#but fucking wikipedia or sparknotes DO BETTER

[doloresdisparue]

this is an INCREDIBLY chilling reveal dropped late in the book. it's well-foreshadowed and masterfully executed if you claim humbert didn't kill charlotte youre are actively doing a disservice to nabokovs superb writing AND being deliberately obtuse. or you just straight up can't read, i guess.

need people to stop saying "just because its not WRITTEN that humbert killed charlotte-" like no it is. he did. he absolutely very much did he literally says "i did it" on the page. if anyone wants to argue that he didnt the burden of proof is on them. we are not ceding an inch to the people who read this book with their asshole.

[wisteria-lodge]

a bird secondary with a *very* unhealthy badger model

i’m pretty sure i’m using both Bird and Badger secondary tools - i just cannot for the life of me figure out which one’s my actual secondary, and which is the model. it doesn’t help that both of them are at least slightly charred. when i was younger, i was surely a Bird secondary, no doubt.

One of the reasons I ask people for childhood stories is I fundamentally don’t believe that sortings ever change. (Maybe that’s the Lion in me talking.) You can build beautiful models that you adore living in, but important aspects of yourself don’t just... fall away. They change, and grow, and level up. 

i’ve always loved collecting knowledge, i store trivia better than many a fandom wiki, i’ve studied things just because they interested me, i’ve once memorised a big portion of the pokedex just for fun… you get the idea.

I’m going with Bird secondary as a hypothesis, but this doesn’t necessarily say bird secondary to me. Bird of some kind, sure. But it could still be a model. 

when academia kicked my butt (hello, undiagnosed adhd), and i realised my natural talents and good memory won’t help me, i think i burnt my Bird. it really hit me very hard.

That can happen. And it’s brutal. But when a secondary burns from over-use, it’s not gone it’s just... tired. 

i’ve started appreciating kindness and hard work, and i wanted to be a person who - wasn’t necessarily the smartest in the room (because i felt that this ship has already sailed.)

There’s a fun word for someone who thinks they’re the smartest person in the room. And that word is “asshole.” :) Seriously, ‘being the smartest person in the room’ isn’t a real thing, and definitely not something to aspire to.

didn’t help that i’ve also acquired a nemesis who was just as smart as me, but an asshole, lmaoo. 

Like I was saying...

But I thought perhaps I could be the kind one. the patient one. the steady one. of course, that didn’t work for me with my adhd at all, lol. i am physically and mentally unable to reach that ideal of stable, patient, consistent, reliable. and it hit my self esteem real hard again. 

There is some sort of POWERFUL Badger secondary influence in your life, making you believe that you need to be that way too. And you don’t. That’s the entire premise of this system. That there are many ways to solve problems, all equally effective and valid. 

after all, not everyone can be smart, and that’s alright - but everyone can be a hard worker, right? it’s not a matter of any innate abilities.

You think the chip that allows you to settle down and focus on doing a non-preferred task in increments over long periods of time is not an innate ability? This is why I hate standardized tests. They test your ability to take a test much more than they test the material. Not everyone *can* sit at a desk in a silent, windowless room and do math problems for four hours. And why on earth should that be that a desirable, rewarded ability? The end goal is not to graduate and start working in a factory like its 1905. 

my bachelor degree’s taken me a year longer than it should have, because i’ve started just… not doing my work. didn’t come to class, didn’t hand in my homework, didn’t contact my professors. did everything at the very last minute, if at all. and i didn’t know why.

It’s because you struggle with executive dysfunction. Because you’re neurodivergent.

i’ve felt terrible about it, because i wanted to be a good student, you know? i wanted to feel like i earned that degree. i passed, because i’m bright and i can extrapolate based on the knowledge i already have, and i have a lot of knowledge in this wonky brain of mine - but it doesn’t feel like i… deserved that pass. 

for instance, we had this class - literature masterpieces of XX century. we were supposed to read one book each week. obviously i didn’t manage, bc despite reading as if my life depended on it in my early years, i lost that ability sometime during my high school years (when depression hit). so the night before, i’ve sat down, read the wikipedia article on every book and every author on the list, read goodreads’ reviews, sparknotes, whatever i could find. sometimes even fragments of the original text. and i passed that (oral) exam, even with this extremely strict professor. and i felt horrible about it, because i didn’t feel i deserved to pass that. i didn’t read those books! i’ve lied to you! i’ve cheated! 

Listen. I’m a teacher, and I am telling you, you deserved that degree. You got the info, you thought about it, you understood. You didn’t trick your strict professor. Your professor did a good job, and allowed you to think and learn and demonstrate your knowledge in a way that worked for you. (Which is what they’re supposed to do.) I love students with ADHD, their brains are fast and non-linear, and yes they skim the reading, but they make connections and take things to new levels and process things in such cool way, and it just makes me feel alive you know? 

I actually have more trouble with the opposite type, the student who obviously did the reading, but didn’t play with it or connect it to anything else they know, so it just kind of sits in their head like a lump, not doing them any good. But they are really good test-takers.

then again - doing things the right way was (and still is) sometimes just simply unaccesible to me.

There is no right way to do things. The right way to do thing is whatever makes you happy and gets the job done. But that’s a hard one to internalize. I still have trouble truly internalizing that one. But I’m getting better. 

the badger secondary, therefore, is not anything that’s actually… useful to me, most of the time, lol. 

You are crushing yourself under the weight of a Badger secondary model.

unless it’s the ~vibes~ of the badger that make professors like me, most of the time - and because of that liking, they’d often turn a blind eye to just how badly i’d fuck up.

I bet your professors like you because you’re an interested, interesting student who brightens up their day. And if they’re turning a blind eye, it’s because they know that people with ADHD struggle with deadlines sometime. And that’s /fine/

i often seem trustworthy and reliable in the beginning, before my executive dysfunction trips me up, and makes me beat myself up for not actually being that.

My thoughts on secondaries and executive dysfunction. 

it’s the bird that helps me still achieve anything these days - the knowledge i still have, and the things i pick up along the way, from friends or twitter or online articles. i can bullshit my way through many things, because i know quite a bit about a wide range of topics.

It is so easy to pick up on true bullshit as a teacher. We *know* when you don’t know what you’re talking about. When you put together interesting statements and arguments on the fly - when you pull something out of your ass - it’s still coming from you. That’s just an alternate way of thinking. Also, everything you have written is SO BIRD.

but actually applying myself - which i feel is both necessary to succeed 

It’s not.

and the right way to do things

There’s no such thing.

 - is just… out of my reach. sorry for the rant, but i’m just so super confused, lmao. if you have any thoughts on this mess, i’d be very grateful. apologies for any mistakes, too - english is not my first language.

English isn’t your first language??? Your English is amazing. You’re a bird secondary, and a pretty brilliant one by the sound of it. And you are torturing yourself because you aren’t living up to an entirely arbitrary Badger secondary ideal.

[tundrainafrica]

Title: Hacker

Summary: 

"Education has reached a new frontier. Given the pandemic and the need to continue educating the youth, many companies have started developing ways to eliminate distractions in the online classroom. Eduguardian is an MDM solution designed to support our educators and guardians in their mission to create the optimal learning environment for children."

Brookland starts using Mobile Device Management solutions for the student's devices and Alex naively tries to find a way to bypass it. 

Written for the SpyFest fic exchange, Dec 2020

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Prompt:

"Alex is noticed as having a lot of potential (be it while he's on a mission or just going home from school but is paying a lot of attention to his surroundings and gets noticed by some criminals - not the ones he's investigating- or by some other intelligence agency; either way, they don't recognise him as a spy) and someone tries to recruit him. MI6 isn't exactly happy with the whole ordeal, especially when Alex gives the offer some serious consideration (or he doesn't, it's up to you. MI6 is still pissed)."

Notes:  I am so sorry I took way too many liberties with this hahahah. I hope it's still recognizable? An attempt at crack. (Do people actually follow me for Alex Rider content?)

When Brooklands got into the trend of holding both online and in-classroom classes, Alex was out on a mission. 

In fact, he didn’t even notice that most of his classmates were joining him when he was doing modules his teacher so kindly sent him. Probably because his downtime to actually look at those modules consisted of those times in a helicopter minutes before he was to skydive and land onto the roof of another military headquarters.

The change was gradual but it was there. Alex though, having had too many things running through his head never did notice it. That is until he opened one of his devices during class to see the browser Safari was blocked on his iPad.

Your school has not provisioned this as a Class App. Please contact your school administrator if you believe this is a mistake.

“What the hell is this?” Alex whispered, mostly to himself.

“Oh yeah, it’s blocked. You have to use the Eduguardian browser now,” Tom answered from next to him. He reached out over Alex’s shoulder and clicked on something on the lower screen of Alex’s ipad, a green app with a badge on it

“What? Why?”

“Yeah, something about ‘educational technology being the new frontier’ and ‘having to protect children in an online setting’…”

With Tom’s mannerisms, Alex could almost imagine the speech drilled into his classmates heads while he was away. He didn’t have to imagine for too long though. An ad of Eduguardian was one of the few things they were at least allowed to access during class. For some reason, Alex found himself more interested in the ad than in the actual class.

Education has reached a new frontier. Given the pandemic and the need to continue educating the youth, many companies have started developing ways to eliminate distractions in the online classroom.

Eduguardian is an MDM solution to support our educators and guardians form a better environment for your children.

MDM?

“Eyes up.” And just like that, before Alex could even figure out the implications of an MDM, his screen froze then locked and he was left with nothing better to do than listen to his teacher.

The teacher flashed the questions on the board. “Pop quiz everyone!”

A link was sent to his iPad. It opened up to a google form with one essay question History was generally one of the easiest subjects to google.

How were peasants in western Europe similar to serfs in Russia? How were they different?

It was an essay so at least they were given time and space to research. Or so that was what Alex thought. Having been a student for many years, and for a long one year, having been a student who was constantly behind. Alex had built very efficient methods for research.

As Alex opened up wikipedia, he soon found out what cruel reality.

“They blocked Wikipedia?”

“Apparently, starting with wikipedia is lazy research.” Tom answered softly back, looking not at all convinced with the school’s strategy.

For the first time since his first mission, Alex was not happy to be back at school.

                                        Hacker

“It doesn’t end there… When you get home, your parents have control of the gadget. They can set curfews, set up restrictions. This invention is fucking crazy,” Tom ranted as they made their way home that afternoon.

For Tom it was. Alex was sure though Jack wouldn’t be too strict about it. She never was. She was more like a sister than a parent to him after all.

All hopes of a normal day though were dashed when he came home to find Jack as confused as he was. “Brooklands never told me about anything like that.”

“You’re kidding...” That was a declarative statement. Alex did not want to even want to plant the possibility that maybe, just maybe she knew nothing about it. “Every student has to have an assigned guardian... “ Alex watched as Jack’s eyes widened in what could have been realization. As she did, Alex was starting to understand what she meant, having stumbled upon the same conclusion.

                                          Hacker

“Alex, you have to understand, MDM is the new frontier. With the internet, we can’t just have kids running around watching porn or war movies without supervision.”

“This is a bunch of horseshit. You’re infringing on my right to privacy.”

“You’re acting like we have never done this before Alex. Besides, it’s not like we’re watching what you’re doing 24/7. Just enough to keep you safe… and your content age appropriate.”

Mrs. Jones’s justification had Alex rolling his eyes. He had checked his web filtering settings that afternoon to see that all violent Youtube channels and subreddits had been blocked. Keywords like blood, guns and suicide have also been filtered out. But you’re so ready to drop me at the line of fire when convenient. He would have wanted to say. By then though, Mrs. Jones was looking back at her paperwork and Alex knew any argument would have been futile.

Any argument towards Jones at least. Alex still had allies among MI6.

“Smithers, how much do you know about this MDM thing?” Alex asked as soon as he closed the door behind him. He was aware that the walls were soundproof and he made little effort to regulate his voice, having wasted too much of his patience talking to Mrs. Jones. He had twenty other things to say more insulting to ‘horseshit’ after all.

“Well, it’s all the rage now but it’s nothing new. MI6 has been using mobile device management systems since before to watch their employees.”

“Why does MI6 have to be the one assigned to ‘parent’ my school account?”

Smithers shrugged. “They are your legal guardians.” The man had a face about him, as if he didn’t want to be involved. Alex knew Smithers had a soft spot for him and he just had to use it to his advantage.

For a few more moments they were silent. Alex though continued to stare at Smithers, widening his eyes a bit and twisting his mouth into a little pout, or maybe a face of disappointment. All he intended to show though was a little bit of hopelessness and awareness of the unfairness of his situation.

It may have worked. It may have not worked. It was enough for Smithers to let out a big sigh, bring out a USB and connect it into his computer. Within minutes, he placed it on the table, gesturing for Alex to take it. “Don’t you dare tell Mrs. Jones about this.”

                                         Hacker

It was a quick install virtual desktop interface.

It was a straightforward solution to the MDM that ravaged his iPad and within minutes of installation and booting it up, Alex finally had access to whatever else prepubescent boys usually preferred to search up privately.

Through the VDI at least. Alex noted. That virtual desktop had become Alex’s one stop shop for blocked content for both days at school and nights at home.

When in school, Alex already had a disadvantage when taking pop quizzes and for once he actually felt that MI6, or at least Smithers, was doing their part to undo the damage of missed classes. He had finished one of his quizzes for literature thirty minutes before the class ended because of the quick access he had had to sparknotes using the VDI Smither’s had given him.

“Alex, what the hell---” Tom whispered. Or it was a little too loud to be a whisper for a very paranoid and guilty Alex. He quickly pushed at Tom’s chair so the boy beside him would lose his balance and distract him. That gave Alex enough time to close his VDI and pretend to struggle as he reviewed his already completed worksheet.

Tom didn’t buy it. “Alex, you know something we don’t.” He had whispered to him soon after students started to file out of the classroom.

Tom was his best friend in Brookland. Within a few minutes of listening to Tom’s outrageous theories and rants, Alex finally caved in and requested for Tom’s USB. Within a day, he had copied that file to Tom’s USB and the latter had it installed on his laptop, just in time for their next exam.

Tom looking a little too relaxed for the next exam was what set off alarms for the whole class. Tom had a secret he didn’t want to share and somehow the class knew. No one just became above average overnight. Especially someone like Tom.

Alex was approached a few days after he had given Tom a copy of the file. It was when he had passed by the toilet which was reserved for things other than conventional uses of the toilet, did he run into someone who reeked of whatever they smoked inside.

“I have a business proposition for you,” he said, a whiff of smoke following suit.

                                              Hacker

A week passed and suddenly everyone was finishing their exams thirty minutes earlier. The teachers had attributed it to the effects of a good MDM. Alex’s wallet was a little heavier so he wasn’t complaining.

That was until he found a black sedan in front of his home with a man in a suit and a quick message from Mrs. Jones.

The ride to Mrs. Jones office was been silent, save for a terse “go in!” as soon as he arrived in front of her office. He heard venom in that voice and was sure she was at least trying to be polite but was probably seething.

Mrs. Jones did not waste any time. “MDMs are an important part of national security Alex.”

“Yes. I’m aware of that.”

“Then what am I hearing about a mass production of VDIs packaged externally.”

Alex shouldn’t have been surprised that she found out about it. He found cold chill brush through him as she pointed it out. “Where did you hear that?”

“We had to investigate the suddenly very impressive results of the students in quizzes over a three week period. And they traced it to one school, Brookland.” Mrs. Jones glared at him accusingly. “You can’t just hack into MDMs!”

Alex brought his hands up defensively. “Why do you suddenly think it’s me?”

“Alex, no boy your age just suddenly stops watching porn for a month."

A week later, all devices were wiped and all USBs ceased. The damage had been done.

At least Alex got to keep the money.

[eadwulf]

So far today, I have screamed at my cat, screamed at a barking dog and added that I was going to butcher its owners, smashed my bicycle and a bottle of detergent while tearing up the only bag I have to carry anything in that the latter was contained in at the time while my clothes were still at the laundromat, told my neighbour to go and fuck himself and that I was going to murder his dog and rape him with its corpse, and then walked away and repeatedly punched myself in the face for good measure. This is not an anomaly. This is exactly the kind of person that I am. I have recently decided that the idiotic fantasies I hide behind are of no benefit and that it's time to dispense with them. To that effect, it is entirely essential that I make the following very clear: I am not a good person. Think I am? Today suggests otherwise. My life suggests otherwise. I am a lazy, spiteful, potheaded, undisciplined thief who honestly can't handle his basic needs without consuming space and money from someone else. Think I value my family? When I was 21 I went to jail for threatening my mother and holding a knife against her throat. I have even in my adult years struck, yelled at, or otherwise been abusive towards my effectively helpless and very much disabled sister. I spent most of my youth honestly wishing I had the courage to murder my father. More recently I effectively abandoned my family in Alaska when they needed my help after months of not even putting in the bare minimum of effort because I was too busy drinking and smoking myself stupid until I passed out every night all to “cope” with the “stress” of a job that any idiot with an average level of motivation could do.

Think I'm intelligent? It's already been established that in spite of my arrogance I can't write even though wasting years of my life developing that supposed skill. I struggle with basic math and sentence structure on a daily basis, my reading comprehension is terrible, I cheated constantly in public school, and my four-year degree is nothing more than the result of routinely copy-pasting wikipedia and sparknotes, if not flagrantly plagiarising essays and books. I can't even win a battle of wits with a literal 10 year old. Think I'm honest? I lie constantly. I have stolen on far more occasions than I can remember. When I was 11 years old I broke into a neighbour’s house. I repeatedly construct narratives and stories that never happened in my life so I can look better in conversation when in reality all I ever do is nothing while sitting on my ass in front of a screen. Been doing that since I was a small child. What few jobs I've bothered to obtain that weren't just a product of nepotism involved lying about effectively all of my qualifications and summarily taking advantage of employers who don't know any better. Think I'm responsible? Everything I've just said so far along with my life in general proves otherwise. I am lazy, shiftless, and can't even be bothered to try looking for work or going back to school. Absolutely none of the behaviours I've described herein have any god damned fucking excuse. I don't even TRY to better myself. I can't even bother to do dishes regularly or just take care of my own hygiene properly.

Think I'm good with animals? When I was 10 I stuffed a bunch of live ducks I was supposed to be caring for into a 5-gallon bucket for no particular reason and wandered off. They all died. I've been lying my ass off about it ever since. On other occasions I've hurt or harassed animals, including my own pets, and have been wholly indifferent to any of them dying, meat animals or not. I am a monster. Any of the alleged “challenges” I face in life or my mental illnesses, etc. are absolutely not an excuse. If I have a problem, all that is of issue is bothering to have enough self-respect to handle it, and without making it other people's problem. Instead, however, I just ignore even my most basic responsibilities as a human being, content to be a self-destructive, manipulative leech that occasionally moans to himself in silence about how much his life sucks. Boo hoo. Filthy people deserve filthy lives. This is not a cry for attention, pity, or help. Any responses or discussion of this matter will be immediately deleted/ignored. I just want to make it absolutely clear to the world that I am exactly the kind of person who does not deserve to benefit from society in any way. I do not deserve “help” from anyone if I am too much of an evil person to bother to try changing myself from the absolute bastard that I have been ever since the day I was born.

[goldenhare]

references (to add to, but i just want to be able to read it on my phone w/o having to edit post)

apples

The Red Headed League

The story I’ve wanted to do for ages is The Red-Headed League and I thought this might be the one where I’d do it and I did have a little go at that, but it soon became apparent that the story this suited was The Six Napoleons,

Sparknotes:

 “ After Holmes explains how he reached his conclusions, Wilson remarks that Holmes’s method is actually very simple, a point emphasized throughout the story. 

“The Red-Headed League” is a quintessential “fair-play” mystery, in which readers know all the relevant clues at the same time that the detective does and therefore should theoretically be able to solve the crime on their own. 

also mentions of bizarre in everyday; light and dark; two sides to london andlife

Quotes: 

“As a rule,” said Holmes, “the more bizarre a thing is the less mysterious it proves to be. It is your commonplace, featureless crimes which are really puzzling, just as a commonplace face is the most difficult to identify.”

“Here I had heard what he had heard, I had seen what he had seen, and yet from his words it was evident that he saw clearly not only what had happened, but what was about to happen, while to me the whole business was still confused and grotesque.”

Diogenes-Club:

OTHER ADVENTURES MENTIONED

1. "The case of Mary Sutherland." (A Case of Identity) <-TEH 2. "The business of the Sholto murder and the Agra treasure." (Sign of the Four). <-TSOT obvs

UNUSUAL DEDUCTIONS & bits

1. Holmes has contributed to the literature of tattoos.

2. Spaulding develops pictures in Wilson's basement.  Actually he is checking on   the tunnel.

3. After the plans are laid, Holmes and Watson attend a concert by Sarasate at St.  James Hall.

4. This is one of the most famous and most frequently anthologized of the Holmes  stories.

Also slide share pointed out ‘red herring’ idea, here being the fact he has red hair-has nothing to do w anything. 

And fault finding in SH’s deductions (this might be diverging from main story a bit but)

Waters gang 

The Musgrave Ritual

lostspecial’s meta

Diogenese:

OTHER ADVENTURES MENTIONED

1.  Holmes mentions the following early cases of his career which occurred before he met Watson:           A. Tarleton murders.           B.  Vamberry the wine merchant.           C.  The old Russian woman.           D.  The singular affair of the aluminum crutch.             E.  Ricoletti of the club foot and his abominable wife.           F.  The Gloria Scott           G.  Study in Scarlet

UNUSUAL DEDUCTIONS & bits

1. The story is narrated by Holmes. 2. Holmes says this was his third case. 3.  Watson lists a number of Holmes irregular habits:  the cigars in the coal scuttle, tobacco in the slipper, letters stuck to the mantle with a knife, "VR" in bullet pocks on the wall.

http://bakerstreet.wikia.com/wiki/The_Adventure_of_the_Musgrave_Ritual

Gloria Scott

victor trevor and his dog=victor trevor IS the dogjdklfnkdlsjf

Hudson

In the 2014 episode "The Empty Hearse", the first episode of the third series of the BBC television series Sherlock, Dr. Watson's fiancee, Mary Morstan, solves a coded text message on a cellphone by reading every third word.

He tells senior Trevor that he had once been closely associated with someone whose initials were JA and whom he had later wished to completely forget. <-TST

Mark & Steven’s essential conan doyle

Yellow face:  3.  In discussing The Musgrave Ritual, Watson lists it as one of Holmes' failures.  It clearly was not.  Other editions of the story substitute The Second Stain for The Musgrave Ritual.  Holmes did not fail in this adventure either.  Could Watson have been using a little cocaine himself when he was writing this adventure up for the publisher?

TST "I am not a very good man, Effie, but I think I am a better one than you have given me credit for being." /Norbury

also jfkldsjfklsd i like how wikipedia lists:  The story was also alluded to in the final episode of the fourth series of the BBC television series Sherlock where, upon completing a tidy-up of Sherlock's previously destroyed flat, Watson (played by Martin Freeman) spray-paints a yellow smiley face on the wall. 

but not one mention of norbury or that line fkdlsjjfl;ds (also who the fuck is watson) -ETA on further investigation wikipedia writers are really really bad at spotting or at least listing all the canon references.