#but ffs shes not. shes not nice????? thats the whole damn point??????? of IF??????

[235uranium]

every time the female character discourse happens i just sigh. the ppl critiquing fandom misogyny don't even like that interesting of women

[mare-sanguis]

So I had this weird dream where I was trapped inside a mirror world. After I woke up my brain went like "thats it- write a fucking Scary Stories fix it fanfic/ one shot"

So in this OS/ff I'm gonna focus on Chuck (and the Auggie x Chuck ship)(because he baby) and how hes stuck in some kind of other world (influenced by the celtic "anderswelt/ other world"). Its just a snipped- theres going to follow more. There will be some hidden meanings and symbols.(will fix grammar mistakes later)

Maybe the one person who will read it catches the first hidden meaning

At first Chuck was mad at Stella.

That she let the monster take Auggie away. Let him getting dragged away.

They showed him the place- the place he went lost. In his own goddamn bedroom.

He saw the dragging marks on the floor. And seeing this made him angry.

There were still things he wanted to do with his friends, and seeing them going missing wasnt one of this.

And this all started because she picked up this stupid book.

And now? Now he was going to disappear to. Surrounded by pale women- she forcing him into a hug, finally swolling him whole.

Now he wasnt going to miss Auggie any more.

Sounded really sad but it was the reality now- for him.

And maybe he would stop feeling like this towards his friend.

Maybe he would stop feeling anything.

But on the other habd- maybe he would be trapped in a void, still being the same person, still feeling the same things he did when he was alive. The things he would get judged for in his hometown. The things he would get judged for if he would ever tell anyone.

Now, the moment the pale woman was about to swallow him whole he started to panic.

It was like in his dreams all over again.

And he never felt felt like his friends took him serious. Took the dreams serious.

The moment they went to look for the records of Sarah, walking down the hallway towards the R.E.D room he also was about to lose his mind.

Neither Stella nor Ramón listened to him, his worries. Stella just told him to wait there.

Wow what an idea- leaving him there alone while the hospital hallways were filled with nurses and doctors. What a great idea it was. But her head was fully stuck into swooning over their new found friend Ramón.

Totally ignoring his concern. But what ever- this moment he not just felt like a third wheel. No. He was one- literally.

He should have come with them now that he was thinking of it. Shouldnt he?

Either was- this shit sucked.

And now he was trapped here. His friends probably busy with something from much more importance than him.

Searching for a clue, a solution how to stop this madness.

But he wasnt going to witness it anyway - them failing or winning.

Instead he was about to disappear and who knows what would await him on the other side.

His last thoughts drifted away to his sister and how they were able to safe her. She would probably enjoy a life without him- who knows.

And then he was gone.

Swallowed up, whole by the monster from his nightmare. By his own nightmare.

The moment he opened his eyes he was trapped in complete darkness.

No light- just darkness. And emptiness

As he looked down he saw black goo covering the ground. He was sitting in it. Could see a bit of his own reflection.

Well at least he was still this handsome young man like when he was alive.

He sighed and got up- black goo still sticking on him. Hands, clothes, face.

Looking around he saw nothint. No one else was there. It looked completely lost. If he really would be stuck here forever he'd go crazy.

Not his favorite idea ot a place to go. Not the best place to go to when dead.

Come to think of- was he even dead? It didnt felt like... dying?

But who was he to know how dying would feel like?

Its his first time dying (?)

Its just that he rather felt alive than dead the moment he got swallowed.

Confusing.

He looked around again. A second time.

Nothing changed.

"Just standing around there wont do anything. Lets go."

He told himself, no clue for what he was even looking for.

But everything was better than just sitting around there doing nothing. He wondered how much time already had passed.

Didnt felt like much- but maybe the time was working differently wherever he was trapped right now.

He really wanted to find out where he was but where to start when theres nothing- just darkness, emptiness.

He sighed again, looking at the black goo on his hands.

What a way to end a life.

Everytime Chuck took a step he got suck a bit into the black shit on the ground. With ever step his breathing got heavier.

Wherever he was- it must be the worst place of it all. He walked and walked, it seemed endless. It all seemed the same.

It felt like hours. Him walking around there. Seemed so sensless all of the sudden. But he didnt give up. He didnt want to- he couldnt. Maybe there was a way out and he just had to search for it.

Did he ever wanted to come back? To his reality? Guess not- not without Auggie.

And just in the right moment he saw something- a door. White. Looked just the same like the ones in the hospital. Two lanterns were placed next to the door. It didnt look very inviting. But what else could happen?

"What else could happen if I take this door? Maybe getting sucked deeper into this shit? Maybe if I take this door I will never come back? I dont even know how deep down it goes down here."

He grabbed the doorhandle anyway and pushed it down, pulling the door open. He was greeting with white lights, it was almost blinding him- such a strong contrast to the darkness behind him.

And he could saw the hospital hallway right in front of him.

All corridors looked the same so it was a suprise for him that he figured out that it was the one where he got swallowed.

And the moment he stepped into the scene it all repeated itself. It felt like a nightmare, he could see himself- running scared, away from the woman. Lost. It was terrifying to watch.

"But at least its just showing me what happened- not that I have to endure it again by myself." He took a deep breath and walked up on of the hallways- trying to ignore what was happening right befor his eyes.

"Its nothing- its just a bad d[...]"

He stopped. His words. His movements.

Because the lights had turned red.

"Ah shit man- are you kidding me? Not again! I already died I cant die again!" He shouted out- watching in horror how his nightmare was walking right towards him.

Wait.

He was already gone.

She couldnt hurt him again.

"I'm dead you cant hurt me!" He shouted towards her.

"Gonna catch me if you can!" And then he started to run. He didnt know where he was running but he was running- and this time he was winning. At least it felt like winning to him. Even if it meant that he would get lost even more.

Well- if he finds a nice place maybe he could stay here. Maybe its better than the cold real life.

The hallway was getting darker again, this time there was fog everywhere - it made breathing heavier and he coughed a few times, rubbing his eyes.

Maybe ge should just stay here. What was the point of even trying to get out.

Chuck stumbled.

Banged his head on a door.

On a door that appeared out of nowhere.

He was sure there wasnt one few moments ago- he was loosing his mind already.

"Its happening already damn." He rubbed his forehead.

The door looked different from the one before.

It was white too- but there were small details caved in the wood of it. It had a doorknob with a symbol on it. He couldnt made out what this symbol was since the fog was blocking his few.

"I just want to take a look if its shitty there I wont pass it."

He looked back- knowing that he still was followed by the pale woman. He could see her.

"Or maybe I will take the risk of what ever is waiting for me on the other side."

He turned the knob around and took a last look at the dark hallway, the nightmare which was almost right behind him.

"Good riddance."

Then he went through the door- and the moment he passed it, it disappeared. So did his unsafe feeling.

But it still was dark. Luckily not as dark as before.

As he looked up he could see the dark sky- it looked just like the one he used to see in his hometown. It looked to normal.

But there werent any people nor animals. Just him and...

And a swaying bridge. Apprearing right before his eyes.

Connecting two cliffs- leading across a deep dark gorge.

And the bridge was a rainbow.

A fucking rainbow. Out of everything he hated the most he got a bridge covered in rainbow colors.

"I hate my not-so-alive life. Rainbow. Fine."

[jessiewre]

Day 42

Sat 15th Feb

Safari in Lake Nakuru 🦒🦓🦏🦩🌞

The pillows in our room were officially the worst pillows in Africa so far and in the night we’d had to put our travel pillow inside one case, and one of our PUFFY COATS in the other. I planned to file a complaint with Philly Tours first thing the next morning.

On the contrary, the hotel had prepared our takeaway breakfast with so much care and attention. There were proper takeaway cups and packaged up food, including our leftovers from the night before so Phil tipped the two chefs and waiter a dollar each. They were buzzing.

Thankfully, our Safari vehicle arrived (so we hadn’t been completely ripped off by Peter) and it was a good vehicle, not a crappy minibus like we’d seen some people safari’ing in. The two French girls in there were nice but they hadn’t bought their passports with them, so paying at the entrance was a bit awkward - until I reminded them a picture might be fine and they found one on their phones. PHEW.

At first, the safari was a little underwhelming as we could see the edges of the park around us with all the buildings of the town. But then we went around the lake and deeper into the park - and then it was really cool. It was more chilled out than the Masai Mara, not as impressive of course, but still nice. There were quite a few areas that had issues from previous flooding though. A couple of roads had been built up with rocks and we passed a lot of dead trees atmospherically positioned in flooded land with loads of ugly maribou stork birds and baboons around. There was a weird atmosphere in those areas and it sort of felt like they were about to attack the vehicle. Then our driver was like ‘Make sure all the food is hidden as the baboons might attack the vehicle’. Oh god, planet of the apes could be REAL.

We got through all the baboons scratching and picking at each others arses without being attacked, then spotted giraffes and warthogs (there’s always warthogs), but then our driver managed to get us to an AMAZING spot where we saw two adult white rhinos and a baby right next to us! The adults had a bit of a stand off and we watched on in amazement.

We visited a nice waterfall where the water was a little brown from the mud, then we headed to a lodge for our lunch stop. We had bought our lunch with us as Peter had told us it would be 25$ per person to eat in the park, but outside the entrance was a massive sign in capital letters saying NO PICNICS ALLOWED. Great.

After the manager flat our refused for us to eat are food there, we made friends with the waiter and he said we could eat it if we were subtle and ordered other things - so I had a vegetable soup and Phil had a bang average veggie sandwich and chips. We sat with the French girls and one of them randomly said that the best ketchup she’s ever had was when we was in Ireland when she had a delicious homemade ketchup somewhere. LOL did not expect that to be what she remembered about Ireland, Stella & Helen will be disgusted. She also said that the grass on safari was green but the grass in Ireland is the greenest in the world she thinks. Ketchup and grass = Irelands legacy.

While we sat in the restaurant we went to book our train as we’d decided which day to get it. And guess what? It was fully booked again. We’d left it too late, assuming the weekdays wouldn’t be so busy. IDIOTS.

On the afternoon drive, we were lucky enough to spot a black rhino, much rarer to see than the white. It was peacefully grazing amongst zebras, impalas and warthogs - it looked amazing, had a proper tortois-y dinosaur face!

Over the whole safari, we saw:

Buffalo

Giraffe (endangered Rothschild type)

Monkeys

Baboons

Flamingoes

Maribou Storks

Pelicans

Pumbas

White Rhino

Black Rhino

When we got back to the hotel, Phil noticed that his shorts had disappeared from the bush they were drying on outside the room. It was obvious someone had been trimming that very bush as it was all neat and there were clippings on the ground, so Phil asked reception. They assured him they’d ask the gardener and find them. I was convinced they’d been nicked...

We half decided to eat at the hotel again out of pure laziness and fatigue, but as soon as we walked in I was like Why are we here. It ain’t for a plate of vegetables thats for sure. So we went to reception to get a taxi to town as we knew there was a Java cafe there and it was a safe bet, and plus if we went to town, we could book our coach tickets for Nairobi to the coast (damn you fully booked train!).

Our taxi driver annoyingly dropped us at a little shop with a Modern Coast kiosk that was CLOSED instead of the actual Modern Coast office HOW BLOODY USELESS. So we ended up walked through the busy town while really hungry looking for a tuc tuc to get to the right place. Then we saw Java cafe on a corner so thought screw it, We’re really hungry so lets just eat first.

But then...we walked over and the door was LOCKED. I could see people inside eating their food, but it had closed at 7pm and it was now 7:15pm. Oh ffs.

We stood outside it feeling a little sad, then the manager walked over to the door, popped his head out the door and smiled at us ‘There’s another Java cafe if you want to eat, just over in the Mall!’. OMG what a legend, we KNEW Java wouldn’t let us down like this. Thanks random man 👍🏽.

We jumped in a tuc tuc to go to Modern Coast and Phil jumped out to get the tickets while I paid. The driver and his mate (not sure why he had a mate with him but whatever) then tried to overcharge me. I paid them 200ksh as that was more than enough and then one of them was like ‘Miss, Buy me a tea’. He had this really annoying look on his face like he was telling me I had to do it. Excuse me buddy, that is not how you ask someone if they’d like to buy you a gift.

We needed a tuc tuc to get to the mall but I didn’t want to go with them out of principal so we walked there like fools. It was only 10 minutes but it was down a crappy dusty busy road and we were hungry. But at least we had our morals right?!

We passed a shop with hats and remembered my quest for a baseball cap (look, I know its a bad idea, but I need one for safaris okkkkkkk). I tried a few on and honest to god it might be the worst I’ve ever looked ever. HORRENDOUS. So no, I didn’t buy one. The search continues.

Dinner at Java was half good and half annoying. Our starter of tomato soups were bought over and the girl said ‘Two chicken soups’. Uh, no love, we ordered tomato soup - so she walked away to check with our waitress who was dealing with another table. This waitress then bought the soups back over and fully tried to blag it ‘Two chicken soups’ she said as she tried to palm them off onto us. I’m not gonna lie, part of me wanted to just take the chicken and peanut soup as I’ll bet it was tasty as fook. - but no, we told her the mistake and waited patiently for our TOMATO soups.

After the soup, I honestly felt full (mental I know) so my Mexican burrito was ready for takeaway after two bites. Phil managed to devour his vege burger no problem.

On return to the hotel, still no sign of the shorts (cos they’d been nicked obvs) but I forced the reception guy to find me new pillows and he basically broke into someone’s room while they weren’t there and took the pillows off their bed. BOVERED cos they were SO much better, as in, they were actual pillows and not a bag of socks. So I went to bed happy. Well, I did until I checked my phone and saw the news that Caroline Flack had passed away. It wasn’t officially suicide at that point, but from the reports it seemed the most likely scenario. It felt incredibly weird to be sat in Kenya and to think she’d died that very day, while we’d been on a safari, and we went to bed feeling very strange and very sad.

[dearhummingbird]

3, 12, 14 xx

3. rant. just do it

ok this was a draft from when Bon Appetit was going down the drain and i was extremely annoyed and bothered by how the discussion about it was being held in this all-women Slack group i’m in. it really mostly comprises of extremely rich white mid-20year olds who only used to shop at Reformation and only use Glossier/Golde/Milk Makeup/Kosas products. a lot of it probably wont make sense unless you kept up to date with what went on with BA, but two things that i want to note is that 1) i don’t like the me who calls people crazy and goes ??????? when others share wildly different opinions from me, even when i think those opinions are flat out wrong. it’s language that im trying to change bc i also do it when im even mildly annoyed at people, which is bad. that’s one reason why i didnt initially post this here bc i was abit ashamed. idk if thats right or wrong but ya. 2) i didnt share this earlier bc while i still stand by what i said about Gaby being an immigrant status i was and am afraid of being called out as insensitive or wrong. it would be nice to hear opinions about this, if anyone has any at all. but yes, it is very long and very passionate, please dont mind......

this is with regards to the BA drama and the Slack group i mentioned here awhile ago. the people there are so...????? not only is their cancel culture ugly but their flimsy explanations and lack of care for their words just makes everything that comes out of their mouth performative. there’s a whole thread with 150++ messages about the BA situation and i said i was sorely disappointed with Gaby’s willy nilly response to the initial Sohla uprising. for context, Gaby is Argentinian, is BA’s test kitchen manager as well as the oldest member of the BA universe. she posted a story saying: “Hey guys! I am not one for following what the heck is going on! You know me, I do my own thing! I cook and be happy! 💚🌈 💚🌈 💚🌈” while the BIPOC members of BA were risking their jobs by going public about the systemic racism within Conde Nast. the white members of BA had stood in solidarity(🤔) with the BIPOC members, and Gaby is the only one who chose to bow out of all of it. someone replied saying maybe its bc Gaby’s an immigrant, like their mom, who was afraid to get involved in politics of any sorts because doing so in her time meant death. please tell me if im being insensitive but i think thats a grossly biased biography to impose on someone else, esp w such a clearly tonedeaf “💚🌈💚🌈” response at a time like that. i replied that and said yknow what, maybe thats true, maybe its not, but Gaby couldve read the room and given a much more neutral response even if she didnt care about it. THEN someone else replied saying they agreed with the previous person - “[i think] people are being too harsh on her. She is of a different generation who perhaps doesn’t grasp the role of social media in this movement. How can we expect her to condemn her EIC in the most thoughtful, politically correct way, when English is not her first language and the US is not her first country?” ???????? just saying Gaby doesnt “get it” bc shes old and an immigrant? i thought it was wholly condescending and fired back saying Gaby has mentioned being in the states fr a very long time and she knows how to put up highlights on instagram ffs, shes tech and English savvy. i also said Gaby’s language was very telling and tonedeaf “i do my own thing”. then the person replied saying “oh i didnt mean it like that, her response to me was representative of tbings we’ve heard from our own immigrant families right? “A lot of survival as an immigrant is tied to “I do my own thing” and that is inherently privileged while being a victim of the white supremacist system at the same time” 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 i did not like the “right?” super annoying rally tactic like actually debate w me dude. and if she hadnt meant to say Gaby didnt “get it” maybe she shouldve worded her thoughts far more carefully. also um..? i understand what youre saying but my whole point is Gaby shouldve been more careful with her words. pegging all of this onto her immigrant status, while may be right, seems so¿ what if Gaby didnt give a fuck, just like she shows she doesnt in her words? then what? like? am i crazy?? then i said i‘d rather she had said nth at all if she was gonna hang her members to dry. THEN THE PERSON RESPONDED, “LETS BE REAL [INSERTS BA’S WHITE MEMBERS] ARENT GNA LOSE THEIR JOBS” ????? I was very clearly talking about the BIPOC members...... why would i talk abt the immune white members..... she mustve barely read anything i said!!!

then w regards to the Delaney situation, some of them were like “he was in college when he used the queer slur?? when i was in high school everyone already knew better than to say it” “19???? way too old to be saying shit like that” sure he shouldve known better but age should not be the issue here. + Delaney has been one of the most vocal BA members abt BLM! hes clearly changed as a person, if not is at least one willing to learn frm mistakes! people were hunting him down on twitter, screenshotting shit frm 2012. they called him a coward fr deleting his twitter and tumblr - but whats the point of digging fr more shit to say “yes Delaney was indeed a bigot frat boy” when you already have a handful. i never knew what cancel culture was until this. other things theyve said include “🚫 no more conde nast 🚫 society has moved past the need for conde nast / ugggghhhhhh damn it, it’s my fault for thinking a white man could be unproblematic” howww. Later on Brad said he would quit if they fired Delaney and everyoneeee was like “duh Brad’s an outdoorsy white man 🥴���” ??? 1. THATS A DUMB STATEMENT TO MAKE 2. THE PERSON WHO POSTED THIS IS ALSO WHITE. what if Brad will quit bc Delaneys a friend????? then what? 85% of the BA team is white, Carla and Molly went to Italy while Chaey wasnt even paid fr the Thanksgiving series, Claire gets something crazy like 20k for every gourmet makes, and Molly was the chummiest member with Rapo, and you’re saying “duh Brad’s an outdoorsy white man”?? get your shit together

ok last one is when in response to my point about how Molly was so friendly w Rapo that she was the only one who‘d snap at Rapo as if he wasnt the scary prissy boss the same girl who said Brad is an outdoorsy white man said “oh i actually saw that as a personal coping mechanism against Rapo’s toxicity!!” i really died

[knight-gwaine]

i keep talkin bout you bc youre my only real way of measuring my progress. you were the best and worst. yesterday or honestly whenever, i made posts along the lines of some shit like you suck ass, which ya do, but if you got your life together we could be friends or sum. but i mean. that’s a concept. what i’m realising is that every day, i’m getting further away from you. and that is a GOD DAMN BLESSING. i say all these nice things but thats for the fake fun and great version of you that exists in my head as just a comforting thought when i feel like thinking about love. but damn, i keep forgetting until i really think about it that, i literally am so fucking happy to be away. i am so happy we never have to be friends again and talk and shit. because you /seem/ cool, especially when we barely talk but if i had to actually deal with you. id rather punch myself in the god damn face. also wow it sucks that id still be down for your dick bc you be lookin like a god damn mess like eww??? i barely /actually/ see you and then when i do i realise oh yeah this b for real aint shit. like i wonder what he is actually getting done w his life. and okay, any progress is great. like if you on your own are trying. great. thats fantastic like im proud of you. everyobe works at their own pace. but in terms of me being friends w you. nah b, you lame as fuck. i aint got time for that. i have been meeting waaayy too many incredible peoole this year and have done waaay to many incredible things to be settlin for someone like you. idk dude. i see you. i hear things about you. i see the shit you do and say and i know you cant judge someone really unless you really get to know em or whatever but sometimes peoples social media and their friends can say a looooottt about them. a lot. and i do not. ever. wanna. fuck. w. you. HEEELLL NOOO.

as much as i wish for myself to never speak of you again and all that. i dont think thats going to happen for a long time. three years is a long time. even if this one seems to have lasted forever, three years is longer. and thinking back on all of it helps me realise how much ive progressed. and how much i keep progressing every day. i literally can only remember one. one. bad day. through this whole year. only one. maybe two? i remember one bad moment? but ive only ever had one bad day.

it is such a feeling. to finally. be free. all my emotions are controlled by me. i never feel depressed and alone on a cloudy quiet sunday. i never feel dreary when its pouring rain out. i never feel affected by the mundane weather. because i have done so much and i honestly will never stop. because what is the point in not trying to have fun and live your best life every moment of your life? fr that one song by anderson paak, i aint never comin down. i spent too much time bein scared and believing i was incapable and antisocial and no one likes me or whatever. but how do people get rid of their fears? you go out and face it. i feel like i can do almost anything now, im not gonna lie. like, if i really want to. because thats genuinely all it takes. if you WANT to do something, you will find a way to do it. so you will succeed. if you WANT to, even if theres everything stopping you, you find a way around it. once you realise that, nothing fucking stops you. i say this same old stuff over and over again but it just took me so long to learn and you hear about it but you never believe it. i still am amazed every day by how my life is now.

i have met some of the most phenomenal and successful people this year. i never would’ve thought first of all that they would even like me or want to talk to me but you would be damn well surprised by people’s kindness. growing up sheltered and being called annoying, dumb, and all other things, you end up believeing no one will like you its just automatic. this year, got to become friends with my favourite people that i always wanted to hang out with. i got to befriend amazing artists and photographers that are huge in my town. everyone who meets me automatically wants to be my friend. even strangers?? random people that sit next to me in class. doing leads you to meet people. and meeting people leads you to doing. its a fantastic cycle if you think about it. life is never boring. i appreciate all the small little things in my life so much more now. everything. if you arent happy with your life, find a way to make yourself happy. you arent stuck unless you give up and stop trying to change yourself. these. are the reasons why i wouldnt want you back in my life. my life is too phenomenal now. my life is too fantastic for you to be in you wouldnt fit. plus, i think im way too positive for you now. and i unapologetically love myself and every aspect of who i am now and i am constantly working on bettering me that i feel like itd just be too much? id be obnoxious to you i feel like?? and youd be boring. you would be boring. i like your interests. i love hearing what you have to say about music and movies and weird random facts but. i also dont trust you to be a good person. after all that you did too, nah. i dont need that negativity. it would be outrageous for me to believe we are connected in anyway. i hope. i mean this in all honesty with my whole being. i hope youre happy w your girl or whateva bc i want you outta mine. she better be takin fuckin care of your dumbass though i stg. i dont care when my boys get w other girls as long as i know their taken care of. vasya when he got w chelsea? immediately got over my crush for him and was happy af bc she was better than me. max, if he gets w anyone aside from cheyenne i will beat his ass. that b better fuckin be pushing you to strive for the best. she better be pushin you to realise your worth and what youre capable of and pushin you to try new things because LIFE IS TOO FUN TO NOT GO OUT AND HAVE FUN. COOK SHIT TOGETHER. GO HIKE. GO DANCE. DO SHIT. GROW UP. THINK SMART.

i fr dont know what the point of this post is im really out here just writin whatever comes to mind. bc one day i’m gonna go back through all my personal posts and ill remember how my life was rn and ill be like damn. that shit was sick as fuck. life was lit as fuck. tbh i think i was just really shook by that photo of you. ive been writing gay shit bout you for a while and then i saw that and i was like OH FUCK ABORT MISSION THAT B UGLY AS HELL AND HAS NO LIFE BACK OUT BACK OUT and now im here. straight shook. yeah. i dont want you in my life. my life is way better without you. i really am an unstoppable force right now. school is a motherfuckin one. friends are fucking precious and successful amazing wholesome human beings that are also out here doin the motherfuckin most im so proud i love all my friends we are all such successful people with amazing futures ahead of us god im so proud im 😭😭😭 we really out here chasin our dreams n shit. aND SUCCEEDIN. and money situation is L I T. ya baby’s got a fine ass mercedes w the best dad in the world getting me AUTOSTART for this cold winter???? ya baby be workin out and doin yoga everyday, abs comin in HOT. ya gurl developin as an artist with her dream school hittin her the FUCK up for her portfolio?? i am a for real artist now but i refuse to realise my big stuff. only sketches for now, dear world. the public eye doesnt need to see me as an artist yet. no. because they always will bc its always me. but no. i gotta act chill. this isnt the artist years of your life yet. you aint settled down yet no. now is time for fun, life, school, that grind 😤😤, and ecology. BE THAT SICK ASS SCIENTIST BITCH. BE SMART AS FUCK AND SAVE THE EARTH.

2017 got three more months left. i already know that im gonna have the funnest fucking time. fam is leavin for xmas and my sister’s moving out?? ff got house parties like wild?? EVERY MONTH??? northern lights are comin out??? you dont have to wake up early for school so you can go chase them??? A N D YOU HAVE A BUNCHA FRIENDS NOW TO GO WITH??? AND WINTER IS COMING SO THERES GONNA BE MORE EVENTS INSIDE TO GO TO??? AND MEET PEOPLE?? AND YA GETTIN MORE HIGHER PAYING JOBS WITH HELLA TIPS??? YES. i said i was gonna make 2017 my bitch. boy the fuck did i and i am gonna end it with a muthafuckin bang.