#but crowley calls azi angel because he tries to save people

[zionworkzs]

Half-baked fic idea of the day: Crowley owns the local bar, and Aziraphale is the local Alcoholics Anonymous leader.

[aziraphales-library]

Lost Fic #142

1. Hello! Maybe you will be able to help me? I'm searching a fanfic that I read a while ago, but I only remember one scene. Aziraphale and Crowley are in the bookshop, C has past-abuse (by Hell (?) can't remember what). They're starting to be intimate and C assure that A can do anything to him. A is not convinced and say it. They argue a little until A ask C if he would be OK if A hurt C. C's eyes became empty and he turn his head saying "yes, if it's what you want"(Of course, that's not) Thanks ! - anon

2. I'm looking for a fic but the only thing I remember about it is that there's a line where someone calls crowley a "punch-clock demon" and he responds with "actually, I'm salaried". I have no idea about anything about the rest of the fic but that one line was so funny to me that I haven't been able to get it out of my head for months and now I just really want to know what story it came from - anon

3. Hi! First I want to say that I love what you're doing here, helping people find fics and giving recommendations and it's just amazing, thank you. I'm searching for a fic I stumbled upon and read before I had an ao3 account and have never been able to find again. I'm pretty sure it was written in the earlier years, a while before the TV show came out, because I don't remember it having any more recently popular tags. I don't remember the title but I do remember most of what happened in it. Aziraphale was given a, like, new trainee angel, he was a young boy, to "show the ropes" and teach how to be an angel. The new angel just couldn't understand what was going on, there was a lot of frustration with really complicated angelic math problems,  and somehow managed to mess up a miracle so badly it turned into a huge man-eating slime blob, except that instead of eating people everyone it touched turned into, like their opposite self? Something like that? And the rest of it was the characters trying to find and stop this rouge miracle from wreaking havoc. It was incredibly hilarious. Interestingly, it's probably the only fic that I absolutely loved that notably /didn't/ ship aziraphale and Crowley. In fact, aziraphale was shipped with a human guy. Usually I hate that kind of thing in fics but this one was so funny and well done it just worked. Aziraphale got touched by the miracle and suddenly decided he could spread God's love better by going into the porn industry and having sex with various men. XD Meanwhile, Crowley got touched by the miracle and became, like, really nice? Idk I remember that he was wearing a sweater vest or something lol and his apartment was different somehow In the ending, they realized that the miracle had somehow ended up in Hell and were fearing the consequencesIn the beginning, the guy aziraphale was eventually shipped with gave him a kitten, I think, to petsit while the guy went on a trip and aziraphale was less than pleased I think the kitten got turned into a big dog or vice versa probably because the miracle touched it So I know what it's about but not much that would help me find it, much gratitude to you  if you canThanks :) - @aceartistactivist

4. Hello hello! I’ve scoured existing tags, but can’t find the fic I’m looking for. Angst, Aziraphale is Gabriel’s sex slave, he and Crowley become friends through snatched moments on Earth when Aziraphale can break away, Crowley buys Aziraphale books and keeps them safe in his flat for him, they eventually fall in love. Happy ending.  Thank you for any help you can provide! - anon

5. hey y’all! happy new year! i’m looking for a pretty specific fic i can’t track down. it was set in pompeii as the volcano was erupting and crowley and azi were saving people. then they play in a river and maybe there’s wing grooming? it wasn’t illustrated, was one chapter, and was likely rated T or under because I don’t read smut. like i said, super specific but i’ve tried looking everywhere and can’t find it! i figured you lovely people could help. thanks so much! - anon

If you know any of these fics please include the number in your reply! Thank you :)

- Mod D

[theshippirate22]

For the Good Omens/ Taylor Swift Game

for @mx-heinous!

Don’t Blame Me

okay this has always very much been a johnlock song to me so listening to it with ineffable husbands in mind was like transcending.

Let’s just appreciate the Reputation-ness of this bit right here. Now I know it’s supposed to be like vaguely lewd but I’m thinking Angel Crowley screwing with God because he doesn’t understand why they’re doing any of this shit and asking too many questions

It’s giving that wall scene at the Garden of Eden. Maybe it’s the mention of paradise, maybe it’s the juxtaposition of “darkest” and “paradise” that feels like them in white and black i have no idea. that’s what i’m thinking though

Actually, we should be calling them Zero-Preservation-Skills Husbands because they’re constantly losing their minds and crossing the line to protect each other. I mean Crowley alone spends 90% of his screen time saving Aziraphale’s ass. Aziraphale saves him in… well, he tries to get him out of his ridiculous hare-brained schemes lmao

instantly thought of this scene. Also the time he burned his feet. And the time with the gun. And the time with Satan. And the time with Job. And the time with… well, you get it. Meanwhile Aziraphale was stealing holy water and directing a Laudanum -drunk Crowley through a cemetery and shielding him from the rain and… basically doing the same. Which goes against everything they stand for, really. Also the idea that a) they’re praying to a Lord they don’t have faith in to deliver them is such an iconic poetic thing and b) addicted to each other is just AHDBENXJSBX

Fam I can think of one (1) singular occasion when Crowley calls Aziraphale by his name and it’s during his manic freak out in the middle of a burning building. He decided his name was Angel, and it stuck.

“You have my word as an angel” Ah yes the first lie Aziraphale told. Using his angelic status- his halo- to hide how much he really cared about humanity (and Crowley, for that matter)

This is the enemies to lovers pipeline from Crowley’s pov. Poison ivy is a weed, it’s dangerous, and it’s unwanted (“plenty of other people to fraternize with”) but a daisy is something you specifically let into your garden, and it’s objectively beautiful to an observer (“the bookshop is technically mine but we both get good use out of it, don’t we?”)

Literally Crowley fell from Grace. Also begged Azi to stay during The Scene™️

Thank you for asking!!!

*SEND ME A TAYLOR SWIFT SONG AND I’LL TELL YOU EVERY LINE THATS ABOUT INEFFABLE HUSBANDS AND HOW*

[ellicler]

ok here’s my take on the Emotional Make-Up & Moral Journey of Aziraphale. it’s Much Too Long because i can’t be concise i’m sorry

(1) book!Azi is a stone cold bitch who behaves Nice most of the time because he’s the laziest person in existence, and Niceness is the path of the least resistance for him. ‘why can’t we all just be friends and get along’, literally. (see here for the best way to put it: ‘The thing about Aziraphale is that he very genuinely and sincerely wants to be good and make the world a better place, but he also very genuinely and sincerely wants to accomplish this without any significant effort.’) he’s also very invested in the idea of himself as a Good Person and that’s why he buys Heaven’s party line hook line and sinker. he’s a very black-and-white thinker, and stubborn as the proverbial ass, so he holds onto this idea the longest he can. but when he snaps, he snaps. after Metatron in the book tells him definitively that saving humanity is not something Heaven has any interest in, we later get treated to this beauty of a speech:

I mean, you're right about the fire and war, all that. But that Rapture stuff well, if you could see them all in Heaven—serried ranks of them as far as the mind can follow and beyond, league after league of us, flaming swords, all that, well, what I'm trying to say is who has time to go round picking people out and popping them up in the air to sneer at the people dying of radiation sickness on the parched and burning earth below them? If that's your idea of a morally acceptable time, I might add.

And as for that stuff about Heaven inevitably winning . . . Well, to be honest, if it were that cut and dried, there wouldn't be a Celestial War in the first place, would there? It's propaganda. Pure and simple. We've got no more than a fifty percent chance of coming out on top. You might just as well send money to a Satanist hotline to cover your bets, although to be frank when the fire falls and the seas of blood rise you lot are all going to be civilian casualties either way. Between our war and your war, they're going to kill everyone and let God sort it out—right?

afterwards it never occurs to Aziraphale to stand back, give up or shut up. it’s him who convinces Crowley that making a heroic Last Stand before Satan Himself is a good way to go.

at the center of Aziraphale, there’s this steel of moral righteousness and absolute conviction, and it’s a beautiful thing to see it freed from the shackles of the false ideology that used to blind him. now he follows the moral compass that’s always been within himself, and he has no problem admitting:

"There are humans here," he said. "Yes," said Crowley. "And me." "I mean we shouldn't let this happen to them." "Well, what—" Crowley began, and stopped. "I mean, when you think about it, we've got them into enough trouble as it is. You and me. Over the years. What with one thing and another." "We were only doing our jobs," muttered Crowley. "Yes. So what? Lots of people in history have only done their jobs and look at the trouble they caused." "You don't mean we should actually try to stop Him?" "What have you got to lose?"

Aziraphale has always known all of this, all about how ‘good and evil are just names for sides’, but only after finding a new moral bedrock to stand on he can allow himself to admit it. to his credit, once he commits, he is ready to stop defending his past beliefs and actions (because now he’s a Good Person once more!).

(2) show!Aziraphale is also very invested in being Nice and A Good Person, but there’s a deep underlying anxiety at the core of it. he’s very afraid of being not good enough, of breaking out of the mold, of showing any sincere emotion (if it’s a negative one it’s obviously Bad; if it’s a positive one it might be... out of place?? about a wrong thing??), so he copes with all social interactions by politely smiling and shutting himself off and following the script of I’m A Nice Angel.

(i can’t help to mention that this is the way I’ve experienced being raised up as as a Good Girl, being told to always be the model of politeness and never disappoint my parents (who of course love me very much), or else. conform, be quiet, and then we all will have a nice time!)

i think the vision of Heaven we’ve been shown in the tv series reads very much like this kind of a dysfunctional family. All Angels are Good intrinsically, except for those absolute monsters who have Fallen, but you’re not like them, are you, sweetheart??? we love you, but only if you do everything we say and keep being everything we want you to be.

Heaven doesn’t even need to threaten Aziraphale much, because it’s not about fear of actual material consequences. it’s more about fear of rejection, of becoming undeserving of love because you’re not a good enough person anymore. this sort of early subtle manipulation that equates obedience with morality is the reason why Aziraphale can never allow himself to admit that something is wrong, that he disagrees with what they say is Right, and this is why he indulges in hypocrisy so much: it’s the only way he can survive. in order to carve a place out for being himself (thankfully, Heaven leaves him alone on Earth for long stretches of time), to be selfish and take pleasure in loving things (books, food) selfishly, and, of course, to ‘fraternize’ with a certain demon.

I should mention that show!Azi is also a selfish bastard at heart, but it’s more mercurial and harder to see than in the book, because he tries much harder to hide it from himself. he’s more anxious about rejection, because for him morality (being Good) is much more tightly linked to Never Being Called Bad, never being unpleasant to people. (which is why he’s totally okay with Crowley 'disposing of’ people on his behalf and never thinks of interfering - but is very resistant to doing it himself.)

he doesn’t have book!Azi’s feeling of self-righteousness at the core (‘I’m on the Right Side so everything I do is Right’) and thus he cannot really afford anyone to call him out on being the least bit unkind. what this comes down to is, Aziraphale is so worried about perception that he forgets that actual kindness is proactive. if no-one calls him out on it, he can keep telling himself he’s okay. he dismisses most of his own moral impulses because he’s so tangled up in external validation of his ethics. which is a profoundly selfish disposition, of course: it’s much more about making himself feel good about his choices than making actually Right choices. in order to internalise the sense of morality, he first needs to trust himself to exist independently, and his story is precisely about that. (’I made Michael conjure me a towel!’ ah, the final separation, what a beauty.)

Crowley is much more central to Aziraphale’s arc in the show, because it’s not just about rejecting the stifling conditional love of Heaven, it’s about admitting, yes, ‘we’re on our side’, there is a side to be on! and it’s the side of Crowley accepting him as he is, regardless of whether he’s Good or Nice or Right. Aziraphale’s journey is inextricably linked with his desire to just let go and admit that yes, he’s the happiest when he’s with Crowley, yes, they’re friends and when they’re together he doesn’t want to think about right or wrong. and that’s why the culmination of his arc, the strongest beats of the story, are in his dialogue with Crowley: ‘if you don’t do something, I’ll... never talk to you again!’ (= ‘I accept you and what we mean to each other’), Crowley telling him ‘you don’t have a side anymore, neither of the two’ (and Azi tacitly agreeing arguing and later doing the whole body swap thing, which is precisely them fighting against Heaven & Hell together), and just... the whole final scene in the garden and at the Ritz, which is about the confirmation: yes, we’re the same, you and me (’a good person’ and ‘just enough of a bastard’) and we have the world, I don’t need more validation than that, I can and will stand up against those who will try to manipulate my sense of right and wrong again, I know now that this is right.