#but don’t replace my fucking account section with the goddamn store

[faerygardens]

Hi yes I fucking hate this

[sw4tch]

//vent

Y’ALL remember how my mother took control of my bank account bcus she’s a control freak and also i don’t have rights

[[ editor’s note: I FEEL LIKE OVERSHARING BCUS I LOST MY WILL TO LIVE A FEW DAYS AGO AND I WANNA FEEL SOMETHING BY WRITING DOWN MY OWN NARRATIVE, FEELS GOOD TO HAVE CONTROL OF SOMETHING IN MY OWN GODDAMN LIFE, I’M A PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!! ]]

a few days ago we had an argument and she said she was going to take my money from my account to replace a fucking calculator that SHE lost (and i know this bcus she was the last person to use it but thinks she can fucking gaslight me about it when i have a perfect recollection of when SHE TOOK IT FOR HER ACCOUNTING EXAM)

anyway, that’s fucking stealing in my book bcus i don’t know WHY I HAVE TO PAY FOR SOMETHING SHE LOST

whatever, she tried to convince me that no, *I* lost it. But i didn’t back down this time bcus honestly? i’ve been pretty fucking SUICIDAL this last few weeks and it gives me a rush of serotonin to argue back with a woman that makes me hate myself

it’s a form of self-harm you see, if she yells at me and makes me cry then i feel justified in feeling like shit

anyway let’s not dwell on how toxic we are for one another and how we fight all the time bcus we mutually hate each other

anyway anyway anyway 

i had some money in paypal but they were dollars and i had to transfer them to my account bcus of their whole new policy, but the one day the transfer was scheduled it failed bcus my bank did a system fuck up that day specifically (it wasn’t only for me, it affected a lot of other people too)

SO, that money didn’t move from my paypal and i was like “huh i’m glad, otherwise my mother would have stolen it”

i wasn’t planning on transferring it again bcus now i knew what she wanted to do

but today i just. let it slip that i wasn’t transferring that money bcus “i knew she was just going to steal it”

like i just. said that. that i knew she was going to steal my money.

and i recognize that was a bad move on my part, usually i don’t try to anger my mother bcus She Makes Me Cry but. I just don’t give a fuck anymore. I keep fantasizing of dying in a robbery or something bcus i genuinely want to die so much more lately. so i just let that slip.

anyway we went into full arguing mode again and this time she said “oh so you think i’m ROBBING you, H U H???? Well don’t expect me to pay anything for you ANYMORE bcus you’re the one that’s been stealing my resources from the start!” and she left angry bcus i refused to apologize to her (another bad move on my part, i should have just done that. but i was angry and i feel suicidal and i hate myself and I WAS ANGRY AT HER)

so that’s how we’re back here crying on tumbler dot com and making myself a victim again and feeling sorry for myself bcus that’s all i’m good for!!!!!!!!!!

and i wish i was dead!!!!!!!!! i have no future!!!!!!!!!! i’m mediocre and no one will hire me once i get out of college!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m a piece of shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! someone just put a gun on my head while trying to rob me so i can look at their eyes and go “SHOOT ME YOU COWARD!!!!!!!!!!!”

BECAUSE THEY WILL SHOOT ME!!!!!!!!! THIS IS FUCKING MEXICO, OF COURSE THEY’LL SHOOT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOTME 

it’s funny, the topic of My Money came to light bcus i was rambling to her about how i saw the mob psycho manga on a shelf in the books section of a store and i really, really wanted to buy it bcus of the series messages that All that matters is that you become a good person, and being Kind and Empathetic.

and it all got out of control.

it’s funny, it’s funny, it’s funny, it’s funny, it’s funny, it’s funny, it’s funny, it’s funny, it’s funny, it’s funny, it’s funny, it’s funny, it’s funny, it’s funny, it’s funny, it’s funny

It’s almost like trying your damn best to be Good is all fucking useless and makes you lose your will to live in this cynical and corrupted world

I’m sorry Mob, you absolute delight of a fictional character, i just don’t see how i can survive in this place at all