#but damn like can’t believe it’s been another year that I’ve like. yknow. been alive lol
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cant believe it’s my last day being 23.
#honestly this past week has been very hard for me#but at least yesterday and today I’m feeling a little better#and i have a lot to look forward to with all the fun things me and averi have planned#but damn like can’t believe it’s been another year that I’ve like. yknow. been alive lol#ive learned to be grateful every year when I turn another year older#because there was genuinely a time i didn’t think i was going to make it past 18#and here I am. about to be 24.#things may still be hard but im glad i stuck around#anyway…#ciaras tag
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Hello professor, I have a pretty heavy question I’m afraid, but I’m running out of people to ask, so I’ll try my best to keep it PG13.
It’s my Mienshao, Daisy. Up until recently, she and I were members of a police task force tasked with rooting out illegal Pokemon smuggling rings and underground high stakes tournaments. We’ve been partners for a long time, me and Daisy, we grew up together, and I dare say we made a great team. But then things went wrong.
For the sake of security I can’t go into too much detail, but we were participating in a raid when we got ambushed. Someone must have tipped the smugglers off, because they were waiting for us when we got there. During the firefight, there was an explosion, a gas tank got set on fire by a charizard, I believe, and Daisy and I happened to be close. She got out with a few minor burns and scrapes, I... Did not.
I’ll spare you the gory details, but I have been confined to a wheel chair ever since, and I am due to be fitted for a prosthetic leg next week.
I won’t lie, the transition has been hard for everybody, me, my friends, my family. My other Pokémon have been hovering around me like over protective nannies for weeks. But I think out of all of us, Daisy has been taking it the hardest. Half of the day she spends locked to my side like a bodyguard, threatening to punch anyone that gets too close into oblivion. And the other half, well...
She’s started putting herself through some kind of hellish self training routine. Doing katas until she all but collapses from exhaustion, running laps for hours, fighting every Pokemon she can convince to fight, wild or trained. Daisy’s always been tough, and she’s always loved training, but this... This isn’t training, it’s a death march. I’m getting extremely worried, and that’s not even everything!
She’s stopped eating her favorite foods, deliberately choosing ones I know she hates, she won’t let me pet her anymore, she just steps out of reach, trying not to look at me. But most worryingly, she’s started cutting off her whiskers. She’s always been so proud of her whiskers, she groomed them every day, always got grumpy when I teased her for having a big ol’ mustache. Now anytime they get longer than an inch, she slices them off with her claws and throws them in fireplace, like some kind ceromony.
I’m almost certain Daisy feels guilty for coming out mostly unscathed, when I didn’t. She’s always been a bit protective, even before we joined the police, and she’s saved my life multiple times out in the field, but now she feels like she’s failed me, I think. I’ve tried to convince her that it wasn’t her fault, but that only seems to redouble her efforts. I’m terrified she’s going to burn herself out if she keeps going like this, and I don’t know what to do.
I know this is a pretty heavy question, but I I’m not sure who else to ask. Is there anything I can do to convince her that she doesn’t need to hurt herself like this? Or, something? Just anything to help! Losing my leg was jarring, but losing Daisy would be unbearable!... I just... I just want my best friend to be okay.
I am sorry for what you’ve been through, I cannot begin to understand what it’s like to be in your shoes, but like all recovery, physical or mental, this will take a fair bit of time to get past, you both may never fully return to how things were, but it can get better and you can both return to a full life together with work and dedication.
I’ve certainly seen Pokemon go to extreme lengths after dangerous incidents to protect their loved ones or themselves, in this case it would be wise to assume your pokemons suffering with a hefty bill of PTSD, and needs some actual therapy to handle the feelings and thoughts they’re having. We have facilities to accommodate that if you’re local to Johto, but most Pokemon centres will be able to put you in contact with reliable and certified practices to begin unravelling the issues that now plague Daisy.
That she considers herself to have come away reasonably unscathed is not true, yes your life has physically changed, but she needs to step back and take a look at her life too. Everything’s different now, and more specifically how she’s treating herself and handling her feelings. If that’s not trauma and injury, I don’t know what else it could be. You both came away with damage that day, physical or not. The first step is to help her see that, and to begin to understand that despite this all, you can both continue to move forward together if you can overcome the injury together, it is an event you shared, and you two can aid each others recovery with time and care.
There’s some seriously gifted therapists out there, those who study for years and can help far more than me, they’ll take time to break down the events, and start to really get into the feelings that your partner is going through. The cycle for Daisy right now comes around to self-punishment, and seems to be stuck on a loop. She needs time and space to process her feelings of guilt, grief, fear and loss, facing them instead of burying herself in her rigorous training. While it is difficult to discuss, you two have a strong bond that means you could talk with her. Try to remind her who’s truly responsible, she may be blaming herself, which is pretty common in these situations, but at the root of it, you were doing your routine job, and the bad guys, the Pokemon smugglers and goons are to blame. THEY caused the issue, not her, and while it may not sink in right away it’s worth saying, and sticking to. You said you told her that it wasn’t her fault, which is the gut reaction, perhaps giving her a logical target instead of herself will work better for now. Reiterating the true issue, and taking the heat off of her may help with other tasks such as self care, later down the recovery road.
Her guilt will feel terrible, but it kind of works as a protector, keeping her distanced from the worse, more overwhelming feelings of helplessness and powerlessness. In fact the guilt that masks this all will slowly make things worse over time. That underlying intense emotion below the guilt is what you both need to work through, but more than anything, she needs to face it, in her own time, come to terms with it, and eventually (hopefully) come to an understanding that life is an endless cycle of events, things will happen, but you have to pick yourself up and turn the lemons into lemonade. She could have lost you that day, that you came away with your life is a miracle, and now you two get more time together because of that. Luck isn’t something that runs out, it’s not like there’s only so much of it to go around, it is like wining the lottery. Sometimes 20 people win, other times no one does. It’s hard to accept, but there’s no greater order to stuff that happens, but when we can come to this conclusion, it’s oddly freeing. I’ve seen a fair few Pokemon in a symilar state who can move on when they realise there’s an odd randomness to the world and everything that goes on.
This is a job for someone with far greater skills than I, but you must help her by also looking after yourself, laugh when you can, show her that your life is still very full, and that you have loved ones, and joy to share with others. You mentioned that you’re due a prosthetic, and though the transition will be long and no doubt a little difficult at first, getting yourself back on two feet (kind of) will show her, and your other Pokemon that you’re willing to move forward. I think there’s a lot to be said about talking during this all. She wants to fight, to be strong, if this is how she’s going to cope, fine. If she’s out training, sit with her, spend whatever time you can by her side, as she’s taking this the hardest. You don’t have to say a thing, just try to do your best, without putting yourself in too much discomfort or pain. Reminding her who would be devastated if it had been her who got hurt, if she was not around, may help ground her back in reality a bit. You both got granted a gift that day, you came away alive, if she works so hard she burns out, that gift was wasted. She can use her kindness, and strength to help you, she can pass her knowledge and skill forward, but it’s hard to help others, and do your best if you’re exhausted beyond reason. Kind of like trying to give people bread from a basket but the damn basket is empty yknow? You got to take time to refill so you can help those around you again, so you have some bread to give. I know, probably sounds a little dumb but it’s always been the way I remember it.
Another very useful thing I’ve found with trauma survivors would be meeting others who have been in the same position. There’s plenty of support groups for both people and Pokemon who have been through events that left them in a difficult situation, emotionally and physically. Even here at the lab we have many species who have been left without limbs, with life changing damage, and a lot of them also have the emotional trauma too. She would probably do well to spend time with them, you can send her to a resort to retreat and recoup erase, mix with others who were just as angry as she is now, or you can take time to go with her to groups to interact with others. It’s one thing to have humans help, but it’s a whole other level of connection when Pokemon can help their own. They bond quicker, trust faster, and generally are more open to listening when it’s coming from a place of mutual experience. If she had time to talk to pokemon who actually lost their trainers, or parts of themselves, she may find some peace, even if only temporarily.
Don’t mention the whiskers, and where possible don’t offer her foods she actively likes, but also not ones she actively dislikes. Just for now. Start the ball rolling with just plain simple things that are neither good or bad. Indifferent is better than bad right now, the punishment she’s inflicting on herself will need addressing further, so contact a therapist, they use Rotom or porygon to translate from poke-speech to human language, and the repair can begin with a registered professional. My advice is not sound proof, I certainly feel like I have missed something important, it’s a big response, but it’s a start in the right direction, and should you come up to any further issues, message back and update us with what’s going on. With work you two will be on track to recover. Remember, patience is the biggest thing here, you two have history, and a therapist will no doubt take the sessions as a pair, and work with you to help Daisy feel less guilty over time. I hope you both find peace, and that both of you repair in due time. Good luck with the new leg, a step towards recovery for sure.
#pokemon#prof.peach#peach talks#take this one with a pinch of salt#I’m no therapist#but I certainly hope you both find some peace
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I can't be the only one who doesn't trust Romelle as far as I can throw her
And while I do work out a lot, I can't throw another human-sized being anywhere, so that just goes to show how little I trust anything she says
Like, so many people turned on Lotor SO FUCKING FAST AND Y'ALL LIKE TOTALLY IGNORE A BUNCH OF REASONS WHY YOU FUCKING SHOULD NOT. Here's a few I can think off the top of my head and I think have been mentioned by others before:
Romelle is the only Altean that Keith and Krolia found wherever 'there' is. Sister I ain't gonna trust your story of hundreds of Alteans being alive when all I see is you.
EXACTLY HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK HAGGAR WOULD NOT HAVE KNOWN ABOUT THEM? This is honestly the most suspicious thing. Look, Haggar sensed Altean energy way back in the first episode, idk if it was somehow Allura (highly doubtful), if it was the Blue Lion and residual Altean quintessence in her (btw, idk about everyone else but I am all for Lance being possibly Altean because 1) the Blue Lion wormholed to Arus yet the Castle, which had much more stored up quintessence than Blue did, couldn't do the same when Allura wasn't there? and 2) if anyone of you have seen me asking about why Lance didn't mention his dad in s5, THIS IS WHY I DID THAT. We still don't know exactly how Blue actually ended up on Earth guys. What if Lance's dad is maybe Altean, and Alfor got him to take Blue somewhere far from Zarkon's reach? And then just like Krolia, he fell in love with Lance's human mom?
Anyways back to my point. Haggar sensed a surge of Altean energy from wherever the fuck she was at the time, FROM EARTH (or Arus, I don't remember when she sensed it if it was from Allura waking up from cryosleep or the Blue Lion). Is it so far out of the realm of possibility that Haggar, in the TEN THOUSAND YEARS (I think it's 10k years? Maybe? Not sure, but it's definitely been a longass time) hasn't ever had an inkling as to the fact that Lotor saved those Alteans?
Can we please not forget about the rift. THE RIFT. THE ONE WHERE THOSE EVIL CREATURES CAME OUT OF? HAGGAR/HONERVA WAS CORRUPTED BY THAT QUINTESSENCE, and then Lotor was born. Idk if she was pregnant when she went into the rift, but even if she wasn't, it's highly likely that Lotor was in turn affected by that corruption. With this season we know now that Lotor is probably around actually thousands of years old, so imagine what that must have been doing to him all that time. (btw I think the story of the next few seasons might centre around those creatures and focus on alternate realities more? I have to rewatch to be sure of this, but were we ever shown those creatures were properly defeated and there is no chance of them coming out of whatever asscrack in space they crawled out from)
I saw someone (I don't remember who) mention that Haggar might have actually known about the colony of Alteans and Romelle could possibly be a clone. Clones are obvs a definite thing now (yes hello Kuron) so it's not too difficult to imagine that Haggar could have found her way in and cloned one or some of them for yknow future purposes cuz you can never have too many clones
This is all I can think up rn, this post wasn't even supposed to be that long. But I'd also like to say something to people hating on Allura: yes, I firmly believe she made a mistake in attacking Lotor instead of listening to what he had to say. This isn't the first time she's instantly chosen to side with Altea over a truth that's right in front of her. We still don't know much about Romelle and the colony, so I could be proven wrong and there's nothing wrong with Romelle (cue massive eyeroll till I see the back of my skull), but what if there is something wrong with it all? In the alternate reality, Allura believed those crazy Alteans on the basis of them being Alteans. That is it. That is the only reason. She realized the error of her ways obviously, but clearly she hasn't LEARNED from her mistake, as so painfully showcased with Lotor. She should have listened to him instead of whipping him over her shoulder like a damn sack of potatoes without giving him a chance to explain himself.
BUT THIS DOESN'T MAKE HER A BAD PERSON/CHARACTER. If anything, it makes her more realistic because she's FLAWED. Allura is still inherently a good person, and she does what she thinks is right, and she fights for the freedom of the universe and to honour her father. However, if that was all that there is to Allura, she'd be a Mary Sue -AND SHE IS NOT. While I don't like that her flaw is her blindspot to her destroyed home and choosing Alteans (whether right or wrong) over everything else, I still like that she has this facet to her that makes her more multidimensional and more real.
One more thing: I, as someone who actually doesn't really care either way for Allura, would like to say that Y'ALL CAN GO EAT SOME HORSE SHIT IF YOU LIKE BASHING ON HER AND HATING ON HER FOR RELYING ON LANCE WHEN SHE'S IN A BAD PLACE. None of you can tell me you wouldn't have fallen for Lotor (I'm that one person online who lurks and watches everything going on but never comments, this is my first time speaking up about my thoughts, I only ever write fics, so I have seen y'all's thirsty comments hmm), and Allura I think was(is?) legitimately in love with Lotor, and like aforementioned, her flaw in blindly trusting Alteans over everything else caused her to turn on him, because what's been said against him IS pretty damning. She's in an emotionally unstable place right now after being seemingly betrayed, and Lance AS A DAMN GOOD PERSON was there for her when she needed someone. I'm a Klance shipper but honestly you can see him hugging her however you want, but don't invalidate Allura's pain over what happened to them all by hounding on her and saying she's only looking at Lance only as a rebound instead of him being the friend (as of the moment) she needs.
Thanks for listening to my all-over-the-place bullshitting ranting TED Talk
Edit: just for clarification, I'm not saying Romelle is an explicitly bad character, and I didnt make this post to 'praise Allura' (as I've said, I don't really care for Allura either way, and I do not like what she did in not allowing Lotor the chance to explain himself, and yes I agree Lotor has done something horrific but at the same time he should have gotten the chance to bloody speak), I made this post to say I don't exactly trust Romelle. We didn't see her for very long, and she may prove to be just an innocent person in the upcoming seasons, but at the same time again we didn't see her for very long so we don't have much clue. These are just my thoughts on why I don't trust her, especially as trust has been shown to be something used against the team quite a number of times now, especially with Lotor's betrayal.
#voltron legendary defender#voltron#lance mcclain#keith kogane#prince lotor#lotor#vld lotor#haggar#honerva#zarkon#alfor#altean lance#klance#allura#allurance#lotura#the rift#the blue lion#romelle#alteans#krolia#vld s6 spoilers#vld s6#vld s7#operation kuron#vld kuron#takashi shirogane#alternate reality#quintessence
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Goldilocks || 04
Rated M (language and smut)
Warnings: dry humping, breast play
Summary: After getting evicted, your two best friends Jimin and Taehyung offer you a place to stay until you get back on your feet. Needless to say, with a part time job and a mountain of student debt, that’s not happening any time soon. Eventually, they DO become really fond of having you around, helping with chores and even splitting rent. So when you come home one day to find someone has been sleeping in your couch-bed, well… it’s something you won’t take lightly.
Word Count: 3.9k
Out of context Goldilocks quote: “If you guys are done making butt jokes I’d really like to watch this movie.”
Link to: Goldilocks Masterlist || Previous Part || Next Part
not my gif, credit to owner
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A/N: OH LOOK THE RATING CHANGED. Yeah so imma just leave this here and run. No EOPQ, but feedback is appreciated and depending on the reaction, I might be a hoe and drop 05 tomorrow. If you’re someone who doesn’t like smut, asterisk* is where it starts, skip until the *asterisk where it ends. You won’t be missing plot stuff. I made sure of that. NOW I’M GONNA RUN BYE~~
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Taehyung has always loved boobs.
It has become apparent over the past few years of your close friendship that it isn’t even a sexual thing sometimes. He simply loves boobs. Perky, droopy, big, small, even man-boobs. He’s explained several times that “they’re just like, really comfy, okay?”
The sad thing is, you can completely believe him, and this is one of the main reasons why you choose to cross your arms when he begins pleading, unabashed as Jungkook and Jimin look on.
“Baby, just come cuddle with me,” Taehyung laughs, gesturing in a pitiful attempt to persuade you to join him, speaking loudly to be heard above both the pouring rain outside and the dialogue of the movie.
“Go take care of your boner first,” you retort.
Taehyung’s lips slip into an easy, suggestive smile, “Wanna help me with that? Or should I say… give me a hand?”
You stifle a laugh, “The only hand I’ll be giving you is my entire fist up your ass.”
“Damn baby, that’s a bit much. Can’t we just start with a finger?”
With that, you, Taehyung, and Jungkook loose it, all sense of composure forgotten. Jimin, on the other hand, suddenly contorts his face in an unreadable, tight frown, clearing his throat, “If you guys are done making butt jokes I’d really like to watch this movie.”
“C’mon Chim,” you offer a wicked smile. “Don’t be a tight ass.”
As a flash of lightning floods the room, you can see that his cheeks have dusted pink, which makes the whole situation even funnier.
“But really,” to speak, Taehyung has to take a few deep breaths to calm his giggles. “Baby please? It’ll get me off a lot faster.”
You simply point to the bathroom, “Your problem, not mine.”
“Then just show me your boobs?”
“My boobs?”
“Yeah, yknow, your tiddies, tatas, boobaloos-”
“I am trying to watch the movie,” Jimin squeaks, voice cracking as he pulls the massive blanket up over his nose.
“Alright! Aish,” Taehyung rolls off of the couch. “I’ll be right back.”
While Tae shuffles awkwardly down the hall, Jungkook leans forward, for whatever reason choosing to lock gazes with you as you climb back into the spot next to Jimin. He whispers, “Two minutes, max.”
It takes a second to reply as you bite the inside of your cheek, trying to not show any outward signs of your irrational irritation. Thankfully, your voice eventually comes out steady, “Nah, Tae can last a good five minutes.”
The maknae arches an eyebrow, a smirk pulling at his lips, “You know this… from personal experience?”
It’s disgusting, the amount of defensiveness that seeps through your tone, “No. Definitely not. I wouldn’t voluntarily touch his dick if someone paid me.”
“Sure, noona,” Jungkook whispers and the honorific sends another shot of hot anger to your stomach. Frustrated, you shift around to bury yourself in the blanket with Jimin, seeking warmth but also a place to hide from the gaze of that infuriating kid with the stupid golden fringe. But he’s not done with you yet. “I can last for ten.”
Oddly, it’s Jimin’s body that stiffens first, but before you can react, a series of loud bangs drags your collective attention down the hall, especially as it’s accompanied by a high pitched scream of, “Holy shit a spider!”
The bathroom door flies open and Taehyung scrambles clumsily into the hallway as he desperately attempts to finish shoving his manhood in his pants.
“Seriously?” You embrace the distraction wholeheartedly, getting off the couch to leave the awkward situation behind. “Do you want me to kill it? Or are you done?”
“Don’t kill it,” Taehyung begs as you approach the bathroom door. “All life is precious. But I kind of…went soft after getting scared.”
“Too much information.”
“Sorry.”
Thunder rumbles in the distance, but you vaguely register the fact that the rain seems to be getting lighter.
“Where is it?” you ask, taking a cursory glance across the sink and tiles in the shower.
Taehyung approaches slowly and peers over your shoulder, “It was on-”
“Don’t touch me with your penis hands.”
“Sorry,” he repeats, releasing his grip on your arm. “It was on Jimin’s toothbrush.”
You approach the sink cautiously, gaze pinned on the toothbrush holder that is shaped like a giraffe. You’re pretty sure it’s meant for children, but Taehyung wanted it and when it comes to you and Jimin… what Tae wants, Tae usually gets no matter how annoying he is.
Sadly, you can’t seem to find his little arachnid buddy until you’ve got your face all nice and close. With your nose almost pressing into the bristles of Jimin’s brush, you finally see it.
“Tae, this is the smallest fucking spider I’ve seen in my entire- oh my god it jumps.”
Unfortunately for both of you, amidst the screaming you lose track of the intruder and the bathroom becomes momentarily off limits. As if that wasn’t bad enough, by the time you get back to the couch, the movie is half over and you have no idea what’s going on.
“Maybe if you’d been paying attention instead of screwing around in the first place I wouldn’t have to explain it,” Jimin huffs after you assure him that he doesn’t need to pause the film.
It’s a little bit strange. While it’s nothing new for Jimin to be a tad uptight about weird things, as he stops the movie to catch you up on the plot he suddenly seems particularly stiff. Chalking it up to random man-hormones, you brush the odd feeling aside and try to pay attention, but fail. You’re still lost as the movie finishes, leaving you with so many questions- and not the good kind.
“Wait, why didn’t they just throw the girl in the portal? Wouldn’t that have solved the problem?” you muse, staring at the scrolling credits.
“Because they didn’t want an eight year old to die?” Taehyung suggests.
“So they let the demons kill everyone else?”
“Pretty much,” he confirms.
Jimin sighs, dragging his hands down his face, “Were you not listening at all to what I said? They didn’t throw the girl in the portal because if they did, she would become the sacrifice for the coven…”
His voice fades to the back of your attention as you begin piling up the empty pizza boxes. After years of friendship, you’ve learned that despite your lazy nature, neither of the boys is usually willing to clean up after eating. This meant that if you didn’t do it, the apartment would begin to smell.
Much to your surprise, Jungkook leans forward and begins collecting the used napkins and stray playing cards. While he’d gotten up to answer the door earlier, you hadn’t really thought of him as the helpful type. So when he takes it a step further and offers to take out the trash, you’re more than willing to let someone else do the work for once.
But this frees you up to take care of another chore while Taehyung changes his sheets, preparing for your sleepover, and Jimin bravely claims the shower, missing spider aside.
You get to empty the pesky plastic rain bucket.
By the time you check on it at the end of the hall, the big container has filled almost to the top. Someone should really tell the upstairs neighbors to fix that leak. A deep soreness already permeating into your back and legs, you painstakingly drag the bucket inch by inch, pulling it toward the front door.
You get it halfway through the living room before Jungkook comes back.
“Let me help you with that.”
“It’s fine, I’ve got it,” you grumble, fixing your stare on the sloshing water that’s been slowly spilling all over the fake hardwood floor.
He sighs heavily, walking to stand beside you and attempting to grab the bucket, “It’s heavy.”
“So? I’ve got it,” you insist, angry that he thinks you need his help. At this point, you’ve pushed aside your inherently lazy nature, fueled by your hatred of his arrogance.
Without another word, Jungkook tugs on the container, causing some of the water to splash onto his Timberlands. You tug right back, soaking your socks, plastic scraping loudly against the floor.
You can see his thick arm muscles flex, ready to pull and try to assert his fucking dominance, but you are determined to put him in his place. So you pull first.
Tipped bucket. Water everywhere.
You glare at him from where you land on the floor, now soaked from the waist down and not in a good way. Jungkook’s eyes are so huge they look like they’re about to pop out of his head. Can you blame him though? You must look ready to skin him alive.
“Did someone die out there?” Taehyung’s deep voice floats out of his room.
“No, but someone’s about to,” is what you want to say; yet Jungkook beats you to a response.
“Everything’s fine, hyung,” he is abruptly uncannily calm, expression settling into one of complete emotional control.
“‘Fine’ my left ass cheek,” you spit quietly, getting to your feet.
The maknae glares at you, upper lip twitching slightly as he says, “It IS fine. I’ll clean it up.”
“Oh, you’ve done enough,” you retort, picking up the empty bucket, trying to move around him to get to the hallway. “Just go sit down and stay out of my way.”
“Make me.”
The two words settle like a hot stone in the pit of your stomach, immediately stopping you in your tracks- well that, and the fact that a wall of muscle steps between you and your destination. A dim flash of distant lightning illuminates the room slightly, reflecting in the gold of his hair.
This insufferable, arrogant, child has the guts to get in your way? He may be bigger than you, but Jungkook has another thing coming.
You throw the bucket at his feet, letting it bounce once with an awful, hollow “whump.” He winces almost imperceptibly at the noise, but maintains your gaze with a hard stare of his own.
Well, if he insists on cleaning the mess, you don’t want to waste the energy trying to stop him- but 1) he will do it on your terms 2) you will not let him stare you down and 3) you will accomplish both of these things by asserting your dominance and showing him who wears the pants in this house.
Or rather, who doesn’t.
“Towels are in the closet at the end of the hall,” you inform him, reaching down to undo the button of your jeans. Obviously trying very hard to maintain eye contact, the maknae’s left eye twitches as you peel the pants from your body. Unabashed, you wad up the soaked piece of clothing and throw it at his chest. He catches the projectile easily, though one of the legs comes loose from the ball and wetly slaps his neck. “And while you’re there, put that in the hamper.”
He has every right to refuse. If he does, he’s inherently challenging your authority. If he doesn’t…
Only breaking eye contact as he turns around, Jungkook picks up the bucket and heads to the other end of the apartment.
As Jimin exits the bathroom, Jungkook throws the soiled jeans inside before placing the plastic container under the leak and opening the hall closet. No matter how much you hate him, you have to admire his self control. He didn’t look down at your partially exposed body for even a second.
Crossing your line of sight, you note that Jimin doesn’t look up from his phone, intent on reading something while traversing the expansive few steps to his bedroom. Is no one going to pay attention to the fact that you’re pant-less?
“I call the shower next!” Taehyung abruptly bounds into the crowded hallway, but stops and slowly turns to look at you. His gaze flicks down only for a second while he shoots you a wink and a lopsided smirk, subsequently continuing on his way.
“Yah, Tae,” you shout, a little disappointed that you couldn’t scold at least one of them for looking. “You can’t even stop and admire the art?”
“Nah baby, the shower is calling my name. Besides I can always admire it later when we’re alone in my r-”
As he talks, you walk to the entertainment center to grab some clothes from the lower drawers, smiling to yourself and cutting him off, “Are you forgetting the spider?”
He lets out a deep, thoughtful hum, then with exaggerated cheerfulness asks, “Does anyone else wanna go in first?”
You stand, pajama’s tucked neatly underneath your arm, only to make eye contact with Jungkook. While he’s just innocently laying out towels to clean up the spilled water, all you can do is think about the fact that the only other person who can shower before Taehyung besides you is HIM. And if he does, you’ll theoretically have to be in the same place this irritating little shit stood while he was naked.
“I’ll go!” you scramble past both boys, closing the bathroom door behind you.
“You’ll find the spider, right?” Taehyung asks through the barrier.
“Sure thing,” you assure, but it’s probably a known fact that you’re not even going to look.
Taehyung’s room is practically the opposite of Jimin’s. Various band posters line the wall in a haphazard collage, a mountain of clothes has congregated around a hamper in the corner, and- when did he get a lava lamp? It always smells the same too, like that ruggedly musky pine cologne he has to have a hundred bottles of stashed somewhere because he’s been wearing it for at least five years.
“No,” you glare at him as Taehyung drops his shirt on the floor, now dressed in nothing but his boxers. If this wasn’t a sight you’d seen ridiculously frequently for almost a decade, you might have spent a few more seconds admiring his healthily full frame, lean muscles, and honey colored skin- but it really wasn’t anything new.
You’ve had plenty of sleepovers with your two best friends. Some your parents knew about, others they didn’t. It became an even more common occurrence when you were kicked out three years ago. And both of the boys like to sleep shirtless.
“Please?” Taehyung pouts, climbing onto the bed to flop into the space beside you, stomach down.
“No. I already had to touch your dick earlier.”
He giggles, giving you a boxy smile, “Yeah, you had to touch my dick. So the only fitting punishment is clearly to make me touch your boobs.”
“Seriously? Again with the boobs?” you turn onto your side to stare at him, eyebrow arched humorously. “How old are you? Twelve?”
“Thirteen, actually.”
“Tae,” you smack his wandering hand, causing him to flip onto his back, laughing.
“Just once?”
“Fuck you.”
“Yes please.”
With an only partially irritated groan, you roll your eyes and turn around to face the opposite wall, pulling the sheets along with you. Probably due to the sudden chill, Taehyung gives a needy mewl, shyly tugging at the blankets, which you spontaneously decide he won’t have. It takes a solid few seconds, but he eventually sighs, gives up, and turns out the overhead light, leaving you in the soft purple glow of the lava lamp.
“That’s fucking right,” you whisper just to spite him, thinking the sound of the rain outside would mostly drown it out, but apparently he hears it and your comment backfires immediately.
You feel the mattress shift and before you can move, his arm is around you, snaring your stomach and dragging you to his chest. You struggle halfheartedly, already resigned to letting exhaustion weigh down your limbs.
Taehyung doesn’t move for a few seconds, likely attempting to lulling you into a false sense of security. You know he’s not done yet. He’ll be a whiny asshole for at least ten more minutes. He always is. But the darkness coupled with his body heat is a combination that drags you mercilessly toward the sweet release of sleep. A few minutes of silence pass… and then:
“Just once?”
“No.”
“Please?”
“No.”
“Baby…” he nuzzles into the back of your neck.
“Hot damn, Tae if I say yes will you shut up?”
He perks up immediately, “Absolutely.”
“Fine, over my shirt.”
Taehyung lets out a joyful squeal and his big hands find your breasts immediately, like the damn homing pigeons they are. He gives a gentle squeeze.
“Fuck,” he draws out the word, “Why are they so soft?”
“Because they’re made of fat cells,” you reply sleepily.
He laughs, squeezing again, this time a little bit harder, “Way to just kill the mood.”
“There was no mood to kill, pabo.”
Taehyung suddenly stills, a sensation that plunges you into full alertness. What is he…? In a single swift motion, he pulls himself on top of you, wedging one leg between yours.
In the dim purple light, you can’t really see Taehyung lean forward so much as feel him do it, warm breath tickling your ear. His next words are whispered, raspy, “Wanna bet?”
A challenge.
Something ignites inside you, a smirk tugging at your lips. You lightly run your hands up his arms, a tease of a touch, until you find his shoulders, then his neck. Fingers lacing through the hair at the back of his head, you pull him closer.
“First one to beg loses.”
He lets out a humored hum, “You’re on.”
With that, you prop yourself up to connect your lips to his.
This isn’t the first time you’ve kissed Taehyung, even if the others were sort of drunk birthday party accidents he loves to bring up to embarrass you or the results of rather cruel rounds of truth or dare that no one is mean enough to reference. But you never fail to be surprised at how soft his lips are… and how quickly he likes to add tongue to the equation.*
He immediately presses more of his weight down on top of you, trapping your body between his and the mattress, causing your pulse to beat noticeably, excitedly in your throat.
Having initiated the kiss mere seconds ago, you’re shocked to feel his tongue against the seam of your lips. Amused at his forwardness, you deny him access with a quick nip and sharp tug on his hair. Taehyung groans, a low sound that sends heat pooling in the pit of your stomach.
Did he really think you’d let him in so easily?
Not put off in the slightest, he changes his method of attack and moves his attention to your throat.
Taehyung’s teeth graze the sensitive skin as he sucks and tongues a warm wet trail down your jugular, impatiently traveling lower. This is when his free hand begins to wander. He’s using one of his arms to support his upper body, giving you room to breathe, but the other easily finds the hem of your shirt, pushing it up, bunching the cloth above your breasts.
He doesn’t give you much time to process the chill that rakes through your chest in the form of a shiver as he shifts his body down, kicking the blankets off the bed, to press an open mouthed kiss against your navel. Your next breath is inadvertently shaky and you can feel the smile on his lips as he dips his warm tongue inside.
Damn it. You really liked this pair of panties too.
“Still no mood to kill?” he asks, blowing lightly against the skin on your stomach, further chilling those places he’d left slick with his saliva.
“F-fuck you.”
“Is that an invitation or insult this time?”
“Both.”
Taehyung lets out a humored ‘tsch,’ tracing the tip of his nose across your stomach as he begins to travel back up toward his favorite piece of human anatomy.
You know you should at least try to touch him because that’s the only way you’re going to win, but for some reason, you just can’t. Your body won’t let you.
Your skin tingles in anticipation as he roughly palms your chest, thumbs brushing over your hardened nipples. A plea hangs on the tip of your tongue, but you bite it back. You won’t let him win- but again your body has other ideas.
Fingers tightening in his hair, guiding his head the rest of the way until his lips close around the peak of your right breast, you can’t help but let out an unsteady, “Fuck, Tae…”
He hums in approval against your skin, tongue circling the rosy bud relentlessly.
You want to moan as another thread of heat knots in your stomach, but you refuse to give him the satisfaction. Instead, you tug again at his hair, trying to breathe deep.
“Say my name again,” Taehyung whispers, licking a stripe up the valley of your breasts, shifting his other leg between yours, slowly pushing your knees apart. As he lifts himself to briefly reconnect his lips to yours, you can feel his hard arousal purposefully brush against your core.
Not wanting to show how much a simple swivel of his hips affects you, you force a laugh, breaking the kiss and dragging your nails across his bare back. He lets out another appreciative hum and buries his nose in the crook of your neck to suck at a spot behind your ear that leaves you shaky as you retort, “You wish.”
Likely just to spite you, harder this time, Taehyung rolls his hips against yours, a movement that causes your legs to wrap around his waist. Taking this as the “go” signal, he begins rhythmically pushing against you, running his hard length up and down your still clothed folds.
While the friction of the three layers between you is an interesting change of pace, you can’t help but crave skin to skin contact, lusting after the thought of him inside you.
*As if he can read your thoughts, Taehyung’s hand- the one that isn’t supporting his weight- travels to the hem of your pajama pants, his cold finger tips dip beneath the cloth, and the door opens.
“Well, this isn’t the bathroom,” Jungkook clears his throat and you snap into alertness, wrenched from what was nothing more than a disturbingly vivid wet dream. No wonder it had been so damn trite.
“Door on the other side of the hall,” Taehyung grumbles sleepily from his position half on top of you, face buried between your fully clothed breasts, right where you knew it would be.
Lord, what this asshole probably wouldn’t give to know you’d been dreaming about fucking him.
“Thanks.”
Even in the dim purple light of the lava lamp, you can see Jungkook’s eyebrows knit as he turns on heel and closes the door behind him.
“How the hell does someone confuse your room with the bathroom?” you want to scoff, but the derisive noise won’t leave your throat.
“I dunno.” Taehyung lifts himself up a little, bedraggled hair sticking up at an angle that almost makes you laugh. Almost, but not quite- because his voice is deep and hoarse in a way that makes you aware of the sticky state of your underwear, even if he only says, “I should really get a handle that locks.”
Thunder rumbles somewhere in the distance.
You push Taehyung away, turning to face the opposite wall and clamping your thighs together in frustration. Maybe sleeping in Taehyung’s bed would not be as great of an idea you originally thought.
Too hot.
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kind anon gave me an excuse to answer a bunch of questions about myself cuz i know at least one person actually wants to read them so here goes
1: Do you have a crush at the moment? i do actually. it’s just a little thing but it’s nice 2: Have you ever been deeply in love? yess i have, more than once 3: Longest relationship you've ever been in? about two years i think? 4: Have you ever changed for someone? yeah, unfortunately. do not recommend 5: How is your relationship with your ex? i have no relationship with any of my exes except my most recent, and we’re friends 6: Have you ever been cheated on? yepppp 7: Have you ever cheated? nope 8: Would you date someone who's well known for cheating? absolutely not. even if they’ve been “clean” for a while, my own anxiety and paranoia would not rest and i just know i’d read too much into every little thing. 9: What's the most important part of a relationship? honestly being able to like, laugh like hell together. being able to just totally let go and be 100% yourself and feel fully comfortable around that person. 10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? i havent really done “flings” before except maybe once in high school. all my relationships have been pretty committed and relatively long-term. although right now i don’t think i could do anything serious, i’m dealing w too much internal shit 11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on "breaks"? eh. if you’ve been together a loooong time and maybe need a couple days or so of space to keep things goin, sure. but if it’s something that’s only a couple months old and you already need a “break”, it might just not be working out. 12: How many people have you ever hooked up with? hooked up is a vague term imo but ive only ever had a single one night stand 13: What's one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship? not trusting my gut, not standing up for myself, not speaking my mind about how i feel/what i want 14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex? this is an impossible question 15: Do you believe in the phrase "age is just a number"? absolutely the FUCK not. age is incredibly important 16: Do you believe in "love at first sight"? not particularly?? 17: Do you believe it's possible to fall in love on the internet? yeah, i’ve done it 18: What do you consider a deal breaker? oh god so many things lol. bigotry, disrespect, overly selfish, emotionally immature 19: How do you know it's time to end a relationship? when spending time with the person feels more like a chore than a privilege, or when the person makes you wanna fucking die lmao 20: Are you currently in a relationship? nope 21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? for sure, it hasn’t really worked for me so far (until now) but it’s possible 22: Do you think people should date their friends? i.. wouldn’t date someone who wasn’t my friend most likely 23: How many relationships have you had? SERIOUS relationships? like.. 4. including weird short-term shit? 7. including a dude i wasn’t technically dating but it kinda felt like we were? 8. the 4 are the big ones though. 24: Do you think love can last forever? i really do hope so 25: Do you believe love can conquer all things? unfortunately no 26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn't approve of? if you asked me this 5 years ago i’d say fuck no. but i was once with someone my mom didn’t like and at the time i was very defensive of it cuz i was blind and in love, but looking back now i realize that person was horribly abusive and has left me with residual trauma soooo. if my mom didn’t like someone i was with, i would definitely listen to why. 27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be? just ONE piece? damn. if they make you wanna die/hurt yourself, leave them. 28: Do you think long distance relationships can work? yess. i don’t think i’d ever do one again personally but they can work 29: What do you notice first about another person? their style, and the way they hold themselves. usually i get a kind of vibe from people too, so that helps 30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual? lmao idk i just say im fuckin gay it’s confusing 31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness? nope. in fact most if not all of my partners have in some way 32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? yes 33: Do you want to get married one day? yeah i’d like to, it’s not my top priority though 34: What do you think about getting your partner's name tattooed? i don’t think i’d ever get a name tattooed but i’d get like matching tattoos maybe?? 35: Could you be in a relationship without sex? i used to say no but honestly i think i could now that i’m mostly out of my hormone-driven teenage years 36: Are you still a virgin? nope 37: What's more important: Looks or personality? personality is what keeps a relationship going but looks are important to get that initial interest and keep the attraction alive yknow 38: Do you enjoy love films? depends, but sometimes yeah 39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? no :( 40: Have you ever had a valentine? mmm yes i think once or twice 41: What's your imagination of a "perfect date"? i hate this question cuz IDK!! 42: Have you ever read "Romeo & Juliet"? i’m trying to remember if i’ve actually read through the whole thing but i can’t for the life of me remember. i think so tho?? 43: What's more important: Your partner or your friends? friends, always. although usually they are also part of the friends category so it’s complicated 44: Would you consider yourself "romantic"? nah not really 45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends? uhmmmmm yes 46: Have you ever been "friendzoned"? not a real thing y’all 47: Which "famous couple" is your favorite? lol idk if they count as “famous” but Jenna and Julien babbyyyyy i love them 48: What's your favorite love song? ive got a bunch but the first one i thought of is Bloom by The Paper Kites 49: Have you ever broken someone's heart? yeah 50: If you're single, why do you think you are? because my ex broke up w me and because i’m not ready to be in another relationship yet 51: Would you rather date someone who's rich but a douchebag or someone who's poor but a nice guy? why is this a question. poor but nice 52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships? i think so. i’ve gotten pretty good at advice over the years 53: Are you jealous of couples when you're single? it comes and goes 54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)? i really don’t care 55: Would you consider yourself "clingy", "overly attached" or "jealous"? nah, i appreciate having my own personal space. i can get jealous sometimes though 56: Have you ever "destroyed" a relationship? god no 57: Do you think it's silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart? not at all. a relationship ending can be extremely upsetting to some people, and if you already struggle with mental illness a major negative event like that can exasperate it 58: Are you the "dominant" or the "submissive" part in a relationship? submissive 59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner's birthday or your anniversary? i forget everything lol 60: What's your opinion on open relationships do whatever works and makes everyone happy as long as it’s consensual! 61: Who's more important: Your partner or your family? they’re important for different reasons tho i couldn’t really pick one 62: How do you define "cheating"? it’s different for everyone and every relationship, for me PERSONALLY idc if my partner like, shares a platonic kiss with their friends, or cuddles/holds hands with their friends. platonic intimacy is important and i wouldn’t wanna take that away from them. i draw the line at having sex with other people, or when romantic/serious feelings get involved. 63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate? nah, do whatever 64: Do you think Valentine's Day is overrated? kinda, but it’s cute idc 65: Would you consider yourself a "cuddler"? definitely
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2017
Hmm where to begin with this year… I started 2017 fawning over a bartender to anybody that would listen, and I ended 2017 with a kiss
I actually fawned over the bartender and then one of my professors to Jon. And Jon asked me to stop talking about other boys to him soooo I did.. And we tentatively stopped talking as much. Which led to me meeting a guy named Alex who is not the same person as my ex. But Alex was another mod on a board that Jon moderated so I thought lets ask him if Jon is ok cuz I haven’t heard from Jon in weeks. One thing led to another and bam we’re fuck buddies.
Oh somewhere in that time frame I graduated. I have a bs degree. It’s bs cuz all I learned while gettin my physics degree was that I don’t want to do physics for a living. Movin on…
I went to Japan for a week with my boss and Greg (oh Greg you poor thing) and I guess it was exciting. The nightlife was the funniest part I think. Well of course I think that.. Free alcohol right lol
Anyway so Alex and I were fuck buddies then Jon comes along and is like wtf why did you lie to me bout this it’s lying by omission. When I’m sitting there like you told me not to tell you about other men… Damn I wish I had that first phone call after a week of no contact recorded. I remember he said thinking about me with Alex made him disgusted and it broke my heart. I thought my year of veiled flirtation with Jon would come to an end. I hung up and he was like dammit Jenn call me back we’re not done talking about this. So I called him back and he told me that even though he hated ‘what I’d done’ I was somehow special and he couldn’t imagine not having me in his life.
Now remember that at this point, we had never met in person. My role in his life had been consulting on chemical reactions and biological processes. And occasional flirting.
So the conversation ends with us agreeing that we would rather continue being in each others’ lives over not. And he asks when he can flight me out to meet him. At that time I had a summer job and my parents would zero percent approve of any of this. So I had to wait for the week they would go on a vacation by themselves leaving me home to do whatever. That was a week in September but this was the end of July so I had a month to wait. By god was it a long as fuck month.
I went to otakon while I waited for September to arrive. It was an exciting experience and I met more of Alex’s friends (Alex and I stayed friends even after Jon freaked out at us). I literally wasted days just waiting for September to meet Jon.
And I finally did. I finally met him. And he is everything I could ever want and more. My perfect.
But I come back to Virginia. How can I live? I have to move out there and be with him. The days are less bright without him sharing them with me. We make plans for end of September. Jon has had a house in the works since summer and he should move in around then. So I arrange to fly out end of September.
It is wonderful. We sustained ourselves trading bitcoin and being tech savvy. I guess I should have gotten a job ASAP though. But all in all it was a dream. We had a full month of perfection before we hit the first snag.
I had a feeling something was wrong with me but I couldn’t put a finger on what it was. Then my period was late. One day was understandable. Two days was ok. Three days I was getting nervous. Four days made me anxious. On the fifth day I asked Jon to get a pregnancy test. He told me I should pee on it first thing in the morning when the urine is most concentrated. I did. It was positive. I waited a day and took the second one cuz yknow they give you two sticks for some reason. That was also positive.
Fucking hell. I was there like a month. And we already got knocked up. Isn’t that amazing. Kay. So I call planned parenthood and schedule a chemical abortion, November 8. You get three pills with a chemical abortion. An antibiotic, one pill that 'stops the growth of the pregnancy’, and the actual miscarriage inducer. They also suggested I take a painkiller. Up to 800mg of aleve. As far as bleeding out a 6week fetus goes, it wasnt at all painful. Some cramping, but no stabby stabby uterus feelings.
Unfortunately the day we pulled up to the clinic was the very same day the online community we curated was banned off reddit. The community was important for us. We were going to use them as our customer base for a company we were planning. So Jon got busy working on that. The day after the abortion was complete, We had our first actual fight with screaming and crying and that was not a fun night. I blame the stupid hormones for that honestly. I am just not a happy pregnant woman.
After that we spent all of November tryin to keep the community alive. I’m rather proud of the work we did. We got a forum and brand new website up and running in 3 days. It wasnt perfect, but it worked. It was a lot of work. We didn’t have time to set up our business in all the mess so it was a full month before we set up a business meeting with a lawyer to help us with the legal side of starting a business. It was to be after thanksgiving
We had thanksgiving dinner with Jon’s family and then I flew back to Virginia to spend a bit of the holiday with them. Jon doesn’t like traveling. He didn’t come with. Even though he’d been saying he would. Whatever. I spent a few days in Virginia and flew back November 29th.
I wasn’t even back a full week before we were raided by the goddamn federal government. Seriously. The FDA came in and they brought along the DEA, the national guard, hazmat, state police and the local fire department. I wrote a 10 page narrative on exactly what went down that day. There was a fuckin search warrant on the house and Jon’s car and the FDA investigators took that as a go ahead to ruin our lives. This is ACLU level worthy shit. Like. Jon isn’t the most sensitive or PC person ever but this just made him look like a perfect feminist ally person.
So that’s what I’ve been dealing with for the past month. I had a taste of paradise and it was ripped away. Now I guess I should look for a job out there but I need a place to stay and you can’t rent a room unless you have like 2 pay stubs which I don’t have because I need the room to work there for a month before to get pay stubs. It’s a stupid mess. I’m only half adulty enough for this to work.
Jon is the first person I have outright said I loved in years. That both terrifies and excites me. I believe so hard that this will work. I will make it work. We complete each other. Either one of us alone can survive in this world and be successful most definitely, but both of us together can make magic happen. That is something I never want to have to live without ever again. I'm wary though, as I sound like an infatuated high schooler again. Just like with the last boyfriend. And the one before that. The difference now I guess is that I don't want to be afraid I'll get hurt anymore. I don't want to keep believing everything will end horribly. I don't want to keep a part of me protected from Jon. I want to love him unconditionally and forever. And I'm willing to do almost anything to make it work.
All in all it was an amazing year until the end. I hope to god our new coding project works and we can find a place to live and I get a job with cutie animals. Sorry there isn't much in depth psychological analysis happening this time around.
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