#but either way i like how this came out. def an improvement from my last painting of him 👍

[lovscb97]

tags: park sunghoon x fem!reader, established relationship, size kink, strength kink, bulge kink, d/s dynamics, dom!sunghoon x sub!reader, unprotected sex (plz don’t), breeding kink, creampie, dirty talk, degradation (slut, whore), praise kink?, nicknames (baby, princess, angel, hoonie, etc), slight fluff, lowkey pwp, reader is described to be shorter than hoon and is easy to pick up/throw around, reader is also very down bad for him (aren’t we all), etc

wc: 2.67k

add. notes: hoon won the poll i put out so i present to u my first ever enha work :3 thank u very much to everyone who voted n this will def not be the last enha fic i put out so do not worry there is much to come for hyung line!!! also icon creds to @/v4mpjay :3

. . . 

sunghoon doesn’t know how much longer he can take this. 

it all started when he began going to the gym regularly, slowly bulking his figure up and feeling himself grow out in his clothes. what used to be his lanky frame that greeted him in the mirror gradually turned into a built man with lean muscles and sharper features, adding to what was already there initially. it wasn’t like this wasn’t what he wanted though, albeit the entire reason why he even started working out in the first place being to improve his health and build better habits for himself, but the outcome wasn’t too bad in itself. he got used to feeling stronger, more lighter on his feet or less out of breath when he climbed the stairs, and it was enjoyable to know that he could lift twice his weight and still feel good as new. in some way, things felt like they were going swell.

that is, until you came into the picture.

now, sunghoon’s always known that you’re small compared to him. even when standing side by side, his height next to yours is a little laughable, though he supposes you’re used to that considering you’ve always been shorter than most of your peers. he’s well aware of how you have to go on your tippy-toes when you guys kiss, and the soft feel of your little hands in his is something that spins in his mind constantly when your fingers lace together. it doesn’t help that you always ask him to fetch your favourite mug from the top cabinet too, his larger physique towering over yours each time he leans over from behind you. he likes to tease you about it, revelling in the way you pout cutely back at him whenever he makes fun of you jokingly despite the small smile playing at your lips, but little do you know about the twisted fantasies breaching his thoughts every moment you spend together. he wonders if you would be disgusted? would you dump him and tell all your friends about what a creepy loser he was? sunghoon can’t help but imagine the worst case scenario, and it would be easy to bury these emotions down the hatchet had it not been for the fact that he’s started to think he is going mad too. 

every time sunghoon comes home from the gym, every time he enters your shared apartment, sweat dripping down his forehead and his water-bottle empty, he swears on his dead grandmother that you start checking him out. it doesn’t help that he's always been attentive either, always needlessly easy at picking up the cues of your discomfort when you're outside in a social space for too long, or being able to tell instantly when you're anything other than the happy go lucky girlfriend he usually sees you as. so, when your lingering gaze begins to trail across his arms a little too long whenever he passes your shared bedroom on his way to the shower, or when your mouth opens and closes to swallow before you're pressing your thighs together subtly each time he moves to wipe himself down each time he’s home— it all sparks something in him. it told him to finally, finally indulge in the nasty thoughts he’s kept tucked away to himself once and for all.

except he doesn’t. because at the end of the day, sunghoon is a gentleman. he pulls open the doors for you with nonchalance written all over him despite his burning ears, and he brings you back your memorised coffee order alongside a few sweet treats when he knows you’re on your period. he holds you close when you’re asleep in bed together, rubbing a gentle thumb against the skin of your cheek because he’s aware that’s what it takes for you to fall asleep, and makes sure you know he’s always going to be there for you in any time of need, even if he’s a thousand miles away. he’s never once made you doubt him, never once given you any reason to suspect he could be anything beyond the perfect, storybook written boyfriend he’s always been. 

until today, at least.

it was a day like any other, a day where you wouldn’t have expected things to take the turn they took at all. you and sunghoon were tangled up in your lavender sheets with your leg thrown over his, the morning sun streaming through the beige curtains you’d picked out on your ikea date together, and no alarms were intact to disturb you as it was the weekend. that’s probably why you both found yourselves in your current situation, your mouths meeting sloppily for short kisses and your boyfriend’s cock buried to the hilt inside you, thrusting ever so gently every other second as he whispered sweet praises to you between the meshing of your lips. the only sounds heard beyond the chirping of the birds outside your window were your soft moans and his low grunts, alongside the quiet noises of your slick dragging against his dick.

“fuck, baby. you feel so good.” sunghoon mumbles, pressing gentle smooches along the skin of your chin and jaw. you reply back something unintelligible, too lost in the euphoria he’s providing you to even form a coherent answer, which only makes him chuckle. he pulls back to admire your figure underneath him, a smile spreading across his lip at the sight of you laid out oh so pretty and pliant just for him. for him. all for his use. his use and his use only. the eventual thought makes his cock twitch inside you, and sunghoon momentarily slows down his movements in fear he’ll accidentally lose control of himself and fuck you into the sheets. his loss of momentum causes you to whine out loud though, large doe eyes blinking up at him in wonder, almost as if asking what happened, which does not make your boyfriend’s job any easier.

“hoonie, faster.” you beg softly, one hand coming up to grip his shoulder as the other bundles up the duvet underneath you. “please, wan’ it so bad.” sunghoon feels like his resolve is on the brink of snapping at your words, and he quickly resumes his previous pace (albeit still slower than what you wanted but better nonetheless) with gritted teeth, trying to think of something, anything that would distract him from the realisation of how fucking small you look under him, or how soft your hand feels resting on his skin. it doesn’t help that the sounds spewing from your lips are so cute, only spurring him on further to do what he longs to. 

“yeah, angel? want it faster? want hoonie to fuck you deeper?” he groans out instead, biting his lip at the sight of you nodding almost instantly to his words. your hole clenches even tighter around him as he speaks to you, and he shudders at the sensation. “shit, don’t do that, princess. might cum too quickly.” he exhales shakily, confused when you shake your head. “don’t care. cum f’me. wanna feel it, please.” you plead almost instantly without thinking, sunghoon’s eyes darkening as the request leaves your mouth. his pace comes to an immediate halt after that, and you make a noise of complaint at the loss of pleasure in your lower region, legs kicking up slightly in protest as you eye your boyfriend who’s currently trying to compose himself above you.

“don’t.. don’t say stuff like that.” sunghoon sighs, eyes closed shut as you cock your head to the side. you’re about to ask him why when he speaks up again. “i won’t be able to hold myself back if you do.” he professes darkly, opening his orbs back up to look deep into yours, his smouldering gaze making you shiver. you involuntary tighten around him at his confession, and he hisses at the feeling, head snapping to look down at you and the blush spreading across your cheeks. 

“i-i don’t.. don’t want you to hold back.” you mutter whilst looking away meekly before he can even comment on your actions. you meet his stare again after a beat of silence, but there’s something dark and sinister swimming in it now, and by the time you can even process what it is, he’s suddenly sheathing himself back into your warm walls, plowing into you with a heightened pace as if this is the last time he’ll ever get to fuck you. your moans tumble out of your mouth before you can even stop them, and you swear you hear sunghoon growl at the way you keen from his movements. 

“yeah? don’t want me to hold back? want me to absolutely destroy this wet cunt with my cock? ruin it for everybody else and mould it to the shape of my dick?” he grunts, a smirk spread across his face as you wildly nod at his words. “what, too fucked out to speak now, baby? where’s that confidence from before, hm?” you whimper at his condescending tone, the noise travelling straight to his core as he curses, continuing to plunge himself deep into you. the tip of his cock brushes against that spongey spot inside you, and you cry out when he angles his thrusts to hit it each time he drives inside your pussy. 

“who knew you were such a slut, huh baby? tell me, how long have you wanted me to spread you open and fuck you like i hated you?” sunghoon pants, tongue lolling out to lick at the sweat gathering on your neck. “s-so long, hoonie!” you mewl in response, eyes rolling to the back of your head when he bites down on your skin. “wanted you to— hnng, wanted you to bend me over and throw me around so bad!” sunghoon laughs breathlessly at your answer. 

“yeah, pretty? want me to use my big arms and toss you onto the bed? you should’ve told me sooner that you were such a whore.” you clench at the degrading name, and sunghoon almost stumbles into you at the sudden jolt of shock. “would’ve done everything you wanted me to. wanted it just as bad as you, did ya know that?” he grits out, pace unrelenting and unforgiving as he proceeds to pound into you. “you’re so fucking small, baby. makes me so goddamn hard every time i think about it. just want to, oh fuck— want to hold you down and make you take it.” 

“do it! do it, hoonie, please do it! make me take it, i wan’ take it for you.” you sob, and sunghoon physically feels the last of his self restrain break in half. he’s far too fucked out now to go back to his old ways, far too gone in the dizziness of making you feel good. his only goal now is to make you cum violently around him, and he’ll stop at nothing to achieve that. “gonna do it, baby. just wait, gonna fuck you so dumb, you’ll be begging me to stop.” he pauses momentarily to grab at the plush of your thigh and tosses your leg over his shoulder, resuming his past actions in the blink of an eye as you cry out at the change. he hits deeper, more harsh this way, and you swear you can feel him battering your cervix with each thrust delivered to your abused cunt.

“fuck, look at that.” sunghoon laughs in disbelief, his eyes fixed on the slightly evident bulge of his cock thrusting in and out of you in your stomach. “taking my cock so well, princess. you gonna cum for me soon, yeah? gonna cum for hoonie and make a mess of me?” he coos at the way you’re drooling, swiping a thumb up to wipe at the spit leaking out of your mouth before sucking it off, the visual of it only making you whine even more. by now, the bed is stained with your leaking arousal, but neither of you care, especially not when he involuntarily moves his hand to press down on your stomach. his movements only cause you to double over in pleasure, and before either of you know it, you’re shaking through an orgasm, thrashing and wailing as tears stream down your face.

“shit, shit, shit! that’s so hot, oh fuck.” sunghoon moans. “you did so well, angel. did so fucking good for me, you deserve a reward, don’t you? don’t you, my baby?” he rambles, and you whine in overstimulation as his thrusts grow more frantic and misplaced when he begins chasing his own release. “get ready, princess, ‘m gonna fill you up. gonna breed you so, so good and make you take it, yeah? you’ll take it, won’t you? take it so good for me like you always do.” by this point, you’re both trembling and whining out loud, sunghoon pistoning his hips into you as he desperately fixes to cum. he can feel the pressure building up, his balls tightening with each harsh thrust he delivers inside of you, and you’re more than ready to feel him ooze out of you, encouraging words spilling from your lips.

“do it, hoonie! do it, please! make me full and fuck it back into me. i’ll take it so good, so good, please baby, please.” you’re babbling by now, too fucked out to think let alone speak, but your words seem to send sunghoon over the edge because by the time you’re even halfway through your sentence, he’s shooting ropes inside of you, painting your walls white with his seed. there’s so much of it that it almost leaks out despite his cock keeping you plugged up, and you watch his beautiful face contort in pleasure, eyebrows furrowed and eyes clenched shut as he continues filling you up. 

“fuck..” sunghoon sighs out once he’s come down from his high, looking down to grip his cock and pull it out slightly only to push it back in when your cunt gushes with his release, causing him to bite his lip at the sinful sight. you whine when he moves back into you, his large arms caging your smaller frame in as he leans down to pepper salty kisses all over your face. “my good girl.” he whispers, slightly collapsing on top of you to catch his breath. his weight on you feels comforting, almost natural as you wrap your tired arms around his back tightly, pressing your bodies together even more than they already are to feel closer and connected to him.

“i didn’t know you were into that.” sunghoon speaks up after a moment of silence, causing you to open your eyes and look at him. he moves so he’s laying on his side, cock still keeping you plugged up despite the awkward position. “into what?” he deadpans at your reaction, and you giggle. “c’mon, babe. you can’t seriously look like that and expect me to not be feral for you.” you smile, and sunghoon huffs out a laugh, spooning an arm around you as he pulls your body closer to his warm one. “still, who knew my girl was so freaky?” you swat at him, and his chest rumbles with laughter, the sound sending an odd pool of warmth flowing through your chest. you both lay there in silence after that, basking in each other’s presence and enjoying the serenity and afterglow which comes from what was quite literally the best sex of your lives. 

“i love you.” you hear sunghoon mumble suddenly, his voice drowsy as he yawns cutely, a large grin spreading on your face at the simple three words which leave him. you reach out for his hand, lacing your small fingers in it before bringing it up to your mouth and pressing a kiss to the back. “love you more, hoonie.” you sigh out in satisfaction, eyes slipping shut slowly as sleep welcomes your tired senses.

you gradually drift off, thoughts filled with sweet dreams of your boyfriend and his precious laughter. 

. . .

comments and reblogs are always appreciated! <3

[feather-dancer]

Writing patterns (tag game)

Rules: list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there’s a pattern!

Tagged by @creativenicocorner

Given I have two accounts and I'm curious, gonna put my alt under a cut.

Anybody who said long distance relationships are as rough on the head as the heart is speaking the truth though for the right person?

While the Arcane Order might be considered the guardians of all the majicks contained within this world, not once have they sought to lord over either.

Toby Domzalski has a plan.

It has been a handful of months since they had developed a routine of meeting up outside the bakery to hang out together in a two, three or four.

7:32

Barely gone 10am and already it feels as though an entire day had swept past while barely having the decency of allowing a breather anywhere in between.

Every day for as long as Marinette can remember if the weather planned on being good before the bakery opened, her papa would put out two tables with an accompaniment of two chairs each for anyone who wanted them.

Greetings true believer!

For all the best intentions in the world the wizard, it seems, will be running rather late for the upcoming engagement due to being half distracted by one thing after another instead of focusing on the far more pressing matter of simply getting ready.

Across the very fabric that is woven of time and space there are certainties in the life it creates, events that are consistent in how they occur over and over again if with light variations. - This is c/ped from the currently being edited version

Yeeeah you can def tell much of this is before I started really clamping down on sentence run on. I like my set up for the start damnit and it really shows. Also times for some reason?

Right lets see the alt account:

One of the biggest surprises Félix had in spending so much time with seafarers is just how cat like they can be.

Life for Félix had changed when he was little more than six years old.

To all that dwell below the soft barrier that exists between them, it must seem that the humans have the strangest habit of conjuring tales whenever in the need of explanations involving the sea.

From the little bit of internet research she’d done way back when, nothing should be able to get the drop on a cat. 

As luck would have it the Liberty is currently moored within reasonable distance of Caladh Soillse, the ancient ceasg community known better to surface dwellers as Finfolkaheem.

Even before they met, Luka knew probably more than most nathair clans did when it came to humans. 

Rattling.

There was something truly magical about being around a suen’s ship, any of them really, that never seemed to get old no matter often Luka did. 

Thinking.

From hard won experience of spending an entire childhood constantly on the move thanks to the whims of faceless bureaucrats, Lila knew it was wise to carve out a little niche as soon as possible. 

In comparsion the run on sentence issue has VASTLY improved geez. My set up habit won't stop for anybody though nor will my AU bullshit.

Tagging anyone who wants to join in!

[lisxdumbr]

GOOD DAY LIS !! I am sorry this has been around a week late, please tell me how could I make it up to you </3 Stuff became busy in school sooo :'> I did typed my responses for a total of an hour too... I apologize for you to type such a lengthy response <//3 but if you did enjoyed doing so, then that is fine ♪ I'd def love to see your previous themes!! but it would be quite troublesome to ask of you that now, so maybe in the future when it crosses your mind once more! I love love LEMON SQUASH CHEERS too, to think that you've made a theme based on that... <3 !! OHH so it's THEM.... it's nnatsume :0 hehe, it makes me quite the curious being after hearing your praises about their prev themes... For now, I'll imagine it as the safest option :> About the gallery thing too, yeaahhh... i would find myself saving pictures for "future use" and then it gets buried </3 Why I think Yuuta is the moon is that he is the quiet one in 2wink (the vibes), but if we think about it... Him and Hinata can interchange between the sun and moon because they function as 2wink, as the sun and moon compliments each other. The following words mightt not be accurate as I do not hold much of a great understanding about them, however I'd still let you know! Hinata is supposedly the one who works in the dark (as the moon) to give shine to Yuuta (as the sun), for Yuu is Hina's sun, the one whom he cares much that even if he becomes insignificant, at least Yuuta can continue to shine. On the other hand, Hina's bright nature makes Yuu thinks he must be the sun, always working hard and excitable about things, when he, Yuuta, seems to feel that he must do something to shine together with Hina and not stay at his zone, selfishly basking in the light of the sun that makes him glow. The 2winkversary is a pleasant read, go insane however you like, you know we would honestly enjoy it either way~

I tend to stray away from unpleasant things in the internet as much as possible, so hearing these stuff that new enstarries have done…. there's much more to uncover, huh? There's so much too in Tiktok, which is common knowledge already. I understand the gatekeeping stuff, it kinda becomes meh when many people like it… like it spreads and gets liked by people who should be out the fandom… This is the reality of things, unfortunately.. The ratio of the unsafe fics to the fluff ones is like,, 8:2. I thought the tag would contain more sfw but OKayy… my expectations crashed so hard after seeing the consecutive unsafe ones. "Help me jesus 0(-(" no words better than this to describe it. ALSO anon lore, because this is significant. Admittedly, I'm one of the new enstarries… I had quite a few immatureness back then due to the magic of misinformation, but I'm now on the track of improving (hopefully). There's this huge eichi cancelling thing which, until now does not stop ? That matter is like a mystery case to me. I got quite immersed in understanding his character, and I guess it's fun to misprove misphrased and poorly researched info that spreads around. I came in the investigation room disliking eichi, I came out of it thinking and felling (this is a reference to that one meme textpost) that I possibly relate to him a bit. That's all, I believe ! This has to be said, because… I ain't here for too long yet. That one post that goes, "liking a media at the right time".. I wish to see that golden era, yanno? But maybe, even if things stands how it is now, there is still hope. You could say, moments are beautiful because they don't last forever, but I personally can't say anything to it yanno;; Speaking of which ! I have plans on bringing a bit of peace on the tag, though I can't say myself if I could actually do so. I just thought that it's interesting to try my hand at writing </3 The idea scares me, however it is wonderful if you think about it. I'll do my best to shorten this ask response (which isn't really happening) ♪ Yuuta bug protector Lis.. omg !! that is such a cute motivation… I am so impressed ??!?!? he's just like me… AND PLEASEE tell me about the fun fact about scorpions!! I guess talking about most insects are alright, except the dreaded and terrifying butterflies-but-in-their-baby-phase. (i aint gonna say the word. but generally, it's the W**m word… help me. ) The only thing I could say to you is that I only knew monster high, but vaguely and only the popular characters through their appearances. I haven't gotten the chance to watch them before, since we had no cable TVs ;; djdgfkjgdfdk I'm happy to know bout Skelita either way, it makes me think what if things were different, what words would i had spoken to you instead? !! so ! about the final project ideas, let me send that in another ask <3 I always have to remind myself that gacha can return later, so focus on saving up for events first… I am so sorry to the fallen soldiers (spent dias) we have deployed in the battlefield (gacha pulls)… One day, they will be avenged <33 yes, tw stars is like kr stars too. i just dont know if en server will follow through their system because.. why is en server's ribbon shop not including outfits (they're event point locked instead).. my tw server dias are alive and breathing again ! "Noir Neige my beloved and the ultimatum of my insanity"… I love your words so much…. It is the ultimatum of insanity.. omg.. I grinded Ritsu out of objectiveness and spite (to Rei)… He is here with me.. in taiwan server.. I'll prepare a tea party♪

Fun fact, I never really had many ritsus.. But he comes home easily, what a good boy. MAY YOU GET MEOW MEOW RITSU !! that card is so cute… myon myon! It's so hilarious when you think of your friends getting your oshis instead of you. God help us. Being an EccentricsP will never be just a be phase to me.. it is eternal ;; and Thank you for the wishes !! <3 if rei would dare to show up in my pulls, he should prepare x100 amount of apologies for the mental damage pulling for him cost me. that $%&^*#$@#!!! hmff. also kidnapping your yuuta services are free of charge, with tape in the mouth and all ♪

That concludes my response !! please enjoy this plentiful amount of dish, i have to serve my final project ideas as the dessert <3 You don't have to reply to this all to save time ( i reassure you!) and just read this like newspaper so we can have new messages if that's fine with you! , like the gacha part,, & if you have nothing to say ! Conserve your energy for better things !! Once again, I enjoy reading through your responses, they're so ??!??! respectful, even if there is conflict, you know how to take it in a way that isn't harsh. i love that for you. See you~ I don't have to mention the valkatsuki collab, fine halloween and modelgumi story in here, but ya know those ones(so golden!), might mention in a fresh ask.

— 🌻.

HELLOOO SUNFLOWER. I apologize for taking so many days to reply </3 I understand your struggle, school is just. Clenches fists. But it's ok !! You're not forced to reply or anything, so this is already an act of kindness from your side <3 ok, let's see

I would love to show you my themes, I promise I will scroll down my gallery to see if I have any screenshot, even if they're poor quality,, (I hope I find at least some themes) and yes <3 my friends are so cool, but I don't want to talk about the past too much because I'll get nostalgic and cry ahwbfjejd (im not ok)

ALSO, WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT YUTA??? you're so right, I love the little analysis you made. They're an eclipse, maybe that's why Hinata is the day and Yuta is the sunset.. I may love them too much, falls to my knees.

Yes, I was actually thinking about the new community just today, I feel really burnout from these people lately. I miss my friends, I miss the tiny place we held but, you know, "0(-("

Omg anon lore, I kinda imagined it 👀 I recognize patterns of speech (I talked about this before actually) and I indeed didn't recognize yours from old anons from enst community. Immaturities are ok, as long as we learn from them and regret them. I remember I was very furious with TikTok (idk why I'm talking in past, I hate them) because of the misinfo they were spreading on purpose and the canceling issues. If you believe that you should cancel Eichi instead of understanding the moral value and greyness of his character, maybe enstars isn't for you...? Akira wouldn't like them either.

That being said, welcome! Eichi is permanently canceled, this has been going on since the game first came out tbh, don't worry too much about it. AND PLSSS YOU'RE JUST LIKE ME. I'll use this as a confession since ik most followers don't read my anon interactions so ! I am actually a silly Eichi kin (low-key) I remember I didn't like him much at first and then I was like "he's ok" and then I read checkmate and I was like "h- ..hhh-" and yeah, mecore.

Your message is really heartwarming, yes, moments are beautiful because they don't last forever, and I cherish those moments like anything in the world. That made me happy, the happiest, and sometimes I wish I could go back and express my gratitude much more often. They say you don't appreciate things until you loose them, and that's how I feel sometimes. I hope this golden day returns to us one day, maybe it'll be different, a different form of it, but light still.

ALSOOO YOU WANT TO TRY WRITING? that's so cool, I wish you the best !!!! I could never honestly, writing intimidates me a lot but wahh, you're really brave about it.

ー・ー・ー ♡ ー・ー・ー

I love Yuu so much because he's such a scaredy cat <333 I love how. He's the type of teen to go "I'm so mature, I'm not a kid anymore, I'm an adult >:(" and then behaves like a child because, he gets so scared, and so excited about the little things of life. AND I ADORE THAT ABOUT HIM, it's the best thing ever seeing him acting as a person his age in such a complete organic way, I just want him to enjoy the phase he's going on without having to worry about being "stronger" or "more mature" because that gets him to feel bad about himself and deprecate sometimes and it's aughhhh :(((( let him enjoy things and have fears, that doesn't make him less valid than the rest.

Ok so the fun fact about scorpions is that. well, you know hoe there are little scorpions? Because there are the big ones and then the little ones, we have a different name for the small ones, alacranes or alacrán in singular. Well, when one of them stings you, you can later on feel when one is around because your, wound..? will start beating, like a presence. It's kind of dreadful but useful if you don't want to. be attacked. (I understand your fear towards the other insects, they're. yeah 0(-( )

I'm glad you know MH !! I saw it literally being created (I was a child when the first 3 dolls came out and I fell in love ever since) and ! Yeah I never watched through cable TV. I remember I saw the webshow in YouTube and then I bought the pirate movies in the market and played them in the DVD <33 good times. I miss the goth aesthetic they had so much.

I'm glad your savings are good again !! I have. 900 dia in JP and I'm thinking If I should grind for that Kohaku because ahaH crazy:bP here. I want him. I missed my bees, 8 months without seeing my beloved :( (because I will not count USA). Please let this be a signal for me getting kitten Ritsu. I haven't gotten anything from the free pulls so 🙏🙏 being EccentricsP is the best feeling ever, I hope you continue to enjoy them ! (And pls read Secret Labyrinth I'm insane over them)

I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY AND LIFE !!! people do tend to say I talk in a respectful way even when I disagree with things, I see that as an advantage <3 have a good one !

[himboarcher]

reasons i've seen folks say that grad critics hate grad:

they hate travis (in fairness, i’ve def seen some comments of people shitting on trav for the sake of shitting on trav, but it’s not super common and typically gets downvoted into oblivion on reddit.)

it's not balance / travis isn't griffin (???????)

they hate neurodivergent people (again, in fairness, i have seen a handful of comments that could come across this way! but most of the time when travis being ADHD or his NPD is brought up, it's by defenders saying that criticizing travis is ableist because he's neurodivergent or, in one particular comment, infantilizing him bc of it and literally comparing grad to putting a kid's artwork on the fridge. there were some comments early on that pointed to him being a narcissist as the reason for things people disliked about grad, but everyone seems to have realized that that's a shitty train of thought and left it behind.)

they're just toxic haters (again, there are a small handful of people like this because this is the internet, but the genuine criticism greatly outweighs their bullshit. i 100% think that the people, which is mostly just one dude who is also insufferable on reddit, who have been responding rudely to positive tweets under the episode announcements lately are out of line and need to stop. there's been an influx of that lately, presumably because people are frustrated that after over a year of grad going on, there's been no improvement to most of the major issues. that's still no excuse to be a dick to folks, though.)

vs some of the actual reasons i don't like grad:

the racism / racist tropes, and the way that they’ve straight up ignored this criticism and will likely never acknowledge it. pretty wild considering a core tenet of their brand is their willingness to acknowledge when they’ve messed up and do their best to course correct.

clumsy attempts at inclusion that are shallow and often end up being fairly offensive ("...ask me about my wheelchair," anyone?)

on a related note: i don't think that travis had bad intentions, but as an nonbinary person, it feels othering to me that travis only has enby characters give others their pronouns unprompted. i'm thinking specifically of kai here. having listened to their introduction, i don't think it's as bad or awkward as some people have said, but i can't remember travis ever having another NPC tell the PCs their pronouns, especially not a cis character. it's not a huge deal, but it's something that rubbed me the wrong way. admittedly, i don't think it would bother me so much if travis hadn't dropped the ball so much with performative inclusion in the past.

okay i'm putting the rest under a read more because even without getting into all of the problems i have with it, this got Long.

little to no player agency. player choices are ultimately meaningless and have little to no effect on the world. even when he seems to go along with a plan they come up with, it always ends with them having to go back to travis' pre-written script (see: subpoenaing the xorn, but not really because they had to go with travis' original plan of "send the xorn home through the rift".) the players repeatedly get told things about what they think or feel or what they've been doing to an unnecessary degree. fitzroy is the only one who really gets space to play and decide things for himself, and that's only because travis has decided he's the main character.

the NPCs are all too nice and willing to give the PCs anything they ask for and more, unless the PCs are trying to follow their own plan and then the NPCs are completely useless. but honestly, aside from gray, all of the NPCs are just.... nice. travis refuses to even let his antagonists be mean or cruel or even more than just slightly rude, because that'd be a bummer and we don't want that! the "twist" of gordy the lich king actually being polite and chill is not a twist at all because everyone is like that in this world. the NPCs are also wildly overpowered, but then suddenly absolutely useless when the PCs actually want their help.

too many cliffhangers that are dropped immediately at the beginning of the next episode. i feel bad for travis because so many of these cliffhangers actually set up good momentum and seemed like things were gonna get interesting, but almost every single time he just dropped them at the beginning of the next episode. like when althea showed up to interview the boys and the next episode started with travis being like "actually you went to sleep, she said she'll be back tomorrow!"

that time travis specifically said in his exposition dump that the thundermen left their horses behind because they thought the centaurs might be offended by them riding horses, only to later on rag on them for being surprised that the centaurs had horses they could ride.....

also the centaur arc in general, but i already listed racism above, so.

the way that the toxic positivity and parasocial tendencies in the mcelroy fandoms have made a large portion of the fandom take ANY criticism as a personal attack on travis and/or on themselves for enjoying something others consider bad, either morally or just quality-wise. it’s okay to admit that something you like has problematic elements or just isn’t as good as it once was. you can and should engage critically with the media you consume.

related to above: the way travis has handled genuine criticism, which is to throw public tantrums on his twitter or make weird passive aggressive tweets & ultimately ignore all the genuine criticism and advice he's been offered by claiming it's all subjective, even after he specifically asked for it and set up an email for folks to send in genuine, objective advice for him (after he threw a tantrum on twitter and replied to someone's criticism publicly, which resulted in his followers dogpiling on that person bc how dare they insult their internet best friend). while i was writing this last night, he actually announced that he’s taking a break from Twitter and acknowledged that he’s been using it as an echo chamber where he can easily get validation from folks, and honestly i’m happy for him that he’s recognized this problem and is stepping away for a while! i hope he’ll genuinely use this time to reflect on how he’s been behaving and find a more healthy way to use social media. i’m leaving this point in because i think his Twitter being such a positive echo chamber was encouraging him to do stuff like this, and him somewhat acknowledging his behavior doesn’t mean it can no longer be discussed.

rainer. extremely cool concept in theory and i was very into it until that awkward "does anyone want to ask about my wheelchair?" moment. also when travis had her use her mobility aid to RAM INTO A DOOR instead of just fucking knocking???? also all the times travis has tried to force a romantic relationship between her and fitzroy, despite fitzroy displaying no interest in her in that way. also, just to clarify: as an ace person, i don’t think this is aphobic! (and it’s kind of a stretch to call it that imo, especially since griffin never explicitly said that fitzroy's aromantic!) i just think it’s weird and awkward and a little uncomfortable for me personally, mostly because it reminds me of the times i’ve been in similar situations.

less of a problem than a lot of the other stuff and more just bad writing, but the forced emotional moments. in general, nothing in grad feels earned (why are the boys heading a war? when they have multiple actual heroes with combat experience on their side and a supposedly powerful secret organization? and the thundermen are like 21 years old max and have only had like ~10 fights in the entire campaign?) but there've been a couple times where travis has tried to force unearned emotional moments, presumably because he knows people enjoyed those with the last campaigns. but the difference is that in balance, the big emotional moments happened because they were earned. in grad, it's just travis throwing a baby pegasus at us for a few minutes and then the next time she shows up, it's supposed to be a tearful goodbye.

there are absolutely no stakes. remember when the thundermen got told that if they left, gray would kill 10 students? and then they left and came back and it turns out that what gray actually meant was, "i'll tie ten students who are mostly nameless NPCs to a tree and throw some dogs at them that you can easily stop in time, then throw a tantrum because how dare you but i'll leave before you can really do anything to hurt me lol" travis did have fitzroy's magic get taken away, but like. it didn't really do anything? also all he had to get it back was be coerced into using drugs by an authority figure and trip in the woods?

we're told that the school is weird and the hero system is corrupt, but the world of nua is still presented as more of a liberal utopia than anything? althea getting fired because of a corrupt villain is the only time we've somewhat seen corruption, but even then, she was still allowed to get (what seems to me, anyway, but admittedly i don't know for sure bc nothing about the HOG makes much sense) a fairly important job from the very people who stripped her of her hero license or whatever the fuck heroes need?

travis doesn't actually seem to understand how capitalism or bureaucracy works and just chalks up everything to "red tape." also more on the rest of the boys than him specifically, but the "let's destroy capitalism!" thing turning into just pushing some filing cabinets over................... okay.

and one last piece of extremely subjective criticism: it's just kind of.... boring. i think a lot of people, myself included, would be willing to overlook 90% of the problems with graduation if it didn't feel like such a slog to get through.

also people saying that we can't or shouldn't criticize graduation because it's "free" is absolutely absurd for several reasons. first, something being free does not make it above criticism. second, there ARE people who directly financially support the show with monthly donations. three, there's a difference between something being free and something being not for profit. podcasting is their full time job. they make their living off of money made from TAZ and MBMBAM (and probably their other shows to a lesser extent). this not a fun home game that they are graciously recording and sharing with us. it is a product they are producing that they make money off of, both from ads in the episodes and merch & books based off of these podcasts. they have marketed themselves as professionals, and both griffin and travis have been on panels where they are marketed as professional DMs and appear alongside other professional DMs (which makes it incredibly frustrating when people say that travis is just a newbie DM and we can't criticize him because of that. if he's a newbie, then he should not be taking part of panels as a professional DM where he speaks as an expert). TAZ is free in the same way that an episode of NCIS is free. i may not pay for it directly, but the creators are paid to create it and profit off of me consuming this product. so saying we should be grateful for any mcelnoise that the benevolent good boys share with us and that we're not allowed to criticize it "because it's free" is absolutely wild.

[muwur]

snapchat headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for using snapchat w ur boi toi ft. the pretty setter squad

❧ gn reader

✎ 3.1k words

a/n: kinda a combo of how they use sc and the kinds of snaps they send you! along w wat u send them, and uh... dating stuf n shenanigans? texting/snapping habits? my fantasies? IDEK ANYMORE EOFHEFJ

this was born from the recesses of my mind , which desired nothing mor than snapchats from suga , us sending cute selfies , others bein dumb n chaotic , no context videos , n him snapping me photos of some mangoes on sale he said he’ll buy for me DXX it’s too late for me now

doing research on hq bois and surfing thru sc features (im just now realizing theres quite a bit?? im hoping i address most of them at some point lolol) instead of real life tings aHHhhhHAHA

requests: open! will be working on a suga one i got, dw, requester!

sugawara

✧ sends good morning and good night snaps

✧ so he’s rlly good at keeping streaks, probs has the longest ones (one of them being y’alls streak)

✧ posts tidbits of volleyball practice on his story every once in a while

✧ snaps you pics of his sleeping teammates when they’re coming back to school after a long day of matches , adding a single ‘❤️’ as a caption

✧ he will also create colorful masterpieces on all of them

✧ gives daichi a santa beard, tanaka a squiggly stache (i imagine it to look like spongebob n patrick’s seaweed ones now that were mEN), n kageyama sum angry brows,,, wait he already has them lolol u good der kags

✧ posts a picture of you when you’re hanging out, captioning it: “🥰“

✧ has conversations with you purely via snaps

✧ ranges from casual chats and checking up on u to crackwhoring ( ** indicates the photo, while the “” quotes indicate the caption, all snaps are italicized, otherwise its regular dialogue)

✧ suga: *peace sign* “hey sweetheart, how r u?”

✧ you: *pics of homework* “ahh, drowning in school ;-; i cant wait for this week to be over fghjkl”

✧ suga: *close up with :o on his face* “let’s study together tmrw!”

✧ or

✧ suga: *complete darkness* “its 3 am n i cant sleep”

✧ you: *the top half of your head, laying on a pillow* “ ;( aw babe. do u want me to send something to help u sleep?”

✧ suga: *still in darkness* “y u still up?? go sleep. n 🥺 yes pls”

✧ you: *snaps pics of feet* “that’ll be 50 bucks, pay up” 

✧ suga: *darkness remains* “can we make a trade instead? i promise to make it worth ;)”

✧ ok now u BOTH cant sleep (im sry my crackheading be acting up around 2am eeryday, i stan a mischievous suga--)

✧ video chats (in the darkness lol) instead until you both pass out (im not in luv u r 😭)

✧ super down to take filtered selfies w you

✧ does all the silly ones with you (things like ’angry face’ or the frog one)

✧ but also rlly digs lookin cute with you using some heart crowns, y’all an aesthetic (n crakhead) duo fosho

✧ def subscribes to life hacks and tries them out himself, has a 50% success rate

kageyama

✧ doesn’t rlly use snapchat too much

✧ but when he does

✧ will either send you a picture to indicate he’s at volleyball practice (wow wat a sexi lookin gym floor)

✧ or some random picture of whatever he’s doing at the moment (*drinking milk*)

✧ this is mostly in order to save streaks

✧ he’s so bad at streaks

✧ “why does it matter?? what’s the point of sending just black screens or whatever’s in front of you at the moment??”

✧ can’t keep a consistent streak for more than 3 days and also doesn’t care (until hinata challenges him to see who can have the longer one)

✧ when you send him videos of him playing, he really focuses on them to try to improve his technique. asks you to send those vids to him (assuming u saved them, which u did)

✧ but when you look over his shoulder when he’s watching a video and give him some compliment (“i recorded at the perfect moment! that was a really good set, kageyama!”), he gets a bit flustered

✧ gets even more flustered but pretty happy whenever you post videos on your story showing karasuno winning some points with captions like:

✧ “footage of the legendary quick >.>” or “karasuno crows flyin high!” or “these bois make my heart 😭 im so proud”

✧ you WILL catch him off guard in photos, using filters that surrounds his head w/ emojis like 🥺💖🥰💘

✧ you also put these on your story (to his dismay)

✧ ppl comment on these mor than anything else (n for those who dont rlly kno kageyama, theyre kinda surprised to him like this)

✧ hinata snickers “hey kageyama you look pretty good here--”

✧ takes some selfies with you, mostly cuz you want them

✧ saves them after u send them over (n secretly cherishes them)

✧ occasionally watches his subscriptions, they’ll usually involve sports, mostly volleyball (who woulda guessed)

✧ you use his bitmoji to test out random facial expressions you would never see him wear

✧ you: “can you smile and wink like this? act like you’re the obnoxious charming guy in a shojo.”

✧ will actually attempt, but it looks so bad that you die inside and he never wants to try again cuz of ur laughing outburst (you: “😭😭 bb im sorry i couldnt help it”)

oikawa

✧ literally sends you anything and everything

✧ morning bathroom selfie to show off how good his hair came out that day, saying:

✧ “he has risen”

✧ or “i woke up like this”

✧ and my favorite, “you’re lucky you get this content for frEE”

✧ selfies with iwa, who just looks annoyed and exasperated at the camera

✧ sends you pics of his lunch and snacks (“bet u wish u had milk bread too”)

✧ always packs extra milk bread so he could convince you to stay at his practice after school--

✧ FILTERSS

✧ I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENUF

✧ will either use the filters that make him kayooottt (cute)

✧ loves the ones named ‘hearts,’ ‘soft,’ ‘peach,’ ‘butterfly cheeks,’ vsco filters LOL, etc

✧ uses ‘big mouth’ when he feelin a bit sASSY; also loves to use this one when he rants, it channels his inner valley girl

✧ sometimes he’ll be snacking or drinking something while he does so (“hey guys today im gonna eat these milk buns from my favorite bakery and this bomb orange juice and complain about this little kid who talked smack to me earlier and almost made me cry--”)

✧ takes cute selfies with you, is an aesthetic selfie king, puts them on his story to show off he’s hangin with you

✧ but on your story you only post the ones he looks bad in LOL

✧ has separate stories for his every need, some r private (and lucky you, ur included in all of them)

✧ titles them ‘mean things iwa said to me today,’ ‘ranting hotbox + mukbangs,’ ‘a day in the life of oikawa,’ ‘volleyball 🏐,’ ‘unpopular opinions,’ etc. 

✧ fitting room photoshoots lol

✧ “y/n, what do you think of this??” “and this?” “oOH WHAT ABOUT THIS??”

✧ ends up calling you through video chat so you can live critique his choices

✧ “oikawa, please no, i can’t be seen with you in public if you wear those--”

✧ also changes his bitmoji’s outfits from time to time, hopes you’ll notice, but you don’t LOL (oikawa: ;((((((( )

kenma

✧ uses sc usually just to reply to messages ppl send him

✧ indifferent about streaks, but keeps a few with ppl he’s closer to

✧ mindlessly plays the snapchat games with you, finds some of them kinda cute

✧ you both made his bitmoji for him, dressing his up in the orange cat suit

✧ you also helped make kuroo’s and put his in the black cat suit to match--

✧ snaps you every time he gets a new game, starts playing it, and once he finishes

✧ started to post some gameplays and reviews on his sc story (might as well add them to sc since he was already on other social platforms), and ended up amassing a large following

✧ follows the tech and gaming stories on sc

✧ as well as the ones with cute animals--

✧ open to selfies with you, usually wears a calm expression and holds up a peace sign

✧ even occasionally sticks his tongue out

✧ his story is occasionally heavily bombarded with candids of him w/ pretty sc filters, all taken by you

✧ but of all the filters, you love using the clout glasses on him

✧ especially when he’s just minding his own business

✧ “kenma, in his tru habitat” when hes cocooned in a blanket

✧ “kenma, on his way to steal yo manz” while on his way to the bathroom

✧ “kenma, next iron chef. watch out gordon” as he’s cooking instant ramen

✧ “kenma” n das it

✧ but he thinks it meme-y so he lets you do whatever you want, kinda digs it

✧ you end up dedicating your snap story to memes of kenma and the nekoma volleyball team. ppl are in it for the shits n giggles n hot bois

✧ you later discover someone else did the same thing with their volleyball team filled with hot bois from shiratorizawa, and you befriend tendou and share funni internet tings

akaashi

✧ 99% of his photos include either you or bokuto or both

✧ bokuto spams akaashi’s story and contact list with selfies and videos of himself using weird filters, often gets you to join him

✧ has several streaks, but will send something with more substance than a black screen or his bedroom window

✧ will usually involve smthng that just happened to him or smthing he saw, like:

✧ “a kind older lady offered me some apples in return for helping her”

-or:

✧ ���how do i break the news to bokuto that the yaikniku place he’s been wanting to go to for the past week ,,, is closed today”

✧ o n let’s not leave out:

✧ “is it possible to conjure a ghost using a wooden spatula, ketchup, and a chalk drawn hexagram? bokuto’s been paranoid ever since he tried last night and i dont know what to tell him. seriously, help”

✧ looks through stories occasionally, comments whenever bokuto makes questionable decisions

✧ also comments on whatever you’ve posted. his words range from “you’re cute” to “why,” depending on the content

✧ ppl know when y’all are hanging out cuz he’ll post smthing to indicate he’s with you, usually it’s some candid and you’re not paying attention

✧ appreciation posts for you as well! esp if you got him something, like onigiri or his fav, Nanohana no Karashiae , for lunch! (akaashi: *snaps a pic of his food* “thank you y/n for feeding me”)

✧ prefers video calling over texting/snapping whenever possible tho

✧ occasionally reminisces thru his sc memories

✧ enjoys the flashback feature and will send them to you and bokuto (cuz they’re about y’all anyway lolol)

✧ also has secretly saved a bunch of selfies of himself, consists of him trying out a lot of the filters (he feelin himself)

✧ you, one day, looking thru his phone and discovering them: “akaashi, you’re so pretty wtf”

✧ akaashi: “...”

koganegawa

✧ sends you selfies of him before practice

✧ during breaks

✧ and after practice, usually makes a comment about how it went for him that day like:

✧  “i hit a decent toss today and futakuchi actually complimented me!”

✧ that, or:

✧ “i got yelled at 17 times today 😢😩”

✧ has quite a few streaks, his longest ones being with you and hinata

✧ def uses filters

✧ tries out every funny one he finds and sends you videos

✧ “look y/n im an aaaaAALlliiEEENnnNNN oo oo hoo hhhooOOh”

✧ “now im a chicky nuggy!!” (chicken nugget)

✧ also enjoys the doodle feature

✧ but he uses the filter with the clout glasses unironically--

✧ usually when smth good happens to him and he feels happy and/or cool about it

✧ “just beat the boss in this game on my 69th try B)”

✧ “kogane, that’s--”

✧ plays sc games with you and thinks bitmojis r cool

✧ kinda sad he cant find a hair option that matches him tho lolol rip

✧ you: “you hair’s just,,, unique,,,”

✧ subscribed to anything sports and fitness, as well as pop culture so he can stay in the loop

✧ also watches everyone else’s stories, pointing out whenever he sees smthing cool and/or interesting

✧ “woahh, karasuno’s at nationals right now! i wish we could’ve won, but next year for sure!!”

✧ you encourage him at all his games, hyping him up irl and online

✧ “koganegawa: best setter 😍!!”

✧ luckily you didnt record the parts he completely messed up LOL

semi

✧ before going out with you, snaps you a pic of his casual outfit like:

✧ semi: “does this look ok”

✧ you: “babe you look great, tendou was just messing with you”

✧ will make unwanted appearances on tendou’s snap and complains to you about them

✧ “i didnt consent to being part of his meme page” and

✧ “okay, but he didn’t only have to share all the moments i messed up--”

✧ also indifferent about streaks but will do them

✧ sometimes sends snaps/streaks indicating he’s practicing his music

✧ when you see these you usually ask him to send you vids or if you can come over n watch

✧ initially is a bit shy about it but he loves what he does and you and knows you’re genuinely interested and supportive so he agrees

✧ secretly rlly enjoys having you as his personal audience

✧ lowkey into asmr, like the soap cutting shit as well as chewing crunchy things

✧ also watches food porn and clips of mukbangs, then can’t resist going on youtube and watching the whole thing

✧  “y/n, can we try this, it looks so good--”

✧ will also often watch oikawa’s stories, especially his ‘ranting hotbox + mukbangs,’ and makes comments about him being an idiot

✧  “this kid he’s talking about is a savage”

✧ but admits they’re quite entertaining

✧ just looks serious in all the selfies you take with him

✧ you: “can you look like you’re enjoying yourself?”

✧ semi: “i look cooler like this tho”

✧ sc memories filled with shenanigans from you and the volleyball team, doodles, and mirror selfies with him experimenting diff looks (you: “tendou, you got him way too concerned about this”)

✧ also enjoys showing off he’s with you, taking a short video of you when you hang out

✧ you: “semi, i look bad right now”

✧ semi: “but you can never look bad”

✧ you: “🥺 bb”

✧ viewers: “aw”

✧ shiratorizawa: “can he be this nice with us LOL”

shirabu

✧ his main mode of communication with you is mostly through the regular messaging app, so he doesn’t use sc too much

✧ also doesn’t care for streaks and is bad at keeping them

✧ will answer to you or his senpais rather soon tho

✧ but lets all his other notifications pile up a bit before finally going thru them

✧ goes through the snaps he receives really fast, spending like 2 seconds each to look at them cuz aint nobody got time for dat

✧ doesn’t even rlly open goshiki’s LOL

✧ you have fun using filters on him and taking videos while he’s just doing his own thing peacefully like studying

✧ it takes him a second to notice and when he finally looks up, he just gives you an exasperated look

✧ cue you cracking up with laughter bc the filter finally shows up on his face

✧ his eyes and mouth are now on mike wazowski

✧ that, or his face becomes so disturbingly moRPhed like an alien

✧ caption: “ken-chan, my future medical man 😍”

✧ “y/n, please, this is like the 7th time in the last 20 minutes--”

✧ finally convinced him to take a study break and hang out with you

✧ which usually consists of snacking and light banter while you lay your head on his lap

✧ and scrolling through snapchat stories and showing him what everyone else is up to and cool things you’re subscribed to

✧ “loooook, dr. miami’s doing another butt job! is this the line of work you’re studying so hard for?”

✧ “no, it’s really not”

✧ is actually very soft with you and likes having the photos and vids for memories

atsumu

✧ sends you snaps where his brother looks bad, captioning it:

✧ “this is evidence that im the hotter twin”

✧ likewise, osamu sends you snaps where atsumu looks even worse

✧ like, the mans passed out, looking rekt and open mouthed, drool seeping into his pillow

✧ osamu: “u still have time to break up with him”

✧ also lucky for you, atsumu also loves to take unflattering photos of you and send them to you randomly at like 2 am

✧ you: “nani tf when did you even take this??”

✧ usually posts a snap while he’s out somewhere like at a match, the gym, outside on a run, a party, or just hanging out with you or his frens

✧ however, makes sure you look good if you show up on his story cuz he wants to show you off

✧ doesn’t really care for streaks, but has a lott

✧ but also has a tON of unopened snaps

✧ is the type to send just a black screen n call it a day, or maybe spice it up by sending a pic of the sexi gym floor (a comeback) w his shoe in the corner

✧ will, however, consistently respond to you and kinda looks forward to ur snaps (secretly hopes you show ur face)

✧ but when you dont:

*in class*

✧ atsumu: *a smirk on his face* “your content’s kinda dry today” 

✧ you: *your sexi desk* “my nudez ain’t free, i demand compensation”

✧ atsumu: *grasped his chin in thought, but angled the cam up bc he needa hide his phone in class lolol* “what if i... take you out on a romantic excursion”

✧ you: * your face but with ‘sausage’ filter* “🥵🥵🥵🥵 yessir, what u want”

✧ rlly only wants to have pics of your face wat a closeted sOFTIE

✧ likes to have content on his flashbacks

✧ usually has other social media sources to keep up to date with things

✧ actually rlly digs using sc filters, mostly ones that’ll make him look like a queen

✧ captions a selfie of you two like: “me >>>>>>> y/n”

✧ but nearly everyone who comments on it is like: “i think you flipped the sign, bro 🤥”

✧ judges ppl who are into soap cutting asmr (you will never hear the end of it if you also like it)

a/n: sc kinda dying for me, my use went from suga to an atsumu to like nearly nonexistent LOL

also o gawd i already have ideas here n there for a pt 2 so stay tuned fjxnwfesd hope it takes me less long cuz this one took me fkin foreva LOL

idk y i made semi like mukbangs but i feel like he’d be rlly into them--

[hoekaashi]

3 am Talks - hq pt 3

a/n: almost done, two more left!! i’m not sure why, but these ones were really fun for me to do and i had to cut myself off before i wrote whole fics for each one. also thank you to my wifey for helping me with akaashi, idk why his was so hard for me to do ): pairings: bokuto x reader, akaashi x reader, ushijima x reader, tendou x reader, semi x reader warnings: some spoilers for post timeskip, minor cussing, a bit suggestive (ushi) taglist: @babydabi​, @suckersuki​, @bakugoustanaccount​, @animoozies​ part 2 | part 4

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

⇾ definitely someone who talks about the first things that just pop into his mind ⇾ would literally change topics in the middle of his sentence ⇾ “did you see my last spread, I was centerfold Tsum-Tsum was not happy but when I offered to trade places with him, it made him even more mad - I just got an email saying my new knee pads have been shipped YES - babe are you hungry? Let’s go to the convenience store and get some snacks” ⇾ all over the place ⇾ but the second sleep starts to hit him, he become even softer than he already is ⇾ this baby would def be asking for validation without outright asking for it - we all know he lives to be praised but as he gets older, he stops asking for it directly ⇾ i feel like he just becomes more self-conscious after he realizes that being on a national team means that now the entire WORLD is scrutinizing him ⇾ i could keep going on about him imma stop

“I couldn’t help it, I started laughing.” Even hours later, Bokuto was trying to hold in laughter from the memory of the event. “I think that’s why he’s mad at you Kou.” Bokuto pouted. “I offered to help him up.” “Yeah, but you were also red from laughing so hard and wiping the tears from your eyes. I don’t think he appreciated that.” Bokuto got quiet and you knew what that meant. “But at the end of the day, the pictures came out amazing. You look amazing.” His smile, although soft compared to his usual grin, came back. “You think so?” You hummed. “If volleyball doesn’t work out, you could be a model. I already know one of my friends has a shrine dedicated to you. Which honestly feels weird, but hey, if it’s harmless why should I care?” you said, going off on a tangent. Bokuto brushed off the compliment that normally would’ve stroked his ego. “Nah, I don’t think I could handle the pressure.” You cocked an eyebrow. “People constantly judging you and criticizing you. You know me, I thrive with praise and…” “Become emo with criticism?” He let out a dry chuckle. “Yeah. I’m trying to change.” You reached over and caressed his cheek. “There’s a difference between growing up and mellowing out and changing who you are. You’ve done the growing up part and you’re slowly mellowing out as much as you can. But please don’t change.” “But people keep saying -” “Forget what they say. I love you the way you are now.” Bokuto’s full grin returned to his face. “I love you more.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ more of a listener he learned his ways from babysitting bo ⇾ he would just enjoy listening to whatever you had on your mind ⇾ one to add his own commentary and thoughts to whatever you were saying ⇾ if he were to talk though, he would reminisce  ⇾ talks of bokuto and his old team, things he misses ⇾ but speaking of bokuto, he would go off on how proud he is seeing his former ace doing so well for himself now - even if he still isn’t a normal player ⇾ depending on how open he’s feeling, he might even wander into his insecurities and childhood, things he doesn’t really open up about unless he feels really close to you

“And then I booked it out of there,” you finished your story. Akaashi hummed. “What about the other girl who was still working?” “Look, she never sticks around to help me when I have extra work, I wasn’t going to stick around to help her.” He cracked a smile at your pettiness. “Wait, didn’t you have lunch with Bokuto today?” “Yes. It was nice.” You waited a moment thinking that Akaashi would add more. “That’s it? It was nice?” “Well, you know how he is. But it was nice to see him trying to change himself. Well, improve himself.” You rolled over from your back onto his chest and reached up to play with his hair. “We talked a lot about playing during high school and what the others are doing these days. Everyone is so busy now, it’s hard to keep up. I’m proud of them.” You didn’t let the smile on Akaashi’s face go unnoticed, commenting on how it always seemed to be there whenever he talked about his former ace. “Leave me alone, I’m happy with how far he’s come on his own. I can’t but smile when I think about the people I love.” “Do you smile when you think about me?” “Of course I do, you idiot,” he replied before kissing your forehead.

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ i very strongly believe he would talk about parallel universes ⇾ he would go into the existence of them but also like ‘what if there was a way for people in a parallel universe who could watch me as if my life was a movie’ ⇾ if he was in a more serious mood, like if he had a big match coming up or sum, he would talk more about his goals ⇾ the things he hopes to accomplish in the future, the outcomes he wants in life ⇾ if he was tired, it would be more like akaashi - more listening, less talking ⇾ i feel like he would always want to know what’s happening in your mind so he would ask you the most random questions or just want to listen to you talk as he drifts off to sleep

“Do you think they saw me when I tripped over Leo and dropped the dishes?” You remembered when he tripped over the cat the two of you were raising and ended up breaking a few plates. As annoyed as you were that the plates you like broke, it gave you a reason to go domestic shopping with your boyfriend. You sighed. “No Toshi. If they were watching you, it would be when you’re playing volleyball or taking a shower.” “But you’re in the shower with me sometimes. You think they saw what we were doing?” “If they did,” you started with your eyebrows raised, “I hope they enjoy it as much I do.” He chuckled. “Why when I’m playing volleyball?” “Because that’s your job now. What else would they watch you do? Play with Leo?” He didn’t reply as he looked down to the cat in his lap. Petting it, the two of you sat in silence for a while. You finally thought he dropped the topic as you started to drift to sleep. “I wonder if the people watching like me. Or what if they think I’m the villain?” You sat up in bed. “Why would you think you would be a villain in a show about volleyball?” “I don’t know. I could be a side character that no one likes.” His voice got quieter the more he talked. “Aw, Toshi. I’m sure you have many, many fans in this parallel universe who all wish to be dating you. You never intentionally hurt anyone. You tried, in your own way, to work with Oikawa, but it’s not like you sabotaged him or anything.” He nodded. “He should’ve come to Shiratorizawa. We could’ve been that impressive first year duo instead of Hinata and Kageyama.” You rubbed his shoulder. “I know, baby. You remind me of that at least once a month.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ he would get deep ⇾ talks about his childhood where he was bullied to where he is now ⇾ while he has his insecurities, he would still be very proud of himself and how far he’s come and everything he accomplished ⇾ on the topic of being proud, he would never pass up the opportunity to talk up his bff ushi and he would hype him up even though it’s just the two of you ⇾ he wouldn’t forget about the other third years aka his other ‘best friends’ (i use quotes bc he only has eyes for ushi lezbehonest) ⇾ the talk would shift over to you and how lucky he feels to have found you ⇾ half of the things he would say would just to get you all embarrassed and shy so he could tease you about it

You woke up an hour ago because when you went to snuggle with your boyfriend, his body was missing from bed. For the last hour, he talked to you about how much he’s grown over the years, not once stopping to let you say anything. You finally had enough of this monologue. “Satori, how much more can you possibly say? It’s been a whole ass hour. Get your ass to bed so I can snuggle with you and lemme sleep.” Sighing, he walked away from the window where he was using the light from the moon to set the mood of his speech. Getting into bed, he waited until you were satisfied and closed your eyes. “But also, Wakatoshi has gotten so far on his own. I couldn’t be more proud of my best friend.” “Satori, please. For the love of God.” “Babe, you gotta let me air this out. Good communication and all that.” “We don’t have a single problem that needs to be ‘aired out’ right now. I got work in the morning and you like the sound of your own voice.” That still didn’t stop him. “And Semi, I gotta hand it to him, the man finally learned how to dress properly. And his music isn’t that bad either so I gotta find something new to annoy him with now. Reon is still keeping his fighting spirit alive and playing volleyball too. My friends, all doing so well.” Tendou glanced down at you who had fallen asleep to his heart beats. “But you. I’m the most proud of you. I’m so lucky to have found you. Not that I needed someone in my life at the time, but all the happiness you’ve given me on top of the great things in my life. You’re an amazing person, and I appreciate the impact you’ve made in my life.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ before we start with semisemi, he plays bass and sings in his band but he also plays the piano and guitar (these are MY OWN hcs, none of this is canon) ⇾ that being said, he would stay up late at night playing his guitar, working on songs and quietly singing lyrics to himself ⇾ his talks would be about purpose - like why he’s on this earth similar to hinata ⇾ aha ha ha so if yall read kuroo’s, you know how i feel about scorpios ⇾ semi babe is not safe from that either ⇾ while he is bad at opening up, he also has a short temper so expect apologies for his random outbursts from him ⇾ imma touch on this more in my semi relationship hcs so i shall stop here

You had been on your computer, finishing up some work of yours that you had been procrastinating on with Semi sitting on the couch, strumming his guitar as he worked on a new song. You hadn’t been paying attention the entire time, not until you closed your laptop and sat back in your chair. “Eita, what’s that song?” Your sudden question caused him to jump a little. “Oh, uh, I didn’t realize you were listening.” “I just heard you singing. What is that?” He rubbed the nape of his neck. “I was hoping to hold out until it was finished.” You walked over to him, draping your arms around his shoulders and leaning your weight on him. You read the lyrics he had so far, your eyes growing bigger with each line. “What… is this?” “An apology.” You pulled away from him. “I know I’m not the easiest boyfriend and that when I have a problem, I should say something rather than exploding on you over the littlest thing. I didn’t really know how else to express this without messing it all up.” “I’ve known you for a long time, I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t figure that much out.” “But still, it doesn’t mean that I should just stay this way. I should be growing with you as a person, not stuck how I am. I really do need to learn to express myself better.” You let out a small chuckle. “Like I haven’t heard that one before.” You had. Four times already. “And this will be the last. Thank you for putting up with me.” Your arms wrapped around him once again. “Next time, I expect an entire album with love songs dedicated to me. Got it?” “Well fuck, I better not mess up. I don’t have enough material for an entire love album.” You shoved him. “Hey! Maybe I will leave your sorry ass.” “I’m just kidding! Babe! Where are you going?!”

[taco-and-mango]

everyone else was making Shlorpian OCs, so here’s my lil family. more info under the cut!

so because I never half ass anything that’s not important, I thought way too hard about what it would be like if they appeared on the show and how they’d fit into the mix so here’s some fun facts, including potential voice actors:

Viyma - would be voiced by Chelsea Peretti - worked as the Shlorpian equivalent of a doctor, specializing in the process of cutting plant material off of people to use to create replicants - on Shlorp she was a total bombshell, I mean look at the curve of her head godDAMN - used to using her looks to get stuff/favors - actually really smart and works hard on things she gives a shit about (her job, family, bocce ball) - was in the same class in the Academy as Korvo - they fucking hated each other - they also hate fucked each other - robe looks like it flares out for dramatic effect but really she's just got A Fat Ass - Big Top Energy -started growing her replicant later than others in her age range because she was Married To The Job and didn't prioritize creating her own as opposed to helping others create theirs - Wine Mom, but never says no to vodka - has a soft spot for replicants (not just hers, she's pretty nice to Jesse and Yumyulack as well) - makes fun of Korvo for not having his ship repaired by now and refuses to help - partially because she has no idea how because she had someone do her Ship Repair classwork in the Academy but Korvo doesn't need to know that Xechee - probably voiced by Kristen Schaal idk lmao - Viyma's replicant - struggled to grow during her incubation and emerged from the soil earlier than normal - real pipsqueek - not actually dumb but def naive - never knows wtf is going on but is just happy to be there - chose female pronouns relatively early for her age - likes flowers a whole lot, hence why she wears one (it's not fungus from lack of handwashing, Viyma's checked) - her fingers never grew properly, just her thumbs, so her hands look like little mittens - will only eat food if you put maple syrup on it first - too young to really be helpful on the mission as of now but she's fun to have around Phin (full first name is Zelphin) - would be voiced by Joel McHale - pupa expert, and unlike Terry, he actually knows shit about the pupa - he and Viyma were kind of into each other before news of the asteroid came out - was friends with someone on the committee to assign mission partners and might have... influenced him to partner him and Viyma together - used to be a huge fuckin dweeb - Terry pantsed him at the Academy once but considering they wore robes nobody saw anything and it wasn't actually that funny - he's still salty about it though - Shlorp version of Be Careful Who You Made Fun Of In High School - Terry doesn't hate Phin but Phin definitely hates Terry - gets into microbrewing at some point probably - really into the Rugged Camping Dad aesthetic, owns 12 flannel shirts - petty af - cocky and constantly overcompensating - a pretty good dad to Willow and Xechee regardless - Don't Talk To Him Until He's Had His Coffee Willow - would be voiced by Ilana Glazer - Phin's replicant - mellow as hell, kind of a hippie - doesn't wear shoes - won't eat meat, and won't even eat fruits or vegetables bc they're technically living - eats straight up dirt to survive (Shlorp version of a vegan) - still smokes weed, and will eat anything while high - a little older than Jesse and Yumyulack, like 16-17 in earth years - discovered yoga pants and can never go back - was training on Shlorp to work in the Solarium and take care of incubating replicants - as a result, she's really into gardening and plants on Earth - got made fun of a lot on Shlorp for picking a dumb name like Willow and not a proper Shlorpian one like Xanthiolix or Greg - probably has a yoga and mediation Instagram 

Yeah but then I was like ‘wait why would they interact with the Earth fam if they’re supposed to be on another planet? so here a basic summary of what would go down: 

A new neighbor moves in across the street from Terry and Korvo named Brent and they NEED to get to know him better.

Korvo believes he would be able to assist with ship repair because he saw him changing the oil in his car once and I mean, come on, he would definitely be able to lift things Korvo couldn't. With those arms?? (also basically he wants to be friends with him and maybe fuck him but doesn't want to admit that). Terry wants to be friends with him because he saw the big screen tv in his living room and also thinks he'd be into doing butt stuff. He doesn't seem offput by aliens either, so that's a plus!

After a few failed attempts to befriend him they notice a space ship, very much like theirs, in his driveway. Was Brent in disguise this whole time?? Could he be a Shlorpian who could help them with ship repair??? And then Terry doesnt have to hear Korvo complain about how he never helps with ship repair???? Even better!

Then they find out the actual Shlorpians are Viyma and Phin, Korvo and Terry's respective rivals from their homeworld. Not only would they never help them with ship repair or the Pupa, but apparently they're both dating Brent? And they're going to constantly be around to spend time with him???

GREAT.

Yeah I haven’t drawn Brent yet but I like poly couples and I figured it’d also give these clowns an excuse to visit earth and annoy the Solar Opposites fam. They met Brent at Trader Joe’s because their uninhabited planet doesn’t have one so they would make the trip idk  shut up

I’m new to digital art (and it’s been a while since I’ve drawn at all because of reasons but I’ve been wanting to get back into it) and I drew Viyma first, so she looks kind of rough but I think I’ve already improved! I did Willow and Xechee (pronounced Zee Chee btw) last and I feel like I was starting to get the hang of what tf I was doing. Hopefully I’ll be able to draw the canon characters soon (and maybe Brent and their pupa)

[mavspeed]

First Line Meme

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line, then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

Hey @applesfallingfromblondehair, thanks for the tag love!! likewise i dont usually do this but this feels interesting so lets see if my ass has improved over the last few stories lmfkjgjk

also this will prob be a mix of xmcu fic + kingsman fic bc i think i have a more or less equal number of fics written for both

1.

The first time Charles meets Lucifer Morningstar, actual devil from hell, ruler of the underworld, fallen son of the lord above and god knows what else, it had been after Erik had been sentenced to life imprisonment in the highest security cell in the Pentagon. 

- this is from a professor and a devil walk into a bar, which is kinda a crossover rarepair fic that rose out of me and mutuals on twitter discussing tom ellis and james mcavoy being roommates and kinda... devolved from there. i am proud of this one lmfnjgkj

2.

“Are you okay, Professor?” Hank asks quietly.

Charles blinks. He supposes it’s a valid question. He’s been in a bit of a funk the past few days- scratch that actually, the past few years. He’s just lost so much- his father, and then his mother’s love, and then Raven and Erik and Sean and countless others. Building a school, gaining students he loved to teach and nurture hadn’t helped him in the slightest, and he’s as lost as he ever was, wandering the halls of a drafty mansion alone, feeling like he’s been stranded at sea even whilst surrounded by people.

- from in the belly of the beast, which again came out of me wondering what would have happened if fox had gone w their original plan and charles had been that last horseman instead of erik. this story will prob gain a sequel... sometime in the near future when im not too bogged down by current wips

3. 

The Xavier family hall of the deceased- because of course they’re weird enough to have a cemetery- is full of rows upon rows of holograms. Charles is four and gets bored of his father crying over his mother’s hologram, so he toddles over to the other rows. Unfamiliar names, all of them- Charles is young, and he doesn’t understand death. He doesn’t even know who his mother is, who’d died at childbirth and left him with a father still at a loss when it came to bringing up a kid.

- from tequila on a spaceship, the sequel to a fic that still has some people angry at me i think. this fic never did gain as much traction as the first one but im still proud of it esp since it discusses certain themes of reincarnation that ive always wanted to see explored for myself in reincarnation aus (and i only ever saw it in danveresque’s reincarnation au)

4.

There are cork boards covering every inch of the wall. Red strings, photographs, conspiracy threads, everything. Raven takes it in, swallowing, noticing the picture in the middle.

It’s one of Charles, when he’d been in university. His final year- he'd just been done presenting his year- end project, his fringe a tumbled mess and a bright smile on his lips. Erik had taken the picture, Charles scurrying to his side once he’d been done and demanding to look at the image, his tongue poking out the corner of his mouth. He looks like how Raven had always imagined him to be.

“He wouldn’t want this,” she finally says, turning to look at Erik.

- from tequila on a beach, the first fic to the fic above. this fic is v special to me because i actually wrote this on a spiral after having a very tough visit with one of my parents in the hospital after a surgery for organ removal to prevent the onset of cancer. its simpler than my other fics yet i think more powerful because of what happens. also i think the first time i killed charles off lol (spoiler alert). also idk if ppl were aware of this but this is called tequila on a beach precisely bc charles and erik were tipsy from tequila at a frat party and then went to a beach. its the way they first met (and will continue to meet for all their next lives)

5. 

Erik doesn’t know how it all started. Maybe it was when his insane sergeant had started rambling about imaginary cities, treasures of gold and cursed incantations. Maybe it was when trickles of rumours had started pouring down about the higher ups wanting to investigate unfound territory, disregard the Egyptian government’s feelings on the matter, and put a previously unfound myth on the map for all the world to see. Or maybe, Erik thinks, it was when archaeologist Klaus Schmidt put a bullet through his mother’s head and he ended up going to America armed with dual citizenship and the sole intent of wanting to drive a coin directly between Schmidt’s eyes, joining a division of the American military focused solely on guarding archaeological digs- more importantly, in Egypt, where Schmidt’s interest had shifted.

- from courting the end of the world, another one i’m just insanely proud of! this is the first time i’ve ever attempted a multichapter movie au and it actually managed to work pretty well, i at least haven’t run out of inspiration for it yet lmfjgjg. also erik as himbo rick connell... very rent free in my head

6. 

The day after they murder Shaw and leave his house of horrors, Erik crosses the Canadian border with Charles across his back. Charles had started getting tired while they’d been walking, stumbling and nearly tripping until Erik had forced him to get on his back, ignoring Charles’ protests.

The blood’s seeping out steadily from Charles’ nose, staining his shirt and soaking it through. It’s been leaking on and off, and the effects are already obvious in the dark circles beneath Charles’ eyes. Any more, and Erik knows they’ll have to find him a doctor. He hopes the nearest town in Canada has one that would be willing to treat them.

- from a world built for two. i actually dk where the inspiration for this came from, i think i was once again on a depressive spiral and wanted to break my comfort characters into pieces and put them together again. this also deals with codependency and unhealthy coping mechanisms as a result of trauma which i showed as sweet in the fic but i would def not recommend in real life. pls if u relate to either charles or erik in this go see a therapist

7. 

The call comes in the afternoon, an hour before Charles is supposed to teach his Intro to Genetics class. Frowning, Charles abandons the game of Candy Crush he’d admittedly been playing rather badly and picks it up. “Charles sp-”

“We need you, Prof,” Kitty says desperately into the phone. “He’s been in a temper all morning, and then Alex’s reports missed out a whole subsection, so he’s fired the entire marketing team! Please, Professor, you have to come immediately!”

- from and we can be pirates. i wrote this in like 4 seconds for my friend who wanted professor charles and ceo erik and actually did not expect this to gain the attention it did... its always the fics u write in like 4 seconds lmfjggj. a sequel for this Is coming too probably at some point in the very far future

8. 

Charles Xavier can admit as he sits across from Essex, hands cuffed to the desk, that in hindsight, this had perhaps not been one of his better ideas.

He refuses to admit it as he controls Erik’s mind, preventing him from lashing out and making him close his eyes to the nightmare unfolding in front of him. He refuses to admit it as he gets shoved into the back of a black pickup truck, and the butt of a gun is smashed across his forehead hard enough to knock him out cold for a few hours. He refuses to admit it when he wakes up what appears to be hours later in a cold interrogation room, hands cuffed to the table in front of him, with a suppression collar rendering his mind dark and almost achingly silent.

- from from the land of gods (bring me home). i’ve been struggling w this fic a lot (it didnt come as easily to me as the first one did) but its getting there. also i put charles through hell in this rip sorry mister xavier

9.

In the aftermath, both of them stand at the border of the mansion. The air feels frigid, slicing into Raven’s lungs like a thousand paper cuts. “Charles, please,” she begs, heart in her throat and voice hoarse. “He wouldn’t want you to be like this. He wouldn’t want you to do this. It’s not too late, you can come back.”

Charles gazes back, a brick wall. He hasn’t even cleaned up, still in that damnable yellow and blue suit with blood drying in the corners of his mouth, the bridge of his nose. There’s nothing in his eyes- blank, almost see through. He looks as if he’s a mere shade, a ghost lounging about where he once was. Raven knows better.

“I will raze the world to the ground,” he finally says, his voice free of any inflection, “and when I’m done, no one will be left standing. Not you, and certainly not me.”

- from where all the poets went to die, a dark fic based on what would have happened if moira had killed erik with the bullets. its the first time ive written dark charles and it was v fun if im being honest

10. 

Charles is a light sleeper. It’s a trait that stays with him- all the way from his father and the tests to taking care of his mother to Cain Marko and his fists to Cuba and then now, the dust of Washington settling over him and making the waking world lie an inch beyond his eyelids. It therefore stands to reason that the second the windowsill creaks he’s up in a shot, hoisting himself up and lashing out with his telepathy instantly.

That’s not a trait that had stayed with him. That’s a newly formed trait, bitter and bold, carved into existence by Cuba by his students disappearing one by one in Vietnam by the letters that announce Sean’s death in black unfriendly print by-

The tendrils of his telepathy forged cold and distant meet a barrier and recoil, stunned. He focuses his eyes and then widens them, staring at Erik who stares back, hidden beneath that infernal muddied magenta helmet of his. They stare at each other for a moment before Erik clears his throat.

- from in the valley of kings (you will come home). my first ever cherik fic! im actually also proud of this one even if i ended it horribly and half my mutuals refuse to read it bc of how it ended LMFJGJGJ. i cant believe this was supposed to be a funny and cute kid fic and then i turned it into an angst ridden mess. also leo is actually an oc whose adult version is fancasted as charlie rowe by me and another mutual on twitter and im v proud that readers are willing to die for the baby

11. 

Mike has to google it, finding a crafts shop nestled into the corner of the street right smack in the middle of Louisiana, past a long and winding dirt road and the crumbling farmhouses relics of a time long past. The air is hot, humid, sticking to the back of his neck like an unwieldy parasite as he pushes the door of the shop open to the sound of the bell tinkling above.

He finds the origami paper quickly enough and has a momentary breakdown about what Bill’s favourite colour even is- he had never thought to ask him. Twenty seven years of following every single footstep of his like a dedicated, most definitely creepy stalker, three months of more than a few states traversed with Bill’s laughter now echoing in his ears like a shadow that trails after him, and this is what stumps him. It takes ten minutes, but he finally settles on light green.

- my first and last entry into the IT fandom bc i love these two but to be very fair there isn’t much content out there for him (and twitter content actually intimidates me lmfjgjjg) a thousand paper cranes never got much traction either but i suspect its bc i was horrible at promoting it. also i very much love this fic even if it never did that well bc ive always wanted to write a fic like this after watching the movie in cinemas in 2019

12.

ok nsfw i guess 

Mornings start like this- Eggsy snuffling into David’s neck, attempting to work his way back up to wakefulness as David sleeps the sleep of the dead, the streams of morning sunlight gradually lightening up the room. It’s a while before he gets the energy to sit up, pushing an eager V off the bed- V for Vendetta, a kitten named after one of David’s favourite movies that they’d adopted about a month after moving in together- before stumbling to the loo. He’s already in the shower when David comes in, naked as the day he’s born with his arms entwining themselves around Eggsy’s waist as he murmurs a sleep-soft, “Good morning, love,” as he presses a kiss into the two-days-old hickey on Eggsy’s shoulder. His breath smells of toothpaste, the minty fresh kind he insists on buying from Target no matter how much Eggsy insists that the other brand is much better. Without fail, Eggsy always has a split second thought of thinking that he must truly be in heaven because no way can this be his reality, every single day, before sinking to his knees and allowing David’s cock to hit the back of his throat.

- from that’s the kind of love i’ve been dreaming of. i genuinely wish i had an opinion for this but i don’t remember writing this its been way too long

13. 

The first time Eggsy sees her is in Trafalgar Square.

Trafalgar Square is uncomfortably packed on any normal day, but on New Year’s it is quite the hothouse. Sweating armpits and hot bodies plastered against each other, the twinkling lights overhead providing a flash of blue and green and yellow and red, screaming children and giggling teenagers shoving their way through- it’s a recipe for disaster. Eggsy doesn’t know how he ends up there. It happens sometimes- one second he blinks, sequestered in the comfort of his living room, and the next he’s somewhere else, as if he’s been teleported. “Life goes past you,” Tilde had said once, “and you don’t even notice.” Tilde would be right.

- this is a roxy and eggsy friendship centric fic that i abandoned bc i lost my ardor for this world about the same time i got into xmen lmfjgjg. all the king’s horses also had some great fancasts in it with dev patel fancasted too... rip ig

14. 

once again, nsfw

Eggsy, truth be told, doesn’t actually like having sex in bathrooms. First of all, bathrooms generally have an unsanitary air about them. Besides that, the granite of the sinks always feel cold against his hips, there is the ever present fear of being walked in on and unlike what people might say, he actually really isn’t that much of an exhibitionist- and truth be told, he’s never liked the look of himself in the mirror mid coitus.

For David Budd, however, he suspects he might be up for anything.

- from do you ever dream of me. im actually proud of this fic and this series, i never usually write straight up porn or friends w benefits and i think it worked well in here. once again didnt get much traction but that was very of the norm for my kingsman fics lmfjgj

15.

It is on his fifth meeting with the therapist on site that she brings the issue up. The elephant in the room- or the bomb , David thinks morbidly. If asked, he can’t remember specifics about that day now. All he remembers is this- the burn of Julia’s picture in his wallet against his thigh, the Botticelli painting on the far wall and Miss Paulson’s face, severe and unsmiling.

“When you couldn’t reach Julia,” she says, after he finishes describing the feeling of running to Julia, the panic searing his chest as he’d prayed for his legs to work faster so he could do something, anything to reach her hand. “How did that make you feel?”

- from your haunted social scene. i genuinely... do not remember anything about this either helpfkjgjg,,, this has 55 comments tho which. Nice

16.

David brings her home on- in a move far too cliche for it to be reality- a stormy night. It’s in fact storming so hard the windowpanes shudder like leaves in the wind, droplets crashing against the glass in a cacophony so loud Eggsy more than once considers turning the radio all the way up to drown it out. He’d gone scrounging for David’s sweatshirts instead of his own halfway through, wincing intermittently at the flashes of thunder. At a particularly loud one JB had jumped up, squeaked in a very undoglike manner and skidded across the floor to cower beneath the sofa, only coming out when coaxed by Eggsy to do so. Officer Oatmeal had watched the proceedings from her regal place by the armchair, dozy eyed and blinking heavily.

- from a cat named lavender. from what i remember this was also my first try at bringing up trans eggsy

17.

He first appears at the black prince on a cold Monday evening, eyes like Frank Sinatra and lips arresting anyone’s gaze if they weren’t careful enough. He stood out too, clad in a respectable bomber jacket and boots that clicked against the tile rhythmically and loudly, a sort of organised, measured cacophony.

“Go and serve him,” Andrew said, fat and disinterested, seated behind the counter and idly flicking through bills, less than ten percent of which he pays Eggsy. “I’m busy.”

- from trust is left in lovers after all. i never continued this which is sad bc this did get a lot of attention... it was just v hard to keep the story going

18.

It usually rains cats and dogs in London but for some reason, the rain is heavier than usual today. The droplets splatter against the windows in a constant buzzing rhythm, the sound meshing together in a melody not altogether pleasant to the ears. It’s half past five and yet the light has to be kept on because that’s how dark the sky has gotten- thunder rolls like a loud crack, abrupt and deafening, causing Daisy to jump in her seat.

“Just a thunderstorm, flower,” Eggsy says. They’re seated at the dinner table, Eggsy going over her homework while David sits opposite them, hunched over his laptop as he attempts to finish a post mission report. Eggsy is half convinced he gave up ten minutes ago- he’s got his earbuds in and he hasn’t really typed anything in a while, eyes focused on the screen. His eyebrows are scrunched up in a glare that’s too adorable for his own good- and for Eggsy’s.

- from could feel like kryptonite. a lot of my kingsman fics are actually so much happier than my cherik ones... i should prob look into that rip

19.

“When you’re done lazing around you can come in, you dozy dog,” he tells Officer Oatmeal, who butts her nose into his knee. She’s the only one not on a diet in the house, Eggsy deeming her far too healthy and skinny to need one anyway. In fact, she’s under strict instructions by Eggsy to fatten up instead.

Once the animals are done feeding- Eggsy sporting a suspicious scratch on his left forearm- they settle down to eat their scrambled eggs and toast. David’s taken a large gulp of his scalding coffee when Eggsy says, all of a sudden, “So, I have a school reunion.”

- from gonna set this dance alight. don’t remember much about this either tbh

20. (the last one FINALLY)

It isn’t a big event or explosion that makes David realise he wants to see his father’s ring sitting pretty on Eggsy’s index finger. No teary confessions in the rain like in the rom coms Eggsy loves to rent out and sniffle his way through, or a fight that makes David see sense. In the end, it’s breakfast that cinches the deal for him.

The day had started out normally enough. David wakes up at eight like clockwork, the soft downy hair at the base of Eggsy’s neck tickling his nose with his arm locked tight around his waist. He’d yawned, exhausted- mostly because they’d stayed up very late into the night making good use of the bed- before standing up and shucking his shirt off to head for the shower. Eggsy had shifted in his sleep, mumbling something unintelligible, and the sight had been too endearing to resist so he’d bent down, pressing a kiss to his forehead and smiling when Eggsy groaned out loud.

- from lover boy rules. i actually started a lot of my kingsman fics in the same way which is rather awful of me. im glad thats changed with my xmen fics lmfjgjk. also this has 15 comments???? i dont even get that much attention with my xmcu fics these days... which is arguably a more active fandom... Hello

anyway that’s the end of it needless to say i do not know 10 other authors so im just gonna tag whoever i know rn: @hellfre , @queerneto, @ikeracity, @drinkingstars, @zebraljb

[willmelon]

i don’t usually do this but i feel Compelled to do a liveblog/review of Mouth Dreams so here goes

Please don’t read this if you haven’t heard the album yet as it’ll spoil Everything

(i’ll admit the idea came to me After i listened to Just a Baby so these first ones are gonna be relistened reviews)

first we got Yahoo. what can i say about this song? neil starts off Strong with incredibly sustained notes and just one phrase, in typical neil style. and he makes it work in so many different ways! honestly didn’t expect myself to get so attached so fast but that’s just the way his magic works ig. when the hoooooooos harmonise it almost brings tears to the eyes. i would love to see a group of choristers singing this with another guy on an electric keyboard. what a cold open. 9/10

of course then we go on to the titular track, the dimension of sound, the dimension of imagination, the dimension of doors. rod serling narrates the intro in his traditional monotone as the warbling twilight zone theme plays in the background. i tell ya i was actually Screaming when the track finished and he dropped the title! it may not be a song per se, sort of like Blockbuster from Mouth Moods, a ‘filler track’ if you will, but the effort in those fifty seconds cannot be ignored. it just goes to show once again how Good he is at what he does. 6.5/10

oh lawd, my favourite so far, Spongerock. reading the title i had absolutely No idea what to expect. the goofy goober song from the movie? winner takes all from band geeks? i was pleasantly surprised to find myself tapping out queen’s distinctive boom boom CLAP as the song progressed, and i was in complete Hysterics the whole way through, chanting along with the kids as the pirate encouraged me to sing louder. it’s such a beautiful fit the way they mesh together, and it’s one of those mashups that you listen to and think ‘why has nobody done this before?’ but neil is on a higher plane of existence than us and Knows where it’s at. you’re never the same after you’ve listened to Spongerock. 7.5/10

Just a Baby, where i stopped to begin this thing, is a melancholy song, which i’m not usually a fan of. i admit i don’t know the original song so i kept quiet until the last chorus or two. it’s the yang to the yin of Wow Wow from Moods, another sentence-mixer that was like a full Bop and barely gave you time to catch your breath. in Just a Baby you begin to empathise with the singer as he regales confusing times of his constant youth, including the time his mother (a train) shot a man in cold blood. it’s a powerful ballad, and it’s got a tasteful amount of justin bieber adding backing vocals to the chorus. i may have to deduct a few points cos the lyrics are gonna be hard af to remember. 7/10

ok next up we got Superkiller. this one’s totally blind! i’m. ehhhhh okay not diggin this one very much. ok that say something once line being repeated was comedy gold but talking heads are just like. kinda tuneless tbh. i’m glad he’s trying to lassoo it together with u can’t touch this but it’s kinda falling short tbh. i wouldn’t skip it but it’s not as memorable as the previous ones. 5/10

starting Get Happy. i’m not gonna lie i think i Know what this is, there are only so many options after all. i predict it’s a mix of “get dancin’” by disco-tex and the sex-o-lettes and “happy” by bahrrel williams, and i really hope that ain’t the case cos i Love the first one but despise the latter. oh well let’s see if he can pull it off. sounds like village green by the kinks so far lol uhhhh i have no idea what to make of this. okay i feel like i’m gonna like this after all. hey it’s got memorable lyrics at least! is it gonna get faster? or just more bassy? yknow maybe i was too critical at the start, but i had no idea what to expect. this is a feel-good pop song and it’s definitely making me feel happier than i was when i was listening to Superkiller. 7/10

Ribs? wtf do i expect from a song called Ribs lmao another song i’ve never heard of IH IT’S EVERYBODY WANTS TO RULE TH WORLD OH YEEEEEEEEES omg i Love this song i sing it to myself when i’m walkin my dog cos his little paws click-clack on the pavement to the exact rhythm of the song omg i’m in Love! another one with odd lyrics but i think after a Lot of repeat listening i’ll be able to properly croon along to this one omg! it reminds me of Best from Mouth Silence in that they’re both about products, only instead of folgers in your cup it’s about chili’s baby back ribs omg neil you’re Perfect! how come more advertisers haven’t contacted you for a product placement deal?? 7.5/10

next we got My Mouth. welcome to? who knows let’s hit play. ooooh minor key. is this a real song? it sounds like oney singing a cover of something. oh That’s the gimmick? 2:30 long i hope there’s something else tbh cos otherwise it’s gonna get pretty thin pretty fast. mm not a fan. the weakest so far imo especially after Ribs blew me away. definitely a bad dream. 3.5/10

Aerolong don’t fail me now! okay see This is how you do a mashup. I DON’T MISS YOU BABAY AND I DO WANNA MISS A THING THAT’S GOLD!! this is just a song about saying bye to your ex lmao i love it. wish it was longer though. 6/10

Sleepin’ here we go! ok in the youtube version the first half of this song is just silence so that wasn’t fun. gee this one’s only moderately better than My Mouth i’m feeling very shortchanged. 4/10

what to expect from Aamoorree? hopefully this one’s another jam but...okay i’m likin this one. it’s Fun and isn’t trying too hard! it’s just a drunk dean martin singing about pizza pie on karaoke night, what more could you ask for lol. 6/10

Where Is My Mom? by the p-p-p-pooo-oo-ooo-oooool of course. i don’t recognise the other song but it’s decent. i’ve listened to slowed-down songs before (the sludgefest chipmunks albums lately) and this one’s kinda ok. not a fan of the ending but points for effort ig. 5.5/10

Fredhammer ay? might there be some peter gabriel in there? undoubtedly. yup there it is lol ok now bring in the flintstones? oh ig that’s fred durst? mm not totally feeling it so far but censoring he** was funny lmao HEY THERE’S SEINFELD i’m wheezin that was a good way to end a song, well done neil. 6.5/10

here goes Limp Wicket. i’m on the edge of my seat. and Again i’m disappointed. is this a bunch of ewoks singing some kind of star wars song? or is it jarjar? either way this is Not a good song. it probably wasn’t before he mashed it up but this wasn’t an improvement. bringing in Fredhammer didn’t help this song much at all, in fact i think it brought both songs down actually. last one was a 7/10 but i Have to dock it points now that it’s a two-parter. as for this one? i’m being generous cos the limp bizkit song was good. 1/10

Cannibals runs for 4 minutes. PLEASE don’t let this be a repeat of the last one. i get that miners can’t dig up gold every time but don’t just show up with a bunch of rocks and iron pyrites yknow i’m just gonna start. i don’t want to be angry at this album. i recognise that sound in the bg! from a cyriak vid i think. thx comin in. loooooooong drone. ugh UGH there are Too many lucid dreams on this album. starting to regret liveblogging this cos i Loved the other three mouth albums. this one’s just falling flat again and again. 3/10

here comes The Outsiders. there is NOTHING to say about this. 1.5/10

come on Johnny. okay that got a laugh out of me, not many songs start with a booing crowd like that, is that meta? wouldn’t put it past him tbh. ah i’ll give it a 5/10, for a kinda filler song it wasn’t too bad.

Closerflies, this has gotta be gold. PLEASE. intro’s goin on for a little too long...mm having never heard the original version of closer i gotta admit i thought it’d be faster, like the one used in Rollercloser in Silence. this version seems very sloppy and sluggish, especially the bassline. 3/10

Nightmovin’ i’m not expecting much OH good intro oh YES now here we go. this is a good one, it’s got clear lyrics and a catchy tune, i��m liking this one more and more by the second. cuts off weird but it’s going into the next one. so i’m gonna leave the rating out of this one and see how it is after the next one.

Whitehouse i’m holding my breath. mm it’s Good but not great tbh. criminal that the last one was half as long as this one. think i’m gonna give both of these songs a 5/10 i doubt they’ll be anyone’s favourites. the title is a nice little joke too i respect that.

Wah! what’s neil’s obsession with using wannabe as a source lmao! it’s another decent one but nothing memorable again. 5/10

Pee Wee Inc i’m expecting big things. good intro I’M IN LOVE okay this is Much better than i imagined it’d be. did he use the radio edit of feel good inc? this is a heck of a way to bring it back to the gold stuff and i wouldn’t be surprised if this is what neil’s head sounds like all the time. 7/10

on to 10,000 Spoons. not sure what to expect from the title. okay this is a Nice one i think. throwback to the likes of Just a Baby with the two songs and the sentence mixing and it’s Good. and really 10,000 spoons is So ironic anyway, don’t you think? 7/10

oh another song called Mouth Dreams? an extro? that was Weird lol ok the intro i wasn’t too keen on, def not as much as the intro, but i got to appreciate it as it went on. like Rlly appreciate it i was beginning to reflect on what a journey i’d been through tonight, especially writing it all down. felt very poetic. and then WHAM, out of nowhere, after being gone for 23 songs, all-star came Back and How! gotta give this one a 7.5/10

keep the train rolling Brithoven! i can hear faint bits of instruments in britney’s song in the back of her audio which sound like a mistake but knowing neil.......yah lmao. this song’s kinda like Promenade (Satellite Pictures at an Exhibition) from Mouth Sounds, i liked what i heard. very nice. 6.5/10

the final song. we’re gonna be hit one more time for Ain’t! and i have NO idea what i’m in for! in the hall of the mountain king eh? is this like a way of looping around to the first song of the first album with classical music? ok the snoring’s a nod to Bustin i’m sure lmao funny anyway. i thought i heard a hey now in there but i must be going nuts. wouldn’t call it a grand finale but it is what it is. 5/10

now the question that must be asked - was Mouth Dreams trying to make a point? was there a reasons so many songs were of lower-quality than previous albums? perhaps it’s just a matter of taste, or perhaps it’s as rod said back on track two, that this album is a doorway into another dimension, and the further you progress, the more mind-rattling, brain-melting concepts you come across. the album gets an average of 5.5 which is kinda disappointing. don’t think i’ll be listening to the whole thing again. thanks for reading!

[captainkurosolaire]

Update: Hello, Friend.

 So I want to come out and give some teasers and hints what I have planned. First of all, I’d like to thank the warm reception of me getting more active and being able to do far more threads again my passion and abnormal hunger has returned for this. That I’m breathing in fresh oxygen for the first time in years that I’ve either neglected myself or lost myself towards due to my own personal negligence. Alright. ~ So writing I’m going to be overall increasing this year ideally because of my drive right now. I’ve got a lot chips on my shoulder but that’s a good thing forcing myself to over burden and stack myself against the odds seems to be what I lacked. It’s just who I am and need to constantly be, I’ve never not known adversity. So I’ve got a Budokai 3 planned it’s [this] -- but this time when it comes out it’ll be a lot more stakes at the cost, think it’s still paramount, I keep that annual somehow intact. There’s going to be a new pirate match-type, stipulation, and I think it’ll be fun as hell to build that and design it out. I’m overall excited. Recently I got fortunate and met someone of the goddess virtues who’s led me towards the creative tools to eventually expand my writing into more creation putting that whole clan [TCK] to actual meaning from my youth. So I’ve learned a few things, I’m saving for a rainy day. I def want to try possibly putting and creating my own audio’s in projects for the writings and there’s going to be a few other things but It’ll probably take me much longer to really grasp that. Ideally that’s all stuff I get down by next year, least, I’m setting for my ambitious deadline course. Since self-teaching is all I’ve ever really had and been effective in. I’m a monkey with a wrench kinda guy. Because I do believe, there’s going to be a new ‘War’ arc. I’ve got tons and I mean ton’s of antagonists, conflicts, rival crews, I’ve got fables, legends, myths, I’ve got ton’s of material I want to bring into existence to dazzle out. I can’t really go into my own game without really resolving the stories here and actually improving. With recently my inclusion and decision to bring NPC Crews, I plan on making their own morale's and beliefs, I wouldn’t really fully consider this a multi-muse blog, it’s like a scuffed one. I’d say they’re just attachments or accessories required for the Captain now. They’ll be brought in their own story-lines respectively, I’ll probably just sort of give them their own narratives and their reasons, I thinking they get their own endings and their functions. Got to eventually make their move-sets though and make rival crew’s that have to oppose polar opposite that put some actual struggle in this sumbitch’. There’s going to be more fun in these stories a lot of comedy I want to try branching into in my respectful genre. I want to also forewarn there’s going to massive blood, horror, gore and a lot more violence alongside the angst and dramatic flares or sensitive real antagonistic threats that’ll be overpower AF to combat but can be nerfed with plot :D. These upcoming conflicts they’re going to be literally all pirate as we can get which mean’s some heinous things exist. So I might just make my own trigger warning like TW:VD so it’s universal for my stuff so if people want to restrict them from being seen that they can evade easily. This blog always been +18/Adult though, I don’t have to worry about being censored by 4kids we saw how they treated Yugioh. But yeah, it’s not going to be all sunshine but it’s not also going to be always stormy anymore either. The characters introduced ideally if I learn and pull them off right alongside the readers, will lightened up things and this cast isn’t going to be your atypical assorted, they’re going to be insane and generically outcasts. Which is fitting and I wouldn’t believe it could be done any other way. Probably make lots of fluffers to for impactful death’s. There’s going to be homages and a lot of references as I want to try writing as if this is a long-term actual story or a TV show of sorts that almost has no-ending so expect it to fill like One Piece or something it’ll take 1000000 episodes for us to get to the ending, this game is more likely to die out before I burn out or this site, knowing the direction of Tumblr lately... :P It’s just constantly me aligning the flow and plot pieces cause I really need to learn transitioning better while also remaining less wordy though don’t like setting myself to one writing style as some characters require other definitive structures. Ideally won’t affect to much my current RP thread load, either. That I’ve been racking out and actually putting out. Like the old me is starting to resurface who was able to DM for tons of people or when I first got into this. I thought about stockpiling prompts, but I don’t feel like it’s anything I want to do anymore cause that’s essentially just me master-listing at the ending of a year or Volume anyway. I’d rather just find the time and energy for a good solid day, one shot like I do everything put the quality in and release like two chapters a month or more depending my vitality. The support and recently plotters, friends, and other story-lines to all the passion surrounding that still ember’s on, I’ve got loads of credit to call out it’s been unreal. I’ve never been well with accepting or expressing myself sort of why I turned towards writing. Might try to find a plausible way to make things more interactive too or some sort of swaying branches that can be had too by either polls or Captain’s interactions with other characters who either empower or give him carrying weights during anytime I need him in far-future storytelling to explain and give meaning. Since lot of the crew can run these plot things too in their own dedicated parts when we get past their introductions and ‘the climb’ beginning for their narrative. Lot of these plot points and stuff though definitely intend sharing with plot people or just overall continue supporting other characters as the caped-robin. This sorta just came to be learned after reflecting. ‘why isn’t there anything I can’t do?’ and now I just got to channel this into something cosmically kinetic. So no sleeping for the wicked, wake up every day to thrive and strive to be better than myself in lasting. Well peace ~ until later mateys. To quote in the immortal, K.V signature: ‘Word.’

[jq37]

kiralamouse replied to yourpost:Not to once again start in on trying to decipher...

If they’re well into the tour, I go back to it all being deliberately staged, Drama and all. I’ve seen performers at an annual RenFest who seem to be improvising the weirdest stuff, but you see the same “improv” in different shows - the Six could do the same. But ofc that’s another layer of complexity… who ARE they under their stage personas, then???

Like, if you wanna go through the entire thought process that got me to this point, I was originally thinking about the whole “this contest was staged to make a point” twist aspect of the show (which is pretty explicit in the Broadway version at least--they 100% scripted the contest and the infighting and stuff) and how long they could reasonably keep that twist under wraps. I was wondering if this was a Hannah Montana Movie situation where the whole audience is just supposed to keep the secret?

But then I was like, OK, no. Assuming this music in the show is all diegetic, the audience 100% knows this is scripted/staged to at least a degree because you don’t just break into musical numbers in real life. And these songs are happening in real life. So the audience knows this competition is fake going in (even if they weren’t spoiled). What they potentially don’t know is what the fake competition is in service to. And also, and the end of the day, it doesn’t super matter if it’s a secret or not. Like, IRL I knew the twist going in and that didn’t change my enjoyment of the show.

Sidenote, this show is really weird to talk about because of the absolute lack of fourth wall effectively thrusting you into the narrative as soon as you step into the theater and forcing you to differentiate between the show and “the show”.   

Anyway, that got me thinking about just the show composition in general and yeah, they could have--and surely did--script most if not all of the bits in the show in universe. The line I specifically mention is the one that’s most likely a genuine out of character line imo. Because she gets the, “Thomas Crowmwell Among the Ministers” line earlier in the show which is a line you write for your bandmate who is a history nerd I think so it wouldn’t be crazy for that same person to miss her scripted line to answer a question about a topic she knew the answer to out of habit. Which leads directly into your question of who are they as people, separately from their stage personas.  And I’m not gonna get into the logistics of reincarnation/resurrection/mythic manifestation/etc because it is 1 AM and, either way, I’m not Moss or Marlow so I’d truly just be making up an answer if I came to one at all but assuming the Queens in-universe are some legitimate representation of the historical Queens and assuming they wrote the show for the reasons it seems they did--to reclaim their stories, I would guess that they are playing heightened versions of their actual selves (whatever “actual selves” means in this context). Because I feel like making a whole show where you’re like, “We’re going to finally tell the world who we are,” and then giving wildly inauthentic info would be weird (unless they had, I guess, painted themselves in an entirely positive light which I don’t think they do because they’re fighting the whole show). So I think the show from I Don’t Need Your Love to the end (and especially the song Six) are the best representations of who they are or at least who they want to be because midway through IDNYL is when they drop the act that the competition is real so it’s only like one level of acting, not two at that point (in the world of the show I mean). And I think, if put in this position, and asked to write an AU for your traumatic life, most people would be inclined to be sincere (even moreso than they would have been for their main songs which I think are def partially tongue in cheek except for HoS, IDNYL, and the last bit of AYWD).  

Anyway, this is more words than needed to be written on this topic but the amount I care about a subject is inversely proportional to how much it matters in the grand scheme of things.

[rqs902]

.

a lin ran feature :’) i respect hes self-aware about his need to be more than cute to succeed. lin ran has always given me a vibe that hes very serious and tough on himself. he looks soft but has high demands and seems very determined to get what he wants.

im not worried about li hao bc hes surrounded by a bunch of kids who can teach him how to dance LOL not just lin ran but like jin fan and tianci too

what is this pole and could they not move it LOL

lol so jin fan and tianci did a flippy trick and we just gonna pretend like it didnt happen lol okay 

ugh so jin fan kinda got to do more dancing than other stages but i was still hoping itd be more!!! but man lin ran is really killing with his stage presence here

leave it to ycw to speak loudly and vocally about his friends being injured so people recognize their suffering

LOL lin ran’s sassy “im not stupid!!” but yea the third stage was really rough for him, so im glad he was able to recover 

LOL lin ran again casually threatening the production team to be like “please edit this stage well” “please don’t cut our segment short” LOL 

lol yea im not surprised at this point that li hao won even tho it shouldve been lin ran. youku is def making these rankings up. lol gjm did you even look at lin ran’s facial expressions???? lol making up excuses for youku wat

lin mo praising lin ran and giving him encouragement like a true bro bc he knows how hard lin ran worked for this stage. i wonder if he designed the stage rigging

AY I RESPECT OSCAR. hes a good kid and someone whos willing to speak his mind to address problems, thats awesome. they need someone to do that. he’s direct with the problems but also directly follows by complimenting them and saying how great they could be if they pulled through LOL hes still a kid so hes trying not to offend them but i respect his courage, warmth and dependability. 

LOL XUE EN DESTROYED FRANKLIN HAHAHAHAHAHHA and he goes all cutesy after like he has no idea the power he holds LOL but im glad they showed some footage of xue en also teaching the other kids dance. cto skills whooo 

ycw still bringing up shiwei? hes either very caught up in his feelings still (which is probably not a good thing at this point) or hes just a really dedicated friend... or youku is just purposefully using shiwei’s elimination for dramatic effect. 

im surprised they didnt highlight cxh more bc youku seems to like him, and conversely they gave xzx a ton of time for his stage and let xzx win. 

XUE EN IS SO HANDSOME 

okay i just needed to get that out of my system

but also im kinda glad syh is in this group bc hes the only one who i will not laugh at when singing this song. ycw and oscar talking about drinks and whiskey??? yall are babies?? also this song does NOT match this dance well at all. i see why they didnt like it when they previewed it LOL also i see now why i saw an edit on twitter of this dance over “retreat” from qcyn bc that song actually FIT the tie pulling move.. versus this im just like ??? seems so out of place?? 

also their voices all sound weird :\ maybe its just too high of a register for ycw and cxh? or maybe theyre just not very good at singing....? lol 

giving xue en the only multi colored tie? THEY KNEW. 

im just happy that the party group was able to make their stage so well that other kids were regretting not choosing them bc ycw was really struggling to get people to join him...

LOL CSP BEING SILLY TO ZHAN YU THIS IS THE FRIENDSHIP I NEED

LOL XZX AND LIN MO are adorable together 

im glad that they spent time to say zhaohao has improved, i feel like hes gotten zero recognition so far. i feel like ycw winning is the only win i am willing to believe so far. (couldve been xue en too tho) 

A FEATURE ON XIKAN’S FRIENDSHIP WITH LUO ZHENG omggggggggggggggg luo zheng the sweetest ge, leaving all the good things for xikan whatt ugh but luo zheng is like literally going actor route so sad that he still wants to be on stage but has no opportunities. im grateful theyre still so close that xikan starts crying just thinking about him 

xikan being involved in the stage design and costuming and all makes me think of lin ran but also makes me think of cai xukun. cxk always gets so involved in every little detail to seek perfection

interesting that they focused it all on zry and lxk........ but at least highlighted xikan’s fun side

lol they purposefully cut in fan yu screaming zry’s name and ycw yelling cyc.... 

but also tbh xikan’s voice was not very strong during his high note and i know hes giving 110% into his dancing so im guessing he doesnt have much air left at that point but i was kinda disappointed it couldve been better. BUT he still did a good job. i thought the part where they ripped off his jacket couldve been more impactful? but it felt like it was just randomly in the middle of the rap break and he doesnt sing again until much later so it was like why did you change clothes there? 

tbh this song isnt that exciting? so im surprised that they wanted it that badly? 

i saw spoilers that fan yu was gonna be there and its adorable and i love their friendship but lol zuo ye being like i shouldve asked all my gege’s to come.... lol aka they know its kinda unfair for fan yu to be winning votes for zry

im grateful all the trainees are supportive of xikan and they purposefully showed a bunch of popular kids cheering for xikan

gosh that injury on his nose, you know hes put too much energy and is too invested into his dance part when he rips his own face like that :\ 

i saw spoilers that renyu would win and someone did the math that it makes zero sense for their group’s score to be that low, but i didnt expect their score to be THAT low.... goodness wtf thats definitely rigged, i see why people were mad. 

renyu winning is either entirely rigged bc youku wants him to debut or people are really just voting for him bc fan yu was there and that’s not fair either. i love renyu (and his friendship with fan yu) but there’s no way renyu actually won that many votes on a stage where he didnt really show his vocals that much and he messed up his dancing and he was surrounded by kids who danced much better and wouldve made him look not great. this makes zero sense. and the fact that ycw is the only winner that made sense is probably bc youku was like well we cant make it too obvious that its all a joke. but really, its all a joke. 

yes i love that renyu worked hard and stayed up all night but can we talk about how xikan does that for every stage? and renyu’s just now started to do so. renyu just came into this competition less prepared, so his improvement is easier to see. 

i still think if youku wants to debut renyu, theyll kick out lin ran from top 7, but can we talk about how lin ran put in all the effort to design and perfect his stage? how he teaches others to dance and pushes his group mates to shine as a leader and how he has truly one of the most memorable and formidable stage presences on this whole show? people say the debuting group will need renyu’s voice but how can you really say that renyu fits and is prepared and deserves to debut more than lin ran? 

renyu is adorable and talented but let’s be real, as a vocalist, hes not like you zhangjing, hes not like zhao lei, hes not like zhao pinlin, hes not proven that he really fits to be a main vocal in a boy band. youku cannot force us into believing that he can fit that role without any evidence to prove his worth. its like theyre trying to jam someone into that role and its like renyu’s their closest bet, but even tho he still doesnt quite fit, theyre just gonna shove him in anyway. this is what happens when you only give attention to people who are dancers and dont give actual attention to people who are actually boy band main vocal material.... /COUGH ZHAN YU or even cui shaopeng?? 

how can you possibly believe that renyu got 173 but their average was 134? none of xikan’s groups numbers make sense: 

how did shengen suddenly drop so much? youku has been touting him this whole time into the top 10. shouldnt more of xikan’s fans voted for xuyu? bc he literally begged during the last elim for xuyu to make it this far. xuyu wasnt even dead last in the elim ranking but here he gets last place by like 15 votes??? when everyone else’s vote difference is like half of that at max? 

you expect me to believe lin ran only got 127 after he literally descended from the ceiling as an angel? that doesnt attract attention? how are both zuo ye and hu wenxuan so low? wenxuan was literally center and had bright pink hair, and in a song style that suited him, you cant tell me he didnt shine on this stage. xikan tied with xzx???? beneath a kou cong and su xunlun tie??? no way 

theres one week left and youku’s getting desperate to make it look like whatever they’re going to make happen will be a natural result, that this competition is up in the air and no one is safe, but it just seems very questionable to me. 

sooo does this mean there arent gonna be elims before the finals or what, we just dont see them announce who gets to perform? im assuming not all 32 kids will take part? and theres not gonna be a mentor collab stage? it wouldve been cool to see han yu and cheng xiao with the kids. there were 3 stages between the first and second elimination but no third elim and no mentor stage? its a mad rush to the end, honestly. 

oh well, we still love these CHILDREN 

ps: if youve been following my rants, i honestly feel like i have had a really positive impression of zheng renyu from the start and i really do like him. he makes really good songs and his voice is very nice and his friendships are pure and his attitude is commendable. 凄美地 and 當帷幕落下 and 後來的我們 are some of my favorite favorite songs to listen to from this entire show, like probably 3 of my top 5, and a good deal of that is because of renyu and his voice. but im just trying to be realistic and renyu is not in my ideal debuting boy band. 

[ohlukcs]

( alex wolff, male ) did you hear how LUKAS TOZER is applying to columbia university as a FILM & MEDIA STUDIES major ?! the 19 year old is living in the WALLACH HALL. i heard that they got in because they are + PASSIONATE and +THOUGHTFUL, but honestly i think HE can be -ASSUMING and -CYNICAL. they’re a real MAVERICK. oh well, only time will tell if the SOPHOMORE will make it til the end.

about the mun !!

hi hello my name is sam (she/her), im 22, and im a big fat mess at all times :) um but a lil more about me is that i’m australian and a recently graduated film student lmao. i’ve been rping for like ten years now i think idk but i am a NERVOUS BITCH !!!!!!! and it sometimes takes me forever to reply to things (ic and ooc) bc of that so pls be patient with me lmao. anyway, happy 2 be here !! if u like this post i’m gonna assume u wanna plot with me and my idiot and hit u up !!! lets mcfreakin lose it !!!!

about lukas !!

full name: lukas joshua tozer

nickname(s): luk-ass idk whatever u can come up with lmao

age: nineteen

gender: cis male

pronouns: he/him

hometown: jackson, new jersey

date of birth: nov 4th

occupation: student ( film and media studies, sophomore ), cook/server at a nearby 24hr pizza joint

relationship status: single

drink / smoke / drugs: yes / yes / yes

faceclaim: alex wolff

positive traits: passionate, thoughtful, creative, ambitious, untethered, humorous

negative traits: assuming, cynical, insensitive, rebellious, resentful, irresponsible

if he was in a hogwarts house: slytherin

now some more dot points that are just me talking about lukas !!

was born in fort lauderdale florida but there is a vERY low chance he will ever admit that, he’ll just say he’s from new jersey. as far as he’s concerned, he’s always been from new jersey even if his family did move there after he turned twelve

speaking of things lukas probably wont ever tell u but i’m including them anyway: his family is kind of messy. not majorly but like a little bit more than average. he had two brothers, now he only has one. i’m not gonna include a whole lot of nitty gritty here i’ll save it for when i write the real bio and can actually do it justice but its the reason they moved from florida and it has had a pretty major effect on lukas over time obviously

he’s the baby of the family and he’s pretty much always been treated like one. it has left him pretty immature and irresponsible. still learning that his actions have consequences and that he cant just be a total dick all the time. he’s improved in those areas a fair bit since he started at columbia a year ago but he still has a long way to go

he didn’t ever really expect to go to columbia, he’s from a middle class family and his dad didn’t even go to college. he applied for columbia just as a might as well give it a go thing. like maybe it will happen. they had a film course and although the course itself isn’t really great, the connections to the industry available at columbia were valuable enough for him to try. he was wait listed up until basically the last minute, preparing to go to a college in boston instead but when he was accepted he knew he had to go. for himself, for his family, and for his lost brother.

obviously irresponsible attitude has led to some Bad Decision Making including but not limited to partying and drugs. he doesn’t prioritise that lifestyle over his school work (bc he knows how lucky he is to be at columbia at all) but he is a big believer that you need to experience things to be a great artist and he plans on being the greatest artist so bad decision town here we come !!!!

he has a pet goldfish named michael bublé pls dont nark

for more info on him click here to check his about page, no bio there yet but hopefully soon

wanted connections babey !!

course friends/rivals/anything: i am writing these before acceptances happen so i have no good god damn idea if any other characters are film majors but hit me the hell up if they are bc i would love to plot some stuff out

old roommate(s) : lukas was probably an entertaining roommate but probably verged on annoying pretty easily. he’s messy, gross, probably didn’t respect the do ur fucking dishes rule in first year ( probs still doesnt tbh ). but he also has a password to every streaming account plus a phat hard drive full of movies and shows that he is absolutely willing to share with u so just depends what ur into i guess. maybe this connection led to friendship or maybe they hate each other now. im down for either/both 

dealer: hi welcome back to bad decision town. lukas isn’t into any hard stuff but is a big weed smoker (to my understanding medicinal cannabis is allowed but lukas def doesn’t have a prescription), then after that it’s kind of just experimenting. will chat more details if u wanna take this connection

booze leachers: so yes lukas is 19 but he has four, thats right, four fake ids. he is not willing to give u his contact for fake ids but he is willing to buy u booze if u pay him. dont hate the player hate the game

gang gang: pretty much just a close group of friends. i imagine all pretty relaxed, all pretty chill. idk what to say here except i want people to care about him and let him put on dumb movies and watch them with him and probably have dumb matching stick and poke tattoos and hog a communal tv to play mario kart but lets talk about it

fast food workers deserve respect too: as mentioned, lukas works at a 24hr pizza joint near campus which means he’s seen some shit. one of the things he’s seen multiple times is drunk student trashing the place. whether it be vomit, forgetting how to hold a cup, or bet try at a food fight lukas has seen it and he’s cleaned it up too. this connection could be that maybe he helped someone out and cleaned them up and got them back to campus when their friends ditched and now they look out for lukas too and its a positive connection. or maybe lukas hates their guts and spits on their food whenever they show up ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ who’s to say

hot girl bummer by blackbear: now listen here’s an angsty connection i want, and i def want to plot it out way more with whoever takes it on but basic outline of what i have in mind: they’ve kind of sort of been dating for a while but they’re just falling out of whatever they had to begin with. they were never official, they probs def fucked around with other people while they were ““““together”””””, lots of oh sorry ur taking it so seriously i thought we were just chilling bullshit. all of this girls friends probs hate lukas and he definitely hates them back. were probably once really good friends and had a really good time together but they’ve lost it. will they find it again or will it fizzle out? lets find out together xoxo

new girl(s) : i hate the connection title too but i couldnt think of anything better. we’re in bad decision town and now we’re going to thot street babey. since things have been falling apart with hot girl bummer and even before that lukas a little bit of a thottie. this doesnt mean he’s good at it, please also feel free for a part of this to be that they rejected lukas and he got butt hurt about it idk lukas being attracted to them is basically this whole idea and i would wanna plot the rest of it more depending on specific characters wooo

lukas is a bad influence: if u have gotten this far u may have noticed that lukas is not a very good influence at all. this is someone probs his age or younger that wants to loosen up and have a good time and lukas completely encourages that. bonus points if this connection is a combo with the above connection bc lukas is a gross boi and would be like wow listening to my bad ideas thats so sexy and cool of u ya know. but also doesnt have to be that ! could just be lukas thinks its funny and thinks that someone listening to him is just like good content that could get him on barstool

lukas is badly influenced: this is basic as hell but someone that tells him to leave his impluse control at the door and encourages him to be trash. probs older than him and i def see this as more of a masc connection than a fem but like all my plot ideas: lets talk about it. this one probs v much depends on ur character so gonna leave this one nice and short

lukas is good-ly (??????) influenced: also basic as hell and p much just the opposite of above. someone who is a good influence on lukas. encourages creativity and ambition instead of straight up recklessness. again, i see it as an older character but no gender seen here. a lot of this would be based around ur character so lets chat

michael bublé’s co parents: lukas has a goldfish named michael bublé (or just michael), i picture him having got it while high as heck during the day and just being like This Is A Good Idea. maybe ur character was with him and they were co parents from the start or maybbe they came into the picture later ??? i’m honestly down for whichever just give michael the love he deserves pls

and probably just about anything else these are just some ideas, i totally wanna plot further and brainstorm so please still hmu if none of these fit ur character we’ll plot something up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[waywardnerd67]

Wrong Place, Wrong Time

Summary: (Y/N) goes on an audition with her best friend and ends up meeting a young Jensen Ackles making quite the impression. Ten years later, she ends up working with him again on Supernatural. Sparks fly between them, will (Y/N) act on her feelings or are they simply in the wrong place, wrong time. Characters: Jensen Ackles, Reader, Jessie Harrison (OFC) Pairing: None Warnings: Fluff/First Fanfic (Yes, that is a warning) Word Count: 3422 A/N: This was the first thing I ever posted on Tumblr on 1/28/2018. I decided to go ahead repost it and delete the original post making it look nicer. Since it’s my first ever it is probably horrible but really I’m not here for recognition but to write and keep writing. Here is my original A/N: My first time posting anything I have written so any comments, suggestions and/or concerns please let me know. I want to improve and the only way I can do that is to know what I am doing right and can work on doing better. As always this is unbeta so all mistakes are mine. Likes, comments and reblogs are splendid and I will love you doubly for them! Enjoy! Special Note: This is a work of FICTION and should be enjoyed as such. There is no disrespect meant towards the Ackles Family as I truly adore and admire them very much! 

“I can’t believe you talked me into coming on this audition with you.” (Y/N) said to her best friend, Jessie Harrison. “Hey, even if you don’t get this they will probably use you as an extra. Either way, we will both get paid and that is all that matters.” (Y/N) rolled her (Y/E/C) eyes at her friend. Living in Vancouver meant that there was always a TV show or movie that needed extras which was easy money. Jessie was an aspiring actress and had been an extra on just about every show and movie filmed in Vancouver. (Y/N), on the other hand, had no desire to be in front of the camera but writing what would be said.

    (Y/N) and Jessie kept moving along in line with the rest of the woman. They were listening as the ladies would come back out from the room. “He’s a cutie I hope I can do that again except on other parts of him.” One giggled as (Y/N) gave a pointed look to Jessie. “What exactly did you drag me into?” Jessie was looking anywhere but at her. (Y/N) started to walk away when Jessie grabbed her arm. “Look it’s for a show called Dark Angel, you like that show, right?” (Y/N) nodded as it was one of her favorite shows since she was a big sci-fi fan. “Well, they are doing an episode where they are in a gentlemen’s club and one of the girls goes up to one of the main characters licks his cheek and says she missed him.”

    She gawked at Jessie, “I have to lick some actor’s face?” Jessie nodded as she stood in front of the closed door where the auditions were happening. “You owe me so much. You will be repaying me still when your hundred and two.” The door opened as a scantily clothed blonde walked out fanning herself. Jessie walked in as (Y/N) glared at the closed door. There was a tap on her shoulder from the girl behind her. “Nervous?” she asked and (Y/N) shook her head looking down at the one line she would have to say. “Nope just annoyed.”

    Jessie walked out shaking her head. “He’s hot.” She whispered as (Y/N) walked into the room. She had a pair of form fitting jeans on with a tank top and light jacket on. “Okay, honey you’re just going to walk right up to Jensen say the line and then lick his cheek seductively. She took off her jacket and looked over to the dark haired actor that looked familiar to her. He was wiping his cheek with a washcloth. Jessie was right he was hot and he seemed to be enjoying himself. He looked up at her and he smiled, “Whenever you’re ready.” His voice was kind and that was unusual for actors.

    (Y/N) swayed her hips a little as she walked up to him. She placed one hand on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her waist bringing her into his side. She ran her hand down his chest to his stomach and down to touch his thigh. His breath hitched slight and then she delivered her line in a low sexy voice, “Where have you been? I missed you.” (Y/N) then took the tip of her nose running it along his cheek and then the tip of her tongue grazing it along his jaw. She felt him shiver and heard the director say cut. She looked up into his shining olive green eyes and smiled as she walked away. She heard him say, “Damn, she’s the first one to make me feel something.” (Y/N) walked out the door with a proud smile on her face.

    A few days later she got the call back that she would be the lucky one to lick pretty boy’s face again. She still could not shake the feeling that she knew him from somewhere. She arrived on set with Jessie who was going to be an extra during the same scene. They were in a room with all the other girls and someone from the wardrobe department. “Where is (Y/N)?” the lady called out and she stepped forward. “Alright honey, here is your outfit for the day.” She looked at it curious where the rest of it was and just nodded. She went into one of the dressing rooms changing into the red corset top, black satin hipster bottoms and fishnet stockings with over the knee black boots. She was thankful that the boots were flat and not high heeled.

    When she stepped out Jessie let out a whistle. “Damn girl! You may want to rethink the whole writing thing.” (Y/N) rolled her eyes as she looked in the full length mirror. Everything fit like it was painted on her and highlighted her curves and boobs. Next, she was ushered into hair and make-up where she saw some pictures of the actors including pretty boy. The hairdresser was sweet and talkative. “Can I ask you something?” she asked as the girl was curling her long mahogany hair. The hairdresser nodded and (Y/N) asked, “Do you know of anything else Jensen has been in? He seems really familiar.” The girl chuckled.

    “Well, he was in one episode last season. His character I think was Ben. He was also on Days of Our Lives as Eric Brady.” (Y/N) nodded as she realized she probably saw him during season one. Jessie and the make-up artist came into the room as the hairdresser finished with (Y/N)’s hair. The make-up artist kept raving over her natural looks. “You are the perfect canvas with your porcelain skin, rosy cheeks and full dark pink lips. You’re gorgeous, honey!” She said as (Y/N) chuckled uneasily, “Thanks, I think.” There was a knock on the door as an AD opened the door. “I need the girls now.” (Y/N) and Jessie walked out with the AD and followed her to the set

    All the girls were standing around practicing their dance moves to some hip-hop song (Y/N) had no idea what it was. Luckily, she had brought her purse with her and grabbed her MP3 player. She put her earbuds in and walked around the set swaying her hips from side to side. She jumped slightly when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around seeing a familiar pair of olive green eyes staring at her. “Sorry, am I in the way of something?” she asked as a low chuckle left his lips. “No, you’re fine. Was just curious what you’re listening to that is making you swing your hips like that?” (Y/N) bit her lower lip and could feel her cheeks burning as he looked her over in her outfit.

    “Um, one of my favorite bands in Def Leppard and I was listening to Pour Some Sugar on Me. The other girls are listening to some hip-hop song that does nothing for me, but this song I know it would be my stripper song if I ever was one.” She smiled as Jensen laughed throwing his whole body into it. “You may just be the perfect woman. I’m sure if you were a stripper you would make a boat load of cash.” She laughed shrugging, “Eh, I think I’ll just stick to writing. I have a face more for print than film.” She watched as Jensen face became serious. “I don’t think so. I think you’re beautiful and honestly after the hundreds of girls licking my face that day you were the only one to get me to react. Don’t sell yourself short.”

    (Y/N) looked bashfully at her feet and then smiled up at him. “Thank you for that. I appreciate it since you probably have girls throwing themselves at you all the time.” He snickered as the director called his name. “Gotta go. I’ll see you in bit.” He said as he ran his hand gently down her arm. “See you soon, pretty boy.” He smirked back at her as she walked back into the room with all the other girls. The ADs were arranging all the extras for the first shot where (Y/N) would have to lick Jensen’s cheek. She grinned up at Jessie who was one of the cage girls and she flipped her off while (Y/N) laughed.

    The director went over how the scene was going to go and then he called action. (Y/N) watched as Jensen walked down the stairs with two other guys. She sauntered over to him and just like she did in her audition she said her line licking his cheek then walking away. She glanced back seeing Jensen shiver and delivering his line. The director called cut and they did that scene two more times with different camera angles. Each time, Jensen shivered and would ran his hand over her hip and butt. They were setting up the shot where (Y/N) was giving him a lap dance and they were chatting about his acting jobs and their families.

    The director talked briefly with them as he cued the music and yelled action. (Y/N) swayed her hips and butt in front of him turning to face him. He was moving his head to the music and biting his lower lip watching her dance. In that moment, there was nothing hotter to her than him watching her. That is when he noticed Jessica Alba behind her and performed his lines while running his hands down her hips and legs. She grabbed the bills he was handing her and he smacked her on the butt as she walked away.

    Soon the scene was over and (Y/N) could leave. Jensen jumped up and jogged over to her. “It was great working with you… wait I don’t even know your name.” He chuckled as she smiled at him. “I’m (Y/N) and it was fun working with you as well. Maybe one day we’ll work together again.” He nodded his head biting his lower lip again. “I would love that. See you around, (Y/N).” She waved to him as he walked away, “Later pretty boy!”

    Ten years had gone by and (Y/N) was now working for a publishing company in Vancouver as an editor. From time to time she would let Jessie convince her to take small acting roles for extra money. Jessie had just been casted as a regular guest star on Supernatural, one of (Y/N)’s favorite shows. Ever since working with Jensen on Dark Angel she followed his career closely becoming a big fan. She was sure he would not remember her from ten years ago, but when Jessie asked her to try out for a part during an upcoming episode she could not resist.

    Jessie had sent her the script for her to memorize lines and that is when she read the love scene between her character and Jensen’s. She sent a text to Jessie, “This is why you wanted me to play this part because of the love scene.” She set her phone down reading her lines again. About twenty minutes later she heard a notification chime and pulled up the text from Jessie. “Duh! You’ll enjoy rolling around with Jensen in bed.” (Y/N) laughed out loud shaking her head. “Oh Jessie, you know me so well.” She muttered to herself reading her lines again.

    A few days later, Jessie picked up (Y/N) on her way to set. “Are you nervous?” she asked as (Y/N) was re-reading the lines she knew she had memorized. “Not really. I mean it’s been ten years since I have seen the guy and even though I’m a fan I know he is just a regular dude.” Jessie pulled onto the lot and (Y/N) was amazed by the all the people running around. Jessie parked by her trailer and when they were getting out of the car she spotted Jensen talking to one of the other actors on the show, Misha Collins. Jessie called out her name and she turned towards her following her into the trailer.

    (Y/N) made her way to wardrobe, hair and make-up with ease. Once again, the make-up artist raved about her features and how she did not look her age. “I get that a lot. It’s because I have no kids and got rid of the husband.” The girl laughed as the door to the trailer opened and Jensen walked in. “Hey Jay, go ahead and start with your hair. I’ll be done with here in just a second.” Jensen nodded flopping down in front of the hairdresser. (Y/N) glanced over seeing he was focused on his phone. When she was done he was looking up in the mirror and made eye contact with her with a puzzled look. As she opened the door she said over her shoulder, “Nice seeing you pretty boy.” She walked down the stairs closing the door. She heard Jensen gasp probably realizing who she was.

    She made her way to set with Jessie who was just coming to watch her. “Of course, we would be shooting the love scene first.” (Y/N) rolled her eyes sighing. “Hey, you get to have fake sex with a hot guy. What are you complaining about?” Jessie snickered as she glared at her. “I would rather have real sex with a hot guy who isn’t married.” Jessie winced knowing that (Y/N)’s latest drought in her dating life was a sore spot. “Sorry (Y/N/N), I didn’t mean too…” (Y/N) waved it off, “It’s fine. I’m sorry for being bitchy.” The director called her over with Jensen who had a knowing smile on his face.

    She smiled at him, “How is it whenever I take acting gigs it’s always with you, pretty boy, getting handsy with me?” she chuckled as Jensen pulled her into a big hug. He was firm, smelt good and his voice was just damn sexy. “(Y/N), how are you? I’m so glad to see you again. It’s been way too long.” She nodded, “Yeah it has. Been what ten years since the famous licking scene.” Jensen laughed and the director came over explaining what shots he wanted and about how many times he wanted to do this scene. Both Jensen and (Y/N) listening closely and then went over to the set.

    While they were waiting for the cameras and sound to get set she got a case of the giggles which was causing Jensen to laugh as well. “Sorry, full disclosure, I’m a pretty big fan of the show and the fact I’m doing a love scene with you is causing me to giggle.” Jensen laughed shaking his head. “Well, you are living out a lot of fangirls dreams so make it count.” She felt her cheeks burning. “I will say it’s weird that I will be kissing you and knowing that your married.” Jensen nodded as his cheeks turned pink, “Yeah, normally, I’m pretty good at not letting love scenes get to me. However, you are even more beautiful than you were ten years ago so this may be a little harder for me.” (Y/N) tried so hard to keep her laugh in but could not and Jensen joined her in laughing when he realized exactly what he said.

    Finally, they began shooting the scene. Kissing Jensen was exactly how she imagined it would be. His lips were soft, full and skilled. Feeling his hands running over her body was stirring a lot of feelings up within her. They went through the undressing scene and had to repeat it when Jensen had issues getting the shirt cuffs off around his hands. (Y/N) was standing there half dressed in front of a ton of crew laughing hysterically. Then came the big scene where they were in bed. She was in a sexy black lace bra and panty set where Jensen was in black boxer-briefs. As they set up the scene Jensen took his robe off first and she could not help admiring him as he moved around the set. She heard Jessie chuckled as she had fanned herself watching him.

    She took her robe off and watched as his eyes got wider. His normally bright olive green eyes were darker now. She laid down and he positioned himself between her legs making sure he did not put too much weight on her. She also noticed he tried to cover her as much as possible from the crew. She looked up at him and smiled. “What?” he asked. “I heard you were chivalrous when it came to love scenes. I think that’s sweet.” He chuckled which cause a delicious friction between them. “Watch it there, pretty boy.” She chuckled as he winced. The director called action and they began kissing as if they had been going at it all along.

    The script called for her to push him to be on bottom and Jensen placed his hands on her hips flipping them over. She threw her long hair over her as she sat up straddling him. There was yell for cut and Jensen sat up with her still straddling him pulling the covers over her. “Thanks Jensen.” She said sincerely as he chuckled. “It’s more for me this time because you’re very distracting to me the way you are.” (Y/N) could feel the effect she was having on him. He blushed deep red, “Sorry, I just can’t help it. You’re beautiful and on top of me.” She laughed causing him to groan. She rested her head on his shoulder trying to stop laughing. “I’m so sorry. Though it is nice to have a good looking man having any reaction to me. I appreciate that.” The director was calling for everyone to be ready and then yelled action.

    After a couple of days shooting with Jensen all of (Y/N)’s scenes were completed. She was collecting her things in Jessie’s trailer to go home when there was a knock at the door. Jessie opened it and she told (Y/N) she would be right back. She mumbled a response as she was trying to keep her emotions under control. After she heard the door shut Jensen’s husky voice startled her. “Hey there.” She turned around seeing it was just the two of them in the trailer. “Hi there, come to see me off.” She said trying the smile brightly at him. Jensen nodded looking down at his feet. The last couple of days they had talked a lot and really connected with one another.

    “I just wanted to make sure I got to say goodbye before you left.” (Y/N) went up to Jensen and put her arms around his neck hugging him. He hugged her back burying his head into the crook of her neck. “I’m glad you did. This time though don’t wait ten years to see me again.” He chuckled nervously and she could tell he wanted to do the same thing she wanted too. Before she would let that happen she pulled away from him and went to grab her bag. “Here this is for you. I’ll talk to you soon, pretty boy.” She handed him an envelope and then kissed him on the cheek. Walking out of that trailer was rough and she was thankful when Jessie was waiting for her in the car. “Come on, I believe we have a tub of chocolate ice cream to devour.” (Y/N) smiled as she laughed. She looked back at the trailer seeing Jensen opening her letter and reading it.

“Jensen,

I’m glad I took this gig when Jessie brought it to my attention. I got to reconnect with you and that has been special for me. You are an amazing man, Jensen Ackles. You make women everywhere fall in love with you instantly and that includes me. There is definitely a connection between us but nothing could ever come of it. It’s just the wrong place, wrong time. Your wife is a lucky woman to have you and you are equally lucky to have such an amazing woman in your life. Hold on to that and treasure it.

That being said, I would love to be friends with you. We can hang out in groups while you’re in Vancouver and one day I hope to meet your amazing wife so we can trade stories of you. I left my business card in here with all my contact info and you should use it whenever you need a friend to talk too. I’ll always be there for you as a friend. Hope to hear from you soon, pretty boy.

Talk to you soon,

(Y/N)”    

My Nerd Herd: @carryonmywaywardcaptain @waywardrose13 @anotherwaywardsister @ladywinchester1967 @waywardbaby @akshi8278

[proxylynn]

UNDERFELL: FILE NAME NOT EDGY ENOUGH part #5

Chapter 5: Mercy WARNING: I WANT NO RESPONSIBILITY OVER SPOILING THINGS FOR OTHERS. THAT BEING SAID, THIS IS HOW FILE NAME NOT FOUND WOULD FUNCTION IN THE AU OF UNDERFELL. BEFORE YOU READ THIS, UNLIKE THE NICE TIME OF UNDERTALE, THIS WORLD IS KILL OR BE KILLED. THIS STORY WILL BE GRAPHIC, GORY, USE SWEARS LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS, AND DEAL WITH SENSITIVE SUBJECT MATTERS. FOR EXAMPLE, THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE READ THE FILE NAME RELOCATED SPOOF WILL KNOW HOW I PICTURE THIS VERSION OF LYNSIE COMING TO THE UNDERGROUND. IT IS NOT AN ACCIDENT. IT IS NOT BECAUSE OF SOMETHING DUMB. IT IS BECAUSE SHE CHOOSES TO END HER LIFE. SO TAKE THIS WITH A GRAIN OF SALT. I MADE IT BECAUSE I NEEDED TO LET SOME OF THIS EDGINESS OUT OF MYSELF. WHICH I GUESS MAKES UNDERFELL LYNSIE EVEN MORE TRUE TO WHO I REALLY AM. ANYWAY, ENJOY. ^_^ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Time passes here in the Underground with no notice. I'm not sure what is a day or night from down here. Though my iPod has a watch function, I'm not sure if I'm able to trust it after drying it out. There's no internet signal for it to sync up with, so I don't know if the time it tells me if what it really is or just the continuation from when it got waterlogged. I'm just grateful it still works. Would've hated to lose all my tunes. Does suck I can't get a radio signal either, but you win some and lose some sometimes. Flowey has been helpful in adjusting to how things work down here. He's a real treasure trove of things. He tells me ways of improving my stats because apparently, I'm super weak by monster standards. Every being, humans, and monster, has a set of basic stats. HP. ATK. DEF. LV. EXP. HP is the level of Endurance that determines the damage a person can take before dying. My maximum HP is at 20 and, what Flowey tells me, will only increase when my LV does. Resting will fully heal and raise HP 10 points above its maximum amount. HP can also be restored through consumable items like food and drinks. An attack hitting the receiving party lowers their HP. The loss is dependent on the attacking party's ATK and that of the receipt's DEF. Upon reaching 0 HP, that's it, you die. It doesn't matter if you're human or monster. There's no coming back when your number is up. ATK determines the damage output of the attacking party. My base ATK is 10 and, like with the HP, can also increase with LV. But that's not the only way. Equipping a weapon can raise ATK, as well as certain ACTs or consumables but that's only a temporary thing. When ATK is high enough, one can spare an opponent without needing to use the ACT button. This rule is true even of monsters that have a non-traditional sparing method. DEF determines the damage input for the defending party. My base DEF is 10, and again, can increase with LV or equipping armor type items such as the ribbon in my hair. Just like with ATK, can be changed temporarily with certain ACTs or consumables. DEF is subtracted from the damage output of the attacking party. However, it cannot lower the taken damage to a value less than 1. LV increases HP, ATK, and DEF when it rises. All humans and monsters start at LV 1 and can raise it as high as 20 or so Flowey assumes, he's unsure if it can exceed this amount or not. And of course, EXP is gained by killing. When you accumulate enough EXP, your LV increases. So in a way, it is like experience points...for murder. However, there are other stats that one doesn't outright see when in the midst of a fight. INV is for Invulnerability. This determines the number of moments an attack cannot hurt the victim after they receive a hit. It is a hidden stat that apparently can only increase through certain Armor items. SPEED, as the name implies, determines the velocity someone can move at while in a fight. It is a hidden stat that can temporarily increase with certain ACTs and consumables. Lastly, the creepiest one of them all...MDR, or better known as Murder Level. It is an entirely internal statistic that tracks the progress of death when someone kills. This stat begins at 0 because no one can knowingly kill at birth. So in that aspect, it shares a similar trait with LV. Knowing this, I now have some tough choices to make. I still don't intend to kill, so that means I'll gain no EXP and my LV will remain at 1, thus I'll remain weak compared to everyone else. Nothing but LV will increase my HP and that sucks big time. So this means I'll need to increase my DEF so that the damage I do take isn't as strong as it should be. I'll need to find these Armor items or in the very least train my ass off to increase my SPEED. Because you can't hit what can't be caught. Toriel has also been one I try to learn from, all be it with caution. I tend to go about this like child since she sees me as one. I go to her bookcase, select a book, read it, then pretend to not understand so she'll read it to me, and then ask her about it while also sliding in other off-topic questions along the lines of things I do want to know. Of course, I do mix this tactic up every now and again. Otherwise, it would become too obvious what I'm doing. When not trying to prob her mind, I get a feel for Toriel as a person. And yes, I know that came out dirtier than intended, but fuck you for thinking about it. Toriel is a, for lack of better words, a decent cook. When it comes to sweets, she's epic. Other things, not so much. Also, she has this unusual appetite for eating slugs or snails if she can't find any slugs. While she doesn't try to shove them down my throat, watching her eat them makes my stomach twist to the point it gets hard to eat. Toriel is rather intelligent when not touched with moments of madness. This side of her actually backfired on me. Believing my inquisitiveness to be a cry out for teaching, she now schools me with a curriculum she's had prepared for just such a reason. There is a good thing to this though, as it imbues Toriel with more trust in me. This trusting faith allows me to venture around without her needing to watch over me or allow me a certain distance away past the big tree. But you might be wondering how she keeps tabs on me if she can't visibly see me. Simple...She gave me a cell phone. It's a really old thing that probably fell down here, it's clearly seen better days as the body and tiny screen are cracked, but it still works. I've also taken it upon myself to give her a nickname, Nanny. Get it? Because nanny is another way of saying female goat. No? At least she thinks it's funny. But yeah, now my days are amuck with class time with teacher Toriel and workout training with Flowey. The training is both worth it and yet not really. On the plus side, my stats do increase. The negative side, the rate at which my stats increase is bullshit. In the amount of time of what feels like a week, my base stats of HP 20, ATK 10, and DEF 10 increase by a total of 6 points. HP 24, ATK 12, and DEF 10. Flowey does tell me that DEF will increase over time, but at a much slower rate than the other two. He estimates along the line of about four weeks of training will equal enough effort to better my DEF. So think about that for a second. Four weeks to get a single point on my DEF stat while HP and ATK keep increasing? I know right? You'd think they'd be more evenly gained. But no! Argh...There's gotta be a better way that won't take so long. Maybe if I work out a bit before bed, add in some extra hours by cutting down on other things? Fuck it! Math was never my forte. Today I feel lazy. I don't feel like doing anything. But sleeping all day wouldn't be a thing I could do because Flowey would bitch at me and then Toriel would nag me. So I stare aimlessly in thought into the fireplace. More freaky shit's been popping up in my life. There's the voice that whispers in my ear at random with even more random things to say. Like, I walked out of the bathroom the other day and stopped to check myself in the hallway's mirror. No more than a couple seconds in did that voice chime in. {It's you!} Freaked me out a bit. Now when I go near it, it says something else. {Still you, Lynsie.} Cocky little shit. If I ever see what is making that voice, I'm gonna beat some manners into it. I know it's not Napstablook at least. After some time, the ghost was willing to come see me again. Had to apologize out the ass for making him so uncomfortable last time. Though he's not without his moments for making me uncomfortable either. Often times I can't get to sleep due to my random insomnia and I'll find him watching me from across the room. He plays it off as he's only doing what I asked, for him to watch over me, but I really should've been more specific. Because the creepy part is not knowing for how long he watches or where he watches me at. I mean, I like the guy, but I really don't need to think a ghost is watching me shower. I just don't. At least Blook-man isn't a jerk like the weirdo that sometimes pops up in my dreams. That creepy voice is beginning to sound more clear the more I dream about it. I haven't seen where or what makes this voice, but the clearer it gets, the more this dude sounds like he's got a big stick up his annoyed ass. Yet I know the inevitable is coming. Soon I'll end up seeing who this condescending creep is. I dread that moment. My dreams are not under my control anymore. This voice is forcing me to interact with it and that makes my blood run cold. I can't control my subconscious. I can't stop these moments from happening. I can't do anything! I'm not in control anymore! What is ̡hap̴pe͞ning ̨t͘ò m̵e͝?͏!̷ "My child? Is everything all right?" Toriel's been sitting in her chair and reading for a couple hours now. Flowey's taking a nap in our room. "I'm fine, Nanny." "Are you sure? You've been awfully silent for a long time." "I'm fine, Nanny." She frowns as I try to clear my head of all this madness. "Um, I want you to know how glad I am to have you here. There are so many old books I want to share. I want to show you my favorite bug-hunting spot." I don't say anything. I just keep my eyes on the dancing flames. "Want to know what I have been reading?" I shrug. "It's called 'Beyond The Slime: Snails, Slugs, and other Gastropods'. How about it? Would you like me to tell you bits of it?" "If you want to, go ahead." "All right, here's an exciting snail fact. Did you know that snails...Talk. Really. Slowly?" Not as interesting as you think Toriel. Wait...they can talk? "Just kidding, snails don't talk. Interesting yes?" And just like that, I'm bored. Her jokes are usually more entertaining than this. "Snails are distinguished by an anatomical process known as torsion, where the visceral mass of the animal rotates 180° to one side during development, such that the anus is situated more or less above the head. This process is unrelated to the coiling of the shell, which is a separate phenomenon. Torsion is present in all gastropods, but the opisthobranch gastropods are secondarily de-torted to various degrees. Torsion occurs in two stages. The first, mechanistic stage, is muscular, and the second is mutagenetic. The effects of torsion are primarily physiological - the organism develops an asymmetrical growth, with the majority occurring on the left side. This leads to the loss of right-paired appendages (e.g., ctenidia (comb-like respiratory apparatus), gonads, nephridia, etc.). Furthermore, the anus becomes redirected to the same space as the head. This is speculated to have some evolutionary function, as prior to torsion, when retracting into the shell, first the posterior end would get pulled in, and then the anterior. Now, the front can be retracted more easily, perhaps suggesting a defensive purpose. However, this 'rotation hypothesis' is being challenged by the 'asymmetry hypothesis' in which the gastropod mantle cavity originated from one side only of a bilateral set of mantle cavities." Huh...I guess that's kind of neat. "Gastropods typically have a well-defined head with two or four sensory tentacles with eyes, and a ventral foot, which gives them their name (Greek gaster, stomach, and poda, feet). The foremost division of the foot is called the propodium. Its function is to push away sediment as the snail crawls. The larval shell of a gastropod is called a protoconch. The principal characteristic of the Gastropoda is the asymmetry of their principal organs. The essential feature of this asymmetry is that the anus generally lies to one side of the median plane.; The ctenidium (gill-combs), the osphradium (olfactory organs), the hypobranchial gland (or pallial mucous gland), and the auricle of the heart are single or at least are more developed on one side of the body than the other ; Furthermore, there is only one genital orifice, which lies on the same side of the body as the anus." I snicker a tiny bit at the mentioning of anus...I'm such a child. At least that perks her up a bit. "Okay, how about this? Courtship is a part of mating behavior in some gastropods, including some of the Helicidae. Again, in some land snails, an unusual feature of the reproductive system of gastropods is the presence and utilization of love darts. In many marine gastropods other than the opisthobranchs, there are separate sexes; most land gastropods, however, are hermaphrodites." "That's due to the odds of them finding a normal member of the opposite sex would be impossible because of how slow they are. So it's not uncommon that they have both sets of genitalia. The funny part is, when two meet up to have relations, they wrestle each other for dominance. The winning partner gets to be the male and the loser becomes the female." "...Have you been reading this without me?" "I watched a lot of TV growing up. It practically raised me." She puts the book down. "Child, come here." I sigh and roll myself near her, being super lazy about this. She pulls me up when I'm close to her chair and sits me on her lap. "Is something the matter? You are not as cheerful as you normally are." "I don't know." "Do you want to talk about it?" Not really, but I'll humor you a little, Toriel. "Nanny...Ya ever have one of those days where you don't even feel like getting out of bed? One of those days when so much is on your mind that it cripples you to the point of wondering why am I even bothering to get up today?" This strikes a nerve with her and she puts me down. "Come. Follow me for a moment." I'm confused but go along with it. She gets up and I follow her out the door. We walk out past the old tree and make a left down a small hall, encountering a single Froggit that flees in terror the moment it sees Toriel. I feel for ya little froggy dude. Entering a doorway leads us to an overlook of what I can only describe as an abandoned city. "Whoa..." "This is where we monsters lived when we first came to the Underground." "You're using past-tense wording. What happened?" "As ages passed, monsters changed and thrived with the blessing of children. Fearing the humans no longer, we moved out of the old city we called HOME. We braved harsh cold, damp swampland, and searing heat...Until we reached what we now call our capital...NEW HOME. Though the ones that choose to stay here, still live in their homes like time never passed. Only now, the streets are empty. The sounds of life are dull. I brought you here because this is a place where I come to relive days long ago and release such negative feelings. I pray it can do the same for you, child." Whoever is naming things around here is not very creative. It's still cute, but not creative. "So...This is your venting spot?" "More or less." "Not sure I can while you're here. Or how I'd even start." "That is fine. I merely wanted to show you that there is always something you can do when those bad moments happen." I smile softly. "Thanks, Nanny." We look out at the city, different thoughts in our heads. Though something she brought up tickles my curiosity. "So...There's more to the Underground than just the Ruins?" She flinches and grips the lookout's ledge a little bit. "...Yes. B-But it is much too dangerous for you out there. The monsters out there are not like the ones in here. They...They do not fight fair. You will not last long if you leave." Oh shit, did I trigger her? Quick you fool! Fix it! "I never said I was leaving. Why would I? I doubt anyone out there is as cool as you are." That settles her down for now. Better switch the subject anyway to be sure. "Is there anything else you want to know?" "Well, I did have one more thing that's been bugging me a little." "And what's that?" "So I've noticed I've been eating a lot and yet needing to go to the toilet less. I'm I dying or something?" She blushes before laughing. "*giggles* Heavens no, child. You're not dying." "And just like that, I feel like the world's biggest dumbass." "Let me see, how do I put this?" She takes a moment to think. "Well, we monsters use magic to make our foods and drinks. While still being physical enough to consume, it doesn't remain as such once in the body. Once consumed, the magic begins to dissipate as if it never existed. It still gives the body the nourishment and all other needs it requires, but since there's no mass to the magic, there's very little to pass out the body. So that may be why you're noticing less usage." "Huh. And if I ate human foods?" "Hard to say. No one knows if human foods would reverse this effect. Mainly because such foods are not available down here." "Nanny..." "Yes?" "Magic is cool." She snickers. "Nanny..." "Yes?" "I want to let you know I'm grateful for you taking Flowey and me in. A total stranger, and a human no less. I know it's against the law for you to be doing so...but...Thank you for caring." This seems to strike a chord within her. "C-Child...Do you really mean that?" "I do." She catches me by surprise with a sudden bear hug. "Thank you. Thank you so much." My first instinct is to return this affection to her, which I do. But my heart just isn't into it. The shadows in my mind begin to whisper things. Look at this, a stranger loves you more than your own family. How long has it been now and still no sign of any search party? Face it, they never loved you. You were a waste of life that took up space in that house. No one cares about you. Not even death wants a freak like you. "Child? You're trembling. Is everything all right?" I bite my tongue hard. If I open my mouth now, nothing good will come out. But Toriel is persistent and it doesn't help that my grip on her is clenching harshly. "Child, please. Just speak to me. Tell me what's wrong." I can't hold this anymore. I shove away from her to face the city and let it out. "I hate you! I hate all of you! You fucking pieces of shit! Why?! Why is it so hard for any of you to care?! I've been missing for days or weeks and none of you care! *sobs* Did you ever love me?! Why did you even bother having me if you don't even care that I'm gone?! *bawling* Why? Why? Someone tell me why...please..." I break down, crumbling right there to cry on my knees like a helpless babe. Toriel is shocked by my outburst. Her instincts unsure if she should let me cry this out or come over with comforting motherly tenderness. She picks a different option. "I know this isn't the most pleasant of times to ask...But since we've come to know more about each other, I have been curious about something." I can hardly look at her. "The humans that fall down here...They tend to not fall down for the happiest of reasons. If it is not too painful...Can you share with me your reason? What made you come to a cursed mountain where none ever return from?" My eyes sting, I can't keep them open for very long. "*hard sniffling* They used to care. I used to know what it was like to know others cared. I can't remember when they started to pull away. When I became invisible. I just want to know why. Was it something I did? Did I do something wrong? Did I not make them proud? I thought I did everything right. I was a good girl. *voice cracking* I'm a good girl. Aren't I?" I can't see it due to the tears blinding me, but I can hear it. Toriel is crying. No sound leaves her past her lips but I can hear the droplets fall to the floor. "Oh, my...You poor thing..." I feel her hug me from behind. "I do not know the life you have lived. I do not hold the answers you seek. But what I can tell you is this. You are a good girl. If you were my daughter, I'd always let you know I care for you." "*sniffles* Y-You...You would?" She rests her head on mine and I stiffen with tension. "I would. A mother should care for her children and never let them feel such sadness." Well, in the Ruins of the Underground they say, that the human's small heart grew three sizes that day. "How do you feel now, my child?" "...Meh."' "Any better at all?" "...A little. But I'm trying to be cool about it so you don't think I'm so pitiful." "My child, you are not pitiful. It takes great strength to admit such hurt." "If you say so." Her hold on my grows stronger. My sourness is something she doesn't like. It makes her have an idea. "Child...Would that make you happy? To call me... 'Mother'?" I feel my heart breaking. "Are you...Are you being serious right now? Because if you're toying with me...!" "Lynsie..." I think that's the first time she's used my name since being together. "I mean it. I know I am not your real mother. But I can be a real mother to you. If you allow me to. Now, what say you to this silly old woman?" I'm so close to weeping again it ain't funny. "You're...*soft sigh* Heh...You really are something else...Mom." She looks at me surprised, but smiles and nuzzles the top of my head. I feel like such a little kid right now. I can tell this made her happier than it made me. But I guess in time I'll work out these family issues I have and I'll be able to thank her for it. We sit there for a while, her just holding me and me just trying to return to my usual composure. Then she stands up. "My child...Would you like to help me with lunch?" I remain seated but look up at her. This is unreal. She's unreal. No way in hell that any human on earth even comes close to her. I owe her. "Know what? Let's flip the script. I'll make lunch. You do enough as it is." Her eyes sparkle till she notices I'm not getting up. "Are you not coming?" "In a moment..." I look back at the city. "I just need one more minute." She holds a breath, resisting the urge to smother me and drag my sorry ass home. But the trust we've made has gotten to that level where she knows such actions aren't necessary. "Very well...I will be waiting at home. The flower is probably worried sick." I chuckle at that and listen to the sound of her steps leave the area. Once things go quiet, I stand up and take a couple of deep breaths before I let out on last bit of venting. "*loud aggressive roar*!" While very relief inducing, such a harsh forced sound fucks up my throat and I cough like a chain smoker. "*coughs* W-Worth it...*gasp* So worth it." Turning on my heel, I'm about to leave till something wedged into the corner of the overlook. Upon closer inspection, it ends up being a hand grip. So I yank on it. It refuses to cooperate till I really give it a hard yank and pull this metaphorical sword from the literal stone. Turns out, it's toy weapon. Neat. "Huh...Okay? Weird, but mine now." [You equipped the Fake Knife.] [You gain 3 Attack.] "Really? That's the same increase as the ribbon. Wonder if they're a set?" [Made of plastic and not very good for killing. A rarity nowadays.] "Heh...Good thing I don't aim to kill. It's perfect." [CHECK selected.] [You now have HP 24, ATK 15, and DEF 13.] I slip the dagger into my lower side pocket with a smile and make merry way back home. When I get there, Toriel is making sure Flowey's soil is fresh before watering him. I end up making a bunch of grilled cheese sandwiches with slices of tomato between the cheese slices, at least on half of them. Though I do have to wonder where this food comes from, but she did say it's magic made, so who knows. The rest of the day is pretty chill. Toriel and I hang out some more before I spend the rest of the evening with Flowey. Since I apparently slacked off, he decides to cram some extra FIGHT knowledge into my messed up noggin and then gives me a rapid-fire pop quiz about it all. Aside from the normal Bullet Hell that I'm used to dealing with, there are seven different colored magic that can alter the attack to either hurt more or hurt less. White attacks are the most basic form of attack monsters can do. And if it hits you it will only do normal damage. The only way to counter white attacks is by dodging them. Gray attacks deal no damage and are used when the monster is unsure how to respond in their turn. More or less, it's like their way of skipping their turn. Red attacks do not deal damage but are used to warn of upcoming attacks. The warning can take on several forms, such as an attack itself flashing red, a simple red outline bordering the area of the attack, or a red rectangle with an exclamation point in the center and a flashing sound effect. Green attacks heal damage by varying amounts depending on the will of the attacking monster, the progress of battle in some way, or both. Light blue attacks, also known as just blue attacks, do not deal damage so long as you remain completely still. Orange Attacks do not deal damage so long as you remain moving. And purple attacks apply a 'poison' effect that gets worse the more you're hit till your HP is drained. Yet he tells me to take the purple attack with a grain of salt as he isn't sure it really exists outside of rumors. This is what Toriel meant when she said the monsters outside the Ruins are too dangerous and don't fight fair. If an LV level 1 monster like Napstablook can kick my ass to 1 HP, I don't think I stand a ghost of a chance against harder monsters. I need to do more training. [Time Skip] Life as the adopted daughter of a monster is something I never thought I'd be when I grew up, but it's something I have come to really enjoy. Toriel's been true to her word. She shows her care for me every day in small ways. She did do it in a big way once but I told her wasn't necessary. That and I felt bad we couldn't eat the whole cake before it spoiled. Toriel has gotten a bit more intense sometimes. I'm sure it has nothing to do with Napstablook randomly popping in and out of my room without asking her for permission. Can't be that...Sarcasm. Speaking of her, my time with Toriel has been most enlightening. Aside from the normal schooling, she also has taught me much about the history of the Underground. Or as much as she's willing to tell me, she isn't too detailed on somethings, makes me curious as to why. But what she, Flowey, and Napstablook all confirm with me is this. The King of the Monsters, Lord Asgore, has called a war on humanity once again. So if freedom were ever attained with the breaking of the barrier, then they wouldn't leave this place peacefully. Blood would be spilled, thick enough to swim in as they hear the lamentations of their conquered foes. This is not so far off from happening either. The King so far has in his possession six human souls and only one more is needed to break the barrier completely. When I bring such topics up in conversation, Toriel is always upset. Badmouthing Asgore and then running off to let out some steam either at the overlook or in the basement. I can tell she fears me falling into his grasp. She fears to lose yet another child. That's another thing she's taught me. While it is the law that humans at to be killed and their souls harvested for the freedom of monster kind, she never supported this. She's tried to keep the other six before me from leaving the Ruins, but they all left her anyway. The dumbasses. Why leave this poor wonderful woman? But humans are not the only loss she's had. I know the look of greater hurt when I see it. She's suffered heavy loss. I dare not ask her about such pain. It is not my place to speak of. All this pain Toriel has been through, she is covering her hurt with a happy Jekyll and crazy Hyde complex. She has yet to move on to the final stage of grief...Acceptance. Another thing she has begun to teach me is the basic use of magic, mostly SOUL magic as it's the simplest form and a good base for beginners as she put it. Not that I can complain, I mean, I'm learning freaking magic! Flowey is first apprehensive about this. Mentioning something along the lines of I have a freaky soul as it is and shouldn't mess with it. But I counter this with, well if my soul is so fucked up then wouldn't it be best to train it so that it isn't a problem? Needless to say, I won that argument, yet I also find out what Flowey meant by me having a weird soul. It seems that my soul is able to change color depending on what emotion I feel the strongest at the time and each color has its own power associated with it or trait as they're called. She only knows of a few colors due to the humans that fell before me and my soul during our magic training sessions tends to stick to being a light blue color. But of course, Flowey fills me in on the other ones I haven't seen. When the SOUL is red, it seems like any normal soul and behaves normally. It does get a slight boost in power and added precision when it comes to making quick moments. This power is associated with the emotion of Determination. When blue, the SOUL is affected by gravity. This allows one to move beyond the Earth's normal gravity, like being able to jump as if on the moon. This power is associated with the emotion of Integrity. When green, the SOUL it can produce a kind of shield but at the cost of being unable to move. While in this state, one can only dodge in a stationary way or block the incoming attacks. This power is associated with the emotion of Kindness. When purple, the SOUL is focused and can only allow movement to the left and right from where one is standing. It's a very intimidating soul to most as it gives you a handicap and makes you look skilled if used correctly. This power is associated with the emotion of Perseverance. When Yellow, the SOUL is filled with magic power and is flipped upside down like a monster's SOUL, so the heart's point is directed toward the foe. In this state, the soul grants the ability to shoot a projectile that can destroy certain oncoming projectile attacks. This power is associated with the emotion of Justice. When the SOUL is light blue it will appear to make you weaker and slow down movements. But this is a ruse as the SOUL is storing energy from not moving around so much. This allows for stronger block and defensive counters the more power is stored. This power is associated with the emotion of Patience. And lastly, when the SOUL is it will appear to make you stronger and increase movements. This SOUL will also store energy but only while the user is moving around. This allows for stronger attacks and parrying counters the more power is stored. This power is associated with the emotion of Bravery. There is a catch to all this too, as some monsters are able to force such SOUL MODES onto humans and render the human unable to break free from such control till the fight ends. All this, Monsters and Magic, it's become my new normalcy. And looking back on how I was living before, I can honestly say I don't miss the surface at all. This is the life I've always wanted. A life in which the world isn't trying so hard to crush your hopes and dreams. A life where I know what love is. A life where one can truly live when not being threatened with death. But this doesn't stop my curiosity. The one thing I can't get her to talk about is the staircase to the basement that she herself often sneaks away to. Whenever I even hint at it she tells me to ignore it and don't go down there as it's not safe. "No good will come if you venture down there." Out of respect, I do as she says. I would never dare disobey her and yet I feel something trying to draw me down there. Maybe it's the little things like how she's able to go down there and I'm not. Maybe it's because I can sometimes barely hear her talking to either herself or someone else. Whatever the reason is, it's driving me crazy! Each passing day I find myself closer and closer than the last time I've done this. Just testing how far down I can go before Toriel notices. But the more I do this, the more I think she's catching on. Her steps get quicker and I have to be careful not to make a sound when I rush back up the steps. This has become a routine every time she heads down there. She goes down there. I follow up to a point. I stop in an odd pause for a couple minutes until I hear something. Then leave in a hurry This is insanity! Why do I keep doing this and how do I make it stop?! Today is no different, with the exception of Flowey joining in on my madness. After the lessons, schooling, and my workout training, I hold his pot while gazing over the edge of the banister. I don't know where Toriel is. Either she's down there or making her rounds in case another human falls. Not likely that'll happen. But not knowing her location has me weary on being bold enough to go down there. "So...This is the dangerous thing you told me about?" "Yep." "And you never go down there?" "I do...But not very far. I don't want Toriel to freak out if she sees me." "You do know she'll totally lose it if she ever finds out you do this, right?" "I know." "Then why do you do it?" "I don't know." He's confused. "What do you mean, you don't know?" "Don't act like you didn't understand. I said I don't know why I do this because I really don't know why I do this! If it's not one thing like the fucked up dreams, then it's the voices in or out of my head that nobody else hears. And if it's not the voices, then it's this freaky feeling to go down there. So do forgive me, oh all too perfect flower, for I am flawed and often don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do!" He flinches at my snap and looks away in shame, making me feel like shit. "*sigh* I'm sorry. I'm just...really stressed out. Between all the training, my emotional baggage, and weird shit that I can't even tell if it is really happening or not..." I hang my head. "I...I need a break before I end up broken." "Hey..." Flowey rubs my hands comfortingly. "Just relax. It's going to be okay. I didn't know you were going through so much." "You should know by now I don't talk about my feelings and other junk. My burdens shouldn't have to bug anyone else." "If it helps...I know what's down there." "...What?" "There's nothing down there. It just leads to the door that heads out to the rest of the Underground. She keeps it shut. Not wanting others to leave and end up killed." "...So that's it? A door?" "Yep." "But...That can't be all there is." "What do you mean?" "She talks to someone down there." "Huh? Are you sure you weren't hearing things?" I glare harshly. "I know the voices I hear. There might be a lot of them, but I know them all. And she talks to someone I don't know." "Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to take it the wrong way." "We're going down there." "Wait, what?!" I head to go downstairs but Flowey blocks the entryway with vines. "Are you out of your mind?! What if Toriel finds out?!" "At this point, I don't care anymore. Nothing makes sense. So why would she react the way we think she will?" "Do you hear yourself? This will, without a doubt, make Toriel snap!" "And how would you know?" "Because I..." "what are you doing?" We both freak out at the sudden utterance of Napstablook, me more than Flowey. So much so that I drop Flowey, not that it matters as he's gripping the railing with his vines, and I take a tumble down the first part of the stairway down. "Holy crap! Are you okay?" "*groan* I fucking hate stairs..." "oh, shit...I-I-I didn't mean to..." I pick myself up shakily. "Nah, dude, you're okay. It'll take more than a little trip to hurt me." "uh...you're bleeding." "From your forehead." I rub it away. "Still there?" They shake their heads. "Then we cool. You cool. Me cool. We all cool." I wobbly head towards the rest of the way down. Flowey lowers himself and whacks me with his pot. "Okay, now I know you have brain damage. Go back upstairs and go to our room to sleep this off." "Look, I get it. You're scared. You don't have to come along if you don't want to." "Don't be so stupid, you idiot! I'm trying to keep you alive! You have no idea what kind of awful, messed up, nightmare-inducing things will happen if you go down there!" Flowey huffs and puffs, but I'm already halfway down by the time he notices. "*snarls* You! Ghost!" "me?" "Are you able to carry me?" Napstablook looks at him funny and scoffs. "probably. why?" "I need to go after her. That dumbass is going to get herself killed if she doesn't get out of there." Napstablook's eyes widen and he grabs Flowey's pot. Just then, the tumblers in the house's door began to clatter with the sound of a key being inserted. Panic washes over them. Napstablook moves quickly, yanking Flowey from the railing and speeding down the stairs as the door starts to open. Toriel enters. "Hello? My child? I have returned home." Only silence greeted Toriel. Perhaps the human was in her room asleep. Poor thing hasn't been the most well rested as of late. Those bags under her eyes looking darker by the day. The girl needs all the rest she can get. Toriel heads toward the kitchen, to start making a batch of cookies to surprise her happy little family. But the surprise was on her. She almost didn't see it. The joy of her delight almost blinded her to something that now has her breaking into a series of nervous twitches. Small smudges of crimson now discolor the pale cream that makes up the home's interior. "No...No, no, no, no, no! Not again!" The panicked parent rushes in the hopes that she is not too late. That she won't have to lose another life. Me on the other hand, I've been walking for a while now. The path under the house is much longer than anyone would guess. Probably the result of digging for open pockets in the mountain. Flowey chased after me, like a bitch, and dragged Napstablook along. "Human! Toriel is coming!" "Yeah, right." "he's not lying. she just came back. I hope she didn't see us." I roll my eyes not believing them, until... "Child!" [You felt your sins crawling on your back.] "Run!" The three of us make a break for it the end of the of the hall...only to be blocked by large stone doors. "Shit..." "My child..." We turn around and see the frightened Toriel now behind us. Dear god, this woman is fast as hell! Napstablook lets fear get the better of him, fading away and making me dive to catch Flowey before his pot shatters. "Nice catch." "*whisper* Praise my SPEED stat later. Shit's about to hit the fan." "Lynsie...My little girl. Why are you down here?" Her eerie calm is disturbing. I need to think of a lie and think it up quick. Or speak the dumb truth. Whatever will work best at this moment. "I fell down the stairs." Her expression softens slightly. "Why did you not come back upstairs?" "I...I didn't know how you'd react if you saw me. I got scared." She calms down and approaches. "Child, I meant not to instill such fear in you. I want you to know you can come to me whenever you are in need." "And you won't be upset?" "I...I will do my best to understand before reacting." "Thank you, Nanny." She pats my head and places a hand on my back to get me to follow her back up to our home. "I do have one question for you, my child." I tense up. "Yes?" "What were you doing by the stairs in the first place?" "I...I got curious." Her hand on my back flinches. "Curious about what?" Flowey is trying to mime to me to keep my mouth shut. But I'm not very good at following his orders. "You come down here a lot. You never say why or what happens. I just...I thought I could hear you talking to someone and wanted to meet them too." Her hand pushes me roughly so I'm ahead of her towards the stairs. "You heard nothing, child. There is no one down here. Run along and freshen up. We'll bake together shortly...I have to do something first." She turns around, heading back towards the doors. I should go upstairs. I know I should. But I can't. "Oh no. I know that look. Don't do it." "I'm gonna do it." "Don't!" "Too late." "Why do you do this?! Why don't you listen to me?!" "Because if you don't act then you're just as wrong to ignore what's going on. Sure, it's likely safer to just do as you or Toriel say. But that's just choosing to hide. To let the problems around me win. I've lived like that already. To sink into myself and the darkness. I won't do that again. I won't let others go through it if I have the chance. So get mad all you want. I'm not going to stand by while they do things that will only make them suffer." Flowey just stares at me. Thoughts running through his mind as I sprint after her. "Nanny!" She pauses. "I told you to go upstairs." "Not without you." "Tell me, child. Do I not provide enough for you? Are the Ruins not good enough? Do you seek your own death that badly?" [You felt your sins weighing on your neck.] I glare at her in annoyance but she continues. "Ahead of us lies the end of the RUINS. A one-way exit to the rest of the underground. I am going to destroy it. No one will ever be able to leave again. Now be a good child and go upstairs." "No." She looks at me over her shoulder, her own eyes glaring back at me. "No?" "I will not leave you down here." She huffs through her nose. "Every human that falls down here meets the same fate. I have seen it again and again. They come. They leave. They die. You naive child...If you leave the RUINS...They... ASGORE...Will kill you." "You underestimate me." "Please don't piss her off." She snarls at me. "I am only protecting you, do you understand?" "No, you understand! I will not allow you to use me as an excuse. I am an adult. I can make my own choices. I will embrace the consequences of any action I take. I am responsible for my life. Not you." "...Go to your room." "Make me." The intensity of our glares can generate harsh sparks. "Do not try to stop me. This is your final warning." She runs for the door and now I'm pissed off. "Don't you turn your back on me, bitch!" Flowey is stunned by my snap but doesn't get a chance to respond. I drop Flowey's pot and give chase to Toriel. I never even hear the clay pot shatter. I speed up to make sure Toriel won't do something stupid. "Don't ignore me! You fear something you can't control. You're letting the fear win. You're acting as stupid as the humans that banished you!" She flinches for a second before turning around and facing now in front of the door that she despises. Though now that I see her and the door together, I notice the door bears the same symbol as her robes. "You must really be unhappy. You want to leave so badly?" "What made you get a moronic idea like that? Fuck no, I don't want to leave. All I want is for you to get your fuzzy ass upstairs so we can make cookies and read books." "Hmph. And why should I believe that? You are not the first to tell me such lies." "Oh for fuck's sake. I have been trying for god knows how long to be sweet with you because, in case you haven't noticed, I like you and consider you my freaking mom! So stop this nonsense and get away from that stupid door!" She snorts, anger in her eyes. But then...she starts to giggle. The giggles then become manic and loud. Now I'm on edge. "You...hehehe...You are just like the others. To think I was worried you wouldn't fit in out there...Eheheheh! You really are no different from them! Ha...Ha..." I growl in annoyance. Is she really mocking me right now or is she losing her mind? I don't know. But it's really ticking me off either way. "There is only one solution to this. You...Prove yourself...Prove to me you are strong enough to survive." I scoff. "I don't have to prove anything to anyone. Not even you." "Prove to me you are strong enough to survive!" Her voice shirks harshly and my soul appears in a glow of red. Seems we're fighting now. Just great. [HEARTACHE begins to play in the background.] [Toriel blocks the way!] "Are you for real right now? You're really going to fight me over this crap?" [Toriel prepares a magical attack.] "*sigh* I guess you're leaving me no choice but to beat some sense into you. Very well...Bring it on!" Her paw-like hands catch fire and she sweeps them in an arc, casting a trail of fireballs that are launched towards me. Simple enough to attempt evasion on their own, but then I find out that the fireballs can bounce off of the walls. I get hit a few times by these rouge ricocheting balls of flame. [HP ███████████████ 15/24] [Toriel looks through you.] "And you criticize me for being nuts. Are you seeing this bullshit, Flowey? ...Flowey?" Only now do I realize that I don't have the pot with me. "Ah, fuck my life. Flowey! Hey! You okay?!" I shout into the hall behind me. Seconds later he pops out of the ground, meaning this floor isn't solid. "You jackass! I can't believe you dropped me!" "So you're fine? Good. That makes one of us. Two, if you count Napstablook fleeing when he had the chance. Lucky bastard." "Make your move, child!" Flowey takes notice of what's going on. "I told you! I told you and you wouldn't listen!" "Oh my god! Stop nagging me like you're my wife! Just support me and keep out of fight radius!" [FIGHT] [ACT] [ITEM] [MERCY] "Okay, what are my options?" [ACT selected.] [New options available.] [CHECK] [TALK] "That's it? Fine. Simple is as simple be." [TALK selected.] [You couldn't think of any conversation topics.] "This is pointless. I know you don't want to hurt me and you know I don't want to hurt you either. So let's stop this now before it gets crazy." [Toriel looks through you.] She launches the same attack as before. Only now there are two rows instead of one, but the pattern remains the same. This is a good thing. [HP ███████████████ 15/24] "You've really gotten fast, human." "You sound surprised? Did you really think I didn't try with all that training?" "Uh..." "Fuck you, Flowey." [TALK selected.] [You tried to think of something to say again, but...] "Quit wasting time doing this, Nanny. At this rate, we won't even have time to eat if we ever get cooking." [Toriel takes a deep breath.] "Geez, woman. You're like ice. So cold." Her stony expression doesn't change as she unleashes the same attack yet again. Same pattern. Same spots of bounce off. Same easy steps to dodge. [HP ███████████████ 15/24] "This isn't a fight. It's not even a tussle. It's just sad." "Are you really disappointed she's not trying to kill you?" "I know how it sounds and as fucked up as it is, yeah." "...Why?!" "Because I don't like it when someone pushes me to do things with them, only to slack off while I do all the work. It pisses me off." "While that does suck, you shouldn't feel that way right now. She doesn't want to hurt you and you don't want to hurt her...right?" "Of course not. I don't want to hurt anyone. That's why I'm trying to talk to her." [TALK selected.] [Ironically, talking does not seem to be the solution to this situation.] "Why won't you listen to me? Are you even able to hear me? Say something! Anything. Do something other than just stand there like an emotionless statue!" "..." [Toriel is acting aloof.] The same attack is sent my way once more. It's gotten to the point where I just stand still and deflect the fireballs with my knife. I'm losing my patience with this repetitive shit. "The hell am I suppose to do here? Die of boredom?" {You can't reason with her when she gets like this.} I flinch. "So...You're chiming in now? Of all times?" {You look like you can use all the help you can get.} "*scoff* Do you not see my skills? I can do this no problem. I just can't understand what option I need to select." "Human? Who are you talking to?" To Flowey or anyone else for that matter, I'm chatting with no one. "Oh, just a voice that seems to have random timing." {I don't have random timing. It takes a lot of energy to manifest like this.} "Wait, manifest? Are you a ghost?" {I guess? Not really sure. I mean, I was dead. Fairly sure I still am. I don't even know how or why I woke up. I just...did.} "You are one confused dude, ya know that?" "They're not the only one." I snarl at Flowey. {I might be confused on some things, yes. But I'm not as confused as you.} "Don't start shit with me, dude! I am so not in the mood and I will kick your dead ass if I have to" {I'd like to see you try, punk.} "Alright, what's your name, asshole?! I wanna know what to write on your headstone along with all the shit I'm gonna mock you with!" {My name? It's Chara.} "Well then, allow me to say this then...Fuck you, Chara!" Just like that, the room goes completely dead. The air stills, the temperature chills, and the thrills are less than wanted. In an instant, the world that I know of goes dark for me and my body stands in a painful slump. Flowey's eyes widen in shock and Toriel finally does something other than stay still. "C-Ch...Ch...Chara...? My boy...he's here...?" A hauntingly dread hangs in the air like a thick miasma. Flowey only seems to realize that things are not what they seem when my red soul begins to tinge darker and darker. The color being swallowed by shadow until it is nothing more than a black heart. "A black soul? How...Is that even possible?" I twitch for a moment before coming back to life. "Human? Are you okay?" I shake my head and rub my eyes. My head really hurts. Looking around I see Toriel, her face is sorrowful and her eyes are pleading. "Chara? Where is my son? Chara?" Chara was her son? This woman was holding out on me when I asked if she had a family. Not cool. Still, she's calling out for a dead kid, right? Do I not matter? I'm right here. I thought she cared about me. Thought she loved me. I've been trying to be a good girl and talk to her. But maybe she's... [Not worth talking to.] I stand strong and leer at this woman whom I gave trust to. This seems to strike her attention. "My child? Why are you looking at me like that?" {Yeah, why are you looking at her like that?} I snarl. "I am not your child." My voice is different. More darker, colder, and deadly. [FIGHT selected.] Flowey attempts to question me but I take off at her in the blink of an eye, knife in hand. She's stunned. Hardly able to register the dark blur that is me till I'm in her face. There's a quick instance of time, a glimpse of what's to come, and she's able to move in time just as the knife is swung. I miss hitting her yet she now has a slash across her robe. "Next time, I won't miss." {What the hell are you doing?!} "Y...You...at my most vulnerable moment...you...really hate me that much?" I turn to head back to my starting point. "Don't flatter yourself. I don't care enough to hate you." She frowns. "Child..." "No! Don't you dare say that!" I face her again and whatever hateful look I have on my face is enough to make her back up in intimidation. "I trusted you. I let you in. I thought you'd be different. Monsters are so much better than humans. But you...*growls* You're no better than they were. You never cared about me. I was just a replacement. A placeholder for the kid you lost." "B-But that's not true." "You've shown no emotion since this fight started. You've been ignoring me this whole time. But the moment I say Chara, you get all teary eyed and talkative? I let you call me your daughter and you forget me the moment a ghost from your past pops up! You're no better than them. You never cared about me. No one cares about me. I am the abandoned one. I am unlovable. You broke my heart when I didn't think it was possible for it to shatter anymore than it already was. So congratulations. You managed to hurt me like no one has. And now...Now I will make you feel my pain. One turn at a time." I walk back to my original position and she begins to cry, holding her muzzle to keep the sadness in. Flowey is just dumbfounded by my sudden turn to the dark side. "What the hell are you doing?! I thought you weren't going to...kill...?" The icy stare down I'm giving him chills the life out of him. "Y-You...Wh...What are you...?" I merely grin and the whites of my eyes begin to fill with blackness. This terrifies the poor flower-boy. "T-this...feeling? Why am I...Shaking? Hey...S-s-stop making that creepy face! This isn't funny! You've got a SICK sense of humor!" {I agree. This isn't how you win this.} I growl to myself. {What is with you? I swear to god if you hurt my mom, I'm gonna kill you.} "I'd like to see you try, brat." {Stupid reckless jerk. I'm too dead for this crap.} [Toriel prepares a magical attack but is weary now.] Streams of fireballs fall from the top of the room in a crisscrossing double-helix pattern and accumulate at the floor. The streams have holes in the middle of them to dodge through. Heck, there are even two safe spots near both corners. This doesn't bode well for Toriel. [HP ███████████████ 15/24] "My turn now." {Hey, wait!} "What?" {You don't have to fight her.} "Not much else really on the table for choices." {Okay, talking isn't going to work, we know that! But if you really mean what you say and don't want to kill...You'll have to do something else!} He's calling me out. Damn him. But he's right. I mean, what the fuck am I doing? I tried to strike Toriel! I could've killed her from my level of intent! That isn't something I'd do. That isn't me. This isn't me at all. "No...No, this is wrong. This is all wrong. This isn't me. This isn't me! THIS ISN'T ME!!" My head hurts! I grip my head in one hand and my soul in the other. The black that makes up its color struggles to remain. My chest tightens in pain and I roar. The black in my soul swirls into its center and is flushed away by the encompassing blue. Once it's all gone, I feel drained and yet better at the same time. {You...You okay?} "I...I don't feel so good." "Lynsie? Are you normal now?" I look at Flowey and he sighs with relief. "Phew! That creepy face is gone. What happened back there? You were so...different." "You think I know?" I look at my hands and the fake knife that's clasped so tightly that my fingers are stiffly locked around the handle. "I...I was going to do a bad thing. Wasn't I?" "Yeah...But that wasn't you. It was...Whatever that was." I glare at the knife and put it back in my pocket. I don't need it. I don't want it. I will not attack her. But if talking won't work, what will? Let's see...No to FIGHT. ACT is a waste of time. I don't have any ITEMS. So that just leaves MERCY? But that's usually SPARE and FLEE. And I doubt I can FLEE from this fight. Not after all the crap that just went down. I need to check this. "Yo, ghost-boy." {Huh?} "What do you think of this course of action?" [MERCY selected.] [New options available.] [SPARE] [FLEE] {You're going to run? Not a bad idea, but not a winning one either.} "No, not that one. This one." {Spare? Worth a shot. I mean, what else is there really?} "I know right?" "You still talking to Chara?" "We're agreeing on a plan." "And that is?" "You'll see." [SPARE selected.] Toriel looks at me funny. Not surprising as I've gone from trying to talk to her to then trying to kill her. "...? What are you doing?" "What's it look like? I'm sparing you." She eyes me funny. Contemplating so many things. "I don't understand." "What's so hard to understand? I didn't want to fight you. I don't want to fight you still. I don't want to end up hurting you. So I'm done. I'm done trying to do anything. I offer you mercy. What say you?" She pauses for a while. Time seems to stop. But then she makes her move. She attacks similar to her last attack but it's a little different. Thicker streams of fireballs, too thick to dodge through, but they do not sweep back and forth. Allowing careful me to keep safe between the streams only after finding it once I got hit a couple times trying to fit into it. [HP ███████ 7/24] "*panting* Okay...ow...Took more damage than I thought." {Not bad though. That was some pretty fancy footwork you did there.} "Thanks." "You okay, human?" I give Flowey a thumbs up and get ready for more junk to come. [SPARE selected.] "What are you doing? Attack or run away!" "I choose none of that." She hurls more of that same hard to dodge fireball streams. Only thing is now I know what I'm doing, so I only get hit once by the time her turn ends. [HP ███ 3/24] I can barely stand. I'm singed and searing in burn pain. I can't take much more of this. If she keeps this up, I'm as good as dead. Damn it, woman, accept my mercy already! {You're doing great. Keep this up and you're golden." "If this keeps up I'll be joining you in the afterlife, ghost-boy." "Child...What are you proving this way? Fight me or leave!" "There are more choices than that, Toriel. If I don't want to fight, I don't have to. If I don't want to leave, I don't have to. Problems don't just go away because you kill them or run away. You face them head on and never back down until their resolved." "Can't you see that's not how the world works down here? I don't want to see you die. I need to know you are strong enough to make out of this wretched place alive. And I'm willing to give you my power if it means you'll survive." "I will not kill my MOTHER!" That slipped out of me but I don't regret it. My words pack enough of a punch that has her faltering. "Stop it. Stop looking at me that way. Go away!" She attacks again, yet something isn't right. The fireballs fall haphazardly from above but deliberately move away if they come close to me, making it impossible to take damage even if I move closer. I think I'm finally getting to her. I need to keep this going. [HP ███ 3/24] "Please...just go upstairs now. I promise I will take good care of you here. I know we do not have much, but...We can have a good life here." "I know that. I don't want to leave. I want to make this work. That's why I'm trying so fucking hard!" [SPARE selected.] I start to approach her and she trembles, either in fear or worry, I know not. So she attacks again, but again the flames avoid me. [HP ███ 3/24] "Why are you making this so difficult? Please, go upstairs." "I can say the same to you." [SPARE selected.] I come to a stop in front of her and she meets my gaze with her own. Such sadness smears her features. Her hands tremble and the fire they hold flickers out. She crumbles right there, falling to her knees. "Urgh...You are stronger than I thought..." "I told you not to underestimate me." "Listen to me, small one...If you go beyond this door, keep walking as far as you can. Eventually, you will reach an exit." "Exit?" "ASGORE...Do not let ASGORE take your soul. His plan cannot be allowed to succeed." "War on humanity? Yeah, not the best plan since that didn't work out so well last time. Heh, funny enough, if you guys wait long enough we'll all end up wiping ourselves out for one dumb reason or another." "You will be good, won't you? My child." "You talk like you heard nothing I said. Damn it, Nanny, do I have to spell it out for you?" I put my arms around her and embrace her tight. I will not let go until she comes to her senses. I refuse to let her remain like this. Her eyes widen and her face contorts with mixed emotions before settling on a defeated weak smile. "Ha ha...Pathetic, is it not? I cannot save even a single child." "Mother..." "No, I understand. You would just be unhappy trapped down here. The RUINS are very small once you get used to them. It would not be right for you to grow up in a place like this. My expectations...My loneliness...My fear...For you, my child...I will put them aside." "Toriel..." "If you truly wish to leave the RUINS...I will not stop you. However, when you leave...Please do not come back. I hope you understand." "Mom!" She trembles hard when I snap. God, she still doesn't get it. This woman is as messed up as I am. Maybe that's why I care about her so much. Maybe in the depths of my soul, it believes that by saving her I'll be saving part of myself. I don't know. I ain't no psychologist after all. "Let me make this as clear as possible for you. I. AM. NOT. LEAVING. YOU!" Her eyes water and I let her go. "I know I'm not really your kid. I said and did some messed up shit. I regret it a lot. I let my feelings overwhelm me in the worst ways. But I want to make it right. I want to earn your forgiveness. I want to earn the right to be your daughter. Will you let me do this after the things I've done? Can you give me another chance, Toriel?" She whimpers. "You...you're really going to stay?" "Yes. I told you before and I'll keep saying it if it helps. I am going to stay with you as long as you'll keep me. I'm not lying. I speak only truth. I am not leaving you. This is my home for as long as you'll have me stay. You will be my mother and I'll be your daughter for as long as you wish it to be so. Please, believe me." {I think you've done it.} She begins to cry, her arms go around me and nearly smother me in a warm healing hug. "Lynsie, my child...Thank you. Forgive me for my earlier behavior. You were right. I was brash, unfeeling, and callous. I am appalled to call myself a mother. I attacked my own child. How are you able to still want to be around me after such happenings?" {Now seal the deal.} "No one is perfect, Nanny. We all make mistakes. It's how we learn from them that makes the difference. We can either learn to do better or end up repeating the same thing again. I can forgive you because I understand why you are the way you are. You have been through so much. You've loved. You've lost. You've tried to help. And yet fate has been so cruel to you. It forced you into this lonely home where all you see is danger outside its walls. You're scared of losing any more of those you end up close to. So you lash out because you don't know how else to respond to those feelings. I can't be mad at you for that." She smiles softly and pets my head. "You truly are a sweet child." "I try." {Thank you.} [YOU WON!] [You earned 0 XP and 0 gold.] Things revert to normal and I help her up to her feet. "Come on, mom. Let's go back upstairs." "Yes. I would like that very much." "Holy cow! You actually did it!" We look over at Flowey. "Crap, we need a new pot for him." "I am sure we can find something for him upstairs." "Do ya mind waiting a little bit down here till we bring back something?" "I don't mind really. It feels nice to let my roots stretch out." We head back upstairs and return to life as before. Toriel is more relaxed now that her fears have been put to rest. I've doubled my efforts around the home to make amends for my actions in the fight we had. I sowed up the cut in her robe, even though she said I didn't have to. But she surprised me by sowing my shirt as well. As if showing the new bound we made, she sowed the symbol on her robes onto my shirt. She tells me it's called the Delta Rune, the emblem of monster kind. I wear it proudly. Chara talks to me more frequently now. Toriel often talks to him too and I have to tell her what he says. She was skeptical at first, hard to imagine a dead kid talking to your adoptive one, but he has me tell her things that only they'd know and it all set in there. The odd thing is that Flowey will talk to him too. The conversations they have, they're so personal. I feel uncomfortable being this third wheel. But the more they all talk, the more I learn about them. Things I won't share with anyone else. Like how Chara tends to call Flowey the name Asriel. I learn from Toriel's chats with him that this was the name of her biological son with none other than King Asgore. Yeah, that was a big fucking bomb drop. Toriel, this lonely hidden away woman, is the Queen to an entire race that is going to try to kill me. Yay! Flowey got his pot replacement so he was able to come into the house again. We still train together, all be it a little intensely. I mean, I'm willing but he's less to do so. My guess is because he's afraid of losing Chara. I hate this feeling. Being a host to someone that others want more than they want me. It's when I have these moments, I go to the lookout of the old city and I talk to Chara. Just us. He's rather understanding. Like he's gone through a lot of the same things I have. I don't pry too much into his past and he doesn't push me on my reasons for trying to die. We are the same in a lot of ways. We both are haunted by the ghosts of our past lives on the surface. He's nice to have around for these chats even if I feel weird about having yet another guy follow me around at times where I'd rather be by myself. But at least Chara agreed to not pop up when I'm in the bathroom. Napstablook on the other hand...well...I have no clue. He's MY buddy. He only comes around for me. That much I enjoy. It feels oddly nice that a dude, even if he's a ghost monster, pays sole attention to me. Makes me feel wanted. And if I have to be girly, as is my gender, it makes me feel pretty too. God, feelings are weird. After the fight, Toriel allows me downstairs now. She still worries about me leaving, but the trust is there that I won't. Flowey and I use the larger space for better workouts. It does pay off in the long run. My stats increase more. I'm now HP 28, ATK 17, and DEF 13. The weird part now out of all this is, the more we train down here, the more I get curious. I'm now tempted to go beyond the door and see what's on the other side.

[type-a-nomad]

ah, to be young.  Alternative Title: sometimes I’m a little crazy but only when there are no consequences whatsoever.

It’s March 23 and I don’t understand how the world is turning so fast that the days are just spinning by.  The thing that’s really drawing my attention to the days passing is that Tim is leaving very soon.  For me, he is kind of the person that sets the energy for this place.  He has been here longer than almost anyone and it shows.  He works as a kind of center for people.  A role model.  An example of the kind of person who volunteers at SAVE.  He was supposed to leave in a couple weeks, but things changed a bit and he decided to leave early to go visit friends in Germany on his way home.  It’s going to be a very sad goodbye, especially because the end of his stay here came as a bit of a surprise.   In terms of interesting things that have happened in the last few days, there haven't been that many.  We have had a lot of issues here with protests and riots in the townships that shut down our projects because it’s either too dangerous for us to be there or too dangerous to get the kids in and out.  It means I’ve had a lot of free time because project has been cancelled for two days already and could possibly be continued next week if the pattern of rioting continues.  Generally, what happens is there is a protest because of lack of resources and lack of understanding between the government and the people in the township.  Then, during the riots, people drink a lot.  The next day everyone is still drunk and the destruction continues.  The following day there are no protests, but the day after people start drinking again and the whole thing repeats itself.

One thing I’m very tired of here is drama and gossip. I’m in house 22 and it is getting so bad and generally stressful for me that I want to ask to be moved just so i don't have to think about that energy anymore.  The current issue has to do with Danni (again).  Basically, she was drunk on a beach and got in a fight with another drunk girl who went and told Robyn and Shannon that she feels threatened and now it’s a whole drama and Danni wants to leave the program and is a perpetually dangerous move.  She’s honestly a bully and it scares me to deal with her because she has no problem being mean to people.   Usually, bullies root their anger in their own insecurities and lash out at people because it makes them feel better about themselves.  Danni isn't this way.  She’s confident and sure of herself and doesn’t attack people for no reason, she just is amazingly aggressive if you push her buttons.  And, she has a lot of buttons.  She has very long toes, they’re easy to step on.  I’m scared of her, especially because a lot of my friends live in Dunbar and she has been obviously irritated and cold to me since I’ve been hanging out with her “group” less and less.  I have no problem standing up for other people’s rights and morals, but when it comes to person situations for me, I avoid confrontation at all costs.  Confrontation stresses me out and, even if the person in question doesn’t actually matter to me in any other situation, my brain has a real problem with thinking that people are upset with me.  I am tired of this feeling like middle school and I have an entire 3 weeks left, so I am just going to walk over to reception and say my problem and hopefully they transfer me (fingers crossed super hard). The people I actually like are at Dunbar anyways.  The only downside to Dunbar is that the wifi is horrible, but who cares.  I didn't come to Africa for good wifi.   Excluding that negative energy, I had a really really nice weekend.  I spent most of my time eating and dancing.  On Friday, I went to Big Bay and sat around on the beach with a smoothie with my friends.  The water was absolutely freezing and I loved it.  That night, we went out dancing and I had a fantastic time.  One thing I notice whenever I’m in public and music is playing is how obnoxiously bad pop music has become.  On one hand, there’s a brilliance to it.  People have found a formula that you can follow perfectly and get your song on the radio.  Further, they’re figured out that people don’t mind if all of your songs sound the same and only have about 20 repeating lyrics in them.  On the other hand, I have to listen to the shît these people are making and it drives me crazy.  The pop music industry rakes in millions of dollars a year.  There are actually talented artists that this money could be going to who give a shît about their composition and hooks and time signature and have actually done their research and turned on their brain before stepping up to a microphone.  In my eyes, it’s incredibly insulting that people listen to Selena Gomez or over people who make their own beats and have original thoughts that they then turn into music that actually sounds good and complex, even if you don’t understand the lyrics (e.g. Shoos Off, Kyle Bent, the Roots, Bleachers, Soccer Mommy, Mos Def, Samuel Larson, M.I.A, Abhi the Nomad, BROCKHAMPTON, just to name a few).  That being said, I can dance to anything that remotely resembles “music” if I really want to.  After we all got back, I sat with my friend Lucy in the kitchen drinking tea until 5am.  I felt like such a *youth*. We talked about life and why we came to South Africa.   I think I came here to travel and do good, but mainly to isolate myself from the familiar.  I wanted to see if I could find calm within myself and balance that with the ambition I already access easily.  It’s easy to feel calm and satisfied with where you are and stay there.  It’s hard to stay calm while still learning and improving.  That was the goal.  I think, with every day that passes, I get closer to realizing that goal.  I am becoming more sure of myself and my capabilities.  Further, my values are clarifying.  I am passionate about fighting for people who are in situations that make it very hard for them to have a voice.  That is to say, if you are poor African-American in Oakland, being an activist and arguing with people about causes like Black Lives Matter is most likely not the first on your list of priorities.  Safety and security are first.  If you feel like even law enforcement is a threat to you, why the hell would you have time to try and improve that situation— you’re just looking to survive it.  I think it’s too much to ask those people who are focusing on survival to try and make their general situation better on top of fighting their personal battle, whether emotional or physical, every day.  There are incredible people out there who are doing both, and that blows my mind.  Moreover, because I don’t have to go through a situation with that intensity, I think there is a certain responsibility that comes with, entirely by chance, being born into a situation as comfortable as mine.  That responsibility is to fight for and help those who were, entirely by chance, born into a less comfortable situation.   I will fight tooth and nail for those people.  I feel deeply that it’s my duty, because my own shît is generally taken care of.  I get to go to University and study something I love.  I feel comfortable calling 911 for help.  I get to marry somebody I love without worrying about the legal and social consequences.  I can kiss my boyfriend in public without others being offended and grossed out by my display of affection.  I don’t have to think about my race and how it affects my life.  I can open my fridge and choose something I want to eat from multiple options of food.   This brings me to another point: the privilege of diversity.  Until I started living alone, I didn't realize how luxurious variety is.  To have enough wiggle room in your life that you can do different things every weekend or night.  To have enough wiggle room in your bank account that you can buy two different kinds of bread and cereals at the supermarket without worrying about wasting food I can’t afford to.  When I live on my own, I eat the same thing for breakfast every day.  When I go back home to Berkeley, I get to choose whether I want granola or Honey Nut Cheerios, and that blows my mind.  When I go back home, Honey Nut Cheerios encapsulate luxury for me, and that’s not something I will ever fail to appreciate ever again.   On Saturday, I was functioning on 3 hours of sleep and my body went into full survival mode.  It was brilliant because I felt 100% fine, sort of how people who are about to die supposedly feel right after a car crash.  Like I had a pole shoved through my abdomen, but was walking around and saying that everything is peachy keen, because it felt that way.  I was invited by my new friends Leis and Tanya (both super cool girls who live at Dunbar, unfortunately Leis leaves at the end of the week) to go to the Old Biscuit Mill.  Because I felt totally fine, I pulled on some clothes and went.  I had the best steak sandwich of my entire life and it was fantastic.  Even though it was 11am and I had gotten no sleep, I still got my favorite watermelon mojito.  To justify this to myself I kept in mind that they put very little alcohol in it, it’s my favorite drink in the whole world, and it’s only sold on Saturdays (when the Mill is open) in Cape Town, South Africa.  Might as well capitalize on the opportunity.  After a few hours the other girls were super tired, even though I felt great, we decided it was time to go home.  Before we called the uber to go back, I asked if we could stop in this artsy jewelry shop that looked really cool.  When we were poking around in the store, we noticed they did piercings there.  I asked if I could get some new piercings, but the woman who was working at the register said she needed to get her boss to com in for that and that would take at least an hour and a half.  Now that I was in the piercing mindset, I turned to my friends and told them about a piercing studio in the city center that I had heard about.  For some reason, this really appealed to a group of absolutely exhausted 20-year-old women.  We got into the uber and went straight there.  

Today, was Sunday.  I hiked a mountain up to a cave on the other side of Table Mountain called Elephant’s Eye.  It overlooks the Cape Flats, which is gang land and the crime and murder rates are off of the charts.   It was absolutely gorgeous.  The walk up and down were a bit treacherous because it is way less popular than other tourist-y hiking spots, so it’s not as well groomed and the rocks have sand everywhere around them so everything is very slippery.  After the hike, I went into Muizenberg, which is like the cool surfer cousin in the family of the Cape Flats.  I had an amazing burger with lots of cheese on it, fries, and a chai latte.  After I had fully started my food coma, I took an uber home and started writing exactly what you’re reading now.  For dinner, I went over to Dunbar to get takeout with my friends because I’m super exhausted from the bad vibes in house 22.  It’s to the point where I genuinely don’t want Danni to be in the room when I get home.  

While I was hanging out at Dunbar, Tim turned to me and said “I have some bad news”.  Immediately I panicked, because the last time he had “bad news” he told me he was leaving over a month earlier than expected.  Also, whenever there is “bad news”, I get a feeling that I’m about to get in trouble.  I get kinda nervous and say “alright what’s up”, and then he has the NERVE to say “I’ll tell you later”.  I’m sorry EXCUSE ME?? Why the hell would you tell me that I don’t get to hear bad news NOW.  I was irritated to say the least.  I might do yoga, but patience still is not a particularly strong aspect of my personality.  When he finally tells me, it turns out he was messing with me the entire time.  The news was that he extended his flight and is now leaving on April 9th (my baby sister’s birthday!!!!).  This was the best thing that I had heard all day and I did a happy dance for several minutes.  Things are getting complex here, but I think that’s natural when you start living somewhere— the more you engage the more details and complicated things get.  I can handle it.

things I need to work on:

not eating so poorly ALL THE TIME.  I really need to teach myself that ramen and grilled cheese is not sufficient for breakfast and lunch. learn more kids’ names. plan a road trip get back to doing yoga every morning and just getting more exercise in general.

things i’ve been doing well:

enjoying life here going to the beach lots creating space in my mind. planning for university and this summer when I have time

- Q