#but half vs. quarter doesn't seem to make much difference so i usually do a quarter

[mollywog]

almost 2 weeks out from Sunrise on the Reaping, what are your thoughts on the book??

Thank you for the ask nonny!

I’ve currently got the SOTR tags blocked while I try to sort my feelings, but let’s just say I’m frustrated.

“Oh but Molly, you’re just upset because your headcanons were wrong”

I’m upset because the character we, the readers, (as well as Katniss and Peeta for that matter!) thought we understood and trusted was all an… act?… an outright lie?

There's only one way Haymitch could have won, and Peeta says it just as I'm reaching this conclusion myself.

"He outsmarted the others," says Peeta.

Oh my loves, but how wrong you are…

Sunrise on the Reaping Critical under the cut

Let’s talk about the 2nd Quarter Quell Recap from Catching Fire

Haymitch's name is called last of all. It's more of a shock to see him than my mother. Young. Strong. Hard to admit, but he was something of a looker. His hair dark and curly, those gray Seam eyes bright and, even then, dangerous.

Dangerous? I guess?

Also including this to remind y’all of what Haymitch looks like, since he doesn’t really bother to mention it. There’s a decent amount of discussion about the difference in Merchant class vs Seam, but suddenly we seem to be shying from discussing skin tones?…

Whatever, moving on

"So, Haymitch, what do you think of the Games having one hundred percent more competitors than usual?" asks Caesar.

Haymitch shrugs. "I don't see that it makes much difference. They'll still be one hundred percent as stupid as usual, so I figure my odds will be roughly the same."

The audience bursts out laughing and Haymitch gives them a half smile. Snarky. Arrogant. Indifferent.

"He didn't have to reach far for that, did he?" I say.

Snarky. Arrogant. Indifferent. and according to Sunrise Haymitch- completely an act! But… that’s what we see in the trilogy, so… is his personality through the first three books all an act as well? One that not even Peeta sees through?

24 years of drinking have made his curated interview persona his real personality… chalk it up to literary irony or something… I guess

But what she doesn't know, and what he does, is that the ax will return. And when it flies back over the ledge, it buries itself in her head.

Meanwhile

Perhaps that Capitol-loving, rule-abiding, snot-green-wearing Career will be afraid to follow me beyond the established boundaries of the arena.

…

My knees, already on the verge of giving way, fold like wet cardboard and I collapse to the dirt as the ax whistles over my head into the canyon.

That’s when I remember the force field. And what happens to dropped objects. I watch, breathless, for what the love of my life would call poetic justice.

No Katniss, he didn’t lead the District 1 girl back to the ledge to set a trap. He just thought she wouldn’t follow him past the hedges because… ???

Adrenaline, blood loss, whatever, whatever, whatever, but now all of the sudden he’s not outsmarted the games, they have outsmarted him.

Finally Peeta says, "That force field at the bottom of the cliff, it was like the one on the roof of the Training Center. The one that throws you back if you try to jump off and commit suicide. Haymitch found a way to turn it into a weapon."

lol - nope! We’ll call it a(n un)happy coincidence?

Trilogy Haymitch is perceptive and smart. He’s strategic and thinking several steps ahead… It least that’s what I thought… But where was that guy in SOTR? And how did he become those things while drowning himself in liquor for 2.5 decades?

"Not just against the other tributes, but the Capitol, too," I say. "You know they didn't expect that to happen. It wasn't meant to be part of the arena. They never planned on anyone using it as a weapon. It made them look stupid that he figured it out. I bet they had a good time trying to spin that one. Bet that's why I don't remember seeing it on television. It's almost as bad as us and the berries!"

Why exactly aren’t they showing reruns of that? Seems like Plutarch did a good job patching that up. If it wasn’t too rebellious to not show in the recap and wasn’t seditious enough to make a public example out of him (he wasn’t punished for that! That was freak house fire and appendicitis! If he didn’t have bad luck he wouldn’t have any at all.) Then why haven’t Katniss & Peeta watched recaps of his game, if only to torment Haymitch?

"Almost, but not quite," says Haymitch from behind us.

In what universe is Haymitch, with intent, nearly breaking the arena twice not as bad as the berries?!?! In what world is he still alive when the Gamemakers have sent mutts to target tributes after lesser offenses?!?!

I guess in the one where president Snow is more interested in keeping Haymitch alive long enough to watch his Covey girlfriend die…

And I understand, Haymitch’s likely not at liberty to explain all that on a Capitol train, but ffs if SOTR was the intention all along - give us a hint that that’s not the full story!! Even if Katniss doesn’t pick up on it, Peeta would have! And Katniss would have noticed Peeta reacting even if she didn’t know what it was about!

Side note: Now I’m laughing, because, were the Gamemakers pissed that the allies were cooking tree rat meat on the forcefield in the third QQ- Hey!! You’re not supposed to do that! That’s not it’s intended purpose! This is treason!!

I've spent all these weeks getting to know who my competitors are, without even thinking about who my teammates are. Now a new kind of confidence is lighting up inside of me, because I think I finally know who Haymitch is. And I'm beginning to know who I am. And surely, two people who have caused the Capitol so much trouble can think of a way to get Peeta home alive.

This is a big revelation for her!! (and the reader) and SOTR yanks the carpet out from underneath us.

Sorry Katniss - guess you were wrong 🤷‍♀️ how does that make you feel about yourself or your chances now? 🙃

Katniss and Haymitch’s understanding and trust of each other is so important and the implications of SOTR is that it was all based on lies… and how is that love?!

I don’t know guys, this book has left playing my own game of real and not real

~~~

Update:

I nod, then let the conversation drop. But secretly I'm wondering if Haymitch sobered up long enough to help Peeta and me because he thought we just might have the wits to sur-vive. Maybe he wasn't always a drunk. Maybe, in the beginning, he tried to help the tributes. But then it got unbearable. It must be hell to mentor two kids and then watch them die. Year after year after year. I realize that if I get out of here, that will become my job. To mentor the girl from District 12. The idea is so repellent, I thrust it from my mind.

This is also SO much more compelling (to me) and says more about his character than Haymitch’s immediate decent into drinking after Lenore Dove’s death.

~~~~

And to be fair, I will say, there is also a little bit of frustrations around HCs being wrong as well

My big example: I think Mr. Everdeen being Haymitch’s best friend doesn’t add any depth to Haymitch’s bond with Katniss it cheapens it - it said more about his character when he snapped out of his haze and stepped up for two random feral kids rather than him having his decision tied up in his old BFF’s daughter (especially after Burdock and Asterid were the last to stick around and Katniss spends a lot of time over three books talking about debts and owing), who he’s been paying attention to for years apparently?!? (And in all that time he never thought to buy a god damned squirrel (or cheese!) to help his old friend’s clearly struggling family?!? At this point Mr. Mellark is doing more for the Everdeens based on some 30 year old crush) Meanwhile - doesn’t all that mean that Haymitch never actually intended to help Peeta in the arena even before he wrote himself off?!?

Real or Not Real?

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

Undiagnosed Autism-spectrum disorder in The Michells Vs The Machines

I'm sure that more well educated people have put two and two together in this film but I really, really want to put my own spin on it from my experience. For me, as an aspie, film is one of my biggest interests. I love studying and more than anything I love watching and rewatching films. My latest favorite movie was one that I just watched last night for my family movie night, The Michells Vs The Machines. I also went 17 years of my life asking myself the same question that both Rick and his daughter ask each other, what is wrong with him/her?

Well, I'll tell you, in my firmly undiagnosed autistic opinion for far too long, that this family is full of people with undiagnosed autism spectrum disorder. When I was watching it with my parents my mom made the comment that "the dad was a jerk" and maybe "he just didn't love his daughter enough to let her be her own person." I thought that was so not seeing the bigger picture even though it was only fifteen minutes into the film. I have felt like Katie so much with my own dad. My dad is a computer nerd and a physics major for those of you that don't talk to me very often. That means in laminas terms that he's extremely smart. Way smarter than I will ever be in my entire life. Both of my parents are insanely smart in their own rights. My mom is a CPA accountant. But that isn't what I wanted to talk about here. I want to discuss the effect of undiagnosed autism and what it can do to a whole family when they all have it and just don't know that they do. This will probably go on for quite some time so you may stop here or read below the cut because this also has the probablity of getting super, duper personal.

We'll start with Katie! To me, Katie is one of the most relatable characters that I have ever come across. She's a film nerd, which alone has made her supremely relatable as somebody who is thinking about going into a degree in film studies. I am more of a critic of film than somebody who wants to make her own film but nonetheless, there were SO many little moments that I related to. The first thing that I personally noticed and related to was the stimming technique that Katie has. She chews on her hoodie strings. As somebody who has chewed on the drawstrings of hoodies far too often long before I was officially put into the Aspergers box. Aspies are also known to stick with one "special interest" for the rest of their lives if it's one that is wide enough and varied enough to make it applicable. For Katie, that's film. For me that's animation. I appreciated that little detail of most of her dialogue being references to other films because as a lover of films and movies in general I could go for days on just fumes and movie references that nobody else understands. The little things from her hair being perpetually messy (same that's a whole ass mood like I just learned over quarantine how to tye my own hair back), only having one earring in her ear at all times, the way that she dresses and draws on her own hands, this was just me when I was first in high school. I was one of the few people that wore shorts underneath all my skirts/dresses. Everyone who knew about looked at me like I had grown a third eyeball.

Aaron, the younger brother, also just oozes spectrum lil buddy out of his every pore from his being. I do think that they should have picked somebody capable of doing a bit of a younger sounding voice (I know what they were going for, but like Ben Schwartz has become a huge deal in both voice acting and live action before switching mediums.) His special interest is actually quite a common one, he loves dinosaurs. I've met a bunch of people on the spectrum that are fascinated by dinos and what they meant for the world as well as the universe as a whole. To me, there was one scene specifically that was the scene where Katie was lightly teasing him when they were going to the half assed dinosaur extravaganza. For me, this was SO relatable because both of my parents will mess with me about my interests most of the time it's when we go to Disneyland, they'll tell me that we actually aren't going to land of magic but to Timbuckto (hopefully one day they'll say some place else just to switch things up.) I related so hard to Aaron's protesting and whining in this scene since that is always my reaction to doing something that I want to do but get told that I can't do that thing.

Linda is more of your traditional mom but I think that she's on the spectrum as well. Just a more... normalized version as opposed to her family. She's able to be a teacher, she's able to interact somewhat normally around her neighbors. If anything, she reminded me of my own mom. This independent, takes nobody's trash (especially not her husband's), strong minded, and amazing mother who is completely in control of everything. She knows the special interests of her children and is constantly thinking of what will make them happy. Whether it be taking a detour for something dinosaur related, reminding her daughter that her dad loves her no matter what, and even something as simple as watching something that her daughter made and put her heart and soul into. I can't tell you how many times my mom has watched something with me. She watched my first anime Soul Eater with me when I was 12 and ever since then has been trying to get me to watch other shows with her. She's a lot like Linda, your loving, but firm mother who just wants her family to work things out.

Whew boy. This one is going to be probably where I cry. Comparing my dad to Rick is... something that I did consistently when I was watching the film. He's the strong but silent type usually, unless your me and he's just this constant annoyance when I'm trying to do something. He could be seen as just a "Jerk" but I think that is the undiagnosed aspie talking. Rick and Katie just struggle so hard to see eye to eye because their special interests can't intersect to save their lives. This, this hurt me because so often I struggle to relate to my dad. Especially when he talks to me about computers or physics. Now I took physics but without having been in quarantine and having him as my live in tutor I would have failed, not gotten an A. This has resulted me in saying things that I don't mean in the heat of the moment when we do argue. It doesn't happen nearly as much as it used to back when I was in middle school but when it happened it was because of one thing. I lied. I used to lie a lot because I felt so unworthy of being his daughter because on my best days I am not technically smart. You want to know how many nations of the world there were in 1991 when the original Animaniacs was airing? You want to hear my Dot Warner impression? Did you ever wonder how to recognize a specific voice when your watching anime? Have you ever had to watch a panel of your favorite anime voice actor just to laugh at something? No, well I did. But ever since I have started taking a quarter off from community college I have realized something. I am not technically smart. I struggle at learning the rules for math. My dad can do this with his eyes closed but me, I struggle and look like a complete moron. It took years for my dad and I to see eye to eye. Sometimes I still wonder if I was the product of some laboratory experiment of what would happen if two intelligent people came together, fell in love, and expecting that the daughter was smart I was the reject. Watching this movie with my dad I saw so much of my relationship with him on the screen. Struggling to relate to one another, fighting and getting into arguments about petty things, and not being able to be in the same room as one another without heated words because I didn't get him.

The scene that I related to the most when it was in terms of how much Katie just doesn't understand her dad was after he was nabbed by the machines. When Aaron asked her why she said those things to their dad and her simple answer was "I don't know." This. This right here was when I saw me. So many times I've gotten into heated arguments with my dad when he has simply annoyed me at the wrong time and I've just blown up in his face. Then I regret my actions and not know how to apologize for losing my temper with him because "I don't know" just doesn't seem like a nearly acceptable answer. I felt this in my soul because it happened especially often before I was diagnosed.

When I was diagnosed, things started to get better with my dad and I. We haven't had a fight in nearly four years now. He watches cartoons with me now to try and relate to me, it's mostly Pinky and The Brain but it's more than I could have ever asked for. I love my dad so much, more than anything in the entire world. This movie is so, so good at telling a story about how a family of undiagnosed aspie's and people on the spectrum struggle to relate to one another because their special interests are different.

Special interests and family's are especially difficult and I applaud this movie so loud because of the way that it was able to treat the subject matter with integrity and honesty. I'm sorry if this analysis got a little bit long in the toof but thank you for sticking with me! I really hope that if you watched the film you loved my analysis.