#but for me it feels like a bottomless pit of eternal grief a lot

[halinski]

.

[exosmutxoxo]

sweetener ☁️🍬

A/N: This is a little birthday present to my angel Ayesha @g-exo Happy birthday my love, you deserve all the happiness and joy in the world, and I hope you enjoy this little sweet treat I wrote for you ❤️ I based it off the tracks on Ariana Grande’s ‘sweetener’ album, because I figured that all of us deserve a little sweetener in our lives <3 This little scenario is nothing fancy nor extravagant. To be honest, it is one of my simplest works ever since I started writing. But hey, sweet and simple is still the best way to go  ❤️

Pairing(s): Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Fluff / Angst

Warning(s): Mentions of anxiety

Word Count: 1174

Track #1: raindrops (an angel cried)

When raindrops fell

Down from the sky

The day you left me

An angel cried

 You would be lying if you said that you didn’t shed waterfalls when you and your boyfriend finally went through with the well-overdue breakup.

You and Kim Jongdae had been in a committed relationship with each other for the past two years, but that did not mean that everything was smooth-sailing. Over the course of the past few months, both of you had been fully indulged in endless arguments, petty squabbles over nothing and days of cold silences.

The love you felt for him in the beginning had completely shriveled and died like a neglected flower, and you knew that the end was inevitable.

But still, you held on tight for dear life. You clung to your dead relationship with all your might, gripping onto the edge of the cliff with the bare tips of your fingers.

Despite the crippling anxiety you’d been heartlessly put through due to the endless arguments, you kept watering your dead flower.

Until one day, Jongdae finally pulled the carpet from beneath your feet and sent you spiraling into a bottomless chasm of heartbreak and grief.

Without another word, he called for the inevitable breakup and left you in a lurch.

And you cried. You cried, and you cried.

 Track #2: better off

I’m better off without him

I’m better off being a wild one

On the road a lot, had to keep it a thousand

So that I’m better off not being around ya

 In the weeks to come, you started to experience the inescapable heartache that comes along with a breakup. It was mental torture, and it was not a fate you would wish upon anyone.

Some days, it was like catching a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel. You started to feel a teensy bit better about yourself, feeling emotionally strong enough to coax yourself that you were better off without Jongdae.

But those days didn’t last very long. Most of the time, you holed yourself up in your room, allowing yourself to wallow in a truckload of self-pity.

Deep down, you were smart enough to know better. After the months of tireless squabbles with your ex-boyfriend, you knew that it was better off this way.

 Track #3: breathin

Time goes by and I can’t control my mind

Don’t know what else to try, but you tell me every time

Just keep breathin’

 The nights you spent crying into your pillow had done nothing but heightened your already-existing anxiety. It seemed like there was no way out of this never-ending pit of misery.

But thankfully, not all was bleak. Because there was Byun Baekhyun.

Byun Baekhyun, your best friend since childhood. The same boy who had been with you through all your ups and downs. The boy you subconsciously fell in love with at your most vulnerable state, and the same boy you grew to love for the years to come.

With him by your side, you felt like you could finally breathe. Having your best friend with you was like finally breaking over the surface of the water, of finally pulling yourself out of your own ocean of misery.

Because despite the heartache and the pain and the tears, Baekhyun held your hand through the storm. And he just told you to keep breathing.

 Track #4: the light is coming

The light is coming to give back everything the darkness stole

Healing from a painful breakup took time. It always does. For you, it took about half a year before you could finally breathe without feeling a stab in your heart, without dredging up the tainted memories of the long-gone Kim Jongdae.

After six arduous months, it feels like the light is coming to give back everything the darkness – the pain, the misery, the sobs into your pillow in the dead of the night – stole.

You had no idea how strong your heart could be. It was honestly amazing. And you wished you could have owed it all to yourself for healing so well, but you knew for a fact that you owed Baekhyun hell of a lot.

He was always there for you. The light in your darkness.

 Track #5: no tears left to cry

Ain’t got no tears in my body

I ran out, but boy, I like it, I like it, I like it

Don’t matter how, what, where, who tries it

We out here vibin’

There was nothing more positive than fully recovering from a breakup.

All the tears you cried have dried up. No more ugly sobs, no more tears in your body.

No more tears left to cry. Because you healed. Totally. Utterly. Fully. Wholly.

 Track #6: R.E.M

Last night, boy, I met you

When I was asleep

You’re such a dream to me

You knew that you were definitely falling for Baekhyun when you started dreaming about him on a regular basis.

They were sweet dreams, coming to you like angels sent from the above. Maybe that was probably why you slept all the time.

 Track #7: goodnight n go

One of these days

You’ll miss your train and come stay with me

We’ll have drinks and talk about things

And any excuse to stay awake with you

As the months went by, you grew closer to Baekhyun. Technically, both of you were already inseparable after years of friendship but this time, things were a tad bit different.

Things were always different when there were feelings involved.

You cherished your nights with him, just chatting and laughing about everything and nothing while sipping on glasses of cherry-red wine and curled up in each other’s arms. It was pure bliss, and you secretly started to wonder why you never ever saw Baekhyun more than a best friend back then.

Then again, perhaps it was all about timing. Maybe you were put through hell with Jongdae so you could appreciate heaven with Baekhyun. That was what you always told yourself, your silent reminder and comforting mantra.

While Jongdae told you goodbye, Baekhyun only told you goodnight. Because he wasn’t going anywhere, and you were eternally grateful for that.

 Track #8: sweetener

When life deals us cards

Make everything taste like it is salt

Then you come through like the sweetener you are

To bring the bitter taste to a halt

Life was definitely more than a little bitter when you were with Jongdae, especially with the petty squabbles and screaming and shouting and never-ending anxiety.

Your six-months period of healing was needed, and you emerged from the storm stronger than ever. You were grateful for your friends and family who stood by you during your tough times. You were grateful for the lessons Jongdae taught you.

But most importantly, you were endlessly grateful for Byun Baekhyun. He taught you that it’s possible for life to be a little easier, a little sweeter.  

And like the sweetener he was, he brought everything bitter to a halt.