#but for the most part it's still really good

[paarksunghoon]

FIXED COMFORT | SUNGHOON

SUMMARY: typically, sunghoon’s the one who takes care of you when you’ve had one too many. but once in a blue moon, he lets his guard down and allows you to care for him the way he does for you.

or, the one where sunghoon’s drunk at a bar and misses his girlfriend a little too much.

NOTES: idk I just feel like someone should let him sleep for six months straight!!!

PAIRING: sunghoon x fem!reader

WORD COUNT: 4.4K (4444 exactly—she’s a shortie).

WARNINGS: fluff on fluff on fluff.

***

“Hey, do you think you could come get Sunghoon from the bar? He’s been asking for you for the past hour.”  

Jay’s phone call pulls you out from a deep slumber on a Saturday night that falls on a day with no plans other than pure relaxation. Sunghoon had been preoccupied with work and classes this past week and wanted to unwind by drinking at his favorite bar with his closest friends and all you wanted to do was sleep the weekend away. 

Since the two of you started dating six months ago after being friends for a little over two years, you both agree on the notion that you’ve found a good balance between time spent together and apart respectively. Nothing fundamentally changed with the exception of kissing and touching one another in the way a couple would. He still respects your independence and you respect his time away from you as well. 

Sunghoon learned quickly that you’re the type of person who values your alone time more than anything else. When he first started developing feelings for you, grappling with your absence wasn’t easy. He initially thought you weren’t interested in getting to know him the way he was with you because you weren’t afraid to decline invitations and telling people ‘no.’ Slowly, over the course of many months of pining and late night conversations, did Sunghoon learn that you’re typically your best self after a moment of isolation. 

Your boyfriend is somewhere in between an introvert and extrovert. He tends to be shy when he meets people he isn’t familiar with while his loud, rambunctious attitude is typically reserved for those who know him best. He likes to keep to himself for the most part, giving some of his personality away when he feels his walls start to crumble naturally. You love that he has a good head on his shoulders and that he’s able to tell you about his feelings while maintaining an air of confidence. He doesn’t inherently need anybody; he likes your company and will do anything to keep it.

Moments like this are when your heart feels softer for Sunghoon than when the two of you were just friends.

“I know you wanted to spend the weekend alone but Hoon’s been saying your name all night,” Jay says. “I’m sorry for waking you up.”

“No, it’s fine.” You’re sure Jay can hear your brittle voice. “Are you guys at the bar near your place?”

“That’s the one. Thanks again and I’m really sorry for waking you up.”

“Don’t sweat it. Cook me something next week if you still feel bad.” 

“I can do that. Chili oil noodles with shrimp sound good?”

“It’s almost like you know me.” He laughs at your sarcasm. 

“Drive safe.” 

When Jay hangs up, you allow yourself a few minutes to adjust and wake up, stretching your body from the warm comfort of your blankets. You change out of Sunghoon’s shirt to put on pajama pants and another one of his stolen shirts, opting not to take a jacket since you figure you won’t be out for very long. 

You thank your past self for filling up your gas tank before tonight after having put it off for a few days. Knowing Sunghoon, he would still scold you for allowing yourself to run nearly empty before filling it up even if he was inebriated. Somehow, knowing this about him brings a smile to your face.

Sunghoon’s the kind of guy who likes to have some control over certain things. He likes order and structure, often waking up at the same hour every weekday to build a routine his body can remember. He’s been like that since you first met him but you think it’s part of his charm. Even from two years ago, when you met him through Jake Sim, Sunghoon has maintained a level of confidence and control that he does now. On the heels of an impressive skating career before pivoting to focus on higher education, Sunghoon had his preferences and will stick by them. 

His discipline is the first thing you noticed when you met him for the first time. Jay, someone you were already familiar with, agreed to cook dinner with your friend group under the condition that everyone helped him shop and chip in for the meal. Sunghoon held Jake back from buying unnecessary things like boxed chocolate milk and candy because Jay had desserts back at his place. He held a checklist of items whereas the rest of your friends ran up and down the aisles without thinking much about what needed to be purchased.

Sunghoon’s near-meticulous behavior is juxtaposed to your chaotic and rambunctious nature. You often follow your gut instead of setting a solid plan because you’re not concerned with meeting deadlines, sans education. Whereas you tend to lean towards a go-with-the-flow attitude, Sunghoon is the opposite. But that’s something he loves about you.  

At a surface level distinction, it didn’t seem like the two of you would get along as well as you did. It surprised Jake when Sunghoon asked for your number so he could text you about seeing a comedy film with him as no one else in the group wanted to see it. Including you at an impromptu study session with him (Sunghoon was organized and neat while your pens were spread all over and your study methods, haphazard) felt like watching two people clash. 

Rather, you and Sunghoon complement one another. 

The idea of letting himself go with someone who wasn’t part of his friend collective was unheard of. Getting to know a girl who didn’t share similar lifestyles didn’t appeal to him before meeting you, and you’re inarguably the most chaotic person Sunghoon knows. But he finds that there’s order within your chaos—you know who you are and what you want, and you will not compromise yourself just to please other people. 

It’s what Sunghoon loves the most about you. There’s a boundary you never let anyone cross under the assumption that your own safety net feels compromised. He’s watched you lose friends for this same reason and has always admired the way you carry yourself like you know you deserve better than people who disrespect you. He’s witnessed the grace you maintain when people who call you a friend voice words of kindness but speak ill about you behind your back. If anything, Sunghoon feels pity for anyone who crosses you to the point of anger. To be envious of another’s confidence is one thing. To make that known is another. 

Sunghoon learns that you let your inhibitions go because holding control over yourself feels like a burden. It feels like setting a standard you will never be able to meet. He never thought of order in that way before getting to know you. Your approach to life sparked a new wave of emotions within him to the point where he was open and willing to let you farther into his life. 

His days were ruled by guidelines he had to maintain and proper etiquette that followed him even off the rink. The poise he carried from his career on the ice bled into his personal life too. Although, he doesn’t mind that it does. Sunghoon values any form of structure because it makes him feel like he has a purpose and that there’s something to be accomplished at the end of the day. 

Most times, Sunghoon’s feels like people judge him for his regimen and can’t fathom why he appreciates control so much. They tell him to let loose and enjoy his time away from his career. People always think he simply doesn’t know how to have fun because he’s set in his ways and won’t let other people coax him into doing something he’s not comfortable with. But not you. Sunghoon has never felt like you‘ve judged how he chooses to live his life. 

Before he knew it, a year had passed and he started to call you one of his best friends. The friendship was gradual. Sunghoon didn’t have many close female friends in the way he does with Heeseung, Jay, and Jake. You’re the first person since ending his career who hasn’t tried to pry into the why. In fact, Sunghoon enjoys that you didn’t bring it up. 

(You did, in the form of cooing over his younger self skating in competitions for the first time or roasting all of the outfits he had to wear. But somehow, all of your jabs made him feel happier than when people complimented his performance.)

Eventually, being around you felt too right. He loved it when you took naps on his bed and felt comfortable raiding your kitchen pantry without permission. Sunghoon could leave you in his apartment without him being in it and feel at ease. In fact, he started to look forward to coming home to you. All it took was seeing you wear his hoodie because you got too cold and forgot your jacket, to make him drop his bag by the front door and ask you to be his girlfriend. He hasn’t regretted anything with you since. 

The weather is cold outside since it’s approaching the middle of autumn. You let your car warm up and blast the heat all the way up while adjusting your defrosting settings before heading to the bar to pick up Sunghoon. You sift through your playlists and settle on soft indie melodies before you drive away from the curb. 

You’ve never seen Sunghoon get drunk to the point of needing extra help. Usually, you’re the one who goes a little too hard whenever Heeseung brings out the alcohol or if Jake offers an edible or two. Sunghoon likes to sit back and stay sober (or sober up by the end of the night) when he notices you having too much fun. He doesn’t mind, though. Sunghoon likes taking care of you because sometimes it gives him purpose. You’ve never understood that sentiment but to each their own. 

The only times you’ve seen him completely wasted are usually when you’re equally as gone, like on your first road trip as a couple. The five of you rented a lakehouse a few hours from Seoul and spent an entire weekend basking under the hot sun and chose to forget about university stress before finals would inevitably kick everyone’s ass. All five of you were cross-faded (but not without Jay and Sunghoon both prepping water bottles and snacks for when the munchies would hit prior to taking anything). You watched Sunghoon relax to the point where he was much quieter than he normally was and when you asked if he was doing alright, he looked you in the eye and told you he loved you for the first time. 

I always have, I think, he said as he brought your hand to his chest. You might not believe me because neither of us are sober but I swear I’ll tell you in the morning. 

Sunghoon gets affectionate when he’s drunk or high, often to the point of asking for reassurance. The rational side of his brain is temporarily disfigured. You don’t mind being there to tell him that he’s the love of your life and you’d never go anywhere when he gets like this. Although, you’re usually just as gone and gush all of your hidden emotionally-charged feelings, which pair well with Sunghoon’s need for validation sometimes. 

Your friends love your relationship. They don’t think it’s too much or too little, going so far as to take photos of the two of you when you aren’t looking. Some are funny like the pictures of you sleeping on his chest with drool pooling out of your mouth. Others are romantic and whimsical, like the pictures of Sunghoon looking at you like you’re the sunshine to his moonlight. They can’t get enough of you two. Your friends love knowing people they care about are deeply in love with one another and your relationship is somewhat of a reminder that true romance does exist. 

Thinking about this makes your heart swell as you park your car and tuck your keys inside your purse. The bouncer checks your ID and lets you inside the bar, and you already spot Jay off to the side. 

“Thanks for coming,” he says as he gives you a loose hug. “And sorry for waking you up.” 

You wave him off. “It’s fine. I’ve probably woken you up for worse.” 

“Yeah, like the time you and Jake wanted ramen at 3am and wouldn’t stop calling me because both of you got a little too high.” 

“Can you blame us?! You were like, two blocks away.” 

“Yeah, but did you need to eat with me?” 

“Duh. You’re like, the best person to eat a late night dinner with.” 

The two of you laugh as he leads you to the group. You see Sunghoon slumped over the table with his head in his arms and the rest of your friend group tries really hard not to seem too excited when they see you standing next to Jay. 

“Fucking finally.” Heeseung stands and gives you a quick side hug before Jake does the same. “Love you guys and all but he started to become unbearable when he kept showing us photos of you.”

Jake snorts. “Poor guy was almost about to cry.” That makes your heart soft. 

“He looks so cute,” you coo, tilting your head to savor this moment. It’s abnormal for you to be the sober one but you’re starting to understand why Sunghoon doesn’t mind taking care of you when you’re like this. 

Jay comes to stand next to you. “He’s not cute when he drank half his weight in alcohol and wouldn’t shut up about how pretty your hair is.” 

“What, do you don’t think my hair’s pretty?” The messy, unbrushed hair is enough to make the guys laugh. 

“Nah seriously, thanks for coming,” says Jake. “We felt bad calling you but he refuses to get out of his seat.” 

“It’s fine.” You wave him off and step closer to your boyfriend, who still hasn’t moved from his position. 

“Do your thing and we’ll be here if you need help bringing him to the car.” Heeseung smiles gratefully at you. 

Even the back of Sunghoon’s head is unfairly gorgeous. His hair always looks nice, although you credit that to his younger sister introducing him to a world of hair care products during his skating years. It feels soft to the touch as you stroke the back of his head until Sunghoon slowly comes to. You feel his body start to stir.

“Baby,” you say quietly, bending down until you’re next to him. “Wake up for me.” 

“Hm?” Sunghoon mumbles from his arms. He feels the sensation of your fingers carding through his hair and pulls himself from the table, wiping the spit from the corner of his mouth before realizing you’re standing next to him. “Y/N?”

“I’m right here.” 

He pulls his head up until he’s sitting upright in the booth, squinting up at you to adjust to the bar lights that disappeared when he closed his eyes. Your boyfriend looks so innocent like this. He looks at you with a wide, round gaze as if you’d appeared out of thin air and he’s trying his hardest to figure out how you’re standing in front of him. 

“Is it really you?” Sunghoon asks in a quiet voice. His tone makes your heart flutter and you reach your arms out until you’re cupping his jaw and rubbing the pads of your thumbs over his cheeks. Sunghoon melts into your touch and you feel his body start to relax. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, bug. Did you have fun tonight?”

He nods in your hands, “Mhm. Just tired now.”

“Jay said you were asking for me.” 

“I always ask for you.” Your cheeks heat up and you try to ignore the snickers from behind you. 

“Why don’t we go back to my place, yeah? You can sleep in my bed instead of this bar.” 

“Can we? I love the guys but I just missed you.”

“Simp,” Heeseung whispers before coughing into his fist. 

Sunghoon stands from the booth once you’ve taken a step back to give him the space to move. He’s surprisingly able to stand on his own and clutches onto his jacket as he makes his way to the door. 

“Sorry guys,” he mutters to the guys. 

“Yah, it’s fine,” Jay says as he waves Sunghoon off. 

“Get home safe,” Heeseung says as he opens the door for the two of you. Sunghoon waves behind him until you guide him to the car. 

“Can you put your jacket on for me?” You catch it in your hands after he nearly let them fall from his grasp. 

“Shit, sorry.” You watch Sunghoon put on one arm and then the other. He looks so childlike in this moment as he concentrates his hardest to put the jacket on without stumbling. 

It reminds you that he doesn’t show you this side of him often. Sunghoon, ever the poised individual who likes to know what’s ahead of him, has let his inhibitions down. Seeing his figure slowly push his body through the warm fabric has you biting back a smile. 

“Need help?”

Sunghoon looks down at his hands that are trying to zip his jacket up to no avail. He feels like his hands are too big and the zipper is too small. “Please.”

Your steady fingers cover Sunghoon’s and take over the tedious task. The metal is warm from his fingertips. You can feel him looking down at you and you temporarily fumble with the zipper, which makes him laugh.

“Silly,” he mutters. “Ah, fuck. I don’t know if I can open the door.”

You roll your eyes and open it for him. “You’re funny.” 

He slides into the seat as gracefully as he can without hitting his head on the roof. Sunghoon struggles, but manages to buckle himself in and grins up at you when he hears the click of the buckle. When you look down on him, the lamp post from above casts a soft glow on his face. He looks so youthful at this moment. Sunghoon has let go of his thoughts and couldn’t think about anything but the present moment even if he tried. 

He waits for you and mumbles about how cold it is when you turn the engine on. The warm air starts to uplift his spirits and he looks at you with us head pressed to the headrest.

“I’m sorry you have to see me like this.”

“What?” you ask. “Why?”

He shrugs. “Dunno. Usually I’m the one taking care of you.”

“You don’t always have to be brave, you know.” 

Sunghoon doesn’t say anything. He reaches out to envelope your hand in his and squeezes it until he’s holding it loosely in the quiet of the evening.

“I love you.” 

Your heart blooms. “I love you right back.” He seems satisfied with your response and lets go of your hand so that you can drive back to your apartment. 

When you park on the curb, Sunghoon’s sober enough to unbuckle his seatbelt and wait for you to turn the engine off before opening his door carefully. He steps outside and leans back on the car door until you walk around the hood of the vehicle and grabs your hands to pull you into him. 

You feel his lips on your before you register what’s happening. He tastes faintly of pineapple soju and beer, and his mouth is warm. Despite his inebriated state, Sunghoon’s able to hold you between his hands as he moves to place them on your hips to balance your body after you’ve stumbled into him. 

The kiss itself is slow. In fact, it feels as though Sunghoon has slowed time around so that the two of you could enjoy the late night kiss uninterrupted. You can barely hear anything besides the ringing in your ears after being caught by surprise due to your boyfriend’s abrupt movements. Your mouths move in slow tandem and Sunghoon nearly pushes his tongue inside your mouth before pulling away to rest his forehead against your own.

“My baby,” he whispers against your lips before giving you another quick peck. 

“You are so cute.” You blurt out this confession like you’re still pining after him. “Let’s go inside, yeah?” 

The apartment is warm compared to the environment outside and Sunghoon slips off his shoes in favor of wearing his designated slippers. He doesn’t let go of your hand the entire time he does so, letting you pull him into the hallway until the two of you reach your bedroom. The hardwood floors feel better than the uneven pavement from outside.

He loves it here. It’s a sanctuary away from his apartment with the friends he will probably invite to his wedding. But something about your green comforter and hand-painted artwork adorning your walls makes Sunghoon feel like he would live by your side for the rest of his life. The scent of your room–warm peaches and vanilla–tugs at his heart strings. This is where he belongs. 

Likewise, you love seeing Sunghoon behave like this. It’s not commonplace for him to let people take care of him in the way you are now. He’s used to people looking out for his career and best interest but he struggles with allowing others to handle him with such care. After a decade of enduring harsh criticism and physical endurance, Sunghoon struggles to relax and allow others to take the reins. It’s partially why he loves taking care of you. Being able to provide that kind of love and support makes him feel wanted and needed, even if you tell him he’s more than enough a thousand times over. 

You leave him in your room to change his clothes taken from his designated drawer while you prepare skincare and the works. You hear him shuffle outside and fall onto the bed once, prompting you to hold your laughter in as you wash your hands and pull out hair clips for him to use. 

“I can’t lie,” Sunghoon says as you emerge from the bathroom to see him in a big t-shirt and pajama bottoms, “I’m really looking forward to you doing my skincare.” 

You snicker and pull your desk chair into the bathroom. “Now you know exactly how I feel every time I beg you to do mine when I’m drunk. Sit and close your eyes, please.” 

He follows your instructions and leans his back against the furniture. Sunghoon doesn’t fuss when you pin his hair back until it’s secure and allows you to make him feel pampered in a way he typically wouldn’t. 

“Did you have fun tonight?” 

Sunghoon hums. “Yeah, I did. The guys picked me up from my place and we had lunch at that seafood spot we’ve been meaning to try.” 

“Was it any good?”

“So good.” He licks his lips. “God, I’m still thinking about that shellfish soup. We ordered enough food to feed a village but it was so worth it. I wanna go with you.” 

“We can go wherever you want.” He smiles at your soft tone. 

“We also went to the beach and met some guys at the skate park by the highway. They were pretty nice and let us use their boards for a little. Heeseung got along with them the best, I think.”

“Heeseung makes friends with everybody.”

“He says he’s not social but that’s a lie.” Sunghoon twitches his nose when he feels a damp washcloth on his face. “We went to the bar afterwards and split it by round. I got the first and honestly, I don’t remember much after that.” 

“How are you feeling now, though?” you ask as you finish patting his skin dry. “Do you still feel dizzy?” Sunghoon opens his eyes and watches you apply a serum before dabbing it all over his face. 

“Not as much as before. I think I’m just tired.”

“And clingy, apparently.” 

Sunghoon smacks the back of your thighs. “Shut up. You love it.” You silence him by kissing his nose. 

While he brushes his teeth, you situate yourself underneath your plush covers and allow the weight of the blanket to fall on top of you. The sweet promise of a good night’s rest feels imminent, especially when you see your boyfriend emerge from the bathroom. He turns off the light and walks towards the empty side of the bed before he’s slipping himself beside you. 

Sunghoon’s an equal opportunist when it comes to sleeping positions. He loves it the most when your head is on his chest and when your arms are tangled in one another because he likes knowing that the two of you yearn for each other equally. But when he gets like this, Sunghoon takes initiative to maneuver himself until half of his chest and head are on top of you. He situates his arm around your waist and pulls himself closer to your body until a deep, satisfied sigh comes from the back of his throat. 

He hums in appreciation when your fingers begin to massage his scalp. Sunghoon’s hair is soft and silky and on most days, you’re the only person who gets to touch it. The slowness of your movements paired with the soft kiss you place on his temple makes his eyelids feel heavy. 

“Sorry you had to come pick me up,” Sunghoon mumbles against you. “I know we agreed to give each other some space this weekend.” 

“You should know by now that I’d do anything for you.” He feels you kiss the crown of his head. “Plus, we both know you’d do the same for me.” 

Sunghoon nods. “I would. You’re my girlfriend. Duh.” His sleepy nonsense makes you laugh. 

“You can go back to hanging out with the guys tomorrow if you want.” He shakes his head. 

“I want to get breakfast with you.” Sunghoon finds your free hand and presses a sleepy kiss to the back of it. 

“Whatever you want. We can get breakfast.” 

“If we wake up early enough.” 

You laugh again. “Yes, if we wake up early enough.” 

Sunghoon mumbles a few incoherent words that you can’t quite make out because of your own tiredness. When your own eyes start to droop, Sunghoon feels your fingers start to falter and looks up at you to see you’ve fallen fast asleep. 

He kisses the underside of your chin and falls asleep too.

***

comments and reblogs are appreciated! x

[gigizetz]

athena's body language in your we'll be fine animatic is so well done??

like the high five part really stuck with me because the body language is so good. she's so clearly reserved and not used to it and the way she makes it a small action is just. yeah. this is a goddess who's not used to Friends but she's doing her best and she's indulging this small sunshine boy.

i love the animatic so much???

I love seeing people notice that because I put so much thought on the way I make the gods move

like, I have this thing (that I was ever really able to show a little in Ruthlessness and We'll Be Fine) that I make some of the most prideful gods have a high reluctance to touch mortals at all.

in my Ruthlessness animatic for example, Poseidon spends the whole song beating up Ody and leaning in to his face, but he never actually touches him with his non-rock arm (and when he does, he straight up wipes his hand right after).

and Athena is a lot more friendlier here, but throughout the whole video she still keeps her head high and her arms folded around her back, only breaking that pose when she feels vulnerable. So when the "high five" happens it feels a lot more impactful.

[jjunieworld]

THE SALT UNDER THE SEA ˒˒ 심재윤͏ ⨾ 박종성 ▸  part two of the player’s game series⌇playlist & series tag

the death of your grandma has you returning back to your mother’s seaside hometown—the same town you left jake in a year ago—for good. now that you’re back, so are the feelings you really desperately wished to leave behind. it doesn’t help that now you’re caught in the crossfire of two guys with a rough past who want to be with you.

pairing ‎⸝⸝⸝ sim jaeyun x reader, park jongseong x reader 𓄵 iηcℓudᥱs 𓈓 cousin jungwon, bestfriend!jay, player!sunghoon, and oc hana (jake’s ex)

genre﹙📓﹚⸝⸝⸝ exes to lovers, bestfriends to ???, angst, smut, fluff, lifeguard!jake, ex player!jake, bestfriend!jay, lifeguard!jay, lifeguarding inaccuracies, love triangle, slice of life, some h2o references, beach au, summer romance

warnings ‎⸝⸝⸝ if you didn’t like reader in the first part then you won’t like her in this one, reader’s grandma passing, alcohol, multiple unprotected sex scenes, soft dom!jake, mean dom!jay, toxicity, jayke constantly one-uping each other, jealousy and possessiveness, arguing, size training, marking, inexperienced!reader, blowjob/handjob, riding, corruption kink, jake is a munch, pussy eating, oral fixation?, cum swallowing, slight fingering, petnames (baby, pretty, good girl), name calling (slut, whore), praise, reader gets talked through it, creampies, degradation, hair pulling (both m. & f. rec), dirty talk, rough sex, overstimulation, slight manhandling, body worship, dumbification?, cockwarming, service top!jake, pussy drunk!jayke, pictures & videos taken during sex, cumshots/facials

kipo’s note ‎⸝⸝⸝ literally went through hell trying to get this part two out but here we are!!! once again, this is for the lovely @jjunberry ♡ literally this wouldn’t even be here without you so i hope you like it!! (⁎˃ᆺ˂) thank you to all of you for being on this (very long) journey with me! hehe ^^ i hope you all enjoy this!! ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ︵͡ 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙙𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙧𝙚𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙜𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 (⌒‿⌒)♡

∿ [ 27.5k ] ⋆ [ continue on to . . . masterlist ]

[ BEFORE — ONE MONTH SINCE LAST SUMMER ] 𓇼 the salt in your wounds still lingers.

just when you thought your life was finally getting better, finally getting back on track after the summer you’ve had, everything comes crashing down with just one phone call.

it was like watching a car crash in slow motion, your mother’s face. you knew from the start that your grandma wasn’t going to make it, and you couldn’t help but feel guilty. a mere month since you left… would things be different if you and your mom stayed in her seaside hometown like originally planned? deep down, it felt like it was all your fault.

two more months passed before your grandma passed on. “from the sea i came and to the sea i shall return,” she always told you. “don’t be sad when i go, when you see the ocean waves that will be me saying hello.” the day it happened your mom had already booked the next flight out for her funeral.

going through your belongings as you pack your bags makes your guilt run deeper and all it does is make your mind flash back to just three months ago when you were by the sea and everything felt too much. your eyes travel to your dresser—jake’s note and all the developed pictures sat safely in an old jewelry box that you haven’t touched since putting the items in there. you didn’t even look at the pictures after you had gotten them developed, it just hurt too much.

still, your mind was muddled and as you finished packing your suitcase to the brim nothing became clearer. these three months gave you plenty of time to think over the entirety of last summer with detached emotions—a new perspective.

do you still love jake? of course you did, it’s most likely that you always will. how could you not? he was your first love. do you forgive him for everything that he put you through last summer? you still weren’t sure.

but damn if you didn’t miss him.

for the first time you felt the urge to look at the pictures you and him took—fingers twitched towards the jewelry box. with a sigh, you stood from your bed and grabbed it, the soft music playing as you opened the lid. carefully, you grabbed the pictures and made your way back to your bed.

as you flipped through all of them, a memory came to the forefront of your mind with each photo.

a smile pulled at your lips at the photo, it was of you with a shocked smile next to a brightly smiling jake. his arm was around your waist and the two of you were almost chest to chest. “i want my first memory to be of you.”

another of the two of you, a wall of graffiti behind you—right after your first kiss. jake was pressing a kiss to your cheek and you looked flustered. “you said you wanted physical memories, right? say cheese!”

the last one you looked at was of you, jake, and sunghoon before you noticed the tears blurring your vision. the three of you smiling as jake pulled you all close together for the camera. “group picture!”

you glanced over to your phone on your bed. even now, jake still contacts you everyday—even if you don’t answer him. mainly it’s been him checking up on you and making sure that you’re okay, asking how your day was. you haven’t answered a single one of them, yet he hasn’t stopped. against your better judgement, you read every message that came in—the most recent being his condolences.

you don’t know what to say to him. so many things have been left unsaid that every time you go to type a message your fingers freeze and your mind runs with everything you want to tell him. then you decide to just not say anything at all. besides, you didn’t think you'd ever see him again, so what’s the point?

if you were being honest, a part of you is still closed off, untrusting of him. you didn’t want to give your heart to him in fear he might break it again. you refused to feel like that again.

with a heavy and shaky sigh you put the pictures back where they belonged and made your way downstairs with your suitcase.

the next day you were on a flight to your mother’s seaside hometown, just like you were three months ago. jake’s letter filled your mind and your dreams surrounded him.

“i love you. i love you. i love—”

your mom nudged you awake just as the plane was beginning to land. you rubbed your bleary eyes and blinked rapidly to try and get your eyes to adjust to the bright sunlight. nudging you again, your mom said, “wake up, we’re about to land.”

deja vu hit you and hit you hard. rolling out your sore neck, you prepared yourself for the landing. you still hated planes.

the drive to your aunt’s house was silent, as you got settled in and prepared for the funeral it was even quieter. your ears practically rang with the sound of silence and your body felt like it weighed a ton with the heaviness lingering in the air.

you all were dressed in black in the living room. your aunt was desperately trying to lighten the mood, and it was only half working. “come on everyone, you know she’d come back from the grave and kill us if she saw our faces right now! she wouldn’t want us to be sad.”

your mom nodded sadly, reciting your grandma’s words. “don’t be sad when i go, when you see the ocean waves that will be me saying hello.”

“exactly! now let’s go and celebrate the life she lived instead of being sad it came to an end!” your aunt smiled softly.

it was a lovely service, your grandma’s funeral. you think that she would be happy with it.

you and jungwon decided to walk back home after the funeral. honestly, you both didn’t think you could be in a car with the dark cloud surrounding you all, it felt too claustrophobic.

on the way home you both stopped at a food place since you were still hungry. the two of you ate silently before jungwon looked behind you and suddenly stood to his feet, murmuring a quick “i’ll be right back.”

you looked behind you at his retreating figure, confused. just as you were turning back to your food you saw it out of the corner of your eye. your heart stopped. you could barely see with jungwon blocking the way but you could spot him anywhere.

it was jake.

you continued eating. you weren’t ready to face him, especially not right now. you don’t think you could even look at him right now. instead, you opted to watch the scene from the corner of your eye.

you could barely hear jungwon and jake’s conversation, only managing to hear jungwon say, “she really doesn’t need any drama right now, man…” jake backed off, but not before you turned and the two of you made the briefest of eye contact before you quickly looked away, taking another bite out of your sandwich.

all you managed to catch was the blonde of his hair that he pushed off his forehead as he turned.

now you wished you took the chance to get a good look at him. it’s only been three months since you last saw him, but already you were forgetting the exact color of his eyes and the way his voice sounded. were they more of a honey brown or a mahogany? you didn’t remember.

it was eating away at you how much you already forgot.

you and jungwon finished your food in silence. before the two of you walked back home, he asked if you wanted to swim before you left. you shook your head as you stared out to the sea. it was a sunny day, but you just couldn’t bear to step off the boardwalk. “maybe next time i visit,” you said, though you didn’t know if there would be a next time.

[ RETURN — A YEAR SINCE YOU’VE TOUCHED SAND ] 𓇼 two hundred seventy-four days since you’ve last seen him.

your heart beat fast as you looked out the plane window to your mother’s seaside hometown—your new home. there was no need for your mom to nudge you awake since you weren’t able to sleep for the entirety you were on the plane, the nerves were eating at you.

you never thought you’d be back here, never thought that you’d ever say goodbye to your own hometown—which was also your late father’s—but here you were.

when your mom told you that you’d be moving here permanently you didn’t know how to feel. on one hand, you understood your mom’s decision. it was just you and her out there miles away from your family and everything must’ve reminded her of your father. it reminded you of him too. on the other hand, you desperately wished she would change her mind.

it was enough seeing that one glimpse of jake nine months ago, but to see him over and over and over again? you didn’t think you could take it. he still texted you, even more now since, and you still haven’t answered. things between the two of you still remain unsaid.

but you also couldn’t help but count down the seconds until you laid your eyes on him again. it set your skin alight and you couldn’t help the small smile on your face and the giddiness you felt. was it selfish, yes, but after everything you think you’re finally ready to face him again.

to give your relationship another chance. to give him your heart again and not be fearful that he would break it, that he’d keep it guarded and safe. after all, he said he would wait for you.

and if he didn’t protect your heart, you’d pull back and it would be as if you never had anything to do with him again.

“y/n? are you listening?” you heard your mother’s voice call out. you snapped back to reality, blinking a couple of times to get your wits.

you were no longer on the plane. now you were lugging suitcases into your aunt’s house. your aunt was delighted to hear that you and your mom would be moving here. there was plenty of room in the house until the two of you got your own place.

“mhm,” you mumbled, though you definitely weren’t listening.

your mom sat the suitcase she was carrying in front of you and grabbed your shoulders. “is it that boy from last summer? what was his name? jacob?”

“jake,” jungwon answered for you as he walked out the front door to grab more boxes.

your mom snapped her fingers. “jake! that’s it. listen, i know you had some problems moving here because of him, but use this as a way to put yourself out there more than last summer! there’s more wonderful people here than just jake.” she gave you a sympathetic smile and continued carrying stuff inside while you remained planted to the same spot in the driveway.

it wasn’t “just jake” that worried you. it was all of his friends and hana. you didn’t want another summer full of drama, especially if you and jake did start dating again.

getting all your boxes and suitcases into the house went quick and relatively easy. you decided on unpacking all of your things later, right now your mind was too clouded.

jake’s letter sat carefully in your anxious hands. you must’ve read it a million times over now and you could barely wrap your head around it still.

“two people who are meant to be will always find a way back to each other. and we are meant to be. no matter how long it takes, i’ll wait for you.”

it was now or never. you grabbed your phone and opened your messages up to your conversation with jake. his last message was from this morning, hoping that you had a good day today. he must not know that you’re back and for good. with a shaky sigh, you let your fingers move across the keyboard.

you: meet me at our spot.

your hands shook as you quickly made your way downstairs and out the front door. your heart raced and your breathing was labored as you let your feet guide you. the more you thought about jake the faster your feet carried you towards him.

you felt the smile grow on your face as you caught a glimpse of the sea and the sand, the grittiness already finding its way into your sandals. you were moving so fast that you didn’t notice the person in front of you until you smacked directly into their chest.

“oh my god!” you exclaimed as you came to a sudden halt, eyes wide, “i’m so sorry, i wasn’t paying attention to where i was going!”

“we’ve got to stop meeting like this,” a familiar voice joked. you looked up, the smile on your face widening more as you stood face to face with jay again. his smile matched yours and you laughed out of disbelief.

“jay!” you laughed, “it’s been a while, how have you been?”

jay ran a hand through his damp hair. “same old, same old. how have you been? i heard you left this place for dead! never thought i’d see you back here again.” the teasing in his voice was obvious but you could see the concern in his eyes. flashes of the last time you saw him ran through your mind. funnily enough, you ran straight into him just a year ago while running from jake.

your smile faltered slightly but you tried your hardest to not think about last year. “well, let me be the first to tell you that i’m back for good!” jay’s eyebrows raised in shock and you nodded. “just moved back with my mom! you’ll be seeing me around a lot more now,” you continued playfully.

“i’m sorry about your loss, by the way,” jay said, expression suddenly serious. you waved a hand in the air, letting him know that it was okay. time and place. “well, i’m glad you’re back! this place really sucks without someone like you around,” jay added.

laughing you shook your head slightly, “then we should hang out sometime!”

“text me the plans and i’m there!” jay replied and pulled out his phone. he passed it to you with a “new contact” screen opened and you quickly filled out your information.

“i gotta go, but we will be hanging out sometime this week!” you waved as you began to step away. jay nodded with a smile. “clear your schedule!” you tossed over your shoulder as you walked away. behind you, you heard jay’s laugh.

“wouldn’t miss it for the world!”

you shook your head, continuing on your path to you and jake’s “spot.” this time you took your walk slow so you wouldn’t run headfirst into anybody else.

jake nodded along absentmindedly to whatever sunghoon was saying to him, not listening at all as he stared out at the people swimming in the ocean and the calm ocean waves.

he was bored out of his mind.

suddenly his phone vibrated and he pulled it out of his pocket. jake blinked a couple times to make sure what he was seeing was real. once he saw that it was you who was undoubtedly texting him, he jumped to his feet.

you: meet me at our spot.

“—and then i told her that i already warned her. this is the relationship that she—hey! what the fuck, jake?” sunghoon called behind him as jake suddenly took off.

jake could care less about sunghoon right now when you were here. you’re finally back, and not only that—you’re asking to see him. jake feels like his heart might explode. nine months since he’s last gotten the tiniest glimpse of you. nine months since he last had his breath taken away. a whole year since you’ve slipped through his fingers.

he wasn’t letting you go this time.

“where are you going?” sunghoon yelled, yet jake made no efforts to stop or even slow down. distantly, he could hear sunghoon shout, “asshole!”

like always, jake made it to your spot before you did. it’s only mere seconds until you’re arriving after him, taking his breath away once again as he goes to turn and sees you standing there.

you look so different, yet the exact same as when he last saw you. all jake can do is stare at you wide-eyed, mouth agape as his head completely empties.

“y/n,” jake finally breathes.

in response, you inhale sharply. “jake…” you notice that his hair is it’s natural color—a dark brown. the blonde hair he had last year is nowhere to be seen whatsoever and his hair is even longer than it was, half of it disheveled and touching the top of his lips and the other half tucked semi-neatly behind his ear. and his eyes… how could you ever forget?

brown moonstone. they look just as they did when the two of you laid under the stars together.

without thinking the two of you rush towards each other before abruptly stopping just inches away. hesitantly, jake closes the gap as he reaches towards you and gently places his hand on your cheek. you can feel the way it tremors—as if his hand might go through you. he takes a small step towards you until you can almost feel his breath fan across your cheeks as your eyes flutter closed for the briefest of moments.

as they open you look up at him, at the eyes that put you through so much. you pressed your lips to his softly.

instantly, jake is kissing you back. in it, you can feel everything that he’s been wanting to say to you for the past year. the kiss is desperate, searing, and passionate. it rips the oxygen right from your lungs and still you wrap your arms around jake’s neck to pull him closer. like if you stopped kissing him the world would crumble beneath the two of you.

only when you both can’t stand the suffocation anymore do you pull away—just barely. your heavy breathing mixes and your eyes are still closed. your grip on the back of his shirt tightens and jake leans his forehead against yours heavily.

“i missed you,” he says, just above a whisper. “i missed you so fucking much, you don’t understand. i’m so sorry.”

you kiss him again because it’s the only way you can show him how much you missed him too. jake’s hands move to your waist and pulls you closer so you’re completely pressed up against him.

memories of last summer force it’s way through your clouded mind. the two of you standing in this exact spot as he begged you not to leave.

abruptly, you broke away from him, hands pushing against his chest as you took several steps back. you turned your back to him as you tried to catch your breath, running your hands down your face. inhaling sharply, tears sprang to your eyes at all of the overwhelming emotions you were feeling. exhaling, you tried to steady your heartbeat that filled your ears.

being in this place wasn’t helping. as you looked around the rocky walls, more and more memories flowed through your mind. “i hate you,” you spoke, turning completely to face jake. your voice lacked the punch the phrase needed. instead, it sounded almost… defeated. a tear slid down your cheek.

“i know,” jake replied. he knew what you were really saying, could feel it in the same desperate way you kissed him back.

“and i hate you for what you’ve done to me,” you added while drawing closer to him.

“i know.”

you drew closer until your tight fists we’re resting against his chest. you avoided his eyes as more tears fell. “and i hate that i spent the entire year we were apart only thinking about you—i hate you.”

jake could feel the way your body shook against him. he took your closed fists into his hands. “i know, baby, i know.”

and he did. he knew that “i hate you” really meant “i love you.” and you did. you really did love him.

jake moved your hands back to your sides, letting them go but having his hands still hovering near them. “walk with me?” he asked, moving to wipe your tears away with the pads of his thumbs gently. you nodded in response as you stared at him finally. jake dipped his head down towards you and softly pressed a kiss against your lips before guiding you out of the cave-like opening.

silently, the two of you walked side-by-side in the sand through less populated paths. you both didn’t speak, and it was probably for the best as you both processed everything between the two of you.

you were walking along an empty part of the beach, the sun just beginning to set, when you decided to break the silence. “i missed you too,” you spoke, your eyes following the way your feet left footprints in the sand.

you looked to your side at jake, “i really missed you.”

the two of you came to a stop. jake looked at you with furrowed brows, like he still couldn’t believe if what he was experiencing right now was true or not. he kissed you.

if even possible, this kiss was more passionate and desperate than the last. your already swollen lips were hot to the touch and no matter how much the two of you pulled each other closer, it wasn’t close enough. the kiss then turned feverish and you both pulled away to breathe. a silent question hung in the air and you nodded ever so slightly.

jake then intertwined your hands, pulling you off into some direction you weren’t familiar with until he was pulling you into a house that you could only assume was his. you barely even wrapped your head around the fact that you were actually in his house for the first time before he was pulling you up the stairs and into his room.

his lips met yours again and finally all the unsaid things spilled out from between the two of you as you pulled each other’s clothes off. jake laid you on the bed, fingers just barely gripping the waistband of your shorts and underwear. you were under him in just that and your bra.

“yes or no?” he asked you breathlessly, voice low.

“yes,” you responded. just as fast as you did, you were half naked underneath him. jake didn’t wait as he unclasped your bra with one hand and tossed it somewhere out of sight as his lips smashed against yours. he pulled away and you barely got to blink before the both of you were completely naked.

you watched as jake reached over to his nightstand and grabbed the ponytail off of it. he messily tied back his hair before placing hot kisses down your stomach. you fought the urge not to moan. he continued slowly down your stomach and just when he reached right above where you needed him the most, he looked up at you with his signature smirk.

you inhaled and his lips attached to your core, causing you to gasp loudly. his arms wrapped tightly around your thighs to keep them apart as his tongue pulled you closer and closer over the edge. you almost broke completely when he pushed his fingers inside you, curling them at just the right angle that made you see stars.

your hands were in his hair—messing up his already messy ponytail—and your moans filled his bedroom, not even worried that someone else could be in the house. all you cared about was how good he was making you feel and how much you missed his body on yours.

it didn’t take long until the rope was snapping and you shakily told him that you were about to cum. moments later jake’s fingers and mouth was dripping and he was licking them clean while you hazily stared at him, mind too foggy until his lips were suddenly on yours again and his hands were trailing up your sides.

“i need you,” you whined softly as you stared into jake’s eyes, “please.” you clawed at his back in attempt to bring him closer, your body on fire and he was the only way to bring down the heat.

jake pressed a soft kiss to your lips and looked down between your bodies as he lined his hard and dripping cock up with your entrance. he looked up, “tell me if it hurts, okay?” you nodded in return, bucking your hips up slightly and gasping when the tip of his cock grazed your sensitive clit.

slowly, jake pushed into you and it was much less uncomfortable than it was the first time. he waited a moment, eyeing the way your body reacted before looking at you in a silent question. you nodded and slowly he began to move.

high-pitched moans and whimpers left your mouth the more and more your body adjusted to him, and the more and more euphoric you felt. you and jake left love bites all over each other’s bodies without a care of the fact that it was in places people could definitely see, you were too caught up in the feeling of him surrounding you and jake was too caught up in the fact that you were finally in his arms again.

he barely let you out of his grasp, body firmly pushed against yours, as he moved in and out of you at a steady pace. his head was cloudy with your pretty sounds and his lips nipped at any skin he could. jake wished the both of you could stay like this forever, just the two of you together. he was scared of what would happen when he pulled out of you and it all ended.

would you regret it? say it was a mistake and that he should pretend like it never happened? or would this push the two of you back together again like he hoped? after all, you were the only one for him.

you inhaled sharply, brows drawn together and back arching off the soft blankets, and jake knew your body well enough before you started to clench down on him that you were about to come undone on him again. “j-jake…” you whimpered as your eyes squeezed shut.

“shh, baby, i know.” he moved so his thumb was now rubbing circles into your clit and watched the way you tried to shut your legs with a soft chuckle. he held them apart with his free hand. “let go for me,” he murmured, continuing his pace.

jake moaned and bit down hard on his bottom lip the more you clenched down on his poor cock. he felt like he was going to lose it at any moment as he tried to bring you closer and closer to the edge. “that feels good, yeah?” he asked you, accent thick and low. that sent you right over the edge, incoherent words falling from your lips, and you made a complete mess on his cock.

“shit,” jake said sharply before a moan escaped him. the sight went straight to his dick and it was almost instant with the way it twitched and he was cumming inside you, filling you up even more. his hips moved lazily, watching the way the cum spilled out of you and around him, painting his cock a pretty white.

slowly he pulled out of you and you whined at the loss of him, fingernails digging into his shoulders. more creamy white spilled out of you in a thick load and jake fought the urge to not push himself back into you and fuck you again.

he kissed your inner thighs and slowly made his way up your stomach and until he reached your lips in a heated kiss. your fingers raked through his hair, causing it to fall from the ponytail and spill out around both of your faces. once the both of you pulled away for air, you couldn’t help but giggle.

“what?” jake said, looking down at you with a bright smile. you shook your head. you were honestly just glad to be with him. you leaned up to catch his lips in another kiss. it felt like you were addicted to his lips and you cursed yourself in your head for ever putting you in the situation where you might’ve never been able to kiss them again.

jake looked at you fondly. “stay here, i’ll get something to clean you up.”

after a brief moment he came back with a damp cloth and a towel and gently wiped you down, making sure not to press too hard since you were still sensitive. once he was satisfied he laid down next to you and pulled you to his chest. “you did so good for me, pretty.”

your heart swirled at the familiar petname.

you weren’t sure when the two of you fell asleep or for how long, the sun’s golden rays just peaking above the horizon and starting a beautiful sunset, before you woke up. jake was still sound asleep next to you, the two of you still naked, and you slowly and quietly got up from the bed. you decided to take a look around his room since you’ve never been in it before.

he had old trophies and medals for various things, one of them being swimming, along with pictures of what you assumed to be an old swim team. there was pictures of his family and friends around that brought a smile to your face the more you looked at them. one in particular caught your eye. it was a polaroid of jake, jay, and jake’s bestfriend sunghoon.

you eyes widened. you thought jake and jay hated each other—if last summer was anything to show. why did they have a picture together? under it you saw that somebody wrote “swimming buds for life!” you checked the other pictures he had around again but this was the only photo that included jay. it made your head spin.

a familiar picture on his desk caught your eyes and you moved towards that instead. jake had gotten the pictures you took last summer developed too and had even dated them on the back. gently, you took the stack into your hands and looked at the picture on top.

it was the two of you at the abandoned skate park where you had your first kiss together. your head was tilted against his as you both smiled for the camera. a smile made its way onto your face and continued to grow as you continued flipping through the pictures, making your way to sit on the edge of jake’s bed.

you felt movement behind you and suddenly arms were wrapped around you as jake leaned up behind you to look over your shoulder. you gasped lightly when his hands rested at the lowest part of your hips and he placed feather-light kisses along your neck. “your awake,” you smiled as a chill ran down you, causing jake to chuckle lowly, sleep still at the edges of his voice. “i am.”

suddenly you were reminded at the fact that you both were still naked and the way your pussy now throbbed at his sleepy voice. you swallowed thickly and turned your attention back to the pictures in your hands. flipping the picture on the top to the back, you gasped and turned to jake in slight shock.

in your hands laid multiple pictures of you completely fucked out and dripping cum on a picnic blanket, illuminated by the moonlight and the flash of the camera. “asshole!” you nudged jake with a shocked smile and pulling a laugh from him. “i can't believe you took pictures of this!”

you looked back to the pictures with wide eyes as jake laughed more. “not funny…” you mumbled with a pout. you held one up where you were in full view of the camera along with jake’s cum covered cock hovering above you, “i look so out of it.”

jake took the photo from you and inspected it with a grin. “you were.”

you nudged him again, hard. jake laughed and wrapped his arms around you to pull you into him, placing kisses along your jaw. “it doesn’t matter,” he started, leaning his head against yours so his lips were near your ear, “these ones are for my eyes only.”

you giggled sheepishly, pushing him away from you as you tried to not let a wet patch form beneath you. you looked towards the window through the barely opened blinds. the sun was just about to set and you knew your mom was most likely wondering where you’ve been all day. jake followed your stare and you heard him sigh softly. “i should probably head home,” you stated quietly.

you turned to look at him, seriousness suddenly seeping into your features. “we’re gonna have to talk about this… about what this all means…”

“we can go slow,” jake said, cupping your cheek with one of his hands. “it’ll mean whatever you want it to mean.”

“bit too late to go slow,” you chuckled and he followed. you looked down to your lap, fingers fidgeting with the edge of the towel next to you. “i really don’t want drama this summer, jake.”

you glanced up to look him in the eyes, those pretty brown eyes of his. “i don’t think i can take another summer full of it,” you continued. jake nodded in agreement.

“this summer is just for the two of us. i promise.”

you let his words sink in before leaning up to place your lips against his in a soft and slow kiss. “now…” jake said as he pulled away, “are we just gonna stay naked, or what? because i’m really starting to lose my mind over here.”

heat crept across your face, especially as his eyes dropped to your nakedness. you covered your face with your hands as you turned away, jake’s laughter behind you, and moved to where he threw your articles of clothing. “timeout!” you muttered, as you pulled your panties on.

jake laughed more, “again?! hm, we’ll see…” he got up to get clothed as well. “let me walk you home.”

[ SUMMER — THE TIDES ARE PULLED BY THE MOON ] 𓇼 and you are pulled by him.

you almost jumped out of you skin, fingers grabbing at your pajamas, as you opened the bathroom door and were immediately face to face with your cousin jungwon. “jesus!” you nearly screeched as you held onto the door.

“so… jake walking you home, huh? what’s that all about?” jungwon asked. he took a few steps back to let you leave the doorway of the bathroom and you leaned against the wall nearest to it.

it was dark outside now and your face heated at the mention of jake. fumbling over your words slightly, you replied, “we were just… talking things from last summer over. he wanted to apologize in person.”

more heat spread across your face. it was surely one way to apologize…

in order for jungwon to not see your flustered face, you turned and made your way to your room, jungwon following in tow. you opened your door and walked around the room as you got ready for bed. discreetly, you tried to hide all of the love bites on you, suddenly regretting being so careless about where jake marked you.

“hm,” jungwon hummed, “are you planning on getting back together with him?” he sat at the edge of your bed, eyes trailing your movements. you saw the way his eyes stared too hard at a spot on your neck with a raised eyebrow.

you sighed softly. truly, you weren’t sure quite yet. you had just arrived and it was too early to tell how this summer was going to fair. and you really didn’t want this summer to be a repeat of the last one. you wanted to get more settled in before you decided to make any rash decisions—even though you and jake had already slept together just mere hours after you arrived.

you sighed to yourself again. maybe that wasn’t the best of ideas.

“i don’t know,” you replied, plopping down onto your bed next to him. “after everything… i-i just don’t want to be caught in another web. i can’t go through that again.”

jungwon nodded solemnly and rested a comforting hand on your back. “whatever you choose—be careful, y/n.”

this time you felt the gravity of his words—the same words he told you last summer when he tried to warn you in meddling in things you were unfamiliar with. in getting involved with jake and his and his friends’ game. when everyone tried to warn you.

even if jake claims that he’s changed, you needed to see it for yourself. not just through words, but through actions. and then, and only then, would you consider giving your whole relationship another chance.

“whatever happens, i’m here for you,” jungwon continued. you gave him a warm smile. “i will. and thank you,” you replied.

after talking to jungwon you decided to text jake with your requirements. your thumbs fiddled with each other and your heart raced as you waited for the three little dots that indicated he was replying to show up.

jake: i promise you i’ll do anything it takes to earn your trust back. anything. i’ll show you that giving us another chance will be worth it, that giving me another chance is worth it.

“everything is exactly the same as before, so there shouldn’t be any trouble,” mrs. song said as she led you back towards the front of the juice bar. you nodded in response as you followed her. “can you start later this week? say… wednesday?” she added in question.

“yes!” you nodded again politely. “wednesday is good! oh—can i ask you a quick question?”

“shoot,” mrs. song replied while waving off some kid trying to climb over the counter for more of the candy that sat in a bowl.

“last summer, a girl named hana worked here with me… does she still work here?” you asked as you looked to the floor with furrowed brows. pain stabbed through your heart and your mouth felt like it was full of sand just from saying her name. you hated the feelings her name evoked in you.

to think that you had an actual friend here in her… when all she wanted was to use you for her own gain. you knew it would be a ridiculous hope with how small the town was, but you still hoped you never saw her face again. never heard her name again. never felt these feelings that she caused. if you ever saw her again it would be too soon.

“oh, hana?” mrs. song questioned while focusing her attention back on you. “fired her not long after you left. horrible employee—i don’t know why i didn’t fire her sooner. or hired her in the first place.”

you let out a small sigh of relief that mrs. song seemed to pick up on. there was no way you could spend another summer sharing the same space as hana. it was impossible.

“you had problems with her too, yeah? hm,” mrs. song snorted.

after a bit more chatting and going over your future schedule you began to head out, trailing slowly along the shore. water lapped at your feet and your sandals swung limply from your fingers as you stared out at the calm waves. you think you could like it here after all.

“y/n!” you heard your voice being called.

breaking your attention from the sea, you turned in the direction of the voice. a smile grew onto your face. “jay!” you called back as he jogged up to you. “nice seeing you again!”

jay stood in front of you, holding a hand up to block the sun from getting in his eyes while he used his other hand to push his hair off of his forehead. you guided him away from the shore and towards one of the empty tables on the boardwalk. “was just getting ready to start my shift!” he replied.

you then noticed the outfit he was wearing—red shorts and a white tank top that read “GUARD” in bold red capital letters. a red lanyard with a whistle attached hung around his neck and he had a red visor tucked under his arm.

the two of you sat at the empty table and jay placed his visor onto it. he leaned forward slightly, a big smile on his face, “but i still have time to chat.”

and just like that it felt as if you were back at that campfire talking about anything and everything—like you and jay had been friends for forever now and it hasn’t been a year since you’ve last seen each other. the two of you just fell into such a natural sync.

you were even opening up to him about everything that happened last summer. mainly because you really couldn’t talk to anyone about it but him. he already understood all of the context and it was just so easy to talk to jay. you hadn’t realized how much you just needed a friend. and jay listened to it all attentively, not missing a single beat and inquiring about things you haven’t even realized.

“but enough about my past…” you murmured sheepishly, turning to the side to try and hide how warmth spread across your face. you just spend ten minutes talking about yourself and your problems without regarding the fact that it was probably coming off as extremely rude. “so how has the past year been for you?” you asked him.

you then gave him a cheeky smile. “any girls you’ve been seeing? interested in? tell me!”

jay laughed and shook his head a little. “no, i haven’t been seeing anyone. pretty much everyone here i’ve known for forever now… not the best candidates.” he leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms as he looked at you through his lashes. the corners of his mouth rose and he looked off to the side. “there has been this one girl, though… she’s definitely caught my interest.”

you gasped and leaned forward with your hands flat on the table. “what?! why didn’t you say anything sooner? i’ve been over here talking about my pathetic love life when we could've been talking about how good yours is going! have you talked to her yet? what’s her name?” the words flew out your mouth a mile a minute.

jay held his hands up as he chuckled, “woah, woah, slow down. i’ve talked to her a couple times now—but only briefly! i think she’s new in town, probably been here just a little bit longer than you have, actually.”

you grinned, “i’m excited for you! you gotta let me know how it all plays out. and don’t think i didn’t realize how you didn’t tell me her name!” jay’s face quickly turned red.

he stood from his chair, “ah, well, it’s all very new… haha, oh look at the time! my shift is about to start! bye, y/n!” he turned quickly as his words blurted out, throwing his words over his shoulder.

you rolled your eyes and stood to your feet. “whatever, i’ll get it out of you soon enough…”

jay pulled you into a hug as he nervously chuckled. “i seriously doubt it!” he mumbled under his breath before he jogged off.

“i will get her name out of you!” you called as you shook your head at him and watched his retreating figure, smiling softly.

you turned and continued walking aimlessly through the sand, feet sinking into the grains and leaving footprints. you watched as kids laughed and played with each other, darting around you and muttering passing apologies.

you were focused on the kid that almost ran into you running after their friends, not focused at all on the way jake crept up on you. “boo!” he shouted by your ear. you nearly jumped out of your skin, a loud yell erupting from your mouth. once you realized that it was just him, you hit him in his chest hard.

“jake?! are you serious!” you scolded, heat rushing to your face in embarrassment. you covered your face and he pulled you into him as he laughed hysterically. you buried your face in his chest briefly before turning out of his grasp and quickly walking away from the scene, trying to ignore the pairs of eyes that were on you.

jake trailed behind you and you heard him laugh more. “i’m sorry, i’m sorry! but that was so funny!” he said as he caught up to you. “you should’ve seen your face.”

he wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you closer to him. “what are you doing here?” jake asked as he glanced down at you.

“getting my old job back, what are you doing here?” you asked in response, “besides scaring me half to death?”

his smile grew, “came down here bored, until i saw you.” his eyes lit up suddenly. “oh! we should make another bucket list for this summer! since… since we didn’t get to finish the one from last summer…” he trailed off, eyes looking to the side briefly in regret.

you smiled at him, trying to diffuse the sudden awkward tension. “we should!”

jake guided you near the shore and the two of you sat in the sand. the two of you debated what to do this summer for a while, only managing to come up with a couple of things. one of which was going to this year’s summer splash event since you left last year before it happened.

“you’ll still be my date, right?” jake asked shyly. you chucked and nodded. “if you’ll still have me!”

jake gave you that same fond stare that he gave you before you left his house and it made butterflies erupt in your stomach. “of course i do,” he said.

it was such a simple sentence filled with so much. your brows knitted together ever so slightly and you watched the way his eyes darted towards your lips. it then seemingly felt like it was only the two of you on the beach, and you swear that the two of you slowly moved closer to each other.

the sudden shrill of a child’s cry broke the two of you out of your trance and you both snapped towards where a kid was crying over the way the sea messed up his sandcastle. you turned towards jake again and gave him a sheepish smile.

“uh—how about swimming! um, you teach me how to swim… since i can’t…” you sputtered awkwardly, hands waving in the air at the ocean. jake chuckled at the way you suddenly reverted back to your timid nature around him and nodded.

“yeah… i can teach you how to swim!”

you nodded after him. jake began to stand to his feet and you looked at him confused. “i can teach you now, in fact. do you have your bathing suit?”

you rose to your feet as well and nodded. you pulled the tank top strap off your shoulder and looked down to double check, nodding again when you saw the white fabric of your bikini.

jake tucked his finger underneath the thin strap that tied the bikini top around your neck. he pulled at it lightly before letting go and then smirked at you. “good,” he said simply.

your cheeks were already flushed with heat, but the heat just got hotter when you realized why he was smirking. it was the bathing suit you wore to the beach party.

playfully—and in an attempt to mask your warm face—you rolled your eyes and looked away from him. “get your mind out of the gutter,” you mumbled.

jake laughed, “all i said was ‘good!’”

“anyway,” you said, “we should add our names to that skate park! i feel like that would help me really cement my being here permanently.”

laughing harder, jake replied, “isn’t that vandalism? are you even good at graffiti?” he suddenly stopped laughing, expression serious. “wait—permanently? you’re here permanently?!”

still on the subject of the skate park, you shrugged. “it’s abandoned anyways, isn’t it? and how hard is it to use a spray can to write our names? it’s not like we’re tagging it, tagging it.”

jake grabbed your shoulders and your focus zeroed in on him. his eyes were wide as he looked into yours. “you’re here permanently?!” he repeated. you nodded, confusion shifting into realization at the fact that you haven’t told him yet. “yes, permanently. my mom and i moved here the day we met at our spot,” you said.

jake’s hands moved from your shoulders to cup your face. he then kissed you passionately, absolutely taking your breath away. you giggled when he pulled away and he started kissing you all over your face. “jake!” you giggled more, pushing him away from you slightly.

“i’m sorry,” he said a bit breathlessly, “you just don’t know how relieved i am to hear that.” he chuckled awkwardly as he gave you some space and tucked some of his hair behind his ear. “so, skate park? got it, anything you want to do! we have all the time in the world.”

you mind immediately snapped back to the skate park. “i feel like that’s not as adventurous as our last bucket list though!” you pouted.

jake pulled you towards where there were some free towels at the boardwalk. he turned back and cheekily smiled at you, “i can think of something adventurous.” you stopped in your tracks and swatted his shoulder. “i’m just saying!” jake laughed. “we’ve done a lot, but there’s still some things we haven’t done yet… you catch me?”

heat crept up the back of your neck and you crossed your arms across your chest. jake’s eyes darted down to the action. indulging him, you asked, “like what?”

jake stepped closer to you and reached up to mess with the straps of your bikini. he leaned more into you and dropped his voice so only you would hear what he was saying. “different places, different positions… there’s so many things i could do to you that you haven’t experienced yet.” your eyes connected with his.

“or you could do to me,” he added, lower.

you looked away, face on fire. jake dropped his hands from the straps he was fiddling with to his sides. he took another step closer to you until you both were almost chest to chest and grazed his hand along the side of your waist. jake leaned down until his lips were at the shell of your ear. “if you want,” he whispered.

he pulled away, smiling at you like he didn’t just insinuate what he did and cause arousal to pool in your bikini bottoms. he grabbed your wrist lightly and pulled you the rest of the way to the towels, handing you a rolled up one from the basket and taking one from himself.

you were still in shock, eyes wide as you stared at him. you then snapped out of it when you realized he was chuckling. tucking the towel underneath your arm, you used the basket of towels to lean forward towards him. discreetly, you slid your hand down his stomach and stopped right above the hem of his shorts. “sounds fun,” you smiled innocently. “i know exactly what i could do.”

you hand trailed lower before you backed away from him. you held in your laugh at just how quickly the bulge in his shorts was rising and his ears turned red. you looked towards the sea, “so where do you wanna start?” you asked casually. “i’m gonna have to strip these clothes off first.”

you turned back to him and smiled again, that same innocent smile.

the corner of jake’s mouth rose in a “two can play at this game” way. he opened his mouth to speak, but got cut off by someone suddenly entering your conversation. “look at what the cat dragged back in,” the voice said, mean and full of bitterness.

you almost instantly recognized that voice, and it seems that jake did too since his face instantly twisted into one of annoyance and hatred. he moved closer to you while also hiding his boner with the basket of towels.

hana walked up to the two of you with a sneer and a dripping popsicle in one hand. two girls you never seen before trailed behind her with a matching sneer. you rolled your eyes and crossed your arms against your chest, leaning your weight towards jake. “thought the two of you went up in flames last summer?” hana added.

she focused her attention on you, “don’t tell me you’re still falling for his ‘i love you’s’… how lame.”

jake scoffed, before either of you could say anything you noticed jungwon come up to you all. he pushed past the two random girls and shoulder-checked hana as he came to your side. “look what desperation dragged in. i know the saying is ‘misery loves company’ but this is just getting pathetic, hana. don’t you have a job to be at?” hana scoffed and opened her mouth, but jungwon beat her to it.

“oh yeah, you don’t. because you got fired. i think it’s time you go find one, don’t you think?”

hana rolled her eyes. “whatever,” she said, trying to pretend like she wasn’t bothered. she stuck the popsicle in her mouth briefly as she turned towards the girls. “didn’t want to stick around you losers anyways.”

she looked over her shoulder at you, “careful, y/n. you know jake’s still in love with me.” she then winked at him and jake’s face twisted further into disgust.

“you fucking wish. i was never even infatuated with you in the first place. you already know that sunghoon is the reason why i even stayed with you for those four months,” jake spit out, angrier than you’ve ever seen him. “stop making my life fucking hell and just move on already. i know i already have.”

you saw the way hana’s face fell and how she quickly masked it with a sickly sweet smile. ���keep telling yourself that, jakey,” she said before walking away.

you loudly scoffed at her retreating body and the way she purposefully swayed her hips back and forth as you turned towards jake and jungwon. “the audacity she has is honestly astounding,” jungwon said, face mirroring yours.

“delusional,” you added, “the lot of them.”

“forget her,” jake said as he pulled you and jungwon’s attention back to him. he then smiled, “let’s go swimming!”

“how hard is it to put one arm in front of the other?!” jungwon demonstrated how to use your arms to swim once again as a laugh was pulled from him. he swam out farther into the sea and then swam back, standing where you and jake were. “see? easy.”

“i’m doing the best that i can!” you exclaim, throwing your hands up in the air in mild frustration as the remnants of a wave hit against your stomach.

jake then chimed in, “it’s actually not that easy!” jungwon turned to him in confusion and jake swam out a little from where the two of you stood. “there’s actually a certain way you want to move your arms in order to not hurt your shoulders.”

you turned to jungwon with a triumphant smirk. “see!” you said while crossing your arms. jungwon rolled his eyes.

jake continued demonstrating, specifically pointing out how to move your body to not hurt your shoulders. he also showed how to gain more speed and stay under the water for longer with breathing techniques. “here, let’s do it together,” he said, swimming towards you.

he made sure your positioning was correct and guided you slowly towards the deeper part of where you all stood. “like this! if you’re feeling any type of pain in your shoulders than you’re doing it wrong.”

after a couple minutes of adjusting and positioning, you really thought you were getting the hang of it. when jake was guiding you there wasn’t any pain in your shoulders at all, but as soon as you started to do it on your own you immediately felt the tightness in them. your face scrunched up as you instantly reverted back to doggy paddling, causing jake and jungwon to laugh.

with full shame, you doggy paddled back to where they stood. “you know… i don’t think swimming is for me, actually.”

“i tried teaching her last year,” jungwon started, amusement tinging his voice, “she literally almost drowned. it’s hopeless…” you glared at him and then rolled your eyes. you’d like to think that if it weren’t for the large waves that day that you would’ve been fine.

jake laughed and you glared at him too, though without as much venom. “it’s a good thing i was there!” he looked at you with the biggest smile on his face and you rolled your eyes at him too. they both laughed again as you tried to think of the quickest way to discard bodies on a public beach.

“we’ll try teaching you again another time,” jake continued. “you’re…” he trailed off trying to find the right word for what he was thinking. “horrible,” jungwon concluded.

“still a novice!” jake quickly corrected. you mumbled out a lame insult to the both of them and walked towards your towel on the beach.

they followed after you, still chuckling, as you wrapped the towel around your soaked body. “it’s not all your fault!” jungwon exclaimed. “your hometown didn’t have an ocean, or even a pool, really. don’t blame yourself!” you scoffed at his cheap attempt to make you feel better and the both of you laughed. your hometown barely had a highschool with a pool. you were never taught to swim in school because all the seniors poured so much gasoline into the pool as a prank that your school had to close off the area and it just never reopened.

coincidentally, that was one of the times jungwon was staying with you and your mom. on a dare, he made you venture into the closed off pool room and you almost didn’t make it out alive. yes, the two of you got in a huge amount of trouble by your parents. you made jungwon do all of your chores for the remaining two months he was there.

“we should probably start heading home though,” said jungwon, “i accidentally broke mom’s sculpture while helping auntie move in her stuff and might’ve insinuated that it was your fault…” your eyes widened as you slowly turned to him. he scratched the back of his head guiltily.

“what?!” you nearly shouted.

“yeah…”

you ran your hands down your face as you turned to jake. “i’ll see you later,” you sighed, moving into his open arms for a hug. “or maybe i won’t after this,” you added suddenly.

“i’ll see you later,” jake repeated as he laughed.

as you and jungwon walked off—more like ran since you were currently trying to smother him in the sand—he kept looking behind you and laughing to himself. you caught him the act again just as the two of you were about to leave the boardwalk. he looked behind the two of you, shook his head a little, and laughed. “what?” you asked him. he hummed in question at your response. “what’s so funny?” you continued, looking behind you as well. you couldn’t tell what could possibly be making him laugh.

“oh, nothing.” jungwon looked behind him again. you nudged him with your elbow, trying to get him to confess.

jungwon laughed again. “jake’s been staring at you this entire time with the fondest, most lovesick puppy look i’ve ever seen. i don’t think he moved from that spot or even blinked since we walked away.”

you whipped your head around and looked around until you saw him. indeed, jungwon was right. you smiled to yourself and gave him a little wave. the smile on jake’s face grew as he waved back.

“gross,” jungwon commented as the two of you turned out of jake’s sight.

jake had, once again, put himself in the position where he was forced to listen about sunghoon’s recent victim’s complaints about their relationship. ever since he met you, he questioned how he ever found any of this entertaining. listening to sunghoon go on and on about the girls he wronged just made him feel exhausted—and guilty. jake couldn’t even begin to imagine how the girls he fucked over must’ve felt. the only thing he could come close to was the image of your heartbroken face the day you left him a year ago.

he never wanted to see that face ever again.

“she wanted me to fuck her—i fucked her. i told her not to expect a relationship out of all of this—now she’s crying about how i was dragging her along!” sunghoon ranted to jake as they made their way down to the boardwalk. sunghoon turned to him with an exasperated expression, “i don’t know how more clear i can get!”

jake pulled the whistle from his shorts and put the lanyard around his neck. “have you ever thought of being in a committed relationship with someone?” he asked sunghoon. jake adjusted his lifeguarding outfit as they got closer to the boardwalk.

sunghoon made a face. “dude, be serious. i’m young! i’ll settle down with someone when i’m, like, thirty or whatever.”

rolling his eyes, jake laughed at sunghoon’s reluctance to commit to someone. “if you find anyone willing to be with you that you haven’t fucked over by then.” the two of them laughed and stepped onto the boardwalk. it wasn’t as busy of a day today, which jake was thankful for.

“alright, i gotta go. my shift’s about to start,” jake said and turned to sunghoon. jake clasped sunghoon’s hand and gave him a quick pat on the back.

sunghoon nodded his head over to the lifeguard who was coming off duty—jay. jake tried not to roll his eyes. “incoming, you know how he is,” sunghoon said. “see ya, man.”

they went on their separate paths and jake walked to where jay was so they could switch. jay looked over from where he was grabbing his towel off the elevated chair ladder. jay gave a tight smile to jake, which already made jake’s blood boil. the only thing he could think about when he looked at him was how close the two of you seemed that night at the beach party.

as jay cleared his things for jake, he tried to make small talk to make the tension less awkward and heavy. “have you heard y/n is in back in town? for good?” jay asked. why was he asking him about you?

jake tried to not let his fist meet jay’s face again.

he tried not to be possessive over you, especially since the two of you weren’t even together again yet. and he wasn’t one to try and keep you from your friends, but jay was a whole different story. jake tried to not let the jealousy seep into his voice, “yeah, duh. i’m the first one she saw.”

“hm,” jay hummed as he threw his bag over his shoulder.

what was that supposed to mean? jake side eyed him. he was the first one you saw when you landed, right? jake would absolutely recoil into himself if he wasn’t. surely it wasn’t jay who you saw first, right? jake ignored him and started to set his own stuff down.

“better hope you don’t fuck everything up again, never know who might swoop in and take your place.” there was the jay that jake knew. the asshole under this whole ‘nice guy’ act he had been playing.

jake turned fully to him. “who? you?”

jake almost laughed in his face. jay couldn’t be serious, but he promised you he would try his hardest to not let there be any drama this summer. even if his fingers itched to wipe that slight smug smirk off jay’s face.

jay just shrugged. “could be, who knows? she’s very likable and very beautiful. everywhere she goes she attracts the stare of some guy. and i would say that you know girls don’t like to be treated like garbage, but with your track record that clearly isn’t obvious to you. you already almost lost her for good once.”

jake’s anger boiled over completely and he squeezed his eyes shut for a second to try and calm himself. it did nothing. jake wryly laughed and stepped up to jay. “so you think you can take her from me? you?” jake laughed again. “i’d like to see you try. incase it wasn’t obvious—she’s in love with me, not you. don’t you hate being a pale imitation?”

jake wanted to bring up every way that he had bested jay—down to the smallest thing, such as being able to tie his shoes before him. he would always be the better man. and even if jake wasn’t in some aspect, he would make damn sure that at the end of the day he was. jay had nothing on him, you had to see that.

it angered jake that jay was even talking about you this way. in a way that suggested he could get close enough to you for the two of you to be together instead of you and him. ridiculous, it all was. the only thing jay would be is a lesser version of him, constantly chasing after anything he had that he could never have. jake should’ve put him in his place when he had the chance three years ago.

jay’s smug smirk grew. “i don’t have to do anything. all it takes is her finding out the truth about the piece of shit that you really are and the game you like to play. and what’s inept infatuation to true bonding?” jay patted jake on the shoulder and jake harshly glared at him and pulled his shoulder away. “best of luck,” jay said in a low voice before walking away.

as jake climbed up to his post, the heat of the sun was nothing to the scalding anger inside him. he knew one thing for sure—luck would not be on jay’s side if he had anything to do with it.

you and jake were meant to be together, and jay’s hollow words weren’t going to change that.

jay: hey, are you free? jay: cashing in that rain check to hang out.

you were on your way home, but it couldn’t hurt to hang out with jay. the two of you needed to spend more than twenty minutes together anyway and catch up more.

besides, the picture of him, jake, and sunghoon suddenly crossed your mind, reminding you that you had forgotten to ask jake about it. maybe jay would give you some insight on why the two of them had bad blood between each other when they were once “swimming buds for life!”

you: haha of course! jay: awesome, meet me at the boardwalk? jay: we can hang out at my place. you: i’ll see you there!

you turned around and walked back down the boardwalk, picking an empty table to wait at in a relatively clear area. the polaroid wouldn’t leave your mind as you speculated what could’ve possibly split them apart.

was it just a mere difference of opinion? or was it the two of them simply growing up and going their separate ways? your mind then replayed their interaction at the beach party last year, how angry they were at just seeing each other. it had to be something deeper than that. perhaps some sort of betrayal?

if that was the case, then who betrayed who? and why?

or maybe the reason was because of this game—the player’s game, as jay mentioned. the one that you have already been a victim of. his words crossed your mind, “there’s no winner in the player’s game. it’s best to know that before it’s too late.”

he had to be a victim of the game too, if he was saying that to you. were jake and sunghoon possibly a factor in it?

before you could speculate any further, jay’s voice shocked you out of your thoughts. “hey,” he smiled, grabbing your attention. you smiled back at him as you stood. “hey!”

as the two of you walked to jay’s house, he must’ve saw that your mind was elsewhere. jay nudged into you slightly as you walked side by side. “you’re quiet today, what’s on your mind?” he asked. 

you racked your mind for a way to bring up his and jake’s past friendship subtly, so as to not barge too into their private matters without permission. you decided to try and pose it a different way. “oh, sorry! i just got off work so i’m kind of everywhere right now…” you trailed off, before purposefully perking up as if you just thought of something. “hey, how do you and jake know each other?”

you then internally panicked, thinking that that was maybe too forward, and added, “i’ve been spilling my whole love story with him, and at the beach party the two of you seemed familiar…”

jay’s eyebrows knitted together as he thought over your question. you hoped that you didn’t hit a sensitive subject as you subtly wiped your sweaty palms onto the back of your jean shorts. “we use to be friends—best friends,” jay started, “and on the swim team together back in highschool. him and his friends were just really shitty, so i decided to distance myself from them for my own good.”

you nodded along at his words, trying to place them in the puzzle board in your mind. jay’s answer was vague, but at least it was something—a start. you’d just have to get your answers out of him and jake whenever plausible. 

a house that you assumed was his came up into view as the two of you continued walking. “so how did you get involved with jake? i know i kind of already asked you this before, but i’m still curious.” jay guided you towards the house as he spoke.

you told him about you and jungwon swimming in the ocean and how jungwon left to go get something to eat. about how you then mistakenly went further out despite not knowing to swim and how the waves kept beating you down. then finally about how jake had come and saved you.

jay gave you an incredulous look as he held open the gate to his backyard for you. you nodded in confirmation and his shock only grew. “i’m gonna have to teach you how to swim, then!” he exclaimed.

you looked around his backyard. he had a large in-ground pool with a nice patio set up filled with lounge chairs, tables, and an outside bar. jay’s backyard was absolutely beautiful. 

“apparently i’m a bad student, but it’s a deal!” you joked and jay laughed, leading you to where the lounge chairs were by the pool.

“show me what you got! you can’t be that bad at swimming.” jay then suddenly stripped off his shirt, leaving him in swim trunks. your eyes widened and surveyed the upper half of his body. jay slunk into the pool, going underwater for a few seconds, and surfaced. he slicked back his now wet hair and looked up at you expectantly. “well?” he chuckled.

you laughed, half of it full of shock and the other half full of nervousness, and stood from the chair. you began taking off your tank top and shorts as jay swam away from where you stood. once you were done, you dipped a toe into the water, face scrunching up at the coldness, and slid in completely. you shivered slightly as you slowly walked to where jay stood in the center of the shallow end of the pool.

jay motioned for you to swim a little and you ducked down until your chin touched the water. “jake taught me for a little bit last week, but it didn’t really stick,” you said as you swam around a little and showed off what you learned from him. you felt jay’s eyes on you as you swam and it made you nervous about your swimming form.

“well i’m a much better teacher than jake.”

you didn’t know how to respond to that, and you didn’t get the chance since jay swam up to you. jay’s fingers trail over your arms, positioning them as he told you how to move them effectively. he then had you swim around his pool more to see what else you needed to work on.

jay’s eyebrows were raised and he looked like he was holding back a laugh. “i told you i was bad!” you exclaimed, sulking down into the water as you swam to him.

“not bad, just…” jay trailed off and you quirked an eyebrow teasingly at him, “just…” jay laughed, not able to finish his sentence and you pushed him.

“see!” you laughed.

“it’s okay, we can fix it.” jay then came closer to you, instructing you to hold out your arms. he came up behind you, his chest almost pressing against your back as his hands slid down your arms. he began to move them in a swimming motion.

“this is the motion you want your arms to do—straighten your fingers more, you don’t want a cupping motion,” jay spoke. his hands moved to your shoulders as you continued moving your arms, moving them backwards and forwards and then down to your waist to do the same.

you heart rate picked up from just how close he was to you, his hands all over you, and his voice next to your ear. your breath hitched lowly as his hands moved to your hips. of course you noticed just how handsome jay was—you noticed when you first surfaced from the water and he scared you—but seeing it all up close was something different. being this close to him made you feel nervous, and it felt a little wrong, too.

you knew that you and jake weren’t together, but being this close to someone else after being so close to him felt a little dirty. like you were cheating on him in some way even though you knew that wasn’t true. it also—deep down inside you—excited you, being this close to another guy.

jay moved around your body until he was to the side of you. his eyes moved from his hands that left your hips and up your body and the way that it moved until his eyes locked on yours. a satisfied smile crossed his features. “just like that, you got it,” jay praised. you inhaled sharply at the way his praise went straight down to the pit of your stomach.

you hoped that your body’s reaction to him came off as nervousness. following his guidance, you gave a small leap as you swam around in a circle in the shallow end of his pool. you did another lap before swimming back to jay. he clapped a couple times as you reached him, a proud smile on his face. “i told you i was a good teacher!”

he grabbed your bare waist as you stilled and your eyes widened a fraction more than they already were. “next time, though, make sure you use your hips more. it makes the whole movement more smooth.”

the feelings inside you made you feel extremely guilty. jay was simply just trying to teach you how to swim, yet your mind was on anything but that. even now, with his hands sliding down to your hips briefly as he finished speaking, he was so close to you that you were practically chest to chest.

dumbly, you looked at him and into his intense stare, breathing hard. you nodded at his previous sentence, though you weren’t actually sure what he said to you. jay smiled, voice softer, “you did so good! you’ll be a pro in no time!”

all you could do was nod again.

there was then silence between the two of you, and this time you were sure that jay could feel the tension. the two of you held each other’s stare, unbreaking. suddenly, jay’s gaze flicked down to your lips and then back up to your eyes. you inhaled deeply as the look in his eyes shifted.

your phone then went off, the sound of a received text message seemingly louder than it ever was before. you and jay jumped apart, the tension in the air turning awkward as jay shifted away from you slightly. “uh, i’ll go get us something to drink…” he trailed off.

“oh—um, yeah…” you muttered awkwardly.

you both got out of the pool and you used the towel hanging off the back of the lounge chair to dry off before checking the message you received.

jake: hey, where are you? are you off work yet? you: yeah! i’ve been hanging out with jay. why?

the guilt ate away at you even more. you knew it was ridiculous—you didn’t do anything wrong, the two of you just swam around together. but everything just felt weird and off now, like it was a secret you now had to hide from jake. his next message didn’t make you feel any better either.

jake: hanging out with jay?! why are you with him? you: he’s my friend? and i haven’t really seen him since i got here… you: is that a problem?

jake didn’t immediately answer and it made you speculate about the friendship he and jay once had. your phone didn’t ping with his text message until right as jay was coming through the sliding glass doors with two cups in his hands. “i got us some lemonade, i hope that’s okay!” jay said, handing you one of the cups.

jake: no, not a problem at all.

instead of swimming more, you and jay decided to chill outside of the pool and soak in some of the summer sun and talk. the more you talked, the more the awkward tension that was between the two of you slowly dissipated and talking to jay again was easy.

the weird feeling inside of you didn’t disappear, though. as you talked, your eyes couldn’t help but be attached to jay. the way the sun beamed off his drying skin and how he kept pushing the long, damp strands of his hair out of his face. the way his whole face lit up when you said something funny and a smile broke out into a laugh. it made your heart race.

suddenly, it finally clicked in your brain. you were attracted to him.

guilt poured into you even more and you started to shyly avoid his gaze. if jay noticed the sudden shift in you—which you hoped he didn’t—he didn’t mention it. you made sure you eyes were focused on anything but him as you talked.

you tried categorizing jay in your mind as strictly a friend, but even then it felt like he didn’t fit into the box. like he belonged somewhere between “friend” and “potential romantic interest” and that alarmed you even more. so you did the only thing you could think of at the moment to metaphorically shove him back into the “friend” box.

“you know, you’re like my bestfriend, right?” you laughed, making sure to make eye contact with him.

jay’s smile grew. “i’m your bestfriend?” he teased, leaned forward on the lounge chair towards you. “write it in stone. get the friendship bracelets out!” a small sigh of relief escaped you and you laughed, glad that he didn’t give you a weird look or anything.

jay stood from his chair, a hand at his chest, “i feel like i have to say a speech now or something.”

you immediately waved your hands in the air in front of you. “no!” you dragged the vowel out, “that is not necessary!” jay laughed harder.

you checked the time on you phone and sighed. “i should probably head home now… my mom’s probably wondering where i got off to after work…” you stood to your feet, smile faltering on your face.

“no issue! ill walk you,” jay said.

you gave him another shy smile. it was probably best that you didn’t spend more time with jay at this moment until you sorted yourself out. you didn’t know whether it was that your emotions were still everywhere from the move and you haven’t quite settled in yet, or what, but you had to get it together and fast. 

“oh—don’t worry about it!” you quickly said, “i have to stop down by the boardwalk and pick up something for my mom.” it was a lie, but jay was standing so close to you that it was all you had.

“okay!” jay replied. he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into a hug, shaking you a bit. “we’ll hang out some more sometime later, bestfriend.”

you laughed, hugging him back and ignoring your racing heart. you looked to the sky at the way the sun passed through the leaves of the trees. it was a little past noon and you were ready to get out of your bathing suit.

jay walked you to his backyard gate and opened it for you, following you out. “see ya!” you waved at him. he repeated your words, waving goodbye.

just as you turned away from him, a rundown van that honestly looked on its last life pulled up to the walkway. behind you, jay scoffed and you looked at the oncomer curiously as you kept walking. you heard jay’s footsteps behind you walk towards the van.

as you turned towards the path to the boardwalk, you heard jay say, “heeseung, when are you gonna get rid of that beat up fucking van? shit is falling apart.” who you could only assume was heeseung replied, “don’t talk about betsy like that!”

you laughed to yourself as you continued on your way away from jay’s house. 

as you were walking, completely in your own world, you felt an arm wrap around your waist. you nearly jumped out of your skin as you turned and screeched. jake immediately held his hands up, eyes wide and eyebrows raised.

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry! i didn’t mean to scare you!”

you let out the biggest sigh of relief before hitting him on the chest. “asshole! this is, like, the second time you’ve scared me nearly to death!”

jake laughed before wrapping his arms back around your waist, pulling you into him. he pressed a kiss to your cheek and smiled down at you. “i tried calling your name, but you weren’t listening! what’s on your mind?”

you shook your head slightly and shrugged a little. you were just glad to be in his arms again. “nothing,” you replied, “just a little spaced out, i guess.”

jake hummed and the two of you continued walking together. you noticed how jake had subtly guided you away from the path to the boardwalk and onto one you remembered from when you first landed here—his house.

this was your chance. with jay only giving you a vague answer about their history, maybe jake would give you more insight. you looked at him, “hey, jake?”

jake hummed again, brows slightly drawn together as he smiled at you. it was time to bite the bullet. “you and jay use to be bestfriends, right? what happened between the two of you?” you asked. jake’s smile fell and he looked down to the ground before looking forward. there was almost what seemed to be a flash of anger that crossed his features at the mention of jay’s name.

“uh…” jake trailed, tucking a stray strand of his hair that wasn’t already tied up behind his ear. “i was a really shitty person back then. i hurt a lot of people—did a lot of things that i now regret.”

that was basically a regurgitated version of what jay had already told you, it wasn’t enough. you needed to know more. “yeah, i know that already. but what did you do to him that you guys aren’t friends anymore?” you said, trying to make yourself more clear.

“why do you want to know so bad?” jake asked, slight annoyance in his tone as he looked back to you.  “did jay say something to you?” his arm around your waist tightened.

jake had never gotten annoyed at you, so you felt the need to defend yourself. “no, but i saw that picture on your wall with you, him, and sunghoon. ‘swimming buds for life!’” you sarcastically mocked as you did air quotes. “and you freaked out when you heard that i was hanging out with him. should jay have said something?”

the annoyance in jake’s features only grew and he rolled his eyes at the mention of jay’s name. you didn’t understand why he was acting this way over a simple question. you told him you wanted no drama, and you thought he understood that. so why won’t he tell you what happened between him and jay? you thought that he would start being more transparent with you after last summer.

you didn’t realize that you were already at his house until he pushed the door open and took your hand in his to drag you up the stairs to his bedroom. “it’s not important,” jake said, pushing his bedroom door open. you followed him through, shutting the door behind you to muffle the noise. “but it is!” you insisted, voice raising as you stopped in your tracks.

jake turned around so he faced you, running his hands through the hair that escaped his ponytail that he sported before running them down his face in frustration. “he’s my friend and you’re—” you cut yourself off, sighing deeply and sitting on the edge of his bed. “why can’t you just give me a straight answer? what is it? what is it about me and him being friendly that has you acting like this?”

you looked at the way jake started to pace in front of you with a worried expression. was what happened between the two of them so bad that it couldn’t even be uttered? surely not, right?

“i—i just can’t fucking stand him! and i can't stand you with him,” jake began to ramble, face twisted into an expression you couldn’t quite read. “you not with me. i can’t stand how he spun all of this to seem like he is the innocent one in all of this—like he wasn’t part of the game too! like he wasn’t a shitty person too!”

jake continued, voice raising, but never reaching a yell, “and i can't stand—couldn’t possibly fathom losing you again because of him.” jake came to stand before you, desperately looking at you.

you shook your head in confusion. “what are you talking about—losing me? how would you lose me?”

jake slumped down next to you, leaning over to run his hands through his hair that had completely fallen out of his ponytail now. you glanced around his room, noting the pictures of the two of you hanging up on his walls that weren’t there before. he had replaced some of the previous pictures with one of the two of you. just then, a lightbulb illuminated in your head. “jake… are you… jealous?” you asked him quietly, brows drawn together.

“yes!” he exasperatedly shouted, falling back onto his bed and rubbing his eyes.

you turned, “you have nothing to be jealous about? jay and i are just friends!”

jake shook his head, eyes still covered. “you’re gonna find out how absolutely shitty i was in the past and how he’s so perfect and want nothing to do with me.” jake uncovered his eyes and looked at you sullenly. “i don’t know what i would do with myself if you wanted nothing to do with me.”

you laid down next to him so you were face to face and grabbed his hand. absentmindedly, jake rubbed his thumb on the back of your hand. you looked at jake and his kicked puppy expression, “you don’t have anything to worry about, jake. nothing.”

you looked at him firmly to make sure your words were really sinking in. you may have found jay attractive, but jake is the one who kept you up at night. who you can’t stop thinking about no matter how hard you try—who you spent a whole year thinking about. the one who you graciously let hold your heart.

“there’s no competition between you and jay,” you added in a low voice.

jake seemed to relax and the line between his brows smoothened. “a girl,” jake suddenly said. you gave him a confused look.

“he was in love with this girl, but she liked me instead of him. when he found out things didn’t go over so well… split the whole swim team in half with people choosing sides. it was a loss for both of us.” jake looked down at your intertwined hands, voice quiet.

“well i’m not her,” you stated. “you won’t lose me.” 

jake looked up at you and you scooted closer to him, lips mere centimeters apart. “you won’t,” you repeated, pressing your lips to his. jake’s hand raised to cup your cheek as his lips fell in sync with yours. the two of you stayed like that for a moment, the kiss growing more passionate and desperate as time went on.

you straddled him, lips still attached to his, and instantly jake’s hands came to your hips. pulling away, you breathed, “let me make you feel good this time.”

furrowing his brows, jake looked up at you with confusion. “you always make me feel good,” you started, crawling backwards until your hands reached the band of his loose shorts. “let me return the favor.”

you crawled all the way off of his bed and sat on your knees between his legs, your hands resting neatly in your lap. jake sat up, eyes widening slightly as he stared hard down at you. you looked up at him with big, hesitant doe eyes.

“you cannot look up at me like that, pretty.” a shy smile grew at his words and at the way you saw the tent in his shorts grow.

“will you teach me how?” you asked him. you’ve never given anyone a blowjob in your life, you barely even gave a handjob. nerves flooded you at the fact that you would possibly do something wrong and that would be the end of it. or that you didn’t do it well enough and it was just disappointing.

you ran your hands up jake’s thighs and played with the drawstring of his shorts. jake screwed his eyes shut and nodded a little, inhaling sharply before opening his eyes again. “are you sure?” he asked you, worry tinging his features. “you don’t have to—and i don’t want to hurt you.”

“i want to,” you stated firmly, fingers hooking onto the band of his shorts now. you tugged lightly at it.

“alright,” jake breathed out. “don’t do anything you aren’t ready for.”

you nodded impatiently, eagerly pulling down his shorts and boxers in response. jake lifted his hips so they slid off all of the way, his heavy cock springing free from its restraints. you took his cock in your hands and jake lightly put a hand on the back of your head to signal you to stop.

“go slow, and don’t try to take more than you can handle to try and please me,” he said seriously. “i don’t want you hurting yourself.”

nodding again, you nervously looked at his cock in your hands. you weren’t sure what to do first. wrap your mouth around him or stroke him first? your grip was feather-light and you looked back up at jake so he could tell you what to do.

he caressed the back of your head comfortingly, “you don’t have to be nervous, baby, it’s just me.” jake gave you a reassuring smile and you gave him a small nervous one back. “you don’t have to hold it so lightly either, don’t be afraid to grab it.”

inhaling deeply, you tightened your grip until it was firm, but not too tight that you thought might hurt. jake moaned lightly, his eyes fluttering closed for a brief second. “i-is that good?” you asked worriedly.

jake nodded, inhaling hard. “yes, yes, just like that.” drips of precum slid down the flushed tip of his cock. “now, just move your hands up and down while twisting back and forth a little.”

you did exactly as he said, moving you hands up and down his length while maintaining the grip you already had. your eyes were trained on jake’s face and the way soft moans left his parted lips and his head tilted back more and more.

“good, baby,” jake breathed out heavily. you felt the way his cock practically throbbed in your hands. “when you get to the top, grab harder.”

“harder?” you asked, slightly more worried. your grip was already firm and he wants you to tighten it? jake nodded more, brows knitted together as his eyes squeezed shut, “mhm.” his moans were louder now and his hand that was at your head moved to press down into his mattress with his other hand.

you kept stroking him, his precum making the motion a bit easier. when you got to the flushed tip of his cock, you squeezed down harder. a loud moan left jake’s mouth as his hips bucked up into your hands. “ah fuck,” he groaned under his breath.

you smiled. it was nice to see him twisted in pleasure instead of the other way around. it was especially nice to know that you were the cause of it. that you were making him feel this good. you wondered if this is how he felt when he made you feel this good. it made your skin heat up and arousal pool at your core the more you thought about it and the more he moaned and whimpered for you.

jake tried hard to keep his hips still, but it was as if he physically couldn’t control himself. “can i try my mouth now?” you asked timidly. breathing hard, jake nodded. he looked down at you with hooded, clouded eyes of lust.

you sat up on your knees a bit and leaned forward. you looked down at his reddened mushroom tip and started with some apprehensive kitten licks. above you, jake inhaled sharply. you looked up at him nervously and you saw something shift in his features. his pupils blew wide with lust and his fingers gripped his comforter to keep his hands at his sides.

“slow,” he intrustructed. it came out almost strangled.

hesitantly, you wrapped your mouth around the tip of his cock as if it were a lollipop, sucking your cheeks in a bit. another loud moan was ripped deep from within jake and he threw his head back completely. you pulled your mouth off of him, eyes widening, before preparing yourself to take more of his cock inside your mouth.

you wrapped your mouth around him again, going farther down his thick length before you suddenly gagged. jake’s eyes flew down at you and his hand grabbed the hair at the back of your head to pull you off of him. “are you okay, baby?” he asked, frantic.

you nodded, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand as you looked up at him with watery eyes. his cock in you free hand twitched. you swallowed thickly, “sorry…”

he moved his hand at the back of your head to caress your cheek. “it’s okay, just take it easy. okay?” jake said softly. “okay,” you replied.

inhaling, you took him into your mouth again, this time taking jake’s advice and going slow. you went down inch by inch, stopping before you got the feeling of having to gag again. you wrapped your hands around the rest of his length that you couldn’t fit inside your mouth and applied the same pressure as before. 

slowly, you bobbed your head up and down, sucking inwards so your cheeks hollowed. “breathe—” jake spoke before getting cut off by his own moans and whimpers. “…through your nose.”

it must’ve been really difficult for jake, trying to control himself while talking you through what to do at the same time. even now, the more you sucked him off, the more you felt him struggling to still himself so he didn’t potentially hurt you. a part of you wanted him to just let go.

you didn’t even notice the fire in your lungs until he mentioned breathing. so you inhaled through your nose, the tension in your body immediately being relieved even though it took you a few tries to actually breath through your nose and suck at the same time. at the base of his cock, you moved your hands in the same up and down and twisting motion.

jake was practically panting now, knuckles white with the way he gripped his comforter. his moans and whimpers increased and his hips bucked up into your mouth lightly, signaling that he was real close to cumming. “shit,” jake cursed, half of it coming out in a whine.

his hand was at the back of your head again, using your hair to pull your mouth off of him. you kept moving your hands, this time bringing them up further—and squeezing at his tip—to accommodate the lack of your mouth.

you barely got to lean away before his cum was shooting out of him and all over your face and hands. drips of it landed on his thighs and jake fell back on his hands, a loud moan ripping through him as his head flew back. you kept stroking him, the remaining cum dripping down your hands, as you helped him through his high. jake’s hips lazily thrusted up into your hands as he tried to catch his breathing.

once jake was finished, his cock softening in your hands, he sat up to look at you. you looked at him with hesitant doe eyes again and his eyes widened to saucers as he took in the scene in front of him. “was it good?” you asked shyly, worry hanging on the edge of your words. you swear you felt his cock harden.

“perfect. it was perfect, pretty,” jake responded, gently grabbing your chin. you licked your lips and was surprised at the slight salty taste of his cum. jake smiled and chucked a bit, “if you could see yourself from my point of view right now…”

you smiled cheekily at him. “so take a picture and show me.”

that got him hard again.

jake raised an eyebrow at you, his smile turning into a smirk. he leaned down to his shorts pocket and fished out his phone, then he aimed the camera at you and you heard the click of a picture.

he still had his phone aimed at you. you giggled, “do you want me to pose?” jake laughed and you joined him. “if you want,” he smiled.

you lifted his heavy, half hard cock in your hands and placed your tongue at the side of his tip while you stared into the camera. “careful…” jake warned teasingly. “i don’t think i could control myself again.” you smiled before wrapping your lips around him, giggling.

a moan slipped past jake’s lips and you laughed, pulling away. he tossed his phone behind him and raised his brows at you. jake grabbed your arms and pulled you to your feet. “okay, little miss eager… let’s get you cleaned up. i don’t think you want to go walking around with my cum all over your face.”

being back at you and jake’s spot evoked emotions inside you that you weren’t quite ready for. being at your spot and laying under the stars with him caused a whole bigger tidal wave. it made you think of every moment that the two of you had here—good and bad. jake was right, this really is the best place to see the stars.

the last time the two of you watched the stars together, you were tucked into jake’s side, almost cheek to cheek. now the two of you were seperate—the only connection being the brushing together of your arms. you didn’t like how far away he felt, but you weren’t quite sure how to bridge the gap further.

you felt jake’s heavy stare on the side of your face and you looked over at him instead of the stars. you had spent the rest of the day together, roaming around the small town with your phones on record capturing every moment until the two of you ended up here. it felt like the day when you had stumbled into your shared spot and you and jake’s relationship changed forever. you quirked an eyebrow at him as the two of you stared at each other for a moment. you could tell that something was weighing on his mind.

jake exhaled, “i know you wanna take things slow, so i won’t ask you…” his eyes flickered to the stars before focusing on you again. you really appreciated how he was being open with his feelings with you, especially since he told you how difficult it was for him. “but, just know you’re the only one for me. no games, no lies, nothing. i want only you. you’re the only one i’ll ever want.”

you shifted so you were fully facing him, shocked at where this was coming from all of a sudden. you thought you curbed his earlier jealousy—maybe it was something else? “is this because of what hana said a few weeks ago? cause i don’t believe a single word out of her mouth. i know how you feel about me, i know that you aren’t a player anymore.”

“yes and no…” jake trailed. “i just want to make sure that you know. whenever you want to take things to the next level, i’ll be there. i don’t want you to think this is only about the sex for me, ‘cause it isn’t.”

jake then suddenly panicked, waving his hand in between the two of you. “though the sex is great—amazing, even, and i really, really enjoy it! so don’t think—”

you cut him off with a soft laugh, he is so cute when he is flustered. “i know, jake, i know.”

you sat up from the blanket you both are laying on. “turn around!” you tell jake. he smiled and turned towards the blanket while covering his eyes. “don’t look!”

taking a deep breath, you steadied yourself. you thought now was as good as a time to take things to the next level. in the sand you nervously wrote out ‘boyfriend? yes or no’ with check boxes next to ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ 

you knew you prioritized taking things slow—which you definitely didn’t do—and having jake’s actions speak louder than his words, but you knew what you wanted. you knew the moment you landed here and ran as fast as you could to him. jake is the one that you want—the one that you’ll always want, and his actions have already proven to you that he feels the exact way.

moving to the side a bit, you told him to open his eyes. you took your lip between your teeth as you watched him read your words in the sand. you let out a small sigh of relief when his whole face lit up and he checked the ‘yes’ box immediately. giggling, you climbed into his lap and smashed your lips onto his.

“oh! we should take a picture!” jake perked up. he pulled his phone from his pocket and aimed it towards the words in the sand. “physical memories and all, right? well, not physical, but you know what i mean.” you laughed as he snapped the picture and one of the two of you for good measure.

as jake walks you home, the air between the two of you buzzes—almost glows with the help of the streetlights. your hand is intertwined in his and the world feels like it’s back in order. it’s electrifying—the way you turn and stare up at him just before you step onto your porch. you open your mouth to speak, but jake already knows what the words will be.

just then, the porch light turns on and you quickly look back at it before looking back at him. with a sheepish smile you tell him goodnight. jake’s heart can’t help but swell as he smiles back and kisses you on your cheek. “goodnight, baby,” he murmurs.

jake watches you walk to your porch and disappear into your house—not letting go of his hand until the distance physically breaks the two of you apart. he begins to walk home, thoughts of you flooding his mind. jake is so fond of you that it almost hurts. he’s so in love with you that it actually does.

he’s looking through the pictures and videos you both took today, a giddy smile on his face as he starts to send them to you like you asked earlier. then a thought crosses his mind. is it his jealousy and slight possessiveness creeping in? maybe. but his fingers are already moving before he can stop them.

jake just hopes that jay still has the same number.

attaching the imagine of you asking him to be your boyfriend and the selfie of the two of you, jake presses send. he waits a second before typing the message, “oops, meant to send this to my girlfriend. my bad!”

jay: read, 10:57 P.M.

jake smirks as he slides his phone back in his pocket. he knew that he was rubbing it in jay’s face, but he honestly couldn’t care less. how dare he try to come between the two of you? jake wouldn’t be surprised if he only started talking to you so he could get one up on him. pitiful, really.

it didn’t matter anymore, because now you were jake’s girlfriend—and you were all that mattered to him.

“you just can’t help yourself, huh?” a voice said behind you.

you were in the middle of wrapping up your shift—cleaning the counter and tidying up for the next person’s shift. turning, confusion written all over your face, you were then face to face with hana. anger coiled her features into a scowl and she looked almost… paranoid? mascara clumped below her lashes and she honestly looked a mess. your brows knitted together at her words. what was she on about now?

“jake is mine,” she said with fevered passion. you just rolled your eyes and continued tidying up, opting to ignore her. that didn’t stop hana. she slammed her hands down on the counter, leaning forward. you raised an eyebrow at her. “first jake, now jay—you just can’t help going after my sloppy seconds, can’t you?” hana continued, almost shouting. she was borderline hysterical and you genuinely started to get worried.

“what? what are you talking about, hana?” you asked, turning fully to her.

your response only seemed to piss hana off even more than she was. red-hot anger boiled behind her eyes and she was attracting the attention of people passing by, but she either didn’t notice or didn’t care. “don’t ‘what’ me. you know exactly what i’m fucking talking about! what do they even see in you?”

you honestly had no words. hana stormed off, giving you one last glare. you stood in place frozen, rag hanging limply from your fingers.

the vibration of your phone knocked you back to your senses and you quickly finished tidying up. you clocked out and on the way home you opened your phone to see what the vibration was.

jake: lunch at your house with your mom today is still on right? you: yup! jake: see you there, pretty.

you pushed open your front door, gaining your mom’s attention. she must’ve walked through the door minutes prior since she was surrounded by grocery bags. you helped her bring them into the kitchen and unload them.

“so… you and that jake boy, huh?” your mother asked you innocently, putting stuff away into the fridge. you were next to her putting stuff into cabinets. “yeah,” you said sheepishly, “we’re back together now.”

she hummed, quiet for a moment. “i know last year the two of you had problems that hindered you from wanting to come back here—problems that i see have been resolved now. i can tell that he does really care about you, honey, so don’t be afraid to jump feet first.” she looked at you from where she stood in front of the fridge, a spacey look in her eyes. you can tell she was thinking about your father.

“thanks, mom,” you smiled at her. she snapped out of her haze, smiling back at you.

“and then—” you were cut off by a moan pushing itself out of your mouth, your back arching slightly off your bed. “and then she was just shouting like a maniac! the whole time i’m trying to figure out what she’s on about while everyone around us is staring.”

another soft moan left your parted lips and your fingers grabbed tightly onto your blankets. your brows drew together as your mind started to get hazy. you were just about to lose tract of what you were saying before the image of hana’s hysterical and angry face popped into your mind. “are you even listening to me?” you asked, flicking the blanket off of you.

jake looked up at you, lips attached to your core and fingers buried deep inside you. he hummed in question and it sent shockwaves throughout you—making your hips buck up into his mouth and your eyes flutter shut briefly. you pouted and jake pulled away from you, pulling his fingers out of you—the wetness coating them—and resting his hand on your inner thigh so your legs stayed apart.

“baby, i do not care about hana,” jake said. you scoffed and looked up at your ceiling, old glow in the dark stars sticking to it. jake chuckled and crawled up your body so you were face to face. “who cares what she said! she’s delusional and crazy—ignore her.”

you sighed and jake laughed more. “now, do you want me to continue or do you wanna rant more?” he asked you. you pouted more at him and he kissed your lips.

there was a knock at your door and you and jake panicked and he ended up falling off your bed and to the ground next to it with a loud thud. “one second!” you called as you pulled your panties back from the side and adjusted your skirt so it wasn’t halfway up your stomach.

turning to jake, you put a finger to your lips, motioning for him to stay silent. you went to your door and opened it up just enough to show your body. “what was that?” your mom asked you.

you furrowed your brows, pretending like it wasn’t jake falling on his ass, before acting like you realized what she was talking about. “oh, that thud? it was my suitcase—i still haven’t fully unpacked yet…” 

your mom tsked at you and handed you a dress. “found one of my old dresses while cleaning out grandma’s closet, i thought you might want it to wear to summer splash.” your eyes widened at you took it from her, a thankful smile forming on your face.

“it’s beautiful, mom,” you spoke as you examined it. she smiled before leaving you to unpack.

you laid the dress on the chair next to your closet before turning to jake. you held out a hand as you waited for your mom’s footsteps to retreat completely before rushing to him and helping him to his feet. the two of you smiled sheepishly at each other.

“i think i should go,” jake said in a low voice. he wrapped his arms around your waist and buried his face in your neck. the tips of his ponytail tickled your cheek. jake pressed a kiss to your neck, making you shiver, before looking back at you. “we can finish this later.”

heat rushed to your face and you nodded, fighting the urge to cover your face from him. jake’s smile turned to a half-smirk. he started to walk towards your door but you pulled him back towards you by his hand, a wild look on your face. “you can’t just go out the front door!” you whisper-yelled.

jake’s brows furrowed. “why not?” he whispered back.

you gave him an incredulous look. “jake, i snuck you in here,” you said before pointing to your window. “you were supposed to leave after lunch… you’re gonna have to use the window.” jake looked at the window and then at you, unmoving.

pulling him to the window, you opened it and the warm summer nighttime air hit you. you turned to jake and motioned to the window. jake raised his brows. he then intertwined your hands and rested his forehead against yours for a moment before kissing you gently.

“i’m going to be coming through your window all of the time now, i hope you realize that,” jake said lowly. you laughed softly at him, “i’ll leave it unlocked for you then.”

jake leaned on your open window, looking down at the grass below before turning to you. “you’re still my date to the summer splash event, right?” you rolled your eyes playfully at him, “duh! of course i am!”

jake smiled and kissed your cheek before stepping over the ledge of the window. he started climbing down before he unceremoniously fell on his ass again. you gasped and shouted in a low, worried voice, “are you okay?!”

jake gave you a pained smile and a thumbs up before getting up and shaking himself off. you watched as the living room light turned on. you and jake froze for a second, his eyes darting up to yours, before he took off—waving at you as he ran down the street.

you held in the urge to laugh as you quietly shut your window again, making sure to leave it unlocked. you were sure you were gonna hear about the “strange noises” tomorrow. you pulled your phone out and texted jake.

you: very smooth. jake: i know, i’m such a pro!

jake attached a blurry picture of him smiling while running that finally got you to laugh.

[ CHANGEOVER — THE SUMMER SUN SETS EARLY ] 𓇼 and a cold wind sweeps up the sea.

jake laughed—the vibrations traveling throughout your body as you laid on his chest—and scrolled to another video on his phone for the two of you to watch together. he had come through your window like he promised and the two of you had spent the night in the same bed. now the both of you were in the bare bones of your pajamas—you in a thin tank top and panties and him just in his boxers—the morning of the summer splash charity event.

after a couple more videos, jake shut his phone off and looked down at you on top of him. “as much as i enjoy you sitting on my cock, we should both probably get ready… today is gonna be a long day.”

you snuggled deeper into his bare chest. the simple feeling of being stuff so full already had your mind cloudy. “but i’m so comfortable!” you mumbled, glancing up at him. jake smirked.

jake’s hands trailed down to your waist, his touch sending a shiver down your spine. “hm, you’re so comfortable… how comfortable?” he asked, voice low. you sat up fully, a flirty smile crossing your features. you rested your hands on his chest.

“very comfortable.”

“let’s see, then.” jake’s smirk grew as his hands trailed down to your hips, head tilting to the side. his hands squeezed your hip slightly and you were practically already dripping.

you started rolling your hips, using your hands on his chest as leverage. both of your breathing started to get heavier. “like this?” you asked innocently, lifting your hips a little and dropping them again as you rolled them. jake’s eyes rolled back and his head fell back on your headboard.

“yes… exactly like that,” he breathed, voice almost hoarse.

the more you moved, the louder your moans grew and the cloudier your head got. at some point jake had to hold his hand over your mouth to muffle them. “shh, pretty,” he shushed in a husky voice. “i’m sure you don’t want someone to come in here and see us.”

you shook your head as you kept riding him. “f-feels so good, i can’t stop myself.” jake’s response was to kiss you instead, muffling your shared moans with each other’s mouths. he bit down softly on your lower lip and smirked at the way you moaned against his mouth.

the fabric between the two was seemingly too much for jake. before you could even chase his lips, your tank top was off and his lips were on your skin and his hands were exploring the new access to your body. you bit down hard on your bottom lip as his plump lips left love bites all over your skin.

a loud whimper left your mouth when jake adjusted your position so that he could easily fuck up into you. you buried your face in his neck to silence yourself, hoping that the loud sounds of skin slapping against skin didn’t alert any of your family members.

“f-fuck—” jake swore, voice stuttering as he suddenly stilled inside you. warm cum spilled into you and filled you even more. you looked up from jake’s neck through hooded eyes and watched the way his eyes fluttered closed.

jake exhaled heavily, his forehead resting against yours as his cum dripped out of you and down his hard cock. his lips sloppily connected with yours as his hips started fucking up into you again.

your brows harshly drew together as your moan was muffled by jake’s mouth. your nails dug into his shoulders and your body started to shake as each wave of pleasure hit you one by one like a tsunami.

“feels good, baby?” jake whispered near your ear, voice husky. you could barely answer him because if you did you would end up shrieking. all you could do was nod weakly as high-pitched whimpers and whines escaped past your lips.

jake swore again when you tightly clenched down onto him, body shaking like a leaf and nails so deep in his shoulders that you weren’t surprised if you drew blood. suddenly the floodgates opened and you were cumming harder than you ever did before as your body fully collapsed on top of jake.

stars swirled in your eyes as jake helped you through your orgasm, kissing your cheek and shoulder comfortingly as he rubbed circles onto your back. both of you were covered in a sheen of sweat and breathing heavily, the point where the two of you connected sticky with your mixed cum.

once your head wasn’t on cloud nine anymore, you shakily sat up. you gave jake a hazy smile and giggled. jake pulled you closer to him, chuckling, before he kissed you softly. “we might be in trouble,” he said in a low voice, accent heavy. you giggled again, ignoring the way your pussy throbbed from his voice alone.

you pulled away from him, almost fully naked body on full display for him. you both were definitely gonna have to throw away your respective panties and boxers after this. jake looked down at the mess you both created before caressing your waist with his thumb. there was that fondness in his eyes again. “you’re so pretty like this…” he trailed and you hid your face with your hands, heat rushing to your face as you shyly smiled.

jake pulled away your hands. “my pretty girl,” he said affectionately. you lifted your hips and pulled yourself off of his cock, more cum spilling out of you. you leaned back down to kiss him. “we should get ready now,” he said, pressing another chaste kiss to your lips.

you hummed before throwing his famous smirk at him. jake quirked an eyebrow, the corners of his mouth raising. “getting ready can wait another thirty minutes,” you murmured before trailing kisses down his body. jake’s breath hitched and his eyes fluttered shut when your kissed stopped right where the band of his boxers were.

your smirk grew. it was nice to know that you had the same effect on him that he had on you. that you could get him all worked up so easily like he sat in the palm of your hand. it made you feel on top of the world. “we aren’t done yet,” you said, grabbing his cum-covered cock into your hand as you began to stroke slowly.

a whimper left jake’s parted lips as his eyes cracked open. the corners of his mouth were still raised, “i’m gonna make you eat your words.”

it’s safe to say that you and jake were a little late showing up to the summer splash charity event. all around the beach and boardwalk were people participating in various contests and competitions to raise money for the sheltered animals in town. you were in one of your mom’s old dresses—it was so beautiful and formal that you felt a little awkward and restricted despite its flowiness—and jake had on a nice suit that matched your dress. the two of you looked stunning, if you did say so yourself.

at some point jake got pulled away from you by his friends to participate in a competition and you wandered the boardwalk looking at all the competing people. you could see why this was held every year, everyone was buzzing with energy and there were smiles all around.

“hey… y/n?” you turned to see jay coming up to you. you smiled at him.

“oh! hey, jay!” you said, turning to face him. he had a serious expression on his face and your eyes knitted together in worry. “what’s wrong?” you asked him. jay inhaled deeply and a flood of words poured from his mouth.

“listen, i know you may think jake is the one, but he isn’t the saint you think he is.” jay gave you a firm stare. you looked away, sighing to yourself. “jay…” you trailed.

jay cut you off. “i have to say this before it’s too late. i like you, y/n. i really like you. and i’d never put you through all the things he has—lead you on or fill your head with lies and half-truths. if you’d give me the chance, i could show you that we’re a better match.” you opened your mouth to speak but he cut you off again. “think about it…”

jay then left you standing dumbfounded and completely confused on the boardwalk.

later that night, there was a venue the coordinators booked where people could dance and mingle with each other over drinks. you and jake were on the dance floor, way past tipsy, but not quite as drunk yet. a slow song started to play and the two of you swayed side to side before jake spun you.

you smiled adoringly up at him and he mirrored your expression. you leaned closer to him and leaned your head against his chest as the two of you continued to sway. “you do know how much i like you,” you said to him, loud enough for it to be heard over the music but low enough that only his ears could hear and a bit slurred. you felt jake chuckle as his arms wrapped tightly around your waist.

“i do,” he replied. “you do know how much i like you, right?” you laughed and pulled away slightly to look up at him. you pressed your lips against his softly.

there was something else hanging in the air between you that you couldn’t quite put your finger on. maybe your head was too misty from the alcohol, but it felt like it was on the tip of both of your tongues. you didn’t linger on it, mind distracted by the sudden need to use the restroom.

pulling away from jake, you told him this and made your way to the restrooms. jake watched you leave, a small smile on his face. his face dropped when he saw a sneering hana follow after you. in a quick second decision he decided to go after the both of you.

when jake caught up to the two of you, it felt like he was walking directly into a car crash. “the year you were gone he was with me!” he heard hana say as she shoved her phone in your face, swiping through various pictures. confusion spread through him. what was she talking about now?

your brows were knitted together as you took the phone from her, looking through all the pictures of her and jake. even with your clouded mind, you didn’t believe hana at first, but ask you kept scrolling you weren’t quite sure anymore. jake’s hair was almost the same length as it was now and when you checked the dates it said it was from a year ago.

“mhm!” hana said, and it felt like she dug her claws into your heart and ripped it out. “as soon as you got on that plane he came to me!” your heart dropped and you turned to jake, hurt written all over your face. you felt absolutely crushed.

“is this true?” you asked him, voice trembling.

after everything he said to you—he went back to her? when he said that nothing happened between them and nothing will ever again… was that all just a lie? did he take you as a fool again? you couldn’t believe this.

“i love you, you know id never go back to her when this whole time i’ve been waiting for you.” jake stepped towards you, still confused about what was happened. all he knew was that he didn’t want to see that hurt look on your face—he couldn’t take it. you quickly took a step back from him and he practically shriveled up and died.

in the background the coordinators were announcing how much money was raised tonight, but you could barely hear them with your heart beating in your ears. “but you went back to her,” you spoke, voice raising.

jake gave you an incredulous look. “you’re telling me you believe what’s coming out of her mouth right now? seriously? whatever she showed you—they’re fake. she probably edited them.”

tears welled up in your eyes, your emotions everywhere from that stupid alcohol you decided to drink. “i don’t know what to believe anymore! it’s always fucking something with you and i’m tired of it!” you exclaimed. you wanted to wrap your arms around yourself and disappear.

jake pleaded with you, “listen to me. listen to what i’m telling you! it’s not true.” he took another step towards you and this time you let him.

seemingly out of thin air, jay appeared next to the three of you, turning his attention to jake. “why don’t you tell her about what happened between the three of us, jake.” he motioned with a finger between him, jake, and hana. your brows drew deeper together as you looked between him. what is jay talking about?

“yeah, jake!” hana chimed it, a sickly sweet smile curling up the corners of her lips. “tell her.”

you looked back at jake and the bewildered look on his face as jay and hana pounced on him. jay then looked at you, “well, if you won’t tell y/n then i will.”

jay stepped closer to you and jake and wrapped an arm around jake’s shoulders. “you wanna know the real reason why jake and i aren’t bestfriends anymore?” jake pushed jay off of him but jay just shook his head, lips twitched up slightly into what looked like a sneer.

“believe it or not, we use to be close—me, jake, sunghoon, the whole damn highschool swim team. until jakey here—” jay poked a finger into jake’s chest “—decided to let it all crash and burn.” jay then turned to you. “now, i’m not the most innocent either. jake and sunghoon’s game they like to play—the whole player lifestyle—i use to be part of it all. we were all shitty, together.”

jay continued. “we would see who could get attached to us the fastest, and once they’d become too clingy… dropped. you see, we weren’t looking for anything serious, just some fun! we had just graduated and weren’t looking to settle down anytime soon. that is… until i was.” he then turned to hana, motioning a weak hand at her. “now i should've known better to fall for someone who was clearly still so obsessed with jake, but i thought it was young love. pathetic.”

hana rolled her eyes at jay before tilting her head at you, “you aren’t as special as you think. before he took your virginity, he took mine. i was you, don’t you see?”

jay snorted, “before he dropped you and barely remembered your name or who you were at all.” hana scoffed at him but jay ignored her. “hana and i started going steady and jake and sunghoon didn’t like that. it was always ‘oh, the two of you aren’t serious! you’ll just drop her like the rest!’ but months past and me not playing the game anymore only angered them more.”

jake finally seemed to snap out of his fog. “you’re such a fucking liar. we weren’t—”

“so they decided to get back at me, a harmless prank,” jay cut him off. “and clearly hana was using me to get back to jake, unbeknownst to me. they all thought it would be so funny if i found jake and hana together, to show me that she ‘wasn’t really worth it.’ and i did find them—only i didn’t find it funny, but to them the plan went off without a hitch so it was a success.”

jay turned from all of you. you could feel the anger radiating off of him as he retold the story and lived through all of the memories. shock grew on your face and you looked at jake with wide eyes.

“cue the big, disastrous fight that split the former swim team in half. lifelong friendships were broken, people were betrayed, and people chose sides. you get the gist.” jay turned back to you all, waving a hand in the air, face steeled.

he looked at you again. “you wanna know the kicker? despite not giving a single fuck about hana—not one—he then dated her after for four months. just to really stick it to me.”

your mind flashed to jake’s letter. about three years ago he said him and hana dated for four months but they “didn’t click,” so he broke up with her. he said that ever since she’s been making his life hell with her obsession with him and her trying to get back together. you felt like you were going to throw up. you hated hana, that much was obvious, but you couldn’t really dismiss the fact that jake took her virginity and then dropped her. it wasn’t an excuse, but it’s no wonder she’s so obsessed with him.

like she said, she was you. he probably made her feel like the only girl in the world for that one night.

“you’re just jealous of what jake and i had,” hana said, crossing her arms over her chest. jay’s gaze darted to her’s and wryly laughed. “sure, hana. you keep telling yourself whatever you need to help you sleep at night. jake never liked you the way you think he did. the only reason he dated you so long was because sunghoon dared him to see how long he could go before going crazy.”

hana blinked a couple times. clearly that information was new to her, too.

“i’m never one to forgive and forget, so now you can see why our friendship has long been dead and buried,” jay concluded. “i told you he’s not the saint you think he is.” jay sounded sorry for you and jake just stared at you with wide, fearful eyes. it was all too much for you to process.

“i need some space. i can’t… it’s over.” cheering exploded around you from everyone else at the party and you stumbled away, pushing through the door until you were hit in the face with fresh air. tears fell from your eyes and distantly you heard voices behind you calling your name.

you felt like no matter how hard you tried, oxygen wouldn’t reach your lungs. you pressed your hand to your stomach, trying to will yourself to breathe. you heard people arguing next to you and you closed your eyes to try and steady yourself as you inhaled sharply, air finally reaching your lungs. you turned to the voices as your ears suddenly heard them clearly.

“you just want everything i have, don’t you? can’t help yourself, huh?” jake shouted at jay.

jay got in his face and shouted back. “like you can’t help but throw the people you ‘care’ about to the side?” jay turned his focus to you. “tell me, y/n, who did he put over you this time? what lie has he told you to keep you crawling back to him?”

jake pushed jay hard. “don’t fucking talk to my girlfriend like that!”

“newsflash, you fucking idiot, she isn’t your fucking girlfriend anymore! you can’t help but ruin everything you touch!” jay yelled at jake. you felt your throat tightening again and you took a step back from them.

tears poured down your cheeks and a loud sob left your parted lips. they froze as their gaze snapped to your broken form. you turn and took off in a random direction that you hoped was towards your house.

you ran until you physically felt like you were gonna burst and gulped in a large breath of air. you heard jake calling after you as you swayed on your feet, vision blurring even more. jake put a hand on your shoulder, “baby…”

you spun in place, shrugging his hand off of you. “explain. explain right fucking now, or i swear we’re done for good. what else have you been keeping from me?” you asked through tears.

in the moonlight you could see the sparkle of tears welling up in jake’s eyes. “i swear there’s nothing else! i-i just didn’t want you to look at me like a monster when i’ve done everything in my power to not be that person anymore,” jake promised. you scoffed and looked away from him.

“i’m not gonna let you slip through my fingers again,” jake said. he sounded desperate but his words fell on deaf ears. “i already am,” you coldly replied.

jake grabbed your hand in his, intertwining them. suddenly you felt his hands all over you—his lips all over you and leaving the marks that were still on your skin, covered. “y/n… please just think this through. i haven’t seen hana at all until that day on the beach with you. i was a horrible person back then, but can’t you see that i’ve changed?”

you pulled your hand away. “i need time to know if i can trust you. we need to spend some time apart,” you replied, completely detached. the tears stopped falling from your eyes but your cheeks were still wet. all you felt was numb. you gave jake one last look before turning and walking away.

you haven’t been processing the past week and a half well—if at all. instead, you’ve been drinking a lot more than you care to admit. there practically hasn’t been a day where you weren’t at least a little bit tipsy. like today, you were just past tipsy and at the point where your mind was fogged over.

all you could think about was how hana said that she was you at one point and how that completely messed with your brain. what if jake was just seeing how long he could spend with you before going crazy like he did with hana? make you feel like the only girl in the world until the two of you “don’t click” anymore? it all terrified you, so you decide to not think about it at all.

you and jungwon were in your living room, lazily lounging on the couch as episodes of H2O: just add water played. you sighed deeply to yourself and jungwon looked over at you in question.

“everything reminds me of him,” you sighed again, watching as the girls raced to cover from the water.

jungwon side-eyed you. “be serious,” he said, eyes focusing on the tv screen again.

you stood from the couch, stumbling a bit. jungwon sat up. “where are you going?” he asked. you grabbed your jacket, there’s been quite the chill in the air lately, and slipped on your shoes at the door. “somewhere where i don’t think of him,” you responded.

opening the door, you stepped out before jungwon could say anything else.

truthfully, you didn’t know where you were going. you decided to wander and let your feet guide you hopefully to somewhere that jake wasn’t. that’s how you ended up a couple feet from jay’s backyard gate.

his words crept into your mind. maybe the two of you were the better match—and you were so, so lonely. at the very least, you just needed someone to comfort you. you knew drinking everyday wasn’t healthy, and jay was your friend. he would help you, right?

suddenly you heard his voice. “y/n?” jay asked and his face appeared in front of you. he looked worried and it took a second to realize that you were crying.

jay ushered you inside and to his room. he sat you on his bed, making sure that you were comfortable as he laid your jacket onto his desk chair. “what happened?” jay asked and all the emotions you tried so hard to keep at bay rushed forward.

it didn’t help that you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror on jay’s door. jake’s love bites were just about healed—but you could still see them. it made you cry harder.

jay took you into his arms and you melted into them, crying into his chest. he rubbed comforting circles into your back and held you close until you were able to calm down a little. you looked up at him for a moment, still teary eyed, and softly pressed your lips to his.

you could tell that he was shocked—you were a little too, but he kissed you back nonetheless. the soft kiss between the two of you soon grew heated and you lifted yourself up onto the bed to sit in jay’s lap as his hand came to rest against your cheek. it wasn’t enough, you needed more.

deepening the kiss you grinded against jay’s thigh and he pulled away from your lips slightly, brows drawn together as his eyes remained closed. “y/n…” jay breathed, his voice low. “you're emotions are high right now and i don’t want you to do something that you’ll end up regretting. take a nap, we can talk more when you wake up and you’re sober.”

he pulled away more but you just shook your head. you needed this. “please…” you whispered, looking at him desperately before chasing his lips. whatever internal battle jay had with himself, he clearly lost as he kissed you back with more passion than before.

you grinded against his thigh more, low whines escaping your mouth as you tried to pull him closer. then, you blinked and you were under him. the two of you caught your breath, staring deeply into each other’s eyes. “do you want me to be nice…” jay trailed, breath fanning across the side of your neck, “…or do you want me to be mean?”

change is what you needed, and jake was always so nice when the two of you were intimate. “mean,” you replied, voice barely above a whisper. jay smiled before dipping his head to kiss you again, this time rougher.

clothes were discarded and in a flash you were laying naked on jay’s bed. your legs wrapped around his waist to pull him closer as you grabbed his shoulders for dear life as he pushed into you. your face contorted into one of pleasure and you buried your face into the crook of his neck to muffle your moan.

jay pushed you back onto the bed so he could get a full view of you and shook his head. “so pathetic and desperate… i want to hear you moan for me.”

he thrusted roughly into you and you moaned loudly. “that’s it,” jay smiled, fucking into you at a fast pace.

your eyes rolled back and all you could do was let the moans and whines and whimpers spill from your open mouth. jay’s pace was so fast that you felt like you were being split in two, his thick length stretching you so good that you saw stars.

he bent down to the shell of your ear, grunting from the effort he was putting in as he held down your hips, “i bet he never made you feel this good.” your back arched off the bed as you started to tremble.

“never was able to have to have you act like a whore in heat for cock, has he?” jay asked. you couldn’t answer him, head too in the clouds to even form a coherent sentence. you felt too good and pleasure spread throughout every inch of your body. it made you forget what you even came here for.

you were flipped so that you were on your hands and knees. your face fell down into the pillow. suddenly, there was pain at your scalp. jay kissed the side of your neck, his hand buried in your hair. “show me how much of a good girl you are. how desperate you are.”

gulping, with shaky legs you fucked yourself on his cock. everytime your head would try to fall, jay would tighten his grip in your hair to keep you upright. the more you fucked yourself onto him, the more your legs shook at the feeling in the pit of your stomach grew. you were sent over the edge when jay pushed your head into the pillows and fucked you himself.

“too m-much!” you cried, tears springing to your eyes. “can’t…”

“awe, you poor slut…” jay cooed mockingly. his condescending words only aided the rope in your stomach further to snapping. “sweet, pretty little whore. be glad your head is in the pillows and i’m not making you ride me like i should be.”

you cried out again, rope completely snapping as you came around jay’s cock. he didn’t stop—of course he didn’t. he was gonna keep going until he got his fill too.

you writhed underneath him as his pace only grew quicker. he pulled you by your hair towards him and back onto his cock as leverage to rut into you quicker. your mixed grunts and moans filled his room and the overstimulation sent you spiraling.

jay twitched inside you and he let go of your hair and grabbed your hips tightly, holding them against his as he came inside you and filled you up more. a loud moan fell from his lips as you fell back into the pillows, your body feeling like complete jelly.

“fuck,” jay groaned. “that’s my little slut.”

pulling out of you, you felt as your mixed cum poured out of you and down the back of your legs in a thick load. jay cursed behind you again before taking two fingers and fucking your sensitive hole with them, groaning at the wet sound it made. you whimpered, trying to angle your hips away from him.

“so pretty… so pathetic.” jay chuckled to himself.

your mind was still hazy from the alcohol as jay pulled you up onto shaking legs to get you all cleaned up in his bathroom. you could barely see with the change of scene and bright lights making everything seem blurry. you didn’t even realize that you were back in his room now and he was helping you put your shirt back on.

it wasn’t until you woke up, who knows how many hours later, next to him in just your shirt and panties confused. your head felt like it was going to explode from the alcohol as you took a look around the room, eyes widening from the unfamiliar surroundings. you were even more confused when a sleeping, half-naked jay was next to you. a horrific expression set on your face.

the sun was just about to set and guilt and regret hit you like a freight train. slowly, you slid out of the bed, making sure that jay didn’t wake up. you hurriedly put the rest of your clothes and jacket on and rushed out of jay’s room as quietly as you could.

all of the memories rushed back to you all at once as you rushed down the path to the boardwalk. what have you done? kissing jay was one thing, but sleeping with him? that was something entirely else. now it was all tangled in your emotions regarding your relationship with jake.

head hung low, you ran all the way back to you house, wishing that you never stepped out in the first place.

you had just gotten off work and were on your way home when a hand grabbed your wrist and spun you around.

“so you slept with him?” jake asked, crossed somewhere between hurt and anger. your eyes widened and that familiar guilt filled you once more. “i-i was drunk, it was a mistake!” you quickly replied.

jake wryly laughed. “a mistake…” he trailed, shaking his head and looking to the ground.

“yes, a mistake!” you exclaimed, pulling your wrist from his grasp. “and i regret ever doing it. you’re acting like you’re the only one who’s allowed to make mistakes!” jake looked at you incredulously. “how did you even find out?” you asked.

you surely didn’t tell anybody, you had no want nor need to flaunt it around. it never should’ve happened at all. that doesn’t mean jake got to look at you like you betrayed him when the two of you aren’t even together anymore.

jake pulled out his phone and shoved the screen in your face. “because he sent me a fucking picture of you sleeping half-naked in his bed with the word ‘checkmate’ attached.”

heart dropping, you took jake’s phone as you looked horrifically at his screen. you weren’t half-naked—you were covered by your rolled up shirt and panties—but it was still way too exposed. you honestly couldn’t believe that jay would take a picture of you after—and send it to jake, no less.

the sudden realization hit you harder than all of the guilt and regret you’ve been feeling. jay used you to get a leg up on jake. how much of him liking you was just him trying to get back at jake through you. a second realization hit—they’ve both been using you to get back at each other in this years-long rivalry. you felt sick.

tears welled up in your eyes and you pushed jake’s phone into his chest to get it away from you. you ran your hands down your face as you tried to breathe. you then glared up at him, “don’t act like you care... you only want me to get a leg up on jay. you don’t actually want me. both of you have been using me to get back at each other. all of this has been meaningless.”

“that’s not true, and you know that’s not true.” jake sighed deeply. “if you want jay—fine. i’ll take a step back and i won’t bother you anymore. but you can’t keep dragging me along and toying with both our feelings because you can’t decide. we can’t do this anymore—i can’t do this anymore, y/n. you know that i’m in love with you, and i know that you love me too deep inside. i’m trying to tell you how you calling this all meaningless really hurts me.”

“you’d know a lot about hurting people,” you murmured. “and ‘dragging you along’? ‘toying with both of your feelings’? i’ve done nothing of the sort.” a single tear fell from your eye and you harshly wiped it away.

“if you can’t accept that it was a mistake sleeping with jay and that i deeply regret it—whatever. but, the only people dragging people along and toying with feelings have been you and jay.” with that you turned on your heels and stormed off.

[ AUTUMN — THE COLD AIR MATCHES YOUR HEART ] 𓇼 and it’s freezing to the bone—yet, there’s a spark.

your mind was everywhere lately, a complete mess. at least you had stopped drinking since sleeping with jay. only, things changed for the worse.

you felt like an echo of who you were when you first arrived in this town. in a couple of weeks you had managed to convince yourself that maybe this was the best you were ever going to get. that maybe letting people use you in such ways was the only way you would ever feel loved. at least, that’s how it seemed—and so far nothing was proving your thoughts wrong.

the relationship between you and jay was complicated. you didn’t even know how to describe it anymore. he went around acting as if you were his girlfriend, even going so far to plant kisses on your cheeks. however, the two of you haven’t even kissed since the day you slept with him.

on your end, he was still just a close friend—though you have been growing more distant from him. you didn’t know if he noticed, and at this point you didn’t care. the only thing you wanted to do these days were get up, go to work, go home, and sleep the rest of the day away.

you were walking home one day after work, completely out of it and not at all listening to what jay was saying to you, when he stopped you. jay sighed to himself, like something had been weighing on his mind. “i can’t,” he said suddenly. all your energy allowed was the quirk of your eyebrow in a silent question.

“this has to stop. clearly you aren’t interested and i like you way too much to have only a half-assed relationship. it’s either one-hundred percent or nothing at all.”

something clicked in your brain and you gave him a pleading look as you shook your head. you didn’t want to lose the only affection you had left. “what are you talking about?” you asked.

“i mean come on, the two of you are made for each other, it's clear as day!” jay drawled. “has anyone told you what he was like when you left? even i was shocked to see him look like a shell of himself. and you act like i can’t see it—even when you’re with me you’re imagining you’re with him…”

tears poured from your eyes as you shook your head more. “no… no, that’s not true!”

deep down you knew it was true. you spent all your waking hours thinking about jake. thought about how royally you both fucked everything up. and to think that you didn’t want drama this summer… all your summer was filled with was drama—and it was creeping into your autumn too.

all you wanted was to be in jake’s arms again, but you didn’t know if that would ever happen. not after how much the two of you hurt each other. maybe it was for the best that you weren’t together if all it was going to cause was pain.

jay nodded at you solemnly. “go. be with him. stop delaying the inevitable when we both know the two of us won’t work out.”

“but-but i like you!” you exclaimed. another lie, but it was your last attempt at the love you so desperately clung to—even if it was false.

“not in the same way you love him, y/n.”

jay gave you a sad smile before he turned and walked away, leaving you standing alone as tears slid down your cheeks. you wrapped your arms around yourself as the cold autumn breeze draped over your body and made you shake. you sniffled and kept walking to your house, trying not to cry harder.

later that night you were even more of a mess than you were before. you sat in the dark of your room as you cried even more and even harder, the tears just seemingly never ended.

all you thought about was how you fucked everything up. how nothing will ever probably be the same again. and worst of all—all you wanted was someone who most likely didn’t want anything to do with you anymore.

to make matters worse, the subconscious part of your brain was working overtime and you didn’t even register the ringing of the phone pressed to your ear until it was too late. 

“y/n?” jake’s voice asked softly, slightly groggy. shit.

your eyes widened to saucers and you fumbled with the phone in your hands as you tried to quiet your sobs. you finally pressed the ‘end’ button and threw your phone across the room. seconds later you heard your phone buzzing with a missed call and texts from jake. 

“shit…” you trailed, realizing your mistake. all you did these days were make mistakes. “shit, shit, shit!” the tears fell from your eyes faster and you desperately wanted to scream—and you would’ve if it wasn’t so late in the night and your family was asleep.

a few minutes later, you heard the familiar opening of your window. jake stepped over the window ledge, clad in his pajamas and his long hair tousled like he got attacked by wind despite there not being even a breeze outside. shocked filled you as your eyes met his after so long.

you quickly wiped away your tears and turned your back to him. “i-i don’t want to talk to you!” you lied, sniffling hard to stop the sob trying to fight its way out of your body. you hated to admit it, but jake’s mere presence already made you feel immensely better.

the sound of your window closing behind you made you jump slightly. “then don’t talk,” jake said. behind you, the bed dipped. jake pressed his back against yours and you could feel the slow rise and fall of his breathing. “but i’m not leaving you alone right now.”

slowly, jake intertwined his hand with yours. “you can be as angry as you want with me. be as silent as a mouse until you want to talk again… but i’m not leaving your side.” the pad of his thumb rubbed the back of your hand and you broke down completely.

sobs wrecked through your body and you could no longer hide them from him. hot tears ran down your cheeks—more tears than you felt like you’ve ever cried in your entire life. you completely unraveled. you could tell that jake wanted to turn around and comfort you—you felt the turn of his head as he tried to look at you and the twitch of his fingers—but he wanted it to be on your terms. that just made you cry even more.

you’ve cried so much today that you were sick of crying forever.

it was shocking that even for a second you thought differently. jake was the one for you. it was always going to be jake, no matter the up and downs the two of you went through. it was never going to be anybody but him. you burned for him like you didn’t for no other.

finally, you managed to get yourself together enough to speak. half coherent apologies fell from your lips. “i-i’m sorry,” you finally managed. “i’m so sorry. i… i ruined everything and—” jake shushed you and you felt him shake his head.

you continued anyway, “i was acting like… like…” you just couldn’t find the right words.

jake shushed you again, this time turning to face you. you turned too, blistering tears still falling from your eyes. jake shook his head and cupped your wet cheeks with his hands, using the pad of his thumbs to wipe them away. you stared at him again for the first time in so long, still not quite believing that he was in front of you again.

you both seemed to be worse for wear. there were dark circles under jake’s eyes and they were red-rimmed like he had cried recently. still, he looked at you with that certain look in his eyes that he always had, and you were finally able to put a name to it—love.

“you didn’t do anything wrong,” jake said softly, but firmly. “nothing at all. if anyone is sorry, it’s me. you don’t know how sorry i am for making you think that i was dragging you along and toying with your feelings. i would never do that to you.”

your brows knitted together. you didn’t understand how he was so forgiving of you. you shook your head, “you deserve better than me.”

jake just chuckled. “i don’t want anybody but you.”

jake rested his forehead against yours before pulling you closer to him. you rested your head against his chest, hearing the soft thumps of his heartbeat, as you wrapped your arms around him. jake held you tightly—like if he let you go you would completely disappear.

slowly, you felt yourself begin to drift, the taxing emotions of the day finally catching up with you. you gripped the back of jake’s pajama shirt, scared that once you fell asleep you would wake up and he would be gone and this was just all one big dream. but the more you tried to say awake, the further your eyelids drooped.

“come here,” jake whispered, moving into a lying position. you cuddled up into his side, your head on his chest. jake rested his chin on your head. “sleep,” he said. “i’m not going anywhere.”

it didn’t take you long to drift into darkness, the sound of jake’s heartbeat aiding you. still, you grabbed onto him like your life depended on it the entire way—even after jake had covered the two of you with your blanket.

in the morning, jake awoke to you still tucked into his side and to the creek of your bedroom door opening. jungwon poked his head inside, a worried look on his face, before nearly jumping ten feet in the air after seeing jake.

jake held a finger to his lips, silently telling jungwon to keep quiet since you were still sleeping. with wide eyes, jungwon nodded. slowly, he shut the door and left the two of you alone.

looking down at you, jake made sure that you were still sleeping and was relieved to find that you still were. the sun peeked through your closed blinds, lighting up your room ever so slightly. jake held you closer to him and softly cradled your face with his hand, careful to not wake you. you stirred, but only to move closer to him, making jake smile.

later, you stirred again. this time jake knew you were waking up since your grip on his shirt suddenly tightened again as you stiffened. jake rubbed circled onto your back before pressing a kiss to the top of your head, the actions visibly relaxing you.

your eyes cracked open, adjusted to the change in brightness, and looked up at him before you buried your face back into jake’s chest. jake’s smile grew and you felt the vibrations of his laugh. “good morning, pretty,” jake said.

the cold autumn weather was only getting colder, but that didn’t stop you and jake from going to your spot.

you were giggling as jake wrapped his scarf around you, purposefully covering more of your face than he needed. he then pulled the scarf down to chastely kiss your lips, returning the scarf back to its former position of covering your face. you giggled more, “you gonna get sick!”

“all that matters to me is that my girlfriend doesn’t get sick,” jake replied. 

you pulled him closer to you by his jacket and pressed your lips against his. the two of you moved your lips in sync before you pulled away, serious. there was something that you’ve been meaning to tell him since you’ve got here, and you felt that now was finally the time.

almost nervously, you said, “i love you, jake.”

jake stared at you for a second with wide eyes, like he thought he didn’t quite hear you clearly. when you smiled nervously at him is when it finally clicked for him. jake’s whole face lit up and he kissed you so passionately that the two of you almost fell over. “i love you,” he said before kissing you again.

you pulled away for air, giggling at his reaction. he started kissing you all over your face and you pushed him away, laughing more. “jake!” you exclaimed. he pressed a couple more kisses to your cheeks before kissing your lips again. “what?” he asked innocently, “i was just warming you up.”

you rolled your eyes and stood to your feet. you pulled him to his feet as well and the two of you dusted off sand from your clothes. “well, we should probably move away from the sea,” you smiled at him. your face then lit up.

there was still one more thing on your shared bucket list that you and jake still didn’t do. you completely forgot about the bucket list in general with everything that happened. “the abandoned skate park!” you exclaimed. “we still haven’t added our names to it!”

jake intertwined your gloved hand with his. he looked at you with eyes full of love. “let’s go then!” he smiled at you, kissing your cold cheeks. you scrunched your nose at him before dragging him out of your spot and towards the skate park.

on the way there, the two of you bought a disposable camera and a can of spray paint in your favorite color—at jake’s adamance. the two of you seeked out a good place to add your names for a while before finally finding the perfect spot.

“okay, go!” jake said, aiming his phone towards you. you turned and sprayed “y/n + jake = forever” into the spot the two of you had picked out before running back to where jake stood. the two of you switched—you taking the phone to record and him the spray can. jake then ran over and sprayed a wonky heart around your names, causing you to laugh.

jake looked back at you and laughed. “i told you you should’ve done the heart!”

you came up to him and he wrapped his arms around you as you got the two of you and your names in the camera view—kissing him briefly with an adoring smile—before ending the recording all together. jake then pulled the disposable camera out of his jacket pocket and snapped a picture of it and then of the two of you next to it. “to more memories!” he said.

after, jake turned to you. “do you remember what happened here?” he asked you. you nodded, “of course i do! this is where we had our first kiss!” jake smiled at you, kissing you like he did so long ago again, completely setting you alight and making your heart race even after all of this time.

“say it again,” jake said, his forehead against yours. you smiled. “i love you,” you replied.

you could practically feel the smile on jake’s face grow larger. “again,” he said. you giggled at him and the way he pulled you closer to his chest. “i love you, jake.”

“i love you, too.” jake kissed you again. 

you felt as if your world was back on track now, no longer was the axis all out of place. you were here in jake’s arms where you belonged, his lips against yours as the two of you giggled at each other. you would never love anyone like you love jake. “i love you more,” you finally replied to him.

jake shook his head at you. “impossible,” he laughed. “nobody can love anyone as much as i love you.”

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[writersdrug]

omg! I read your goth reader x Simon and I’m not sure if you’ve already made a post but I’d love to see how Simon met reader or how he did pull her 😂😂 love it btw

Augh I've wanted to write more for Simon x Goth!Reader

He drops the 3-pack of men's black t-shirts on the counter, digging into his sweatshirt pocket for his wallet. He takes out his card and looks up.

You're sitting with your back to him, hunched over on a small stool with your face stuck in a mirror. He can see your one eye magnified in the reflection as you held your cheek taught, slowly dragging an eyeliner pen across your lid.

He stands there another moment, wondering if you even know he's behind you. He politely clears his throat.

"One sec." You say, concentrating hard on making the line perfect. You have your mouth hanging open, your one eye closed and the other wide as a dinner plate. Simon huffs quietly. You remind him of a zombie, dressed in a typical retail uniform.

You eventually put the eyeliner pen down and stand, grabbing the shirts from the counter. He watches you as you scan the item - only one of your eyes are done, beautifully enhanced with an artistic flourish of eyeliner, mascara, and eye shadow; your other eye is untouched.

"Is that all?" You ask, looking up at him, and he has to stifle a laugh. Thank goodness for his balaclava.

"Yea." He responds, sticking his card into the reader. You bag his shirts and hand them to him - he accepts the bag and puts his card back, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Receipt?"

"No thanks."

You nod - he stays there, staring at you with a rather blank expression. You purse your lips and tap the counter, adverting your gaze to anything but him. You were used to getting stares because of your makeup, but this guy in particular wasn't even subtle about it.

"Is that all?" He says, jutting his chin towards you.

You blink, staring back at him. Does he mean my makeup? "Oh- heh, no. Still gotta do my other eye."

He nods. "Looks good."

"Thanks..." You say. You're not sure if he's being honest or sarcastic. But before you have the chance to question it, he turns on his heel and walks out the door, the bell clanging behind him.

You shrug to yourself and sit back down, digging inside your makeup bag for a brow pencil.

You're uncapping your lipstick when someone slaps something on the counter - not aggressively, but it still makes you jump. You turn around to find that same guy from last week, the one with the balaclava and the moody eyes.

You head to the register and look down. There's another pack of black shirts on the counter. You scoff and look up at him. "More? What, are you eating these?" You say as you scan them.

"See you finished your other eye." Simon grumbles, pulling his card from his wallet. "Did it take ya the whole week?"

You glare at him, shoving his shirts into a bag. "It did." You say sarcastically, and he grunts, taking the bag as you hand it to him.

Simon watches as you turn to the side, assuming he was already on his way out the door. You popped the cap off your lipstick and parted your lips in front of the tiny mirror on the counter - he felt something akin to surprise when your lips were smeared in black, rather than the red he was expecting.

You feel a pair of eyes on your back. You turn around - that guy is still there, and you fight back a frown.

"Can I help you with anything else?" You say, trying to stress the weirdness of the situation in your tone.

"I like this." He says, using his free hand to circle his face. "Looks good on you. Unique."

You smile, genuinely pleased with the compliment. Most of the time, if people (other than your friends) weren't ogling at you, they were saying how strange and "ugly" your makeup looked (this was a common comment among the older ladies that came to the store).

"Thanks." You reply. "You want a makeover?"

Simon chuckles quietly. "Nah, not really." And then, as quick as he came, he's gone again - out the door before you can even try to carry a conversation with him.

Simon comes back the next week - this time, for a pack of smokes and some new gloves. Uncharacteristically, he finds himself a little excited to see you again, despite never saying more than fifty words to you in total. He gets to the counter and places his items down - his heart sinks a bit when he isn't greeted by you and your half-finished goth makeup.

An older lady steps forward and scans his items. "Do you have a rewards card with us?"

"No."

Would you like to sigh up for one?"

"No."

She doesn't even look at him as she slides the cigs and glives back to him. "Fifteen twenty-seven."

He slides his card in. He can't help but wonder where you might be; not that he misses you or anything, he's just a curious man. He doesn't like not knowing things, and you're a rather difficult, raven-haired puzzle to decipher.

"S'cuse me, but-" he shifts his weight as he pockets his wallet. "Where's the other girl? Y'know, the one with all the-" he waves his hand in front of his face. "She usually works Thursdays."

The woman looks at him with a tight-lipped, glazed-over expression. "I'm not allowed to share any employee's schedule information, sir." She drones in a monotone, customer service voice.

He blinks for a moment, wracking his brain for a response. "I'm 'er uncle."

"Oh - she quit."

"Really?" Simon says - he's rather upset that you, an artistically-talented cashier he's met twice, is no longer employed at the lackluster retail store. "What happened?"

"Manager told her all that shit had to go." She leans her hip against the counter. "All that ugly face paint - it was freaking the customers out. She threw a hissy fit and stormed out."

He hummed, thiugh he took what she said with a grain of salt. "Right. Thanks." He said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

The woman sighs. "I mean, people paint themselves to look like the devil and expect to be treated like a normal human. Is that crazy, or am I just old?"

Just an old hag. "Dunno." He shrugs.

"Oh-" she holds up a finger, signaling for him to wait as she meanders to the end of the counter. She grabs an envelope and comes back to the cash register, handing it to Simon. "Give this to your niece. She never came back for her last paycheck."

He hesitates, wondering if he should make up some excuse like "Oh I'll tell her to pick it up." But, he said he was her uncle - now he has to deal with the responsibilities of it. He takes the envelope and shoves it into the pocket of his sweatshirt. Nodding towards the lady. "I'll make sure she gets it."

Simon hasn't tracked you down yet. Truthfully, he hasn't realy tried to; he wants to respect your privacy and chose not to look for you on social media - but he does frequent the restaraunt across the street from your old workplace, hoping to catch you if you ever decided to come back for your check. He's getting worried at this point - what if you show up and he doesn't see you, and then you start freaking out about getting your paycheck stolen by some random guy? That would be the highlight of his vacation leave. He isn't sure if Price would bail him out of jail for that one.

He's inside the restaraunt today, sitting in a booth and sipping on a mug of tea. Rain pelts against the windows, providing a background of white noise to his ever-active mind. He scrolls through his email on his phone, but as always, he's focused on work. The briefing doming up within the next week, that sergeant that failed the sniper placement, having to listen to Soap talk about how he spent his leave with his girl... it muddled around in his head, nothing staying in the forefront of his mind, but never dissipating, either.

He hears the door open, just as a peal of lighning crashes through the sky. Someone stomps their boots on the entry mat a ways behind Simon, and he hears the jingle of metal with each step towards the bar.

"I'm here for an interview."

Simon nearly snaps his neck with ho hard he turns his head. There you are - you've got your hair down, definitely not as teased as the last time he had seen you. Your makeup is less goth, although you've outlined your lips with a black liner that fades inwards to a crimson red, and your eyes are still sharp and smokey. You're wearing black jeans and a deep, red top, and an interesting pair of boots, decorated with small chains and studs.

Professional, but still incorporating your style. He can appreciate that.

Someone comes out from the back and walks over to you - you shake his extended hand with a smile, and he leads you to a booth farther away from Simon. He thinks he must look like a creep, staring at you in broad (rainy) daylight, but he can't help himself. He doesn't even know why, but you've got his attention like the moon pulls the waves of the ocean.

He stays there for a while - he can't hear every word you say, but he eats the comments and laughs that do filter through with a hungry mind. You sometimes model for any Goth-forward magazines; you're relieved that the owner of the restaurant doesn't care about toning down your style; you're honest - your roommate hadn't paid rent for a month and a half so you let them go, and now you need a little bit more cash than what a measly retail job can provide.

He can hear it in the man's tone: you're hired. He likes your forwardness and unique charm, and frankly, so does Simon. He's addicted to it. The last time anything had his attention like this was when he found out Gaz could do the splits - the shock factor had him surprised with how easily it truly wis to distract him when he comes across something so unusual. But this time, there was less of a ridiculousness, and more of an admiration.

He hears a lilt in the conversation; he turns to see you standing with an excited smile. Of course you would get the job, just look at you. You shake the owner's hand and grab your bag, a black canvas ine with all sorts of studs and spikes, and start heading towards the front door.

Simon can't let you slip away that easily.

"Movin' on from retail?" He says as you pass his booth.

You turn, looking confused, staring at him for a moment. It takes a few seconds before you recognize him, though your smile still holds some wariness to it. "Hey, weirdo...!" You say, standing next to his table. "You stalking me or something?"

He decides to be honest. "Was tryin'."

You furrow your brow an bit, your hands curling around the strap of your bag. "You were?"

"The clerk from the store gave me your check." He clarifies, pulling the envelope from his pocket. "Figured you weren't comin' 'round anytime to get it, so I tried lookin' for ya."

You wonder how this man was somehow able to get your paycheck, but you were a little less put-off. He seemed nice enough. You dropped your bag on the table and took the envelope, shoving it somewhere in your disorganized pockets. "You waiting on someone?" You ask.

"Was you." He comments, taking a sip of his whiskey. "Now, no one." God, he must look pathetic.

"Nice." You slide into the opposite side of the booth, your boots clacking against the legs of the tables. "Want another round? Some fries?" You look at him with those shadowed, big eyes, and he wants to keep you in this booth with him forever.

He chuckles. "You really don't-"

"Don't tell me what to do." You snap with a smirk. "Just choose. Drink, or fries? Or whatever you want, really. I haven't eaten lunch, and you look like interesting company."

He feels himself melting at your cocky, triumphant smirk as you dig around in your bag for your wallet. What did he do for life to deposit such a pretty thing right in his lap (we'll, a few feet away from it)? "Could go for a burger.

You smile, relaxing into the polyester seat. This big, quiet, lumbering thing has you intrigued, and apparently, the feeling is mutual. "What's your name?"

He smirks. He's not wearing his balaclava, but he doesn't really care about that at the moment. He takes a sip of his whiskey. "Simon. Yours?"

[flawseer]

In your last ask, you mentioned misgivings with Book 10's ending, and especially how it pertains to Winter. I absolutely agree, and I know why, but I wanna hear your thoughts on it, too: What's up with Book 10?

The following is a (very long) examination of my personal feelings with regards to the WoF second story arc finale. While it is based on what is in the text, this analysis will be interpretive and fill in blanks with my own thoughts. Keep that in mind.

Hahhhh... okay. Since mentioning it in my last post I’ve gotten several requests to talk about my feelings regarding the second arc finale. There’s probably no way around it then.

If you haven’t read that last post (it was admittedly very long, and so will this one be), I talked briefly about why I didn’t like that part of the story. I have to warn you now, this will likely be the most negative and dour post in the history of this blog. In a few parts it will sound like I hate Wings of Fire, and I want to say now, while I still have the chance, that I don’t. I love this series, thinking about its setting and characters brings me joy.

I also—very emphatically—want to make it clear that I have no ill will against Tui T. Sutherland. I’ve looked around other people’s stuff a bit and there are a huge number of posts wishing violence upon her or threatening her for doing things to her series that people don’t agree with. That is NOT what I am doing here, shit like that is NOT okay! While I will be critical of her choices, I still respect her effort of bringing this vibrant, wonderful world of dragons to all of us.

Also, obligatory last disclaimer: If you liked the finale, that is okay. You are valid for feeling that way. I’m here to share my point of view, not to demand people agree with everything I say. Just be warned that you most likely won’t enjoy what I have to say. If you don’t think you can handle that kind of criticism, this is your guilt-free opportunity to stop reading.

Otherwise, let's get into it.

CW: Discussion of parental abuse, depression, disease, and extreme acts of violence.

In defense of the finale

Before I start to systematically disassemble this narrative and get lost in a quagmire of negativity, let’s talk a bit about the circumstances that brought forth this part of the story. The plot of this arc was a mess from the moment animus magic was unshackled from the restrictions it had in the first arc, and from then on there was no longer any conceivable way to end this story in a clean way. Sutherland had created an invincible, unbeatable, omnipotent villain; he could read minds, see the future with perfect clarity, and anything he could imagine he could conjure into existence at any time with no cost to himself and no drawbacks. She was likely wracking her brain about how to resolve this impossible conundrum. What we got wasn’t good, but I believe nothing could have been. The foundation was rotting and by the fifth book it couldn’t bear the weight of the plot anymore.

The thing about animus magic in arc 2 is that it is so potent, so all-powerful, and so free of restraint that everyone who uses it also HAS to be a simpleton, or they would be able to break the plot immediately and become god. From the moment Darkstalker broke out of that mountain, he could have said “Any and all spells that are cast with the intention to harm me, interfere with my plans, or do something I don’t consent to will not work, from now on until forever”, and he would have instantly won. The strawberry would have fizzled out. The Darkstalker-blocking earrings would not have been created, and no one could have saved the Icewings. On the flipside, Turtle or Anemone could have said “I enchant the concept of animus magic itself to no longer obey Darkstalker”, and his threat would have been neutered. Point is, powers as potent and easy to use as this really need limitations, or they will quickly eat your plot alive.

I don’t envy the situation Sutherland was in at the time at all. If you’re an author, that kind of thing is a nightmare. It really is no wonder she decided to blow up animus magic for good in her next arc, even if I would have preferred it to get more healthy restrictions instead of killing it outright.

The Darkstalker age regression thing

Everyone has talked this part to death already, but if I am to write a thorough analysis of my feelings regarding this finale, I’m going to have to talk about it as well. I’m sorry if I end up repeating a lot of things you’ve already heard.

This final fate of Darkstalker, to have his memories wiped and be reset to an infant, is really uncomfortable. As far as I am aware, though correct me if I’m wrong, Sutherland said in an interview that she didn’t want Darkstalker to die because, in her view, he did not deserve to. We can debate here about the philosophical question of whether anyone is truly deserving of death, and the merits of “justice” and “punishment”, but in general, Wings of Fire did not seem to have any issues killing off its villains prior if they committed suitably terrible acts. That makes this moment stand out as noteworthy.

Who is Darkstalker then--and if we assume villains can be “deserving” and “not deserving” of death--what about him speaks in his favor, or against? The guy had a pretty crappy childhood, coming from a broken home (there is that inadequate parent theme again). He genuinely loved his sister and felt protective of her, and whenever he liked someone he wanted them to be happy and feel affirmed. The thing that Queen Diamond does to his mother is awful and he is justified in hating her for it. He is also portrayed as rather sympathetic in Moon Rising. When he asks Moon to find his scroll for him and not to leave him, he is not manipulating her, he is sincerely begging for her help. He is stuck somewhere underground, trapped in darkness, in a space so tiny that he can’t move. He remains that way for months, lonely and sad. If you just focus on these aspects, it’s easy to understand why he has so many fans who want him to see healthy and happy.

On the flipside, while he is dedicated to the happiness of his friends, he doesn’t always go for the most ethical way to achieve it. He tries to brainwash said friends without their consent whenever they exhibit behaviors he doesn’t like, or when he thinks he knows better and wants to “fix” them. He has very little regard for other people’s autonomy, lies to his loved ones with alarming frequency, and is unhealthily attached to the idea of power. Those things are certainly not good, but they are his character flaws. These are his demons; everyone has them and they make him a person. If this was all there was to it, he might still be a villain, but I’d argue he’d not be wholly irredeemable.

But there are things about him that take him beyond the pale. Things that go beyond the realm of just being misunderstood, or easily excusable.

He is possessive. He wants Clearsight and Fathom for himself, and for them to listen to him primarily. When Indigo makes it clear she doesn’t like him and cautions Fathom against trusting him, he deceives his friends and traps Indigo in a wood carving, just so he can isolate Fathom from his support network and manipulate him easier. He alters Clearsight’s mind to make her more agreeable and stop her from holding him accountable for his actions; while he thinks he loves her, he only loves an idealized version of her that is wholly devoted to and unquestioning of him. This is why, when he later forcibly overwrites Fierceteeth’s existence to recreate her (which is another horrific thing), he tries to excise the parts he finds undesirable to create a perfect version of his lover. But this caricature he has created in his head is not and can never be Clearsight, which frustrates his attempts.

He is vengeful. Not against people who have actually wronged him, like Queen Diamond. That would be questionable, but understandable. What makes this unacceptable is his frequent targeting of innocent people who just happen to be related to the person who wronged him in some esoteric way. He enchants a secret murder knife that kills random Icewings regardless of who they are or what they think about the Queen, just because the one who took his mother from him happened to share their tribe. He hates Turtle and wishes death upon him in Moon Rising just because he is a green Seawing, like Fathom was. And then there is the big one: He tries to kill all the Icewings who are alive in the present day, where Queen Diamond is long dead and none of them have ever even met her. Even his mother, who suffered from Diamond’s actions the most and has the most reason to hate her, is horrified and calls him out on that one.

And lastly, he is sadistic. He revels in torturing those he hates. He forces his father to disembowel himself, while the latter is fully aware and powerless to resist AND the man’s traumatized daughter is watching. Later he sends a magical plague to kill every single living Icewing sans one.

It should be noted that Darkstalker possesses virtually infinite magical power; whatever he declares, with very few exceptions, will happen. Even if he wanted them dead, he had the power to prevent unnecessary suffering. He could have said “Arctic, fall dead instantaneously”, or “Every Icewing will fall asleep and pass away peacefully,” but he didn’t. He wanted them to feel pain and pass away in the most wretched, agonizing ways he could imagine.

So what he chose to do instead is—and I want you to picture this for a moment—Darkstalker sat down, calmly, and said “Henceforth every living Icewing, excepting Prince Winter and those of hybrid blood, will fall ill with an incurable disease. This disease will cause heavy internal bleeding and make its victims cough up blood and waste away for a few days, followed by certain death.”

This spell does not discriminate with regards to who its victims are. The book glosses over the implications, but imagine the ramifications. Young children are notoriously frail, how many newborns got infected and died because of this? How many families were torn apart because they couldn’t get the magic earrings fast enough? Or accidentally got one earring less than there were family members and had to decide who has to die?

Most of the Icewings were physically cured by the earrings, but an experience like that sticks with you for the rest of your life. Somewhere surely, a dragonet watched as his mother put the earring on him and then slowly wasted away because she didn’t have one for herself.

It’s really easy to overlook how horrific this spell is because it isn’t shown or dwelt on. But the trauma, grief, and suffering it caused must have been immeasurable.

And none of those victims have ever even met the person Darkstalker wanted to get revenge on. None of those deaths meant anything to anyone.

The attempted death toll and scale of the calamity here puts even Scarlet to shame. The ones who come closest to it were Queen Battlewinner and Morrowseer with their attempted Rainwing extermination. All three of those died for what they did. Gives you some food for thought for sure.

Peacemaker’s burden

Despite just airing all of his dirty laundry and declaring him an irredeemable villain, I actually do have a lot of sympathy for Darkstalker still. His story is really sad. He was a child born with an amount of power that nobody should possess, and it corrupted him to the point where it destroyed his life before it began. His parents were always fighting and no matter how good his intentions were, he was unable to understand why he couldn’t hold on to his friends and relationship. He kept making mistakes, then made bigger mistakes to fix those, until his hands were covered in blood and he couldn’t stop anymore. My belief is that, after he wakes up in the present and realizes Clearsight is dead, he loses his reason for living and becomes completely lost in his grief.

Therefore, my opinion is that it would have been appropriate for him to die. If not to punish him, then to finally grant him reprieve from all that rage and pain, and let him rest. I think that would have been a dignified end.

But instead he got turned into a baby. ... And then they decided to magically erase his father’s blood from him? I don’t know what it is, but something about that Icewing erasure makes my skin crawl?

The thing that turns this baby twist from weird into highly unsettling is the context. Darkstalker’s mind is erased, then modified into a new person via animus magic. This is the technique a lot of this arc’s villains used to victimize Hailstorm, Queen Ruby, Peril, Kinkajou, Fierceteeth, and Winter. The same technique is now used again, by the heroes, which is a dangerous thing to have your protagonists do if you want them to remain morally upright.

It is also very reckless, because in almost all of these instances, animus mind alteration has been shown to be very unreliable. The spells seem to wear down over time and are susceptible to partial breaking upon encountering certain strong stimuli. Hailstorm—while trapped as Pyrite—seems to retain trace amounts of his former memories, which is why Pyrite is subconsciously drawn to Winter and clings to him all the time. Ruby is able to ignore half of her conditioning because her familial love for her son partially overpowers the magic. Qibli is just straight up able to reason his way out of it.

The thing to note here is that spells of this nature require a very meticulous approach; you can’t half-ass your reprogramming or the victim will just think their way past it. If you alter someone’s mind, the wording of the spell must be ironclad, lest you risk it wearing down over time and even break.

Luckily we have nothing to fear in that regard, because the spell that created Peacemaker was written by a Rainwing with a total of four days of literacy training. No one better mention the name Clearsight to the new baby Nightwing, or next month is going to be rather interesting.

But that’s just speculation on my part. Let’s assume that, somehow, this spell isn’t as unstable as all the others. Somehow Kinkajou threaded all the needles, and masterfully dodged every conceivable pitfall to pen the perfect incantation, despite having been illiterate just a few weeks prior. This one is built to last and Darkstalker is sealed away really thoroughly, for good.

That is still absolutely terrible and morally dubious, because now you have Peacemaker, who for all intents and purposes is a COMPLETELY innocent little kid, saddled with this huge burden of being the certifiable reincarnation of a genocidal ancient wizard. He’s gonna grow up thinking things like “Mommy gets real quiet whenever the topic of the Icewing tragedy is brought up,” and “Why does Auntie Moon look at me like that? One time she accidentally called me a weird name, who is Darkstalker?” “What is this ‘Clearsight’ name my mind-reading friends from the village found in Mommy’s mind?”

In a village that will be full of mind-readers soon, eventually the secret will come out, and Peacemaker is going to learn what was done to him. A huge, messy load of undeserved baggage was forced onto this completely separate, innocent entity. He will be devastated. Whether he then chooses to forgive them for this remains to be seen. To be honest, he would be well within his right not to, and turn resentful.

Poor kid.

Qibli’s callousness

I love Qibli, he is one of my favorite characters. This happens to be his book, and the fact that I fundamentally dislike half of it makes me rather sad. If anything, I hope this tells you that I’m not just hating on it for my personal amusement. I really wanted to like this. I tried to, and I couldn’t.

Qibli is really weird in this one, to be honest. He is suddenly made to be co-dependent on Moonwatcher, fawning over her every third paragraph, saying how much he loves her, how he is an incomplete and dysfunctional wreck without her, how it physically pains him to be apart from her, oh if only the stars would grant his wish and split the mountains apart so that he may fly to his princess, his muse, his goddess of ebony wit. It gets so old.

And it’s not Qibli. He never acted this clingy towards Moonwatcher. It’s more intense than even Winter gets about Moon, and Winter was actually depicted with a crush on her in book 6. Qibli was always just a supportive element, eager to befriend Moon but never desperate, like he is going to keel over if he is separated from his true love five minutes longer. These very frequent love declarations feel so forced coming out of him. It strikes me like it was just written in service of the love triangle. Maybe if we make him confess his love every four seconds readers will overlook the fact that they had no proper romantic build-up.

You might rightly accuse me of bias. I have previously admitted I am fond of Qibli/Winter as a romantic pairing, on the surface this seems like I am just not happy with my pet ship being blocked by Moonwatcher. But I assure you, I am actually pretty flexible and accommodating even towards pairings that contradict my preferences. I have no issues with Winter/Moonwatcher, for example, because the possibility was properly established and they have good romantic chemistry in Winter Turning. In theory, I would have no problem with Qibli/Moonwatcher either if it was ever set up as an interesting romantic dynamic. But to me, it seems like Qibli is written as a good, supportive friend to Moon for four books, only to pivot hard into “Moon moon moon moon moon moon swoon” at the last second, and it just reads to me as obnoxious.

I got distracted. This section is called “Qibli’s callousness”, and I haven’t even talked about the main part.

Qibli and Winter have excellent chemstry together, whether you read it as romantic or platonic—both of these interpretations have merit and are set up. They’re always the highlight of any scene they’re in. Throughout the story arc you get the impression that these two really get on each other’s nerves, but they bond and grow into really strong friends who bicker a lot but have each other’s backs when it counts.

Then there is a scene where Qibli casually tells Winter that he wouldn’t object if someone wanted to mind-control away some of Winter’s more objectionable traits.

This is genuinely a terrible thing to say to your friend. Like, it crosses a line and ceases to be harmless banter; you’re just telling them that there is something you hate about them so much that you wish they were someone else. Winter actually WAS mind-controlled earlier and felt (and proably still feels) guilty about having attacked Qibli in that state. And now Qibli says “Hey, I wouldn’t mind if someone did that to you again! Hue hue!”

It is awful, BUT I don’t necessarily object to Qibli saying this here. Qibli is in the middle of his character arc at this moment, so he is expected to be flawed. He is making a mistake by thoughtlessly telling Winter this horrid thing, and it seems like a believable continuation of his current character track. This is a reasonable development as long as the plot acknowledges that it’s a mistake.

Spoilers: The plot doesn’t acknowledge that it’s a mistake. Qibli never has a scene after where he reflects upon what he said and apologizes to Winter. When Darkstalker has Qibli trapped in his mountain jail and mind-wipes Qibli’s grandfather into a toddler (hey, wait a minute), Qibli gets visibly disturbed. Like, this is so off-putting to him that he gets queasy and Darkstalker hastily changes the spell. That could have been a great way to bring this back. Like in the epilogue, have Qibli track down Winter and tell him about disturbing baby grandpa theater and how he realized that wiping people’s minds is actually messed up and should have never said that to him.

But he doesn’t. He just lets Winter go, allowing him to believe he is broken and needs magical intervention to be tolerable. It leaves me to think that maybe he’s still okay with it, and fantasizing about rewriting his friend’s mind. Great.

Moonwatcher’s character death

You will find as this goes on that, I get the impression that the second half of this book takes all of the wonderful, endearing characters I have learned to love throughout the story and replaces them with really mean, or stupid, or otherwise inaccurate caricatures.

Moonwatcher’s relationship with Darkstalker gets plenty of setup and development in Moon Rising. You get the sense that these two could be great friends if their circumstances were a little different. It does a great job at making you think maybe Darkstalker is just misunderstood; maybe Moon should free him from his predicament.

Then at the end of Escaping Peril comes the emotional gut punch. Darkstalker actually IS a villain. He callously admits to Moonwatcher that he used his magic to make his own father gruesomely disembowel himself. Moonwatcher is horrified and disgusted that he would do that. There is no circumstance in which something like that would ever be okay. She ends the scene awash in tears because the person she thought was her friend is a murderer and a sadist. This is good, that is a natural reaction to what she was just told.

A few hours from there, in Talons of Power, Turtle finds Moon again and she is completely cool with Darkstalker walking free, despite crying her eyes out after feeling so betrayed earlier. That may seem strange, but this is still good because later, Darkstalker’s mind control plot is discovered. This scene was obviously written to set that up, Moon is mind-controlled into forgetting that Darkstalker could do something that morally reprehensible, and thus forgives him. This is also completely in line with his characterization in Legends: Darkstalker. It’s a kind of stunt he would pull to get Clearsight to shut up about him slipping into villainy.

In my earlier post I alluded to a moment where Moon is set to narrative auto-pilot and says something so rampantly off-kilter that it does irreversible, permanent damage to her character. It happens here, in the second half of book 10. Qibli gives Moon the Darkstalker protection earring, and Moon, somehow, says “I’m not being mind-controlled, Darkstalker really is my friend.”

I get what the plot tries to do here. It’s taking this concept of mind-control and adding a nuance, in an attempt to flesh out Darkstalker and give his character depth. He is ready to control everyone in the world, but for Moon, who is his best friend in this era, he wants her to remain herself. Perhaps this is his attempt at attonement for playing with Clearsight’s mind and driving her away from him. It is very touching in a way, viewed in isolation.

Unfortunately, it does not work with the full context of all the books. Because Moon is in auto-pilot mode right now, her main character trait is “Darkstalker=Friend,” so naturally she would speak in support of him. But this revelation has devastating retroactive consequences. The earlier scene that was written with Moon under mind-control is now altered into her having been in her right mind! She is completely okay with Darkstalker’s admittance to cold-blooded torture and evisceration, within hours of being so shocked by it that it made her cry and ready to denounce him. That is such a quick turnaround it’s giving me whiplash. And what’s more it turns Moon from a principled, upstanding girl into a sociopath who casually accepts gruesome torture and murder if it is committed by someone she likes.

Did Sutherland forget about the scene two books ago, where Darkstalker’s actions were so inconceivably horrid for Moon to learn of that she started crying? It baffles me that this made it into the final version. Her saying she was never mind-controlled makes Moon come off as so awful. This torture-excusing lunatic is not the same kind-hearted and insightful character I followed in all the other books.

Kinkajou’s character derailment

The world is a sad place when I have to question the way Kinjajou is written. Fortunately she is mostly fine, despite her having the biggest excuse to act out-of-character since she’s the victim of a mind-altering spell. Her only real moment of “what!?” comes at the end.

I already talked about her role in casting the spell that regresses Darkstalker into an infant. But I didn’t mention how her being the source of it is questionable in itself.

The clue is in the first paragraph of this section: She herself has experienced the effects of invasive mind-alteration. She was cursed by Anemone in the previous book to be in love with Turtle, and kind of half-struggles kind of not with it, it’s really strange. Turtle is appropriately horrified and acts like really awful things are happening, but then it’s mostly played lightly for some reason. My assumption is that Sutherland introduced this plot point, but then realized how uncomfortable this premise really is and tried to downplay it until the story got to a point where it could get done away with.

But I think the takeaway is still supposed to be that this was a horrid thing to do (which it absolutely is), and that Kinkajou will have to spend a lot of time trying to untangle her real emotions from the fake ones the spell created.

The point is: Kinkajou knows first-hand how awful it is to do something like that to another person. Ideally she should never even conceive of the idea to cast a spell like that, but if we’re really set on this Darkstalker baby thing and it has to happen, she should at least be a bit hesitant about it. And afterwards she should struggle with the guilt of having resorted to it. Not celebrate it and be proud, like it’s funny.

The assassination of Winter’s future

Now we come to the part I’ve alluded to previously; the part where all of these threads converge to utterly destroy one character and drive him to the brink of ruin. Let’s talk about Winter.

Prince Winter is the son of Tundra and Prince Narwhal, hatching in the same clutch as his sister Icicle. He spent his formative years being unfavorably compared to said sister—who easily took to traits that Icewing royalty considers desirable—whereas Winter struggled greatly to embody those same ideals. He was just a little too kind, too merciful, too gentle. As a result he often had to endure abuse from his parents, who made him feel like he was defective.

Because he was young and didn’t have any other frame of reference, he embraced this abusive narrative and began to drive himself with a vigor unreasonable for someone of his age. He scraped and cloyed for every bit of credit he could get, obsessing over advancing up the circle rankings in an attempt to “purge” the wrongness out of himself. To make his parents as proud of him as they were of Icicle.

This never worked. He was always seen as the runt, poised to embarrass the family name. Whatever he did, no matter how hard he strived, there was always something he could have done better.

The only real source of love and affirmation in his life was his older brother, Hailstorm. Where everyone else only saw what Winter wasn’t, Hailstorm embraced his brother despite of his “failings” and was openly affectionate with him. When Winter was with him, it was okay to not think about rankings all the time, and just be himself for a bit. I assume Hailstorm fulfilled a similar role for Icicle as well, which is why both of them love him dearly, and Icicle destroys her own life to bring him back.

Winter also has a fascination with scavengers, possibly because they are small and perceived as useless, like he himself is. He likely feels a kinship with them and observes them being craftier and more adept than everyone else sees them. This is therapeutic for him, to see that a thing can have merit even if no one wants to see it.

One day, he and Hailstorm sneak into Skywing territory so Winter can catch a scavenger as a pet. This excursion turns hostile when they are discovered by a roaming Skywing troop and faced with the prospect of capture, possibly execution. In a gambit to save Winter from this fate, Hailstorm mirrors the words of his parents, calling Winter pathetic and useless, so the Skywings will not think of him as a threat and show mercy. His act succeeds in convincing the Skywings, but it also convinces Winter, who does not understand Hailstorm only said these things to save his life. He returns home—believing his brother hated him all along—to face the wrath of his furious family for losing them “the desirable son”.

For all of his life, these themes have repeated themselves and haunted him. “I was born wrong and defective,” “I am unlovable,” “No one wants me.”

A few months after the war ends, Winter is one of the five Icewings enrolled in the newly founded Jade Mountain Academy. Shortly after departing, he unexpectedly returns home, having successfully rescued his older brother and bringing him back. He is made to believe that this erases his mistakes, his mother even pays him a backhanded compliment, an uncharacteristically “nice” gesture. He is promoted to the top of the rankings, finally his parents are proud of him.

But of course it is all a trick. The “adoration” afforded to him was all a ploy. Secretly, his parents abused power and tradition to arrange for Winter’s death. They force him into a lethal trial they intentionally rigged against him, all to finally erase that stain on their family’s honor.

Winter finally realizes the true nature of his parents’ opinion of him. Even when he succeeds, and does everything right, he is still defective, unlovable, and unwanted. He will never be anything else to his family. And so he leaves his homeland, pretending he is dead, resigned to live in hiding forever.

During this time, while at the brink of despair, Winter is able to draw strength from one source: His new friends from the academy. He vocalizes that, for all the abuse he suffered at the hands of his birth family, he fervently believes that THEY would never do anything like that to him. They chose to stuck with him, even when he was awful, and told him he was not hopeless. He was not a mistake; he could be deserving of love.

So naturally, he returns to them; they accept him readily, are willing to be his new surrogate family. When he almost burns to death at a later point, they fear and weep for him. When Qibli sets out to confront his own abusive family, Winter, despite being mind-controlled into a placid potato at the time, feels concerned enough for his friend’s safety to insist to come along (returning the favor of them accompanying him in his time of need in book 7). When Darkstalker’s mind control forces Winter to attack Qibli, he is shown ashamed and guilty of it once the control wears off again.

They bicker and struggle, and make mistakes, they break up but always come back together again. Time and time again the one thing that is always reinforced: When the cards are down, Winter loves his friends, and they love him. They would never intentionally hurt each other, or give up on each other.

I want you to keep in mind how wholesome, and loving, and mutually supportive this ramshackle band of misfits has been portrayed to this point... Because we’re moving on to the arc 2 finale, and it will do everything it can to corrupt all of it and consign Winter to a life of misery.

We arrive at aforementioned scene, where Moonwatcher receives her earring. Just a little bit prior, Winter had learned that Darkstalker unleashed a magical plague onto his people in an attempt to wipe them out. Now here is Moonwatcher, revealing that she is not under any spell, and has aligned herself with this guy willingly, speaking fondly of him as if he was a dear friend who never did any wrong. Winter takes this badly and accidentally breaks a vase; the narrative lingers on this moment and really tries to sell us on how unreasonable Winter’s reaction is, how he is overreacting, but let’s examine that interpretation for a moment.

Moonwatcher doesn’t yet know about the attempted Icewing genocide, but she DOES know about Darkstalker being okay with casting spells to inflict immeasurable torture upon those he hates. WE know that she knows this, so her stance here is already suspect. Yet she goes on to praise Darkstalker and refer to him as a friend. Look at this from Winter’s perspective. This “friend” of Moonwatcher just tried to kill his entire tribe, and he actually succeeded in killing his aunt, Queen Glacier, a person Winter greatly respects. Winter is currently unable to return to his homeland for fear of being branded a traitor. Even if he could return, he knows his obstinate and spiteful family would prevent him from attending the funeral, meaning he is not even afforded the basic dignity of saying farewell to his aunt. The aunt whom Darkstalker murdered by making her vomit her own blood until she withered away in her bed. And here is Moon, absolving the person who did this to Glacier from his appalling actions, despite knowing full well what Darkstalker is capable of and choosing to look away.

I don’t know about you, but I think I can forgive the grieving, emotionally overwhelmed boy for shattering a little pottery after hearing his trusted friend—who held his hand when he was dying—say that the guy who makes people disembowel themselves and wipes out entire countries may be misunderstood and not so bad. I think I would have a similar reaction. In fact, I would never want to talk to her ever again.

There is no way I can read this scene in which Moon doesn’t come off as either an absolute lunatic, or critically stupid and callous. In fact, based on her earlier behavior I half-expect her to get over the news of the attempted Icewing massacre in a couple hours, saying “Eh, it’s kinda bad, but you just have to do these kinds of things sometimes, you know? I’m sure he had his reasons.”

Then there is the part where Qibli makes his off-color comment about how Winter’s brain could really use a good wash. I already went into how it could have worked but didn’t. But with the timing here, we’ve already had Moon spit on their friendship, so as Winter’s other closest friend, it naturally follows that Qibli also craps on his feelings.

Consider the context: Winter comes from an abusive household where his parents forcibly tried to change him away from who he was to purge the “wrongness” from him. When they betray him and he narrowly escapes their attempt on his life, he re-affirms his belief in his friends, and the knowledge that they wouldn’t treat him like that gives him the strength he needs to keep going. But now, Qibli asserts that Winter DOES need to be altered, thereby AGREEING with Winter’s abusive parents, rendering Winter’s affirmation from book 7 erroneous. Qibli WOULD treat him like that if it made Winter less “intolerable”.

Neither Moonwatcher nor Qibli ever make an attempt to repair this rift. Winter is left betrayed and alone.

Stuff happens, and the forces of the Nightwings and Icewings come to blows over Jade Mountain. With his two closest friends having written him off and his support network eroded, Winter relapses into thinking he is worthless, seeks validation in unquestioning patriotism, and realigns himself with his abusive family by throwing himself into the battle. Nobody wants him to, in fact his parents still hate him for it, but whatever. His father dies and his mother blames him for it.

Meanwhile Turtle, Anemone, and Qibli are cooking up a solution to the battle problem. They have the idea to make everyone’s minds connect in a huge empathy wave for a few moments, which I think is a pretty interesting idea for what it’s worth. But then they teleport both armies back to their homes, and the spell sweeps Winter up with them, taking him out of the rest of the finale and bringing him to the Ice Kingdom. The characters say “whoops” but aren’t further concerned with the situation. It’s all a big laugh.

Let me remind you that Winter is currently considered not welcome on Icewing territory. His family, whom he was sent back with, is extremely abusive and vindictive. His friends know this. Said parents have previously arranged for him to be killed, and are still on record as wanting him dead. His friends KNOW this. And now he is alone with them and a gaggle of other royal Icewings who all are extremely pissed off at him for ruining their sacred trial site.

It is very possible that he is being torn apart and mauled by an enraged mob right now. He could be forced into captivity and flayed. Maybe the interim regent is sentencing him to death and getting the rope ready. There is a million different horrible things that could be happening to Winter right now, while he is trapped alone with people who hate him, things his friends would be reasonably able to anticipate. And nobody is doing anything to get him out of there, to suggest bringing him back, even though it would only take a single spoken sentence to do so! They aren’t even concerned!

Then the climax happens, strawberry thing and all, and we get the coup de grâce. After all is said and done, the group decides that Winter is untrustworthy, and that they must protect the secret of Darkstalker’s fate from him, because they fear if he knew he would kill Peacemaker.

Moon, who read Winter’s mind in book 6 and reached out to him about how the “ruthless Icewing warrior” persona in his head is a facade and how she sees he has a gentle and good heart... Moon, who in book 7 finds out about Winter’s secret deal to kill Glory and STILL trusts him, who calls out his bullshit to his face because she KNOWS how kind-hearted Winter is and that he would never resort to murder... Moon who, again, held his hand while he was dying... thinks that the dragon she has reminded of his compassionate nature time and time again would kill an innocent child.

This is disgusting. Moon believing that is so far off the mark with regards to anything this group has embodied or done for any of the last 4 books, that my only conclusion can be that these are different characters. Maybe the Nightwing library collapsed on top of original Moon, and when Darkstalker magiced her back to health she came back wrong or something. I don’t know.

So after all of this, Winter is left alone. He somehow escaped from the Ice Kingdom; luckily there is a timeskip so we can just gloss over the horrible situation he was put in by his friends. He thinks about Jade Mountain. He reflects on everything that happened, how his parents never really loved him... How they hated him so much they tried to kill him... How he despaired, but found solace in his friends who loved him for who he was.... How those friends then betrayed him too and magiced him away... How they didn’t care about what happened to him... And he decides he is done. He won’t bother going back. A few people, probably Sunny, reach out to tell him he is welcome back, but he says “it wouldn’t be fair to other Icewings if an exile took up a bed”. The decision isn’t hard to make, after all there is nothing left for him there. Everyone has written him off, moved on and left him behind.

Kinkajou visits sometimes, tries to stay in touch, but that’s just how she is. Maybe the others sent her to check on whether he’s going to become troublesome. They don’t trust him. Better to keep an eye on him, he might kill the baby.

With nowhere else to go, Winter moves to Sanctuary, a place for rejects like him. I picture him standing there, at the edge of a cliff staring blankly into the distance. He is completely alone; no one wants to go near him or talk to him beyond the bare necessities. He could probably make new friends with the Talons of Peace if he tried, but there is no point. Why should someone like him have friends? It wouldn’t work. They’d just decide he is too inconvenient to be around. Sooner or later they would just tell him to leave anyway. It's better not to try, so he doesn't get hurt again.

And slowly it dawns on him. His parents had been right all along. It was never them, or the others, it was him. He is the problem. The Icewings said it, Qibli said it, Moonwatcher said it. There is just something fundamentally wrong with him.

He is defective. He is unlovable. Nobody wants him. He will never be anything, or have anyone. And so he stands at the cliff, looking over the broken vase fragments of his life... This is who he is. Prince Winter. A mistake.

And quietly, where no one knows or cares, he does the only thing he has left to do... he begins to weep.

As it is written, the tale of Winter is the story of a boy who is told he is wrong for being alive. He closes his ears and tries to keep walking forward, desperate to prove that he is not an error, that he has merit. But this book comes out and it unmistakably says that he doesn’t. He is nothing, and he deserves to have nothing.

And I just cannot accept that.

Why did this have to happen?

I think that the author was really struggling with the ending of this book. I’ve said before how much of a corner she wrote herself into with such an invincible villain. I think she came up with the strawberry idea as a solution to this problem. But as she was writing it, the characters kept fighting her. It was not a natural solution, not a decision the characters—as they were established—would ever make.

So concessions had to be made to force the issue. Established traits had to be bent slightly to make this plot work. The farther she went, the worse it got. The concessions piled up and turned into contrivances. Eventually the characters were no longer acting like themselves. Their bonds got stretched too far and some snapped. It’s a very tragic pitfall that occurs with long-running series.

I think Sutherland must have also been tired. Writing an entire book is a monumental task, and writing 6 connected ones even moreso. She also comes out with these things really quickly. Maybe she was burnt out? Maybe she wanted to be done and her attention lapsed. Maybe that’s why she forgot that Moon knew about the disemboweling. It seems reasonable to believe when you consider that the next story arc would make a relatively clean break from the problems of this arc, especially with regards to the magic system.

But I don’t know what ultimately happened, so I can only speculate. I reiterate, I bear no ill will against Sutherland for writing this. Even if I kind of hate everything about this finale, and very vocally wish it would be different, I don’t want this examination to generate (or reawaken) any hatred towards her, or to attack her personally. I understand the pain of an artist who gets trapped with something for too long and has to find the means, any means, to see it through to the end. I criticize the story, but I could never hate anyone for that.

But for me, I do not consider this half of the book as part of the story. The characters act too unnaturally for it to have happened. So to me, it didn’t. We don’t know what happened, maybe Darkstalker is still out there. Maybe they dealt with him. Maybe what actually happened is my crappy and self-indulgent rewrite of the ending which I will never show to anyone because it would be really embarrassing.

But whatever actually ended up happening, I am sure Winter never ended up at that cliff, pondering how worthless and meaningless his life was. He is currently at Jade Mountain, surrounded by friends who love him, and bickering with Qibli about the correct solution to their advanced calculus assignment that is due tomorrow.

Is there anything left to say?

Probably.

I didn’t talk about Anemone yet. You know, in the epilogue she enchants herself a bracelet that makes her “not be so mean all the time”. I find that creepy. To me it reads as Anemone voluntarily brainwashing herself with magic to erase her negative traits instead of growing past them naturally because she finds them undesirable and wants to work to change for the better. I would ordinarily assume that this is an overreaction on my part, and I’m just reading the scene wrong. But no, we just got through a part where the heroes brainwashing someone is treated as an unequivocal good and worthy of celebration, so I think my reading may actually be spot on. Why are we letting the little kid alter her own brain without supervision? Hello? Tsunami? Someone intervene maybe? This cannot be healthy.

Turtle stands out to me as the one bright spot in all of this. He (and Peril, but she’s mostly out of focus) remain as the only main characters of this arc who don’t have any mind-boggling out-of-character moments or sudden streaks of uncharacteristic callousness. I really like the part where Qibli goes to free Turtle from his captivity and plans to give him an earful about the comically unhelpful messages he’s been sending him. But when Turtle asks if what he did was helpful, Qibli sees how beaten down and exhausted Turtle is, and wordlessly drops his frustration to tell him “Yeah, they were helpful.” That is the true Qibli shining through for a moment, showing that he cares about the well-being of his friends.

Do I hate the pairing of Qibli/Moonwatcher? No. Well, I DO hate how it happened in the book, and how the story tried to assassinate Winter’s character to resolve the love triangle and make it happen. I don’t hate it on principle though. If you are a fan of Qibli/Moonwatcher and want to write fanfics about it, please do! I absolutely encourage you to do that! Maybe you can fix this mess and turn it into something that’s actually properly handled!

Mightyclaws keeps the power that Darkstalker granted him past the finale. That means all the spells that Darkstalker cast are technically still active. Does that mean the Icewings have to wear earrings for the rest of their lives? Do they get sick again if they take them off? Is Peril forever cursed to think of Darkstalker as a cool old uncle and has to somehow reconcile how everyone else thinks of him? How did the Nightwings relinquishing their powers work, do they have to wear the earrings forever too now?

And there is one more thing to mention.

My confession

You may have already intuited this, if you’ve been following the content of my blog. It is very heavily skewed towards the first and second arcs of the series. I would now like to confess something.

When I read the second half of book 10, I found it so disillusioning, Winter’s fate so upsetting... that I put down the series then and there. And I haven’t picked it back up since.

That’s right, I have not read arc 3. I don’t know if that makes me a fake fan. I know pretty much everything that happens in it, the controversial twist at the end, Pyrrhia coming back into the story later, Snowfall getting brainwashed by a piece of jewelry until she cares about a plot that had nothing to do with her or the fate of the Icewings, etc..

It’s not out of malice, or because it’s a new continent. The opposite in fact; I would have greatly prefered a clean break with a new setting—Bug-themed dragons in a slightly more contemporary, developed environment sounds fascinating and full of potential. I don’t hate Pantala or the new characters.

I just... I can’t really do this again. I can’t handle the thought of Pyrrhia coming back post-Darkstalker, with Winter showing up and talking to these guys again like nothing happened, seeming like a different person, joking around with them like his entire character wasn’t dragged through a mountain of manure to make the plot bend a certain way. I think as long as this is the ending that the story is continuing from, seeing that would just make me miserable.

Maybe I will just stay in the parts of the story that I fell in love with. And imagine a version of reality in which Pantala is allowed to exist on its own, where Swordtail was the fourth POV character of arc 3, where Queen Wasp stayed the villain throughout, and Snowfall got her own legends book about how she reformed Icewing society and fixed all the shit that poisoned Winter’s life, so future generations don’t have to suffer through the same stuff he did.

~~~~~

If you’re still with me, thank you for reading this far. I think this is everything I ever thought about the finale of the second story arc, so now I never have to talk about it again. Writing this was difficult. I found it crushing at times. This will probably stand as the only overtly negative post I have ever made on this blog. I love Wings of Fire, and I want to celebrate it. To add to it, not tear it down.

I hope this wasn’t too boring, or painful, or frustrating, or soul-crushing to read through. I’ll see you later, hopefully with a more constructive post.

[hanjsquokka]

bed chem.

han jisung × fem!reader — love at first sight, strangers to lovers, non idol! au, based on sabrina carpenter's song bed chem, fluff/smut

summary — you couldn't take your eyes off him since you saw him. even though you talked for mere seconds, you were undeniably in love. good thing he felt the same too.

warnings — alcohol consumption, swearing, explicit sexual content (warnings under the cut), lots and lots of kissing, just a little bit of a situationship

word count — 4.4K

author's note — extremely late birthday post for my favorite man 🩷 bed chem is my favorite song on sabrina's album and jisung just so happened to wear a white jacket for the dicon magazine photos 😻☝️ what a perfect coincidence. this was kinda rushed, but i hope you like it <33

please consider leaving feedback in the comments or reblogs, they really make my day 🫶🏼

minors dni. if you click read, you agree to nsfw content

smut warning — mastrubation (f rec), breast/nipple play, unprotected sex, multiple rounds (2), overstimulation

You couldn't stop staring at him; you probably looked like a creep, but you could care less. The party was in full swing around you, all of the attendees decked up in black and white formal wear, in accordance with the theme of the party your company was holding. It was some anniversary event; you recalled seeing number balloons strung up all over the place along with normal ones. You'd, at first, reluctantly attended, your mishap with your original outfit causing you to borrow one from a friend at the last minute and your favorite pearl necklace snapping when you were putting it on—both seemed like an omen for you to not go.

But boy were you glad you did, or else you would've never met him.

“Han Jisung,” your coworker, Changbin, told you. “He was working at an overseas branch and was recently transferred here.”

Your brain zoned out after that, vision tunneling at the sight of the man in the white jacket, his hair slightly long and styled back with a middle part, although a few strands came loose and hung delicately on the sides of his face. When the light hit just right, you could see a sheen on his lips, making your heart thump in your chest even more. 

“God, just go talk to him. You're practically eye-fucking him in front of my champagne,” Hyunjin, another one of your coworkers, grumbled, his face scrunched up in disgust as he sipped from his glass. Your own glass was forgotten in your hand and most likely would've been spiked if you were at a club from the way it'd been staying in the same spot while you shamelessly gazed at the beautiful man.

“I would, if I had the guts to do it,” you snapped back, your free hand scrunching up the material of your sheer, black dress that you wore over a shorter, tighter one. Your friend told you that you looked hot but, in the presence of so many other elegantly dressed women and men, you felt underdressed.

Your horrible luck struck once again when you looked back at Han Jisung and your eyes met his. Your face flamed red at being caught by him, turning away so your back was facing his direction, and you chugged your champagne.

Both Hyunjin and Changbin laughed at your embarrassment, your scowl only intensifying their amusement. You wished the ground would open up and swallow you whole, that you'd miraculously get a phone call from someone, and you'd have to leave because you would not be able to live this down if he questioned you. 

A tap on your shoulder nearly made you jump out of your skin, causing you to turn around so fast you almost gave yourself whiplash, and you were met with a blonde man with freckles dotting his face. “Hey,” he said, his voice deep and rich.

“Hi?” You greeted, your tone confused, wondering who this man was.

“Sorry, I'm Felix,” he offered a hand to shake, which you did while introducing yourself, still feeling as clueless as ever. “Long story short, if you're okay with it... I would like to introduce you to my friend. He's a bit shy.” Your brows furrowed for a moment before you nodded. Anything to save you from your slip-up. “Great.” He gave you a big smile before looking back, seemingly for his shy friend, and called him over.

In a ridiculous twist of fate, the person he called over was none other than the man you were caught staring at.

You wished you could disappear. 

“Okay, so, Ji, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Jisung.” Felix clapped his hands together. “Now stop being an idiot and speak to her,” he added quietly, causing Jisung to fumble with his words and hit the blonde's shoulder, the latter only laughing in response. 

Your heart sped up in your chest when Jisung's gaze met yours for the third time that night, beating so loudly you were sure someone could hear it. Felix gave his friend one more knowing look before he linked arms with Hyunjin and Changbin, making you question if the three of them were close, and walked away to talk to other people.

Your throat felt parched, and you had no idea what to say. Another sip for your fresh glass of champagne while the tension between the two of you increased with every second.

“Right, um, I'm sorry for staring at you,” he finally said once it had gotten almost too awkward, in an accent you couldn't put your finger on, letting out a nervous chuckle, and looked at you with those big, brown eyes, almost making your knees buckle.

“I apologize as well,” you said, your stomach fluttering as his smile widened. “I wasn't trying to be creepy, you just...”

“Caught your eye?” He asked before adding, “Because you definitely did.” You blushed, your body feeling hot and bothered at his sudden compliment. He opened his mouth to say something else, but a ringtone interrupted him, and he muttered a sorry underneath his breath before pulling out his phone from his pocket. “Shit, this is important.”

You smiled. “No, it's alright.” You watched him give you a sort of upside-down one in return before walking away to take his call in a quieter place.

You didn't see him for the rest of the night, much to your disappointment. It was like he vanished into thin air. You couldn't sleep, even after hours of laying in bed after going home (the sun would come up before you would sleep, you thought), your mind replaying the evening again and again in your head like a broken record. For the first time in a while, you felt something so strong for someone you had spoken to for a few moments.

You found yourself scrolling through your social media feed, pictures of the party occupying most of it. You came across a picture in one of Hyunjin's posts with Felix, and a dumb idea struck—Felix was Jisung's friend, right? If you were lucky, which was very unlikely, Felix would have a public profile... which he did! And then going through his following, you should be able to find...

“Aha!” You exclaimed as you landed on Jisung's profile.

The next few hours were spent scrolling through his posts—totally not creepy. Your delusions were increasing by the minute as you got a look into his life and the kind of person he was. He seemed to have stayed in Malaysia before coming to your town; he had a white-furred dog, and he uploaded videos of him playing the guitar and singing every now and then—he could not get any more perfect. The more you saw, the more it cemented in your brain that he was the one. He was perfect for you.

The only problem you had was how you would approach him without looking like a complete stalker. You finally fell asleep like that, drifting off into a deep slumber, your dreams filled with the face of the man you encountered and may never see again.

“No way, no way, no way!” You stared, mouth agape, at your phone screen, your TV show forgotten in the background. You'd woken up late the next day, skipping directly to lunch after freshening up and seating yourself on your couch with a plate of food in your hands. After you finished eating, you decided to check your notifications, swiping on the unnecessary advertisements and spam emails until you saw...

[Unknown, 11:37am]: Hey Y/n! It's Jisung, from the party yesterday. I got your number from Felix. Is that weird? I'm sorry if it's weird 😭 I really like you, and I feel bad our conversation was cut short yesterday. I was wondering if you'd like to hang out sometime. I'd love to get to know you better. If not, that's totally okay; just pretend I never sent this.

You read the message a few hundred times, saving his contact with a heart beside his name, before you mustered enough sanity to reply back to him.

[You, 3:09pm]: Hi Jisung! I'd love to hang out sometime 🩷

The reply was almost instantaneous, another wonderful quality. 

[Jisung 💘, 3:10pm]: Great! I heard this café is good around here. 

[Jisung 💘, 3:10pm]: <sent a location>

[Jisung 💘, 3:11pm]: If you're free, would you like to meet up there tomorrow? Unless you're not, that's okay; maybe I'm being too forward 😭

[You, 3:11pm]: No, not at all! I was thinking of tomorrow too. Sounds great. I'll meet you at around four?

[Jisung 💘, 3:11pm]: Four sounds perfect. See you then!

You had no idea how you managed to sleep that night, excitement flowing through your veins at the prospect of going on a date with Jisung. The next day, you impatiently waited for the clock to strike four. When it finally was time, you got dressed, redid your hair until it was to your liking, and hailed a cab to the meeting spot.

You couldn't believe you were meeting Jisung in a few minutes. Maybe all the bad luck yesterday was worth it. Hell, you'd endure misfortune forever if it meant the two of you could hit off and your relationship would progress from the awkward talking stage you were in. Your thoughts trailed from cute fluffy dates that you and Jisung could have if you started dating to more not PG-13 ideas the more you thought about him. It was wrong; you knew that. You hardly knew him, and yet you were acting like a horny teenager just because you thought he gave you heart eyes—in your defense, it had been a while since you were with someone, and your heart just couldn't help but wander down the gutter because this guy... this guy seemed like he liked you just as much as you did. He put in the effort of talking to you and everything—that had to count for something, right?

Your anxiousness made you arrive outside the café ten minutes beforehand, exiting the Uber with a cluster of nerves in your stomach. You opted for a warmer outfit, seeing that autumn had begun and the air had turned slightly crisp in the evenings. A woolen sweater tucked into your jeans, it was casual enough for a café date (was this a date?). 

After what seemed like hours (five minutes), you saw Jisung exit a car and come up to you in a light jog. “Sorry, did I keep you waiting?” You swallowed nervously, admiring his outfit choice that looked good on him. You shook your head in response to his question, a smile forming on his face as he stopped right in front of you. “My neighbor's cat snuck into my apartment, and it was this whole thing,” he said, waving his hands in the air while shaking his head in disbelief. “Anyways,” he went to the door of the café and opened it, “after you.”

You blushed and walked inside, thanking him for holding the door for you. The two of you sat at a table after ordering your drinks and settled into a less awkward silence than the previous day.

“Do you like coming here often?” You asked, looking around the place. You'd never seen this café before, probably because it was out of the way in your commute route from your apartment to your office. 

Jisung nodded. “Yeah, this place makes some seriously good coffee. My apartment is a few blocks away, so I usually drop by for a to-go cup in the morning before work.”

“Right, I never got to ask, which department do you work in?”

“Marketing. I worked in the Malaysia branch until a few weeks ago.”

You nodded thoughtfully. “Explains why I haven't seen you at the office before. I'm in the IT department.” You looked at the table. “I would've remembered if I saw someone like you,” you added, smiling as you saw the tips of his ears turn red.

“You're cheeky, aren't you?” He chuckled. 

A waiter brought your drinks—a pumpkin spice latte for you, a fall special that you adored, and an iced Americano for him. You took a few sips of your latte, your insides warming up from the hot coffee.

“So, Y/n, what do you like to do outside of work?” Jisung asked, brushing his bangs to the side to see better. His hair was much more unruly than it had been at the party; it added a boyish charm to his persona. 

“Not much, truthfully,” you admitted with a sheepish laugh. “I go to a pottery class on the weekends, but I'm not that good at it... Most of my masterpieces are deformed pots and mugs.”

Jisung laughed, his eyes crinkling as he did. “You'll get better at it! I sucked at playing the guitar when I first started, and now I'm not bragging, but I do play pretty well.”

“Really?” Liar, you knew he played well. You spent a good amount of time watching the guitar covers he posted on his account before you slept. “You'll have to show me sometime.”

“Even better, I'll teach you.”

Time passed by quickly, the two of you talking about whatever you could think of until you had to part ways. Despite the fact that there wasn't any solid confirmation that you're dating, you could tell he really liked you, which made your heart fuzzy. 

For the next few weeks, you both called and texted each other, taking a few detours at work just to see the other, only to see that they had done the same as well, making you laugh. Jisung was the only thing on your mind. His face, his deep voice, the way his face would flush whenever you made a teasing comment on the smirk that would tug at his lips whenever he did to you. You were dancing around each other on the topic of commitment, neither of you making the move to ask the other if you'd like to be exclusive.

It was frustrating seeing that you went on dates whenever your schedules would allow it—the movies, the park, anything, to be honest. You spent the day beside him and then the night with your hands between your legs, his name rolling off your tongue embarrassingly as you came around your fingers.

It was getting comical how your relationship was at a stalemate for weeks. Even Hyunjin and Changbin were pestering you to make the move so you'd stop rambling about him while you worked.

One day after work, you were met with Jisung waiting outside the office next to his car, still dressed in his work clothes and looking at his phone. Once you called out to him, he looked up, his face lighting up as he approached you.

"Hi, beautiful,” he greeted, taking your hand in his. “How was your day?”

“It was okay... What are you doing here? I thought—”

“I wanted to surprise you, obviously,” he said, tugging at your hand to lead you to his car. He used his free hand to open the driver's side door and brought out a bouquet of red tulips. You weren't an idiot, and you knew he wasn't one either. The color of the flowers... you knew what that meant, and your heart did a little jump in your ribcage. “And to ask you to be my girlfriend because I've been a coward to do so earlier.” He swallowed. “Will you do me the honor of letting me be yours?” He asked, his voice soft and almost nervous, eyes flitting up to meet yours. 

“I'd love to,” you answered, accepting the bouquet with a flushed face and a smile so wide your cheeks burned. “You're such a romantic, Jisung. These are beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you,” he flirted, grinning when he saw your reaction. “But seriously, I'm sorry I've been an idiot. I really really really like you, Y/N. Since the moment I saw you. Scratch that, I love you. I know I do.” He squeezed your hand. 

“I love you too.” A million thoughts were exchanged between the two of you as you looked at each other. Your eyes dipped down to his lips, and you bit the inside of your cheek before speaking. “Can I kiss you?”

“Thought you'd never ask,” he muttered, the hand that was holding yours moving to wrap around your waist. Your eyes fluttered close as his face drew closer to yours and his lips finally met your own. The kiss was sweet; you could taste his chapstick, which made your stomach flip. Your arms went over his shoulders, still holding onto the bouquet.

When he pulled away and looked at you with that half-lidded gaze, you swore you would have fainted if he wasn't holding onto you. Another kiss from him took your breath away, this one much deeper and more sensual than the first.

“I won't be able to stop kissing you now that you're my girlfriend.” He chuckled, planting a final kiss on your forehead before pulling away.

“I wouldn't mind that.”

“Really?” He laughed even more. “Good, because you can't stop me. Now, let me drive you home.”

The ride to your apartment was filled with future date plans and spontaneous karaoke once he turned the radio on. You visited each other's houses in the past few months, having a few movie nights, but this time, you wanted—no, needed to take the next step. He parked his car and walked with you up to your flat. When he was about to leave, you stopped him.

“Jisung, why don't you stay over?”

He paused in his tracks. “What?”

“We could order takeout... or make dinner, and tomorrow's the weekend...” You bit your lip, waiting for his response.

“Y/n,” he said, almost hesitantly. “You do know—”

“I want it.” You cut him off. “Just... stay over, Jisung, please?”

He sighed. “You know I can't say no when you ask me like that.” He smiled softly and accepted your invitation, walking into your apartment and kicking off his shoes. Both of you knew what was going to happen, and you were more than ready to have him completely. Once you locked the door behind you and put the bouquet in the kitchen, you felt his hand wrap around your wrist and pull you close. “Can I kiss you?”

“Please.”

Your third kiss was completely different, filled with fervor and desire. He pulled you impossibly close, his hands scrunching up the material of your blouse as he tried to taste as much of you as possible, tongue diving into your mouth. He groaned lowly when your hands tugged at his dark locks, making you smirk against his lips, and you did it again. “Mm… baby… You don't know what you're doing to me,” he muttered, his lips ghosting over yours.

“I want you, Jisung. I need you, please.”

“I can't deny my girlfriend when she asks so nicely, hm?” He pressed one more kiss on your lips. And then another, while you navigated clumsily to your bedroom. “God, I've been wanting to fuck you since I saw you in the dress at the party,” he spoke hotly, gaining your skin once you were in the room, peppering kisses along your jaw and down your neck. You let out a sigh, tilting your head to give him better access when you felt his teeth graze your skin. “So pretty.”

“Want you to fuck me too, every time you come here...” You said, your voice breathy as he left a mark at the junction of your neck and collarbones.

“Yeah? You've been thinking about me, baby?”

“Every night,“ you admitted, embarrassment bubbling up inside you when you saw the smirk plastered across his face. “It's not my fault!”

“I know, I know, I'm irresistible,” he said with a laugh and kissed your jaw. “I can't deny that I've been thinking about you too.” His warm breath fanning across the side of your neck sent a shiver down your spine. “A lot of R-rated thoughts. Maybe I could show you.”

“I think I'd like that.”

He smiled, kissing you on your lips deeply one last time before his fingers hooked underneath your top. “Can I?” With your nod of consent, he slowly lifted the fabric off of you, and it fell onto the floor. You could see his pupils dilate as he took in your freshly uncovered skin, which made heat pool between your legs. Every touch of his hands across your supple skin and every feathery kiss of his lips made your mind go more and more hazy, even though he hadn't even touched you that much. He tentatively gave your breast a squeeze over your bra, making you inhale sharply. He did it again, rolling his thumb over your nipple. 

You hadn't even noticed his other hand on your back until he unhooked your bra and it fell down. A red tinge formed on your face as Jisung practically drooled at the sight of you half naked, his mouth latching onto your nipples while one of his hands toyed with the other and his left trailing down your body to your ass, squeezing the flesh, making you meal. Your knees buckled as his tongue swirled around your bud, nipping at the delicate flesh. He did the same to the other side, drawing more and more quiet gasps from you.

It wasn't before long; both of you were naked and lying on the bed, him giving open-mouthed kisses sloppily along your skin while his fingers toyed with your entrance, making you moan and arch off the bed. He sliced you open, preparing you for the next step—the one thing you've been wanting for weeks.

“So wet already.”

“All for you.”

“All for me, hm?” He repeated. “I need to fuck you, baby. Been dying to feel you,” he said with a groan, kissing between the valley of your breasts, your heart thundering in your ribcage as he guided you to spread your legs. “Are you ready, love?” You nodded, unable to speak, feeling his heavy cock press against your inner thigh. He aligned himself with your cunt before pushing in slowly, letting your snug walls adjust to him as he sank deeper and deeper, your eyes rolling to the back of your head, until he was fully inside. It was too much and too little all at the same time. A peck on your forehead brought you back, and you signaled for him to start moving.

It was mind-blowing; the sensuality of his thrusts made your breath hitch. Soon, your moans filled the room in symphony with his groans and whimpers as your walls sucked him in more and more, drinking in his soul. His head hung over his shoulders, hair falling over your skin as he kept thrusting into you over and over again, making your toes curl as he repeatedly brushed against that spot inside you that made your mind go blank. 

“Fuck, you're so tight,” he grunted. “So fucking tight, so good for me.” You moaned in response, hands clawing at his back, needing something to ground you to this world as he drove you to greater heights.

“Shit, Jisung—” You could feel your orgasm approaching, the band in your belly coiling tighter and tighter.

“I've got you, baby,” he muttered, closing the gap between the both of you again, swallowing your moans as he moved harder, determined to make you cum around him. “Cum for me.” His words were the last push you needed to tumble off the edge, your body merging into him as you came on his cock. You could feel overstimulation kick in as he kept moving inside you, making you whine and dig your nails into his back.

“I'm not done yet.” And within a second, you were flipped onto your stomach, your ass jutted out, and he sank back into again, a loud moan coming from both of you. His movements were much less coordinated from before, more jerky and hasty as he chased his own high while trying to bring you to yours once more. His fingers found your clitoral area, rubbing harsh circles on the bundle of nerves as he drilled into you. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he cursed underneath his breath, feeling your walls clench even tighter around you. "Babe—baby, I need you to cum with me, please.” He gasped when you tightened instinctively at his words. “Come on, love.”

The way he could be so sweet and yet so dirty in the way he spoke while he was fucking you from behind, your face pressed into your pillows, muffling the loud moans reverberating in your throat, turned you on even more. You reached your peak once again, from the combined actions of his fingers on your clitoral area and his tip bruising against your spot inside you, clamping down on him as you released, triggering his own orgasm. His hot seed filled you to the brim, and he gave a few last strokes before pulling out his softening dick and letting both of you catch your breath.

After cleaning up, you laid side by side, your breathing still uneven like you ran a marathon. Curled up against his side, you let your body calm down, his arm around you to hold you close as he whispered sweet nothings in your ear, brushing the hair out of your face and looking at you with tired eyes and a lovesick smile.

“I'll take you out on a proper date, and then we'll go back to my place, and I'll fuck you in my bed as many times as you want me to,” he promised quietly. “I'll take you wherever you want to go; just stay by my side, okay?”

“I'll always stay by your side. I love you.”

“I love you too, Y/n.” You lifted your head up to kiss his forehead, watching his grin widen, and he squeezed you in his arms. “Yeah, I'm so in love with you,” he said with a giggle. 

Now you could put your mind to rest, knowing you both had really good bed chem as well.

TAGLIST : @stayconnecteed @starlostastronaut @ta3baee @caitlyn98s @bbokari711 @manuosorioh @oddracha @n1nme4r @dprkbyn @sleepyleeji @realrintaro @starlostseungmin @baby-stay92 @frequentlykit @shuporanporang @cookiesandcreammy

comment/send an ask/dm me to be added or removed from the taglist 🫶🏼 or fill out this form 💕

©hanjsquokka | copying, translating or republishing my work is strictly prohibited

[revolutionsingingintherainnn]

No Words *ೃ༄

Summary: max defends his girlfriend and gets into trouble

𖤓 mv x reader ⋆｡°✩

𖤓 fluff + slight humour (iykyk) ⋆｡°✩

masterlist ☾☼

y/n had been a fan of formula one since she was a child. every parental figure in her life had been a fan of the sport, so it was natural and she got into it too. thankfully, it also made her realise very quickly in life that she wanted to work in the field of motorsports. she wasn't sure yet, and she was still working her way to getting into the sport, but it was a sure, clear path for her.

after meeting max, and falling in love with him, everything had changed. her family approved of the two of them, obviously, and so had his, though she hadn't cared much about jos' opinion. y/n made it clear in the beginning that she wanted to work in motorsports and she wanted to earn her place. she refused to let max talk her up or anything, because he was the kind of guy who would do just that for his girlfriend. max agreed, and promised to keep their relationship private for as long as she wanted.

it had taken her a few years. she bounced from indycar to motorgp to nascar and eventually made her way to f1 as a journalist. she had gained far more experience than she would've gotten if she had only focused on formula one, and she was confident in her abilities to finally be formula one.

max and her had stayed strong throughout, even if they kept their relationship private. she had met and become friends with daniel, lando, carlos, and all of max's friends. they often played padel together as well. mix the competitive spirits that max and she possessed, it was always fun.

after a year of being in formula one as a journalist, max and y/n had decided that it was time to stop hiding. they skipped the soft launch part, and jumped directly into the hard launch phase that left a lot of fans shook.

unfortunately, it also got her a lot of hate. y/n went from being one of the best journalists in f1 to one of the most hated ones for the same reasons that she was loved. the fans adored her because she was a woman of colour making a name for herself in such a sport, and that her parents had sacrificed a lot for her and she was making them proud. now, she was hated because her success became max's story and how he put in good words for her and how she was only with him for the money.

it broke her heart, but max was someone who had received a lot of hate before in his life, so he taught her all the ways to ignore the comments and focus on what she did best. it helped a great deal, but it also made her determined to prove that her career had nothing to do with max.

it was getting better, slowly and over time. max and y/n promised to never lose their temper on the comments. a lot of interviewers and fans had also asked the other drivers on the grid to comment on their relationship, asking if it was ethical for a journalist and a driver to date. but the other drivers always responded with the same thing, always saying how they've known max and y/n for a long time, and their relationship was no one else's business.

unfortunately, after a particularly hard race, max finally lost his cool.

"well, max, it's safe to say that this particular race of yours wasn't the best that you've performed. what do you have to say about that?"

"uh, nothing, really. we just didn't have the pace, and with some mistakes on my side, i lost a lot of points. but, i'm sure we can cover it up next race." max replied.

"you don't have to worry about us writing a bad article about you. your girlfriend and we will only be writing praises, don't you worry. the only difference would be that we won't take your hard earned money like she does," the interviewer laughed, nudging y/n.

the cameras were all focused on them, there were fans nearby, and other drivers. everyone was watching. it was live tv. the entire world was watching. the thick crowd of an audience had their gaze fixed on y/n, and all she could do in that moment was hang her head and try not to cry.

that's the moment max lost his cool. y/n was standing right there, and the interviewer had disrespected her on a very public platform.

"actually, my girlfriend will always tell me what i need to hear, whether it's good or bad. y/n y/l/n, a well known journalist, who is also standing right there with you, will write exactly what happened on track, because that's the part that she reports on. she made her own career, so fuck you for dismissing all of it." max bursted, before he stormed off.

the interviewer was spluttering, not sure how to react, but completely outraged as he forced the fia to take actions on max's outburst. y/n slipped away silently, needing to go back to max.

later on, the fia decided to punish max for using "language during the fia sunday press conference". their decision: obligation to accomplish some work of public interest.

later, an interviewer asked him if he regretted his decision of defending his girlfriend and getting a punishment, max responded, “no.”

“so, what do you think of the punishment given to you? do you think it’s fair?”

“no words.”

.⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆.

i hope you guys enjoyed this! i had a lot of fun writing this, mostly because i had no idea what my brain wanted me to write, but somehow i kept on typing. anyways, this is my prompt list, so y'all can select a number, give me a driver and i will write it as soon as possible! i also have a google form for a taglist if anyone's interested! you can sent in your requests here :)

[itsscaredycat]

ah yes…

my thoughts under the cut (turned out to be longer than initially intended lol)

honestly, kinda mixed feelings :’)

it’s great that the fandom is making a comeback because gravity falls is seriously an amazing piece of media, and all the offshoots that came from the main series are equally incredible. it deserves this second wave of attention and more! still one of my favourites, all the mysteries and secret codes back in the day changed my brain chemistry lmao

as far as personal feelings go, i can’t believe the amount of people i’ve had tell me that i inspired them in some way to be an artist through my old gravity falls art, it’s amazing! and i am so flattered and happy that i could have that kind of positive influence on people. art is my passion and knowing i had a hand in making it other people’s as well is a really cool feeling :’) i read every single message i get in my askbox and some of them have made me legitimately emotional (in a good way)

but then on the opposite side, there are a lot of people— most of whom i have never interacted with— who have a fully formed opinion on me based on actions of mine that are almost a decade old. just knowing that has been crippling, i’m ND and i’ve always struggled with anxiety issues surrounding how others think of me. it feels kinda hopeless and scary, because there is no way my current actions and the ways i’ve changed will ever reach all of them. but i’m only human, all i can do is focus on the positive and keep being kind in both my offline and online lives, and hope it comes back around

the shy part of me wishes i was just another person in the fandom so that i could share my art without fear of hateful comments, but also having made enough of an impact that something i made got acknowledged in “canon” is hilarious and pretty fucking cool (shoutout to @valdevia LOL) i’m just gonna keep doing what i’ve always done: make art because it makes me happy, and share it in hopes it will make others happy too 🩷

[machveil]

Trying not to think about Simon 'Always Doing Acts of Service and Caring for Others Silently' Ghost Riley forgetting to care for himself as much, and how it would probably touch a part of his heart he thought wasn't there anymore if someone did the same for him. Something simple, like just a new jacket after his old one got wrecked from wear and tear, that's thick and durable but soft and comfortable, a nice weight on his shoulders but doesn't make him sweat, resting over his chair. Or after a long day of work where he's dragging himself along, finding a meal already made for him sitting in the fridge, something actually cooked and seasoned the way he likes so he doesn't have to think about cooking or go to bed on an empty stomach. Idk, this has been rattling around in my brain all day and I needed to get it out, sorry if this is weird! Also really like your art and writing, congrats on the 1k, you deserve it and so much more!

anon I’m smooching your big, beautiful brain (I wrote this in one sitting, hope it’s not terrible lol)

Simon Riley is a man of action - Ghost, the most literal manifestation of serving. Ghost follows and gives orders to assure his team, his friends, make it home safe at the end of a deployment. as a Lieutenant, Simon wouldn’t say it out loud, but he cares so deeply for his team. Task Force 141 is a second home to him, more so the people, and thus makes it his job to protect them

but Simon Riley is also a man of action off duty - a civilian who’s heart rests in your hands. loyal as a dog, Simon would do anything for you. a man of action, he’ll insist you relax, you shouldn’t lift a finger for something small. anything Simon can do in your stead he will. because, while his team is a second home, his true home is you

but Simon, stubborn and strong as he is, gets tired. front door clicking shut, mask already being tugged off, his muscles are tense and sore after a long day. dirty blond hair messy and eyes half lidded with exhaustion, he’s still only got one thing on his mind - to serve you and make you happy. he already planned on trudging into the kitchen to make dinner, something simple but filling. he pauses when he smells food already though

kicking his boots off, worn and dirty, he makes his way to the little kitchen around the corner. cracking a small, barely there smile at the sight in front of him. you, moving about the kitchen. the lights a little dim - he’d change the lightbulb later, and there you are, cooking a meal. one step ahead of him, and he soaks in the domestic scene. a part of him wants to step in, tell you you’ve done enough and he’ll finish everything off… but he doesn’t have the heart to disrupt this cozy, intimate moment

it’s only when you see him does he approach, hands a touch too rough and calloused - he’s sure you’ll make him moisturize later. “Smells nice, lovie.”, he murmurs, pressing a kiss to your hairline. eyes fluttering shut as he holds your hands, a small grin tugs at his lips, “S‘pose the food smells good too.”. he relishes in the laugh that leaves you, the way you squeeze his hands. he moves to press a kiss to your jaw, slightly crooked nose nudging against you as his hands wander to your hips - touch featherlight, as if handling you any rougher might shatter you

there’s a reluctance in his heart as he lets go of you, scoffing when you tell him to go sit down. “Bossy little thing.”, he mumbles, voice lighthearted as he leans back against a counter. he stays there for just a moment, one last glance at you happily cooking - cooking for him. it melts his heart knowing that you’re just a loyal as him, that you’d both run to the ends of the Earth for each other

he’s content to finally relax, leaving the kitchen to slump against a chair in the small dining room. head tilted back a little as he rolls his shoulders, his hands move to idly take his belt off - he’d change later, a hot shower after dinner always made him feel better. maybe he’d convince you to join him, better yet— maybe he’d convince himself to indulge in a hot bath instead. and when you join him at the table, sitting down next to him with a full plate for him, Simon feels butterflies in his stomach

he loves eating with you, sharing a meal and letting his guard down. gaze smitten as he listens to you recount your day, breathing steady as he hums. and when everything is done, stubborn man, he’ll take the dishes to the kitchen. as much as he’d like to wash them straight away, he settles for leaving them in the sink tonight. soon enough he’s sweeping you up in his arms - no matter how roughed up and sore he is, he always finds the strength to carry you. he’ll ignore any protest that, “Simon! I can walk—“, a gruff chuckle rumbling in his chest, “Know that, love, but I can carry you just fine.”

and from then on, Simon feels like he’s floating. in a dreamlike state, he sets you down on the cool bathroom floor, feet making contact with tile. gently thumbing at your hips, he presses a soft kiss to your lips, “Thank you.”. soft spoken words contrasting his gravely voice, another kiss pressed to your cheek - lips a little chapped, but he’s never heard you complain about them

and when you help each other slowly strip, the bathroom filling with mist like steam, he feels the tension in his muscles give. he puts up a little fight, grumbled words, when you insist on sudsing him up. he’s all bark though, when he feels you rub his aching shoulders he feels like he could never muster up any bite ever agiain. comfortable and turning to putty in your hands, he’ll happily let you mould him into a soft, gentle man

he’ll lazily return the favor, rough hands lathered in your body wash. content. feeling you under his palms, warm skin dotted with beads of water and bubbles, Simon’s content. a warmth in his chest that he’s still not used to. the simple intimacy of washing away the sweat and filth from the day, it makes Simon feel like a new man - and to wash you? he’s happy you feel safe enough, that you trust him, to handle you so carefully

and at the end of the night, cleaned from the dirt of his daily life, Simon settles in bed with you. all gentle touches and soft, murmured praise - you did so good for him today. he fights the back of his mind off, you’ve taught him better than to believe those gnawing words. Simon Riley deserves this. a phrase you carved into his heart, long since settled at the forefront of his mind. and as he holds you to his chest, warm hand on the small of your back, he sighs deeply…

a man of action deserves rest

[turnfires-secret]

Kinich x top male reader? Imagine that Kinich limps a little after their night with reader, and while reader is trying to make amends, Ajaw makes fun of them in every possible way. That would be fun lmao😭

Anon ilysm i've been craving a reason to write ajaw for days now and I finally get my excuse!

This isn't really smut tho... sorry if I've disappointed anyone!

Payment Due | Kinich X Male Reader

It’s beyond hot inside your shared bedroom. How long had the two of you been at it? Neither you nor Kinich could recall. Kinich has buried his face into the crook of his arm again, trying to keep himself quiet. It doesn’t bring the Turnfire hunter any sort of mercy from the ruthless unending pleasure plaguing his mind, seeing as you just start fucking him harder fueled by the desire to listen to the whorish sounds that slipped from his mouth.

When Kinich wakens the next morning he’s met with a terrible sticky sensation and… as per usual, the most aggravating sound Kinich had heard in his whole life.

“Ew! You humans really are disgusting! I’d have never expect my own servant to engage in such… foul, vile, unholy, unsanitary acts of sacrilege in the close presence of the mighty dragon lord, Ku’hul Ajaw! “

Attempting to ignore Ajaw’s incessant yapping, Kinich takes a deep breath and gets up out of bed… Only to realize the pain and agony that came with such a task. Actually, phrasing it that way is abit too… dramatic. What he was actually facing was the aches and pains of post sex. Kinich is limping, and (to make the situation worse) Ajaw notices. 

“Oh? Did that puny human you drool over fuck you that hard to the point you can’t walk straight?! Wait- Meheheheh! maybe today’s my lucky day! You should go outside and try fight a pack of those idiotic tribal warriors and die!”

“I’m not that stupid, now leave me alone”

Kinich replied, taking yet another deep breath before going to the bathroom and taking a shower. The dendro user finishes his shower, feeling much more refreshed and awake despite the fact he’s still limping. Changing into some fresh clothes he feels your arms around his waist and your head nuzzle into his shoulder. 

“Well good morning to you too”

“Mhhh~ Kinichhh why are you up so early….?”

To Kinich, the sound of your voice was always the best part of his day.

“It’s far from early my love, Infact, it’s 11 am”

“Still too early…”

“EW, DISGUSTING LOVE BIRDS, YOU MAKE ME SICK!”

Theres a pause in the room before you and Kinich both decide to once more completely ignore the yelling pixelized projection. 

“Moving on, you, should be paying me compensation.”

Even though your voice was the best medicine for the aloof warrior, you were still not exempt from his habit of counting costs. To Kinich, it seems his aching grievance was enough to warrant payment.

“Wh- payment?!”

“Because of your prior actions i now find it hard to walk normally, so personally, i think you should pay the prince, no?”

“Personally i think you should charge them has much as you can, Kinich!” (Ajaw says, bardging into the conversation only to get ignored)

“Wh- Alright then~ For payment how about… we go another round?”

You respond, your voice now holding that seductive tone you seemed to enjoy using with him. 

His neck is sensitive after last night’s activities. You bite down, hard enough for him to feel it. Such an action’s associations mixed with such sensitivity forced a needy whine from Kinich’s throat, aswell as changes the Turnfire warrior’s mind. 

“... fine, i have time to spare… just… be abit more gentle this time, will you?”

[siriussslut]

I was wondering if you could do a regulus x reader smut. Where they're in a relationship and one night they're chilling in his dorm a bit drunk and regulus like sketching and drawing reader and she offers to be anatomy refference which leads to him edging her and sketching her while she's laid out infront of him while he's in her. And then after it's like ON.

this turned into sub!regulus which i wasn’t planning but is so 🤤🤤🤤

warnings: unprotected sex, praise kink, anal fingering, cutie sub regulus

masterlist

you take another swig of the bottle and then toss it back on regulus’ pillow. the two of you are lounging on his bed, drunk and giddy. he’s sketching you in the journal in his lap, glancing at you every few seconds as he draws.

you stick your face over his sketchbook.“how’s it going?”

“well, i’m drawing you, so beautifully.”

“you’re such a dork,” you giggle, glancing down at his page. your eyes stick to the way he drew your cleavage, obviously one of the parts he focused on the most.

“you only ever draw my top half. why don’t you draw a full body picture of me?”

“i need anatomy practice, i’m rusty,” he answers, continuing with his drawing.

your brain is fuzzy from the alcohol, stupid, so you push your tits above the neckline of your top. “draw my tits.”

his head snaps up. he flips to a new page, sketching the soft outline of your breasts.

you sit mostly still, slowly scooting closer and closer, bringing your chest nearer his face.

when he’s finished with his drawing of your breasts, he shows it to you, pressing a kiss atop one as you study it.

“it’s really good, regulus.” you look up at him through your lashes. “maybe i could help you with more anatomy?”

“yeah. why not?” his voice is breathy, a little too high. you remove your top completely, and then slip out of your skirt and your panties, tossing your clothes to the floor.

“you’re so pretty,” he whispers, staring as if he hasn’t seen you hundreds of times before.

you roll your eyes. “draw!”

he flips to a new page and begins his rough sketch, lining up your body parts. you’re sitting on the bed, legs spread wide, your dripping cunt on full display.

you slide one finger inside of yourself, moaning. regulus is now looking at you more than he’s drawing.

“i told you to draw, reg,” you say, breathy.

“can i… please can i touch?”

you nodding, pulling your fingers out.

he runs a finger through your folds, collecting your slick before pushing his pants to the floor. his cock is inside you in seconds.

you push his head back, hands on his throat, feeling his heart race beneath your fingertips. “draw, baby.”

his cock is quivering inside of you as he continues his drawing. you play with your clit, moaning and dripping on his erection.

you can tell how hard he’s resisting to fuck the living daylights out of you.

hours later, you’ve came more times than you can count, and he’s still waiting inside of you, drawing.

“i’m finished!” he suddenly exclaims.

you circle your fingers around your puffy clit. “show me.”

he turns the sketchbook to face you. you gasp. “oh, regulus it’s beautiful.” his cheeks color.

on the page, you’re finger fucking yourself, eyes shut tight, face screwed into a moan. your pussy is glistening wet, dripping on his cock.

you push his sketchbook aside, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to his lips. “i have never been more turned on in my life.”

you run your tongue along his face, licking. you want to devour him whole, there is simply too much love and desire inside of you for one person.

you mumble against his slippery jawline. “you’re such a good boy, reggie. i know that was hard for you, and you did such a good job.” you grab his balls as you speak, tugging.

he gasps, cock twitching against your walls. “i love you,” he whispers, looking at you with blown out pupils, eyes foggy with lust.

you kiss his lips, pushing him down to the bed. “i’m gonna treat you so well,” you mumble between kisses and tongue. “you’re gonna come so many times.”

you fuck yourself on his cock, thrusting up and down. you pump lube onto your hand and slide it beneath his ass, grabbing onto a cheek before slipping into his hole.

he screams, arching his back. you fuck him with your hand, sliding in and out to the rhythm of your thrusts on his cock.

his ass clenches around you, cock jerking.

you don’t stop fucking him as he comes, instead grabbing his balls with your free hand, adding more stimulation. he shoots hot ropes of cum inside of you. it drips out onto his dick, thick and creamy.

you slip off of his cock, letting go of his ass. you slide down the length of his bare, sweaty body. he’s lying and panting, completely boneless. you pull his soft cock into your mouth, sucking.

he gasps, but bucks his hips into your face.

you grin around him, ready to make good on your promise.

[crystalizedcryolite]

Woah woah woah what's this I'm hearing about Green hate?? Is this true? Probably not, but this is a great opportunity to explain character flaws! :D (I was saving this analysis for when the entire arc is done but whatever)

A perfect, flawless character is a boring character. What fun will there be if your character did everything right in the world, no mistakes to let them grow or problems they can learn from? This helps create conflict, which helps expand on a character and develop them further.

Green's ego problem, his whole attention and fame-obsession thing, is a part of his character for a reason. Flaws in a character makes them more realistic and relatable, you feel me?

Green is actually a really complex character, and that's something I love most about him. That's why he's my favourite.

He can be kind, he can be a cocky jerk, he can be selfish, he can be selfless, he loves his friends, he doesn't understand what he's doing to them, all of it. His character flaws make him feel real.

His wanting for a bigger taste of fame, his slowly losing himself to the world of content creation? It's realistic. It happens everyday.

I, of course, hate what he's doing to his friends, hell, I've been there before, but that's simply necessary for his character arc. When he realises his mistake, he's going to grow from it. He's going to become a better person, I just know it.

How do I know? Because we've seen it time and time and time again.

Green showing off when he wins every build battle, Green getting cocky when dodging Red’s pranks, his anger when he loses? Those flaws have been established since day one.

Except he's still a good person.

He remained loyal to his friends, genuinely loves and cares about them so very much, and most definitely the type to drop everything for them.

(I hope, if my analysing skills are any good..)

And who's the one who comforted Purple after all he's done to them?

Green.

He's still including his friends, albeit a lot, lot less. He still cares about them, he's still trying to give them some spotlight, but he doesn't understand that they don't want that. Doesn't understand yet, anyway.

Sure, he's losing himself to the taste of fame, sure he's currently filled with an ego-driven, attention-seeking drive right now, but he'll learn soon.

That's what makes a character arc so darn good. Sometimes the problem isn't an outside force, or an enemy to battle, or something to stop.

Sometimes the problem is yourself, and it's something that needs to be changed.

Maybe the whole point of this fame-chasing arc is to let Green learn more about humility, in all it's glory, and the dangers of devoting your life to giving content to a bunch of strangers.

Or maybe not, who knows? There's still two episodes for the influencer arc, after all.

I can't wait to see how Green's character arc goes for it :D

(I don't mean any malice towards anyone, by the way! This is just me analysing Green's character :>

[kiame-sama]

Humans Are Extinct (Yandere!TWST x Fem!Reader) Monster AU pt 5

(It took me way too long and saving every 5 min, but I got my laptop to run my drawing software long enough to get Leona drawn! Not overly thrilled with the pose and his legs gave me way too much trouble, but at least that is one more down!)

Warnings; Monster AU, yandere, yandere relationship, yandere behavior, stalking, obsessive behavior, possessive behavior, Romantic Yanderes, Platonic Yanderes, adult themes present, communal grooming behavior seen in most of my AU species, nesting behavior, social disconnect, attempted bullying, cooking breakfast, untrusting yet soft hearted reader, Cater unintentionally causes problems, Vampire Bats, Gnolls, Satyrs, Fauns, Kelpies, Water Nymphs, mention of Unicorns, Sphinx,

~~~~~~~~

"What... the actual hell are you doing?"

Lilia paused for just a moment, regarding you with wide and curious eyes that almost tricked you into thinking he was harmless. Almost. He took a moment with his pink tongue sticking out slightly as he blinked one eye after the other.

You were finally able to wind down for the night after what had been a long ordeal and a frightening several hours. Lilia spent the short span of time by your side, only giving you space when you bathed and even then he waited outside your door. He had proved to be a wise choice of protector given how many already tried their luck. Trein's idea had been a good one as the odd Bat already had to chase off several curious students, most just seeking to get a sniff or glance in your direction. In some ways you understood that you were an anomaly in their world and that made others curious, but at the same time you felt it was overboard for so many to be so keen to approach you.

Now you sat in the monstrously sized nest- courtesy of the Dragon that fixed up most of your current abode- with your errant guardian for the evening. Grim was curled up and fast asleep on one of the many pillows that littered the valleys and hills of blankets within the nest. You were just starting to doze off as well when you felt a warm and wet muscle trail over your skin. Naturally, you wanted to know just what on earth the strange Bat was doing and judging from the way he looked, he had actually just licked your cheek.

"Grooming you?"

"Why?"

"To help you sleep. Usually a quick bit of grooming makes Malleus and Sebek drift right off with no problem, Silver never needs much help in regards to sleep. Do Humans not groom one another?"

"... Not really. I mean, I guess they can but I don't think I've had someone literally lick me in order to clean me up."

"That wasn't a lick, that was grooming."

"You literally just licked my face."

"But I'm just grooming you?"

You stared at Lilia for a long moment, thinking back to the regular bats of your own world. Bats did often groom one another as a communal pastime, so it could be very possible he was simply doing the same for you. Though you figured these Human-like monsters would behave like Humans, there was still a high possibility that what was socially acceptable to these creatures was far beyond the realm of accepted for Humans. On top of the social disconnect you also realized that though Lilia had spoken of Humans before, he didn't really get all the aspects of Humanity or what you found acceptable.

Lilia seemed genuinely confused and hesitant. There was a strong part of him that still wanted to continue his nightly habits of lulling his nest companions to sleep before trying to rest himself. Still, he was not going to continue his semi-self-soothing communal grooming if you were angry with him over it. Not even getting his scent on you was worth making you genuinely displeased with him.

"Do you not want me to groom you?"

"... Does it help you sleep?"

"What?"

"You said it helps others sleep when you groom them, does it help you sleep too?"

"To groom or be groomed?"

"Both."

The Bat took a long moment to think as if he were honestly considering his own feelings on the matter. He didn't have to think about it for very long before he was nodding to your question.

"Yes. Both help me sleep. I am naturally nocturnal, so becoming diurnal for classes has been difficult on me. Getting my nestmates to sleep first usually helps me sleep. I wouldn't mind a bit of grooming for myself, but usually I'm the one putting others to sleep."

"... If it helps you sleep, then okay. Just... Don't get too excited, okay?"

"... Do you find grooming exciting?"

"No. Going to sleep now."

Lilia laughed softly at your curt response as you tried to close your eyes and drift off. It wasn't long into your attempt that the relaxed and wet strokes picked back up across your cheek. Perhaps he lied to you and only said it was normal. Perhaps it truly was normal for these monster men to participate in communal grooming.

You certainly didn't know and you weren't going to be awake long enough for it to matter. Maybe the Bat was right in that it helped soothe others to sleep as you were unconscious within a few moments of him starting back up.

~~~~~~~~

You woke to Grim batting at your nose with his paws. His bright blue eyes shining at you in the small light of the morning. The sun was not even above the horizon at that point and you vaguely wondered what it was the little feline-beast wanted.

"I'm hungry."

His voice was soft and a quick glance over your shoulder told you he was trying to avoid waking Lilia. The Bat was wrapped in his own wings and snuggled beneath a blanket, face completely smooth in deep rest. You similarly wanted to avoid waking your guard- both for time to yourself and because he seemed so peaceful- so you slipped out of the nest with Grim.

The halls were quiet as you made your way to the main level of the building, hoping the kitchen would be located there. Luck seemed to be on your side and you were thrilled to see both the kitchen and the food available to you. Apparently they were quite keen to keep you content and that meant giving you enough food as well.

The kitchen itself was more of an industrial type kitchen, a large sink for dishes, several ovens, large stovetop, multiple cabinets and one large fridge. Most of the pots and pans were present but seemed to have been unused for quite some time. Though the outside got fixed up, the kitchen recieved far less love. Still, you found the pans needed to get an idea of what you wanted to make. There were a handful of spices in old containers but it was slim pickings.

Despite the odd lacking of premade sauces and other such items, you knew enough to throw together a decent breakfast. It was early in the cooking process when Grim let out a sudden yowl and hiss towards the far side of the kitchen behind you. A door that led outside rattled open and you turned to see a frightening creature.

It looked like a Hyena that had been stretched and deformed into a Human shape, walking on hind legs that resembled that of a canine. The beast had shaggy fur that was a sandy blond color, darker browns spotting the pelt and highlighting the ridge of the Hyena's back. One of the most stunning and unsettling features of the creature was the bright blue eyes that looked far too Human.

As the creature's mouth opened a voice you didn't expect came from it. A light tenor that almost seemed to be accompanied by the cackle of a Hyena at the end of their sentences.

"Lookie here! Seems I found the new Human! Campus is abuzz about you crashing orientation yesterday and Leona wouldn't stop mentioning you."

You didn't know if the Hyena man was one you could trust or not and his oddly jerking motions unsettled you.

"But forget all that for now. What's that you're making? You wouldn't mind sharing some with your fellow student," a long tongue licked over his chops, "would you?"

"What were you doing out here so early?"

"Don't go being so suspicious of me, I'm a stand-up guy, shishishi. I was out gathering up some dandelions for my breakfast."

"... Dandelions?"

"What? Food's expensive here. Besides, guess I can call myself lucky coming across you like this."

The way the beast said this unsettled you and you felt more than a little cornered. Grim was quick to get between the two of you even though he was clearly untrusting of the Hyena as well.

"And what's that supposed ta mean?"

"Just saying whatever you're cooking smells good! It wouldn't be too much to add some more for me to have, right? You got all this food here, you may as well share it. Sides, Leona made it clear to all of Savanaclaw that we aren't supposed to put a single paw or claw on you."

You were partially tempted to call out for Lilia to get this monster away when you heard a heart-breaking sound. A long whining grumble came from the Hyena's stomach and he almost seemed to wince in response to the noise. It was the Hyena's stomach loudly rumbling for some food. After a moment of staring at the beast you noticed a bag at his side, leaves and bright yellow flowers sticking out of it and it was stuffed with more of the plants. Hyenas wouldn't eat just plants unless they had no other choice.

With a sigh you added more food to your pan, noticing the way the short tail of the Hyena man wagged excitedly. Grim crossed his short arms and continued to watch the newcomer with untrusting eyes, refusing to move from in between the two of you.

It was when your breakfast was almost done cooking that the Hyena suddenly changed in behavior. His ears flattened and his head bowed low, tail quickly tucking between his legs as he stared at the inside entrance to the kitchen. You glanced over to see the bright pink eyes of Lilia staring from the doorway with an almost threatening grin towards your uninvited guest. The momentary quiet made you quickly step in Lilia's path, trying to defend the odd Hyena from the Bat that was tasked with your safety.

"Wait, he was just hungry and he could smell my cooking."

"(Y/n), you have already been warned about those from Savanaclaw. Most of them were of the species that ate Humans. Gnolls like Ruggie over there were especially vicious to Humans."

"But he hasn't tried any of that today. I get that not everyone is safe, but he hasn't even tried to attack me. He just wants some breakfast. Lilia, please."

The Bat frowned slightly and gave a final glare at the blond furred beast- Ruggie the Gnoll, according to Lilia- before he relented to your pleas. Despite no longer threatening the Hyena, he made a clear show of moving himself to sit on a counter that allowed him to somewhat be inbetween you and Ruggie. It seemed Grim and Lilia both had the same idea in mind as they continued to stare the outsider down.

They only willingly broke eye contact with the hunched beast as you served four separate plates. Apparently even Lilia was keenly interested in your cooking and you could see the way the three set aside their distrust and happily dug in as you passed out the servings. Ruggie didn't even bother with cutlery as he gulped down the meal like a famished animal that hadn't eaten for days, lazily licking the plate when he was finished. Grim was similar and just shoveled food into his mouth with his little paws, his pronged tail waving excitedly. Lilia took the time to grab a fork, occasionally sending a mistrustful glare towards the Gnoll as he ate.

You felt comfortable enough to dig in as well, content that you managed to somewhat avoid conflict. It was becoming oddly normal to see the unusual beast men that lived in abundance around you, and you felt somewhat gratified to feed the clearly hungry Ruggie. The clear dandelions in his pouch told you that he didn't lie to you about gathering them up and you knew they were edible plants that even Humans could eat.

"Wow, Hooman, is this what you eat all the time?"

"It's a little bland actually, I was hoping there would be more spices and herbs in the cabinets, but there isn't even half as much as I was expecting. Some jellies and jams, but no bullion, no parsley, nothing like that."

It was then Lilia spoke up, talking in between bites as he was still working on his portion.

"Humans were the main cooks and culinary types before they died out. Most of us 'monster-men' as you call us don't need to cook our foods first and eating things raw is fairly normal. It is a treat to actually have a cooked meal in a lot of places, though some places Like the Queendom of Roses have grandfathered in pastries and other confections because of how much the Queendom loved Human cooking. Lots of us don't bother cooking because we don't have to, but I guarantee a cooked meal like this would bring a good portion of others to their knees."

You made a quick mental note of Lilia's comment and figured you could try using your cooking to sway others in your favor. Ruggie certainly seemed pleased as he made an attempt to swipe what remained of Lilia's food, earning him a quick swat from the Bat's wing. Maybe those from Savanaclaw weren't that bad, if Ruggie was anything to go off of.

~~~~~~~~

The bell rang as you tried to get to your first class, upset with yourself that you turned down Lilia's offer to show you to your classes for the day. Grim was no help since he was just as lost as you but he did seem to be enough to discourage most students from getting too close. No one really tried to talk to you and all just seemed curious in your scent or reaching out as if to touch you. A quick flame from Grim was enough to dissuade them so far but the ever curious eyes continued to follow you.

When you finally reached the door to what seemed to be the right class, a figure stepped in your way and blocked you. Standing between you and the door was a Goat man with orange hair and twisting horns atop his head. On his left eye was a red heart.

"So you're the Human everyone is losing their minds over. Don't look like much to me. You don't even have magic to defend yourself if I decided to hurt you right now."

He laughed a sinister sound as he grinned hatefully at you. Grim was clearly trying to make himself seem bigger than he was, even spreading his tattered wings out to somewhat shield you despite how little they covered. The blue fire that always seemed to burn on Grim's ears burned brighter as the grey cat-beast prepared himself to fight this goat man who seemed keen to stop you from entering the classroom.

"Ace, Housewarden Riddle told us to leave the Human alone."

It was then another Goat man approached from behind the first, looking distinctly different from the orange-haired short-horned Goat that tried to block you. This second one had large Ram horns that spiraled from the top of his head down to the sides of his chin, his dark blue hair complementing his bright blue eyes. Over his right eye was the card suit of spades. His lower half was the same as the first and seemed to be goat legs with a tail flicking behind him. You could just barely see the little white spots along the top of his tail as he pushed the first Goat forward with a glare on his face.

"And who the hell are you to enforce that rule, Deuce? You're just a first-year like me."

"And we were told to not heckle the Human."

"Don't tell me you think this Human is worth being upset over?"

"I didn't say that. I'm saying you need to leave her alone."

"Why don't you make me?"

Both seemed to be ready to have a go at one another, heads slightly tilted forward so their horns were pointed at the other. It almost looked like they were going to headbutt each other until one of them relented. It was during this argument that another voice cut in, making both Goats straighten up quickly.

"Why aren't you freshmen in class already?"

The voice belonged to what looked like a centaur man with green hair, his lower half was that of a white stallion. He wore thick black rimmed glasses and had the card suit of clubs beneath his left eye. His eyes were a golden brown that seemed almost yellow when compared to his unusual green hair.

As he trotted over the two Goats quickly seemed to break up their fight, refusing to look the man in the eye even as he looked down at the four of you with his arms crossed. The man seemed to get a good look at your little group before his gaze came to a halt on you, quickly looking you up and down in surprise. He seemed to recognize you rather quickly as he uncrossed his arms, that small displeased frown disappearing from his face.

"Oh, you're the- right. Riddle did say you would be attending classes. Doesn't make much sense to me to throw you into classes with this lot, but I guess it does make it easier for the professors to keep an eye on you."

His smile dropped ever so slightly into a glare as he looked over at the two Goats. That glare then seemed to change into a wicked grin as if he just got an idea.

"How helpful of the two of you to volunteer to show the Human to her classes today."

"Wha- I didn't volunteer for that-!"

"If you don't want to sleep outside with one of Riddle's collars on, I would suggest you both step up and stop fighting."

"Of course out of every upperclassmen we run into, it has to be Trey..."

"So good of you two first-year boys to step up like this. I will be checking in at lunch and if there is a single scratch anywhere on her I'm having Riddle collar the both of you."

The one with orange hair- Ace- stomped his hoof in anger at the much larger male, seeming aghast that he was given an assignment. Deuce seemed less displeased but had a clear frown on his face. Grim was already on board with staying by you given the fact you were his ticket to a comfortable bed and good food.

"If you're so worried, do it yourself!"

"I could tell both Riddle and Professor Trein right now that you two knuckleheads were trying to stop her from getting to class and trying to bully her. I'm sure that would look great on your school records, and you'll certainly have fun not being able to use any magic with Riddle's collars on."

This seemed to unnerve Ace more than the prior threat had as his eyes widened and he took a quick step back. Both Goats had to weigh the potential risks and rewards of the situation but quickly came to the conclusion that it was best to do what the Horse man told them to. You didn't know anything about this supposed collaring business, but you did recognize the name Riddle as the Unicorn that had yelled at Grim the night before.

"Hey, hey, why is everyone standing out here? Thought classes already started, so is everyone just late?"

Another new voice interrupted and Grim's ears flicked in clear frustration at all of the new faces that seemed so keen to heckle the two of you. He was quick to turn to you now that the threat was gone and use his little claws to climb up the leg of your pants and into your arms. For such a sassy little creature, Grim certainly was keen to have you carry him around when there wasn't any threat of danger.

Approaching the now growing group of students standing outside of the classroom was a red-haired man with bright green eyes. He almost seemed to saunter over to the group as he held up his phone, the sound of a camera coming from it multiple times before before he came to a halt.

"Hold on, just need to post this to Magicam and add the right tags... #froshes #latebuddies #skipday... And post!"

"Wait, Cater, don't- please tell me you didn't post a picture of us just now."

"Of course I did! Gotta keep my followers up to date on the haps at school."

"At least tell me you blurred the Human out of the photo?"

"Oh, she's here? Wait, don't tell me," the man now known as Cater was quick to get uncomfortably close to you, making Grim's ears flatten back on his head, "you're the new Human on campus! Gotta absolutely get a selfie with you and post it for Magicam, none of my non-NRC followers believe that a Human crashed our orientation! Pics so I can prove it happened! Smile!"

You tried to pull away from the overly enthusiastic man as he held up his phone and snapped two pictures before you managed to wriggle away from his grasp. He didn't seem to be put off by your behavior at all as he quickly tapped away at his phone with a smile. Trey, however, slapped the phone out of Cater's hands quickly.

"Are you crazy, Cater?"

"Woah, Trey? What's the big deal? You're usually never this riled up."

"Tell me you didn't post that selfie already."

"Just pressed post when you hit my phone outta my hands. Not cool, Trey. Totes being so unkind to Cay-cay."

"Cater!"

"What?"

"Why would you post a picture of an extinct species to the internet? Riddle told us to try and keep others from taking pictures of her and you just go right ahead and post it?"

"What's the big deal? It's not like it's illegal or something."

Trey sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and taking several deep breaths to try and calm himself. You were able to tell why Trey was mad but it seemed like Ace, Deuce, and Cater had no idea what the big deal was when he just took a picture with you. Meanwhile you were wondering if you should tell a Professor what happened and hope the older magic users could do more to help you than the students.

"Seems you all have plenty of time to talk instead of get to your classes, so how about a few extra assignments for you lot?"

The interrupting voice was a thankfully familiar one to you as you saw the limping gait of a familiar flying-cat man approaching. His steeley eyes were narrowed in annoyance as he drew closer, in his arms lay a black and white cat that seemed more than content to be carried around. You were surprised to see a normal cat in this strange world of monsters, but you figured there had to be some normal animals if these guys found eating one another as appalling as eating Humans seemed to be.

"Professor Trein."

You greeted the man quickly and the scowl disappeared from his face as he realized you were the one talking to him.

"Ah, (Y/n), I saw you would be in my class this morning. Are these students showing you around? I thought Lilia was your chosen guide."

"I told Lilia I didn't need help finding my classes, but I was wrong."

"Hm, then hopefully these boys have been aiding you thus far? You are at my classroom after all."

"Well, about that..."

"What happened?"

Trey interrupted the conversation then, seeming less upset and more exasperated than anything. Ace had been trying to sneak away, but the Horse man caught the back of his shirt and kept him from running off. He didn't even need to look at Ace to grab him and instead kept his attention on Trein.

"Cater posted a picture of (Y/n) to Magicam."

"... He what?"

Cater picked up his phone, pouting at the crack in the screen and whining loudly about it. He turned the phone to Trey as if to show the damage but Professor Trein snatched it from his hands, frustratedly tapping the dark screen as his cat climbed up to his shoulders to free up his hands. He didn't seem to get very far before turning it back to Cater in frustration.

"Unlock your phone, Mr. Diamond."

"What's the big deal? I just wanted to show off the Human."

"That is the 'big deal'! Why would you post a picture of an extinct species for anyone to see?"

"It's not like people are gonna show up just to see a Human-"

"Cater, I am now assigning you an essay due by tomorrow on the history of Humans since you clearly haven't paid attention to your course work from last year. You will also be deleting that picture and any others you make have taken of (Y/n)."

Another noise of complaint left the redhead as if he were about to start complaining but Trein silenced him with a glare.

"Fine, fine. Not like anyone is gonna do anything because of it- no way! This is the most likes any of my pics have gotten right after posting! That was no time at all-"

"Delete it!"

"I can delete the photos from my account, but its already been downloaded at least fifty times. Deleting it now won't do much-"

"Enough. Cater, to the Headmage's office, now. The rest of you get to your classes. I will be in to teach shortly, but first I need to notify the Headmage about this."

Trey herded you and the other two students into the room, closing the door behind you rather loudly. You could still hear Trein scolding Cater from behind the door and you all quickly took your seats. To your surprise, the only open seat was between the two Goats and they didn't seem all too upset by this fact. Though they seemed angry at being volunteered to be your guides, they weren't about to complain about it now with an angry professor right outside of the classroom.

You had no idea what Magicam was, but from the sounds of it, it must have been some kind of photo sharing application like Instagram from your world. If that was the case, the rest of this messed up world was about to realize that there was a Human sheltering at Night Raven College, and you were terrified at the idea of what that would mean for you.

[zepskies]

Lost on You - Part 9

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x F. Supe!Reader

Summary: 1983 is a big year for you. You’re finally chosen to join the ranks of Payback, led by the most (in)famous supe in the world: Soldier Boy. He’ll never admit that he’s trying his damndest to figure you out. You’ll never admit that he’s actually growing on you. But the problem with this game is deciding who’s the predator, and who is prey.

AN: The great escape…

Song Inspo: “Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God)” by Kate Bush

Word Count: 7.2K

Tags/Warnings: 18+ only! Blood and violence, death, angst, trauma and PSTD, smut, hurt/comfort and feels.

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🎙️ Series Masterlist

Part 9: Free to Be You and Me

Free me, you compelled Eisenstein’s mind.

He obeyed you with a vacant look in his eyes. He unhooked your straitjacket and opened the door. After you grabbed up his cattle prod, you still didn’t release your psychic hold. You ordered him forward, and for the first time you walked freely out of your cell without restraint.

Take me to Soldier Boy.

Eisenstein walked forward. Any time you came across a guard, you tased them long enough to touch whatever scrap of skin you could, usually their face or their neck. You added them to your collective control.

Now you had literal bodyguards protecting you as you made your way through the compound. You hadn’t used your powers in so long. It felt good, like stretching an aching muscle.

Once you reached Ben’s cell, Eisenstein stopped in front of it. When you peered inside the small window on the door, it looked misty as hell.

Clear the gas, you ordered.

The doctor pressed a key of numbers on a pad beside the door, and the gas receded into the vents.

Open the door.

He did as you commanded, then he stepped aside for you. You ordered the guards to stand watch outside the open door before you hurried inside. Ben was lying on the floor, mostly on his side. He was still very naked, though your face warmed as you tried not to focus on that part.

It made you sad more than anything. They’d been keeping him in here like an animal, worse than you, and after what he did for you…you could no longer find it in yourself to hate him.

You took his face into your hands and tapped his cheek.

“Ben… Ben, wake up,” you prodded.

His brows twitched. He made a sound of waking, and you swept his hair out of his eyes. Before they even opened all the way, his hand shot out and grabbed you by the throat. It choked a gasp out of you as you scrambled to grab his wrist.

“Ben,” you said with difficulty. “It’s me…”

Though if you thought about it, after the last things you’d said to him, maybe he did really want to kill you. Maybe he regretted saving you after all.

As he blinked more awake, this time he actually took in your face. His hand relaxed when he recognized you. You panted in relief to see it dawn in his eyes. His thumb slightly brushed across your jaw, and your name fell from his lips, almost in wonder.

“Yeah, it’s me,” you said with a smile and tears in your eyes. “Come on.”

You helped him up the best you could. His frame was bigger and heavier, and he was still a bit unsteady on his feet. He slung an arm around your shoulders and let you guide him out of the room. He tensed at seeing the guards in their green uniforms and Eisenstein standing there, but you held a hand to his chest. His skin there was hot to the touch. You frowned.

Must be whatever the serum did to him.

Dismay pulsed inside you, but you’d think about that later.

“It’s okay, they’re with me,” you told him with a smile, before you looked at one of the guards.

“Give him your clothes,” you ordered.

The man was compelled to set down his gun, take off his hat and the rest of his uniform, even his underwear, socks, and boots. He gave them all to Ben, who raised a brow.

“I’m good without the briefs,” he said with a grimace, tossing the used underwear to the floor. You flickered at a smile.

“Guess you’re going commando,” you said.

Ben scoffed. He muttered, “Yeah, what else is fucking new.”

A sliver of sadness once again pierced you, but you stayed quiet. He released you so he could get dressed. Biting your lip, you glanced away to give him some privacy.

Another guard turned the corner and noticed you all in the hallway. He raised a pointed finger and shouted something in Russian, then he raised his gun. You ordered your guards to shoot the man, but the damage was done. A red alert was sounding overhead.

“Let’s go,” Ben said. After lacing up his boots, he guided you with a hand on your back.

Eisenstein and three guards formed a pack of protection around you and Ben as you moved through the compound. You slowed to a stop at what looked like a laundry room.

“I need something else to wear,” you said. “Once we get outside, I’m gonna stick out—”

Ben eyed your thin gray gown and socks. He grabbed your arm and led you inside.

“Find something in here,” he said, as if that wasn’t your idea.

Instead of wasting time picking an argument, you just nodded in agreement. You looked around and picked through the large clean bin of clothing. It held several mixed bundles of faded green men’s shirts and pants. Finally, you managed to find a dark red tracksuit. It was a men’s size, so it wasn’t going to fit you, but maybe you’d look a little less ridiculous. Ben tossed you the smallest pair of boots he could find, and they were still huge. They would have to do.

“How do we get out of here?” you asked as you got dressed. You turned around for a semblance of modesty, but it didn’t stop the man from glancing over, checking out your ass, bare legs and back.

“We fight,” he replied. There was a dark note in his voice that you understood, and you agreed with him.

“I know. I mean a little more specifically,” you said. When you were dressed, you turned around and met your companion’s grim look. Together, you two returned to the hall and focused on Eisenstein.

“What’s the best way to get out of here?” you asked him. Your hold on his mind forced him to answer honestly.

“The compound is three stories underground. You must take the elevators up to the top,” he responded, almost like a robot.

“Show us,” you ordered.

The doctor complied. He led the way, and the guards covered your back as you hurried through the maze of hallways. Finally, he led you to the main laboratory. Inside were the rest of the doctor’s team trying to filter out and evacuate, while the rest of the security guards formed a line against you. You saw where the scientists were headed, to a large elevator along the far wall. 

“There!” you pointed, grabbing Ben’s arm.

He held you to him quick when the shots fired your way. He protected you with his body as the bullets bounced harmlessly off his skin, though a few of them tore through his clothes. He turned around but kept you behind him. His hands curled into fists, and he rooted his stance. You weren’t sure what he was doing, but you hid yourself behind his broad back.

Ben charged up the power that had already been building in his chest. It had started from the moment they injected him with that goddamn serum.

Now, he knew what it was. It felt like lava inside his chest—a nuclear force that he unleashed throughout the lab. It destroyed everything in its path, from desks and beakers to walls and support beams, to the men screaming and trying in vain to get away.

When it was over, Ben heaved for breath but remained standing. You peered around him in shock.

“Oh my God…”

There wasn’t much left of the lab, just a ruins, and a meager group of survivors, limping, moaning, struggling. Your face evened out, akin to stone. You had no sympathy for any of them. You endured their studies and were forced to hear their thoughts. You knew that these men weren’t men at all.

You decided to finish the job.

“Cover your ears,” you told Ben. He shot you a questioning look, his brows furrowed. 

“Just trust me,” you said.

Then you opened your mouth, and you sang. Your eyes glowed with power, and the force of your siren song gripped every man still alive in the room. They soon began screaming anew, holding their heads as tears of blood streamed from their eyes. That included your guards, as well as Doctor Eisenstein.

Ben was forced to cover his ears, gritting his teeth. It didn’t affect him as badly, but even he yelled in strain.

You released your hold on the room and stopped singing. By then, all the normal humans were dead.

It was your turn to catch your breath. You’d used up a great deal of energy in a short span of time with your powers, and your body was still weak and undernourished. You took an unsteady step forward and nearly fell.

Ben caught you around your waist. He gathered you up against his chest, and you tried to grab onto his arms and keep your head raised.

His gaze flit over your face. “Can you walk?”

You closed your eyes to try and clear the dizziness and black spots from your vision.

“Uh, yeah. Just give me a minute,” you said.

Ben made a sound of impatience. He hefted you into his arms easily. You gasped and held onto him, and he made his way across the ruined lab.

The elevator doors were fried, but the compartment still worked. Without dropping you, he wedged his hand in between the fused metal doors and ripped them open. Then he stepped inside with you in his arms.

You felt the heat still emanating from his chest. You glanced up at him. There, he met your stare. There was so much you wanted to say, and yet, you had no idea how. You wondered if he felt the same way.

He faced forward again, and you did the same. You two rode the elevator all the way up in silence.

You asked him to set you down on your feet when the elevator finally reached the ground floor. It was merely a lobby area with some thick double doors at the end. You practically ran to it, regardless of your unsteady gait. You just wanted to breathe fresh air and see the outside world.

And it was beautiful. You teared up at seeing the gray sky and the expanse of snow-laden mountains in the distance, even though the air was freezing. A gust of wind shoved at you. You held yourself with a shiver and a gasp as you stared out at the expanse of snow ahead. You weren’t dressed for a cold snap in Siberia. 

Ben wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you back. You doubted he felt the cold much with his invulnerable skin. For once you were jealous.

“Come on, there’s a car over there,” he said, pointing to a small parking lot.

The only scientist who escaped the lab was trying to thrust his key into the door lock of his gray sedan. His hands were shaking badly, but he managed to get the key in. A heavy hand fell on his shoulder.

The scientist slowly looked up, and he saw Ben’s grim reflection in the window.

It was the last thing he saw.

You and Ben bickered over the navigation to the closest airport. You had the map in your hands, not that you could read it very well in Russian, but he claimed his instincts were leading him south. You once again wanted to throttle him.

You eventually figured out the way to the closest international airport, thanks to the small image of a plane on the map. You didn’t have luggage, which made things easier, but you still needed to compel several people into giving you a pair of tickets (in coach, as to not be suspicious—through security and Customs before you could board the next flight to New York. By the time you and Ben actually sat down in your shitty seats on the plane, you were exhausted in every way.

“You can have the window seat,” you offered. “I’m probably just going to sleep the whole way.”

Ben tacitly agreed and slid in first, but he watched you lower down into the middle seat with a tired sigh. You glanced over at him.

“How’re you feeling?” you asked.

“Fine,” he answered, his voice deep and stoic as always. He opened up the bag of snacks he’d snuck onto the plane and started chowing down on some beef jerky. He offered you some, and you took a couple of pieces.

It was hard to tell what he was thinking. You felt a bit of anxiety coming off of him with your abilities, though you supposed that could’ve been from the plane gearing up to take off, finally getting you guys the hell out of here.

Or maybe, like you, flashes of the past decade were still filtering through his mind, making this moment seem unreal.

We actually did it. We made it out.

Even so, you weren’t sure what he saw when he looked at you. The last time you two had truly spoken, you’d said a lot of hurtful things, even though many of them were hard truths he’d needed to hear.

“Yes! It is your fault. Because you’re too much of a mean, callous, arrogant, entitled, selfish, fucking asshole to see that everybody hates you!”

“The only thing I really wanted from you was what you could do for my career.”

You remembered the sound of his voice, not even angry anymore. Just resigned.

“It was all an act, huh?”

“Yeah, it was,” you said. “I fucking hope I never have to see your face again.”

The memory of it made your chest sting. It also filled you with questions you were almost afraid to ask.

Did he resent you? Hate you? Was this Bonnie and Clyde escape plan just for convenience’s sake, or…did he actually care about you, deep down?

As you thought about what happened yesterday in his cell, the way he’d saved you from Eisenstein’s experiment—the serum that created the damn nuclear bomb in his chest—you had to wonder…

If he didn’t care about you, why else had he saved you? 

The question continued to revolve in your mind, like discordant notes on a stanza’s refrain, until your exhaustion claimed you.

Flashes of memory scored through your subconscious. They filled your dreams with echoes of pain and the sound of your own voice giving out.

You woke with a start, heaving for breath as panic rose high in your chest and throat. Your heartbeat was pulsing in your ears, and you felt clammy and wrong.

Ben whispered your name sharply. His grip on your arm broke you out of the haze, but it startled you as well. You blinked fast, as if you could clear the nightmare from continuing behind your eyes. He glanced over his shoulder at one of the flight attendants passing by. Ben soon returned his attention to you though.

“Calm down. You’re going to blow our cover,” he said.

You nodded shakily, but you couldn’t help it. Tears welled up in your eyes and made your lips tremble.

“What if they come after us?” you whispered. You were even trembling in your distress. “What if they find us—”

“That’s not gonna happen,” Ben said sternly. “We Kentucky fried all those Commie cocksuckers.”

“I can’t. I can’t go back,” you said, shaking on every word. Your fear, your panic was rising, making your hand clutch at the front of his shirt.

Ben’s frown deepened. He turned toward you and took your face in his big hands, earning a gasp from you. Your watery eyes met his firm ones.

“You’re not going back,” he said. “That shit’s over, you understand me?”

Tears continued to slip down your cheeks, but you gave a jerky nod. He didn’t seem satisfied.

After a moment of hesitation, he pulled you in for a hard kiss. Your breath hitched…but your eyes fell closed. You didn’t care that his scraggly beard rasped against your chin. All you could do was focus on the familiarity of his lips moving against yours.

He pulled away slowly, with him seeming to try and gauge your reaction. Your eyes slid open and met his. Your fingers tangled further in his shirt, and you tugged yourself closer, your lips nearing his in askance.

He answered you, kissing you again.

Landing in LaGuardia Airport was even more of a shitshow than it used to be. A mess of people and traffic and tourists and resident commuters, it didn’t matter that it was at one in the morning. Cars honking and people jabbering and the clanking of suitcases rolling across the ground as airport staff droned instructions on the overhead speakers; it was all discombobulating for you, after having spent so long alone and in the dark, with minimal interactions or stimulation.

You had a feeling you weren’t the only one a bit overwhelmed. You noticed Ben’s tense expression and tight shoulders. His head turned at every sharp sound…and even sounds that weren’t there.

You stayed close to him as you two found your way outside the airport. You watched out for him silently, while he kept a hand on your lower back. Neither of you seemed to want to lose each other in the throng. He managed to hail a cab, beating out a businessman who was busy talking on some kind of cordless phone.

You and Ben shared a bewildered look on that one.

Once you were in the cab, sitting beside Ben, you let out a breath of relief. It was still cold in April, and your overlarge tracksuit wasn’t cutting it.

“Where to?” the cabbie asked. You glanced at your companion and gave him a raised finger, imploring him to follow your lead. You had an idea.

“Take us to the nearest department store,” you said.

“At this time? All the stores are closed,” the cabbie replied.

“Just do what she fucking said, all right, pal?” Ben said, none too gently. He was already on edge from the long flight and antsy to get somewhere comfortable.

“Okay, man. Jeez,” the cabbie muttered. He drove off, peeling away from the curb and merging into traffic.

You couldn’t fault Ben; you felt the same way. You laid a comforting hand on his thigh. He glanced at you and calmed, somewhat. He raised his arm and draped it over the back of your seat. You tentatively took it as an invitation, so you scooched over a little to rest against his side.

Letting out a long breath through his nose, he looked out the window at the passing scenery of the city. The nightlife all flashed by in familiar colors and sounds of cars honking and music playing in the distance. Meanwhile, his fingers brushed along your shoulder absently. As the car’s warmth seeped into your bones, you tried your best to stay awake.

You and Ben broke into Sears via the backdoor alleyway, next to one vile smelling dumpster. There you veered off into separate ways in the department store.

You chose to grab a cart before you went into the women’s section. You started with the bras and panties and pulled things off the display tables and hangers, regardless of their price. Dear God, I’ve missed real underwear. You even grabbed a few silky, lacy things in the lingerie section, with a secret smile over your shoulder.

You grabbed a razor while you were at it, along with some other toiletries, shampoo and conditioner, a generous pile of makeup, and some other hair and body products.

You later perused with a half-critical eye at the rest of the women’s clothing. Apparently, jeans were a lot baggier in the ‘90s, and you were finding too many crop tops and overalls.

What the hell is this decade? you thought, but you managed to find a few outfits you liked that were still versatile enough to mix and match. You didn’t know when you’d be able to do this again.

Within the hour, you met back up with Ben, who was carrying all of his clothing finds piled up in his arms. You smiled in amusement. Typical man.

He dumped it all into your cart—a few pairs of pants and shirts and jackets and shoes, and even a men’s electrical shaving kit.

“Good call, lumberjack,” you said, eyeing his beard. Ben shook his head and ran a palm over the sheer length of it.

“Let’s just get the fuck out of here,” he grumbled.

“Ooh, wait,” you said, pointing at a row of suitcases. “That’ll make this easier.”

He agreed. Soon, you had each picked out your suitcases and packed them with your finds. Then you literally rolled out the way you came.

You paused at the door when you heard a clicking sound, followed by the handle turning. A security guard was just as surprised to catch you and Ben as you were to see him. But before he could even raise his gun, you stepped up and touched his face.

Sleep, and forget.

Within seconds, the man’s eyes rolled up into his head, and he slumped to the floor in a heap.

Ben had the next idea of where to go, after hailing another cab. You went along with it, but you thought he could’ve picked something a little more…inconspicuous.

Your eyes were bright, however, when you stared up at the beautiful building of the Plaza Hotel. You had never stayed here before, but it was also the home of the Oak Room. Ben had taken you there for dinner a handful of times, including on your first date.

“Why here?” you asked, glancing up at Ben. He shot you a knowing smile.

“Was feeling a little sentimental, I guess.”

His hand came to rest on your lower back again, and you ventured with him inside to the hotel lobby. It was pristine, as always, with its polished tile floors and vaulted ceilings. It wasn’t check-in hour, so the place was mostly empty, save for a single front desk clerk on the night shift.

That was in your favor though. You two might’ve raided Sears for new clothes, but you definitely didn’t look like the Plaza’s typical guests. With a quasi-flirtatious hand over the young man’s wrist, you were able to compel the clerk to book you and Ben into an entire suite with a king-sized bed, indefinitely, and all complimentary of the Plaza Hotel.

“Enjoy your stay,” he said robotically as he gave you the room keys. You gave him a smile with the glow of your eyes.

“Thank you. I’m sure we will.”

You were run down. You felt it in what seemed like all of the joints, muscles, and sinew in your body when you and Ben got into your suite. The place was lavish and beautifully decorated in soft yellows, crèmes, and beiges, with dark wood furniture, vases full of pink roses, and fine art on the walls, but all you cared about was dumping your suitcase on the floor and dropping face-first onto the bed.

“Oh my God, a real fucking bed,” you said into the clean, soft cotton. It actually brought tears to your eyes.

You managed to turn yourself onto your back as Ben rolled his suitcase to a stop beside yours. He watched you in bemusement.

“You did good, sweetheart,” he said, briefly grasping your arm as he passed by. It warmed a smile and a blush onto your face.

“What do you feel like eating?” he asked. “I’m gonna order some food.”

You shook your head and gave a dismissive wave of your hand.

“Anything. I’ll eat literally anything.”

He went to the phone on one of the nightstands and dialed Room Service. He ordered enough food to feed three of him (and one of him could be a whole dinner party). Satisfied with the promise of fast service, he hung up and started unpacking his suitcase for a change of clothes.

You sat up with a groan. “You can take the first shower. I need a minute to get situated.”

More like, gather your strength. Using your powers so much across the course of your journey back to the States had taken it out of you, beyond what you’d expected. You needed at least a few of days of solid R&R. Make it a year.

Ben eyed you as he began to unbutton his shirt.

“Or, you can join me,” he said.

You turned to face him more fully at that. Your mouth parted to reply, but you hesitated. His offer took you by surprise, even though it probably shouldn’t have.

He saw your uncertainty. What surprised you even more was that he didn’t press it. He just nodded slightly, and went into the bathroom to finish undressing. Within a few minutes, you heard the showerhead turn on.

What do you want here? you asked yourself.

It should’ve been a simple question. Somehow, it wasn’t.

But you made a decision. This time, you weren’t thinking three steps ahead. You weren’t thinking about consequences, or what people would expect of you. You just thought about what you wanted, here and now.

Slowly, you got up from the bed. You took a breath to steady yourself, and you went into the bathroom. The mirror was already fogged up with steam. Behind the shower curtain, you could hear Ben scrubbing and humming some tune to himself, making you smile.

You shed the ratty old jumpsuit from your body with slightly shaking hands. From anticipation or nerves, you didn’t know which. After stepping out of the heap of fabric, you called his name softly. You knew he heard it, because the humming stopped.

Ben pulled back the shower curtain to find you standing there, gazing up at him while biting the inside of your lip. His eyes drew down your form, over each and every bare curve. You wondered if he remembered it all with the same clarity as you did, the way his body used to fit against yours.

He reached out his hand, and you took it, letting him guide you into the shower. He slid his free hand around the back of your neck and drew you into a passionate kiss, hotter than the spray from the showerhead beating down on you both. His arm came down around your waist and he turned you around to press you against the wall.

You gasped at the cold impact of the tile, but you welcomed the heat of him. You met his each and every demanding kiss in kind, sinking your fingers through his wet, longer hair and dragging your nails against his scalp. Meanwhile, his hands were everywhere, sliding possessively up your sides, up smooth skin to squeeze your breasts, rolling your hard and sensitive nipples under his thumbs.

You arched into him with a pleased moan. It had been so damn long since you were touched. Perhaps it was a poetic form of irony that he was the last man to have ever fucked you.

Ten long years. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about his hands, his mouth, the memories and the feeling of his cock inside you, stretching you, filling you. The thought had you slipping a hand down between his body and yours, roaming down his chest and abs, just to caress the full risen length of him in your palm.

He groaned into your mouth, instinctively pressing himself into your hand and caging you harder against the wall. His lips veered away to kiss and suck his way down your neck. You panted for breath against him.

“Ben, please,” you pleaded. Your hand pumped him faster, twisting along his shaft and goading him to full mast.

He panted with a nod, nosing along your throat. “All right, baby doll. I gotcha.”

He made his way down your body to lap at your breasts, taking a nipple between his teeth and teasing you there with the scruff of his beard. You moaned, had to release your hold on him when he took your hand and pinned it by your head on the warm tile. His other hand skimmed down your wet body to cup your mound.

You whimpered, instinctively pressing yourself into his hand. You felt his familiar smirk between your breasts, just before his thumb drew down between the slick folds of your pussy. It swept back up to brush your clit, and you jolted against his hand, releasing another moan. You were so damn sensitive already.

Ben seemed to enjoy it. He took his time working you up, strumming along and inside your slit with his fingers, making you clench on nothing in anticipation. Just when you opened your mouth to snap at him to fucking touch you already, he obliged you, slipping two long fingers deep into your channel.

You gasped and shuddered at the invasion, but it was a welcome one. He built up a rhythm, rocking his fingers inside of you while his thumb pressed and circled at your clit. It didn’t take long before your inner walls were clenching around his fingers as you shuddered your release. Your warmth coated his hand down to the knuckles.

Ben kissed you deeply, cutting off your moaning of his name. From there, he grabbed your thigh and helped you hike your foot up on the soap dish on the wall, so he could make room for himself between your legs.

He used the remnants of your slick to coat himself, before he sheathed his cock deep inside you with one push. Both of you groaned at the feeling, a sweet relief and a tight fucking fit. It was like your body remembered the shape of him.

“You still take my cock just right. Fit me like a fucking glove,” he said, sliding out of you with ease. He eased back in with a snap of his hips, inching you up higher on the wall. You clung to his arms tighter, with your nails biting fruitlessly into his flesh.

“God, yes,” you uttered.

But just when he started picking up a rougher, delicious set of thrusts, Ben faltered as his body locked up on him with the force of his orgasm. He came quickly, too quickly, for him. His brows furrowed as he caught his breath. You picked up on his surprise, and then his frustration—at himself.

“Fuck!” he growled, fisting a hand against the wall.

You were a little stunned yourself, but quickly you had to try not to laugh. Biting your lip, you reached up to stroke his cheek.

“It’s okay,” you panted. “It’s okay, baby. It’s just been a long time.”

After a few seconds of continued seething, Ben met your gaze. Seeing that you weren’t judging him, he reluctantly settled down.

“Still think I’m an asshole?” he asked.

The question caught you off guard, but you softened into a smile.

“That remains to be seen,” you replied.

He almost huffed. He slid a wet strand of hair behind your ear.

“You still afraid of me then?” he said.

Your amusement faded. You tilted your head at him, raising your brows. He was still inside you, and he asked this question?

But if he was asking you that, then he really did want to know. You grasped his chin and made sure he looked you in the eyes.

“Are you going to hurt me?” you asked, in a tone that quietly demanded. “Am I safe with you?” 

His eyes held a weight you hadn’t seen before.

“You’re safe with me,” he said.

You felt his sincerity. It rang true in his words, and you saw it for yourself. You believed him.

So you nodded. You let your hand fall to his chest. “Okay.”

He nodded as well. Finally, he untangled himself from you and turned off the showerhead, the water now run cold. He stepped out of the shower first, but he turned to give you a hand. You accepted his help as you came out and grabbed a couple of towels for both of you. After you had yours wrapped around your body, you reached for his arm to earn his attention.

He had been honest with you. You felt it was time for you to give him the same.

“Ben,” you said, with a sigh. “Back then, I lied to you.”

He snorted. “Which time?”

You gave a wry look, but you were serious. You shifted closer to him. You both stood there, dripping wet, with mere inches in between while Ben looked down at you, and you up at him.  

“This. You and me…it wasn’t all an act,” you said, as tears began to well up in your eyes. “I just didn’t want to admit it, even to myself.”

Ben hummed in contemplation. He raised a hand to draw a line down your cheek with his thumb.

“Hmm. Well. Maybe you weren’t the only one,” he said eventually.

Your lips tugged at a smile. He leaned down and met you with another kiss, and this time it was a slow, simmering heat.

Ben took his time in the bathroom afterward to shave his face with the clippers and razor he bought. When he padded back into the dining area, by now fully clothed in a shirt and some sweatpants, he found you already eating without him. You were tearing into some chicken parmesan ravenously while watching a show on TV. 

“What’s on?” he asked, sitting down across from you at the two-seater table. He grabbed one of the plates with his steak and potatoes and began tearing into his own meal. He intended to hit the chicken wings next, or maybe the burger sliders and fries.

“Seinfeld?” You sounded unsure. “It just started. Supposed to be a comedy, I think.”

You and Ben watched the episode until the credits rolled, but he shook his head, licking his fingers after finishing his fifth chicken wing. You were drawn to the sight—grossed out, and yet, a little turned on.

“Nothing happened in that whole goddamn episode,” he said.

You were inclined to agree. So what if they couldn't get a damn table at a Chinese restaurant?

“Okay,” you checked the pamphlet TV Guide. “Let’s try…Friends. It’s on next.”

“The One with the East German Laundry Detergent,” was the name of the episode, according to the TV Guide. You actually enjoyed yourself throughout the whole thing. Even Ben laughed at some of Chandler’s lines. You hadn’t heard that rich, boisterous laugh of his in so long, it made you laugh just by proximity.

By the end of the episode, he was finally done picking at the leftover food. You had finished a long time ago, but you liked seeing him sitting more relaxed in his chair, less on edge.

“Now that one was funny,” you said, when the end theme started to play. Ben balled up his napkin and tossed it on the table.

“At least Rachel’s hot, but don’t tell me she gets with that dopey-eyed pussy.”

“Aw, you mean Ross? I think he’s cute.”

Ben shot you a glance, his brows knitting together. You couldn’t help smiling as you sipped at your glass of wine. He got the feeling you were teasing him. (And you were.)

“Come here,” he said, hooking his foot around a leg of your chair. You yelped as he dragged you close enough to take you by the arm and tip you over, into his lap. You allowed it with a laugh and wrapped your arms around his neck. His hand slid up your thigh in your little pajama shorts, while you caressed his cheek and explored the new beard he was sporting. It was nice and trim, along with the smoother sweep of his hair.

“I like this, by the way,” you said. Your nails scratched through his beard playfully. You kissed his cheek. “Very handsome.”

Ah, there it is, the reappearance of that smug smile of his. You decided to take it down a peg.

“I didn’t mind the lumberjack though,” you teased. “I knew no one would recognize us with that shag carpet on your face.”

Ben’s face fell into annoyance. He stood, picking you up along with him. After he brought you over to the bed, he fairly dropped you down onto it, making sure to smack your ass for good measure. You squealed with laughter.

“You wanna fucking sass me? Fine,” he said, raising a brow. “I’ll just have to punish you.” 

“Nooo, don’t do that. I’ll probably like it,” you said, with both amusement and desire glinting in your eyes while you slid your arms around his broad shoulders. You slipped your legs around his waist as well, guiding his hips down against your already pulsing core. 

Ben broke slightly, his amusement peeking through.  

“I don’t remember you having such a smart mouth,” he said. You trailed your fingers across his cheek. 

“I think you’ll learn to like it,” you said, shortly before you lured him into a kiss.  

He fucked you well into the early morning, where you two finally got some sleep. Around mid-afternoon, you woke and ate and showered and continued to relearn each other’s bodies. You spent the entire day and night in that hotel room, recuperating and healing in your own ways. 

Late that night, you rested in the crook of his arm while he smoked a blunt. You’d compelled one of the bell men to find some reefer. You knew it would help Ben sleep better, and it served to calm you down when anxiety threatened to choke you again. 

It was never as bad as it was on the plane ride over, but sometimes it hit you at odd moments. 

Are they coming after us? Does Vought already know we’re here? Will they try to ship us back?

You knew you had been careful, but anything was possible. 

You extended an expectant hand. Ben took one more puff before he handed the blunt over. You puffed a couple of times and passed it back with a cough. 

“I still don’t really like this shit,” you said in distaste. 

Ben chuckled. “You still don’t know how to smoke it, either.”

You sighed in amusement, stroking a hand over his thigh absently. You two hadn’t bothered getting dressed in hours. Cheers played on the TV—something you both could agree on.

“I need to check in with my family,” you said after a while. You missed your brother especially. God, your nephew had to be close to fifteen years old by now. The thought made your eyes water, but with a deep breath, you managed to taper it down.

You turned to the man beside you. “Do you…do you have family anywhere?”

Ben let out another long puff of smoke. 

“Anyone who mattered is long dead,” he said. He looked down at you, meeting your gaze. “You’re all I’ve got.”

You smiled a little sadly, but you grasped his hand and threaded your fingers through his. 

“But I’ve got a score to settle,” he said. The hardening tone of his voice concerned you.

“With who?” you asked. 

Ben reached over to the nightstand and put out his blunt on an ashtray. He shook his head. 

“Everyone,” he said lowly, “in that goddamn Tower.”

You frowned. You released his hand so you could turn over and face him. 

“Ben, I know how you feel, but think about this for a second.”

“It’s all I’ve been thinking about since we got out of motherfucking Siberia,” he said tersely. “Those cocksuckers are gonna pay for what they did.”

You took a steadying breath. “Okay, taking on the team is one thing. But Arthur, Stan Edgar, all of Vought? It’s dangerous.”

“And? Don’t try to tell me what I can’t fucking do,” he barked. 

You glared at him, sitting up and taking the blankets with you to cover yourself.  

“Don’t you fucking snap at me!” Your voice cracked just as firmly as his. “I’m trying to tell you to be careful. Because if not, we could wind up exactly where we were before, or worse. And I told you, I can’t…I can’t go back.”

You began to break down at the end there. Your lips trembled as your anxiety bubbled over, making tears spring to your eyes. They stung hot and escaped the corners of your eyes. 

“Ben, I can’t—” you hiccupped. 

His brows were furrowed, his jaw clenched, but now, it was less so in anger. He took your face into his hands like he had on the plane, so you’d focus on him. 

“Hey, hey,” he said, earning your attention. “That’s never gonna happen. I’m not gonna let it happen. But I am going to put all those spineless bastards into the fucking ground where they belong.”

He wiped at your tears with his thumbs. After a brief pause, he leaned over and pressed a kiss to your lips. Then another, a reassuring kiss on your forehead.

He pulled back to earn your gaze.

“Then we take it all back,” he said. “You and me.”

It took you a moment to come back to yourself. You were still apprehensive about this plan, but you knew you didn't want him to do it alone. Nor did you want to end up alone, without him. You sniffed and nodded. 

You and me.    

 AN: 😮‍💨 Did you get hit in the feels? If yes, get ready for more of that. But after their long journey back to the U.S., their relationship is shifting now, hopefully in a more positive way (despite the tough road Ben is setting them on).

Also, there might just be a BMD easter egg in there somewhere. Did you catch it? 😉

Next Time:

More heart-to-hearts, more of "the Plan," and we get a bit more into Ben's side of things...

What time is it? It was hard to remember to keep track of that now, even with the digital clock on the nightstand. It was only midnight, but to his body, it felt like morning.

You were dead asleep. Occasionally you let out soft hums, and other semi-arousing sounds. His lips tugged upward. Still moans in her sleep.

He drew down the comforter and sheets slowly from your back. He was greeted by smooth skin, except where some marks had been made permanent. His fingers traced carefully over a rough, scarred patch of skin above your hip, as if you had been tased there repeatedly.

His jaw clenched. He could still remember the sounds he used to hear—your screams through the walls of the compound. He remembered when you eventually stopped begging for it all to stop.

Don't want to wait until next week?

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[mostlysignssomeportents]

Tech monopolists use their market power to invade your privacy

On SEPTEMBER 24th, I'll be speaking IN PERSON at the BOSTON PUBLIC LIBRARY!

It's easy to greet the FTC's new report on social media privacy, which concludes that tech giants have terrible privacy practices with a resounding "duh," but that would be a grave mistake.

Much to the disappointment of autocrats and would-be autocrats, administrative agencies like the FTC can't just make rules up. In order to enact policies, regulators have to do their homework: for example, they can do "market studies," which go beyond anything you'd get out of an MBA or Master of Public Policy program, thanks to the agency's legal authority to force companies to reveal their confidential business information.

Market studies are fabulous in their own right. The UK Competition and Markets Authority has a fantastic research group called the Digital Markets Unit that has published some of the most fascinating deep dives into how parts of the tech industry actually function, 400+ page bangers that pierce the Shield of Boringness that tech firms use to hide their operations. I recommend their ad-tech study:

https://www.gov.uk/cma-cases/online-platforms-and-digital-advertising-market-study

In and of themselves, good market studies are powerful things. They expose workings. They inform debate. When they're undertaken by wealthy, powerful countries, they provide enforcement roadmaps for smaller, poorer nations who are being tormented in the same way, by the same companies, that the regulator studied.

But market studies are really just curtain-raisers. After a regulator establishes the facts about a market, they can intervene. They can propose new regulations, and they can impose "conduct remedies" (punishments that restrict corporate behavior) on companies that are cheating.

Now, the stolen, corrupt, illegitimate, extremist, bullshit Supreme Court just made regulation a lot harder. In a case called Loper Bright, SCOTUS killed the longstanding principle of "Chevron deference," which basically meant that when an agency said it had built a factual case to support a regulation, courts should assume they're not lying:

https://jacobin.com/2024/07/scotus-decisions-chevron-immunity-loper

The death of Chevron Deference means that many important regulations – past, present and future – are going to get dragged in front of a judge, most likely one of those Texas MAGA mouth-breathers in the Fifth Circuit, to be neutered or killed. But even so, regulators still have options – they can still impose conduct remedies, which are unaffected by the sabotage of Chevron Deference.

Pre-Loper, post-Loper, and today, the careful, thorough investigation of the facts of how markets operate is the prelude to doing things about how those markets operate. Facts matter. They matter even if there's a change in government, because once the facts are in the public domain, other governments can use them as the basis for action.

Which is why, when the FTC uses its powers to compel disclosures from the largest tech companies in the world, and then assesses those disclosures and concludes that these companies engage in "vast surveillance," in ways that the users don't realize and that these companies "fail to adequately protect users, that matters.

What's more, the Commission concludes that "data abuses can fuel market dominance, and market dominance can, in turn, further enable data abuses and practices that harm consumers." In other words: tech monopolists spy on us in order to achieve and maintain their monopolies, and then they spy on us some more, and that hurts us.

So if you're wondering what kind of action this report is teeing up, I think we can safely say that the FTC believes that there's evidence that the unregulated, rampant practices of the commercial surveillance industry are illegal. First, because commercial surveillance harms us as "consumers." "Consumer welfare" is the one rubric for enforcement that the right-wing economists who hijacked antitrust law in the Reagan era left intact, and here we have the Commission giving us evidence that surveillance hurts us, and that it comes about as a result of monopoly, and that the more companies spy, the stronger their monopolies become.

But the Commission also tees up another kind of enforcement: Section 5, the long (long!) neglected power of the agency to punish companies for "unfair and deceptive methods of competition," a very broad power indeed:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/10/the-courage-to-govern/#whos-in-charge

In the study, the Commission shows – pretty convincingly! – that the commercial surveillance sector routinely tricks people who have no idea how their data is being used. Most people don't understand, for example, that the platforms use all kinds of inducements to get web publishers to embed tracking pixels, fonts, analytics beacons, etc that send user-data back to the Big Tech databases, where it's merged with data from your direct interactions with the company. Likewise, most people don't understand the shadowy data-broker industry, which sells Big Tech gigantic amounts of data harvested by your credit card company, by Bluetooth and wifi monitoring devices on streets and in stores, and by your car. Data-brokers buy this data from anyone who claims to have it, including people who are probably lying, like Nissan, who claims that it has records of the smells inside drivers' cars, as well as those drivers' sex-lives:

https://nypost.com/2023/09/06/nissan-kia-collect-data-about-drivers-sexual-activity/

Or Cox Communications, which claims that it is secretly recording and transcribing the conversations we have in range of the mics on our speakers, phones, and other IoT devices:

https://www.404media.co/heres-the-pitch-deck-for-active-listening-ad-targeting/

(If there's a kernel of truth to Cox's bullshit, my guess it's that they've convinced some of the sleazier "smart TV" companies to secretly turn on their mics, then inflated this into a marketdroid's wet-dream of "we have logged every word uttered by Americans and can use it to target ads.)

Notwithstanding the rampant fraud inside the data brokerage industry, there's no question that some of the data they offer for sale is real, that it's intimate and sensitive, and that the people it's harvested from never consented to its collection. How do you opt out of public facial recognition cameras? "Just don't have a face" isn't a realistic opt-out policy.

And if the public is being deceived about the collection of this data, they're even more in the dark about the way it's used – merged with on-platform usage data and data from apps and the web, then analyzed for the purposes of drawing "inferences" about you and your traits.

What's more, the companies have chaotic, bullshit internal processes for handling your data, which also rise to the level of "deceptive and unfair" conduct. For example, if you send these companies a deletion request for your data, they'll tell you they deleted the data, but actually, they keep it, after "de-identifying" it.

De-identification is a highly theoretical way of sanitizing data by removing the "personally identifiers" from it. In practice, most de-identified data can be quickly re-identified, and nearly all de-identified data can eventually be re-identified:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/08/the-fire-of-orodruin/#are-we-the-baddies

Breaches, re-identification, and weaponization are extraordinarily hard to prevent. In general, we should operate on the assumption that any data that's collected will probably leak, and any data that's retained will almost certainly leak someday. To have even a hope of preventing this, companies have to treat data with enormous care, maintaining detailed logs and conducting regular audits. But the Commission found that the biggest tech companies are extraordinarily sloppy, to the point where "they often could not even identify all the data points they collected or all of the third parties they shared that data with."

This has serious implications for consumer privacy, obviously, but there's also a big national security dimension. Given the recent panic at the prospect that the Chinese government is using Tiktok to spy on Americans, it's pretty amazing that American commercial surveillance has escaped serious Congressional scrutiny.

After all, it would be a simple matter to use the tech platforms targeting systems to identify and push ads (including ads linking to malicious sites) to Congressional staffers ("under-40s with Political Science college degrees within one mile of Congress") or, say, NORAD personnel ("Air Force enlistees within one mile of Cheyenne Mountain").

Those targeting parameters should be enough to worry Congress, but there's a whole universe of potential characteristics that can be selected, hence the Commission's conclusion that "profound threats to users can occur when targeting occurs based on sensitive categories."

The FTC's findings about the dangers of all this data are timely, given the current wrangle over another antitrust case. In August, a federal court found that Google is a monopolist in search, and that the company used its data lakes to secure and maintain its monopoly.

This kicked off widespread demands for the court to order Google to share its data with competitors in order to erase that competitive advantage. Holy moly is this a bad idea – as the FTC study shows, the data that Google stole from us all is incredibly toxic. Arguing that we can fix the Google problem by sharing that data far and wide is like proposing that we can "solve" the fact that only some countries have nuclear warheads by "democratizing" access to planet-busting bombs:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/08/07/revealed-preferences/#extinguish-v-improve

To address the competitive advantage Google achieved by engaging in the reckless, harmful conduct detailed in this FTC report, we should delete all that data. Sure, that may seem inconceivable, but come on, surely the right amount of toxic, nonconsensually harvested data on the public that should be retained by corporations is zero:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/09/19/just-stop-putting-that-up-your-ass/#harm-reduction

Some people argue that we don't need to share out the data that Google never should have been allowed to collect – it's enough to share out the "inferences" that Google drew from that data, and from other data its other tentacles (Youtube, Android, etc) shoved into its gaping maw, as well as the oceans of data-broker slurry it stirred into the mix.

But as the report finds, the most unethical, least consensual data was "personal information that these systems infer, that was purchased from third parties, or that was derived from users’ and non-users’ activities off of the platform." We gotta delete that, too. Especially that.

A major focus of the report is the way that the platforms handled children's data. Platforms have special obligations when it comes to kids' data, because while Congress has failed to act on consumer privacy, they did bestir themselves to enact a children's privacy law. In 2000, Congress passed the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA), which puts strict limits on the collection, retention and processing of data on kids under 13.

Now, there are two ways to think about COPPA. One view is, "if you're not certain that everyone in your data-set is over 13, you shouldn't be collecting or processing their data at all." Another is, "In order to ensure that everyone whose data you're collecting and processing is over 13, you should collect a gigantic amount of data on all of them, including the under-13s, in order to be sure that not collecting under-13s' data." That second approach would be ironically self-defeating, obviously, though it's one that's gaining traction around the world and in state legislatures, as "age verification" laws find legislative support.

The platforms, meanwhile, found a third, even stupider approach: rather than collecting nothing because they can't verify ages, or collecting everything to verify ages, they collect everything, but make you click a box that says, "I'm over 13":

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/09/how-to-make-a-child-safe-tiktok/

It will not surprise you to learn that many children under 13 have figured out that they can click the "I'm over 13" box and go on their merry way. It won't surprise you, but apparently, it will surprise the hell out of the platforms, who claimed that they had zero underage users on the basis that everyone has to click the "I'm over 13" box to get an account on the service.

By failing to pass comprehensive privacy legislation for 36 years (and counting), Congress delegated privacy protection to self-regulation by the companies themselves. They've been marking their own homework, and now, thanks to the FTC's power to compel disclosures, we can say for certain that the platforms cheat.

No surprise that the FTC's top recommendation is for Congress to pass a new privacy law. But they've got other, eminently sensible recommendations, like requiring the companies to do a better job of protecting their users' data: collect less, store less, delete it after use, stop combining data from their various lines of business, and stop sharing data with third parties.

Remember, the FTC has broad powers to order "conduct remedies" like this, and these are largely unaffected by the Supreme Court's "Chevron deference" decision in Loper-Bright.

The FTC says that privacy policies should be "clear, simple, and easily understood," and says that ad-targeting should be severely restricted. They want clearer consent for data inferences (including AI), and that companies should monitor their own processes with regular, stringent audits.

They also have recommendations for competition regulators – remember, the Biden administration has a "whole of government" antitrust approach that asks every agency to use its power to break up corporate concentration:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/08/party-its-1979-og-antitrust-back-baby

They say that competition enforcers factor in the privacy implications of proposed mergers, and think about how promoting privacy could also promote competition (in other words, if Google's stolen data helped it secure a monopoly, then making them delete that data will weaken their market power).

I understand the reflex to greet a report like this with cheap cynicism, but that's a mistake. There's a difference between "everybody knows" that tech is screwing us on privacy, and "a federal agency has concluded" that this is true. These market studies make a difference – if you doubt it, consider for a moment that Cigna is suing the FTC for releasing a landmark market study showing how its Express Scripts division has used its monopoly power to jack up the price of prescription drugs:

https://www.fiercehealthcare.com/payers/express-scripts-files-suit-against-ftc-demands-retraction-report-pbm-industry

Big business is shit-scared of this kind of research by federal agencies – if they think this threatens their power, why shouldn't we take them at their word?

This report is a milestone, and – as with the UK Competition and Markets Authority reports – it's a banger. Even after Loper-Bright, this report can form the factual foundation for muscular conduct remedies that will limit what the largest tech companies can do.

But without privacy law, the data brokerages that feed the tech giants will be largely unaffected. True, the Consumer Finance Protection Bureau is doing some good work at the margins here:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/16/the-second-best-time-is-now/#the-point-of-a-system-is-what-it-does

But we need to do more than curb the worst excesses of the largest data-brokers. We need to kill this sector, and to do that, Congress has to act:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/12/06/privacy-first/#but-not-just-privacy

The paperback edition of The Lost Cause, my nationally bestselling, hopeful solarpunk novel is out this month!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/09/20/water-also-wet/#marking-their-own-homework

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

[linkspooky]

YUTA WAS ALWAYS SELFISH

I was originally going to make this post the week the big twist with Yuta in Gojo's body happened, because of the massive subversion that it was. It was the kind of twist that made you question if everything you ever knew about the character was wrong. Namely, Yuta one of the most empathic sorcerers we see in the series - the character who seems to lack the selfishness of the other sorcerers that make up jujutsu society. The kid who fights with the literal power of love.

Was Yuta a monster to begin with and we just didn't see?

So ignore the clickbaity tagline, Yuta is one of my favorite characters I'm not going to start calling him a terrible person. Rather that Yuta is dismissed as a soft kid or a wifeguy, when he's actually more cunning and cutthroat than anyone gives him credit for.

If a sorcerer is nothing more than a con-artist, then if the talent for trickery he displayed in the Sukuna fight is anything to go by Yuta is a true sorcerer down to his bones. Yuta turning Gojo's body into a puppet seems like a massive twist, and almost out of character for Yuta who was so devoted to Gojo.

His earlier fight in the culling game even seemed to hint that Yuta was too soft and he didn't truly have the attitude to fight someone like Ryomen Sukuna who was the embodiment of a calamity.

These panels seemed like a prophecy that Yuta was doomed to fall short against Sukuna. That he could never live up to his title as the next Satoru Gojo, because unlike Gojo and Sukuna who can stand on the top alone Yuta clings to his loved ones.

Sukuna got to where he is by rejecting love. Sukuna is Sukuna because he's never needed anyone to satisfy him. So how can Yuta who needs to be surrounded by his loved ones at all time to validate him and tell him it's okay for him to be alive even compete?

However, even in JJK zero Yuta's love is questioned on whether or not it's as selfless and "pure" as it seems. To begin with, Maki calls him out early on for attracting bullies by playing the victim a lot. He pretends to be a good and innocent person put upon by his circumstances and bullies when really he doesn't want to help himself. Instead of standing up to the bullies he's always let Rika protect him and then condemned her for being a monster. He's let Rika take the blame for all the destruction, even though Rika is HIS cursed technique, created by HIS emotions, and is protecting him.

Yuta doesn't make any attempt to try to learn to control Rika, or even work with her, he just shrivels away in fear.

"You act like a good person, but it feels fake..." Yuta has always adopted the facade of a good person. He seems soft, socially anxious and withdrawn, even after he gains confidence as a sorcerer those traits don't go away because they're a part of his outward persona. Jung divides the psyche into two parts, the persona a mask that faces the world the parts of yourself that come out in your social interaction with people and then there's the shadow your repressed personality.

Yuta's shadow is a literal monster that declares her love for him and then expresses that love by violently destroying everything around him.

Yes, Rika initially contained the soul of someone else but Rika the curse was created by his technique, her power corresponds to his emotions, she comes from his shadow, and even after the real Rika passes on the Shikigami RIKA still remains completely under Yuta's control. Rika is Yuta, the embodiment of his twisted definition of love that would curse his loved ones to keep them by his side forever because he can't live without them. All of Rika's insane possessiveness? That's Yuta's too. Rika's violent overprotectiveness? That's Yuta.

How poetic is it really that Yuta and Rika are so codependent that Yuta's shadow, the other half of his personality is literally RIKA. Yuta cannot exist without love, and without someone too love, he's so terrified of being alone that he cursed Rika and then turned her corpse into a puppet after death. He uses his loved one as a weapon to fight his enemies.

If you think about it for more than five minutes Yuta's cursed technique and Rika has some seriously messed up implications, but it's hard too because as messed up as Yuta's love is it's still genuine.

Love is a curse, but in 236 Nanami speculates that sometimes curses can save people too, just like how Jujutsu Sorcerers use curses to fight and protect others.

So Yuta's love is a screaming, raging, overprotective monster, but it's also what give shim the motivation to fight ofr others. Yuta's love is a curse, but curses can save people too.

Yuta on the other hand isn't aware of his own darker nature most of the time.

The big twist in Jujutsu kaisen Zero is that just as Maki accused him of from the beginning, Yuta was playing the victim all along. He acted like Rika cursed him with her dying breath, but Yuta was the one who cursed her because he couldn't bear to live without her.

However, even this apology is a bit telling of Yuta's self-centered nature. He immediately turns everything into his fault and starts beating himself up over it. He doesn't look at anyone else's perspectives or that other people had a role to play. He deliberately ignores Rika's feelings on the past few years, which Rika is quick to point out for him.

This scene has a parallel later where Yuta ultimately, only thinks about himself first and foremost. In spite of wanting so badly to be surrounded by his loved ones, it's more about him loving them, and less about their feelings for him.

After all he's completely willing to commit a double suicide with Rika to protect his friends, ignoring the fact Rika doesn't want him to pass on just yet, and Maki, Inumaki and Panda wouldn't want him to disappear either. This scene has a direct parallel a year later in the fight against Sukuna when Yuta gives up his body.

Maki almost breaks character from her usual culling game arcs stoicity to fight and argue with Yuta to stop him form doing this, and Rika who one year earlier told Yuta to live a long life so she wouldn't have to see him on the other side so soon is reduced to screaming and sobbing while holding his dead body.

Yuta loves people, or at least he feels an intense amount of love for people, but he can be as self-centered as the other sorcerers we see in the story. Geto even points this out right away, that Yuta is selfish, that he's seeking self-affirmation first and foremost. He needs other people's approval, their love, to feel like he deserves to exist. He'll do anything to earn that love, and once he has it he'll do anything to protect it but it's ultimately for himself.

It manifests in Yuta's technique itself copy, which first and foremost requires Yuta to consume parts of his loved ones that can never be healed if he wants to keep their copied technique. Yuta gets stronger by literally eating his loved ones. We have canon confirmation that Yuta fed part of Inumaki's severed arm to Rika.

Yuta's cursed technique is to emulate the strengths of all of his loved ones copying them and making them a part of his oqn technique, because Yuta will take any shape and form in order to be loved. It's also the perfect technique for fighting as a part of a group, because someone like Sukuna will naturally assume that Yuta's technique STEALS instead of COPYING so he'll forget that the original still retains their technique.

Yuta's not only selfish and has a very selfish, overprotective love for others, but it's those exact qualities that make him an effective sorcerer strong in the area that Gojo is the weakest. Group coordination.

Gojo is in his element when he's alone, but Yuta is so codependent that he literally cannot exist unless other people are looking at him. His strength comes from the things he copies and takes from his friend, and he turned his loved one into a puppet to fight others. Is it really that surprising that this kid would willingly use Gojo's body as a weapon after death when that's literally what he did to Rika.

How telling is it that like Yuta learned that Rika was cursed by him, went so far to exorcise her spirit, and then after finally letting go after her spirit passed on he made a second Shikigami named Rika a few months later made out of the small remnants of cursed energy that Rika left behind as a gift after passing on. The dude is not over Rika, he's like, Geto and Gojo levels of not over Rika.

Yuta's cursed technique being the literal weaponization of his love and his loved ones makes him the best character for group coordination in the entire series. Yuta even adopts apsects of hakari's persona when making his plans against Sukuna since he decides to gamble at several key points in the plan.

Several of the key moments in the fight are all Yuta's plans, with some collaboration from Angel. He makes several bets too like Hakari would. The first being going to finish Kenjaku by himself and using both Todo and Takaba in conjunction to trick him. The second is the bet that he'd be able to make it back in time to rejoin the fight in case Higuruma's plan fail.

It was Yuta who let his own domain barrier down on purpose to let Sukuna think he had the victory so he would let his guard down and make it easy for Maki to ambush him. Something that also required perfect coordination between Yuta and Maki working in tandem with one another.

Yuta set up Hana to do one large jacob's ladder when Sukuna least expected it because he knew Sukuna would forget that his technique is COPY and not steal. He also made the biggest bluff which was leading Sukuna to believe that he fed Rika his last finger.

These aren't just good bluffs, they require near perfect coordination with your allies and taking several chances on them. Nobara might not have even woken up so the last finger / resonance Gambit was perhaps the biggest gamble. Maki and Yuta had to coordinate with each other well so Maki would be there when Yuta dropped the barrier. Yuta needed Takaba a relatively new and inexperienced sorcerer to survive against the threat that was Kenjaku, and he needed all of his allies to stay alive while he was prioritizing Kenjaku.

These are all plans Satoru Gojo would never have been able to pull off, because Gojo only ever relies on himself. If Yuta and Hakari had intervened in the Gojo and Sukuna fight then he would not have been able to go all out, whereas Yuta REQUIRES people collaborating with him in order TO GO ALL OUT.

This is Yuta. This is his strength. Yuta is nothing without love, so he takes on the forms of the people he loves and takes things from the people he loves in order to gain the power to protect him. Yuta copies everything from the people he loves, so is it really that much of a surprise that he'd become a monster just like Gojo.

In some ways, Geto and Yuuta were the same. Geto was too sincere. To someone like him, the reality that the world of sorcerers presented to him was just too cruel. ’…that in a world like this, I couldn’t be truly happy from the bottom of my heart.’ To live for the purpose of being yourself. And for that goal, Geto could only continue to pursue his twisted dream, drowning himself in the curse that lies in the gap between ideal and reality.

Love is a weapon for Yuta. Just like his curse technique can take any form, so does Yuta's love, and so does Yuta himself. Love always wins, and in order to do so Yuta will take any shape necessary, no matter how twisted.

Love is the worst curse of them all, and Yuta will become the worst monster of them all if it means protecting his love ones.