#but basically atp they remind me of some of the relationships that some of my friends have with their partners

[exoexid]

ykw? even tho dangerous romance is not exactly going as i expected it'd go, i find myself enjoying this series immensely!! it brings me so much happiness and anticipation, specially after today's episode because we're slowly getting closer to The Drama. but what we saw today made me think real hard about why i like the show so much and i think it's because they're really taking their time to show us how good of a team sailom and kanghan are (or can be) :)

[mare-sanguis]

People i'd like to know better

Tagged by: @andaniellight, @kanronotatsu and @frouponical

Thank you so much for the tag but you guys need to stop tagging me in such little games because then i will never shut up yapping (pls never stop tagging me, bored 24/7) 😓

Last song: "have you had enough" and "vital" by poppy are currently playing on loop (they just perfectly set the scene to that monster of a SCJW fic that got my fingers screaming in pain), "ticki-ta" by the fix, "follow me" and "umm umm umm" by kave

Favorite color: black (cuz i'm a basic bitch, i feel most comfortable in it and as an avid techwear wearer it's THE color) and these specific shades of lavender, purple and blue (upper two remind me of a happy childhood and lower two of the midnight sky)

Last book: human acts by han kang but it's been a while since i picked up that book tbh, i think by the start of this year, as i haven't had much time and motivation to read anything more. it's such a beautifully written and thought provoking book- anyone who hasn't read it yet should. i think i'll continue reading lapvona next (my taste in books is very questionable 😹)

Last movie: venom 3... i cried in the goddamn cinema omg, right next to my a friend (for reference, i never once cried in cinema) who's left absolutely clueless lmao, but SYMBROCK MY BELOVED and i just started "woman of the hour"

Last TV show: the fiery priest s2: god i love the directing this season, the camera work is very entertaining (the staircase scene in ep1 hello???) as well is the editing- they already improved from s1 in such a short time, and don't get me started on kim namgil's insane acting and how he still does his own stunts. miseinen mijukuna oretachi wa bukiyo ni shinkochu: this one already had me in a chokehold by episode 1, what a beautiful JBL that tackles so many issues at once (domestic abuse, child neglect, academic pressure, loneliness, ignoring of own feelings, superficial friendships) the acting is a soldi 10/10 and the editing? oh the editing dont get me started.

Sweet/spicy/savory: what ever doesn't make my tummy hurt 😓 but if i had to choose its savory

Relationship status: situationship with life

Last thing I googled: something about SA (do i even want to elaborate? no... but it's for the fic i promise) and the "it wasn't me it was patricia" meme

Current obsession: i have no original thought so... black out (let me rewatch it a hundred million more times, hmm the taste of autism)

Looking forward to: finishing the 2nd chapter of that (⬆️) SCJW fic (as well as some other 2 fics) and my 7 black out fanarts in the next weeks before the ship and fandom sinks to the depths of the ocean. i especially look forward fo finish this face/blood study painting

Lastly (No pressure) Tagging @senshipluto and @mondscheingarden who's the silent member of the black out fandom and my bestie (as well as @zhivchik @existingingrey @thedevildeer @angeru-hatake and @ikjun ... we're all just tagging the same people atp🏃🏻‍♂️)

[petrichoraline]

Thai BL Favorites List Tag Game

i got tagged in the summer lmao i've been struggling cause i simply can't make a completely honest list - my taste is too fluid and the definition of "fave" is a blur to me

thank you to my lovely @tenprem and @littleragondin for tagging me, consider yourselves tagged again in case your answers differ vastly from your previous ones hahah

💓Fave bl: default answer is Bad Buddy, current - Last Twilight and Cherry Magic..and Cooking Crush

👨🏻‍🤝‍👨🏻Favourite pairing: as in actors? if i say GunSing am i gonna get ToddBlack again? (im fine with DrakeSing too y'know, im just being teased atp)

honestly i don't know, i think of actors i really like but i'm not big on their counterparts..? i enjoy it a lot when they mix and match, i don't have anyone i particularly follow.. i will say MaxTul were super powerful, i really appreciate the bonds between a lot of pairs like ForceBook and i think some of them have amazing chemistry like FirstKhao but even though there are a few i would always try to tune in for like OffGun and YinWar, there's no one i can call a fave, i don't think..currently JimmySea are eating it up tho

🎭Most underrated actor: just the Wayufilm crew in general, I see them do fundraiser lives on yt all the time and I don't think they're that well known by the fandom

🧍‍♂️Favorite character: ig it is Karan currently, Tay really made the character shine in a different way than Machida Keita's Kurosawa and i can't get enough of those puppy eyes

🕴Favorite side character: rn it might be Metha from Cooking Crush? he's just a bit too charming for someone i'd punch if i met him irl..or Fire, i think writing about him made me fond, they're both so..this

📽Favorite scene: from all the thai bls i've seen?? there's beauty like THAT ITSAY scene, there's unexpected scenes i come back to like WaanTul in the last episode of Between Us, there's Nuea and Toh finally getting everything out in the open..there's the Kitty Gang in FUTS going up the elevator, the ep.5 KinnPorsche scene..most of PatPran's scenes!! like how am i supposed to even start choosing lmao

i'm gonna say (after i catch up with my shows this whole list would prolly be different, it could be Karan's scream soon) the one from my recent shows is the rooftop scene from LTTS..sue me for being basic, i'll plead guilty

📝Favorite line: nth has ever quite stuck with me as "do you want us to be friends?" "no." so let's go with it

🃏Most anticipated bl and why: let's say Jack and Joker hahah, I hope it works out <3 i want to see a project YinWar have certain freedom over completed successfully - even if it ends up not being my thing, they deserve to share their talents and artistic vision. they are trying something new, maybe there will be a nice balance between comedy and drama and also it seems like those characters are meant to be whipped for each other and YinWar can pull that off splendidly

👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨Healthiest relationship in a bl: PatPran and PuenTalay are the first to come to mind, the communication and conflict resolution skills are on another level

💢Most toxic relationship in a bl: I suppose it would be VeeMark before the end or maybe DimGreen from 2gether? I also personally don't like Mayom and Nadia from My Ride but I can't tell if they're actually toxic 😄 and im reminded of GramBlack cause that friendship sucks imho

OH WAIT PiMork is pretty bad. yeah, maybe not the worst but they've got a spot on the list..and ig TehOhAew but I have not actually seen s2 so overall I don't have a definitive opinion :')

🍿Guilty pleasure series: i guess it would be Cause You're My Boy (My Tee) because everyone hates on it but I binged it and had a good time 🤷‍♀️ also I Will Knock You cause it has some questionable elements but it's also very special

❎Most underrated series: out of what I've seen it would obviously be Rainbow Lagoon but it's two episodes, not sure if it counts as a series.. really sweet short watch though, you should give it a try here 🥰

also maybe The Best Story? I didn't like it that much because of the ending but it's younger YinWar and I never hear anyone talk about it; I'd say they were pretty good at it 😊

i'm tagging @sommmnus @forcebook @catboyjosten @sparklyeyedhimbo @lovesickfolly @sollucets as per usual no pressure and sorry if youve done it ❤

[florelia12]

Naturally, I was thinking about florelia and their backstories (what else am I supposed to do with my life?)

I was also reading dramione fanfics (again) and it got me thinking abt 6th year Draco being asked to assassinate Dumbledore…

Did I find a way to turn that into a Helia backstory? Yes. Yes i did.

So, I started thinking about first-year, fifteen year old baby Helia being sent to kill Saladin. Going undercover as a Specialist in Red Fountain.

And it’s got a bit of Necromancer!Helia in it. So CW for child abuse, DV and death.

I’ve had this headcanon that Saladin wasn’t always a cheerful/understanding old man. He used to be rather fierce and unforgiving, emotionally detached and tied to duty. I think it’s also canon that he left his ex-girlfriend because she went into the dark arts.

Something consistent in all my hcs about Helia is his parents straight up being on the dark side and working with Valtor (maybe inspired by that one scene with Valtor and Helia). So, Saladin’s son kind of turns on him and the light side and joins Valtor.

This would result in Saladin disowning his son in an effort to remind the rest of the Company of Light where his loyalties lie. Saladin has shown that his reputation matters highly to him so i think this would be fairly in character.

Even go as far as to killing his own son during a battle.

At this point does Saladin know he has a grandchildren? Nope.

So out of fear of Saladin and a new hatred for Valtor for letting her husband die, Helia’s mother takes her kids and goes into hiding. She turns to her family who are Necromancers, begging them to bring back her husband. She’s too weak to do it herself.

Her family was once on the dark side but turned neutral after realising that the Company of Light might actually stand a chance at defeating Valtor.

So they refuse at first but they know that after the battle is over, the light side will shun them out or even prosecute them so having power over Saladin’s grandkids might come in useful one day.

They bring Helia’s father back to life but he’s not the same since bringing back the dead will always have consequences. He’s more evil than before and swears to take revenge on his father. Kind of loses his mind a little from spending time on the other side. Since it took some time, his body also kind of stays in a half decayed state. for the creepy effects..

After watching Vox Machina I can’t help but think of Helia with a twin sister. However, in the case of twins in my hcs is that one of them (the healthier one in the womb) will end up absorbing magic from the other one. So only one twin can use magic while the other can’t, basically making them a human.

Helia is the one with the magic potential, twice as powerful since he absorbed his sister’s magic as well. Also he ends up inheriting the necromancy magic.

Helia is raised and trained by his father to kill Saladin while maintaining the cover that his father is dead.

They both grow up with his mother’s family but they don’t know about Helia’s father’s plans.

Helia of course doesn’t want to kill anyone, but since his father is crazy atp he uses his sister and mother to threaten Helia. Goes as far as to torture his mother to keep Helia in line. But, mostly ignores his sister because she’s useless to him.

He also leeches off of Helia’s powers to keep himself alive that makes Helia rather weak and sick at times, resulting in him having to visit Linphea to get help from the healers. Kind of makes sense for necromancers to work with Healers so they’ve got big connections, aka the royal palace where he meets Krystal. (Trying to tie it all in is tiring but fun)

Helia has a close relationship with his sister. She knows he does his best to protect her but she’s also treated badly for not having any powers. There isn’t any animosity between them but she does envy him. A lot. She won’t be able to fulfil the ‘task’ since she doesn’t have powers and can’t be a Specialist either which she finds extremely unfair.

She kind of has to become a caretaker for their mother who refuses to leave their father because she knows the man he once was but her health gets worse from the torture. Especially since their guardians, their mother’s family, doesn’t know what their father does to them.

So once he turns fifteen, he ends up in Red Fountain, just like any other Specialist. Saladin of course takes note of the resemblance and his magic signature but once he looks into Helia’s background he doesn’t find anything suspicious.

Maybe his records show that he was an orphan. Taken in as a ward. Still ironing out that part.

Helia is of course canonically one of the best students. Catching Codatorta’s and Saladin’s attention. This gets him closer to the professor and they end up sending him on more espionage missions that makes him a better spy. He then uses his advanced spying skills to plot out the best way to unalive saladin.

At some point, Helia starts to remind Saladin of his son before he turned dark. This kind of brings out the guilt he always felt for killing his son without giving him a chance to redeem himself.

The normally strict, fierce and commanding headmaster starts going soft on Helia.

This of course confuses Helia because isn’t this the man ruthless enough to kill his own son? How is he supposed to kill him now?

Codatorta on the other hand is extremely suspicious of Helia and he is the one who figures out who he truly is. But, when he tells Saladin, Saladin decides to not let Helia know that he knows.

When the time is right, Helia is supposed to carry out his plan. But when he does, Saladin is just there waiting for him. He offers to take Helia in, even pardon his mother and do his best to protect him they way he couldn’t protect his son.

Helia is torn and doesn’t know what to do. He wants to keep his family safe and he is terrified of what his father will do. He breaks down and tells all of this to Saladin.

Codatorta thinks it’s all an act but Saladin chooses to believe him. To end the cycle.

Helia realising he actually wants to stay at Red Fountain and that he can be something other than a murderer. That he can actually protect people, be a hero and all that.

Both Helia and Saladin take a leap of faith. Helia accepts.

Helia’s mother is first rescued and sent to Lightrock where she can safely serve her time since she too has started to deteriorate from the torture.

His father is arrested and sent to the Omega Dimension since they can’t actually kill him again.

His sister is missing at first but she finds Helia and is angry at him for betraying their family. She’s mad at him because they took their mother away and no matter how much Helia tries to reason with her, she refuses to listen. She says she would have gone through with the assassination but he couldn’t.

Then she abandons him and disappears.

The news breaks out that Helia’s Saladin’s grandson causing uproar and rumours that he purposely hid Helia’s identity to prevent nepotism accusations.

Having learned his lesson and in an effort to be a better grandfather, he publicly claims Helia as his grandson.

This backfires on Helia who was once respected by his fellow specialists but now they hate him for lying. It caused a lot of issues for Saladin as well.

Helia who is exhausted from everything that has happened and doesn’t know what to do with his newfound freedom, decides to leave and explore the world.

Saladin respects his decision but Codatorta wants him to stay because he’s grown fond of Helia.

Of course, Helia leaves for art school in the end, renounces his magic because he is so done with that shit and then the rest is history.

Phew…

Now ive always wanted to write a fanfic about Helia’s first time at Red Fountain but it always turns into this complicated mess of angst that I decided to just ramble.

If there was ever a sequel it would be about Helia’s sister coming back after years and she’s evil now (maybe even breaks their mother out of prison) but Helia tries to save her and all that. Or his father got out of omega dimension when Valtor broke out. So much familial angst.

Anyways that’s all for tonight. Thanks for tuning in.

[parkminijiminie]

Your consideration is actually very very right and the most sensible one currently so don't think that you're the only one who's thinking that way cause i believe the same.

If jm can travel 16 hrs and go directly to jk to spend few hrs of his birthday with him then nothing is stopping anyone to meet one another on the birthday given this specific circumstances. The similar thought used to come to my mind during jimin's album that if jk actually was missing this much then what's best than to go meet him on one of his mv set or music show or anything where jm was working and needed that physical support but nothing like that happened meaning there wasn't anything to going on to began with.

last year jimin was actually busy working on his album plus at the exact one day before jungkook's birthday a producer went to korea and he was supposed to meet jm for the new music and they (jm nd producer) met on jk's birthday so jm was busy that day but he still made sure that he's meeting jk with hobi. These are the only two apart from jin met jk on his birthday that year. Jm didn't even met RM last year on his birthday even tho they're basically neighbours but met jk on his birthday.

See jm told what he did with everyone on his birthday so why would he not tell about jk? That's because they didn't do anything together. I'm sure jk wished jm on 12am itself but that's nothing special all frnds do that.

Many jkkrs thinking it's not a big deal blah blah must not know how it goes between ppl in relationships like no matter what you're never busy for your partner especially when you're celebrity. The end is gonna be like tkkrs only delusional and all for those tye of jkkrs but let them be if they wanna believe what they wanna believe.

I could add other things too but feels drained atp so yeah anyways, jimin said he's very happy these days and jk is doing is things with his album what more could we ask for..

Anon 2: Same. I think they're no longer together and I think jkkrs shouldn't keep high hopes for something to happen on 11/8. It will most likely be another jk schedule. And if it was something with jm, I believe it would be work related, like some new jk's show featuring jm.

Anon 3: the way jkkrs are now saying jkk aren't obliged to share things with us remind me of what tkkrs use to say

....

All three of you mention something that I have also noticed with Jikookers nowadays. How come if JK had posted, all of the blogs would be over the moon, but now that he didn't, it suddenly doesn't matter? Are we supposed to pretend we didn't hope for something? That we didn't wait for it? At what point does it become acceptable for us to say that maybe things aren't so lovey-dovey in the Jikook world?

[intergalactic-chameleon]

something that’s been on my mind a lot lately is T and if, when, and how long i should/could take it for. im not really in a hurry for it because im still trying to process how it would change me. and the thing is, i know i can get a low-T prescription, and I know i can stop it whenever i feel like it. but the big picture is what stops me in my tracks…

like, the reasons i want to take T are overwhelmingly erotic and sexual. which is cool, and i know that’s a big reason why most transmasc ppl take T in the first place. i see sexy transmen who have been on T for years and love how masculine their bodies have become, and often i yearn to look like them too. but being that i dont fully consider myself a man, i worry that it would be distressing to one day look so much like a man that no one would idk… recognize me?

again this is sort of irrational bc again i have control over when and how long i could take T for but idk, it’s so frustrating. i feel like i get ahead of myself and mentally think “hell yea, one day im gonna look like a sexy man. that’s so hot!! i cant wait to have the sex ive always dreamed of” but then i remind myself most of my family knows me as a woman and in some ways/instances i like being seen as a woman and i just. dont know how worth it is to just “dive in too deep” irt medical transition when i value my connections with people as a Woman so to speak

a smaller dilemma is whether or not i want to try T out before or after top surgery (which i still need to like, find a way to get a consultation with a surgeon who i feel will give me the kind of results i want… disgruntled sigh). but regardless i know top surgery will change my relationship to my body tenfold and it’s like… will i still want T after surgery? how far do i want to go with this whole thing?

just. gah. i feel like if my dysphoria was more straight forward i feel like i could make decisions abt transition more easily. but i dont know how much femininity i want to “sacrifice” so that im more sexually fulfilled… atp it just feels like i have this ultra masculine fantasy version of myself in my head and it’s scary to try and go after that.

but at the same time i read all this of writing over and worry im inhibiting myself too much! like im just scared of being Too Trans so that it becomes A Thing and i have to come out to everyone, And im also scared of waiting unnecessarily long to do the things i wanna do just because im concerned that like, idk, extended family is going to be weird and upset abt it. which shouldnt stop me because this is my life and i get to decide what to do with it. but it still distresses me…

truly i know the answer to all of this is that i have more control over my hormonal changes than i think i do, and that transition can stop and restart several times thru out ur life and thats ok, and the people who truly love you will try their best to acknowledge and accept u as u are. but this knowledge wont stop me from overthinking all of this, will it?? 🙃

basically, i pretty much know what i want, but im scared i have unrealistic expectations and that it would be more dysphoria inducing to attempt to more vigorously transition (read: take T long enough to look and sound super different) than to otherwise not. god

[easy-revenge]

hey!! idk if tumblr ate my ask, the himeno brainrot has faded or if you just didn’t feel like it (which is so valid lmao no worries) but i would love to hear your headcanons for her!! xx

hiii so sorry !! i actually started answering ur ask when i was on vacation a couple weeks back and then i didnt have enough ideas and put it in my drafts....and to no one's surprise i forgot about it lmao so thank u for reminding me !!

also i can't NOT have himeno brainrot atp don't worry heheh

however im afraid I won't deliver too much on this bc instead of like individual headcanons ive mostly just filled in the blanks that canon left with my own things (often self-indulgent) and made up a life for himeno which i now basically treat as canon lmao (yes this is delusion central)

i will attempt this though but fair warning that a lot of the behaviors and things i associate with her aren't very wholesome or a jolly good time (i suffer daily with this brain)

(cw for mentions of addiction and a lil bit of drugs, i promise it gets more lighthearted after the first few ones lmao)

so, starting off strong, I don't think himeno spends a lot of her time sober. namely, i headcanon her almost always running on some kind of buzz. i think it's established that she handles her liquor well so i dont think it would be noticeable at work, but considering she trained under kishibe for a long time, i can see her having a flask of her own and sipping at it throughout the day.

in the same spirit, i think she would also take any opportunity to properly get wasted. friday nights with aki at her apartment, outings with the people from work etc, especially if she doesn't have work in the morning. i think maybe she believes she's more fun to be around when drunk.

i don't think these behaviors are about entertainment, but rather a way she's found to be more "functional" and able to keep doing what she does and uphold the carefree persona she's established, hence incorporating them into her life to the point of very rarely being stone cold sober.

i think she also doesn't like the idea of her family knowing about how she copes. maybe she doesn't answer her father's phonecalls sometimes, scared of sounding too noticeably drunk at noon on a tuesday. or she's often stressed about her sister's occasional surprise visits in case she comes over and finds himeno's place in disarray and her in a similar state.

apart from alcohol, which is basically canon, i once had a thought about himeno occasionally abusing pills. pain meds prescribed for recovering from a work injury hitting just right paired with some beer on the side one evening and boom yk. i bet it wouldn't be too hard for her, considering her line of work, to get her hands on opioids regularly enough, especially since the story is set in the 90s and doctors used to prescribe them left and right before the amount of patients getting dependent skyrocketed.

to complete the holy trinity of vices, again based on things mentioned in canon, i think himeno is also the type of person to sleep around a lot with distraction being the objective. she has a reputation for getting flirty and handsy with ppl from public safety when drunk and i think that speaks for itself. this is not inherently a vice ofc, but in her case I don't think she engages in this behavior being sound of mind. it almost never happens when she's sober and i headcanon her often regretting it at least briefly the next day.

oof that was a lot lmao. um chill anyways, on a lighter note i have a couple thoughts about her relationship with aki !!

i think it's a habit for them to take care of each other's injuries after missions. im actually writing a fic about aki showing up at himeno's doorstep, bleeding and expecting to be taken care of in his own begrudging, stuck up way lmao. i think himeno is less likely to straight up go to his house for that, but i see them leaving public safety and going home together to shower and bandage their wounds in companionable silence.

additionally to that whole thing, i personally do believe that their relationship could've had a non-platonic side to it, albeit still casual in its nature. leaving that aside, i think they share quite a bit of affection and physical touch regardless, considering how casually we see them invading each other's personal space in canon. so i think they sleep in the same bed a lot, after tending to each other's wounds, or getting too drunk in himeno's living room. i think it took a while for aki to stop being tense and relax into it, but they settled into a comfortable zone and it was sth they both needed more than they would ever admit.

fujimoto once talked about himeno and said that she is the type to leave a lot of her stuff behind at aki's place and u better believe i ran with it. clothes, hair brushes, a spare toothbrush in the bathroom, you can't change my mind. i also think that to some extent it goes both ways. himeno has a shitload of aki's tupperware at her place, from all the food he brings her weekly, and she never washes them unless aki comes over to do it himself and by the time he decides to take some back, there's always more. black hair ties are often littered in her bathroom cabinets and on one of her night stands. a book on her windowsill that aki brought to read before bed once and then never took home.

not to get dark again, but talking about them is bound to make me sad sooner or later :) based on the way she thinks about aki's death in canon, i think she would often panic when thinking about aki's shrivelling lifespan, especially at the beginning when aki had a lot of years to spare and surely used the sword more freely. i imagine her being restless in her bed with aki sleeping next to her, feeling compelled to check on his breathing or his pulse. reach over and touch his hand to feel him alive and warm, hoping it would soothe her to sleep.

i also think she's there a lot of the times aki cries. i bet the first time she saw him was accidental, or at least not a conscious decision on aki's part. i also bet himeno didn't really know what to think of it initially, but soon looked at aki under a different light bc of it. i think aki finds comfort in himeno being in the same room as the tears spill from his eyes after a day of watching people die. and i think himeno loves giving him that, even though it tugs at her chest in uncomfortable ways she can't quite point out.

i feel compelled to but i won't go into the whole being in love with aki situation, because first of all its not even a headcanon but very much there and secondly i will ramble indefinitely about how i think her pining for him would manifest and this is already a huge post god bless

on a slightly different note before i bring this to a close, i like thinking about her bond with kishibe a lot as well. it's not shown enough in the anime or manga, but i imagine them being friends. i think they would go out for drinks but more to talk than get wasted. i think they'd have the capacity to talk about very real things but also nothing at all. kishibe might be the only person himeno talks to properly about aki, aside from her letters to her sister, because he shares the same life as her and inevitably has more space tl understand. maybe kishibe gets to talk a bit about quanxi too.

haha oh well :D that's all i have for now. if u read this far thank you and also im sorry lmao. hadn't sat down to microwave himeno like this in a hot minute i loved getting the opportunity to do it so thanks for the ask anon !! till next time ~

[historytc]

february tc challenge... yes i am doing it all at once bc why not.  also i’m not even tagging this cuz this blog might as well be a journal atp lmao.

1. Do you have more platonic or romantic feelings for them?

romantic definitely... although i don’t really fully understand the scope of my feelings for him and i doubt i ever will.  i do want to have a friendly relationship with him though, so...

2. Have they ever physically touched you?

LOL no.  he’s never had any reason to, sadly.

3. Would you ever plan to pursue them when you graduate? (And when you’re legal if you’re a minor like me)

no lol he’d never like me like that.

4. Do you know their birthday/zodiac sign?

yeah i saw him on his birthday!  so i got to wish him a happy birthday which was nice.  he’s the same sign as me

5. Do you know their favorite color?

no, but he wears blue a lot.  if i had to guess, i think it’d be a dark cool color.

6. What do they teach?

he’s a professor for my major.  it’s probably obvious what subject that is.

7. Do you think you’re their favorite student?

his favorite favorite?  no.  one of his favorites in my current cohort?  yeah.  he’s told me many times that he thinks i’m smart, a good student, mature, and all that jazz, and he’s been willing to do certain favors for me that he wouldn’t do for just anyone.

8. Are they tall, short, or average height?

he’s almost my height i think?  it’s hard to tell since i’m usually sitting around him most of the time, but i’d guess that he’s around my height or a couple inches taller.

9. Do they have any pets?

no but he really likes cats :).

10. Do you ever plan to confess your feelings to them? (Careful with this one, they could possibly lose their job or get you in trouble)

absolutely not.  if i do it’d only be after i graduate.  he says he still keeps in contact with his graduated students though, so if he wants to do that with me then i wouldn’t be willing to ruin that by telling him about my stupid crush.

11. Do you know any of their talents?

he likes writing, and while this isn’t really a talent we do have a few of the same hobbies.

12. How often do you think of them?

every day cuz i always see his office window when i’m walking around.  plus certain things remind me of him.

13. Have you told anybody irl about your crush?

yeah a few of my friends know.  i refuse to tell them his name tho lmao.

14. Be honest: Do you think you’re in love?

nah my feelings aren’t at that point yet.  i had the realization today that i could very well fall in love with him if things keep going the way they are, and tbh i don’t really want that to happen.  i do like him, it’s just that i don’t want to fuck up and fall in love and feel even worse about this than i already do.

15. Do they motivate you to come to school?

absolutely.  i do my best in his class because of him.

16. Have you ever seen them cry?

nah he’s not the type of person to cry in front of people, especially in front of students.

17. What kind of dynamic do you guys have?

i dunno -- we’re certainly not opposites, though.  i’d say it’s a pretty stereotypical friendly professor-student dynamic.

18. Have they ever caught you staring?

yes, but in my defense he makes eye contact a ton during class so i don’t think he realizes what i’m doing.

19. What was the most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of them? (All of us have done some pretty embarrassing stuff, let’s be honest.)

jeez where to begin... i always feel embarrassed when i answer a question wrong in class, even though he says he doesn’t remember it (and i believe him).  also i’m sure i look super nervous when i go to say something to him sometimes so i always kinda cringe over that.  i also dropped my phone in front of him which was so weirdly embarrassing for no reason.  basically a lot of little things that i’m half-sure he doesn’t even remember. 

20. Do they make you feel safe/loved?

tbh i’m so nervous whenever i go to talk to him that i don’t feel that lmao.  but when we’re actually having a conversation then yeah i do feel safe.  it’s kinda hard to explain.

21. Have they ever rendered you speechless?

yeah, once, but it’s a story that’d very obviously connect this blog to me if anyone read it, so i’ll abstain from putting it here.  it was the moment i realized i have a crush on him, though.

22. Are they a good teacher?

he’s very good!  he’s funny and engaging and he’s genuinely passionate about what he teaches.  i’ve learned so much because of him.

23. Is there something they do that gives you the ick

good question... he definitely says things sometimes that make me go “hmmm” but there’s nothing that outright puts me off of him yk.

24. Are you guys close?

he’s definitely the professor i’m closest with.  we’re pretty friendly and we talk fairly often.  in terms of actual closeness... idk, i don’t know his entire life story or anything, but he’s told me a fair amount of details about himself and i’ve told him some of my own.

25. Have you ever looked for their initial in those stupid TikToks that eight year olds make? (If you don’t have tiktok: do other students like your tc?

yes i always do even though i know it’s all bullshit lmfaoooo i can’t help myself though.  and idk if other students like him... there’s definitely a few girls i’m sus about but it’s complicated and i get jealous easily anyway.

26. Have you ever dreamed about them?

not often but he does show up sometimes.  he’s mostly there on the side and i’ll talk to him.  i remember one time i dreamed that i made him laugh and it was so gratifying even in my mind.

27. Do you see yourself in a relationship with them?

i’d certainly like to be, and i like to flatter myself and say that we’re compatible.  in truth i’ve known him for a relatively short time and obviously only in the context of college so i don’t know how it’d work out in reality.

28. Have you ever cried in front of them?

no and i pray that i never will.  i almost did once because he gently reprimanded me for something and even though i wasn’t visibly upset i’ve never let myself live that down.

[cow3survivor]

Episode 1 Pt. 2: “Playing a Game With A Fresh Slate” - Jessica

SAM

https://youtu.be/gmZlNel3IZM

JESSICA

We did it! We won immunity! Shout out to Sammy for making the flag that won us the advantage and Pete for doing so well in luck! Also in 6 hours or however long it has been since my last confessional, I have decided I do like Sam and we will align. So I guess I want to align with everyone except Madison... hopefully if we lose she is out first!

JABARI

So our tribe is heading to tribal and I'm very nervous because anyone can go atp. I need to make sure that isn't me.

JENNET

we flopped that :(( and i think i may be one of the reasons :( trying my best to not let anybody know im upset but as tribal council looms closer im getting worried

(a little later)

im trying not to throw anybody under the bus but i think that im voting out nash :(( they havent been super active and they havent texted me back since i texted them so it just makes sense to boot them :((

(after eating some rice)

voting out another black woman weighing heavy on me :( i hate that its coming to this

PETE

our tribe had a celebratory discord call which only consisted of like 4 or 5 people but i joined later after everyone left anyways i had a long nice chat with Sam in which i found out he hosts an in person survivor with his friends at home and hes nice ANYWAYS he apparently, like me, is cursed to forever be a premerger. So from here on out i solemnly swear to never vote for Sam during the premerge phase fuck yeah

JAKE

https://youtu.be/aVQKOOrapj0

remind me tomorrow to chill out and take a back seat on the vote lmaooo

PENNINO

Going to tribal i feel like i'm pretty much safe. I feel like that 4 minutes was a good time for the easy jigsaw, but Ethan getting 1.5 minutes is almost impossible. Assessment on my tribemates Jabari: Seems like a nice person, has talked more and has been much more active, I think she has gotten herself off of the chopping block. Jake: Still a nice person, but has lost some activity during yesterday. Possible Ally still Jennet: Nice, active enough, not a target Jones: Not very active. A bit of a target. I will most probably to vote her to be say. Lindsay: Very active, we talk to each other a lot, nice person, possible ally Mikey: Nice person, nothing much, not a target Nash: ˆˆˆ Nicole: ˆˆˆ, but not as active Silver: Active, nice person, but he doesn't respond to my dm's that much, but, still, a possible ally. I feel pretty good about this tribal honestly

JONES

https://youtu.be/2UtH-dnv0i4

SAM

https://youtu.be/lzZOK2CxsA4

MIKEY

WELL HELLO LADIES. SO SO SO SO SO! Instead of rambling Ill just get on with it. Starting off, Me and Nash REALLY freaking connected. Like they’re so fun to talk to!! BUT. They’ve been inactive. and so Pennino is now going around spreading their name, and basically everyone is saying sure why not. This SUCKS because Me and Jabari wanted to make an alliance with them and jake, but now we are faced with a problem. We both have basically decided that instead of Nash we are gonna drag in Peppino. I brought that idea up because me and him are both the youngest people in the game, and I really wanna go far with Peppino. My goal this season is to beat a bunch of adults and make them feel angry that a 15 year old outsmarted them. Its so funny! Anyways besides that, Im feeling good about that 4. I wish it wasn't Nash going home, considering the only other name out was Jones, and I woulda much rather did her, but you know that's how the cards fall I guess. A bad bitch is done with tonights confessional. A bad bitch is now gonna press submit. A bad bitch says GOODBYE ASF!

SILVER

https://youtu.be/JLwZRNesRHI

LINDSAY

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1YF3mYJfYIq_2Qco8EQYq3JowyMSbin8M/view?usp=sharing

NASH 

im crying i have no idea whats going on!!! HKDHEJDHW all i know is talk to mikey and play 8 ball with nicole

(a little later)

ETHAN 

Charan's Hot Confessional Questions

<a:dance:777952213808447519> 1. Give us a Trust Rankings of your tribemates! Who are you bonding with the most? Who are you bonding with the least? I trust Shane the most, and right now that’s because he is the only person that is actively strategizing. Besides that, I feel the most amicable with Jessica, lovealis, and Daisy who are wonderful people. Unfortunately both Cloud and Madison have made 0 effort with me and are generally inactive with me. <a:dance:777952213808447519> 2. Have any alliances formed on your tribe? If so, how loyal are you to these alliances? If not, do you think there are alliances out there that don't include you? There are no alliances that I’m in that have been formed, but I suspect there are some out there. Alliances without me are ok, I just need to know about them, and if there are any right now, I don’t know about them, and that’s concerning. <a:dance:777952213808447519> 3. How did your first Safari experience/run go! Did you get any closer to finding an idol? I WILL NEVER FIND ANYTHING IN A LUCK BASED SYSTEM <a:dance:777952213808447519> 4. Explain why Ryan and Charan are hotter than you A fact of life... these two slay.

LOVELIS

So things are going okay on the tribe so far! The first immunity win was rather nice & I like being able to have a bit more time to read people until were thrown into the pressure of a tribal. So far I’m definitely clicking the most with Shane and then probably Jessica but the time zones are getting in the way a little - just glad I have more time to really click with people and try and cement a place for me in this tribe. I think my contributions to the challenges have definitely helped my standing but not everybody is being super social with me so that’s a little bit of a worry - just gonna have to go ham at bothering people in private messages until they respond I suppose! 🤪

MADISON

Hi beautiful humans!!! I wish I had tea for y'all but we've won 2 challenges in a row and I really don't see the grind stopping in the foreseeable future so the tribe is kinda just vibing which gives me a little bit more time to build relationships which is a blessing and a half. I always get extremely paranoid the first week in games so the fact that I know for certain I won't be first boot is amazing!!! Tribe bonding is scheduled for tonight so hopefully by next round I'll have an alliance or 2 (maybe even the idol if I'm feeling really lucky)

JENNET

Last night really lit up a light in me. it sounds like everybody wants to work with me which is good so im now newly excited to play the game

SAMMY

okay okay okay so I would do a full out cast assessment but I literally just can not do that rn...so let's talk about who I vibe with most and who I have made like strong connections with so far! Initially, both Daisy and Jess have declared I am someone they really want to work with which is perfect for me because I want to work with them as well. I know daisy is going to be such a great competitor and I want to be on her side 100% but same with jess...im such a loyal bitch okay!! Me and Kiki really bonded over that logic puzzle so she went up in my rankings (as if she was ever low to begin with) I am not sure how well me/Pete/Nicole(opposite tribe) are gonna mesh...like I really hope me and Nicole can come together this game but I know we are just gonna end up being paranoid of each other but I love her so much. I REALLY WANTED TO BE ON A TRIBE WITH NASH AND JENNET I luv their vibes so much. okay back to my tribe tho, we won reward #mwah! I put so much effort into that because I just knew if we were to go to tribal that's an easy thing under my belt I could use as a "omg u need me for challenges". I noticed I was coming on a little too strong and presenting myself as a leader which I don't think really hurt me I think it made more people realize they should talk to me KHFBHIS. Umm okay so I love lovelis even tho he is not very active but I just know we will have each others backs for a bit. I connected well with Shane and Ethan very early and they just seem so sweet. I think if we would have went to tribal sam/lovelis/Pete could have been in danger. I would have preferred sam cause he isn't that active but he did help out some with the flag work. ANYWAYS this was not my best confessional but I do want to point out I FOUND A VOTE BLOCK SO HOLLLLLLAAAAAA! we are using this as a way to gain peoples trust so I told daisy and jess to strengthen those relationships mhmm

NASH

me pretending to be surprised that ppl wanted to vote me out first because i was kinda inactive.... i thought survivor would be different 💔

JENNET

not me being targeted for being a pretty black girl with a juicy fat ass *sad face emojis*

(a little later)

its tribal council and im shaking and im nervous, this could go horribly wrong or this could go super right

TRIBAL COUNCIL

SILVER EXIT INTERVIEW