#but every time I go I'm frustrated because we continue with the traditional prayer for the ''health and prosperity'' of our president

[queerprayers]

Not quite sure how to be delicate about this but is sexual activity okay during Lent, solo or partnered? I always feel weird not knowing if it’s rude or not respectful to do anything sexual during Lent.

Great question, beloved! I'm (only kind of) sorry this is eight paragraphs and not a yes/no response.

The easy (and perhaps frustrating) answer is, there are no (specific) rules for Lent! Denominations definitely have guidelines--for instance, Catholics have fasting rules. Besides the couple community-specific rules like these, Lent usually has much more general guidelines, such as centering prayer or being generous. It looks like there were traditions, especially in the Middle Ages, that included celibacy during Lent, and the Greek Orthodox Church still requires it. But generally, it's a personal choice that people seek out for themselves.

The other easy answer is no, I don't think being sexually active during Lent is rude or disrespectful. Your sexual ethic and personal habits are your own, and between you and God (and any sexual partners). Lent is a season humans created that some people honor, not a magical time when the rules of the world are different. God is no less or more present during Lent, and Jesus is no more or less crucified. God commands us to pray and give and love every day. We have examples of fasting/seasons of changed habits in the Bible, and we especially remember Jesus's time in the wilderness, but ultimately Lent is of our own creation, to honor those examples.

I included sex in my list of things people might give up during Lent not because I think it's bad, but because for many people, going temporarily without it and/or rethinking their relationship with it is a holy practice. Someone might choose to be celibate during Lent to strengthen self-discipline, or to seek out other ways of connection with others/themselves, or to replace that time/energy with prayer, or to simply see what their life is like without it and reflect on their relationship with it. Sex, like food, is a physical experience and has many benefits, and celibacy, like fasting, can be spiritually fulfilling for many. (Obviously there are also many differences. The analogy only goes so far. You get me though.)

There are also reasons why someone might specifically not give up sexual activity during Lent! Sex is an area of guilt and repression for so many, and someone healing from that mindset might be triggered/set back by depriving themselves of it. And especially if only one person is religious, i imagine a relationship could be strained by abstaining from a form of connection that might be very important to them.

Ultimately, this is a personal decision (with God's help, and perhaps a partner's input). I'm sorry if you wanted me to tell you what to do, but maybe since you're thinking about it, take this opportunity to reflect on what sex means to you and how it relates to your spirituality/morality!

Some questions you (and many of us) could ask, this Lent and always: Do you usually associate sex with rudeness/disrespect? Do you carry guilt or repression with you? Is talking about it/thinking about it uncomfortable? Is sex genuinely fulfilling or meaningful to you? Has it ever been a mindless distraction for you? a form of self-harm? a giving in to pressure? What does it mean to you that God created us and our ability to be sexually active? What would your life look like without sex?

And ultimately: Would it be spiritually fulfilling to have a season in which you weren't sexually active? What time/energy would that give you (or take away)? What relationships (including with yourself) might you have to reframe?

May you have a blessed Lent, however you choose to honor it (or not). You can personally, willingly, and genuinely make sacrifices/practices in this season, but apart from those intentional choices, continue living your life. Don't change it out of guilt or pressure, especially if Lent isn't particularly meaningful to you. I hereby give you permission to not feel guilty if you're (consensually respectfully healthily etc.) sexually active during Lent or any other season.

<3 Johanna

[swan2swan]

A Ramble on Religion

Over the years, I’ve come to see a different side of the “separation of church and state”. In my high school years, I was more or less taught from a number of influences that the separation of church and state was a great threat to religion. It was mostly being exploited as a way for our country to become “less religious” and that it was a “threat” to religion (which I’ve come to realize lately is laughable, because I highly doubt that God would be so sloppy in laying out the framework of his religious orders as to make it so that everyone would just stop believing, and honestly, when you realize that a lot of Christianity’s worst parts came out because people lost their faith and decided that they needed to protect Christianity because somehow God needed their protection, a lot of things make sense, but that’s another conversation), and thus I was always leery of that one.

But lately, I’ve come to see that the “separation of church and state” is actually a safeguard for the church itself. The more the lines between a religion and a government blur, the more beholden a religion becomes to the government. When your president spouts that “we need to protect God’s children”, a Christian cannot immediately say “this is the wrong thing to do”, because yes, we do need to protect God’s children...and even if this Christian realizes in another second that “protecting God’s children” means murdering another human being, it’s too late, and a moral dilemma has already begun. If a man (or woman) of faith sits upon a seat of worldly power and wishes to do what is just in the eyes of the Lord, they should not have to invoke God’s name in order to do so: what they do should be done simply because they know it is righteous. 

But any nonbeliever can stand before a crowd and scream “God Bless America!” Then the faithful, who truly wish for God to bless America as well, will cheer and shout their assent--even if what preceded these words was anathema to every view they had. Thus, they become deceived, and the deceiver who stands before them has twisted them to follow a will that is not God’s, but his own.

Much of this epiphany was aided by Hillary Clinton’s book, What Happened. In its pages, Hillary talks about how prayer helped to get her through the times after the election, and about the times she prayed during the election, and about all that she did in working with churches and her local pastors. She exhibits insight that demonstrates a clear faith and calm...and she has nothing to gain for this. If her faith and statements of “God Bless America” were simply political posturing, such introspection would be nonexistent or unconvincing. There would be no need for pretense anymoe, since she no longer intends to run for office.

But I remember how Donald Trump never said “God Bless America” on the night of his victory. He never thanked God, or gave any deference to a higher power. It was all him, and to some extent, his voters. On that night, more than any other time, I saw through him. And I know that if he had ghostwritten a book called What Happened (he wouldn’t), he would have made no mention of his prayer or humility. If he did, it would have been just as false and transparent as everything else he does.

And yet he is the one who claims to protect religion. He is the one who claims to be doing all that he does in the name of God, that we are one nation united under one God, and that he is the one who can protect our faithful and their institutions. Perhaps he believes it, in his own Ozymandian way...but it’s not true. Christianity will survive with or without him. God does not need bathroom bills or federal funding to churches in order to protect His children. I’ve had my faith secured far more by the sight of Steven Colbert proudly announcing that he is donating one million dollars to Puerto Rico after a two-week long fundaiser than anything Sarah Sanders has said from her podium. And it’s not because I trust in money or human nature, but because Colbert makes no attempt to hide his Catholic faith. Most importantly, his Catholic faith shone through most when he was sitting in shock and horror last November, struggling to find the words to describe a situation he had never conceived possible...and he spoke quietly about how he still believed in everyone, and about how he would do his best to help in the future. “The Devil cannot abide mockery”, he said. And in that moment, as I watched a man close to breaking call upon his faith, I knew I could trust him. He wasn’t using Catholicism as a way of showcasing his quality and his righteousness, but as a source of strength and hope...how it’s supposed to be done. And when he threw his hands in the air and proclaimed that he was going to donate a million dollars to hurricane victims, he never invoked God or praised Jesus or tied it into his faith or religion...he simply did it.

That is a man who has been given many talents by his Lord, and he is using them to help others. He does not bury them, he does not hide them for himself, but he shares them, plants them, talks about them, confesses his faith and then moves on to shine light in the world simply because he knows it is the right thing to do. He could stand up there and try to use his faith as a mouthpiece to those in the Conservative party, stretching out and saying, “Hey, I’m a Christian, and I think this, so you should, too!”...but he doesn’t, because that’s a cheap tool that politicians use to manipulate people.

Governments have, and will, always use religion to achieve their own ends. It’s their easiest tool, because it allows them to reach straight to a person’s soul. By asking citizens to use faith in their reasoning, they bypass facts and logic (because that’s how faith works), and can easily sway them to their side. “Having guns is our God-given right!” people cry, because a politician doesn’t say otherwise. “The people of this country have turned their back on God!” a speaker cries from the podium, and because the faithful know that they have not turned their backs on God and the speaker is not addressing them with that statement, they know that it’s everyone else who has turned their back.

It breaks my heart.

Because they’re my people, my family, my friends, people I aspire to be--confident enough to thank God every day for their blessings, never too shy or timid to say “I believe in Jesus”, and always eager to go to church...and yet I see so much wrong with their practice. I see hatred, and bigotry, and intolerance, and an unwillingness to forgive, and it festers and manifests into political ideology. Swastikas and angled crosses filled with stars, hurtful words and pitiless faces, haughty smiles and backhanded mockery...all performed by the faithful, because men and women who claim to be of the same faith have deceived them. Men like Trump, Huckabee, and Bannon don’t want to be faithful servants of the Lord...they want power, and wealth, and everything this world has to offer. They want fire, they want authority, they want gold, they want the masses who writhe beneath them to turn upon each other while they feast at the top. And all they have to do to achieve this is to step in front of a microphone once a day, clear their throat and say three words. Three words devoid of meaning, hollow, words that creep inside the ears of the vain and stoke their pride while twisting into the faces of the doubter and the nonbeliever and sowing hatred. 

Because they have married the church and the state, and as long as the state lets the church believe that it is in control, the state can lead the church down any path it choose. Nuclear strikes against millions of innocent people, distrust of refugees fleeing a war-torn nation, protections for men who rape and murder, disdain for islands impoverished by greed, fear of people whose bodies are different, outrage against people who only want to feel safe...what the state says, the church will believe. 

Especially if those words are “the greatest threat to the church is those who call for the separation of church and state”.