#but bulimia is BORING!! that shit is OLD NEWS!! can i PLEASE get another personality trait xoxox

[kaladin-sadblessed]

The thing any having an eating disorder wobble is that its so boring!! It’s so BORING!!! I’m sobbing my soul out in front of my best friends and there like “omg what mad awful traumas have happened to you today???” and you have to look them in the eye and say “potatoes”

[matildastuartsold]

hshq task twelve: a timeline

it reads as a semi lil self para’s and part news report...bc i didn’t wanna self para as a 3 year old. tw: abortion, implied drug used, mentions of underage, mentions of age differences, image issues, pregnancy, mentions of possible grooming, body image issues, possible signs of bulimia, 

december 19th, 1997

for the third time in the last four, almost five years, the town crier of edinburgh stood just inside the gates of holyrood announcing the birth of a third princess, named matilda. 

june 18th, 2001

at three years old, princess matilda made her first public appearance with her family at the royal highland show. the littlest princess made her appearance well known running off excitedly with yells of “maude-y!” following her, showing off her cartwheeling skills, and waving at everyone who looked especially those with a camera. 

november 30th, 2005 

she doesn’t know a life without the media and having to parade around them. like today, skipping through st. andrew’s day activities some of her earliest memories surrounded people with cameras desperately clicking and yelling the names of her mum and dad, her sisters and her. matilda liked it though, she could simply become the only name they yelled with a simple smile or a wave. she liked it, but she was tired of being called matilda. she didn’t want to be called matilda, she wanted to be called tilly, like her friends all called her. it’s why she turned around with a frown at the reporter who yelled matilda. “i’m not matilda! my name is tilly!” crossing her arms across her chest, she stuck her tongue out annoyed at the her full name. even with her mother and father’s scold of “matilda!” and her tilly let her father scoop her up in his arms making a face at the paparazzi as she was carried away. 

january 4th, 2010

“but i don’t want to go to gordonstoun!” not that even mattered, ever since her mother became a queen last year it was never even worth putting in her own thoughts, not that it ever had been. now though it was going against the queen, not just her mum.  tilly just didn’t want to go to gordonstoun with her sisters. it seemed so boring. still the press release was already out, trunks already in her room ready to be back. “if i have to go someone will regret it!” 

september 19th, 2011

crushes were nice, all the boys in her year, the year above her, some even in margot’s year paying her attention, she’d be dumb if she didn’t enjoy it. so what if she kept sneaking out with them to smoke cigarettes and drink beers on the roof. she likes the attention from it. what was the school going to do? make her do laps? please, she wouldn’t do it and they couldn’t make her. so she found herself giggling at whatever connaugh mcdaniels was saying and took the sip of beer he was offering, because all eyes were on her in a way that they hadn’t been before.

april 31st, 2013

“i’m the fucking may queen!” throwing her head back in laughter, tilly twirled around the flower crown a top her head never moving. sneaking out to go to beltane, was the smartest decision she’d made in a while. falling back against her favorite duke to be she’d been going almost all the way with frequently, she took the flask from her best friend, georgia, taking a far too long sip of the vodka. she was happily drunk, feeling the brisk spring air on the hill hit her. she didn’t care about the obvious presence from people taking pictures of them. it didn’t matter she was drunk and determined for her goal of the night, losing the v card. “richard,” she smirked up at him. “we should head back to the tent, your may queen demands it.” letting out a giggle she moved back going for another twirl as she reached for his hand.

july 27th, 2014

she still doesn’t understand what the big deal is, her mother pacing back and forth going on and on about propriety. catherine looking like a mirror of her mother’s upset. her father’s disappointment. “i’m sixteen, just because i’m under this bloody crown doesn’t mean i’m not gonna go out and have fun!” her eyes glanced at the various magazine and newspaper headlines in front of her. she doesn’t see the issue with it, minus the invasion of privacy, in the picture she’s just pressed against the wall making out with one of her guy friends. she’s hearing the words come from everyone’s mouths but she’s not listening. just blankly sitting there. 

february 3rd, 2015

“you’re what?! tilly you can’t sleep with your math tutor!” tilly turned at the exclamation from her friend, a look of confusion on her face. “why not? i need to pass and he apparently wants to fuck a princess it’s a win win! besides he’s not that old i doubt he’s even thirty.” besides it was better than any of the guys in their class asking to lose it with her. at least it would be good and she’d pass. she didn’t see an issue. plus it felt good to be wanted, to have someone want her and not want her to be like her sisters. who cared if he was a married man approaching his 30s? he wanted her. 

september 10th, 2015

she woke up on her bathroom floor in just the lingerie she wore under her dress before going out. not that she cared after all, she’d probs look skinnier from throwing up all the drinks from the night before. she brushed her teeth, throwing her hair into a ponytail. Wiping off the remnants of her make up from the night before she looked on at the stranger in her bed. “get out before a walk of shame is too embarrassing, for your own well being.” Watching the man leave she shook her head curling into bed ignoring her phone continue to blow up again and again, no doubt people seeing pictures of the night before. 

may 4th, 2016

“fuck! jesus fucking christ i look awful!” seeing the press release photo on the cover of the magazine sitting in front of her on the table, she picked it up and tossed it straight towards the trash can. looking back at her partner for her textile project, she gave her a look. another example of her being the worst of the family.  “tell me why you thought bringing a tabloid where i look awful in would really make a good study environment?” shaking her head, she picked up her phone seeing who could come over tonight, she might be able to convince richard to get on a flight. she’d slept with arthur a few times maybe him? there were more than a few posh boys at oxford she’d met on her visits. shaking her head she motioned at the fabric she brought. “they’re all recycled, should work for what we need.” 

january 3rd, 2017

"matilda herietta annabelle stuart how could you be so wildly irresponsible?!” her mother is screaming, her father looks disappointed. she knows she fucked up because it’s just the two of them. having her parents attention on just her, she could probably count the times that’s happened on just one hand alone. she doesn’t regret flashing the paparazzi though, the magazines printed with trainwreck tilly subtle covering where she’d lifted her top, but it was still obvious she had. “i was drunk, it was hogamany, i must have been black out by that point.” she knew it didn’t matter, watching her mother go into another rant. still, it felt nice for once to be the only person that mattered to her parents. 

 october 31st, 2017

she was didn’t know where she was really not that it mattered. she went up to oxford to party with the posh guys and all her. you could barely call the white lingerie she wore an angel costume, something she thought would an irony. she probably mixed too many liquors and too many drugs together. still she reaches for the hand of the guy she’s leaning on pulls him to a door, hoping one will be a bathroom or a bedroom. with her luck she’ll see what happened tonight on twitter in the morning. 

august 7th, 2018

they told her to be on her best behavior, that she’s technically working edinburgh fringe festival. still she thinks she’s doing a charitable deed. she’s buying these poor struggling actors alcohol and then getting into drinking contests with them. it’s all rather sensible if you ask her. she’s doing a charity besides it feels good being the center of attention. she’s sitting on the actual bar, a rather attractive actor from some play or some shit she watched today has his hand on her thigh. why would she do anything else? 

september 7th, 2019

she knew that the braemar gathering was a big deal, she’d been to it almost every year of her life. still it didn’t mean she wasn’t bored as hell after a day of it, it’s why she’d pulled richard aside at the noble dinner at balmoral later that evening. her own personal playground as a kid, she knew exactly which cupboard to push him in. it would have been so much nicer if her mother’s fucking cheif of staff hadn’t opened the door when she was on her knees. the yelling wasn’t even bad, it was the punishment. her life being packed into suitcases around her as she sat on her bed back in edinburgh 24 hours later. no what hurt the most was her mother’s last words to her before she got on the plane to dubai, “i wonder if you’ll ever stop disappointing me.”

december 23rd, 2019

“you’ve got to be fucking kidding me?! happy birthday, happy christmas, we’re marrying you off to the crown prince of venezuela! how could you do this to me mum? catherine just said-” she doesn’t think she’s ever been more furious in her life. opening the bottle of vodka and lining up the cocaine she said on her. “you know what i don’t care if i was drunkenly with him once, mother it doesn’t mean i want to fucking marry him! you’re ruining my life! forgive me, your majesty. i won’t forget from now on i’m your subject, not your daughter. have a happy christmas, goodbye.” she threw the phone, then threw a shot back looking at the lines she set up. “lola!” she screamed walking towards her suitcase. “i want to look sluttier than a prostitute whose rent is due tomorrow, a christmas present to my mother given my engagement. i don’t want to remember tonight.” 

janurary 21st, 2020

she knew for days, something was wrong. she wasn’t how she always was, then she got sick, consistently, three mornings in a row. sitting staring at the line of positive pregnancy tests that were in her bathroom sink she looked at cora rubbing her back comfortingly. “i need to call or text or- there are only two people i don’t make wear a condom and i haven’t slept with richard since september.” grabbing her phone she  sent a quick ‘come over now’ text. and threw her phone towards the bed. “burn the tests tonight, get them out of her, taking them to the fucking mcdonalds to throw them away if you have to. they aren’t gonna be anywhere near me though, it can not ruin everything. my mother already hates my existance, she’d send me to the fucking gallows if i ruined her one chance at getting rid of me. not a word of this to her spy either or catherine.” 

janurary 24th, 2020

it was cold and she was crying. laying on the chair in the doctor’s office, she held onto cora’s hand like it was her only way of living and she felt so much relief knowing that if she needed it neil would carry her out of the building. “i know, i’m not the model catholic or really any religion, but i still feel wrong, i feel guilty. i don’t know what else to do though.” so she cried, letting her communications advisor and his wife comfort her like they were her parents. sometimes they feel more like parents than her own. when the doctor comes in, tells her its going to pinch and might be uncomfortable, she lets cora distract her with stories of her and neil when they started dating. while she doen’t need him to carry her out, she leans on them both the whole way to car, letting herself come to terms that she wasn’t pregnant anymore. 

march 9th, 2020

“félix, i’m going to get fucking wasted at the beach,” she wasn’t sure when she got fucking domestic. she lives with her fiancé, they share a bed, fucking wedding magazines are sent to her. it feels like she’s in a snow globe. one where she barely recognizes who she is. she still looks in the mirror and remembers that if things had been different her stomach would probably have a bump now, not be the flat as it is. so instead, she’s taken to more day drinking, trying not to think about the thing only 6 people in the world know about and why it makes her feel so empty.

[fanfictionslut]

The New Kid // Jason Dean

The day is the same as usual, wake up at six, shower and get dressed then leave at seven to catch carpool with Heather and Heather. Nothing new or exciting, the same numb feeling in my body. It never leaves, at least it never leaves when I take my medicine. I'm fine without it but my mother keeps making take it. Dad leaving because of me made her think forcing pills down my throat will make him come back, but you can't fix what isn't broken. After getting dressed I walking across my yards to Heather's house, opening the gate with my set of keys I saw her outside on her patio waiting for me. I walked over and she smiled to see me, I smiled back, she is the only person I feel like my old self with. I walk up the stairs and went to the chair next to her "Morning Heather,".

She grinned "Morning Alyson, what's on the agenda today?" she asked. I grabbed my bag and pulled out a list "Not much, we have our vocab test today" I started earning a shit from Heather "Then the lunchtime pull, and that's all" I said putting it down.

She raised her eyebrows "Shame, I was hoping for more," she told me. Heather never liked to be in one place for a long time, she always needed something to entertain her. I looked over at the garage opened and her dad's car came out. She stood up "Alright, let's get going," and began walking.   I stood up and looked around "What about Heather?" she looked back to me and her eyebrows raised "She'll find her own way, now come on Alyson," I sighed and walked with Heather. Hopefully Heather is right about Heather.

When we arrived we left the car and headed to school the bell ringing as we went in. I saw Heather waiting for us at the door, putting her long blonde hair into a ponytail "Hey Heather, Alyson," she smiled at us. I smiled back "Morning Heather," I said grabbing my math-book "Come on, were all going to be late," I warned them. I had classes with Heather, Heather, Heather, and Veronica so I got to spend a lot of time with them.

Heather looked around "Where's Heather?"

Heather laughed "Don't worry about Heather, she'll find a way," she said walking into the building.

Heather looked at me and I shrugged "Wheres Roni?" she shrugged back. I nodded and walked in continuing to talk to Heather. If there is something I like about Veronica it's that she doesn't have to be near Heather to feel confident.

We went to our first class and I took notes as Heather and Heather talked back and forth, Heather came in late during second-period and got detention. I told her sorry and she said it wasn't my fault, it was Heather's. The day went by normally until around third period, my American History with Heather.

I and Heather sat in the back, despite me not liking to, she was talking to Ram Sweeney. I looked over to his buddy Kurt and he smiled at me "Hey Alyson," he said putting his arm on my chair. "Hey Kelly, what's up with you?" I asked. Kurt and I had been friends for awhile, we've flirted back and forth and done some stuff but nothing too serious.

He looked around "Nothing much, got a game tomorrow night," He said excitedly.

I smiled "Anything I can do to give you some school spirit?"  I asked leaning towards him

"You could go out with me tonight," he chuckled.

I gave him a flirty smile "Love to," I said before the door came opened and we all turned to see the teacher. Our teacher Mrs. Davis came in along with a tall boy, she stood in front of her desk and the boy followed turning the looked at the class. I must admit, he is hot as hell.

He was tall about 5'9, messy dark chestnut hair, pale skin, a sharp angular face, and a long black trench coat. He wasn't my typical guy but how he looked, he looked so...mysterious. Mrs. Davis smiled "Quiet everyone, quiet! Now, I would like to introduce our new student, please be welcoming to him, this is mister Jason Dean. If you would like to tell the class a little about yourself go ahead, if not you can take a seat where ever you would like,"  She said going to sit down, Mister Jason Dean nodded and instead of talking he just looked around for a seat. I glanced over to the seat next to me, empty.

He smiled and started walking toward me "That seat taken?" he asked.

I shook my head "No, go ahead," He nodded back taking his seat. I smiled at him before I turned to focus on the teacher.

The rest of day went by fast and soon lunch came. I walked along with Heather to the caf, she looked around "Wheres Veronica?" she asked as Heather and Heather came up to us.

"I haven't seen her all day," I told her. I started to look around, she was nowhere in sight, that or I couldn't see her through the crow of people.

She looked at Heather and Heather "Go find her," she ordered. I looked at her my eyebrows furrowed "What are you planning?" I asked.

She giggled "I'm going to play a little prank on Martha Dumptruck, you've never talked to the loser so you can't do the handwriting," I and Veronica are very good at forging peoples handwriting, but Heather was right, the last time I spoke to Martha Dunstock was in second grade.

As we waited Heather went on about something annoying her but I tuned out as I saw the black trenchcoat swoop through the cafeteria. Looking at JD he went to a back table only accompanied by a sleeping student, he sat down pushing his tray away from him and pulled out a thick book, reading calmly. He seemed so mysterious and different, unlike most of the kids in class he paid attention. Intently taking notes and not paying attention to the other student's stupidity, seeming unimpressed with their cruel attempts. I wish I could be like that, just not care and focus on myself "Alyson!" I heard Heather yell.

My eyes shot over to her "Sorry Heather, zoned out," I said sheepishly.

She frowned "Are you okay? You've been wired acting all week," she asked. It was moments like this I remember childhood Heather, a Heather who wasn't a piranha.

I nodded "The usually, mom won't stop trying to get me to take my pills and when I refuse she gets pissed and tries to fight me," I said leaning on a cafeteria table sighing.

She rolled her eyes "She's such a bitch," she said laughing, I smiled and laughed too "I wish my parents would let you live with us," she said. She looked around "Who were you looking at earlier anyway?" She asked leaning towards me. I went to say something back but Heather, Heather, and Veronica came to us.

Heather picked up her red clipboard "Sawyer, Blake, guess what today is?"

Veronica dropped her food "Ouch, what's the question today?" she asked standing up. I stood up to "The same thing she was going on about on the phone yesterday," I rolled my eyes as did Veronica.

We began walking around and asked the lunchtime poll to different people, today's question "You win 5 million dollars from the publishers sweepstakes but the same day the big headed guy gives you the check, aliens land on Earth and say they're going to blow up the world in two days, what do you do?" We got many different answers including but not excluding;

"Easy, I'd just slide that big wad over to my father, he is the one the top brokers in the state," "If I got that money, I'd give it all to the homeless, every cent," "I'd go to Eygpt, with a girl," "I'd use the money for an end of the world get together," "I'd pay Veronica or Alyson to sit on my face and have her ride it like the Kentucky Derby," "That's got to be the most spooky ass question I've ever heard,"

All of them just made me (except two) just made me go; what the fuck? Manly Ram but still, some people are just horrible. Not that I was paying much attention, I kept looking at JD and he seemed to be looked back at me too. As we walked back to our table Heather started freaking out as Martha got up with the note in her hand walking over to Kurt and Ram's table. As Heather, Heather, and Heather waited with anticipation Veronica and I looked at each other bored with everyday life, especially this part of it. My eyes shot back as I heard Kurt's loud laughter as he threw the note to Ram he began laughing too. I frowned and shook my head looking away from the scene, I looked over to JD and saw him throw one of his hands up tired of what was happening too.

I sighed as Veronica left and Heather went over to her "Makeup check?" I asked Heather and Heather. They nodded and we left for the bathroom, going across Heather and Veronica who followed us into the bathroom. As I went I saw myself in the mirror, out of all of this I wore the least makeup, just some lipgloss, and mascara. Heather fixed her makeup while Heather stood fixing her hair next to her, and Heather went into a bathroom stall to puke up her lunch. Veronica came to me "You see the new kid?" I asked her, she shook her head "Check him out when we leave," I told her.

She furrowed her eyebrows "Why? Does the great Alyson Maria Blake think a guy is cute?" She teasingly asked. I laughed a little "Maybe she does!" it was true, I had never had a legit boyfriend. The only guy I had kissed was Kurt, that's all we did just make out and I'd let him do some under the shirt stuff but we never went the full way. Yes, I was the only Heather who was a virgin still as a junior.

Heather peaked over the stall "Veronica! Come here please," she said. Veronica looked to Heather and Heather "A true friends work is never done," she said popping up one of her fingers "Gross," we all said in sync. Veronica went in pulling out her nail filer "You know Heather, maybe you should see a doctor," she suggested. Heather chimed in "Or get over it, I mean come on, bulimia is so '87," she said while walking towards the door "Come on girls, let's take another look at today's lunch," Lunch was always horrible. It could make anyone puke at the sight of it, as we went out the door Veronica saw JD. I could tell she was just as obsessed as I was.

Heather smiled and looked at us "God you two, drool much? Veronica, his name is Jason Dean. He's in mine and Alyson's American History class," I smiled and turned to Heather taking the clipboard lets to see what he thinks about the question. I walked over and he smiled seeing me walk towards him "Hello Jason Dean," I said to him. He smiled up at me, giving me a better look at his face. He had bright hazel eyes, sharp angular cheekbones, thin eyebrows, pink full lips, and soft locks of chestnut hair. He gave a small wave "Greetings and salutations, you a Heather?" he asked furrowing his eyebrows.

I laughed "No, I'm an Alyson, Alyson Blake," I said moving a seat out to sit with him, "Now I have a really stupid question," I told him. He smiled "There are no stupid questions," he told me.

I bit my lip "You win 5 million dollars from the publisher's sweepstakes but the same day the big headed guy gives you the check, aliens land on Earth and say they're going to blow up the world in two days, what do you do?" I asked.

He looked around "Well that's the stupidest question I've ever heard," he started "Ah, I don't know. Probably row out to the middle of a lake somewhere, bring along a bottle of Tequila, my sax, maybe some 'Bac,". I cocked up an eyebrow "How very,".

Out of nowhere, my chair was pushed out the way and I felt myself get pulled upwards, looking to my right I saw Heather standing by me angry. I rolled my eyes "Hello Heather, Jason Dean this is Heather," I said smiling at Heather, she looked to me "Come on Alyson, I need your help with my math homework," She told me pulling me away "Goodbye Jason Dean," I waved. He waved back "Goodbye Alyson Blake," he looked down and picked back up his book.

As Heather pulled me back and I argued with her I hadn't seen the two football players go towards JD, Ram Sweeney and my date for the night Kurt Kelly. As we got to our table I looked at Heather "What's your damage, Heather?" I asked looking at her.

She rolled her eyes "Oh please, Alyson he's good for nothing. He looks like a school shooter, the only thing you could use him for a one night stand, I'm doing you a favor!" she exclaimed. Yeah right, I thought, that's why you went behind my back two weeks ago and spread a rumor that I fucked a geek. Before I could say anything else two gunshots rang through the cafeteria and my head spun back to see JD holding a gun and Kurt and Ram on the floor clutching each other as urine surrounded them. My mouth fell open in shock, I looked up at him and he smiled to himself. He looked up at me and the principle busted through the doors, he let out a loud fuck, before ripping out a page from his book and grabbing a pencil.

He scribbled something done and went towards the principle, he stopped when he got to me "If you ever want to talk here's my number doll," He said throwing the piece of paper onto our table before he left with the principle, leaving the whole cafeteria shocked and I intrigued.