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basicallywhiterice · 5 years

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Night sky: Seo Changbin

Pairing: Seo Changbin x Reader

Genre: Friends to lovers

Warnings: Cursing

Word count: 5.2 k

Summary: Changbin’s eyes hold the night skies.

a/n: Happy birthday binnie! You’re my bias wrecker, but my very first fic is centered around you… the power that you hold… enjoy!

•••

The first word that comes to mind when I first see Seo Changbin sitting alone in my Tech classroom is dark: dark eyes, dark hair, dark clothes, and a dark aura.

That is, until he breaks into one of the brightest smiles I’ve ever seen. It isn’t necessarily big or overpowering, but it’s genuine and unashamed.

My second impression of him is that he’s the physical embodiment of the night sky. Dark upon first glance, but littered with stars and illuminated by a radiant moon.

After we exchanged greetings, I sat down next to him and struck a up conversation. I learned that he was double majoring in business and music, and in turn told him my major. We talked about our hometowns, our aspirations, and what we hoped to cross off our bucket lists by the end of the year. Before I knew it, the classroom was full and our professor was greeting our class.

Changbin seemed like someone who knew exactly what he was capable of and was authentic with everyone.

I liked him as a person already.

“By the way, Changbin, we’re friends now. Ok?”

“I’m more than ok with that, actually.”

Of course, becoming close friends with Changbin didn’t come easily. After I set the curve for the first Tech test, he accused me of only befriending him to raise my test scores. I told him that I studied for my score, and stormed out after aggressively congratulating him on his hard work studying (he had the 2nd-highest score.)

The day after that, when I was in a much more reasonable mood, I went to class early so I could apologize for lashing out once he arrived. He was already there, waiting with an apology of his own.

That was the day I realized that my first impressions of Seo Changbin were indeed correct, and that he was a friend worth keeping for a long, long time.

But right now? He’s dead to me.

He laughs at me as he scrolls through my camera roll and picks out unflattering pictures of me to send to himself. I was waiting for 3racha to finish their work so we could go out to dinner (I had been successfully integrated into Changbin’s friend group, and he into mine. We had surprisingly shared a mutual friend: Felix, one of my closest friends.) Changbin was the first one done, and, after waiting with me for a few minutes, had gotten bored and stolen my unlocked phone, causing my current predicament. After a few unsuccessful attempts to steal my phone back, I give up and fall against him with a whine.

“Relax, y/n. I don’t understand why I never knew about these beautiful-” he snorts, “pictures of yourself.” He pauses on one particularly embarrassing photo taken by Yeji, my close friend and roommate. In it, I’m blowing a kiss to the camera while eating a cupcake. I whine loudly and smack his shoulder a couple of times. When he ignores my sulking, I poke his side, causing him to poke my cheek in retaliation.

Thankfully, Jisung walks into the room, sparing me the embarrassment of looking at my candid pictures. He sighs. “What did he do this time?”

“He’s sending himself my embarrassing pictures,” I tell him. “This is cyberbullying.”

“Lemme see.” He snickers as he looks over Changbin’s shoulder. “Very photogenic, y/n. You should consider taking more pictures we can use as blackmail.”

This little shit. Scratch that, these 2 little shits.

I snatch Changbin’s phone and chase after Jisung, trying to take a few meme-worthy pictures of Jisung, but Chan finishes up and shoos us out of the music production building and into our cars. As I file into Changbin’s passenger seat (I walked here from class, so my car is still at my apartment), he hands my phone back with a cheeky grin.

“You know, Jisung was right. You really should take more pictures of yourself,” he states as he backs out of his parking spot.

“Why, so you guys can post them on my birthday to make fun of me?” I cross my arms exaggeratedly, then uncross them to grab his phone and spam his camera with random pictures of him driving.

“Well, that too.” He glances over briefly, and I get a perfect shot of him that captures his mischievously twinkling rich, dark chocolate-colored eyes and his satisfied smirk. My breath hitches, and I swear I can feel my heart beating in my throat. Changbin’s handsome and he knows it, no doubt about it. The words send me that pic later die on the tip of my tongue as he reaches over and ruffles my hair before continuing, “but also because I need more beautiful things on my phone.”

He goes back to driving, as if he hadn’t just indirectly called me beautiful. But I’ve seen the way girls swoon over his smile and ogle his arms. I’ve seen how many people his charms affect, whether he’s aware of it or not. And so the negative part of my brain reigns in my blooming affection for the boy sitting next to me before I can do anything stupid, forcing me not to dwell on my jumble of emotions. Instead, I ask him about his day, the tracks he’s working on, and the classes that I’m not in, and he tells me before asking about my professors. Just like good friends do.

(That night, I pretend I don’t notice or mind the beautiful, kind waitress flirting with him, and I pretend that I’m not relieved when he treats her politely and with kindness–nothing more, nothing less–like he does with everyone else, and I pretend that my heart wouldn’t break if he rejected my advancements like that, so why does Felix whisper in my ear that I’m in denial?)

•••

“Pick up, jeez!” I huff into my phone. After calling Changbin twice, he finally picks up on my third try.

“What.” I can hear Felix screaming something in the background about Changbin being soft (with some friendly trash talk), followed by my name being yelled.

“Y/n y/n y/n,” I hear Felix breathing into the phone. “Of course it’s you, no wonder Changbin didn’t have his resting bitch face on when he answered–mmph!” Seungmin cackles in the background with an affirmative shout of “I agree!”

“Hey Seungmin! Miss ya!” I giggle. “Hey Felix, how’s uh… what was her name again?” I pretend for forget the name of Felix’s crush. “Oh yeah–”

“Thank you, next!” I can hear Seungmin clowning him already, before Changbin (presumably) steals his phone back.

“So,” Changbin clears his throat, “did you need anything?”

“Hi y/n! How’s your day been going? We should probably work on our Tech project, don’t you think? Especially since we’re going with my idea of music production apps?” I imitate his voice. “None of that? Hmmm?”

“Hi y/n, how’s your day.” he states more than asks. “Also, I kind of forgot about that project?” When I stay silent, he adds, “That cafe two blocks from your English class in twenty minutes? I’ll bring two studio headphones.”

“You better. Also, do you mind giving me a ride?” I ask, chewing on my bottom lip. “I’m at the auto shop right now because my car is getting fixed.”

“Not at all. I’ll be there in ten.”

Twelve minutes later, when he pulls up, I greet him with a “you’re late.”

(”Hi Changbin! How was your day? It’s so good to see you! You make this lovely day even better!”

“I’m glad you’re smart enough to figure out the reason behind my lackluster greeting, Seo. Do you understand what it feels like to be ignored now?”

“…my bad.”)

•••

“Can I get a ride back to the auto shop, too?” I ask as we walk across the cafe’s parking lot.

“No, you can perish. I can’t believe you had the audacity to diss coffee.” Changbin shudders exaggeratedly recalling how I called coffee “gross” after he ordered his iced americano.

“You mean roast,” I grin as I shoot him with finger guns. When he fixes me with a look, I continue. “But I bought you one to pay you back for picking me up!” I protest, playing along with his banter.

“Yeah, well, you didn’t buy me one for dropping you off, too.”

“Meanie.” We stop when we reach his car.

“A meanie who was kind enough to at least give you a ride there.” As he unlocks his car and sinks into the driver’s seat, he smirks up at me. “See you tomorrow, y/n.”

I cross my arms in defeat. “See you, snake.” I pull my phone out and open the bus app to check the schedule, sighing when I look at him and absentmindedly waving once I realize he hasn’t closed his door yet. That’s when it registers in my mind that I’m waving with the hand holding my phone.

Changbin rolls his eyes at me when he sees what I’ve pulled up. “I was joking, jeez. You know, you really can be dumb sometimes. Get in, idiot.”

“Yet I’m still at the top of the class, am I right? And I’m up there with you, so what does that say about your intelligence?” I slide into the passenger seat. “And in my defense, you’re really cold-hearted, so I actually thought you’d make me get home on my own.”

“I’d never let you go home alone this late, dummy. You may be book smart sometimes, but I’m convinced that you only use one brain cell 80% of the time. You’re so dense.” He reaches across the car and flicks my forehead. I flick his right back. “Plus, you’re cute when you’re exasperated.”

“Uhh…” I articulate intelligently. Yup, my last brain cell just went on vacation. “Um, ah- if I didn’t know better, I’d call you a player,” I manage to sputter out.

My face heats up as the temperature in the car seems to drop a few degrees as I freeze, internally panicking. Sure, that was a past impression I had of him, but I know him better now.

Changbin freezes. “You really see me that way?” His voice is flat and steady–too flat and steady.

“No! I-I kinda thought that when I first met you, but I know you’re not like that. And you can’t be a player if you only have eyes for Soyeon, right?” I’m convinced that Soyeon, the charismatic, popular rapper in his music composition class, is the object of his affections.

“I don’t like Soyeon.”

“Smells like lies.”

“I don’t!”

“Sure, sure. Whatever you say.”

Changbin starts the car. Before he pulls out of the parking lot, he glances over at me.

“I’m not–you know. A player.”

That’s the very first time I see Changbin in such an open, vulnerable state. His openness usually comes with an air of you-can’t-hurt-me-I’m-invincible. Right now, though, he lets me look straight into the depths of his soul.

I’m the one to break eye contact.

“I know,” I nod.

But it would be easier to justify the effect you have on me if you were.

(“So… how was your cafe date with Changbin yesterday? Has he asked you out to dinner yet?” pesters Felix, leaning across the table at the library, wiggling his eyebrows at me. I open my mouth to protest, but Changbin joins us and playfully shoves his shoulder before settling his arm across my shoulders.

“I actually enjoyed it a lot,” he smirks, glancing down at me. “Now if you’d bug Hyunjin instead,” he points towards the entrance where Hyunjin is walking in, “we have a study date that I, at least, would prefer you didn’t intrude on.” He smiles at me again. I think I can see stars in his eyes.

I can’t contain my grin. Even though I know he means it as a joke, I like it. I like him.

So I play along.

“You’re late Changbin.” I reach up to squish his cheeks. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Felix fake a gag and leave. Changbin squeezes my side in a half hug, then sits down and scoots closer to me, taking out his textbooks and papers.

If one were to look at me and see stars swimming in my eyes, stars for him, make no mistake. This is no joke. This is real.)

•••

Over the course of the next month, I pine after Changbin. Hard. I swoon when he greets me with a hug, a smile, and an occasional drink from our cafe in the mornings, squishing my cheeks afterwards. (I always squish his back.) I swoon twice as hard if he jots down lyrics or his inner thoughts on his drink, something he’s been doing regularly. I fight the urge to blush whenever he makes a casual, flirty joke (especially when it’s in response to what I wrote on the pink sticky notes I attach to his drink whenever it’s my turn to grab drinks for us), opting to flirt back instead of feeling shy. My heart beats a little faster when I settle into his cuddly hugs, sometimes to the point where I’m afraid he’ll notice how quick it is. I have to bite back a lovestruck grin when he shares bits and pieces of himself with me, such as revealing random thoughts, telling me childhood stories, and letting me explore his soul, telling me anything and everything I’d like to know–that is, besides his current love life, denying that he has a crush on Soyeon every time I bring it up. (I’m slightly relieved.)

I’ve finally admitted my feelings for him. I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere along the line, I decided to let whatever happens happen. I think I do a pretty good job of hiding it? (Felix begs to differ, though.) But the thing is, I want to tell him. I just don’t want to lose him as a friend, and I can’t imagine my life without him as an integral part in it.

So, I keep my feelings inside every time he touches my arm, shoulder, or hand; every time he leans in close to whisper in my ear; every time he giggles his fricking adorable giggle and his eyes scrunch up. I keep them hidden until I don’t and I end up spilling my feelings to Felix.

Two hours later, after Felix is done gloating that he was “right all along”, interrogating me, and high-key shipping me, he drags me over to Changbin’s dorm and claims that “he wants to see who’s better at video games” between Changbin and me. Then he leaves once we start playing smash. (He ends up beating me four times before suggesting we go somewhere else to do something fun. I agree. Felix makes faces at me until we leave.)

Some time after that (with a little convincing from Felix–not too much though, the prick knows how to be a decent friend and not force me into anything–and Yeji, who gushed about how cute Changbin and I were for a solid hour after I told her about my feelings), I sit down and plan what to say during a confession after I text Changbin to meet me in our cafe at 5 o’clock sharp and that I have something to tell him. He responds with:

Sure

I wanna tell u something too

See u then

The thing is, my brain chooses the perfect moments to stop working. For example:

I am romantically attracted to you beyond the scope that friendship encompasses? What the heck? Where did that come from?

After giving up on planning (why would you not be spontaneous when you could be?), I tell myself to just relax, and go over the main points I want to make in my head. I trust myself to not make a complete fool out of myself while confessing. I think.

You know what? I’m relaxed. Cool as a cucumber.

I mean, come on! What could possibly go wrong?

•••

As soon as I step into the cafe and see Changbin’s expression change from unbothered to smiling when he notices me entering, my mouth goes dry.

“You’re early,” I greet.

He raises an eyebrow. “You are, too. That’s a first. Not that I’m complaining, of course.”

My eyes dart around, glancing at the menu, the fairy lights, the flower centerpiece in the middle of the table, all familiar things I had seen when we worked on our project and during our study sessions. I do a double take when my gaze lands on the small bouquet of flowers resting in his lap.

Of course he wanted to see me too. He needed a girl’s opinion delivering these flowers along with a speech about his feelings.

Wonderful. As if I wasn’t sure my heart was going to get broken already.

“So. I have something to tell you.” “I need to get something off my chest.” we say at the same time.

Smooth, me. That was real smooth.

“Please just let me get it out. I’ll help you with whatever confession advice about Soyeon you need, ok? I just… need to word vomit,” I let out a shaky breath. “Would you look at that, I’m doing it already! Great!”

Changbin stares at me. He opens his mouth and says, “I don’t have feelings for Soyeon. I don’t understand why you always insist that I do, but believe me, these flowers… they’re not for her.”

Ah, there my mind goes again. Racing with thoughts of who else it could be. I don’t want to think of him as a fuckboy, but really, who knows how many other people he’s given flowers to? Just when I was starting to think–no, hope–that maybe, maybe my one-sided pining wasn’t one-sided after all.

How many more people does he wrap his arms around, does he write random thoughts and lyrics for, does he walk to classes and events with, does he greet with a new cheesy pickup line on their hot chocolate with no whipped cream and marshmallows, does he say heart-stopping things so effortlessly such as “I don’t know what I would do without you in my life” while shooting his deadly, genuine smile? How many more people are there?

“Take your time, y/n,” Changbin chuckles good-naturedly, snapping me out of my internal monologue. “It must be important. I’m all ears.” He props his elbows up on the small table separating us, leaning his head into his hands and fixing a patient expression on me.

This adorable, tiny, unselfish ball of fluff. My heart nearly combusts and I lose control of my brain when I blurt out the words “I like you.”

I force myself to keep my eyes on his face, to see if his expression changes. It doesn’t, but I swear I can see his eyes darken a little and the wheels in his mind start to turn before coming to a complete stop. “We’re friends,” he replies slowly. “Unless you mean…”

“I am romantically attracted to you beyond the scope that friendship encompasses.” Seriously? Right now?

Changbin opens his mouth and closes it (I’m sure that my thesaurus vomit didn’t exactly help things). He’s wearing his trademark confused face, and as cute as it is, I can’t suppress the need to explain myself more. “I just wanted to let you know, and I hope that we can still be friends after this. There’s no pressure for you to like me back or anything. I totally understand. Just give me a few days to adjust, ok? Ok. Cool.”

“Wait, y/n-” “Haha, look at the time, I need to go, uh, do stuff. See you in class on Monday!” I nearly trip as I rush to stand up from my chair. I barely restrain myself from bolting to the door, and by the time Changbin opens the cafe door, I’m halfway across the parking lot.

My face burns as I peel out of the parking lot. My brain burns with the image of Changbin running towards me, arm extended, totally not kissable lips parted, calling my name.

•••

A good cry always makes things better.

Once I’m drained of tears, I melt into my bed with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s and my computer while pointedly ignoring my 50 unread messages from a certain person. As I search for friends-to-lovers stories and fics, I feel a new wave of frustration rising. Sure, mutual pining for your best friend is understandable. But what happens when you’re not best friends? What happens when he tries to brighten up everyone’s day? When will you get your happy ending if he’s just a thoroughly good person who only sees you as a friend?

My subconscious tells me that I’m being unfair, but I push selfless y/n to the back of my mind. I tell myself I’ll deal with this mess on Monday when I’m ready. Tonight, I’m just going to wallow in self-pity.

Until I hear a slightly muffled knock on my apartment door door.

And another.

“Y/n?” Changbin’s voice calls out.

Nononono crap not today not today oh mah Jesus -Mark Lee

“Please let me in?” He asks again, this time in a softer voice.

I respond by closing the door to my room.

“Y/n! I know you’re in there!” The knocking continues. I start blasting Day6 songs from my computer in an attempt to drown him out. It works, since his knocking and his words get muffled until they merely sound likewhite noise, but I get a flurry of notifications from my phone. I mute it and throw it across the room.

After a while, Changbin seems to give up and stops trying to get my attention. I pause my music.

I have no idea how long I sit on my bed, lost in my own bubble, reading my sorrows away, but I’m snapped out of my reverie and thrown back into reality with the sound of the front door opening. I hear my roommate say, “Wait here for a sec, let me talk to her first.” I hear a body settle on our couch.

The door to my room opens.

“Y/n? You ok?” Yeji takes in my puffy eyes, the mountain of tissues nearly bursting out of my trash can, the bundle of blankets I’ve arranged into something resembling a beanbag, and the tub of Ben and Jerry’s slowly melting away. She sighs sympathetically and offers me a hug.

After comforting me and asking if I wanted to talk to her (I told her I would explain things tomorrow), she asks me to talk to Changbin. I decline.

“Well, you know what’s best for you. I just hope that you’ll listen to what he has to say. He said something about crashing in our living room until you talk to him… but he won’t bother you until you’re ready to have a face-to-face conversation with him!” she immediately reassures me once she sees the look of panic and worry on my face. “If you feel comfortable enough, please talk to him soon. He seems really regretful.”

“Of course he is,” I mumble. “Of course he feels sorry after I tell him not to be.” A new flood of tears threatens to spill from my eyes. “What a prick; always caring about his friends.” The word tastes bitter in my mouth and I almost spit it out.

“Hey, hey, hey.” Yeji grabs a tissue and dabs away my tears. “Do you want me to kick his ass for you?” I shake my head. “Get my brother to kick his ass?”

That manages to get a laugh out of me. “No, don’t sic Hyunjin on him. Changbin didn’t do anything wrong. I feel a lot better now, and I don’t want to distract you from what you were doing before this; you don’t have to stay here if you have other things to do.”

“You’re sure you’re ok? I don’t have anything important to do.”

“Positive. Besides, I know your English paper is due in 2 days. You don’t have to lie. Really, thank you, Yeji. You truly are the mama bird of our friend group.”

“You’d do the same for me.” She stands up and heads towards the door. “Do you want me to put your ice cream in the fridge? Bring you some dinner? I’m planning on cooking with Changbin tonight.” I tell her no, she leaves after double checking I don’t need anything else, and I lock my door.

I feel as if I’m suffocating, as if Changbin’s presence is seeping through the walls into my room, as if it’s attempting to fuse with everything in this apartment so that I’m reminded of him everywhere I look.

I need to get out of here.

I hear Yeji and Changbin moving around in the kitchen, and I remember that no one in the kitchen can see our front door (that’s how Yeji sneaks up on me when I get home early and start preparing dinner before she gets back, and vice versa). If I time this correctly… I could sneak out until Changbin leaves!

Y/n, you’re a genius!

•••

After I slip outside, making sure the lock the door quietly, run to my car before they notice I’m gone, and decide to drive to the old-timey diner that Felix drags me to when I’m feeling down, I debate whether or not I still want to be alone for about 3 seconds before I call him. He picks up on the 4th ring. After he agrees to meet me there in 15, I tell him not to spread the word about my whereabouts.

“Chill, mate,” he drawls, and I swear I can hear his Fortnite game in the background. “It sounds like you’re trying to avoid someone. You didn’t kill anyone, did you?”

Ah, Felix. Sweet, oblivious, intuitive Felix. “Don’t worry. I’m only sticking to class 4 misdemeanors… for now,” I whisper the last part before hanging up, trying to scare him.

It doesn’t work.

“You have got to get better at lying, y/n,” he says as a form of greeting when he slides into the seat across from me in our booth. “You’d lose your straight-A average before you broke the law. Did you order yet?”

“Yup, just fries for now,” I nod just as our food gets set down on the table. “Tsk, tsk, you’re late. You said 15 minutes. It’s been 20.” An ache in my heart? What ache in my heart? I mean, who else would I call late?

He shoves a fry in his mouth with one hand while flapping his other. “Traffic. And uh, stuff. Switch seats with me,” he stands up abruptly. “I wanna look at the door instead of the restrooms.”

I’m taken aback at how random that was, but I take his seat anyways. “The doors to the restrooms are closed. Dramatic much?”

“Speaking of drama,” he pauses to shovel a large handful of fries down his throat and chew. I take this opportunity to peek at my phone, and my heart rate accelerates once I see the 73 unread messages from both Yeji and Changbin.

Crap, they found out. Ok, so maybe I wasn’t that inconspicuous… I think as I text Yeji that I’m feeling better, eating out, sorry for worrying her, and that I won’t do anything stupid. I try to ignore Changbin’s texts.

“Speaking of drama, what the hell happened?” Felix interrogates.

“What happened?” I feign ignorance.

He doesn’t buy it. “You’re at our diner, you called me here, and you haven’t touched your fries. The only thing you’re missing from this mope-fest is a milkshake.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot to get one.” I try to escape from his sharp gaze, but he blocks me.

“I don’t want milkshakes, I want TEA. So spill it now.”

“I’m not sure I want to talk about it right now…”

“Does this have to do with your massive crush on Changbin?”

“Pfft, what?” My voice rises an octave at the end of my question. “I don’t like Changbin. You like Changbin.”

He ignores my blatant lies. “What happened? Did you embarrass yourself in front of him or something? Because I promise you, that boy is whipped. I’m pretty sure you could shove him off a cliff and he’d still like you.”

“No, Felix… I messed up. Like, big time.”

After I get done explaining what happened with Changbin, I can practically feel the judgement pouring off Felix in waves.

“I just-I just feel so stupid for thinking I had a chance. Like, he’s always so friendly to everyone and I can’t believe I thought that his actions meant something more. He obviously only saw me as a friend.”

“You’re wrong.” Felix stands up. “You’re wrong because he’s here right now and walking towards you.” He points behind me, and lo and behold, Changbin appears with a milkshake in each hand. Felix waves. “Adiós.”

And then I’m frozen and I can look everywhere except for at Changbin and I’m internally cursing my life.

•••

Changbin slides a milkshake across the table. “I’m sorry for not texting you anything or saying something when I went over to your dorm. I just… wanted to tell you in person. And make this special. Because–you’re special to me.”

I glance up at him, then divert my gaze to the milkshake. On the drink, he’s written a short poem.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

You said you like me,

And I like you, too.

Though our initial meeting

May have been up to fate,

Now that we’re here together,

Let me take you on a date?

“I like you too, y/n.” He reaches across the table and takes my hand–hesitantly at first, then laces our fingers together once I don’t show any signs of protest.

I stand up abruptly, pulling my hand away. Once he starts to look uncomfortable, I tackle him in a hug and bury my face into the crook of his neck. I can’t contain my grin.

“Took you long enough to realize, you cheesy songwriter.”

I pull back, and Changbin’s expression turns serious. “Be my girlfriend?”

“I would love to.”

“Well then, sweetheart,” he smiles. “Let me take you on that date?”

(As we walk out of the restaurant, he backhugs me and whispers into my ear. “The only reason I didn’t kiss you back there was because I didn’t want to bother the people in there.”

“How about now?”

He responds by leaning in and capturing my lips with his.)

•••

After our date, as Changbin and I share a kiss underneath the night sky, I can’t help but realize how incomplete my first impressions of him were. He’s much too complex to be characterized by the sky during just one time of day. Rather, he encompasses the qualities of the sky in general depending on his mood: sunny, rainy, partly cloudy, snowy, not-a-cloud-in-the-sky, displaying rainbows, and my favorite (the most frequent and the one that describes him the best)–the night sky. Commonly thought of as pitch black, until you take a closer look and observe what you see: lit up by a bright moon, the darkness just a complex contrast allowing you to appreciate the celestial bodies that the sun overpowers.

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