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[joelsgoldrush]

“lovers once a year” | 9.4k

dbf!joel miller x f!reader

SUMMARY: One always craves what is out of reach. Like the forbidden fruit that lingers just beyond grasp, tempting with its sweetness. Joel became the town’s greatest sinner, and you, his best friend’s daughter, are the tantalizing temptation he knows he should never indulge in. Your very existence marks the path to his ruin. He can't help but follow it. WARNINGS/TAGS: mdni smut 18+ cursing. drinking. dirty talk. joel’s POV. a lot of introspection. mentions of alcohol. miscommunication. no outbreak. dbf!joel. age gap (25 and 56). petnames. religious imagery. car sex. oral sex (f!receiving). fingering. unprotected p in v. riding. missionary. doggy style. orgasm denial. crying. hair pulling. thumb/finger sucking. cum shot. creampie. reader sits on joel’s lap and has hair. moodboard for aesthetic purposes only. A/N: the fact this idea has been sitting on my drafts for over a year is just crazy. i finally found the time to put into words, and i know i’m a little late to the whole dbf!joel trope, but i’m a real sucker for it... hope you like this one! <3

No one could’ve ever said Joel was a great best friend.

For one, he was terrible at remembering important dates. His mind just didn’t catch hold of details like that—never had, really. He wasn’t the sentimental type, either. At best, he’d manage a pat on the back or a firm handshake, maybe even a call on Christmas if he remembered. Emotional displays weren’t in his nature, far too used to keeping things at arm’s length.

Luckily for him, Stephen never seemed to care much about these things. They’d been friends for over forty years—which is, well, a hell of a long time, especially considering each had gone off to carve out his own life. They’d trudged through both primary and secondary school side by side, and Joel felt Stephen’s absence like a hollow ache the day his friend left for university in another state.

Technology eventually offered them more ways to connect, but it didn’t make keeping up any simpler. The years had tested them, and somehow, they’d held on to the quiet strength of their friendship—a bond they’d forged across decades and distance, held steady like the roots of an old tree.

Stephen was the laid-back type, always down for anything as long as a cold beer was part of the deal. It was rare for him to lose his temper, having a way of letting nuisances slide. Joel could bend every rule, yet Stephen’s patience never wavered. He was unflappable, hardly bothered by Joel’s mood swings, which was what made them a match made in heaven. Nothing could throw him off.

Though Joel doubts Stephen would stay so calm if he knew what he’d done to his daughter. As mentioned, Joel’s not exactly what you’d call a good friend—particularly considering he’s slept with his best friend’s daughter. Just once, to be fair. One ephemeral, impulsive encounter. Right here, in this very house, exactly three hundred and sixty-five days ago.

His gaze drifts across the room, settling on you at a smaller table a few meters away, surrounded by your younger cousins, ages five to fifteen. He watches as you scroll absent-mindedly on your phone, your brow furrowed in concentration, only tearing your eyes away from the screen when one of the kids hurls a handful of salty peanuts at you.

You press your palms flat against the tablecloth, eyes narrowing as you scowl playfully at the child, a mischievous glint in your expression. “You’ve got ten seconds to run,” you utter in a tone meant to sound ominous, tickling his sides until he erupts in laughter, his giggles filling the dining room with raw joy.

Joel’s been here for over two hours, but he can’t recall a single detail about the night’s events. All he knows is you—he’s studied your every movement, following the shape of your silhouette through the crowd. He’s accepted a few drinks, engaged in shallow conversation with your relatives, trying his best to play the part of a man with nothing to hide. But despite his efforts, despite every attempt to appear unaffected, he feels a slow burn kindling in the pit of his stomach, an ache that curls through him in a deliciously destructive way.

It’s when you look up, locking eyes with him, that he nearly mutilates the chicken breast on his plate, the knife skittering over porcelain with a screech. He quickly mutters an apology, excusing his clumsiness and blaming it on one too many drinks. Meanwhile, you don’t quit glaring at him, a hint of a challenge dancing in your stare.

This shouldn’t feel the way it does, this hazardous, risky game you’re playing. At one time, he might’ve thought this was something only seen in movies, something imagined and unreal. But here you are, and here he is, and the indisputable hunger in your eyes is as real as anything he’s ever known.

Suddenly, his memories drift back to a year ago, to your grandmother’s 84th birthday—the night it all began.

Stephen had left Austin when he was eighteen to pursue a college degree. That’s how he’d ended up in New York, and from that point on, he never came back. It’d been amazing to see him as an equal when they were teenagers, but as they grew older, the only things they shared were the white hairs scattered all over their beards and the memories of much better days.

Whenever they got in touch—which didn’t happen often—your dad would talk about you. You were just a name without a face, an empty canvas. Close to graduating, with only a few subjects and finals left. Psychology was your major—weren’t you smart? Joel remembers typing back with a string of exclamation marks to show his contentment. His best friend’s daughter was a success; how could he not be happy?

One random day, Joel’s phone buzzed late in the afternoon, flashing with Stephen’s name. It was rare for them to talk outside the usual birthdays and holidays, so seeing his name on the screen sent a small jolt through him. A dozen scenarios raced through his mind as he picked up, each one edging between concern and curiosity.

Just like that, Stephen dropped the news without any preamble. “I’m moving back to Austin,” His voice came in clear, and there was something unusual about it, brisk but almost nostalgic. Joel gripped the phone a little tighter, processing the words. “In fact, I’m filling up the gas tank as we speak. There’s someone at home who wants to see you.”

That someone had been your grandmother. With a twinkle in her eye, she’d insisted on inviting Joel to her 84th birthday. “It’s the perfect chance for you two to reconnect,” she’d declared, her tone laced with warmth and hope. She adored Joel, practically worshipping the ground he walked on, often reminiscing about the vibrant young man he had once been.

Who could deny anything to an elderly person, especially one as cherished as her? He was strong, physically imposing, but not strong enough to resist her wishes.

The reunion was going as well as it could, given the circumstances. After all, it was a strange kind of delight, seeing his best friend for the first time in decades. Joel thought they’d do what friends do—sit back, drink, smoke, and trade stories about the good old days. 

Then you walked into the room, absolutely gorgeous and with a smile that was all teeth, and you reached out to shake Joel’s hand as you introduced yourself. The contrast hit him instantly—your skin was satin-like against his, smooth where his was rough and calloused from years of handling concrete and steel. A subtle heat bloomed where your fingers touched, the chill of the rings on your hand sending a shiver through him, as if his senses had sharpened in that brief instant.

You pulled away, taking a step back, your eyes flicking between him and your dad. Joel’s arm fell back to his side, his hand forming a tight fist, the bite of his nails embedded into his palm to keep him grounded. But he couldn’t stop himself from scrutinizing you—every detail of your face, the curve of your smile, the effortless way you carried yourself. Your beauty was at fault, not him. You were completely out of reach, yet close enough to marvel at. He was no more than a man, bound to notice the charm of a pretty girl like you.

That you happened to be the daughter of his best friend—that was just a cruel stroke of fate. 

“Oh, sweetie. I’m glad you got to meet Joel at last!” Stephen’s voice cut through his thoughts, an arm draping across Joel’s shoulders, pulling him into an affectionate embrace. “He’s that friend from school I’ve been telling you about.”

Stephen looked so at ease, so utterly pleased, that Joel could only swallow back the lump in his throat. What kind of sick joke was this? What could he have possibly done to deserve this twist of the knife?

With a soft laugh, you folded your hands behind your back, tilting your head to the right. “My father wouldn’t shut up about you,” you said, light and melodic, drawing him in like a lure. Joel found himself adrift in the sweet cadence of your voice, entranced by the delicate chain glinting at your throat, resting just above the neckline of your shirt, the v-cut hinting at a world of temptation.

He blinked owlishly, fighting the images clawing behind his eyelids. “Well, he’s a good man, your father,” Joel managed, his smile strained. Not because it wasn’t true, but because there was a blaring alarm in his head, warning him to get a fucking grip. He knew himself well enough to read the signs, the underlying meaning beneath these nerves, the quickened pulse, the quiet, undeniable urge to reach out and feel you.

He was gone already. He fancied you, and his mind raced with thoughts he knew he had no right to entertain. He imagined what you’d taste like, the way you might sound if he were between your legs, encouraging you to gasp his name. Yet, he was aware that these fantasies were as treacherous as they were forbidden, even more with you standing right in front of him. And your father, just inches away.

From the kitchen, someone called out to Stephen, and with a weary sigh, he unhooked himself from Joel’s shoulder. “Coming!” he shouted back, already angling himself toward the door. He glanced back at the two of you, half-smiling while rubbing his temples. “I forgot how exhausting it is to host a family birthday party. I’ll be right back. You two go ahead and chat without me.”

Fuck, no, Joel thought to himself. Don’t leave me here. Where the hell are you going?

Joel resorted to remaining silent, choosing instead to take a long sip of his beer to avoid the occasion of sin. He refused to look in your direction, fixing his gaze on anything that didn’t involve your bare legs—the same legs he’d just been eyeing in those damn denim shorts, which exquisitely hugged your thighs. But, then again, he shouldn’t even be noticing that.

As he peered down at the carpet, he couldn’t ignore the movement of your shoes as you stepped closer. He observed your fingers playing idly with the frayed edges of your shorts, your body inching nearer, and he braced himself in anticipation of whatever you might say next. When his eyes landed on yours, he was met with an aura of expectancy, a cocky smirk pulling at your lips.

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you in the flesh, Mr. Miller,” you murmured, watching his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed with effort. Letting your hand linger beside your face, you tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear, glancing at him through your lashes. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

Joel felt the flush rise to his cheeks, and there was no mistaking it—you were doing this on purpose. Were you trying to push him off balance, to see how far he’d bend before snapping? Was this just a game for you, a bit of mischief to spice up a family gathering? The idea irritated him, but he couldn’t entirely ignore the thrill woven into the discomfort. A quarter of his mind itched to play along, but the rest of him screamed to find the nearest exit.

“Y’can just call me Joel. No needa be so formal,” he mumbled, lifting the beer bottle to his lips once again, the bitterness spreading across his tongue.

“But I like Mr. Miller better.”

His mind conjured all those images of fire and damnation, of being dragged to some dark, smoldering pit. Rotting in hell, he could already see himself within the flames. Tugging at the collar of his flannel, now too tight and hot, he gave a rough, clearing cough. “M’gonna—go find your dad.”

He was glad you didn’t try to approach him in public again. For a few hours, he felt something close to tranquillity—not fully, though, as he could still hear echoes of your voice in the silences. Every so often, out of the corner of his eye, he’d catch you orbiting near him, lurking in his peripheral vision, even though you sat at a different table.

Later in the night, he wandered upstairs in search of the bathroom, instead stumbling upon your father’s childhood bedroom. The door was slightly ajar, and he took the liberty to enter it, a familiar scent filling the room. He ran his fingers over the walls, still papered with posters he recognized well. It was as if time had paused there—everything remained as it had the last time he’d been in this very room. The framed portraits, the worn bedspread, and Stephen’s desk, scattered with foreign bills under a layer of glass, each one a memento from the different countries he had visited.

It was only a matter of time before you found him, a light knock on the open door drawing his attention. Joel turned on his heels, catching sight of you, acknowledging your presence with a slight bow of his head. You ambled toward him, curiosity alight in your steps, twisting the chain of your necklace, a restless gesture that betrayed the energy simmering beneath your calm exterior.

He scratched the back of his head, offering a half-hearted smile. “This isn’t the bathroom, right?” he joked, attempting a casual tone. The joke was a weak one, admittedly, but you laughed anyway, a nonchalant sound that showed the gleam of your teeth.

“No, I don’t think it is,” you replied, sliding onto the edge of the desk with an effortless ease. “What brought you here?”

“Birthday parties can be a bit overwhelmin', dontcha think?” 

“Totally.”

And then you went back to watching him, your eyes tracing his features with an almost stubborn intensity. 

“You gonna stop doin' that?” he asked, the words coming out sharper than he meant, though they didn't make you flinch.

“Doing what, exactly?”

“Lookin' at me all doe-eyed.” His voice didn’t waver, but he advanced in your direction. His knees nearly brushed against yours, the weathered denim grazing your bare skin, and only then did a flicker of uncertainty soften your confident stance. “Whatever it is you’re after, it’s not gonna happen. So quit tryin’.”

You drew in a slow breath, pushing yourself to your feet. “You sure about that?” Before he had the time to react, you were standing inches from him, your chest pressing against his, just close enough for him to feel the soft weight of your breasts. “Should I pretend, then, that I haven’t noticed you’ve been half-hard all night?”

Joel's jaw tightened, his teeth gritting almost painfully. His fists flexed by his sides, his entire body feeling heavier, muscles pulled taut by some invisible thread. "Watch your mouth.”

“Or what?” You hooked a finger inside his belt loop, tugging him that much closer. Your breath, fresh and minty, mingled with the faint scent of your perfume, and he inhaled both, heady on the mix. “You’re gonna teach me a lesson?”

There was only so much patience a man like him could summon, and you were a thorn in his flesh, determined and unyielding. He leaned in, voice gruff as he uttered three words that made your brows knit together. “Close the door.” You stayed frozen, lips parting in surprise. “Did y’hear me? M’not into exhibitionism. Close. The. Door.”

You did as he asked, obliging, stepping back to close the door before returning to your place. Without warning, he turned you around, pressing your palms flat against the cool glass of the desk, a sharp chill that made you yelp. His hand settled firmly on your back, guiding you down until your chest was flush against the surface as well. In one swift motion, your shorts were gone, followed by your soaked panties, a damp spot where your arousal had begun to seep through.

He slipped his fingers inside you first, his hand covering your mouth to stifle the needy whimpers escaping your lips. The roughness of his beard grazed your cheek as he hovered over you, his breath hot in your ear as he spoke. “Bein’ too fuckin’ loud, doll.” Matching the rhythm of the slow drag of his fingers, his hips pressed forward, grinding against the curve of your ass, each movement making his mouth go dry. “Y’want this cock that bad?” He nipped at your throat, and you, against his sweaty palm, mumbled what could have only been a muffled Yes. “Then I need y’to keep real quiet for me, alright?”

His jeans and boxers hung around his knees, his cock leaking and throbbing at the tip. Joel realized what true desperation felt like, dangerously close to busting his load at any given moment before even getting the chance to be fully inside you. On top of the desk, your body trembled, and you reached back, pulling your top higher up to bare more of yourself to him. He unclasped your bra with one hand, while his other guided him to your entrance, his lips pressing reverently against your spine as he pushed inside, savoring the heat of your walls wrapping around him for the first time. It certainly didn’t feel like anything he’d ever experienced in his fifty-six years of life.

It had been short, and harsh, and fast. Borderline animalistic, what experts would label as a quick fuck. The moment he breached your entrance, you begged for more, fucking yourself back onto him until his thighs met your skin. You acted as if possessed by a greater entity, diabolic, though Joel didn’t mind it. He relished it, welcomed it. But he couldn’t let you take the reins. He asserted his dominance, snapping his hips forward with a force that drew moans from the depths of your lungs. He was the one in control, driving himself deeper and deeper within you. Suffice it to say you seemed to love it, if the sounds he elicited from you were anything to go by.

It was what you wanted, what you needed. One way or another, he’d caught onto what those lingering glances throughout the party had signified. Every glance you’d thrown his way had been leading to this—a silent promise that whatever was happening had been destined to be the night’s climax.

You bit down on his palm as you reached your peak, tightening around him, and perhaps it was the thrill of it all, the knowledge that he’d need far more time to become well acquainted with your body, that had him chasing after you. Holding back until you came had been a feat, pulling out seconds prior to his release, stroking his length once before painting your skin with his seed. A low, primal groan escaped him as he slid his length between your cheeks, prolonging his high, each heated pulse marking you in a way that felt undeniably his.

As he regained his composure, he watched you swirl your thumb along your lower back, collecting a trace of his release, and bringing it to your lips to have a taste of him. You softly laughed when he cursed under his breath, turning your face lazily to the side. “Damn minx y’are,” he rasped, closing the gap between your mouths, his claiming yours in an urgent kiss. Your mewls faded beneath the insistent press of his mouth as he sought to suppress the strange pull in his guts, reluctant to confront the unfamiliar sensations churning within him.

Things wrapped up quickly after that. You both returned to your places, resuming the roles you’d stepped out of briefly: Joel had been in the bathroom; you had been on the phone with a friend. When he reappeared downstairs minutes after you, no one thought twice about his slightly damp hair.

For the remainder of the party, the two of you exchanged no further words. The time for him to leave came, and he offered only a nod of his head across the packed living room. It was a farewell only Joel would give, a subtle acknowledgment that left you wondering about its meaning. There were no explanations, no parting words.

The next time he saw your father, the mere thought of seeing you again terrified him. If it’d happened once, then the temptation would still remain undiminished, strong enough to awaken the lust and the longing veiled in silence. But you weren’t there anymore—back in New York, focused on finishing your semester at college. The surprise must have been evident on Joel’s face, a bewilderment that prompted Stephen to place a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Remember I told you she hasn’t graduated yet?”

“Yeah, yeah. I remember now,” he said, wishing to convince both your father and himself.

You were out of the picture, no longer around. Yet, the two of you now shared a secret. You still do, to this day. He’s no stranger to the notion that some things never seem to change. After all, he’s a creature of habit—same breakfast every morning, same brand of bread he’s been buying for years. Like all his other preferences, he’s come to realize he likes his women a certain way. And though he hates to admit it, you fit the bill perfectly.

Betty, Stephen’s mother, was turning eighty-five tonight. A seat with Joel’s name was saved at the big table; they wanted him there, his best friend and his best friend’s mother. How nice it was to actually feel wanted. He liked that feeling. Still, he’d had to bite his tongue when your father mentioned you’d be there, too. You had graduated at long last, with your birthday having been just a couple of weeks ago.

“Can’t believe she’s twenty-five already,” Stephen muttered with a chuckle, taking a long drag from his cigarette.

Sitting beside him, Joel gripped the arm of his chair, sinking his nails into it. “Me neither, man.”

His choices had led him to this moment. The clinking of glasses rings in his ears, blending with laughter and the rich aroma of food that fills the air. None of it manages to distract him. He can't help but track you down, eyes scanning the room, relentless in their pursuit of yours. The need to see you goes beyond any shred of restraint he might have faked to have. Joel can’t muster the decorum to feign indifference—God, not when you’re near, when the pull toward you feels like gravity itself. He’s keenly, almost painfully aware, that he’s not even pretending to be indifferent, his interest etched plainly in the way his gaze persists, refusing to pull away.

It’s his first time seeing you in a year. A lot can change in that span of time. He can’t help but be amazed, because you look just the same as you did back then. Only your hair’s a touch shorter. He wonders if it’s even noticeable, or if he’s just spent so long memorizing your features that he’s losing his sanity. He bets it’s the latter.

A light pressure on his shoulder makes Joel jump, breaking down his reverie. He turns quickly, eyes widening. "Betty," he exhales, patting his chest with a smile, eyebrows lifted. "Jeez. Y’scared me."

“Y’alright, Joely? Y’look a bit pale.” The older woman reaches up, pressing the back of her hand to his forehead with a gentle familiarity. Through her lens, he’s still young. “Doesn’t seem like you’ve got a fever, though.”

"That’s ‘cause I’m not sick." Joel takes her hand in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "How’s everythin’ goin’ so far? Got all these people together just t’celebrate ya’."

"It’s a wonderful night, sweetheart. So happy y’found the time t’be here," she replies, pinching his cheek in that affectionate way that earns her a quiet laugh from him. Her eyes then catch sight of a familiar figure. "Oh, look who's here. If it isn’t my beautiful granddaughter."

He stops smiling. In fact, he thinks he even stops breathing for a second as you intrude yourself into the scene, settling yourself beside your grandmother, flashing him a knowing grin. “I was getting kind of bored with the little ones.” 

“Y’know Joel, right, dear?”

“Yes.” A pause, a beat you draw out between breaths. “Yes, I do.”

Betty leans his way, her warm hand still on him. “Have y’heard the latest news? This young lady just graduated.”

“Stephen told me,” he answers, looking up at you with a reserved nod. “Congrats, kid.”

“Thank you, Mr. Miller.”

There’s that damn name again. Were he alone with you, he’d laugh in your face, but he can’t. Under the scrutiny of family and friends, he knows he’s cornered. Joel’s starting to believe you think you’re untouchable, that there are no consequences to your actions. You might look the same, maybe a little older, but that teasing, provocative spark in your eye hasn’t changed a bit.

“Always so polite, my child,” Betty says, cupping your cheek with a light pinch, a grandmotherly gesture perfected over the years which she seems to repeat often. “Any boyfriends back in New York?”

This would, without a doubt, be the perfect moment for him to excuse himself and stand up—a conversation he’d rather not be privy to. But with you positioned right in front of him, escape isn’t an option. “Still single, grandma,” you respond unfazed, as if you know exactly what you’re doing. “No one to worry about. Better like this, anyway.”

“But what’s the problem? There aren’t any boys y’like?”

He doesn’t even know what makes him say it—some impulse, some hidden tension surfacing—but he jumps in, his voice carrying a slight, sardonic edge. “Boys are more foolish than ever these days, Betty. Surely y’wouldn’t want her to settle for the first idiot who crosses her path.”

Betty clutches his arm, shaking her head in feigned shock. “Oh, not at all! It’s all about waitin’ for the right person. There’s no rush, for either of you. You’re still on your own, Joely?”

Time to drink again. He drains the last drops of alcohol remaining in his glass, feeling your eyes on him, intense and searing, and then he clears his throat, swallowing down the words he’d rather say. “Affirmative.”

“Well,” she sighs contentedly, patting each of your hands as though binding you both with some invisible thread. “Just means y’two have to wait a bit longer, right? Time has its way.” She chuckles, eyes soft with memory, turning to you. “Darlin’, this man here was quite the heartbreaker in his day. He and your dad would find all kinds of trouble with the ladies!”

“How so?” You cross your arms, playfully tilting your chin up. “Joel Miller, the charmer of the town?”

“Guess I’ve been known t’make a fool of myself,” he shoots back, silently cursing the moment he missed his chance to slip away. “Stephen got more fans than I did, though.”

“I did what?” Joel feels an elbow nudging his back, and there’s his friend, grinning in his usual easy way.

Joel's luck in life had been more bruised than blessed, a string of hardships that seemed amplified compared to what most people experienced. Being drawn in by you—in which category did that fall? Good luck or bad? He couldn't decide. Every glance and delicate smile you aimed his way stirred something reckless within him. Was it pure thrill, or a warning?

He laughs every time Stephen cracks a joke, but he’s barely listening, his mind half-tethered to the present. It’s like he’s watching himself from afar, observing his reactions as if he were an outsider. He isn’t stoned or drunk, just acutely mindful of your presence. He catches himself peeking up at you from where he sits, jaw tight, his brow creased. You meet his gaze with a slight squint, a polite look that hides something far more dangerous.

Boys are more foolish than ever these days. He’s sure of that much. They’re young, untested. But what about him? He’s no model of virtue, either. He’s made his share of mistakes, left good women behind—women who were willing to love him in spite of his flaws. They’d seen through the layers he wore like armor, and yet, in the end, he couldn’t hold on to any of them. He carried the ghosts of every past life, fragments of who he’d been and what he’d left behind, and he knew those shadows weren’t for everyone.

A thought pierces through him, sharp and sobering: what would Sarah think? His lovely daughter, grown and settled into her own life, would likely be mortified to know her father’s infatuation with a twenty-something. The weight of that realization sinks into his chest, and that seems to be his last straw.

He can’t possibly take it anymore. Rising from his chair, he mutters something to Stephen about needing fresh air and makes his way to the backyard door, exhaling deeply and gripping his car keys. The cool night air hits him, stepping outside, a temporary relief as he heads toward his truck.

Just as he’s about to open the door, he hears your voice. You call his name, your tone soft but distinct. He doesn’t turn, only lets out a long, weary sigh. “What?”

“Where are you going?” You stop a few steps behind him, watching the way his shoulders visibly tense. “Are you mad at me?”

“What?” He faces you, almost snapping his neck in his rush to look at you. “Why would I be—I’m not mad at ya’.”

“Then what’s wrong? Why are you leaving so early?” 

He scrubs a hand over his nape, fingers pressing into the tension gathered there. “Would y’like me t’break it down for ya’, how messed up this is?” His gaze drops to the ground, unable to meet yours. “I’m riskin’ the only real friendship I’ve had here for… for somethin’ that I can’t even wrap my head ‘round. This isn’t okay, no matter which way I look at it.”

In that moment, it’s as if reality pulls you under. The mask of subtle, practiced arrogance falls apart, scattering in fragments around you. He watches, waiting for you to gather them up, to hide behind that composed veneer again. But you don’t move. You leave the pieces where they lie. Instead, you confront his gaze, unguarded, and ask, “Do you regret what happened between us?”

Another question. You seem to be full of them. They just keep coming, one after the other, as if you already had them prepared. I don’t, he thinks to himself, but would it do you any good if you knew it? “Don’ start with those mental games.”

“Then come back inside.”

“I know myself well enough to know what’s gonna happen if I do that, darlin’.”

Neither of you breaks the silence that’s settled between you, thick as the night air. You slip your hands into the pockets of your jacket, shoulders slightly hunched, head hanging. Once again, like all those times before, he’s struck by how young you are compared to him. The difference stretches between you like a chasm, bridged only by these stolen moments. The weight of his years presses down on him, the choices he’s made—the mistakes and the half-hearted attempts to mend them. He’s got decades on you, three of them to be precise.

Joel never thought of himself as an ever-lasting free spirit, the kind of man who clings to youth or pretends to be something he’s not. Right now, with you here, he feels reckless, like a boy again. Stupid, impulsive, like the foolish young men he used to shake his head at—the very ones he’d warned your grandmother about.

“You left without even saying goodbye last time,” you mumble, low but clear, as you scuff the toe of your shoe against the grass. “And now you’re doing it again.”

He inhales sharply, clenching his keys, feeling the edges of the brass biting into his palm. For a moment, he thinks the sharpness will give him something to hold onto, but he knows the sting is nothing more than a weak anchor. “You’re a smart girl. Don’ need me to spell this out.”

“I know exactly what you mean, trust me. I get it.”

“Then why do you keep pushing?” His pent-up exasperation slips through despite himself, and he can see the hurt flicker across your face, the way your forehead barely puckers as his words hit harder than intended.

Even as you look away, a trace of that hurt fading, you stand firm. You shake your head after a beat, seemingly trying to brush off your doubts and confusion. Joel can’t decipher if you’re feigning innocence—if you are, he thinks, you could be one hell of an actress. “I don’t know. I guess I want to see how far this can go.”

You take a small step forward, testing the waters. Your feet move cautiously, not aiming to scare him off. Each step draws you nearer until there’s only a whisper of space between you, close enough for him to catch your scent, and he has to force himself to peer down to meet your eyes. They hold a quiet intensity: pleading, wide and earnest, already trained on him. Gleaming like two lone stars cutting through a moonless, empty sky. 

It baffles him, the question forming unbidden in his mind. He goes even further, can’t help but wonder: why him? What is it that you see in him? What makes you keep coming back for more? You’ve already had a taste, a story you could tuck away, a secret to be shared with your friends someday around a campfire. So why, he would like to know, are you still here, seeking something from a man like him?

“I like you,” you blurt out, fingers drifting to skim over the worn fabric of his flannel, almost hesitantly. That tentative gesture sparks something raw in him, a low rumble of desire that feels like it’s been lying dormant for too long. Heat pulses through him, hot blood racing through his veins, awakening every nerve, each beat of his heart more insistent than the last one. “I think you like me, too.”

“You’re insufferable,” he bites out through gritted teeth, his jaw clenching so hard it nearly hurts. He closes his eyes, half hoping you’ll disappear, that he’ll find some reason, any reason, to call this off. Though when he opens them, you’re still there, waiting, unshaken. “I wish I knew how to stop this. How to walk away.”

“That’s not what you want.”

“We don’ always get what we want, kid. You’ll figure that out soon enough.” He means it as a warning, but even he hears the way his voice falters, his defenses crumbling in the face of your unflinching state.

You let out a slow sigh, your arms falling to your sides, eyes roaming over his features as if you’re memorizing every line. Your focus dips to his mouth. “Maybe,” you murmur, and he feels the warmth of your breath against his skin. “But some things are worth fighting for. And sometimes, those who don’t give up… get the best in the end.”

With a gentleness that stuns him, you lean in, bringing your lips to his in a featherlight kiss. You pull away, and he helplessly notices the way your lips part, how your breath hitches, and for a split second, the guilt becomes palpable, the significance of wanting a woman he knows he shouldn’t. You stand there, chest rising and falling, skin tingling, a faint trail of goosebumps visible where your neckline meets your chest. 

Apart from the glint in your eyes, he catches the persistent, quiet ache of want. He isn’t sure if it’s just physical attraction, if it runs deeper, or if that’s all it is for him, either. He doesn’t need to know. The simplicity of it all is a short-lived relief. It’s an easy escape, though, this bare minimum of understanding—you want him, he wants you. Let it be enough for one more moment, for tonight, just another memory he’ll have to lock away. Yet he’s aware, deep down, of his own pattern: promises broken just as easily as they’re made. He’s only fooling himself. The part of him that knows this isn’t something he’ll let go of so easily sits there, silently taunting him, daring him to make another compromise he won’t keep.

From where you remain frozen, he’s certain you can practically see the gears turning in his head as he weighs every possible outcome. “It’s gonna happen, isn’t it?” Your voice is barely above a whisper, and before you can react, his arm slides around your waist, pulling you flush against him, and turning you toward the car door. The cool metal pressing against your back startles a gasp out of you, but the suddenness only heightens everything—the heat of his body, the toughness of his hold. 

He doesn’t waste time with words, having always been a man of action. His hand cradles your face, inspecting your features to later crush his mouth against yours. Your tongue finds his without hesitation, seeking him out, hungry and unrestrained. He savors your eagerness, the way your hands roam over him, clutching at his shirt, tugging him closer by the belt until your lower halves are pressed tightly. The taste of beer and mint clings to your lips, and a husky groan rumbles from him as your fingers find their place in the longer strands at the nape of his neck, twisting and pulling him impossibly closer. 

He could lose himself in this, the simple, electric thrill of kissing you, how you fit so perfectly against him. Hours could slip by, and he wouldn’t mind, but then reality pulls him back; it’s too exposed here, right outside his truck where anyone could stumble upon you. “Get in the car,” he rasps, pulling back just enough to catch his breath, fumbling to unlock the door. It takes him three tries, and he chuckles, feeling the warmth of your laughter beside him as you tease him.

Once inside, his mouth finds yours again, this time more urgently, his hand pressing against your back, tracing the line of your spine through the clothes. “Tell me y’want this,” he breathes, his kisses trailing down your throat, latching onto the tender skin there. “C’mon, baby. Tell me y’want it. Tell me y’want me.”

A soft, breathy sound escapes you as his mouth fixates on that sensitive spot just below your ear. You tilt your hips instinctively, craving contact in search of relief, and he shifts you onto his lap, guiding your thighs to settle over his. Desperately working to undo the buttons of his shirt, yearning to uncover him, you pant against his cheek. “J-Jesus Christ, I need you. Please, touch me. Anything will do. Just—”

He’s silently grateful for your choice of a dress tonight. It makes things easier for him, and he gets right to it, bunching the fabric around your waist, hands roaming over the soft skin of your hips before moving his fingers lower, tracing teasing lines over your clothed center. He can’t fully make out the murmured words you breathe into his ear, but your voice drives him like a lighthouse guides a sinking ship, and he adjusts his movements, pressing with more intention. The only sounds filling the car are his ragged breaths and your gasping moans, and he holds you close to his chest, cooing softly as you start to rock into his hand, asking for more. 

His fingers find their rhythm, circling your clit in deliberate flicks. Joel watches as you unravel, trembling in his arms, a hint of drool spreading over his shoulder from your parted lips on his skin. His grip tightens as he tugs your underwear down your legs, grinning when you kick them impatiently to the floor of the car. Now, as he strokes his digits up and down your folds, you turn to putty on his lap. In another world, he’d have you laid out in his bed, enjoying each inch of your body. But here, in the cramped, dim backseat, he keeps the lights off. He knows it’s reckless, yet that barely slows him down. His cock throbs at the very risk of getting caught, at the edge he’s walking just to have you like this.

“Goddamn, you’re soaked, aren’t ya’?” He doesn’t expect you to answer, at least not in any coherent way. He sinks his middle finger into your bare heat, searching your face in the dark, contemplating the fluttering of your lashes. His hand weaves into your hair, a firm tug guiding your gaze to his. Your head tips back, a moan spilling from your lips at the new sensation, rolling your hips into his palm with earnestness. “It’s gonna be a tight fit, huh? If this is how you’re grippin’ my fingers, I can’t imagine what that cunt’s gonna feel like wrapped ‘round me.”

Studies suggest that in those final, fleeting moments of life, memories flood the human mind—a last journey through a person’s years before crossing over. If he were to die after tonight, he knows your face would be there, etched into his last breath. He can almost picture it: struggling for air, teetering on the edge, with that reddish, towering figure of mortality looming over him. But even then, he’d find solace in the thought of you, thrown into oblivion. You’d grant him a last-minute reprieve, easing the ache. You’d be the one who’d hold back the shadows. This constitutes the apex of his life, and he knows he should be worried, yet intellectual dominance doesn’t stand much of a chance when confronting the heart of a man. Not when that heart, so long starved of its pulse, has finally found someone worth remembering.

He makes space for himself, thrusting his long fingers into you until he’s got your slick coating his palm. One hand settles firmly at the small of your back, guiding your movements, while he feels his collected composure faltering. You mouth at the rough stubble along his jawline when you start to get close, breathless whimpers clouding his thoughts. “Joel,” you call out to him, as if that alone would make wonders. “Oh, fuck. Please, I waited a whole year. I need to come.”

A whole year. You were his once a year, and he was yours, a bittersweet ritual bound by time. He never would’ve thought this party could bring him such pleasure, though he can’t pretend he’s against it. Last time, he hadn’t taken the chance to pull you under and make you fall apart as many times as he’d wanted. He’s intent on making up for that missed opportunity, determined to make you enjoy every moment.

He withdraws his fingers abruptly, and a sharp laugh nearly escapes him at your reaction. You reach instinctively, grabbing for his hand, trying to guide him back to where he belongs between your legs. But he’s already moving, maneuvering you down until you’re lying on your back, fully under his command. He lowers himself, replacing his fingers with the warm insistence of his mouth. The sound that escapes your lips as his mouth presses against your center is nothing short of a scream—a wild cry that fills the space around you. He’s grateful he parked far from the other guests, because that sound would turn more than a few heads. 

Joel laps at your arousal as if it's the fountain of youth, the very essence of everything pure and precious in the world. He presses down on your thighs until they rest on either side of him, unclamping your legs from around his head. The suppleness of your skin feels divine under his fingertips, and he brushes his thumbs over your trembling form, coaxing you into calmness, to let him have his way with you at his own pace. It's an absurd paradox—aiming to soothe you while his mouth continues its fervent worship, tracing intricate patterns against your most sensitive flesh. His beard, streaked with gray and freshly trimmed, glistens with your slick, and Joel smolders with all-consuming passion.

When his friends had told him to go out more, maybe find someone to date, he's certain they didn't mean this. The smart choice (scratch that: the correct one) would have been to pursue a woman his own age. But fuck it—he's spent a lifetime doing what's right. Every road he might've taken would've led him here, to this moment, with you. Part of him believes he must still have something left, some spark of appeal. To have a pretty little thing like you, so eager, so willing, offering yourself to him? He has to have something. His knees ache from where he kneels on the unforgiving surface, but the burn is inconsequential, and he’ll endure anything to be what you need.

Joel trails his hand up your body, over the curve of your breast, before gently groping it, his palm covering yours in a shared grip. He runs the tip of his tongue along your folds, his saliva mingling with your wetness, aquiline nose grazing your sensitive bud. “You’re tellin’ me you’re this tight ‘cause you’ve been savin’ yourself for me? You do know what t’say t’make a man happy.” He spreads you open slowly, his gaze lingering on the way your cunt glistens, a sense of satisfaction rippling through him. You remain silent, your breath shallow. “Still with me, sugar?”

“It’s just that—I’m so close.” You bite back a moan, nails digging into the soft leather of the seat. Joel hums in response, his lips closing around your clit. Agitation flickers across your face as you try to grind your hips against his mouth. “Fuck, fuck, fuck—”

The pressure is gone as he notices your thighs quivering again, his movements halting immediately.

“No, Joel. Please—”

“You’ll come when I tell ya’.”

He’s having the time of his life. Damn right he is.

He suddenly realizes he's still dressed from head to toes, the heat building in his body becoming too much to ignore. With a frustrated grunt, he undoes his belt, yanking the metal zipper down, longing to rid himself of the constricting denim. A strangled noise escapes him as you suck on his neck, fisting his base, giving him a few purposeful tugs.

“Now, you’re gonna ride me,” he murmurs, making a pause to shrug his shirt off, letting it fall to the floor of the car, “and you’re gonna like it. Don’ want you t’hold back this time, understood?”

His back ends up against one of the fogged-up windows. The air is thick with the apparent scent of sex—a phrase he’d only ever heard in movies, but now, it’s undeniably real. Joel holds his cock, aligning the tip with your entrance as his lips crash against yours in a hungry kiss. A deep groan escapes him, vibrating over your mouth, nipping at your lower lip. The sensation intensifies when your wet interior welcomes him, velvet walls molding to his size. Your brows scrunch together at the stretch, a choked whimper catching in your throat. As your hips sink fully, your ass flush against his thighs, your body clenches around him, that abrupt tightness drawing a stuttering gasp from him.

“For God’s sake,” he exhales, the words rough as his forehead bumps into yours. His hand splays over your ribcage, fingers curling slightly. “Sweetheart, you’re—killin’ me here.”

“I can feel you everywhere,” you huff, your arms looping around his neck to pull him closer, holding your breath. He takes the moment to capture your nipple between his swollen lips, leaving a shiny trail of spit in his wake. You lift yourself, the motion teasing, before sinking back down onto his lap, taking him in fully. “Can feel you in my stomach.”

When you begin to move, Joel loses track of everything else. Time seems to stretch, bending and reshaping itself each time his tip finds some hidden place inside you. He’s fifty-six years old, yet in this moment, his soul feels infinite. Invincible. He brings his hand to your lips, thumb grazing over them before slipping inside. Your warm tongue envelopes it, and when you start to suck dutifully, muffling your moans, his body jerks in response. His eyes drift to your glistening chest, where a sheen of sweat makes your skin glow in the dim light. You’re the most captivating woman he’s ever seen, and he knows he’ll never look at anyone the same again. He can’t tear his gaze away, mesmerized by the way your body merges with his, the way you undulate your hips on top of him.

You move back and forth, and he drives into you, filling you to the brim with every calculated thrust. He thrusts upward, stealing the air from your lungs, the sharp motion making you sputter as your body struggles to keep up with his.

“That’s it.” His voice is a husky growl as he wraps his arms tightly around your back, your chests sticking together with sweat. His pace quickens, the rhythm becoming more insistent. “Takin’ it like a good girl. You feel exquisite, baby. Makin’ me lose my fuckin’ mind.”

“So big inside me,” you pant, your own pace faltering as you surrender to Joel’s unforgiving tempo. His hooded eyes flicker to yours, catching the way your pupils have swallowed up your irises, dark and blown wide with desire. A shiver runs through him as your fingers dig into his shoulders, your grip leaving faint crescents in his skin. “Missed your cock so much, Mr. Miller.”

Fuck, not that shit. If it’s possible, he grows impossibly harder. He pounds into you with renewed intensity this time, his singular goal to leave you speechless, boneless, completely undone. He wants you limp and shuddering, with nothing left to give. “Enough of that.” His hands find their place on the soft globes of your ass, molding and squeezing until the pressure has you mewling, the sweet sound shooting straight through him. His lips ghost over the shell of your ear. “Responsive everywhere, honey. Have any idea how much fun I’m gonna have with ya’?”

Who would’ve believed him back then? It proves this isn’t some once-in-a-lifetime fluke. It happened before, and now it’s happening again. He might as well surrender to it—accept his fate and move through the motions like a man resigned to what’s already written.

There’s a moment when your moans sharpen, turning high-pitched and dazed, and the way you constrict him sends his eyes rolling to the back of his skull, a guttural noise tearing from his chest. His movements still, clutching your waist to pin you in place, denying you the chance to move, to bounce on him.

Then you break. A sob wracks your body, tears spilling over and tracing hot paths down your cheeks. They gather, fusing together as they slide along your throat and pool in the hollow of your jaw before disappearing lower. “Asshole,” you hiss, the word fragile as you push your face into the curve of his neck, seeking refuge in his embrace.

“Sorry? Couldn’t catch that.” He makes sure to keep you securely tucked under his chin, tilting his lower half upward. “If you want me t’stop, just say the world and I will.”

He’s messing with you, plain and simple. He doesn’t actually expect you to take his words at face value. But you do, grinding down harder, impaling yourself further on the length of his cock, and your arousal trickles down, slicking the coarse hair of his thighs.  “Please.”

“Please what?”

“Please fuck me.” Slotting your mouth over his, you attempt to move, chasing any sort of friction against your clit. Sadly, pleasure doesn’t come on its own—it’s Joel who can make you feel good, and he’s not obliging. His hand seizes your hair in a rough grasp, tugging sharply. Eyes fluttering shut, you hunch forward, submitting to the sharp edge of his control.

“What an impatient little thing y’are.” Joel grabs your thighs and turns you over, your back pressed against the leather seat. The brusque shift pulls him out of you, the cool air a cruel tease before he taps his head against your swollen folds, then fills you again in one powerful thrust, kissing your cervix in the process. A deep moan rips from your lungs, deep and guttural, as your legs tremble uncontrollably on either side of him. Your ankles dig into his back, fervent to keep him close. His balls rest heavy against your skin, full and aching for release. “Gonna give ya’ what y’want, okay? You’ve been on your best behavior,” he mumbles with his lips stuck to your forehead. “That’s a good girl. Think she deserves to come after all.”

Only then does he find his rhythm again, ramming into your drooling hole. For the third time tonight, he’s captivated by how you teeter on the edge of overwhelming pleasure. He has you eating out of his hand, taking all that he offers, and you do so willingly. He knows he could ask you for anything, and in exchange for an orgasm coaxed by him, you'd comply without thinking twice. In many ways, he’s not so different. He gathers some of your saliva, using it to moisten his fingers before slipping them between your bodies, rubbing your clit as he continues to hit your bundle of nerves. Where his stamina comes from, he has no clue, though he’s determined to keep pushing.

Your face becomes a living poem, each cry of yours adding to its verse. Your head nearly reaches the door, but he cradles it with his arm, ensuring you don’t hurt yourself. “Close,” you whine, struggling to keep your eyes from falling shut. “Joel, please. Let me—”

“Give it to me, darlin’.” Another thrust, another moan. “Drench me, c’mon. That’s what y’want, isn’t it? To come all over this cock?”

The way he’s worked you up has its rewards, leading to a release that feels like an eruption. You bite down on his shoulder, your cries growing louder, chanting his name without pause. It loses all meaning after being chanted so many times, but the way you say it still has an undeniable weight. He doesn’t mind it one bit, not when he’s finishing right after you plead him to fill you. His jaw hangs open as ropes of his seed spill inside you, and he sags against your frame, giving short thrusts to push his cum deeper into your warmth, your pussy milking him dry.

“Oh, God…” he groans, fumbling with one of your breasts, holding onto something for dear life. “Jesus Christ.” 

“Don’t pull out yet,” you say, grinning when you feel him twitch. “Stay a little longer.”

Too personal. Too intimate—dangerous in his books. Normally, he'd tuck himself back into his briefs, drive the woman he’s slept with home, and that would be the end of it. No happy endings in his story. So he’s surprised when he supports his weight on his forearms, claiming your lips in a voracious encounter of tongues and teeth. He caresses your cheek, tilting your face to deepen the kiss, and you sigh contentedly.

The two of you lapse into a heavy silence after that. He clears his throat, and says: “I should’ve asked you for your number that one time.” In the heat of the act, he’s being too honest. Regret will come knocking on his door once his excitement fades. His eyes bore into yours, dubious. “M’sorry for that.”

“Well, you could ask me for it now,” you admit from beneath him, and Joel pulls away for a moment, trying to gauge if you’re serious. He doesn’t think you’re joking. “To make up for lost time.”

This must be the onset of something else. He can't quite put it into words, but he feels it in his chest, in every place where your skin merges with his. He's no fortune teller, and there's no way for him to know where this path will take him, whether it leads to ruin or salvation. Though in this moment, he doesn't care—not now, at least.

At last, Joel blindly reaches for the pocket of his jeans with one arm. “How long are you stayin’ in Austin?”

dividers by: @cafekitsune thank you!!! <3

[m0llygunn]

Eddie's Notes (eddie munson x fem!reader one-shot)

summary: Eddie's a friend you trust... you trust him enough to have your first time with him... and your second.

tropes: virgin!eddie, virgin!reader, friends to lovers, bad at sex eddie but eager to learn (eventually) warnings: 18+! mature language, pet names (baby, pretty/sweet girl), smut, p in v sex, mentions of reader's period, oral (f receiving), virginity loss a/n: a lot of people write eddie as being good in bed (myself included) but I thought it'd be fun to dive into a realm of him being not good (but he is a cutey little dedicated sweetheart once he gets his act together). reblogs and comments are appreciated profusely <3 wc: 10.4k+

“Do you want to do something else?” You ask over the top of Eddie's copy of The Hobbit. 

“Not really anything else to do.” Eddie replies, from the other end of his bed, only sparing you a short glance before going back to his guitar. 

You’ve been thinking about it for a while and you trust Eddie, you really do. 

Saving yourself for marriage is not in the question. Saving yourself for the love of your life doesn’t seem probable. So someone you trust is the best case scenario. And you really trust Eddie. 

The best part is you’re pretty sure it’ll be an even playing field with Eddie. In his crude nature, with sex jokes and innuendos, it was hard to decide whether or not he has but you’re almost certain he hasn’t. 

Almost certain. 

“Are you a virgin?” You ask, words spilling from your lips before you can stop them. 

“What?” He laughs. You shrug before realizing that maybe that question is outside of your realm of friendship. Maybe what you actually want to ask him is eons outside of your friendship. 

Sure, you’ve been friends with him for a few years now but you’re not the best of friends. Good enough friends to hang out a couple times a month doing nothing beyond enjoying each other's company, but it’s not like you’re best best friends. 

“If you don’t want to answer, that’s fine. I guess that was super weird for me to ask, sorry.” You say, going back to hiding your face in his book. 

“No— no, not weird at all.” He says with a nervous chuckle. 

You give him a moment to answer the question but he doesn’t. When you peek out from behind the book again, his gaze is fixed forward, stuck in a trance of thought.

“Sorry.” You say again.

“No— don’t be.” He shakes his head, blinking away whatever he was thinking. “I’m um, uh— not really?” He says, adding an inflection to his statement like he’s asking you.

“Not really?” You ask, looking for clarification but he just shrugs. You assume the conversation is done but as soon as you go back to the book, he speaks again. 

“I… have done stuff. You know, a little rub and tug from the hideout’s finest,” He says, making a crude pumping motion with his fist over his guitar covered crotch. “but… to elaborate, uh— no actual penetration, I guess.”

“Penetration?” You say, laughing softly at his choice of words. 

“Yeah… never put it in?” He says again like he’s asking you if it’s an okay answer. 

“Fair enough.” You smile, nodding your head. 

The both of you sit in silence, Eddie shifting uncomfortably in his spot. You expected him to counter ask your question, but he just sits there, fingers drumming on the body of his guitar.

“Why did you ask me that?” He asks with a genuine curiosity, finally breaking the silence. 

“You don’t want to know if I’m a virgin?” You ask, purposefully ignoring his question. 

“Are you?” 

“Yeah.” 

Eddie’s eyebrows rise, hiding beneath his bangs before he comically relaxes himself, putting on an image of indifference. “Oh… me too.” He says coolly.

“So I’ve heard.” You reply, rolling your lips inwards to try and hold back your laugh. You twist in the bed, putting the book down on the floor.

“Why are we talking about this?” He asks quietly, following your lead and setting his guitar down on the bed beside him. 

“Do you… want to…” You ask, trailing off, shrugging your shoulders.

“Want to…?” He asks, sitting up straighter. 

“You know?” You say, raising your eyebrows hoping he says it so you don’t have to. Faux indifference thrown to the wind, his own eyebrows rise once again, eyes going wide in disbelief. 

The silence goes unperturbed until his mouth pulls into a flatline before dropping agape, his eyes narrowing in on you. 

“I think you’re gonna have to spell this one out for me, cause I think I know what you mean, but I am not gonna look like an idiot if I’m thinking something entirely different than what you’re thinking.” He rambles, hands working overtime twisting his rings mindlessly. 

“Do you not want to?” You ask, your eyes flitting to his nervous habits on full display. 

“No I do!” He says a little too loudly, cheeks going red in embarrassment. “But… clarify please cause I really don’t want to be reading this wrong.” He says, flattening his palms on his legs, as he clocks that you’ve noticed his fidgeting. 

“Do you want to have sex with me?” You ask as plain as can be. All of Eddie's fidgeting stops immediately. He freezes, his eyes going wide, and you feel your own nerves pick up.

It takes a moment but when he comes back alive, his eyes finding yours. “You’re not joking right?” He asks, his gaze penetrating so deeply it almost becomes too much.

“I’m not joking.”

“Uh— then… yes.” He says calmly.

“Try not to sound so enthusiastic.” You laugh nervously, feeling uncomfortable in the thick tension of the room.

“Shit— I’m sorry. I’m just— it took me by surprise. But I do! Really do, seriously!”

“Okay then.” You smile, feeling your nerves relax. “Do you want to… now?”

He nods his head vigorously before pausing with a look of defeat. “Shit, yeah I do but Wayne was supposed to be helping a friend fix up their car. He might be home in a few hours.”

“A few hours? Is it… is it gonna take that long?” You laugh.

“Probably not.” He says, cheeks flushing dark red. He starts wringing his hands again, his nervous habits becoming more and more prominent by the second.

“Eddie, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, you can tell me if you don’t want to. I won’t be upset, I swear.” You say, sitting up straighter to look at him. 

“No— no god no. I mean yes— I do. I want to. I just— fuck, I didn’t think we’d be doing this today.” He says, eyes flickering over the room before meeting you with a sheepish smile. 

“Should I take my clothes off?” You ask, toying at the hem of your shirt. 

“Oh shit— yeah. Yeah, and I’ll take mine off?” He asks, grabbing at the hem of his own shirt. 

“Yeah. I think so.” You smile, pulling your shirt off. 

“I’m just gonna— yeah, just gonna move this first.” He says, picking up his guitar and pushing himself up off the bed. When he turns from hanging it up, he stops, eyes flickering over your shirtless body. Trying not to lose your nerve, you quickly unclasp your bra, pulling it down your arms, and dropping it off the side of the bed. Eddie’s unwavering eye contact with your chest makes your skin heat, playing on your nerves, especially since he's stood in the middle of his room not saying anything.

“Eddie.” You say, folding your arms over your chest. 

“Right.” He mumbles, jumping into action, pulling his own shirt over his head. He moves quickly to unbutton and unzip his pants and with a deep breath, you shimmy out of your own, pushing them off the edge of the bed. 

“Underwear too?” He asks, still standing in the middle of his room.

“I guess.” You laugh.

“Right. Stupid question.” He says, shaking his head. You watch as his hands go to his boxers and within a blink he’s pushing them down until they pool around his feet, his hard length becoming your main focus as it bobs against his lower belly. You take in the sight of him, still standing in the middle of his room, naked. Your eyes linger on his erection until his hands cover it. 

“Sorry.” You mumble shyly, shifting on the bed to tug down your own underwear. 

“Don’t be sorry.” He says, clearing his throat. 

“Are you going to come over here or…” You ask, dropping your underwear to land in the pile of your other discarded clothes. 

“Yeah.” He says, swallowing harshly. He steps to the edge of the bed, about to climb on until he stops. “Condom, uh— gimme a minute.” He says, eyes darting around the room. “I have one somewhere, just…” He mumbles as he bounds for his desk.

With his back turned, you let your eyes rake over him. He’s cute, very cute. His nerves are endearing; however, Eddie’s always been brash, you didn’t expect him to be so jittery. In a weird way, you like it, because it’s distracting you from a lot of your own nerves. You trust him, entirely. You’ve never not trusted him.

He opens drawer after drawer scrambling through his belongings until proudly holding up the little silver square.

“Right, good.” You say, trying to sound casual. 

“Are you okay, like, do you need anything?” He asks, stumbling his way back to the bed over his messy floor. 

“No, I’m good. Just need you, I guess.” You say, motioning down to his crotch, cringing at yourself for saying it like that. 

“Right. I’ll… put this on then.” He replies. He settles on the bed beside you, pausing before tearing open the condom package. He pauses again.

“Do you need me to… help?” You offer, hoping you don’t sound as dumb as you think you do.

“Uh, I’m good. I think, just— slide it on there.” Eddie says, rambling as he fumbles with the condom. “Just like… that. There. Okay.” He coaches himself, turning his upper body towards you when it’s finally on.

“Do you wanna…?” You ask, motioning for him to get on top of you. 

“Yeah, sure, yeah.” He rambles, pushing himself up. You spread your thighs for him, his hips fitting between your bent knees. His movements are awkward, which you also didn’t expect from Eddie. Normally, he’s clumsy but he’s very forthcoming, very sure of himself. You're used to the way he thrashes through life, kind of like a bull in a china shop, but right now he’s tiptoeing, treading very lightly.

“Should I put my arms here?” He asks leaning forward so a hand rests on the bed next to your head.

“However you’re comfortable.” You say softly, trying to coax some of his nervousness away.

“Let me… just… figure this out.” He rambles again, adjusting his body first with both hands caging you in, then switching back to just one, before leaning back and resting on his knees.

It takes you a minute, but you clue in that every adjustment is centered around the least physical contact between the two of you. “You can touch me, Eddie.” You say, hoping he’ll ease into the moment.

“Right. Yeah of course.” He says, shaking his head. He tentatively lets his hands find your bent knees. His touch is feather light, obviously unsure.

“Should I just…” He asks, looking down between where your bodies almost meet. His eyes linger between your thighs, hands gripping harder on your knees, and it makes your belly flip. A good flip, more like a flutter. You like how his eyes become darker, and his mouth slightly drops. It’s cute. He’s cute. 

“I’m ready when you are.” You exhale, trying not to laugh as his eyes glaze over in a dazed look, still focused between your legs.

“I’m ready, so if you’re ready.” He replies mindlessly, still not looking up. 

“Eddie, you can put it in.” You laugh softly. His eyes finally flicker to you, catching your smile, and he mirrors it as best as he can, albeit with a blush of pink across his cheeks for being caught staring so long. 

“Right… I’ll do that.” He replies. He takes his length in his hand, running his fist up and down once. It’s a casual action, practiced, and you get a glimpse of what Eddie’s really like without the jumbled nerves. 

He leans in the slightest bit and you feel the tip of his head prod at your slit, sliding down slowly. He works himself down, parting your slit until he’s resting just at your opening. You think he might start pushing in, but he pauses, keeping himself entirely still. 

“Uh— sorry but, this is the hole right?” He asks, cheeks flaring red.

You don’t blame him, there is a lot going on down there and you know he just wants to be sure. He's being careful, asking questions when he’s unsure, he doesn’t want to hurt you, but it still makes your face turn the tiniest bit hotter because of the intimacy you’re not used to. 

“That’s the one.” You say awkwardly, moving your own hand down to your center to help guide him. 

Before you can even wrap your hand around him, he interrupts you, making you draw your hand back. 

“Wait do we— I don’t have lube or anything.” He says, eyes flitting to yours. 

“Maybe… spit? That’s what other people use, right?” You offer with a shrug.

“Yeah… I’ll just…” He says before dribbling over you. Missing completely, his glob of spit lands on your lower stomach making you laugh. He looks embarrassed at first, but as he watches you laugh, his lips slowly break into a smile before he eases into his own laughter. 

“Why are we being so awkward? We’re friends, this is fine, right?” You say, exhaling, trying to compose yourself from your laughter.

“Yeah, we’re friends… having sex.” He says with a heavy exhale.

“I’m still me and you’re still you, we don’t need to be nervous.” You say, looking into Eddie’s eyes. He nods, taking another deep breath and letting it out and you can feel some of his nerves leave him. He nods again and you smile at him. 

“I’m still me, you’re still you.” Eddie echoes. He takes a final deep breath before looking at you, returning a flash of a smile. 

You spit in your hand, bringing it to your core, getting yourself wet. You motion for Eddie to come closer and when he does, you wrap your fingers around him enough to line him up with your entrance. 

“Okay, so just push in. But slow please.” You guide. 

“Slow, got it.” He replies, hips beginning to move towards you.

He takes your words to heart, pushing in extremely slow. So slowly, you aren’t even sure if he’s moving, apart from the noises he’s trying to hold back— and there’s a lot of them, which must mean he’s getting something from this. 

You move your hand to his hip, pulling him towards you and he moves a little faster at your guidance. You start to feel a pinch, then it turns into a stretch. He continues pushing in slowly, the stretch turning to a very mild burn.

“Are you almost in?” You ask, squeezing your eyes closed.

“Almost, like another inch, maybe?” He says, hand squeezing your knee.

“Okay— good.” You breathe.

“Are you okay?” He asks, movements stilling.

“Just stings, but keep going.” You say, trying to unclench the muscles you keep tensing by accident. He complies, pushing into you slowly again.

His hips finally press flush against yours and Eddie stills. Looking up at him, you see his mouth working back and forth, eyes glancing over your body like he’s trying not to look too hard or too long at any particular spot. You’re about to tell him that he can touch you again but his mouth opens, sucking in a breath like he’s about to say something. 

“You’re really warm. Like… inside.” He says. His voice sounds strangled but you can tell he’s trying to come across as casual. You can’t help but laugh.

This is what you wanted. It’s easy. You feel comfortable enough to laugh. You trust Eddie and despite his nerves, he’s doing a good job. 

With your hand on his hip, you keep him still, giving yourself time to adjust, and he complies, taking deep breaths that you subconsciously align your own breathing to. 

When the sting relaxes into a dull ache, you take a final deep breath before relaxing your grip on Eddie.

“Okay, you can move, Eddie.” You say, pushing against his hip. He looks up at you long enough to nod, before moving his eyes back down to your center.

He pulls out slowly, just a touch faster than he pushed in and it’s such a foreign feeling to you. It’s on the cusp of being something you might enjoy… but not quite there. 

When he pushes back in, it’s a little quicker and you get the same almost pleasure feeling. 

“Fuck.” Eddie groans, hands squeezing harshly on your knees.

“It’s okay?” You ask. The tone of his voice catches you off guard. You’ve never heard Eddie sound like that before.

“Y-yeah. You’re really tight.” He says in that same tone. It’s deep, it’s raspy, and he sounds out of breath. It’s hot. Your stomach twirls, and you watch his face as it contorts in pleasure, his bottom lip tucked between his teeth and his brows pinched harshly together. 

He looks like he’s really enjoying it, but… apart from seeing him like this, you aren’t.

You shift your hips, trying to find any ounce of pleasure but if anything, it just feels like he’s prodding at you. Not uncomfortable but definitely not pleasurable.

“Eddie, does this… feel good for you?” You ask tentatively. You know the answer, you can tell by the way his breathing has turned into little pants but you figure there must be something you’re missing. You can’t help but feel a pinch of jealousy that it feels that good for him. 

“Fuck. Yeah, feels really good.” He groans, his thrusts slowly picking up in pace. 

You lay still, watching Eddie thrust in and out of you. The image of him, face contorted in pleasure, and all the breathy little gasps spilling from him makes a hint of heat pool in your lower stomach, but this isn’t at all like you thought how sex would feel. 

Maybe your next question comes out a little mean, but his radiating pleasure taunts you. It’s juvenile, but you can’t help but think how it’s not fair.

“Aren’t you gonna ask me if it feels good?” You watch as Eddie’s mouth drops open even further, his chest rising and falling harshly. His eyes squeeze shut and you aren’t even sure if he heard you. 

“I’m gonna cum— shit. I’m sorry. I can’t- f-fuck.” He groans, his thrust becoming uneven, stuttering against you. 

“Oh.” You say quietly. His thrusts are short and shallow until his movement still, cock pulsing inside you. 

And just like that, it’s over. 

“Jesus Christ.” Eddie groans, his hold on your knees becoming almost bruising. You feel a little more heat pool in your core seeing Eddie come undone but at this point, you know it’s over.

You continue laying still, watching Eddie’s face slowly unwind, eyes fluttering open. He pulls out, moving his way to lay back beside you on the bed, his breathing still harsh and ragged.

You watch as his head hits the pillow, eyes closing as he sucks in a deep breath, exhaling it harshly. His eyes open again, meeting your gaze. 

“That was— holy shit.” He says breathily.

“Yeah?” You ask, trying not to sound disappointed because that most definitely was not ‘holy shit’ to you. Quite frankly… that was just shit. You’re not upset, not in the slightest, just jealous. Envious that it was so easy for him and not you. It’s irrational, and you know you shouldn’t be mad at him, but it doesn’t stop the bud of spite inside of you. 

“Did that— sorry. Was that good for you?” He asks, head tilting towards you. 

“No.” You say flatly. Your eyes go wide at your answer because you most definitely didn’t mean to say that, it just slipped without thinking. 

And as you watch his face fall, every ounce of jealousy, envy, spite, anything you were feeling just seconds ago leaves you entirely, being replaced with regret for that one little word. You shouldn’t have said that. 

Eddie was nervous. He was shy. He was tentative. Gentle. Careful. Respectful. 

It was endearing. You found him cute. 

You wanted it to be with Eddie because you trust him. He did everything you wanted. 

It was his first time too.

“Oh” He says, eyes going round with disappointment. 

“No! I mean it was fine. You did good Eddie, we’re no longer virgins!” You say excitedly, trying to fix your slip of the tongue. You smile but his face falls flat. You feel your heart pang as he deflates in front of you. 

“Yeah… I’m sorry. Maybe— uh… I don’t know. I’m sorry.” He says quietly, hand raising to his face, rubbing aggressively over his mouth and chin. You can tell he’s not buying your cover up and you genuinely feel bad.

“Don’t worry about it, Eddie. It was just the first time. I'm sure it’ll get better?” You say, trying to fix the sad look in his eyes but it only gets worse.

“That bad, huh?” He asks, and his demeanor breaks your heart. You should have kept your mouth shut.

“Don’t feel bad!” You say, sitting up to get a better look at him.

“Fuck— I’m so sorry.” He huffs, hand going back to rubbing over his jaw.

“No, don’t be sorry! It can only go up from here, right!” You try your best to fix your mistake but it’s not working. 

“It was that bad.” He groans, hiding his face in his hands. 

“Eddie, please don’t feel bad.” You say, moving to be able to fully look at him. “I wanted to lose my virginity to you because I trust you, Eddie. And it was perfect in that sense. You didn’t hurt me at all, and I really, really don’t want you to feel bad.” You say genuinely. You let your hand rest on his arm, trying to pull his hands away from his face.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” He says again, palms pressing harder into his eyes despite you trying to pull them away.

“Eddie. I’m so serious. I wanted it to be with you for a reason. Please, please, don’t feel bad.” You try a final time.

He stays, hands covering his face for a while and you don’t know what else you could say to make it better so instead, you opt for getting dressed. Even when you shift on the bed, he doesn’t move.

It only takes a few minutes for you to be fully dressed. He laid still the whole time, hands pressed to his eyes, and you’re convinced he fell asleep.

“Maybe I should go?” You whisper quietly. His hands fly away from his face, eyes widening. His gaze takes you in, realizing that you’re fully dressed and he sits up quickly.

“You don’t have to.” He rushes out, his wide eyed gaze meeting yours.

“I probably should, right? It’s getting late.”

“Right…” He agrees sitting up. “I can drive you, if you want?”

“It’s nice out, I can walk.” You offer.

“I'll drive you, just give me a minute.” He replies, brushing off your comment.

“Sure.” You say politely, grabbing your bag from the floor.

You wait for him in the living room and it’s only a few minutes before he’s fully dressed. Wordlessly, you both go outside, and get in the van.

After a silent ride, he parks in front of your house.

“Eddie, I’m sorry. I feel like I ruined your first time.” You say.

“Shit. You have nothing to feel sorry about. I’m the only one who should be sorry.” He says, huffing an almost laugh.

“Don’t be sorry. Eddie, I told you already. I trust you and because of that it was a great first time.” 

Eddie shrugs, not accepting your sentiment. 

“I’ll see you?” You ask quietly.

“Yeah, see you.” He nods.

‧˚₊•┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈•‧₊˚⊹

It's been just over a week since you and Eddie slept together. A week of radio silence. Sure, it’s not like you two hung out everyday before, but you thought that, maybe, that might be different after you slept together. But nope. 

You waited a while to call, trying to give him space since that night didn't exactly end as you hoped. While you waited, you hoped he would call, but he didn’t. 

Eventually, you ended up calling, but you got his uncle, who said Eddie’s been busy the last few days and he hasn’t seen him much. Later that night, Eddie called, but your mom answered since you were staying at a friend's house. You called again yesterday, Eddie wasn’t home. You had expected him to call that night but he didn’t. And you’ve been thinking about it all day since it’s summer vacation, your parents aren’t home, and you just have a lot of time.

When there's a knock at the door you fully expected it to be a salesman or jehovah witness, but you were surprised to see Eddie. You didn't even have a chance to speak before his hand was on the door, pushing it open as wide as it could go.

“I want to try again.” He says, a slight breathiness to his voice as if he just rushed his way over here.

“What?” You ask confusedly.

“I want to try again.” He says a little louder before shrinking a little. “If you’ll let me, I mean. Only if it’s okay with you.”

“You… want to try again?” You ask, finally clueing in to what he’s talking about.

“Yeah. I feel fucking bad that I came—” He stops himself, turning around, looking to the street. “Can I explain inside?” He says, wincing slightly. 

You usher him inside, spotting your neighbor on their porch and you pray to god they didn’t hear Eddie and if they did, they remain oblivious to what he was getting at. 

As soon as the door is shut, Eddie’s speaking again.

“I meant to start with an apology.” He says, voice softer and less breathless.

“Eddie, I really don’t want to hear you apologize again. It was fine.”

“It wasn’t.” He states, raising his brows. He relaxes into sincerity, meeting your gaze. “I want to apologize for what happened after.” He says, pausing for any objections from you. You let him continue. “You were being really nice about it and I… I was being selfish. You already didn’t enjoy yourself, and then I made it your job to make me feel better about it. That was really shitty of me.” 

“I felt bad, you know. It was your first time too.” You shrug.

“But you shouldn’t have had to coddle me like that. It wasn’t fair to you. I’m sorry.” He says softly. You can tell he’s genuinely sorry for it and you really do appreciate it. You nod, and he rolls his lips inwards, nodding back. 

“Thank you.” You say. He nods again.

The room stills, the both of you in silence. You can tell Eddie wants to keep talking. 

“So… outside you were saying?” You lead, prompting him. He catches your eye, smiling appreciatively for you being the one to break the silence.

“I was saying outside that I feel terrible that I came so quickly and it wasn’t good for you and I want to try again.. if you’ll let me.” He blunders out. 

You raise your brows. This is more like the Eddie you know. Straight forward, to the point. 

“I um— I don’t know what to say.” You laugh softly. You do feel a hint of apprehension. You’ve already accepted that the sex was bad but the part that really got you was what happened after. Not his sulking, but after you left. The not talking part. That was the last thing you wanted to come from this.

Despite your feelings, you can’t help but light up a bit at Eddie’s enthusiasm. His eyes are wild with it. 

“You don’t have to say yes. But I did a fuck ton of research and look—” he says pulling out a folded piece of lined paper from his back pocket, starting to uncrumple it. “I took notes and everything. I want to do it right, so if you’ll let me…”

“You took… notes?” You ask amusedly. He holds the paper out to you and you cautiously take it.

“Yeah. I’m dedicated to this. I told you, I feel fucking terrible. I should have listened more, asked you questions, done so many things differently. So I just— I don’t know.” He says shrugging, hands wringing themselves.

You glance down at the paper to see his scribbled writing covering every inch of the paper. Your eyes gravitate to a very technical diagram of a vagina that he drew out. 

“I don’t want to look at this.” You laugh, shoving the paper back to Eddie. 

“Shit, sorry.” He laughs nervously. He goes pink in the face. Not exactly out of nerves like before, but more so flustered. It’s cute.

You can’t help but bite. 

“So… what exactly did research entail?” You ask, holding back your smile.

“I went to the library first. Looked at some books there. Read some magazines… asked a few people.”

“People?” You question worriedly.

“No— no don’t worry! I didn’t tell them it was you or anything. It was mostly just books and magazines that I read, I swear. I just wanted to make sure some things were actually true.”

“And… you really want to do this?” You ask. You're intrigued and his effort is very endearing. You did say that it could only get better…

“Yes! But only if you’re comfortable with it. Doing it once was generous— so if you say no, I understand.”

“Generous?” You laugh.

“Yeah. Like, that was a cool thing to do, you know?” He shrugs, cheeks flaring. 

“Cool?” You laugh again.

“Yeah.” He replies, cracking a smile.

Your eyes gravitate to the sheet of paper in his hand. You don’t really have anything to lose, right? You’ve done it before and if he really is dedicated to this like he says he is… might as well give it a shot?

“Yes.” You say firmly, your mind made up.

“Yes?”

“Let's try again.” You exhale.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. I mean, I didn’t do any research but… if you’re okay with that, my answer’s yes.” 

Eddie perks up, eyes becoming filled with excitement. He looks at his sheet of notes for a moment before his gaze finds yours again. 

“Do you have a calendar?” He asks plainly. 

“A calendar, Eddie? What?” You ask, feeling confused all over again.

“I just… yeah. Just like a regular calendar.” He shrugs.

“In my room.” You lead him upstairs, pulling the calendar down from your wall and handing it over.

“Okay, thank you. And when was your last period?” He asks, laying the calendar down flat on your desk, fingers drumming over the dates.

“My last period, Eddie, what the fuck?” You laugh.

“No, seriously. If you’re ovulating it’s supposed to be better, so last period was…?” He says, fingers gliding over the calendar.

“Like two— three-ish weeks ago?” You say, pointing at the general days on the calendar. 

“Okay, okay. Just gimme a minute.” He says, flattening his notes down on the surface next to the calendar. “Alright, so if this was the first day of your period, then you should be ovulating? Or almost ovulating?” He says, fingers sliding along the weeks, counting quietly under his breath. 

“Eddie, it sounds like you’re trying to get me pregnant.” You laugh nervously.

“No! No, I swear to god, no! I just- I read that it’s supposed to feel better for you during that week, so, like, now would be a really good time for me to… you know, try to make you feel good.” He says, eyes going wide as he turns towards you, looking the slightest bit mortified.

“Oh…” you respond, brows raised as you try not to laugh in his face. It’s endearing it really is, but… this boy is so odd. “Alright then.” You nod, your lips tugging into a smile. 

“Yeah. So I can check that off.” He says, grabbing a pencil from your desk and physically checking off one of his notes. “So next, is foreplay.”

“Foreplay?” You parrot, laughing in disbelief.

“Yeah. I think that’s where I really fucked up last time. I mean, I didn’t even kiss you, for christ sake. And I didn’t touch you at all before, so yeah. Foreplay.” He says, exhaling harshly.

“You want to kiss me?” You ask nervously. Your heart picks up as your gaze flickers to his lips.

“I mean, yeah.” He says, going shy. “But I didn’t know if you would have wanted me to cause we’re not… you know, together.” He shrugs his shoulders.

“You could have kissed me.” You smile at him, your stomach going fluttery at the thought. 

“Really?” He asks in disbelief. 

“Yeah.” You affirm, feeling your cheeks heat up.

“Cool.” He nods slowly, smiling.

“So.. are you going to?” You ask, sheepishly. He meets your gaze, eyes slowly lowering to your lips. He nods his head, stepping closer to you.

When your eyes flutter closed, you feel his lips press against yours, soft as a feather.

He pulls away and you almost think it’s over until he pulls you back in, hands on your waist, bringing you closer to him. His lips meet yours again and it’s entirely different from the first. His lips work against yours and it leaves you dazed, struggling to keep up with the unexpected, but it’s perfect.

His hands still on your waist, he guides you to lean against your desk, his body pulled flush to yours. His hands rub up and down your sides slowly, adding to your fluttery dizziness. 

The kiss deepens, his tongue licking along your lower lip and you part your mouth. He’s gentle with you, tongue imploringly licking into your mouth, almost as if he’s testingly seeing what you like best. It gives you butterflies, something you’ve tried to not dwell on getting from Eddie in the past.

His hand trails up your waist, taking purchase on your jaw, guiding your mouth against his until his kisses slow, his lips meeting the edge of your mouth before trailing down the side of your face.

You swallow harshly before speaking. “That was really good.” You say, clearing your voice. You practically feel Eddie’s lips turn up in a smile against your jaw.

“Yeah?” He asks breathily against your skin. 

“Yeah. I think your research is working so far.” You say, squeezing your eyes shut as his kisses trail down your neck. 

You open your eyes when the kisses stop and you feel him pull away. 

“Yeah?” He asks excitedly, making eye contact with you. His gaze is a combination of shock, disbelief, and amusement and it’s adorable. It pulls on all of your heart strings at once.

The attentiveness, effort, the everything from right now mixes with everything from before. Gentle, careful, respectful, you trust him. You trust him and you think he’s cute, endearing, adorable, and you want him.

“Keep going.” You say, your own voice going breathy.

“Right.” He mumbles, face pressing against your neck again. 

You bring your hand to the back of his head, fingers entwining in his hair. As soon as you do, you feel a nip of teeth that makes you gasp. He cleverly soothes the area with his tongue after, making a whimper rise in your throat that surprises you when it falls from your lips.

“Eddie, who’d you get that from?” You whisper curiously, voice sounding pathetically whimpery. 

“Dunno, s’just something I picked up.” He replies, pulling away enough for his breath to fan over your damp skin, giving you shivers. 

He nips again, chasing it with a harsh suck that makes your head spin. You can’t help but feel like he’s showing off now but you don’t care, you let him. He has you at a place where you’re his for the bending, malleable in his hands. 

“W-what’s next on your list?” You stutter through his kisses.

“Not done with this yet.” He says, voice gravelly and low. You nod your head, not bothering to try to speak again.

His kisses work lower and lower until they meet the neckline of your shirt. You feel his fingers on your hip playing with the hem of your shirt, tugging and lifting it just enough to get your attention. You nod again, wanting it off.

“Eddie.” You whine, pushing your chest against his when he doesn’t do it right away.

He pulls away from you again, and when he looks at you, he looks surprised. 

“What?” You question, feeling embarrassed.

“N-no! Nothing, that was just.. really hot. Wasn’t expecting that s’all.” He stutters, both hands now on your waist, rubbing up and down.

You feel your face burn, feeling shy all of a sudden. You know he picks it up because his eyes focus on you, pausing everything.

“D’you want me to keep going?” He asks, and you nod your head.

“Want you to take my shirt off.” You whisper.

“Yeah?” He laughs.

“Eddie.” You whine, feeling embarrassed at how much he’s affecting you.

“C’mon let’s get your shirt off, pretty girl.” He coos and you feel your stomach flutter. His hands lower to the hem of your shirt, tugging it up and you raise your arms cooperatively. 

“You think I’m pretty?” You ask just as the shirt pulls over your head.

“Hell yeah. I think you’re beautiful.” He says, stopping to look into your eyes as he says it. You lower your gaze, fixing it on your shirt in Eddie’s hands.

“Which is another thing I fucked up last time, by the way.” He adds, dipping his face to meet your gaze.

“Hm?” You hum, head spinning too fast to keep up.

“Last time. I didn’t tell you how fucking beautiful you are.” He says. His eyes flutter over your face, hand moving to tuck your hair behind your ear. “I didn’t know if you wanted me to, so I didn’t. But believe me, I thought about it.” He says, dipping his face down to press a chaste kiss to your shoulder. 

“Eddie.” You reply not knowing what else to say. Your heart beats faster and it’s all consuming, adding sweet to your ever growing list of things you like about Eddie. He’s always been sweet, but this feels bigger, and it makes your heart squeeze.

“Want me to take this off?” He asks, fingertips sliding under the strap of your bra. 

“Please.” You whisper, using all the air left in your lungs to muster the single plea.

His fingers trail behind your back, tickling you along the way until they reach the clasp, unfastening it hook by hook, letting it fall to the floor.

“You’re so fucking beautiful. So perfect. Wish I had said it the first time.” He says lowly, between kisses on your shoulders.

You hum, both because you don’t know what else to say and also because you are so fully absorbed by Eddie. You watch him as his kisses get lower on your collarbones

“S’this okay?” He asks, kisses stopping before reaching your chest.

“Uh-huh.” You breathe. Your hands move the back of his head again, tugging him lower until his kisses meet your chest. His hands rise tentatively until they press against the roundness of your breasts. Another moan falls from your lips and that spurs him on enough to more confidently massaging you, adding kisses to the mix.

“C-can we lay down.” You stutter, trying to catch your breath. 

“Anything you want, pretty girl.” He replies, continuing his kisses. He guides you, taking steps backwards to the bed, turning you so the backs of your knees hit the mattress.

You lay down and he follows, hovering over you more comfortably than last time. 

You close your eyes, absorbing the weight of Eddie on top of you, and you feel hot everywhere. It’s completely contradictory to last time and he still has every piece of clothing on. Before you can even think of asking him to take off his clothes, you're startled by the wet, hot feeling of his mouth on your nipple. 

“Eddie.” You moan. Embarrassment isn’t a feeling you can harbor anymore, Eddie has you so entranced. Your chest rises and falls harshly, panting as his tongue swirls around your sensitive nipple. You feel like your skin’s prickling and your heads empty, the only thing that exists right now is you and Eddie. 

He switches, paying the same attention to your other breast and you spread your legs further, letting Eddie fall closer to you, hips pressing against yours. 

“Want clothes off.” You whimper, his teeth grazing before sucking harshly on the delicate skin.

“Mine or yours.” He mumbles, words vibrating against your chest and you’re sure you’re covered in goosebumps.

“Both, Eddie.” You moan. 

He makes quick work of pulling his shirt over his head. His hands go to the button of your shorts, stopping to look at you first. 

“I want to try something first, if that’s okay?” He says, dipping down to meet your gaze. 

“Eddie.” You whine, not caring the slightest, you can only think of wanting your clothes off. 

“I can take these off?” 

“Take them off.” You reply, getting impatient. He watches you, and he still looks surprised. You bring your own hands down, and it sets him in motion, popping the button open and pulling them down your legs. 

“Baby, you’re doing okay?” He asks, as he tosses your shorts to the side.

“M’doin’ good Eddie, keep going please.” You breathe, squirming on the mattress. 

“Fuck, okay.” He replies, voice gravely again. He tugs your underwear down, tossing them to the floor and begins shifting backwards on the bed. It surprises you, pulling you out of your spinning daze as he disappears between your legs.

“Eddie, what are you doing?” You ask, sitting up slightly.

“M’gonna eat you out. That okay?” He asks, lifting his head to look back at you. You’re obviously familiar with the term, but you’ve never had anyone do it to you before, making his actions unexpected. You don’t know what you thought he was gonna do, but it wasn’t that.

You lay back down on the mattress, exhaling deeply.

“Hey? Is it okay? I don’t have to.” He says softly, getting your attention. His hand finds yours, intertwining your fingers.

“You can.” You reply nervously. He squeezes your hand.

“We can stop anytime, okay?” He says, eyes searching yours and making it clear that he means it. 

Trust is starting to seem more like an understatement. All of the good things you like about Eddie, you’ve always liked about him. Maybe it’s the way your head is spinning or maybe it’s just how Eddie’s always been, but you get a burning feeling for him. Not a desire or a neediness born from the heat of the moment, but like an adoration, like a particular thump of your heart exists just for him. 

“Okay” you reply, nodding your head.

Still holding your hand, he lowers himself again. His breath reaches your cunt and you feel shivers erupt up and down your spine, excitement blooming in your belly. 

“Just gonna ask you one thing, okay? Need your help a little, just tell me what you like, gotta tell me what feels good, okay?” He says softly, popping up once again to look at you. 

You nod, squeezing his hand, and he lowers his head again.

Your whole body jerks as you feel his tongue lick up your core. It’s wet and hot and something you’ve never felt before.

“Holy shit.” You gasp, squeezing his hand again. 

“Good or bad?” He asks from between your legs.

“Do it again.” 

He does it again and it’s good. Definitely good. 

“Good, Eddie. Really good.” You reply breathily. He squeezes your hand in acknowledgement before his tongue is on you again. The warm heat of his breath and his tongue meet your slit, licking up, parting your folds and catching on your clit, making you jolt again. 

When his thumb on the back of your hand starts running back and forth on your skin soothingly, you melt entirely. Relaxing into everything. 

His tongue explores your cunt, lapping up and down before he focuses on your clit, making you gasp. It feels like the almost pleasure you got last time but a million times better. It’s actual pleasure this time, not almost. It tingles all the way up into your belly and you can’t help the way your breathing turns into soft moans.

His tongue swirls around your clit and your mouth drops as your mind reels at the feeling.

“F-fuck.” You gasp when he switches to sucking, making your hips buck against him. “S’really good, Eddie.” You moan.

“You’re so wet this time, baby.” He groans, the vibrations of his words against you making you whimper. The tingles traveling to your belly start to tense, making your breathing turn into quick pants. You want to tell Eddie he’s doing a good job but you can’t get the words out through your gasps, so instead you find purchase on the back of his head with your free hand, tangling your fingers in his hair, hoping he’ll understand.

He switches between lapping at you, flicking his tongue, and sucking your clit. The wet sounds of his mouth against your cunt filling the room, adding to the way your body’s growing impossibly hot, stomach tightening into a tight knot. 

When you feel his fingers at your entrance, you gasp. He squeezes your hand and you squeeze back. 

He pushes in one finger first, it’s similar to the prodding from before but much better with his mouth working against you. 

He works his finger in and out of you before slipping a second in and the slight stretch that comes with it leaves you reeling. You think that feeling alone is fantastic until he curves his fingers upwards into an almost hook shape. 

Prodding turns into straight pleasure as he wiggles his fingers in and out, hitting a place inside of you that leaves you gasping for air.

“Eddie. G-good.” You moan, your stomach tensing harshly. You feel your thighs start to shake as moans, gasps, and whines leave your mouth unwillingly. 

“You're getting really tight.” He hums, lips barely leaving your clit. All you can do is whimper as the vibrations of his voice push you further and further into pleasure. “Baby, you gonna cum?” He hums again. 

You nod your head ferociously not being able to produce words.

“That’s it, cum for me, baby.” He groans between flicks of his tongue. His words travel straight to your stomach adding to the pulsing knot.

Your hips buck insenstantly and you feel like you’ve lost total control of your body. All that you can feel is pleasure rippling through you like waves, hitting an all time high, and you break. You cum, harder than ever before. You’ve tried on your own before and it’s barely been worth noting, but this.. this is earth shattering. 

You feel weightless, floating, all of the tension leaving your body. It’s magnificent, perfect, it feels like you’re in a dream. The only thing that tethers you to reality, is Eddie’s hand in yours and the way his thumb gently pushes into the back of your hand. 

You feel yourself settling down from your high, but as Eddie’s mouth keeps working against you, you feel the edges of your vision go dark. Your body fights with prolonging and pushing away the pleasure as it takes you whole. 

“E-Eddie.” You choke out, squeezing his hand. Your hips buck, and he understands, slowing down.

Sucking in a deep breath, you squeeze his hand again and his motions come to a slow halt. 

You are astounded.

Absolutely astounded. 

You have no words.

You tug him by the hand, you need him closer.

“You okay?” He whispers, as he moves up by your side. You pull him by the hand, willing him to hold you as you turn on your side. He complies, giving you everything you need.

You take steady breaths that help you settle back into your body. It could be seconds, could be minutes, could be hours that pass, but eventually you catch your breath, finally grasping the moment. 

“Holy shit.” You exhale. Holding onto Eddie’s arm wrapped around your stomach.

“Was it good?” He asks nervously. You lean back, turning to lay flat on your back so you can see him.

“Was it good? Eddie, holy shit.” You say, widening your eyes as you take in his nervous features and flushing cheeks. Your eyes trail down to his slick coated face. His lips slowly curl into a smile and fuck, you finally understand how he felt after the first time. 

“It worked?” He laughs. 

You take his face in your hands and you kiss him hard. Yeah, it fucking worked, holy shit.

His tongue licks into your mouth immediately, his slick coated lips giving you a taste of yourself. Keeping your hands on his cheeks, you continue kissing him, tongues working in sync until you can’t keep up.

He kisses you breathless. When your head goes dizzy, all you can focus on is the reemerging pulse between your legs. 

Lowering your hands to his hips, you guide him on top of you. He tries to lift himself, hovering not to put all his weight on you but you need it, so you pull him until he rests flush against your body. 

Your hands explore up his chest, wrapping around his sides until you take purchase on his back, pulling him as close to you as you can.

Through his clothes, you feel his hardened length resting against you, and you roll your hips up looking for relief, making Eddie gasp into your mouth.

You do it again and his mouth stops moving against yours, feeding a whimper right into your lungs. 

“Clothes.” You pull away just enough to whisper, grinding your hips upwards against him. 

Eddie’s lips still against yours, he’s resolved into quickened breaths in and out, breathing into your mouth.

“Want you Eddie.” You whine, not getting enough relief from your grinding. 

“Clothes.” He echoes mindlessly, swallowing harshly. He doesn’t move, so you take to moving your hands down, folding your fingers under his belt, blindly searching for an edge to pull at.

“Take them off.” You say a little louder. 

“Right. Clothes.” He says, finally snapping out of whatever transfixion he was stuck in. 

He pulls away, and you miss the feeling of his chest against yours immediately. You watch as he undoes his belt and pants, pushing both his jeans and boxers down his thighs, struggling to get them off. Eventually, he takes to standing, nearly falling off the edge of your bed, making you giggle. When he finally has them off, he’s quick to resume his position overtop of you. 

“I’m getting ahead of myself. Need to make sure you’re doing good.” He says, blinking back the glazed over look in his eyes. 

“I’m doing so good, Eddie.” You purr, hands trailing up the expanse of his back. 

“Everything feels good? Do you need me to do anything else?” He brings a hand to the edge of your face, pushing your hair back, making your heart flutter and core ache at the same time. 

“Want you inside.” You whisper.

“I can do that.” He laughs breathily. He reaches down to the floor, his body weight laying on top of you as he reaches for his discarded pants. After a bit of fumbling, he sits up again, condom in hand. His hands slip on the packaging until he grows frustrated, ripping the corner of the foil open with his teeth. You feel heat pool in your core at the sight, wanting him more than you’ve ever wanted anything. 

“Eddie, you’re so pretty.” You say breathily, his eyes flicker up to you from his focus as he rolls the condom down his length. You see pink raise on his cheeks as his lips turn up at the corners.

“You think so?”

“Know so. So beautiful and cute and adorable and hot and I want you.” You ramble, feeling absolutely drunk off of how insanely fast he has your head spinning with lust. You want him in a lot of different ways, every way. You raise your hands to his shoulders tugging him closer.

“My pretty girl.” He whispers, dipping his face down to kiss you.

“Yours.” You mumble against his lips right before they meet yours. It rolls off your tongue naturally and it feels right. You’re his. Entirely enraptured by him, entirely swept up by him. 

You can pinpoint the exact moment he processes what you said. He had started kissing you hungrily, then it was like it hit him. His mouth stopped moving against yours, and when you slid a hand up to hold his jawline, his mouth started to move again, but differently. 

The kiss turned sweet, gentle, tender. It turned meaningful and slow, like every touch of his lips against yours and every caress of his tongue had purpose. You indulge yourself in the change of pace until you can't anymore.

“Eddie, please.” 

“I got you, sweet girl.” He whispers.

The sunsetting leaves the two of you in the low golden glow. Eddie’s face illuminates with the light bleeding in through your sheer curtains and your heart beats a little faster as you watch him lean back, his cock in his hand, rubbing his fist up and down his length once before lining it up with your entrance. 

The confidence he holds now, compared to last time, makes you swallow thickly. Last time it was cute and endearing, this time, he works you into pleasure and it leaves you reeling for more. This time he says you’re his, and you agree. You always have been in a way. Trust was a disguise, trust was a front. You like Eddie. You always have. 

“Ready, pretty girl?” He asks, voice low as he stares into your eyes. You feel his head at your entrance and you clench in anticipation.

“Ready.” You chorus, relaxing yourself. It’s literal in the way you relax your muscles, but it’s also metaphorical in the way you open yourself up entirely for him. This isn’t your first time, but it’s the time that matters. It’s the time where he is completely himself and you are completely yourself. It’s everything you wanted and more— more that you didn’t realize you needed until now.

He pushes in and you both sigh in tandem. Your sighs mature into moans as he slowly pushes in, fully bottoming out inside of you.

“Does it hurt?” He asks, voice quiet and carefilled.

“Not like last time.” You answer.

“Sorry, baby.” He whispers, dipping his face to yours, pressing a kiss to your lips. “Sorry it hurt last time and I didn’t even kiss it better.” He continues, pressing another gentle kiss to your lips.

“S’okay, Eddie. You’re doing so good now, feels so good.” You reply, voice just as quiet as his. You pull his face down, pressing your own tender kiss to his lips before trailing your hands down the front of his chest, rounding them to hold his sides. 

He shifts his hips, withdrawing from you slowly. You guide him with your hands, willing him to keep going, and he does. 

“S’feel okay?” Eddie says through a strangled breath. 

“Feels good.” You breathe.

“You sure? We can put a pillow under—” he starts to explain, slowing his already slow motions.

“Want you to go faster.” You interrupt.

“Faster.” He echoes, almost like he’s coaching himself. You hum as he complies, drawing his hips and pushing them back into you at a quicker pace. 

Him filling you up and stretching you out felt entirely different this time, way better, and it has you absolutely dizzy. It’s not prodding this time, it’s more like a roll that leaves you breathless, panting just to fill your lungs. His cock grazes your sweet spot with every pump into you and with every other thrust, his hips meet yours completely, teasing your clit with their contact. 

“Harder.” You whisper, and he complies silently apart from the way he harshly sucks in a breath.

His hips begin snapping against yours, the slap of skin on skin echoing in your room mixing with the obscene, wet noises of his cock pushing in and out of you, complimenting the breathy moans and whimpers coming from both of your mouths. Each thrust hits your clit, making you shudder, hips jolting and stuttering with your pleasure.

You feel your insides start to tense and you know you’re close. His thrusts start to falter as his breathing turns ragged.

“So close Eddie, please.” You whine. He breaths a whimper, hips picking up again, returning to his quick, hard pace. 

“Cum for me, baby. Need you to cum for me.” He says breathily, voice pitching up. His hand reaches down past your belly, fingers finding your clit, rubbing it and it sends your hips into a spasm of stutters.

“Eddie.” You cry. You feel your body go rigid before your pleasure explodes, freeing you from the reigns of tension and pushing you into pure ecstasy.

Eddie only musters a few more thrusts with the way your cunt clamps down onto his cock, fluttering and pulsing all around him as your orgasm takes you over. Strangled whimpers pull from his lungs as he prolongs your pleasure until he breaks alongside you. 

“F-fuck. Shit. I’m c-cumming.” He grunts, cock twitching inside you as his balls press firmly against your ass. His hips stutter, shallow thrusts pushing in and out, the warmth of his cum filling the condom. With your half lidded eyes, you watch Eddie— his face contorting in pleasure, and you enjoy the moment, committing it to memory. 

Eddie stills completely apart from his heavy breathing that matches yours. He surprises you when he rolls onto his back, taking you with him, pulling you over his chest, his cock still firmly pressed inside of you. 

“Eddie.” You laugh breathily. 

“J-just need to feel you for another minute.” He replies hazily, eyes squeezed shut. His hands wrap around your back, hugging you closely and you relax into him tentatively. His hands pull you down again, and you have no choice but to put all of your weight on him.

When your combined panting resolves to steady breathing, he breaks the silence. “Was that better?” He asks, pushing his head back into the pillow to look at you.

“That was… better than better. Way, way, way better.” You say whimsily. It was perfect, it was everything, you don’t have any words. 

“Yeah?” 

“That was like… I don’t even know. I can’t even describe it, just so so good. Really.” You say in awe, reflecting on what just happened.

“You can tell me the truth.”

“Eddie.” You say warningly, lifting your head to really look at him. “If you studied like that for all your classes you’d be valedictorian. A++, honestly Eddie.” You say.

“You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?” He asks, still sounding unsure.

“You should frame those notes you wrote, hang them up like a diploma in your room.”

“Okay, now you’re just teasing me.” He laughs, turning his head away from you to hide his smile. 

“No! And you wanna know how serious I’m being right now?” You say, reaching up and taking one of his curls, swirling it around your finger, grabbing his attention.

“How?” He asks, turning back to you. 

“Because I’m already thinking about doing it again.” You whisper. You watch Eddie as his smile grows. 

“Really?” He asks, eyes beaming.

“Yes.” You nod, pressing your lips together as your smile grows. 

You watch Eddie as a whirlwind of emotions take over his face, it’s disbelief, happiness, excitement, a few you can’t parse, before it settles into nervousness. It makes your belly knot in nerves immediately. 

“Last time… I was— after, I was so upset because…” He starts, eyes fluttering over your face, avoiding your gaze. He takes a breath before continuing. “I was so upset because I wanted to ask you out, and then after the sex was bad, I kind of figured you’d never go out with me.”

“You wanted to ask me out?” You say, pushing yourself up with your arms to see his full face. 

His eyes flood with worry, and you reach down, pushing his damp bangs from his forehead. He finally looks at you and all you can do is smile. His nerves settle the slightest bit as he relaxes into his own sheepish smile. 

“I would still like to, if that’s okay with you?” He asks, shyly.

“It’s really okay with me.” You reply.

“Maybe I can ask when I’m not still inside you?” He laughs softly, eyes flickering to your lips. “Not that I don’t think this is romantic, but…” he trails off when you start laughing, watching you closely as you do, dimples set deeply in his cheeks.

You nod your head before lowering your face to his. He meets you halfways, pressing his mouth to yours, kissing you sweetly. 

“My pretty girl.” He whispers as he pulls away. 

“Yours.” You whisper back, smiling. 

‧˚₊•┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈•‧₊˚⊹

After a few more moments of you resting on top of Eddie, the two of you begin to shift, slowly separating from one another. Lazily cleaning yourselves up, trading discarded clothes as you pick them up from the floor, it’s a good memory, one you want to keep forever. 

The sun now tucked beneath the skyline, your room glows in the low light form your lamp, Eddie’s heartbeat serving as the background music to this moment. You settle deeper into his chest, and he hugs you tighter.

It wasn’t the first time, but it was the time that mattered the most. 

As far as silent moments go, there’s not many with Eddie. He breaks the quiet of the room, shifting to look at you. 

“I think I might want to be a vagina doctor, I know so much shit about vaginas now.” He says, completely serious. You choke on a laugh, surprised by his comment.

“Really?” 

“No.” He says, tilting his face so you can see his smile. “Just know a lot now.” He laughs.

[angelcupid]

feeling so scared and nervous all the time like a caged hummingbird

[seraphont]

Does J still use corpo speak or is it something she’s dropped?

she does -admittedly I’m not good at incorporating it.

for the AU: Im mostly using the corpo talk in the lens of it being a coping mechanism (hear me out) to feel she has control of her situation.

The DD’s are all kinda caricatures when we first meet em, they’re hella traumatized:

With N being the most “normal” w his personality because, and I say this lightly, he’s the least traumatized of the bunch w/o his memories at present. He copes by being a bit of a fawner + he tries to befriend virtually anything. he eventually learns to grow away from letting people push him over (thanks Uzi <3)

V tries to cope in her bloodlust, shes very clearly not doing well in the first few eps lol, but we see her -gradually- mellow out from it, once she’s got a stable support system. she goes from "I feel nothing" to being very ride or die for N (she already was tbh) and Uzi.

then we get to J, and I wonder how the power of friendship (jesus) would have properly grounded her character.

I genuinely see J enjoying being a business bro, so I like to HC that she played it up at the manor being surrounded by Jcjenson employees/ authority figures. that translated into a insane boss/employee larp on C9- as a way to cope and feel a semblance of control in her hopeless situation.

[romanarose]

The Ghost of You

Banner by my dear @commonmisery

Ghost!Joel Miller x fem!reader

TLOU 2 SPOILERS AHEAD! YOU"VE BEEN WARNED!

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Summary: After moving into Jackson, you're put up in a house that hasn't been lived in for years. Soon, you realize you aren't alone. Can you help Joel move on to the next life to be with his daughter? Or will you keep him here selfishly with you?

Warnings: TLOU 2 SPOILERS, ghost!sex, mentions of violence and the things Joels done and what happened to him. bittersweet ending. Body marking and blood but it v consensual. It's loving.

A/N: This is my goodbye to writing Joel. I've made a few statements on thi before and if you've followed me for a while you know why. I won't rehash it. But I wanted to write this idea I had talking to @multiversed-daydreamer as my goodbye. i won't say it my last joel forever but it is for along time. all other series are cancelled. I am also just largely essening my writing for p-boys but I'll still be around witing frankie and javi and marcus sometimes. You never know. My main focus rn is logan howlett, triple frontier, and my original content

This is my love letter to the Joel fandom that has given me so much love and friendship

Looking for something similar? Brother by @macfrog is Tommy saying goodbye, and The Devil's Wife is devil!Joel, similar theme of halloween by @noxturnalnymph

8.5 words

It was cold. That was annoying. How you’d wandered your fucking way out to Wyoming, you’ll never understand. One minute you were in Florida complaining about the heat, now you were being treated for frostbite in your toes.

You’d arrived in Jackson last afternoon, nearly frozen to death and had been crashing in the clinic bed ever since. The doctor, a nice older man, took care of you and a few nurses checked in overnight, and today you were cleared to get settled. Word of mouth had told you Jackson was the place to go, a safe haven, a community where people actually take care of each other. Maria Miller, the town founder, had just left your room saying she’d be outside doing paperwork whenever you were ready for the short tour. You’d get the full spiel eventually, but right now the frostbite made walking a little hard. She'd just show you her office, the mess hall, a few quick essentials and then take your to your new home.

That was when you heard shouting outside the door. One voice was Maria, the other you didn’t recognize. It was hard to hear, but you listened in with your ear pressed to the door. 

“It’s been 3 years Tommy. I know this is difficult for you but-”

“You don’t know shit!”

“Excuse me? Who was there for you when you drowned your feelings in moonshine for years? Who took care of Walker while you went off on pointless revenge missions!”

“Don’t you bring him into this. Don’t fucking do that shit, Maria, you know I had too.”

A beat of silence. “You had to do whatever you had to do to deal with what happened. We forgive you, we took you back here and the whole town in glad for it. But Tommy… Jackson is growing. We need the space-”

“You never fucking liked him! You never wanted him around! I bet you’re glad-”

The shouting began to overlap each other, voices raising until you were uncomfortable enough with the man’s temper you grabbed your gun and opened the door, pointing it at him.

“Settle down there, cowboy. Ain’t nice to yell at a lady.”

*

The next few minutes were embarrassing, to say the least. Maria explained that Tommy was her ex-husband. She didn’t go into the argument, but she assured you, not without gratitude, that firstly she could handle herself, and second that Tommy wasn’t a threat.

After Tommy left with a pointed ‘fuck you’ in your direction, you turn back to find Maria rolling her eyes. 

“He’s a good man. I promise. Good dad, works hard, takes care of his people. He just gets… well, there’s some sore spots. C’mon let’s get you home. I bet you’re tired.”

Settled into the house that felt way too big for just you, your thoughts drift to the man. He was older, 50’s maybe? Dark brown hair with a few streaks of gray and tired lines around his eyes, but handsome. He was so angry, and angry at you. What the hell did you do? You hadn’t even been here a day! Fucking unreal. Men were men no matter where you went, but their temper tantrums never ceased to amaze you. 

The house was pretty empty. You’d been given a few furnishings, but the house was stripped of all character, certainly taking apart everything the previous owner had. Had the place been occupied since the world fell apart? Or had someone who lived here died? You wondered how. You wondered if they had family, or if the town was their family. 

The kitchen had kindly been stocked up pretty well, and you’d been given some toiletries so after eating, you enjoyed your first warm bath in a long time. Running water, and it was warm? Fantestic. You boiled a pan of water and tossed it into the tub for some extra heat just how you liked it.

In bed that night, that’s when things got weird. You felt a coldness wash over your body, a shiver you didn’t expect under the warm blankets. Then the window unlatched and flew open. You gasp, fearful at first, but then justify that since it’s on springs, the latch must’ve been not done right and just sprung open. No big deal. But then you felt a hand on your cheek and you froze.

It didn’t linger more than a second. The touch was fluid, but not wind, not air. There was a roughness to it, the distinct feeling of a large hand cupping your face… but you weren’t scared. Instead, you felt calmed. Relaxed.

It became routine, after a few weeks, you refused to go to sleep until you felt it, the touch of warmth on your face, and you felt safe. It didn’t take long for you to believe you had a ghost; after the cordyceps, ghosts were never far from disbelief, something you’d always been open to, but the question was who.

That would be answered soon enough. You could just ask, yeah, but you wanted to find out, in their own words. As the days progressed, you’d been given time to recover and adjust before working, so you spent a lot of time settling into your house. This was not without its encounters with the ghost. More and more, they seemed to get stronger, able to do more, communicate more. There were items shuffled around, bigger and bigger until the couch was moved.

“I don’t like it there.” You said out loud, pushing it back a few feet.

They moved it again.

“Come on, you’re being annoying.” You move, just for it to get moved back again.

You throw your hands up in the air. “Fine! At least be useful and carry the chair upstairs.” No response, no movement. “Dick.” A gust of wind through your hair and you giggle.

You scribble together a make-shift ouija board, a circle tied from some guitar string you found in a box the ghost knocked off a shelf that must’ve not been cleaned. 

Candles lit, you cross legged on the floor, you try to get information. Requests for the name came up empty, but the string moved to  “yes” when asked if they were a man.

“How old are you? Or- were you?”

5. 6.

“Old man.” You chuckle when wind brushes your hair. You’d learned this was his way of teasing.

“How did you die?”

D-o-n-t-g-o-g-o-l-f-i-n-g

“Don’t go golfing? What does that mean?”

No response.

“Was that a joke?”

Yes.

“Well, I don’t get it. You know that, right?”

Yes.

“Fine, don’t wanna talk about death I see. Fair enough, never been there myself but I heard it’s not fun. Uhhhhhh got any kids?”

2

“Go on.”

2 g-i-r-l-s. 1 d-e-a-d.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that… where is the other?”

I-d-o-n-t-k-n-o-w

“Shit, i’m sorry about that too. Must be confusing.” Not knowing where your daughter is must be hard. “Is your other daughter with you? In the afterlife I mean?”

e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g-i-s-d-a-r-k

That broke your heart. “Must be scary.”

Yes

Then, the string moved again.

N-e-w-t-o-p-i-c

a-b-o-u-t-y-o-u

For whatever reason, this makes you blush. You spend the evening telling him about yourself, sharing details and asking him the same. He didn’t like talking about his family, refused to answer any more questions. Wouldn’t say his name.

But it was the first time you’d been called beautiful over ouija board, you knew that much. 

Even after you began working, every evening you’d run home to spend time with this ghost of a man. The most people saw of you outside your day labor was a pop into the mess hall to take food home or the clinic as they checked you were recovering okay.

“Don’t see much of you.” The doctor commented. “You adjusting okay? I know it’s a lot to get used to.”

You blink in confusion. You were fine. Happy, even. Sure, you didn’t get to know anyone… but why would you? You did your part for the community, then you went home. Hell, you volunteered extra hours sometimes, picking up more than your fair share. You just didn’t want to get close, that’s all. People died, you’d learned that hard lesson early in life, and learned it over and over and over again. There was no point in making friends, falling in love. Not when it was all so fragile.

But you had your ghost man. He had already crossed that barrier, so there was nothing to fear. Nothing to lose.That night, you talked out loud to him about your day as you always did, he made little sounds knocking cabinets together or brushing a breeze on your skin to let you know he was listening. Sometimes winds rustled your hair when he thought you were funny. Then, the wind turned into a gust, and two firm hands pressed you down the hall, the message clear.

“Jesus! I’m going I’m going!” You follow the breeze bushing you. Fuck he was getting more powerful every day. Pushed to the kitchen, you’re face to face with the fridge.

“If this is a fat joke- hey!” Two distinct fingers pinched your cheek and you laughed. “Okay, tell me what you want!” A breeze, and you hear a fluttering between the fridge. When you bend down and dig around the dust bunnies, you find a piece of distinct photograph paper, and pull it out. On it was a picture of a man, 30’s, maybe 40’s if you were pushing it, his arm wrapped around a hung girl holding a trophy. They looked happy.

“Is this you?”

The picture ruffled in your hand. 

“And the girl, that your daughter?”

The pictures motion was repeated. This looked like it was from before, from long ago… you assumed the girl was the daughter that died.

“It’s so cute…” You traced the picture of your ghost, having a face but no name still. Your feel warm, a blush creeping around your skin and a deep heat settling in your stomach. He was handsome. You’d never really pictured him,, besides a few wandering thoughts here and there, but nothing stuck. You put his picture on your fridge.

At night, the image of his face danced in your head, unable to sleep. It was weird, this friendship you had with the ghost in your house, but you didn’t really care. There were worse things in this world, darker ways to cope. So what if a dead man made you happy, made you blush and grin and giggle. So what if he was the reason your hand was currently being shoved into your PJ’s. 

You’d be lying if you hadn’t touched yourself that first night, but this was the first night you pictured his body on your, his face, that beard…

“Are you watching me?” You asked, panting. That was a first too. You knew there was a possibility he watched, but you didn’t really care. Never had. Now, you hoped he did.

A pause.

Then, the liquid touch of a hand on your face. He was here. He was watching.

“Good.” You assure him, hoping he stays. “Want you to watch.” Your fingers begin to pump in your cunt, and you kick off the covers. So what if it was cold, you wanted him to see you. You thought about what it would be like to feel his face buried between your legs, what his voice sounds like, how he’d touch you-

“You can touch me, if you want. Not just my face.” It was a bold statement. Things with you and him had been friendly, close, a little flirty… but nothing so far had suggested more. For a moment, you thought he wouldn’t. Maybe he just watched to watch. Maybe you embarrassed him and he left.

Then his touch landed on your face, slowly trailing down, down, until you could feel hands on your breasts. The slightest brush on lips ghost the shell of your ear, your cheek, and your heart swells. He wants to kiss you. 

“You can kiss me. It’s okay.” It wasn’t as strong a touch a his hands, but he ridgid texture of chapped lips touch yours, and ripples of pleasure flow throughout the erogenous zones on your body, far ore reach than two hands ever could. It tickles, and it feels fucking good.

“Wish you were here….” You mumble, still fucking yourself as hips bucked against yoru fingers, sopping wet sounds fill the quiet bedroom. “Never connected to anyone the way I have you.” A squeeze on your leg reassured you, and soon your tits were being messaged in a way clumsy human hands couldn’t do. It was like the rolling ocean crashing and waving and peaking on the tender flesh, a surreal experience to your touch-starved body.

“I’m gonna cum, I’m f-fuck, you’re gonna make me cum-”

Then you hear it, clear as day, sharp and quick against your ear.

“Joel.”

His name. You cry it out as your pussy clenches down on your fingers.

*

After that, ghost sex was something you and Joel regularly engaged in. He couldn’t really speak much still, usually only getting out one word. Generally it was ordering you to cum, sometimes a single word compliment slipped through with a southern accent.

“Beautiful.” He whispered as you lay in bed, satiated and panting.

He thought you were beautiful when you came.

There was never another reason to go anywhere outside of your home other than to work or get food, and more and more you just got groceries and worked with what you had. You liked cooking with him ,you didn’t want to be away.

Today, as you tried to make soup, you couldn’t help laugh as he managed to speak “More seasoning” and lift a fuck ton of herbs up and into the pot. At least he was a helpful ghost.

“You can just make it next time!”

You expect to feel your hair rustle, but instead his voice speaks.

“Tommy.”

Then a knock on the door. You were so startled (people never visited you) you almost didn’t answer. No one outside that door could be worth time away from Joel, but he pushed you to answer, a desperation in his actions that matched the tone he spoke the name.

When you answered, you would have shut the door if you weren’t curious about Joel’s reaction.

There stood the man who got in a shouting match with Maria. Oh, yeah, Tommy, that’s right. But why was he here? Tommy was tall, but his posture at the moment was sunken, sheepish. When he looked at you, pink dusted his tan skin. “Can I talk t’yuh?”

You narrow your eyes. “Sorry, but the last time we spoke you weren’t exactly polite enough for me to feel like welcoming you inside, and every time I’ve seen you, you give me dirty looks.”

He nods. “I understand, that’s why I uh… wanted t’explain myself. I shouldn’t’ve done that, but I was angry. Ain’t right, still…”

“What could I have possibly done to you?”

His eyes were large, brown, and wet. “This was uh… my brother’s house. He died 3 years ago.”

*

5 Minutes later, Tommy was sitting on the couch with you, cup of soup in hand. You hadn’t felt or heard Joel, but this was your chance. Some answers.

“Funny.” He pats the couch. “This was his. Was right here for years, never moved it.”

“It’s uh… a good spot. Now, I think you had some explaining to do?”

“Right…“ Tommy rubbed the back of his neck. “The house has been empty since he died. My wi- ex wife, I guess, kept it empty out of courtesy but she was right. It was time to move on.”

“Did he die in here?”

He shook his head. “No.”

Tommy explained it to you. The revenge that was enacted on his brother for saving the girl, Ellie. You wondered if that was his daughter he mentioned, but Tommy just referred to her as his kid. How the woman and their group killed him, Tommy saw his brother's head bashed in, brain matter on the walls. 

The golf joke still didn’t make sense, but you’d figure it out. You learned more about Joel too, that he was from Texas, that his daughter, Tommy niece, died on outbreak day. Joel’s birthday. Joel played the guitar, he liked to swim, was an overbearing brother and loving dad. He was married once. He learned to cook to get Sarah to eat veggies so he was pretty good at it. Was a good man. The best, the way Tommy spoke.

“I know it ain’t right the way I’ve treat’n yuh. And I know it’s not your fault. I just hadn’t been handling his death well, you know? Lost my wife, almost lost my son… I ain’t been the man he raised me to be. I now you don’t… do anything. In town. That’s probably my fault and I’m so-”

“You think I stay home because I’m avoiding you?” You nearly bark out a laugh, his eyes growing in confusion. “Brother, I ain’t scared of no man, if I wanted to go to the movie nights I would have!”

Tommy processes this information, sipping on the last of the soup broth. “Oh… I guess I just assumed...”

“Well, you know what they say about assuming. Make’s an ass out of you and me. Here, gimmie.” You take his mug, walking to the kitchen to rinse it and still giggling.

Tommy follows you. “Well I’m sorry! I guess I just figured, the time’n ‘n all.”

You throw a look over your shoulder. “I stay home because I like it here. Because I’ve been alone for years, so I’m fine with it.”

“But why not-” He stops in his tracks. “Where did you get that?”

You follow his line of view and realize your mistake. “Uh. I uh. I found that while cleaning the kitchen, by the fridge. I guess I thought it was nice, so I hung it up… why? Who is it?”

You knew the answer before he even spoke Joel’s name. You had to pretend to be surprised, but even worse, you knew what you needed to do.

“Keep it.” You say, pushing the picture closer to him, breaking you a bit. You had to hide every emotion, because there was no reason for you to have any attachment to it. He didn’t know what you and Joel shared with each other. Who he was to you. It didn’t matter, because Joel was his brother. The girl was his niece. He deserved the picture.

“That’s her. That’s Sarah.” Tommy continued, confirming your suspicions as his finger trailed over the girl. 

“She’s adorable.”

“Yeah… she was. Great kid too.”

Tommy helped you wash up the dishes from making soup, you and him talking more. He was nice when he wasn’t yelling. You could understand why he was so upset at the time, and you forgave it.

You told as much as he stood in your doorway. “I don’t hold it against you. I promise.”

He nods, smiling and looking more at ease. “Promise you’ll come to the next movie night, it’s tomorrow. It’ll be good for you, I promise.”

“What’s playing?‘

“Scream 2!”

You roll your eyes. “Not the first one?”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Tommy says with a tease. “Is fucking scream 2 at the end of the world not enough for you?”

You shove him out of your door, laughing. “Fine! I’ll fucking come. But only to see Timothy Olyphant.”

You shut the door, and turn around still laughing. But what you see shocks you so bad, you’d have screamed if you didn’t cover your mouth.

It was Joel. Faint. Barely there. A dead eyed stare. Much older than the picture and his hair was longer. But it was him.

“Joel?” You say, tentatively walking towards him. He wasn’t looking at you, instead, he was looking at the door, unmoving, unblinking, unbreathing. Your hand passes through him and when his form dissipates, you fall to the ground and cry.

*

“Are you mad at me?” You ask. He was strangely quiet the rest of the day, only a few little touches here and there. No ghost sex that night. When you are getting out of work clothes and putting something warm on for the movie, you bring it up.

“No.”

“Well, you’ve hardly talked to me. Is it because I asked Tommy as those questions about you? I’m sorry, it’s just easier that way and I wanted to know what happened to you-”

“I miss him.”

Three whole words. 

“You’re getting stronger. Did you mean to appear to me yesterday?”

“You saw me?”

“Yeah, and I hear you really good now.” You grin. “I can’t believe you’re talking this much. Maybe I’ll skip the movie, I don’t wanna lose-”

“No. Go.” a brief pause. “Please.”

“Joel Miller,” You tease him. “Are you having me check on your baby brother?” He rustles your hair.

*

So, you started hanging around Tommy more. It started as filling Joel in on his life, but really, you liked being around Tommy. He was easy to talk to. 

You lay on your side in bed, trying to picture his face as you’d done every night for months as you talk to him. Joel’s voice was clear, fully communicating with you now. Every now and then you could see a glimpse of him in a mirror or the faint frozen picture of him standing somewhere, usually after Tommy was over. 

“Walker is doing really well.” You tell him about his nephew you’ve met a few times. For a few years, Tommy was barely around after Joel’s death, most of the time he was drunk. There was an incident several months ago where Tommy passed out of the couch and Walker tried to start the stove, resulting in a small kitchen fire, and Tommy effectively lost custody of his son. Not that family court existed here, but Tommy knew he couldn’t be there. This was shortly after you moved in, and was the reason Tommy finally got sober. Things were going better now, and he’s repairing that relationship.

“You met him?”

“Yeah, he’s quiet. But he’s very polite.” Tommy said he takes after Joel. Walker and Joel had been very close before he died, Tommy adored the little boy. The little boy in question was now 8, growing up.

He sighs. “Yeah, he was a good kid. I never had a son, figured raise’n Tommy was close enough. But when I was with him… Sometimes I think back to when Sarah died, how hard Tommy fought to keep her alive… yuh know, after she died I was just, I was drowning in my sadness. There was no room for Tommy’s grief, I guess. He’s stronger than I gave him credit for, because he was always there for me. If I had lost Walker… I dunno if I could have been that strong.”

A few days later, you invite Tommy and his son over for dinner, and as you stare at Walker eating his food and laughing you can see Joel. He’s no longer a still picture, he’s moving, and smiling, and laughing too. No one else can see or hear him.

But he looks right at you.

*

You can see him now, laying on the pillow beside you as the pair of you talk. Sometimes he’s tangible, hands touching your face and you can see his tan skin through your peripheral. Sometimes it’s more faint, like he’s using all his strength to be see and he can’t materialize his touch. You don’t know how it works, but you’re happy to see his face. Joel has kind eyes, a softness in a world of blood and violence.

“You're beautiful.” And it’s your voice whispering it to him, because he is. Every line on his face, the scar on his forehead, the tired darkness under his eyes as if an eternity to sleep wasn’t enough. Every little freckle you could map on his face on days he was more clear. It was perfect. It was him. 

A sadness crosses over those pools of brown. “I really don’t deserve you…” When you open your mouth to protest, he continues. “I’ve killed people.”

That wasn’t a shock. Who hasn’t? “I have too.”

But Joel shakes his head, curls staying in place as if gravity is now inconsequential, as if he’s frozen in time with a single lock on his forehead. “No, I’ve killed innocents. A lot. Me ‘n Tommy, before… and protect’n Ellie…”

You thought about this for a while, a chill of cold reminiscent of when he first came to you makes you shiver, but when you look at him, you don’t feel the repulsion you know he expects. “You kill children?”

“No.” He says firmly, a glimmer of sadness crossing his eyes. You didn’t think so, knowing he knew what that loss was. “But that don’t make it much better.”

“Did rape anyone? Kill people for fun? Get off on it?” 

Disgust mares his features. “No, never.”

You nod. “You kill any innocent people since coming to Jackson? Settling here?”

Again, a shake of his head doesn’t knock loose a single hair. “No, but before-”

“I’m not worried about before.” You voice is soft, and you tentatively reach a hand out to caress his face. His skin was soft, softer than a man in his 50’s would be, but that’s what happens when you aren’t fully there. “I don’t care about that. Really, I don’t. You deserve a second chance just as much as anyone does. The world out there-” You vaguely whisk your hand around. “Does things to us. As far as I’m concerned, as long as you’re not a rapist, didn’t kill kids, not one of those really, really bad people… I think you deserve to leave that all outside the gates of Jackson.”

His eyes soften, affection pooling with something more. “Thank you, darl’n I mean it. I wasn’t always forgiven in that life. Nice to know someone does in this one,”

Your heart aches for him, so you try to ease his pain. “Tommy forgives you, I know it. You heard how he talks about you.”

But he’s still distant. “Maybe. But maybe he just misses me. That’s different. Besides, there’s someone I know hasn’t.”

“Ellie?”

He nods. “She…. well, we just started talk’n, right before I died. Didn’t have the chance to find out if she ever would, you know? Now I never will.”

“She does, Joel. It’s been years, I know she does.”

But he didn’t believe you.

*

Joel’s words stuck with you, simmering in your head like the soups he helps you make. Today you were on patrol with a fairly quiet partner, so you had nothing left to do but think, think, think. Why did his words affect you so much? He was so stuck on forgiveness, even though he’d never know-

Oh.

That’s why he was trapped here, wasn’t it? Joel’s ghost remained behind because he didn’t have the closure he needed. Tommy and him had made up, but Joel died not knowing if Ellie ever did. Years of estrangement for taking her from the hospital, for saving her, for lying, and he wasn’t sorry, he told you himself. But he needed Ellie’s forgiveness. He needed to know Tommy didn’y hold resentment. He needed to know they were safe, that they were okay.

Joel couldn’t talk to Tommy. For some reason, you could hear him speak when Tommy was around, see him, but Tommy never reacted. Joel couldn’t even move things or create a breeze when he was around…

If Joel got what he needed, the forgiveness, the resolution he longed for, he could move on. You knew it. He was getting stronger every day, his appearance crystal clear, his touch more and more solid, less fluid than before. You wanted little more than to have him like that, as close to a real person as he could get, at your home you shared with him every single day, every hour, sleeping next to him, cooking with him, fucking him… part of your mind told you that you could do it.

But that wasn’t right. He’d be little more than a housewife, a sex doll, a captive. You could keep him there, to be your only friend outside of occasionally seeing his brother, the person who knew you best, someone always there to talk because what other options did he have? 

That wasn’t you. The rational part won out, and your knew what you had to do.

*

Tommy’s face was one of worry when you told him you’d seen the ghost of his brother. You’d spilled it all out, sparing the ghost sex details, but instead of shock, he just asked you if you ere okay.

“Yes! Tommy I’m fine-”

“I dunno, you’re kinda a weird person to begin with, see’n shit wouldn’t be that new-”

“Tommy!” You stand abruptly from his couch,  pulling at your hair. “I’m not seeing- I’m not hallucinating him! You don’t understand, I see him, I see him every fucking day that’s why I don’t go anywhere!”

A sympathetic look crossed his face. “Honey, maybe you’re seeing him because you’re alone every day.”

“I’M NOT CRAZY!!” You shout at him, and he softens. 

“I know, I know.” Tommy stands. “Maybe… maybe you should stay here a few days, maybe this is a yellow wallpaper situation, you gotta get fresh air, a new environment-” he reaches for your arm but you yank it away.

“Does the term ‘don’t go golf’n mean anything to you?”

Confusion crosses his face. “Not really, why?”

A deep breath. “He… I asked how he died, with a ouija board i made and he just said don’t go golfing. Never explained.”

Tommy’s skin paled, the freckles on his face a stark contrast against him. His face a deadly calm. “How did you know that.”

You can’t help but groan. “I told you, he-”

“ENOUGH GAMES!” The sudden shout shocks you, and you step back. Tommy must’ve realized he was scaring you, so he calmed down just a bit. “I’m serious. This isn’t fucking funny.”

Tears of frustration and sadness filled your heart, begging him to believe you. You didn’t think Tommy would hurt you, but the distress he was in was clear. “I wouldn’t joke about this… he- he said it was a joke I wouldn’t get, and I don’t. Tommy please, I’m being serious…”

Then, the realization dawned on him, clear as day. He believed you. “Holy shit. You’re telling the truth…”

“I am.” You sob. “Tommy I swear I’m telling the truth. He needs help, he’s trapped here… we need to help him…”

He was shaking. “C-can I see him?”

It broke your heart to say no. He can only appear to me, I think…He’s tired when you are over…“

Dizzy, Tommy sits down. “He was round… whenever I was over, wasn’t he? That’s why I always feel so calm there…”

You nod. “He calms me too. I don’t know how.” You join him on the couch again. “Tommy, what does don't go golfing mean?”

His face is buried in his hands, and you think he’s crying. It’s a lot, you know, it’ a lot to spring on someone, especially that he can’t hear or see him still, his own brother so close and yet so far. But you were doing this for him, so that he could move on, so that he could see his Sarah in the afterlife.

When Tommy finally looked up, his face and hands were soaking wet.

“He was killed with a golf club. We never told anyone about that.”

*

Joel stood behind you, clear and crystalline, his body practically human. He was cold, but he brought you comfort. “Something on your mind, darl’n?”

You don’t wanna lie to him, but you can’t tell him what’s happening, not yet. You want a few more days without this hanging over you both.

“Tommy left for a few weeks. Just worried.” You didn’t tell him he went to find Ellie, to go back to the farmhouse she lived in with Dina and see if she’s there, if Dina knows where she lives kows anything. To try and convince Ellie that this woman she’s never met his eeing her dad as a ghost and they need to help him move on. But hes gonna try.

A week later, the town was in a ruckus, Tommy returning to Jackson with the prodigal daughter, her girlfriend, and a little boy.

Turns out Ellie went back to Dina, begged for her back on hands and knees, and they’d been living alone out in the country for years raising JJ. They all looked good, healthy, happy… Ellie was skeptical but she agreed to come as a favor to Tommy. Everything was planned for tomorrow, but as you lay in bed with Joel for the last time, you can’t bring yourself to tell him.

You wanted one last night.

Joel kissed you, languid and soft, his hands roamed your naked and prone body and for the first time, you noticed something. A tent in his pants. A ghost had gotten an erection for you.

“Joel…” You moan, feeling him rutt against you.

“I know, I feel it too.” His voice is husky against your ear, and chills flow throughout your body as you realize what this means. Joel was firm, his body fully here and he was hard. Joel could fuck you.

He went feral after that, yanking down your PJ shorts so fast your barely had time to lift your hips, but it didn’t matter. You spread your legs to welcome to fingers the plumged into your body, absolutly dripping for the man laid beside you. Joel’s breath was hot, growling and grunting as e finger fucks you open, preparing you to take his cock for the first time. 

“You’re always s’fucking wet.” He says between sucking kisses on your neck. You didn’t care if he left hickies on you, you were just beyond ecstatic that he was strong enough to leave marks. You wanted him to be with you in some way permanently. “Been wish’n I could feel you since that first day, so sweet, so beautiful, always so ready for my touch.”

You paw at him, groping his body and trying to just get his massive form on top of you. “Need you.” You beg like a needy young thing, like you’d never been fucked properly before, like you needed to be filled and taken and ravaged. 

“I got yuh, darl’n…” Joel murmur, rolling over on top of you, his cock heavy- when had his clothes come off?

Knelt before your body, Joel was magnificent. His body was broad, thick, not quick as barrel chested as his brother, he held it more in the shoulders. Down his chest and stomach held scares, fat, and a trail of hair leading down, down, down to where his cock hung thick and leaking and cut. You forgot he was a ghost; he didn’t feel like one, he felt real. He felt here. Tears filled up in your eyes, and Joel leans over, his body covering yours in his cool skin. 

“What’s wrong, baby?” He asks in a gentle voice, thumbing away a stray tear. “I hope yuh ain’t scared’a me? Are yuh?”

You’ve never been more sure of saying no in your life. “Ain’t scared.” You whisper. “I just… I love you so much…” It wasn’t necessarily a lie. You did love him. But that wasn’t why you were crying, not really anyway. No, you cried because this was goodbye.

Joel’s eyes, black pupils swallowing the beautiful brown with lust, grew wet themselves as he smiles down at you. “I love you too. So damn much.”

Your nails did into his back, relishing in the firm, solid feel of him. This was real. He was real. “Fuck me, please. Make love to me. I want to feel you, really feel you…”

Plush lips kissed you as he slid inside, a wave of calm relaxed your body, allowing you to take his considerable length inside you. He was big, stretching you open slowly while you accommodate him. 

“Fuck, it’s like you’re made for me…” He moans in your ear, desperate like he’s falling apart at one stroke. But he doesn’t. When he fucks you, it’s with more vigor, more energy than you’ve ever felt from a living person, a slap of skin from his hips meeting your thighs, his balls heavy and slapping against your ass, his fingers digging, digging digging so deep inside as you wished he’d bruise you, wished he’d cut you open and crawl inside so he could never leave you, two souls as one. To know and to be known at the deepest level. Souls and bodies barred to each other. Nothing left to hide.

He couldn’t do that, so as Joel slammed his cock into you, you begged for something else. “Mark me.” You whimper, getting a reaction of confusion from your lover, so you take his hand and dig his nails into your tender hips. “I need to know this is real. All of it.” The tears come again when you can see him want to deny you. “This isn’t forever, you know this can’t before but I- Joel I need something to be forever! We can’t get married, you can’t leave me pictures or presents or- or kids, Joel, I need to be able to remember you.”

His movements slow. “Oh, pretty baby…” He murmurs lowly. “I’ll give anything if it means you can’t forget me.” he kisses you deeply, sucking in your tongue and before he pulls away he nips your lip. “Tell me to stop if it’s too much.”

But nothing of Joel could be too much.

A shape gasp as he dug into you, left hand bracing himself on the bed as he never stopped fucking you, rolls of pleasure coured your body like it had tha first night, swirling over your clit and dragging you screaming to the edge. And screaming you were.

“Don’t stop! Don’t stop!” You shout so loud you don’t care who hears you. Half the town thinks you’re fucking Tommy anyway. Don’t stop fucking you, don’t stop marking you, don’t, don’t, don’t go.

You could keep him to yourself. Tell Ellie and Tommy you lied, or that he went away and you can’t see him any more. Anything so that he doesn’t get what he needs, that he stays with you forever.

He’s impossibly deep inside, but in your leaking, dripping channel and into your hip. The cut of his nails goes further than they should go, but you don’t question it. Instead, you focus on the feeling of him marking your flesh, of him making your insides as his as he cums deep in your stomach. Your cunt pulses around him as your draw out whatever he’s filling you with, you don’t care. It’s him. 

“More, more” You cry into his shoulder, but he’s already slowing his thrusts.

“I’m as deep as I can go, baby…” He stays bottomed out inside you, but his hands withdrawal from your side as you come down. His bloody hand cups your face, dripping with your own warmth.

You sob against his cold skin, Joel wrapping you into a hug as the overwhelming emotion of what happened floods you, and it’s too much. You need more, but it’s not him deeper, not him scaring you, and not him filling you up.

It’s more time.

*

You wake up with blood on your face and your wounds cleaned and bandaged, with Joel’s body gone, as it usually is in the morning. It took until the afternoon for him to appear again.

“Sorry baby.” He apoligized, hugging you. “I dunno why I can’t control coming better.” He poked your side, and you knew he meant a double entendre but you didn’t have it in you to laugh.

“It’s okay. Last night used a lot. You probably needed to rest.”

“Yeah…” He touched the bandage he’d put on your hip with soft intent. “How you feel’n bout this?”

You smile. “Great. But Joel…” You turn around to face him, his face frowning with worry. “I gotta tell you something… I told Tommy about you…” Before he has a chance to ask questions, you spill it out. “And he went and found Ellie, she’s hear. I think… I think if you reconcile with her, with Tommy, once the air is cleared… you can move on.”

For a long moment, he stares at you, unmoving, unblinking, frozen as the picture that used to hang on your door. Then he speaks. “You know… that means I can’t see you again, right.”

Damn the tears the spring forth, damn the well of emotions overflowing your body, a trickle of a leak in the damn, then it cracks, and it all breaks. You begin to sob in his arms. “I know, I know… but it’s not right for me to keep you here! You- you said it’s dark, and you’re scared.”

“I ain’t scared when I’m with you…”

“But you won’t always be with me! I need to help you move on! It’s unnatural, it’s wrong, you need to be with Sarah, you need to be at peace knowing Sarah and Tommy love you, that they forgive you!”

He lets you cry, holding you close in strong arms as he realized what was happening. He’d see Ellie again. You were willing to give him up just so he could get his happy end.

His voice in your ear.

“Ellie.”

*

She was skeptical, understandingly. Pretty, short, in her 20’s with brown hair cropped into a pixie and looking annoyed. She sat next to Tommy with her arms crossed and practically glaring at you. 

“I’m gonna need more proof than some golf joke.”

“It was enough to get you here, wasn’t it?”

She rolled her eyes. “I owed Tommy for every fucking time he saved my damn life, that’s why I’m here.” She turned to her uncle. “We’re even, by the way.”

“Sure as shit are.” He sighs, then looks at you. “He here?” 

You gesture to the couch. “Yeah he’s sitting right- hey!”

Ellie swung her hand over where you said Joel was sitting, doing nothing but annoying Joel who tried in vein to smack her away, telling her to cut the shit.

“I don’t fucking feel anything.”

“That’s not how it works Ellie!” Tommy flicked her arm. “Relax.”

With a huff, she crossed her arms again. “Fine.”

Tommy looked to you, then to Joel, then back to you. “Tell her something only Joel would know.”

When you turn to Joel, he’s looking at Ellie with sadness. She looks different, a lot older, yet she’s still Ellie to him. He doesn’t turn to you. ‘David.’ He instructs, and you turn to her.

“Do you know a David?” And suddenly her skin blanches. Ever so slightly, she’s shaking, but then she turns to Tommy. “Did Joel fucking telling you that!?”

From beyond Tommy’s protests that he doesn’t know who Daivid is, did she mean David Turner, who was a local here, or David Sanchez, who died last month in a raid? Joel insists he’d never tell that to anyone, but Ellie can’t hear him.

You try to calm them. “He says he was someone you met after leaving Jackson the first time, that you did the right thing by killing him.”

“Yeah! I fucking did!”

“He says if he goes to hell, David is the first person he’s finding.”

She stops, information processing in her head that there was no way Joel wold have told whoever David was to Tommy. “David tried to rape me when I was 14.” She grits out. “I stabbed him to death and let his body burn up.”

Tommy turns to her, horrified but doesn’t speak.

You nod. “Good.”

And then, she sinks into the couch. “Whenever I had nightmares… Joel always told me David was the first person he’d find in hell. He was convinced he was going there.”

You chuckle. Yeah that sounds like Joel. “He loves you both very, very much… and the uncertainty is what’s keeping him here. I need to help him move on.” 

“So what? You’re some sort of fucking medium?”

“No, I’ve never had anything like this happen before but… He started appearing to me. Little touches, cold spots, breezes… then he started moving things, hearing his voice…. Now I can see him, he’s as clear as you are, honestly.”

Tommy speaks now. “He’s gotta know-” He tries to turn to where you said Joel was, but you can tell he’s struggling to talk to a brown cushion. “You gotta know we love you, don’t know? How can you doubt that?”

‘Tell him I do. But tell him… I don’t know if he forgives me.’

“Joel knows you both love him, but that’s not why he’s stuck. He needs to know you forgive him.”

Ellie is staring sone faced at a wall, but Tommy is looking down at his hands now, this seems easier. “Joel… those things we did… it’s been a long time. I was angry, yeah, I fucking hated you for a while but…” He shakes his head, silver streaks shimmering in the deep brown of his hair. “I got Walker now and… after he was born man, I think I got it. The things we did to survive… you were willing to do some of the worst shit out there, damning your own soul to save me. I’d do the same for my kid, if I needed to.”

‘But I shouldn’t have made you do any of it, Tommy.’

“Joel feels bad that he made you participate.”

“You didn’t make me do fuck’n shit, brother. I was a grown ass man, even if you still thought of me as a reckless teenager. I made my choices, and I understand why you made yours. You lost your baby, I know damn well you couldn’t take lose’n your brother either. I forgive you, but you also gotta forgive yourself, brother.”

Ellie pipes up. “I get it too, Joel. I told you that night, I didn’t know if I could forgive you… telling you I couldn’t… but… UUGHHHH!” She slumps down, covering her face. “Joel I was angry! I was angry and I was stupid but I was a teenager! I was just- just a kid who had these grand schemes of changing the world! But we don’t know if it could’ve worked. But I forgive you, Joel. I was always gonna forgive you, even before you went and fucking left me! I don’t know why I had to do that, why i treated you the way I did-”

‘You were a teenager, that’s normal-’

“But I think about it, every single day I think about it and what I should've said and done better but I get it now. I don’t know what you’ve been told but I got my kid now. I know you’re old man brain is probably trying to work out how two women had a baby-”

Joel laughs, and so does Ellie.

“But it’s Jesse’s. Dina got pregnant before Jesse and her broke up and he… he died. But I’ve been raising him with her the last few years… She took me back… You ask me on the porch that night if she treats me good and Joel…” Ellie sighs, smiling. “She really does.”

‘Tell ‘er I’m glad. That I always liked her, and I wanna know the kids name.’

“Joel says he doesn’t blame you for being mad at him, or how you talked to him. He says he’s glad Dina and you are happy. What’s the babies name?”

Ellie grins, pride in her eyes. “The baby is almost 4 now. His name is JJ. Jesse Joel.”

Tear fill up Joel’s eyes, fatherly love overwhelming him and for a moment, you think how sweet this is, how nice. Then you notice he’s not as clear as he was before.

“Joel!” You rush to his side and take his hand, kneeling at the couch. “Joel, I think it worked… you’re fading…” You try to grip his hand, as if holding on tighter would keep him here with you, keep him ground in this world. Without him, you weren’t sure what you’d do with your life, who you’d talk to or confide in…. But you knew, you knew above all you’d miss him. There would never be another Joel.

‘Please-’ He sounds desperate now, scared even. ‘One more time, tell them I love them, I just- I love them so much fucking much.’

Through your sobs, you relay the message. “He needs you to know how much he loves you guys. He talks about you all the time, he- you’re everything to him.” You see Ellie and Tommy holding hands, Ellie crying and Tommy looking close. 

“We love you, Joel. All of us.” Ellie says, to nowhere in particular.

‘And the kids. Walker and- fuck I ain’t never met JJ but I love him too. If, if there’s a heaven I’m gonna…’ His words start to fade, but you know what he’s saying. His strength is going fast, Joel letting go and passing on, but even still his body shook. He was scared. If there was a heaven, Joel was going, but he wasn’t sure about that.

“He says he loves Walker and JJ, he’s gonna watch over them in heaven”

That breaks Tommy, who lets the tears come now as he takes your hand too, squeezing it tight.

You look up at your lover. “I love you, Joel. I’m always gonna love you, always gonna remember you. It’s gonna be okay, I promise you. We’re gonna be alright, we’re doing okay. You can let go now. It’s okay to let go. There’s no one left you need to protect.. we’re safe.”

Even though he’s fading away Joel looks into your eyes. He can’t speak, his strength fading, but it’s all communicated through those eyes that say so much. One last time, he cups your cheek, and the hand that isn’t holding Tommy’s brushes over the cold fingers, feeling liquid and unstable again. There’s fear in his eyes, mixed with that tender love, but then something changes in him.

Joel looks forward, past you, Tommy and Ellie and onto something else, something more. He smiles. ‘I see her’

All his fear his gone, and his face is peaceful.

For the final time, a breeze rustles your hair, and Tommy and Ellie see it.

Joel is gone, and all you can do is sob into his couch.

*

When it finally subsides you feel numb. Ellie and Tommy have joined you on the floor, the three of you talking about the experience you shared together, something no one will ever believe. 

“His last words were, ‘’I see her’....”

Tommy whispers Sarah’s name, and you nod. 

“He’s with her now. He’s a peace. I know a better place is a cliche, but…” Ellie wipes her tears. “We all know how much he missed her.”

Everyone nods solemnly, and for a while, you stay there, talking about Joel, memories and his jokes and his cooking. It was nice to share this secret with other, and suddenly you felt less alone in it. They believed your stories of the ghost in your walls, and they liked hearing the knew things he told you. You liked learning more of his past.

Eventually, everyone had to get back to their families. You were alone, but you didn’t feel lovely. Something had shifted, a closeness to Ellie and Tommy that didn’t scare you the way human connection used to. Maybe you would go to the mess hall, see some movies. Your patrol partner was quiet, but nice. Tommy was still around, and Ellie and Dina decided to pack up their things and return, wanting JJ to have friends. It was going to be okay, and as the sun set on the day, somehow you felt it rise on your life. A new, beautiful world of opportunities for friendship and love was out there.

You stared in the mirror, butt naked, feeling strangely open and vulnerable despite being alone for the first time in months.

It all felt surreal, something that seemed impossible, that went against every logical explanation.

But when you took off the bandage on your hip to change it, there they were, clear as day. 4 crescent fingernail cuts deep into your skin, something that would scar forever.

No matter what happened, you’d always carry these with you, proof that Joel and your love for him was real.

I cried pretty good writing tht end, knowing its my goodbye. I want yall to know I love each and every reader so so so so much. You mean the world to me. every kind word lives on in me forever. I hope you'll stay for my other writing, but if not, thats okay! I wih all of you the best.

Please be kinder to each other. the fanfic writers do this for free, they do not deserve the things they've experienced here. It is a beautiful world out there.

Trust me, it feels way better to send anon love rather than anon hate. I wont be writing tlou for a minute but ill return with a tommy series !!!!

follow @romana-after-dark for dark content and @riley-blue-byron for upcoming original works!

So long, and thanks for all the fish <3

reblogs are greatly appriciated, would make a nice send off <3

@princessanglophile @missladym1981 @goodwithcheese @dancinglotusbud @glitterymanboy @koshkaj-blog @sixhours @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @fandxmslxt69 @miraclesabound

[the-friendly-entity]

[ ~"Meeting the Heroes"~ ] - Cookie Run

You are a Human who found the Earthbread! Meeting cookies all around! how do the cookies react to seeing a human in their kingdom?

Part 1 | Part 3

What contains? Very long post, slightly mention of blood, Spoilers of Cookie Run Kingdom Story

Can be visualized as? None, Cookies meeting you!

Sinse you join to the cookie kingdom from Custard Cookie III, things as slowly to grow to the better! you help cookies with more complex thing thanks of you big size, you friendship with the cookies of that kingdom as been grow more and more, and that not all! thanks of your big size, the creatures of outside feel terrified to even try to attack the kingdom!

Thanks as slowly you earn a good reputation, this caught the interested of GingerBrave Cookie and Custard Cookie III, i mean, you are good human after all! that are a amazing news! GingerBrave thiks you deserve to know more about Earthbread! and Custard Cookie III is interested you meet the Cookie Herores!

Is Kill two bird at once, even if Wizard Cookie still dont trust you, he feel more calm knowing the Cookie Heroes will meet you, knowing how powerful they are and what they will be they opinions about you, with all decide it, no time for waste, soon you and the cookies start a adventure showing you they world!

[ Pure Vanilla Kingdom ]

Their first stop was the pure Vanilla Kingdom, it was way easier to arrive at the floating kingdom with just you! Being them in your hands and putting them in the kingdom, was easy for you as well as seeing the kingdom as it just floating, admiring and wondering how that was even possible! as the kingdom was slowly being fixed, it was not much time the cookie who live there noticed you

Strawberry Crepe

-Surprisingly Strawberry Crepe is not intimidated by your size, due is unculture about Cookie Story, does not know about what are humans, so they think you are a Cookie but a weird and huge one

-Will be asked a lot of questions, "Who are you" "Why are you so big?" "it some sorta magic that makes you that way?" "Why do you look so weird?" at least is not from the common cookies afraid of you, so is a good change

-Explaining Strawberry Crepe what you are is...hard, they dont believe in humans even though they have one from them right now, and think is just a make-up story or legend

-Eather way, Strawbery Crepe welcomes you to the Pure Vanilla Kingdom, or well, the rest of it, telling you to be careful because it costs them so much to fix things! worried your size can cause at lot of problems of you try to touch something

Black Raisin Cookie

-This is what you expected, Black Raisin Cookie is extremely shocked, confused, and having a hard time processing is there a human in the kingdom, as GingerBrave Cookie and his friends greetings Black Raisin Cookie, fastly she asks for an explanation about all this (and I can tell you, if you was not with GingerBrave and the rest, she could already send her birds to attack you/distract you)

-After the explanation she still has a hard to processing this, she dont believe you are that 'good human' as GingreBrave and the rest think (Wizard Cookie agreed) and you just play the long game until you get what you want and show you truly are

-While Black Raisin Cookie and the group discut, you want to pet the little Raisin Crows, is just...so cute! even the animals in this world are made out of food!, you try multiple times to pet them, gently approach your finger to one of them, trying to not scare them and show you are someone to trust, but sadly each time you are so close they just fly away getting distant from you :(

-Eventually, GingerBrave and his friends convince...a little Black Raisin Cookie about you, she makes sure to make you know she have her eyes on you if you dare to hurt GingeBrave- heck any cookie, you just take it, after all, you understand cookies will not be friendly with you, and you can see Black Raisin Cookie have a hard time so you dont want to overwhelmed her

Pure Vanilla Cookie

-The one himself is here, he was for a visit to check how going with everyone or in need of assistance, happy to hear GingerBrave and his friends come to visit too! what a coincident, sadly one he saw you, he just was absolutely terrified, was so off guard he dint have time to mentally prepare

-It takes sometime to calm him down, you just decide to try to look 'smaller' and not say a word, knowing how badly you affect him...you feel awful :(, finally explaining to Pure Vanilla Cookie you are a good human he take a good look at you, of course his mind was full of different thoughts about you, and still trying to process what is happening right now

-While Pure Vanilla Cookie talks with GingerBrave and his friends about you, you soon notice about the staff Pue Vanilla Cookie is holding...it was..creepy, a flower with an eye, and it was moving, and staring at you, changing 'expression', angry, judging, untrust, was hard to try to ignore, and the horrible feeling at having an eye on you

-Finally, after Pure Vanilla Cookie hears all the good things you did and the reason of the meeting, Pure Vanilla Cookie take a moment to think and get another look at you, finally talks to you: "I not gonna refuse this, is surprising to see a human in the Earthworld...nonetheless as show nothing but kindness, I shall allowed you to be here, but careful...you will be punished if you break our trust and no longer being welcome here", you take it and nod, thank him for this and apologies for scared him, something he accept

[ Hollyberry Kingdom ]

Was already hard for you to walk around to the Earthbread world, I mean you are just so big and everything so small....you try as possible to not destroy anything and avoid the amount of damage as possible, but this forest/jungle was so hard for you, thankfully GingerBrave and his friends was helping you to move around so you fall or hurt something

As you contiue to walk to the forest/jongle, the sounds you made and the shaking make the animals run away, this caught the attention of both cookies, Pitaya Dragon Cookie and Tiger lily Cookie, one of them was interested in you, was little cultured about humans, interested in what you are capable of but remained hid to observe why are you here, While Tiger Lily Cookie is scared once figure out who caused all the shaking and the animals run away, was going to do something but as see you with Gingerbrave and the rest was confused, at last, she remained hided observing, if anything happens, she has 2 or even more plans to use if you ever show being "Evil"

As Soon you finally arrive to the Hollyberry kingdom, no longer have to worry about you steps....yet, you take a deep breath, and admire the Hollyberry, this! this was a kingdom! so elegant, so many pretty flowers and so full of alive!, and for the first time your size help you at lot to have the full view of the kingdom, but sadly that will remind not much as caught you off guard the screams

Finally brings you back to reality as see the cookies from the Hollyberry Kingdom being so terrified of your arrival, running away and causing a lot of chaos to try to protect themself from you, hearing them saying "What is that thing!?" "We are doom! we gonna die!" "I dont wanna die!" this hurt you so much...you cant take anymore seeing so many cookies afreid of you, you tell GingerBrave this was a bad idea and should leave...

GingerBrave can notice this is affecting you a lot, and trying to cheer you up, they gonna fix this! Just dont give up yet! Strawberry Cookie and Custard Cookie III trying to comfort you, Wizard Cookie just observes you, he thinks you just acting, but seeing you expression....so real, just takes a few seconds to tears appear in your eyes, Wizad Cookie's vision of you is conflicted, you really good? or you are that good at acting?...

Princess Cookie

-but dont you worry! A cookie will approach to see what is going on! and that will be Princess Cookie! She will be not scared but rather surprised! already so interested about you, she approaches you and starts to talk to you "Woah! Hello! who are you?"

-Sadly you was so scared to respond back, afraid that just talking to her would scare her off, Princess Cookie noticed this and asked GingerBrave and his friends what was happening and why everyone was running away and scared

-After the explanation GingerBrave Cookie and his friends tell at Princess Cookie, she understands and soon she calms her people from her kingdom, telling them there is nothing to be scared about and no one is in danger! She could calm some of them but still, the scared expression remained, but at least the chaos was over -She gets close to you again, gently putting her hand on your leg, telling you is ok and it's not your fault cookies are afraid of you, you just special as no one has seen something like you before! and well Cookies can't process see something new, this calms you a little, and Princess Cookie tells you if you ever feel alone, dont you worry! As your friend she will be the cookie to fill that loneliness, she fastly makes you as her friend

Knight Cookie

-He was the second cookie to approach, to find Princess Cookie! as finally found her, he was absolutely scared of you! he already told Princess Cookie to stay away from you! but she fastly shushed him!

-Confused, he can't believe Princess Cookie was so chill with you, sometimes he thinks they parents forgot to add a sense of fear when she was bake, nonetheless, he asks for an explanation and mostly who are you and why you are here

-After GingerBrave, his friends and Princess Cookie explain to Knight Cookie, he take a moment to think about it, to process it and to look at you, he start to ask you some question as he have a judging look, "soo..you are a good human huh?" "why you even here to the first place?", you wish you can respond him, but still affected after the chaos, you blocked to talk, Knight Cookie can noticed this even this is something he find suspicious he can noticed you not in a good mood

-Princess Cookie tell him to be nice to you! even if he wants to obey Princess Cookie's orders/wishes, is part to be her Knight to be worried about her, and keep her safe, after all, even you earn some cookies trust, he will not keep his guard down...

Wildberry Cookie

-As bodyguard of Hollyberry Cookie, he was in the castle with her until he heard the chaos outside, going first to check what was happening, noticing who everyone was running away and so confused, wondering was going on and going to check

-when sees the people start to calm down, he still continues to walk to know the reason why everyone was scared in the first place, soon discovering you, and the Princess Cookie and Knigth Cookie calming the people while they are walking, you were walking the surroundings of the kingdom after all, you can walk in due how big you are....

-He soon asks for explanations about you, and as soon he gets it, he definitely not trust you, why do you want to see Hollyberry? what are your intencions?, he at first denied you going to visit Hollyberry, but as GingerBrave told him you got Pure Vanille Cookie approval, he thinks for a moment

-Finally, he decide to let you see Hollyberry but he will have his eye on you if you dare to try something, he will not hesitate to attack if that happens, soon guide you and the rest of the cookies to see Hollyberry

Hollyberry Cookie

-As much she wanted to check when the chaos is hear, she stay in the castle to calm down the queen and king and wait for Willberry Cookie to inform you the situation, luckily the chaos was stoped something that was a relief and soon Willberry Cookie come back

-As Willberry Cookie informed her the situacion was a false alarm and there someone wanted to see her, as a warning was told it was a human, Hollyberry Cookie could not believe much it was a human, when she went to the balcony to meet this 'human' want to see her, as soon she see you, she surprised, a little scare bu surprised nontheless

-It takes her a moment to process this, after all, not every day you meet a human, having nervous laughs because of this, GingerBrave and friends greetings her and with Princess Cookie and Knight Cookie explain her the situation

-She hears all the explanations, surprised at what you have done so far, and knowing you have Pure Vanilla Cookie approval, she give you a smile and say: "Well look at that! you can be the first human in cookie history to make a big change! I give you my approval as well! I belive you are as good as these cookies tell!" she even give you some juice! well uh..sadly is small as you can imagine, but still you very grateful take it and sip it, it was delicious! Hollyberry promise you next time will give you a big cup of you size!

[ Dark Cacao Kingdom ]

It was pretty cold here, and sadly your big size not help you, at least there was not much trouble on where you walked, the cookies remained hided on your clothes to keep themself warm, anteriorly sometimes they was on your shoulders, as it was easier to them as you can keep them without any problem and having the perfect view of everything! something you dont mind, as slowly you get close as you see the kingdom in the distance, soon as was ready to see the kingdom in a closer view, you start to be attacked

Caramel Arrow Cookie

-She is the one who did the order to attack, she dint recognize you due the fog but your figure/shadow from it was big egnoft to alarm anyone, thanks of Dark Cacao approval that why when you was egnoft close the attack start, to protect the Dark Cacao Kingdom!

-Soon as she hear GingerBrave Cookie and his friend yelling to stop the attack she was confused, she dint stop and ask for a explanation! as the cookies go down from you and rush to the Dark Cacao Kingdom doors, fastly explain the situation, she cant belive what she hearing, the thing she attacking is a human!?, due the insistence and worried of GingerBrave and his friends she order to stop the attack -luckily due was not magic, it dint hurt you so much but still hurts, the most familiar thing you can describe the feeling, is like a needle in fast speed stab you, but now there are multiple of it, and is not a good feeling at all :(, as Caramel Arrow Cookie observe you from the distance but near egnoft to finally see you from the fog, processing you are a human, the cookies help you remove the arrows from you body, for luck much dint arrive to injure a important part of your body and your clothes keep you safe from it, still you bleed a little when was removed

-Caramel Arrow Cookie, now she has heard the explanation now the situation is calm, she has hard time believing you or you being trustworthy, but seeing you just sit on the snow, no longer motivated to get close to the kingdom, she decide to give you a chance, she will see if Dark Cacao Cookie can come to see you

Crunchy Chip Cookie

-While Camarel Arrow Cookie go to talk to Dark Cacao Cookie, Crunchy Chip Cookie as Dark Cacao Cookie bodyguard goes out to keep an eye on you, he just can't belive it, a human is here, in our kingdom, he even have the cream wolfs around you, ready if you made something suspicious (tho he worried about his cream wolfs too)

-As you want and hope the pain from the arrows slowly fades away, you notice the cream wolf, even if they try to give you the best of their scary looks, you cant you just..try to pet them! is just like an adorable small puppy, luckily due they dint see this to happen you caught them off guard, and some of them like the pets! and even want more pets from you! (Crunchy Chip Cookie does not like that but at least is a relief nothing bad happened to his cream wolves)

-He sometimes give you some questions, trying to see your intentions, almost like intergation but without being see as one, you sometimes answer his questions, sometimes GingerBrave and the rest help you answer it!

-Thanks of you petting and interacting with the cream wolfs you feel less overwhelmed and much better <:3, almost making you forgot why you was so scared and sad in the first place, Crunchy Chip Cookie noticed already you was tense, and seeing more relaxed thanks of his cream wolfs he get some ideas from you

Dark Cacao Cookie

-Finally, the big boss is here, when he gets updated about the big shadow from the fog approaching the kingdom, he can't believe he was hearing, a human? after he hears all Caramel Arrow Cookie's Explanation he goes to see you, eyes never leaving yours and his expression already showing untrust and authority, taking a moment to look at you, after all, even though he looks strong outside, is still hard to process he facing a human

-Finally, as see GingerBrave Cookie and his friends approach to him, already told them Caramel Arrow Cookie explains everything, he asks some questions to GingerBrave Cookie and his friends, to make sure about you, after all, you just have like a month with them, are you really that trustworthy?

-As GingerBrave Cookie and friends explain all the good things you did and how nice you are!, you sometimes pets the cream wolfs to try to calm you feeling, even if Dark Cacao Cookie it just a Cookie, he know for sure how to make himself look scary...and you really dont wanna make a bad impression

-After he hears GingerBrave Cookie and his friends, he takes a moment to think and gives you a last look at you, finally he sighs and talks: "It makes me hard to believe you are really that good, maybe you got Pure Vanilla Cookie and HollyBerry Cookie approval to be here, but that not change you could be dangerous or just straight up lying...you will have my approval as well, but take as a warning what happen here, as a show what happen if you ever dare to try to do something funny, understood?", you nod, Dark Cacao Cookie just give you one last look and finally he go back to his kingdom

[ Golden Cheese Kingdom ]

It was hot as you expected when you heard where you were going to go next, a desert made of cheese...tasty but also so hot, and your size did not help much in that factor, yet it also helps for keep the cookies safe from the monsters and it was more hard to you get stuck from somewhere

Yet, surprised you a lot when the monsters of the dessert, no matter the huge size difference, still tried to attack you, very different from other experiences of monsters and animals running away from you as soon as they saw you, you tried as much possible to make them go away and not climb at you or hurt you, even if you can just step on them the idea of that is wrong even if these monster try to hurt you, you dont want hurt them or kill them, the cookies help you to keep away the monster from you

Luckily finally you and the cookies arrive at the Golden Cheese Kingdom!....sadly one thing that the cookies didn't think about was..how can you get into the kingdom? your size in this case plays you a bad take, there is no way you can be in the kingdom because all was inside the pyramid

The cookies start to think, maybe they get in and get Golden Cheese Cookie out to talk to you? yet even so they will take time to go to Golden Cheese Cookie due to how big is inside and you being waiting outside will be dangerous

After long thinking, finally, GingerBrave has an idea, "You can't use your magic to make Y/N smaller like us?" Gingerbrave asks Wizard Cookie, "I can use magic to make things smaller, but I dont know if works with that big..." Wizard Cookie says with a concerned look, even if was a good idea, Wizard Cookie does not know if his magic is enough to make something this big smaller like them, it could not work or affect other factors, "Well, what options do we have, we have to try to see if can work!" Says GingerBrave back, he hopes Wizard Cookie Magic actually works for you

You were worried, you see magic in action but, used at you? you prefer just give up and not make trouble by your presence, yet the Cookies are very Determined and they want really the best for you, so you decide to give in, with Wizard Cookie magic and a lot of effort, closing your eyes, feeling strange at the feeling the magic on you, once you open....you were almost the same size as a Cookie! it works! but is unknown how much longer you can keep this smaller, so everyone has to hurry before the effects go away!

Burnt Cheese Cookie

It feels nice to be smaller once, no longer worried about your size or you accidentally broke something, always worried about your surroundings, The cookies guide you inside, they know the way and avoid any trap, arriving at the door where Burnt Cheese Cookie is protecting

-He already sniffs you, and already knows you are not a cookie, your smell is different, way different, and never smelled before, as GingerBrave and the group explain that you are a human, he is soon surprised about it, he does not show it, but he thought humans are just legends

-GingerBrave and the rest do not need to do the test because they showed they word it to pass, but you need to do it, you are not a fighter, but you dont know how to fight, and your size was the closest thing to help you in "fight" aspects but now was not the case, GingerBrave try to change the test for you, telling about what you have been doing!, even if GingerBrave and the rest say what amazing things as been doing, you have to answer the simple question of the test, you are greedy?

-You think about it and answer in the way, maybe you have been interested in stuff in the past but no longer, you do not seek items or material stuff, but rather people's attention, appreciation, and in resume being with people rather the greedy need of stuff, social interactions as something you see more interested, and as you have been shown of how you help the cookies expecting nothing as an exchange

-You can feel Burnt Cheese Cookie's eyes on you, even are not visible you can feel it, thinking about your answer, it is tense for everyone, eventually, Burn Cheese Cookie lets you pass, as been shown nothing but kindness and pure soul, even showed being disinterested in yourself and rather more interested in help others, you put others over yourself, even show as a kindness way, Burnt Cheese Cookie warns you to have to think about yourself too

Once inside of the kingdom you were amazed! when the cookies say is something you will not expect, they really mean it! it was like a city but almost futuristic and all made of gold! this is even real?? is almost too much to take it of how golden it is, it was overwhelming but you can hold it! the cookies in there are even....weird and sadly familiar, they just act like you do not exist, which is good, cookies will not freak out because "Oh look a human is here" but at the same time, their behavior reminds you of your old home...I guess cookies are not that different from humans only if they get too advanced

Your Cookies friends try to offer you if you like to buy something, something you refuse kindness, even all these things are so amazing and cool, you do not find interest others to just look a it, in the end, you enjoy more the time being with your Cookie friends and the relief and rest of Cookies not be afraid of you, tho you were worried, unknown how much longer Wizard Cookie magic could keep you this smaller, so was a little on a rush, but try to remain your composture as possible to not annoying or freak out the Cookies

As you in your way to meet the Queen, two cookies look at you, Smoked Cheese Cookie can't believe what he sees in his eyes.... do these cookies lose their mind? bring a human to such an important place? as for Mozzarella Cookie, she does not mind, rather she is curious about you! She wish she could talk to you, but is better when she wakes up to do so

Golden Cheese Cookie

As you meet Golden Cheese Cookie, you don't expect she was big, you are not fouled now you are small, just the other Ancient cookies was a little bigger from any normal cookie, but she was a giant different of other cookies!

-Golden Cheese Laugh at you surprised at her magnificent, it was a good sign to see her laugh at you, at least you do not give the wrong picture as you did with the others Acient Cookies

-As usual, your cookie friends tell her about you, but Golden Cheese Cookie is a step ahead and says she already knows, she has seen you all the way in the kingdom, the entrance, the city, you were nothing but a well-behaved human!

-You are surprised, dont know what to say about her words, you expected as the other to be confused and even cold at you for who you are but you just speechless of Golden Cheese Kindness

-As she smiles looking at you, she says: "oh please honey, it's like a cat eat you tongue! there nothing to be afreid of, you show you are work it to my approval, as the rest of the Acient expect big stuff from you, now, its time to wake up!"

Soon a very shiny light blind all your vision, and once you finally could see again you was...outside? and big again, almost like you just literally woke of a dream

the explanation is simple! you never actully go inside, it was all a virtual world! and was part of the Cookie's plans, they really wanted to surprise you! you almost can't believe what they saying, it is so vivid it almost dint feel like was an illusion, you were speechless and confused, trying to process it

the REAL Golden Cheese Cookie

-She enjoying see your reaction! the reason she made all this simulation was to keep herself protected and observe you, after all, like the rest of cookies, is not like you just approach a human so casually

-Her approval or what she says there in the virtual world is still and will remain as something true, so no worry about it! she is glad you enjoyed the simulation and her kingdom, or what was before

-You ask what happened to the real kingdom, you were saddened to hear about the war and what happened to the kingdom, you promise you could help her to build her kingdom back, after all, you helped Custard Cookie III Kingdom, so you dont mind help other cookies and kingdoms!

-Golden Cheese Cookie is flattered by your kindness, and she will take it in mind in the future, but for now, she has to do duties first before rebuilding the kingdom back

[ Silver Kingdom ]

Arriving on the island was the hardest task, after all was an island, and you had to move to the water, so you had to use a boat to arrive there, the cookies enjoy the way to the island! after all they had never seen a boat as human size so was just amazed for them!

Walk into the island feels the same as when you go to the Cheese Desert, apart of the a lot of nature you need to avoid to carefully not make much damage, The same as happened the monsters of the island dint care about your huge size and tried to attack you anyway

Caramelon Cookie

-HUGE NOPE, he already lived on a very hostile island, now he needs to face THAT!? he thinks Gingerbrave and the rest are crazy and out of they minds

-He will just observe in the distance, if ever Gingerbrave and the group try to get his attention to get close to you he will leave, he is scared to face you and be crushed!

-he will grow more curiosity as continues to observe you and see how you are, possibly eventually as more time passes will be more confident to approach you, but not today sadly

Silverbell Cookie

-Scared at firts but trying to act stronger due after all is part of the kingdom army, at least he relief seeing you are with Gingerbrave and the rest, so that a good sign

-Gingerbrave and the rest explain the situation to Silverbell Cookie, something still has to process to see a human in the Silver Kingdom, but at least hearing you have the approval of the 4 ancients it changes slowly Silverbell Cookie's mind about you

-Will let you see White Lily Cookie, but can't let you enter the kingdom for obvious reasons, you ok with that after all you dont want to scare the cookies or accidentally break something

-With all settled, Silverbell Cookie with Gingerbrave they go into the kingdom to look for White Lily Cookie!

Mercurial knight

-He already knew something was happening once he saw Silverbell Cookie and Gingerbrave Cookie going in direction to White Lily Cookie, so he put in the way to know what they doing

-After a small conversation with both cookies, he goes to check and defenely, dint expect to find humans after his cookie lives, so decides to keep guard until White Lily Cookie arrives

-He mostly....dont talk, but you know he watching you, observing every move of you, was...uncomfortable, and you understand why so you try to look as friendly as possible and not scare him

-What in his mind? a lot of things, wondering why you here, why after so long the witches were hidden one of the shows their faces, and a lot of more, but his thoughts stop when White Lily Cookie arrives

White Lily Cookie

-Before you two meet, Gingerbrave explains as he can about the situation before you two meet, he tries to tell White Lily Cookie not to freak out knowing the topic about humans will affect her a lot

-Sadly, still preparing her and such, dint work out, as soon she saw you, she was totally terrified, you saw many scared cookie faces before, but White Lily Cookie was the most you know you affected her a lot, and that hurt you

-She will try to "stop" you, using her power to make appear vines to try to make you unable to move, you try to remain as calm as possible even if you are scared inside, the Cookies act fast to calm down White lily before this go out of control

-Calm her was....very hard, is like she was out of herself just because you was there, you absolutely hurt you affected her so much...yet the Cookies could able to calm her down, even if they explained to her about you and the good thing you did and you approval of the other ancients....this was her answer

-"No, I will not give you approval, no matter how far you did to do such things, I can't just let you have approval, there is a lot we dont know about you and your kind, I can't trust you...I'm sorry"

The Cookies was sad about White Lily Cookie's answer, you too but you understand and accept it, after that last adventure you arrive to the Custard Cookie III Kingdom once more, it was nice to meet a lot of cookies, a lot of cultures and different experience, you was surprised this world was bigger and a lot of amazing thing

Even part of these adventures was meeting the Acients Cookies and getting along with them, you also appreciate these adventures you have, you feel not anyone else could experience something like this in real life, and you are very thankful for the cookies for the effort to this to you

[pedroscowgirl]

love beyond boundaries

hugh jackman x afab!reader

masterlist (part 1,2 & 3 are here)

warnings: smut! minors, dni!

pregnancy/babytalk , a little angst(no bad stuff), breeding kink, age gap (reader is in her twenties, hugh is 55), creampie , p in v (wrap it up ironic use here) uh lmk if i forgot something

summary: you and hugh visit blake , ryan and their kids but what if it hits you that his kids need to know about your relationship aswell?

Words: 9.6k

a/n: we're gonna pretend like blake is a good person here lol but if you don't like baby/breeding stuff pls feel free to skip this chapter <3

also, i didn't really proofread this because it's 6 am here (I feel like I could've written this better😭)

On one particular afternoon, you all gathered at Ryan and Blake's home for a casual get-together. The sun was shining brightly, casting a warm glow over the backyard where the children were playing. Their laughter filled the air, a joyful symphony that made the day feel perfect. You and Blake joined in the fun, running around with the kids, your hearts light and your spirits high. Blake was a natural with the children, and you found yourself drawn into the carefree energy of the moment, the simple pleasure of play.

As you were chasing after one of the little ones, you noticed Ryan and Hugh standing off to the side, their heads close together in quiet conversation. At first, you didn't think much of it, assuming they were just catching up on something. But as you glanced over again, you caught sight of the serious expression on Ryan's face, and the way Hugh's smile seemed to falter as he listened to whatever Ryan was saying.

Ryan had pulled Hugh aside, away from the playful chaos of the backyard, and there was a gravity in his posture that hadn’t been there earlier. Ryan had always been the more easygoing of the two, but in that moment, his demeanor was different,more somber, as if he had been carrying something heavy on his mind for a while and had finally decided it was time to speak up.

"Hey man," Ryan started, his voice steady but tinged with hesitation, "I love that you're happy. I really do." His words were sincere, but there was a note of concern that made Hugh's expression shift. The relaxed, contented look that had been on Hugh's face throughout the day began to fade, replaced by a more serious, almost guarded, expression. He knew Ryan well enough to sense that something important was coming.

Ryan took a deep breath, his eyes locking onto Hugh’s as he continued, "But... don’t you think she’s a little too young for you?" There it was—the question that had been lingering unspoken, the one Ryan had clearly been wrestling with for some time. "I mean, I love you, man, but this... this just doesn’t seem like you. What happened to you liking older women? You know, women who are closer to your age?"

Hugh’s expression tightened, his eyes narrowing slightly as he listened. Ryan wasn’t finished, though. He was trying to be as gentle as possible, but he couldn’t hide his worry. "She's in the same age range as your kids, Hugh. I know you're in love, and I can see that she makes you happy, but I just can't help but wonder if you've really thought this through."

The words hung in the air between them, heavy with the weight of Ryan's concern. It was clear that this conversation wasn’t just a passing thought for him—it was something he genuinely felt needed to be addressed, out of love and friendship. Hugh remained silent for a moment, his gaze dropping to the ground as he absorbed what Ryan was saying. He had known this might come up eventually, but hearing it from Ryan, his close friend, made it all the more real.

Ryan’s tone wasn’t accusatory, nor was it judgmental. It was filled with the kind of care that only a true friend could offer, someone who wasn’t afraid to ask the difficult questions because they cared too much not to. He wasn’t trying to undermine Hugh’s happiness; he was just trying to make sure that his friend was okay, that this relationship was truly what Hugh wanted and needed.

Hugh finally looked up, meeting Ryan’s gaze with a serious look of his own. The easy going atmosphere of the afternoon seemed a world away now, as the two men stood there, the sound of the children's laughter in the background contrasting sharply with the weight of their conversation. Hugh opened his mouth to respond, but for a moment, no words came out. He was thinking, considering everything that had been said. He knew Ryan was coming from a place of love, but that didn’t make the question any easier to answer.

The pause stretched on, and when Hugh finally spoke, his voice was calm but firm. "I hear you, Ryan. I get what you’re saying, and I appreciate that you care enough to talk to me about this. But..." He hesitated, searching for the right way to express what he was feeling. "But this isn’t about age for me. It’s about how she makes me feel—alive, understood, like I can be myself again. It’s different, yeah, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong."

Ryan listened, his expression softening as he heard the conviction in Hugh’s voice. It was clear that Hugh had thought about this more than Ryan had realized, that this wasn’t just some fleeting infatuation. Still, Ryan couldn’t shake his concern, and he knew this conversation was far from over. But for now, he simply nodded, offering a small, understanding smile, even as his mind continued to turn over the implications of what they had just discussed.

As they stood there, the distance between them bridged by their shared history and mutual respect, the sounds of the playful scene in the background seemed to fade into focus again, reminding them both of the here and now, and the importance of the choices they were making.

After their conversation, Hugh and Ryan rejoined the group, but there was an unspoken tension lingering in the air. Hugh’s mood had shifted slightly,he was still present, still engaged with the kids and with you, but there was a weight to his movements, a contemplative look in his eyes that hadn’t been there before. You noticed, of course, sensing that something was off, but decided not to press him about it just yet. The afternoon was still meant to be enjoyed, and you didn’t want to disrupt the lighthearted atmosphere.

As the day wore on and the sun began to dip lower in the sky, Blake suggested that everyone move inside for dinner. The kids were getting tired, their energy waning, and it seemed like the perfect time to shift gears. You helped Blake in the kitchen, preparing a simple meal while Hugh and Ryan stayed with the kids in the living room. There was a sense of domesticity that felt comforting, as if you were all a part of the same family, sharing in the little moments that make life feel rich and full.

But even as you chopped vegetables and Blake stirred a pot on the stove, you couldn’t help but steal glances at Hugh. He was talking to Ryan, smiling at something one of the kids said, but there was still that shadow in his eyes, something unresolved that tugged at your heart.

Once dinner was ready, you all gathered around the table. The conversation was light and easy, filled with laughter and stories from the past, but you could tell that Ryan was still watching Hugh closely, as if waiting for a sign, some indication that everything was truly okay. And Hugh, ever the actor, was doing his best to mask any inner turmoil, though you could see the subtle signs—the way his fingers tapped restlessly against the table, the slight delay in his responses.

After dinner, as the kids settled down for the evening with a movie, you and Hugh found a moment alone. You had stepped outside to get some fresh air, and he joined you, the two of you standing together on the porch, the cool night air brushing against your skin.

Hugh leaned against the railing, staring out into the darkening yard, his thoughts clearly elsewhere. You reached out, gently placing a hand on his arm, drawing his attention back to you. "Hey," you said softly, "is everything okay?"

He turned to you, and for a moment, the mask slipped. His eyes were tired, filled with a mixture of emotions that he had been holding back all evening. "Ryan said something earlier," he admitted, his voice low. "He’s worried about us. About the age difference, mostly."

You nodded, not entirely surprised. You had sensed that something like this might come up eventually. "And what do you think?" you asked, your voice calm and steady, though your heart was beating a little faster.

Hugh sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I think... I think he has a point, in some ways. But at the same time, I know what I feel for you is real. It’s not about how old you are or how old I am. It’s about the connection we have, about how you make me feel alive in a way I haven’t felt in years."

You listened, your hand still resting on his arm, offering silent support. "But I can’t ignore what he said," Hugh continued, his brow furrowing in thought. "It’s not just about us, it’s about how this affects everyone around us—my kids, our friends... I don’t want to hurt anyone."

The sincerity in his voice was clear, and it made your heart ache a little. "Hugh," you said gently, "I understand where Ryan is coming from, and I know this isn’t easy. But what we have... it’s worth figuring out. We can take things slow, make sure this is what we both want and that we’re doing what’s best for everyone involved."

He looked at you then, really looked at you, and you could see the conflict in his eyes, the way he was torn between his feelings for you and his loyalty to those he cared about. "I want this to work," he said finally, his voice thick with emotion. "I want us to work. But I also need to make sure that it’s the right thing, for everyone."

You nodded, your heart swelling with affection for this man who was trying so hard to do the right thing. "We’ll figure it out together," you assured him. "Whatever happens, we’ll face it as a team. I’m not going anywhere, Hugh."

He smiled then, a small, grateful smile, and pulled you into a gentle embrace. As you stood there, wrapped in each other’s arms, the night surrounding you like a protective cloak, you knew that this was just the beginning of a journey,one that would have its challenges, but also its moments of deep connection and understanding.

The days that followed were filled with a delicate balance. Hugh was more thoughtful, more introspective, and while he didn’t bring up the conversation with Ryan again immediately, you could tell it was still on his mind. You continued to spend time together, both as a couple and with your friends, but there was a newfound awareness in everything you did. It was as if you were both testing the waters, seeing how this relationship fit into the wider fabric of your lives.

One evening, a week or so later, you and Hugh decided to have dinner at his place, just the two of you. It was a quiet night, with the kind of easy conversation that flowed naturally between you. But as you were finishing up, Hugh suddenly set down his fork and looked at you with an intensity that took you by surprise.

"I’ve been thinking a lot about what Ryan said," he began, his tone serious. "And about us. I’ve realized that I need to talk to my kids about this, about us. They deserve to know, and I want them to hear it from me."

You felt a flutter of nerves at the mention of his children, but you knew he was right. This was an important step, one that couldn’t be avoided if your relationship was going to move forward. "How do you think they’ll react?" you asked, your voice soft, but steady.

Hugh sighed, leaning back in his chair. "I’m not sure. They’re good kids, and they love me, but this is... different. It’s not something they’re used to, and I don’t know how they’ll take it. But I owe it to them to be honest."

You reached across the table, taking his hand in yours. "You’re a good father, Hugh. They’ll see that, and they’ll see how much you care about them. Whatever happens, we’ll handle it together."

He squeezed your hand, a small smile playing on his lips. "Thank you. I’m just... I’m nervous. I don’t want to lose them, and I don’t want to lose you."

"You won’t lose me," you assured him, your voice filled with quiet conviction. "We’re in this together, remember?"

He nodded, a look of determination settling over his features. "Yeah, we are."

------------------------------------------

The next few days were a whirlwind of emotions as Hugh prepared to talk to his children. He spent a lot of time thinking about how to approach the conversation, wanting to be as open and honest as possible, but also sensitive to their feelings. You gave him the space he needed, offering support when he asked for it, but also stepping back when he needed to figure things out on his own.

Finally, the day came. Hugh invited his children over to his place for dinner, a casual gathering that had become a regular occurrence. They arrived, bringing with them the usual energy and chatter, but Hugh could tell they sensed something different in his demeanor. He was trying to stay relaxed, but there was a nervousness he couldn’t completely hide.

After dinner, when they were all settled in the living room, Hugh took a deep breath and began. "There’s something I need to talk to you about," he said, his voice steady but serious. The room quieted, his children turning their attention to him with a mix of curiosity and concern.

He took another breath, then continued. "I’ve met someone. Someone who’s become very important to me. And I want to be honest with you about it."

His children exchanged glances, clearly surprised, but they didn’t interrupt, waiting for him to explain.

"The thing is," Hugh went on, "she’s younger than me. Quite a bit younger, actually. And I know that might be surprising, maybe even hard to understand, but I want you to know that this is something I’ve thought a lot about. She makes me happy, and I feel like this relationship is good for me."

After Hugh’s revelation, the silence in the living room felt heavy, almost suffocating. He could see the discomfort etched on both his son’s and daughter’s faces as they struggled to process what he had just shared.

His son, the older of the two, was the first to speak. He leaned back, crossing his arms, and looked at his father with a mix of confusion and discomfort. “Dad,” he began slowly, as if trying to choose his words carefully, “I don’t really know what to say. This… this is kind of weird. I mean, she’s almost our age.”

Hugh felt a sharp pang in his chest at his son’s words, but he nodded, understanding the reaction. “I know it’s unexpected,” Hugh replied, keeping his voice calm. “And I know it’s a big adjustment. But this is important to me, and I wouldn’t have brought it up if I didn’t think it mattered.”

His daughter, the younger of the two, was quieter, her brow furrowed deeply as she tried to make sense of everything. She looked at her father with wide, uncertain eyes. “Dad, are you sure about this?” she asked, her voice soft and hesitant. “It’s just… I don’t know how to feel about it. She’s so young, and it feels strange.”

Hugh’s heart ached hearing the uncertainty and discomfort in his daughter’s voice. He wanted to reassure her, to make everything okay, but he knew this was a situation with no easy answers. “I understand it feels strange,” Hugh said gently. “And I don’t expect you to be completely okay with it right away. But I need you to know that this isn’t something I’m taking lightly. I care about her deeply, and she makes me happy in a way I haven’t been in a long time.”

His son exchanged a look with his sister, his expression still troubled. “But what about the fact that she’s closer to our age than yours? Doesn’t that bother you at all?”

Hugh took a deep breath, knowing this conversation was going to be difficult. “It’s something I’ve thought about a lot,” he admitted. “But the connection we have goes beyond age. I know it might seem strange from the outside, but when I’m with her, it feels right. I feel like I’ve found something special, something that I didn’t even know I was missing.”

His daughter bit her lip, still looking conflicted. “But what if it doesn’t work out, Dad? What if she decides she wants someone closer to her own age? Or what if people start talking? I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Her words struck Hugh deeply, and he could see the genuine concern in her eyes. “I understand your worries,” Hugh said softly. “And I’ve thought about those things too. But I can’t let fear stop me from pursuing something that makes me happy. Life is short, and I want to make the most of it.”

His son sighed, running a hand through his hair, still struggling to process his father’s words. “I just… I don’t know, Dad. This whole thing is so out of left field. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be happy, but it’s going to take some time for me to wrap my head around this.”

Hugh nodded, his heart heavy but understanding. “I’m not asking you to be okay with it right away,” he said. “All I’m asking is that you try to understand where I’m coming from. And that you give her a chance. She’s important to me, and I want her to be a part of our lives.”

His daughter looked down at her hands, clearly wrestling with her emotions. “I’ll try, Dad,” she said quietly, though her voice lacked conviction. “But it’s going to take some time.”

His son nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I’ll try too. But just… don’t expect us to be totally cool with this right away. It’s a lot to take in.”

Hugh felt a wave of mixed emotions—relief that they were willing to try, but also a deep sadness that they were struggling so much with the news. He had known this wouldn’t be easy, but seeing the uncertainty and discomfort on their faces was harder than he had anticipated.

“I appreciate that,” Hugh said, his voice thick with emotion. “I really do. And I’m here to talk anytime you need to. I don’t want this to come between us.”

After a few more minutes of tense but civil conversation, his children decided to leave. They both hugged their father, but the embraces felt different—tentative, with a sense of distance that hadn’t been there before. Hugh watched them go, his heart heavy with worry about what this might mean for their relationship.

Later that night, Hugh called you. His voice sounded weary, as if the conversation had taken more out of him than he cared to admit. “I talked to them,” he said as soon as you answered. “It didn’t go as well as I’d hoped.”

Your heart sank at his words. “What did they say?” you asked gently, already bracing yourself for the answer.

“They’re weirded out by it,” Hugh admitted, the sadness in his voice clear. “My son said it feels strange because you’re closer to their age than mine, and my daughter is worried I’m going to get hurt. They said they’ll try to understand, but… it’s going to take time.”

You took a deep breath, trying to process what he was telling you. “I’m sorry, Hugh. I never wanted to cause any tension between you and your kids.”

“It’s not your fault,” Hugh said quickly, his tone firm. “This is on me, and I knew it might be difficult. I just didn’t realize how much it would affect them. But I’m not giving up on us. I just… I need to find a way to help them see what I see.”

“We’ll figure it out together,” you said, your voice filled with quiet determination. “We’ll take it slow, and give them the time they need to adjust. I care about you, Hugh, and I care about your kids too. I want this to work for all of us.”

Hugh sighed, a mixture of exhaustion and gratitude in his voice. “Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you. It’s just… it’s hard, seeing them struggle with this. But I know we can get through it.”

In the days and weeks that followed, the tension between Hugh and his children didn’t fully dissipate. They were polite, but there was a noticeable distance between them, an awkwardness that hadn’t been there before. Hugh did his best to maintain their bond, continuing to spend time with them, but the easy, natural closeness they once shared felt strained.

You found yourself in a challenging position as well. You wanted to give Hugh’s children the space they needed, but you also wanted to show them that you were committed to their father and to making this relationship work. You made an effort to connect with them, to demonstrate that you were more than just a fleeting presence in Hugh’s life, but it was clear that it would take time for them to come around.

Despite the challenges, you and Hugh remained close, your bond growing stronger as you navigated the difficulties together. There were moments of doubt, moments when the weight of it all felt overwhelming, but you both knew that what you had was worth fighting for.

One day, after a particularly tense family gathering, Hugh sat down with you, his expression troubled. “I’m worried that this is going to push them away,” he confessed, his voice filled with a vulnerability that he rarely showed. “I don’t want to lose them, but I also don’t want to lose you. I don’t know how to make this work.”

You reached out, taking his hand in yours. “We’ll keep trying,” you said softly. “It’s not going to be easy, but I believe that with time, they’ll see that this is real. That what we have is important.”

Hugh nodded, but the worry in his eyes didn’t fully disappear. “I hope you’re right. I just want everyone I care about to be okay with this.”

Later that night, after the tense conversation with his kids, Hugh felt an overwhelming need to talk to someone who could help him sort through his emotions. He picked up his phone and called Ryan, hoping for some clarity.

Ryan answered after a couple of rings, his voice cheerful as usual. “Hey, Hugh! What’s up?”

Hugh sighed deeply, the weight of the day pressing down on him. “I had a talk with my kids tonight. Told them about the relationship.”

Ryan’s tone immediately shifted, becoming more serious. “How did that go?”

“Not great,” Hugh admitted, leaning back against the couch. “They’re struggling with it. The age difference is really throwing them off. They’re trying to be supportive, but I can tell they’re uncomfortable.”

Ryan was silent for a moment, processing what Hugh had said. “I figured that might be tough for them,” he finally said. “But, Hugh, i have to ask again… is this really the right relationship for you?”

Hugh’s heart skipped a beat at Ryan’s question, and he felt a wave of doubt start to creep in. “What do you mean now?” he asked.

“I’m not doubting your feelings,” Ryan replied gently. “But there are practical things to consider. Like… what if she wants kids? Are you really ready to be a father again at this stage in your life?”

Hugh went silent, the question hitting him harder than he’d expected. It was something that had been lurking in the back of his mind, but he hadn’t confronted it directly. “I don’t know,” he admitted finally. “I haven’t talked to her about it yet.”

Ryan’s voice was steady, but there was concern there too. “You need to. This isn’t something you can just hope won’t come up. She’s young, Hugh. If she wants kids, that’s a huge part of her life she might be looking forward to. Are you ready to do that all over again? The sleepless nights, the diapers, raising a child from the ground up? Because that’s not just a small part of your life,it’s a whole new chapter.”

Hugh swallowed hard, the reality of Ryan’s words settling in. “I know it’s a big deal,” he said, his voice quieter now. “But I haven’t even asked her if she wants kids. Maybe she doesn’t.”

“And maybe she does,” Ryan countered gently but firmly. “And what then? Are you going to be okay with starting over as a new father? Are you willing to take that on, knowing how much it will change your life? And what about your kids? How are they going to feel about a new sibling who’s closer in age to them than you?”

Hugh leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he stared at the floor. “I honestly don’t know if I’m ready for that. The idea of having more kids… it’s overwhelming. But at the same time, I don’t want to lose what we have.”

Ryan was quiet for a moment, letting Hugh’s words sink in. “Look, man,” he said softly, “I’m not saying you should walk away from her if she wants kids. But you’ve got to be honest with yourself,and with her. If you’re not up for being a father again, that’s something you need to make clear. Because if you’re not on the same page about this, it could lead to a lot of pain down the road, for both of you.”

Hugh nodded, even though Ryan couldn’t see him. “You’re right. I can’t keep avoiding this. I need to talk to her about it, and I need to be honest with myself too. I just… I don’t want to lose her.”

“I get that,” Ryan said, his voice full of empathy. “But sometimes the hardest conversations are the ones that matter the most. You’ve got to figure out what you’re willing to do, and what you’re not. And you’ve got to be okay with the fact that it might mean things don’t turn out the way you want.”

Hugh felt the weight of those words settle in his chest, a mix of fear and uncertainty gnawing at him. “Yeah,” he said finally, his voice heavy with emotion. “I need to talk to her. I can’t keep this to myself any longer.”

“Good,” Ryan replied, his tone supportive. “You’ll figure it out, Hugh. Just make sure you’re doing what’s right for you, and for her. This is too important to leave unresolved.”

As Hugh ended the call, he felt the gravity of the situation pressing down on him. The next step was clear, but it wasn’t going to be easy. He cared deeply for you, but the question of children—and what kind of future you both wanted,was something that couldn’t be ignored. He knew he had to confront it, no matter how daunting the conversation might be

The next day, a heavy weight hung over Hugh, the kind that lingered long after his conversation with Ryan. The questions Ryan had posed echoed relentlessly in his mind, refusing to be silenced. Each reverberation made it clearer to Hugh that he could no longer avoid the inevitable. He needed to have a serious conversation with you, one that had the potential to shape the trajectory of your relationship in ways he couldn’t fully predict. As much as he dreaded this discussion, he knew it was necessary, an unavoidable step if there was to be any future between the two of you.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

When you arrived at his house that afternoon, it was immediately clear that something was off. Hugh, who was typically so warm and lighthearted, greeted you with a tension in his eyes that hadn’t been there before. It was subtle but unmistakable, a storm brewing beneath the surface of his usual calm demeanor. After a few minutes of polite small talk that did little to ease the growing tension, Hugh took your hand in his, the warmth of his touch laced with a new sense of urgency. Without a word, he led you to the living room, where you both sat down on the couch.

“There’s something I need to talk to you about,” Hugh began, his voice steady but carrying a gravity that was impossible to ignore. He squeezed your hand, his gaze searching yours as he struggled to find the right words. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us, about our future. And there’s something important we need to discuss.”

Your heart quickened, sensing the seriousness in his tone. “Of course, Hugh. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.”

Hugh took a deep breath, his eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that made your stomach tighten. “I care about you so much, and I love what we have together. But Ryan brought up some things that I’ve been avoiding, things I didn’t want to face. But I need to be honest with you and with myself.”

You could see the internal battle he was waging, the way his words came slowly, carefully, as if each one had been weighed a thousand times before being spoken aloud.

He hesitated for a moment, then continued, his voice softer now. “The thing is… you’re at a point in your life where you might want things that I’m not sure I’m ready for. Like kids. I’ve already raised mine, and the idea of starting over… it’s a lot to think about. I need to know what you want because if you’re hoping to have children one day, I don’t want to hold you back or disappoint you.”

The sincerity in his words struck you deeply. It was clear how much this conversation cost him, the concern drawn in every line of his face, the way his eyes searched yours for reassurance. You felt a pang of empathy and love for him, seeing how hard he was trying to protect you, even at the cost of his own peace of mind.

You reached out, taking his hand in both of yours, your touch gentle but firm. A reassuring smile played on your lips as you met his worried gaze.

“Hugh,” you said softly, your voice steady and calm, “I’ve thought about this too. I know it’s something we need to talk about, but the truth is, it doesn’t matter to me what the future holds as long as we’re together. If having kids isn’t something you want, then it’s not something I need. I want to be with you, and that’s what’s most important to me.”

A flicker of relief crossed Hugh’s face, though it was tempered by lingering doubt. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to regret anything later on.”

You nodded, your expression unwavering, your eyes locked on his. “I’m sure. I’ve never been more certain of anything. I don’t need children to be happy, Hugh. I just need you.”

For a moment, Hugh just looked at you, the tension in his shoulders slowly melting away as your words sank in. His grip on your hand tightened slightly, a silent thank you that spoke volumes more than any words could. “Thank you for saying that,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. “I just didn’t want to lead you into something that would make you unhappy later on.”

You leaned in closer, resting your head on his shoulder for a brief moment, feeling the steady rise and fall of his breath. It was a small gesture, but it spoke of trust, of understanding, of the deep connection that had grown between you. You pulled back just enough to look at him, your face inches from his.

“I understand why you’re worried,” you said, your voice soft but resolute. “But I promise you, my happiness comes from being with you. I’m in this for us, not for anything else.”

Hugh’s heart swelled with affection as he gazed at you, his eyes softening with a tenderness that made your own heart flutter. He reached up to brush a strand of hair from your face, his touch lingering as he cupped your cheek. “I’m so lucky to have you in my life,” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

A warm smile spread across your face at his words, and you could feel the tension in the room dissipating, replaced by a comforting sense of mutual understanding. But as you sat there, a playful glint sparked in your eyes, a mischievous idea forming in your mind. Without a word, you shifted, slowly straddling his lap, your movements deliberate and teasing. You could feel his body react to your closeness, the atmosphere between you shifting from serious to something far more primal.

You leaned in close, your lips brushing against his ear as you whispered in a voice that was both sultry and teasing, “But you know, what if I did stopped taking birth control, and you just breed me like a fucking slut? If you ever want to have babies, my womb is right here.”

You bit your lip, pulling back just enough to look him in the eye, the challenge and desire clear in your expression. The shock on Hugh’s face quickly gave way to laughter, a deep, hearty sound that filled the room. But as his laughter subsided, you felt him growing hard beneath you, the tension between you transforming into something electric, charged with unspoken possibilities.

Hugh cupped your face with one hand, his thumb brushing over your cheek as he looked up at you with a mix of amusement and arousal. “You’re something else, you know that?” he said, his voice rough with desire.

You grinned, feeling the heat between you intensify, your body responding to his touch. “I know. So, what do you say, Hugh? Want to take me up on that offer?”

His hands slid down to your hips, gripping you firmly as he pulled you even closer. “You’re driving me crazy,” he muttered, his voice low and thick with need. “But I’m getting used to it.”

Without another word, you leaned down, capturing his lips in a heated kiss, the intensity between you growing with each passing second. The conversation from moments before faded into the background as your bodies pressed together, the connection between you burning brighter than ever. The future might still be uncertain, but in that moment, all that mattered was the undeniable chemistry you shared, the passion that flared between you, and the love that anchored it all.

Hugh gently scooped you up into his arms, his strength evident in the ease with which he lifted you. His hands were warm against your back, and you felt the security of his embrace as he carried you through the hallway. Each step he took was deliberate, his gaze never leaving yours, a mixture of affection and desire swirling in his eyes. The dim light from the hallway lamps cast a golden glow around you both, heightening the intimacy of the moment.

As he carried you into the bedroom, the door swung open with a gentle push from his foot. The room was a sanctuary, bathed in the soft, silver light of the moon that streamed through the partially drawn curtains. The air was filled with the subtle scent of fresh linen, and the faint hum of the night outside added to the serenity. Hugh set you down on the bed with such care, as if you were something precious, something to be treasured. The mattress yielded under your weight, the plush sheets cool against your skin as you sank into them.

Hovering above you, Hugh's presence was commanding, yet tender. He supported himself on his arms, his face close to yours, and the warmth of his breath brushed against your lips. His eyes, deep and dark, searched yours, finding in them the same longing and desire that burned within him. The world outside ceased to exist, it was just the two of you, entwined in this moment.

Your heart raced as you looked up at him, your gaze filled with a hunger that mirrored his own. With a voice that dripped with seduction, you whispered, "Wouldn't you love to knock me up, daddy? Imagine it… Filling me up with you every single day, feeling your warmth inside me. Watching as my body changes, knowing that it's because of you. My belly growing rounder, fuller, with our child. My breasts swelling, becoming heavier, just for you…"

The words you spoke were laced with an intoxicating blend of innocence and temptation, a fantasy you painted with vivid clarity. Hugh's reaction was immediate, his eyes darkened further, pupils dilating with the intensity of his arousal. He swallowed hard, his breathing growing deeper as he processed what you'd said. He let out a low, almost primal hum of approval, the sound vibrating through the air between you.

"Hmm, that would be nice, yes," he murmured, his voice thick and gravelly with need. There was a flicker of doubt in his expression as he added with a soft chuckle, "But I'm an old man, baby."

You could feel his reluctance, his hesitation born from the years that separated you, yet it did nothing to diminish your desire. If anything, it only fuelled your need to reassure him, to show him that age meant nothing to you. You reached up, your fingers threading through his hair, pulling him closer until his forehead rested against yours. "That's fine," you whispered, your voice tender yet filled with certainty. "I want it all with you, Hugh. Every part of you. Always."

Your words seemed to wash over him, easing the tension from his body. He dipped his head, capturing your lips in a kiss that was as much a promise as it was an expression of his desire. The kiss was slow, deliberate, his lips moving against yours with a gentleness that belied the fire burning within him. His hands began to explore your body, tracing the curves and contours with a reverence that made your skin tingle with anticipation.

He started at your hips, his fingers trailing along the waistband of your clothing before he began to undress you, piece by piece. Each article of clothing was removed with care, as if he were unwrapping a gift he had waited his entire life to open. His eyes followed his hands, drinking in every inch of exposed skin with a hunger that made your breath catch in your throat.

When you were finally bare before him, he paused, his gaze lingering on your chest. The sight of your breasts, soft and inviting, seemed to captivate him. He stared, his eyes filled with a mix of awe and lust, as if he were seeing something sacred. You could feel his breath hitch, the air between you thick with the weight of his desire.

A slow smile spread across your lips as you noticed his fixation. You felt a surge of confidence, knowing how much he adored you, how much he wanted you. With a teasing lilt in your voice, you broke the silence. "Thinking about something, Daddy?"

The question hung in the air, playful yet charged with meaning. Hugh's eyes snapped back to yours, his gaze burning with intensity. For a moment, he said nothing, simply letting the question sink in, letting the desire between you build to a fever pitch. Then, with a low, rumbling chuckle, he leaned down, his lips brushing against your ear as he whispered, "I’m thinking about how much I want to make you mine. Every inch of you."

You gazed up at Hugh, your heart swelling with the intensity of the moment, your voice soft but filled with unshakable certainty. "I'm already yours, Hugh," you whispered, the words slipping from your lips like a sacred vow. The sincerity in your tone seemed to reach deep into his soul, igniting a fire that had been burning for far too long. His eyes darkened with desire, and without another word, he leaned in, his lips finding the delicate curve of your neck.

He kissed you there, his mouth hot against your skin, each press of his lips sending electric shocks of pleasure through your body. He moved slowly, savouring the taste of you, his tongue darting out to tease the sensitive spot just below your ear. You shivered at the sensation, your body instinctively arching towards him, craving more of his touch.

A low, satisfied hum escaped his lips, the sound vibrating against your neck, sending a wave of warmth straight to your core. "Hmm, I want more of you," he murmured, his voice dropping to a husky whisper that made your breath hitch. The depth of his need was palpable, wrapping around you like a physical force, making your heart race and your skin tingle with anticipation.

You let out a soft moan, your hands wandering up his broad back, feeling the muscles shift beneath your fingertips. His skin was warm to the touch, and as you traced the contours of his body, you couldn't help but marvel at the man before you,the man who made you feel desired in a way you had never experienced before.

With deliberate movements, Hugh began to undress himself, his eyes locked on yours, watching your reaction as each piece of clothing fell away. First, his shirt, revealing the strong, defined chest that you had always admired. Then, his pants, leaving him gloriously bare before you. Your breath caught in your throat as you took in the sight of him, every inch of his body a testament to his strength and vitality.

"You know," you began, your voice laced with admiration as your eyes roamed over his form, "you don't look like an old man at all. That body is amazing." The words came out almost in a reverent whisper, as if you were speaking your thoughts aloud without even realizing it.

He chuckled, the sound rich and warm, filling the room with a sense of comfort and familiarity. Leaning down, he captured your lips in a kiss, his mouth soft but insistent against yours. "Thank you, princess," he murmured between kisses, his voice tender yet filled with the heat of his desire.

His hands were on you again, exploring every curve, every dip of your body with a reverence that made you feel cherished and adored. He took his time, mapping out every inch of your skin as if committing it to memory. His touch was electric, leaving a trail of fire in its wake, igniting a burning need deep within you.

Finally, with a smooth, effortless motion, Hugh positioned himself above you. The heat radiating from his body mingled with your own, creating an intoxicating blend of desire and anticipation. As he slid into you, you gasped, the sensation overwhelming in the most delicious way.

"Awe, you're so wet for me," he whispered, his voice filled with awe and satisfaction. He revelled in the way your body responded to him, the way you welcomed him so eagerly. His words sent a jolt of pleasure through you, making your body tighten around him in response. You rolled your eyes playfully at his smugness, but the laughter that bubbled up from your throat betrayed your delight.

"Just fuck me already, like you're twenty," you teased, a daring smile playing on your lips. There was a playful challenge in your tone, a provocation that you knew he wouldn't ignore.

Hugh raised an eyebrow, a devilish grin spreading across his face as he accepted your challenge. "You know I fuck you better than any young man can," he chuckled, his voice dripping with confidence and desire. And with that, he began to move, his hips rolling against yours in a rhythm that started slow and deliberate, each thrust measured and precise, designed to drive you wild.

As he moved within you, your mind began to drift, fueled by the fantasies you had been nurturing for so long. The heat between you intensified, and with it, a thought took root in your mind, one you could no longer suppress. You had been toying with the idea for a while now, the thought of what it would be like to let go completely, to give yourself to him in the most primal way possible.

Your breath quickened as the thought grew more insistent, a desire that you could no longer ignore. "Hugh," you breathed, your voice trembling with a mixture of excitement and nervousness.

He paused, his movements slowing as he looked down at you, concern flickering in his eyes. "What is it, baby?" he asked, his voice gentle, yet tinged with worry.

You hesitated for a moment, the words caught in your throat, but the intensity of your need overpowered your doubts. "I… I want to stop taking birth control," you confessed, the words spilling out before you could second-guess them. "I want you to cum inside me, for real. I want you to make me pregnant."

The impact of your words hit him like a freight train, and for a moment, he simply stared at you, his brain struggling to process what you had just said. His eyes widened slightly, the intensity of his gaze deepening as the full weight of your confession settled over him.

"You're serious?" he asked, his voice barely more than a whisper, as if he couldn't quite believe what he was hearing.

You nodded, your heart pounding in your chest as you reached up to cup his face in your hands. "Yes, Hugh. I want this. I want you to fill me up with your seed, to watch my belly grow with your child. I want to see the way you look at me when you know I've got your baby inside me. I need it."

A primal growl rumbled low in Hugh's throat, his control slipping away as your words broke down the last of his restraint. The thought of you swollen with his child, carrying his legacy, was enough to send his desire spiralling out of control. "Fuck, baby," he groaned, his voice thick with need. "You really want this? You want me to breed you?"

"Yes," you gasped, your body trembling with anticipation. "I want it more than anything. Please, Hugh, give it to me."

That was all he needed to hear. His composure shattered, replaced by an overwhelming urge to claim you, to mark you as his in the most primal way possible. He surged forward, his hips driving into you with a force that made you cry out in pleasure. His movements were no longer controlled, they were wild, frantic, driven by the need to fulfil the promise he had made to you.

"I’m going to fuck you so good," he growled, his voice a low, dangerous rumble. “I'm going to fill you up with my cum until you're dripping with it. You want to be my breeding slut? You want to carry my baby?"

"Yes!" you moaned, your body arching beneath him as he pounded into you with relentless intensity. "I want to be your breeding slut. I want to carry your baby, Hugh!"

His pace quickened, his movements becoming more erratic as he lost himself in the sensation of you wrapped around him. His hands gripped your hips, pulling you closer, deeper, as he thrust into you with a fervor that bordered on desperation. He leaned down, his lips brushing against your ear as he whispered filthy things, his breath hot against your skin.

The room was filled with the sounds of your bodies coming together, the wet slap of skin against skin, the creak of the bed beneath you, and your combined moans of pleasure. Hugh's words sent you spiraling, pushing you closer and closer to the edge. "Fuck, you're so amazing" he groaned, his voice hoarse with need. "So fucking perfect. I'm going to cum so deep inside you. You're going to feel me for days, baby."

His words, his relentless pace, everything was too much, and you could feel your climax building, the tension coiling tightly within you. You were close, so close, and you could tell he was too, the way his movements were becoming more frantic, more desperate.

And then, as the pleasure reached a fever pitch, you screamed out in desperation, "Fuck, make me pregnant, Daddy! I wanna have your kids so fucking bad!"

The sound of your voice, the raw need in your words, was his undoing. With a guttural roar, he let go completely, his hips slamming into yours with a ferocity that left you gasping for breath. He drove into you harder, faster, his body shaking with the force of his impending release.

You felt the world slip away, your vision blurring as the pleasure overwhelmed you, your body tightening around him as you reached your peak. The orgasm hit you like a tidal wave, pulling you under, making you scream his name as your body convulsed beneath him.

Hugh followed you over the edge, his release crashing into him with the same ferocity. He buried himself deep inside you, his body trembling with the force of his orgasm as he spilled into you, filling you up with his seed. The sensation was overwhelming, a flood of warmth that spread through your core, marking you as his in the most primal way possible.

For a moment, the world seemed to stand still, the only sounds in the room were your ragged breaths and the pounding of your hearts, still echoing in your ears. Hugh collapsed beside you, pulling you into his arms, his body still trembling from the intensity of what had just happened. His chest rose and fell heavily, and he buried his face in your hair, pressing soft kisses to the top of your head as you both came down from the euphoric high.

Your body felt like it was floating, still tingling with the aftershocks of your climax. The warmth of Hugh's embrace grounded you, and you nestled closer into his side, feeling the rapid beat of his heart beneath your cheek. The room was filled with a heavy, heady silence, both of you too overwhelmed to speak, lost in the aftermath of the storm you'd just weathered together.

After what felt like an eternity, Hugh finally broke the silence, his voice still rough with lingering desire. "Are you okay?" he asked, concern lacing his tone as he tilted your chin up to meet his gaze. His dark eyes searched yours, seeking reassurance, a flicker of worry crossing his face as if he feared he might have gone too far.

You smiled softly, lifting your hand to brush a strand of hair from his forehead, your touch tender as you reassured him. "More than okay," you whispered, your voice still breathless. "That was incredible, Hugh. I've never felt anything like that."

His eyes softened, the corners crinkling with a smile as he pressed a kiss to your forehead, lingering there for a moment as if savoring the feel of you. "Good," he murmured against your skin, his breath warm and comforting. "I just… you drive me wild, you know that?"

Your heart swelled at his words, and you nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. You felt the same way about him,he brought out a side of you that was uninhibited, raw, and utterly devoted to him. It was exhilarating, and you craved more.

As you lay there, still entwined in each other's arms, the reality of what you'd just done began to settle in. You'd crossed a line, opened a door that couldn't easily be closed, and the thought thrilled you to your core. You'd asked him to make you pregnant, to fill you with his child, and he'd done it with a fervor that spoke to a deep, primal desire within him.

Hugh was the first to break the silence again, his voice soft but serious as he held you close. “So… do you really want kids after all?” His question was gentle, but it carried the weight of something much deeper.

You took a deep breath, considering your words carefully. “I want us to be happy,” you said finally, your voice soft but firm. “And if that means having kids, then maybe we’ll get there eventually. But I’m also scared, Hugh. Scared of what it would mean for you, for us. We have to think about your age, about the time we have…”

He nodded, his eyes serious as he listened to you. “I know,” he murmured. “I think about that too. But we have to face the reality of where we are right now. We can’t ignore it.”

The room was filled with a heavy silence as you both contemplated the gravity of the situation. It wasn’t just about desire or love, it was about time, about the ticking clock that neither of you could stop. You loved Hugh with all your heart, but you couldn’t deny the fear that gnawed at you, the fear that time might not be on your side.

After a long pause, you sighed, leaning your head against his chest as you tried to push aside the worries that plagued you. “Maybe we’ll just see what happens, Hugh,” you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper. “This is just the beginning of our journey together. We don’t have to decide everything right now.”

Hugh’s arms tightened around you, and he pressed a kiss to your forehead, his breath warm against your skin. “You’re right,” he agreed, his voice thick with emotion. “We’ve got time to figure things out. But it’s something we’ll need to think about, sooner rather than later.”

You nodded, the weight of his words settling over you like a blanket. The reality of your situation was something you couldn’t ignore, no matter how much you wanted to. But for now, you were together, and that was what mattered most.

Hugh shifted slightly, his hand running gently up and down your back as he continued to speak. “Before we even get to that point, we need to think about other things too,” he said, his tone more serious now. “Like announcing our relationship to the public. We’ll need to do it slowly, subtly.”

You smiled at his words, appreciating the thoughtfulness behind them, but you couldn’t help the small pang of anxiety that tugged at the back of your mind. The idea of going public with your relationship was daunting, especially considering the scrutiny you both would face. But you knew it was something that would have to happen eventually.

“I know,” you replied, your voice steady but tinged with an underlying tension. “It makes sense, taking things slow. We have to be careful.”

But even as you said the words, the reality of what you were facing began to sink in. The public aspect of your relationship, the challenges of starting a family later in life, it all felt overwhelming, like a storm gathering on the horizon. You tried to push the thoughts aside, to focus on the here and now, but they lingered, a constant reminder of the complexities that lay ahead.

Hugh seemed to sense your unease, and he pulled you closer, his lips brushing against your temple in a gesture of comfort. “We’ll handle it together,” he promised, his voice firm and reassuring. “Whatever comes our way, we’ll face it as a team.”

His words were meant to soothe, and in many ways, they did. But they also served as a reminder of the challenges that lay ahead, challenges that you couldn’t ignore. You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath as you tried to focus on the warmth of Hugh’s embrace, on the love that you knew would carry you through whatever came next.

“I know we will,” you whispered, more to yourself than to him. “But it’s just… a lot to think about.”

Hugh nodded, his lips pressing another soft kiss to your forehead before he settled back into the pillows, his arms still wrapped securely around you. “One step at a time, baby,” he murmured. “We don’t have to have all the answers right now.”

His words were a balm to your anxious thoughts, and you let out a small sigh of relief, allowing yourself to relax in his arms. The road ahead might be uncertain, but for now, you were together, and that was enough.

You smiled softly, feeling the tension begin to ease as you let yourself focus on the present moment, on the steady rhythm of his breathing. “We’ll figure it out, Hugh,” you said quietly. “No matter what, we’ll figure it out.”

He pressed a final, lingering kiss to your forehead before settling back into the pillows, his arms still wrapped securely around you. “Yes, we will,” he agreed, his voice filled with quiet determination.

And as you drifted off to sleep, you held onto that thought, letting it anchor you in the uncertain waters of the future. You didn’t have all the answers, and you didn’t know what lay ahead, but you knew that whatever it was, you would face it together, one step at a time.

taglist (dm if u wanna be added): @ermlady @elloredef @haytchee @melaninjoys @megangovier @blue2jay @hearts4suri @narniabusinessbitch @jadenlyday25 @getmeoutofhell @rockytheluver @stark-ironman @shellbilee @kurcoswife @ru-kru

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Taiwan has one show, but that's all they need

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

April 2024 Wk 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

Two Worlds (Thurs IQIYI) ep 4 of 10 - I don’t say this often but I LOVE this love triangle. The longing gazes = chef's kiss. I like that we are finally getting flashbacks to Tai’s side of the love affaire. This show remains highly engaging. So pleased for MaxNat.  

Deep Night (Thurs iQiyi) ep 5 of 8 - More lesbians! Yay! Meanwhile, when our leads make up they make out! (Yes I’m proud of myself.) I think this might be BLs first rooftop sex scene. We’ve reached new heights, BLabies. (Yes I’m proud of that too.) Anygay, basically a soap opera at this point, I'm not thrilled but I don’t mind.

"Do you apologize for being straight?"

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 10 of 12 - It was lovely. Very well done celebrity leaving the closet ep. Nice ensemble work too. Next week is doom! As expected. 

Only Boo! (Sun YouTube) ep 1 of 12 - New main couple for GMMTV in an idol romance about a boy who dances good and a food stand vendor. It’s fine but overly very pulp feeling for something from GMMTV. I'm a little concerned.

1000 Years Old (Thurs iQIYI) ep 8 of 12 - meh.

To Be Continued (Sat C3 Thailand grey) ep 7 of 8 - Never turned up on my usual sites. So will have to wait until next week. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Unknown (Taiwan Tues YouTube & Viki) ep 7 of 11 - Qian was, indeed, the one who couldn’t let go. This show is fucking fantastic. It's the best thing I'm watching right now by a mile.

Jazz for Two (Korea Gaga/grey) eps 3-8fin - The bully and the blue-haired drummer side pairing were great. I hated the father. Hated him so much. Our main tsundere seme was a bit too tsundere for me. I was v annoyed by the time he finally softened. I'm amused by all the ways they finagled boys kissin-but-not-kissing in the first half of this show. 2024's "pan around the back of the head" has now become a "dipping of the brolly." We did, however, eventually get an okay kiss.

Honestly?

This was basically what I wanted from Given and didn’t get. So I’m pleased. The music still wasn't great, but you can skip those bits. A solid enemies to lovers BL, where the sins of brothers' past haunts the present. Great optics, decent chemistry, and a tidy script even if tsundere characterization went a bit extreme in some cases. 8/10 RECOMMENDED trigger for suicide

Love is Better the Second Time Around AKA Koi wo Suru nara Nidome ga Joto (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 5 of 6 - We got the past betrayal in detail and it was decently bad. Bitterness understood. Too soon to live together! The BL U-Haul strikes again. I do like their weird curry passive aggressive argument. This is an interesting show. Do I LOVE it? No. But I think I like it.

On a not-really-related note: adoption, including adult adoption, is actually pretty common in Japan (comparatively). It's often tied to business scionism.

My Strawberry Film (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 8fin - It all turned out to be a tragic GL in the end. Not BL = not my problem. No rating. I will forget its existence right about… now. 

Love is like a Cat (Korea Mon Viki) eps 1-2 of 12 - Okay, weirdly kinky with the head scratching. Not much has happened and I’m not wild about what has. 

It's done, ready to binge, but I suck

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps

It's airing but...

We Are (Weds GMMTV iQIYI) ep 1 of 16 - University ensemble BL featuring PondPhuwin, WinnySatang, AouBoom, MarcPawinPoon - basically the good kind of messy gay friendship group (so more My Engineer and less Only Friends). Looks a bit like the Kiss series but everyone is queer. I'm IN but I need my other computer and I'm traveling as usual. So I'll get caught up next week and probably won't regularly be able to watch this one.

Graduation Countdown (Taiwan YouTube) - It's too much for me to keep up with 2 minute verticals, I don't have that kind of TikTok endurance training.

A Secretly Love (Thai Sat WeTV grey) 10 eps - Completed. Worth watching?

Lady Boy Friends (Thai WeTV grey) 16 eps - reminds me a bit too much of Diary of Tootsies only high school. Not my thing. DNF unless it turns a corner and is truly amazing.

Kiseki Chapter 2 (Sun iQIYI) 6 eps - It’s so boring DNFed at 2.

Close Friend Season 3: Soju Bomb! (Weds iQIYI) 6 - The problem with situational comedy BL is it must be situational, comedic and a BL. This show gets 1 of 3 claims correct. 33% is not a passing grade. Dropped at 3.

In the news

Takumi-kun Series 6: Nagai Nagai Monogatari is getting the undeserved honor of Furritsubs. Follow them for details. Tip 'em if you like 'em. (Will I watch it? Oh, probably. Damn it.)

Then Next Prince turned out to be a trailer only. Word on the webs is we will be lucky if we get it this year. It’s BL Princess Diaries. Jimmy has a new pairing (that boy from Night Dream) which is... interesting. All in all, this show does not look good. Pretty but not good.

Next Week Looks Like This:

4/11 Gray Shelter AKA Gray Currents (Korea ????) 4 eps - SooHyuk is only just surviving and reunites with YoonDae, an old friend. They end up living together. One of the leads is played by Choco of Choco Milk Shake.

4/12 Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - Kindly Ryota goes off to uni only to find his new roommate is his childhood bestie, Kazuhito. Kazuhito doesn’t have a girlfriend and Ryota tries to help him figure out why, they fall in love along the way. Same director as Old Fashion Cupcake.

Still to Come in April

4/18 At 25:00, in Alaska AKA 25 Ji, Akasaka de (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - Yuki lands his first starring role in a BL drama alongside superstar Asami (previously his senior at uni). Said superstar suggests they form a sham relationship until filming concludes. As they actually begin to fall in love, the spotlight begins to burn. I think I've seen this before (joke) and also the trailer doesn't inspire confidence.

4/26 My Stand-In (Thai iQIYI) 12 eps - adaptation of Chinese novel "Professional Body Double" by Shui Qiang Cheng. Stars Up (Lovely Writer) and Poom (Bake Me Please) directed by the same team as KP (not a recommendation IMHO - my biggest criticism of that show was the clashing directing styles). This one looks well complicated, lemme try: Joe is a stuntman for famous actor Tong. Joe falls in love with Ming but Ming sees Joe as nothing more than a Tong-replacement. After learning this horrible truth, Joe dies. Joe then wakes up in the body of another man also named Joe. He manages to rebuild the same life as before—with the same people eventually re-meeting Ming. Ming wants Joe back but Joe doesn't understand why. But Ming seems to know what's going on and wants to give him some kind of explanation.

I'm exhausted just trying to describe the plot.

Knock-Knock Boys (Thai WeTV) - 4 college friends conspire to help their friend lose his virginity. Familiar faces like Seng (yes, Billy's previous partner) and Best, news here.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

NOTE: It looks like one of my personal favorites of last year Unintentional Love Story is getting a spin off!

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

See City of Stars & Unknown.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are too much work.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will add you to the template. Easy peesy.

[sweet-as-an-angel]

Heya!! can i request for yandere john wick (headcannons or give anything will work)

You probably know which Anon i am. Please forgive me i got a little too happy cuz you write so good for such good stuff!

Yandere John Wick Headcanons

Warnings: Obsessive Behaviour, Stalking, Snooping, Very Brief Implication of Smut, Just John in Love <333, No Pronouns used for Reader except ‘You.

A/N: I wanted to get these out before I watch the new John Wick film; one which I have been waiting for for the last 4 years <3

O B S E S S I V E

Absolutely an obsessive lucid yandere – he may be in love, but he’s not delusional.

Regardless of whether you came before or after Helen, John knows how cut-throat his profession is; how quickly everything can go from an is to a was.

Thus, nothing is certain. Not you, not him, not your relationship.

So when he realises he’s in love with you – a process as gradual as the construction of Earth itself – he’s never letting you out of his sight.

This might manifest as something as subtle as him visiting you more than usual, staying, longer during movie nights, trying to get you to spend the night more often; inconspicuous displays of a strengthening friendship you and John had accrued over the last couple years or so.

But, unbeknownst to you, he’s around even when you’re unaware.

An unmarked black car parked a house or two down the street, shielded by the shadows of the trees as moonlight casts a stark white against the black.

An inconspicuously-dressed civilian who’s been sat on that park bench for the last two hours as you read your book.

And, eventually, the tiny camera attached underneath your sofa, monitoring every coming and going of your house.

You know about none of this, of course.

Sure, you may have suspicions that the car down the street – one you’ve never seen before in your life – could be doing something… but who were you to judge ? There could be a perfectly logical explanation !

But John keeps enough of himself – and you – in the dark so you’d never suspect him.

I mean, why would you ? He’s John Wick ! Nicest, quietest guy on the block.

If ever he’s on a mission; John relies on that camera more than he’s like to admit.

In his downtime, while resting up at the Continental, he’ll check his phone, see that you’ve gone to the kitchen to make something or other, and wait for you to return to the sofa until he can put his phone away.

Even with his logical mind, he can’t help but fall partial victim to his superstition that, once you reach the sofa, nothing bad can happen to you.

The idea of putting up more cameras has crossed his mind.

Multiple times.

But you’re attentive. You’d notice something as small as a little blinking light a mile off.

Hencewhy he takes to manual surveillance when he’s not out earning a thriving.

He also lowkey interrogates you.

“You found a boyfriend yet ?”

You give a sharp laugh.

“If I had, you’d be the first to know,”

You already tell John practically everything that happens to you – as best friends do – but whenever you ask John something similar, he’ll skirt around your questions.

“No time for that,” he’ll tell you whenever you try to identify the new mystery partner in his life.

“You’re always so busy, John-John !”

Ah, his nickname. A mythic specialty no other has had the privilege to call him.

And John gives a rare smile.

“I’m never too busy for you.”

And you know he means it.

Whenever you need him, he’s there.

And you try to be there for him as much as possible, but given how elusive he is, he rarely seems to need it.

You want to help as best you can, regardless.

So, one day, out of the blue, you hand John a set of keys.

He’s a smart man. But he can’t wrap his head around what you’re trying to tell him.

And when he stares at you with a narrowed look, your eyes roll, the edges of your lips curling up.

“They’re keys, John,” you say. And you gesture around the living room, general in your manner. “To my house.”

And John stares at you for a moment. Then two.

“(Y/N), I’m not trained to be a housekeeper.”

“Oh my god, John–”

You have to explain to him that you’re not trying to get him to clean your house or care for it. You’re opening it up to him.

“I trust you more than anyone else to know how everything works here,” you say, a hand on his shoulder. He’s trying to keep dead eye contact with you, but the feeling of your fingers holding him with a softness he’s never known is like being branded.

“So,” you smile. “If you ever need it for anything, you can get in.”

Honestly, John has been granted few mercies in his time; makeshift alliances with murderers who were loyal to none, not even themselves, his life saved only by his ability to barter and his renowned skill for death. And never are these mercies granted without a price.

So to have you gift him a set of keys to the place you are most vulnerable takes John a while to come to terms with, shall we say.

Remember earlier when I mentioned John’s idea to install more cameras ?

Well, now you’ve given him a perfect in.

Plus, he now has access to all your personal belongings.

At first, he did try to restrain himself.

Trust me, he did.

But, as the days grew into weeks, your keys sat on his bedside, glinting under any source of light that could find its way inside.

And, as if the Gods aligned circumstance on his favour, you would be away from home for a week.

A trip to such-and-such a place – John had the address memorised even before you did.

You’d best believe that, although he initially had his reservations about 1.) you going on the trip, and 2.) using your absence as a means to snoop around your home, John is not immune to whim and fancy. Especially when it came to you.

He’s phantasmic; he leaves no trace, not even fingerprints as he prowls your apartment, looking for…well, anything, really.

He avoids stooping so low as to rifle through your underwear drawer like a stalker. Instead, he uses what he likes to call ‘environmental storytelling’ to make deductions about you.

He’s a very intuitive, perceptive individual, so the story of your everyday routing unfolds for him as if he were reading a book.

And, yes, the temptation to peek at the…less savoury pieces of your inventory did become overwhelming when he could no longer be satiated with the literature you consumed, the worn look of your favourite outfit, your secret money stash you kept in the biscuit tin in the kitchen.

To make a long story short, John walked out your house with a short of yours.

And, when he got home, he did the only thing he could think to do.

He put it on a pillow and pretended it was you.

Cuddles with it whenever he’s missing you. Or sad.

Maaay have cried into it on more than one occasion.

Maaay have done…other things to it when he wasn’t feeling upset.

He’s absolutely paranoid that you’ll find it one day, despite his aptitude at covering his tracks, so he tries not to invite you to his house as much as he can.

However, as your friendship progresses further, that’s unavoidable.

While you may not be dating yet, just know that John holds you in the highest of regards, and he’ll never let anything – including himself – hurt you.

Just ignore his eye wandering to the walk-in cupboard in the hallway; that’s just where he’s kept his imitation of you.

Reblog for more content like this! It helps creators like myself tremendously and it is greatly appreciated :-)

Masterlist Masterpost

Yandere Masterlist Juicy Original Content <3

[svltzmans]

Tbh I am completely obsessed with the idea of Fiona Gallagher x fem! Milkovich reader

fiona gallagher x fem!milkovich!reader headcanons

a/n: i'm back to writing <3 thanks to you all for sticking around during my weird hiatus

warnings: kissing/making out, this is all fluffy and silly sorry, i also didn't proofread at all, sorry again, this is not very good at all but i'm a little rusty :/

mickey was so certain that he was the only gay sibling

he didn't expect it from you at all, even though you were sure you made it obvious

when you told him, the first thing that came out of his mouth was a sarcastic remark about there only being room for one gay person in the family

but in reality, he was happy to not be alone

when mickey and ian started dating, you'd cross paths with ian quite often

and you grew to really like him, witnessing him bring mickey out of his shell

around the same time, you met fiona by chance at the alibi

it just so happened that fiona's best friend worked at the bar you met your friends at that night

and when fiona stopped by to see v, she was immediately distracted by you

luckily for her, the feeling was mutual

and she brought you home that night, planting a kiss to your lips when you finally got back to the gallagher house

mickey and ian walk downstairs, and it's impossible to hear them over your focus on kissing fiona

"y/n?"

your brother just stares blankly as he realizes what's happening

"what are you doing here?" you mutter in response to his confusion

"i'm dating ian."

"wait, y/n, how do you know mickey?" fiona had asked, still confused by the situation

"he's my brother," you had said, deadpan

after a few seconds, the whole room had erupted in laughter

bc the whole thing was just so ridiculous

but you and fiona kept seeing each other, and eventually officially started dating

at which point, you started running into mickey at the gallagher house a lot

always teasing him about how much he likes ian

but he would CLOCK you back about fiona 😭

fiona already liked mickey, but when she found out you were related she liked him even more

you're still her favorite though <3

it's refreshing for fiona to have happy relationships surrounding her

she's so grateful to be able to provide that for you too

she's obsessed with taking you on dates, even if it's just going to the park for a walk or to visit kev and v at the alibi

she likes to show you she cares in every way she can

she never wants you to feel unappreciated or unwanted, her biggest fear is making you feel the way she did in her past

she's just overall an amazing girlfriend

and your relationship brought you a new friendship with ian and a stronger bond with your brother

[towriteloveontheirarms]

Jealousy (Sihtric Kjartansson x reader)

synopsis: An order from Uthred has Sihtric and you in a situation that is less than to both of your liking, for very seperate reasons. However it also brings to light more than what you were sent there to do.

warnings: Sihtric being jealous (obvi), smut but nothing too graphic, p in v, love confessions, afab reader

word count: 1.8k

taglist: @hopelesswritergall @foxyanon @sihtricfedaraaahvicius

(If you want to be tagged in the `kissing booth AU´, for a specific character/fandom or in general let me know in my asks, comments or DMs)

A/N: Thank you @wildchild2707 for the lovely request! I´m sorry it took a bit to actually get to and finish it. I still hope you like it!<3

Dividers by me

You thought it was a bad idea, but when Uthred had come to you the previous night to talk to you about his plans for you and Sihtric to secretly spy on another clan of Danes that had settled to draw the borders between Daneland and the remaining land ruled by Saxons even further, you couldn't deny him. Still, you spend the whole night awake with all sorts of bad feelings swirling in your stomach. It was one thing not to let the others know where you went, but to stage a fight... It wouldn't have been your first choice. The allegiance of the men surrounding you seemed to waver from day to day as it was already. Of course, Uthred wouldn´t hear any of these concerns. According to your leader the clan was prone to violent behaviour just because they could and made up of many different country men. Your knowledge of languages would come in practical according to Uthred, but the prospect of being able to use your knowledge didn´t make you any happier. Instead of planning a staged fight, he should have been planning the attack that wiped out the clan. A deep sigh left your lungs as you sit with the others, waiting for the operation to start. The sound luckily goes unnoticed by Finan and Osferth, who are too busy with their own banter to pay attention to their surroundings. It was driving you crazy. They had fought against Danes alongside women before. What made you so different from them that you weren’t good enough to do something you were easily capable of. At least in his eyes. He had seen you fight and now when he had the chance to harness your power, he was going so far as to even put someone by your side to, what, secure everything would go to plan? Sihtric breaks your line of thought by 'provoking' Uthred, catching the attention of everyone sitting around in the tavern. It was a mess with the two men 'arguing´ while Finan tried to intervene and conciliate them, of course to no avail. After several fruitless attempts you begrudgingly play your part.

“Sihtric.” You call out to him with a firm voice. Surprisingly having his attention immediately. The brown puppy eyes search yours as you continue to speak in a calming tone. “Let us go.”

The two of you make your way away from the ground. Ignoring the off handed comment from somewhere in the crowd about how whipped Sihtric must be to follow you so easily and how you had him henpecked. It made your blood boil and fists clench tightly to be reduced to this caricature of an angry housewife, but you had to prepare for the coming night.

When everyone finally goes to sleep, you sneak to the stables, take your horses and begin the journey to the new camp. It is tough, but you get accepted by them eventually and trusted enough to collect the information you want to get. Yet the longer you stay there, a change settles over your life, that no one could have foreseen.

Your plan going into the mission was to get in get the information and get out. To get involved with anyone as little as possible. If only plans always worked out the way they are supposed to.

Over time, you grew closer to one of the men. He had to be a few years older, yet you found yourself sparring with him often and even outside of that, something akin to the sentiments of a friendship formed between the two of you. Even if it admittedly made Sihtric quite huffy, you felt like Krystof saw you for all of you, there were no lingering or lusting glances or looks of underestimation and that felt nice, it truly did. It was a welcome change, even if the simple sight of it soured not only Sihtric's mood, but also the friendship you had once shared. If one could have called it that before, it surely wasn't anymore now. Discussions of what information you had gathered and steps to take from then on were laced with sarcastic comments of all kinds. Every single one going ignored or being answered by a roll of your eyes. You told him often enough why you were leaning into the affectionate behaviour of some of the men. It is not until one dinner that you get an explanation ass to where these remarks stemmed from.

Krystof and you sat together, eating and talking with your heads close together as to understand each other over the noise of the others, when you catch Sihtric shooting you another one of those sour looks.

“You are aware he is far beyond wanting to simply hump you, right?” Krystof asks with a conspiratorial grin.

“Do not be silly now.” You scold him, but the smile on your face is firm in its place.

“I am not being silly; this is a man deep in love if I have ever seen one. A very jealous one at that.” He insists.

You look over to Sihtric who looks about ready to murder the entire settlement by himself. Quickly and to not raise suspicion, you turn back away from him, but barely get enough time to open your mouth to say something to your new friend, when someone taps you on the shoulder.

“We need to talk.” Sihtric began. The words not a question, but a statement. “Now.”

“Are you feeling well Sihtric? You are quite red in the face.” You noted the state he was in. Breath heaving his chest, fists clenched and a red tint colouring his face.

“Yes, I have never been better. I need to talk to you.” He insists.

“What is this about? You have been behaving so differently ever since we arrived here.” You question the dark-haired man as the two of you enter the empty stables nearby.

“Do you seriously have to ask why?” His answer is more affected and rawer than you would´ve thought it would be, making your heart skip a beat in surprise.

“Would you please just explain it to me?” You ask this time with more insistence.

For a moment there is silence between the two of you while Sihtric is struggling to find the right words.

However, the moment concludes with not a verbal answer, but his rough hands cupping your face and as your eyes widen and your heartbeat accelerates, he pulls you in to press his lips to yours. Expressing every feeling he harbours for you with the touch. It takes a moment to process what is happening, moving you to pull away from him.

“The depth of the affections I have felt for you since the moment I first laid my eyes on you is too far to ever be accurately put into words. Out of respect of your lack of interest in romantic relationships I swore myself to stay away, but seeing you fully lean into the pretty words those men poured into your ear like honey, drives me wild. Tell me, what changed so suddenly?” Sihtric's words are raw with emotion. So much that it would have stunned you, where you a different person.

“Sihtric, you would not have to ask this if you heard the way any of Uhtred’s men talked about women? Even the women who fought along them? We are nothing more than objects in the end. Here I am recognized for the qualities I have, not the ones that men wish I would have. Besides, it got me a ton of information we otherwise might not have gotten at all.” You doubt your words will make much of a change, yet Sihtric seems to always be good for a surprise.

He pulls you close once more, the hold on your body is gentle enough for you to pull away should you wish to, but still firm enough to show his intention.

“If you allow me, I will prove to you that I am not like them.” He whispers against your lips, waiting for a sign of your consent.

Which follows in the form of a nod and a whispered “Yes.”

In the blink of an eye his lips crash onto yours again in what this time is a reciprocated kiss. Your lips move together in perfect synchronisation. Languid movements speak the depth of your affections for each other into the world. Your hands move to wander over his strong upper arms, feeling the muscles tense underneath. All the while the dark-haired man pushes you backwards to lay against the stack of hay, never once breaking the sweet, yet passionate kiss.

Your heart beats wildly against your ribcage, warm breath huffing against his face like his does yours.

“I have dreamt of this forever.” Sihtric muttered.

His hands are all over you. Caressing you with the most reverend touches anyone has ever graced you with, making your heart beat out of your chest as the two of you begin to undress each other slowly. Hands moving over ever inch of skin as it gets exposed. Everything about this moment steals the words and thoughts right from your brain. In truth you had been feeling much the same for him, yet you had never seen a chance for the two of you to be together like this.

“You are a goddess.” Sihtric´s quiet voice in your ear pulls you from the attempt at coherent thought.

His surprisingly soft lips ghost over the shell of your ear, but the tingling is soon overshadowed by his hard length running through your folds to tease before positioning himself at your entrance. With slow, deliberate movements he pushes inside of your tight hole, setting a steady pace. Even the dull feeling of fullness only aids in the conveying of the affection the two of you have for each other. This isn't senseless humping. With expert moves Sihtric brings you closer to climax.

A string of desperate “I love you”´s falls from your lips uncontrollably, like a prayer, voice raw from whining and moaning.

Each one is answered by Sihtric calmingly shushing you as one of his hands caressed your forehead, eventually settling to rest against your cheek.

Your eyes move up to meet his and Sihtric bows his head to lean his forehead against yours.

“I have always loved you.” He mutters breathily.

His lips capture yours to muffle the louder growing whines and whimpers and with steady, deliberate, perfect rolls of his hips, you are made to feel the waves of pleasure crash over you. Your legs tighten behind his back to pull him close as your hips shake and walls flutter until he follows off the edge. Shooting his seed into your cunt until he has no more to give.

The two of you remain there until you hear voices filing out of the hall, basking in the afterglow of your love making and each other’s presence now that the tension had been dissolved. You were aware that there were still things to talk about probably, but now was not the time.

[servantserah]

✨ A guide to my Good Omens comics, fics and AUs ✨

Finally a new, reworked version! I've tried to compile this list with all my comics, AUs, fanfictions etc with links and tags to help everyone navigate them better! Please let me know if there are any questions or you'd like me to add/change something!

👇👇 Click "read more" to get to the full list! 👇👇

Please note that this list only includes AUs and works that consist of several parts/are a series; one shot comics are not listed here.

All of these works can also be found on my instagram, some of them on Twitter/X under the same tags.

🌱 Myosotis 🌱

Main comic (completed):

Myosotis is a flower, also known as ‘Forget-me-not’. It symbolizes faithful love and memories. According to a German legend, God forgot naming this flower and said “I forgot you once, I shall never forget you again.” This comic takes place one year after the events of Good Omens season 1. Crowley and Aziraphale have lost all their memories about each other. They meet again, thinking the other is human and feeling drawn towards each other, they soon develop a strong connection.

➡️ Start reading ⬅️ | Tag: #myosotisAU

-

Myosotis: Falter (completed):

This mini comic takes place 3 years after the conclusion of the Myosotis comic. Crowley and Aziraphale spend a rainy night at home when they get an unexpected visitor.

➡️ Start reading ⬅️ | Tag: #myosotis falter

-

So, you stopped Armageddon! ...Now what? (completed)

This fanfiction takes place after the final scene of season 1. Crowley and Aziraphale celebrate their newfound freedom and Crowley wonders if and how things between him and the angel were going to change. And what should they do now that they’ve retired? So many doors have opened before them all at once, it’s a little overwhelming.

➡️ Start reading ⬅️ | Tag: #SYSA! ...NW?

-

Crêpes (onging)

This comic takes place after the events of Good Omens season 2 and shows how Crowley deals with Aziraphale leaving.

➡️ Start reading ⬅️ | Tag: #Good Omens crepes

⚜️ GoodGardenerAU (ggAU for short) ⚜️

In this AU Warlock actually is the Antichrist and his demonic Nanny Lilith 'Ash' Ashtoreth has been tasked to take care of him and ensure he brings upon Armageddon. What happens when the Antichrist's nanny is actually a terrible demon who doesn't want Armageddon to happen, who forms deep friendships with the other humans at the ambassador's estate and, worst of all, falls in love with the human gardener? This AU isn't one consistent long comic, but a collection of several shorter comics, fanfictions and artworks. They are listed chronologically below.

Tag: #GoodGardenerAU

-

Lilium (completed):

This comic tells the story of how Ash became Warlock's nanny.

➡️ Start reading ⬅️ | Tag: #ggAULilium

-

Three Months (ongoing):

This fanfiction takes places immediately after the events of Lilium and is a glimpse into Ash's first three months living at the Dowling estate. It showcases their mental struggles and how they eventually let down their walls to befriend some of their new colleagues (among them the estate's gardener) and start their process of healing from millennia of trauma.

➡️ Start reading ⬅️ | Tag: #ggAU three months

-

Why It Doesn't Snow (completed)

A mini comic where Ash and Francis uncover the mystery of why it has stopped snowing in the area ever since Warlock’s birth.

➡️ Start reading ⬅️ | Tag: #ggAUsnow

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Ineffable Uncles (completed)

This comic is part of the Good Omens/ggAU Multiverse. Aziraphale and Crowley offer to watch over their AU niece Eden (Francis and Ash's daughter) for a weekened. What could go wrong?

➡️ Start reading ⬅️ | Tag: #ggAUineffableUncles

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ggAU Skyrim AU

An AU of my AU? Yes, sue me. This is a The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim AU for my GoodGardenerAU. It takes place in the world and rough timeline of the game. Ash is a Dunmer working at Braidwood Inn in Kynesgrove who seems to live a second, secret life in the shadows. Francis is a Nord working at Hollyfrost farm outside of Windhelm. Warlock is the Nord son of two busy trades people at Windhelm. Ash has been babysitting him since he was young. He is a normal boy who just so happens to have a special soul residing within him.

Tags: #ggAUSkyrim

These are AUs that exist but I sadly don't draw very often.

📚 Untitled Ineffable Wives AU 📚

This AU is still in progress! Aziraphale is a human working at her family's bookstore, while Crowley is a naga stranded in the human world. I won't give more details until I have it all more refined. They're very much lesbians in this.

Tag: #untitled wives au

-

🧙🏼‍♂️ Ineffable Hobbit AU 🧙🏼‍♂️

An AU that takes place in Tolkien's Middle Earth, set primarily during the events of The Hobbit movies. Aziraphale Bilbo Baggins lives a quiet but peaceful life in The Shire until a wizard and thirteen dwarves drag him into an adventure to reclaim the dwarven mountain kingdom of Erebor from the terrible dragon Smaugley…. Only that Smaugley doesn’t seem all that terrible.

Tag: #IneffableHobbitAU

[folkloresthings]

BECCA!! Congrats on 1k, I love your writing and I’m glad so many other people do too <3

NORTHANGER ABBEY — send a muse + your favourite trope and i’ll write a drabble/blurb.

Could you do Sebastian Vettel + pining/unrequited love but with a happy end? (Kind of à la Amy & Laurie in little women??)

AMY AND LAURIE CODED!!! spot the little women refs

SOMEDAY. ❨ sebastian vettel x reader ❩

✩⡱ warnings: mention of v*mit

the light of sebastian’s presence had lit your life for as long as you could — or wanted to remember. young when you’d first met, you at nineteen and him twenty—four, donning his red bull gear and a world championship. the bar in which you had met wasn’t anything special, tucked away in the heart of valencia. you were travelling with friends, he was working his way towards his second championship.

it was easy to spot him across the bar, all blonde curls and dazzling eyes. a woman hung on his arm, whispering in his ear while a friend—of—a—friend introduced you both. he’d barely looked at you, probably to preoccupied with how the woman’s hands were wandering further south by the minute.

your best friend was more of a racing fan than you, and had coincidentally planned the route of your travels across europe to coincide with the grand prix schedule. the next time you saw him was in budapest, nursing the same drink he’d had in spain but arms bare of playthings for the night.

“vodka soda, please.”

“i remember you,” he had slurred, pointing aimlessly towards you as you spoke across to the barman. “valencia!”

you assumed his exclamation of the city was his connecting of the dots, so you sent him a nod and a small smile. “yeah, we both know joseph.”

“joseph, right,” sebastian mused, vague familiarity dancing across his features. “good guy.”

he looked just as handsome that night as he had in valencia, though slightly drunker. you had heard the tales of the good—looking german driver, your friend spent most of your train journeys across countries gushing about him and half a dozen other names you didn’t recognise.

“here, my treat,” sebastian quickly cut across you before you could pay, shoving a few euros into the barman’s hand. you didn’t bother arguing — he was a world famous formula one driver and you were a full time university student. he could afford a vodka soda better than you could.

“thank you, sebastian.”

“you’re welcome…” he trailed off, searching desperately in his memory for your name.

“y/n,” you offered, a grin tugging at your lips. you couldn’t find it in yourself to be annoyed at his lack of attention, not when his eyes were shining up at you the way they were. he repeated it, your birthright sounding far nicer on his tongue than your own. he’d shaken your hand then, ordering an apology round of shots for his “shameful behaviour”.

a few hours later, you held his belongings as he vomited into an empty alleyway. the streets of budapest were practically deserted, town clock chiming three in the morning. sebastian’s challenge of shot after shot soon became a competition with only himself, ending up much drunker than yourself and with no one around to supervise his stupidity.

thankfully, tucked somewhere in his pocket, was the address of his hotel. you got him there, eventually, after a few stops to sit down or sebastian’s several attempts to climb a wall. you took him all the way to him room, getting him into bed and leaving a note and some painkillers by his side.

from then on, you were friends. even when you went back to university, he did all he could to fly you out to races and let you see a little more of the world. australia, japan, abu dhabi… you’d been there to see him win every world championship, to hug him and celebrate with one too many drinks afterwards. you were still always the one to tuck him in after.

the only problem was, amongst this wonderful friendship, you were completely and utterly in love with him.

he didn’t feel the same. you figured that out one night in monaco when he took you for dinner and snuck you down to the beach afterwards. you kissed him on the sand, naive and innocent, only twenty and unsure of what this would mean. he’d been kind about it, sweet as ever, letting you indulge yourself before letting you down slowly.

“maybe someday, when you’re older.”

his words played in your mind like a broken record every birthday from them on. would this be the year? you tried going out with other boys, but none of them compared to him. your sebastian. every year you got older, so did he, and soon you were twenty—six and him thirty—one.

in those years, you were glad for his wise, older words. they’d kept your friendship intact, giving you your person — the one you could talk to in good times and bad. no matter how painful your love for him was, never fading over time, you kept it all down for the sake of keeping him in your life.

“penny for your thoughts?” sebastian’s usual teasing tone pulls you from your thoughts, the montage of your relationship playing in your head. you glance up at him, forcing on a smile.

“sorry, zoned out for a minute,” you breathed out a laugh, smoothing down the skirt of your dress in the mirror. “how do i look? do i look alright?”

sebastian took a moment to let his eyes rake over your body. the dress was a pale blue colour, adorned with pale white flowers that floated about your ankles. he could only describe it as soft, a light summer dress that moved with the wind but hugged your lines perfectly. god, you were heavenly.

“you look beautiful. you are beautiful.” sebastian’s face had softened considerably, looking at you in a way that could almost be mistaken for love. you stare at him, yearning to decipher the thoughts in his head, but you come up empty.

inhaling some feeling back into your body, you move from his gaze. “i better go. robb will be waiting.”

robb. sebastian had been with you when you met. a grand event, drivers and socialites alike. sebastian had gone to get you both a drink when he returned to find the man flirting with you. you were smiling and laughing, your hand finding it’s place on the man’s arm. sebastian turned on his heel and left you to it, finishing both of your drinks in his stride.

since then, you had been to dinner with robb twice. he was charming, funny and sweet, knew just how to woo you. admittedly, you struggled to find the spark that people often spoke of, but you were willing to pass it up for a chance at some kind of romance. sebastian, however, found himself battling with this strange feeling in his stomach every time you spoke to him about robb.

he could feel it again now, watching you skip off to meet your date. twisting and tugging, nausea rising in his chest. it was a new feeling, and one that he hated having. it was selfish of him but he couldn’t help it — you had been his for so long, only his, and now you were slipping away.

“ — but it’s far too cold there to live all year…” chuckling at robb’s latest tale, you felt the words on your tongue fade as he appeared nearby. you had told sebastian where you and robb were going, a small jazz bar with expensive cocktails and live music. so why had he come?

“seb?”

he smiled, brows furrowing in faux confusion. “oh, hey you two. fancy seeing you here.”

if looks could kill, sebastian would be six feet under by now. your glare was cold, but missed completely by robb as he engaged in conversation with your friend. for the next thirty minutes, you didn’t say a word. you didn’t get a chance, with robb asking sebastian a million questions on racing and the latter gladly entertaining him.

“excuse me,” you muttered, grabbing your bag and pushing yourself from the chair. your date barely noticed, staring at a picture on sebastian’s phone. the blonde watched you go, snatching his device back and following you without a second thought.

“hey, y/n! wait!” he hurried after you down the street, struggling to keep up with your hurried pace. “y/n!”

his arm reached out to grab you, spinning you on your heel to face him. he knew with one look that you were mad, and he suddenly regretted every choice he’d made that evening. “what?”

“where are you going?” he asked, rather sheepish.

“i’m going home, sebastian,” your voice was sharp, cheeks red with anger and embarrassment. “my date seems pretty occupied with you in there, so i’m leaving.”

“no, wait…” he grappled desperately, grabbing at your wrist again to keep you there. his lips part, searching for an excuse, but nothing comes out.

“you knew i was coming here tonight! why would you show up when you knew?” seething, tears pricked at your eyes. you cursed yourself for the german making you such a mess. “i told you how excited i was and you purposely came to ruin it! why?”

sebastian sighed, silent. all of that jealously turned to hatred, for himself and his stupid, stupid heart. “i’m sorry.”

you looked at him, waiting for more. needing more than just that.

“i’m sorry, i just — i hated seeing you so happy,” as soon as it was out, as soon as he saw your face twist, he knew it didn’t sound right. “no, shit. not like that. i wasn’t the one making you happy and it felt awful. i didn’t want to see you with anyone else. y/n… i’ve been such an idiot.”

the words sunk in as he tried to tangle his fingers in you, squeezing himself closer to you in the street. your head shook, backing away with every inch he moved closer.

“no, no. seb, don’t do this,” you muttered, ignoring his pleas for your forgiveness. you felt dizzy, all of this coming to soon. “seb, you’re being mean. stop it.”

with your voice sterner, he took a step back.

“i’ve waited for you for seven years. i waited and you never came, but the second i find somebody else you figure it out?” tongue laced with disbelief, you felt your feet stumble on the cobbles below. sebastian reached out to you, worry crossing his face. he felt terrible. he’d put you through so much and expected even more.

“i know,” sebastian whispered, daring to step closer again. you let him now, proving yourself weak to his affection once again. his hand finds your cheek, warming it from the night air, your head resting against his hold. “i’m a fool. i didn’t realise it before but i’ve been in love with you for so long. i don’t know when it happened, but it did. and there’s nothing i can do about it but beg you to forgive me.”

your eyes turn soft, melting into his confessional. everything you’d waited for and dreamed of, the words that haunted you for years of sleepless nights. it was happening and none of it felt real. seven years of wanting it, and now you were hesitant.

“will you forgive me?” sebastian pleads, thumbs rubbing gently at the flesh of your cheeks. his lips, ready for yours, but not until you are. “i’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. i promise.”

you smile, because how can you not? when he’s looking at you like you’re the one who hung the moon and the stars — but he’s the sun. your sun, your light, your love.

“yes.” it’s a whisper when it finally comes, but he hears it. his own smile creeps up, squeezing you in delight.

“yes?” he repeats, waiting for you to confirm it again. you do, and he wastes no time in kissing you. not like that night on the beach, young and unsure, but full of love and certainty. because he loves you, with everything he is, and he needs to show you. all soft lips and daring tongues, arms winding around your waist to pull you flush to him.

he loves you and you love him. at the end of the day, or seven years, there’s nothing else that really matters.

[llamaisllama777]

THE DAILY*/WEEKLY* LAES,TSAMS,EAPS REVIEW SHOW!!!

Off the bat with an amazing episode.

I LOVED this episode. We're finally getting into all the trauma Moon has faced. Everything he's ever done. Everything he ever did. It's all coming back, and he's really not doing well. He was too afraid of Nexus to help Sun.

Moon was afraid. MOON. WAS. AFRAID.

I never thought I'd hear those words.

This episode also made me realize that Moon's sacrifice really did mean nothing! Moon died for nothing. Killcode got to live for a bit, but he still died. Moon's death led to the creation of New Moon/Nexus. If Moon had just accepted his killcode instead of trying to get rid of it, none of this would have happened. Moon's death really did do more harm than good.

Earth really came in clutch here. This was basically a pseudo-therapy episode. (I miss those episodes. Those episodes were always neat)

Earth, you say you may not know what to say sometimes or you don't know what to do but when you do you really do!

I'm also glad Earth and Monty are being more honest with the other cause they are really cute, and I want these characters to be happy.

NEXT EPISODE...

Jack and Sun? Hanging out? YYYYEEEESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I loved this episode a lot, too. It's nice to Jack and Sun finally getting a chance to bond while Solar, Moon, and Monty battle the little barbershop of horrors plant outside. Sun and Jack actually make decent friends. I hope we get more of them hanging out and their dynamic. I loved how Jack finally was able to tell Sun that he felt threatened by Sun's friendship with Dazzle. I was hoping they would eventually talk that out, and I'm so glad it happened!

Things I learned in today's episode

1. Jack doesn't like ranged weapons like guns. (He likes throwing knives, though)

2. Jack has seen every James Bond film. Jack is a Bond fan.

3. Jack can kill a man with a pencil

4. Monty can build anything out of anything

Also, I really hope someone draws a picture of Jack dressed as V from V for Vendetta! Please, someone, draw that! I beg of the!

Also, I thought that scene where Jack was singing Walk the Moon's "Shut up and dance with me" when they were watching the ballroom fight scene from one John Wick movies

And lastly...

Welp. I'm glad they're friends. Shame it took the death of a kid for them to do so.

Jake was nice. He seemed so innocent. I actually felt super sad and worried when they said he died. I was like, "Oh no! Did the killer get to him?!" But no. He just passed..... I honestly think that's sadder for some reason.

Moon, Sun, and Eclipse are working through that loss, and I'm glad to see F.C. and Andrew are working through their own thing.

Yep, as I suspected F.C. is traumatized by what he saw. Seriously, Eclipse, a heads up would have been nice. I'm happy to see F.C. and Andrew get along. They have come a long way since well everything. I also thought it was funny when F.C. said he hated Andrew. I genuinely expected Andrew to be the one to hate F.C. not the other way around.

WE GOT A CLUE ON WHO THE KILLER COULD BE!!!

When F.c. and Andrew was leaving parts and service. Andrew found an open spray can of yellow paint.... the same yellow as the bunny suit the killer wore. The killer is indeed an employee or The Mimic (I will die on that hill till proven otherwise), so the Killer's suit isn't actually yellow, and he has access to the parts and service room. The Killer's identity is closer to being revealed! I. CAN'T. WAIT!

I loved today's episodes. Especially TLAES one.

12/10 👍👏

[silvers-starrway]

Sonic Murder Drones AU Masterlist

AU created by me and @cherbearsz with some other inputs from our friends :]

AU Summary: MDAU follows the same basic plot points as Murder Drones just with the Sonic Cast put in for different characters. Sonic, a worker drone, yearns for freedom outside of the bunker and builds a weapon to take out the disassembly drones that have been terrorizing them for as long as he can remember. Nothing goes according to plan and Sonic ends up becoming friends with one of the disassembly drones, Serial Designation C. Having inherited a rogue piece of code called the Absolute Solver, Sonic together with C and eventually R, need to figure out a way to stop Nine from destroying the planet before the Solver completely takes over Sonic’s body.

Cast list: Sonic - Uzi C (Chaos Sonic) - N R (Rusty Rose) - V S (Shadow) - J Maria - Tessa Nine - Cyn Silver - Doll Rouge - Lizzy Knuckles - Thad Whisper - Khan Surge - Alice Kit - Beau Tangle - Nori Blaze - Yeva

Character Lineups by @cherbearsz - R, Sonic, C, S and Maria - 'Maria', Silver, Rouge, Knuckles, Whisper and Nine

Ep 1 - 'Literally so insanely suspicious' (by @snowiwyvern)

Ep 4 - Friendship lore - Solver Sonic

Ep 7 - Church confrontation - Sonic and C fight (by @dacieng) - Possessed Sonic

Ep 8 - S and R confrontation - Sonic: I can do this now!!

Post Show - Rouge helps S - What's in a name

Other - Episode 8 trailer reaction - Good bots - Respite - Silver's cool pose - Whisper, Rouge and R - Chaonic rarepair request - Artfight icons - Nine's freak behaviour - MDAU art dump (by @transzsonix) - Dangandopa blood S (by @pastelspindash) - Silver, S and Nine - Sonic and S - Song swap with Wonder - Chaonic ship bingo - Holy shit two cakes! - Sonic AU Collision image - Nine fanart (by @wispcandle)

Doodle Dumps - Dump 1 - Dump 2 - Magma doodles 1 - Magma doodles 2 - Dump 3 - Dump 4

Artfight Attacks - C and Sonic (by Snowiwyvern) - Nine (by m3tr0n0m33) - Sonic AU mass attack (by toonagi)

[clubdionysus]

[BAD DECISION #32] Question...?

warnings: i love this pair so much it's disgusting, freckle kissing, oral (m), praise, head pusher jeon jungkook!, fingering, interrupted </333, the starlovers are randy all the time apparently!! discussions of a chicken shop shag, to the love motel they go!!, acc v cute, the lil games they play, kissing :D, v needy, unprotected sex, missionary, titty sucking, kissing through it :(, creampie, yearning for some 1 right in front of u!!, off-screen second shag that's even heavier sigh, a desperate attempt at communication that falls short </3, silly fools!

a/n: for those of u who never knew me on wattpad, the first line is a reference to another story of mine hehe

wc: 16.7k

bd total wc: 540k (ongoing)

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

JK: you up?

The message lights up the screen of your phone with such vibrancy you want to claw your own eyes out. It's resting on your pillow thanks to the alarm that had gone off half an hour ago - of which you'd subsequently pressed 'end' on faster than the speed of light.

The rumble of a sleepy Jeongguk stretching out echoes through the walls. Paper-thin, secrets are hard to keep in houses like these. It's the only reason Jeongguk didn't even attempt to get you in his room last night.

Perhaps that's a lie. Perhaps it has less to do with his parents' perception of your friendship, and more to do with Jeongguk's own confusion over it all. Perhaps .

You ignore the message. Groan a little. Had gotten home - or should that be gotten to Jeongguk's home - far later than you had been expecting. Definitely will need coffee at some point in the near future. Sooner rather than later.

A little dehydrated, you're thankful you're not hungover. Had managed to sober up enough before coming home. Sea air helps. So does kissing boys you shouldn't.

And then you're thinking about it .

Thinking about his hands, and how his muscles just know how to hold you perfectly. Thinking about his lips, and how they feel when they press down on yours. The smile on them. The short, sharp breath from his nose against your cheek. How silky his hair is, and how your fingers manage to get knotted in it regardless.

Whining as you press your face into the pillow, you know that you shouldn't be thinking this way. Know it's a recipe for disaster. Know that Jeongguk has a history of blurring lines with his best friends.

His lips in your head are replaced with a ruby red pair; scathing as they hiss out a reminder you never needed:

I just know Jeongguk. I know what happens to the girls he becomes 'besties' with. I wasn't the first 'best friend' he had, and I doubt I'll be the last. Doubt you will be, either.

If there's one thing for certain about Hayun, it's that she leaves a mark. Scarlet. A handprint across your face. A stab wound in your back. Hickies on throats.

Yet as the door of Jeongmin's room crashes open, and a bleary-eyed Jeongguk traipses in without even uttering more than a grunt in lieu of 'hello', you're pleased to see the hickies on his throat.

Yours. All yours.

The hickies, not the man.

Although as Jeongguk chooses to simply pile on top of you, it could be debated that maybe you hold a few more cards than you realise.

Hayun plays a good bluff, but what use is it when you've got a royal flush?

"Oww," you grumble, as Jeongguk quite literally rolls over the top of you.

Jeongmin's bed is a single. There's not enough room for two. If Jeongguk's shoulders were as slim as Danbi's, then maybe - but he's built like an upside-down Dorito. You suppose delicious probably wouldn't be a bad way to describe Jeongguk. In fact, now you come to think of it, it's perfectly apt.

He squeezes into the spot between you and the wall - because he's always on your left whenever you're together in bed - and doesn't bother to get beneath the duvet.

"Morning," he eventually mumbles, shuffling onto his side. Lips pouty, cheeky swollen, nose dewy, he's well rested. Hooks his arm over your duvet-covered body. Doesn't hug you, just keeps you enclosed.

"Mhmm," you mumble right back. "What time is it?"

Jeongguk is slow as he responds, just as sleepy as you. "Just gone 10."

"Fuck."

"Mhmm," he hums in agreement with your curse. "Gonna waste the day away, B."

Part of you doesn't think spending a day in bed with Jeongguk could be considered a 'waste'. In fact, it'd be a day well spent.

"Breakfast?" you suggest regardless, knowing that Jeongguk will never turn down food.

The grumble he lets out this time is primal. "Ugh. Yes."

"Watcha want?

"Don't think I'm allowed what I want."

"Pussy isn't breakfast."

"You're telling me you've never had pussy for breakfast?" He snorts, knowing you'll be full of shit if you say no.

"That's none of your business," you remind him - and he's kind of grateful for it. Doesn't wanna hear about your previous hookups. Hearing about other guys doesn't really bother him so much. Knows he can compete. Knows he can win.

Girls, though? Fuck . He knows how much he likes women. Knows he could never compete against a good pair of tits and a nice cunt.

Issue is, the thought's in his head, now.

They say that jealousy is a disease, and Jeongguk's suffering seems to be chronic. The symptoms simmer down for a while, but they always flare back up eventually. It's a miracle he's been able to keep a lid on things for long.

Except he definitely hasn't. You remember exactly how pouty he was when Seojoon came and introduced himself. His jealousy is always subtle. Subdued. Far more internal than it is external. Not always easy to decipher.

But Jeongguk's thinking about you now; thinking about the fact other people have had you like this. Warm. Cosy. Content. Someone else has likely held your waist like this; made you feel the exact same way he's making you feel.

And he wants to make you feel better .

Wants to be the best .

If there's one thing Jeongguk knows he's good at, it's giving head. Too much of a perfectionist not to be. Discards all traces of dignity when his head is between a pair of legs.

"Let me go down on you," he implores, dignity already slipping. His voice is sleepy, a little croaky. Dehydrated. You'd be doing him a favour. "Slow pace. Nothing fancy. Don't need anything back. Just wanna taste you."

You smile into the sheets. Shuffle a little. Stretch. Get your body even more accustomed to the loose embrace he's got you in.

"You sound like a vampire," you smile, finding his sleepy desperation all rather sweet.

Jeongguk's brain hasn't fully woken up yet. Doesn't fully understand what you mean. Reaches a dreadfully incorrect conclusion.

He asks, "Oh, are you, like, yanno... on ?"

The poor puppy dog of a man doesn't say it explicitly. Isn't really sure how to refer to the menstrual cycle, or periods, or anything like that. Never wants to be ignorant of shit women go through, but also has never really had to educate himself on it all. Hayun would never speak about it, and he'd not really been with Jiyeong for long enough for it ever to be mentioned.

If he were a woman, he'd know all this shit. Would know what to say, what to do. Life would be easier for you. Another shortcoming of the fact he was born with a cock. Makes him a little insecure. Your life could be easier. You could choose an easier path.

Fails to factor in that maybe you'd be willing to climb mountains for sunset skylines. You'll weather a treacherous road if the destination is worth it, and he's an idiot to not realise this.

Still, he is an idiot, and unfortunately they don't have a ' seducing girls while mistakenly thinking they're on their period for dummies' guidebook. Instead, he regurgitates some of Jimin's bullshit. After all, Jimin is a top shagger. Would never leave a girl wanting more. Couldn't be him.

"I hear fucking helps," Jeongguk assures you, quickly when you don't respond immediately. He's panicking. Worries he's put his foot in it. Also does wanna fuck you but that's neither here nor there. He's just woken up. Is just horny. That's all. "Cramp and stuff. Fucking helps that. Apparently."

"I'm not on," you laugh a little. He's not totally wrong about his claims, but still. "Idiot. Although... would you?"

"Would I what?" He asks, throwing questions back on you to deflect from his missteps. "Fuck you on your period? Or fuck you now?"

If your eyes were open, you'd be rolling them. "Not now. I mean if I was on. Would you?"

Jeongguk shrugs, shoulders sinking even deeper in the duvet. "Don't see why not."

"Have you done it before?"

"Few times," he says nonchalantly.

It's normally accidental, and dark rooms are often to blame, but he's done it intentionally before. Towel down, duvet kicked to the floor, sheets in the wash and an immediate shower afterwards. There's little Jeongguk won't do when he wants to cum. Little he won't do to make the girls he likes cum.

"I quite like it," you admit. "The mess? I could do without it. But the feeling? Yeah, it's pretty good."

"We'll do it," Jeongguk sleepily says without much care for the consequence. "Whenever you're next on. Just say the word. Now can you stop being difficult and just sit on my face?"

The heartiness of your laugh lets Jeongguk know that you absolutely will not be sitting on his face any time soon.

It's not that you don't want it. Quite the opposite in fact. You want it almost too much - but also know your head was feeling all sorts of fucked up the night before. If holding his hand for a little too long can have you reevaluating the friendship, then who knows what sitting on his face would do.

There's a vulnerability that comes with the position. A vulnerability that scares you - and the way you were up for hours upon hours thinking about the night before scares you enough as it is.

"Such a randy bastard," you say fondly, pushing the duvet off your body and across to him. He doesn't object. Pouts to himself a little bit as he feels your body weight leave the mattress. Keeps his eyes closed, and snuggles in the duvet. Smells like you.

"Your fault," he mumbles.

Doesn't realise you're not in the room anymore.

Not until he cracks an eye open because of your silence. Panics. Knows exactly where you'll be. Darts off the bed and stumbles out of Jeongmin's room, swinging himself around the doorframe into his own room.

"You little-"

"These are so cute," you giggle, pointing to the little origami hearts beside his posters of Girls' Generation. Why he didn't take them down, he'll never know.

"Stop," he whines, pulling on your waist to drag you away. Turns you to face him. "I was, like, a child."

"Your mum said you moved out when you were nineteen," you remind him of her comment from the night before at dinner. It had been mid-conversation, just another snippet of Jeongguk's life before he knew you.

"I did," he confirms, looking down at you with those big brown Bambi eyes of his. Dewy-skinned, his hair is a mess, a small tuft sticking out awkwardly at the front of his face. It's cute. Give him a boy-next-door charm that he really doesn't need.

"So? Even if you made them as a kid, you still had them up at nineteen," you laugh, pushing away from him to go and look at the rest of his nicknacks.

He can't even counter your argument. Just growls a pouty "shut up."

"Soooo cute."

The walls are lined with relics of his youth; pictures with friends, wristbands from festivals, and notes scrawled on the lined paper of classroom workbooks.

"How'd you meet?" you ask, nodding to a picture of him and Jimin. Far younger than they are now, they're all smiles in a photo booth. There's no QR code on the bottom, because it was taken before they really became a thing. The picture itself is the only memory of such a time. Jeongguk is wearing a lobster hat, and Jimin a fish. Their cheeks are puffy, and their eyes look wired on sugar and a lack of sleep that only teenagers can get away with.

"Parents are friends," he explains, sitting now on the edge of his bed. "Have just known each other since, like, forever."

It's for this reason that Jimin gets an exclusive window into Jeongguk's head. He trusts him. Has never given him a reason not to. Thick as thieves, they grew up together. If anyone ever gave Jeongguk a hard time in school, they'd always have the threat of Jimin pulling them into line. He was older. Cooler. Not really smarter, but they both had their individual strengths.

You notice how frequently Jimin appears in the pictures on Jeongguk's walls, and part of you feels bad. They've a friendship that spans decades. Has seen the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. Has seen lovers come and go (or in Jimin's case, just go). Has seen the test of time and passed with flying colours.

There's a very real version of events that could have ruined everything. If Jimin was a little more possessive, a little more jealous like Jeongguk is, then you could have ruined everything.

While you don't regret it, you know that if you had the chance to relive your life, you would never sleep with Jimin.

Part of it bothers Jeongguk, you think. He can pretend it doesn't all he likes, but he does have a jealous streak. It's never malicious and rarely does it ever impact you, but it is there. Is noticeable in the way his jaw sometimes tenses, and how his pout prevails when competition shows up.

"S'what I mean when I told you he's more like family," Jeongguk adds as you continue to take in the museum of him. "You're my best friend, though," he says quietly. Sincerely. Wholeheartedly. "You know that right? Best friend in the whole world."

You narrow your eyes. Furrow your brows together. "What do you want?"

He rolls his eyes. Laughs quietly. "Nothing. Always such a sceptic, aren't you?"

"It's not my fault you're always up to no good," you banter back. "I've learned to keep my defences up."

"Shut up," he says fondly. "You know you can trust me. You know I'm not lying about shit like this."

And it's true. You believe him without hesitation. Believe in his words as if he's reciting bible oaths, and as if you even fuckin' believe in a higher power. All you really believe is that there's a serenity that comes with being around Jeongguk.

Had never really considered the possibility of a twin flame before, but enjoy the way he doesn't burn you out.

Can spend hours in his company, and not need to recharge. Get lost in the endings of you and the beginnings of him. It's all so effortless. Kinetic sand collapsing in on itself; the colours merge. You'll never be able to pick it all apart. Forever intertwined, yet still separate enough to be distinguishable.

That's the thing about Jeongguk; it doesn't matter how often you get lost - in him, in your own head, in the big scary world around you - he always finds you. Never lets you stay lost. Will dapple your skin in glitter to make sure you shine throughout the darkest of nights. Will never lose you in a crowd. Will never eclipse you, like others have done in the past.

And so you simply shrug your shoulders. Smile. "Don't need to say it. I already know."

"Was just making sure," he mumbles.

"Do you worry?" You ask, thinking about his history, and how badly losing a girl he considered his best friend bothered him. "Do you worry that what happened with Hayun will happen with us?"

He's quiet for a moment. A million words screaming in the silence.

Jeongguk will never lie about the sincerity of his feelings, but he will hide the true nature of them. It's self-preservation 101. Can't get his heart broken if he's the one holding onto it. Made that mistake before.

And so he smiles.

"I literally just friend-zoned you, B," he teases. Doesn't want the focus on him, and his emotions, so deflects. Puts the spotlight back on you. "Plus, you've got a boy hitting up your DM's don't you? Who would I be to stand in the way of true love?"

"One date does not equate to true love," you remind him. "I barely know him."

"Might not equate to it, but could very easily start with just one date," he counters. "And so? That's what dating is all about. Testing the waters. Seeing if you work together."

You're quiet for a moment, until eventually, you whisper, "it scares me."

"Why?"

You shrug.

The question you had asked him about Hayun? Projection .

You're scared of repeating mistakes you made with Seokjin. Scared of giving your all, only for the best of you to be left in tatters; scared, because love has only ever frightened you. It goes boo in the night - although 'boo' is far less scary than the alert tone of a dating app you don't recognise, coming from the phone of the man who used to sleep beside you.

It's been spoken about enough, you think. Fears and insecurities are important, yes, but Jeongguk has had to listen to you whine so much about your own. You must sound like a broken record by this point. You're sure of it.

You're the one who has to change the record. You know he'll just let it play out, otherwise.

Reaching over to the back of his desk chair, you smile. Pick up the striped baseball shirt that matches the myriad of shirts in his brother's room.

"Giants fan, too?"

Jeongguk notices your change in topic, but chooses to let it slide. Will never force you to talk about things. Built a friendship off of mutual respect for one another's boundaries. Ain't gonna push them now.

Instead, he smiles. "Busan born and raised. 'Course I am."

"01," you sound out loud, tracing the number on the back with your index finger. "For your birthday, right?"

"Right," he nods, nibbling down on his bottom lip. Feels nervous, for some obscure reason.

This? Right here? You exploring his childhood bedroom? This is intimacy, to him.

It's why 'take a girl home' was on one of his birds.

The way he's feeling right now has no logical fucking explanation. Can't make sense of it. Doesn't understand it. Just understands that anything you do now will only deepen the complexities of how he's feeling.

And so when you turn, and give him a look he knows all too well, he knows he's done for.

"Don't give me those eyes," he warns. Has missed them.

"What eyes?" you flirt, totally unaware of the fact Jeongguk thinks he might die if you do keep giving him 'those' eyes.

He laughs. "Your bedroom disco ball eyes."

There's not that much glitter on you now. It's scattered all over your cheeks, remnants of the previous night's glitter still staining you. It doesn't matter even if you don't deliberately wear glitter - you're always covered in it regardless. Just another thing for him to obsess over when he's alone at night and thinking about you.

"Close your eyes, then," you tease.

He's in no position to let himself get carried away.

So he does.

Sits prettily, posture perfect, hands in his lap. Still just in his sweats, there's something about Jeongguk like this that makes you wanna make bad decisions.

When he hears the crumple of your shirt hitting his bedroom floor, he closes his eyes even tighter.

"Fuck you," he grins.

"What?"

"Fuckin' undressing in front of me when I'm trying to be good. It's like you want me to have a raging boner."

Laughing, you tell him that he can open his eyes. "I'm covered."

He doesn't believe you. Turns his head slightly. Cracks just a single eye half open. Whines.

"What?!" you feign innocence, knowing exactly what you've done. It's written all over the smug smile etched into your cheeks.

Raking the sight of you in, Jeongguk only groans more. Flops down onto his bed. Buries his head into his pillow, and groans even louder.

"What?" you repeat this time with a giggle, as you finish buttoning up the front of his baseball shirt. It finishes midway down your thighs, a little shorter than most of his shirts. Slightly more fitted. Is a little tight across your chest.

"You would have been less hot if you were naked ," he whimpers rather pathetically. Sits back up. Looks at you as if you've just put one of his Girls Generation posters through a paper shredder. A little bit of anguish. Betrayal, almost. "Fuckin' Lions girl in a Giants shirt��."

Saying it out loud is too much. He groans again and flops, once more, back down into his sheets. Pretends to cry.

"You're torturing me. This is torture . Look it up in a dictionary. Torture. Will just be a picture of you right now. Tortuuuuuure. Won't let me fuck you, but will go and do shit that you know will give me a hard-on." He pouts. Pulls his head up a bit to look over at you. "This is very unfriendly, B."

"What?" you tease. "Me wearing your shirt? Or you having a boner because of it?"

He frowns. Huffs. "Both."

"You need to learn self-control," you deadpan. "Consider this training."

"Consider this the end of our friendship."

Laughing, you don't take his petulant little remark seriously.

You really should do.

Not because your friendship is going to end, but because Jeongguk doesn't think your friendship can ever be the same. Not now.

And that in itself is a terrifying prospect.

The fact you don't even seem to realise?

It's the kinda shit that's gonna keep him up at night.

"C'mon," you call, satisfied with your teasing, unaware of the limbo he's in. "Breakfast."

You're already out of the room and walking down the hallways by the time Jeongguk gets himself together. Shaking his head, he rubs a hand over his face, pushing it back into his hair.

Just like you're fearful of making the same mistakes again, so is Jeongguk. He can already feel it happening, and he hates himself for it. Wrecked his friendship with Hayun 'cause he couldn't control his feelings. Is terrified the same will happen with you.

He's gotta rein it in. He has to rein it in. There's no other option.

After Busan, he tells himself. I'll sort myself out when I get back to the city. Will get my head straight. Stop myself from ruining things.

But for now?

He'll let himself indulge in his romanticisation of you. Will express his desire without care for the consequences. Will show you, once and for all, that intimacy can be fleeting without it being harmful.

Eventually, Jeongguk comes to stand beside you as you wash your hands in the kitchen. Washes his too. Says nothing. Just smiles. Flicks you with the water instead of drying them off.

"Asshole," you smile, not fussed in the slightest, but wary to fight back. You weren't born yesterday. You know how shit like this goes - so you don't wet him. You dry your hands off normally, much to his disappointment. "What are we having?"

He shrugs. "Not fussed. Could just cook some ramyeon?"

"Fine with me," you nod. Aren't really much of a breakfast person, so you'll just have whatever he wants. "What kind?"

Jeongguk walks over to a tall cupboard beside the stove, opening it up to reveal supermarket-level organisation. Years of living with two teenage boys meant his mother had created a robust storage system. She had to, given the amount the pair of them ate.

Standing behind him, there's a cautiousness to your hands as they gently hold onto his waist. Your nails scratch ever so slightly, in that same way that always makes Jeongguk melt into your touch.

"Hey," he says quietly.

"Hi," you smile, as he continues to peruse the cupboard. He's already spotted the ramyeon he wants. Doesn't wanna lose your touch, though. Will pretend to look for a little while longer.

Jeongguk's toned back is all you can see; the valley of his spine so deep you think it'd be a great place to get lost in. Warm skin, hard muscles, he's a myriad of complexities that not enough people appreciate. Deserves to be adored.

"You have so many teeny tiny freckles," you observe fondly. Have always liked it about him. Think that if they really are kisses from angels, then it only makes sense Jeongguk has so many.

"You think?"

"Mhmm. Loads."

"Where?"

It's a silly question. He knows it is. Just wants to keep you exactly where you are.

"Right..." You raise to your tippy toes. Hold his waist a little tighter to keep you balanced. Let your lips softly against his shoulder blade. "...Here."

One of his hands rests against yours. "That's only one. You said there were more."

You let his fingers lace with yours. Smile against his back. Sink down from your tippy toes. "There are."

He's so quiet, so sincere, as he says, "Show me."

Your lips trail down his back. Press against the small dark fleck a little lower, slightly closer to his spine. "There."

The way he inhales as your lips apply a little pressure lets you know he's trying to control himself. His urges. Wants. Needs. Desires.

"Where else, B?" he whispers.

Your lips trail even further down. Move to the other side of his back. Plant a pretty kiss on his skin, and yet it's his heart that blooms.

For all Jeongguk knows, you could be lying. Never really looks at his back other than when he's checking his form in the gym. Doesn't pay attention to the freckles dappled on his skin.

"Any more?" he asks, not wanting you to ever stop.

There's no objection from him as you turn his body around. His sweats are tenting, the loose fabric now strained - and yet you ignore it. Make no mention of it. Don't even let your eyes drop.

And so he doesn't mention it either. Just watches you. What you do. The way your lashes splay on the top of your glitter-stained cheeks as you press a kiss into the freckle on his ribcage.

On your tiptoes again, your lips find the freckle beneath his collarbone. In the dip of his muscles by his shoulder, there's something about this one that you especially love. You're not sure why. Maybe it's because you know very few people will know where to find it. Maybe it's because you like his chest just as much as he likes yours.

You reach for his hands as you do so. He doesn't object. You aren't holding them. Just holding onto them. Wonders when the fuck you would have noticed the freckles that he knows must be coming next.

Sure enough, you pull away. Don't look up at him. Just look at his hands as you raise them to your eye level. Check them over. Find what you're looking for. Just below the knuckle of his pinky is yet another freckle. Oh, he's covered . Adorned in so many tiny little blessings. His cheeks, by his eyes, down his chest, on his thighs; mapped out like constellations, they're endless. His very own glitter.

You're not certain if it's intentional, but Jeongguk's head tilts. Exposes his throat a little for you. Gets his neck freckle in prime position.

You ignore it. Save it for later. Keep his hands elevated. Kiss his palm; the pad beneath his thumb.

"How do you even notice them?" Jeongguk says fondly as he looks down at you with ever-adoring eyes. "You're so obsessed with me."

Shaking your head, you lower his hands. "Just observant."

Using his hips to balance yourself, you lower yourself, now. Jeongguk's breathing is a little irregular, lungs beating all out of sync. Just makes that freckle on his ribcage even more precious, now.

"Oh yeah?" he encourages. Brings that freckle-adorned hand of his down to stroke your cheek. "What else have you observed?"

Your hands slide from his hips to his thighs as you crouch. Eyes parallel to his crotch, you're sure he doesn't really want the current answer. Thick and firm, his cock is a sight to behold even when it's hidden beneath his grey sweats.

"Let me see your skin," you say instead. Glance up at him. Don't even realise you're wetting your lips. Are too consumed with anticipation - and so is he, judging by the way he fucking twitches.

Jeongguk could push his sweats down. Could give you total access.

But he knows you. Knows you're a fucking tease, and that the only way he's gonna get what he wants is if he plays you at your own game.

Hand still on your cheek, he uses the other to palm himself. "Don't think I've got any freckles here," he lies.

You're impatient. Forget that you're the one taking your time. "You should let me check."

He purses his lips together, as if to feign uncertainty. Is a little insolent in his tone. Deliberately bratty, 'cause he wants you to beg for it. "But I'm hard , B. You don't want my big hard cock in your face."

Oh, on the contrary.

"A sacrifice I'm willing to make," you assure him, as if you aren't salivating at the thought of it.

His tattooed thumb strokes your cheek. Brushes against your lip. There's no freckle there, but you press a kiss to it regardless. Part your lips. Let him sink his thumb onto your wet tongue. Eyes wide and focused up on him, the air around you both seems to get thinner. 

Neither of you breathe properly. 

Shallow breaths keep you alive, but only just.

Lips closing down around his thumb, giving him the kind of visual that'll finish him off in ten seconds flat if he's not careful, Jeongguk shakes his head. "Sounds like you don't want it."

It's in times like these that you hate Jeon Jeongguk. He knows how much you want him. Knows you wouldn't be in a position like this if you didn't. Knows that he's asking you to swallow pride.

Sliding his thumb from between your lips, oh-so-satisfied with the way it feels, Jeongguk shrugs. "Tell me what you want, B. Big girl words."

The urge to roll your eyes is resisted. Fine. You'll be pliant. Be good for him. Get him all stuttery and whiney, then you'll remind him who's really in control.

But for now you pout. Get a little closer. Study his outline. Press a kiss midway up his shaft where you know a freckle hides.

"There," you whisper, looking back up at him as he releases the claw clip from your hair. Wants it loose. Wants his fingers in it. "I'm pretty sure your freckle is there. Just let me check. Please, Jeongguk."

He takes a moment. Wants to make you beg more - but fuck. He's so fucking hard. A full day since he initiated this little stalemate, and he's regretted it ever since.

And so he nods.

"Yeah. Yeah, okay, baby." His hand pushes into his sweats. Wraps around his firm length. Keeps it hidden. Strokes once. Twice. Rasps, "show me how good your memory is. Smart girl, aren't you? Smart, pretty baby."

You nod. Feel so pathetic, and needy, but it's been so long since you've been this desperate, and he's saying all the right things. You love it when he gets a little derogatory, granted - but when he compliments? Oh, you really will be smart for him. Would do fucking equations, if he asked.

"Tell me," he husks before he reveals himself to you. "Tell me how smart you are."

He likes it when you're kind to yourself. Always makes your eyes glow a little differently.

You shake your head. Say, "don't wanna tell you. Wanna show you."

And who is he to refuse?

One of his hands stretches his waistband a little, as the other pulls his cock free from its cotton restraints - and you fucking whine . Oh, it's perfect . Your disco ball eyes fucking glimmer. Shine.

As soon as he lets go of his cock, your hand replaces his. Grips around his base. Strokes a little. Thick and engorged, he's so pleased to see you. His slightly flared tip is so pretty and pink, his small slit dewy and wet from the excitement of the build-up.

"Just checking," you whisper as you slowly begin to wank his shaft. One of his hands is already in your hair. His tongue swipes across his bottom lip as he watches you, catching on his lip ring.

He nods. Encourages you to keep 'checking'. Can't even remember what the fuck you were checking for, now.

"Like that," he mumbles. Almost chokes on his own breath when your tongue licks against his head. A wet strip of your spit cools in the air. Feels in-fucking-sane. "Oh, fuck."

You do it again. Whatever he says this time is incoherent. Seems like he's forgotten how to talk.

And when you pull back a little? Ease his foreskin back? Get him all exposed and pretty for you? Gather enough spit in your mouth to make your hand feel like your pussy? Yeah . You know he's gonna forget how to breathe, too.

He squirms a little when he's fully retracted. Loves the grip you have on him. Doesn't know what's coming next - which is probably a good thing. He'd nut if he had to think about it for more than a split second.

You line yourself up. Tease a little wetness through your lips and onto his head. Stroke it across with your thumb.

"Fuck."

The noise that Jeongguk lets out when you finally spit on his cock? Heavenly.

You've never been one for religion, really, but think that God must have spent a little while longer crafting Jeongguk. It's why he's got so many damn freckles. Marks of a great creator, or some bollocks like that. A stamp of approval. One for each body part. Wouldn't be surprised to find a freckle on his big toe. They're bloody everywhere else.

Spreading your spit with the hand wrapped around his cock, you begin to pick up the pace. Wank him off like he deserves. Get him twitchy and whiny - but you both know he deserves more .

"That's it," he manages to say as you begin to tease him with your tongue. Up his shaft; around his sensitive head. Wet, needy kitten licks are paired with long, slow stripes, your wet lips kissing against him as if you don't have an aversion to such an intimate act.

One hand wrapped at the base, your other is gripping into his tight to keep you balanced.

It needn't be, for as soon as you take him in your mouth, Jeongguk's hands are in your hair.

"That's it," he rasps, head thrown back briefly as he pulses his hips to fuck himself a little further into your mouth. He can't look away for too long. Needs to see how pretty you are with his cock in your mouth - and yet as soon as he does, he knows he can't look at you for too long either. Too gorgeous. Too much glitter. Too fucking good for him. "Fuck yeah."

Your pace increases for him. You wanna keep him feeling this good. Keep him moaning. Keep his lip shaky and his tummy tense. He's so pretty when his brows are pushed together, chest heaving. His lip ring catches in the morning light that pours through the kitchen, as his deep dark eyes drink you in.

Working your way up and down his shaft, it's impossible to keep your eyes on him, and you hate it. All you wanna do is watch his face as he comes undone, but this isn't about you. It's about him, and making him feel good.

"Shit," he husks as he hits the back of your throat for the first time. You're surprised it took this long, but he's only just started to fuck your face like he wants to. Hands in your hair, hips a little erratic, he's the one in charge of the pace. "Such a good girl for me."

You whine, the sound vibrating around him. Pulling back, you release him, desperate for fucking air. It's not like he was cutting off your airways, you just sort of forgot that you had to breathe for a bit.

"Oh, fuck," he rasps, entranced by your breathlessness. The way you don't really stop? Spit on his cock again? Work your hand up his shaft? Yeah. He's obsessed. "Good girl, aren't you?"

Nodding, you hum in agreement. "So good for you, Koo."

You're surprised by the way Jeongguk encourages you up. Edges you back. Gets your ass perched against the island counter. He dips. Lifts you. Cleans up the evidence of a sloppy blowjob from your chin with his thumb.

Knows that if he'd have spent even a moment longer in your mouth, he would have cum.

It's too soon for that. He wants this to last, now that you're finally giving up on the bratty act. Spent a day going insane; delirious almost from his need to fucking finish. Funny, how now that it seems like an attainable goal, he's putting it off.

Of course he is, though. His favourite thing about fucking you isn't his own orgasms. It's yours .

There's no thought to your movements as your legs spread, just like there are no thoughts in his head as he stands between them. Hands on your thighs, Jeongguk's eyes are on yours. There's a fire burning behind them; a desire to ignite you, too.

The flames are too bright, you think. He'll scorch the earth. Reduce everything to ash.

And yet you don't take your eyes off his. You let him scar your soul. Time and time again, you let him.

It's the only proof you have that Jeon Jeongguk wants you. Wants to have you. To fuck you. To belong to you. Belong with you.

You shake the thoughts from your head. Know it's getting dangerous. Know that you just need little relief to start thinking normally again. You may have been torturing him by not putting out, but it hasn't been easy for you either.

His deft hands stroke up your thighs, a finger hooking beneath your underwear. He doesn't care for niceties. Get your pussy exposed. Is so fucking pleased to see how soaked you already are. Doesn't even need to tease you.

He just sinks his fingers straight into you. Two of them. Thick. Strong. Curved just right. Gets you gripping his shoulders, a gasp being bitten down into his skin. There's no wasted time. Jeongguk doesn't let you adjust. Doesn't ease the rhythm. Just picks up pace. Always fucks you so well with his hand, and now is no exception.

"Fuck," you whimper, because it's all you can manage.

"God," he husks, pressing a kiss to the side of your head. Grits his teeth as he says, "you're so wet for me, B. So fuckin' wet. All from having my cock in your mouth, huh?"

"Gguk," you rasp back, breaths stuttering on account of how well he's edging you. Hands reaching for his cock, you're pleased when he moans into your touch. It's gentle, and half the speed at which he's pumping into you - but you aren't trying to make him cum. At least, not yet.

His breathy sigh of pleasure vibrates against your ear, his head shaking ever so gently. He's not saying no; simply expressing disbelief that it's possible to feel so fucking good. The sensation is suffocating; steals the air from his lungs, and yet his heart has never beat faster.

"Let me fuck you," he begs quietly, breaths heavy. "Let me fuck this cunt."

His thumb begins to work against your clit. He strokes. Caresses. Touches you just right. Gets you mewling. Gets you wanting more. You whine his name.

"Yeah?" he husks. Presses a kiss to the top of your ear. "You want that? Want me inside you, huh? Tell me what you want, baby. Tell me."

All you can do is nod. Whimper.

There's a tremble to your lips; a plea waiting to tumble from them.

Until all rather suddenly, Jeongguk's fingers ease. Brows furrow. He glances behind himself, and curses. Withdraws. "Hold that thought." Taps your knees. "Down, baby."

Panic written all over your features, you hop off the kitchen counter as Jeongguk lunges to flick the kettle on and rip open a packet of ramyeon. He's covering his tracks. Trying to make it seem like he wasn't about to do inexcusable things with you in his family's kitchen.

"Your cock is literally out," you hiss quietly, frantically smoothing down the shirt of his that's over your shoulders. You move quickly. Reach for the claw clip on the counter. Twist your hair up.

"Fuck," he curses, hissing just as quietly as you, both trying to restore some form of dignity. His sweats are quickly tugged a little further up, but his boner is still just as present. "Hands, hands, hands."

You're not sure if he's talking to you or himself, but he darts to run his hands under the tap, ridding his fingers of you.

There's a beep. The keypad of the front door slides up. Four more beeps. The passcode is being typed in.

"Shit," he whispers. Looks across to make sure you're decent and thanks the lucky stars you caught on to his panic as quickly as you did. "Take over ramyeon duty. I gotta stand behind the island."

He doesn't need to explain. He's still hard. Has to hide it.

You do as you're told.

Jeongguk's shirt covers you decently, but you're not a total idiot. You know how it looks.

"Oh!" The sound of Jeongguk's mother rounding the corner almost makes you grimace - but you've got a role to play. Gotta pretend like you haven't just had her sons- No. Shut up. Don't think about it. "Didn't realise you two would still be home!"

"Mum," Jeongguk smiles, sitting on one of the island stools while you add boiling water to the pot by the stove. "You're home early?"

There's a rustle of bags on the counter, the sweet smell of her rose perfume filling the air. "No, I'm not - it's midday!"

"Since when do you only work until midday?!" Jeongguk questions, absolutely baffled.

"Morning," you interrupted, turning to give his mother a smile. She reciprocates, and laughs when you say, "or is it afternoon? I never know what midday is."

"Afternoon, I think," she says, then pauses. Shifts her weight to one hip. Looks into the distance. Hums in consideration. "Actually, I'm not sure now you mention it."

Jeongguk looks between you both in the same way he'd look at two puppies chasing their tails. Arguably the two most important women in his life - fiercely independent, incredibly smart and generally better than him - and wonders how the fuck you don't understand how days work.

"Think I'm losing brain cells," he simply states, to which his mother scolds him. He widens his eyes. Pouts a little. Hides a giggle. "Sorry."

"And anyway, young man!" She changes the topic, and begins to put her shopping away. It's just a few bits and bobs from the mart across the road; peppers and a bottle of sauce that Jeongguk's father loves. "Why are you making our guest do the cooking? We both know you'll be the one scoffing it all down!"

There's something incredibly considerate about Jeongguk's mother. She didn't have to refer to you as 'our' guest. She could have said 'your'. Instead, she groups herself in with Jeongguk. Likely groups the whole family together in that statement. Is a woman of inclusion; sunshine on a cloudy day.

Jeongguk whines; behaves exactly as you'd expect him to when at home. Is the youngest child through and through. You knew he could be pouty, but it's tenfold, now.

"Honestly, I raised you better, Jeon Jeongguk," she tuts - but she's smiling. Throwing you a playful glance.

It's a back-and-forth: Jeongguk's mum pretends to tell him off, and he pretends to be upset about it.

"Does he make you do all the cooking back home, too?" she sighs, turning her full attention to you - and that's when she notices what you're wearing.

You're in a striped baseball shirt. Lotte Giants. At first glance, Jeongguk's mum is incredibly confused - but then she notices the 01 in place of the 12 that is on Jeongmins shirt. The name arched above the number? Jeon Jeongguk.

You think nothing of the way her eyes flicker over to Jeongguk, a knowing smile on her lips. Think that she's still just mucking around.

Jeongguk interrupts again, because of course he does.

"Back home?" he scoffs at the implication. "We're not dating."

You laugh now, too, because the suggestion seems absurd.

Before his mum can call bullshit on him, he adds, "she does make a mean pasta though. Shit's delicious -"

"Language."

"Sorry. I mean, it's really good. Next time you come to visit, I'll hire her as our personal chef."

"Do I get a say in this?" You laugh, taking the ramyeon off the heat. "Strainer?"

Jeongguk's mum pulls open a drawer in the island, where the sieve is sitting on top of some pans. Realises you're a little too far to reach it, so kindly passes it to you.

"No," Jeongguk says, then turns his attention to his mum again. "You got plans this afternoon?"

She nods. Snacks on a grape from the punnet she picked up in the mart. "Remarkably, my life doesn't revolve around you."

"I'm literally your child."

"You're twenty-five years old."

"That is beyond the point," Jeongguk scoffs in faux offence. "So it doesn't matter if we're not around?"

She shakes her head. Finishes her grape. Reaches over to the sink draining board to get you both a pair of chopsticks as you dish the ramyeon up into a stainless steel bowl that Jeongguk had already set out for you. "Of course not. It's a nice day, you two should go out. I've got a hair appointment and then I'm meeting your auntie for coffee. Won't be around until this evening. Do you two fancy dinner? I could see if your cousins are around?"

Jeongguk shakes his head as he begins to chow down on the ramyeon before you've even hopped up on the stool next to him. He can be the most considerate man in the world, but as soon as he's presented with food? All manners evade him.

"Don't put yourself out," he eventually says, pushing the bowl a little further over so that it's between you both equally. Kicks you gently with his foot as you take your seat. Doesn't let his satisfaction show when you kick him back. "I'm not sure what we're doing yet, so don't worry about making plans. We'll figure it out."

"If you're sure?" she offers, but Jeongguk insists. "Alright then, I best be off. Clean up the kitchen before you go out, hm? You, Jeongguk." she emphasises, before she smiles at you. "Not you, sweetheart. He needs to learn how to give and take." Sighs. "Boys."

"Hey!" Jeongguk protests, mouth half full. Swallows it down. Rants. "I always wash up when she cooks. Every time! She never has to ask!"

His mum simply raises a brow. "So you do cook together back home?"

For reasons you can't pinpoint, your cheeks flame. That mouthful Jeongguk had just swallowed? Yeah. He chokes on it.

She doesn't wait for a response. Just heads for the door with a chuckle. "Clean up!"

"Heard you the first time!" Jeongguk stresses back, but the door is closed behind her before any more can be said.

As soon as the lock whirs, confirming it's shut, Jeongguk tosses his chopsticks down. Slouches his posture, and lets out a breath so deep it's like he hasn't been breathing the entire time. Shakes his head. Laughs.

You do the same.

He looks over to you, face a little bunched up. There's a small grin on his face, but you know it's from relief more than anything. "I'm so fucking sorry."

You laugh, now too. Nudge his knee with yours. Don't object when his hand rests on top of it, thumb stroking your skin.

"She so fucking knew ," you whine, pouting as you lean forward to rest your forehead against the island counter. Groan. "Mortifying."

Jeongguk shakes your leg in his grip and lets it go again. Strokes your back now, instead. Soothes you.

"She didn't," he deludes himself. Considers it for a moment. Decides, "well, at least I don't think she knows we were like... yanno. She definitely thinks you're in love with me, though."

You sit up. Pull away from him. Look at him with the utmost disgust.

"ME?!" You roar. "In love with YOU?! Oh please."

"You were cooking for me, wearing my shirt, in my house," he reminds you. "It's like you've got a little crush, B. So cute."

"Please," you scoff, getting to your feet, and heading back to Jeongmin's room. You wanna get changed and ready for the day. Think that maybe going out would do you good. "Wouldn't fancy you even if you were the last man on earth."

Jeongguk just smirks as you walk away. "Weird. If you don't fancy me, why was my cock in your mo-"

"SHUT UP!"

Quietly laughing to himself in the kitchen, Jeongguk curses suddenly - because apparently even the mere mention of you sucking his dick makes him twitch. He throws his head back. Groans. Whyyyy .

He decides against trying to reignite the fire that was burning between you earlier. The moment is gone - and you really ought to do something with your day.

"How do you feel about a hike?" He calls through to Jeongmin's room as he walks into his own.

"How do you feel about masturbating with a cheesegrater?" You reply, because like fuck are you hiking in these temperatures. It's still winter. The air is dry and the winds burn.

"What is wrong with you?!" he shrieks, clearly putting a little imagination to your question. "That's grotesque."

"So is a hike in this weather!"

"It's nice!"

"The sun is shining. That's all. Still bloody freezing."

He knows you're right - he just really likes one of the coastal trails, and thinks you'd like it, too. He's not gonna push for you to do it, though. You can always just do it next time.

"Alright then," he concedes through the wall. "You wanna be tourists for the day?"

"I've never seen Gamcheon," you admit. The culture village - a myriad of colourful houses and murals - is a little far out. A steep hike up hilly streets or a rickety green bus is the only way you can access it. You hate those buses almost as much as you hate hills - and it's a shame, because you know it's iconic. You just always choose to spend your time in Busan down by the coast, instead.

"Never seen-" he shrieks again, this time in disbelief. "Alright. We'll go there. We'll get the bus, though. Ain't parking up there. It's a nightmare, even in the winter."

You agree, because you know no matter how much you dislike those buses, Jeongguk being there will make it so much better. He has a way of alleviating your stresses. Makes everything okay. Just like a best friend should.

And so you set off on your afternoon. Follow his lead.

He's your unofficial tour guide for the afternoon. Shows you around the myriad of colourful houses. Tells you bullshit stories about their origins, and you pretend to believe him. He shows you a mural of some idols.

"Not sure who they are. Handsome, though."

You agree. "One of them looks a bit like you."

"You think?"

"Mhmm."

"I'm better looking."

"Sure you are."

The afternoon is lost and found in a maze of patterns and paintings; mosaics and murals. He takes you to his favourite cafe. The coffee is shit, but the owner has pet ducks that waddle around, so it makes it all worth it. You get every stamp on the little map around the village. A hundred photos are taken. Jeongguk photobombs a solid 50%. Laughs at himself every time. He doesn't mind it when you photobomb his. In fact, he prefers those pictures.

By the time you're done with the village, you're starving . Have been on your feet for so long that it feels like they might fall off.

The area you're in is a little run down; paint peeling off the walls of old retail buildings. There's half a dozen hostess bars, and just as many motels to accommodate the illicit deals that are made in the dead of night.

There's a KTX station just a few blocks over, so it makes sense. Just because red-light districts have been outlawed doesn't mean they don't still exist. The neon signs are just pink now, and the girls do technically work in the service industry - they just earn their tips from a slightly different service.

"Okay, I know it seems sketchy, but trust me," Jeongguk promises when you walk past a Greecian-themed motel, complete with nude statues by the entryway. "The neighbourhood is questionable, yes, but I swear it's got the best chicken in Busan."

Again, just like earlier, you follow his lead. Blindly trust him. Let him drag you into a chicken place that looks like it was built in the middle ages - and that's how you know it's good.

"Not sure what I want," you muse, checking over the menu in front of you when you eventually pick a table towards the back of the shop. It's outrageously large. A3 sheets. No menu needs to be so huge. Kind of irritates you - but everything does when you're as frustrated as you are right now. Your eyes flicker up to his, a smile resting on your glossy lips. "What's tasty in Busan?"

Jeongguk looks at you. Shrugs. 

Throws you an expression that you just know means trouble.

He doesn't even bother to look at the menu before he replies.

"You should know. You've already had a Busan delicacy in your mouth this morning."

Such a boy.

"Was it really that good?" you banter back. "Can't remember. Think I'll have to try it again."

"Can't remember?" he snorts. "You couldn't stop going back for more, B. You know you loved it."

"Did I?" you toy with his ego a little, just because you can. "Maybe I just didn't want the chef to feel bad."

"Oh really?" he laughs. "Well fine. In that case, I'm sure you won't mind if someone else tries it, instead?"

"Someone else?"

"Anyone else," he nods. "Just cause you didn't like it doesn't mean someone else won't. Might even become their favourite food."

Sounds like a threat - and for some reason, it works.

"Said I'll try it again," you insist. The idea of him letting someone else have him? Yeah. You don't like it. "Don't deprive a girl of a perfectly good meal just 'cause she isn't sure if she likes it. Sometimes you need a second taste."

"Is that what you want?" Jeongguk asks as he reclines into his seat. Your mind flashes to his bedroom; his tie around your wrists. Fuck . "You want a second try?"

You shrug your shoulders. Recline, too. Mirror his body language.

In tandem, your bodies feel naturally inclined to reflect one another. It's innate. Intrinsic. Night and day.

You think he's midday; sweltering heat and nothing to hide. Think that maybe you're midnight; a shooting star to make an ill-fated wish upon.

If Jeongguk were to ever learn of these thoughts, he'd probably agree - but thinks you're midnight for a dozen different reasons. None of them bad.

He thinks, primarily, that you're the embodiment of every star that has ever burned through the height of midnight. You're all of the secrets ever hidden away, illuminated only by moonlight, whispered between friends. You're nervous touches in darkened rooms, and the cosmic entities that dapple his brain whenever his eyes are closed.

He met you at midnight, and time has never really functioned normally since.

The concept of days are lost on him. He doesn't count in minutes nor hours. Now, it's simply time passed since he last saw you , or time yet to pass until he sees you again .

And in those fleeting moments when he's looking at the cosmos herself? 

Well, time stands still. Ceases to exist.

Romanticisations of you are typically reserved for moments alone; when Jeongguk's brain is empty of everything except the scent of your perfume and the loss of your touch.

More often than not, it occurs at midnight - and that just solidifies his conclusions of your character.

The restaurant you're in is busy. There are people chattering, vibrant oranges coating the walls and rogue neon lights polluting his vision. Fryers sizzle, alarms ring, tills ding. There's chaos. Pandemonium. An overload for anyone's senses.

And yet, Jeongguk's brain is working just like it does when he's alone. It's you, you, you. That's all he can focus on.

"How hungry are you?" Jeongguk asks, reading into the way you're mirroring him.

He isn't asking about food. You both know this.

"Fucking starving."

His head tips back, lips pressing together, his silver ring flipping ever so slightly in the corner of his mouth as he withholds a satisfied laugh.

As he looks back down at you, he edges forward in his chair. Rests his elbows on the table. Clasps his hands beneath his chin and glances to the side. Checks who's within earshot. Figures the rest of the people in the restaurant are too far away to hear. Is so hard in his jeans that he doesn't give a shit even if they do hear. Let them.

"Me too."

"Oh yeah?" you tease, sultry in how your posture remains as it was. "Watcha fancy, huh? Watcha wanna taste?"

Stupid fuckin' question, he wants to laugh, but now isn't the time. If he didn't know better, he'd think you were flirting.

And so he shrugs now.

"Same thing I wanted this morning, B."

Again, you both know the insinuation - but you wanna be vulgar. Wanna be direct. Wanna get him all hot beneath his collar and hard in Calvins. Aren't aware he's already throbbing.

"Oh," you purr, subtleties well and truly abandoned. "So you wanna eat my pussy?"

He has to stop himself from groaning. Thinks he might die.

Looks around himself again. Hates that you're in the booth seat. Wishes he was on that side with you. There's a safety that comes with it. A little extra darkness. The ability to hold a hand and have no one know.

Not that hand-holding is commonplace for you. Yesterday was an anomaly. A bird. Might be revised one day, but it's best not to make a habit of it.

"Say it," you smirk regardless, clearly enjoying the tease. Lift your chin a little. Challenge him. "Tell me how much you want it."

You're not even sure why you're doing this. Just enjoy the confirmation that you're still wanted. You like how you're able to get Jeongguk hot under the collar, even if you don't make his heart beat faster.

Though you may not have his heart, you have his attention - and after everything the pair of you have weathered, it's comforting.

"B, there are people-"

You don't care. "Tell me how much you wanna eat me out."

"B," he warns. There's an agitation in his voice. Frustration.

You pout. Give him your best wide-eyed gaze. Make sure you're extra whiny when you beg, "Please, Koo."

"Fuck," he curses. Adjusts in his seat. Presses down on himself. Thinks if he was ever gonna cum in pants, it would be now. "Don't call me that."

If you do it again, he'll surely die. Decides he can't risk it.

"Tell me-"

"I wanna fucking drown in it," he grits, interrupting you so harshly it actually shocks you. Makes you gasp. Tongue ties you - and oh, how Jeongguk loves it when you're lost for words. So he continues. Get nastier . Whispers. This is just for you. All for you. "I wanna make you cum, B. Wanna make you cum like I did on New Year's. Wanna make you squirt . And then? And then I wanna fucking drown in it."

It's only when he stops talking that he realises his chest is heaving a bit. So is yours.

He smirks. "Better?"

You look around now, too. Aren't really sure what you'd been expecting, but it wasn't that .

Letting out a small laugh of disbelief, you run your fingers back through your hair. Regain your poise. Pretend to be unaffected. Pretend like you didn't feel yourself getting wetter.

From the look on his face - Smug. Arrogant. - you know that he already knows. Asshole .

"We should order our food to go," you say, nodding as if that will make him agree. Don't know where you'll 'go' to, just know that you need privacy. A room with a door that can be locked and curtains that can be drawn. Soundproofing is preferable, but not essential.

He nods back. Thinks you should have suggested it from the get-go.

"B I'm not fucking kidding. Been fucking hard for like, 48 hours. I gotta-"

"I know," you laugh fondly. It's been aeons since you were this ravenous. Love his outfit, but Christ . You wanna tear it off of him right this instant. "I'm not kidding either. Order to go."

"My mum's at home."

"So? I never said we'd go home."

"So what? You wanna get me arrested for public indecency?" Jeongguk smirks.

"Cuffs are kinda hot," you tease back - and then you're reminded of his room, and that stupid fucking tie that acted like a pair of cuffs and fuck . You don't even care about the food any more.

"You're not wrong," he says, then calls over to the server. As he approaches, a pleasant smile on his face, he's none the wiser that Jeongguk's cock is so hard it feels like he may die. Kind of makes you smile. He masks it well. Cute. "Can we order to take out, instead? Had a change of plans."

It's no problem. The waiter is happy to accommodate. Tells Jeongguk there'll be a ten-minute wait on the food.

"It's fine," Jeongguk smiles. "No rush."

And yet as soon as it's just the two of you again, Jeongguk whines.

"Swear if it takes even a second longer than ten minutes, we're going to the bathrooms."

"You're not fucking me in a chicken shop bathroom," you deadpan, realistically knowing you'd let him fuck you anywhere he likes.

"It's that or the table," he assures you, face just as straight as yours despite his ridiculous claim.

"Then you really will be arrested for public indecency."

"So will you," he reminds you. "How very Bonnie and Clyde of us."

"They die, yanno," you remind him right back. Think that he needs to brush up on his failed romance lore. "We'd make the local news."

"And I'll die if I don't cum in the next half an hour," he assures you. "We better not end up on the news for a chicken shop shag. My parents would disown me."

"That'd really blow my chances with your brother, wouldn't it?" you sigh. "Maybe we shouldn't."

Jeongguk doesn't like this suggestion. Frowns. Clarifies. "Shouldn't fuck? Or shouldn't fuck here?"

"Oh, just here," you assure him. Bite down on your bottom lip, cheeks rosy from just how indecent this entire conversation is. "Think we'll both die if we don't orgasm soon."

"Don't think I'm gonna last even, like, a minute," Jeongguk pouts, admitting his biggest worry. Wants you so bad, but doesn't think he'll be able to savour it like he wants to.

"So like normal, then."

"Fuck you."

You resist the urge to make another joke. Tell him to behave himself. You've only got a little while to wait for the food. Need a plan of action. Need to decide where the fuck you'll be able to relieve yourselves of the pent-up frustration. It was fun while it lasted, but it's unbearable now.

"Look, I won't lie, B," Jeongguk sighs. "There's only one solution here."

"Abstinence?"

"Are you fucking mental? No," he shakes his head. "Worse."

"Worse?"

"Worse."

You know what he's gonna suggest, 'cause you considered it too.

After all, the district you're in is known for them.

"You're not taking me to a fucking love motel, " you whisper in judgemental horror.

You know Jeongguk; know how particular he is about his laundry and cleanliness. He might be filthy in bed, but he's always the filthiest in the shower. Likes being able to wash away his sins. You think a motel would kill his boner instantly.

But it's the forbidden nature of them that makes him a little curious. He's never used one. Never needed to. Not until now. Used to be far better at controlling himself.

You kind of make him go a little crazy.

He can't remember ever choosing sex over food. Would always eat first.

But then again, you were never an option before now.

"Private room or public bathroom," Jeongguk simply shrugs, a little impatient. He's not in the mood to be making deals. "Take your pick."

"You'd rather die than use the bathroom," you say.

He agrees, but also says, "gonna die if you don't let me fuck you, regardless, so who cares?"

There's something oddly charming about that, you think.

There really isn't it. You're just too horny to fully comprehend the language anymore. Everything Jeongguk says sounds like a sonnet. He'll continue to whisper Elysian words worthy of Shakespeare himself until you reach post-cum-clarity.

And then you'll realise his words are just those of a boy desperately trying to get laid.

Until then, you'll bestow upon him admiration reserved for the greatest of poets. Will convince yourself no man has ever used language in the way that he has; that the twist of his tongue sounds as pretty as it feels when it's on your skin.

"And if I agree?"

Jeongguk looks at you like the answer is painfully obvious.

"You get fucked?" He shakes his head a little, confused at how you didn't already reach that conclusion. "Oh, just one thing, though."

The way he begins to grimace lets you know that you're not gonna like whatever it is. Still, you encourage him to continue.

He grits his teeth. Winces. "Gonna have to use your ID for check-in."

The facade slips, like glass shattering all around you. His status as your cheeky, yet infuriatingly charming best friend returns.

"What?!" You pout, voice all distressed and pathetic. "Why?"

"Because," he stresses. "What if the owner knows my parents?!"

"You look just like your dad," you remind him. "If they know your parents, they'll know it's you regardless of your ID."

"Plausible deniability," he counters. "But if they see my ID? No denying that I'm a Jeon."

You laugh, because you think Jeongguk's got the kind of face that stands out. Think that anyone who had met him even once would be able to pick him out from a crowd. He's not the type of person you just forget. One little flick of his lip ring? Yeah. Ain't no way anyone could get him out of their head.

"Look, we can make up a cover story," Jeongguk offers, clutching at straws. A playfulness returns to his eyes. "What if... we're a young married couple on the run. Nothing sleazy."

"On the run?!"

He grins. Finds your slight horror funny. "Yeah. Dangerous. Sexy."

You narrow your eyes. Decide to entertain him, 'cause how can you refuse?

"Fine," you eventually giggle. "How long have we been married?"

"6 years," Jeongguk says. Doesn't even have to think about it. Has always been good at playing make-believe. "Eloped as soon as we could. Our families don't approve."

"Oh?" You question, a little surprised. This doesn't bode well. "Still? After six years?"

"Still," he grins, enthralled by your willingness to play along despite your incessant need to challenge him. "I'm the son of a powerful businessman. You're the cleaner's daughter."

"Oh, a Cinderella-type story," you purse your lips. "But also fuck you. Feels very gender-role-conforming. How did I win your heart?"

It's a funny story... he thinks, but shakes his head. Now is no time for the truth.

"Firstly, it's not about gender - you're the smarter one. You work harder. Are the underdog of the story," he assures you, but you don't really buy it. Think he's just stupid. And a boy. And realise that actually maybe it's fitting. "You used to come with your mum to my parents' house. Would rearrange my sculptures-"

"Dolls."

"Shut up. Would rearrange them just to annoy me, and it did."

"But then?"

"Then I started arranging them back," he nods, pleased with the little story he's concocting. He really is a true romantic, you think, even if this is all just one long-winded attempt to get laid. "One thing lead to another and - boom - in love."

Okay, so maybe he isn't a fine detail kinda guy (although he totally is), but it's the thought that counts. He twinkles his fingers when he makes the sound effect, his big brown eyes just as sparkly.

Laughing, you can't help but find the whole situation ridiculous. Your order is getting bagged up by the front desk. You should get up. Should go.

But you don't.

You indulge in the fallacy of him, and his big ideas. Grand plans. Revel in them. Adore them.

"Okay," you begin to clarify the tall tale. "So we eloped. Been together for 6 years. Why are we in a motel?"

"Like I said, baby. We're on the run," he grins. You burst out laughing, so he just continues. Both pretend like he didn't just call you baby. Will chalk it up to him already being in character. "We're wanted by Interpol."

"Interpol?!"

"We scammed a Vegas casino," he tells you with a face straighter than a spirit measure. "Fled to Busan. Now we're darting into a motel because we think we're being tailed."

"And are we being tailed?"

"No," Jeongguk says. "Just paranoid. It will be our inevitable downfall - but for now, we're high on adrenaline and maybe a little something else, I don't know, so a motel seems like a safe bet."

"And once we're in?"

"I'll shave my head and you'll dye your hair," he deadpans. Has seen it in half a dozen films that always end in disaster. Naive of him to think yours won't. "Secure our new identities."

"And then?" You encourage once more.

"Well, then we'll fuck," he says nonchalantly, as if he hasn't just declared his intentions to the restaurant around you. Not like anyone heard. Not like he'd care even if they did. Let them know. Let them think about the way he'll claim you as his own. Let them imagine your pretty little face as he gets you coming undone. Let them know. "Re-consummate the marriage under our new identities."

He's looking at you with an intensity you don't quite recognise. You don't realise the thoughts behind his dark eyes. Are unaware his brain is as territorial as his cock is hard.

"Can we skip the hair part?" You whine. Don't want him to shave his head. Like his hair, and how it feels to lock your fingers in it.

"No."

"Please."

"No-"

"But I wanna fuck you," you pout softly. It takes him by surprise. Had momentarily forgotten how bold you were both being earlier. Was too lost in his fantasy. "Dying hair takes the best part of an hour. I can't wait that long. I'll die."

The way you stroke his ego makes his heart swell. Cock, too. A rush of blood pumps through his body. He's all testosterone and bad decisions, but he doesn't give a fuck. Won't give a fuck until he comes.

"God, you are horny," he teases. Likes it when you play hard to get, but likes it just as much when you're desperate.

"I was on my knees for you earlier," you remind him. "There's a reason we hadn't done that before."

"The reason being?"

"Gets me a little insatiable. I put the worship in cock worship," you sigh, an air of indifference to your tone. Despite the flirt, you're still able to pretend like you don't really give a fuck - and that just makes him want you more. "You put in the cock."

"Thanks," he laughs. "Guessed that much. You really like giving head, huh?"

"I like power," you simply say.

The truth of the matter is that yes, you like it. Love it. Adore the way men sound when they're all whiney and pathetic just as much as you like a guy who takes control with it.

"Power?" He raises a brow.

You smirk. Won't give him the truth. Instead, will reclaim your status as just a friend.

"One bite and I could ruin your life."

Jeongguk's smile explodes onto his face, a stunted laugh catching in his throat. "Okay, so I'm never putting my cock in your mouth again."

"No!" You say a little too quickly. "I mean, I wouldn't - but I could ."

"Yeah, nope," he just laughs, now. Is glad you're diverting the conversation a little. He needs to be able to stand up, soon. Needs his boner to soften a little. "Never again."

"But-"

"Absolutely not."

" Koo ."

"Don't call me that."

"You know you liked it," you remind him with a teasing grin. "You know you wanna fuck my mouth again, Koo ."

And God, you want it, too. Want his hands in your hair. Want his raspy little moans soundtracking the lewdness of him hitting the back of your throat.

"I'll stick it down your throat just to shut you up," he deadpans.

"And they say romance is dead."

"You're the one who loves sucking on my cock," he smirks. "Not exactly romantic."

"There's nothing more romantic than swallowing spunk," you say all very stoically. "You think I'd let just any man finish in my-"

"Y'know, sometimes I think you don't actually want to fuck," he laughs, cutting off your train of verbalised thought. "The shit you say is just so..."

He doesn't finish. Doesn't need to.

Unhinged? Confusing?

Either could apply. They'd both be correct.

"Put your cock in my mouth and you won't have to hear it."

He shakes his head. "Don't trust you not to bite, now."

"Pussy," you pout, realising you may have fucked it. Shouldn't have threatened violence against a cock as nice as his. Rookie error. Desperately try to claw back control. "Live life on the edge. Take a risk. Gamble a nibble to win a swallow. Worth it."

Regretfully, he thinks it is.

"Are you always like this?" Jeongguk asks, a little bemused. Gamble a nibble. You really are something else. "Like, is this how you seduce boys? Just confuse them into obsession?"

You shrug. Grin. "Sometimes. Not often, though. I'm not actually trying to seduce you, idiot. Just messing with you 'cause you're my best friend."

"Do you offer to suck all your bestie's dicks?"

"Danbi doesn't have a dick," you remind him. "Now, pussy on the otherha-"

"I don't need to know," Jeongguk decides. He's already got Jimin confirmation. Doesn't wanna have to think about you fucking anyone else he already knows.

"I'm just joking," you laugh. "Dan is straighter than a ruler."

"They're quite bendy, actually," Jeongguk corrects you.

"Maybe," you admit. "But they always snap back to a straight position."

He can't fault that logic. Thinks it's probably the best way to describe himself. Has his own curiosities and wonders, granted, but can't really imagine himself exploring them with anyone who doesn't have long-term partner potential - and when it comes to romance, he really is straighter than a ruler.

Kind of likes how open you are about your experiences. Makes him feel safe in exploring his own desires with you.

The conversation is ended by the server coming to retrieve you both. The bill is rung up, and Jeongguk pays. You let him. Will just transfer him half of the balance a little later.

Curiously, as he holds the door open for you, Jeongguk grabs onto your hand. Slides his fingers between yours.

"Making it believable," he just says when you chirp slightly. "We don't have rings. Gotta make the couple thing seem legit."

You don't have to do that in the slightest. It's perfectly acceptable for two young people to show up to a love motel together and rent it for a few hours.

Yet he keeps on holding your hand.

And you let him.

There's a motel a few blocks up, but you're hesitant.

"It's on the main road," you hiss just above the noise of traffic. The tips of your fingers are icy cold, but Jeongguk's keeping you warm for the most part.

"The quicker we get inside, the quicker this is over and done with," he assures you.

"Rude."

"Didn't mean it like that," he grins. Squeezes your hand. Pulls you a little closer as you continue down the path. Rests his lips against the crown of your head. Is quiet as he says, "gonna fuck you for hours, B."

You withhold a small laugh. "You're gonna nut as soon as you get in the room."

"Maybe," he admits with a soft grin. Presses a kiss against your head and pulls away a little. Restores his posture. Is confident in his strides. "Got a pair of hands and a mouth, though."

The mention of them almost makes you groan. "Fuck it," you concede. Pull on his hand to guide him towards the entrance of the motel.

You're no-nonsense as you get to the front desk. Let go of Jeongguk's hand. Get your ID and card out as he stands a little sheepishly behind you.

The place is dreary. Drab. Dark. Sin lines the walls and desire laces the air; a cesspit of human acts that are as hedonistic as they are hellish. The room rate is tacked up on the wall, thick black lines putting a price on privacy. Half a dozen numbers have been scribbled over, the price increasing with every stroke of the pen. Far more expensive than the going rate online, but you don't care. Will pay anything at this point.

There's no price that can be put on how it feels to be desired by Jeongguk. No monetary value could ever compare to the whisper of his lips against yours as he finishes. Priceless .

Card charged, ID photocopied for their records, you're given a key. Room 305. Your check out is the next morning, 'cause you couldn't bring yourself to ask for a day rate.

Silent as you step into the elevator, Jeongguk stands across from you. Food takeout in one hand, there's a casual arrogance to his stance. He leans back against the wall. Rakes down your body with his eyes as you press the button encouraging the doors to close.

Glancing up, you spy the camera in the top corner. Know it's flickering onto a grainy screen behind the front desk. There's an audience. Just one slightly older man who's probably seen far worse offenders than you and your 'husband' for the afternoon.

Jeongguk bites down on his lip. Grins. Lets his lips ring to do the thing. Shakes his head as if he can't believe his luck. Lets his eyes drop to his feet a little before the focus is back on you. Wants to speak. To say something impressive. Something that will make you want him.

But he's stumped. Just continues looking at you; your glitter, your pretty little smile, your sparkling eyes.

And so you're the one to break the silence. "Come here."

He does as he's told. Stops just an inch away from you. Looks down. Presses his lips in on themselves; makes sure they aren't dry. Whispers, "here."

Your hands trail up his throat, arms wrapping around his neck, as your feet press up to their tippy toes. His empty hand cradles your back, keeping your balance neutral.

"Missed a freckle earlier," you whisper. He hums. Encourages you to continue. Knows exactly which one it is. You lean closer. Let your lips graze his. "It's right here. Just below your lip."

So close, your nose nudges against his. Eyes close. Lips press down.

He reciprocates. Whines a little into the kiss. It's a luxury. One he knows not to waste. Grips your waist. Parts his lips. Lets your tongue stroke against his.

Hands in his hair, you know that anyone watching the CCTV stream would believe your lovebird story.

There's an unbridled desire between you both, one that can only be remedied naked - although you're pretty sure he could take you right here in the lift, and it would be just as satisfying (but then you really would get arrested for public indecency).

He pulls back slightly. Rests his forehead on yours. Keeps his eyes closed. You're breathing him in to stay alive.

"I didn't think we did 'that'," he husks. Didn't want it to stop. Just wants to be sure you want it.

And so when you press your lips back against his, ever so briefly, he smiles.

"We don't," you simply shrug as the elevator pulls to a stop. Loosening your grip, you smile. Wait for the doors, and pull him down the corridor as soon as they open. "But we aren't 'us', remember?"

Oh, how Jeongguk loves that you're always so willing to play. You'll feed into his make-believe, and pretend as if it doesn't affect your reality. The game is dangerous, but Jeongguk is safe.

The scrunch of his nose as he enthrals in your acceptance of his childish nature is evidence enough that making Jeongguk happy is the most rewarding task on the planet.

You think, for this reason, that you shouldn't blur the lines between friendship and fucking - but the key is in the door, and Jeongguk's lips are on your neck.

There's only one way this will end.

Turning to face him as the door clicks open, you let his lips find yours again. Will worry about the consequences later. Maybe.

"Gguk-" you mumble against him, eyes closed, following his guide as he pushes you both into the room. Your words are interrupted by the intrusion of his tongue licking against yours. He's desperate. Wants to be yours in every capacity he can be.

The way you grip a little tighter onto him, nails digging into his skin lets him know you don't mind.

Still, he takes a split second to grunt, "What is it?"

You're the one cutting off his words now as you press back up into his lips. Let his hands run all over your body. Pause only when the back of your legs hit something. You assume it's the bed. Are proven right when Jeongguk manoeuvres you both onto it. There's little discussion. Moans. Grunts. Nothing of any substance, yet it says so much more than any fucking word could.

He prizes your shirt off of you while you frantically unbuckle his belt. The sound of clattering metal unleashes something in you. Gets you so desperately needy. Has you taking your own trousers off as Jeongguk quickly stands to rid himself of his jeans.

"So fucking hot," Jeongguk praises as he prowls back on top of you, lips finding yours instantly. His tattooed arms keep him supported by your head, while his over dips to rub your clothed cunt. Precision nor accuracy matter. Above anything else, he just wants to be holding you. Claiming you. Your moans are an added bonus.

His lips break from yours to scatter wet kisses up your throat, tongue massaging the spot that always gets you panting. Beneath his body, you're squirming, overwhelmed by the way he's making you his.

He's rarely ever this quiet. You think it's because he's busy - and he is - but it's not why. It's because he doesn't trust himself. One lost thought spoken too soon could ruin everything, so he keeps his lips busy. Nips at the soft flesh of your chest. Wishes you weren't wearing your bra still. Is oddly perplexed to notice the set you're wearing. It's black. White banding. Calvin fuckin' Klein stitched into it. You're fucking matching him. He finds your lips again, 'cause it feels like his head is gonna explode.

Your hand clasps his wrist. Can barely make it halfway round. You're not stopping his movements. Just need a little control, or you're gonna finish too soon.

"Fuck me," you beg into his lips. "Please fuck me."

"If I fuck you I'm gon-"

"Fuck me," you reinforce your plea. "I don't care. Cum inside me. I don't give a fuck."

You really should. You know such a primitive human act is one that's gonna leave you feeling all sorts of fucked up - but you already feel that way, so what's the harm? Maybe it will help.

Jeongguk pauses. His chest heaves. Pulls away from you, hands stroking all over your body. God. He'll never get bored of this. Of you. Of how this feels.

The lights are off and the blinds are closed. Neither of you has inspected the room like you really should have done.

Small streaks of light sneak through the Venetians. They paint you in gold. You glitter. Of course you do.

Eventually, after what feels like a lifetime of him drinking you in, glossy brown eyes all star-drunk and cosmic, he nods. Whispers. "Gonna fuck you."

You nod, too. Watch as he takes off his boxees. Rid yourself of your bra and he strips you of your panties. No words are exchanged. Why would they be? You both know what you want.

He climbs back onto the bed. Presses a chaste kiss to your lips as one of his hands grips your cleavage. His fingers are tight. Possessive. Intolerant of the idea that you might not be his.

So fucking keen for you, the tip of his cock rubs up against your folds without his guidance. Has done this dance with you enough times now to know the right steps. Sink a little lower and he could push himself into you without any assistance. You're wet enough. Fucking soaked. Will be leaving evidence of your desire on the sheets. His cock is no better. Precum is smeared in his boxers and all over his slit. You're both pathetically needy right now.

Reaching your hand down to stroke his cock as his lips latch onto one of your nipples, you find yourself whining. There's nothing you don't love about the way Jeongguk fucks you. Doesn't forget a single part of your body - and how could he ever forget your tits? He's a changed man because of them.

He sucks harder as you encourage the head of his cock to press against your sopping-wet entrance. Just a little push is all it takes - and yet he doesn't relent just yet. Regretfully eases the suction his lips have around your nipple. Kisses you again. Husks, "Gonna cum so fucking fast."

You just nod. Kiss him again. Cradle his jaw. Nudge up against his nose. "Want you to cum. Fast is okay."

He swallows back a feeling of uncertainty. "Sure?"

"Please just fuck me, baby."

Oh, it's sin . Filth . Gluttonous, how badly he wants you; how insane hearing you call him 'baby' makes him.

He doesn't kiss you, but instead watches your face as he finally fucks his thick cock into you. Wants to see everything. How you gasp. How your brows furrow, eyes wide. How your cheeks blush. The way the heartbeat in your neck matches the heartbeat in your chest. How you whisper his name and desperately pull him back into your lips.

Jeongguk had a hundred and one things he wanted to do to you in these four walls, but with every stroke of his cock into your pussy, one of them melts away. Eventually, all that's left is his need for you to know every atom of his being wants to melt into you, too. Close will never be close enough. He has to fuck his cum into you because he has to fool his body into thinking maybe he could become at one with you.

"Shit," he husks, barely a few minutes into it. Hooks one of your legs over his elbow. Encourages it further. Gets it over his shoulder. Ruts himself ever deeper inside of you. "Oh, shit, baby."

"You good?" you check, to which he just nods. Pants. There's a sheen to his skin. Sweat. Like his very own glitter.

His hips stall a little. Brows furrow. He's trying to hold back - but you don't want him to, so sink your finger down to rub at your clit. Want him to see that it's okay. That he can cum. That you're just as close.

Because you are. All it takes is a little extra help from your hand - and then you're squeaking. Keep his gaze locked on yours. Letting the ripple of what it feels like to cum undone around him make itself known.

Jeongguk curses. "Keep doing it."

You do. Don't stop. Get yourself pulsing around him. Torso shuddering. Cunt desperately trying to milk his cum - and then all rather suddenly, Jeongguk whines.

"Yeah. That's it. That's it. Oh, fuck, baby. Fuck." His hips thrash against yours; his cock using your tight walls to reach his orgasm. You watch his pretty face as he comes undone; mouth open, whines stuttering from his throat. "I'm cumming. Fuck. Oh. Fuck. I'm cumming, baby."

His speech is a mess, and so is he. So are you.

Thick and creamy, his cums spurts into you with unrelenting force. The build of the last twenty-four hours means there's so much more than usual - and it's all yours. Every last drop.

The sound of your cum-filled cunt as he continues fucking himself into you is lewd. The kinda shit you could only imagine. He keeps going. Pushes his cum deeper and deeper into you. Has no desire to leave your walls. Keeps fucking into you until the overstimulation gets so unbearable he could fucking cry - and yet it's still so good.

He curses as he pulls out, body spent on top of yours. Is gasping for air as if he's just gone three rounds in a boxing ring. Buries his head into your neck as you wrap your arms around him.

"So good," you praise, 'cause you think he needs it. Think he deserves it. "Always make me feel so good."

He nods against your skin. Agrees. Presses a kiss to your neck, but can't bring himself to do anything else. Just needs to be still for a little while. Just needs you to stay with him, like this. Needs to know that the little piece of soul that he's just given up is safe with you.

A full five minutes pass before he rolls off you with a sigh and a deep-rooted desire to fuck you again. Harder, this time. For longer. Better. He's not ready, though. Not yet.

Not ready for anything. Hasn't processed any of his feelings. Just knows he doesn't even need to give you a verbalised response when you ask, "Shall we shower?"

He presses a kiss into your shoulder. Nods. Sits up, taking your hand in his. Leads you to the bathroom, which is surprisingly nice for a place like this. Has a tub. He dreads to think of what horrors it's seen.

Neither of you really speak much. There's a heaviness. An understanding that whatever just happened isn't what usually happens. Yes, it was sex, and yes it was still just you two, but something about it was just... different. The silence isn't uncomfortable. It's just noticeable.

Just like it's noticeable when Jeongguk gets hard again a little while later. Just like it's noticeable when you straddle his lap and sink down onto him. Just like it's noticeable when he directs your hips to grind instead of bounce. Just like it's noticeable when he kisses you through a climax. Just like it's noticeable when he cums inside you for the second time that afternoon.

It's not bad. It's just noticeable.

"We gonna talk about it?" You ask as the pair of you sit on the bed, a shitty cable movie on the motel television as you finally snack on the chicken you'd picked up earlier.

Jeongguk plays it cool. Keeps watching the TV, as he says, "about what?"

You're not sure if you should continue. Jeongguk is in his underwear. You're wearing his shirt, and that's it. You both know you aren't done with the sleazy motel room. Part of you worries that your question might lead to an argument. Post-sex conversations have a way of doing that with you two. Emotions are always heightened. Both of you always try and act like stars don't align whenever he's inside you. Think that by playing it cool, you're playing it safe.

Issue is, you care too much about Jeongguk to be playing things safe now. You need to play honestly. Openly. Without fear of losing.

"Well," you hesitate. Dust off your crumbs into the container. Don't look at him. Are scared his gaze will put you off. "What is this?"

The childish part of Jeongguk wants to answer 'fried chicken,' or something dumb like that. Thinks it would be funny. Know you would laugh. Instead, he nibbles on his bottom lip. Briefly glances over to you. The way you're avoiding his eyes makes him nervous.

"What do you mean?" He asks. Knows exactly what you mean. Still wants you to spell it out for him, just in case he's jumping to conclusions.

But he's not.

"Us," you say quietly. "This. What is this?"

It doesn't surprise you when the silence returns. Jeongguk doesn't want to misspeak. You know him well. Anticipated such a response. Don't push for more, because you know it will just take a little time.

Your friendship is well established. He's your best friend, and you are his. It had been agreed upon.

"It's just us," he eventually states. "We're best friends. Right?"

"Right," you nod. Feel a little deflated. Ask, "but, like... the fucking?"

Jeongguk thinks his lungs might collapse, just like your slightly misguided sense of hope. Is certain if the conversation continues, that he will simply die.

"Oh." He hums. "Right. Yeah. That."

You've done this before, his brain taunts him. Don't fuck it up. Don't fuck it up. Don't fuck it up. You know how this works. You'll lose her. Don't fuck it up.

"I'm not, like, in love with you, if that's what you're worried about," he laughs a little sheepishly. Is a terrible liar, but you're too much in your own head right now to realise.

"Oh. No. I didn't mean - I'm not accusing you of anything," you insist - and you really weren't. Was just searching for clarity. Kind of wish you hadn't now.

"No, I know," Jeongguk says back with a kind smile, not that you're looking at him. "I just didn't want you to get the wrong end of the stick, or anything like that."

"I haven't," you promise, finally looking over at him.

Neither of you really appear convinced. Not with yourselves, not with one another.

"And, I mean, you've got that guy," Jeongguk doubles down. Pretends to forget his name cause he just can't help himself. "We've been working on intimacy stuff literally so you could date again, right?" He waits for a response. You don't give him one. "So you're doing it. And that's great. And I'm happy for you... and, like-"

"Do you not think it will cause issues?" you blurt out, a little frustrated with how cool Jeongguk seems to be about it all. You don't realise it feels like his brain is on fire. He's masking it well. The only giveaway is the nervous sweat that's building beneath his arms - but you're hardly gonna notice that.

"Will it cause you issues?" he simply counters. Never wants to be the first to admit things. Has been burned too badly before.

You take a moment to think of a response, but realise nothing will do your feelings justice.

You think of your friendship with Jeongguk, and how he's somehow gone from a once-in-a-blue-moon bartender that would serve you magic in the form of a tiny purple shot to a permanent fixture in your life.

And it scares you, too. He was temporary once. Maybe one day he could become that again.

It doesn't feel like he will be.

Feels like you'll stoke one another's fires and keep your twin flames alive for years to come - but there's no promise that someone won't try and seek warmth from his burning embers. He's a good guy. Wouldn't wanna leave them to go cold. Would forget about you in the process, 'cause he's so used to having you there. Your flame could die out before he realises. Would spend forever trying to reignite it, but ashes just don't burn.

It's unlikely, but it's possible.

And so it seems silly depending on him as your only source of flame preservation. Perhaps you should see where things with Seojoon go.

"How... How does anyone know if they're making the right choices?" You ask a little sheepishly. Feel just as confused as you did at the start of the conversation. "How can they be sure?"

"They're not," Jeongguk simply says, reaching out to nudge your knee. Is as warm to the touch as he usually is, but kinda feels like he burns, now. "We take chances, and hope that they work out. That's all we can do."

"But love-"

"Isn't what we think it is," Jeongguk interrupts.

He's had so many ideas of love in his lifetime, yet refuses to believe any of them were real. Thinks he knows what it is, now. Finally truly understands the concept of setting the ones you love free.

He's trying to do that for you. Doesn't want to hold you back.

"It's not the wind blowing in some dude's hair, or roses appearing behind a pretty girl," he doubles down. "It's not that heart beating out of your chest shit that happens when you first see someone you like. Love isn't what's peddled to us in the movies. It's not."

"No? So what is it?"

"It's peace . It's not struggling to breathe, or panicking, or nervousness. It's none of that. Love... love feels like coming home. I know your ex fucked with your head a bit," Jeongguk says quietly. Looks at you. Feels right at home. "But love isn't supposed to hurt."

And yet as he speaks, Jeongguk's breaking his own fucking heart.

Better me than you.

Just doesn't realise he never had to.

All you ever needed was security. Safety. The rest would come with time.

But you're nervous, now. And you are a little hurt.

So whatever foolishness you were letting yourself indulge in with him is promptly abandoned. You're not about to wreck things. By his own admission, you can't possibly be feeling anything as heavy as love - and the friendship you have with him means more to you than, well, anything.

"We're okay, right?" You ask, a little desperate for things to feel normal.

Jeongguk smiles. Grabs the half-empty chicken box and tosses it down to the floor. Reaches for your hand, and drags you up to his lap. Messes with your hair. "We're fine, B."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Jeongguk's a terrible liar.

"Okay. Good."

And so are you.

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