#but either way it's basically an excuse for me to dump all my hurt ace feelings into a fic and make JC deal with them lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bbytetsu · 4 years

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AWKWARD SEX MOMENTS WITH THE HAIKYUU BOYS

warnings: NSFW. mentions of vaginal sex, anal, menstruation, blowjobs, fingering, nipple play, car sex. plus swearing and a lot of secondhand embarrassment

author’s note: this is just a lil fun brain dump because i KNOW that for all the filthy smut we have on the boys, we need a lil laugh too <3

kuroo: ceo of lubing it up but one time his dick slipped and went in your ASS instead. you blacked out and couldn’t sit down for a week.

kenma: greasy ass mf. it used to be ABSOLUTELY unbearable to suck his dick because he doesn’t wash well around there. like is something fermenting in his pubic hairs? kombucha? you’ll never know.

akaashi: learned to dirty talk by stumbling across smut online and so he was a lil too poetic for his own good. cue the “i’m going to insert my thick juicy cock into your core now.” oops!

bokuto: thought queefs were farts for the longest time. the first time you queefed, he jokingly suggested that maybe you shouldn’t have ate all that chipotle by yourself. the second time, he pulled out to tell you he wouldn’t be mad if you had to take a shit right now.

atsumu: you once got your period in the middle of sex and he was like “oh shit, guess my dick’s just too big 😏 🤫 you okay, though?” I SWEAR-

osamu: he forgets to tell you that the walls are thin in his shared apartment so right as you’re about to climax, his twin goes screaming “TELL THEM TO KEEP IT DOWN OVER THERE, ‘SAMU!” also, he didn’t know how to play with your boobs for the longest time. he’d just pinch your nipples and that’d be it.

suna: didn’t understand the concept of aftercare. after having sex, he’d either fall asleep immediately or just get up to play nba 2k (butt ass naked, too!) without saying a word.

sakusa: assumes that vaginas are supposed to smell like vanilla and flowers, so the first time he goes down on you he asks you why your pussy smells like that. pussy pass REVOKED.

oikawa: this cocky lil bitch. once asked if you would "die for his dick.” it was a bit much so you said no. he pretended not to hear you.

iwaizumi: for your anniversary, he sprinkled some flower petals in the room and put up a big bouquet of flowers on his nightstand. he ended up triggering your pollen allergy. you half sneezed half moaned through sex, but it was a cute gesture!

kunimi: used to suck at fingering, sorry. he’d just stick his fingers in your pussy and leave it there like he was waiting to perform a jutsu in your coochie

mattsun: you’re giving him that double twisty gawk gawk when you decide hm! let’s switch things up a little. so you move your mouth down to his balls and start licking them. he forgot to tell you that his balls are ticklish beforehand and KNEES you in the face.

makki: it’s not just a moment, it’s the whole thing. he wants to have car sex soooo bad but he drives a such small car like a honda fit. you have to roll down the backseat window and stick your head out in doggy position so the two of you can fit 💀

ushijima: for someone who grunts a lot while playing volleyball, it’s weird how silent, i mean DEAD SILENT, he’d be while having sex. and he can’t take a hint so you had to tell him straight up that you felt like you were fucking a serial killer

tendou: shot cum into his own EYE. god it hurts thinking about this but basically he thought he was done cumming, he was just casually inspecting his dick, and then there’s an unexpected squirt!

nishinoya: used to be lil too aggressive on your clit. he’d be biting on it like a rabid dog 😭 but when you tell him to be gentler, it’s too soft. we appreciate the enthusiasm though, he’ll eat you out while swinging his legs in the air!

tanaka: he tries to list out nintendo characters in his head during sex so he doesn’t cum too fast, but “waluigi” once slipped out of his mouth while he was cumming. cuddles after sex have never been more awkward!!

asahi: just couldn’t spank you for the longest time. he is a gentle giant after all, but if you asked to get your hair pulled or ass smacked like he’d give u that weak shit... like where’s all the power, ace?

daichi: keeps asking if you’ve cum yet as if he’s tryna manifest your orgasm!! who is gonna tell this man that you can’t cum from just penetration? you finally decide enough is enough and show him the way to your clit

suga: this one time, his mom kept calling him like every!! 3!! minutes!! and being the mama’s boy that he is, he ends up excusing himself to pick up the phone. andddd later you find out it wasn’t even about anything important 🙄

futakuchi: his first time with you, he nuts too quickly, which completely destroys his pride. he tells you he needs a moment and leaves to take a walk...

terushima: he has the WORST sex playlist. like he’s pretty smooth otherwise, you’ll be in his bed raring to go until he starts playing his shitty soundcloud rapper "remember the times we had. the times you and me had” r&b playlist. and even worse it’s full of ADS 😭

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my-miraculous-headcanons · 5 years

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A Different Approach

In which Marinette first approaches Lila very differently, and gets a positive result.

+ Bonus Content, basically an added twist which may or may not explain Marinette’s hatred of lying. Trigger warning for stabbing, because children with pointy objects can hurt themselves. It’s pretty mild. Also, trigger warning for blood mention, although the blood is actually unrelated to the stabbing.

Lastly, trigger warning accidental self-harm. All of these warnings apply to the bonus content only.

Confrontation

• After the first incident where Marinette blew up on Lila, which later caused Volpina, she realised she was going to have to tackle this problem differently. Lila doesn’t seem like the type who likes confrontation, either publicly or privately. But clearly, she does like praise.

• There’s also the fact that Lila must be lying for a reason. What that reason is, Marinette doesn’t know, but Lila does it so often, so chronically, that it’s almost like she needs to. Lila treats it like it’s all she knows.

• When Marinette confronts Lila, it starts off very similarly to the bathroom scene in Chameleon. Lila’s under the impression that Marinette is going to be an enemy, an obstacle. On some level, that true, but Marinette pulls something she truly does not expect.

• Marinette: Lila, if you like telling people what they want to hear so much, then why don’t you try out for theatre?

• It takes Lila a solid moment to realise Marinette wasn’t just messing with her and is being entirely sincere.

• Lila: I— what?

Marinette: I’m not saying I approve of you lying to my friends, but I do acknowledge that you’re really good at acting and telling other people stories. I’m kind of surprised that you haven’t already tried out for it, to be honest? You’d do really well, you have a talent for it.

Lila: I don’t— What— what’s your angle, here?

Marinette: Lila, I’m only trying to give you other options. Lying isn’t always going to get you through life. More often than not, it won’t, actually. But making a career out of something you’re genuinely good at and seem to enjoy? You’ll go far with that. If you want to try out, they’re holding auditions for an upcoming play this coming Friday. It’s an edited version of Sleeping Beauty. If you need any help, you can come visit me and recite some lines. I live above Tom and Sabine’s bakery, they’re my parents. Anyways... That’s all I wanted to say. See you around.

• Lila is left baffled. In all her past schools, she’s been able to organise her classmates into two separate categories. Those who believe and follow her like sheep, and those who see through her lies and oppose her, either verbally or physically. But Marinette was neither of those. She didn’t try to stop Lila, despite knowing that she’s lying and not approving of it— instead, she gave Lila an outlet. Someplace where she can act and play pretend as much as she wants without anyone judging her for it.

• Part of Lila wants to be mad. She’s so used to the feeling, it’s so much easier just to be mad and not think too hard about other people. But there’s just something about Marinette she can’t ignore. Unlike Adrien, Marinette didn’t just sit back or make some passive comments in private about how things are going to end up bad if Lila kept lying. Marinette understood that Lila needed this, and gave her a way to do it without running into a tight spot in the future.

• Lila wants to be mad. Lila wants to hate Marinette. But she can’t.

Influencing One Another

• Lila ends up walking into Tom and Sabine’s bakery the next day. She has the script for the audition in her hands. She’s nervous for some reason, jittery in a way she doesn’t think she’s been in a very long time. Tom and Sabine are kind and smile at her and give her a plate of treats before ushering her upstairs towards Marinette’s bedroom. It’s very warm and friendly.

• Lila wants to hate them almost immediately. She reserves judgement, just this once. Only because Marinette proved herself to be something different.

• Marinette doesn’t do anything to seem smug or knowing when Lila comes up through the trap door. Marinette simply looks away from her sewing project, gives Lila a slightly surprised but happy smile, and tells her to sit on the chaise for moment while she finishes up the next few stitches.

• That day, Lila spends a lot of the time practicing the lines over and over, with Marinette encouraging her and telling her when things sound a little off or shaky. It was... pleasant. Lila comes home that day and for once, doesn’t lie to her mother. She tells her that she’s auditioning for a play, and she was at someone’s house getting help reciting her lines.

• Lila’s hesitant to call Marinette a friend. Friends are a concept she’s particularly cynical about. Marinette’s own supposed best friend was a sheep, after all. A self-proclaimed reporter who didn’t even fact-check, who would have dumped Marinette in favor of the new girl rather quickly.

• She’s surprised to find that she’s very irritated about that. That Marinette’s surrounded by sheep, when the girl herself is not. She’s starting to see Marinette in her own category. A category similar to the one Lila placed herself in, yet also very different. Marinette, like Lila, is not a sheep. Marinette is in control of her own life, everyone adores her on some level, and she is not dumb by any means. She doesn’t follow the crowd. The crowd follows her. Unlike Lila, however, she’s sometimes blind to the nasty parts of the people surrounding her. And that makes it so, so easy for her to get hurt.

• The next few days leading up to Friday, Lila spends more and more time with Marinette. She’s noticing things. Marinette has a crush on Adrien, and it’s not for superficial reasons. Adrien is willfully blind to it. There’s no possible way the boy doesn’t know about it, honestly, he’s clearly just ignoring the knowledge or not even acknowledging the fact as a fact at all. And the fact that he asked Marinette to set him up with another girl— that’s low. Lila doesn’t even want a boy like that as a trophy boyfriend. She doesn’t understand Marinette’s infatuation with that doormat. Sure, the kindness would hook you in at first, but after all the heartbreak, the mixed signals, the willful ignorance, the passive attitude— how is the girl not tired of it?

• There’s other things she noticed. Marinette’s friends treat her blunders and awkwardness like a joke. Sometimes they act like they respect the girl, then other times they’re poking fun at her, rolling their eyes at her, doubting her confidence. It’s almost like she’s treated as the comic relief sometimes. Alya goes back and fourth from encouraging Marinette to confess to Adrien, to rolling her eyes when Marinette finally seems to muster up the confidence to do it. Marinette’s constantly in a perpetual state of nervousness because of it.

• So, Lila decides to repay an act of kindness. Just this once.

• The next time Alya tries to push Marinette to confess, putting the girl in a nerve-wracking situation, Lila comes in close and tells Marinette not to. She tells Marinette that this isn’t a ride or die situation. She tells Marinette that she should be taking this slow, get to know Adrien better, let him get to know her. Marinette calms down and manages to speak to Adrien normally. She’s not freaked out or under pressure of having to straight up confess her feelings.

• Marinette and Lila are changing each other, and for the better. Lila aced the audition and got a part in the play. Marinette is taking Lila’s advice and has managed to calm down somewhat, no longer as anxious as she normally is.

• Lila’s beginning to understand the concept of having a friend. She’s still not entirely happy using that word, but it’s the only one that works. Marinette is a friend. That’s her category. Marinette is someone she can trust. Marinette knows when she needs to do something and gives her options on how to do it without backlash or compromising her personal wellbeing. Lila begins to feel like she’s flourishing.

• Marinette is beginning to pick up on some of the things Lila usually sees every day. Alya is too pushy, sometimes. She never knew it made her uncomfortable so often until Lila pointed out that she didn’t need to confess. And Adrien has no spine. Adrien’s passive, excuses bullies without even understanding the harm they’ve caused just because he wants to believe in the best in people, and lets people use him. Adrien’s also... confusing, and she often feels like she’s being strung along by him.

The Change

• Lila’s become popular. People are absolutely enamored with her acting, her expressions, and her twist to stories. She’s great at improv and is observant of her audience, making it easier for her to spin the perfect dialogue, tone of voice, and expression that she knows would capture their hearts. She often goes off script but always hits the important parts, and never strays from the general story and setting. The writers can sometimes get frustrated with her, but they also have an easier time writing her lines because as long as she has the important lines and the general idea of where the conversation will go, she’ll always nail it. She’s also really great at playing off mistakes and mishaps onstage as things that were supposed to happen.

• Marinette’s become more outspoken about things that bother her. She tells Alya to stop trying to wingman. Alya is offended at first, but Marinette explains that all the pushing only makes her much too anxious, and she’s not incapable of working through her crush on her own. (Marinette is a little offended that Alya thinks that of her. That she’s such a mess on her own that she needs help.)

• Lila’s stopped lying. She doesn’t really want the attention of her classmates anymore. She has Marinette, and a whole host of fans who adore her acting. Her mother has always managed to get a seat in the first row at each first showing of Lila’s performances. Marinette has tried to be at almost all of her performances, although sometimes she’s not able to make it, or she’s pulled aside from the audience to help fix a wardrobe malfunction.

• Marinette’s optimism is challenged by Lila’s cynicism, and vice versa. In another world, this would have made them enemies. In this world, it makes them a force to be reckoned with. Lila picks up on the faults and behaviors of people quickly, and Marinette is accepting of faults and can find solutions to help people who need it. They’re only young teenagers now, but given some years, they’d perfect their methods and be virtually unstoppable.

• Marinette has let Lila get away with some of the lies she said in the past, mostly because Lila has changed now, and if she went along admitting to some of her lies, it could quite possibly ruin her life. For example, if the principal were to find out Lila was simply skipping school for those months, that would be a major black mark on her record. She could be expelled. Her mother would be called, wouldn’t want to listen to a word Lila would have to say, and their relationship would be strained for possibly years to come. Lila’s already changing for the better. Lila’s already correcting her faults.

• Lila does go about admitting to some of her lies, though, and apologising. While she may not see the rest of the classmates in a particularly positive light, she sees why Marinette still hangs out with them. While they’re easily fooled and go along with the masses, people are still complicated and not one-dimensional beings. She shouldn’t have organised them into so few categories. Each person is unique in their own way and similar in other aspects, and it was wrong of her to see them all as other. She had a Me vs. The World mentality, but now she sees her fault in that.

• Her classmates are understandably cold and upset, but Marinette is there to settle them down. She reminds them that Lila admitting to her lies was something to be proud of, that Lila was changing and trying correct her wrongs, and they shouldn’t attack her in her attempt to do better. They can be upset that she lied, there’s nothing wrong in being upset that someone lied to you, but don’t brush off her current attempts. Let Lila try. Give her a chance now that’s she’s trying.

• The class keeps their distance for some time, wary of Lila and her seemingly totally new personality. Lila’s not faking anymore. She’s clearly cynical, and although she’s apologised, she’s made no attempt at befriending anyone. Gradually, though, when it’s clear she’s not going to go antagonise anyone or start anything, they begin to relax around her. Some people even ask her advice for things, approach her, because they’ve seen how she’s like with Marinette.

• Lila begins to see just how complicated individuals are. She’s beginning to accept it. Rose is even more optimistic than Marinette, ridiculously trusting and forgiving, and while Lila would see that as being vulnerable, Rose makes her think that maybe it’s more about enjoying life however you can. Lila can accept and appreciate that. Max is complicated in that he’s intelligent to the point of being called a genius, but is not as smart socially as he is academically, which is why he tends to follows others in that area. Which makes sense. She can understand why he’d try to learn that way.

• Before, Lila’s used her observational skills for picking out what people would accept easily. Now, she’s using them to dig deeper and to push herself and others to greater heights. Before, Marinette was anxious and took however her friends treated her regardless if it made her uncomfortable or not. Now, she sees that her friends have faults, accepts them, and voices her opinions and advice.

• It’s not long before Lila and Marinette become the class’ go-to people when they think they’ve done something wrong and need an outside perspective on what they did and how they need to improve. Lila observes, and Marinette offers advice.

+ Bonus Content

I reiterate, tw stabbing, tw accidental self-harm, tw blood mention

• Lila begins to realise that, while Marinette had taken a breather and was able to help Lila with her situation, Marinette does have a deep-seeded hatred for lies. Which makes it more baffling as to why Marinette wanted to help her, and how Marinette somehow knew that Lila needed to be able to tell her stories.

• When she asks Marinette about this, she’s pretty surprised by her answer.

• Marinette: I used to be a pathological liar, when I was a kid.

• Lila’s left to wonder how Marinette Dupain-Cheng, the girl who hates lies with a passion, could possibly have been a pathological liar. She struggles with the idea. She’s left to wonder what had changed. Talking with other classmates brought a clearer image in her head.

• Kim: Marinette used to lie about a lot of things. I don’t really blame her, she always had a lot of trouble making friends. Sometimes they were big lies, other times they were smaller ones. Like, one time she told everyone she was a secret agent, I think? Then other times she’d say things like she cooked breakfast for her parents, or she made the macarons she brought to class.

Lila: What changed?

Kim: One of her lies I think got way too out of hand, heh. She said she couldn’t feel any pain in her left hand, and did really well in following through with that one. I pinched her on the top of her hand so hard it started bleeding, and she didn’t even flinch. She really wanted to prove it for some reason. It kind of escalated, and I wasn’t there for the rest of it, but something bad enough happened that she ended up going to the hospital.

Nino: Oh, I was sorta there. Yeah, Marinette got her hands on a pair of scissors the teacher had in her desk, I don’t know how, and really hurt herself. Somehow missed her hand and ended up stabbing herself, I guess. Didn’t come back to school for weeks.

• The image is getting clearer, but not by much. Maybe when Marinette’s parents caught her lying tendencies, something happened? Not wanting to dig too much, she went back to Marinette and asked directly instead.

• Marinette: I didn’t miss my hand. I wasn’t actively trying to prove my hand was pain-resistant, I just... stabbed myself in the leg.

Lila: You what?!

Marinette: I wasn’t really thinking. I didn’t actually enjoy lying. It made me feel guilty, and I got so angry at myself I just did it without even realising, and got super freaked out when I saw what I did. I was a seven year old who lied so often just to make friends, and no matter how many friends I got, it felt like nothing I said was enough. I was constantly terrified that if they knew, they wouldn’t like me anymore. I was really desperate for people to pay attention to me, but I also didn’t like the attention I got. I went to therapy for a while, but my therapist wasn’t exactly the best. I mostly ended up figuring out my problems on my own as time went on.

Lila: And... what did you figure out?

Marinette: Lying was a learned behavior. I got it from my mom, actually. She sometimes told me to lie to some of her friends, like when she didn’t want to go out, or didn’t want to tell them the real reason why she’s busy. So if her friends asked, I would tell them my mom was busy working on a big order, or she was in the bath, or she’s having a date night with papa. She just wanted alone time. My mom would sometimes get upset if I said the wrong thing, and she was never mean about it, didn’t scold me or anything, but I didn’t like that I disappointed her. So I decided to just... get better.

Lila: Oh.

Marinette: Yeah. Eventually it wasn’t about my mom anymore. I didn’t have any friends, so I was lonely pretty often, but then when I started lying about small things to start a conversation, something that would catch their interest, I started getting attention. People started liking me when I started being fake. And I may have been pretty young, but I understood on some level. Other kids didn’t like me when I’m Marinette. They liked me when I told them I was someone else. I wanted to be Marinette, but I also wanted to have friends. It was getting overwhelming.

Lila: How did you get from the hand lie to accidentally hurting yourself?

Marinette: I didn’t grab the scissors for my hand, but my parents and my therapist didn’t really believe that when I told them. Around that time I was already interested in fashion design, and I wanted the scissors because I think I had this idea in my head that... uh, that involved the classroom curtains? But I ended up thinking. There was blood on my hand that only got there because I decided to tell another stupid lie, and I was probably going to have to lie about it when I got home, and I was going to lie about what happened to the curtains, and I just kept thinking about all the lies I was going to have to tell, and I started crying, I flailed my hands, and then suddenly there was a pair of scissors stuck in my leg.

Lila: Ouch.

Marinette: Yeah... I was a kid who didn’t really know what to do. I started taking my frustration out by creating more than usual, just kept designing more and more clothing. Didn’t stop. I went back to being pretty anti-social, and I was generally left alone for a while. I still really wanted friends though, so I tried other methods, but generally... While I got on friendly terms with everyone, nobody was really my friend, you know? Until Alya showed up. Things have gone a lot more smoothly since then. I’ve been more confident, more responsible, and I have actual accomplishments to my name.

Lila: So, you hate lying because...?

Marinette: Because it reminds me of how I used to be, and how harmful it is to yourself and the people around you. I really hate how past me was like.

Lila: You were only a kid.

Marinette: I’m still a kid. And it’s really hard not to remember parts of your childhood that was just really bad. I know I have a lot of good memories, but when I think about myself at age seven, all I can think about it how constantly guilty and afraid I was. No matter how hard I try, any good memory from back then is totally overshadowed by the lying.

Lila: Why are you clinging to it so much? You’re better than that, now. You don’t lie for attention, and you don’t need to.

Marinette: I still lie sometimes, though.

Lila: So what? People lie every day, lies don’t automatically make you a horrible person. Listen, have you ever lied since then just for the heck of it? Have you lied for any malicious reasons? Have you lied to trick people into doing bad things?

Marinette: No!

Lila: Then what are you getting so hung up about?

Marinette: I...

Lila: Sometimes people lie because they have to, or because they want a little kid to behave, or because they’re scared, or lonely, or whatever. Doesn’t mean they’re horrible. Even people who lie for bad reasons can have good in them. I lied for praise and attention from people I didn’t even like, but you gave me a chance to be better and I took it, didn’t I? I mean, my problems aren’t gone. Liking and trusting people is going to be difficult for me. I’m going to be judgmental, moody, and maybe harsh sometimes. But I’m not a horrible human being. Things aren’t as black and white as that. And you know that, don’t you? Otherwise you wouldn’t have given me a chance.

Marinette:.... Thanks, Lila.

Lila: Don’t thank me for pulling your head out of your ass, I’m just doing my job.

Marinette: Hey!

Lila: You hated a seven year old so much that you took it out on the very concept of lying! I don’t care if that seven year old was you!

Aaaand that’s the end. *wipes brow* Whew, that was long and drawn out.

I don’t find this perfect but I did the best I could. I’m probably gonna be iffy on this no matter how I wrote it, though, so whatever. At least it’s done.

You guys can do whatever you wish with this, add your own hcs, stories, etc, doesn’t matter. My blog is meant for everyone to take creative inspiration from.

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