#but can't tell if its an ulcer that got big

[mango-pup]

Snuggles with my best girl.

[enhafilthandfiction]

oh, im ok! thank you🥰(its a stomach ulcer but its healing now)

can i request a txt reaction where their fat!gf loses too much weight too fast because she literally cant eat anything so now she cant look at herself naked without crying?

TXT's Reaction to when you feel Insecure about your Body

A/N : That's good, I'm glad it's healing 💖 Thankyou for requesting, I hope I understood this request correctly and that I don't upset anyone in any way. If you're struggling with eating disorders my inbox is always open if you want to talk :)) And if you can, please eat, eating doesn't effect appearance or weight, remember that your gorgeous, pretty, beautiful, handsome and bombastic 😍

Check out my latest fic!

Pairing : bf!txt X Fem!reader

Warnings : Mentions of body image, food, reader not liking their appearance, lots of crying, slight angst, (not) eating, txt being very supportive and taking care of reader, Slightly suggestive in soobin's reaction!! Some cursing here and there.

Word count : 2,471 (about 500 words each)

Masterlist

★ Choi Yeonjun ★

"Y/n! Dinner is ready!" he yelled from downstairs, setting the table and waiting for you to come eat. He had been cooking himself lately, spending more time in the kitchen since he noticed you weren't eating as much.

He thought maybe you were finding it difficult to cook or maybe you just didn't know what to eat. This evening he made your favourite, in hopes that you would eat something. But when you gave no response and didn't show up at the table, he got worried.

He rushed upstairs and knocked softly on you bedroom door, not wanting to startle you. "Y/n, baby, are you okay?" he asked through the door, waiting for your answer.

"Y-yeah, I'm not hungry" you mumbled back weakly, making him pout, he could hear the sadness in your voice. Were you crying?

He opened the door worriedly, inhaling sharply and hoping you don't snap at him. Once he was inside, his eyes landed on your half-naked figure, leaning against the full body mirror, eyes closed as you quietly sobbed.

"Hey, hey baby" he called out, running at you and taking you in his arms "Shh, It's okay, it's alright" he assured, lightly running his hands through your hair, trying to calm you down.

You sobbed rapidly in his chest, hiding your face in his shirt, wetting the thin fabric. He could feel your cold tears against his skin, breaking his heart even further. "Y-you weren't supposed to-" you sob "-to see me like this" your lips quiver, feeling ashamed.

"Shh, calm down baby" he shushes "Wanna tell me what's wrong?" he pulls away, holding your face in his hands as his thumbs swipe away your tears. He smiles sadly at your red eyes and wet lashes.

You were only in your underwear, bra and panties being the only fabrics covering your body. "I -don't like the w-way I look" you sniff, looking at everything but his face, trying to avoid his worried eyes.

"You shouldn't say that baby, you're the prettiest person I've even seen in my whole existence" he compliments honestly.

"But I don't like my body" fresh tears roll down your cheeks "I've gotten so thin suddenly and, and this-, I'm n-not used to this" you explain, stuttering.

"Well I love your body and I don't care about thin or thick, I'd love you just the same" he explains back, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips "I love you Y/n"

You offer him a little smile, "I love you too Junnie" you sigh and hug him back, feeling his arms hug you tight against his body.

"Now I know you can't quite eat at the moment, but please do try" he pleads "And I don't want you staining your pretty face with tears anymore" he scolds, kissing your soft lips once again.

★ Choi Soobin ★

Things were getting heated between you two. You sat on his lap, his big hands holding your waist, lightly grinding you against him. His plush lips were on yours, his tongue exploring your mouth. His hands were wandering down to the hem of your hoodie, tugging at it gently.

"Can I take it off?" he asks, breathing heavily below you. You think about it for a second. Your body has changed a lot recently and you worry about what he would think if he saw you naked.

"Y/n? Baby you alright?" he asked you, noticing you zoning out in your thoughts.

"Ughh- yeah, sure" you reply, letting him take off the hoodie, leaving you in your bra. His hands hesitantly pulled of the fabric, noticing the way you dodged his question at the beginning. He payed close attention to your expression once he did, making sure you weren't uncomfortable or anything.

He looked at your unsure expression. "Here, I'll take mine off too" he offers, pulling his tee off his head. He wondered why you were behaving like this since you've did this quite a couple of times already. Did he do something wrong?

He pushed his thoughts away as you lean back in, kissing him a little harder this time. When he places his hands on your bare hips, you audibly whimper, your body squirming, trying to get away from his touch.

Just as his hands are about to reach your thighs, he feels a wet tear against his cheek, immediately pulling away when he notices you crying. "S-shit Y/n, what's the matter baby?" he asks, worried that he did something wrong "Did I make you feel uncomfortable?"

You shake your head no and he visibly relaxes, relief washing over him. "Than what is it sweetheart?" he questions, his hands coming up to stroke your cheek.

"Do I look ugly?" you ask, your hands covering your face, attempting to hide from him.

"What?" he asks back, completely dumbfounded "Why would you say that?"

"My body is u-ugly" you sniff, breathing shakily as your body shudders "I'm sorry Soob, I've lost s-so much weight and it's j-just not me anymore"

He sighs sadly, his arms wrap around your torso as he brings you down onto his larger body, hugging you close as you sob into his bare shoulder. "You don't need to apologize love, it's not your fault you can't eat properly at the moment" he assured, gently petting your hair "I don't mind if you lose weight or gain weight, its just a number anyway"

You breathe deeply as relief washes over you, trying to calm down and stop your tears. You pull away and sniff, his thumbs wiping away your tears. You nod and breathe shakily. "I'm sorry for ruining the moment" you apologize, sniffing once again "I just didn't know how you'd react since my form changed a little" you explain.

"No need to apologize sweetie" he reassures "It's totally fine, actually, do you want to watch a movie instead?" he asks sweetly, rubbing your sides gently.

You nod happily, getting dressed once again and settling under the covers with him as he puts on your favourite movie.

"I love you Y/n"

"I love you too Soobs, thankyou"

★ Choi Beomgyu ★

It was a nice afternoon and you and Beomgyu decided to go to the mall and get some new clothes for you, since he's been complaining about you stealing his shirts.

You went around the whole store, finally picking out some nice-looking shirts that matched your vibe or the he randomly picked out for you because he thought would look good on you.

He grabbed your hand, pulling you to the changing rooms, so you could try them on before buying them. Once you were both in the little cube, his hands were on your hips, his lips on your lips, kissing you deeply.

"Ugh, I missed you so much baby" he whined dramatically after he pulling away, making you playfully roll your eyes at him. You've literally been with him the whole day. "Can I watch you change?" he asked you all of a sudden.

"Woah, that totally didn't sound perverted" you scoff sarcastically. You were starting to feel anxious. You didn't want him to see you like this; half naked, when you couldn't even look at yourself half naked.

"Does that mean I could stay?" he asks hopefully, waiting for your answer.

"Uhh, I don't know Beommie" you admit, suddenly looking down, hoping he wouldn't ask why.

"Why? Do I make you nervous?" he asks joking, poking your sides and flicking his eyebrows up and down. You giggle at his actions but still don't give him an answer.

He suddenly gets serious. "Seriously Y/n, why? Did I do something wrong?" he asks, paying close attention this time.

"No Beommie, it's not that" you trail off, but he looks at you expectantly, encouraging you to continue "It's just that my body changed a l-lot and you might not like what you see"

His eyes widen in disbelief, eyebrows not visible in his fringe. "W-what?" he questions in disbelief "That's so silly Y/n, you know I'd always like you no matter what" he assures, sitting down on the little stool in the fitting room.

"Come here" he pats his thighs, making you sit in his lap. "Hey, I know you weren't able to eat that much lately which is why you've noticed a change in your body, but just know that whatever body type you have, I'll still love you the same, okay?" he assured, placing his hands on your hips and smiling up at you lovingly.

You nodded at him, leaning down to hug him, breathing in his comforting scent in the process. "Now get off me and try on these shirts for me" he ordered "Can you do that for me honey?" he batted his eyelashes at you, pressing s kiss to your forehead before you got up.

He couldn't stop throwing heart-felt compliments at you after every top you tried on, wolf whistling when you took off a top to try on another. "Fuck, I have the sexiest girlfriend"

★ Kang Taehyun ★

It was already about dinner time and you and Taehyun had just arrived home after a whole day at the gym. He loved working out, but especially when you were there; either watching him or working out with him.

You entered the bathroom, ready to take a quick shower when he opened the door, not knowing you were already in there. "Tae!" you quickly grab a towel and cover up your naked body, making him furrow his brows in confusion.

"What's the matter babe?" he asks you "You know this isn't the first time I'm seeing you naked right?" he says rather cockily, smirking at you.

You breathe out shakily. How were you going to tell him? You had changed so much recently, how would he react? Your heart sank at his question.

"Can we shower together?" he questions hopefully. You had already showered quite a couple of times before so it shouldn't be a big deal right??

"Umm" you think about it for a second, watching him as he takes off his top, showing off his ripped body. He was so confident with his body that it made you self conscious. "I don't know" your voice is unsure.

"Oh come on Y/n" he encourages "I won't get soap in your eyes I promise" he's taking his pants off, waiting for your answer.

"You can shower first, it's fine I can wait" you smile, already making your way out the door.

"But I wanna shower with you" He whines, trying his best to convince you. "Showering without you is cold and boring" he complains with a pout. He notices you dodging the action and wonders why.

Your face suddenly turns down into a frown, your eyes welling slightly as you try not to cry in front of him and embarrass yourself. You breathe out shakily, holding back your tears.

"Hey Y/n, it's okay, we don't have to shower together" he assures, giving you some space. "If you want to shower alone it's fine, but please tell me why. Did I do something wrong?" he asks, wanting to know why you've gotten so upset suddenly.

"No Tae, not at all" you mumble "It's just that I'm not as confident with my body" you say, voice laced with sadness and disappointment at yourself.

His heart sinks when he hears you say that. "What do you mean Y/n? You know I love you and your body no matter what" he comforts, now coming closer and embracing you.

"Y-yeah but now my body has changed a little" you explain, burying your face in his firm chest. You breathe in deeply, blocking away the tears.

"I don't care if your body changes or not, it's still your body and I'll always love it" he admits "Plus, I don't love you for your body Y/n"

"But you have such a nice body compared to me" you whine, feeling him hug you closer.

"You know I only work out so I can carry heavy things for you right? The muscles are only a bonus" he explains, making you giggle.

"Ew, you're so sweaty Tyun. You need a shower" you say suddenly.

"I won't shower unless you shower with me" he clarifies stubbornly.

He ends up praising you endlessly, making you blush whilst he gently lathers your gorgeous body up in soap, complimenting each part he washes.

★ Huening Kai ★

The day was finally here. You were seeing Kai after a few months since he's been on tour. You were feeling quite nervous, your body has changed a lot of and you worried about what he'd think. Would he even recognise you?

You were getting ready, when you hear the front door open. You run downstairs in shock, only to be more shocked when you see him at the door, already here.

"Surprise!" he announces, a big smile plastered on his adorable face.

"You're home early" you say, running up to him and giving him a big hug. He can't help but notice a change in your body. You seemed shorter, or perhaps smaller??

He doesn't say anything not wanting to upset you or ruin the mood, being happy to finally see you.

You were glad he hasn't said anything about your appearance. Maybe it was more unnoticeable than you though which is why he hasn't noticed anything yet.

Its only until dinner time when he confronts you about it. He's happy to see you trying to eat, but he wonders if you ate while he was away or if you have been forgetting to eat. He felt upset that he didn't remind you to eat over text.

"Uhh Y/n, have you been eating while I was away?" he asks, making you inhale sharply. You knew he would ask sooner or later.

"Uhh yeah. Well I tried to eat" you admit, watching him frown.

"What do you mean? Were you skipping meals?" he questions again, this time slightly worried than before.

"No no, I wasn't skipping meals, it's just that I wasn't really able to eat these past weeks that's it" you explain, giving him valid reasons to why you weren't eating as much.

He knew you were being truthful, relief taking over him since he was already starting to blame himself.

"I was actually a little worried" you admit "You know, about what you'd think when you saw me again" you explain.

He sighs "Y/n I hope you know that I don't mind your body. You could be short, tall, chubby, thin, I don't really care" he assures "I'm just trying to look out for you, as long as you're healthy it's okay" he smiles again, reaching over the table to hold your hand.

"I love you Y/n. And not just for your body"

"I love you too Kai"

Thankyou for reading!! I really tried to keep with the ask but i think it differed a little 😭 I hope it's still okay tho!

Inbox is open for small, short requests! It is also open if you just want to talk :)

Have a nice day and remember that ily <333

If you enjoyed this post, you can help support my blog by tipping me here! Anything is highly appreciated! <3

[starryknightace]

I had Top Surgery! (Post Op 1 1/2 Weeks pics)

[[MORE]]

Suprise! I had top surgery almost 2 weeks ago. It was a bit of a process to get to that point and i was literally counting down the hours til i went under. I kept joking to people i was most excited about my "induced 4 hour nap" more than anything. I got to my day surgery clinic early in the morning, to which i got changed into scrubs, was told to wait under a blanket to keep my body warm, and met with the nurse, anesthetist and my surgeon for pre op discussions. Then i was escorted into the operation theatre where i hopped on the table, got nice and comfy with blankets, tubes, oxygen mask annnnddd.... woke up 4 hours later forgetting i had surgery 🤣

I did this in my last surgery (which in comparission was more terrifying cause i had blood in my mouth and couldnt remember what happened to me), but i woke up and couldn't work out where i was, why i felt so dizzy and how i got clothed 🤣 i spent about 2 hours in the recovery room sat in a recliner chair dozing off, except to eat (cause i had been fasting prior) and drink. I did try to pee but couldn't which was frustrating 😅 then i was taken home, where i promptly went to sleep lol

I had my drains in for 72 hours and they were the worst part of recovery. I carried bottles in a pillow case and they had be be positioned lower than my chest at all times. Luckily i wasn't able to move much and while i was on strong pain medication i mainly slept. I had my mum stay with me for a week and i'm thankful she did cause she really saved my butt by doing everything for me (i really had to let go of my control which was weirdly hard, i just felt bad making her do things for me but she was happy to). The drains were uncomfortable and by the morning there were to be taken out i was really hurting where they were inserted. After they were taken out it was a blessing and recovery got A LOT easier. I had shallow baths every few days and my mum helped me was my hair. I had baby wipes for my armpits and chest area which again saved me from being stinky. I still mainly slept, or watched tv shows with my mum up until she left. She prepped me a LOT of meals before she left so i wouldn't have to cook.

Sleeping on my back was probably the most uncomfortable part (after the drains), because i'm a stomach sleeper. I have been managing to sleep though which has been nice (and Maple has been good, sleeping beside me all through the night!). I've been sleeping elevated to help with swelling. I actually got told off by my nurse while doing my week post op check up cause i was still doing too much. I went to Uni for a 6 hour workshop that day too and went to a costume showcase that night. Safe to safe i was exhausted the next day and didnt do much but sleep.

So i'm still quite swollen and bruised 1 1/2 weeks in, which will eventually settle down. my nipples seem to be taking well so crossing fingers the blood returns. I was worried about puckering but being able to closely examine my chest it's due to the swelling at the moment so hopefully that goes down too.

All in all i can't stop smiling at my chest - i finally feel like myself 😁

Some tips for those looking to have Top Surgery based on my experience:

MEDICINE

I have a high pain threshold - i was willing to go to uni a week post op because i could stand to - would recommend people booking off at LEAST 3 weeks prior to work/study if you can help it. I have only one class per week at the moment and its only theory so thats why i was able to travel and even then i was taken pain killers ever 4 hours.

In my mother's words "don't be a hero, if you need to take pain relief, do it". Best advice. I've weened myself off pain killers to 2 just before bed (panadine forte), or before i need to go out and do things (genral paracetamol). If you need to take more just do it - also write down when you've taken things (because its good to know how much you've had per day!) You can take iburofen and paracetamol intermittedly in 4 hour intervals (eg. Iburofen at 12pm, paracetamol at 2pm, another dose of iburofen at 4pm, etc).

You'll also be taking antibiotics - generally 3 times a day with meals. I also took probiotics 2 hours after taking my antibiotics to avoid the sideaffects of them (eg. Mouth Ulcers (which i did get dang it), thrush, etc).

I was also taking strong pain killers (for the first few days i took 2 every 4 hours then weened down to one per night). Be careful with strong pain killers - the thing doctors/people don't tend to mention is that they can be addictive/dependent drugs. Sometimes you would prefer to keep taking them and that can be an issue. I asked my surgeon at my 1 week if i could please get one more script of something a little stronger than paracetamol to take a night and it took a bit more of a discussion to get it. If you can try to get by on the paracetamol alone do so and remember you can alternate with iburofen every two hours.

WEIRD BOWELS

With all these medications you'll more than likely get constipated so adding to the list of medications i also took good ol' laxatives. The first poop after surgery was like 3 days later and it hurt 😅 the laxatives helped me after to soften my stools (cheat mode is when you're lactose intolerent and you eat a bunch of cheesecake whoops 😅). Also peeing was weird for the first week due to the anesthestics in me. It took me ages to pee, sometimes i had the feeling of needing to pee but nothing happened, and i was peeing like, every hour.

SUPPORT

Both in furniture sense and people sense.

My mum was my main support especially in the first week. She looked after me, my house and my cat. She grabbed things i couldn't access, drove me to my appointments, managed my medicine, cooked me food and generally just helped me around the place. Originally i only wanted her there for a few days but im glad she was there cause i was sore and out of it most of the time. Alongside her my two best friends were also a massive help - coming over to keep me company, drive me places, help me do my grocery shopping, tell me off for overdoing it, gave me plenty of entertainment (thanks to katie i finished wind waker!). Get yourself some support and let go of that control, you will honestly be too tired and sore to do anything anyway.

Make sure you get yourself some comfy pillows. I got myself a U shaped pillow and it has so far saved my neck so much pain. I sleep elevated which means more pillows to prop myself up. And pillows for my couch.

WASHING

So for the first 72 hours i was just a gross gremlin with dry shampoo because of the drains. My chest was covered in bandages so i couldn't wash that area anyway. After the drains were removed i was told i could have showers, but i opted for shallow bathes anyway. I was able to wash myself fine (just go slow), then i would put pants on and get my mum to help wash my hair. After my 1 week check up i started having showers, but stood out of the stream. I only have tape to cover my stitches now (i took them off for the photo) so am able to carefully wash parts of my chest and back i couldnt get to before. I can now wash my hair (slowly). Raising my arms is still not easily fesable but i can lift them to a certain point.

EMOTIONAL

Now, i wasn't as emotional as i thought i was going to be but i do know other trans guys who said they went through bouts of depression after their surgery. Its something to look out for. For me, it was emotionally draining to talk to people about it constantly. I didn't mind though and it was nice people checked up on me but it did wear me out. Its always good though to check in with your emotional state throughout to see how youre feeling. It's not an inmediate grattification, the swelling and bruising is a lot and it won't look right for a while. Also leading up to surgery people can feel fearful and doubtful, always chat to a loved one about your feelings! Personally i had no nerves leading up to surgery but afterwards i was constantly worried that i wasn't healing right. Talking to your surgeon will HELP trust me!

SCARRING

Ok this was a big shock to me so i hope this helps other people but scar medication/ointments don't actually work. I asked my surgeon about it and as a skin professional who has been studying the effects of scarring for over 40 years - this is a beauty scam you don't need to bite into.

"Time and your genetic biology are the only ways that help your scars heal, sorry to burst your bubble but save your money on that placebo".

Looking after yourself the first few months post op will help you get good results later.

Of course i understand if people will still want to buy scarring products but thought i would post the words of a professional too 😅 don't shoot the messenger on this one. And if you do decide to use the stuff then wait 6 months before doing so.

I think that's all i can think of at the moment. There's a really good private facebook group for top surgery and i got a lot of my info from there. If people are curious feel free to DM me, send me an inbox and i'd be happy to chat as best i can! My experience is based in Australia so people might have different expectations/experiences in different countries!

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈💛💛💛🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[gayerluke]

first of all of course, the fact that i stayed in bed until 5. except i havent actually slept in my "bed" for 2 nights, i've been sleeping on the couch with the cat bc he's sick - i'm not worried something's going to happen overnight, i just feel sad about it & want to spend time with him.

then i went to buy cat food at petsmart; i wanted to get his regular food plus some kitten food for the extra fat since he's having trouble gaining weight, but i couldnt find any wet food with a satisfactory fat content. i would've gotten some anyway but the only ones i could find were chicken which is what i'm trying to eliminate from his diet bc of his shitty skin allergies (allegedly but no confirmation yet that it's actually allergies or food-related). target was next door but didn't have any wet kitten food at all, so i retaliated by buying $130 worth of groceries, which in retrospect did little to punish the target corporation.

i had so much stuff i needed help getting it to my car, & when i was finally loaded up & ready to go i found a voicemail from my mom sounding very upset & telling me to call her immediately. i did & the dire emergency was that i had butt-dialed her & she needed to SCREAM at me for it which was very helpful.

when i got home everyone was very hungry so i had to rush everything in the house, feed the dog, then feed the cat & monitor him while he ate bc he cannot eat with his cone on & the second he finishes he scratches his face & rips it open again. as soon as he was done i took him to the bathroom & washed his chin with dawn soap & water, then washed his cone before putting it back on, which is what i've been doing after every meal. idk if it helps but no reason why it should hurt, & except for one big scab which is still finishing its job, his chin is looking better.

unfortunately i found some smaller lesions/ulcers last night farther down his neck, as well as one on his shoulder & a big one on his leg. the neck one also feels like it has a small adjacent fluid pocket. no fucking clue why he is rotting away & turning into a horrible sick mess throughout multiple body systems, but the doctor did say that his bloodwork, thyroid function, & kidney values all came back totally normal. i can't say it's a bad thing that they found nothing wrong but a fucking answer to all this would be great. his behavior & appetite are all normal, but even though he is eating great he has not put any weight back on since his ER stay, prior to which he'd dropped 2lbs in 2 weeks. he has lost only a few ounces, but he shouldn't be losing anything.

he is scheduled for a massive full-body overhaul next week, including head CT scan, rhinoscopy, bronchoalveolar lavage, upper GI endoscopy, & possible skin biopsy. again, these are 3 separate body systems that are all suddenly in freefall. i am hoping after the CT scan we can narrow something down & not do all of those procedures; i'm likely going to opt out of the skin biopsy altogether & take him to the animal dermatologist near my house bc i know it'll be cheaper & they helped when my previous dog got demodex. fortunately i'm allowed to be present for everything they're gonna do next week which is really neat as i'll be seeing & finding things out in real time along with the doctors.

anyway i showered & now i'm chillin with him (he's on my chest with his front legs literally wrapped around me) & thinking of what to eat for dinner now that i have a plethora of choices. thank you if you read this massive infodump.

jesus christ it’s already been a shitty ass day & i’ve only been out of bed for 3 hours