#but goddamn the instructions are just really Not Good™

[ansitru]

Small crochet pet peeve: if I pay nearly €7 for a crochet pattern that is described as "confident beginner" (and I am an experienced crocheter), I should not have to look up Youtube videos of free, similar patterns, to make sense of flawed instructions and lacking photos.

Seriously.

[laytonsartblog]

• He has a "Live, Laugh, Love" sign on the wall next to a cross and every time the kiddos do something "wrong" (really just wacky teen humor) he'll pray really dramatically

• April Fools is His World

• He plays on the playground with his kiddos and gets a little too into it

• Watches the News like no tomorrow and his kiddos are just,,,, dad no the Russians aren't sending drones to raid Area 51-

• Having the Talk with him is almost more awkward for him than it is to have him tell it to you

• Literally he can't get past "so Uhm,,,, uh,,,,, when,,,, yoU get.....,,,, u RG e s-"

• Uses Facebook and will absolutely join dad groups and chats about trucks

• Patton claims to be a Good Christian Father and yet he can come up with more ways to say "motherfucker" if you stick him with nails, wood, a hammer, and an instruction sheet on how to build this GODDAMN DRESSER-

• Genuienly loves his kiddos tho and literally he's precious,,, like his hugs are to die for

• Did I mention Dad Gut™

• When Virgil and Roman and Logan or any other kid he has grows up, they ask him about any shit he did when he was younger and Patton'll be like "oh your old Pop used to skateboard and broke his ribs five times. I also used to smoke and drink, but then I found you kids and things just got better from there"

• Sappy at Lifetime movies

• Served in the Army/Navy/Marines/Coast Guard/etc

• "You kids wanted a pet, right?" *giant fluffy dogs comes running towards smol sides*

we jest and jape a lot about patton being a dad but i don’t think we’re really utilizing that concept

patton mows the lawn at 6 am on saturdays, somehow he’s always right outside roman’s window as the creative side just screams into his pillow

patton is obsessed w all sort of little ‘as seen on TV’ gadgets, he think they’re so nifty!

“patton why did you buy a panini press” “it’s customizable! you can put your name on a sandwhich! :D”

patton does all sorts of projects and renovations around the house, he always jokes that when his ‘kids’ are at college he’s gonna start flipping houses

going along w that, patton will CLEAR OUT a home depot/lowes. give the man some room, he’s buying 8 different types of power drills and some lighter fluid

patton’s sneezes are as loud as a fucking nuclear bomb

i mean, it’s in the name- patton loves dad rock (pearl jam, bruce springsteen, billy joel, counting crows)

“virgil, kiddo, do you know the foo fighters? i really think you’d like em! they’re angry and tough like you! :D”

patton: *brags about waking up early*

patton after sitting on the couch for 5 minutes: *completely unconcious*

this is kinda canon but he cannot remember literally anyone’s names, bless his heart

sometimes someone will find him at the computer just crying with laughter and he’ll show them his screen and it’ll be an eight year old cat and/or minion meme

Grill Master PattonTM