#but dynamics aren't as gender-locked as people think they are anyway so my experience works fine for what i need

[prismatoxic]

congrats on writing the fic that made a man text his (sort of estranged) dad. fr your portrayal of every single dynamic is so flawless and considerate. nobel prize.

THAT ACTUALLY DOES FEEL LIKE AN ACCOMPLISHMENT... i hope it goes well anon!!!

there's a lot to be said about people who did the wrong things but feel genuine remorse and want to get better, i think. i've been there (though not in a parent sense), and it's also what happened with my mom after i moved out, so i guess i kind of know how it is from both angles. on top of, you know, just writing what i know of who chilchuck is as a person (and assuming a lot of things about meijack and the others, lmao...)

[slavedraconica]

The writings of Bryan Leek

No Velcro Collars

So I thought I'd just put it out there into the public domain, so people can know how I operate when it comes to collaring a submissive. This is the way I've always done it. It's a system that has remained unchanged for many years.

Power exchange dynamics aren't easy, and require a fuck load of hard work. People are unique beyond your understanding and working toward the common goal of functional and enduring D/s takes a huge amount of patience and understanding.

What seems to be very consistent is; the faster you run into things, the faster it will end. And the more you value something enough to put work into it, the stronger it will be.

So here is the linear flow chart on how I work from meeting someone, to them being my collared submissive or slave

Warning, the following is gendered. This is because I'm writing from a personal perspective.

Friendship

Everything starts here. If you don't like each other enough to be friends. Then why the fuck bother. You can't just rely on sexual attraction, because eventually that will go through stages of waning. It's just the way long term relationships work. At least if you're friends, you will still enjoy each other's company when you're not fucking.

Playmates

I prefer to only play with friends anyway. I can trust them and we can both relax and enjoy the experience more. It's also where we get to see if there's a connection beyond simple friendship. If there's sexual energy, or if we inspire feelings of dominance and submission in each other.

Petitioning

After I've known someone for a while, let's say anywhere from 6 months to a few years, and we share a connection, it's reasonable that they may want me to be their Dom. When approached and asked, the first things I'll respond with is; "So what are you offering? What can you bring to the table? What can you do for me?"

It's important that Dom's value their Dominance as much as subs value their submission. Too often the only thing the Dom is thinking of, is splashing their dominance around like confetti in the hope of locking down some submissive pussy.

In the petitioning process, I expect the submissive to write down a detailed and well thought out letter, about what they are looking for from me, and what they are offering in return. It's normal for this process of discussion leading up to their final petition to take at least a month.

Consideration

If I accept their petition, then we start a consideration period. This is never less than three months. In this period, I start introducing daily protocols and journaling. We start the gradual process of power exchange. In this period, her submission and obedience isn't obligatory. Everything is voluntary, as we feel each other out. If we decide that it's not really working out, we can step out of the dynamic with no hurt feelings. No promises have been broken, no lies have been told. No harm, no foul.

Probationary Contract

If we have both enjoyed the period of consideration, we will negotiate a standard three month probationary contract. A sample contract can be found on my House profile. A few more personal protocols will be added in, and now her obedience and submission is obligatory. I will place a cuff on her wrist, engraved with her number. She is granted a collar and required to wear it as much as possible where it won't negatively impact her vanilla life. At this point we have both committed to seeing out the next three months, for better or for worse. Luckily, three months isn't a scary amount of time to commit to.

Intermediate Contract

This is essentially identical to the probationary contract, except that it is six months in duration. The content of the contract can be renegotiated, new things included, and amendments made. During this period, she is required to wear her collar at all times, and when this isn't possible, she is to be plugged. This is the beginning of her training toward permanent collaring.

Permanent Collaring

After the intermediate contract has expired, if I am happy with her performance, I will offer a twelve month contract and if accepted, her leather collar will be removed and she will be re-collared with a silver, lockable collar. This will not be removed unless medically necessary for the duration of the twelve month contract. This contact is renewable annually and is open to amendments and updates upon renewal.

Slave Collaring

If her twelve month contract was successfully completed with sufficient personal growth and submissive development. And if she desires to pursue power exchange further. And I feel she has earned it. She may earn her slave collar. It will be the last and only collar she will wear and will never be removed.

Further notes

I believe collars are earned through hard work and deserve to be valued incredibly highly as a symbol of a deep commitment on the part of all parties involved.

I believe contracts are an incredible tool for creating structure and stability. They need to be functional and based in reality. They need to detail expectations and responsibilities. And they need to have an end date. Each contractual period is designed so it is less that the total time already invested in the relationship to that point. Thus making it appear more achievable and less daunting.

I believe submissive daily journalling is the single greatest tool toward ensuring a dominant understands what is happening in the mind, and life of his submissive.

If you would like to understand more about my philosophy on power exchange it can be found in my hundred or so writings on the topic.

Thank you for reading. If this isn't your cup of tea, no need to get angry. Just move on.