#but damn i cant wait to experience something New

[elvisslut]

Grades and results|| pt.1

Warnings- none really, strong language, liking a older man you’re hardly legal for

School had always come easy for you, always having a’s and being the good girl you are once it came to your responsibilities as a student. Starting this school year was exciting, waving happily to the other students as you walked through the halls. Everyone knew you and you knew everyone, they all seemed to love you even the people who were a little bit more harder to please. The football boys especially enjoyed you, you were like their best friend. Also having them as a protection plan..wasn’t so bad.

You smiled your way down to your new class that had the new teacher, once you walked in you seen him standing at his desk looking down at papers. His outfit was black with a pink scarf hardly hiding his chest. He was handsome there was no doubt about that but once he looked up at you, your idea of handsome changed. He was just plain gorgeous. A very gorgeous man.

“Hello” he said with a small smile. He had a accent to his word. Southern you believe but being in Memphis that wasn’t unusual. “Hi, sir..uh do you have a seat plan or can i just pick my own?” Your voice held innocence and he sensed that immediately looking you down and up then shaking his head. “Choose your own” he said looking back to the papers that were probably to be handed to the students later this hour.

You took a seat quite close to his desk and patiently waited for the other students to pile in, a few of the football players sat by you, quipping up a conversation with you about their summer. Davis was your main best friend, he and you just really clicked when you first started hanging around the team.

“Alright, hello everyone..’m mr.presley but outside of school i don’ like formalities so call me elvis. Only outside of school” he says sternly, you liked that name. It had a great ring to it. He was quick to get into giving out work sheets and lectures. He was quite harsh with people especially if they interrupted him.

“Miss..” he sighs and shoves his hand in his pocket going to the seat of the girl talking. You look back at him to see his ass perfectly framed in the black pants. Your cheeks redden up before you look away closing your eyes and swallow back. You’d just stared at your teachers ass and you were bot about to apologize for that amazing sight you got.

You never thought you’d find any teacher attractive but here you are blushing over a man you don’t even really know. “Thank ya. Now shut your damn mouth” he says, you frown and look back at him again to see him heading back towards his desk. You’ve never heard a teacher be so strong with their words, but in all honesty you found it quite attractive.

The class was quick to end and you gathered your stuff looking up as you heard a cough infront of your desk. “Oh-..hi mr.Presley.” You say a smile growing on your lips. “‘M goin’ to need ya to stay back” your smile fades a bit. “But sir..I’ve gotta go to the elementary to help with the pre-school kids..” he frowns and crosses his arms. “W-what is it you needed mr.Presley?” You ask feeling bad about not being able to stay.

“I don’ know my way around the school all that much and ya seem like ya’d know” he looks away then goes to his desk silently, you did feel bad and to be around him longer would be quite the experience. “I can show you around after my last class. I just cant be late i got something to do to help the teachers in the classes” he looks back to you and nods staying silent. You smile and skip out of his class heading towards the elementary side of the school.

“Miss Y/n!” You hear a few small voices yell as you go through the kindergarten hall. You look back and smile hugging the kids as they come up to you. “Hey guys, you have a good day so far?” Earning nods and ‘yes’s from them. “Good. I have to go to mrs.Holly’s class.. you guy be good okay?” You happily say standing up fully and going to the class you’re supposed to help in.

They day went by fast and before you knew it you found yourself walking back to mr.Presleys class. He had his feet kicked up on the desk and..sunglasses? No his face reading a paper his thumb on his lip. Your lips part slightly as you look at his position. “Hi sir. You ready for your tour?” You ask getting his attention. He sighs and puts his feet down, setting his glasses and papers down on the desk and standing. “Yeah lets get this over with” he nods walking towards you, scooting past you out the door. You showed him the more important things before taking him to the other classes taking him to the hot shots class first. Ms.noel. Once you stepped foot in the class you can tell she caught his attention. She was perfect how could he not. Her body just seemed to fit everyone’s standards and really..it gave you some insecurities. “Mr...presley? I believe? I've heard about you around school all day” she says walking towards him.

You could tell she was into him too really you had some jealousy and it confused you as to why. “I was just showing him around” you speak up with a smile. Elvis looks to you and quirks up a brow. “I got it from here” he shorts. It kinda broke your heart that he was blowing off your tour for ms.noel. “Yeah? Well let me..show you some students” she says, you nod to yourself and leave the classroom. You might be clueless to alot of things but you knew what sex was you knew that’s definitely the look he had in his eyes to ms.noel.

The next day as you walked into mr.Presleys class ms.noel was there feeling all up on his exposed chest. That had to be against dress code. “Morning” you say happily, sitting at your seat. Ms.noel looks to you and pulls her hands away from mr.Presley pressing a kiss to his chest and leaving to her class.

“Mornin’” he huffs grabbing a stack of papers and pulling one from it. He goes to your desk and lays it down. ‘F meet me after school’ a F? Youve never gotten a F..your mama would be real disappointed if she saw this…hopefully you can redo it.

Tags: @elvispresleygf @elvisalltheway101 @emma181873

[gale-gentlepenguin]

So I know Representation came out today. And any good fan would wait a week before reviewing it as we still have episode 23 to watch.

GOOD THING IM A DEGENERATE

Gale Reviews: ML Season 5 episode 24 Representation

spoilers below

-So as expected, Chloé didnt stay mayor long. But Apparently Ms.Bustier is running for Mayor and might win

-Oh its the Fencing teacher/ guy who was Darkblade. Well clearly Ms.Bustier is going to win

-And Adrien and Kagami are a power couple? But Adrien is watching the news report while they are in London. Something seems VERY off

-Ah, Gabriel is behind it. And Adrien HATES it.

-"By letting your father decide your life and selling your story through a fake narrative as usual." DAMN Plagg holds no punches

-Plagg appologized though.

-Kagami is also pissed about it

-HEY ITS FELIX/ARGOS

-Wait ... is that really my chaotic son? HEARTS ON WINDOWS.

-Thats adorable, WTF

-Okay so THEY got some development.

-Adrien deciding to just say f*** it. He is heading to paris and Telling Marinette he's chat noir!

-Marinette back in paris looks miserable. Poor baby girl. Also its a lovely dress.

-Marinette has been crying. I am going to kill Gabriel

-Marinette being strong for her friends to enjoy this dance. Thats really big of her.

-Unfortunately, Spotlight.

-Wait, how did Argos and Kagami get to Paris BEFORE Astrochat? Unless they left much earlier but even then. My bet is Argos made a sentimonster that would warp them places... but that seems like BS.

-KAGAMI KNOWS MARINETTE IS LADYBUG?! Since perfection. Damn.

-KAGAMI TOLD FELIX!?!?!?! FELIX?!?!?! Okay I am a bit salty about that

-OH S***! THEY KISSED. The Feligami stans are Eating today.

-Felix is dressed like Adrien? Oh I do not like where this seems to be going.

-And Marinette thought she saw Adrien and wants to go after him while her friends are thanking her for everything she's done. Way to ruin a good moment FELIX you ass!

-Side note, WHY is Marinette the only one in a dress? Like its a dance? Why couldnt everyone Have dressed up? Seriously, I know outfit renders are expensive. DID THE KITCHEN COST THAT MUCH?

-Marinette avoiding the Lesbian bee and accidentally interrupting the Bi artist and writer. Sure is Pride month in Paris.

-Okay this is just cruel. Marinette thinks she is having a break down over this. Side note. WHY ISNT ADRIEN ACTUALLY HERE YET? HE IS ASTROCHAT!

-Alya and Nino trying to comfort her. But she aint listening.

-Adrien and Kagami escaped and the parents are pissed

-Oh no Nathalie looks really bad right now. Poor thing. All she can do is watch videos of her true love Emilie

-He took the ring back, guess now that Nathalie is too weak to fight him. Which really brings up the question, WHAT HAPPENED in the last episode that Nathalie took such a turn.

-Gabriel is being a d*** as usual

-Nightormentor sounds like a cool name. And while I thought the color scheme is weird... its probably the best akumatized form Gabriel has taken. Sad but true

-AND OF COURSE RIGHT AS SHE LEAVES ASTROCAT ARRIVES. I know its plot convenience but thats bull s***

-"His father CANT have that much control of him" Oh if only you knew Nino

-And BOOM! Gabriel the bitch agreste arrives

-I am liking Rose so much recently. She is calling out EVERYONE

-So he basically has the powers of Sandboy mixed with Darkerowl

-the guy has the power to make you experience VERY intrusive thoughts. That is evil

-Chat noir is like "Hey ladybug gonna go beat up my father text me later"

-Dude Felix must be an Olympic speed walker

-Marinette is basically being nightormented without that bastard even being here. Felix, Kagami this is just a jerk move.

Duusu: "This is so sad" Felix: "Dont worry its for Our happy ending" Duusu: F*** yea lets keep it up

-Oh he made a sentimonster... wait. I know its not human but like a sentimonster MAKING sentimonsters. Feels even more f***ed up

-THEY ARE DOING A F***ING PLAY FOR HER!?

-OH MY GOSH! ITS THE STORY OF EMILIE AND AMELIE!

-Meanwhile, Chat noir is working through his daddy issues.

-Back to the play

-Oh this is interesting.

-Oh and we find out Felix's dad was a rich Cowboy. But also an asshole. (Oh right, this is a French Cartoon, thats why American's suck in this)

-Back to Adrien fighting his father

-This is Cathartic watching Chat noir beat Gabriel's ASS

-HE WAS GOING TO CATACLYSM HIS DAD! Adrien, my boy. Patricide adrien? Well Monarch is still alive, so I guess you think it wouldnt kill him. BTW, Monarch should have had ptsd from that.

-And Chat noir got hit, so his worst fear is... and cuts back to the play

-Oh the twins were infertile. Emilie returned to try and get medical help but still nothing.

-The peacock, that was the sentimonster reference

-Oh so THATS how Gabriel got Gorilla to guard adrien.

-Also yea, any doubt that they arent sentimonsters is dead now.

-ITS CHAT BLANC WITH BLUE HAIR!?

-Oh s*** that is f***ed up.

-"It will end if you give me your miraculous"

-"Take it." ADRIEN NO!

-Oh so thats why Felix's dad was an a**hole. Okay I will give this credit. That is something.

-Welp this explains why Felix might be a sociopath

-Felix revealing why he did what he did

-THE RESISTANCE! COMING IN CLUTCH

-THE TRAY!

-ALYA JUMPED ON HIS BACK.

-They got the akuma in a jar.

-Wait, Chat noir defeated an akuma without Ladybug. (sure he had outside help, but Ladybug has done that too). Good on him

-WELL S*** THAT WAS TRIPPY.

-Felix and Kagami asked for Marinette's help. so was that all the sentimonster doing so? I am lost

-Okay so, I may not LIKE exactly how they went about it. But I cant really hate them for what they did. They are just kids that want to pick someone they trust.

-Oh s***, Ladybug never cast miraculous cure. So Adrien has some perminant trauma from the fight with Nightormentor. He still sees the antichat visions (its not chat blanc, and its just reverse color pallet)

-Chat noir left. before he could tell her. Cause the nightmare messed with him

-WAIT DID TOMOE AND GABRIEL JUST LOCK THEIR CHILDREN IN STERILE ROOMS? WTF!

_________________________________________________________

Okay! This episode was A LOT.

Well there is no denying Sentimonster theory. Its confirmed. Its done. 100% GUARANTEE NO MONEY BACK.

It did explain a LOT about Felix and Adrien.

So I am still iffy on how it was handled.

Now this DOES NOT justify Felix's Actions. He was still an a**hole. And Kagami shouldnt have told Felix. Marinette is Ladybug. That was NOT her secret to tell.

BUT the play that explained what happened was very well done. It explained a LOT about the Graham de Vanily family and Felix's a**hole father.

I will say that I hated how tortured Marinette was during this. Felix and Kagami could have done something less cruel to lure her there.

I also greatly enjoyed Chat noir vs Nightormentor. very good catharsis and we have Adrien going through some additional mental trauma, inflicted by his father (I wouldnt call it Ironic, more of EXPECTED)

I give it 7.5/10

I will say its the most I have enjoyed the second half of this season since Emotion.

[jwirecs]

Recommended NCT Fics of November 2022💖

hello, hello! here are my nct recs of november! hopefully these beautiful stories will have more recognition as well as the writers 💝

** anything in parentheses and bolded are my thoughts that can be disregarded if needed **

🔞smut || 💔angst || 💕fluff || ✅completed || 🔄ongoing || 💯favorite

Request from Anon. || @jaehyunnie77​​​💕💔✅💯

Anon: hi!! i hope you’re doing well 😊 i saw your requests were open and i’m hoping you could write something about reader overhearing jaehyun talking/admitting to friends that the reader fell first but he fell harder. it could purely be fluff but i won’t be opposed to it being angst to fluff hahaha — anyway, i hope this is alright with you! thank youuu

The Boyfriend Experience || @kdyism​💕✅

enlisting you as his “someone i’m seeing” excuse, renjun tries to get his mom to stop asking him about his date for his cousin’s wedding and in turn, it puts your already tired feelings for him in a loop.

Walls, Brawls & Sudden Rainfalls || @jishyucks​​​​💕💔🔄💯

Your first impression of Huang Renjun wasn’t the greatest. In fact, the first two encounters you did have with him were enough for you to conclude that he was just some cold-blooded boy who genuinely didn’t care about anyone else but himself. That was, of course, before the (damn) universe brings you both together to work on the local daycare’s mural. (this is just a teaser but i cant wait to read it)

Drippin’ || @neowinestainedress​ 🔞💕✅

you need relief from this strange pain you’re feeling, but you don’t know what to do. Your boyfriend and his friends offer to help, giving you a solution you didn’t quite expect coming.

Hazy || @rkiv4d​🔞💕✅

mark’s been soft and sweet since you met him, the epitome of the boy you’d take him to meet the parents. he’s the poster boy for the gentleman, the timid lover, his touches never rough. but what happens when you don’t want gentle, when you want him to break you? what happens when you push him to the brink? what happens when he snaps?

Tourist || @minniesvenus​​💕✅

a day where your boyfriend wants to play tourist in your own city

Vitamin || @jiivoc​​💕💔✅💯

Unexpectedly, your own demons had crept up on you without any warning. Being all too familiar with this feeling of anxiety, doubt, and insecurity - you have broken down into tears in front of your boyfriend. No matter how many tears have been shed, Johnny Suh is your vitamin willing to fight off every plague affecting your mind.

Cheating Death || @seoulbinz​​​💔✅💯

↳ people can cheat death but, inevitably, they will always end up in his hands.

Code Name: Monster || @yutaholic​​​​ 🔞💕✅

↳ your life is nothing short of idyllic. you have a perfect house, a beautiful daughter and a loving husband. there’s just one rule - never ask Jeno what he does for a living…

Masquerade || @moonjella​​​​ 🔞✅

↳ it’s your first halloween at this prestigious school and with it is your first annual halloween masquerade. it’s elegance and classiness mixed with the spirits of the young and drunk — a party like no other. but there is one rule : do not remove your mask. easy enough in theory, but in practise you find yourself to be the only prey in a room full of predators. (oh lord have mercy on my mind)

Pretty Boys || @eeniemeeniechannie​​ 💕🔄

↳ unexpectedly you a new girl in seoul suddenly got into a lot couple fight and also didn't expect to meet them again.

Sweet Deception || @neowinestainedress​​🔞✅💯💯

↳ on Halloween, nothing is as it seems. You end up in a room with six guys thinking they have amazing costumes only to be struck by reality when it’s too late; those are not costumes at all. But remember, on October 31, nothing is as it seems. (OLEDUJIKJLASAIKLSJOJIKSDOIKAJDIJOKASAIKOSDSODIKLDOAJSI. my feels when i was reading this)

Toil and Trouble || @moonjella​​ 🔞💕💔✅

↳ to get back at your ex who cheated on you, you decide to take vengeance by employing the help of your potions classmate, haechan, who also happens to be your ex’s arch nemesis. the goal is to make a breakup potion and slip it into their drinks. but the potion goes wrong and turns into a cloud of lust which you both inhale. it seems there is another, more simple way to get back at your ex.

Uncharted Waters || @lily-blue​​ 💕💔✅

↳ you’re so in love with Prince Chenle, the boy you rescued when he was knocked overboard, that you’re willing to sacrifice everything to be with him - little do you know, everything is exactly what he wants to take away from you

Faith || @neolotuses​💕✅

Jeno is met with the person he thinks he has been destined to be with, although, he’s scared as hell to pursue it.

Renjun’s Guide to Raising Demon Twins || @trnquilgalileo​💕✅

How does one 22 year old art major manage to take care of his younger, hell raising twin brothers? Well Renjun surly doesn’t know. To make it worse he’s crushing on the actress who rented the apartment next door!

Russian Roulette || @jiamour​💕✅💯

in which you and renjun are neighbors and you both hate each other, or at least you think you do ~alternatively: film students watch movies together and talk about the french revolution

A+Ta Boy. || @nctream​​💕💔🔄💯💯

↳ monotonous café waitress Y/N ends up getting mixed in the world of Seoul’s illegal street racing. There against her will, something seems to bring her deeper and deeper into that terrifying world; maybe it’s the dangerous people that she had learned to know, or maybe it’s Mark Lee himself. Either way, she should have listened to Irene’s words, she would’ve ended up hurt — and not because of a car crash.

A Racer’s Heart || @ljxlj48​​​💕💔🔄💯

(i really suck at making up summaries but give this a read!)

Halloween Special: Love At Dawn || @littlecherryhuanlin​​🔞💕💔✅

↳ Jaemin apparently hates YN and she happily returns the favor until a dawn at Chenle’s house gives Jaemin enough courage to show the girl his true feelings.

New Town, New Me || @loudstan​​​ 🔞💕💔✅ 💯

↳ Jaemin can't understand why his destined mate has been marked by another werewolf.

Do check out all of the other NCT Fics that i have reblogged as well!!

** if there is any fics that you guys would like to recommend, please do! i am slowly running out of fics to read **

[pennyluna]

Misunderstandings Part 2

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader (18+) Wordcount: around 1.8+k

Genre: working together au. Cold playboy au. Future something au. 18+

This is the story from Yoongi's POV... explaining his sudden change!

WARNING: This story contains some bad words/strong language! Contains also spicy scenes, so please be aware before reading it.

YOONGI'S POV

I'm in my Hotel Suite, my brain wont shut off, so much chaos going on and in the middle of it all is the answer to that song I've been working on, I finally found the missing piece to complete it and that is why I am getting dressed up and waiting for the private driver to pick me up and take me to the studio. I get on the SUV that has been waiting for me in the underground parking and head to the studio.

I've been working for a while and decided to open a bottle of wine, The song is coming up pretty good, I have no doubt it will be another hit. Working on this new album has been hard but it has been a great experience, visiting different places and getting to know new people have made it even better.

I took a break to make a phone call and stretch my legs in the hallway but when I return to the studio I realize that I'm locked outside. -I left the damn keys inside, fucking great-.

Security said they would call (Y/N) for the spare keys. -Dammit- Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike her, in fact the moment those elevator doors opened that first day and we made eye contact, something clicked in my head, she is gorgeous! Her eyes showed irritation no doubt due to our being late but her smile hid it well, her hair a little messy on top of her head with a couple of strands framing her face, her lips plump and perfectly pink. Like I said, GORGEOUS. I stared at her so much that I couldn't even hear a word of what she said and don't get me started on the building tour, I have no clue of where anything is, my eyes never left her. 

After a couple of one on one meetings the sexual tensions between us was strong and undeniable so after those meetings I tried to be careful, I didn't want to get too close, I didn't want a rumor to start, I am very aware of my player reputation and she doesn't seem like the girl you play with. So her coming here at almost midnight when I had some wine and no one else is around doesn't seem like a good idea, yet here I am waiting in front of the elevator for her.

I'm holding my phone trying my best not to stare at her when the elevator doors open, she is not wearing her usual office clothes and  looks hot, she has a cute smile on and proceeds to walk to the studio door, following behind I cant help but look at her and my eyes land on her ass, so perfect in those skinny jeans -Good job not staring jackass- she opens the door and I invite her in -Its okay, nothing will happen, I've got it under control.- She is looking around my studio in awe and my ayes are roaming her body, until they land on her perfect boobs, I can see the outline of her nipples -FUCK!!!- I offer her a glass of wine since it seemed she had already been drinking some, I smelted it in her mixed with whatever she washed her hair with, I think its honey.

We've been talking for a while, we have some things in common, she talks passionately and I cant help but stare, she is smart and funny and bold at the same time, so refreshing. We are getting along well but some how now I am holding her wrist and holding her close to me, I cant take my eyes off her, my eyes now landing on her breast -God I want to suck on them- I shake my head and proceed to stand up abruptly walking away from her, this is not a good idea, us happening is not a good idea.

We agree on her leaving and once she is out of the studio I feel restless, I stay there, door open and heart racing -I did the right thing-. After a few minutes later she suddenly appears at the door again, she walks in explaining how she had forgotten her things and when she walks to leave again I raise my hand to wave goodbye but grab her wrist instead. -It took everything in me to let her walk away once, I was not gonna let it happen a second time-

"Maybe you should stay"

I pull her to me and wait for her to stop me, to ask me to let her go but instead she simply says "Maybe you should stay too"

-FUUCK-  She didn't pull away from me so I don't  wait for any other words and proceed to kiss her passionately, giving a start to the things I've been thinking of doing to her since the first moment our eyes connected.

.............................. The morning after................................

I wake up still a bit tired from last night and look around, I'm still in the studio with (Y/N) in my arms, she looks so peaceful, so beautiful and all the memories from last night get back to me, the sex was amazing, the way she moaned my name, the way she tasted, our bodies were made for each other. -God she is perfect and she is mine-. I've never felt this way about another girl before.

I get up carefully to avoid waking her up, I want to get us coffee first so I head to the mini kitchen on this floor to make us some but the machine isn't working so I head to the 21st floor where (Y/N) office is, I know they have a working machine there. There is not many people in the building at this time so I am not too worried about someone seeing me grab two cups.

Getting closer to the kitchen I start hearing voices, I listen for a bit trying to make out how many people could be there but suddenly I hear my name followed by some giggles, so I don't move and start contemplating maybe getting coffee somewhere else, then (Y/N) name comes up and my curiosity makes me pay more attention.

"ㅡ yeah she totally got lucky"

"ugh yeah she gets to work with Min Yoongi" her tone seems a bit annoyed and I wonder how this girl would feel if she knew I was overhearing this conversation.

"He is so hot!! I wish I could work under him... if you know what I mean" she sounds flirty and I cant help but roll my eyes.

a third girl joins in "OMG Girl, no! be professional!" I have heard her voice before but I cant think of her face.

"What? you wouldn't do it? After all he has a certain reputation" the flirty one says.

"I totally would let him doㅡ" says the second girl before she is interrupted by the girl who's voice I know.

She sounds a little flustered "NOㅡyou could loose your job. Getting Involved withㅡ. Even just a rumor about it would ruin her. (Y/N) wouldn't risk her career and her reputation over some dick. She would get kicked out of the industry." -WHAT??-

I seem to stop listening after that final statement and start walking back to the studio -She could loose her job, she could loose it all. She loves her career- my mind is foggy and now there is no trace of that hopeful calm I had when I woke up with her in my arms. She had told me how much she loves her job and The Idea that my being with her would ruin her entire career is making me sick, my reputation could ruin her. I need to do something, I cant be the reason she looses everything she has worked so hard for.

By the time I walk back into the studio I have made a decision, we cant happen, I need to distance myself and I need to make sure I do it carefully so this wont disrupt our work relationship, so that I can continue to see her even if I cant have her. I practice my speech sitting at my desk, waiting for her to wake up.

When I hear her moving around I tense and pretend to do some work in my computer, my chest feels tight.

She walks towards me and I cant bring myself to look at her because I know just looking into her eyes will stop me from doing what's best for her. I open my mouth to speak but there is no trace of my speech in my head anymore.

"Your bag and Keys are by the piano" -Why do i sound so cold? this is not what i wanted to go for-

she starts speaking, she sounds disappointed and I cant bear it so still without looking at her I dismiss her "I will see you at the meeting this afternoon".

She seems to start breathing heavily, grabs her things and walks to the door. I can feel her looking at me, almost like if she was waiting for me to stop her... but I wont. Not this time. She opens the door and leaves and my heart seems to go with her.

I couldn't do any work in the studio after she left, specially not after I found her tank top so I headed back to my hotel suite taking it with me and decided to get some rest before the meeting this afternoon.

At the meeting I tried to act as natural as I could, but after not being able to get much rest this morning, it was obvious that I wasn't going to be focusing much and with (Y/N) in the room it was going to be almost impossible. I wanted to know if she was okay, I wanted her close.

(Y/N) got into the conference room looking flawless as usual, at first glance she looked like her normal self but looking at her up close, her eyes looked a bit red and tired. The meeting went smoothly even though I did not pay much attention to anything but her. I don't understand why but she had been mine for just a few hours and I was already addicted, how is that even possible! I need to start acting like the cold player everyone says I am and being it with her will hurt me.

I barely saw (Y/N) in the next few days, it has been hell. she would send her assistant interpreter to collect or deliver any documents needed from me or to assist in minor events, when asked about it she said it was for training purposes. The 2 times we had to meet for one on one meetings, she was direct and professional but cold and fuck that was hurting me. There was no trace of her sweetness and it is torture. I miss her.  I can't have her being cold with me But how can I have her back without destroying what she has worked so hard for? 

Tonight I have an event she can't avoid, I have to be at The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon and it being an important point of the schedule, the main interpreter was expected to be there. I have a plan in mind and I will put it in motion tonight at the after party!

A.N: I hope you like this one, any feedback is welcome and I would really appreciate likes a reblogs. The next couple of chapters have already been written and I am working on publishing at least once a week! If you have any requests please send them too.

[weebastic]

Wind breaker Ep 1

Yeah so my reactions to the ep as it goes on as i write my physics notes, also how do you add emojis on here ?

this is a creeepy starting but whatever lessgoo

seems like our mc is the local loner but you shall see through this incredible journey we shall find out the power of friendship cue mlp soundtrack, look there can be a lot of movies and media about friendship but none of them can beat the og mlp. OK LETS SEE HIM FINDS FRIENDS BY FIGHTING.

my parents when i want to colour my hair

first opinion he should be in mashle

girls are so pretty just like look at them ugh

your mom bro

YOOO WOW MC REVEAL THE NEW TODOROKI SHOUTO but this guys obsessed with power

HELP WHY IS HER FACE LIKE THAT, its like god i jumped from one idiot to another alternately my friends when i do random shit

i love their dynamic already it would be better as a polycule with dumb and dumbest with a side note of done with this shit

I AM 5 MINS IN AND AM ALREADY RELATNG SO HARD TO HIM LIKE HES SO BABYGIRL I CANT I WANT HIM AND I WANT TO BE HIM GOD

THSI DYNAMIC MELTS ME GIVE ME FOOD AND ILL GIVE YOU THE WORLD

BABY HAD A GOOD INTERACTION WITH ANOTHER HUMAN im waiting for him to get sick like zuko when he got a fever from doing something good

THEYRE SO CUTE I FEEL LIKE SHE JUST ADOPTED HIM AS HER BROTHER OR SOMETHING. She just took one look at him and was like yeah hes about to starve or somethng bqwxguchg

SHES SO HOTTT LIKE OMG

GUYS CUE MLP BGM WERE GOUNG FREINDSHIP IS MAGIC but srs though shes right this is called gang wars wheres your gang buddy where your homies to back you up

GUYS FORGET EVERYTHING calling a short person a cat is the ultimate insult i have first hand experience

I really dont understand this like baby needs to get on tiktok or smth within an hour he'll be called the next big thing atleast 300 thirsty messages will be in the comments and dms like srs ???

Next is an awesome fight scene but whenever i paused it to get a screenshot it came so wierd

WHAT IS THIS SCENE LMAO IF IT WASNT SO STRESSFUL I WOULD BE WHEEZING ON THE FLOOR BUT YAY OUR OTHER CHARACTERS ARE GETTING INTRODUCED

OK all in all episode was so good and the animations too like which studio is this you guys are damn good,ill move on to the second ep

Sakura has entered the top 10 ranking of babygirls

[succulentlesbians]

well actually it started as a reawakened blackhill obsession which wound up into a natasha and yelena obsession and then i saw fic with yelena natasha AND daisy??? I am in a obsession blackhole. Help me. But actually this is just me complimenting your fic again. I hadn't really considered the dynamic of season 4 daisy and just freed Yelena and it is DELICIOUS. The levels of trust and comfort Yelena would have to have towards Daisy to go to her instantly out of everyone alone makes me really curious about their previous relationship. Then Yelena and Daisy's exploration of the cities they go to and just being regular girls, even for a moment was just so heartwarming. I especially enjoyed the scene where Daisy kept the gelato cool for Yelena, it speaks a lot about their relationship that she'd use her powers (Which in season 4 she'd probs consider a burden/curse) just to do something so simply sweet is just. OUCH. Thanks for the very good fic :) Can't wait to see where you go with it.

god i love blackhill i love nat & yelena i love all three of them, you're so real for this spiral

daisy & yelena background is definitely something i've been thinking about. i wasn't able to really include it bc the fic was all in daisy's POV but i think that their interactions when they were younger is what "saved" yelena, where she was close to pulling a nat and leaving because of daisy (except then obv got brainwashed...).

daisy helped her see the beauty in humanity again bc she has so much compassion and yelena, who would've been pretty damn burned out by the red room at that point, would be able to feel some companionship in a way that we dont see btwn the widows bc of the competition btwn them and really latch onto daisy and to some extent, trust her with being a human in a way that she couldn't with other widows. so of course when she gets free she wants to go back to someone who made her feel real and alive, someone who she trusts.

them exploring the cities was something that i tried to put in thinking of yelena in hawkeye- she explicitely asks kate abt seeing the sights in new york, so i wanted to adapt that to this fic! she wants to have new experiences! she wants to live and explore! and of course it added a nice lighter component to an otherwise emotionally heavy fic where daisy also gets to just live for a little while, which she absolutely does not do ever. get this girl a work-life balance.

daisy using her powers is always such an interesting thing to think about. she hates it at first. she believes they're a gift. she sees the destructive nature of them. she fully believes that she breaks the world apart. she believes that they're all of what she is. she doesnt care if it hurts her. all in the seven seasons and often at once.

but also overwhelmingly we only see her use them in battle situations. and she can do so much beyond that! def i think s4 shes only using them when necessary for her self-assigned murder mission so branching out is a whole different thought for her. id like to expand on this a bit in the next fic bc her powers are Always on my mind but... we'll see. cant have everything 😭 even though im the one writing it.

but me getting into daisy's head for this whole fic was: how can i help lena, how can i make her feel better, how can i help her succeed. wait a fucking second why am i going through emotional growth? none of that. let me focus on yelena. noo the emotional growth is getting meeeee.

[yoimo06]

09:26 am !! 18.04.24

First day of writing my thoughts feelings and experiences here and whatever else. I heard tumblr works well as a journal/blog so might as well.

Even though I'm honestly still not entirely sure how this platform works (especially not on the pc ver) we all learn as we go, don't we?

Anyhow. I gotta get back home from school.. can't believe I'm sick again! Man, it's all the girl's fault for not being able to keep their asses home when they're sick. I confronted one of the girls about it and she really said "You would've gotten mad at me for not coming to help with the project" (we are unfortunately working on a group contest together — a group of 6 girls) like, no girl, no one would. She was the one that got mad at another person from our group when THEY were sick and told them to come to school. Darn hypocrite.

I hate this damn problem doe. Its so stupid. There are ups to it though. For example, i didn't have to attend a bunch of classes which is cool but then again im falling behind w all the lessons and shit so thats not great.

I just want it to be over fast. Cant stand working w some of these people no more. Fake asf

Rn im taking a bath! My favourite thing to do ngl. Its so warm and nice and cosy. Outside, in the parking lot behind our house theres people setting up the farmers market. Ive always found it so endearing and nice!! I love farmers markets and even if i dont buy anything, just passing thru it is nice.

On another brighter than all the other notes!!! My boyfriend got accepted into Uni here!!! We'll be breaking long distance soon. Its all happening so fast but im so glad so so glad hes coming home soon. I miss him more than anything. He's also going to come visit in a week or so!! I cant wait

Next week our school has this thing called 'Green week' where we take a break from normal school activities to instead do other things related to nature n shit. In concept it sounds nice but our teachers always pick the most boring activities for us...that sucks. For example, we'll be going to the Botanical garden for 4 hours!!! That'd be cool and all but we all know the botanical garden like the back of our hands from how much we visited it.. Theres plenty of other things to see, im sure, but most teachers don't wanna bother with actual interesting stuff, unfortunately.

Another small something is that i have recently started playing Star Rail again! Its great!! I would say im doing quite well, advancing through the story and stuff... I still have to properly build my charas doe oops! Thing is, i came back for this new character called 'Boothill', truly a charming gentleman. Haha! I managed to farm around 100 wishes in a week with a bit of help from my boyfriend as well~ I will get Boothill guys trust!! I kinda gave in though and pulled for Aventurine as well ... and i got him. But theres around 40 days left to farm for Boothill so im sure ill be gucci!! Ill be pulling for both him and his lightcone... and hopefully more copies of him hehe~~~

Todays weather was kinda shitty. The weather has been shitty recently actually. Its so cold and it keeps raining even tho not too long ago it was all nice warm and sunny, like how spring should be! I miss the nice weather, i hope it comes back soon so i can wear my short skirts, long socks and cool graphic tees!

Hmm~ I might hop back on here later mayhaps mayhaps to write some more stuff but for now ill be signing off!

Byebye ~

[unknooooow]

BTTF Year-End Tag Game!

@alex-a-fans thanks for tagging me :DD and yes I wanted to wait until very close to new year's eve to post this

This year:

-How many times would you guess you watched the first back to the future movie?

... good question. Idk too :)) maybe 10 or 15 times around

-Did you get any sweet bttf merch? If so, what!

this year I only got one thing: the bttf making of book (I got it for my bday :DD)

-How many cans of Pepsi Free did you chug this year?

well... 1 or 2? pepsi is not something that is easy to find around here ;-;

-What was a favorite bttf fanfic you read this year?

I could name several... but Im gonna name one with several chapters and a oneshot

fic with more than one chapter: Most People Were Silent by @daryfromthefuture. DOC FROM THE 40S :DD this topic is just soo interesting. and Dary worked really well on this topic :))

oneshot: Merry Christmas from the Browns by @alex-a-fans. this was one of the best. Its funny and it caught me by surprise. doc as Santa Claus :))

-A favorite bttf fanart you saw this year? (please give us a link, not a screencap/repost!)

calm down. here I go looking for the fanarts :)

this fanart is so amazing and deep (@autoraton)

I love analyzing Citizen Brown reality. and this here represents my fascination with this :)) (@tobytost)

the Brown family is my fictional family ok? I love them and they look beautiful in this fanart 🥺🥺 (@maxintime)

I LOVE BABY DOC YOUR HONOR!! he looks so cute in this fanart I CANT STAND IT 🥺🥺 (@cheriboms)

-Did you create any bttf fanart or fanfic? If you did, what one(s) are you proudest of?

OOOOOOH GREAT QUESTION :DD

In terms of fic I think the best was the first chapter of June of Doom. At first I thought the idea might backfire but it ended up making a great fic :)) I loved working on the topic

In terms of fanart I choose this beauty here. this was one of the drawings that required the most work but it was worth it :) I ended up liking the result and the text and the other characters I made

-How many times were you late for school this year?

none :) I am a very exemplary student ;))

-Did you watch any other movies/tv shows with BTTF actors in them?

well, I watched My Favorite Martian (courtesy of @alex-a-fans :)) that features Christopher Lloyd. the old Addams movie that also features Christopher Lloyd. and... Who framed Roger Rabbit... that also features... Christopher Lloyd...

-Was there a memorable moment you heard a Huey Lewis song this year?

in the car. started playing The Power of Love on the radio. and my parents started singing along with me. it was really fun :)

-How many times did you fall down this year?

1 or maybe 2 times. I really try not to fall down

-Did you get to see BTTF: The Musical? What was your experience like!

unfortunately not (yet) ;-; but I hope to go next year (if I can convince my parents to buy tickets for me)

-How many times did your mom retell the story of how she and your father met?

she only told me this story 3 times. and I still remember. Its not that big of a story but its interesting. And if I went back in time maybe I could end up interfering with that too :,)

-If you could describe your year in a BTTF quote, which one would it be?

“Why do we have to cut these things so damn close?”

yep. definitely

⚡️LIGHTNING ROUND⚡️ Did you get to: go on any trains, skate on a skateboard, ride a horse, drive a Delorean, run in the rain, go to a dance, hang up a clock, play the guitar, pull an all-nighter, read science fiction, or drive thru Burger King this year?

-Your future is whatever you make it! So what are you going to make of this coming year?

try to be more active. and write more. ill try :)) I dont promise much

but anyway. HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE :DD

Tagging: @autoraton @maxintime @tobytost feel free to do it :))

[astrxlfinale]

"i think numby is quite interested in that weapon you're carrying." topaz smiles with a small chuckle, amused; her little warp trotting companion sniffing around the bat caelus keeps at his side, and periodically squeaking at it. is it sentient, she wonders? "that's quite the unusual weapon to carry around - especially for the hurdles the nameless seem bound to face at every turn. and numby has a nose for shiny things..." and so does she. "so: why the bat? is it special?"

"........" For a change, there was an unnaturally quiet response that edges from the trailblazer. In fact, there was a run of the mill occurrence that he either acts frayed upon the ages, or looks tensed as if someone switched the icing of certain cookies with toothpaste. From anyone's inspection of a momentary venture with this delinquent, it was simply tacked in the realm of bizarre.

Numby as a matter of fact happens to be this very reason. Rather, it's the position of Numby being part of the fragmentum trotters that bustle about in every location that had no business in.

See, this bat happens to carry his sins.

Caelus's eyes squints as he peers listlessly towards the sky, attempting to promote a devil-may-care attitude about the whole matter. "Huh. Lil buzzball of a guy always had a penchant of keeping his eyes on the prize, huh? The ritzy stuff or their favorite human in question." He shoots back in kind. Yet, it doesn't stop the cheery yip that escapes from the trotter who looks blissfully unaware for the most part.

Yet how in the hell could that even be something he believes if their intuition was so damn concrete!? After a moment, those golden eyes would flick towards the energetic space pig as his bat found itself.. humming? Wait, what the hell?

"No. As a matter of fact it sucks." He counters with a spontaneous share of bite. "This thing loves spending it's time screaming at me, charging on about blowing some obscene sized hole through fate, and what does Numby get here?" Caelus shoots out, making an animated hand gesture above the two of them. "New friends!? This doesn't want to bond with my golden soul, it just wants to greedily suck up every bit of fighting experience I come across!"

This said Nameless would reroute his attention towards Topaz proper, head canted in a way that initially wants to reflect his petty displeasure, but he relents. The reverse survivor's guilt he feels about how many trotters he prompted that bat to slay makes him feel considerably more amiable. So why doesn't this equally slick lady here receive a piece of lore for showing him a new view?

"In short, I was about to get annihilated horribly at the Herta's joint when I first got up. It was the closest thing nearby.. And well, I never really bothered to talk to her about returns, especially when this thing started to stick to me like glue after a showdown. Tried not to think too deep about it since it does its job plenty well."

....There's a momentary pause as the soft view before them was studied, only for his assuming gaze to switch to a side eye back to the IPC professional.

"You're not planning some idea for these two to go on play dates, are ya? With the oh so busy and boundless schedule you carry along?"

@apocryphis

[divorcingjimmatthews]

pas de deux reactions (shorter than last time i swear)

elgin fucking hero???? the fucking guts???????? this van ride is giving me a heart attack

ive seen the promo pics i know theyll get in but im here like what if they dont open the doors for them in time?? or at all? i havent seen elgin in the promo pics oh my god. but hes so new theyre not killing him here. right. right??????

oh thank god

shit dale really did do ellis good like oh my god the poor dude

he better not die i dont want him to die and he might and im so hurt and anxious rn

did yall know kristi's acress is actually a medical professional? apparently they hired her before they even knew that

anyway back to the angsting

im gonna die

i cant look i cant look i cant look

the blood oh my god

boyd is so good at pretending like hes not dying inside to comfort fatima and ellis like i get that he screwed up big time with the sara secret but man what this dude has done for all these people at the cost of himself... :( boyd appreciation post

its so sad to see him ask for help and people not really believing him thoo like yeah he doesnt have proof and hes not used to asking for help so it comes off unnatural and like hes delusional but man thats #relatable af

NOT A BLOOD TRANSFUSION BOYDS BLOODS GOT THE FUCKING WORMS IN IT IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND 😭😭😭

also poor jim he's so commited to his experiment theory and people are starting to look at him weird for it but i'm so on his side jim you keep at it you're on to something! i believe in you

the way the pieces are all fitting together here oh boy

man i dont remember my blood type i guess this is how i die in fromville

boyd im sorry but it's a worms or death situation over here. unless someone else is O-negative

KENNY 👏👏👏

hes a big boy nowww and im so proud

damn i really didnt think boyds mental situation would get him to the point where he's risking his son's life?! if someone else got this bad after sara i thought that'd be jade. i tought boyd was too main character for this. im sorry boyd. i didn't see how bad you were doing i assumed you'd just be able to keep pushing through because you're you. i'm sorry boyd. i'm ashamed of myself. this deterioration happened before my eyes and i was like nahh he's okay

theyre stealing this mans blood at gunpoint

THEY CAN SEE THE WORMS???

maybe edgin is O-negative too my poor sweet not-good-with-blood heroic boy

KENNY?????

KKKKENNY???????????

"GIVE IT TO ME" THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING

THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING OH MY GOD

are these people gonna be passing the worms around like a hot potato like. could kenny theoretically... give it back after the transfusion's done??

boyd we're gonna need this fucking blood rn

BOYD?????

I DONT WANT YOUR IDEA BOYD

BOYD?????????

your son is dying boyd

no one can say anything about recklessness to my boy randall after this

he's gonna kill a creature somehow isnt he

fatima must be having 20 heart attacks per second rn

it's our dear smiley poster boyyyy

oh there's more creatures. i thought it was gonna be a 1 to 1 faceoff to echo the episode's title

im not even that sure that boyd is gonna survive this anymore

i mean he HAS to he's the main character but holy hell

im losing my mind

kenny watching through the window like what can you even do about that

hows he gonna get the blood at him like suck it from his hand and spit it or like what

why is he so confident that this is gonna work

i guess him being like this is what got them the talismans like if he didnt come across the talismans he wouldve been so dead in the forest back then and ellis wouldnve died too

but its like this place kind of hhmmm rewards whatever the fuck boyds doing? it seems to work out for him somehow. but martin was the same way and well.

THE SMILEY BITCH IS NOT BLEEDING

oh my good

ellis is dying while this is happening

boyd really said wait hold on a sec i need to rid myself of this blood curse real quick ill be right back

MY BLOOD IS YOUR BLOOD NOW MOTHERFUCKER

ngl watching someone go on the offensive is so cathartic but i can admit that if i was in that clinic i would be losing my mind and not okay with this at all

IT DIDNT WORK???????

OH IT DID

no fucking wayyyyy

the nightmare creature's friends just ignoring him dying like not even scared a little bit???? they just showed they can kill you bro come on. must be unable to feel fear or something

oh yeah okay they were gathering around him and not around boyd damnnnnnnnn i cant believe this is happening

theyre CONFUSED

Boyd really fucking did that oh my god

the monsters are such bad friends to each other they dont give a fuck

i dont do so good with blood either. elgin i get u bro

the padlock on the medicine cabinet ouchie ouchie

donna and ethan are an interaction i wasnt expecting but theyre neat-o

sorry that jade isn't in the episode guys. i borrowed him for giving him hugs and kisses. i'll give him back for the next one dw. yeah victor's here too i'm giving him chocolate chip cookies. they're ok don't worry for them. sara's in the other room having a milkshake i felt kinda bad for her yeah

ethan is asking the real questions

DONNA DHSJDHSJDHSH i love her

ethan 🥺🥺

ETHAN 😭😭😭

donna...

AW donna

THE HUG THE HUG THE HUG

Boyd youre not okay oh my god this man

oh fatima 🥺

OH SHIT

"We shouldve trusted you" no listen it worked out by fucking miracle okay

what an episode dammit

[appleatcha]

I had a long winded thing typed and tumblr deleted it 😭 so here we go again !

I wanted to waffle a bit about the shift in tone/aura of my blog lately.

My blogs vibe has shifted a lot since its inception, but I had really gotten into this "positivity inclusive (read: anti-trad/anti-terf) housewife" thing in 2023. And in the months I spent focusing on that in my life I learned so much about gratitude and positive thinking that has truly fundamentally changed my mental health and how I see and experience the world around me. But it always felt like I was just ignoring a huge part of myself.

I would come on here and write about gratitude and positivity and subconsciously I feel like I postured myself as this elegent and soft spoken lady when thats....not me at all. I am an air-headed and ham-handed lady that either doesn't take something seriously or has panic attacks over how serious i believe something is. I am awkward and stiff and most importantly I am NOT a positive, perfect kind of person that I feel like my blog gave off. I am an anxious mess and have a tendency to be negative. Which is a big reason why I focused so much on positivity and gratitude, which again has really positively impacted me. Even with my anxiety and mental health struggles I am way less negative than I ever was before.

I've mentioned before, but the end of 2022 brought up some challenges for me that I had never encountered before and never thought I would encounter. And I feel like I really grabbed onto the whole positivity/gratitude shtick as a way of avoiding coping with that. But when my I had to resuscitate my husband last month along with a few other stressful things that were new experiences for me, I think it kind of "uno-reversed" the stress of late 2022 and I had a real "I've lost myself bit" introspection.

I've said it twice, but the complete focus on positivity and gratitude and my role as a wife and a mother helped me so much. So much in fact, that I spent some time struggling with the thought that I'd lost myself a bit. I had this thought of "well, this way of thinking and living has done me so good, why should I ease off the gas?". But in focusing so much on that side of me, I was neglecting the other side of me. I couldn't tell you how many times my husband would sit me down and say something to the effect of "Nivids, you're going too hard in the sauce. You don't have to put all your eggs in one basket" and I would write it off. And as usual, here i am realizing that he knew me better than myself all along yet again!

So I've been trying to let loose on here. I refused to post about my interests on here beyond "nature, appalachia, housewife, positivity, gratitude, and occasional witchery" because I didn't think my weird interests or humor could mesh well with it. But im trying to just not give a damn. This has also coupled with an effort to engage in my silly weird interests in my real world life as well.

My husband points out a lot that I don't let myself enjoy my own things. One thing about my husband is that he drops some harsh truths sometimes lol. One big one is that 99% of the situations i feel i CANT do something, i am just not letting myself do it. For example, if I lament that I haven't had a chance to watch a video I've been waiting to watch because my son has been watching his stuff on TV, he will say "you can tell him he's had his turn and watch your tv" and I think "wow, I guess I really did just want to feel powerless to validate my inaction huh". And I think I've been doing a lot of that self-regulation this year to cope with everything that's been going on.

All of that is to say, I am sorry if you followed me this year because you are a fellow housewife and enjoyed my peaceful, nature-centric positivity and are like WTF happened to this girl when I start posting Mary Reilly, Chris Fleming, and clown doll lmao

[stop-pressing-e]

The Lost Swan - Chapter 22 (Part 1)

Prev chapter | New chapter Prologue

/Another chapter that took me a while to write while also focusing a different chapter for a fresh palate cleanser lol. I decided to separate this chapter into two parts since it’s gonna be a long one. So have this while I work on the second half of it. We’re nearing the end for them.

Enjoy reading!/

Mentions of: Needles, abuse, torture, antagonist being a manipulative and creepy asshole,

A penlight shone over Krauser’s eyes, watching for a reaction and waiting for a response. Krauser stirred from the lingering effects of the sedative injected into him, unsure how long he had been unconscious from it. When he tried to move, something was holding him down. It took a moment for his vision to clear and get his bearings straight. Voices were distorted, a conversation swapping back and forth until the sound of his groan silenced them. Once his vision had cleared up, the first thing he saw was Dr. Rowland, with clean bandages, staring at him, possibly smiling behind those wrappings. 

Krauser took note that he’s in a large laboratory that acts as a surgery room. He looked down briefly to see himself not wearing a shirt, his gear stripped off, and a collar around his neck. He bared his teeth at him, snarling.

“Half an hour.” Dr. Rowland said with the nod of his head. “Impressive how your body can handle things such as a high dosage that was injected into you.” Krauser tried to lunge at him but the straps held him back and he jerked back into his chair. The leather straps dug into his skin when he tried to move and when he tried to break free using his brute strength, Dr. Rowland pressed a button to electrocute the mercenary, practically smiling with morbid glee to watch him scream and twitch in his bonds. “I’m not letting you ruin my little moment here, Mr. Krauser. Definitely not in front of her too.” He threw a side-eye with the cant of his head and Krauser followed his direction to meet her blank gaze.

Standing tall like any soldier he had trained in the past, 392 had her hands tucked behind her back, her shoulders back, and her chest out, her posture too stiff compared to her previous mannerisms in the past until it relaxed. She wore her hair up into a tight bun and with her large bang pulled back to reveal her left eye socket, and she was wearing Sugar Plum’s black jacket, neatly pressed and fully buttoned up with its collars flattened down to reveal the collars of a dark grey shirt with matching pants, and black boots.

Krauser can only stare at the state of the woman with horror written in his eyes and then it flickered to rage when he turned back to Dr. Rowland. Had it not been for the straps or the collar, he was going to twist his head back and watch his body fall like a ragdoll. 

“She rejected my love,” Dr. Rowland shrugged nonchalantly at his reactions, brushing off imaginary dust off his shoulders and made his way towards 392. “I stripped away her identity.” Her head turned to his direction and bowed her head towards him, allowing him to cup her jaw and angled her head towards his direction. “The last experiment of that damned project who became the first to survive. Imagine how long it took us to create a proper perfect weapon and you can’t even replicate the same techniques onto the next subject. Not even on a dead body.” He pulled his hand away and threw it across her face. The force of his slap forced her head to spin back in a different angle, making her face the wall across her with a red mark left on her cheek. 

The sight of the slap forced Krauser to jerk in his restraints, pulling one of the hinges of the straps and getting himself electrocuted again. The doctor tutted with the wag of his finger. 392 meanwhile twisted her head back into place. “But imagine dealing with this nuisance for fifteen years and her constant turnovers to keep her where she was. It took me over a month to decide that it’s for the best and go back to step one and to stay it that way, with some additions.” His hand gestured towards Krauser and let out a whistle for 392 to obey without a word. She made her way towards the small metal table lined with surgical tools.

There was a sight of five little stitches visible below her ear and fine red bruises surrounding it. It was clearly done recently.

“What did you do to her?” Despite all the rage that's burning deep in his chest, he did his best to maintain his voice as steady as he can. 

“Something I’ve been refining since my work’s destruction. Something I hope to do better once I have your blood and tissue cells.” The doctor snapped his fingers towards 392, making her pick up an empty syringe, stabbing it into his arm, and extracting his blood out. “You’re the only living being that contains the dominant version of Las Plagas and basically have total control of this parasite, possessing remarkable powers, with a free will, and what possibly means control of the weaker species. A perfect combination of human genetic alteration with centuries old organisms.” 392 set the needle down and picked up a scalpel and Dr. Rowland smiled behind his bandages. “It’s truly remarkable how much science has advanced but it’s the matter of people adapting to it. After all, take Subject 392, a nuisance I tell you when given feeble amounts so she doesn’t become braindead useless. Now look at her, I’m able to control her however I feel like it with the wave of my hand and I don’t need to tell her what unless so. Look!”

One twirl of his finger and 392 stabbed herself near the shoulder without a question or hesitation. She made no reaction to hurting herself let alone a wince after pulling the knife out. He didn’t move his hand but she proceeded to stab herself again in the forearm this time. Krauser could only claw his nails into the metal surface from witnessing the demonstration.

“Good girl. Be a good soldier and stab your only eye out. I know you won’t need it.” 

The weapon obeyed. Krauser was forced to watch her hold her eye wide open while she raised the bloody knife towards her face. 

“Dullahan! Put that knife down now!” He yelled at her, trying to see if his own orders could alter the command. “That is an order!” The knife was nearing her eye, never moving as the sharp tip grew closer. “Dullahan! Put the knife down!” “No, no, don’t listen to him.” Dr. Rowland practically had a morbid glee in his tone. “This will give me a chance to push that body to the limit rather than requiring muscle memory reliance when she’s blind.” He was serious about it and Krauser needed to stop it. He noticed during his struggle that his feet were not strapped down compared to his torso and his arms. Krauser wasted no time in angling his body to his best towards the side and kicked the little trolley towards her with full force, causing her to fall back and dropping the knife in the process.

This led Dr. Rowland cursed in his native language, swinging his arm in the process. 392 got back up on unsteady movements whether she was still under his control or not from his mad waving, clutching her head in the process. “Must you also be insolent! Soldiers nowadays have no clear respect!”

“Dullahan, listen to me. Get this damn collar off of me and free me.” He needed the collar off first so he wouldn't get electrocuted first. While the doctor is too busy throwing a tantrum to himself, Krauser continues to tug on his straps to break free. There will be a chance he will need to mutate if brute force alone cannot help him escape from them. 

“You do not control her!” The doctor snapped at him. “Soon I’ll put you through the same trials as she did and soon I’ll have two weapons under my command.” He soon calmed himself down and brought a finger to where his lips are, tapping it repeatedly at a jittery speed. “If you behave better than her, you’ll become my right hand and I can allow you to have control of her too.” The finger wagged in Krauser’s direction, almost mocking him. “You have carnal desires, I know of it. Don’t deny it since you’ve seen the files you’ve stolen off from Benno. Don’t worry, I won’t mind as long as she’s still standing and you do your job right.” 

Finally Dr. Rowland has ceased his talking, having strained the wounds on his face from his excessive rambling, and despite Krauser’s boiling anger and disgust towards him, he proved to be an annoying person to deal with if not dangerous. He’s still pulling the strings and trying to piss him off with all the information he had on hand and the taunts about his feelings towards Dullahan. He threw a look to check on her, noticing the finer details on her face. Other than the lack of emotions, there were also the dark circles under her eyes, her face pale, her lips chapped, and if he looked closely her eye was dilated and twitching. Her body language was still stiff and awkward like a robot in need of oil to move smoothly but he can see faint trembles on her right hand that is stained with blood after stabbing herself. 

This is the result of what that mad man has done to his lover. He thought about the promise she told him if she went on this path. Was this it? Was he really going to give in and comply to end her suffering once and for all and then kill the man who did it? Who caused all of this for his own sick gain and his own revenge against R.A.S too? 

That had him snapped. The power of the plaga was kicking in.

“392, prepare the machine.” Dr. Rowland said when he set the remote down and picked up the needle containing the paralysing agent. “The sooner the better we will have him under my command and I will make sure he will put you into place correctly for good.”

Krauser let out a guttural scream as the transformation happened, transforming his arms into large grotesque mutations and breaking free of his bonds. All hell broke loose and he was seeking blood. Dr. Rowland attempted to stab the needle into his chest but Krauser was faster, thrusting his bladed arm forward to destroy the agent and throwing his large clawed hand on the table, destroying the steel furniture and the contents on them such as the remote control deeming the shock collar useless. 

“I will not let you hurt her anymore!” He screamed at the doctor and threw his grotesque hand to grab his head but Dr. Rowland ducked. 392 sprung into action to protect her employer, starting by throwing a flashbang she took from his gear blinding and deafening both Krauser and Dr. Rowland. With Krauser stunned, she picked up the fallen surgical table and swung it at him with full strength to force him down and further disorient him, allowing her chance to grab the other disoriented man to escape out of the surgery room. Right by the door she punched the emergency button, alerting every soldier and unlocking any locked doors in the underground facility. 

In the safety of Dr. Rowland’s office, 392 received a harsh slap across her face. “Don’t you ever do that again when I’m in a line of danger! Insolent bitch.” He went over to the monitors to check the cameras and pressed the intercom. “I need all personnels to the second floor and deal with Jack Krauser. Do not kill him! I repeat, do not kill him. I need him alive!” One of the monitors caught his attention and he was this close to screaming. “You, I have a different task for you to deal with first should these incompetent soldiers cannot do their job right with him.” A large heavy sigh was made while he ran his hand over his bandaged face. “Such a menial thing will become a hassle in the near future. No matter. I need you to deal with the traitors and stop them from ruining anymore of my work. Kill them. I don’t need her anymore and I certainly don’t want the other one.”

392 bowed at him. “I have something you can use against them. One of the orderlies found something from Mr. Krauser’s bag that I think it’s perfect for you to use.” He pulled out two staffs of different lengths with one of them showing to be a sword hilt but no bladed weapons on them. Upon picking them up, a sword and an axe blade came to life, forming its desired shape and hardened. The weapons held snug in her grasp and she caught a name engraved on the sword guard. It was the same name Krauser called her but nothing rings a bell but reading it, it feels like it means something more than a name. “And you should wear this.” He brought out a blue jacket that looked oddly similar to the black jacket she’s wearing but the state of it was ruined by tears and old dried blood. The logo and the name imprinted on the right breast caught her attention. 

R.A.S. The name she was familiar with.

“I took the liberty of removing that stupid black patch. It looks perfect on you with its current state.” He watched the weapon remove the black jacket and put on the black jacket leaving it unbuttoned since it’s missing two of the buttons out of four. “Now go. Show me your full potential.”

For once the blank expression she has borne on her face has twisted into a wicked grin and filled her eye with malice, and when she opened her mouth, she let out a loud wicked laugh.

To be continued...

[trans-advice]

Heya! So I hope this is an alright place to ask for advice on what to do about anxiety relating to my gender identity, as it's been really bothering me lately and I don't know what to do.

I've been identifying as trans for the past 5 years and have wanted to get on T and such for a lot of that time, but it wasn't until the past 2 months that it actually became a possibility. and during the waiting period i've noticed my anxiety has increased a *ton*

I've always been a really anxious person as well as someone who needs time getting used to change, but the anxiety about my gender identity and wondering if i "really" know what I want is very new, and picking apart at even tiny things as reasons i shouldn't transition. I'm so scared that i'm going to regret my decision someday (even though i know its what i want right now and have spent actual years researching and considering it) or that i'm wrong, that i'm scared to even start. It's been really difficult to deal with feeling like i cant trust my own sense of self- and it doesn't feel like the same thing as if i was questioning but i'm scared of it meaning something. I've noticed it gets worse after i come across anti-trans rhetoric but not always, sometimes its related to my face changing on T. and part of it might be my brain trying to push myself into a binary category i don't fully fit in, but other than that i'm really lost on how to manage this

So, I guess what i want to ask is if anyone else had had any experiences like this or advice on how to manage or what to do, or reassurances? I really don't want to be not actually trans or have medical transition not be right for me. I've been looking forward to it for so long

Besides the not fitting into a binary part, this comes off as cold feet, especially if it's something you've wanted for 5 years. Ask for microdosing, ask for help stopping once you get the changes you like.

One of the problems I was told of going back & forth between male & female hormones is you get headaches each time you switch hormones. -- The outcome of HRT is a more of a spectrum. Like granted it has a high satisfaction rating but mileage varies on how much change & which changes happen.

As for anti-trans rhetoric, there's a lot of rape culture objectification & apologia involved when reducing people down to their genitals (such as by anti-trans people). So then trying to figure out how to deal with those sorts of threats can lead to reactions like fight, flight, freeze, fawn. (Seriously, a lot of cisgender supremacist denialism about trans people not disclosing their transness as proving trans people's "cisness", has to do with the pericisheteronormative patriarchy seeing gender roles as a duty, our consent be damned. Gaslight, gatekeep, authoritarianism.) This is partly why gender dysphoria is a form of minority stress.

Good Luck, Peace & Love,

Eve

[neteluvr-library]

OKAY ITS ME IM BACK AT MY RE-READ OF CARDIGAN...i thought i would be able to knock out the entire cardigan series in a weekend but i just realized its gonna take me longer than that AHAHA anyway im just really excited so without further ado...

This place filled you with so much warmth. It was clear to you the bond these people had to each other, to the clan, to the nature surrounding them, was something you will never experience for yourself, something your mum talked incessantly about every day, and you suppressed a small cry at the sudden loss of a connection you didn’t even know you longed for until now.

I feel this exact same way except its about the fact that i live in a non-walkable city 😒 AHAAH just kidding...but not really. i want to hold atan and tell her everything will be alright. BABY YOU GOTTA LET YOURSELF BE PART OF A COMMUNITY THO!!!!! i cant imagine how alienating (get it..) it must feel to grow up so close to such a tight knit community, but not be apart of it. it's like being a fish in a glassbowl.

“Y/N! I have missed you so muchhh, you have to ask mum and dad to let me come to the lab more often, I never get to see you anymore!!” She cried in your neck, still holding on to you for dear life. 

TUK WILL ALWAYS BE THE CUTEST!!!! i love their relationship throughout the entire cardigan saga. i will be really sad when the next movie comes out and tuk is grown ):

“Feels just the same as being 17, I’m afraid. Was really hoping the Universe might give me some sort of sign or epiphany or, anything, really, but, in reality, I feel the same as I did yesterday, and all the days before that.

HONEY YOU GOT A BIG STORM COMING!!

Neteyam couldn’t stop staring at his baby brother’s back as he carried you in his arms, and he couldn’t stop the twinge of jealousy that bubbled deep beneath the surface.He got to carry you, he got to touch you, he got to laugh with you every damn time he pleased, and now he gets to introduce you to your new life. 

WELL THATS TOO DAMN BAD NETEYAM I WONDER WHOSE FAULT THAT IS!!!!

“Guys, I know I have not reacted in a way appropriate for the sheer insane size and meaning of this gift, but I promise that despite my very slow processing times, I am incredibly grateful and happy for this. I cannot believe something like this is even possible, and I can believe even less that it was done for me! But while I struggle to comprehend the magnitude of what’s going to happen to me, let’s open some presents!!” 

THIS ALWAYS MAKES ME GIGGLE...like atan just got a life changing gift and the only way she can respond is with this formal ass thank you. NERD ALERT!!!!!! but also i don't like opening gifts in front of people because i cant hide my facial reactions so this is valid.

You may think you know everything because you sit here hunched over books written by humans who couldn’t see even if it hit them in the face with a stick, but you know nothing about the real world. Nothing about what’s waiting for you starting tomorrow, if you do this. Tell Norm no.” 

BRO HE MAD!!!! SUCK MY DICK NETEYAM...the audacity of him to think he can leave atan behind then tell her what to do. i know its his defense mechanism but DAMN!!!

I always expected you to outgrow me. I just had an ounce of hope you would have enough decency to do it while looking me in the eye. I felt like I earned that, after all the blood, sweat and tears I gave you.” 

): ): ):

andra bb i always feel like im in your mentions, replies, inbox, and likes and i feel so annoying AHHAAH but please excuse me because im going to try and annotate chapter 4 and 5 (its 12 am so i might not finish) BUT I REALLY WANT TO ANNOTATE MY FAVORITE CHAPTERS SO IM PUSHING ON

Illicit Affairs | Chapter III: Exile

Pairing: Neteyam x Human!Reader (later Avatar!Reader)

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X

Synopsis: Your 18th birthday has finally arrived, and with it, a gift that will change your life and your relationships - forever.

Warnings: angst, mentions of death, cursing

Word Count: 3,9k words

A/N: Hi Guys! The 3rd chapter is finaaally here, and 'm happy to say that whilst so far everything's been mostly intro and world building, things will be picking up very quickly. Hope you enjoy this story of two very broken people finding each other <;3

"You were my town Now I'm in exile, seein' you out I think I've seen this film before So I'm leavin' out the side door"

You didn’t dare look back at Neteyam. No, you kept a straight face and your gaze forward as you walked towards the village, engaging in small talk with your 3 friends, who were more than willing to fill in the silence by themselves. They knew you liked to keep to yourself and knew better than to take it personally. 

Your friends also knew, despite not mentioning, that this is a colossal feat, getting you out of the lab, getting you to leave your comfort bubble that you, willingly or unwillingly, built for yourself the past 18 years. Kiri fondly remembers you as a child, wild and free, running around barefoot on the grass and mud as if Pandora and her trees were just your own personal playground. She took a small gander at your feet, now safely covered with a pair of black Converse sneakers, the likes of which she’s seen other humans wear before and tried not too dwell on all the moments that lead you here.

You arrived at the village after a long, pleasant walk. You were fascinated with the Pandora flora, and wondered if you were ever going to get used to it, ever not have your breath hitch in your throat at its beauty. You hoped not. Your heart started to race as the sound of people idly chattering filled your ears. Soon enough, you began to see fire and tents, as the Na’vi were making their way back home at the dusk of another day. You saw some of them removing game from the back of their pa’li, others filleting a huge fish that you recognised as a dinicthoid, and as you walked further in, saw kids running around playing with toy ikrans and laughing amongst themselves, as their mothers lay on the ground watching them in adoration. 

This place filled you with so much warmth. It was clear to you the bond these people had to each other, to the clan, to the nature surrounding them, was something you will never experience for yourself, something your mum talked incessantly about every day, and you suppressed a small cry at the sudden loss of a connection you didn’t even know you longed for until now.

You made your way to the biggest tent you could reasonably see, one that you quickly recognised as the Sully family tent. It was ornate and adorned with intricate designs and two large fire lamps framing each side of the opening. It was a sight to behold, and you realised that it hasn’t changed much since you last visited. You also started to take note of the stares boring into your side from all around you and felt grateful at how close you were to the tent’s entrance. 

Almost on command, Jake Sully peered out of the tent and you watched as a wide smile replaced his previously confused expression. He was a handsome man, as much so now as he was in the still frames of your past. He was dressed in celebratory garments, a fiery red loincloth dropping from his waist and a dazzling beaded neck piece that matched. He had several arm bands circling his arms, and you took note of the way the colour palette matched that of Toruk, and how well that seemed to compliment him. He was a handsome man, you thought to yourself. Damn the Sullys and their genetics.

“Y/N, my God you’ve grown. What the hell happened??” He said, enthusiastically. He circled you curiously and eyed you intently. You tried not too blush at the sudden scrutiny and how it mirrored your own just a few moments ago. “You have time to lift weights in between experiments??” 

You let out a small laugh. “Hi, Jake. It’s good to see you, it’s been a while.”

“It’s been too long. You never visit, but we’re hoping that will change soon.” He said, then eyed the kids behind him, and whatever expression he was met with made him quickly bite on his bottom lip and turn around, as if to stop himself from saying any more. 

A small shriek came from behind him, one that you instantly recognise and you smile widely at the little girl, who, since you last saw her, somehow became as tall as you.

“Tuk-tuk”, you say warmly and watch the animated figure jump up and down and encircle you roughly in a bear-hug. Damn, she’s stronger than you already, you sighed. 

“Y/N! I have missed you so muchhh, you have to ask mum and dad to let me come to the lab more often, I never get to see you anymore!!” She cried in your neck, still holding on to you for dear life. 

“I know, dear girl. I missed you, too. I’ll make sure it will never be this long before we see each other again, how does that sound?” You speak to this child you love like your own sister in Na’vi, her English skills the least proficient. She nodded her head vigorously and with that, let go. 

She took your hand in hers and made her way into the tent, and you felt relief flood your being at finally being out of people’s sights. Two majestic women, tall and mighty as the Valkyries in your mum’s Norse Mythology books stood by the fire. They were chatting softly to each other and stopped as they heard you come in. 

Neytiri and Mo’at looked at you intently and you felt yourself cower under the intensity of their gaze. Neytiri slowly approached you with movements so nimble and fluid you were thinking she could have made a career as a ballerina back on Earth. 

After a while, she kneeled on the ground in front of you and placed her long, toned arm on your much tinier shoulder. 

“My Child, you have grown so much.” She smiled kindly at you, and you felt yourself tear up at her choice of words addressing you.My child…

Before you could stop yourself, you felt your arms cross the space between you and circle her neck. The necklace she was wearing scratched your skin painfully, but you didn’t care. “I see you. I’m sorry.” 

Neytiri’s arms tightened around you and you heard a smile in her voice as she said “Oh, my sweet child, you don’t have to be sorry.” 

You spent the evening catching up. You told them about your work in the lab, about how you all scrambled to find any cure or at least partial treatment to the illnesses that seem to have escalated recently among the tribes’ people. They tell you about training, Lo’ak and Neteyam’s training as well as Kiri’s, who has been spending most of her time learning the ways of the Tsahik, having a natural skill for it. 

You find yourself drooling at the delectable food, and are happy when Mo’at calls everyone to the meal around the fire pit in the centre of the tent. You wait for everyone to get a portion first, and smile fondly when Neyriti passes you a leaf with all the goodies on it. You dig in, realising how famished you actually were. 

“So, Y/N”, Jake starts, “how does it feel being 18? I remember turning 18, don’t remember much else about that day though”, he says, smiling proudly to himself. 

“Feels just the same as being 17, I’m afraid. Was really hoping the Universe might give me some sort of sign or epiphany or, anything, really, but, in reality, I feel the same as I did yesterday, and all the days before that. The food’s much better today, though” You finish with a grin, as you dig into another piece of teylu. 

“Right, well, about that.. us and the kids thought, with you spending so much time on your own, you deserve a special birthday and some special gifts. Now you can see them in the corner of the tent there, but I warn you, you’re not allowed to open them until back at the lab.”

You peered over his shoulder curiously, and were again disappointed to have to wait for a surprise you didn’t want in the first place.

“After dinner, we can all go back to the lab, and you can open them in the hub while we watch, we know how much you love being surprised!” 

“Wow, going out after curfew, I actually do feel kind of special.”

“You should, kid.”

Putting all the wrapped objects on the back of a Pa’li, you watched as Jake mounted his own and motioned for you to get on, in front of him. You did as you were told quietly, and the entire family made its way towards the lab. It was a much quicker journey back, and soon enough you found yourself dismounting in front of the cold heavy walls of the hub. Before you could enter though, Lo’ak passed you a cloth of some sort, and wordlessly asked for you to tie it around your eyes. 

“Oh, come oon!”, you said with a deep groan, but obliged regardless. What was the point of resisting now. You knew one thing though, you were very excited to go back to bed tonight, as the emotional toll this day was taking on you was, although not worse than expected, heavy enough for you to feel its weight for days to come. 

As soon as you entered the lab and removed your mask, you put the covering over your eyes, and felt Lo’ak, you knew, pick you up from the ground and carry you bridal style through the halls of the hub. You couldn’t quite tell where you were going, but you heard snickering behind you, and soon enough, Lo’ak put you down carefully and turned you around to face him.

“Now, Y/N, you’re gonna turn around and we’re going to need you to not pass out. Deal?” 

“What? This is strange, guys.” 

You felt him turn you around and felt gentle hands unwrap the cloth covering your eyes. Your eyes took a minute to adjust to the bright artificial light of the lab, and then pause.

One. Two. Three. 

You couldn’t quite comprehend what was clearly displayed in front of you. You recognised your surroundings quickly enough. The Morgue, the other humans called it. A room where the avatars of the dead humans, now serving no purpose, were kept in their respective incubators. Your eyes were immediately drawn, as if on instinct, to your mum’s avatar. You never came here, you couldn’t. Your gaze then shifted to the incubator to the left of your mum’s, the one that hosted Grace Augustin, Kiri’s mum. On the right of your mum, though, there was usually an empty incubator. There, now floated and twitched a body, blue, tall and strong, connected to an artificial umbilical cord. You peered at it intently, something about it making you shift uncomfortably towards it. Suddenly, you felt yourself stiffen in shock, and heard a loud thud as the mask and the connecting oxygen pack dropped to the ground. The new blue body looked like… you.

Neteyam couldn’t stop staring at his baby brother’s back as he carried you in his arms, and he couldn’t stop the twinge of jealousy that bubbled deep beneath the surface.He got to carry you, he got to touch you, he got to laugh with you every damn time he pleased, and now he gets to introduce you to your new life. 

Neteyam, just like the rest of his family, has known about this for months, maybe longer. Norm, his dad’s closest friend, came to the village one day and announced to the family that him and the rest of the scientists worked tirelessly for years to figure out a way to make you an avatar, and with a lot of help from your deceased’s mother’s work and research, as well as some of her DNA, they cracked the code. The newly made Avatar was a miracle of sorts, nobody having thought it would be possible to create on Pandora, so far from all the resources normally used to make one back on Earth. But they did it, and it will be ready in time for your 18th birthday. Norm wanted to make sure, if it succeeded and you accepted it, they will in turn accept you in the village, just like they accepted Jake so many years ago. He wanted you to be able to have a life, not just a body, and be able to finally be free of the shackles you have created for yourself for years on end. 

Neteyam couldn’t tell how he felt about it, partly due to the fact he’s stopped himself from thinking about it since he’s found out. Whilst his siblings and even parents were buzzing in excitement, he was scared. If you were to now be there, in the village, in his life, every day, he will be forced to deal with you, with the two of you, and the feelings he knew were buried in him for a reason. He stopped at the top of the stairs of the room where he knew the Avatar lay. Nobody cared about him at the moment, and, as a result, was relieved to figure out he doesn’t have to join you in the room and see your future body, currently inanimate and floating in liquid he didn’t know or didn’t want to know the origins of. If this was to happen anyway, he’d rather meet you properly, and see if the same flicker of curiosity and unruly smile could ever reflect in the same way it does on your current face, the one that still haunts his dreams.

You couldn’t formulate words… or thoughts, for that matter. You stared at the Avatar for what it feels like hours, and finally, Norm cleared his throat and spoke.

“I know this is a lot to take in. But we wanted your 18th to be special, Ace. We have been working in secret for years to get this done, because you deserve it. You deserve the world, and you can’t have it in this lab. This world also deserves you. So now you can go and show it what you’ve got.” 

“We’re so happy for you to join us, my child.” You heard Neyriri join in. 

“Do you want to see the gifts we made for you?” Tuk jumped in, enthusiastically.

With a last look at your Avatar, you turned around and faced the people you knew would be looking at you expectantly. You didn’t know what the feelings you were feeling were, but they were all fighting to take over, and you felt yourself becoming dizzy. Steading yourself, you recognised that words will have to appear on your tongue sooner or later, and you managed to get out a whisper “Sure, Tuk-tuk, let’s go!”

Everyone around you exchanged weird looks; they really thought you would be a lot happier about this than you were. You tried your best to put on a happy smile and react in the way you knew people would be wanting you to; after all, this was indeed an incredibly nice, thoughtful and attentive gift, not to mention damn fucking impressive, and whatever trauma the thought of having to pilot this Avatar brought in you, it was something you were going to have to deal with by yourself, later. 

“Guys, I know I have not reacted in a way appropriate for the sheer insane size and meaning of this gift, but I promise that despite my very slow processing times, I am incredibly grateful and happy for this. I cannot believe something like this is even possible, and I can believe even less that it was done for me! But while I struggle to comprehend the magnitude of what’s going to happen to me, let’s open some presents!!” 

You made your way slowly towards the recreation hub where all the packages were placed on one of the long tables. You chuckled awkwardly and took one of them in your hands. The wrapping, you realised, was the same material like the one used to make the Na’vi loincloths. 

The one you held in your hands currently was blue. You unwrapped it, careful as to not damage it at all, and was shocked to see a dazzling necklace, one of the most beautiful ones you have even seen. It was a leather chocker, which adorned green and red stones, and it reminded you a lot of the bracelet you were currently wearing. You turned around and looked at Kiri, whose masterful hands you knew crafted it. She was sitting on one of the benches and you couldn’t help become emotional looking at your friend, your amazing friend, who you have known all of your life, and who always collected trinkets from the woods, trinkets that now will decorate your new body. 

The next package was heavier, and upon opening it, you were shocked to discover a rider’s mask, like the one the Na’vi wear when flying an Ikran; it was brown and braided and had bones adorning it. The lenses were translucent and shone in iridescent hues as you looked at it from all angles. You were in awe at the inadvertent admission that someone thought you capable of one day passing the Iknimaya, and you felt quite confident in saying Lo’ak was the master behind this gift. 

“I thought, you will definitely need it one day, and I wanted to get a jump start.” He says, as if reading your mind. “You may not know it now, but I think you were born for this, Angel.” 

You had no words to say to that, but were touched at how Lo’ak always seemed to believe in you more than you believed in yourself. You took a silent oath to try to live up to the version of you Lo’ak kept with him in his heart. 

The second to last package was also quite small and seemed to rattle as you picked it up. As you unwrapped it, you didn’t quite make sense of the bundle of feathers and chains, but eventually Neytiri kindly stepped in and untangled it, and you realised it was a top, a beautiful, sheer top, and you found it hard to believe this will actually cover anything. You were excited to put it on though, and felt a tingle of anticipation for tomorrow that was not there before… these were yours, for your body, for your future, a future where riding your own Ikran might be more than just a dream of an out-of-reach fantasy.

“Thank you so much.” You wanted to say more, you wanted to tell them the turmoil in your heart and how scared you truly were, and how you wish they would understand and reach over and heal the broken mess that was your mind so you could finally just go, get out of this place and make your life something actually worth living, but you couldn’t make any other words come out. So you just said thank you.

As the family and the scientists continued chatting, you managed to slip by unnoticed out of the recreation hub and made your way down the hall, looking for the missing Sully you knew would be somewhere in here, by himself. You were so mad at him, so much resentment had built up in you from the year you’ve spent apart, from the less than ideal reunion, and from his continuous attempts to avoid you at all costs. It was your birthday, for god’s sake. He could at least pretend to be happy to be here, even if only for the sake of the memories you shared. 

You found him in your room, looking over the books in your makeshift library, mindlessly playing with something in his large hands. His ears twitched as you approached, an obvious sign he heard you, but made no effort to acknowledge your presence. You half smiled at the view, and tried not to remember all the other times he has been in your room, just like he was now. You sat on your bed and waited patiently for him to speak, like you once used to do. It might take some time, but he always spoke.

“I don’t think you should do it.” He says, without looking at you. 

“You think I shouldn’t do what?”

“This, the Avatar thing. I think it’s a bad idea.”

You sat there, in silence for a while while his words twirled in your mind like his green bracelet was twirling in his hands. You didn’t realise your mouth was wide open until you felt it dry up and you swallowed involuntarily in response.  

“Excuse me?”

He turned around to face you and you saw a hard look mark his features, the old Neteyam, your old Neteyam merely a long-forgotten dream. 

“You’re not going to make it, Y/N. You haven’t spent more than a week outside in the past 3 years. You may think you got this, cause you work out in a dark stuffy room with some weights and jump a rope, but it’s not going to mean jack shit when you’re out there, in a wilderness so harsh it claims brave Na’vi men and women’s lives every day. You may think you know everything because you sit here hunched over books written by humans who couldn’t see even if it hit them in the face with a stick, but you know nothing about the real world. Nothing about what’s waiting for you starting tomorrow, if you do this. Tell Norm no.” 

The rage you felt blossomed like deadly nightshade and you knew whatever it was you once felt for Neteyam was dead and buried six-feet-under in that moment. You let out a bitter chuckle and rose up from the bed, placing your body in front of him.

“You know, when I saw you standing here, in my room, after all this time, I felt some sort of sick hope. I hoped you had finally come to your senses and decided you would apologise for the way you’ve treated me. For the way you left. I’m not stupid, believe it or not. I never expected whatever we had to last. After all,  it was only a matter of time before the mighty future Olo’eyktan realised his attentions are better focused on more worthwhile things, like training, or, I don’t know, finding the best future Tsahik. I always expected you to outgrow me. I just had an ounce of hope you would have enough decency to do it while looking me in the eye. I felt like I earned that, after all the blood, sweat and tears I gave you.” 

“You know, I fucking hate surprises. I just never thought you’d be one of the reasons why.”

The silence felt heavy and all you could hear was your panting breath, as you were trying to reign in your tempestuous emotions and the tears that were threatening to spill from your eyes. 

“Get the fuck out of my room, Neteyam.” 

You found yourself forcefully taking the bracelet from his much larger hand and removing yourself from his path, motioning towards the open door. He left without saying a word and you shut the door behind you with a loud thud.

So far 18 was not your favourite age. 

[solardick]

U I O

Mommy, I’m afraid. I’ve never said mommy before. I don’t want to go. Through another change. I don’t know anyone here. Everyone’s French. I’m always singled out. But- I don’t want to go.

God damned man. Yes, yes I am. Thanks for noticing. It’s rare in fleeting moments to see that from a passing stranger.

Everything is evil. There’s nothing in life for me.

Oh wait. There already is another girl. Lol. Like a transition girl. I liked the way she talked. Redhead. Which was already brought up a couple times. The forst time. I was like what? Why would i care? No whatevwr. Privably druged that coffee today. Hopenit doesnt keep me up all night. Sleep is the onyl time the world stops and there nothing. Intil i opne them again.

Maybe ho bsck to art instead of watching everyone in existsnce pretend to be someone they ate not. No human interaction at all. Since all my availibale social means arent very trustworthy are they.

And honestly. I dotn like redhead dna. Oh my god im - racist. Time ti take anothwr beating.

Naw man, i may look all sexy and manly and all. And i may look all smart and all to everyones spite. But now. Im actually just sma fully receptive woman. I have no cock. Im net here to f@&$. Im here to be fuckd. Learn to enjoy it. 39 years andcoubtibg. It never gonna be different. Buy a couple dildos. And get an anema bag. Shave head to toe. Body hair is a turn off and i want to be a sexy as i can. Make my man. Or men happy. Live a sacrificial life. And not build myself up. Just be fully sexual. No need to connect to anyone. I just need so e dick. With wahte ever they injected me with covid. Choice is mych taken away anyway. And i qant to feel proud of my accomplishments. Even if that means getting them off. I want to be thanked and encouraged. Too bad i cant bear you children. Im baren. Cause indotn have a womb. So inlose anyway. I cant hive that to you. And it makes me sad. They bette rhave huge cocks cause. Your pussy little 6 inch isnt enough. Do ‘t want uou being smallesr than me. That be a turn off. Since thats the onyl part that matter. The rets of it. Is just gross.

Was enjoying the experience of the feminine mentality. In a safe secure way. But then they raped my spyche.

Not like i have any experience being masculine in any other way than object placement. Not allowed to be. Just the destructive, evil side where “instinct” has full control. Sangerous stuff but whatever. I remember how i was. And it sickens my heart. There’s no control. Oh well im just a sick fuck that need to be fucked. Feed the desease. And not the cure. Thats all life has ever done. Sorry if i wanted soemthign different for once. To go with me “being on my own” away from degenerate violent sources coming from inside my own home. And shading everywhere else. I dont want to be alive anymore.

Yup. Ok.

Heres my “ new” identity. Im a total fag.

There going to keep doing this to me for the rest of my life aren’t they.

No, she back. The whole fucken shop is just fucken with me. What’s new? That’s all life is. Since my first memory.

Ill just keep doing wgat im doing until tgey fuck me back onto the street. Then hooefully ill have a rffle by tten that i can suck off until i blow my brains out.

I aint dealing with tjose ficken cocksuckers today. Give me a fuvken written punishment for heing abusef afain. Go for a walk and enjoy the sun.

Well ill have my IHF course completed soon enough. Takes a first step. And it gives me something to look forward to. A way out from being the devil’s bitch. Mmmnn the sun feels nice.

Go and treat myself. Sone lively dialogue with done pretty women. Sunshine. Well noy anymore. Cloudy. Pick up some more things. Wash my own back. It’ll be nice.

I walk in, there she is staring me down again. A guy, who abuses the term sans design or however its spelled. Your coffeees and ice cap or something. Because i carried it from timmy’s not in a thermos. Wasnt hot. Getting cool. Mostly drunk. Talking over and through her standing in between with her back tunerd only slightly showing the front. I pause. “ it will be once i get inside. Dudes hyped on speed getting straight to work while i calculate the sheet. And set up the work station. Already inside loading it up. Ok then. Helped the station beside me. Insulating rhe freezing from getting in. Poorly parked vans. Well im ready now. Lets go to work. Nope. Processing the mind rape games. Was left just standing around waiting. Getting more depressed by the minute. Sitting at the table. Dead. People wanted to see. So then ealked passed trying to be unassuming or whatever. But as soon as i got in and the office and saw me. Depressed. Gave a sigh of disappoitnemt. Like i should be in a good state. Yeah ok. Sure. So i left. I could barely function. I chose suicide.

What you fucken speedo. Getting mad at me cause im fucked. Yeah sure leave. Bye. Ill do the van myself. No? What your back? Who you gonna be positive and try and display a healthy bond. Ok. Thats cool. We can do that. But no. I was just left standing around. While not knowing the details about wtf? Crates? What you tlaking about. Ok ill just stand arounf for the next hour.

When it is enough, man. Or was i just born to be tossed around and damaged? 39 fucken years and counting.

Your nothing but a bad influence. Your nineties punk rock mentality. Negative associations to everything. Giving none smokers nicotine. Bitching about your cowerkers stupid bs. And then give them cigarettes. Your first approach to me was handing me a speed pill. I was flabergasted at what the fuck your were trying to do. Fist bump? Ok. No? What? Hand shake? Wtf? Ok. Oh your giving me somethign. Oh its drugs. Ok. Maybe one day if i ever needed it. Its cool that you chauffer me around. Even though i always insist that you didn’t. Thanks for the shit. Though. Its cool to have some furniture. And im polite and social with uou. But i dont like you.

Ill work with the dipshit. If he wasnt talkign about cocks and gay shit. Be militant.

There sidetracking accomplished. Stay the fuck away from everyone. Keep doing it till they toss you back int the sea again. You’d think that after all these years. Youd be a good swimmer. Naw. Inwas never a good swimmer. Its one of the only things i ever did poorly at. And and guitar. Lyricsl notes are beyond me.

And they’re never going to stop fucken with you. It’s for life. Born in hell. Tortured all the way through. Parent just equal violence. Brothers just equal violence. I apparently just equal sex. Theres no parents there. Just a fool for a father. Childlike. Being the youngest of a sized family. Temper tantrums and absence. Or stupid jokes. Like im a still baby. Mother is unstable. Freaking the fuck out in fits of bs. Never known a stable things. Homes, schools, jobs. Threats. Always threats. Growing in an oppression. Keep things to myself. The external always. Its always. I yeah. Nursery rhymes are olaying. You auto corrected to olaying.

[septembersghost]

On the bright side harry's house turned 1 yesterday. I remember feeling disappointed after listening to first half of it. Also the drama surrounding h made me put off from it too for a while. Then I actually later connected with some individual songs after he was pulled away from media and after the grammys. But yesterday was the first time I listened to it all the way through. And damn! Its indeed an experience. It's a no skip album when you listen it together. Even Boyfriends, the weakest song on the album fits so well. I understand the concept of him going from cheery optimistic to wistful melancholic. Grapejuice just became my favourite. (I pay for it more than I did back then reminded me of put a price on emotion I am looking for something to buy). I don't know why some people said cinema is the worst song because it was such a bop. It was the first time I listened to it and while it's no slow hands it was pretty good for a sex song in honeymoon phase? And I am sad I missed it out when it was released but I am glad I didn't listen to it in the drama phase. So it helped that I could dissociate the songs from everything happened there. Overall it's such a wonderful album. I get why it was popular. It also had an intimacy that you can only find if you search for it. It is a vulnerable album if you know where to look. Cant wait for hs4!!!!!!!

🥺😭🥰 this makes me so happy. it's such a terrific, vibey album from beginning to end, and i've talked about this a lot, but it's felt so welcoming to me from the beginning, like sitting at a kitchen table with a warm beverage and flowers and the sun streaming in. i listen to it front-to-back all the time because it's such an enjoyable experience that way. (grapejuice my beloved...that's taste.)

I understand the concept of him going from cheery optimistic to wistful melancholic. exactly, and that's threaded all through the record, even in some of the more upbeat songs, the melacholia and wistfulness will come through or lingers underneath. the intimacy and vulnerability are what really make it work - the heart in all of it, and the shifting ideas about love, about home.

is this my moment to stand up as a shameless cinema enjoyer? "it's you! and i'm not getting over it!" the sexy confidence masking uncertainty (do you think i'm cool too?). it's such a bop idc. the production on it is great.

i'm so glad you could have this moment with it at a time where you could truly enjoy it and take it all in - it was waiting for you, you came to it when you were supposed to, and now you can have it with you for new memories. 💖

i'm not sure if it's true or not, but i read harry reupped his contract with columbia recently (not surprising because that's where he established his imprint) with another three record deal, and that hs4 is in the works and will probably come next year, and i'm excited for that too!!!