment after we captured him—most were harmless, detailing places you frequented and people seen around you, but when Shuji-kun became involved, he started using that information to manufacture meetings between you. I imagine that after you met him that first time, he started appearing around you rather regularly. Bump-ins at that cafe you like in Minami-ku, on the streets—he even started renting an apartment on property that we own after he realized the opportunity he had with Ui… he’s only been living there since the summer, you know?”

His last apartment wasn’t close enough to the school, Dazai wants to argue desperately. He’d been lucky that a cheap apartment opened up in Hodogaya-ku before the semester started—he’s been trying to get one since his first year. It has nothing to do with-

Dazai suddenly feels nauseous again, everything is spinning around him—he still hears Aunt Kiye screaming at him, he still hears the creaking of the rope his mother hung himself on, he still hears Mori’s confirming that Odasaku’s death was his fault. And now this, and you’re not looking at him again, and he’s not saying anything, why isn’t he saying anything? Why isn’t he denying this?

“He attached himself to you quickly, didn’t he?” Mori asks rhetorically. “Too quickly, I’m sure you had doubts—not even your ability makes people reliant on you as swift as he became. How long did it take for him to start prying for information? Trying to make you slip up and implicate yourself with the Mafia? Confess yourself as an ability user?”

The night of the earthquake when you showed up at his apartment, he remembers dizzily. He started pressing you on your political opinion because he remembered Ui saying that all of the criminal syndicates in Japan are going to do whatever it takes to prevent the military bill from passing. But he wasn’t… doing it to prove anything? He just wanted to know more about you, he was curious, he was finally putting the mystery that you are together. It wasn’t malicious—he just wanted to know you. That’s all it ever was, he’s only ever wanted to know you.

“When did you tell him about your ability? More about our organization? Around when the Guild started making their move in Yokohama, I’m sure. He never told you about his ability until his hand was forced. In fact, I’m willing to bet he lied and said he didn’t know he had one, but tell me, do you really think an assassin of the caliber of Oda Sakunosuke would not realize his ward had an ability that negated his own? That he wouldn’t be trained in how to use it… Most importantly, if all of this wasn’t a scheme of revenge—if he really did love you—then why did he never get rid of the flash drive that contained the proof that his journalism house published? The proof that got you thrown in prison?”

You’re crying.

Dazai’s throat swells when he sees the tears silently tracking over your cheeks. At once, he realizes that he’s never seen you cry before; he itches to reach over to you, to grab your hand or wipe away the tears. He doesn’t—partially because he doesn’t think he could move if he tried, but mostly because he knows that he’s the reason you’re crying. 

He wants to assure you that none of this is true. He had nothing to do with the Guild—they kidnapped him for fuck’s sake. He didn’t know about his ability, he didn’t even know Odasaku was an assassin. And he was just… careless with the flash drive, and he shouldn’t have been, but there was always so much going on, and he was so new to having someone in his life that really loved him that he was quick to bask in it and forget everything else.

He doesn’t assure you of anything, instead he watches as Mori reaches out to do what Dazai wants to do. He brushes away your tears and turns your face to look at him, a disgustingly sympathetic look on his face.

“I know you were eager to believe that someone could love you without your ability at work influencing them, dear,” Mori murmurs, “but people like us will never find a love that pure. There will always be other factors at work sullying it—wealth, revenge, threats. You understand now what this was, don’t you?”

No, Dazai wants to scream at you. He does love you, this wasn’t some ridiculous revenge plot for family he hardly remembered until this meeting, that-

“I do.”

Dazai finally is able to make a noise when those two words leave your lips. It’s weak—something caught between a wheeze and a whimper that sounds too loud in the silent room. He feels eyes on him—Chuuya and Kouyou’s in particular. Not yours. You stare down at the table.

“Ogai-dono,” Kouyou clears her throat. “If I may… perhaps we could… send the boy away. Abroad. Ensure he never comes back to Japan so we don’t have to risk him coming back and disrupting things.”

“We could give him a seat at the table,” Chuuya interrupts, ignoring the wide-eyed look both Kouyou and Piano Man give him because of the radical idea. “We’re down an executive anyway. We tell people who he is, that he supports the new regime. It’s what you wanted to begin with, right, boss? You wanted one of the grandchildren to legitimize the passing of power. We could make it work.”

“It’s too risky.” Mori isn’t the one to speak, Piano Man is, but he doesn’t look happy to do it. “Maybe back then it could’ve worked, but the Port Mafia killed his friends and family, and hunted him down. Too much has happened, he’s an unpredictable variable that we can’t risk. We can’t trust that he’ll just accept it all, that he won’t work behind the scenes to take us down. Giving him any leverage in the organization is the last thing we should do, but what Kouyou-”

“Leave him alive and we risk everything we’ve built falling apart—a civil war igniting, Yokohama being caught in the crossfires and all of our foreign enemies crawling into the city to reap the benefits of our fall. It’s one life or hundreds—thousands, even,” Mori interrupts, voice cool. He turns his gaze onto you. “I trust you know what has to be done, dear.”

Your expression is resolved, a heavy emotion in your eyes that tells him your answer before you even speak. “Yeah, I know.”

You stand up, and Dazai knows that it’s over. When you look down at him, it’s with a type of apathy that makes his stomach twist—he’d rather hate than nothing. His lips part to speak but he pauses when you shake your head slightly, so subtly that he almost doesn’t even notice it.

“Get up,” you say flatly, and then glance at Chuuya. “Chuuya, will you…?” 

“Yeah,” Chuuya replies without you even needing to finish the question. His voice is hoarse, he looks more than a little disturbed. “Yeah. Of course.”

Chuuya rises to his feet and then grabs Dazai’s bicep to pull him up to his feet too. Dazai doesn’t even have the heart to give him a dirty look in response, following along as he leads him out of the conference room and into the hallway. 

For a split second, Dazai really believes that maybe you’re just trying to fool Mori, you made him think you were taking Dazai to have him killed so that you can get him out of here safely, but even once you’re out of the conference room without Mori’s eyes carefully watching you, you don’t look at him.

“Get one of the clean up crews up here,” you tell one of the guards waiting in the hall instead as you frown at your phone, typing out a quick text to someone. You pointedly ignore how alarmed they are by the offhand comment to click on the button to the elevator.

When you look back at the two of them, it’s not to look at Dazai—it’s to look at Chuuya. The two of you are having a conversation, Dazai can tell that much, and he thinks that maybe he should be putting in the effort to figure out what’s going on, what you have planned, but he’s just… tired. He’s not even sure if he cares what happens to him anymore, and he figures the worst case scenario is that he dies at your hands, and of all of the ways he could go, he thinks that would be the most preferable, because at least you would be the last thing he saw.

He doesn’t try to speak again until the three of you are in the elevator and the doors have closed. 

“I-”

“Stop.”

Dazai is startled by the sharpness in your voice. He looks at you, but you’re still not looking at him, your lips are curved down as you stare at your phone, typing furiously. He glances up into the left corner of the elevator, noticing the cameras—maybe that’s why, he thinks a bit unsurely, deciding to stay quiet until out of the building. 

When the elevator doors open, it’s Chuuya that urges him to keep walking by nudging his shoulder. You don’t touch him, don’t look at him. There’s nobody in the main entrance of the building, which Dazai thinks is a bit odd, but he bites back any comments he might have when he sees a black car waiting outside the building.

The doors to the building open at your approach, and Dazai inhales the crisp, fresh air greedily, not even having realized how stifled he’d felt in that room with Mori, you, and the other Port Mafia executives. He thinks maybe that you’ll sit in the backseat with him and he’ll finally be able to talk to you, but you don’t. You open the door to the passenger seat and sit there without even sparing him a glance.

Dazai’s throat starts to swell again, stopping in his tracks as he stares at where you disappeared behind the car door. Chuuya pushes him forward, not letting him linger for long—he opens the door to the backseat and pretty much manhandles Dazai into the car before taking a seat next to him.

He recognizes the person at the wheel—Albatross, your friend. He’s driven you and Dazai around before, every time Dazai gets in the car with him, he makes a sharp comment aimed to embarrass you in some manner. This time, he doesn’t even look at Dazai through the rearview mirror. He just puts the car in gear and starts driving.

A pit starts to form in Dazai’s stomach. Dazai tries to initiate conversation with you again now that you’re outside of the Port Mafia headquarters within closed quarters, nails scraping against his pants as he decides what he wants to say.

“I d-”

“Stop.”

When you cut him off now, Dazai’s stomach flips. He stares at the side of your face, trying to understand why you won’t even listen to him. You can’t actually believe what Mori was saying, you can’t. You were faking him out, tricking him into thinking you fell for it—you had to be, you have to be. You can’t possibly believe him. 

“You won’t… even hear me out?” Dazai asks you quietly.

“There’s nothing left to say.”

Oh, Dazai thinks to himself, withdrawing. He stares at you for a moment before turning away stiffly, expression tight and strained as he stares out the window, watching the buildings pass by as they get closer and closer to the ports. 

You believe it, he realizes dully. You believe that it was all just a scheme. You believe that everything was manufactured, that he used you for some fantastical revenge plan, that he never loved you. You believe it.

But it doesn’t make sense, he thinks desperately. He doesn’t understand how you’re not seeing through it, and if you are, why aren’t you at least giving him some hint? He should try to say something again—he knows that, but he finds himself unable to. He’s a smooth-talker, quick on his feet, but never when it comes to you—since the day he met you, he’s been fumbling over words awkwardly, but now it’s costing him everything. He finds ash in his mouth preventing him from salvaging anything he might’ve had with you.

Dig your nails in and cling, he reminds himself, but his nails have become rounded out and blunted from how long he was scratching at his pants and skin while remembering all those memories he locked away. He tries to dig his nails in and cling, but his voice fails him and his nails can’t even find purchase on your skin, you slip out of his hands as easily as an eel.

He’s going to lose you. He might’ve lost you already.

Dazai thinks that’s worse than the realization that he really might be about to die.

The car comes to a stop much quicker than Dazai had hoped, and he stiffens when you waste no time before getting out of the car. He makes no move to join you outside, and Chuuya sighs next to him.

“Get out,” Chuuya says flatly. When Dazai doesn’t budge again, Chuuya snaps, “Get out of the car-”

“-and go, we don’t have time! They’ve found us.”

Dazai draws his knees to his chest, breath becoming a bit labored as his aunt’s voice echoes in his ears. He doesn’t even realize that Chuuya has gotten out of the car until Dazai’s car door is pried open. For a split second, he confuses the executive with his aunt as he’s yanked out of the car—he’s fourteen again and being abandoned by the only person he has left, and he can just barely bite back the “don’t leave me here!” that almost spills from his lips as his knees hit the ground hard.

Dazai is instantly hit with a thick scent that makes him gag. It’s noxious, almost entirely unbearable, clogs his throat to the point he almost struggles to breathe—a blend of rot, acrid chemicals, and something he doesn’t recognize, but it’s sickeningly sweet. As he pushes himself to his feet, he notices you pass your gun over to Chuuya, but in that moment, Dazai is more concerned with figuring out where he is, and when he does, his stomach drops.

The dumping grounds by ports stretch endlessly under the heavy, overcast sky. Mounds of trash rose like grotesque hills patched with scraps of torn plastic and suspicious lumps that Dazai doesn’t have to get close to know what they are. The ground is uneven and treacherous—a mix of sticky mud and sharp shards of discarded glass and plastic, and pools of murky water shimmering with oil slicks. 

It’s disgusting, and Dazai has a feeling it might be his final resting place. 

He trails over to the side of the road and his gaze tracks down to the ground directly below him. It’s not a far drop, hardly a foot or two, and certainly less gross than some of the other parts of the area, but that’s a low bar to meet. He tears his eyes away from the scenery around him to look back at you, lips parted to speak but he doesn’t say anything.

You’re leaning against the front of the car, watching him with an expression that Dazai can’t describe. Sad, maybe, resigned. Chuuya is back in the car, from what Dazai can tell, he's still fiddling with your gun—he wonders if this is his way of letting the two of you say goodbye in private.

“I do love you,” Dazai says. His voice cracks over the words. “No ulterior motives. No schemes. I just loved you. Love you.”

You don’t say anything for a moment, eyes drawing from him somewhere over to the side like you’re looking for something, but after a moment, you look back at him, your face a little softer than it was before.

“I know,” you tell him quietly. “I know, Osamu.”

Dazai’s lips part to say something back—he doesn’t even know what he wants to say, because confusion fogs his mind. If you know, then why-

Why are you doing this?

He doesn’t get the chance to ask. The car door opens and Chuuya steps back out, he passes your gun back to you and Dazai sees you subtly slide something into his hand too, but he can’t tell what it is. You sigh as you look down at the gun before looking back up at him again, he holds his breath as you make your way closer to him.

His lashes flutter shut, expecting to feel the cool barrel of the gun against his forehead, but his breath hitches when he instead feels the familiar warmth of your hand cradling his cheek. Your fingertips are flaked with Ace’s dried blood, but Dazai still leans into your touch, eyes sliding back open to look at you.

Up close, your expression is twisted with regret and… is that fear? Dazai can’t tell, he doesn’t care, he’s more preoccupied with memorizing the image of you before he runs out of time to.

“Forgive me,” you whisper so faintly that Dazai almost doesn’t hear you.

“I do,” he replies just as softly.

Your face crumbles as you look away. You take a step away from him, and your hand drops down from his face. Dazai instantly mourns the loss. You let out a heavy, shaky breath, sparing one last look down at the gun in your hand, one to Chuuya who stands half a step behind you, and then you look at Dazai again.

“Forgive me,” you say again, this time as you lift the gun—your voice is raspy, breath uneven.

Your fingers tremble so violently that the whole gun is unsteady, but Dazai doesn’t even care to look at it, gaze focused on your face instead. 

“I do,” Dazai repeats.

You pull the trigger. 

[shysuccubusstuff]

Yandere! Mr. Scarletella:

Content: violence + stalking + voyerism + picture taking + masturbation + stealing + break of privacy + neutral reader + tampering with your food + noncon content + Stockholm syndrome. + mindbreak.

Summary: Human! Scarletella just wasn't able to stop himself from stalking falling in love with such an amazing person, God, he just loves stealing borrowing your stuff!

Note: So, I just had to write something about this amazing game, feel free to check it out and support the creator!!

SFW:

Yandere! Scarletella who fell in love since the first time he saw you around university, always being around those other guys... But he knew he just had to wait, yeah, wait for the right moment to approach you.

Yandere! Scarlatella who keeps randomly appearing on your classes from time to time. Oh, he isn't even in your course, but taking a few extra classes or even skipping some of his is no issue for him.

Yandere! Scarlatella who makes sure to get close enough so he can steal a few things from you while in class, sometimes it's your old pencil, other times he just takes whatever has touched your hand that class. That includes waiting until the university is closing to take your thrown away coffe cup (it still has your salive, so he has definitely kissed you, right?).

Yandere! Scarlatella who keeps on appearing on your daily life, you try to act as if the constant encounters are just mere coincidences, not like he even tried to strike up a conversation with you, so there must be no danger, right?

Yandere! Scarlatella who sometimes follows you back to your doorm. He always makes sure to walk quite far away from you trying to avoid freaking you out as he knows it would affect your daily routine.

Yandere! Scarlatella who climbs up the tree just to be able to catch a glimpse of your face while you're sleeping. You look so beautiful with your lips sligthly parted! ♡ You don't know it, but he has found a way of opening your window while you're sleeping. When he feels extra bold, he lets himself run his fingers through your soft lips feeling your warm breath is just enough to get him hot and bothered ♡.

Yandere! Scarlatella who begins to be feared by all your friends. They keep warning you about him, but it's not like you have any proof of what he's doing, such a shame :(( jk. He made sure to state his point, beating your poor friends to a pulp if he saw them getting a bit too close to you, he made sure to leave no visible marks, he doesn't want you worrying your pretty little head.

Yandere! Scarlatella who loses it after seeing that creepy long-haired guy far too close to you, if you wanted him to kidnap take you with him already you could've just said so dummy! Of course he wastes no time taking you from those filthy guys. You will be safe with him ♡.

Yandere! Scarlatella who breaks your poor mind after being trapped several months. Maybe being taken care of isn't so bad, right?

NSFW:

Yandere! Scarlatella who masturbates to your sleeping face, his tip being dangerously close to your lips. He can't stop imagining them surrounding his lenght...♡ He knows he has to keep patient but each day it becomes harder to act neutral.

Yandere! Scarlatella who takes photos of your clothed cunt for his collection. This collection includes many versions, from more tame ones (you smiling) to less... ethical ones (your sleeping face).

Yandere! Scarlatella who robs your underwear while you sleep. He just needs some... extra motivation. So he uses them, wrapping them around his cock as he keeps moving his hand up and down, making sure to stain your poor underwear with his sperm. He makes sure to clean them throughly before giving them back to you, although he sometimes wishes he could just cum inside the underwear you're currently using.

Yandere! Scarlatella who keeps on putting his own fluids on the stuff he feeds you. Most days he keeps it tame, deciding to introduce a bit of his salive on your food/drink, but when you behave extremely bad, he uses his cum, mixing it with your food together with some aphrodisiac, just enough to make you lose a bit of your sanity from not being able to masturbate.

Yandere! Scarlatella who keeps cameras all around his house so he can see you from different angles (all make you look like an angel ♡). He may or may not use those videos to masturbate, just maybe.

Yandere! Scarlatella who begins to use your mouth to release himself as a reward. You were just so eager to be touched! He just knew you were in love with him! It has definitely nothing to do with him being the only human contact for over six months! You let him use your mouth as he wants, forcing his cock into your throat, those sinful sounds filling his room as you try not to puke from his tip hitting the back of your throat.

Yandere! Scarlatella who slowly begins to mark your whole body as his. He started by marking your face with his cum, moving on to your mouth and then to your beautiful chest, the next step was of course cumming all over your low abdomen.

Yandere! Scarlatella who refuses to cum inside of you. He keeps controlling himself by saying that he wants to make sure both of you truly love each other... that's... well. Let's just say that he is just another level of delusion, but don't worry, he would never give up on his sweet and precious darling ♡ !

[help-itrappedmyself]

Pairing Thing

You guys remember that poll I put up a while ago, to help me pick a pairing to try practice writing romance/flirting. Well, this is that. It did not go where I had planned it too, and I'm not sure if it counts, but take it anyway.

Tim has reached his last nerve with their new hire. Tim surges toward Danny, intent on getting some answers out of him. Danny stumbles back at his approach, but Tim just reaches out, one hand grabbing ahold of Danny’s tie and the other pushing flat against Danny’s chest. In another quick second, Danny finds himself pressed against the wall of the classroom. 

Then, Tim loops the tie fully around his hand, tugging Danny’s face towards him. Danny’s breath hitches and his eyes go out of focus for a moment, lost in the sensation.

This makes Tim falter. The moment causes Tim’s mind to blank, forgetting to speak, and pausing as only one thought crashes circles. The thought circles around a few times before it starts to slip out of Tim’s mouth.

“You…” The word comes out angry, but Tim can’t quite make himself keep going the way he had planned a few moments ago. Tim looks Danny up and down, and Danny can do nothing but flush at the scrutiny, and the inevitable realization Tim comes to. Danny braces himself for the vitriol, but when Tim speaks next it is nothing but a murmur. 

“You like this.” A murmur in a voice that has turned into honey and Danny can do nothing, eyes slipping shut involuntarily.

“Do you not care that it's me that's eliciting this reaction? I thought you didn’t like me.” Tim wonders aloud, and Danny can hear a tone in the voice that threatens to elicit shivers. A tone of sharp curiosity that concerns Danny more than anything. Danny’s eyes flutter back open, locking with Tim’s.

“I don’t like rich people.” Danny mutters. “It’s nothing personal.”

Tim, very slowly, lets the tie slip from his fingers. Danny is tempted to sigh in relief but before the sigh can become reality, Danny feels those fingers slide to his throat. The second they reach the skin there Danny’s breath hitches on a gasp.

A dark smirk graces Tim's face and the grip on Danny’s throat tightens for just a moment, just long enough for Danny’s eyes to flutter. Danny practically whimpers, chin tilting up subconsciously, exposing more throat to Tim.

As the grip loosens again, Tim leans forward to whisper into Danny’s ear. “Tell me, Danny. Would you respond to anyone this way… or is there something about me that encourages this reaction?”

At that, Tim’s arms fall to his sides as he takes a step away. Danny blinks after him, dazed and confused.

After a few moments of nothing but them watching each other, Tim straightens and squares his shoulders. “Are you going to answer the question?”

“Tim.” Danny chokes out, a lump in his throat that was oddly hard to work around, and no true idea what he was going to say next. He took a deep, shuddering breath as he stood straight, no longer leaning on the wall. Trying to buy time, he tried to fix his shirt and tie as best as he could, but after a moment of fumbling with it he gave up. 

Tim was still standing there watching him, face a mask of indifference. 

Danny had the thought that he didn't need to answer Tim. He also didn't need to be here anymore, and so he turned to leave. 

But when he got to the door it wouldn't open. He glanced back at Tim, who didn't seem to have moved, before trying everything he could think of to get the door to unlock. 

After a few moments, Danny sighed deeply, resting his forehead against the door for a count of three before turning back around to face Tim again. 

“What have you done?” He asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

“I locked the door.” Tim responded coolly. “I have full control of this building, you know?”

Tim walked back to his desk and sat down behind it. “ Now, I had some questions for you regarding your purpose in Gotham, why you chose to work with us at Wayne Enterprises, that kind of thing. But I find myself increasingly interested in your answer to my previous question.”

Danny swallows roughly. “Look, you're just going to have me on about it either way, why does it matter?” 

“It matters. Answer the question.” His eyes are hard and unwavering. Danny knows that he won't get out of here until Tim gets what he wants.

“It's because it's you, okay.” Danny spits the words out, hoping if they sound harsh enough, the content would be ignored in favor of the tone. “And I think this may count as some form of sexual harassment.” 

His hopes plummet as Tim starts to smirk.

“Well we could continue this meeting as normal if you would prefer.” Tim opens the folder he had placed on his desk after Danny walked in. “I will never bring it up again if you’d like.”

Danny sighs, then goes over to sit back down in the chair in front of Tim’s desk.

“Can we just continue the meeting?”

“Of course, Danny.” Tim winks.

[rockinmusicquarterly]

my voices :> (alt text labels who's who)

long ass design notes under the cut:

smitten

went with a sort of roman poet vibe for him with the sash and wreath, plus a nice cape for the dashing hero look, all pinned with a (unspecified) flower right over his heart

hero

his feather coating is short and rounded, meant to give off the look of puffy sleeves like a medieval prince or bard. his little head tufts are heart-shaped also

his wings are shaped rather elegantly, in an almost stereotypically "angelic" way

my mindset for him was as middle-road as possible: in height, feather length, wing size, color values, etc. truly just The Guy

neck bandana for the adventurer look, and some shoulder pads that, while offering some protection, are overall pretty unqualified for the kinds of horrors to be wrought in the construct; he's prepared, but not that prepared

while the other voices have 2 front-toes, hero is one of three voices who has 3. this is done to show he has more of a... i guess closer connection to TLQ (who also has 3), since he's there from the start and feels the most fleshed out overall

contrarian

the shortest king of them all

definitely aiming for the jester aesthetic, but in what i hoped was a more subtle manner? his head tufts are the general shape of a classic jester's hat, along with all the bells he's adorned with - you can hear him coming from a mile away. wears half of a comedy mask bc (gestures) he's Like That

his wings are tiny and cartoonishly shaped, only able to lift him off the ground out of pure looney tunes physics. his whole thing is just rounded, playful edges

3 front-toes like hero, showing how he grows somewhat out of his titular role in the strange beginnings ending, becoming more of his own person than just a singularly-defined Voice

cold

the tallest king of the bunch

his feather coating is a disaster, this man does not care about preening himself & it shows. lots of loose feathers sticking out and ruffled in every possible spot

the last of the voices with 3 front-toes: the cold seems to have an (albeit implicit) understanding of the TLQ's (and to an extent his own) role as a deity, finding familiarity in the textured nothingness - though, he isn't as "special" as he'd hope

the giant wings give him a more imposing presence despite his twig frame, i imagine him sometimes wrapping himself in them like a big cloak

his scarf is positioned just so to make the scar over his heart (matching the spectre's of course) an open target - as if giving one the invitation to make him feel Something

opportunist

this one was where i wanted to start adding design parallels between the canonical voice "pairings" in the game (consumption & betrayal, pain & unfamiliarity, etc.) so he and the hunted share some design elements

they both have little utility belts, but the opportunist carries on him nothing but a poorly concealed blade - looking out ultimately for himself in the long run

lil braid cause it's cute, and to me has the sort of sleek, tidied-up vibe of someone who wants to come off like he knows exactly what he's doing

i think his wings are on the larger side, but he generally keeps them pinned under his clothes to make himself appear non-threatening

hunted

verrry dirty with lots of loose leaves and branches stuck in his feathers. he can try to wash them out, but they're always back before long. dirt boy (affectionate)

has a utility belt like the opportunist, but he uses it to carry a pouch full of various goodies & medical materials - always trying to look out for everyone else, concerned most with group survival

unlike the opportunist who can pull them out whenever he wants, the hunted's wings are fully pinned beneath his cloak & rendered unusable. something something about how his instinctive fears keep him from reaching his full potential?

(though given what can happen in the den maybe it's best he keep that potential unfulfilled lmao)

digitigrade legs are cool :>

cheated

like the razor, he's all sharp edges and angles. he's covered in jagged scars outlining the general spots where the razor chops TLQ up, along with some other missing chunks around his tufts & limbs

(at first i wanted to have some of them look like autopsy scars, but i couldn't quite get the shape right & it was just too much visual clutter 😔)

covered in bandages similar-looking to the contrarian's wrapping things, though they don't do him much good in the long run

not as short but still short king. free my man he did nothing wrong

stubborn

while the cold is slightly taller than him, he's overall the biggest of the bunch

the only one with pants (skirt) privileges because i know in my heart he's the guy who has to be convinced into wearing a shirt. his is adorned with a few of his own feathers

scarred all over, including his wings which are pretty much broken beyond use from all his fighting. he doesn't care - it seems fairer overall to stay on level ground alongside his opponent(s). unlike the broken's wings, stubborn's are flared out despite their damage - essentially saying, "come at me"

lil ponytail cause it's cute

skeptic

both to match the smitten's general look and to try something a bit different from the classic detective vibes, i went with a sort of vampire hunter look for him? not sure how much sense it makes but i think it looks neat

while the smitten's sash is large and goes right over his heart, the skeptic's utility belt avoids it altogether - skepticism vs blind devotion yadda yadda

always carries the pristine blade in a little holster, since he refuses to let TLQ go on without it in all his main routes

on the taller side compared to the smitten

paranoid

in contrast to the cold's unpreened disheveledness, the paranoid is ridiculously overpreened, giving his feathers a messier, plucked shape

(i wasn't brave enough to draw them but i know in my heart he's got some bald patches)

has a big, splotchy scar over his heart with little blood vessel/nerve lines diverging off of it - his route has TLQ dying of "fright" (something usually associated with a heart attack), compared to the cold just skewering himself

his little cloak-thing is torn to shreds, trying and failing to hide his heart - while the cold leaves his purposefully vulnerable

short(ish) king

broken

my beloved <3

very disheveled, though not as bad as the cold or paranoid. he's generally too miserable to worry about caring for his appearance, but is more open to the effort than the cold (and less neurotic about it than the paranoid)

clipped talons and nails

has a shackle around his neck for the obvious pet/prisoner imagery from his route, and one around his ankle on the opposite side & limb from where the princess is usually chained up

he's scarred up, but in more i guess "deliberate" places than the stubborn. one near his neck reaching to his heart, one winding around his midsection, and one on the back of his knee

his wings are broken & unusable like the stubborn's, also open though in a more subdued manner, showing the openness of his pain & vulnerability

[rungssparemodelpieces]

Dating the Lost Light crew

Megatron

* It takes a lot of convincing to get Megatron to date you, throwing every excuse he could to convince you, or rather himself, that he wasn’t even close to the best option and yet you persisted and he had to give you that, finally relenting though not without some hesitations. To date him posed a lot of risks, not only to your safety as an ex-warlord has many, MANY enemies, but your standing in society and friends, and you were willing to risk it all for him? He felt like he didn’t deserve this, like he didn’t deserve you, but maybe this was just another step on his road to redemption, to feel loved and feel worthy of it.

* Megatron and you have planned out our relationship as to not alert anyone on the Light Lost or anywhere else. Professional during the day but in the berth behind closed doors, you could be as loving towards him as you’d like. Though the arrangement made him feel better about keeping you safe, there were some downsides to the arrangement. For you, it was the want to be affectionate; to hold his hand, kiss him helm, to tell him you loved him, and you couldn’t do that outside of the berth. For him, he couldn’t stay by your side when out, which caused some bots to see you as available and wouldn’t take no for an answer. If he stepped in, Megatron’s actions could be seen as suspicious but for the most part, you’ve been able to get your way out of those situations by either sneaking away or getting Magnus involved. Megatron might have alerted him to the inappropriate behavior though

* Speaking of affection, Megatron isn’t the most affectionate bot in general. In fact, you could say he was opposed to it but it’s more complicated than that. During the war, he was more focused on his cause and efforts towards total victory than his own personal needs but never received it as much either. Frag, he’s even admitted he’d never been hugged before! He’s slow with showing affection but you have a lot of patience and love to give him which he appreciates. It starts simply with grazes of his servos, hand holding, and helm presses with most initiated by you but over time, he bridges that effort and will return the small gestures in turn.

* If you define his love language, it would be words of affirmation. Megatron uses his words, especially his writing, to convey his emotions to you. Whether it be a simple haiku to tell you how much he loves you or a something more elaborate to describe the little things you did like the way you did on your work, your gaze focused and intense, or what he loves about you such as your kindness and your humor. He’ll share some of these with you but others he’ll keep to himself, especially if their a little more spicy or personal. Perhaps he will when the time is right? On the other hand, you’ve tried to come up with your own poetry in order to flirt with him which started out rather… poorly but Megs is willing to teach you the style and form to help you improve. Some of these sessions though end up becoming endurance rounds for how much you can flirt, tease, and praise him before he ends the session by one means or another…

* Of course some bots had to know like Ravage, given how close he is to Megatron, but others either got suspicious or tried to unravel the depths of your relationship. Rodimus speculated for a long time something was up but couldn’t quite catch you in the act. Rodimus would tell Ultra Magnus something was up but Magnus would bring up a logical explanation for your interactions which was starting to drive Rodimus a little mad.

* Whether the relationship is exposed on purpose or on accident, the shock is not as bad as initially thought though Rodimus will gloat for a long time that he knew from the very beginning and Ultra Magnus does give a short speech regarding policies on dating coworkers but overall, the reception of the news was well taken, albeit with some teasing and jokes made at your expense.

* Being an older bot, you do nag him on taking better care of himself. Millions of years and his previous professions have left some aches and pain in his frame and joints that he keeps delaying taking care of but being together, you make sure Megatron actually does take care of himself or else you force him to due it, either by his or your hand. If you’re an older bot/human, you try to include him to your routines on your own self maintenance and it creates a nice bonding experience for the both of you.

* You’ve perfected the art of mimicking Megatron’s disappointed and frustrated faces though more unintentional than mocking. Being around him as long as you have, you picked up his gestures when he gets upset with his fellow co-captain. If Megs is not on the bridge and needs to convey his disappointment, you take the mantle and let Rodimus know how his co-captain feels. Even when he’s there, Rodimus ends up getting a doubled up look of disapproval.

NSFW

* Megatron does have some experience in the berth though it has been a while since he’s been intimate with someone. He takes it slowly with you, but there are moments where his needs outweigh the pace he set for himself and he just needs a good frag. Just because he’s an old mech doesn’t mean he down and out! He’s rather awkward with aftercare due to his previously mentioned affection issues but he does get better with time, rubbing your back or letting you rest against him while you catch your breath.

* If you are human, he would prefer to use his holoform as to not hurt you while making love. but you can sweet talk him into interfacing all natural. Can be on top or bottom but gets a certain thrill watching you ride him with either you setting the pace or if he needs to take control, can take a hold of your sides and pick up speed along with the snap of his hips, becoming more of a vessel for his spike to fill up completely.

[burningcheese-merchant]

I know that it is highly unlikely that it is the case, but come and give it a thougjt with me (Yandere Spice with a twist).

What if: Burning Spice, despite being completely obsessive and being the sadomasochist he is, routinely cuts off the heads of animals and cookies and brings them to her the first time with a love letter (he used to be the Herald of Change, so I'd imagine he's got- and retained- some brains, enough to at least write a psychotic obsessive love letter).

Now, Golden Cheese is obviously gonna freak the f out and gape as he shoves the head into her arms (probably throw it into the air and back up in panic) while Burning Spice- though displeased at first, just grins manically at her reaction soon enough (maybe even laughing), before he grabs it and shoves the letter and head onto her hands again and leaving.

Golden Cheese, having noticed his reaction to her throwing it, becomes concerned with what he might do if she doesn't accept the 'gifts', decides to keep it (She flies hella fast and enters through her window and hides it in a secret compartment in her room, before creating a hidden room the other gifts in the future).

Now, here's the twist:

Despite the shock and horror she displayed to Burning Spice's gift, she knew that deep down... She fucking loved it. She silently revels in it, even. At having so much of the Beast- A cookiebeing you could practically almost consider primordial and all-powerful-'s attention and taking up so much of their headspace. To be obsessed over adored by someone like that, so much so that they would go out of their way to behead someone and something and write a love letter daily, just to give it to her as a gift-

In short, she absolutely loves the attention she will never say it and will keep that to her grave and Burning Spice and everyone else is none the wiser of it. Of how she'd kept every letter and laminated every single one with the care and cautiousness and love one would use when holding thin glass, of how she intentionally goes out alone every day for a few minutes just so Burning Spice would 'see an opening' and give his gift, where Golden Cheese would then act terribly disgusted and horrified, and then keep the gifts. Ignorant of how she has a room full of the 'gifts' he's given her- which she'd taken the time to personally taxiderm each and every one, before hanging it on the wall like a reward or trophy. Of how she'd come to the room every night to just adore it just the sight makes her want to coo and purr in delight for a few minutes to an hour, before going to bed and resting.

Sorry for the rambling and the long paragraphs 😅😅

This is such a horrifying (in a good way) concept that I MUST acknowledge it and give my take!!! Gonna put it under a cut because this is particularly dark

Yandere Spice basically acting like a cat is so fucking funny to me lol I love it

I'm so glad you think Spice is a smart guy due to having been the Herald of Change/History, because I think that too! He simply HAS to be intelligent, even wise to a degree. It would be ridiculous if he wasn't; being buff doesn't automatically mean you're dumb. And I LOVE the letter thing, I've always headcanoned Spice (the "normal" one, not the yandere one) as writing Golden romantic poetry (and her liking it lol. It helps win her over).

Now, with the murder gifts: of course Golden is horrified. Not only has Spice ended innocent lives, but he did it for her. In a way, it's her fault, and she feels horrible. Animal, person/cookie, doesn't matter, Spice has killed again and he gives the fruits of his sinful labor to her as a declaration of "love". It's sick. No matter how deranged she finds him, he finds a way to sink lower. (But... one thing: he never hurts birds. He has never once brought her a dead bird, because even he knows that's a step too far and she REALLY won't like it. It's the one little drop of care and tact that he possesses.)

But that twist: somewhere beneath all those layers of shock, disgust and righteous anger is... flattery. Sick, twisted flattery. There's nothing Golden loves more than being praised, than being worshiped, than being showered with attention and gifts... and Spice is doing that. He's feeding her ego, albeit in the worst way possible. And so great and terrible is her ego, no matter what she does to temper or suppress it, that somewhere deep down inside, she enjoys what he's doing. That he'll gladly kill for her. That he'll show off his hard work in search of her praise and admiration. She is a goddess and he knows it. He is giving her the adulation she rightfully deserves.

Now, of course, this contradicts her normally altruistic nature, and she has a massive crisis of conscience. She keeps everything Spice gives her, she keeps the heads and the letters and stores them all properly, because... Well, she tells herself that it's better this way. If she refused them, he would retaliate, if not against her then against another innocent. If she preserves the heads, she can later discover who they belonged to and hopefully return them to the person's family (and it was the least she could do; clean them up, give them back even a fraction of their grace and dignity...). If she reads the letters, she'll have better insight into his mind and how he thinks, and thus be able to formulate a better response to him and his behaviors. These excuses are what she mutters under her breath over and over as she sneaks the heads into her room, through the window so no one sees her. As she tidies and laminates the letters, and stores them in a secure folder that she tucks into a box under the bed (which eventually becomes boxes, the more and more letters she gets). As she expertly taxidermies the heads and places them on nice shelves in a hidden closet in her room. It's better this way. She has to do this.

...and these are all true, they really are. But at the same time... Existing alongside this pain and terror and crushing guilt, is the sick joy in knowing that she has someone wrapped around her finger this completely. And a Beast, too. The Beast of Destruction, no less. Burning Spice himself, heads over heels in love with her, willing to do anything to have her. It shouldn't please her to have a monster practically at her beck and call, but... it does. It really, truly does. And no matter how much she hates herself for it... It's never enough to make it stop.

Sometimes, she'll hint at a specific person she doesn't like - usually a known enemy of her kingdom - just to see if he'll do what she thinks he will. Sure enough, the next time they meet, he has that person's head ready for her, all but puffing his chest out in pride and grinning that hideous, face-splitting, cruel grin of his. She acts upset, but she's actually pleased to know that she was right: he WILL do what she tells him to, just to please her.

Sometimes she'll stand there admiring her ever-expanding taxidermy collection, congratulating herself on her hard work; she does a better and better job every time. (And when the guilt comes bubbling to the surface, asking her why they're still here and not with their loved ones so they can have a proper funeral, she tells it that Spice will lose it if he catches her giving them away. Or she'll be made out to be the one responsible, since she's the one who has them. Or they're dead, their souls have departed to the afterlife, what happens to their mortal vessels matters not anymore...)

Sometimes, when she's in bed at night, she'll pull out the letters and read them. Sometimes she'll read one, sometimes a few, sometimes all of them. Some are surprisingly sweet and romantic, full of oddly gentle and doting words; she can feel the warmth and affection soaked into the page. Others are downright vulgar; she feels her own face catch fire as she reads through what are obviously his fantasies, the list of ways in which he wants to pleasure her so long and graphic that she suspects he wrote them one-handed, if you know what I mean. The rest are just flat-out deranged: feverish rants about his ownership of her, how he hated and wanted to get rid of those around her, how she took everything from him (his power, his sanity, his heart, his soul) and he was willing to pardon it if she gave him everything of hers in turn. How he will never stop hunting her. How he will slaughter thousands to get to her. How he will bring the world to ruins just to have her to himself. Madness. All-consuming delusion that she fears is incurable.

But the worst part is... she doesn't know if she wants it to be anymore.

All she can do now is... hope he never finds out. Hope he never knows she feels this way. That she relishes his kills, his gifts. That she has a godforsaken trophy room now. That now she's as starved for his attention as he is for hers. (And he will. The idea is simply too tantalizing. He WILL find out eventually, someway, somehow - and when he does... Oh boy.)

TL;DR: Golden is so greedy that her greed has warped her into being as bad as Spice, at least in her own way. They probably deserve each other at this point. Pure, incorrigible arrogance and psychopathy all the way down. God/Witches have mercy on us all

[sleepystargaze]

On Caitlyn's 180: An Essay

This is all spoiler below. But I NEED to talk about it.

What if this is the exact moment Caitlyn puts everything together, including Vi being one of the children who burglarized Jayce's penthouse.

Hear me out.

So, Caitlyn asks Vi what she's doing there, and Vi says, "Trying to save my dad." She has this little "AHA!" moment.

(go look at the last panel of this gif set rn for more context)

That woman just had an epiphany. Furthermore, the way the music swells at this exact moment just feels like it's clueing in on more than meets the eyes.

She clearly realizes, at minimum, that her and Vi are here for the same thing: Warwick. And then doesn't even really question it. This got me to thinking, "but how she do that though?"

Well, she has all the information she needs to put it together, this is just the first time she's had a reason to pull that SPECIFIC information together.

Let's start with the fact that Caitlyn loves a mystery, and the rise of shimmer is a part of her favorite mystery.

Literally, in her giant bedroom, the only part of it that looks lived in is the big map at the foot of her bed. The show doesn't indicate when exactly this obsession started for Caitlyn, but it makes it clear that it's been on her mind for a very long time. Jayce called it "the great conspiracy," so she definitely talked about it a lot. And Jayce's flippant attitude tells us she's definitely been thinking about it since she was a teenager.

Educated guess, I believe this started with Sheriff Grayson's murder. (a) It would be unsurprising Caitlyn felt a great need to bring justice to the person that murdered someone she cared for. (b) It was a murder that would ultimately become a cold case. (c) Silco being the main conspirator to her murder, the trail would lead her to a larger conspiracy.

And from this scene above, we know that Vi is impressed with what Caitlyn was able to gather without ever going to the Undercity. Which means, we know her board was really close to the truth. Afterall, it did lead her to Vi, who single-handedly led her to the answers she sought.

So, why the hell does this matter in regards to Vi being involved in the burglary?

Caitlyn knows that Grayson's main priority at the time of her death was finding the culprits of the explosion.

Caitlyn's parents clearly involve her in the conversations revolving around the explosion at the penthouse. I don't feel it's a stretch to assume she also knew that the council were putting pressure on Grayson to solve the case.

The explosion of the warehouse happened on the same night as Grayson's murder. While I don't think Caitlyn had a way to really connect the 2 explosions except that they happen within days of each other, I doubt Caitlyn forgets this fact even if she does not connect them initially. 

Now you may being wondering why the heck that matters. What does the warehouse have anything to do with it?

Caitlyn was in the ruins of the destroyed warehouse at the end of season 1.

In which she heard this conversation.

Thing is, she was going through an extremely traumatic experience at the time... Then her mom was killed... So I doubt she realized it was the same place nor had the mental capabilities of processing the information. And by the time she did have the capacity to really consider it, she likely had no reason to...at least yet.

Regardless, she's here for this conversation. She now at least knows Vander's name and that he was important to them and that Silco murdered him here.

So, she has her connection here. If she realizes this was the location of the second explosion, she now knows that Grayson and Vander were murdered on the same night. And if she connects it to the penthouse explosion, Grayson's investigation and main focus at the time, she also knows that...

4 children were fleeing the scene.

Seems like everyone knew this within the hour after the explosion. Word spread so fast, Vander knew before the kids even got home. Caitlyn undoubtedly knows about the kids. She just doesn't know who they are, but she has seen them.

Caitlyn has an eye for detail and a mind for investigation. I doubt she lets much fall between the cracks. They didn't leave Ekko's home until it was dark. She had plenty of time to look at this mural, at the 4 children including Vi. Then at the tea party when Jinx starts talking to her hallucinations, she's pointed to...

Again, traumatic experience. Probably not thinking about it that hard, but she did see the puppets. Again, no reason to connect those things yet. But she does now have the context to connect that these 2 other children are important to Vi and Jinx and that they were important enough to be brought to the "tea party."

And because of the mural, she knows that these were real people and that they died.

FURTHERMORE, they undoubtedly know who Vander was by the reputation he left behind.

When that one guy getting tortured gave up Vander's statue as the meeting location, Ambessa's second-hand man, who is not from Zaun OR Piltover, knew exactly where that was. There's no way Caitlyn doesn't also know about the statue. Besides that, she also saw him in the mural. If she's seen this statue, she knows it's the same man.

Caitlyn would now know that Vander is important to the whole undercity. "Well respected."

Lastly, Singed told Ambessa about the man behind the monster.

This one is a bit of a stretch, but think about it. Ambessa has no reason to withhold the information Singed gave her. Here it is below if you want a reminder:

"He isn't a monster. He was once a man. Well respected, at that. Victim of great tragedy. He had a furocious will to live. An incredible tolerance for pain. With him, I was able to make strides impossible with any other specimen. But the mind... the mind I could not recover. The man forever lost in the bowels of the beast, compelled only by the scent of blood. Or so I thought. It now seems I had yet to uncover the right catalyst."

Singed is awfully forthcoming with information once he realizes he doesn't have to hide it from Ambessa. And when Caitlyn walks in on them in Singe's lab, Ambessa makes no effort to hide her current involvement with Singed. AND even if Ambessa realizes Singed is talking about Vander, I highly doubt Ambessa has the information necessary to realize she's literally delivering Caitlyn to a connection to not only Vi, but Jinx.

Caitlyn, however, does have all the information. If Ambessa or Singed told Caitlyn the same info or even more, Caitlyn could likely start making some assumptions on who the man behind the beast is.

She just didn't have a catalyst to put everything together... Again, yet.

And while we're on the topic of this scene...

We learn Caitlyn abhors a gap in information.

Caitlyn talks about the mystery of shimmer, "This led to one other missing puzzle piece whose absence has always gnawed at my mind."

She wants all the details even if it does not add much to the full picture.

She already knows Silco and the chembarons are responsible for the manufacturing and distribution of shimmer. Learning who made it only tells her who made it. It doesn't solve anything or change what she would have to do to stop the spread of shimmer. But she wants to know. She HAS to know.

She wants all the dots to connect and is not satisfied until they do.

So, when Vi says, "Trying to save... my dad."

What if this one sentence was all Caitlyn needs to connect everything she didn't understand before. I mean, how else do you explain that little "aha" head move she does.

There is no way she did not take a greater interested in how the heck Vi was involved to begin with and especially as a child.

Her main focus has been on Jinx: finding her and bringing her to justice. She's been distracted.

What if this is the catalyst, the first time she has a reason to connect all those dots to make what Vi said make sense. And suddenly it all does.

Honestly, it would explain why Caitlyn jumped ship so easily.

In conclusion.

Caitlyn has all the information she needs to connect the dots.

She has the motivations to continue seeking those answers.

She just didn't have the mental opportunity to really consider it... until she did.

Anyway... Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. Maybe one "Cupcake" is just not enough to convince me she'd immediately plan a mutiny, but maybe she is that simple! (She's definitely not. *coughs*)

But you know what, even if she didn't glean that Warwick is actually Vander and Vander is Vi's dad in that moment, she definitely knows after this...

So, anyway, I think she definitely knows or is at minimum primed to have the realization. Guess we'll see.

[writingsofwesteros]

Aegon hot thots

Aegon isn’t a shy person; shamelessly moaning out loud from his pleasures and he would only become more sensitive after his injuries. The king’s guards are blushing brightly as Aegon’s moans escape out of his chambers, his grace being ridden so good by his young wife. Oh his gorgeous queen is truly a gift after such a long dark war, his witty free-spirited girl has brought so much joy and peace into his life and the realms. But good gods is such a dirty thing in bed, Aegon swears his cock will snap in half and he can only cum so much. It’s no surprise the king has more than enough heirs resting in the keep’s nursery but it’s clearly not enough for his hungry wife. After such long night of pathetic tears and babbles, the king is soundly asleep in his bed while the council members wait to resume their meeting later that evening. His cheeky girl is very pleased with herself, smirking at the faces of embarrassed men while she and little Hera make their way to the nursery to collect the wide awake babes.

!!!!!!!!!

THE HOTTEST!

Poor sweet Aegon just completely being used by his pretty wife. She adores him so much!

He will just fall asleep as she whispers sweet nothings in his ear before taking Hera's little hand in hers and moving towards the nursery.

Those sweet, chubby babies waiting for her.

[ren-144p]

Seconding started with a pin with my whole chest!! That one is SO dear to my heart. Below a few personal favorites to add to the list. Please mind the tags on these :) As mentioned, early Zaundads fandom skewed dark and messy.

the last drop / what was and wasn’t and silco and vander / tales of a knife by revelisms

Last Chance by Blue_Daddys_Girl

There's only one way their story ends, Silco knows. Yet still in their last moment alone together—their first in so many years—he offers Vander one last chance.

it is snowdown by zevlore

It is Snowdown in the undercity, and the snow is soft and grey and slushy, and she is uncomfortable in her skin. Four vignettes into Vander's life.

hit count by ducky (conscious_mess)

An attempt to flesh out their backstory. (Relationship breakdown drabble that got out of hand. Still counts as drabble because they "become sodden by movement through muddy water", so ~nnnyehh~)

Silt Verses by JeanLuciferGohard

Pump 47 is failing. It’s water to their waists now, slick with Fissure-filth and sucking grime. Vander huffs shakily, squinting up the mineshaft like anyone’s coming. “Never thought it’d be like this.” Silco barks a raw, ugly laugh, head lolling back against the rock. “That was always your problem,” he says, “lack of vision.” You learn a lot about a man when you're both about to die underground. Or: Faith is a young man's game. Silco's old before his time. Character Study.

For enjoyers of more light-hearted things, I remember having a great time with these:

Warmth by BiCaptain

The worst part came when her dads came face to face with each other.

The Fluffiest Little Murder Boyfriend uwu by Fiddlezips

Silco is a Yordle. He stands just taller than Vander's thighs, which is a generous comparison. His fur is short, fluffy around his long ears, and grey beneath the dirt. “Zaun Gray” is how he describes it, and his small mouth twitches into a smirk each time.

And for those looking for Zaundads of more smutty variety:

Cage Match by Zkyfall

Life since Silco moved out has been Hell for Vander. Trying to juggle his job with suddenly being primary caregiver for the girls, all while wrestling with the guilt that maybe the separation is all his fault. The stress is killing him and he doesn’t even have his favorite go-to outlet: fantastic sex with Silco. When Vander sees an ad for an app-controlled cock cage, he's intrigued. Finally a way he can get his submission fix, even without his favorite Dom! What could possibly go wrong?

To break new ground by Rimeko

“Now,” Silco adds, “I don’t want your apologies, but I do want your dick. So can we do just that, or do I have to fucking gag you too?” Ahem. Reconciliation sex? Zaundads bingo event: Edging

i'm breakin' a sweat (i think i need some ventilation) by zevlore

“You,” Silco pants, practically gasping for air as Vander continues his assault on his exposed collarbone, hands deftly sliding the rest of his and Silco’s clothes off, “are insatiable.” Silco's been spending too much time working. Vander convinces him to take a break, among other things.

Locked by IAmANonnieMouse (and the following Denied and Freed)

Vander isn’t that strong. If left unchecked, he’s selfish and insatiable, unable to think of anything but his own pleasure. That’s why he needs someone like Silco to keep him in check. To lock him away and throw away the key.

Useless by Fiddlezips

Silco is used to disappointment. After all, his plans—whenever they involve Vander even a little—do have a tendency to fall through.

Unfortunately back in the day I was not utilizing AO3's bookmarks nearly enough so I know I am missing a ton of good ones. New folks should absolutely go out and explore the Silco/Vander tag on their own because I remember there were a lot of incredible fics around these past few years!

Either way, happy reading! It's nice to see the ship getting traction again :)

Anybody want to create a quick quintessential Zaundads fanfic rec list?

I was away for a long time between seasons, so I probably missed a ton but those are some of the longer/meatier ones I remember, particularly one of the more fix-it category.

While the World Turns Around by Blue_Daddys_Girl

In a chance meeting Vander sees Silco for the first time since the fateful day he's come to regret so deeply. Silco has changed—they both have. Vander can't stop thinking about him.

Reconciliation AU by Rimeko

If the cannery scene went down differently, if Vander got thrown into Stillwater with Vi instead of (maybe) dying, and if Silco eventually got them both freed. What, then? What to do with the ruins of what once was? How to deal with love and betrayal and everything that went down in the meantime, and how to move forward.

Stillwater Marriage by Alishatheninth

AU in which Vander does not insist on having one last pipe, therefore gets out of Benzo's shop before Silco has Deckard kill all the Enforcers. Vander decides there's really little to be lost by simply handing the reins to Silco. Silco has to deal with a slightly different set of challenges, and does so in his own, slightly deranged, way.

started with a pin by bloodinthewine

Silco doesn’t expect to find anything extraordinary when he accompanies his daughter to her first Pride parade. Vander, an infamous and experienced leather daddy, finds him anyway. (or The Leather Daddy AU) 

And just some personal favorites of mine that I remember:

underground utopia dynasties and dystopia by leonshardt, which I think is the original prostitute!Silco stories.

Old Griefs and Childrens Faiths by GoddessofRoyalty, an A/B/O story which always made me hope for a parent!trap style story where Powder tries to reunite Silco and Vander

There are some mores that I love, including some smut ones, but everybody please mind that season 1 Zaundad fandom often skewed more dark, messy and angsty.

Anybody else have any favorites? Any other popular fics I missed? If somebody was joining late, what would you recommend to them?

[focusonkayjay]

between the ride and the roses (4)

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: biker/ motorcycle shop owner! jungkook x flower shop owner! reader, enemies to lovers, opposites attract, slow burn, angst, smut, fluff

Word count: 3.3k

Series summary: There's an insane turn of events when your calm and peaceful life is intruded by Jungkook, a biker boy who sets up his loud business right next to your own. Your paths cross under unlikely circumstances, starting with a clash of personalities but gradually you find yourself establishing a deeper connection with the annoyingly attractive biker jerk. You both have no idea what's in store for you guys as you try your best to put up with each other.

Chapter Warnings: forced proximity, jungkook is emotionally constipated, OC is clueless.

A/N: I really hope that fans of "Gilmore Girls" come across this story, because the town hall meeting scene is entirely inspired by the show. I’ve tried to capture the same essence and energy, so I hope you can envision it just like it's depicted in the series, with all the quirky charm and fast-paced dialogues etc etc. that said, I feel like things are about to take a dramatic turn. what do we think? ;)

part 4: mixing the grease with the soil

As the days slip by, the tension between you and Jungkook has become an unspoken constant, like the hum of a distant engine, always there, always humming beneath the surface. It’s an unyielding stalemate neither of you seems willing to break, as if maintaining the distance is safer, easier, less likely to damage the delicate balance of your lives.

But then, without warning, subtle shifts begin to take place. Jungkook’s friends, once notorious for crowding your shop’s entrance with their gleaming motorcycles, now park further down the street. The loud laughter, the sharp revving of engines that used to echo through your workspace, disrupting your day, have faded into memory. The newfound peace feels like a long-overdue truce, and while it doesn’t erase the tension, it’s a welcome relief.

Your encounters with his friends Jimin, Hoseok, and Yoongi have settled into something almost cordial. A nod here, a wave there, brief exchanges that are polite but still distant. It’s enough to keep things civil, but when it comes to Jungkook, there’s no such middle ground. You don’t greet him, and he doesn’t acknowledge you. It’s a silent agreement to maintain the distance between you two.

Yet, for Jungkook, the distance isn’t as simple as it once was. The quiet animosity, the unresolved arguments, the invisible barrier between you guys—they all weigh heavier on him now. He can’t put his finger on it, but your presence has started to linger in his mind in ways that unsettle him. It gnaws at him, a persistent whisper he can’t ignore.

He finds himself noticing things he shouldn’t. The way your hair falls into your face while you’re tending to flowers. The way your laugh rings out when your friends visit, lighting up your features in a way he can't help but admire. His eyes find you before he even realizes he’s looking, and it infuriates him how easily you captivate him, how effortlessly you draw his attention without even trying.

It started small. A passing glance as he worked on a bike outside his shop. Then, the details began to add up. Like last week, when he saw you laughing with your friends outside. He’s pieced together their names now, after observing from a distance.

The man who visited your shop that day, the one who elicited the first genuine smile he ever saw on your face, is Taehyung. An artist, Jungkook suspects, given the occasional specks of paint adorning his clothes, arms, or sometimes even his cheek.

Then there was Namjoon and Seokjin or at least that's what he thinks their names are. Their exact roles in your life are a mystery to him, but they tower over most people with their astonishing heights and they mostly show up late, long after your closing hours, often bringing you food or whisking you away in their cars for reasons he can only imagine.

And then there’s a girl, Juwon, who seems to frequent your shop the most. Sometimes she buys flowers; other times, she simply lounges inside, waiting for you to finish your work.

Jungkook feels ridiculous for how much he’s noticed. He shouldn’t care about the details of your life or the people in it, yet he finds himself drawn to them, piecing together bits of your world from snippets of conversation and stolen glances. Even the sound of your laugh, carefree and genuine, has a way of pulling his focus no matter how hard he tries to ignore it.

It hits him in unexpected moments—how beautiful you look when you laugh, how your smile seems to brighten everything around you. And in those moments, he feels the tension between you two fade away, replaced by something softer, something he doesn’t want to acknowledge. You look happy, and it stirs something deep within him, something he wishes he could suppress.

He doesn’t know why it matters so much. Why does it bother him that he’s not the one making you smile? Why does it sting to see you so effortlessly connect with others when he feels so distant from you?

He always tears his gaze away, forcing himself to focus on the bike in front of him, but it’s futile. The image of your smile lingers, a persistent flicker in the back of his mind.

The ease with which you interact with the people around you only serves to highlight the chasm between you. You’re kind, approachable, a natural at making others feel at ease. And Jungkook? He feels like an outsider, watching from the shadows, wrestling with feelings he doesn’t understand and can’t seem to shake.

Why is it so difficult to be around you? Why does everything feel so impossibly complicated? The questions haunt him, their answers elusive, leaving him restless and frustrated with a distance he doesn’t know how to bridge.

But what you don’t notice is the quiet way Jungkook has begun to weave himself into your life, his actions subtle, small gestures that he hopes will somehow make up for the things left unsaid between you two.

Like that one time you were struggling to move a heavy bag of soil into your shop and he pretended not to notice, yet somehow, when you turned around to get something else, it was already sitting inside, untouched by your hands. Or the way he’s started parking his bike just far enough away so that it doesn’t block your view of the flowers from the shop window, as though he’s silently trying to make your space feel a little more yours, and a little less his.

He never says a word, never acknowledges the thought behind it. He simply continues working, silently apologizing in a way that only he understands.

And then there’s the smallest, most hidden gesture of all: the way he wipes his hands clean on a rag before leaving the garage to walk past your shop at the exact moment you’re working outside. His steps slow just enough for you to think he’s passing through casually, but if you weren't so oblivious, you’d see the way his gaze lingers just a second too long on you, a silent question hanging in the air that neither of you have the courage to ask.

It’s as if, in every small action, he’s trying to show you something... something you can’t quite see, something he can’t quite say.

//

It’s a quiet morning when Mr. Kwon, a man in his early 60s and also the town head, steps into your shop, his polished shoes clicking against the wooden floor as he heads towards the counter.

You’ve just finished arranging a fresh batch of daisies, their bright white petals catching the light. He adjusts his glasses, eyeing you with that steady, slightly intimidating gaze.

“Y/N-ah...” he begins, his voice as measured as ever. “I wanted to remind you about the town hall meeting later this week, on Thursday. It’s about the annual fair. Please be there.” he says calmly.

You raise an eyebrow, wiping your hands on a towel. “That’s it? No more details?” you question, amused.

He gives a small smile, one that barely softens his usual stern demeanor. “There’s more to discuss at the meeting, so just be there.” And with that, he turns and leaves as quickly as he came, leaving you wondering what exactly he’s got planned. You watch him walk towards the shop next to yours and you're quickly distracted when a customer walks in.

Right next door, Jungkook is having his own first encounter with Mr. Kwon’s business-like approach. He’s just finished cleaning his motorcycle when the town head arrives in front of his shop, looking like he’s stepped out of a corporate boardroom.

“Jungkook...” Mr. Kwon begins “I’m here to remind you about the town meeting this week, on Thursday. It’s a big one—planning for the annual fair. Since you’re part of the community now, I strongly encourage you and your friends to attend. We need fresh perspectives.” he states, eyeing the rest of the boys behind him.

Jungkook blinks, taken aback. “Wait, I don’t even know what this fair thing is—”

“You’ll figure it out. Just be there.” Mr. Kwon’s tone is firm, his back already turned as he walks away, but he suddenly stops in his tracks, turning his head over his shoulder. “And wear something presentable. It’s not a garage.” he says.

Jungkook chuckles faintly as Mr. Kwon left, his friends stifling laughter behind him. “Presentable.” Yoongi drawls. “You gonna show up in a tux, boss?” he jokes, causing everyone to snicker.

As Jungkook continues with his work, his thoughts linger about this so called town meeting. It was his first time being summoned to one, and while he wasn’t particularly eager to attend, Mr. Kwon’s authoritative tone made it clear it wasn’t really optional.

//

The evening of the meeting arrives, and you walk towards the town hall with Juwon’s arm tightly clinging to yours. “If we’re late because you had to rearrange just one more daisy, I’m blaming you.” you hear her say and you laugh. “Relax Juwon-ah." you reply, rubbing her hands that held your arm.“Namjoon said he’d save us seats.” you inform.

As you approach the town hall, the streets hum with excited chatter, the townspeople preparing for what’s sure to be an eventful fair. Suddenly, the low rumble of motorcycles grew louder. Heads turned as Jungkook and his gang rode in, their bikes gleaming under the evening sun. They parked with an air of nonchalance, right outside the town hall, drawing curious glances and a few whispers.

“First time seeing the townies up close?” Yoongi teases Jungkook as they get off their bikes. “I guess." Jungkook mutters, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets as he waits for Jimin and Hoseok to take off their helmets so that they can head inside.

While the bikers still seemed to be parking their bikes, you and Juwon were already inside the hall. You instantly spot Namjoon, Seokjin, and Taehyung, eagerly saving two seats for you and Juwon. They wave you over once they see you, their faces a mix of impatience and playful annoyance.

“We got prime real estate!” Seokjin declares, gesturing to the front row. “More like you just wanted to be close enough to whisper critiques about Mr. Kwon’s tie.” Namjoon says dryly. "Someone has to keep the man humble.” Seokjin quips, shrugging.

You and Juwon take your seats and just as you’re getting comfortable, Taehyung grins. “Speaking of critiques, how long do we think it’ll take Mrs. Han to bring up her pie-eating contest again?” he asks, stifling a laugh. “I’m giving it five minutes. Namjoon replies as he holds up his phone. “Starting the timer now.” he chuckles.

Once Jungkook steps into the hall, he finds himself slightly out of place among the vibrant crowd of familiar faces and lively chatter. His eyes instinctively scan the room, landing on you and your friends seated in the front row. You laugh at something Juwon says, your eyes crinkling with genuine amusement, while Taehyung playfully argues with Namjoon about something he can't quite hear.

Jungkook feels a strange pull—your energy, so warm and lighthearted, stands in stark contrast to his own awkwardness in this unfamiliar setting. His gaze lingers for a moment too long, enough for Yoongi to notice and nudge him. “Spot something interesting?” he teases, smirking.

Jungkook shakes his head quickly, looking away. “Just taking it all in.” he mutters, though the faint flush on his cheeks betrays him. He follows his friends, as they all take their seats somewhere in the middle of the hall.

The room fills with excited chatter, the buzz of anticipation thick in the air. People whisper eagerly about the fair and what it will bring this year. As Mr. Kwon takes the stage, he adjusts the microphone and clears his throat and everyone falls silent, waiting for him to start.

“Good evening, everyone.” he formally begins, his voice commanding. “Thank you all for coming. As you know, the annual town fair is upon us, and tonight’s meeting is about planning and assigning tasks. This year, we’re aiming to make the fair even better—more organized, more collaborative, and, hopefully, more memorable.” He pauses to scan the crowd.

“Now, I know some of you have suggestions...” His gaze lingers pointedly on Mrs. Han, who immediately raises her hand. “Mr. Kwon.” she begins, her voice carrying. “I really think it’s time we bring back the pie-eating contest.” she says, standing up.

Mr. Jung groans from the other side of the room. “For the last time, Mrs. Han, the clinic is not sponsoring antacid tablets for everyone!” he says, his nose twitching. “Maybe if you baked better pies, fewer people would need them.” Mrs. Han shoots back, earning a ripple of laughter from the crowd.

“Okay, okay!” Mr. Kwon interjects as he holds up his hands. “Let’s keep this civil... or as civil as possible.”

Namjoon leans over to Taehyung. “Three minutes. She’s getting faster.” he whispers as they both cover their mouths, not wanting Mr. Kwon to catch them giggling like children.

Mr. Kwon clears his throat, signaling for everyone to settle down. “We need to make this fair something special. This year’s theme, ‘A Night in Stardust,’ is all about wonder and magic. We want the fair to be an experience that stays with people long after it’s over." he announces.

"‘A Night in Stardust’, huh?” Taehyung whispers. “Sounds like something out of a sci-fi romance.” he says while Namjoon smirks. “Or Seokjin’s poetry journal.” he jokes. Seokjin feigns offense as he dramatically clutches his chest. “Excuse me, my poems are classic.”

As Mr. Kwon continues, he outlines more exciting events, including a fortune-teller’s tent, carnival games like ring toss and a scavenger hunt, handmade jewelry booths and various other things along with a stargazing dome to tie in with the theme.

At the mention of the fortune-teller’s tent, Seokjin laughs. “Last year, she told me I’d meet someone tall and handsome and that they would save me from a storm that was supposed to ruin my life.” you hear him say. “Turns out it was just Namjoon holding an umbrella when it rained heavily that one night in September.” The room erupts into laughter, Namjoon included.

“And we’ll also have the hammer strength game. Let’s see if anyone can beat Taehyung’s record.” Mr. Kwon adds as Taehyung grins smugly, while Namjoon mutters something about “unfair leverage.”

“Let’s not forget the stargazing dome.” Mr. Kwon continues. “Where we’ll have a real view of the stars... no glitter, no tricks, just pure, unfiltered stardust.” The crowd applauds, everyone eagerly imagining the magical experience the dome will bring.

As the meeting continues, Jungkook watches the people around him with quiet fascination. He notices how easily they laugh and joke with each other, their voices filled with warmth and comfort. Everyone seems so relaxed, as if they’ve known each other for years. His attention shifts to you and your friends.

He’s especially taken aback by how involved all of you are in the conversation. You and your friends aren’t just listening; you're actively participating, cracking jokes, teasing one another, and sharing in the laughter. Each one of you adds something to the mix, whether it's a funny remark or a playful comeback.

The easy way everyone interacts with one another catches Jungkook’s eye. It’s not just about the words being said, but the bond they share. There's a warmth in the room that’s impossible to miss. The sense of unity is so strong that it’s almost like a shared heartbeat among the townspeople. He can’t help but smile at how effortless and natural it all seems.

As he watches, it finally clicks for him... this is why the town fair is such a big deal. It’s not just about the rides or the food stands or the games. It’s about the connection between people. The fair is their time to come together, to celebrate their friendships and shared history.

Jungkook realizes that the fair is more than just a tradition—it’s a celebration of the town’s unity. It’s a chance for everyone to bond, strengthen their ties, and create memories together. In that moment, he understands the deeper meaning of the fair, and he feels a sense of appreciation for the way this community truly values each other.

As the laughter fades, Mr. Kwon clears his throat, signaling the shift in the meeting's tone. "Alright, time to assign tasks for the fair." he announces, looking around the room. His gaze moves around as he begins assigning tasks to various townspeople.

Your friends Taehyung and Namjoon are responsible for setting up all the games, while Seokjin is responsible for the food stalls and making sure all the stalls have everything they require. Juwon is in charge of the performances as she's needed to choreograph a dance for the little kids.

Mr. Kwon continues his rounds of assigning tasks here and there. As he goes down the list, you shift in your seat, feeling a mix of nervousness and anticipation. When he finally comes to you, the room quiets, all eyes turning in your direction.

"Y/N-ah." Mr. Kwon starts with a smile. "Your shop will be in charge of the decorations... think glowing flowers, twinkling vines, anything that will transform this fair into something magical." he says.

You nod, a little taken aback by the responsibility, but you’re ready. The pressure is real, but you can’t let it show. "I won’t let you down." you smile, even though the weight of the task settles in your chest.

"And..." Mr. Kwon continues, his eyes now flicking to Jungkook. "Since your shop is right next to Y/N’s, I’m assigning you both to work together. Jungkook, you and your friends will handle all the logistics—setting up tents, building stages, and making sure everything’s in place and all that. You two will be coordinating directly."

A hush falls over the room. Whispers ripple through the crowd as the news sinks in. You glance at Jungkook, who shifts uncomfortably in his seat. His expression is unreadable, but you can feel the tension in the air. It’s clear he’s not thrilled about the arrangement, but there’s no backing out now.

Seokjin leans towards Juwon, his voice low but just loud enough for you to hear. "Oh, this is going to be fun." he whispers, and Juwon chuckles, eyeing you.

You catch Jungkook’s gaze for a moment, his eyes lingering on you a bit longer than expected before he quickly looks away. It’s clear neither of you are particularly excited about working together, but the task ahead is unavoidable. Though there's an invisible wall between the two of you, you both know you can't avoid each other forever.

"Is everyone okay with this?" Mr. Kwon finally asks, scanning the room with a hopeful smile. "Remember, we’re all in this together to make this fair a grand success. Let’s show these other towns how we do things here !!" he laughs as everyone else in the room, nod in agreement, their energy buzzing with excitement.

For most, it’s just another fair, but for some, it’s an opportunity to come together and create something truly special. Jungkook’s eyes briefly meet yours again, and for a moment, the weight of the responsibility settles in. Neither of you speak a word, but there’s a quiet understanding that the next few days are going to be full of surprises and challenges.

As the meeting wraps up, the lively chatter and laughter return to the room. Despite the awkwardness of the situation, you can’t help but feel the tiniest flicker of annoyance, nervousness and excitement. The fair will bring more than just stardust—it will bring a new chapter for you and Jungkook, whether either of you are prepared for it or not.

<- part 3

[senselessviolets]

random will graham headcanons (childhood, teen years, college, etc.)

Rating T

WARNINGS:

Mentions of murder (canon typical), homicidal ideation, child abuse, alcoholism.

Author’s Notes:

Title says it all. Just some headcanons based off of the show, bits of Red Dragon and my own personal intuition because I'm THAT good. /s

He doesn’t know why his mom left because his dad refuses to tell him and would get furious anytime he brought it up as a child. 

He experienced corporal punishment from his dad but if asked, wouldn’t consider it to be abuse—no matter how emotionally traumatic it was for him. 

His dad George was a survey technician in the US Army Corps of Engineers. His mother Adaline had worked as a pharmacist before Will was born. 

He was never allowed pets growing up, hence why he now owns so many dogs.

With his undiagnosed ASD and constant moving around for his dad’s job, Will struggled to form any long-lasting, meaningful relationships in his youth.

His dad would occasionally write letters to Will and send him various gifts (Bourbon, aftershave, new lures) around the time of his birthday or the holidays. He stopped after Will was imprisoned and hasn’t written to him since. 

Will tried to approach girls he had crushes on when he was a teen but they were always dismissive of him or thought he was weird.

He lost his virginity in a clumsy drunken one-night stand in his sophomore year of college. She was his roommate’s ex and there was some drama over it.  

Will has experienced lots of frustration with the women in his romantic life who in his mind toyed with his feelings and strung him along. He was always so willing to commit himself to the right girl and even imagined himself as the kind to settle down and get married young but the opportunity never arose.  

Throughout his teenage years, he imagined often how he would kill his dad and was convinced he could get away with it.

Will dated a Law student in his junior and senior year of college and they had been going steady until after they’d slept with each other one night and Will had a hyperrealistic dream in which he strangled her in her sleep, dismembered her, and scattered her all around campus. This dream disturbed Will so deeply that he broke things off with the girl right after, providing little explanation as to why.

Will’s want to become a father and to protect and nurture his “strays” (Abigail Hobbs, Georgia Madchen, Peter Bernadone, his actual fucking dogs) is very much ego-driven. It’s not as genuine or wholesome as he might want you to think or how he even perceives it to be.

Will was pretty widely disliked at the police department he was a detective for as well as the FBI Academy.

His alcoholism developed as a way to numb his overstimulated senses and to cancel out the intrusive thoughts he has. As time has gone on, his reliance on liquor has only grown; a habit he picked up from his father.

Will is a notoriously harsh grader and is quick to shut down any dissenting opinions about his “style of teaching”.

He’s definitely had inappropriate thoughts/fantasies about a few of his students, ranging from shallow sexual attraction to full-blown abduction. 

He doesn’t own a television or a computer and begrudgingly owns a smartphone for his job. 

The majority of his interests and likes/dislikes are ones he got from his dad. His dad loved to fish. His dad’s favorite singer was Johnny Cash. His dad liked the color green. Will probably feels as if these are what he should like and if you actually asked him how he felt about ____ or if he really liked XYZ; he wouldn’t know how to answer. 

A huge part of the reason he loves dogs is that they do not know they are ‘kept’. As opposed to a human being who could recognize if they were taken from everything they know or forced to live the life of another; dogs don’t think that way and above all, they are undyingly loyal. 

^^ And yes, this is my way of saying I subscribe to the popular headcanon that Will has stolen some of his dogs.

Morally grey sweaty dog man.

I hate him.

Follow me on twt: @endlessviolets

<3

[rayaswrittings]

One night, Every feeling

JJ Maybank x Fem!Cameron!Reader

Synopsis: On your birthday, surrounded by the Pogues’ love and chaos, the night takes an unexpected turn for you and JJ. After months of denying your feelings, an evening of dancing, teasing, and vulnerability becomes the tipping point. Caught in the haze of emotion and reckless abandon, you act on what you’ve always felt but were too afraid to admit. A night meant for celebration becomes the one where everything changes—one night filled with every unspoken feeling finally laid bare.

Warning(s): 18+ only! Minors DNI, Mature themes, Language, the whole nine. Also very long! Apologies for mistakes :/

The warm glow of string lights wrapped around Poguelandia, casting golden hues over the small haven as laughter and music echoed from inside. Tonight wasn’t about running from trouble or chasing treasure—it was your birthday, and for once, everything else could wait.

Pope stood in the middle of the Kildare island co, tying the finishing touches on a banner that read Happy Birthday, Trouble. The letters were uneven and slightly crooked, but he stepped back with a satisfied nod. “Perfect.”

“Perfectly lopsided,” Cleo teased from where she was setting up the speaker.

“Hey, it’s got character,” Pope defended, shooting her a mock glare.

“Yeah, yeah, good effort,” Kie chimed in, carrying a tray of mismatched cups to the table. “At least you’re trying.”

Meanwhile, Sarah was kneeling on a chair, carefully balancing as she added an oversized sparkler candle to the homemade cake. “This is gonna look amazing,” she declared.

“Or set the place on fire,” John B muttered, earning himself a swat on the arm.

“Relax,” Sarah said, grinning. “We’ve survived worse.”

JJ, leaning lazily against the doorway with a beer in hand, watched the commotion with a smirk. “You guys are really pulling out all the stops, huh?”

“You say that like you didn’t spend an hour arguing with Pope about the playlist,” Kie shot back, raising an eyebrow.

“Hey, music’s important,” JJ said, feigning offense. He held up his beer in a mock toast. “You’re welcome for the vibe, by the way.”

“Sure, JJ. Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Cleo said with a laugh, cranking up the music.

As the first notes of a familiar song filled the air, you stepped into the room, taking it all in—the decorations, the cake Cleo and Kie had made you, the way everyone was buzzing with energy.

“There she is!” Sarah cheered, hopping off the chair and rushing over to grab your arm. “Birthday girl, looking beautiful as ever!”

You laughed, letting her pull you further inside. “You guys didn’t have to do all this.”

“Of course we did,” Kie said, grinning. “It’s your day.”

“Yeah,” JJ added, his smirk widening. “And you only turn, what, thirty?”

“Ha-ha,” you deadpanned, shooting him a glare.

“Alright, alright, everyone shut up!” Sarah’s voice rose above the chatter, her hands cupped around her mouth. “It’s toast time!”

You groaned, sinking onto the couch. “Oh, God, no speeches.”

“Too late!” Sarah said, laughing as she grabbed a cup and raised it high.

“To my amazing, stubborn, sometimes infuriating sister, who somehow manages to keep us all in one piece while also causing at least half of the chaos we deal with,” Sarah began, her voice full of warmth and humor.

Everyone laughed, JJ the loudest. “She’s not wrong!”

Sarah rolled her eyes but smiled. “Shut up, JJ. Anyway, we love you, and we’re so glad you’re stuck with us. Cheers!”

“Cheers!” the group echoed, lifting their drinks before clinking cups and taking long sips.

JJ, still leaning against the doorway, tilted his cup toward you with a smirk. “To the only person who can give me a run for my money when it comes to trouble. I’m proud.”

“High praise coming from you, Maybank,” you teased, raising your drink.

“Don’t let it go to your head,” he replied, his tone playful but his gaze lingering just a second longer than necessary.

The music shifted to a faster beat, and Sarah grabbed your hand, pulling you to your feet. “Nope, you’re not sitting this one out. Dance!”

Cleo was already swaying her hips to the rhythm, motioning for Kie to join her. “Come on, girl, birthday rule: you have to dance to at least three songs. Minimum.”

You laughed, letting them drag you to the middle of the room. As the music blared from the speaker, you lost yourself in the beat, spinning and laughing with your friends. Sarah twirled you around dramatically, while Cleo hyped you up with exaggerated cheers.

JJ watched from the edge of the room, a soft smile tugging at his lips as you danced. Pope nudged him. “You’re staring, man.”

“Shut up,” JJ muttered, taking another swig of his beer.

The music thumped through Poguelandia, and Cleo spun you around with a mischievous laugh. “Birthday girl’s got moves!”

Kie cheered, clapping along to the beat. “Yeahhh, I see you!”

Sarah leaned into John B on the couch, smirking as she watched the three of you take over the space near the speaker. “This is the most energy I’ve seen her have all day,” she joked, sipping from her cup.

“Alcohol does wonders,” John B teased back, earning a playful nudge from Sarah.

Meanwhile, JJ still leaned against the table, beer in hand, watching the scene unfold. His eyes lingered on you a beat too long, the way your hips swayed to the music and your head tipped back in laughter.

“Bro, you’re still staring?,” Pope said from beside him, smirking.

JJ didn’t even flinch. “Yeah? And?”

Pope raised his brows. “And maybe you should do something about it instead of looking like your about to combust”

JJ rolled his eyes and drained the rest of his beer. “Combust, my ass. I’m just appreciating the show.”

“Uh-huh,” Pope said, unconvinced. “What’s your excuse gonna be when I go out there and steal her for a dance?” He jokes, obviously knowing he would only ever choose Cleo.

JJ snorted. “Not happening, dude.”

Pope smirked. “Then prove it.”

JJ set his empty bottle on the table with a dramatic thud. “Fine. Watch and learn, Pope.”

Without hesitation, JJ sauntered toward the makeshift dance floor, his cocky grin in full effect. You caught sight of him as he approached, and the mischievous glint in his eyes made your heart skip.

“Finally decided to join the fun?” you teased as he stepped in front of you.

“Had to make sure you weren’t stealing the spotlight without me,” JJ shot back, his grin widening.

“Oh, I’m carrying this whole thing,” you joked, twirling in place. “Think you can keep up?”

“Please.” JJ grabbed your hand and spun you again, pulling you closer in one smooth motion. “I am the fun.”

The group cheered from the sidelines, John B letting out a loud whistle. “Yeah, J!”

Kie laughed, clapping. “Told you he’d cave eventually!”

Cleo leaned toward Pope, smirking. “That boy’s whipped.”

JJ ignored them all, his attention completely on you. The two of you fell into a rhythm effortlessly, his movements loose and confident as he guided you through the music.

“You’re not half bad,” you said, breathless from laughing and dancing.

JJ arched a brow. “Not half bad? Babe, I’m stealing the show.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Okay, keep telling yourself that.”

JJ twirled you again, catching you by the waist as you stumbled slightly. His grip lingered, and for a second, the teasing grin on his face softened.

“You’re killing it, though,” he said, his voice lower now, just loud enough for you to hear over the music.

The sudden sincerity in his tone caught you off guard, your breath hitching as his hands steadied you. But before the moment could stretch too long, he stepped back, smirking again. “But don’t let it go to your head.”

You rolled your eyes, but your heart raced as you grabbed his hands and pulled him back toward you. “I don’t think you’re allowed to leave the dance floor yet.”

JJ laughed, spinning you one last time as the song ended. “Alright, birthday girl. What’s next? Shots or another dance?”

Before you could answer, Cleo stepped in, dragging you away playfully. “She’s mine now, Maybank. Go take five.”

JJ threw up his hands in mock defeat. “Fine, but don’t wear her out before the next song!”

As he retreated to grab another drink, he glanced back at you over his shoulder, his smirk lingering. Pope shook his head as JJ rejoined him. “You’re so obvious, man.”

JJ grinned, unbothered. “And you’re jealous you don’t have moves like me.”

Pope laughed, shaking his head. “Yeah, sure. Keep telling yourself that.”

But JJ wasn’t paying attention. His eyes drifted back to you, still dancing in the middle of the room, and for the first time all night, he let himself wonder if you had any idea what you were doing to him.

"You're gonna wear her out," Sarah teased from the couch, leaning into John B's shoulder.

"She's got this," Cleo said confidently, spinning you around.

JJ leaned back in his chair, watching as you danced with the girls. He tried to play it cool, his arms crossed over his chest, but the way his gaze lingered on you didn't go unnoticed.

"Sooo… are you just gonna sit there all night and stare?" Pope asked, nudging him.

JJ shrugged, not taking his eyes off the scene in front of him. "Someone's gotta make sure nobody gets too wild."

"Uh-huh," Pope said, clearly not buying it.

The song shifted again, this time to a bass-heavy beat that had Kie and Cleo moving with even more energy. You caught J's eye for a moment, your lips curving into a small smile, and his breath hitched before he quickly looked away, pretending to focus on his drink.

“I can’t watch this shit anymore, bro” Pope muttered under his breath, laughing to himself.

The game of Kings was in full swing after awhile, the table cluttered with empty bottles, cans, and half-finished cups that had somehow become part of the challenge. The air was thick with laughter, loud music, and the intoxicating scent of booze, and the more the night wore on, the more everyone seemed to loosen up.

JJ was sprawled across the floor, his legs tangled in a chair, and his voice already slurring as he cheered for whatever ridiculous thing someone had just done. “Yo, Pope! Keep that up and I’m gonna have to start calling you lazy!’”

Pope, already red-faced from a few too many rounds, laughed back, holding his drink up like a trophy. “Don’t start, Maybank! I’ll show you lazy!”

Meanwhile, Cleo was trying to maintain some semblance of composure, but it was clear the alcohol was doing its work. She’d attempted to take a shot when it was her turn, but it ended up splashing more on her than in her mouth. “Fuck, man! That’s a waste of good Vodka!” she laughed, wiping her chin.

You were sitting cross-legged on the floor, your laughter spilling freely with each passing round. JJ’s usual poker face had been replaced by a slightly tipsy, carefree version of himself, and he was absolutely loving it. You could feel the energy between you both shift as the alcohol mixed with the playful tension that had been simmering for days.

“Alright, alright,” Kie said, looking at the cards in her hand with a drunken frown. “I got a two. JJ, you know what that means, right?”

JJ raised his eyebrows, leaning forward with a wicked grin. “Oh, I know exactly what it means. You’re gonna do somethin’ crazy, aren’t you?”

You chuckled as Kie downed her drink in one go. “Your turn now!” she exclaimed, handing the bottle off to JJ with a sly grin.

As the night dragged on, the drinking games only seemed to get more ridiculous. There were shots, dares, and more rounds of Kings than anyone could count. But somehow, in the chaos, you and JJ became the focal point of the night. The two of you kept locking eyes across the room, the teasing glances and flirty remarks becoming a more regular occurrence.

JJ knocked back another drink, his eyes narrowing playfully as he leaned into you. “I think you’re tryin’ to make me jealous with how good you look tonight. Keep it up and you might get yourself in trouble,” he muttered, leaning so close his breath brushed your ear.

You felt the heat of his words, too drunk to care that the whole group could probably hear him. You looked at him with a drunken, teasing smile. “Oh yeah? You think I’m trying to make you jealous? Maybe I just wanna see you do something about it,” you shot back, not missing a beat.

JJ’s eyes widened, but then he laughed, holding up his hands in mock surrender. “Whoa, now, you’re not gonna get me to fall for that one. I know better.” He took another swig of his drink, leaning back with his arms crossed as if trying to play it cool—but the smile on his face betrayed him.

You scooted a little closer, the alcohol making you bold in ways you never usually were. “You sure? ‘Cause I don’t know if I’m buying it,” you purred, your voice low enough that only he could hear. The entire group was wrapped up in their own chaos, too drunk to notice anything between you and JJ.

Cleo, Kie and Pope were arguing over who could take the next shot the fastest, and John B and Sarah were wrapped up in their own world, holding hands while they giggled over something. The night had turned into one big blur, everyone losing themselves in the party.

But JJ, with his wild eyes, was only focused on you. “You better watch out, you’re gonna have me all over you, and I won’t let you live it down,” he teased, his voice low and confident—yet there was a slight slur to it.

You could feel the air between you both thicken as your proximity grew, and without thinking, you leaned in close enough to feel the warmth of his skin. “I can’t wait,” you whispered, your breath mingling with his.

JJ’s heart raced, and for a moment, he was frozen—his lips slightly parted, his breath shallow. He was too drunk to keep up the bravado. “You’re gonna be the death of me, Kook princess” he muttered with a half-laugh, before taking a long drink from his cup to steady himself.

A round of cheers erupted from the group as they realized it was JJ’s turn again. The game had gone on to become truth or dare, but mostly it was just dares flying around like crazy. Some kissed, some took shots they definitely had to pray on before taking, But he barely heard any of it. His focus was still locked on you.

“Okay, we’ve got a dare for you, JJ,” Pope suddenly interrupted, clearly not noticing the tension brewing between the two of you.

JJ snapped his head toward Pope, visibly trying to pull himself back together. “What’s the dare?”

Pope grinned mischievously. “Alright, I dare you to kiss her. Just a quick one, you know, to keep the night going.”

The entire group erupted in hoots of laughter and cheers, but you and JJ were suddenly hyper-aware of the quiet that had fallen around you two. The dare hung in the air like an undeniable challenge, and for a moment, neither of you moved.

Your heart was pounding in your chest, and JJ was staring at you, not backing away but not advancing either. The alcohol had loosened your usual restraint, and now it felt like the entire room was holding its breath.

“You sure about that, Pope?” JJ finally said, his voice low, his usual cocky grin replaced with something a little more vulnerable. He was trying to keep it casual, but his voice wavered slightly.

Pope’s grin only widened. “Come on, man. If you don’t do it, kie will.”

Kie and you laughed—The challenge was clear, and suddenly, everything felt too real. The room, the music, the group—everything seemed to disappear as JJ’s face was inches from yours.

You tried to keep your expression neutral, but the flush creeping up your neck and the way your stomach twisted gave you away. JJ turned his gaze back to you, his usual confidence faltering for a split second.

“Alright, alright,” he muttered, scratching the back of his neck as he stepped closer to you. His grin returned, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Rules are rules, I guess.”

Your heart hammered in your chest as he stopped just in front of you, the world fading out once more. His hands hovered awkwardly at his sides for a moment before one settled lightly on your arm, grounding you.

“You okay with this?” he asked softly, his tone so uncharacteristically gentle that it made your chest tighten.

You nodded, trying to act like your heart wasn’t about to leap out of your chest. “It’s just a dare, right?”

JJ’s lips twitched into a lopsided smirk, though there was a nervous edge to it. "Just a dare," he echoed, though the way his voice dipped made it sound like he was convincing himself.

As he leaned in, the room seemed to hold its collective breath. You could feel the heat of his body as he got closer, his other hand reaching up to gently cup the side of your face. The touch was warm, grounding, but it only made your heart pound harder.

When his lips finally met yours, the teasing atmosphere in the room evaporated entirely. It was meant to be quick, simple, but the moment JJ kissed you, the world narrowed to just the two of you. His lips were soft but firm, his hand tightening slightly on your arm as he lingered, longer than necessary for a dare.

A muffled cheer erupted from somewhere in the background, but neither of you pulled away. The kiss deepened, slow and magnetic, like neither of you could stop. JJ’s free hand brushed against your waist, almost instinctively, and the heat of it made your stomach twist in ways you couldn’t explain.

When you finally broke apart, both of you were breathless. The room burst into shouts and laughter, but you and JJ stayed frozen for a beat too long, staring at each other. His lips were slightly parted, his cheeks flushed, and his eyes searched yours, as though trying to decipher what just happened.

Your chest tightened, your lips still tingling as you tried to collect yourself. JJ took a shaky breath and stepped back, his hand dropping from your arm and face. He scratched the back of his neck, avoiding your gaze for a moment before glancing back at you.

“Happy now, Pope?” JJ’s voice cracked slightly, and he covered it by grabbing his beer and chugging half of it.

“Oh, we’re thrilled,” Pope replied smugly, raising his drink.

“You two sure took your time with that one,” Kie teased, raising an eyebrow at you both.

“Yeah, definitely longer than the ‘quick one’ we had in mind,” Cleo added with a knowing smirk.

Your face burned, and you quickly grabbed your drink, hoping no one could see how shaken you felt. Across the table, JJ was no better, his ears red as he avoided looking directly at anyone. But every so often, your eyes met, and the tension between you sparked all over again.

“You gonna survive over there, JJ?” John B teased, tossing a bottle cap in his direction.

JJ rolled his eyes, though his smirk had returned, even if it was faint. “I—“

“Okay! Next dare,” Kie announced, clearly trying to keep the game going and cutting JJ off—to which he was very thankful for.

The game carried on, the laughter and teasing filling the space again. But for the rest of the night, you couldn’t stop glancing at JJ—and every time you did, you caught him looking back, his expression unreadable but heavy with something unspoken.

The night was far from over.

——-

The group had shifted to the couch area, most of them completely drunk and sprawled out, as the music continued to pulse in the background. The playful tension from the dare hung between you and JJ like an electric current, the air thick with unspoken words.

You and JJ hadn’t spoken much since the kiss, both of you trying to act as if it hadn’t just happened. But the way your eyes met every now and then, and the way your body seemed to gravitate towards him without thought, was enough to make everyone else notice.

John B, already tipsy and leaning into Sarah, was the first to break the silence. “Okay, okay, we need to start another round of something. Before I close my eyes and never open them” He looked between everyone, his eyes narrowing as he spotted the two of you. “But someone better keep an eye on JJ and the birthday girl. Looks like they’re gonna start their own game soon.” He winked, half-joking, but it didn’t land as lightly as he probably intended.

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the blush creeping up your neck. “Shut up, John B,” you mumbled, shifting uncomfortably in your seat, pretending to find something interesting about your drink.

JJ, sitting across from you, caught the blush and grinned. “What, you embarrassed now?” His voice was light, teasing, but the heat in his gaze betrayed his casual tone. He knew exactly what was going on.

“No,” you shot back quickly, rolling your eyes dramatically. “Not embarrassed. Just… I don’t know, maybe your just a bad kisser.” You swirled the drink in your hand, refusing to meet his eyes.

“Yeah, maybe… but you know,” JJ started, leaning in closer, his voice low, “Your body says otherwise” He smirked, and there was something in his voice that was far too confident, even for him. “If you want another try, all you have to do is ask”

The words hit like a shot of tequila, and you felt the heat rising in your chest once again. For a moment, you just stared at him, your pulse quickening. “What makes you think I want that?” You were drunk enough to be bold, but the teasing in your tone didn’t match the rapid beat of your heart.

JJ’s smirk softened, his eyes flickering to your lips for the briefest moment before looking away. He leaned back in his seat, glancing at the group, and then back at you, his voice suddenly quieter. “I’m just saying, I wouldn’t mind,” he said, shrugging, like he was trying to act nonchalant. But there was something in the way he said it, the vulnerability in his voice, that made your breath hitch.

You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol or the way he looked at you, but you were suddenly drawn to him in a way you hadn’t expected. The playful flirting had turned into something more, something deeper.

Before you could respond, Cleo stood up, raising her cup dramatically. “Okay, okay! Time for some more chaos! Who’s up for another round of… whatever we’re doing?”

The interruption snapped both of you back into the present, but the heat between you didn’t fade. The night was still young, and now, everyone was shouting for another round of drinks.

“Fine,” you muttered under your breath, standing up and turning to grab another drink. “But I’m keeping my distance from Maybank for the next round.”

JJ raised an eyebrow. “Oh, I bet you are,” he teased, but his smile faded as he noticed the slight shift in your attitude. The flirting had stopped, and there was something else there now, something neither of you were ready to deal with.

But before either of you could speak again, Pope and Cleo dragged everyone back into the living room, launching into another round of Kings, laughing and joking as they set everything up.

As the night wore on, the group’s energy shifted. People began winding down, some already half-asleep on the couches, others still caught up in the haze of drunken laughter. You and JJ remained in the same space but kept your distance, the unspoken tension between you both thickening with every passing second.

Eventually, the music died down, and the room grew quieter. John B and Sarah were wrapped up in each other, and Cleo had snuck off to sit by herself, letting the alcohol take its toll. Pope was sitting next to you, chatting about something, but your mind kept wandering back to JJ. You hadn’t realized how badly you’d wanted him until this moment—until that kiss and the lingering feeling it left in its wake.

“Hey,” Pope’s voice broke through your thoughts. “You good?”

You turned your head to look at him, trying to hide the conflicted look on your face. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just… a little too drunk,” you laughed, but there was an edge to your voice that betrayed you.

Pope raised an eyebrow. “If you say so. But just know, JJ’s been acting weird since the kiss. He’s too drunk to admit it—and I’m too drunk to go in depth about it, but he cares about you.”

You blinked, surprised by his honesty. “What are you talking about?” you said quickly, trying to sound casual, but your heart was racing.

Pope shrugged, his eyes softening. “I know JJ. He’s not good at talking about his feelings. Especially when it comes to you.”

Before you could respond, you caught JJ glancing at you from across the room. His expression was unreadable, but his eyes betrayed him. It was as if he was trying to keep his distance, but the pull between you both was undeniable.

He quickly turned his attention back to his drink, avoiding eye contact. You could feel the weight of his gaze even from across the room, and for a moment, you wanted nothing more than to walk up to him and pull him close. But you also knew that whatever was happening between you two—this unspoken tension, this flirtation—wasn’t something you were ready to figure out just yet.

The group around you began to fade into the background as you and JJ shared a moment of quiet understanding from across the room. No words were exchanged, but the silence spoke volumes. And just like that, you knew whatever was to come—it wasn’t going to feel good in the morning.

——

As the night stretched on, the weight of the alcohol settled in, and the chaotic energy of the group began to wane. The music faded out, and the laughter that had filled the room softened into sleepy chuckles and half-hearted conversations. The sounds of glasses clinking together became less frequent, replaced by tired yawns and people stretching, making their way to the camp fire outside and blankets that had been carelessly tossed around the circle.

You were sitting closer to the fire, taking in the warmth again your skin, your legs tucked under you as you quietly observed the others. John B and Sarah were curled up together, already half-asleep, with his arm slung around her shoulders. Pope and Cleo, though still conscious, were drifting into a peaceful silence, their eyes barely open as they snuggled into the cushions. Kie had already went inside a few minutes prior, complaining about how she had to be up early tomorrow morning. The only ones still wide-eyed were you and JJ, and despite the heaviness of the night, neither of you seemed ready to let it end just yet.

JJ, sitting across from you, had his elbow resting on his knee, his eyes trained on the fire in front of him. He seemed distant, but his occasional glances toward you didn’t go unnoticed. You caught his eyes again, and this time, instead of looking away, he let them linger.

You let out a quiet breath, unsure how to proceed. “We should probably help clean up,” you murmured, breaking the silence, your words a little slurred from the alcohol.

JJ chuckled softly, leaning back in his chair with a slight tilt of his head. “Eh, we’ll get to it tomorrow. It’s too late for that now. Let them sleep it off. We’ve earned a break.” His voice had a playful tone, but there was something in it, a flicker of something deeper, that caught your attention.

“Yeah, I guess,” you said quietly, nodding, though your eyes were still locked with his.

A few more moments of silence passed, the fire crackling softly, the only sound besides the occasional rustling of blankets as everyone else settled in for the night.

Suddenly, Cleo stood up, stretching and yawning loudly. “Alright, guys,” she said with a teasing grin. “I think it’s time for me to pass out. You know where to find the blankets.” She glanced at you and JJ. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, alright?”

“Trust me, Cleo, we’re just gonna… just chill out,” JJ said, flashing her a grin.

“You two are trouble, you don’t fool me” Cleo called over her shoulder, not looking back as she walked toward the makeshift sleeping area. Pope was already settling beside her, clearly exhausted from the night’s events.

With a small wave, Sarah and John B followed suit. “Goodnight, guys,” Sarah called, already half-asleep as she leaned into John B’s side, and they made their way to the back rooms of the house.

A quiet hush fell over the fire, and the last of the group had all but drifted into the house, leaving you and JJ alone, just the two of you still sitting in the dim glow of the firelight.

JJ was sitting on the edge of a chair, his elbows resting on his knees as he twirled an empty beer bottle in his hands. His hair was messy, falling into his eyes, and there was something about the way he looked at you now—unguarded, raw, like all the walls he’d built around himself had crumbled under the weight of the night.

You sat only a few feet away, mind swaying from the alcohol coursing through your veins, watching him with a mix of amusement and apprehension. He hadn’t said much since the others left, and for once, you didn’t feel the need to fill the silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable; it was charged.

“You know,” you finally broke the quiet, your voice softer than usual, “you have a really bad poker face”

JJ glanced up at you, his brows lifting in amusement. “Yeah?” he asked, leaning back in his chair. “And yours is any better, kook princess?”

You smirked at the nickname, taking a step closer. “You act like you don’t care about anything, but you do. A lot. You care about them”—you motioned toward the house—“you care about this place, and, whether you like it or not, you care about me.”

JJ’s smirk faltered for a fraction of a second, and you saw his jaw tighten as he glanced away, back at the bottle in his hands. “You’ve had too much to drink,” he muttered, his voice low.

“Maybe,” you admitted, taking another step closer. “But that doesn’t make it any less true.”

He laughed quietly, shaking his head. “You really don’t know when to quit, do you?”

“Nope,” you said with a small smile, crossing your arms over your chest. “Not when it comes to you.”

That made him look up, his blue eyes locking onto yours in a way that made your breath hitch. The firelight danced in his gaze, but it wasn’t the flames you were focused on—it was the way he was looking at you, like he was trying to decide whether to keep pushing you away or finally let you in.

He stood, starting to diminish the fire in the pit, and for a moment you wondered if you should tell him you didn’t want to go back in the house, the drunken words hanging off your tongue in the moment. JJ on the other hand, had already been walking up to you, dumping his drink with one hand and holding the other one out to you.

“Want some company tonight?” His words make your stomach twist. Of course you did—hell, you’ve been staring at him all night. You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol or maybe just your overthinking, but the way he looked at you… it made you think so many things. Things you shouldn’t think about with your best friend.

You take your lip between your teeth, trying to hide the blush from your cheeks as you take his soft hand, nodding when you look up at him. You followed him into the shop, stopping to lean against the counter when he let go to put away some of the drinks back in the tiny fridge you had inside. You watched him, so many thoughts running through your head. You knew you wanted JJ… but for some reason—tonight was the night you were finally sick of waiting.

You watch as his muscle flex when he pushes the fridge door shut, making sure its broken latch actually stays. His messy hair is longer than usual, in need of a haircut but it clearly didn’t bother you in this light. Your mind ran wild with thoughts of your nails running across his arms, fingers intertwining with his blond locks. Fucking hell, why did you have to drink so much?

“You alright over there? Don’t tell me your day dreaming about me” his comment tunes you back in, your eyes averting to his and you notice how close he is to you now. Your eyelids were heavy, but your eyes said everything they needed to. You looked at him with passion, a clear and desperate need for him to just grab you and kiss you.

JJ’s smirk faltered slightly when he caught the way you were looking at him. His playful confidence wavered, and for a moment, it seemed like neither of you knew who would make the first move. The tension crackled like the remnants of the fire outside-intense and impossible to ignore.

"What?" he asked, his voice lower now, a nervous edge creeping in.

You shook your head, swallowing hard as you straightened against the counter. "You're just... annoying," you said, trying to say literally anything and sound casual, but your voice betrayed you, soft and breathless.

"Annoying?" he repeated, leaning a hand against the counter beside you, his eyes narrowing. "Funny, 'cause you're the one staring like I'm a damn trophy."

"I wasn't staring," you muttered, cheeks burning.

JJ tilted his head, his lips twitching into a lopsided grin. "Oh, you weren't? Could've fooled me."

You opened your mouth to reply, but he was already moving closer, his chest brushing against yours as his hand came up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. His touch was so light, so deliberate, that it sent a shiver through you.

"Careful," he murmured, his eyes dipping to your lips. "You're starting to look at me like you want something."

Your breath hitched as his words sank in, the weight of them making your head spin even more than the alcohol already had.

He was so close now, his scent-salt, weed, and a faint trace of cologne-making your heart race.

"And if I do?" you whispered, barely recognizing your own voice.

JJ's jaw tightened, his playful demeanor slipping as his fingers hovered just above your cheek. His gaze flicked between your eyes and lips, and you could see the internal battle raging inside him.

"Don't do that," he muttered, shaking his head slightly.

"Do what?"

"Say things like that," he said, his voice rough. "You're gonna make me do something stupid."

You leaned into his touch, your lips parting as your hand moved to rest against his chest. His heart was pounding under your palm, and it gave you the courage to press on.

"Maybe I want you to," you said softly, your voice daring.

JJ let out a low, humorless laugh, his forehead coming to rest against yours. "You have no idea what you're asking for," he said, his voice strained.

"Then show me," you challenged, your lips brushing against his just enough to make him suck in a sharp breath.

“Fuck it” He huffs, and it was safe to say you couldn’t imagine the extent of what would happen next.

His restraint shattered in an instant. One of his hands gripped the counter beside you, the other cupping your face as his lips crashed against yours. The kiss was fiery and desperate, his need for you pouring out in every movement. You gasped into his mouth, your fingers tangling in his hair as he pressed you back against the counter.

It was messy, intoxicating, and everything you'd imagined it would be. His hands roamed your sides, pulling you closer as if he couldn't stand even a breath of space between you.

"Fuck," he whispered against your lips, his voice thick with desire. "You're gonna kill me."

You pulled back just enough to look at him, your forehead still resting against his.

"Maybe that's the point," you said, a small, teasing smile curving your lips.

JJ let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head as he stared at you like you'd just turned his entire world upside down. His fingers brushed along your jawline, his gaze softening in a way that made your chest tighten.

"We’re so screwed," he murmured, leaning down to kiss you again, slower this time, more deliberate.

"Shut up and kiss me, Maybank," you teased, your smile breaking against his lips.

He didn't answer, but the way his hands tightened around you told you everything you needed to know. The tension that had been building between you all night finally melted away, leaving just the two of you and the undeniable pull that neither of you could fight any longer.

JJ’s kisses turned deeper, hungrier, as his hands tightened their hold on your hips, fingers digging into your skin like he was afraid you might slip away. He had you backed up against the counter, the edge pressing into your lower back, but the slight discomfort didn't matter. All you could feel was him—his warmth, his need, and the way he was finally letting himself give in.

Your fingers slipped beneath the hem of his shirt, brushing against his skin, and the sound he made against your lips sent a shiver down your spine. JJ broke the kiss, his lips moving to your jaw, then to your neck, leaving a trail of heat that made your head spin.

"You have no idea what you do to me," he murmured against your skin, his voice low and rough.

Your breath hitched, your hands roaming up his chest, feeling the hard planes of muscle beneath your fingertips. "Jayj…" you whisper, your voice soft but slightly shaking from the new sensation.

JJ pulled back just enough to meet your eyes, his pupils blown wide and his lips red and slightly swollen. "You're dangerous," he said, shaking his head with a crooked grin.

"Me? You're the one who can't keep his hands to himself," you teased, tugging at his shirt.

"Yeah, well, you make it impossible," he shot back, his grin softening into something more genuine.

He pulled you into another kiss, slower this time, but no less intense. His hands slid up your sides, his thumbs brushing the bare skin just beneath your shirt, sending a jolt of electricity through your body. You arched into him, your hands finding their way into his messy blond hair, pulling him even closer.

Somewhere in the haze of it all, JJ lifted you onto the counter, his hands gripping your thighs as he stepped between them.

The way he looked at you—like you were the only thing that mattered, made your chest tighten.

"JJ," you whispered, his name falling from your lips like a prayer.

His name coming from your lips had sounded like a prayer only he was meant to hear. It shifted every gear in his body when he heard it. That breathless, innocent tone of yours. "Fuck. Keep saying it” he mumbled against your skin, his voice thick with want, his forehead resting against yours.

You hesitated, your heart pounding in your chest.

“I want you, Jayj. You have me" you confessed, your voice barely audible.

JJ let out a soft laugh, his thumb brushing against your cheek. "That’s my girl" he said, his voice carrying an honesty that made your breath catch.

He kissed you again, and this time, it felt different. It wasn't just about the tension or the alcohol—it was about everything that had been building between you for so long.

"Tell me to stop," JJ murmured against your lips, his hands trembling slightly as they trailed up your thighs. "Tell me to stop before we change our friendship forever."

You shook your head, your hands cupping his face. "Don't stop," you whispered, your voice steady despite the emotions swirling inside you. “Please… don’t stop, J” With a final laugh, JJ pulled you closer, smashing his lips against your own once again. At this point, you wasted no time in letting your hands explore each others body. Your fingers felt his perfectly chiseled chest under his shirt as he left sensual kisses and bites against your neck, quiet breaths leaving your lips as you let your head fall back in pleasure.

He was the first to slip off your shirt, tossing it to a random side of the shop as he admired the sight in front of him. You were perfectly tanned, the curves of your breast inside your bra made it even harder for him to focus. You whine as he kisses your collar, growing more and more desperate by the minute.

He smirks against your skin, his hand slipping underneath your bra until it came undone. “Impatient girl—I’ll take care of you” you let it fall, not caring even a little bit that you were almost fully exposed to him now. The shop had thin walls and makeshift windows—someone could see you if they wanted to, but you didn’t care as long as JJ’s arms were wrapped around you.

You make brief eye contact with him before he moves down your chest, his large hands kneading your breasts while his lips move over them. You were on cloud 9—so drunk and so incredibly horny for the boy in front of you that you didn’t care if anyone heard.

“You are so goddamn beautiful, Y/N” he mumbles against your skin, a moan slipping from your lips as his fingers dug firmer into your skin. It was so rough, such hungry movements against each other. It was perfect.

“Fuck, Jayj…” your fingers comb through his hair, the nails on your other hand digging into the wood countertop under you. As much as JJ was enjoying watching you fall apart, he knew he couldn’t do anything with you on the counter like this. At least not what he wanted.

You felt his hands tug you toward him, so harsh he’d moved you swiftly. Your legs wrapped around his waist like an order, and it was—an unspoken one to you. Your arms lay around his neck as he carries you upstairs, lips on your the entire time and your surprised he didn’t fall.

He laid you back against the couch, the two of you barely fitting as he followed you down. The heat from his body radiated your own—making the moment all too real. “J… not fair” you hum, tugging at his shirt that was still fully on while you lay fully exposed from the waist up. He chuckles, leaning back and pulling it over his head, throwing it to the other side of the room.

"We’re playing a dangerous game, Y/N" He tells you with a sharp tone, moving to place his hands against the couch fabric, closing you between him.

You smirk, looking him up and down once before looking back to his face. "Isn’t that what we’re all about?"

The two of you laid there, staring at the other for what felt like forever until He finally gave in, cursing himself under his breath before he grabbed your neck to pull you into a rough kiss. Your body is flush against his as he completely explores your body with his hands. You could feel his growing erection, you could feel his hunger for your body like he felt yours.

"JJ" You mumble in a breathless moan. His lips remove from yours and move to your jaw, hungrily peppering wet kisses down it, all the way to your neck.

"You are so fucking hot, Jesus" He groans against your ear, placing soft kisses on your sensitive skin.

Your moans are what encourage him the most.

Hearing your sweet whimpers in his ear as he sucked on your neck felt like a dream. Believe god, he'd had that dream many, many times before.

"I've waited so long for this" Your breathless under him, gripping his hair between your small fingers. You could feel his cock pressing against you, begging for your tongue. It was big-he was so fucking big. It should've scared you but you were more intrigued, grinding your hips against his to gain some friction with the little time you had before he stopped your bratty movements.

"I know you have" He teases and you only roll your eyes, grabbing his hand that held you steady against him. You could feel his lips brushing your skin, he wanted to mark you, and you wanted him to. You wanted JJ Maybank to let everyone know you were his.

"Having an attitude isn’t that attractive on you, Maybank. I know you’ve wanted me like this ever since I joined the pogues" You hum, holding his head and slightly pushing it down so his lips reattached to your neck. "But that’s okay, I'll find someone else—someone who hasn't played with me for years"

A grunt escapes his mouth as if he had been fighting with the feeling, shaking his head between your neck before meeting your eyes again; your bratty, untamed eyes.

"You've waited so long I thought? So long your body even reacts when I look at you" He's so obviously joking and you love every second of it. Every word of degradation is like music to your ears, like a forbidden kink you didn't know you had. Only for JJ. "This is what you wanted, huh? All those looks you'd give me after l'd make out with random kooks—you were so jealous, Sweetheart"

Your ears are perking at his every word but your eyes were filled with annoyance.

JJ knew now so why would you hide it? Hide your jealousy? "Fuck, Y/N. I’m so drunk but I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you if I was sober either"

You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling you closer to his body then before with a smirk, shrugging your shoulders.

"That doesn't matter. You have me now" His eyes. Oh god, his eyes were so hungry. At first you didn't know what to think but it only took you a few seconds to realize once his large arms were wrapped around your thighs, pulling your body close to him.

His chin sat against your stomach, staring up at you like he had been waiting for you to say something.

But you didn't know what he was planning until his thumb was ghosting around your clothed clit, that same smirk pulling at his lips as he watched you.

He slips your shorts off with ease, along with your black lace underwear, tossing them both to the side.

"Fuck" You breath heavily, leaning your head back against the sheets, not even realizing the boy under you was now fully under you. "S-shit!" Your hand fell clasp over your mouth to silence your moan, eyes falling back on him under you. Except now, his face was pressed into your dripping wet cunt, and his fingers teased what his mouth didn't. "Fucking hell, J" You mumble under your unsteady breath, trying your hardest not to moan because he had just started and you didn't want to seem weak.

But holy shit, this boy knew how to use his tongue.

Your hand fell atop his head in hopes to gain some sort of stability but that quickly failed, given how badly he was attacking your clit. His mouth was warm against you and you already knew you'd come soon. It was like he knew your body inside and out.

"I know your not holding back on me, are you?" His words vibrate against your cunt making you jolt, thankful his arms held you down so you wouldn't squirm. JJ was in pure bliss under you, relishing in your sweet taste that so effortlessly painted his tongue. You were wet, your cunt was begging for more even if you were a crying mess above him, like it finally found what it had been longing for.

"Jayj…" He chuckles at your attempt at retaliation but still manages to one up you, slipping two of his fingers inside you. “J-JJ, let me-"

"No" He only uttered one word but it was enough to make you listen like a trained dog, allowing your legs to tremble against his face. You could've taken it had you been prepared, but it had been far too long before any guy had done this to you.

"You taste so fucking good, Y/N" His fingers curl against your spongy walls, pushing his tongue against your clit quickly as your moan's increased.

It was so clear you were already on edge, about to let go without it being over five minutes. You find your pride slipping from you in a matter of seconds, begging the man to let you come as your fingers tug his hair. You couldn't hold on, your legs were far too weak.

"Please, please-Jayj, please" His ears are perking as you moan his name, begging for him, moaning for him. Normally, he'd take his time with you but now?

He needed to release all that tension between the two of you from years ago, he knew he couldn't last much longer. He needed to be inside of you, and for that exact reason is why he only sped up under you.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Your mind tried to come up with some sort of reason as to how you got yourself here, How you got your best friend between your legs, and definitely how you were about to fully submit yourself to this boy while your true feelings for each other were unknown. He was thinking the same thing; how did he get so lucky to have you above him?

"That’s it, just let go for me, Pretty girl" In only seconds, you're coming undone above him, legs almost falling weak as they shook from your release, sending shivers throughout your entire body. JJ’s still torturing your body, pumping his fingers into you at a faster pace. It was clear, he was trying to kill you.

"J!" You cry, gripping his hair with a begging tone. You couldn't take it much longer. You had to push him away. Finally, after what felt like forever, he removed his tongue from you, letting his fingers slip from inside you. His strong arms are the only thing that held your legs still, and you could see your release painted on his chin once he looked up at you.

"Holy shit" You curse under your breath, chest heaving as he stood to his feet. You look at the boy above you, noticing once again how he towers over you. “Dick” you push him before laying back against the couch in a huff, your body still shuddering and your heart coming down from the high he had given you.

He bites his lip, admiring your perfect body that had been on almost full display for him. He leans down when you notice how hard he is, lifting your chin with the hand he hadn't used on you.

You watch through your eyelashes as he sucks his finger clean from your release, biting his lip with a silent chuckle at how lovingly you looked at him. You grab his hand, pulling it closer to you until his other finger was pressed against your lips-to which you copied his action from before, staring into his eyes as you did.

"That’s my girl" He knew you liked that. It was so obvious—the way your legs clench together at his praise. He pulls his hand away and moves it to your neck, pressing a soft but sloppy kiss to your lips. You could taste yourself from him, and God... it was so fucking hot.

Your hand feels his body effortlessly until you reach his aching print, a small smile pulling at your lips against him.

"Let me" You mumble breathlessly, placing your hand over his cock. You could feel how desperate he had been for you, how badly he wanted you in that moment. His hand wraps around your throat firmly, pulling your lips to crash back into his own. He was so rough and impatient—you loved it.

"No. I need you. Right now" His voice is deep and makes your skin shiver, the way his hands touch you so delicately but with control. It was slightly dark around you, only lit by the string lights strung high up around the outsides of the shop.

"You have me, Jayj. You’ve… you’ve always had me" Your words make his and your own stomach twist into knots, he almost felt bad. He waited so long to make the move, afraid he misread the signs, but he'd never admit that. You allow your hands to travel down his bare abs, feeling every chisel between the pads of your fingertips. When you reach his belt, you're quick to help him tug his pants off, watching him with the most admiration.

"I won’t be able to look at you with anyone else after we do this" He looks at you once more, both of your hands laid on the waistband of his underwear. You lay your free hand on the side of his neck and use the other to touch him lower. Right where he wanted you the entire time.

His breath shutters at your bare touch, something he's wanted for so long was finally right in front of him. You were all he wanted and he prayed you ensue him just as much.

"You mean… everything to me, Jayj" You tell him truthfully, watching his eyes soften just before you pulled his face down to kiss his lips. Except this kiss had much more

meaning-the kiss after you'd admit your feelings for one another.

He leans you down, closing you between his large body and his bed, your hand is still pressed into his print, but he's already slipping his underwear off by the time you can notice.

Fuck. He was going to ruin you.

Your hands cup his face when his tip presses against your entrance, slick coating it by the second. You wanted him for so long, you didn't care if it hurt at first.

You just wanted him.

From the moment he pushed inside of you, the only feeling you could endure was love. He was slow, gentle to help you get used to his size. The boy peppers kisses to your neck as he pushed further, comforting your slightly pained moans that slip from your lips without warning.

"Mmm" You let out a soft moan once his tip is past your entrance, the hard part was now over. You look at him with your lips parted, brushing your thumb over his bottom lip. He pushes your hair out of your face before kissing you, and you weren't prepared for when he pushed into you fully with one snap of his hips.

Your toes curled and your nails dug into his skin desperately, the feeling was almost indescribable. You just felt... full.

"Oh my god" You moan against his lips, throwing your head back as he strokes you slowly, massaging your thigh. You looked so perfect like this, so pretty in this light. Your body was almost bare for him, and your body was welcoming him with open arms—he couldn't get enough of you. "J... JJ" one of your hands release his shoulder to grip the sheet underneath you, teeth catching your bottom lip between them.

"Fuck, Y/N. I can’t…" He bites his lip, moving his head down to your neck, placing sloppy kisses against it. His hips find a steady pace at first and gradually work their way up, starting deep, then fast to your skin. "God, you feel so good" one of his hands travels up your body until it reaches the curve of your breasts, his large hands teasing your nipples.

"Such a tease, J…" Your breathless words are too late when he's already looking over your now fully bare body, completely discarding your words. Jesus, you were so perfect.

"You are so beautiful, Y/N" He presses a kiss to your lips before moving down your body, trailing his wet tongue down until he reached your nipple. He couldn't take his eyes off you, the curves of your body... you were practically made for him. A shuddered moan escapes your lips when he swirls his tongue around your hardened nipple, kneading the other with his free hand.

"Mmm!" Between the stokes of his hips and the sensations he brought to your skin, you couldn't hold much in. You were sure you were being too loud but the two of you didn't care. It was just you and him, nobody else.

His strong arms capture your thighs, pulling one of your legs to rest against his shoulder. "JJ! I can't... oh my gosh" Your little voice is projecting off the walls of the empty room but you don't care, only worried about the boy above you. Your head was still slightly spinning from the drinks you endured earlier that night and it only mixed with your horny mess of a body, begging Colby for more. "It's so good... fuck! You're so fucking good!"

"Look at you. Such a fucking mess under me. You needed me just as much as I needed you" He grabs the back of your head, pulling you up slightly so you were at an angle you couldn't look away from him.

His big eyes were burning holes into your own, hips rutting into you like he had something to prove.

Which he did.

"Gonna come..! J, I'm gonna come!" You’re a whining mess under him and he loves every second of it, pushing his hips into you faster then before.

Your small body was like a toy in his hand and you were at his every command, doing everything he said.

"Come for me. Want you to scream my name so all of those no good kooks hear how much of a slut you are for a ‘worthless’ pogue like me” You knew it was a bad idea but who were you to decline that request? You were already screaming as it was. "My dirty girl, Your so fucking hot like this”

"I'm coming! I'm-oh my god I-" Your voice is cut off by your loud moan, leg shuttering against his shoulder as you felt your release threatening to push over. His tip was kissing your cervix repeatedly, and you knew you couldn't last much longer. "J..!" You cry out, pressing your hand to his chest as if that was going to do anything. Your orgasm finally tipped, and you felt it hit you like a truck.

"That's it, Baby. That’s my fuckin’ girl" His thumb rubs circles against your clit as he ruts into your harder, watching your liquid spurt from between the two of you. "My god, Y/N. So fucking good for me"

"Jayj... please—Jesus—“

"Your body is calling mine for more. You want more" You grip his large arms until your knuckles turn white, scratching along his tanned skin. You curse at him, not wanting to hear his teasing any longer. "Fuck me? I'm only giving you what you want" You look at him with an angry look for a second before completely switching, a smirk pulling at your lips.

He pulls out of you all at once making you whine, not able to protest before he's already flipping you over onto your stomach and pushing your ass in the air.

You giggle, stretching your arms in front of you as you arch your back against him, begging him to forgive you. "I was only joking, Pretty boy" You hum, looking back at his face.

He doesn't say anything and grabs your hips roughly, pulling you back onto his length that so easily slipped inside of you. Your eyes roll back almost instantly as he bottoms you out, pushing his cock as deep as he could reach inside you. "This is what you wanted? Never knew you were such a brat" He growls against your ear, slamming himself into your harder than he had been before. You couldn't even think straight, you were already so fucked out you didn't even remember what it felt like to not be fucked.

"fuck! Right there! Please, J—Mmph!" Your begging voice is music to his ears, your hands reaching back to hold onto his warm body as he pushed himself against you. "You're so deep... so fucking good to me, J" He hums, leaning against your body so you were entirely pressing against him, his tongue running along your skin. Once again, you could feel his sloppy kisses against your shoulder and your neck.

"Nobody can have you like I can, Y/N. Your mine. You're all fucking mine, you hear me?" You cry out a yes, the sound of your skin slapping against each others being the only thing that could be heard. "That's it, just like that, my love" He praises against your ear, holding your hips to press into his.

"JJ, I'm gonna come ag... oh my god" You whine into your hand, feeling the pressure building up fast inside you. He's a grunting mess above you so you knew he was close as well, he was only holding out for you.

"Come with me. Please, don't hold out on me"

The snap of his hips slow down the closer he gets, and now your body is flush against his own, rocking back and forth to his pace with his face buried in your neck.

"That’s it—that’s my pretty girl. My fuckin’ girl, come for me and only me, yeah?" You moan at his words, throwing your head back against his chest as his fingers circle your sensitive clit. you couldn't hold it anymore, and neither could he. "I'm right behind you"

Drunk sex always felt way too good but usually it was faster and much sweatier, this felt far too different.

Even if your hips moved fast against his, it still felt like everything had been in slow motion. The way his hands held your delicate body in his embrace as he thrust his hips up to meet your own, how his lips parted in anticipation to kiss yours, JJ was so hungry for you—his body, was hungry for you.

"J... JJ!" His name rolls off your tongue in a beautiful moan. You can feel his slight hesitance but the eyes you give him are enough to tell him exactly what you wanted. You were on birth control—and you wanted all of him, just as you said.

"Fuck...!" He curses under his breath, your moans filling his ears as you clenched down onto him. He continues to coach you to it, and with one last snap of his hips and circle to your clit, you felt your body release it's everything onto his. He shushes your loud scream while silencing his own grunts, fingers digging into your hips to pull you close, painting your walls with his white, hot release.

For awhile, All that was heard was your heavy breathing and the sounds of the tv in the other room, and you soon found yourself collapsed on top of him against the couch. Your chests were heaving horribly, and the sweat that dripped from your foreheads were now everywhere. You look over at the boy next to you, only to find he had already been looking at you, both of you breathing heavy-lips parted.

It only took a second for one of you to start laughing, and JJ leaned over to kiss you again, this time staying there for the longest he could.

You hum as he pulls away just a tiny bit, still close to your face. Your eyes are shut, relishing in the feeling you had. How do you go on from this? Clearly you two loved each other, but you prayed it wouldn't be weird...

"Come here" He lays his arm out, pulling your body closer to his so you could lay your head against his chest. The room was hot, despite that fact it was basically without windows, and smelled of pure sex but neither of you complained. You were just happy.

"Jayj..." You mumble after awhile in silence, tracing lines on his chest for the 2nd time. He hums in response, the tips of his fingers brushing through your soft hair. You almost feel bad, as it you're about to ruin the amazing night you had —but you had to say it. "Where do we go from here..?"

Your voice is low and nervous, so focused on the negative that you couldn't even see the obvious answer. JJ made it clear what he wanted. He couldn't go back to normal with you—not after this night.

“Don’t worry about that right now, Alright? We’re both still drunk as shit, let’s enjoy the quiet night we have and face the music tomorrow, yeah?” He pushes strands of your hair from your face, and a slight tug at your heart subsides but you know it’s okay. You knew this could never be casual to either of you.

“Don’t keep me waiting, Captain Maybank” He chuckled, leaning his head down to press a kiss to your forehead. You smile, interlocking your fingers with his own against your shoulder. You couldn’t believe it—you were actually here with him.

After all this time.

“Only the best for my girl”

I literally haven’t written in so long. Sorry if this was rushed, the ORIGINAL VERSION was super long so I had to cut it down 🥲

[onyx-syn]

Ya know, the more and more I get into mouthwashing and falling more in love with the characters and story - having a deep connection to it- I think about how the crew would celebrate holidays, more in particular Christmas and new years. And with the holiday seasons coming up, I think I'll write something little about it.

So take this

How the Tulpar Crew celebrates Christmas/Winter Holidays!

Warnings: Jealousy, this is just really sweet and full of fluff!

🌹So taking as it isn't clear as into there destination and there exact main transportation station they deported from (unless I missed that part and they said earth-) so for this I'm going based off of Earth's time!

🌹Pony Express has different transportation stations on different planets, but their main one is on Earth, so much of the calendars found on Pony Express ships align their calendars with Earths time. However, only these calendars can be authorized to the captain or co-pilot

🌹As to why that is, no one really knows but it's a tiny detail in the Pony Express Employee handbook underneath Captains Protocols Section, which was to keep check on calendar

🌹Anya has access to the up to date calendar that aligned with Earth's time. Anya still wanted to have some form of a connection with the outside world, almost like being home sick in her own way

🌹She kept the calendar so she could figure out what days were which holidays. However the reason that she gave Curly on why she wanted authorization to the calendar, was so she could updated records on all the crewmates time of psych evals and medication, which was true but she also had another more personal reason

🌹Anya turns the radio channels in medical bay just right to a music station that plays 24 hours Christmas music

🌹Is Christmas music her favorite music? No. Does she enjoy listening to it? Of course. Hearing Christmas music while being so far away to enjoy it with family and friends makes her feel closer to home

🌹Daisuke is the same way, but more on listening to more 'modern' versions of the songs, remixes sort of speak. As the youngest he would be the most appealing to gen z, so most of his taste and interests would be brain rot and memes

🌹Regardless, as much as he seems like the enthusiastic outgoing intern who always has a smile plastered on his face, deep down he felt a part of him become increasingly lonely, mostly due to the fact this would be his first holiday without being with his family and friends while being up in space

🌹Some of Daisukes games on his gameboy actually update their game during the holiday seasons to bring the spirit of the holiday into the game

🌹It brings him comfort seeing the snowy aesthetic on his game as he played. Reminds him of when he would sit on the couch and play, the window beside him displaying snow falling down, coating the ground and trees in a pure white scenery

🌹Out of all the crew members, Anya and Daisuke are for sure the ones who decorate. You don't wanna ask how long it took for them to go through the deep trenches of the ship to find even ONE Christmas decoration. Let's just say Daisuke has never been more happy to find plastic fake snow. Swansea just shook his head at Daisuke but deep down he loved the enthusiasm and determination this kid had to actually go in the back to find all of this stuff with Anya

🌹Now, when it came down to the Christmas tree, that's where the problem of decorating came to. Solution? Use the statue of Pony Express’s mascot as the Christmas tree (I think you can imagine who’s idea this was)

Curly and Swansea stared at the statue of Pony Express mascot, now covered in an abundance of different Christmas lights and taped on Christmas ornaments, with a look of wonder and confusion.

Before either one of them could mutter out a word about the look of their ‘new’ statue, in comes Daisuke walking through the automatic door with a gleeful look on his face and a star shining in his eyes as he carried in more lights and ornaments.

His attention turned to Swansea and Curly, seeing their expressions. “See you guys found the tree!”

Swansea raised an eyebrow at him, “You mean the mascot?”

“No our tree, don’t disrespect Mr.Tree like that Swansea”, Daisuke exclaimed walking over and placing more ornaments on the mascot with an over amount of tape -like a concerning amount- that made Curly question for a second just how much tape they would have left after Christmas day.

🌹Speaking of Curly and Swansea, these two are the worst ones with homesickness during the holiday seasons, especially Swansea

🌹Years back when Pony Express had the budget for it, they used to have a televised transmitter, where the crewmate could set up a small static TV panel in the lounge area and get a live feed of a similar TV panel back at home, so they could connect and communicate with their friends and families

🌹Swansea has been around so long that when he first began the job, he remembered when they first introduced the invention and took them away. Whenever he was out on a delivery and Christmas came around, he was always eager to get the transmission up and running to watch his family open presents. His wife and he would buy their kids Christmas presents before he departed. He always kept up with his kids, in what they like and don't like, even if he didn't fully understand some of their interests, and on the side to buy his wife a gift as well

🌹Swansea is both the type to buy appliances for his wife to use around the house cause she mentioned one time that she wish she had this or that for the house, and the type to get his wife an expensive new jewelry set. He loves that woman to death and will do anything and buy anything to see that look of surprise on her face, it brought a small quirked smile on his face every time

🌹When they took the transmitter away due to budget cuts, Swansea was stern and protested about it, sadly his complaints were left unanswered

🌹Anya and Daisuke would help cheer up Swansea’s sour mood during this time to help decorating and sticking tape on eachother. Swansea couldn’t even turn his back from these two unless he wanted a rough slap of tape on his work shirt

Swansea, Anya, and Daisuke were working on decorating the dining area to make the place feel more lively and get into the Christmas spirit more. It brings back memories to Swansea when the transmission TV’s were still here, he would watch his wife and kids decorate the tree. It was honestly cute seeing his kids walk up to the TV to ask daddy where he would like some of the ornaments to go on the tree.

It still made him upset that Pony Express took that luxury away, but you can’t have everything in this world.

Swansea bent down to look for more garland in the cardboard box to put on the ends of the counter, finding none left in the box. There was another box situated across from the counter over near the mascot.

Swansea saw it as no big deal, walk over, open the box, get some more garland, bada bing bada boom. It was a simple task that he could’ve done with no problem, had it not been for when as soon as he turned his back towards Anya and Daisuke, he felt a long strip of black scotch tape being slapped onto his back.

Swansea quickly turned around and looked back at the two.

The two of them were humming to themselves as they continued to decorate the area. Swansea put his hands on his hips and spoke, “Okay which one of you did that”.

Daisuke shrugged his shoulders, “Don’t know whatcha talking about Swansea” Swansea rolled his eyes at his naivety and fake innocence. Swansea's hand went back around and pulled the tape off his shirt with a loud sheer tear. “Talking about this shit”, he said sternly.

In the corner of his eye he could see a sly smirk appear on Anya's face as she snickered, turning her head away so Swansea couldn’t see the look of mischief her face had.

Daisuke answered Swansea, “Oh that? Damn, must’ve flew over to you”, with Anya adding on, “Must’ve grown hands to slap your back life that Swansea”. Both Daisuke and Anya snickered to themselves as they messed with Swansea.

Swansea’s nose scrunched up as he rocked his head side to side mocking their laughter, “So you think you can mess with ol’Swansea aye?” He asked, almost challenging like. He walked over to the table where more black scotch tape was scattered across it. He grabbed one and pulled a long black stripe from it, looking at Daisuke and Anya with a hint of mischief in his eyes now.

“You two better start running before this tape is gonna be in your nightmares”.

🌹Lets just say that a lot of tape was used that day, but it definitely did help bring Swansea’s mood up, much to Anya’s and Daisuke liking

🌹As for Curly, it was hard on him for the simple fact that back on Earth, he was a social butterfly, liked by everyone, had many friends an family that he would celebrate Christmas with. Him and Jimmy would celebrate Christmas at their family’s house, inviting one another to each one and then go out that night to drink to end the day. It was a tradition to them at that point

🌹But being up in space, with Jimmy’s new found position as a co-pilot that Curly helped him get and Curly as Captain, it felt oddly lonely. Curly wouldn’t admit it to anyone, even his best friend and Anya. Curly also had many duties as Captain, which caught him to be occupied with work after work so he couldn’t spend time with the crew and helped decorate, which just added more to the feeling of loneliness

🌹Whenever he did get the chance to take a step back from having to do work, he would check up on everyone to see how they were hanging in, always lending a helping hand with decorating, joking around. Sadly, he too was a victim to tape slapping, he was confused at first but once he realized it was a free for all, no one was safe

🌹Jimmy, however, didn’t spend much time out socializing much with the crew to his liking, if anything he despised the Christmas spirit. Only time he would come out to help, was either for Cury’s sake or for simple human interaction

🌹It was a lot different here in the Tulpar then back on Earth. His jealousy for Curly grew more and more with each passing day, seeing how the crew idolized him even for the smallest thing, seeing how eager Curly was to help them. Jimmy was in control just like Curly, but not to Curlys level, and it pissed him off to no end. How could he be so happy? Jimmy always wondered, questioning Curly’s mental strength of control on this ship

🌹It’s not like Jimmy felt excluded, Daisuke would always try to joke and invite Jimmy along with Curly, but god did he despise everyone on this ship for some reason or another

🌹When Christmas day finally arrived, everyone was in the dining room and lounge area. Anya and Curly were in charge of making food and drinks, mostly Curly, as most of which had to be done through Captain authorization. Curly was able to find in the deep cupboards of the cabinets an old recipe book that contained holiday recipes both food and drink

🌹He made a quick thing of ham and mashed potatoes, not the most lavished or the most tasteful that the crew has tasted, but it was good nonetheless and added more to the Christmas mood. He also made some eggnog, surprisingly as they had the resources for such. It was Daisuke’s first time trying eggnog and his last time, he didn’t enjoy the taste as much as he thought but he kept telling himself it’s good

🌹The crew sat in the lounge area after eating, drinking eggnog and conversing, discussing old Christmas stories of theirs back at home and folktales that ol’ Swansea might remember

🌹“I’m not that old, i’m not a fucking dinosaur” Swansea kept telling Daisuke who kept asking about Christmas folktales like Swansea was some magical being

🌹Anya would tell stories of how her and her mother always went downtown for the Chritsmas parade after eating and opening presents. Anya loved taking photos of the wintery scene as people in jollyful clothes and jingle bells. She would talk about how that parade had real life reindeer and how the people in the parade would give the onlookers carrots to feed them. She giggled back on the memories of where the reindeers lips would tickle her hand as they took their carrots out of her grasp

🌹Curly reminiscence on the times with him and Jimmy celebrating Christmas at both of their parents house, mostly at Curlys. Curly has a huge family, so a lot of gift wrapping paper would be scattered all over the floor, making a huge pile. His family’s dog would jump in and out of the pile having zoomies, they always said that Christmas day was ‘Sammy’s’ favorite day. And after that, the family would play game after game. Curlys siblings themselves were very competitive during these, which led to arguments spurring out during games like go fish -yeah, that competitive

🌹Jimmy didn’t add much to it, only chuckling and adding on to Curlys tales of him and Jimmy back on Earth, adding onto his stories from his point of view or a forgotten detail. It was almost surreal seeing Jimmy have a genuine chuckle over something that he liked and enjoyed

🌹This is one of only a few times, where the crew felt like a crew, a moment where they would all chill and lay back and have a fun time with each other. However, all good things come to an end, don’t they

[desultory-novice]

What were Adeleine and Noir’s parents like

Sorry to hold onto this ask for so long! I've had trouble shaking this weird self-conscious streak that's made it tricky to share my non-art but today seemed like the right day for it.

-

So, I feel like there are two types of parents in OC land: bad abusive parents the OC has to get away from and good parents who die tragically early in the OC's life.

Neichel Fontaine, songstress of the New World, and Rim de la Ride, peregrine Prince of Ripple Star, are definitely the later.

Though, thinking about their personalities, they were probably not like, fairy-tale perfect parents! ^^; Neichel came from a rough background on Shiver Star to start, and due to her career as an agent of government propaganda, had a lot of her empathy stomped on and ground up in order to survive under strict regulations... Till she met Rim, who taught her there was soooo much more to the world–to the galaxy–than just humanity in their darkest days. This didn't lead to Neichel rejecting humanity though! She learned to see the beauty of what her own species had to offer through him.

Rim, meanwhile, is positively filled to the brim with heart (and attuned strongly to Heart Matter, as all fairies are) and almost can't help himself from caring for literally everyone! However, he's perpetually clumsy (like his sister, the Queen of Ripple Star) and a hu~ge cloud cuckoo lander. Fairies are almost identical to humans externally, but they're without a doubt an alien species and there was a lot he did not know about humans (especially raising two little ones >w>) in his job masquerading as a lab technician.

Rim and Neichel were probably the kind of first-time parents who would slip into a minor panic attempting to do some VERY basic baby-rearing task, and (after a bunch of frightening machine noises) finally emerge from the dust and fire with a single (!) bottle of baby formula, smiling at each other with that wonderful new parent glow~ before one thinks to ask, "...Wait. Which one of us has Noir?" "...Oh. I thought you...?" and, screaming, run back inside the smoking kitchen because they realized they left him in the chaos omg!!

...It's a bit of a miracle little Noir survived childhood, honestly! They got much better at the parenting thing by the time Adeleine was born. Not to mention that Noir was -instantly- won over by his adorable baby sister, so his constant questions to them on how he could best take care of little Adeleine helped train his parents to be a little less ditzy and more on the ball about child-rearing as well!

TF when you are born into the role of being the sibling-parent XD

Neichel was the most actively protective of the children, having all the reason in the world (rightly so...) to think that they were pretty constantly in danger: from the New World government, from the agents of Lab Discovera, from the seedy underbelly of Shiver Star...

She never forgot the haunting words of the scientists that day toward her children and kept a close eye on Noir especially (who even the lab had consigned to leave solely in her care from very early on) which in turn lead Noir to becoming a bit of a mama's boy. Her death devastated him in the kind of way that there simply is no words for... The fact that Noir grew up in a world where his mother was considered a traitor and a pariah and he had to play along with the popular opinion of "Neichel" for their safety hurt him a lot...

Neichel sang to both children, frequently, and gave them lots of motherly affection. Noir's habit of letting Adeleine sleep on his lap while he brushes her hair is his mimicking something she used to do for the two of them...

He took his interest in the stars from his father though! While Noir was a mama's boy, Adeleine was absolutely papa's little girl~

(Coincidentally - or anime genetics - each sibling resemble the parent they were closest with: Noir has his mother's warmer skin tone and thicker, faintly brownish hair while Adeleine has her father's straight dark hair and paler complexion. They both have their father's distinct violet eyes, a hint to their heritage as Ripple Star royalty.)

Apologies Adeleine is on the autism spectrum (the reason why she was soo gullible to Noir's kinda painfully obvious lies; why she took his words about "forgetting their past" overly literally; how she could live for years focused on her art without realizing that she wasn't getting any -older- during that time...) so her father's alien-spaciness had a strong appeal for her! He adored her too because they had that shared "Isn't humanity weird and fun?!" (autism + alien = handshake) and she absolutely ate up all his stories about fairies and magic and other planets! She especially loved his stories of what it was like on the fairy home world of Ripple Star and she dreamed of seeing it and all the other fairies one day!

As such, Adeleine is basically having the time of her life in the present, getting to see fun planets similar to the ones her father spoke of and even winding up with a fairy as a best friend!

Clumsy and spacey as Rim was, as much of a total devoted malewife (1) as he was (even with his perpetual clumsiness, he was simply better suited to certain household chores) as mild and polite to everyone as he was, Rim was a strong papa bear figure too!

As much as it hurt to have to make the worst call a parent can make to their children, that being the one he made as he lay dying (Neichel was killed first... Arguably, Rim's fairy constitution kept him alive a little longer) his last act was to call Noir and warn him what was coming, giving the young Noir enough time to trash his father's research, shut down the house, and make it appear like the kids had ran while hiding himself and Adeleine till the first wave of danger was over.

(It was enough time to hide, but enough for Noir to properly grieve? ...Alas, no.)

As mentioned above, present-day Adeleine no longer remembers her parents that well thanks to Noir's insistence, as well as the shock-inducing trauma of their death, and the scary things that followed. Noir does recall them (though he doesn't remember the more...magical aspects of their family) but he doesn't like to talk or think about them.

Even with odd quirks like him spending his first few years growing up in a highly controlled lab environment (which he didn't seem to mind?! Making friends with his fellow the lab animals) Noir and Adeleine did have a happy childhood with them. Which is what makes the way everything came crashing down all the more traumatic....

-

(1) Rim and Neichel were very much in love btw. Neichel's life was quite dark when she met Rim, and he gave her, well, everything she simply could not see in the world. He restored her faith in all of it and kept her grounded, despite his fairy wings fufu~ For Rim, it was love at first sight, and the more Neichel bloomed around him, the more he found himself unable to draw away, despite the fact that he was in the Earth system for a valuable mission. (O-Oops...!)

[aeskairo]

This scene in the anime adds a lot of interesting stuff that wasn't in the manga.....

Ogata and Yuusaku goes to a brothel.

Ogata brings up the superstition in the army that virgins cannot be hit by bullets that Yuusaku is a virgin.

Yuusaku looks uncomfortable...

Ogata then points out that Flag Bearers have the highest death rate in the army, even more than regular soldiers, and that Yuusaku's job is to run to the enemy side totally unarmed and be the first to breach their ranks.

Yuusaku looks uncomfortable and sad....

He refuses to fuck the prostitutes and leaves.

Tsurumi comes in, and he plants the idea that this must be due to Yuusaku's virtue.

It must be because his highborn-legitimate-heir blood is so much better yours, Ogata. That's why he rejected you. He's just so much better. Pure Saint Yuusaku is made of different stuff, he's got virtue flowing through his veins.... unlike you, Ogata.

So this makes Ogata determine to prove him wrong....

And of course he does....

But the thing is, we don't know Yuusaku's actual reason.

Virtue is just speculation on Tsurumi's part as a means to manipulate Ogata......

But like..... When he's not being used to manipulate Ogata, Yuusaku is a person.

Like I actually wonder if his actual reason was self-preservation or fear instead.

Yuusaku has to lead the charge while being shot at. He can't show any signs of fear and need to motivate the men. He needs to keep running forward as the men right next to him are torn to shreds by artillery fire, and he has to stay cheerful and confident.

Ogata has become good at suppressing his guilt, but Yuusaku is just as good at suppressing his emotions if not more so.

He suppresses fear.....

(When not actively charging at the enemy, he has to remain cheerful confident and enthusiastic at all times. He's the mascot and he needs to motivate the men. So even when he's just chilling out at the military base, he still needs to be enthusiastic, happy about the war.

Yuusaku himself is probably a mess under his cheerful mask, in the same way that Ogata is a mess under his emotionless mask. BTW)

Like guys.......

Do you ever think about this 21-year-old kid trying to psych himself up and take deep breaths in his tent before picking up the flag and putting on his cheerful face?

He is the obligatory product of an arranged marriage.... trapped by the weight of expectations from a long line of military commanders.

Every week he has to charge head on into gunfire, cheerfully motivating others, while the men right next to him are getting blown up into meat bits.

I wonder if he's on drugs. Takes something to calm down before picking up the flag.

He has no armor, no bulletproof vest and no gun. He's not even allowed to draw his sword to defend himself. He can't stop being the flag bearer because of his father.

The only thing keeping him safe is the idea that virgins are immune to gunfire..... he literally doesn't have anything else.

So....I wonder if he refused to lose his virginity because it was the only thing he had.

Even if it was obviously bullshit superstition, he might have wanted it to be true.....at least a little...

I wonder if anyone has explored the idea that Yuusaku might feel as cursed with his birth as Ogata does.

[natjennie]

"thomas got no character development" maybe. or maybe the moral of his story is that it's irresponsible and unhealthy to attempt to completely deprive yourself of your feelings and much more productive to accept them as part of yourself and move on with your life from there. trying to go cold turkey on alison and then randomly picking another person to have a crush on only for it not to work is something we've seen thomas do before, which for some reason people decide to see as boring repetition rather than consistent characterization. but after that. did you miss the part where he stopped talking when she walked away, realized along with everyone else when fanny said "we're as bad as betty" and voted to go through with the proposal for alison to leave? did you miss the part where he happily waved her and her living family goodbye? did you miss the part where alison, old and gray, came back and mirthfully said "thomas, you flatter me" like. his passion for people and obsession with the idea of love wasn't gonna just go away. but he's learning to treat her with more respect, he didn't throw a tantrum or follow her around or go drown himself in the lake. just because he's not a completely different character doesn't mean there wasn't growth. watch season 1 episode 2 thomas say "divorce him, kill yourself, marry me" and then watch the christmas special again and tell me there was no development. come on now.