#but damn! the dysphoria and hopelessness is hitting hard today...
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#today's one of those very embarrassing and shameful days#where i can't look at a trans man without being filled with the most horrible envy and sadness#i obviously can't hate a person for living their truth and being happy about it#i am happy for them as well#but in the back of my mind there's a horrible darkness and hate that scares me and makes me feel so guilty#i don't think i've ever outwardly shown that (why would i?) but it's in there#the envy and jelousy is in there#and i know it is very much a ME problem. it's about my own anxieties and my own lack of self worth#but i don't know what to do about it idk how not to feel this way#and i hate it#so what do i do? nothing... just avoid looking or reading or thinking about trans men on T until it passes#but damn! the dysphoria and hopelessness is hitting hard today...#(but one good thing i did about it today at least was changing my name on linkedin lol)#personal#angel talks
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