#but being able to say 'i can't do anything more for you so I'll let you go' even if it's so much earlier than it Could be
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Left for Ruins || Seungcheol [Teaser]
Pairing: Seungcheol x Fem!Reader
Genre: Angst, Crime, Smut, Fluff, Office Worker Husband!Seungcheol, Investigative Journalist Wife!Reader
Synopsis: Being an investigative journalist, you would do anything to unravel the truth, even if it means getting married to the timid office worker Choi Seungcheol, who was in fact the best friend of your brother who went missing seven years ago.
Warnings: Mentions of all sorts of criminal activities, reader and Seungcheol are two people with contrasting personalities, exploitation, gaslighting, heavy themes involving syndicate etc.
Thanks to @diamonddaze01 for the amazing banner! ♡
Comment or send an ask if you wanna be tagged.
[ SVT Masterlist ] [ SVT Flick - Fic Masterlist ]
“I want you to marry me.”
Seungcheol is currently cornered, shying away from the proximity, unable to meet eyes even.
“W-Why do you want me to marry you?”, he manages to utter, body leaning back in reflex as you close in further.
All he gets from you is a very known cunning smile.
As you watch him like he's a prey, he pleads with you to give him some space.
“You're in your thirties, don't have a partner, got a stable job and a clean image. Don't you think we'd look good together?”, your hands take off his glasses, making him look into your eyes, “You are handsome and I've known you for as long as I can remember.”
Seungcheol finds it hard to maintain eye contact. Always soft spoken, he hesitates to ask you questions.
He needs time, he needs a push. You know it all and you know him all too well.
As expected, his hands reach yours to get back his glasses. He gently takes it and puts it back on. His eyes meet yours at his own will, for the first time that night.
“I’m practically blind without my glasses.”, he says softly, “Can I ask you some questions? Will you please answer them? And I have a lot to ask.”
You find it amusing, the way he awaits your response. If you deny, you're sure no questions will be asked. You're confident that you'd be able to coax him into marrying you with no such difficulties anyways.
You're known to be ruthless. You don't bat an eye before deceiving people, lies naturally flow out of your mouth.
When you give a nod, he asks you to take a seat, mainly for himself so you could back off and he could finally breathe.
“You've known me for years, Y/N. And I'm sure you're not asking me to marry you because you have feelings for me. Tell me the truth and I'll consider it.”
Your eyes glint dangerously but it's gone suddenly.
Your face falls, melancholia starts pouring into the atmosphere.
“I’ll be honest.”, you say, sounding sincere, “You were closest to my brother. It's been seven years since I saw him. I heard time heals but for me it's making things worse. I still can't believe that a good person like Daon would disappear overnight.”
Seungcheol takes the seat beside you, his heart aching in the memories of his best friend.
Your gaze drops at your lap, letting the sudden wave of tears stream down your face. It's a wound, unattended, always fresh.
With a croak in your voice you continue, “My brother trusted you the most and for me, I know that you've always tried to be a shelter, looking over as a guardian figure.”
Seungcheol’s demeanor is similar to yours, as he says, “When Daon disappeared, I just couldn't forgive myself. It always occurred to me that I should have searched more, did I give up too early? What if he's still waiting for me? I'll always live with this guilt.”
You both sit in silence.
“We could never repay you, what you did for us back then is something not even family members do.”, you feel Seungcheol go stiff when you place your hand on top of his, “My mom is nagging me to get married and I realised I trust you a lot. That if I gotta do this, I'd rather do it with you. I feel safe around you, Cheol.”
His ears are turning red, mouth going dry. His entire body screams for help.
You study him carefully, lips twitching as he excuses himself out of his home office for a moment.
As soon as he's out, you're off your seat.
“You're insane, Y/N.”, you could sense the disbelief in the voice coming from the earpiece, “You should be an actress.”
“Shut up, Jeonghan.”, you say through gritted teeth, “I have never let my hair down for this long, it's starting to irritate me. My ears are itching.”, you fix your hair so it covers the device in your ear.
Your mouth launches a string of complaints while your hands place work effortlessly to plant bugs over several places.
“The guy seems like a decent person. Throwing a marriage proposal just to wiretap his office seems a bit too much.”, Jeonghan keeps on speaking through the earpiece, "What if he agrees to the marriage, how are you so sure he won't?
You pay no attention to his rambles, skimming through the papers and files, eyes often darting to the door.
“Make sure the devices are working fine. I placed only one camera though, no place to hide others.”, your brows furrow as you go through the files, “Nothing useful here. Maybe I could get something in the drawers.”
But the sounds of footsteps approaching makes you halt.
Seungcheol on entering back notices you in the same stance as when he leaves you.
He carefully walks towards you, almost guilty when he kneels in front of you, “I appreciate that you think so highly of me but we're exactly opposite in terms of personality and aspirations. We won't work out. I'm sorry, Y/N but I can't marry you.”
You hear Jeonghan sighing in relief.
“Woah, he really didn't take the bait.”, you hear him mumbling, “We're done here. It's time for you to leave.”
Jeonghan is about to speak again but he hears sobs.
Seungcheol eyes you in horror as he watches you sob hysterically. Your eyes are red, nose flaring.
“Why don't you understand, Cheol?”, you choke, struggling to speak but do nonetheless, “Do I really need to spell it out for you!!”
Jeonghan shrieks on the other side, this wasn't on the card.
“Calm down Y/N.”, Seungcheol hesitantly holds your hands.
A second later he's about to turn to grab water for you but freezes.
“I like you, Choi Seungcheol! I really like you, a lot.”
Seungcheol's shaky hands somehow manage to grab your face, his eyes searching for yours, “Do you mean it?”
You scoff internally.
“Do I look like I'm joking?”, you say wiping your tears.
He observes you for a moment then you're being pulled into his embrace. Your lips curl up instantly.
Good for you, your tears flow as swiftly as your lies.
→ Do not copy, re-post, translate, or share any of my works on other platforms! All stories are copyrighted, joonsytip. ©️
#scoups#choi seungcheol#scoups x y/n#scoups x you#scoups x reader#seungcheol x y/n#seungcheol x you#seungcheol x reader#seventeen#seventeen scoups#seventeen seungcheol#svt x y/n#svt x you#svt x reader#seventeen x y/n#seventeen x reader#seventeen x you#scoups fluff#scoups fanfic#scoups scenarios#scoups smut#scoups angst#seungcheol scenarios#seungcheol#seungcheol smut#seungcheol angst#seungcheol fluff#svt au#seventeen angst#seventeen smut
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I would love a snippet fic with some Seas!Language. Maybe Zoro being more proficient than expected because of his bounty hunting? Or Cora being silent because he can't get rid of his accent.
I'm writing a lot of Rosinante lately, so have some Zoro confusing others with his language prowess:
If Water Seven hadn't been stressful enough, Usopp was thankful to see the end of it for no other reason than that he'd felt lost the entire time.
Navigating the language hadn't been nearly as difficult when they went to Alabasta; they'd had Vivi with them and Usopp could just let one of the crew members who knew Grand better take the lead whenever they ran into that being used instead of Government Standard. And Skypeia hadn't been any easier, but no one knew what was going on in Skypeia most of the time aside from Robin.
But in Water Seven, it had become abundantly clear that in a place where people from all over the world came to do business, he was a very little fish swimming in very strange linguistic waters.
The rest of the crew hadn't had nearly as much trouble. Sanji was weirdly good at languages, and Nami had learned Grand Line dialects from the fishmen. Chopper had been born out here, and Robin was...Robin. Luffy was apparently related to one of the most terrifying men in existence, but one who had also apparently taken the time to make sure his grandson could communicate with actual words instead of just his fists.
(Though both of them seemed notably fond of that particular tactic).
At least Usopp could rely on Zoro to be in his comrade in confusion. He didn't know much about his background, but he knew he came from a similarly small island, and he'd only left to pursue this whole insanity with Mihawk. Zoro had probably been just as confused by the all the foreign languages as he had.
He says as much, as Water Seven retreats past the horizon, but is brought up short when Zoro makes a confused sound.
"What do you mean, hard? That shit wasn't hard."
Usopp blinks, and turns to the swordsman, who is just giving him a blank look.
"The signs. The way people there speak. I can barely understand Franky half the time, are you saying you can?"
"'Course I can," Zoro says flatly. "It's not that hard. Sure, the words are a little mixed around from what I'm used to, but it's close enough."
Usopp stands there, his mouth hanging slightly ajar. There is no way on any of the Blue Seas that this is possible. There is no way that Zoro--Zoro!--is better with languages than he is. Usopp loves the guy, but he's got five thoughts running around his head at any given time, and three of them are his swords.
"You got lost!" he sputters, instead of any of the many other cogent arguments fighting for supremacy in his brain right now.
Zoro's face turns red. "No I did not," he stresses. "The canals just moved around. They weren't going where the signs said they were going."
"But you could read the signs?"
"Of course I could read the--could you not?" Zoro looks at him. "Usopp, were you fucking around the city blind? You went off on your own when you couldn't read anything that was out there for shit?"
Usopp bristles. "I'll have you know that I am a perfectly respectable navigator, able to find my way to whatever my target is no matter the obstacle. I will not be--"
"Yeah, yeah, you're amazing," Zoro interrupts, and grabs him by the arm. "Robin! Project for you!"
"Hey!"
"Eh, you're smart," Zoro says, as implacable as ever, and Usopp allows himself to be a little mollified. "And it's not like we're imminently about to run into any other problems."
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We're going to save your brother.
#mario movie#mario movie spoilers#super mario bros#super mario bros movie#super mario bros movie spoilers#princess peach#mareach#cherrysip edits#I FEEL LIKE THIS MOMENT DID NOT GET THE ATTENTION AND APPRECIATION IT DESERVED ON HERE#man i could write you an essay about this#i do think that the 'i'm not afraid! i'll do anything for my brother' line actually ISN'T said during this scene - it's probably earlier#but that this line IS in the right place (peach's mouth movements match)#which means that scene is going to break me because it just seems like a very vulnerable sweet moment between them#where peach and mario get to talk about the situation they're in and their fears and how big the stakes are for both of them#peach fighting to protect her kingdom and her subjects - the immense pressure on her to stop bowser because of her role as a leader#and mario desperately trying to save his brother - not knowing if luigi is ok or not and not being able to keep him safe is so painful#i think that's why mario doesn't have his hat on - the adventure is starting to weigh on him and he opens up to peach for the first time#about him and luigi and their closeness and how he CAN'T lose his brother he CAN'T let him down when he needs him more than ever#and peach reassures him and it means the world. even in this quick clip there's something a little sad about his face#but also there's relief and gratefulness to her for saying that. they're the absolute sweetest :) :) :)#i could be off base but that really does seem like the vibe of this scene from what we've seen and i am ALL ABOUT IT
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successfully worried my mum as well despite trying not to. lmao. lmfao even
#day keeps getting worse somehow#someone make it fast forward a few hours so i can just sleep#how do you convince your mum you're not going to attempt suicide again when you've promised that before and broke the promise#asking for myself bc i really am not going to attempt suicide but i AM doing badly and she can tell and i accidentally worried her even mor#and i understand why she'd be worried. like knowing myself and how i let myself suffer by myself hiding it from her#i get it. i'd be worried too. but like what can i do to convince her even if things are bad i'm not going to do anything like that#and i'll see her soon and i have a bandaid on my hand which won't help bc if she asks even if i lie to her i won't be able to do it#convincingly bc i'm a good liar but not that good when i know she's already on alert#you know maybe if i hadn't attempted suicide a number of times you can't count on only one one it would be easier to be like don't worry#and be convincing#my mum knows “that voice” i get when i'm extremely down actually even at work people immediately noticed#which on one hand like... i don't take for granted that people care about me this much. it is a good thing#on the other it's fucking hard to deal with the worry from others when they can't do anything to help you and you don't know what to tell#them beside don't worry which is the stupidest thing to say to someone who can tell you're not okay#like i would worry! and i would be right to. but. but idk. family doesn't usually help in these times#i'm sorry to say that bc i love my family but sadly it's the truth. being in my old bed just conjures up more bad memories and shit and the#i not only feel bad but feel like i'm somehow in some way 17 again. it's awful#so being alone isn't good but being here isn't either so what the fuck do i do. i don't feel okay anywhere. i don't feel safe anywhere#oh my god i'm sorry i'm being soooooooooo fucking depressing#you can hate really i'm like always so negative lol sorry#i'll shut up now bc i'm close to crying and my mum will be here soon and if she sees me crying no way she's letting me go#suicide tw#sorry was forgetting the tw
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Ohhhh the horrific realisation that my psychosis started about when M showed up. I was sitting here reflecting on when my StPD started properly developing and uh. It coincided with him as Henry around me. That's nice
#Which is to say I already knew they made it worse and the twins are rightly spirits of madness in the. yeah. anyway.#I just started nosediving.................. when M showed up.#~abyssal murmurs#Does it give me hope for getting more stable now? Yes. Is it horrifically... upsetting in the way I can't do anything. Perhaps.#God no wonder Ive a complex about myself seeing myself as the child I cannot save and cannot even hug or reach out to or help#that is dead and not moving on and cannot. be. helped. Because like#Future me looking back at past me like. no one is there to help you and no one will ever be there#Don't get me wrong! Plenty of friends I've had come and go would've done what they could. What I mean is like. I was sitting there#saying somethings wrong and I need help and please help me and this is hurting and somethings happening and so on#An authorities have just spent my whole life going it's not that bad and we all have issues and yeah that's normal and OK do#something about it then and stop being selfish and idk how to help so don't ask and OK well I don't get it so I'll leave you to it#etc. Man. I'm not as upset as this probably sounds because let's be real. Fifty millionth time this topic has been on my mind -#revelations about shit I mean that have a ''and no one not even me can do anything about it'' conclusion#But. At the same time... I need... A moment to process... past children and past experiences with them.... Before I chew open#the lining to the part of me spawning eggs that need a place to go in the astral#I always feel if I sign up to anything at all I won't be able to back out so I need to make sure - and this is partly why. Oldest children#stalking for lives and lives and lives and lives. Time loses it's meaning the more you trace our evolutions and movements across existence#Time was a different consistency and state when they were born and it's gone through so many different types#I wasn't able to choose to leave the room. Hmm. But it doesn't have to be this serious does it
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Rereading ayaka is in love with Hiroko senpai!!! Last time I read it I don't think it was finished/I didn't finish it but ack. Now I also want to be in love 😭😭😭
#i want to say i want to be someone like ayaka but in reality im probably more like hiroko#i used to be someone like ayaka. i was really tunnel visioned and i didn't consider much aside from the person i was interested in#but it's been years now and there's a lot more to consider and it's. hard and im even more scared now.#i think there's someone who im currently talking with who's trying to figure out if im into women or not and if im available or not#but it's that sort of thing where there's just. a lot in my shoulders and a lot to consider. i want a relationship eventually but.#there's just so much to consider right now. in the past i thought that as long as i could make my partner happy a rx is just btwn 2 of us#but when i did actually get into a serious long term relationship i realized that most people. do expect getting to have in laws.#people for the most part want to be loved proudly and not have to hide it. and i do too. but at the same time. i just. there's so much on me#i almost came out to my dad the other day while trying to console him. but maybe that news would just be the last straw for him. idk.#i just can't really afford to have my life be shaken up much more right now when i just rebuilt some stability.#especially when my parents are having a midlife crisis and both of them are leaning on me. my health worsening also stressed them out too.#i really thought I'd be braver and have less to worry about the older i got and the more independent i became but. ig not.#in my teens i told myself once i reached adulthood I'd be free to be myself and pursue happiness. in my 20s i tell myself after med school.#maybe once I'm finally out of med school and etc I'll have the opportunity to live my life. or maybe by then there will be another reason.#it's a real concern. i mean. sure I've never wanted kids I've always been ace and I've always liked women but. the societal pressure.#to other queer people the gaydar goes off easily but to the cishet audience i've mostly. been able to go unnoticed.#and when you're younger not having a bf or ppl you're interested in and being focused on your studies is a thing your parents are proud of#but as i get older. it's just been harder. i don't know how much longer i have before i have to conform or have the cat out of the bag.#i don't even get it sometimes. i really don't. the expectation of family and marriage is wanting happiness for your child right? but somehow#idk. idk. i really don't know. sometimes maintaining an image. might be more important than your child's feelings.#and i really can't be certain that between ego and saving face compared to me that. I'll come out on top. i really don't know.#idk. idk. i know there are ppl interested in dating me. but idk. i really need some time to process things through.#sometimes i ask myself how i would feel abt it and i really can't figure out how i feel at all.#it's ok to date someone u don't love ig. i mean. I've done it before. you can make yourself like someone after a while. but idk if i.#idk i just. i think im just really scared. and I'll need at least another month or so before anything is back on the table.#it's honestly just me running away from having to deal with sorting out thoughts and feelings 👍👍👍 which i eventually will have to face ig#but if i do fall in love ik i have it in me to sort those things out quickly i think. if im not too scared to let myself fall.#ig i just have to get more used to ppl being interested in me again ack 😭 it's easy to ignore it when dating someone but. now.#and it was fine in the summer bc i wasn't really around too many ppl my age. but. ugh. unfortunately. i do have. a face and a personality.#delete later
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You groaned to yourself after reading that text message. This meant you had to go about your day caged and with her pink satin panties on under your clothes.
But naïve and hopeful enough to finally get unlocked, you sent pictures of yourself every hour on the dot showing off your entire body caged with the her panties on. Sometimes she asked for your face to be in it just to tease you and other times she would ask for different poses.
You check the clock and notice that she should have been home 20 minutes ago. Surely she's just stuck in traffic right?
Three more hours go by and you've been restlessly pacing at the front door waiting for her to get home. She wouldn't reply to any of your texts except either to make you do a new pose or to reply to the picture you sent her every hour.
You swing your head towards the front door the moment you hear it open and see your girlfriend smiling while holding a few bags in her hands. "Sorry honey, I had to stop by the mall to get a few things on the way back home. I hope I didn't make you wait too long?~" She teases you, knowing you were in agony the entire time.
You rush up to her no longer caring about how long you waited because now you can get unlocked and finally be able to cum again.
"Hold on honey, before I unlock you can you do something else for me? I know I've made you do something embarrassing but it just made me so wet at work all day that I couldn't get anything done!" You don't notice the malice in her words as you nod your head to this unknown task.
"Here, I want you to put this on to match your panties, I spent so long to find something that would look perfect on you!"
She hands you a bag as you take out the clothing to put on. You see that its a matching pink bra and a pink long sleeve tutu style dress, all in the same shade of pink as the panties that she made you wear all day.
You can't wear such a thing! You tell her.
But she changes your mind soon after, "I want to be fucked so badly while you wear all this babe! I'll tease you like I did last night, but only for a few minutes," she reassures you with a lie, "and then I'll unlock the cage and let you pound me until you've released your entire load in all of my holes!~ Seeing you in my panties all day made so unimaginably horny this would just make me go over the top! I'm sure that would make up for the entire day and a half of being unable to cum right?~" She gives you a pouty look, knowing she put you through pleasurable torture, you normally cum at least once everyday so not being able to has made your brain fuzzy this entire time.
You finally relent and change into the entire outfit, your girlfriend helping you put on everything the entire time. After hearing that you will be able to fuck her relentlessly you've gotten so horny that you begin leaking into the pink panties again.
She lead you to the bedroom and tied you up on the bed once again. This time it was a little different, instead of just having your arms tied behind your back and your ankles tied together, she went the extra step and began tying every inch of your body in a way that seemed to accentuate the pink outfit and the cage.
"There we go! All done! And I just got to say wow. I can't believe you actually let me do all of this to you!" She says cheerfully while looking at you hungrily.
Click
She snaps a picture of you all tied up, “Who would have thought that it would be this easy to feminize you this far so quickly?! I guess my friends were right when they said that the hardest thing was to get you in a chastity cage but then the rest would be easy!” She laughs to herself. "I mean getting you caged wasn't even that hard either."
She pats your pink caged clitty and no longer needing to hide her true intentions behind an innocent face, she can't stop smiling at your predicament.
"You know babe... I didn't just buy these clothes, I'm sure you saw the dozen other bags I brought home right? Those will be your new clothes! I made sure to only shop in the lingerie sections and sex stores of the countless malls I stopped by after work to give you an even higher quality of clothes compared to my own wardrobe!" She says proudly.
Suddenly she moves close to your ear and in a low but demanding voice whispers, "And if you ever... want a chance of getting out of that cage, you'll have to do everything I say from now on, or I'm going to send these dozens of photos of you in my panties as well as you all tied up like this to your friends and family through your own phone! I'm sure you especially remember the photos with your face in them! Wouldn't that be such a relationship crusher? She teases.
"Now be a good sissy doll and let me see you leak into your pathetic little clitty in this new outfit! I want to record every new milestone you achieve in this new relationship we'll be sharing together honey~"
Hope you enjoyed this super long story made by @pinkfemgurl!
#pinkfemgurl#feminine sissy#sissy caged#sissifyme#beta sissy#faggot sissy#humiliation sissy#sissy tasks#sissi femboi#submisive sissy#humiliated sissy#pink feminine#sissy blackmail#cnc blackmail#blackmail me#blackmail fantasy#blackmail kink#bdsmkink#humiliation captions#crossdressing captions#feminization captions#forced feminized#chasity#chastized#chastikey#locked in caged#keyholder#caged chastity#locked and denied#locked husband
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WON'T YOU HOLD ME, CONSOLE ME ?
You don't expect your boyfriend to hold you or console you when you find out your pregnant, but you also didnt expect him to leave you without a trace either
Has no correlation to the other preg!reader fic i posted !!
GENRE: angst
PAIRING: Choi su-bong x preg!reader
"Fuck" thanos groans with his head thrown back, his hands covering his face while he steps away from you
Your hold around your stomach tightens as you don't look up, keeping your gaze at the ground
"I thought you were on that shitty pill?" Thanos glanced at you before letting out a prolonged sigh
"You know that it doesn't mean a hundred percent protection" you argue, eyebrows furrowing slightly "it's not my fault! You were the one who-"
"I know geez!"
"Then why are you getting so agitated!"
"Because" thanos spluttered "because this is a kid we're talking about"
You pause, not being able to think of anything to say back, instead retreating your eyes back at your stomach
"And it's my fucking kid. Mine" thanos points at himself in the chest
"Is that why your mad?" You hate the way your voice trembles "because it's your kid and not some random bastards on the street?"
"Watch your mouth" thanos snarls "you know it's not like that, do you want me to say that it is?"
"Ah fuck" your voice a few ratios higher than it usually was, you could feel the lump in your throat forming
Thanos sighs again, his eyes softening as he glances your face and your stomach
"Aish your fucking kidding me man, your the one who started arguing first" he grumbles annoyed, but approaches you with his arms open anyways
You push against his hold at first, anger still flaring inside of you but you end up giving in pretty fast, so desperately wanting to be held
"Are the pregnancy symptoms already kicking in?" Thanos asked while pulling your head to rest in his shoulders "what a pain" muttering under his breath
"You asshole" you sob while your hands ball into a fist
"Hey your carrying the asshole's kid, i don't think your one to speak" thanos adds in quickly, frowning "Don't make this harder than it already is"
Despite Thanos holding you in his arms, you hit him with your balled fist, your face streaming with tears
"Hey stop" thanos frowns "stop before I seriously get mad" he grips your hand "im not mad right now, but if you don't stop i will"
You sniffle softly, your head laying on his chest as his eyebrows are still furrowed with concern over the recent news of your pregnancy
"What are we gonna do?" You ask amidst sniffles
Thanos allows you to lean against him, staring at the wall of the cramped room the both of you lived in
"I dont know" he mutters "we could go to the hospital? Try for a..." his voice trails off. You knew what he was referring to
This just makes your sniffles louden even more causing him to inwardly groan, he never knew how to handle emotions as such, most of the time just shutting up and holding you or something along that line but that didn't seem to be the brightest thing to do and even Thanos knew that
"Su-bong" you whisper, your hands snaking around his waist, pressing yourself closer towards him as if to shield yourself
Thanos winces softly when he hears you call his real name, he always winces when he hears his real name.
He let's out a rough grunt of acknowledgement "What?"
"I don't think I want a abortion"
"Well fuck baby, we can't afford it either way. It was stupid of me to suggest" he lazily responds, while resting his face above your head
"We can't afford to raise it too" you murmer causing Thanos to shift uncomfortably
"I know" he snorts "fuck"
"So what will we do?"
Thanos hears the imploring tone of your voice. Most of the time he was the one asking you that question. In your relationship you were the one who took on the role of the logical one, but here you were, asking Thanos something that you both didn't know the answer to
"I'll-" thanos breathed "I'll figure something out"
You look up at him, moving your face away from his chest, your eyes pleading
"You sure you want the kid?" You ask him
"Your already pregnant anyways, i can't do anything about it"
"This isn't a joke" you retort loudly
"Your the one who said you don't want an abortion!" Thanos also raises his voice
"We can't afford it anyways you idiot!"
"Well damn, it's like i didn't just fucking say that like 5 seconds ago" he thundered which immediately cause you to tear up again
Thanos tilts his head down, pressing his lips into a tight straight line, regretting his actions almost immediately
"Hey" his voice rough and deep as he called out to you "look at me"
He purses his lips when he sees you still refusing to face him, your hands hiding your face
"Hey" he says more softly as he moves your hand away from your face "im sorry okay, cmon just look at me"
Thanos leans his head against yours while he clasps his hand around yours
"I'll figure something out" he raspily breathed out "I'll get a day job, fuck it baby, I'll get 2 day jobs"
You had no strength to talk back, choosing to silently nod
Thanos kisses your forehead while he wipes your tears away
"I said I'll figure something out, so stop your damn crying okay?" He says playfully, in an attempt to stop you from crying
You nodd slowly, causing him to smile tightly
he kneels down, facing your stomach "im sure the baby wouldn't want to hear his mom cry huh?" He announces as if though he was talking to the baby
He looks up to your face to see your face, trying to make you laugh or smile or anything at all
"You better not be a shit ass kid" thanos pokes your stomach softly "cause of you, your mom's hormones are going wild already"
"Asshole" you breathed with a laugh "im crying cause of you, fucking prick"
Thanos grins as he looks up to you, standing up he grabs your hand
"I swear" he picks your hands up, placing a soft kiss "ill figure something out for the three of us"
₊˚。⋆❆⋆。˚₊
Finding a job was hard
Especially as a retired rapper who basically got fucking conned by some asshole on the internet
Fucking bitch
Thanos stays up awake, leaning against the wall of the trashy one room so called apartment that you both lived in.
He inhales his cyan blue vape while eyeing the cigarette burn marks that painted the wall
His head thuds against the dirty peeling wallpaper, while you layed asleep on the floor across him, only a thin blanket covering your body
A soft smile graces his features when he notices the slight swell of your stomach
That's his kid right there, that's the mother of his child right there
Thanos couldn't afford to marry your right now, he wishes he could.
Fucking hell, he couldn't even afford a shitty ring let alone a ring that you actually deserved, he'd marry you with a plastic bottle seal if he could but he knew that you deserved more,
Damn, you deserve so much better than him, so much more than what he could give you
The kid in your stomach deserved better too. His kid
Thanos's smile fades away, leaving behind a grimace when he notices that the blanket doesn't fully cover your body, noticing the colour far beyond faded and the material already thinning out
He immediately unzips his jacket, going forward to place it above your body. It was the least that he could do
Suddenly, a piece of paper falls out of the pocket, he notices it as the card from the strange man earlier
Just thinking about it pissed him off, he recieved more slaps than money
Holding the card in his hand, he turns it over, mouthing the number behind the card, he swallows nervously unlike him while contemplating whether it was worth calling
Slowly typing in the digits in his phone he places his device on his ear, holding his breath as the phone rings
Once, twice, the phone continues to ring, thrice, now going four times
Thanos sighs, bringing the phone down, ready to press cancel when suddenly
"In order to sign up to play the game, please submit your name and date of birth"
Thanos breathes sharply, his finger wavering above the cancel button while your sleeping figure which remained unaware of what raced through your boyfriend's head
"Fuck" thanos curses, he glances at you
Thanos's hands trembled as he filled in his details, his pupils dilated, his mouth dried.
He knew what you'd say if you were awake, scolding him for being so naive and believing but you didn't meet that strange man in the grey suit did you?
He bites his lips when he reads the address and time of where he was suppose to go, noticing that the last date of entering the so called games was the current date
"I wont be gone for long" he mutters softly as he stands up, placing a kiss on your cheek before heading towards the door
He puts his old shoes on, the only branded ones he had left from back in his rapper days, the one who had picked for him, the only pair he didn't sell
He slips outside quietly, before sparring you one last glance
"Wait for me, just for a little bit" he whispered with a faint smile though it didnt quite didn't reach his eyes
He glances from your face to your stomach "your dad will be back with shit ton of money, i'll make sure you both live well"
He pauses before closing the door, contemplating for a minute, it felt so wrong to leave just like that,
He didn't want to go, it felt like the wrong thing to do but he steps out of the house anyway
"Take care of your mom when I'm gone"
₊˚。⋆❆⋆。˚₊
The next morning, you wake up warmer than you usually do, but you can't ignore the ever so persistent pounding of your heart
Your heart feels heavier than usual too
Noticing your boyfriend's jacket wrapped around you, you slowly wake up, looking for him
You look for him for the entire day,
it soon turns into 2 days and 2 days soon turn into 2 weeks
The bruise you recieved earlier that day after being chased down the street by some debt collectors begun to sting.
They didn't care whether you were pregnant or not, they just wanted the money you had borrowed from them back
And then that's when it hits you
When your standing on top cold floor of, with only your boyfriend's jacket left as a reminder of him,
He left.
He left without saying anything, without leaving even a single trace, he left not even with a single goodbye
He left you.
Your hand trails to your stomach.
He left the both of you
You sink down, legs giving out as your body trembles, you lie on the wilting cot that served as a place of comfort, sobbing, shrieking, crying his name out
Screaming anything that would have send him running towards you,
But no one comes.
Unbeknownst to you, at the very same time you fall on the ground, thanos's cold body is lifted up from the cold bathroom floor and packed into black coloured coffin
His eyes still wide open, his entire body covered in his own blood
When the guards strip his clothes away, they find something in his pocket
A plastic ring
it couldn't have been worth much, maybe from a kids toy, it left the guards puzzled
What would a person like Thanos be doing with a plastic ring in his pocket?
Perhaps you would understand it better
After all, he held you, consoled you. That prick even left you without a single trace
#fanfic#squid game thanos#squid game angst#squid game fanfic#squid game 2#squid game#squid game x reader#squid game thanos x reader#thanos x reader#choi su bong x reader#choi su bong#su bong x reader#su bong#thanos angst#squid game season 2#t.o.p x reader#t.o.p bigbang#t.o.p
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Cherry Red, Crimson Blood
Chapter 31: Forced Proximity
Summary: John and Kyle are gone. You have no choice but to lean on the alpha you've betrayed, the alpha that hates you.
Pairing: Poly 141 x reader
Word Count: 11,071 words
Warnings: ANGST, Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, Alternate Universe, a/b/o typical classism and sexism, language, anxiety, reader has a panic attack and several breakdowns, Simon being mean, ANGST, depression, lots of mentions of vomiting and the reader does get sick quite a bit though it's not descriptive in any way, ANGST, heat cycles, pseudoscience, medical stuff (that's probably very wrong), brief mention of needles, medical procedures (nothing very detailed), ANGST, very heavy emotionally again, some very light fluff like barely there but nothing compared to the ANGST
A/N: I did it. I finally got it up. It's uh...it's a heavy one again, I'll tell you that much. You'll hate me even more but oh well. I expected that through this part of the story. I'm so evil I know.
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“I don't like this. It's too...”
“Convenient?”
“Suspicious.”
“I know. But we don't have much of a choice in this.” John says, staring at Simon and Johnny. “You keep your eyes on her at all times. Stay in the barracks when you can. If you have to leave the barracks together, she goes with you.”
“We won't let her out of our sight.” Simon says. “If anything happens, Kate will be the first to know.”
“Good.” John says. He trusts the two of them to look after you. Yet he can't deny the timing of this is a bit suspicious. “We'll be back as soon as we can. Take good care of our girl.”
Two weeks.
It’s been two weeks since John and Kyle left.
Despite the fact it’s not the longest someone has been gone, it doesn’t ease the ache in your chest, the pain slowly carving its way into your very soul. You haven’t spoken to them. There’s been no word. Nothing. It could be a good thing. Sometimes no news is good news, and you suppose it’s better than a phone call saying they’ve died in some horrible accident.
You keep waiting for that phone call.
Every time Johnny or Simon’s phone rings, you begin to panic, fear eating away at that hole in your chest. It’s bad news, it’s Kate calling to tell them your alpha and beta aren’t coming home.
You’ve hardly been able to relax, tense and jumpy at the littlest things. Being enclosed in the barracks at all times isn’t helping. You haven’t left once, not even to the med center. Dr. Keller has been coming to the barracks, more than she normally would for your appointments. You wonder if it was Johnny’s doing to try and help you relax, or Simon’s doing in hope you stop stinking up the barracks with the sour scent of nerves and fear.
Simon has been distant still, avoiding you as much as he can. It’s impossible to avoid you completely, though, as Johnny can’t watch you 24/7. It’s a bit claustrophobic, the way they hover, always keeping one eye on you. It’s been a bit suffocating for the last three weeks, but with John and Kyle gone...it’s almost worse.
Johnny has tried to fill that void, tried to support you in any way he can, but it hasn’t worked. You know it’s Johnny, you love Johnny, yet not even he can fill the void that has become your life without your alpha.
You hate it.
You hate their job, you hate that it takes them from you. You hate the uncertainty, the constant fear and worry that makes you sick. You hate that it’s dragged you into it. You know they were digging for the perpetrator of the cameras, who put them up, who ordered them to be put up, who potentially wanted to look into your personal life in such a violating way. The sudden deployment feels too suspicious, too sudden to be coincidence.
But as John says, entertaining conspiracies won’t get you anywhere.
Still...it smells fishy to you.
The hole in your chest has left you in a constant state of uneasiness which has left you on the verge of tears constantly. Every day that passes without word of a tragedy or that they’re coming home makes your stomach churn, tears constantly brimming in your eyes. John’s shirt is constantly in your grasp, a dirty one you’d fished out of the bottom of his laundry basket, soaked in his scent. It’s beginning to fade, slowly eroding away until there won’t be anything left. Then you’ll grab another and another until you have none left. His room still smells like him, his pillows still fresh with his scent.
You know it will fade, though, and fade fast.
You’ve been avoiding spending too much time in his room and Kyle’s in favor of keeping their scents in there as long as possible. The fading of their scents is like an omen, marking a fading of their presence in your life, of the bond between you. The constant fear that you’ll forget them, what they sound like, what they smell like, what they look like.
It makes you physically ill.
That painful churning in your stomach is back as you sit on the couch in the rec room, curled up as far from Simon as you can get. Simon is still angry at you, at your betrayal of his trust. So much progress down the drain because you proved you’re not trustworthy after he trusted you enough to begin opening up. You still hate yourself for it, for keeping the secret for that long. Even a month would have been better and would have had less consequences for everyone. Maybe then you might have caught the camera in the bear sooner, and not been so violated during some of your most private moments.
Some of those moments with Simon.
How violated does he feel, having such vulnerable moments between you recorded and viewed by someone out there? You can’t help but think back to that night when he came back, and the morning after. Someone watched you. The bear had been right there, those black beady eyes staring right at the two of you. How many times had you fucked the others in your bed, the bear sitting there, watching, projecting those moments to whoever was on the other side.
Your heat.
The bear hadn’t been looking then, but it had been listening. It knows what happened, every last detail, every slam of the bed against the wall, every knot.
It makes you sick.
Your stomach churns, your arms wrapping around your middle as you let out a shaky breath. You’re going to puke again, the bile rising in your throat. The intense tingling in your hands is starting again, your fingers curling in as your extremities begin to go numb. You’re panicking again.
Instead of vomit, a choked sob leaves your lips, your tears hot and burning on your cheeks, stinging like they’re composed of acid.
Simon glances up from his phone, his face the mask of indifference that it has been for three weeks. A mask that he had worn for the first few months after your arrival. “What?” He asks, his tone flat and voice rough.
You can’t answer him, too busy hyperventilating and sobbing where you sit. You can’t even think if you wanted to, your body aching as your muscles begin to tighten. You can’t distress. You’ve been fighting the urge since the day the truth came out.
You can’t trust Simon to help you.
You’re not even sure he knows how to.
Of course, it would be easy to call Dr. Keller, get her to help him, but you’re not sure he’d want to. Could he be so angry and betrayed he’d just stand there and watch you distress yourself to death?
He wouldn’t. He’d have to explain himself to John, why he let it happen. It would tear the pack apart. It would tear them apart. You wouldn’t put it past John to try and rip Simon’s throat out with his teeth in anger. It would be a bigger betrayal than yours, and Simon wouldn’t let you lose your spot at the top of that list.
“Fuck.” Simon breathes, setting his phone down before moving in front of you. He lowers himself onto one knee, reaching for your arms. If you had been more aware you might have flinched away, but the lack of oxygen to your brain is making everything fuzzy.
Simon grips your elbows, tugging you forward gently. Your legs are forced off the edge of the couch, your body upright as Simon holds your arms in his grasp, your legs between his as he kneels in front of you. You stare down at him, the sudden change in position shocking you for a moment. You choke around another sob, eyes blurry as you try to look at him.
“I need you to breathe.” He says, squeezing your arms gently.
You can’t.
Your breaths are sobs, wracking your body, tearing at your lungs. Your chest hurts, aching and burning as you quickly begin spiraling out of control.
“Look at me.” He says, shifting his hold to your wrists, taking them into one hand before he grabs your chin with the other. He keeps your head still, locked on his face. His eyes are blurry to your own teary ones as you look right at him, looking through the mass of blurry black that surrounds him. “Breathe.” He says, his voice rougher than normal, rumbling with the command of his alpha around the edges.
It goes straight to your head, a shiver running down your spine. Your body shudders in response, your next sob catching painfully in your throat. You cough, lungs spasming as your body suddenly begins to follow his order automatically. Simon lets you go as you attempt to gain control over your out of control body. One part of your brain is still panicking, still pushing towards distress while the other fights to follow the alpha’s command. It’s a battle, your instincts at war with each other.
The next inhale is a gasp, inhaling until your breath stutters and your lungs ache. You let it out slowly, the flood of oxygen making you shake in Simon’s hold. He keeps his hand around your wrists until your inhales stop stuttering and your muscles start to relax.
He slowly releases you, pushing himself up to sit on the coffee table. You’re surprised it can hold so much weight after it’s been sat on so many times. Not even a creak as Simon lowers himself onto it.
He rests his elbows on his knees as he stares at you. His figure begins to get clearer as your tears slow, no longer blurring your vision. You're expecting the sharp sting of his harsh gaze, or worse the indifference you've grown used to over the last three weeks.
Instead there's a soft look in his eyes. Not soft as you would describe Johnny's, but soft compared to what it has been. Pity, you think.
“You're a fucking mess.” He finally says.
You laugh. You can't help it. The deadpan delivery of such a him statement in response to everything has a laugh escaping your lips. You wipe your eyes, sniffling. He hates it, hearing your sniffles. It annoys him when you cry, it always has.
You push yourself back onto the couch, pulling your knees up again as you stare at him. There's a slight tremble to your fingers still as you sit there in silence for a moment.
“I'm sorry.” You say, still looking at him. “If I had just said something sooner...” You swallow thickly as you stumble over your words. “None of us would have...the camera would have been found sooner...we wouldn't have...both of us...”
“You shouldn't apologize if you don't even know what to say.” He says, the softness in his gaze hardening again.
“It's not that it's just...” You take a breath, trying to straighten out your thoughts. “I feel so guilty. This is all my fault and if I had just said something sooner, none of this would have happened. What happens next is my fault too. I know you and John have been digging into who is behind it and I know how risky that is. They know that we all know now, and...I'm scared of what might happen.”
You let out a long breath at your confession and attempt at an apology, squeezing your fingers together as they begin to tremble even more. You want to look away, his gaze piercing into you again. You're reminded of the moment the words had fallen from your lips that had caused this in the first place. Your heart begins thumping in your chest, your breathing picking up slightly at the memory. Will he get angry again? Will he snap at you and drag you down the hall to lock you in your room until John and Kyle get back, or Johnny calms him enough to rescue you?
“I feel so violated.” Your voice shakes. “I can't even imagine what it's been like for you. It took us so long to get to that point and...” You swallow the bile trying to rise in your throat. “I'm so sorry.” Tears blur your vision again. “I didn't know...I didn't think...I was so stupid.”
He scoffs. “You are.” His words are sharp, and they sting as they slice through you. “Fucking stupid, I'd say.” You wince at his words. “But you’re inexperienced. You don’t think about things like we do. No matter how much everyone has tried to drill it into your head, you’ll never truly understand until you experience it yourself.” He holds your gaze for a moment. “I hope you never have to.”
You stare at him, the meaning of his words not lost on you. You’ve put yourself in danger, you’ve put all of them in danger by keeping this all a secret. Whoever put those cameras up knew you were keeping it a secret and hadn’t done anything in retaliation against you for finding them and destroying them. Maybe that was their plan all along. They knew you’d keep it a secret and use that to their advantage. Strike when they least expected it, or perhaps wait for the moment the truth inevitably came out and then strike.
The thought has a cold chill running down your spine.
You’re afraid for a different reason now.
John and Kyle are gone. Anything could happen to them and it wouldn’t look suspicious. Or whoever put those cameras up wanted everyone split up. Attack when there’s less knights defending the castle.
A shiver runs through you, making you curl in on yourself. The feeling of being watched is back. The darkness peeking out from around the blinds over the rec room windows suddenly feels very threatening.
“What’s goin’ on in here?”
A startled yelp leaves your lips as you whip around to face Johnny where he’s leaning against the door to the rec room. Simon’s body tenses in response to your fearful yelp, an unconscious motion he has no control over. Alphas will always have the drive to protect the omegas in their pack. It’s a natural protective mechanism, no matter how they may be feeling about said omega.
Simon’s body relaxes as you do, putting a hand over your heart to try and calm yourself down again.
“Jumpy this evenin’.” Johnny says, entering the rec room. He steps up to the couch, bending down to rest his hands on the arm next to you. “Didnae mean to scare ye.” He says softly. “Ready tae get to bed?”
You nod. “Yeah. I am.”
“Come on.” He holds out his hand and you take it, letting him help you up off the couch. “We’re usin’ yer shower, Si.” He says.
Simon rolls his eyes. “Course.”
“Simon?” You say before Johnny can pull you from the rec room. The alpha turns to look at you. “I am sorry.”
He stares at you for a long, tense moment. “I know.”
Johnny leads you down the hallway, his hand on your lower back. He’s gotten touchy again, letting his hand rest lower and lower on your back, brushing your breasts as he pulls the covers up around you at night. He refuses to let you shower without sitting on the toilet lid. You know the chances of Simon opening up like that again are slim, if at all. You’ve ruined that opportunity, and you’ll have to be satisfied with where he draws that line permanently.
“Have a good conversation?” Johnny asks.
You nod. “He called me ‘fucking stupid’.”
Johnny nearly chokes for a second, covering his mouth to hide a laugh. “He’s certainly not a man of eloquence.”
You shrug. “I mean, I don’t exactly disagree with him.”
Johnny leads you into Simon’s room, steering you to the bathroom. Your stuff is already inside from the unanimous decision to solely use Simon’s bathroom for ease and also safety.
Your towel is neatly on the rack next to Simon’s and Johnny’s, all folded the same way and hung evenly apart. Your soap and shampoo are neatly placed next to his, along with your toothbrush and other products on the sink. Always so neat and organized, despite his anger at you.
Can’t break his system even after you break his trust.
You pull your shirt over your head after starting the water, letting it get warm. Johnny stands behind you in the doorway, and you know he’s watching. You strip your shorts and underwear off, Johnny grunting quietly as you bend over to add them to your pile of dirty clothes. You’ve been tempted to leave them on the floor for the past two weeks just to peeve, but you’ve riled Simon up enough. With your luck he’d just toss them in the trash.
The water is hot as it pelts your skin, your shoulders relaxing as it begins to loosen the stress of the day. The emptiness in your chest continues to eat away at you, never disappearing despite what happens. Your stomach churns, the nausea returning. You stand under the spray, letting the water pour over your head as you attempt to calm the continuous twisting in your abdomen.
The shower door slides open, another body joining you before it slides closed. Warm skin presses against your back as arms slip around you, pulling you out from directly under the spray. You rest back against Johnny’s chest as he leans his cheek against the top of your head.
“I miss them.” You say quietly, just audible over the shower.
“I know.” Johnny says, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.
“When will they be back?” You ask him, even though you know he can’t tell you.
“Hard tae say.” He says, grabbing your strawberry scented soap from next to Simon’s. He’s just been using Simon’s soap, something you probably assume he does often anyway. “Kate will update us as soon as there’s a possible ETA.”
“I don’t know how much longer I can take.” You say as he begins to wash your back.
“I know.” He says, gently massaging the knots in your back, trying to help you relax. “I wish I could get them home faster. I wish it had been us instead of them for your sake.”
His words make you feel guilty, but you both know it’s not anyone’s fault. John is your alpha, you belong to him, you were claimed by him. You’ll always hurt more about your alpha and beta’s absence than the other members of your pack can comfort you. If Simon had claimed you, things would have been different. The ache in your chest would have been less intense as you would still have an alpha you could lean on.
You’d always miss John, but if you had Simon, the black hole slowly devouring you would have slowed its progress.
Four weeks.
A month.
It's been a month since John and Kyle left. The familiar hole in your chest has widened, a gaping black hole now threatening to swallow you and string you out until you’re nothing but particles lost in its center. It’s worse than the hole Simon left when he went on his solo deployment, it’s worse than the hole they all left when they went on their first mission. Neither of those previous deployments lasted this long, and despite Johnny's attempts to console you, you don’t feel any better.
There’s been no contact.
A month with no contact, a month with no word. You'd know if something had happened. Even if you got no word on it, you would know. That sense that omegas have when something happens to the bond would be screaming.
It's been a rough four weeks.
There’s a heaviness that’s started to permeate the air as you try to adjust to the prolonged absence of your alpha. It’s nearly every day that you’re breaking down now, standing in John’s room to catch any whiff of him that’s left. You’ve worn the scent off his bed, his pillows, his clothes. You’ve run out of shirts that smell like him.
You’re terrified they might fade from your memory entirely. Kyle’s scent had disappeared quicker, fading fast until you were left unable to even picture the sea. The beach is a blurry, distant memory, the smell of the salty air faded and wiped away.
Still you cling to their shirts, as if you can hold them through the fabric. You carry them everywhere, packing them from room to room as you float around in a daze.
You’ve left the barracks once in four weeks for a training session that neither of them could miss. You’d gotten looks as you sat there, the sole audience member, but you're not quite sure what had happened or even what the training was far. You had been far away, lost in your own head, the haze of depression and grief numbing you to everything.
Dr. Keller continues to visit you in the barracks, still more than you normally would see her. You miss her office, the soft warmth of it, the plants and the colors lacking from the sterilized prison that is the barracks. It has become like a prison. You’re trapped inside, unable to even wander around alone. You feel like the princess locked in her tower under the watchful eye of the guards keeping her trapped inside. You need someone to come and rescue you, someone to set you free so you can at least wander the tower alone.
You want your alpha.
You miss John and Kyle desperately, their absence chewing away at your insides. The hole in your chest continues to widen as the days pass, consuming more and more of you as you slip deeper and deeper into the black hole of depression. Johnny is being affected too, sucked in by the gravitational pull of the black hole you have become. Even Simon is starting to feel it, softening a bit more towards you. He’d even let your hands brush a couple of times when he’s escorted you places, and he didn’t yank them away like you might pass some disease onto him.
You wouldn’t necessarily call him affectionate, even before all of this, but this is the first glimpse you’ve gotten of him being back to where the two of you were before you fucked everything up. You know it’s not going to happen overnight. It might never get back to what it was. He might simply be acting out of sympathy, and out of necessity because of your pain and grief being channeled through the pack bonds. Sometimes you wonder if John and Kyle can feel it too from wherever they are in the world.
You miss them so much it hurts.
The tears slip down your cheeks as you sit on the couch in the rec room. Johnny is off taking his turn to work out. It’s early, the sky still grey outside, the perfect epitome of how you feel inside. Simon is seated in his usual spot, book in hand. Your own that he had grabbed is still on the coffee table. You’re staring at it, tears gliding down your cheeks as you hold your knees against your chest. It’s become almost a normal occurrence, the tears, the blank staring, the lack of desire to do anything, even the position you’re seated in.
Simon glances up at you as you sniffle again, lowering his book slightly. “What?” His tone isn't annoyed per se, but you know he has to be tired of your constant blubbering.
“Tell me they’ll be alright.” You say, your voice shaking.
“You know I can’t-” He starts, but you cut him off.
“I need you to tell me.” You sob, your gaze lifting to the black screen of the TV. “I can’t take it. I can’t do this.”
He lets out a sigh, closing his book. You jump as the couch sinks down on your left, Simon taking a seat next to you. The flinch is subconscious as he reaches over to grip your chin and turn your face to look at him. Your tears slide down your cheeks, wetting his fingers.
“They’ll be alright.” He says, eyes hard as he looks at you. He’s lying but you need to hear it. “They’ve been gone for far longer than this before. Trust Price knows what he’s doing. He’s going to do everything in his power to come back. We’ll know if something happens. Laswell will let us know.”
You know that, you know all of it. Yet it does little to calm the pain in your chest. “I miss them.” You sob, Simon’s eyes softening as you continue to cry. “My stomach hurts.”
You’ve been nauseous since the day the truth came out almost five weeks ago. The nausea has been churning in your stomach, making you constantly on the edge of vomiting. It’s the stress, the combination of the truth coming out and your alpha being gone. You’ve been choking food down, eating only out of necessity.
Simon lets out a sigh, releasing your chin to wrap an arm around you. His other hand drops to rest on your stomach. It’s warm through the fabric of your shirt, applying gentle pressure. He smells like alpha, different from John, but still an alpha. The tears continue to fall as he holds you, your body slowly leaning closer and closer to him. He doesn’t complain, doesn’t even try to push you away as you fall against his side.
Your stomach is churning, gnawing. It’s not an unusual feeling. It’s felt this way for the last few weeks. It’s never woken you up before, though. You blink in the darkness of Johnny’s room, his arm still thrown over you. The gnawing continues to intensify as you continue to be pulled from your semi-peaceful sleep, becoming more and more aware.
You’re hungry.
You slowly unravel yourself from Johnny’s snake-like hold, ready to slip into the rec room to peruse your snack stash. Instead you’re pulled back onto the bed by the arm that slips around your waist.
“Where ye goin’?” Johnny rasps, still half asleep.
“I’m hungry.” You whisper.
He lets out a groan, letting go of you to rub a hand over his face. “Give me a minute.”
You rise from the bed as he stretches, slowly sitting up as he draws himself from sleep. It’s just past one in the morning, neither of you having been asleep for long. You feel wide awake as the gnawing in your stomach continues to intensify. You rock back and forth on your feet, debating just going and letting him catch up. It’ll force him to wake up faster, and ease the gnawing hunger threatening to turn you inside out.
Finally Johnny rises from the bed, stretching again as you impatiently open the door. He pads behind you to the rec room, watching as you dig out a bag of chips. He leans against the back of the couch as you stand there, devouring the chips like you haven’t eaten in days. You haven’t really eaten much in the last five weeks, so perhaps it’s finally catching up to you. You finish the bag but it’s not enough, so you grab another, devouring it halfway before you freeze. The bag begins to tremble in your hand, nearly falling from your grasp.
Johnny is alert immediately as you begin to panic. “What?” He asks stepping closer to you, ready to defend you from whatever has you on edge.
Your brain frantically does the math, thinking over the last few weeks. The bag falls to the floor as the realization slams into you like a bus. You turn to face Johnny, eyes wide in shock, fear shooting through you like lightning and clouding the rec room in the sour stench of omega fear.
Your lips tremble, the words stuttering out as you fight the panic rising in you, the nauseous churning of your stomach threatening to bring up the bag and a half of chips you just ate. Your fingers are shaking, clenching into fists again as they begin to go numb. Ragged breaths wheeze from your lungs as you stare at Johnny’s worried face, brows furrowed as he tries to understand what has you in a sudden panic at one in the morning.
“My last heat was eleven weeks ago.”
“The timeline is right,” Dr. Keller says, taking the blood pressure cuff off your arm. “The symptoms point to pre-heat.”
You take another bite of your candy bar, eating half out of necessity and half because you’re nervous. You hadn’t even considered this when John left, but of course you didn’t know how long he would be gone.
“Any word from John yet?” Dr. Keller asks as she packs the blood pressure monitor back into her bag.
“None.” Johnny says, crossing his arms. “Kate sent out a message, but there’s been no response.”
You’re numb to that fact, the hope that had filled you two days ago gone now that there’s been no word, not even for something like this. Simon had gone out of his way to call you when you needed him, but John can’t even send a simple message through, even a simple no.
“We may have to consider alternative options if he can’t get back in time.” Dr. Keller says.
He won’t get back in time. They’re all saying it silently. They all know it and so do you.
Your hands close into fists. You had hoped with your new pack and alpha you wouldn’t have to go through this again. But, of course with them having to put their job first, this was always a possibility. It was bound to happen eventually, you just hoped it wouldn’t be so soon.
“We’ll wait as long as we can.” Dr. Keller says, looking at you. “We don’t have forever, though.”
You shove the rest of the candybar in your mouth. You don’t want to say anything, you don’t want to do anything. You’re numb except for the incessant hunger. You’ll know when it’s getting close, when the hunger fades and you’re facing down the reality that your alpha won’t be here. You know he won’t. Even if Kate can get ahold of him, he won’t make it back in time.
You’re going to have to do this alone.
Well...perhaps not.
Maybe there is someone that can help you after all.
You’re terrified. You’re not sure how to even approach this, how to bring it up. It’s eating you alive, but you have to ask. You have to know. That small bubble of hope still rising in you that maybe, just maybe you can avoid the horror awaiting you. It’s a big request, but perhaps you can be convincing enough to play to his pity.
“Simon?” You ask, your hands curled into fists so they’re not visibly shaking. Your hair is dripping onto your shirt, soaking it but you don’t care. The cold is keeping you aware, keeping you from floating away into your head again.
He grunts, looking up from his phone. You’d used the shower in his room again so he could watch you while Johnny took his own shower. You won’t sleep in here. You’ll stay with Johnny just like you have for the last almost five weeks. It’s safer, should your heat start in the middle of the night again. And also because he doesn’t want you to stay with him.
This is stupid. It’s a stupid decision but you need to know.
What if he says yes?
“Can I...ask you something?” You say, shifting nervously on your feet.
He pockets his phone before pushing himself up to stand. He towers over you as he moves closer, staring down at you as you look up at him. Sometimes you forget just how big he is, just how commanding his presence can be. You fight the urge to cower, to submit to him in fear. “What?”
The nervous lump in your throat threatens to choke you, the memories of his anger directed right at you burning right through you. What if he gets mad again? What if he reacts the same way? You can’t know what he will do, though. You steady yourself, wrapping the fabric of your shirt around your hands.
“Will...” You clear your throat. “Will you help me through my heat?”
It’s a big request. A huge request. You’re asking him to jump past barriers he’d kept up even before, something he’d never even suggested or hinted at wanting to do even before your last heat. You’re asking him to jump past barriers he’s put back up since your betrayal, making it clear you’re not welcome back in, you’re not going to get to where you were before. The most he’s done is let you lean against him that one night in the rec room.
You hope maybe he’ll agree out of necessity, maybe he’ll take pity on you and save you from the horrors of going through a heat without an alpha. It may be stupid, but you’re terrified of what’s awaiting you if he doesn’t agree. You don’t want to do it, you don’t want to be put to sleep and then wake up a week later sick and disoriented, and then spend the next few days still in the same state.
It makes your stomach churn, and not from hunger.
His eyes widen in shock as your words register. His hands tighten into fists at his sides, his shoulders tensing. You fight the urge to flinch at the movement, the sudden hardening of his stance before you. He wasn’t expecting it, obviously. You came out of left field with it, but you have to ask. You’ll beg if you need to. You’ll get on your knees and beg like your life depends on it if he wants you to. Anything just to avoid what’s looming in the near future.
His eyes harden as he stares down at you, and you suddenly begin to regret your decision to ask. His gaze is piercing, taking you back to when you confessed. You’ve made a mistake. You’ve made a huge mistake.
“No.”
The word is simple, two letters, one syllable, yet it slices right through you. You should have expected it, should have known that would be your answer, but it still hurts. He knows, he knows John isn’t coming back in time. He knows you’re going to have to do this alone. You had hoped maybe pity would push him into saying yes, maybe he’d open up a bit more before your heat started, maybe he might be merciful.
“I can’t.” He takes a step back, then another. His gaze softens to what you almost perceive as panic. He shakes his head. “I can’t.”
So maybe it wasn’t anger at you keeping him from agreeing. You can feel it, the edge to his scent starting to cloud it, the way his hands open and close as he squeezes them into fists over and over.
Tears burn your eyes as you stare at him, lifting your hands so they’re laced together in front of you. You knew that would be the answer, yet you can’t stop the disappointment. “Oh.” That's all you can say. You don’t trust yourself to say much else.
You swallow the lump in your throat as Johnny appears in the doorway, looking between the two of you before his eyes settle on you. He can tell something happened, something transpired between the two of you while he was gone. How much of it he heard, you’re not sure. Perhaps none at all judging by the look on his face.
“Ready for bed?” He asks, his gaze cautious. He’s trying to assess the situation, figure out what could have transpired to cause such a reaction between you and his alpha. He’ll never know. Not unless Simon tells him.
“Yeah.” You breathe, scurrying out of Simon’s room before you can make more of a fool out of yourself.
“H-How long will it take?” You ask, your heart thudding in your chest. Your pre-heat symptoms had stopped earlier this morning, the hunger gone, the itching beginning under your skin.
“As soon as your temperature goes up, we’ll get started.” Dr. Keller says, sticking electrodes to your chest. You’ve already got the blood pressure cuff around your arm and pulse monitor on your finger.
“Ye were prepared for this.” Johnny says, sitting next to the hospital bed. You’re in a private room, well away from any others, even though no one will know you’re in heat. There won’t be any scent projecting, no neediness, no aching. You won’t be aware at all that anything is happening as your body rapidly cycles through that sudden flood of hormones.
Dr. Keller nods. “This was always a possibility, so I made sure I had everything on hand for when it did happen.” She takes your temperature again. “Tell me when you start to feel warm. The last thing I want to do is send you under too late.”
Your skin crawls at her words, memories flashing back to the time you were put under too late. You trust Dr. Keller to take care of you, though. She’s far more competent and aware than that nurse had been. It’s her job to take care of you, to watch after you in moments like this.
You just wish you could talk to John before you go under.
You want to remember his voice when you come back out.
“I’ll be here the whole time.” Johnny says, taking your hand, obviously sensing your discomfort.
He’s brought a bag of things with him, since he’ll be staying with you for the few days it’ll take to get through your heat. It won’t be as long this time, your body being forced through those hormones quickly. It won’t even register it needs a knot, flying through those symptoms.
The wait is the worst part. It takes forever, every minute seeming to take an hour. Johnny waits dutifully by your side. You wish this wasn’t the first heat he would be here for. You wish he had at least gotten some experience with a normal heat, just so this one wouldn’t scare him off. Even Kyle might have been shaken by it, though, even with his experience.
Eventually the heat begins to prickle under your skin, your heart rate jumping. Johnny calls in Dr. Keller, looking nervous as sweat begins to bead on your forehead.
“It’s time.” Dr. Keller says, taking your temperature. It’s jumped quickly, your body starting to prepare for the onslaught of hormones about to be released.
She turns your arm, hooking up the IV that will deliver the sedative as well as fluids to keep you hydrated. The heart monitor beeps rapidly as you grow nervous, Johnny squeezing your hand gently. You know he’s trying, and there’s nothing more he can really do. There’s no stopping this. It’s going to happen no matter what.
“I’m going to administer the sedative. You’ll start to feel sleepy.” Dr. Keller says. “I’ll put in the feeding tube after you’re out.”
You swallow nervously, sweat starting to bead on your forehead. “It’ll be okay right?”
Dr. Keller gives you a soft smile “You’ll be just fine. It’ll be a few days for us, but it’ll be a few seconds for you. It’ll be over before you know it.”
You swallow nervously before nodding. Dr. Keller pushes the sedative through the IV, your body starting to relax as it begins to take effect. The itching under your skin stops, the heat fading as the ceiling gets further and further away as your vision tunnels. Johnny squeezing your hand is the last thing you remember before everything goes dark.
He’s seen a lot of things, done a lot of things that would make the average person violently ill. He’s no stranger to blood and gore, yet he can’t watch as Dr. Keller inserts the feeding tube into your nose. The thought of having it in his own body makes him nearly gag, his eyes closing as he breathes.
“I’m done.” Dr. Keller says, a small smile on her face as he turns back around.
“About gart me boak.” He says, looking at you where you appear to be sleeping peacefully. He supposes you are, blissfully unaware of anything and everything around you.
“You’re not good with needles either, are you?” She asks, obviously noticing how he had turned away when she put in your IV.
“Not my favorite.” He admits.
“She’s all set.” She says, stepping back. “You’ll want to move her every few hours, turn her on one side, lift her legs up. Keeps her from getting bed sores or blood clots. I’ll be next door, and I’ll check on her periodically. If anything happens at night, I’ll have my phone on full volume.”
“Thank ye, doctor.” He says, squeezing your hand despite the fact you can’t feel it.
Dr. Keller takes her leave, the room going quiet aside from the beeping of the heart monitor, and the occasional buzzing of the blood pressure cuff as it tightens around your arm. He stares at you for a long moment, watching the steady rise and fall of your chest as you sleep. It’s probably the most peaceful sleep you’ve gotten in the last few weeks, despite the changes happening internally. Dr. Keller had explained it to him, the hormonal changes, how sedation works differently than going through a heat consciously. Omegas do go through heat cycles awake and aware without an alpha sometimes. Institutes cycle between isolated heats and sedation.
The thought of you going through both makes his stomach twist.
Sweat beads on your forehead as you lay there, something that will continue for the next few days, the doctor said. Your heart rate is higher than normal, another sign that you’re in your heat as your brain cycles through the sudden rush of hormones. He’s not quite sure what to expect, not quite sure what it’ll look like if something goes wrong. He’s never done this before, and the little research he’d done doesn’t feel all that helpful. Dr. Keller trusts him to know, though, and he supposes it’ll be pretty obvious should something go wrong.
You’re not going to be doing much aside from laying there for the next few days.
The hours seem to drag on and he can’t help but wonder if this is how Kyle feels during your heats. At least Kyle had a job to do, had to focus and listen for the breaks in between rounds when he’d go in, ensure nothing was wrong, nothing happened, that you’re being fed and taken care of. All he has is the steady beeping of the heart monitor and the occasional buzz and crinkling of nylon as the blood pressure cuff expands. Dr. Keller brings him meals, keeping him fed and occasionally keeps him company as he watches dutifully over you. His back is aching from the uncomfortable chair and the makeshift bed, but he can hardly complain. He’s slept on worse.
He’s sketched a lot in the silence between watching videos on his phone and napping. It’s been a peaceful time, aside from his initial worry. You sleep away, sweat still beading on your forehead. Every so often he grabs a wet paper towel, wiping away the sweat.
He jumps as his alarm on his phone goes off in the silence, his pencil falling to the floor. He picks it up, setting his sketchbook to the side before he gets up. He’s careful as he slips his arms under you, easing you over onto your side. He bends your legs, making sure you’re steady and not cutting off circulation anywhere. He runs a hand over your hair, the strands starting to slip out of the braid he had put in before your trip to the med center.
He moves around to the other side of the bed, pulling the tie out before undoing the braid. He’s careful as he redoes it as best he can, making sure not to pull too tightly on the strands. The last thing you need when you wake up is to feel like your hair is being yanked out of your head.
He ties off the braid before moving back to his seat, staring at your peaceful face for a moment. It’s nothing new to him, but he can’t help but stare. He’s seen you sleep many times, held you, watched you blissfully unaware of the world. The softness in your face, the worry and the stress and the weight on your shoulders of just being who you are gone.
He picks his sketchbook back up, going back to drawing.
His stomach churns nervously. There’s a subtle shake to his hands, something that doesn’t happen often. He likes to think he’s prepared for anything, conditioned enough to not be shaken by anything. Yet he can’t help but feel unsure as Dr. Keller closes off your IV.
“She’ll be coming out of it soon.” Dr. Keller says. “She’ll be confused, disoriented. She might get combative. Your job is to talk to her, try to calm her and help ease her back into awareness. She’s a crier after heats, so I don’t doubt there will be tears. She may get sick as well.” She gives him a reassuring smile. “It’ll be alright. Coming out of a heat is hard, and so is coming out of sedation. Both at the same time is always a struggle.”
There was a time he thought maybe sedation would be the easiest way to deal with a heat, but from what he’s hearing, he might have been wrong. Sure it might be easier in the moment to not have those week long symptoms of intense desire, the fever, the desperation. Coming out of it though? From what he’s heard so far, it’s not as easy as it sounds. He’s been through it, coming out of sedation after an injury in the field. It’s a confusing feeling, disorienting enough before you find out days or weeks have passed. It’s hard to conceptualize without all those hormones going crazy in your head.
You start to stir, your brows pinching as you slowly begin to wake. You let out a groan, reaching for the feeding tube immediately. Dr. Keller gently pushes your hands away, nodding to Johnny. Your brows furrow deeper, a groan leaving your lips as you begin to move more and more.
“Easy, kitten.” He says, leaning down close to you, projecting his scent so you can hopefully get a whiff of it to help calm you. “I’ve got ye. Yer alright.” He brushes your hair back from your sweaty forehead as you continue to groan. He takes your hand as you reach for the tube again, squeezing it gently.
You crack your eyes open for a moment before quickly pinching them shut. Dr. Keller reaches up, turning off the overhead light before leaning down close to you again. She’s projecting her natural beta scent as well to try and help calm you. “I’m going to remove the tube, I know it’s uncomfortable.”
Johnny has to look away again as Dr. Keller removes the feeding tube, pressing his face into your hair as he projects his scent even more. You squeeze his hand back, the other gripping the side of the bed. You take in a harsh, gasping breath before you begin to cry, tears spilling out of your eyes as you sob. He had heard that you’re a crier after your heat from Kyle, he’s just never witnessed it before.
It takes him back to just a few weeks ago in John’s office when you had sat there crying as they interrogated you. It had made him uneasy, the stress and the fear clouding your scent. The fear he’d felt in those moments, listening to you cry and panic, nearly sending yourself into distress before John had calmed you. He might have done more, but he had been angry, angry at whoever put those cameras in your room, and slightly at you for keeping it from them for so long.
He can’t blame it completely on you, though. That had been back in the time where you still weren’t sure if you could trust them, before you fully opened yourself to them. Maybe they were slightly at fault for not making you feel like you could trust them, for not being realistic with you about the dangers. Sure you had been warned, had it drilled into your head why your safety was paramount, but maybe they had kept too much hidden from you. Maybe they had put you in more danger by trying to keep you safe.
Your eyes are still pinched closed as you continue to cry, sobs wracking your body as you grip his hand tightly. It tugs at his chest as he whispers quietly against your hair, trying to get you to recognize him, pull you out of the confusion and disorientation you must be feeling. You begin to hyperventilate, your hand slipping from his as you try to push yourself up. Dr. Keller already has the bed lifting, her other hand holding a vomit bag in front of you. It seems almost instinctual, but she’s been through this many times before. She had told him how many during one of their talks, when he’d asked her how long she's been working with omegas. He hadn’t realized just how little he really knew about your doctor before now.
Johnny has to look away as you vomit into the bag, his own stomach churning. Not just because of you being ill, but also because of how distressing this all seems. How you haven’t gone into distress is a miracle to him, but perhaps you’re still too out of it to be that aware.
Your breathing has calmed just slightly, your forehead beaded with sweat. Dr. Keller removes the vomit bag from in front of you, grabbing another and setting it on your lap.
“I’m going to dispose of this.” She says. “She’s going to be sick for a while. I’ll grab more fluids and I’ll be back shortly.”
Johnny nods, wiping at the sweat on your brow. You lean into his touch, letting out a quiet whine. His touch is gentle, almost scared he might hurt you in your fragile state. You’re still crying, the tears cascading down your cheeks. His chest hurts, guilt and sorrow churning inside of him from seeing you in this state. All thought that sedation was the best option goes out the window as he holds the vomit bag for you, keeping your braid out of the way.
Kyle had told him about what it was like during your heat and after, partially to feed his curiosity, but also in case something like this happened where he had to be the one taking care of you. He’d heard about the pain, the tears, the disorientation. This is different, though. This is far worse than what Kyle had described to him.
Dr. Keller returns, IV bag in hand. She removes the empty bag and replaces it with the full one, hooking it up to your IV. You have to be thirsty after a few days of having nothing but a feeding tube and the fluids to keep you going during your fever.
Johnny catches her hand as she pulls out a syringe, small enough to be discreet. Something tickles in the back of his mind as he stares at it, his instincts on edge.
“What is that?” He asks, starting to get defensive, his metaphorical hackles rising.
“Pain medicine.” She says simply, handing it to him. She has to be able to read him, sensing the sudden protectiveness wafting off of him.
He takes the syringe, reading the label. Morphine. He feels silly for distrusting the doctor. She’s never proven herself untrustworthy. While he knows they can’t be too trusting of anyone, she’s never done you any harm, never given them a reason to suspect her. She wouldn't hurt you, not after the dedication he’s seen from her these last few days alone.
“She might need it later once she’s more aware.” She continues, taking the syringe back when he hands it to her, putting it back in her pocket. “Her body just went through an intense hormonal cycle and those hormonal levels are now dropping suddenly. It can cause a wide range of symptoms from crying to illness to physical pain. When omegas are allowed to go through that cycle naturally, usually with an alpha, the symptoms of coming down from that cycle are typically less severe compared to when sedation is used, of course besides the physical pain. The pain with sedation is obviously quite different from the pain when the cycle happens naturally with an alpha.”
Johnny’s brows furrow as he rests his hand over yours, your breaths stuttering through your sobs. Your hands are clutching at the blanket, one of yours he’d grabbed from your room in hopes the familiar comfort might help you through the process. He hates that you’re in pain like this, he hates that you’re in pain at all. He’s beginning to feel the bubbling anger deep in his stomach at Simon for letting you endure this. He has no idea. He’s isolated himself for your safety, and he’ll never get to see what this is like, what you’re going through right now.
Dr. Keller says your name softly, leaning against the side of the bed, electing to ignore the swirling emotions of her fellow beta. He’s not her concern, you are. “Can you open your eyes for me?”
You continue to cry, but you manage to get your eyes opened, squinting at her through your tears. Dr. Keller takes your face in her hands, using her thumbs to gently pull down your lower lids, trying to get a good look at your eyes. You try to jerk away, letting out possibly the cutest defiant sound Johnny has ever heard, and he might have reacted had it been a different situation. Instead he leans over the side of the bed again, talking to you quietly so you calm a bit. You do relax at the sound of his voice, his scent projecting even more to try and comfort you, bring you back into reality.
“There we go.” Dr. Keller says, looking at your eyes before she gives you a soft smile. “Welcome back.” She removes her hands from your face leaning against the bed rail again. “It's all over. You did perfectly.”
You let out another groan, lifting a hand weakly before letting it drop back against your stomach.
“I know you're thirsty.” Dr. Keller says. “I'll get you some soon. We need to make sure your stomach has settled for now.”
Your eyes squeeze closed as you start to cry again, your inhales shaky as the tears start sliding down your cheeks. Johnny shushes you gently, petting your hair. Sweat still drips down your face, your hands curling around the edge of the blanket.
You try to push yourself up to sit, Dr. Keller immediately understanding what you need again as she lifts the vomit bag up to your mouth.
Johnny peels your hand from around the blanket, holding it tightly. His own stomach is churning but he swallows it back, bringing your hand up to his face. He kisses the back, the skin clammy and warm to the touch. Your scent is a swirl of things he’s never smelled before, drowning out the natural sweetness. Kyle had mentioned how your scent and John’s change during the heat and after. He hardly recognizes it right now, and he finds himself missing the sweet scent of strawberries.
Your fingers squeeze around his as you lay back against the bed, eyes cracked open and sniffling as the tears continue to slide down your cheeks. You let out a groan, tugging weakly at his hand.
“Hi kitten.” He says, leaning over the bed rail again. “Yer alright. Get ye feeling better soon.”
Your inhale is shaky, catching in your chest. You weakly tug his hand towards your face pressing your sweaty cheek against his skin. You nuzzle against his hand, your tongue darting out to lick his skin. He can't help but chuckle, wiping at a tear that falls with his thumb. You’re still out of it, but he knows that’s a sign that you’re starting to come through, starting to come back to yourself through the haze.
You let out a long groan as you pull away from his hand, licking at your lips. They're horribly chapped, almost rivaling Simon's, but at least you have an excuse.
“Thirsty?” Dr. Keller asks, returning to the bedside with a cup of water. “Drink slowly, you'll get sick again.” She warns, holding the straw up to your lips.
You manage to do as she says and take small sips of the water despite how thirsty he knows you must be. Johnny keeps caressing your face with his thumb, your fingers still laced with his.
“Let me get your vitals.” Dr. Keller says, setting the cup of water on the table. You let out a groan in protest, smacking your lips, obviously wanting more. “You can have more in a minute. Too much on your stomach could upset it, and I’m sure the last thing you want to do right now is get sick again.”
You let out a quiet grunt, leaning your cheek against his hand once again. Your skin is still a bit warm to the touch, but that could just be from the exertion of trying to come out of sedation and being sick. Dr. Keller takes your vitals once more, recording them on her sheet. She’s been tracking them your entire heat, using them to judge how far along you are since she doesn’t have the benefit of you being awake to track the symptoms that way. He had wondered why she tracked them on paper, but then he remembered John telling him about how Shepherd had requested all of your private records and Dr. Keller’s notes.
She is smart. He’ll give her that.
“Things look good, even if you might not feel like it right now.” She says.
You try to shift on the bed but you let out a quiet groan, freeing your hand from his.
“Hurting?” Dr. Keller asks.
You nod, letting out a whine. It tickles in the back of his brain, his beta wanting to reach out and comfort you, but he knows he can’t. He can’t ease the physical pain. One downside to beta evolution. Their ancestors never learned how to fix physical pain. Maybe that would have made them too perfect. All he can do is try to comfort you through it.
“Let's get some pain meds in you.” She says, pulling the syringe out of her pocket again. “Then we can get you somewhere more comfortable.”
She injects the pain medicine through your IV, giving it a few minutes to begin working before disconnecting you from all the machines. Johnny helps her get you in a sweatshirt, wanting to keep you warm. You are shaking, though what that might be related to he’s not sure. Perhaps everything.
Dr. Keller hands him the cup of water. “Keep her drinking. I'll go grab a car, then we can get her back to the barracks.”
You feel far too light in Johnny’s arms as he carries you from the car into the barracks. Simon is nowhere to be seen, though he hadn’t expected a welcome back party from his alpha. He’s probably still hiding out in his office, or in the gym, his usual hiding spot. Johnny is kind of glad he’s not here, though he would like to rub it in his face, the decision he’d made.
Johnny takes you to his room, still avoiding yours. It’s almost like a crime scene, Johnny tempted to take it off. He knows placing you in there might make you panic when you wake up after everything. That’s the last thing he wants. So instead he takes you to the place you’ve spent the last almost six weeks in, somewhere you’ll recognize the scent and be comfortable when you wake up.
You roll onto your side as soon as he lays you down, curling up on his blankets. He drapes yours over you, tucking it around your shoulders before he steps back out into the hallway.
“Keep her hydrated. Lots of water, tea, clear sodas.” Dr. Keller instructs him. “She'll be drowsy for a while because of the pain medicine. Give her a couple hours and once the pain meds wear off and her stomach settles a bit, try her with some bland foods. She did well with mashed potatoes after her last heat. She’s going to be out of it and sick for a few days. Keep an eye out for anything abnormal. Vomiting blood, can’t keep food down, if she complains about pain somewhere or is hard to wake, give me a call.”
“Got it.” Johnny nods, committing everything she’s told him in the last ten minutes to memory.
“You did really well.” She says, giving him a soft smile. “You should be proud of yourself.”
“Thank you, doctor.” He nods, internally beaming at her praise.
“Keep me updated, and don’t be afraid to call.” She says.
He watches her walk to the door, Simon’s door opening as soon as she’s gone. He at least looks guilty, like the shame is eating him alive. Johnny hasn’t seen him like this in a long time, not since he caused you to distress. It makes him a little too happy to see him in such a state.
“How is she?” He asks, not moving from in front of his door.
The sound of you vomiting into a vomit bag reaches their ears. Simon at least has the decency to flinch at the sound. It’s subtle, probably unnoticeable had Johnny not been able to read his alpha like a book.
“Sick.” He says, trying to hide his anger and disappointment. They’re complex feelings. He knew Simon would turn you down if you asked for his own reasons, but now after seeing what happens when there’s no alpha available during a heat, he almost hates Simon for doing this to you. “Confused. Still a bit out of it.”
“You know I couldn’t do it.” Simon says, using that uncanny ability to read everyone around him.
Johnny hates it sometimes.
He turns to glance at you through his open door as you continue to be sick. You’re going to be miserable for the next few days, likely more than you are usually after your heats. This one will be less physical pain after taking knots for a week straight, and more pain from being sedated, pain from being mostly immobile, pain from just being alive and carrying this status. Such pain omegas live with, physically, mentally, emotionally.
He hates it.
“Ye don’t know what it was like.” He says, his hands closing into fists. “Seeing her like that.”
You let out a long whine, a sob tearing from your chest as you inhale. Tears prick behind Johnny’s eyes as he holds Simon’s gaze. “Ye just had to say no.” He shakes his head, turning to go back into his room.
He doesn't want to tell you. He can see the look on your face already. The disappointment. The pain. The agony. He can smell the souring of your scent already, the painful grief filling it and there will be nothing he can do to ease it. It's a rare moment they've left you alone in the last month and a half, forced to after a call with Kate and Shepherd.
He's not even sure how to approach it.
He opens his bedroom door slowly, his stomach clenching as he looks in at you. You're on the bed, wrapped in a blanket where he left you, cuddled against your big bear. He doesn't want to wake you, especially not for this but he has to. He has no choice. You have to know.
He lets out a sigh as he sinks down on the edge of his bed, gently putting a hand on your shoulder. “Kitten?” He shakes you gently. “Kitten, wake up.”
You inhale sharply, startling awake despite his attempt to be gentle. There’s a sharp spike of fear in your scent for a moment as you’re yanked from sleep suddenly, but it fades as soon as you realize where you are and who is with you. You turn over onto your back, winding up resting against his knee as you rub your eyes.
“Johnny?” You croak, still partly asleep.
“Si and I just got off a call with Kate.” He says carefully, not wanting to scare you too much.
You're wide awake immediately, pushing yourself up to sit. You swallow nervously, your scent already souring. “What is it?” Your voice wavers as you ask, eyes already shining with tears.
“John and Kyle are fine.” He says, regretting not starting with that. He can see the temporary relief on your face. “But, they need some backup for this one.”
It takes a moment for your brain to process his words. A hole tears through the center of his chest as he watches the realization hit, your face falling as your scent begins to sour even more. Your arms wrap around yourself as you stare at him, the relief gone from your face as you stare at him. He swallows the lump in his own throat, your scent causing his beta to stir, the drive to comfort you itching in his brain. He can’t though, he can’t comfort you through this.
Your voice shakes, a tear sliding down your cheek as you figure out what it is he woke you to say, why Kate had called. Your inhale is shaky, catching in your chest before you speak.
“You're both leaving too, aren’t you.”
NEXT ->
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#call of duty#call of duty fic#task force 141 x reader#poly 141 x reader#tf141 x reader#john price x reader#captain price x reader#simon riley x reader#ghost x reader#john mactavish x reader#soap x reader#kyle garrick x reader#gaz x reader#alpha/beta/omega dynamics#a/b/o#omegaverse
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Wasn't actually going to do a part 2 to this mafia!Price x pregnant reader drabble but a few people requested it so ...
I don't think this will be a long fic or a series or anything but if anyone has by particular requests for scenes, let me know!
You take the table's orders quickly and almost trip getting away from them.
John follows you immediately, of course, but if you can just get to the kitchen, he won't be able to follow you.
Or so you think.
The doors don't have time to swing shut behind you before they burst open again and you feel a hand on your waist, spinning you around to face him.
"You're taking your break," he tells you.
"I can't yet, I have tables. And-"
You see your manager approaching and brace yourself for the tirade.
"Sir, you can't be in h-"
He stops when he gets a proper look at John.
"Oh. Um, is there a problem, sir? Or some way I can-"
"She's taking her break," John tells him, jerking his thumb at you. Your manager just nods mutely and John takes your hand, leading you out the back entrance.
"Beat it," he tells the line cook, smoking by the bins. The man slinks back inside without a word.
As soon as you're alone, John shepherds you against the wall, arm on either side of you so you're walled in.
"It's mine?" he asks and you try not to be offended. It's a fair question, you suppose. You just nod, looking at your shoes. He tilts your chin up so you're looking at him. You can't read the look on his face.
"Finish your shift. I'll wait."
+++++++
He takes you home, makes the others take a cab wherever they're going, and just gives you a look when you suggest you can take the bus.
He also insists on walking you inside. Your face warms at the way he's analysing your apartment building. When you hold the door to your place open for him, he rubs his hand along the doorframe, studying the lock, heads straight for the windows to do the same once he's inside.
"We'll need to get you moved out of here," he says when he finally turns around. You raise your eyebrows.
"Is that right?" you ask. If he notices the sarcasm, he doesn't comment.
"Mmmhmm. Could get the lads to pack up your stuff for you, handle the movin'. We could have it done tonight"
"And where do you suggest I go?"
John smiles and sidles towards you.
"I could think of a few places," he says, raising his eyebrows. You huff a laugh.
"Hmm. But there's nothing wrong with my apartment."
John just hums.
"Not a good area," he tells you.
You start to feel your temper rise a little.
"Think whatever you want of the area; You don't get to walk in here and tell me-"
"Well I am telling you darlin'. I know these parts and 'round here isn't a good place for a girl like you."
"A girl like me?" you ask flatly, crossing your arms. You force yourself not to move away from him as he gets in your space. You can smell him from here, the scent of his cologne, and doesn't that bring back memories.
He leans down so he's looking into your eyes properly.
"A good girl," he says.
You snort and turn away.
"Does that line usually work for you?"
In a second, you feel his hands on your waist, pulling you back against a hard chest.
"Worked before, didn't it?" His voice is raspy in your ear.
"You didn't mind being my good girl the last time we spoke, did ya, sweetheart? Or can you only be good when you're stuffed full?"
He presses harder against your back and you can feel the length of him now.
"'Cause I can help you with that, love, just you say the word."
You pull away, turn to look at him, with your chest heaving.
"Place like this could be dangerous for a girl like you," John says and it sounds like a warning.
"Aren't men like you what makes places like this dangerous?" you whisper.
He steps towards you again, slower this time, puts a hand on your hip. You don't pull away.
"Sometimes," he admits. "Not always. Need to make sure you're taken care of, from all the bad things out there. Goes for both of you."
"I don't need taken care of," you tell him. It would sound more convincing to your own ears if you could find it in yourself to pull your hand off his chest.
"No?" His hand suddenly dips between your legs and you jolt forwards into him.
"You been taking care of yourself here, hmm?" He starts to rub, over your work leggings, leans down so his head is nearly on your shoulder.
"Been taking care of this pretty pussy like it needs?" he asks, voice rough. "It was so needy that night we met, I was sure we'd go a few rounds. Why'd you run instead, sweetheart? I didn't even get a chance to taste it."
You can't answer, can't think, especially not when he shoves his same hand under your pants, sliding your underwear to one side for better access. Your head falls back when he touches your clit.
"Need me to take of you here, darlin'?"
You can't help your moan.
"Not good enough," he grunts. "Need you to say it, love. Say you need me to take care of this pussy."
And you've been so stressed for so long and, really, at this point, what harm could it possibly do?
"Please, please, John, I need you. I need-need-"
He quietens you with a kiss, leaning down to lift you by your thighs. The bump makes it a bit awkward but he doesn't falter as he makes his way to your room.
"All you needed to say, mama."
#call of duty#captain john price x reader#captain john price x you#john price x reader#john price x you#john price smut#captain john price#john price#mafia boss john price#call of duty smut#cod smut#my drabbles
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well done <33 can i please ask for 68 and hee?
warnings: inexperienced reader, language, f2l, unprotected sex
wc: 569
"i'm sorry...what?" heeseung leans forward, eyebrows knit tightly together in confusion.
"you heard me."
"no! i don't think i did!" scoffing with a nervous chuckle, heeseung stands up from the chair in your room and places both hands on top of his head, pacing back and forth.
"please heeseung i hate being so inexperienced. no one has let me do it before so please just let me do it once. i swear it won't change anything with our friendship."
heeseung can't believe what you're saying, genuinely cannot believe what the hell you are talking to him about. he's been your friend since middle school and now that you're in your second year of college the friendship seems pretty set in stone for life.
"say it again," he mumbles, now turning to face you.
"let me ride you."
"fuck...alright. but you're stupid if you think this won't change anything so i hope you're sure about this." truth is, heeseung has been trying to get over the fact that he's been in love with you since the first day you two met. only recently did he finally feel like he was making progress and even contemplated the idea of seriously pursuing this one person who was dropping major hints they are into him (it's the barista at his college campus. they leave their number on heeseung's cup every single day with cute messages and doodles).
but you just had to ask him this, something he would never be able to refuse.
minutes pass in a blur and suddenly both of your clothes are off and heeseung is laying on his back, on hand behind his head as he tries to get a good look at you without completely ogling.
you get on the bed and straddle his hips, careful not to lower yourself on his hardened cock. you wish you had a few more moments to just stare at it, completely thrown off with the length and girth your best friend has been packing this whole time. the thought of that going inside you is exhilarating and terrifying.
once you look into your best friends eyes though and see all the feelings he's tried to hide all these years, you don't hesitate and take the plunge. the way he stretches your walls has you gasping outloud, having to rock your hips back and forth slightly to try and help the stretch.
"ah...oh yeah, y/n, fuck you're so tight." heeseung's hands are on your waist but his eyes are on your chest. with a quick eyeroll you grab his hands and place them where his eyes were.
"you don't know how many times i've dreamed of this happening," he whispers.
with a laugh you reply with a simple, "me too," your stomach fluttering when you see the shocked look on his face. heeseung opens his mouth to say something, but you're fully sheathed on him now and immediately put your hand on his chest to stable you as you grind your hips against his crotch. all that comes out of heeseung's mouth for the next few moments is a slough of swear words, praises, and "i can't believe we've never done this before"'s. and once he's coming undone underneath you all he can ask is if you can do that again exactly how you did it before, because fuck that felt so good and he needs it tattooed into his memory.
for part of my 1k follower celebration send me a member and a number from this list and i'll write a short drabble about it ♡ masterlist
#tysmmmm#jayparked 1k drabble event#heeseung smut#heeseung hard hours#heeseung hard thoughts#heeseung x reader#heeseung x you#heeseung x y/n#enhypen smut#enhypen hard thoughts#enhypen hard hours#enhypen x reader#enhypen x you#enhypen x y/n
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My Girls - MV1
Pairing: Max Verstappen x singlemom!reader
Word Count: 1.4k+
Warning: poking fun at max, dad!max, no use of y/n but daughters name is Aria
A/N: dad max content. I have a part 2 in mind so that will be coming soon
F1 Masterlist / Masterlist
"Can I ask you a question, it's totally okay if you say no."
"What is it?"
"When do you think I'll be able to meet her?" the question caught you off guard.
You knew what he was asking, he was asking when he'd be able to meet your daughter. Being a young single mom was not in the books for you. With her father leaving before she was even born you quickly tossed out the idea of finding a relationship. Sure, there have been many instances where people dated single parents, but since you had her when you were young, the idea did seem impossible. You've been preparing for the moment for months, but it still caught you off guard. Coming up on a year of being together it was bound to happen.
Noticing your silence he quickly tried to defuse the tension, "I mean it's totally up to you. I don't mean to rush you or anything, I want to let you know that I'm committed to you and I'm not going anywhere. I want to be there for both of you."
"Sure."
"Sure?" He clarified, a smile spreading across his face quickly, one you matched instantly. A simple nod was all he needed to take you into his arms and give you the most bone-crushing hug. Seeing him make a big deal settled all your nerves.
Max's hand was shaking way too much to be meeting a 2-year-old. From the stories you told about the little one, he saw that she was friendly and was willing to meet new people so the fact that he was shaking so much was comical. He's had meetings with some of the richest people in the world and met world leaders, hell people would have this reaction meeting him and he would laugh it off saying he was just a normal person. So why was this little one making him more nervous than a race day?
It had to do with the fact that she was yours—the light of your life and the only person in your life you prioritized. The more he thought about it, the more that person became you to him, and this was just the final step to make everything feel real. If the little girl didn't like you, he knew you wouldn't hesitate to break it off, and he couldn't blame you.
With one final head shake to try and get rid of the nervousness he knocked on the front door. Did he knock too hard that he startled the little one? Should he have knocked? Maybe he should have texted you he was outside. It's been months since he knocked on your door, having his own key to the place. Before he could think of any other ridiculous thoughts the door opened the reveal you, standing in all your glory with that welcoming gorgeous smile he fell in love with.
"I can't believe meeting my kid got you out of wearing a Red Bull kit. I can't even get you to do that." Your teasing tone snapped him out of the trance. Max couldn't help but laugh at that being your comment in a situation like this.
"It's just a black shirt schatje. I can hardly say I dressed up." he glanced looking down at his black shirt and some jeans. He would be lying if he said he didn't think about what to wear today.
"Oh please, Max Verstappen outside of anything Red Bull is dressing up."
"You're not helping." he groaned seeing as you were enjoying every minute of this. He was going to get payback, if everything went okay after all.
"Why are you so nervous?"
"How are you not?" He asked not seeing any concerning features. He expected you to be more worried and in a worse state than him actually.
"Because I know you, I know how great you are, and that my baby will love you." You smiled while wrapping your arms around his neck, Max immediately circling his around your waist. Maybe if you weren't worried he shouldn't be either. "Come on, she's expecting you." Grabbing his hand and pulling him further into the house.
Before he rounded the corner to the living room he heard the sound of what to be a Disney song playing on the speakers and toys clashing with one another. He's been to your house enough times to know how much toys littered the living room. When the living room came into view he saw the little girl sitting on the ground surrounded by blocks and little toys he didn't recognize.
"Aria, baby. I want you to meet Mommy's friend. This is max. Can you say hi?" Max didn't leave your side as you leaned down to grab the girl's attention. Her eyes immediately locked onto his the second she recognized there was a stranger in her house.
"Hi!" She beamed up at the tall Dutchman with the biggest smile on her face. Seeing that smile every last bit of nerves washed away. Just like seeing your smile for the first time, he knew he was screwed in the best way possible.
"Hi, Aria. Lovely to meet you."
"Can Max spend the day with us?" you then asked although, with one look at the smirk on your face, he knew the answer.
"Play with me?" In the cutest voice Max ever heard, he wasted no time sitting next to the girl who held a stuffed cat up to his face.
"Of course. I would love to!"
"Baby, why don't you show Max your cars."
"My cars!" She excitedly said before running to her room to retrieve her cars. Not a second later she came back with a bag filled with a few cars. Max was expecting Hot Wheels or toys from the cars movie, in no way was he prepared for the girl to pull out a replica of his car.
"Do you know the cars we watch every week? That's Max and that's his car." You pointed out watching the girl's face turn into shock.
"You 1?" Turning to Max who held the same shock expression as hers.
"I am. You like cars?" At this, she let out a little squeal and pushed the car into his hand.
One by one she pulled out every car she had even the names she gave each of them. Max was 1, the McLarens were orange, and more specifically Lando was 4. The Ferraris were horsey and the one Mercedes car being Lewis of course was pretty due to the fact that she could only point out Lewis out of his racing gear.
By the end of the day, Aria was all tired out. After all day playing with Max and telling stories at dinner, she passed out beside Max on the couch while watching cars. Your choice of movie just to poke fun at Max more. Taking her to bed you saw that Max pulled out wine from the fridge and handed you a glass before settling on the couch. The stark contrast from the noise-filled day to the quietness of just you two was a reality check for Max. He made it through and from the way you were cuddled up into his side, he knew that he was right where he needed to be.
"Thank you. For being so good with her, she loved you so much, probably just as much as me. You made her day and she is going to be excited to see you in the morning."
"You don't need to thank me for anything. I should be thanking you for letting me into the biggest part of your life. You are doing such a wonderful job with her, you're an amazing mother." At his confession, you couldn't help but feel tears brim your eyes.
"I'm sorry, silly thing to get emotional about but that means a lot. I'm just happy you accept me and her with everything we have going on." Before your hands could wipe the tears streaming down your cheek his hands wiped them away.
"I meant it when I said I'm with you through everything. I wouldn't change anything about you or her. I want you to know I love you both and I'm not going anywhere."
"You're such a freaking sap Max Verstappen. If your fans could see you now." You teased making him chuckle.
"The duality of you to turn a heartfelt moment into teasing me."
"You signed up for it when you agreed to date me."
"And I wouldn't have it any other way." He smiled as he pulled you in for a kiss.
#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen imagine#max verstappen#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#f1#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 imagine#formula 1
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Lorelei — Simon ''Ghost'' Riley x Reader | Part I
1 2 3 4 5 6
Synopsis: Aware of the way his lifestyle doesn't align with your dream life and unwilling to quit his life as a soldier, Simon breaks things off with you. It isn't until a year later that he sees you again, a tiny carbon copy of him held in your arms.
''So you're just goin' to sit there and tell me that isn't my daughter.'' Simon says bluntly, tone even yet carrying a snark hidden that you came to listen so many times after working with him— never once directed at you until now.
''It's really none of your business, Ghost.'' You don't even spare a glance at him, simply looking at your little girl, fingers gently running through her short hair. She looks exactly like Simon, though that will never take away your love for her.
''You're not denyin' it.'' He hesitantly sits down next to you, secretly afraid you'll bite his head off. The glare you shoot his way is enough confirmation that you would if you could. You sigh softly, the air leaving your lungs before being sucked back in, not wanting to argue in front of your little girl despite her not understanding words yet.
''Well, what's it to you? Why do you need to know?'' I can't handle you leaving me again.
''Don't be like that.'' His tone is soft, almost pleading. It has been over a year since he broke up with you, yet that doesn't make the loss any easier, not now that he knows he has a daughter, no matter how much you tried to hide it from him.
''Why didn't you tell me?'' He asks gently, feeling like he's walking on eggshells. It's the first time ever he feels that way with you, and he doesn't blame you in the slightest. It takes a few seconds of you thinking before you answer.
''I was terrified of you choosing to walk away from her... to be a deadbeat. I didn't want to have that image of you, because that would have hurt more than the break up.'' Your voice is more calm, though for all the wrong reasons. The familiar tingling all over your nose is back, eyes stinging as you try to hold back tears, too prideful to cry in front of him again.
''That's what you think o' me?'' He replies in nothing but pure disbelief and slight disgust. He would never walk away from his child, no matter how much that would destroy all the walls he has been building for years, stones upon stones carefully piled on top of each other, so strong nothing could ever break through— until you came along.
''I was fucking scared, okay?'' You look away and wipe your eyes with one hand, the other one carefully supporting the neck of the baby on your lap. Simon sighs, his bare hand hesitantly reaching down to trace the features of the tiny girl, being careful with her as if she would break if he applied any pressure. He notices your eyes glued to his hand, eyebrows furrowed. He's about to move his hand away until you adjust the little girl so he can touch her face without the awkward angle.
''Give me one more chance. Please— please, let me be a father to her.'' Simon never begged for anything, not even when he was tortured for months to no end, drugged, beaten like a dog, yet here he is; begging his ex for a chance to keep the girl in his life. You don't reply.
''I'll do everything I can. What I should've done. I want to be here, please.'' He was so damn ready to get on his knees and beg if that's what it took for you to let him be involved in her life. He's not asking you to be together— he knows he doesn't deserve that chance.
''She's looking at you like she knows you.'' Your response is ominous to say the least. You want to deny him, to tell him he doesn't even deserve to be able to touch the little girl you birthed alone, that he doesn't deserve the chance at a family after he destroyed 4 years of a relationship because of the very same thing, but... your little girl is looking up at him with pure admiration and curiosity in her big brown eyes, her tiny hand struggling to hold one of his fingers. Growing up with a single parent yourself, you know she deserves better, and you're willing to put your pride and pain aside to make sure she gets the world.
''Okay.'' You reply after taking a deep breath, holding it into your lungs for what feels like forever, choosing to ignore the strong arms wrapping around you, bringing all three of you close. It feels... right.
[NEXT]
#cod mw2#cod mwii#simon ghost riley#ghost mw2#simon riley#ghost cod#ghost call of duty#ghost x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#simon ghost x reader#simon ghost riley x you#simon ghost x you#call of duty#simon ghost riley imagine#ghost x f!reader#ghost x you#ghost x y/n#dad!simon riley#dad!ghost#ghost mw3#mw2 x reader#mw2 x you
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Things you can do to actively participate in the revolution
Here's the list !
I know some of those will look really silly, i promise they are not. And obviously, this is not a checklist, you don't have to do everything. But they're steps that you can absolutely take if you wish to, and they WILL help.
(under the cut !)
1) Let's start off with a very easy one you can do right now: stop using Chrome. It's a google owned browser, and it sents all of your data towards it. Mozilla is a very good replacement, but almost anything will do, really. This may sound a little dumb, but you are revolting against capitalism as a whole, and this is a good first step !
2) Start stealing things from supermarkets and malls. I am not kidding. Little things, that aren't really monitored: a can of food, a lighter, a pair of socks. Condiments are particularly easy to hide in bags or pockets. Steal hygiene products, steal food.
Remember that you should have access to those for free, and you don't because a few rich guys don't want you to.
Additional tip: train station stores are very easy to steal from, because they're so busy. But don't put yourself in danger. Check beforehand if they check bags at checkout, look out for employees that might notice what you're doing. Don't be reckless.
3) In the same line, if you see someone stealing anything from a big store, no you didn't.
(this used to also say airports, but i've been told it's way too high risk as it's considered a federal crime. Thanks for letting me know)
4) I know a lot of people are scared of disrespecting rules. By fear of being caught, or by guilt. My advice is: start disrespecting stupid, meaningless rules. I don't have specific exemples, but you'll encounter them and wonder why you're doing that. Stop doing it. This will train you to be able to disobey autority way easier.
5) Put stickers everywhere. If you already have them, go ham. Especially on public property (lamposts are amazing). If you don't, buy them from artists or independant stores, not big brands. If you cannot afford them, remember that you can simply write stuff on an A4 paper and plaster it to walls. Or even post its !
6) Carry a sharpie with you at all time, the big black ones. If you see propaganda, scribble it out. Keep a look out for terfs stickers, maga posters, etc. Also good for getting rid of transphobic and sexist stuff written on public restroom stalls !
7) Buy locally. This means going to the market or small stores, and thrifting your clothes. If you can't for money or accessibility reasons, try trading with your friends, family and neighbours. Get communication going in your circles, and you'll realise there are a lot of things that you can simply trade with or buy from people around you. Like a jar of jam against some eggs, or a pair of socks for a t-shirt you don't wear anymore !
8) Learn how to sew. I know, that sounds dumb ! But i promise you, not only will it be amazing to trade with other people ("i'll sew back ur shirt and in exchange, you give me a can of peaches !"), corporations also haaaate when you know how to fix your clothes. Because they want you to buy more. You'll spend a lot less money if you know how to fix em
9) If you have the space and the money, grow your own food, and share it or sell it around you. Be careful, some assholes will call the FDA on you. Do that with people you trust.
Additional tip: growing vegetables and fruits can be a real nightmare. You can absolutely start by just growing some basil or mint :)
10) Organise. Join leftist groups online, even if it's just to see what's being said, you don't even need to interact. Follow creators, repost and share their content. By doing that, you'll stay informed on group movements like strikes, protests and boycotts, which you can then participate in. It's very important you're connected to other ppl and the movements that are started !
11) Unionize. I'm very sorry I don't know the exact way unions work in the US, but if you can, join one. They will help you in times of needs, especially if you're a student or a worker. If you're not sure how to do that, absolutely ask around to people you know are very active politically, around you or online. People will help.
12) Stay. Informed. Follow independant papers and news outlet. If you can afford it, give them a dollar or two. They are fighting everyday for access to unbiased information for all, and sadly, their independance means that they rely almost entirely on donations and people simply engaging with what they put out.
If you can't access those: do not get your news from TV. Ever. Or anywhere else that has been bought by the far right. Sadly, the majority of TV channels are just the worst.
And, most importantly: fact check. All of the time.
13) Share that information. Talk to those you trust and who are ready to listen to you, and tell them about what's happening. Get angry with them. Revolution stems from people coming together and realising that they're being used and profited off of. Share videos and posts relating to politics, especially informative videos.
14) Go to protests ! If you've never been, i know it can be scary. But you can stay in the middle (don't go all the way to the front, that's where stuff can get heated) and scream and walk with everyone else. You'll meet people who, like you, want things to change. Capitalism wants you to stay as unconnected to others as possible, and that's a great way to fight that.
Sometimes, there are sites that have a planning for all protests happening in a city. Look up if one exists for yours
15) Create and strenghten community. I know i really struggled with this one, because it's so vague. But here's a few places you can start:
-Go and introduce yourself to your neighbours, if you deem it safe. Give them a little gift if you can afford it, like a pack of pasta.
-Make new friends, even if they aren't deep friendships. You need connections. Online or irl, both are fine- don't stay isolated.
-If you already have community, go check on them right now. Ask your friends how they're doing, and if they need anything- ask how they're being impacted by what's happening right now politically.
16) Look for ways to fuck over the institutions in easy ways. One example that went around tumblr a lot is letting dandelions grow in your backyard, because landlords fucking hate it. If you work in retail or fast food, cheat. Accidentally forget to scan the diapers. Put in 7 nuggets instead of 6.
17) Engage in art. MAKE art. Music, shitty paint drawings, craft, anything as long as you're being creative. Share it. If you feel like you can't do that, then support artists. Make a point to look up cool illustrations, and new music. Go to the cinema.
If you're an artist currently in an underpaid office job, please, by the love of god, be creative during office hours. You're underpaid, they do not deserve your full time and attention. Take 30 minutes to write that snippet you've been thinking about.
(and actually, if you're underpaid at all: do the minimum required. So that you can't be fired, but that's it. Any more effort is not worth it. Companies will never be thankful for what you do.)
18) Look up books that your state banned, and go read them. You can get them secondhand, or as pdfs online. (if anyone needs ressources, i will glady look for and share them.)
And, actually, read books in general if you can. Yes, fanfics count !
19) Seek education. There's a lot of youtube channels out there talking about educational subjects in a fun way. Some things the rich assholes who run the country specifically don't want you to learn more about are: biology, history and archeology, social and economic sciences. GO LEARN ABOUT THOSE.
The people in power don't want you to be educated. It's why they eviscerated the education system.
20) PIRATE. I cannot stress this enough, anything you can pirate (that isn't from small, indie creators, except if you absolutely can't afford it) do it. Download music illegally, torrent movies and games. If you want access to academical studies and papers, some writers will give them to you for free if you email them about it. There are also ways to go around paywalls.
21) Don't fall for the traps of "progressive brands". Lately, i've seen a lot of praise for Ben and Jerry's for openly supporting lgbtq rights and being globally anti-trump. They are still a brand. Avoid buying from any big names when you can. That being said, if you have to, check beforehand which ones and what their history is. Some are more evil than others.
Additional tip: a lot of brands you see in stores are actually owned by bigger brands. One prime example of this is Nestle, who are fucking evil, but they own a shitload of other big names. Be careful what you buy.
22) I hate to say this, but be prepared to defend yourself. Revolutions are never peaceful. You will get in danger. If you can, get in ok physical shape. If you can't, buy a gun. (Remember Alabama has a 99% acceptation rate, you can get one in 10 minutes.) I hate firearms, but the enemy will have them too. Arm yourself.
If none of those are available options to you, please, make sure you have someone around you that will be able to protect you, or a place where you can be safe. Whether you are disabled, a minor, or anything else. Don't put yourself in more danger than is necessary.
23) Last but not least, be kind. When someone cuts off a woman speaking, interrupt and give her the floor back. Shame those who think it's right to say bigoted shit in public. Listen to those around you. If you can't act, then remember to always have empathy for the homeless, for drug users, for immigrants. Understand they are people just like you. You are not immune to propaganda and prejudice, no matter who you are. Always question yourself and your biases.
(if you've read this far, please repost. We need this to reach as many people as possible)
I want to remind you that you're not alone. I know things seem hopeless, but the simple fact that you're reading this is proof it's not. I don't live in the US, but i'm supporting you as best i can from where i am, and sending you strenght.
If you have any questions, do ask away. I'll end on this image that's very dear to me:
#us politics#eat the rich#my credentials are that i am french btw#i hope this helps even one person#if that's the case then i succeeded#donald trump
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Can you do a headcannon for IVE (except L33se0) on how each of them would ask to be bred and how they would react once they do get their pussy filled with cum. Also I love your fics for SNSD, they are my ults and it's so hard to find fics for them here
Gaeul
You rest your head against the wall. Gaeul is trapped between you and the white, unforgiving surface. Her feet aren't touching the floor, your carrying her, or rather nailing her, against the wall.
"C-Can you please..."
Her words come to a hold, when you fuck her harder.
"Please cum inside?"
Her head sinks down onto your shoulder, but you hear her moaning, begging you to fill her.
Being already close anyway, it only takes you a couple of thrusts, before you finally fill Gaeul. She sighs into your neck, warmth spreading through her body.
"Thank you."
She gives you a weak kiss and as she pulls away, you can see how tired she already is.
Yujin
Yujin's face is buried in the sheets of her bed, so you can't make out what she says at first. But you decide to reach forward. Your hand rests on her head, your fingers reaching her forehead. You pull her up, so she can speak properly, while you keep pounding into her from behind.
"Please breed me, daddy! I deserve it!"
You let her head fall back onto the mattress, you've heared enough.
"I'm begging you."
She tilts her head to the side, so that she doesn't get muffled by the sheets again.
"I've been a good girl, haven't I?"
You both know the answer to that question, but it's not like you have a choice. Yujin's sloppy pussy is the only place you can cum in.
And that's what you're doing now. You push her even further into the mattress, almost lying on top of her, as you dump your load deep inside of her. Once your vision clears, you can see how Yujin opens and closes her fists as she tries to hold onto the sheets. You hear muffled moans, her body twitches once or twice and then she just lies there, catching her breath.
Rei
"Are you going to give me all of it?"
You hesitate, trying to hold on. You're not often this lucky. Usually you're the one who has to satisfy her. But Rei has made it today's mission to drain you completely. Which means she has been riding you for a while now. That cute face looking down on you, asking you to breed her... Who could say no?
"I've worked so hard for it. I deserve to be bred. Please? I'll do anything. And I-"
Rei's eyes roll to the back of her head as she feels you cuming inside of her. Her body freezes, a cute moan escapes her lips.
"Oh my god..."
Eventually, Rei places a hand on her stomach.
"Thank you."
Once again, that cute smile...
Wonyoung
It's always about punishment with Wonyoung. Acting bratty or bad is her way of telling you she wants it hard and rough. Which includes breeding her. At least most of the time.
"Are you really going to breed this naughty princess? I bet you can't even knock me up."
You're tempted to just bite her nose off. She is lying on her back, while you stand in front of the bed, pounding into her. You've leaned down so far by now, that you're almost face to face. You take a hold of her pigtails once more, slightly pulling at them.
"Breed me already, daddy. If I want something, I must get it."
You feel yourself getting closer. If she wasn't this tight... If she wasn't this warm around your cock... If her sweet face wasn't so close to you... Maybe you would be able to teach her a lesson.
But you can't. You're too deep inside of her. You don't even notice how her long, slender legs have wrapped themselves around your body, pulling you in closer.
"Breed your princess, daddy."
Your curse her and yourself as you finally do as she asks of you. Wonyoung moans and sighs in pleasure as she feels your seed filling her womb.
"Daddy..."
She smiles up at you as you slowly back away. You watch how she quickly places her hand over her freshly fucked pussy as you pull out. She manages to keep most of your cum inside.
Liz
This is very unusual for her. The fact that the two of you are in public. And that she is telling you where she wants it.
You're usually having sex in the privacy of your home. And Liz prefers it, when you choose for yourself where you want to cum.
But after her friend told her during dinner that she is having a baby soon, you're now doing your best to to breed Liz in the restaurant's restroom.
"Please... I want it too. C-Can you please cum inside me? As deep as possible? Please?"
She whines and begs and you can't do anything else but do as she asks. You catch her reaching for her panties, which are just loosely hanging around her thighs, when she feels you pulsating inside of her.
"Liz..."
You whisper her name as you cum inside, making her close her eyes, a satisfied smile on her lips.
When you eventually pull out, she quickly puts her panties back on. A moment later, a big wet spot appears on the blue fabric.
#ask#anon#kpop#kpop smut#kpop girls#kpop gg#male reader#ive smut#ive liz#ive yujin#ive rei#ive wonyoung#ive gaeul#ive
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Magic Mirror
Summary: A magic mirror shows what a person desires most in the world. It shows Damian his twin standing next to him. Word Count: 1202
“Come on Damian, all you have to do is stand in front of it.” Dick pleaded with him while gesturing for him to step closer to the magic mirror they had recently obtained from a villain’s lair.
It was a rather plain mirror as well for being a rare magical item; nothing but a full length mirror with a simple black frame. The only interesting thing about it was that it had the ability to show what a person desired most in life when they stood in front of it.
Once that little trick was discovered the others had quickly jumped at the chance to stand in front of it. Which was foolish in Damian’s opinion; allowing everyone in the room to view your deepest desire.
“Tt, I think not Richard; I after all already know what the mirror will show me.There is no point in me standing in front of it.”
Before Dick can continue his beseeching his case though Jason cuts in from across the room; next to the mirror. “Oh yeah? What do you think would show up, Demon brat; you dressed up as Batman?”
“He wishes,” Tim snickers next to Jason, “It’s probably gonna be something embarrassing and that’s why he doesn’t want to do it.”
"Drake, if you know what's good for you you'll stop talking!"
Tim gives Jason a nudge with his elbow before loudly whispering, "That sounds like a conformation if I've ever heard one."
"Tt, how dare-" Damian is quickly cut off from his incoming tirade by Dick jumping back into the conversation.
"Okay! Let's not start arguing with one another." Dick says to all of them before directing his focus towards him, "Damian, if you really don't want to try out the mirror you don't have too. No one is going to force you to."
Damian merely rolls his eyes as he walks towards the mirror. The only reason he does so is because being Robin is what he desires the most; he knows it. Looking into the mirror will merely be about proving Drake and Todd wrong. "I'll do it Richard if only to shut these two imbeciles up."
The moment he stood in front of the mirror waiting for the magic to change the reflection Damian knew that he shouldn't have let Tim and Jason get to him. He had done something foolish and there was no going back now as the mirror swirls with a gold shimmer.
When the distorted image clears once more Damian swears he feels his heart stop. The reflection shown is not one a million years could have prepared him for. It is not him standing at his father's side, Batman and Robin, as he thought it would have been.
Instead it shows Damian exactly as he is at the moment. He would almost think the mirror didn't change anything if it weren't for the boy in the mirror standing next to him. Even after all these years it was someone he would never be able to forget.
His twin brother, Danyal, and him standing side by side once more. While Damian stands rigid and shocked, Danyal's posture is relaxed. He's even smiling as he leaning towards him until their shoulders touch in the reflection.
He doesn't feel it though; he wants to feel it.
All of a sudden it hits Damian that this is what he desires the most out of everything in the world. The only thing he wants is for his brother to be alive and with him at the manor. With the family Danyal not got the chance to know; the family that doesn't even know he exists.
In the blink of an eye the magical gold swirls take over the mirror once more, and when it clears it is once again just himself looking back at him.
After what must be an eternity of staring at the mirror Damian realizes that everything around him is too quiet. He snaps his head to the side where his brothers are, and sees the three of them staring back at him. All of them are in varying degrees of shock and curiosity at what they had just seen.
He considers lying at first. Saying that he had no idea who the boy was. He can't find it in himself to do that though. Damian had kept his brother a secret long enough; maybe it would be good for the others to know. "That Richard was my twin brother; Danyal."
With those words Damian practically collapses on the nearest chair; feeling drained and exhausted. The others follow suit as they too take seats next to him.
"Danyal … Danyal was kind. He understood people much more than I ever will." He takes a deep breath, "He was smart and curious. Always asking questions and wanting to understand everything around him. It was always the stars that fascinated him the most."
"Sounds like a good kid," Jason starts, "must have gotten all the friendly genes in the womb."
"For once I think I agree with you, Todd."
The silence that follows is thick and suffocating. It is luckily broken after a few seconds by Tim's hesitant question, "What happened to him?"
That was the big question wasn't it? What happened to Danyal; to the twin and brother that wasn't with him when he arrived at the manor?
"Danyal … died a couple years before I came here. The two of us were attacked by a group of rogue assassins after our study lessons." Damian swallows, his throat feels tight, "I wasn't as focused as I should have been, and Danyal ended up taking a fetal hit meant for me."
"Damian-"
"Let me finish, Richard." He snaps. He doesn't think he would be able to finish if otherwise interrupted. "Danyal was dead by the time he was finally brought to the pits. I knew there was a chance it wouldn't work, but I didn't think it would take him completely. His body was never recovered from the pits.I never got to bury my brother."
It's when his vision starts to blur that Damian realizes that he's crying. Danyal always did have a way of making Damian show emotions that he would rather keep hidden.
He feels himself being pulled into a chest, and for now he doesn't fight against it. Damian's not sure if he honestly could at the moment.
“Father doesn’t know about this.” Damian continues after a few minutes of silently sobbing in Dick’s arms.
“He needs to know.” Tim states, “Maybe not today, but soon.”
“You tell him when you’re ready, short stack. The old man can deal with not being told right away.” Jason reassures him when he doesn’t answer Tim right away.
"What am I not being told?" Damian feels as if he's been dunked in water when he realizes that his Father had heard the end of their conversation.
"Father."
"Damian?" Bruce takes in his youngest son's appearance and it doesn't take a genius to know that he's in some kind of emotional distress.Which in of itself is very rare for him to be in.
"Father, please take a seat. There is something I need to tell you."
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